The best part about Rock bottom is the Rock part. You discover the solid bit of you. The bit that can't be broken down further. The thing that might be your soul. At our lowest we find the solid ground of our foundation. And we can build ourselves up. Renewed.
Ok but like. Can you imagine Skk’s play facade dropping after chuuya shooting dazai? When fyodor wasn’t looking anymore? Can you just IMAGINE the moment they have to stop pretending and dazai is like “OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT WAS THAT SCREECH” and chuuya is like “WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH Y O U R CORNY ASS SPEECHES” and then bursting out laughing. Also like most of the things they did while faking the entire thing were probably inside jokes from their years together. And just. Yes.
These past few days, I've been sober. I left my emotions dormant. Drinking demons to fix the leaking pipes like duck taped wrapped around a water hose. The problem wasn't addiction; no, it was the feeling of not feeling. Not feeling the pain, tiredness, depression, anxieties, alone, problems, not hearing the voices, and the brokenness. It was the novicane to the pain like a toothache. Addiction is the feeling that it gives you; the comfort of not being alone. Not alone from the outside world but in your head. That dark place you get trapped at sometimes. Now I feel everything, overwhelmed and overflowed of feelings that I thought I would hide. I thought it was dormant, but it just became more torment. Yet, these past few days, I've been sober.