#colin jost x leslie jones

[companionjones]

Love In The City

Pairings: Seth Meyers x Stefon, Leslie Jones x Colin Jost

Fandom: Saturday Night Live

Summary: Some friends go out for drinks, but a conflict erupts.

Warnings: Curses, Leslie Jones, many sexual references

*******

    “Jeez, it’s almost been an hour. Where are they?” Michael Che questioned Amy Poehler.

    She shrugged, “Who knows? Maybe they finally killed each other.”

    “Oh, shut up you sensual snow storm on Christmas day,” Leslie Jones complimented Colin Jost as the two of them entered the bar.

    Che commented upon spotting the couple, “Nope. Haven’t killed each other yet. S’up, Colin?” he greeted his friend.

    “S’up, Che?” Colin returned, using the same tone that Michael did. Which, let’s just say, wasn’t Colin’s usual style.

    Michael put a stop to it. “No. No. Stop that now.”

    Colin winced, “Yeah, sorry.”

    Leslie and Colin took their seats at the table Amy and Michael were at.

    “Sorry we’re late, guys.” Leslie explained, “We were busy doing some paddy whack.” She smirked at her partner.

    Colin cleared his throat and tried to hide his blush. “Come on, Leslie. They don’t need to know about that.”

    Leslie smacked her lips. “Oh baby, you know Mama’s just excited. She wants the whole world to know that we do the do, you white, sexy version of Urkel.”

    More to himself than anyone else, Colin mumbled, “Why Urkel?”

    Amy Poehler decided to change the subject. “So Leslie, how are you doing since you left SNL?”

    “Oh, I’m doing great, Amy. I have this new audio series coming out with John Cena.”

    Michael nodded, “Yeah, I heard about that. What’s it about?”

    “I’m telling you, gorgeous,” a new voice entered the bar. “This place has everything: hobos, orphans, that fitted sheet you just can’t get to stay on your bed.”

    The strange man’s husband, Seth Meyers reasoned, “Okay, we can go there later tonight. But let’s just hang out with our friends for now.”

    Stefon agreed, “Sure, but we have to get there soon, they close as soon as their owner, Sarah Silverman’s vagina, gets arrested. And, trust me, it’s coming.”

    Meyers nodded vaguely to respond to his husband while they took their seats. “Hey guys, hey Amy,” he addressed the others at the table, “How’s everyone been?”

    They all gave their answers, then everyone ordered.

    “So,” began Amy, “Stefon, I heard you’re getting back into writing. Any projects yet?”

    “No,” was Seth’s immediate, dismissive answer.

    Stefon contradicted, “Yes, actually.”

    “Oh,” Michael tried to encourage, “What is it?”

    “You don’t want to know,” warned Seth.

    The former tourism correspondent replied, “It’s this flick about two step-brothers trying to find their way as they moved to the city together.”

    Michael endorsed, “That doesn’t sound bad at all. Seth, why are you so stressed about that?”

    The late night show host bluntly answered, “It’s a porno,” just before taking a sip from his coffee.

    Amy and Michael voiced their sudden distaste.

    “Well,” encouraged Leslie, almost pervertedly, “Don’t stop there.”

    Colin hesitantly agreed, “Yeah. I’d like to know how fast it goes from that to...porn.”

    Jones turned her head to Jost. “Shut up,” she instructed without batting an eye.

    “Oh, thank God,” Amy sighed, “Food’s here.”

    The six ate in silence for a minute or two before conversation started up again. Luckily, the atmosphere wasn’t as hostile as it had been before.

    “Remember that, Che?” Colin laughed, “It smelled so bad!”

    Michael chuckled, “You don’t have to remind me. I felt bad for Aidy and Kate. They were the one’s holding it.”

    Everyone had stories to tell.

    Amy, for instance, couldn’t catch her breath at one point because she was laughing too hard. “And...and Lorne hadn’t even shown up yet, but we were all losing it because of that stupid newscaster skit.”

    “We didn’t even end up doing it!” exclaimed Seth in a fit of laughter.

    Meanwhile, as everyone else was giggling, Leslie leaned over to Stefon. “I hate when they start talking like this. It’s like they all have some sort of bond because they were all anchors on Weekend Update.”

    “I know,” Stefon rolled his eyes, “You should see Seth when we get home. He brings up things that are wildly different from the actual subject of the conversation.”

    Leslie nodded, “I get what you’re saying. You know what? We don’t need this. You know any good clubs near here?”

    “I know plenty,” assured Stefon.

    The two got up to leave.

    “Whoa, wait. Where are you guys going?” questioned Colin.

    Stefon answered enthusiastically, “We’ve had enough of your bullshit!”

    “What?” Seth disputed.

    Michael bewilderedly repeated, “Bullshit?”

    “Yeah!” Articulated Leslie, “If you ‘Weekend Update’-ers want to keep carrying on like good ol’ pals, that’s fine with us. We’ll be out actually enjoying ourselves. I am a strong, independent, fine black woman. I do not need to take this!”

    Stefon exclaimed, “Yeah!” as if every word Leslie said applied to him.

    The two outlandish characters left the bar.

    “Oh no,” Colin worriedly voiced.

    Seth sighed. He was used to that particular situation. “Come on, let’s go after them.”

    “What? No,” disagreed Amy, “They freaked out for no reason. They’re in the wrong here.”

Both Colin and Seth got out of their seats--much to Amy and Michael’s surprise.

    Jost swallowed, “I don’t know...Were we too rude? Should we have included them more?”

    Seth put his arm on Colin’s shoulder to try and council the man. “Hey. We don’t worry about that stuff now. What we do now is we go after them.”

    Colin nodded, “Okay.”

    “Why?” wondered a confused Michael Che. “Why would you go after them? Come to think of it, why even be in a relationship with them in the first place?”

    Colin Jost was suddenly protective of his girlfriend, “Listen, Che--”

    “Whoa there,” Seth almost had to hold Colin back. “Sorry guys, but we have to go. Let’s do this again.” Meyers paid for everyone, then he and Jost were out of there.

    Out on the street, Jost turned to the more experienced man when it came to dating crazy people. “How the hell are going to find them? Do you have any ideas where Leslie and Stefon would go?”

    “Hang on.” Seth stopped to think. “Let’s see. Stef was pissed, and when he’s pissed he wants to dance...He was in a tequila and Pepsi Fire mood...We’re on 43rd and 6th...Duck!”

    Colin immediately plunged his whole body downward. “What?! Why?!”

    “No, ‘Duck!’ The club. I know where they are.” Seth hailed a cab.

    Ten minutes later, Seth and Colin pulled Stefon and Leslie out of the EDM club.

    “Okay, okay! We’re out. What do you boys want?” Stefon took a sip from a drink of his own invention.

    Leslie was less compliant. “Get your hands of me,” she ordered.

    Colin backed off.

    “Look, guys. We’re sorry,” conceded Seth.

    Stefon played dumb. “Sorry about what?”

    Again, Seth sighed, “Sorry about ignoring you at the bar.”

    “Oh, you did?” tested Stefon, “I didn’t notice.”

    Seth chuckled, “You didn’t?”

    Stefon barely took a break from his drink. “Nope.”

    “Not at all?” teased Seth.

    The club-goer shook his head, but he was trying to hide a smile.

    Seth scoffed tauntingly, “Yeah, right,” before moving to kiss his husband.

    Colin looked to Leslie.

    She wasn’t taking it. “Nope. Don’t even try that stuff with me.” Leslie started walking away.

    Colin went after her again. “Leslie! I’m sorry.”

    “Mmhm, sure you are,” was Leslie’s sarcastic response.

    Colin sighed, “I am! You know I could never consciously make you feel like that.”

    Leslie just eyed the man.

    “Hey, I am sorry. That’s just how I am sometimes...You know me, baby. I’m forgetful.” Colin decided to push his luck with the nickname.

    Fortunately, it made Leslie smile, “Yeah I know, you pineberry covered in white chocolate that I’m gonna eat for dinner.”

    Inwardly, Colin sighed, happy he was back in his girlfriend’s good graces. “Good. Now how about we go back to my place and we make an Oreo with your thighs and my head.”

    “Oo, Colin. I’m rubbing off on you, aren’t I?”

    He just smirked, “I hope you will be later tonight.”

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it. I also would love a comment if you have the time. If you would like to read more, I have more fics about SNL over on my page. You should go check it out. Also, REQUESTS ARE OPEN. I take requests for one-shots, drabbles, multi-chapters, headcannons and preferences. No smut, please. I write for a variety of fandoms. If you’re wondering if I write for a specific fandom, please ask me. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you.<3

[snl-loves]

could yall do me a favor and request

please uwu

[dlwritings]

Live From New York | Tom Holland

masterlist found here

pairing - Tom x reader [ft RDJ, Scarlett Johansson, Shawn Mendes, & Leslie Jones] word count - 951 warnings - bad writing A/N - I love SNL and Chris Farley so here we are

summary - You’re related to a Saturday Night Live legend, and now you’ve created a name for yourself. When you get to host, you bring on some friends for your opening monologue.

“With musical guest: Shawn Mendes. And your host: (Y/N) (Y/L/N)! Ladies and gentleman, (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

The crowd went crazy as you went through the doors and stepped on stage. You waved to the audience, focusing more on not tripping over your heels than anything else. When the band hit the final note of the opening theme, you clapped along with the audience. When their cheers died down, you finally took a deep breath and started your monologue.

“It is so good to be here!” you said happily. “As you may or may not know, Saturday Night Live is a big part of my family. My uncle was Chris Farley.” The audience burst into applause, and you smiled and joined them. “I was only a year or so old when he passed away, but I grew up hearing all of his legendary stories. To be on this stage means so much to me, and I just hope that Uncle Chris is smiling down on me and that I do him justice. What a lot of you may not know is that I’m very close with another historic cast member: Robert Downey Jr. It’s nice, because I can take notes from one of the best cast members of all time, and one of the worst.” The audience laughed until they started cheering, and Robert sauntered on stage wearing a suit and his signature sunglasses. “Oh, hey Robert,” you said, pulling him in for a side hug. “I was just talking about you.”

“Yeah, you know what, I heard that,” Robert said with a grin. “And I just have to say, people may say I’m one of the worst cast members in SNL history, but-” He dramatically pulled off his sunglasses. “I am Iron Man.” The audience cheered, and Robert shrugged. “And I think I’m known more for that. Tell me, (Y/N). What exactly are you known for? Being Chris Farley’s niece? Being my on-screen daughter?”

“I guess that’s a fairly good point,” you said with a nod. “I am sort of new to all this Hollywood business, and I feel like I’m just one of those people where, if you saw me on the street, you would stare at me trying to figure out where you know me from. I should warn you though that if you stare at me for too long, I will get scared and will probably call the police.” The audience laughed. “To save us all from an awkward situation, maybe I should tell all of you-” You motioned to the audience. “-more about myself and what you could know me from. I was born and raised in Madison, Wisconsin. I graduated high school and moved out here to New York where I earned a recurring role on the cop show, Blue Bloods, so you could know me from that. I moved on to audition for the role of Abby Stark, Tony Stark’s daughter in the new Avengers films.” The audience cheered. “So you most likely know me from that role. However, I guess you could also know me as Tom Holland’s girlfriend.” Again, the audience screamed. “I would like to say though, I’m more than that. I don’t just serve as eye candy for Tom to carry on his arm.”

You were cut off by the audience cheering as Tom walked on stage. “You say my name, love?” he asked, putting his arm around your waist.

You rolled your eyes. “You’re stealing my thunder here, Tom. As usual.”

“I’m sorry,” Tom said, raising his hands in the air. “I just figured the audience would recognize you better if they saw you with me.”

“The point is,” you said firmly, “I’m more than just your girlfriend. Like, I’m also really good friends with Shawn Mendes-” The audience cheered. “-but you don’t see me introducing myself as that.”

“I heard my name!”

Shawn Mendes walked on stage, pulling you away from Tom and into a hug of his own. “Shawn,” you said with a slight laugh, “you’re not supposed to be on stage for a while yet.”

“Well, when I hear everyone talking about me, I can’t help but see what’s going on,” Shawn said.

“I was just saying,” you said with a roll of your eyes, “that I’m more than just Chris Farley’s niece and Robert’s on-screen daughter, and Tom’s girlfriend, and your best friend. I’m also an actress and a daughter and a high school graduate and a native to Wisconsin, and Colin Jost’s side-hoe, and-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?”

The audience screamed as Scarlett Johansson walked onto stage. “You’re Colin’s what?” she asked.

“Scarlett!” you said awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck.

“You’re my fiance’s side-hoe?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

“I guess I thought Colin told you,” you said with a shrug. “Leslie knows all about it.”

“Les-”

Leslie Jones walked onto stage, pursing her lips and putting her own hands on her hips. “You know Colin can’t be tied down to one woman,” she said to Scarlett.

“For the last time, Leslie,” Scarlett said, “you are not in a relationship with Colin!”

The two of them started bickering behind you, and you just turned to the audience again. “Aside from all of that, someday, I’ll also be known as the greatest host in SNL history, but for now, we’ve got a great show! Shawn Mendes is here, so stick around, we’ll be right back.”

-

Bonus: “Leslie Jones, Scarlett Johansson, and (Y/N) (Y/L/N) have reportedly entered a polyamorous relationship with each other after discussing the disappointing size of Colin Jost’s penis. For weekend update, I’m Michael Che!”

“And I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight!”

[louiestommos]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aaanrx0fVa4)

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/adam-driver-snl-sketches-ranked-worst-to-first-matt-damons-brett-kavanaugh-pete-davidsons-summer/

Adam Driver 'SNL' Sketches Ranked Worst to First: Matt Damon's Brett Kavanaugh, Pete Davidson's Summer

Adam Driver may have been the host of this premiere, but it kind of felt like musical guest Kanye West got way more attention. Not only did he get his usual two musical spots during the show, he even took over the stage for a third performance at the end.

Meanwhile, Driver really only got a few chances to shine throughout the night. He was in a lot of the sketches, but he was subdued in most of them. His “Career Day” appearance was easily his most over-the-top and it showed how much he’s willing to throw himself into these characters. It was both ridiculous and hilarious.

Kanye was joined by Lil Pump for “I Love It,” but they skipped the boxy suits for bottled water costumes instead. If you thought this song barely worked as a music video, Kanye was basically saying, ‘Here hold my water’ with this performance. It worked much better when he premiered new song “We Got Love” with Teyana Taylor jumping all around the stage. They sounded stronger and the song held together much better.

For a season premiere, many of the sketches felt half-baked, as if they hadn’t quite come together fully, which is crazy. Last season, weeks that allowed this group more than one week to come up with the show were some of their strongest outings, but that just wasn’t the case here. We did enjoy Pete Davidson talking about what he did over the summer.

And we got some sneak peeks into the camaraderie of the cast behind the scenes, which is always fun. They also introduced new featured player Ego Nwodim, but she did virtually nothing this week. We’ll keep an eye on her to see how she grows throughout the season and hopefully finds her voice.

As usual, we’re ranking all the sketches from worst to first, including the Cold Open and the regular “Weekend Update” segments. We’ll skip the musical guests, because they’re not usually funny – unless Ashlee Simpson shows up. We wrap up with a look at the cast-member who had the strongest week.

MONOLOGUE – Adam Driver

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“One huge spoiler about ‘Star Wars’–” Adam Driver said, before getting interrupted by Beck Bennett, who wanted to talk about his summer. That was essentially the thrust of his monologue, the entire cast wanting to gab about their summer and Adam really hating small talk.He suffered through Kenan Thompson and Aidy Bryant, but when Pete Davidson came out, Pete wasn’t interested in sharing. “No, you’re the one person who’s summer I really want to hear about,” Adam said. But that was the end. It wasn’t hugely hilarious, but it was kind of fun watching Adam sear burning hatred into Kenan, who did his classic “Kenan face” in response.

Vermont

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Beck Bennett proposes white people leave and form their own nation, but Adam Driver says there already is a place like that: Vermont. And then the whole sketch just described “white paradise” and how much it looked like Vermont. It never got to be too much or too funny or too silly or even a little over-the-top. It was just white supremacists thinking Vermont sounds really nice. We can’t imagine Vermont loving the sketch, but otherwise it was disappointingly bland.

Fortnite

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We suppose it was inevitable considering how insanely popular it is, but “SNL” went all in on this “Fortnite” sketch. They had Kyle Mooney, Pete Davidson and Adam Driver as players, but we didn’t expect them to bring the characters to life, too, with Mikey Day as Driver’s character, and Chris Redd and Heidi Gardner rounding out the digital cast. Adam played a middle-aged father who’d never played the game before, so that was it. Mikey mimicked the ridiculous things Adam was making him do, while the other guys got irritated until they all died. But at that point, it was a mercy killing. The sketch could have been funny or had a fun twist, but it had that one visual joke and nothing else.

Rad Times at Frat U

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So that was a weird one. A pre-taped sketch of an 80s frat party with constant freezes to drop notes on the screen about what happened to the people after; none of it good. From the innocent, like a guy who was excited to see girls now being married to a man, to the more serious — though never going so far as assault beyond a forced kiss. We thought the sketch was going somewhere with all of this, but it never really did. Clearly a reference to Kavanaugh’s partying days, but it didn’t skate the edge to drive home any sort of point.

Pete Davidson’s Shadow

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If it wasn’t intentional that announcer Darrell Hammond didn’t even say Kyle Mooney’s name during the opening credits, it fed perfectly into this early-show sketch about his insecurities. After Pete Davidson got engaged to Ariana Grande, Kyle Mooney realized he might never get the recognition he so desperately craves on the show in one of his pre-taped introspective videos. These are always weird and funny and awkward, but it’s where we got the sordid saga of his long romance with Leslie Jones, too, so we’re here for it. This time, he decided to solve his invisibility problem by becoming Pete, complete with blonde hair and slacker attitude. But rather than get a pop star to date, he brought out the real Wendy Williams as his girlfriend, complete with a pig. We also got an inside look at how “SNL” handles internal problems, and it is medieval and not pretty.

Weekend Update

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“If you’re drinking a bunch and you keep a calendar, it’s probably to help piece together what’s happening in your life,” Colin Jost said, as he and Michael Che went in on Kavanaugh’s blustery and angry hearing responses, though we don’t think Michael’s “might be” argument quite holds water.

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They saved a few moments to get into some of the other terrifying news of the summer, like that new and absolutely horrifying mascot for the Philadelphia Flyers. Who approved this monstrosity?

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Kate McKinnon then dropped by as Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg to comment and fire off some Gins-burns at everyone from Kavanaugh to Republican Senator Jeff Flake, who pushed for an FBI investigation to, as she sees it, protect his ass before he votes yes anyway.

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Out of nowhere, Leslie Jones interrupted as Serena Williams, despite the bit being cut. This kind of banter always helps to bring us deeper into the world of “SNL,” helping us connect to the cast-members behind the characters, and we are here for them. Plus, she did look great.

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Finally, and we all knew it was coming, Pete Davidson dropped by to finally answer the question Adam Driver wanted in the “Cold Open.” How did he spend his summer vacation? Well, we all know the details, but he said he hates all the attention. “It’s Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr. and Pete Davidson. All people who’ve gotten death threats,” he said. When asked about the prenup situation, Pete said he wanted one. “God forbid we break up and she takes half my sneakers.” He then joked he swapped her birth control for Tic-Tacs. “I believe in us and all,” he said. “I just want to make sure she cant go anywhere.”

COLD OPEN – Kavanaugh Hearing

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With no sign of Alec Baldwin’s Trump, we instead got a fresh and energetic exploration of the Kavanaugh hearing, with Matt Damon absolutely killing it as the Supreme Court nominee. “”I’m gonna start at an 11 and I’m gonna take it to a 15 real quick!” he shouted, setting the stage for alternating anger and tears as he cited Kathy Griffin and Ronan “Sinatra” as part of the left-wing conspiracy against him. The Senators were played by a who’s who of the cast (including Rachel Dratch), with Kate McKinnon coming unhinged as Sen. Lindsey Graham, though we’re not sure she has a completely successful take on him yet. It went a little long, but every time Damon was glowering on-screen, we realized we could take just a little bit more. If Kavanaugh is going to stay in the news cycle, here’s hoping Matt is game to keep playing him.

Career Day

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Pete Davidson’s 82-year-old father, played by Adam Driver, brings the fire as an oil baron who crushes his enemy and grinds their bones into the dirt. Turns out the other kids think he’s a lot cooler than either Pete or the teacher (Aidy Bryant). This was absolutely bizarre, but Adam was so committed to his ridiculous, screaming character that we found ourselves as unable to hold it together as Pete and some of the other students. This recurring sketch has always been hit or miss, but when your “parent” character is this ridiculous and played this well, it’s always going to work.

Coffee Taste Test

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We’ve seen this before, where Mikey Day surprises taste-test participants with a product that isn’t nearly as fancy as they think. This time, it was Burger King coffee, and this time it was Adam Driver and Cecily Strong who got to lose their s–t over it. “You fed my wife this garbage, this burger juice?” Adam shouted incensed, while Cecily kept insisting hers must be the fancy coffee. We’re not sure why these are always funny, but it’s how worked up one couple always gets over being fooled, and Cecily was hilariously clueless throughout.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Pete Davidson may have been the most anticipated cast-member in this premiere, if just to hear him make jokes about Ariana Grande, and he did not disappoint, but he didn’t really shine beyond his “Weeked Update” appearance. Remarkably, no single cast-member stepped up in a huge way in this very balanced episode.

So we’re going to give it to the cast-member who sold their spotlight sketch the strongest, which narrows it down to Kyle Mooney and Cecily Strong, with the edge going to Cecily for her ridiculously clueless coffee taster. Yes, we know Kate McKinnon gave us Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Lindsey Graham, but we didn’t love her Graham as much as other characters she’s done.

“Saturday Night Live” continues next week with host Awkwafina and musical guest Travis Scott, Saturday at 11:35 p.m. et on NBC.

Got a story or a tip for us? Email TooFab editors at tips@toofab.com.

View Photos Getty ‘The Walking Dead’ Cast Looked Killer at Season 9 Premiere

Source: http://toofab.com/2018/09/30/adam-driver-snl-sketches-ranked-worst-to-first-matt-damons-brett-kavanaugh-pete-davidsons-summer/