#completely blind with 0 context

[okitanoniisan]

new rgg fans will never know what they missed back in ye olden days of the fandom (like, 2019), doubly so now that scott strichart's deleted his twitter and jon riesenbach's privated. twitter was so fucking fun and then whatever-the-hell at sega of america happened and caused a fucking snowball effect and now we have shitass localization and resulting discourse that makes every release nigh unbearable, misinformation, confusion, people complaining about "bad writing/mischaracterization" not realizing it's because of the shitass english loc, i'm sitting here like jesus christ these loc bitches massacred saejima's character voice, people will never see him as he was intended, as original yakuza 5 localization Correctly painted him, and now they're coming for kiryu. god help us. we used to be a proper fandom. before everyone was subjected to the remastered localizations and shaky eng characterization. no one had even played yakuza 3-5, people still called morning glory "sunshine" orphanage, kiryu was our only protagonist and people still called him "boring", it was beautiful...

anyway gaiden uses affective instead of effective because the current localization team is full of careless dumbasses who don't give a fuck about ensuring they're using correct english grammar and this is not an isolated incident

[bliss-in-the-void]

Why is Satoru so fixated on this idea of “never letting anyone be alone again”?

The answer at face value is obvious, Suguru was alone after they started taking solo missions, but let’s really talk about the gravity of that statement, and also the relevance that Shoko’s “I was there too, you weren’t alone” has with this concept.

I’ll be discussing the manga so spoilers if you aren’t caught up:

This analysis cooks I tell you

In Jujukai 0, Satoru sees that Yuuta tried killing himself with a knife to prevent hurting other people. He wants to confine himself completely and be alone, exactly like what Suguru had to go through a decade earlier. Satoru recognizes this and forces Yuuta to join the first years so that he won’t be alone and face the same descent into madness that Suguru did. He feels that he failed Suguru, and this is shown time and time again throughout the story, such as here:

Here, Satoru had a discussion with Shoko, who is remembering that conversation. He said that he’ll raise the next crop of sorcerers to be allies so no one will be alone (his prime motivation for everything), and then Shoko responds effectively, “I’d never fall in love with either of you, but even still, I was still there, you weren’t alone”

But she isn’t recognizing the full meaning behind Satoru’s words. Because what happened after Satoru became the strongest? This became his belief:

He advanced at such a quick rate that he left Suguru in the dust. And that caused both of them to be alone. He was alone in being the strongest, and Suguru was alone in being unable to reach that same level, alone to deal with curses on solo missions, and alone in his descent of madness. It drove them apart, and got in between their bond.

I think Shoko recognizes that much. But I thought it was weird when she suddenly said “I’d never fall in love with either of you” because it was like…well, yeah, but why say that? Bringing up love seemed kind of random and out of place.

And then I realized it’s because she recognizes that Satoru and Suguru were in love with each other. Being in love with someone means that you feel a certain level of depth unmatched with anyone else. You feel like the two of you are at the top of the world, or in your very own world, apart from the rest, completely untouchable. Time and time again we see this shown throughout Satoru and Suguru’s interactions.

That is what Shoko means when she says “I’d never fall in love with either of you”. She’s saying “I recognize that I never felt the kind of love you two had for each other, but you were still never alone.”

And I get that. But because she doesn’t comprehend the bond they had (and really, she couldn’t, because the only ones who can truly feel it are the two of them), Satoru and Suguru really were alone once they split up. Maybe not physically, but emotionally, they were all alone.

And Satoru left Suguru first. Not physically, but emotionally. Because of the stark difference in their abilities. And that is what lead Suguru down his dark path, because he felt alone, and Satoru wasn’t there to chase away his contempt for non-sorcerers like he used to.

When Satoru says he wants to raise strong allies so no one is alone, he’s saying that he wants no one to be the strongest, he wants everyone to be at the same level, so that there’s no barriers, there’s no blind reliance on power causing someone to take what they have in front of them for granted like he did to Suguru.

That’s why this hits harder given that context:

“Trust, huh? To think you still had some of that for me.”

Suguru spent these last 10 years thinking that Satoru didn’t trust him, didn’t need to, because of the difference in their abilities. Why trust someone else when you need only rely on your own powers? Or, in the animated version, Suguru says,

“You want to talk about trust? I didn’t think I still had any of that left, with the shit I went through.”

Satoru left him alone when he “alone became the honored one,” breaking Suguru’s trust. From that point, he didn’t pay real attention to Suguru. When he asked Suguru “have you lost weight? Are you okay?” And accepted Suguru’s half-baked answer, that showed Suguru that Satoru didn’t really care. Or at least, wasn’t paying enough attention to know something was seriously wrong. Broken trust. Satoru had abandoned him and their bond.

Too late, Satoru recognizes this. And he makes his vow to raise the next generation to be strong allies so that no one gets left behind like Suguru or isolated and “special” like himself. You can even see it when he decides to put Itadori in the room right next to Megumi. He never wants it to happen again.

[chayscribbles]

chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ january 2024

☆ STATISTICS.

projects worked on: The Gemini Heist. also i glanced at Andromeda Rogue but gave up on that real quick

proudest accomplishment: i uhhh drew some really cool gemini heist aus

books read: The Long Way to a Small and Angry Planet by Becky Chambers; The Blighted Stars by Megan E O'Keefe; System Collapse (Murderbot Diaries #7) by Martha Wells. i got the first one for christmas and I CANNOT RECOMMEND IT ENOUGH. the other too were really good too.

☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.

hi! i have been very scarce from writeblr lately (and that's probably not gonna change soon) but i am alive and still creating! i mostly drew this month tbh but i did get some writing in, surprisingly!

you may or may not have noticed, but i'm no longer putting my wordcount in these updates. i've realized it's just not a valid metric for me to be measuring my progress. like, just because i haven't written any words in my draft doesn't mean i didn't make progress on my wip in other ways. and it doesn't make sense to use it for things like editing or revising, where words get cut all the time.

in wip news: i'm still reaaaally struggling to edit andromeda rogue, and after tinkering with it a bit at the beginning of the month, i made myself put it aside until february. which is... tomorrow. we'll see how that goes.

in the meantime i got some progress on gemini heist!

more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.

☆ COMMENTS: THE GEMINI HEIST (draft 0)

this has got to be the messiest drafts i've ever written. my first drafts are usually somewhat clean, but this? it's placeholder city in here, i've skipped writing any kind of description, there are plot holes that i only realized existed later but forced myself to ignore for now in favour of moving forward. this is fine.

i'm not going to lie... i still don't have most of the heist figured out. i'm a plantser but i've been pantsing a lot more than planning and it feels like i'm flying blind and i'm gonna crash into a wall at any moment. this is totally fine.

not to mention, a ship i did not expect has emerged and punched me in the face, and since i have little self control, everything is even more messy, especially between these characters, and i have no clue how the hell i'm gonna resolve any of this. everything is fine. (and no, i'm not saying who is involved, but at least [REDACTED] has two hands. sorta.)

i'm having fun, though. that's what matters, right?

☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.

since i haven't really posted any writing in a hot minute, here's a slightly longer, VERY gay excerpt 😏 for context, this is right before the girls are set to crash a coronation party, and Gabi has asked Euna to help with her makeup 😌

“Thank you,” Gabi said, beginning to stand. “It’s not done,” Euna protested, taking her wrist to pull her back down. “I still have to do your lips.” “Oh,” Gabi said, settling back onto the bunk. She squirmed in place. “It’s not that important— I don’t want to take up any more of your time—” “It won’t take long,” Euna promised, taking out a tube of shimmering pink lipstick. She brought her other hand up to Gabi’s face, pausing right before touching her. “May I?” Gabi nodded, her neck bobbing slightly as she swallowed.  Euna gently cupped Gabi’s chin and drew her closer so she could see better, uncapping the tube with her teeth and spitting it out onto the bunk. Gabi sucked in an audible breath as Euna pressed the lipstick against her top lip and carefully smeared colour and glitter from one side to the other. Her hand slowed as it dragged the stick in the opposite direction along Gabi’s bottom lip, coming to a complete stop when she reached the end. For a moment, she stayed frozen in place, holding the lipstick to the corner of Gabi’s mouth, her other palm pressed against Gabi’s warm cheek, feeling her racing pulse at the tips of her fingers.  “Is… is something wrong?” Gabi asked in a whisper, barely moving her lips. Euna quickly withdrew both her hands from Gabi’s face. “No,” she said, groping the covers around her to retrieve the cap. “Just, ah, making sure I’d done it correctly.”

☆ TAGLISTS. let me know if you want to be added/removed to any of them.

general taglist:

@nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @onomatopiya @quilloftheclouds @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @extra-magichours @avi-why @lefttigerobservation @chazzawrites @bardolatrycore @innocentlymacabre

gemini heist taglist:

@florraisons @akindofmagictoo @cream-and-tea @nicola-writes @memento-morri-writes @antique-symbolism @rose-bookblood @afoolandathief @pepperdee @avi-why @zonnemaagd @chazzawrites @analogued @enchanted-lightning-aes @innocentlymacabre @kahvilahuhut @celestepens @cilly-the-writer @extra-magichours @onomatopiya @outpost51

[eldritch-spouse]

Imagine Adrul meeting an oblivious human, one that simply doesn't know, or understand, who he is.

To you, he isn't the child of Krulu. The Prince of Hell

No to you he is your funny friend, who you like a lot :D

You even made him Friendship bracelets! MATCHING ONES :3

Like big scary Adrul with litteral walking sunshine and joy incarante human, one smile of yours could blind someone

You like Adrul, you like your friend :P

You enjoy taking his hand. You like the way it feels. He also looks so COOL :0, you always tell him how awsome he looks.

You probably confuse Adrul

I like this idea because it implies that you saw this motherfucker literally crawl out of Hell's bowels, and the only thing your brain thought was-

Wow, what a cool guy. He needs bracelets.

You're painfully unaware of your surroundings and context clues seem to fly immediately over your empty head, so he's pretty sure you're not disrespecting him. You're not a demon, and he's not in Perdition right now, so there's no need for Adrul to care that much about your behavior or put up a ruthless front.

You remind him a lot of his father's lackey, the robot. The prince finds more than a few of your interactions awkward, but they're also calming, in an odd way. Adrul will eventually pick you up and start giving you rides on his back while he completes his tasks on the surface. Unfortunately, you can't go to Hell with him, at least not yet, so he leaves you above with a headpat and a promise to be back.

He's not sure what to do with the bracelets. They seem to be made of palstic, which, as a being raised on various precious minerals, makes no sense. But they clearly mean something to you, so the prince of Hell figures you might enjoy some Hell gold bracelets as well.

[torgawl]

can we talk about sukuna and rika and why the king and queen of curses having a dispute is also narratively fitting? if sukuna is an heian era sorcerer with an antipathy and disregard of human emotions and the weak's will to live, blind to love and unable to comprehend the value of relationships with others then rika, as his counterpart, works especially well. rika is just a kid, or was just a kid. an innocent young girl who ended up dying tragically and saw herself transform into a vengeful spirit after being cursed by love. not only does she represent the weak (remember when sukuna's slaughter of women and children was implied?), she represents love itself. with her feelings lingering after death, she clinged onto her existence with the sole wish of protecting yuuta. it counteracts so well with sukuna's selfish will to kill time before his final breathe, which he admitted to be his will and motivation.

before i move on to my next idea, which let me preface by saying that it might be a little out there and dives into theory territory, i'm going to contextualise it with some information on the symbolism of "king and queen" that might help understand why this thought may make - at least some - sense.

in alchemy the king usually appears in conjunction with the queen, representing the sun-and-moon duality. in accordance with the theory of sulfur and mercury, which together, after alchemist purification, form the philosopher’s stone (also called the elixir of life, associated with rejuvenation and immortality), usually represented by the crowned hermetic androgyne (the union of the complementary male and female, achieving perfection or completion in the human state). according to jung, the king and queen also signify the spiritual conjunction that takes place when the process of individuation is complete, with the harmonious union of the unconscious and consciousness. jungian psychology has subjected the alchemistic tradition to extensive analysis and views the king less as an image of paternal authority and more as an archetype of higher insight and wisdom.

with that in mind, i think it's easy to understand where i'm headed but i want to add something else. remember jjk 0? geto's plan at the time was to obtain rika so he could use her power and move forward with his plan to annihilate all no-sorcerers. he believed her to be the key to achieve his goal and was willing to risk his own life for it. furthermore, the story is highly based on buddhist concepts and one of the core aspects of jujutsu kaisen is the cycles of suffering the characters are subjected to. in buddhism the goal is to become free of the samsara (continuous cycle of life, death and rebirth), eliminate suffering and achieve nirvana (enlightment). this ties withe the name of the series as kaisen is comprised of the kanji 'kai', meaning cycle, and 'sen', meaning battle, which combined with jujutsu (which means magic/sorcery but contains the word curse) describe the story as an endless battle of curses. and in a sense, the story also repeats itself, between generations and storyline-wise with the events circling back to how it all began. yuuta managed to land a fatal strike on geto once again, but now rika is pointed to be in a direct confrontation with sukuna as the queen of curses. now that i went through all the context needed to understand this, is it possible rika is once again in danger of being taken away? the idea of achieving a state of perfection with the unity between king and queen is quite intriguing. sukuna finally addressing yuuji as a worthy rival because of his unshakable resolve and unbreakable soul, is almost directly implying yuuji to be the one with whom sukuna has his last battle. an ultimate power-up (or the equivalent to), would be veyy cathartic before a final fight where yuuji would have the opportunity to finally go all out and have his well awaited and deserved protagonism (in my eyes, at least).

[dragon-business]

Going through Yakuza games completely blind and starting from 0 was the best decision e v e r.

+Because it kept the intrigue on some stuff big and small. 

+The easter eggs became foreshadowing. The fortune teller predicted Kiryu's wild life in a side quest, and the sheer delight we had, when those predictions started to come true? Unreal. Realising that "fighting a viper in Okinawa" was about Rikiya? The whole "nine kids"? We couldn't wait to get to these parts.

+All the context behind the empty lot and the Millennium Towers' construction left such a deep, raw, heart wrenching impact, that it changed how we see that place for the rest of the series. I cannot imagine looking at the Millennium Tower and not feeling the weight of all that happened on that spot and for what it took for this tower to be built. The rest of the tragedies that happen there just add on to the pile of curses the place bears.

What do you think Kiryu felt seeing it for the first time after being released from prison? What does he feel each time passing it, or seeing it loom over the other buildings of Kamurocho? Or he tries to not look up when he's near it at all?

(Also, playing 0 first was the cursed route, because 0 is the best written and structured game of the series, and starting with it, afterwards nothing can compare. Like, there are other very good games in the series. But we are on y6 rn, and so far nothing was as good as 0, and we just have to live with it.)

before / navigation / next

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

heyyy how many episodes of jjk would. in theory. i need to watch to read sea glass gardens and understand wtf is going on. i love your writing but idk this show and based on your descriptions if i try to go in blind i'm doomed. i have a bad habit of exclusively watching shows so i can read fics about them because my taste is fucking cursed, thanks

If you're looking to just understand at a baseline level what's going on in sea glass gardens, the answer is actually zero episodes.

sea glass gardens takes place before the main series, directly after the prequel movie Jujutsu Kaisen 0. And, good news, the fic takes place entirely from the perspective of the protagonist of JJK 0 (who is not the protagonist of the main series), who is also new to the sorcerer society of the JJK universe. So the movie does a good job of explaining the premise of the world and introducing most of the people who I use as the main characters of sea glass gardens as like, new people whose entire schtick needs to be explained. There are some characters in sea glass gardens who don't appear until the main series, but they're also strangers to the narrator of sea glass gardens, so I actually introduce them to the narrator and explain who they are.

I do not do that for the panda. I assume you also know why the panda is supposed to be there. The panda is in JJK 0.

Now, just watching JJK 0 and not the main series means you won't be confused and you'll be able to enjoy what's going on in sea glass gardens, but you admittedly won't have all the relevant context. But it shouldn't make you unable to follow the plot and what's going on, you'll just miss out on a few nods to the main series. Again, the narrator is also new to the world, so if you've watched JJK 0, you have pretty much all of the same context that he has. You'll just basically be getting a different introduction to some people or concepts than you otherwise would if you had met them in canon. So basically, like Yuuta (the narrator), you'll be meeting characters like Naobito for the very first time through sea glass, whereas people who have watched all the way through will have more background knowledge from what they know of him in canon, but you don't need any of his canon appearances to understand Naobito or his role in the fic.

And anyway if you want to have like, 100% of the same knowledge of canon that I had going into writing the fic, then you need to join me in hell with a total deep dive. Some of the characters mentioned in sea glass haven't shown up in the anime yet. Some of them haven't shown up in the anime or the manga, but the mangaka referenced them as a single bullet point in a character sheet and I decided to use them. You will be totally fine without this background knowledge. It is completely useless.

The thing about sea glass gardens is that it sort of exists in this niche part of canon that canon does not. actually. care about. Its primary conflict centers around the major clans of the Jujutsu Kaisen world and the tensions between them.

And the thing is. That canon. Doesn't. Really. Talk about that. It's just the tiny irrelevant part of canon that I cared passionately about. I don't know why I'm like this.

Like, one of the most important characters in the series, Gojo Satoru, is the head of the Gojo clan. He is also the only gojo clan member that we ever meet. Canon's just got other shit going on and the clan drama is mostly a background thing. I have built my little house of a few vague, scattered lines throughout the series and then wholesale made a lot of shit up.

That being said, that means sea glass gardens should actually be intelligible even if you're bypassing the main series, because it's a terrible representation of what this series is actually about. Whatever you think the plot of JJK is after reading sea glass gardens, it isn't that. The protagonist of the actual main series will never even appear in sea glass gardens. the primary antagonists of the main series will, for the most part, not be there at all. I am playing in my little sandbox of clan political intrigue because it enthralls me.

The prequel movie is actually really well done, and it only requires under two hours of investment. If you want a slightly more comprehensive introduction to the world before reading sea glass, I'd watch the first six episodes or so of the main series as well, but it isn't mandatory to understanding the fic.

I personally stream the prequel movie off of crunchyroll. I'm not sure where else, if anywhere, it's available, but it should be fairly easy to track down and watch if you're just looking to dip your toes into the JJK world.

[sketching-shark]

Do you like the sun and moon allegory that the show push for swk n LEMH n to a lesser extent how the fandom r pushing it futher by including mk as the star??

I dont rlly get why that of all symbolisms gets to b hammer in the most. My feelings for it is v much went from neutral to dislike bc it box in swk into this sorta narrative that ‘oh things were easy for him n hes so bright!” And oh poor macaque he got stuck in the shadows of swk bc he the moon! Like huh?? Definitely didn’t spurred me bc of how some ppl were quick to equate “sun” as what it mean in sun wukong name.

I just rlly don’t like this inclusion to the whole LEMH v SWK. I got more to say but this just it for rn soo thoughts?

Monkie Kid spoilers below

asdfrgerwredsff well as the local "guy who gets stupid angry at how completely western canon and fanon refuses to engage with the og classic true & false monkey king arc" I can't say I'm a fan anon. And yeah the automatic equation of the "Sun" in Sun Wukong to the English word "sun" was a bit goofy if understandable at first (we all work under particular assumptions based on the cultures and languages we were raised in after all), but now in a lot of ways it seems to stand as one more example of how many people in a dominant culture won't take the time to even do a quick google search to see what a word's meaning in its original context was.

But aside from that I personally don't feel like this sun and moon allegory & the underlying insistence on a close relationship is doing either Sun Wukong, the Six-Eared Macaque, or even Qi Xiaotian any favors...I've given my thoughts about this in other posts, but a quick summary is that even though Monkie Kid appears to have veered away sharply from the interpretation of the Six-Eared Macaque as a living manifestation of SWK's worst aspects and made him more of an independent character, his ongoing violent obsession with the Monkey King still means he has basically 0% traits or things in his life that aren't defined by SWK in some form or another. Everything from his apparent goals to his artistic expression is focused on the Monkey King, and given how thoroughly he hates him in the show's present well that is not a good situation for anyone to be in. In regards to SWK himself, the decision to give his and LEMH's relationship more importance through pushing the sun and moon allegory also has been a pretty big part in the presentation of the Monkey King as a worse and worse of a person. Because in Monkie Kid LEMH was originally introduced as an antagonist, but the route that's been chosen partially to make him more sympathetic was to repeatedly frame SWK as a betraying power-hungry bastard, just like LEMH claimed in his shadow puppet play. So now it's like we started with an image of SWK as genuinely heroic, but as he keeps making disastrous calls in the present and and information about his past comes out it's like him as a sun wasn't so much about providing life-giving warmth as it was about blinding and burning everyone around him, with the show itself being like "psych! turns out SWK lies all the time. psych! his plan to stop the Lady Bone Demon was indeed hot garbage. psych! actually all he ever does is hurt those who loved and trusted him. psych! it's been hinted that even Qi Xiaotian in his deepest and darkest truths is now convinced that SWK is nothing but an agent of chaos & destruction & he's terrified he'll turn out just like him." And then of course Qi Xiaotian is there having been repeatedly traumatized not just by the main big bads but also by LEMH repeatedly beating him up and also by the disastrous consequences of SWK's carelessness & bad judgment. So. Lmao.

Now of course I need to note that there's still a lot of unanswered questions about what precisely happened in the past from SWK's perspective, whose answers may indeed help clear up this toxic morass that is the current dynamic between SWK, LEMH, and Qi Xiaotian. And chances are good I'm forgetting more positive stuff or making the context appear worse than it actually is. Even so, I think you can point to the "the hero and the warrior were like the sun and the moon" as being one of the main starting points for the "SWK actually sucks and LEMH is the main victim of his terribleness" thesis that seems pretty popular in fandom and increasingly in canon. Again, I might just be carrying too much of a negative nancy pessimism about all of this, and of course it must be acknowledged that the overall situation is more complicated, but at least to me as it currently stands the sun and moon allegory seems to have not accomplished much except flip the "good" and "evil" designations between SWK and LEMH (X_X)

[laguera25]

thanks for all your posts on the till scandal. truly. i'm on middle ground, mostly because i don't trust media for shit in this day and age, and i don't have any of the context nor am i in any place to make a judgment on the man. but it feels lonely with that opinion. most of my friends who are into rammstein think he legitimately did something and see no grey area in the situation (like, you know, media bias, straight up lying, numerous accounts of people accusing high-profile celebs of assault just for the money) or think he's completely pure and innocent. myself i wouldn't be surprised if he did something, but i do think people who do shit like pull his lyrics and poems that contain various controversial topics and frame them as proof are way out of line. i don't know, really. i'm glad there's people like you who try to report this shit with a clear head

I don't think he did anything illegal or worthy of criminal punishment or the blind hysteria that's been whipped up by the media and the prevailing Internet social justice mores. However, I do think that he has demonstrated an embarrassing sense of sexual entitlement and spectacularly poor judgment in how he chose potential sex partners. Sexual Doordash was a terrible idea born of an infantile mindset. Unfortunately, the charge of poor judgment must likewise extend to the rest of the band since they allowed Row 0 to be conducted on their time and their auspices.

Unfortunately, as you have noted, I can't really espouse that view in fannish spaces because it's immediately flagged as victim-blaming and condoning the lies peddled about him and the crimes committed against his property. I'm not. I'm Dumbass-blaming.

Till is 60 years old and has been in music for 30 years with Rammstein. He is also extremely intelligent and can afford Internet access. He wasn't some babe in the woods. He had to know how things like Row 0 would be received in the current climate of Neopuritanism, how it would be twisted and exaggerated by a an unscrupulous media that's wanted to take Rammstein down from the beginning. He chose not to read the room, or did and ignored it because it was more important to get his dick wet. So I'm not boohooing for Till Lindemann.

I am heartily sorry for the other band members and the band's employees. They deserve better than this after decades of hard work.

[mrpenguinpants]

PENGU HIIIIIII!!!!!!!

It's been like *checks calender* at least a year since I last send anything. Where did time go? Oh stars it's my birthday soon too, I'm feeling old now, I just turned 18 12 months ago. On that note, something funny, Fontaine drops a day before my birthday, so I'll have to wait till midnight to pull cause I'm on 50/50 and I pray to have some birthday luck. Worked before.

Anyhow, how ya doin? I got a new translation note for you, tho it's a rather obvious one.

With windblume this year we got the Hexenzirkel, which translated means witch (Hexe) coven (Zirkel). But in any other context, Zirkel would mean circle. I technically have another note, but I'm not sure if it's still a leak or not + you said you want to go in blind, so I'll stay quiet on that for now. Have a nice day and good luck on your future pulls!

:0 minx! It’s been 84 years gosh it has been a long time. It’s good to see you’re alive still and happy early birthday too :D I hope you have vv good cake and an awesome party if you plan on doing either of those things. Man, true age shines during birthdays cause all I wanna do is sleep but my younger self would have wanted to go to laser tag. Not with these bones.

if Fontaine doesn’t give you anything for your birthday it’s time to overtake the French (in game of course). Who are you trying to pull :0 I completely forgot what banners are coming. I think…Yelan is coming???? I think. I feel like her banner was just here so I might be wrong. Or which Fontaine character do you want the most? I haven’t seen any of them yet :)

👀 I don’t mind leaks, tbh the only reason I go in blind is because I’m way too lazy to search these things up so spoilers are okay with me so I’m vv interested in this other footnote. All it is that there’s a court room in Fontaine and I’m ready to sue.

[gunsli-01]

Love Below 0°

The Milgram fandom on here is a cozy type of small... Yet, somehow completely unhinged. Which makes sense for a web series centered around a bunch of fictional killers. Can't lie, I've been really entertained looking at what people will or will not forgive. It's even more fun to see what others think is going on with these characters. So, I'm going to put myself out there and say my interpretation of what they did. Plus, what I speculate the pairings represent.

I'll be throwing these out in pairs. Starting with Yuno and Haruka. I won't be going into too much depth. Since, I've spoken about Yuno in length before, and Haruka is a considerably straight forward case.

It is my belief that how the prisoners are paired together is indicative of the motive/emotional intent behind their actions. Bearing that in mind I believe the thing that ties Haruka and Yuno together is their Envy/attention seeking behavior.

For context, I was dragged into this whole thing by @apatchworkstar during the tail end of the first trial. So, most of the prisoners had a definitive verdict by the time I got into this. The only ones who didn't have a verdict were Amane, Mikoto, and Kotoko. However, after seeing Haruka and Yuno's first music videos. I was shocked to find they had been voted innocent. Cause I would have voted them both Guilty during the first trial.

Haruka clearly killed a kid who I thought to be his sibling, that and someone around Amane's age given he says he's not good with kids her age. Plus, animals during his first music video. I also didn't believe speculating he had a learning disability excused this or that he had one to be honest. Yuno's first music video made it abundantly clear she was partaking in a form of entrapment the extent of which I was uncertain about at that time.

Given my interpretation of what was shown I believed they both should have been voted guilty and would have voted them that way if I were there.

I'm certain that most have gathered by now they both killed due to envy/jealousy. They're the easiest pair to figure out. Haruka doesn't lie at all, and Yuno lies in such a blatantly coy way that I don't even perceive it as dishonest anymore. They are the most blatantly honest about what they did wrong and how they wish to be perceived and treated within Milgram. The ways they go about showing that though directly contrast each other.

Yuno is more passive leaning on being outright disdainful and cold to get the message across while Haruka will just say he wants something. Yuno will manipulate behind the scenes to get what she's after while Haruka will blatantly act up or behave to get what he wants in a shameless way. Making them nice foils for each other. If you look at it from a passive aggressive and aggressive framing.

Both of their second trial videos are out now. Given Haruka's second trial I'm voting him innocent. He clearly did the things I thought he did, the only thing that changed were a few environmental factors that recontextualized the issue. I'm a firm believer in yes, his mom fucked up on that one and if she couldn't use negative reinforcement to fix his behavior than there is no way that we can. Lol, hope he has fun here.

When it comes to Yuno though... I'd be happy with a fifty/fifty but I'm voting her guilty because of the noticeable hypocrisy. Yes, I know I sound like Futa but to be honest hypocrites are just annoying. Plus, Yuno is annoyed by that aspect of this as well. After stating she's the one who chose to allow us in to begin with asking, "Happy or sad? Why decide? Where'd you get your half-baked sense of justice? So, nauseating. So, creepy. Will you please disappear?"

Before brushing it off like she always does because she won't be bothered and going "Phew, anyway." and inviting us to grasp around blindly trying to find her again. In a coy if you want to know me open your eyes and look or stay blind searching for this idea of me you've created. Measuring her against our morality means she can only be innocent or guilty by our standards, never her own. It's something forced on her without her input or consideration towards how she feels about her actions. Causing her to become the same sensationalized topic, she berates in her first voice drama.

I understand why that would be annoying. Truthfully, Yuno is not special she is very much in here for the same shit Haruka is. Technically something I consider more pointless than what Haruka is in here for. He wanted affection from his literal parent who is shown to be physically and emotionally neglectful. Yuno, to her own admission, has a fine life and just wants the attention of someone she's romantically invested in. Despite her character not liking psychoanalysis the only thing I could gather that would excuse her behavior is blaming it on father issues.

This is because she states her family structure is her grandparents, mother, younger brother, and her. Though blaming it on that would be a disservice and a belittling of her character. Even if it were the case, just because someone is romantically interested in another person doesn't mean they are entitled to that sort of interest in return. She isn't owed anything more by her clientele than payment for her services. Parents on the other hand should ideally have unconditional love for their kids regardless of that child's capabilities or age.

Despite whether Haruka's mom intended to or not her actions clearly ended up giving Haruka a distorted understanding of affection. To the point that he takes all forms of attention as positive and smiles at being slapped. Cause he conflates being reprimanded and punished with being cared for. That's a parental failing. Parenting is difficult but fuck his mom. It's to the point that I can't even fault him for considering Mu to be his real mom.

Hell, she's a better option than his real one. At least Mu's conditions are ones that he can meet just never say no to her and behave well. While his actual mom's according to what we've been shown were impossible to meet from the start because he was just born wrong. I just find it wild that a bunch of people were like he just needs help, he can't do things as easily as other people while knowing he's a murderer during the first trial. Then when he got a bit of confidence from that recognition be like no we've got to put him back in his place. For his benefit though, like alright, okay...Sure.

I feel mostly the same way towards anyone voting Miss I don't know why the public sensationalizes adultery so much innocent. Then being like Kazui might have cheated and that's bad. Where's that energy you guys had at Mikoto being shirtless in his own house while showering towards Yuno wearing lingerie throughout her entire second trial video? The animators knew what they were doing there but not here, okay. Super weird that she did the things she did for love like Mahiru did but since she's not unabashedly traditionally feminine she gets a pass while Mahiru is at death's door. Can't imagine what that says about most voters.

Phew, anyway...to the next pair then.

[misqnon]

hi, i just read all of ur posts tagged as misqnon's one piece liveblogging and it was so much fun T-T. im here to rant about one piece and im sorry.

i really love seeing people react to content i am caught up with and hold close to my heart.

i got into the 800s in the anime and stopped watching, took a break and then read the manga up to around 1060. but last month i decided to read the whole thing from the beginning and it is genuinely SO WORTH IT.

after u have caught up completely its super rewarding to go back and look at previous chapters bc its constant "oh my god look what was foreshadowed here??" and "now i understand the context behind this!!!" and "this interaction is so much more meaningful now that i know their relationship!!". yes it did take me a whole month of nearly nonstop reading to catch back up but i have 0 regrets.

wano and the arc after it are both super fun and interesting and i think ur gonna love it. the lore is crazy. i hope u dont see any spoilers bc going into it completely blind will probably be way more exciting, especially with the most recent arc since its kinda suspenseful and mysterious,,.

anyways thats all i have to say how do you end these things.. take care!!

AAAAA ANON THIS IS SUCH A FUN MESSAGE TO RECIEVE THANK YOU...

I ended up talking a lot so I'll put this under a cut lol

I used to be the person who said I would never watch one piece 😭😭 I've been into anime since I was like 12 and I'm almost 24 now (fuck . That's like half my life) and obviously it's always been on my radar but I always thought it was 1. Too popular 2. Too Long 3. Hated how oda draws women lmao so I was fine ignoring it and only knowing the basics from just Being On The Internet

I think sometime early on I caved and attempted to watch it- I got to alabasta and stopped bc the anime pacing wasn't doing it for me (though I liked it up until then, but didn't LOVE it)

cut to high-school where a couple of my good friends liked it but we never really talked about it, it was a lifelong interest for one of them bc he'd started reading it on like 4th grade

Well I'm still friends with them (shoutout to sam and seb) and they convinced me to watch one piece film red with them in like July or August of last year bc they were showing me the songs and I, ado fan bc I'm a retired weaboo and a vocaloid Stan, was like "haha that sounds like ado" and they went "IT IS!!!!??" so I had to watch it for her.

again, I was like oh this is fun I like this :^) but no IMMEDIATE interest, more of a passive thing... until the live action came out a month or so later and I watched it just because and DAMN I FELL IN LOVE FAST

I went back to the anime and rewatched the beginning, then skipped back to alabasta where I had left off years and years ago and now I'm Here 🧍

I watched up through part of dressrosa before I started reading the manga, and now I'm doing that while watching certain episodes of just the parts I really wanna see animated

It's been. So Fun

I am now that person who's like Hey You Should Watch One Piece. I get it now. I so get it lmao. And you know the weirdest part is that with it being divided up into arcs like it is I find myself thinking it really doesn't feel that long!?!? Am I insane,

anyways. It's been a while since I was in an active fandom or even in a fandom at all - ESPECIALLY such a big one!?! (I was in college for 4 years and Busy).

but it's. Crazy. I'm writing fanfics and joining discord servers and I've never done that before. it's been very fun and rewarding tbh...I don't like a lot of things about oda and aspects he included and ofc one piece isn't perfect or unproblematic but it IS a really awesome epic of a story about friendship and found family and anti authority and its just.

I'm also a person who's always loved reaction videos or just even seeing otherppl react to things I like so I RELATE AND IM SO GLAD I CAN BE THAT FOR U...

I'm ngl as I've been reading I've been wanting to look up some old one piece forums dated the time certain reveals happened bc I want to see how people felt as this shit came out holy Shit....

it's additionally funny bc this blog is about 10 years old and has amassed a decent amount of followers over the years who were just into some of the other random stuff I've been into but I know a fair amount of them were thinking we were on the same page of not being into one piece and now here I am. Ruining that. And with the pervert character as my favorite no less. lmao SORRYYYY YALL <3

I'll leave u with this message I sent into the discord I share with some friends the other day, none of which really watch op, when asked to explain something about the show. In fact, I think the reasoning for this message was BECAUSE I was explaining to a friend just how much oda foreshadows things!! jinbei, kaido, haki, sanjis backstory, ALL being mentioned by name or referenced DECADES/YEARS BEFORE APPEARING ON SCREEN...HUNDREDS OF CHAPTERS APART....I could rant on more but I'll stop for now.

thank u for the message and feel free to dm me to talk about this silly show anytime bc its sunken its claws into me 😭

[jonathankatwhatever]

You are my refuge.

The undeveloped land surrounded by golf courses.

I’m afraid to work. I fear not being inspired. Or perhaps worse, but that’s a fear which self-contradicts each time I construct it. I keep looking for a crack, but the enclosing domain expands in the alternation process to a higher positive, which is the grouping of all the Storylines, and yes group is correct because this processes the permutations within that Alternation to that positive. I can’t seem to beat HC, but I feel like my understanding of it is not complete.

Like another name which fits. I have Holy Covenant, High Council, Higher Context, but I can’t get much past that. Commission? Happy Choices? I can’t find anything mechanical beyond context, and we’ve used context in an appropriate way so that works if it’s clear that context expands that much conceptually. It really is the same idea as IC except it’s the infinite which generates the finite.

That is the clearest version of the confining concept as I’ve managed. It sets up a pairing to the poles which appear to be something like evil and good but which is aligned in this ordering manner I’ve been seeing flash through my head so often. The point then is that evil is not constructed by the external pairing but by the internal generation into grid squares from lower dimensions. Now I see a crucial question: why do we say lower dimensions are brutal? Because they’re closer to the animal responses, and they develop by harnessing what they can learn of higher dimensional thought to further their animal responses. Trying to say this is inherent in D-structure: a simple structure has energy needs, offense, defense needs, etc. And behaviors express simple relationships like wire frame drawings, so a more highly rendered animal. And that’s like learning to play with the kind of fluidity you hope to experience, so the motions become imbued with artistry.

I’m fading fast but I want to see more. The words coming out have been sometimes too dense. I mean that evil comes from within, which is why it imposes blind spots about the irrationality of their attitudes toward Jews. They can’t see it. The external pairing which people read as evil and good is actually state and prior state, so back and forth over the line, the I//I, of existence. That is, think of 1-0-1 as ps over 0 to s. Inherent in this Alternation is that the state becomes the prior state. So at any instance we can generate -1 to 0 to 1. CR that to get the imaginary unit circle.

I think we can strengthen CR by saying saying it occurs in layers too, that the different methods generate different potentials, which is after all uncountably real.

[ksfreddo]

Destiny: No Time To Explain COMPLETE GUIDE

Posted on October 20, 2015 875 Upvotes | 96% Upvoted | 453 Comments

————————————————————

Hey guys! This mission can be unlocked by getting Praedyth's ghost in the Heroic/daily version of Paradox. Once you get it and also turn it in, you must wait until next weekly reset (Tuesday, 2 AM PST). The quest will be available to start in the Tower at Lakshmi, the FWC rep only on the character you handed the shell in on.

Here is a guide on how to get the ghost if you have not already done so. This is intended to only be done in Paradox when it is the daily. (Edit: It can be done when it's not the daily too. Here's how!)

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT WASTE MOTES TRYING TO GAIN REPUTATION IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THE FIRST QUEST STEP. YOU CAN GAIN THIS QUEST AT 0 FWC REP. IT IS ON A TIME LOCK ONLY. IF YOU HAVE HANDED IN THE SHELL, YOU MUST WAIT UNTIL NEXT WEEKLY RESET. DO. NOT. WASTE. MOTES.

Quest name: NOT FORGED IN LIGHT

Step 1: Ready for War

Description:

"Earn reputation through donations to the Future War Cult"

Quest Text Here

5 Motes of Light = 10%

25 Armor Materials = 5%

25 Weapon Parts = 5%

2 Heavy Synth = 5%

Step 2: Talk to Lakshmi-2

Step 3: The Simulation Core

Description:

"Here's how I see it: the Hive want to eat us. The Fallen want our stuff and the Cabal want our planet. But it's the Vex, Guardian, only the Vex can take our past away from us. If we're going to understand what these files mean, I'm going to need more context.

Hunt down a powerful Minotaur Taken by Oryx. Destroy it, and pull a simulation core from its husk. Shatter the core and return to me."

Quest Text Here

This is a GUARANTEED drop from doing the Paradox daily with the secret mission, so if you haven't done the daily yet and want a free legendary engram this is your best bet.

Any major/ultra Taken minotaurs can also drop it, but red minotaurs cannot.

This is the item it drops. It can be found in the Mission section of your inventory. Hold square (on PS4) while hovering over the item to shatter it.

After you destroy it, there's some cool flavor text

Step 4: Talk to Lakshmi-2

Step 5: The Eye of Atheon

Description:

"Excellent work. I'll make good use of the data your Ghost is feeding me. We've spect more time looking through these files, and we believe we know what your next step must be. It will not be an easy one.

Gather a Fireteam and return to the Vault of Glass. Confront Time's Conflux, Atheon, and take its eye. Within the eye will be invaluable data. Shatter it, as you did the simulation core, and then return to me."

Quest Text Here

This is super easy with level 40 Guardians. We managed to bring him down in less than 10 seconds with a tether and 2 Sleeper Simulants.

This does not need to be done on Hard mode!

Here's the item he drops, just shatter it like the last item.

Step 6: Talk to Lakshmi-2

Step 7: Approach the Twilight Gap

Description:

"Excellent. I'll begin my analysis of Atheon's data at once. In the meantime, I have results from the simulation core. The heart of the Minotaur revealed a ... ripple. A snag in the timestream around the Twilight Gap.

Head out to the pass, try to determine what Praedyth's Ghost saw there. Then, return to my side."

Quest Text Here

Step 8: Shadows at Twilight

After you spawn in, the mission updates

This can only be done as a single player.

You spawn in and slowly start getting blinded, similar to a Golgoroth wipe. You can clear the blind, and prevent dying by running into pools.

You must find an item, a bracelet, which is hidden in a chest. For me, it was near Point B in Control. For my friend it was near the special ammo spawn at Point C.

If you're a hunter, put on keen scout as the chest will show up on your radar.

Step 9: Talk to Lakshmi-2

Step 10: Approach the Black Garden

Description:

"Let me see what you ... a bracelet. With the symbol of House Bray? Ana Bray's personal sigil. Guardian, the inner circle will be grateful that you have returned this artifact to the Tower.

The data you retrieved from the Eye of Atheon, meanwhile, has pinpointed another ripple. This one is at the heart of the Black Garden.

It is time you returned to Mars. The rippled in the Garden apparently flows from a construct called "the Groundskeeper." Find it, destroy it. And return to my side."

Quest Text here

Step 11: Blood in the Garden

After you spawn in, the mission will update.

You definitely want at least one other person for this mission.

At the start, you must "anger" the Groundskeeper. You do this by killing the Vex. The Goblins will give you 2% increase in his anger per kill. However, if you don't kill them quickly enough you will start losing progress.

This format is similar to the speed patrol missions, except with kills.

Minotaurs will eventually spawn, a lot of them. These seem to give you somewhere around 7-10% anger but are obviously harder to kill.

They have void shields, so void weapons will make this a breeze.

Once you hit 100%, the Groundskeeper will spawn. He's a giant minotaur and you must kill him to progress. If you drop below 100%, he will despawn.

There will be tons of Minotaurs between you and the boss and they will keep respawning.

Dying here will not wipe you, it is not a darkness zone.

Here's a video guide on how to get to a helpful cheese spot. For some reason, the video skips but you can just jump there smoothly. You can't die here and can easily snipe out the boss.

Step 12: Talk to Lakshmi-2

Description:

"And now ... what? A ring, with the symbol of the Warlock Pujari? Death, again. Like Ana Bray, a Guardian fallen to the second death. Lost to us. We shall study these objects, Guardian. Learn why they have been pulled through time.

I believe your work is over. For now. Praedyth's files have unspooled. Their data undone like uncoiled strands of hair. And what has fallen free?

A weapon, transmatted from some time and some place, and specifically for you. Someone has taken notice of our actions, Guardian. Someday, we may be able to ask them what all this means."

Quest Text & Reward Screen here

Congratulations! Enjoy your No Time To Explain!

EDIT: Here's a short video guide!

EDIT2 : It looks like the reset did not make this quest available to characters who turned in Praedyth's ghost on 10/20. According to /u/nathanields "if you did paradox daily first time around and therefore had the 'Not Forged in Light' quest yesterday but didn't start it, it's still there today."

Reddit Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestinyTheGame/comments/3pjvre/no_time_to_explain_complete_guide/

[ziracona]

For the videogame ask game 5, 7, 9, 11 :D

5: Game(s) coming out that you’re looking forward to

Hmmmm I guess the next Dark Pictures game, because I really like Supermassive, and I’m enjoying the series! Someday they’ll make another main series Fallout game, and I’ll be excited for that. I’m excited for the new Spider-Man determinately—not playing until I hear if they did right by Harry Osborn, because he’s a blorbo of all time, but if so, I will be over the moon. Wolf Among Us 2, like most people, and I’ve heard if it succeeds, Batman the Telltale series season 3 will be next and I desperately need to help John and Harvey and see what happens, so that too.

7: A series you’ve lost interest in

Right now I’d have to say Dragon Age, if this question means in a moving forward way? Like I still Adore Origings through 2, but DAI was so fucking horrible in a lot of the pulls they made that I have -200 interest in Dread Wolf or any new DA game unless the devs like, un-become shitty people. I felt genuinely betrayed by a lot of stuff they did in DAI, and I’m still very hurt over it.

9: A game you played completely blind with no prior knowledge of and enjoyed/loved

Hmmmm Oxenfree I think I just snagged on a PS sale? OH The Council is a fantastic little mystery/suspense/eldritch horror game, and I love playing titles where the ends aren’t even all known because it’s so branching and so few people have played (this was also my experience with Oxenfree, bc I played around launch back when people thought there just was no good ending). I googled like ‘suggestions for decision based games’ and that’s how I found The Council, but I hardly thinks subgenre counts as prior knowledge. — oh I could also say Fallout 4. I knew nothing about Fallout at all, and got a PS4 to play Until Dawn as many times as it took to save Josh right after launch, having played once with my brother on his. I came home with my system after a shady Walmart parking lot Craigslist deal half an hour away where both I and the seller were sure we’d be murdered by each other, and when I got home my brother offered me his copy of FO4 for ten bucks (a month after release, back when it was a sixty dollar game), because he’d beaten it and only plays games once. I owned no games yet and wanted to try out the system, and happily agreed. I’d never played an open world game before. Or one where followers had an affinity system, or branching choices in the large scale way, so my mind was blown. I remember Piper stopping me (literally) to tell me she thought I was a little bit of a do-gooder, and being amazed the game was keeping track of my actions and she had comments on it. Core system memory there. It’ll always be a special game in my heart.

11: Do you prefer ‘blank slate’ main characters you make yourself or otherwise project onto, or characters with a set personality and backstory?

I like both! I guess I prefer a little backstory though? Because a game like FO4 where you can chose almost everything but you had a spouse, kid, and specific job, solid building blocks to rp with while getting a more complex personality. if I start a game like Skyrim where there’s a fuck ton of backstory I don’t know for the world, and NO history for me, I have no idea how to RP correctly. Because I don’t have the social and historical context. Like, DAO? Okay I get a quick background. Tabris. I love in a shitty Alienage, humans oppress us, I’m getting married, here’s an overview of my immediate social and political system. A+ — my personality and feelings are mine, but I have enough context for the world and my species and class that I can rp well. DAI? Idk we assume you played the rest of the series and tell you fuckall. I was a mage Vashoth. I got ‘your powers that would have made you a threat back home made you a successful mercenary. People are afraid of your species though.’ I’m there for some meeting?? That’s nothing. I started DAI before any other game, and had fucking 0 clue what anything to anyone was, and I couldn’t even give ‘I don’t know’ answers to make that work. Terrible game design. You can’t assume every player in your franchise played all 5 games before this. I know like 30 people who started Witcher in Witcher 3, and it did a great job of giving us not only world background, but specific past game facts too, so we /could/ start in 3. Anyway uh, I like minimal but enough context to rp well out the gate I guess? But it’s also fun to like, play a Telltale game be Lee Everett or Bruce Wayne. Like that’s cool too, idk which is more fun. Both fun for different reasons.

Ask game

[pinkpessimist]

Possible TW for Dissociation

Sometimes, it's difficult for me to remember that I am a real person. I exist. For the past ten months, I woke up, walked down the hall to take my vitamins, brush my teeth, make my bed, get dressed, do my makeup, open my blinds, grab my bag, say goodbye, and walk down the path to my bus stop. Slightly socialize with what are meant to be my favorite people as my music blasts in my ears, but I just can't stand to speak more than 4 NPC like sentences to them. And so that's all I do. I board the bus, sit there as my music continues to blast and gaze out the window, type randomly in my notes app as I walk in to the school. The whistle blows. I walk to class, enthusiastically yell "HI" to someone, sit down and do the bare minimum in class. Repeat for the next three classes. Go to lunch, sit silently as I eat (or not) and blast music into my ears. Return to my fourth period for the second half of it, but hide my AirPods behind my hair. Such a rebel. Take them out and go to the fifth period of the day, whatever it was that certain day. Do the bare minimum in performance and socializing alike. Go to my last class, do the same, and walk the same path to my bus, board and ride all while blasting the music from the same playlist into my ears. Get off, walk home. If someones home, say "I'm HOME!" and go to my room and throw down my bag. At some point in the school day, some random guy has probably flirted with me, to no success. Go back to the kitchen to get water and food, and then complete my homework (or not.) If the homework was completed it was done in the most bare minimum way. On Wednesdays, the only way this routine changes is that I get released from the sixth period early. I walk to and get in the car, eat whatever fast food is presented to me, and ride silently to therapy while YOU GUESSED IT!! Blasting music into my ears. Talk about small (or large) issues with my therapist, leave and do my homework at home. Towards the end of the year, it wasn't really doing the homework. It was just going on my phone or MacBook with no purpose. Procrastination. My sin. Do the homework at the last minute. Get yelled at. Always blasting the music. I am surprised I'm not deaf by now. Every single day was the same. It still is, however now that it's summer I put in a lot less effort than I did then. Now I only shower once or twice a week. Spend the day laying in bed, scrolling on my phone or MacBook with 0 purpose. Wasting my fucking life away. When your life is constantly the same like this, it is very common to forget that you are a real person. I exist. I know I exist, but I don't at the same time. I am existing, but for nothing. I am told by people a year younger than me, "I look up to you." Told by people all around me, "I love you." So why does it feel.. fake? Artificial? Everything feels so unreal. I feel unreal. This "love" means the world to me, but at the same time it means nothing. Everything means nothing and everything at the exact same time. Wow. Now I'm crying. I feel so SAD, and for no reason! But I just forget I am a real person, because everything feels so unreal and bland. Boring. Uncomfortable. I get told by people, "I like you." I get told this in so many contexts, and REAL people say that. REAL people say that to ME, so that proves that I'm REAL. People feel things about ME and ME specifically. But it does not feel that way at all. I feel as if I have no real purpose in anything or to anyone. "Your life is nice. There is nothing objectively wrong with you or your life, you have nothing to complain about. You are a pretty, not skinny, not fat, white woman. That is what people see you as. That is your shell. Your shell has privilege. As long as people don't know who you are on the inside, you will always have more privilege than the next person. You have it so good. So why are you constantly complaining!?" Those words come out of my brain. And to answer their questions, I have none. I don't have an answer.

I am a real person.