#communication

[yodaprod]

Bell Telephone Laboratories EPIC "Executive Planning Information and Communication service" (1978)

[windvexer]

Is there a way to do the build an altar for whomever safely?

I feel a bit bad for stealing @crazycatsiren's ask on this, sorry about that Lorelei.

In general, I think if the actual intent is, "I will build a space for any spirit and literally any spirit/god may claim it," then no. I do not believe there is any safe way to complete that operation.

However, people do things like building spirit houses for nature spirits and house spirits all the time, with little regard that something eeeeevil is going to set up shop.

Because you can ward the heck out of your house for only such-and-such goodhearted spirits to arrive, but at that point, why are you setting up an altar for just any spirit to arrive? It's like cosmic plinko. You're limiting the conditions for what, the purpose of thrilling yourself with the safely curated random? Perhaps spirits should not be treated as prizes in the slot machine of fate.

I think a person who would like to experiment with building shrines for spirits and initiating spirit contact is much better off just choosing some good guys to work with. Ancestors are a crowd which are not at all difficult to get involved in your life, and on average tend to be helpful (although like any relative, their "help" may be biased). Choose a god you think is heckin' cool, why not. Build a spirit house outside and invite the local spirits to dwell there.

I think for anyone who actively wants to start building spaces for spirits and inviting them into their lives, as in, "there was no space for spirits here, but I'm making them and calling the spirits in," learning to work with spirit protections is very important.

But in general, probably the best way to safely interact with spirits for beginners is to choose safe* spirits to work with in the first place.

[*I find the spirits of domesticated edible plant species to often be very good guys]

[compassionatereminders]

If you accidentally hurt someone or cross their boundaries and they make you aware of this, literally all you have to do is apologize and stop. You don't have to beat yourself up internally for months. You don't have to hate yourself for fucking up. You don't have to feel like a horrible person. No one benefits from any of that - and at worst, such an extreme reaction will make the person in question less likely to speak up around you in the future, cause even if your negative reaction is directed at yourself and not at them, it's still unpleasant for everyone involved.

[desultory-suggestions]

Try not to take other peoples reactions personally. You never know what a person is experiencing that changes their perception. Their apathy, disinterest, nit picking, etc. is more about them than it is you. Take a deep breathe and try to move past it.

[sleepyeye17]

Is this yours?

Words: 768

Warnings: None

Summary: There’s a bra in Steve’s back seat. He has some explaining to do.

“What’s this?” Lucas says in the back seat of Steve’s car. “Ooooooh it’s a bra!”

Steve looks in the rear view mirror and his eyes go wide.

“Shit.”

Eddie turns around in the front seat to see Lucas holding up an enormous bra. It takes a moment for the implication to hit, and then it punches him right in the nuts. Fuck.

“Don’t touch that, Lucas,” Steve growls. 

“Steve had a girl back here,” Dustin crows. 

“I did not!” Steve says. “Put that down!”

“This is huge,” Max says, grabbing the bra from Lucas and feeling the enormous padded cups. “Jesus what is this, an F cup?”

“Who’s the lucky lady?” Lucas asks. 

“Who do we know with enormous tits?” Max says. She holds it up to herself. “Dustin, is this your mom’s? Ow!”

They’re all laughing and smacking each other and shrieking. Eddie looks out the window and tries to put on his most aloof face.

Steve and Eddie have only been hooking up for a few weeks, and neither of them have said that they were exclusive. If Eddie had assumed, well, that's on him. Always the idiot, and matters of the heart are no exception. He fell in love with Steve like it was breathing. He should have known that King Steve would have a whole flock of women to choose from. Eddie is clearly just an experiment. It wouldn’t be the first time. He’s had a few partners in the past who believed that they could be with a man once and get it out of their system. Eddie is usually happy to oblige. But he really thought that this was different.

“Settle down back there, okay?” Steve says. He’s bright red, and clearly irritated. “It got mixed up in my laundry at the laundromat. Jesus, get your minds out of the gutter.”

The kids calm down a little bit, and they’re friends again by the time Steve pulls into the arcade. Eddie is about to follow them out of the car, but Steve reaches out and touches his arm.

“Wait, Eddie. Can we talk?”

“Sure. Whatever.”

Eddie looks wary as he sits back down. He sneaks a glance at Steve, who’s still bright red. Eddie knows that Steve does his laundry at his parents’ house, and the bra is clearly too large for Steve’s mother.

“I can explain–” Steve starts, but Eddie cuts him off.

“You don’t have to.”

“I didn’t–”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Steve looks surprised and almost a little hurt.

“Doesn’t it?”

Eddie shrugs.

“We never said we were exclusive.”

Now Steve definitely looks hurt.

“I thought– Well. No. I guess we never did. Have you–” 

“If you have another–”

“I don’t–”

“I just want to know–”

“I don’t!”

“--so I can get tested–”

“The bra is mine!”

That stuns Eddie into silence. He stares at Steve for a second, but Steve can’t meet his eyes. Steve is looking at the ceiling, biting his lip and blinking fast. His fingers drum on the steering wheel.

“Sorry, what?” Eddie asks.

“I’m not– It’s just a thing. It’s just something I do on some weekends. There are these performances. Like shows. On the first Saturday of the month, in Indy.”

“Do you…” Eddie is trying to wrap his mind around this. “Are you a… A woman? In your heart?”

Steve shakes his head fast.

“I don’t think so? I’ve thought about it, and I’ve talked to some people. I still like being a guy, and I like my body and I feel good as a man. But sometimes… I dunno. I just want to be…” Steve gestures vaguely.

“A queen,” Eddie finishes.

“Yeah.” Steve sniffs hard. “I’m sorry. If this is too much–”

Eddie lets out a surprised little giggle, then covers his mouth. Steve looks miserable.

“Sorry!” Eddie says. “I’m not laughing at you. It’s just… God, Steve, you really couldn’t be more perfect.”

“Don’t fuck with me,” Steve snaps.

“I’m not! I’m not, I swear. I thought you were seeing someone else! Fuck, man, this is better than my wildest fantasies.” 

“Really?” Steve has a gentle look of hopeful surprise on his face that’s so open and vulnerable it makes Eddie want to bite his own fist. 

“Yes, really. What’s your name, then?”

“What?”

“Your drag name.”

Steve smiles shyly and bites a fingernail. Eddie wants to cry, he’s so pretty.

“It’s still in progress, okay. So you can’t laugh.”

“Okay.”

“Connie Cushion.”

Eddie gasps like Steve just dropped to one knee and proposed.

“Concussion!?” 

“Connie Cushion, yeah.”

“Can I… meet her some time?”

Steve bows his head, rubbing the back of his neck and beaming.

“She’d like that.”

[expressionist-hira]

Never catch feelings for people with poor communication. If you want an easier life, choose people who can easily communicate, how they feel about both you and the relationship.

[reasonsforhope]

"It's easy to lose touch with friends, especially when you live far apart. And sometimes the longer you've gone without speaking to someone, the harder it feels to pick up where you left off. However, a new study suggests that reaching out to pals—especially ones that you have not talked to in a while—is even more appreciated than initially thought.

“People are fundamentally social beings and enjoy connecting with others. Yet, despite the importance and enjoyment of social connection, do people accurately understand how much other people value being reached out to by someone in their social circle?” the study asks. To answer this question, the authors gathered 5,900 participants and put them through a series of experiments.

In one scenario, half of the participants were asked to remember the last time they contacted a friend they had fallen out of touch with, then estimate on a seven-point scale how appreciative the person was (with one being the lowest score, and seven being the highest). Then, the other half of the participants were prompted to recall a time when someone had reached out to them and assign a number to how grateful they were. When these two groups were compared, the researchers found that people greatly underestimated the value of reaching out to someone.

“Across a series of preregistered experiments, we document a robust underestimation of how much other people appreciate being reached out to,” the authors continue. “We find evidence compatible with an account wherein one reason this underestimation of appreciation occurs is because responders (vs. initiators) are more focused on their feelings of surprise at being reached out to. A focus on feelings of surprise in turn predicts greater appreciation.”

In another experiment, participants were told to send a note and small gift to a friend they had not interacted with for a long period of time. They were then asked to estimate on a numerical scale how thankful the person would be because of the contact. Additionally, the receivers of the gifts were asked to rank their feelings upon accepting the gift on the same seven-number scale. Once again, the gift-givers greatly underestimated how much their gesture meant to the other person.

The study concluded that reaching out to people—particularly those that you've lost contact with—is almost always appreciated. It can seem challenging to maintain healthy social interactions, especially due to an increased amount of people working from home and a lack of opportunities. But clearly, the evidence suggests that a little extra effort is worth it.

“For those treading back into the social milieu with caution and trepidation,” the study adds, “feeling woefully out of practice and unsure, our work provides robust evidence and an encouraging green light to go ahead and surprise someone by reaching out.”"

-via My Modern Met, 7/31/22

[notabled-noodle]

learning how to acknowledge your emotions without letting them take you down unhealthy paths is so so important. experiencing intense emotions can be hard, but it’s your responsibility to learn how to process those emotions healthily

practice calming exercises before you��re in a time of crisis, practice communicating your boundaries before everything blows up, work on positive self-talk before you reach distress. these are skills that need to be practiced before you’re able to use them when you actually need them!

being able to say “this is making me frustrated, I’m gonna take a step back and come back to it later” is a good skill to be in your toolbelt. but you can’t expect to be able to do that in crisis if you’ve never tried it out beforehand

[cosmicfaeriewitch]

[prokopetz]

The idea that people who occupy similar points on the spectrum of neurodiversity will typically have an easier time communicating with each other isn’t entirely without merit, but let me tell you, I have rarely encountered a more impenetrable wall of incomprehension than the one between two people with ADHD who don’t watch any of the same TV shows.

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[yodaprod]

Motorola Talkabout T900 (2003)

[queerism1969]

[compassionatereminders]

Many relationships would be a lot healthier if we romanticized honest, open and direct communication instead of idealizing the idea of a partner who's intuitively in tune with your every need. You don't need someone who can read your mind, you just need someone who's willing to listen when you speak.

[n0isemaker]

[desultory-suggestions]

You don’t have to have thick skin. It’s okay for you to be hurt by hurtful things! No one should be telling you to get over it or ignore it.