#conley wrestling

[choke2sleep]

Sleep deeply buddy ………sleeeep. Conley puts Zandre in a deep restful sleep.

[athletic-collection]

Brody Conley (red singlet)

[cksmart-world]

SMART BOMB

The Completely Unnecessary News Analysis

By Christopher Smart

April 16, 2024

MUSIC HEARD AT TRUMP RALLIES

1 – God Bless the USA — Lee Greenwood

2 – Don't Worry Be Happy — Bobby McFerrin

3 – Rumors of Glory — Bruce Cockburn

4 – The Pretender — Jackson Browne

5 – Too Much to Hide — Joseph Arthur

6 – America Has a Problem — Beyoncé

7 – Friend Of The Devil — Grateful Dead

8 – I'm a Loser — The Beatles

9 – Guilty Filthy Soul — Awolnation

10 – Phone Call From Leavenworth — Chris Whitley

HOPELESS UTAH JAZZ SHOULD DRAFT CAITLIN CLARK

Hold on to your Air Jordans. The Utah Jazz losing ways could be over. Imagine buying seasons tickets not realizing that the front office would trade away all its good players so the Jazz would lose games. What? True story. At one point this season the Jazz were 26 and 26 — a .500 percentage that could get them into the playoffs. So they traded some players and ended the season with 31 wins and 51 loses. Gone are Simone Fontecchio, Ochai Agbaji and Kelly Olynyk. Last season, they traded Mike Conley, Nickeil Alexander-Walker, Malik Beasley and Jarred Vanderbilt. And before that Bojan Bogdanovic, Donovan Mitchell, Rudy Gobert, Royce O’Neale and Joe Ingles were shown the door. It's all part of a strategy to get good draft picks. Really? Let's trade away our good players so we can get some good players. OK, listen to this: A first round draft pick in the NBA will get millions but Caitlin Clark, if she goes first in the WNBA draft, will make less than $76,000. For real. It's not fair. So the braintrust at the Jazz should do this, offer Clark $5 million to come to Salt Lake City. She'd be worth every cent, maybe more. You're right Wilson, it probably won't' happen. But wouldn't it be nice to have a team you could really root for instead of The Replacements. There's always next year.

SUPPORT THE WINTER OLYMPICS — OR ELSE

If you're not excited about Salt Lake City's bid for the 2034 Winter Games, better keep your mouth shut. It's kinda like being a Republican in Congress who thinks Donald Trump is a blow-hard fraud and rapist with a a crush on Putin. You better keep it to yourself if you know what's good for you. Utah's leaders love the Olympics. Salt Lake City's 2002 Winter Games put us on the map. Finally, after all those years of insecurity we got noticed! Props for us! Now people know we're closer to Vegas than to Chicago, although they still can't pick us out on a map. The 2002 Winter Games were televised but viewers couldn't tell Mormons from heathens. People around the globe were watching and asking, where are all the Mormons. Funny how they blend in so well. The folks from the International Olympic Committee (IOC) were here again sizing up the place to see if they should award the 2034 Games to Salt Lake City. Everyone knows that Mitt Romney saved the 2002 Games after Tom Welch was caught wrestling his naked wife in the garage when the cops showed up. It had something to do with his mistress. Not exactly the kind of news coverage Olympic boosters like. This time around, our leaders have been instructed — no naked wrestling.

Post script — That's a wrap for another beautiful spring week here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of O.J. Simpson, so you don't have to. The Juice is dead. It's been three decades since the so-called “trial of the century,” where the football and Hollywood star was on trial for the murders of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. O.J. was acquitted of homicide — a victory for all of black America — but later was found responsible for their deaths in a civil suit. Can't get more American than that. Moving on: Headlines this week included this from The Salt Lake Tribune: “In hunt for ‘white elephants’ in Utah, Olympic commission comes up empty-handed.” No Wilson, we have no idea why they were looking for elephants here. Weird. This headline is from The Washington Post: “Here’s why California is drought-free for a second straight year.” Even the band got that one — rain. Duh. From the Deseret News: “Climate change is forcing ants in Colorado to migrate.” News you can use? Daily Beast: “There’s Never Been Anyone More Relatable Than Bigfoot.” Huh? It'a actually a review of the new movie, “Sasquatch Sunset,” about a family of Bigfoot — or is it Bigfeet. And yes, Wilson, it's one of those flicks that probably would be better if you're stoned.

Well Wilson, history is being made as we speak. The Donald is on trial in New York City on charges he falsified documents to cover up a sex scandal involving a porn star right before an election. It's the first criminal trial of an American former president. The poor guy is on a real bummer. So maybe you and the band can give him a sendoff with a little something to brighten his day — or not:

Brother runnin' powder money Daddy's somewhere on a drunk In the hours, after washing I do my dreaming with a gun Well I come down from the country Find a lesson in the draw There ain't no secrets in the city It's hard living with the law They got machines, mama I can't figure They got a romance made for doing time Send me out child, running outside Out along a world of crime Gonna swing my scythe, got a hand upon the handle Gonna shade my children ways I understand Milk the trigger, kill the hunger Staring down this broken land So fetch on up your greasy apron Spread your lover in the straw Hear me baby, I'm nearly crazy It's hard living with the law

(Living With the Law — Chris Whitley)

[dnaamericaapp]

Black Veterans Were More Often Denied VA Benefits For PTSD Than White Counterparts, Newly Surfaced Study Shows

A newly surfaced 2017 internal Veterans Affairs report shows Black veterans were more often denied benefits for post-traumatic stress disorder than their white counterparts.

The analysis crunched claims data from fiscal year 2011 through 2016 and showed that Black veterans seeking disability benefits for PTSD were denied 57% of the time, compared to 43% for white veterans. The report emerged as part of an open records lawsuit filed by an advocacy group for Black veterans.

Terrence Hayes, a spokesperson for the Department of Veterans Affairs, said the agency did not immediately have current data on a racial breakdown of PTSD disability benefits awards and said the agency “is gathering the data and will share it once fully compiled.”

Hayes wrote in an email that the agency could not comment on any ongoing litigation but that VA Secretary Denis McDonough is committed to addressing racial disparities as it relates to VA benefits.

Hayes noted that earlier this month McDonough acknowledged disparities and announced the creation of an Equity Team, telling reporters: “That team’s first order of business will be to look into disparities in grant rates to Black veterans — as well as all minority and historically underserved veterans — and eliminate them.”

Conley Monk Jr., 74, (in photo) from Connecticut, served as a Marine in Vietnam and says he remains haunted by a gruesome incident in which a fellow Marine drove over a Vietnamese man right in front of him.

He says he was unaware at the time that this incident and the violence he witnessed in Vietnam had contributed to his PTSD.

“Ever since I came back from Vietnam, I knew that I had a problem, but I didn’t know what it was. I knew that every time I would get angry as someone would put their hands on me, that I would react, and it would get me in trouble.”

In early March, Secretary McDonough said the agency was “wrestling with disparities based on race in VA benefits decisions and military discharge status.”-(source: nbc news)

DNA America

“it’s what we know, not what you want us to believe.”

#dna

[queermediastudies]

Boy Erased - The Erasure of Conversion Therapy

Boy Erased is an American biographical film that is based on the 2016 memoir by Garrard Conley about his experiences with gay conversion therapy programs. In the film, Jared Eamons, depicting Conley and played by Lucas Hedges, is the son of Marshal Eamons, played by Russel Crowe, who is a successful Baptist preacher in a small town in Arkansas. Jared’s mother, Nancy Eamons, is played by Nicole Kidman and is a hairstylist. During Jared’s first year at college, he is raped by a boy named Henry whom he knew from church. Henry panics that Jared is going to tell on him and decides to out Jared as gay to his parents. Marshall and Nancy give Jared two options after finding out their son is gay, either Jared accept his homosexuality and move out of their house or try to change his sexuality and attend a gay conversion therapy camp called Love In Action. Jared decides he wants to try to change and is enrolled in the program.

At Love In Action, Jared is subjected to the both mentally and physically abusive practices of conversion therapy programs, such as taking moral inventory and creating a family tree of addiction and trauma, all while wrestling with his own religious and sexual identity. At one point Jared desperately attempts to flee the program by having his mother Nancy come and rescue him, which she does. In the years after Jared left Love In Action, we see that Marshall and Nancy’s relationship has become strained, and Marshall and Jared’s relationship is on the brink of collapse due to their inability to reconcile with the events Marshall forced Jared to go through.

Boy Erased is an emotionally heavy and unfortunately incredibly realistic film. In addition, despite its critical acclaim, the film was also deemed a box office disaster after only grossing $11.8 million worldwide on a budget of $11 million. This lackluster financial showing could be the result of a number of different factors with the most likely reason being that this type of emotionally heavy and audience specific material doesn’t necessarily lend itself for easy profit-making. Additionally, the film’s plot not straying from its original source material, and ways in which the film was written and told, tailor the film to a very niche audience demographic. However, despite its disappointing monetary showing, Boy Erased holds a special place in the line of meaningful queer films of the last twenty years. Boy Erased wasn’t a box office failure because it was a bad film. Instead, Boy Erased made the conscious decision to prioritize authenticity over profit in their storytelling by focusing on realistic experiences and outcomes of gay conversion therapy and what it is like to grow up queer in the religious south.

Currently, half of the states in the United States, including Guam, The U.S. Virgin Islands, American Samoa, and the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, all U.S. territories, currently allow gay conversion therapy to be conducted on minors. This means that only “48% of LGBTQ population lives in states that ban conversion therapy for minors” (“Movement Advancement Project,” 2021). There are currently only twenty states that have complete bans on the practice of conversion therapy for minors with five more states and one additional U.S. territory (Puerto Rico) enacting partial bans.

Arkansas and Tennessee, the states where Jared Eamons was born and raised as depicted in the film and where the Love In Action program is located, both allow gay conversion therapy on minors. Conversion therapy is a scientifically proven ineffectual method that attempts to change one’s sexual orientation. How do they attempt to do this though? According to the International Rehabilitation Council for Torture Victims, not only does conversion therapy cause “Severe physical and psychological suffering to its victims”, but includes practices of “electroconvulsive therapy, aversive treatments using electric shocks or vomit-inducing drugs, exorcism or ritual cleansing (often involving violence while reciting religious verse), force-feeding and food deprivation, forced nudity, and forced isolation and confinement” (2021). According the the Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law, about 350,000 LGBTQ adults received conversion therapy treatment as adolescents (“Williams Institute, 2021). Boy Erased, despite not showing practices of nudity, electroshock therapy, or force feeding in the film, does feature scenes of physical violence and mental abuse techniques. In one scene in particular, Love In Action forces one program participant named Cameron to his knees in front of what is shown to be his future casket if he continues down this path, while the program counselors, other therapy participants, and the boy’s own father beat him over the head with a bible while Cameron cries and does his best to protect himself.

To conversion therapy supporters, violence is never actually violence in conversion therapy, but rather it is a righteous tough love approach and desperate attempt to turn one back towards God. In Boy Erased, God and religion are often used as methods of manipulation in efforts to change Jared and the other member’s behavior. The idea of sin and homosexuality being a sin in the eyes of God however permeates beyond the walls of Love In Action. Immediately following the scene where Jared is raped the first thing Jared’s rapist does is show that he is ashamed for what he has done. The scene doesn’t clarify whether that shame is in reference to him having just raped Jared, or whether he had just felt sexual urges for another male. Based on findings analyzed by the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law, “LGBT people are nearly four times more likely than non-LGBT people to experience violent victimization, including rape, sexual assault, and aggravated or simple assault” (Romero et al. 2020).

In Love In Action, the idea of sin and imperfection act as part of the crux of the programs teachings. In the beginning scenes in which Jared is in Love In Action, Victor Sykes, the director of the program has the kids repeat the words “I am not broken, and God loves me”. This can be read as behavior manipulation. In Christian teachings, God doesn’t make mistakes and if we stipulate that homosexuality is a sin, then God can’t have made anyone gay, thus, homosexuality is a choice. The onus now rests on the individual to change their behavior. This is emotional violence.

Using God to influence behavior exists throughout the film and in some contexts, God becomes resentful and vengeful. At one point Sykes says to Cameron that “You’re going to wish that you hadn’t been born because God will not love you…” God has now become a weapon of unacceptance and withholding of grace and mercy. This violent and abusive preaching, following the physical abuse he already endured, eventually lead Cameron to commit suicide. According to statistics pulled from a San Francisco State University Study, LGBTQ young people that were highly rejected are 8.4x more likely to report having attempted suicide (Ryan et al, 2010). This outcome in the film, once again reflects our present-day reality. Based on studies conducted by the Trevor Project concerning LGBTQ youth and religious teachings, “LGBTQ youth who report not hearing their parents use religion to say negative things about being LGBTQ were at significantly reduced risk for attempting suicide in the past year, regardless of whether religion was important to them” (“The Trevor Project,” 2021).

In the film, as in our reality over the last seventy year specifically, being gay is demonized and unaccepted. Currently we’ve discussed ways in which conversion therapy uses religion and manipulation as a means of attempting to influence sexual orientation and sexual behavior, but historically, fear has played an important role as well. In the film, early on in Jared’s time spent in Love In Action, we see a Venn diagram depicting the prizes or consequences one would get if they were heterosexual vs. homosexual. On the heterosexual side, we see prizes of marriage, family, support, and acceptance. Contrasting that to the homosexual side, we see consequences of rape, abuse, AIDS, and loneliness. AIDS, as described by Treichler, is “a gay plague” and “God’s punishment of our weaknesses” (1999, pp. 12-13). Seeing this pie chart, I assume would elicit a guttural reaction from Jared. He’s already been raped by a boy he initially thought was his friend, he’s been subject to witnessing abuse of himself and his fellow peers from the minute Love In Action began, he was threatened with losing his family, and now he finds out that he will get AIDS, and be struck down by God.

However, because we know this is a biographical and true story, we also know that Garrard Conley is alive, out, and well. In the film, Jared must complete a “moral inventory”, a task where he must account for his homosexual sins and confess before God and his peers. His only other sexual experience, besides the rape, wasn’t even sexual at all, but rather was a moment of intimacy and acceptance with a boy named Xavier. Schoonover would term something like this as “queer revolutionary hope and the nostalgic evocation of teenage desires” (p. 12). We can see, visually, that Jared and Xavier have a connection that goes beyond physical. At one point Xavier says to Jared, “Stay with me. Nothing needs to happen. I swear. I’ll prove to you that God won’t strike you down”. This scene is the changing of the tide for Jared. We get hints at this shift in direction from the atmosphere as well as gay musician Troye Sivan’s “Revelation” playing in the background with the lyrics “How the tides are changing, as you liberate me now” following what we have just seen on screen. Jared is being liberated in a flashback.

This sort of queer storytelling, symbolism, foreshadowing and can be seen all throughout the film if you look and listen closely enough as well. At Love In Action, the participants are forced to wear white T-shirts and khaki pants to adhere to a uniform representative of a blank slate and innocence. Many scenes in the film that take place at Love In Action appear with visually tight shots and dialogue from a figure, usually a counselor, off screen. This can be read as God, or society, influences the lives, experiences, and thoughts of LGBTQ youth inside and outside the program. These tight shots of the program participants, paired with the off-screen dialogue, also hint at the way Love In Action attempts to frame this as an interpersonal problem to be solved. Many of the scenes that take place at Love In Action are shot with a blue hue, potentially setting the mood as one that is more depressing and isolating. In the end, Jared is rescued from Love In Action by his mother and in the years after, comes out as gay and moves to New York City to begin a new life. We see in the end that his relationship with his parents is in the process of reconciliation.

Why then was Boy Erased not a financial success story? We’ve recounted all the ways in which Boy Erased links film to reality in politics and religion. As Schoonover says “politics are inevitable in cinema” (2016, p. 7). We’ve recounted the ways in which this story has a positive resolution despite the events surrounding Love In Action. We’ve recounted the subtle and yet genius filmmaking choices that allow us to read deeper into the film than what is simply shown on screen. Why did this film, which already has a meaningful place in queer film history despite only being released in 2018, flop so hard at the box office?

Schoonover might offer us some insight as we recount that “part of what makes popular cinema popular is the queer pleasures of spectatorship. The ease with which audiences identify and desire across expected lines of gender…” (2016, p. 6). Put simply, despite everything this film does right, it wasn’t made or designed to be a box office smash. This sort of content matter, putting aside how heavy it is, is incredibly niche. It’s not a story tailored for gay youth, or gay youth with strained familial relationships, or gay youth with great familial relationships. Boy Erased is a story for gay youth and families of gay youth, who have been at the mercy of religious demonization for years, possibly even conversion therapy, with no idea of how to escape, and it offers them hope. For these reasons, I would classify Boy Erased as a breakout text for dealing with issues of gay conversion therapy programs and growing up gay in the violently religious south. Cavalcante states that breakout texts have “staying power and make an imprint that endures over time until challenged. These imprints remain on both the marginal viewers that breakout texts represent as well as the more mainstream groups they do not” (2017, p. 3). Despite the film’s lackluster financial haul at the box office, it has already proven itself in the eyes of queer film viewers as having staying power. Despite the film not making waves in the mainstream immediately upon release, I would argue that the way to build staying power is to slowly root oneself into a niche group and organically spread. In my eyes, Boy Erased is doing just that.

For me personally, this film is special in many ways. Like Conley, I grew up in Arkansas. Like Conley, I grew up in a small town, attending Church every Sunday and every Wednesday. Like Conley, I was a deemed a fine young man, destined to raise a beautiful family, and have a beautiful wife. Like Conley, I was preached at about how immoral and disgusting homosexuality was in the eyes of God beginning at a very early age. Like Conley, I nearly lost every facet of a relationship I had with my parents due to what they unknowingly put me through all those years I was in the closet. Like Conley, I was outed as gay to my friends and family. Like Conley, I’ve been sexually assaulted. Like Conley, I had to have a “come to Jesus” discussion with my parents about the future of our relationship. The only major difference in how Garrard Conley’s life and mine differ, is that I denied my sexuality once I was outed and waited until I was already moved out of the house before I confirmed it to my family. I feared rejection and retaliation, specifically violence and being sent off to conversion therapy, as that was something I had heard in the house before.

When I watch Boy Erased, I see myself in so many aspects of this film that this film is tough to watch. However, despite its weight, this film is special to me because it was made for me. As previously stated, the people who truly connect with Boy Erased aren’t the people who grew up in an agnostic household where their parents never questioned when they were going to bring a girl home or ever had the fear of being disowned and abandoned. Boy Erased wasn't made to be a box office smash. Boy Erased was made for me.

Works Cited

Cavalcante, A. (2017). Breaking Into Transgender Life: Transgender Audiences’ Experiences With “First of Its Kind” Visibility in Popular Media. International Communication Association.

Conversion "Therapy" Laws. Movement Advancement Project. (n.d.). Retrieved November 5, 2021, from https://www.lgbtmap.org/equality-maps/conversion_therapy.

Conversion therapy and LGBT Youth. Williams Institute. (2021, August 19). Retrieved November 5, 2021, from https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/publications/conversion-therapy-and-lgbt-youth/.

International Rehabilitation Council for Torture Victims. (2021, November 2). Conversion therapy is torture. International Rehabilitation Council for Torture Victims. Retrieved November 5, 2021, from https://irct.org/media-and-resources/latest-news/article/1027.

Religiosity and suicidality among LGBTQ youth. The Trevor Project. (2021, September 30). Retrieved November 5, 2021, from https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/religiosity-and-suicidality-among-lgbtq-youth/.

Romero, A., Meyer, I., Langton, L., & Flores, A. (2020, October 2). Victimization rates and traits of sexual and gender minorities in the United States. RTI. Retrieved November 5, 2021, from https://www.rti.org/publication/victimization-rates-and-traits-sexual-and-gender-minorities-united-states.

Ryan, C., Russell, S., Huebner, D., Diaz, R., & Sanchez , J. (2010). Family acceptance in adolescence and the health of LGBT. (Vol. 23). Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing. Retrieved November 5, 2021, from https://familyproject.sfsu.edu/sites/default/files/FAP_Family%20Acceptance_JCAPN.pdf?source=post_page---------------------------.

Schoonover, K., & Galt, R. (2016). Queer Cinema in the world. Duke University Press.

Treichler, P. A. (1999). How to Have Theory in an Epidemic. Duke University Press.

[hale-13]

Caliber

By Hale13

For the Summer of Whump Day 12 - Death

Peter grew up like most American kids running active shooter drills thinking (hoping) it would never happen to him.

Words: 2338, Chapters: 1/1 (Complete), Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)

Rating: Teen

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones, Tony Stark, Various Midtown Students and Faculty

TW: TW: Gun Violence, Blood, Major Character Injury, Possible MCD (if you choose to interpret it that way)

Read on AO3 or below the line break.

Growing up, Peter spent his early childhood in lower level genetics labs with his parents. Part of this was simply because they worked some weird hours at OsCorp but the other part was definitely because they recognized his intelligence and talent early and would give him easy experiments to run while they worked. Safe? Eh, maybe not but Peter had fun.

Well, until they died that is.

After that Peter would spend his time in the hospital daycare or nurse’s break room or sitting at Ben’s desk in the bullpen at the precinct where he worked. Daycare and babysitters were expensive and Peter was having a little separation anxiety from becoming an orphan at six. Peter accredits this formative time in his life to why he has a healthy respect of first responders, why he goes out every night in spandex to help his neighborhood (even if the cops hate him).

After the funeral, after May and Ben went back to work and started taking Peter with them, Ben sat Peter down to go over basic gun safety with him. He can remember that initial conversation pretty vividly: Ben had sat Peter down on the couch and had pulled out his unloaded side arm and the small safe he stored it in. He told Peter just how dangerous weapons could be in untrained hands, how Peter could easily hurt himself or others if he ever touched it, how Ben would always have it locked up but, on the off chance it wasn’t, Peter was to never touch it.

Peter had readily agreed and had steered clear of Ben’s belt and the gun safe next to his side of the bed his whole childhood.

The officers that Ben worked with were, for the most part, super nice to Peter and always took time out of their days to talk to him, bring him snacks and (attempt) to help him with his homework and Peter grew to be the most comfortable in the loud bullpen or the adjacent break room. The summer before he started his freshman year at Midtown, Ben and some of the other officers had given Peter a crash course in gun safety – how to clean, care and shoot a weapon – and it only took one trip to dash Peter’s dreams of working in law enforcement; he never wanted to handle a gun again.

Holding his uncle’s body as he bled out a few months later from the massive hole left in his back by the .45 caliber handgun only solidified that decision.

Luckily, in his tenure as Spider-Man, Peter tended to run into more sub-Ultron and Chitauri fare than the classic handguns and rifles he was familiar with which suited him just fine. When he did come across a run of the mill mugger or rapist who was using a pistol or something similar, Peter took great pleasure in using his super strength to rip it into tiny pieces – destroyed beyond repair and off the streets for good.

This had resulted in some unfortunate bullet grazes and full-on holes in his body that had prompted his helicopter mentor (under the order of Aunt May of course) to force him through another gun safety lecture, complete with a practical portion where Colonel Rhodes assisted in teaching Peter how to properly disarm and disassemble a variety of different sidearms. It was definitely cool to spend time with Actual War Machine but Peter rushed through it as quickly and throughly as possible. He never wanted to have the easy comfort with weapons that Mr. Stark and Colonel Rhodes had – he preferred non-lethal disarmament when patrolling.

All this said – Peter probably had more experience and knowledge with various weapons (human and otherwise) than he had any right to.

All of this experience, all of his time as Spider-Man, everything he had been through did nothing to help keep him calm and collected when his principal came over the intercom while Peter was in gym class to announce a code red shelter in place order. Like most high schoolers in America, Peter had gone through numerous school safety drills so he, in theory, knew what to do in a emergency.

In practice? Not so much.

Coach Wilson had looked just as pale and stunned as the class but had recovered quickly enough to rush the doors. A few other students had also started moving to gather some of the wrestling mats to roll in front of the doors once Coach Wilson had gotten them closed and locked.

He, unfortunately, wasn’t quick enough.

Brian Anderson, a sophomore Peter recognized from the debate team, forced the door open, brandishing the small revolver in a shaky hand. His face was pale, eyes red rimmed with tears with such a desolate look it made Peter’s own heart clench in sympathy despite his rapid heart-rate.

“Back up,” he whispered, using the gun to gesture for the coach to step away and the man obliged; holding his hands up in surrender and slowly backing away from the door. Some of Peter’s classmates, including Ned who, for once, wasn’t right at Peter’s side in class but across the room from him, had started to cry. Michelle, looking stony faced but terrified underneath it all, was trying to shush Betty Brant who was in the middle of a full blown panic attack and trying not to draw attention to herself.

“Okay,” Coach Wilson said, motioning the class members closest to him to back up with one raised hand, his eyes never leaving the weapon. “You’re calling the shots here Brian.”

Brian sniffled, fresh tears spilling over his eyes and hand trembling as he surveyed the room, eventually moving the barrel to point at Mark Conley, one of Flash’s friends and a notorious online bully. Both boys had gone nearly ghost white and the class seemed to be holding its collective breath.

“Sorry Ben,” Peter thought. “Sorry Mr. Stark.”

“Brian,” he called out, voice sounding much more steady than he predicted it would since he was just Peter Parker right now and not Spider-Man. “You don’t want to do this man.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Brian spit out, anger over-ruling all of his other feelings and his eyes landing on Peter. “You don’t know what I want to do!”

“I promise you don’t want to do this,” Peter said calmly. “I know what they’re like. You think they treat me any better than you? You’ll regret this if you do it.”

Brian snorted out a dry laugh, not looking like he found anything remotely funny. “Then you should want me to do this.” He said, cherry picking Peter’s words.

“But I don’t,” Peter told him, edging closer to the other boy, making sure to put his body in front of Mark as he moved closer. “Do you know how my uncle died?” Brian, eyes locked with Peter’s, shook his head nearly imperceptibly. “He was shot by some guy robbing a bodega. He bled out in my arms before emergency services could arrive.” Peter said bluntly, doing the best to ignore how his heart clenched and his eyes burned.

The barrel of Brian’s gun dipped down to point more toward the floor and Peter took a few cautious steps forward, stopping when he was only about five feet away. “They won’t stop,” Brian whispered, the tears flowing heavier but his finger still in place over the trigger. “It just keeps getting worse and I can’t take it. I can’t do this anymore!”

“I know,” Peter said, voice soft, dropping his hands down to rest loosely at his sides. He really wishes he had his web-shooters, secret identity be damned. He was never taking them off again, no matter what May tried to tell him about work/life balance. “I know what its like and it sucks but they aren’t worth throwing your whole life away. It’s not worth hurting all the innocent people you’ll hurt. You don’t want to do that to your friends and family.”

“I don’t have any friends!” Brian said loudly, raising the gun back up to point at Peter but Peter didn’t move from his relaxed position even though he felt his heart speed up to a gallop. He faced possible injury and death at least once a week but that was always as Spider-Man… never as Peter Parker.

“I’m your friend,” Peter told him, a little desperate but honest. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” Brian gasped and let the pistol drop to his side in a loose grip. “Just hand me the gun Brian okay? And then we can talk about it, I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

Brian sniffed and rubbed his free hand over his face to wipe away the tears rolling down his cheeks. “Do you promise?”

“I promise,” Peter confirmed, holding out his hand. Brian nodded and lifted his hand to pass Peter the gun when everything went wrong. Betty, who had been hyperventilating through the entire exchange, finally passed out. MJ tried to catch her but the two of them hit the floor with a echoing bang that startled the whole class. Brian, gun lifted and finger still on the trigger, flinched and jerked to aim back at Mark, shooting.

Everything happened in slow motion for Peter and he grimaced at what he was about to do, saying mental apologies and throwing his body in the path of the bullet, jerking back at the feeling of it hitting him in the chest.

His breath knocked out and his consciousness already becoming more nebulous from the pain that was blooming in his lungs, Peter stumbled forward to yank the gun from Brian’s limp grasp, deftly unloading it with the last of his strength and with shaking hands before throwing the rounds to the opposite side of the gym; collapsing at the other boys feet.

“Oh god,” Brian whispered in horror. “Oh god Peter. I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” He tried to bend down next to Peter but was swiftly tackled by Abe and Jason where he was wrestled onto his front with them restraining his hands without a fight beyond his gulping sobs.

“You’re alright Parker,” Coach Wilson said soothingly as he rolled Peter onto his back and used his own hastily shed jacket to apply pressure to the steadily bleeding hole in Peter’s chest, causing him to grunt and squeeze his eyes shut in pain. “Thompson! Call 911 and tell them we have the shooter and we need emergency services in the gym. Conley run up to the office and tell Morita what happened!” Both boys jumped into action but Peter ignored it in favor of unsteadily pulling his own phone out of his pocket and sliding it to Ned who had joined the group along with a pale and teary Michelle.

“Call Tony,” Peter coughed out, blood staining his lips and leaked down the side of his face. “No hospital.”

Ned, shaking and crying worse than Peter had ever seen fumbled the phone with numb hands before giving up and pressing the panic button on the side of the phone. Feeling relieved that his mentor was on the way, Peter let his tired eyes close only to rip them open at the flick on his nose.

“It’s not nap time Tiger,” MJ told him, forcing a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Don’t want to get detention again.”

“I think…” Peter gasped out, his lungs aching with the strain. “Think this… get me… a permanent… ‘get out of detention’… free card.”

Michelle ran soft fingers through his hair, helping him relax his clenching muscles. He could tell that Ned was on the phone and speaking in rapid, broken sentences. He could kind of hear the sirens approaching, the sound of the building evacuating, crying students. But nothing mattered as much as Michelle. “You just couldn’t help yourself huh?”

“You know… me,” Peter grunted, trying for a grin that didn’t show the tacky blood he was sure was staining his teeth. “No guts… no glory.”

“God you’re a disaster,” MJ said with a watery laugh, a single tear escaping to race down her cheek. Peter wanted nothing more than to reach out and wipe it away but his arms were made of lead.

Before Peter could work up the energy to respond, the doors of the gym were blown off the hinges by repulsers as Tony rushed the room, suited up in his full armor and clearly panicked. “Peter!” He shouted as he stumbled out of the suit, falling to his knees next to Peter and hastily began applying his prototype nanotech bandage to the hole in Peter’s chest before rolling him on his side to repeat the process with his back.

Peter gagged at the change in position, his eyesight fading out to a pinprick of light and his hearing glitching out. The voices around him became ever more harried but Peter couldn’t make out what they were trying to say – all he knew was he was really tired. More tired than he had ever been maybe. Surely no one would mind if he took a little nap?

“Stay with me buddy,” he heard Mr. Stark say as cold, hard arms gripped under his back and knees, lifting him and causing him to nearly black out again. “Just a quick little flight to the Tower Petey,” Tony said, voice wavering and not its usual strong timbre. “Just hang with me for a few more minutes and then you can nap okay kiddo?”

“Tired,” Peter gasped out, chest seizing. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize!” Tony ordered, frantic and yelling over the wind buffeting them. When had they started flying? “Just stay awake.”

“Love May,” Peter whispered, his vision a kaleidoscope of shapes and colors that were rapidly fading. “Love you.”

“Peter!” Tony sounded so far away, Peter thought as his eyes closed against the colors and shapes and lights that were making him feel dizzy and sick.

Just a little nap.

No one would notice.

[the-breath-in-air]

Fixing "Boy Erased" (2018)

I recently decided to watch Boy Erased (2018) again, now that we're a couple years out from its initial release (and hype). And I came away with some thoughts.

First, something I think worked. You know that scene near the end, when Jared (Lucas Hedges) is trying to leave the conversion camp and he's racing through corridors and whatnot. That whole sequence works, but there's one moment that really stands out.

Jared attempts to get his phone and Michael (one of the 'camp counselors') tries to physically wrestle it away from him. There's a bit of a fight but eventually Jared makes his way to the bathroom and he calls his mom to come take him away. He then emerges from the bathroom and says to Victor Sykes (who runs the camp), "If you, or anyone else puts their hands on me, I have witnesses." Victor puts up his hands and says, "Nobody's gonna put their hands on you. Why would anybody do that? Come and sit. We're gonna wait for your mom, okay?" Then there's a hard cut to this:

Victor Sykes and Brandon literally laying their hands on Jared and praying. And I love that juxtaposition because it brings to light the violence inherent in this situation. They're restraining him through enforced religious acts. There's violence in this prayer.

And on top of that, it serves as a pretty good metaphor for the whole film. Jared's parents (especially his mother) believe they're helping but really they're hurting. They can't see the violence of their actions in sending him to the camp.

If only the rest of the film was working on this level.

Problem the first: Audience as observer. The film is really about observing its subject, Jared, as he experiences these events. But it isn't about giving us any insight into his perspective or interiority as he does so. The camera is looking at Jared more often that it is revealing to us what he's seeing. Perhaps the most obvious example of this issue is with the perfume ad scene. Jared is on a run and he comes across a perfume ad on the side of a bus stop with a bare chested buff guy. The camera shows us the ad, and then the rest of the scene has the camera (and thus, the audience) placed some distance away as we see Jared first touch the ad, then throw a rock at the ad, and then scream "fuck you" at it repeatedly. The ad itself isn't salacious enough to illicit that kind of response in the average audience-goer, and the camera is so disconnected from Jared's experience that we aren't really gaining insight into why this ad is affecting him in such a strong way. It ends up making it so that scene really does not work.

This isn't to critique Lucas Hedges's performance in that scene. It's more to say that all the other elements of that scene make it feel ridiculous - because the audience has not been guided toward viewing that ad in the same way that Jared does in that moment.

The second problem: Casting. To be absolutely clear, this is not a knock against any of the actors performances. On the contrary, I think everyone was pretty dang exceptional. Rather, it's more a conversation about casting choices. Two of those choices really stand out as somewhat misguided: Xavier Dolan as Jon and Emily Hinkler as Lee.

Turns out Emily Hinkler is a nonbinary actress. Lee (the character) is a cis guy who is conspicuously unmasculine. (If you've seen the movie - he's the one who gets hit in the head with a baseball). Casting a nonbinary actress as a cis boy at a conversion camp feels a bit off on it's own in that a conversion camp would be forcing people to adhere to assigned genders at birth. But I could get behind it as a sort of statement, like, a casting decision as direct opposition to the enforced gender binary of a conversion camp. i.e. Why should the movie adhere to the oppressive gender binary that the camp would? However, by casting a nonbinary actress as the least conventionally masculine character - it actually feels like it ends up reinforcing the binary. Lee's defining trait is that he's small and unmanly and, afaik, he's the only one of the male characters who is not portrayed by a cis man.

My issue with Xavier Dolan's casting is much simpler: Jon feels like he was written as a teenager and Xavier Dolan was approaching 30 when this was filmed. Maybe it wouldn't have bugged me so much if I didn't already know who Xavier Dolan was when watching the movie? Like, maybe if you watch it without knowing the actor's age, it works better? But also, the character feels like a teen but isn't explicitly stated to be a teen. So whenever he was on screen I kept wondering if actually part of Jon's situation is meant to be that he is 30 but stuck in a sort-of adolescence due to his relationship with his abusive father. Or did they just cast Xavier Dolan to portray a teenager?

This brings me to the third problem: Not enough of the ensemble. Jared, and thus the audience, spends proportionally, little screen time with the other people at the camp. They are rarely shown talking to each other - especially outside the restrictive observation of the camp's 'counselors.' This could be part of the point - i.e. that the camp is so isolating - but that isolation wasn't really highlighted by the camera/scenes/dialogue...so it really feels more like it's just an oversight. The movie focuses on Jared and his individual story and so the rest just fell by the wayside.

This is really unfortunate because there are some (potentially) great characters in there, especially Jon and Gary. Jon went through the program once before and is now back for a second time. We don't know what happened to make him come back. He appears to be 30-ish but he's staying at a hotel with his abusive father. He is completely invested in the program and treats his sexuality like an addiction. He has even taken it upon himself to forego all physical contact with other men (not even a handshake). His self-loathing is at once horrifying and heartbreaking.

In contrast, Gary (Troye Sivan) knows the entire program is bullshit, but he's playing along for his own survival. He's over 18; he lived with his boyfriend for a year prior to coming to the camp. So that begs the question of how his family convinced him to enter to the program. Also, Gary's so invested in his own survival, that he stays silent and is complacent in the abuse and violence he witnesses against others in the camp. He is both a victim and a bystander (at times).

I think this film would've really benefited from spending more time with these characters (as well as Sarah, portrayed by Jesse LaTourette, and Cameron, portrayed by Britton Sear) in the camp and seeing how they all interacted with each other. Give us a sense of their different contexts and perspectives - and give us a better sense of the ways that conversion camps disempower the people sent there (even people like Gary, who knows it's bullshit). It's the thing that makes all the other movies about conversion camps work so well.

Which brings us to the fourth problem: the ending. If we spend more time with the ensemble, we'd either end up with a really long movie or we'd have to cut out something else. Well, folks, we can cut about 10 minutes off the end. Everything after the dinner Jared has with his mother post-escape can go. The climax of the film is when Jared finally decides to leave the camp. The resolution comes when his mother places herself in opposition to Jared's father (which she had never done before) and decides that she's going to take Jared home. And the emotional resolution comes when she admits to Jared that they made a mistake and that they harmed him by sending him to the camp.

Everything after that is extraneous. We don't really need to see Jared living in a city with a boyfriend, or see him begin to reconcile with his father. His relationship with his father was never the emotional core for the film. Boy Erased is, in some ways, a movie about self-actualization and that's the sort of movie that's best to end with something a bit open-ended. Y'know...a sort of end-that's-just-the-beginning kind of thing. Because the story of Jared falling in love and dating and moving out and gaining the self-confidence to confront his father - well that's a whole other movie. And here it gets shoved into the epilogue, which does the whole thing a real disservice.

Then there are the informational cards at the end. Two stick out as being particularly frustrating. One, "The real Victor Sykes left L.I.A. in 2008. He now lives in Texas, with his husband," feels irrelevant and unnecessary. The audience cares about what happened to Gerrard Conley (who wrote the story and whom Jared is based off of). But why do we care about what happened to the real guy who ran the camp? We don't...except for the jab about him now being married to a man - which feels like it's a more significant point for the cis straight people in the audience than for anyone queer. Turns-out-ex-gay-pastor-was-actually-just-gay-the-whole-time is not revelatory, I gotta say.

Then there's also this:

The emphasis about conversion therapy "practiced on minors," feels a bit disconnected from the film we just watched - which emphasized how abusive and traumatizing it is, even for adults. And in the U.S., all states currently legally allow conversion therapy for anyone 18+. Only Washington D.C. has banned it. And that, to me, is equally egregious, yet it isn't mentioned. The film itself challenges the notion that it's somehow okay for this to be practiced on adults because it's ostensibly their "choice," and then the info cards at the end shy away from that stance by focusing on kids.

I think the thing I find most frustrating about this movie, is the wasted potential. As I said at the beginning of this, there are some moments that really stand out in how they use the medium to convey meaning. There are some choices in how the film uses light and brightness (or lack thereof), that are pretty dang good, too. But ultimately, it's a film I feel so detached from and I think some of what I explained above is part of why.

[jackiekashian]

Dork Forest 2011-2020 Cheat Sheet

The votes are in for 2020! 

This is a list of Episode Numbers - Guest Name - Dorkdom.  I take votes for faves of the year and then add a couple for variety of topics that I really thought were fun. ALL THE EPS have something for someone and are great but here is a starter list if you’re thinking to start listening to TDF and are not a numerologist completest.

Note: show’s been going since 2006 but I’ve only been surveying since 2011.  The show is on all the platforms. Pandora, Spotify, YouTube. Start here if you like: www.dorkforest.com . Standup info and other podcast is at www.jackiekashian.com

2020 TDF EP 562 - Guy Branum - Mitford Sisters TDF EP 568 - Maria Bamford - Canadian Reality Shows TDF EP 599 - Jen Kirkman - Hallmark Christmas Movies TDF EP 565 - Darla Kashian – COOKING TDF EP 598 - Russ Kashian - Hallmark Christmas Movies TDF EP 549 - Tig Notaro – Veganism TDF EP 581 - Jenny Yang - Comfort Food TDF EP 591 - Amber Preston - Church Cookbooks TDF EP 574 - Ron Funches - Call of Duty and Animal Crossing TDF EP 577 - Barbara Holiday - Escape Rooms TDF EP 558 - Sarah Mowrey - Fleetwood Mac TDF EP566 - Matt Kirshen/Myq Kaplan - Advice Columns  TDF EP 595 - Kristin Key - Mad Libs TDF EP 576 - Robert Jenkins - Guns and Safety TDF EP 588 - Sofiya Alexandra - Wheel of Time books TDF EP 570- Jim Woster – Columbo TDF EP 573 - Robert Hurt - Babylon 5  TDF EP 550 - Danielle Perez - Mariah Carey TDF EP 583 - Dar Vendegna  - PIckleball  TDF SPOILER 3 - Andy & Jackie - Rise of Skywalker 

 2019 TDF EP 523 Lydia Popovich Dolly Parton TDF EP 511 Auggie Smith Dead Comedians TDF EP 535 Christopher Titus Prince TDF EP 530 Phil Kashian Hitchhiking TDF EP 532 Brian Posehn Heavy Metal TDF EP 549 Tig Notaro Veganism SP1 Endgame Spoiler Dork Out TDF EP 503 Wynter Spears Public Restrooms TDF EP 524 Sara Benincasa Frederick Law Olmstead TDF EP 529 Caitlin Gill Murder She Wrote TDF EP 545 Mary Becquet Chinese Ghosts Vampires TDF EP 525 Matt Oswalt Taking Pictures TDF EP 510 Gary Anthony Williams Birds TDF EP 531 Robert Hurt DS9 TDF EP 547 Thom Tran The Flash TDF EP 540 Brian Jacobovitz Cthulu RPGs TDF EP 515 Judith Stephen CosPlay TDF EP 528 Justin Hermann Heroscape TDF EP 538 Dave Ross Zelda and LINK TDF EP 544 Sharon Houston Netflix British Reality Shows TDF EP 505 Kat Burdick Next Generation TDF EP 509 Michelle Biloon NYT Crossowords

2018  TDF EP 487 Amy Miller - Dolly Parton TDF EP 471 Emma Arnold - BEES TDF EP 499 - Erin Foley - Hallmark Christmas Movies TDF EP 481 - Cheryl Jones - Maritime History TDF EP 471 - Andy Ashcraft - GenCon TDF EP 482 - Nato Green - Union Organizing TDF EP 473 - Tamra Brown - Tiki Bars TDF EP 493 - Nina Manni - Air and Hotel Points TDF EP 446 - Carlos Delgado - Great British Bakeoff TDF EP 495 - Alice Wetterlund - Sharks TDF EP 487 - Mark Waid - Superman TDF EP 454 - Open Mike Eagle - Wrestling  TDF EP 457 - Jean Grea - Ikea  TDF EP 447 - Gariana Abeyta - All Genres have Great Movies

2017 TDF EP 390 - Phil Kashian - LOTR and MY BROTHER TDF EP 422 - Steve Agee  - John Hughes Movies. Weird Science TDF EP 426 - Sara Schaefer - Cross Stitch  TDF EP 431 - Jenny Jaffe - Planners. Calendars. Stickers. All the things. TDF EP 405 - Rebecca Sugar - Musicals  TDF EP 438 - Jen Briney - freaking CONGRESS TDF EP 423 - Karen Rontowski - Moth Man TDF EP 401 - Jason Hatrick - Scuba diving  TDF EP 429 - Kyle Clark - Halloween Theme Parks TDF EP 417 - Nat Towsen - Speed Racer TDF EP 402 - Tyler Hinman - Escape Rooms TDF EP 428 - Solomon Georgio - Black Sitcoms TDF EP 403 - Hal Lublin - Saturday Night Live TDF EP 408 - Al Madrigal - Jack Reacher NOVELS TDF EP 435 - Wyatt Gray - HP Lovecraft TDF EP 442 - Doug Stanhope - getting naked and Leisure Suits TDF EP 404 - Julie Dixson Jackson - Geneology  TDF EP 427 - Lisa Allard – Quilting

2016 TDF EP 336 Jim Stewart Allen - Oregon Trail  TDF EP 383 Jenny Chalikian – Xena TDF EP 387 Caitlin Gill - Roald Dahl  TDF EP 358 Wil Anderson - Cricket TDF EP 359 Heather Simmons - Alice in Wonderland. TDF EP 340 Barbara Holm - Buffy the Vampire Slayer TDF EP 380 Beverly D’Angelo - things that Change your Life - Music, Places TDF EP 366 Karen Rontowski - Tarot Cards TDF EP 373 Stu Goldsmith - Boardgames with a STORY  TDF EP 364 Maria Bamford LIVE at JFL Montreal (Bandcamp)  2016 I really liked: TDF EP 385 Jenny Zigrino - Authentic Historical Costuming  TDF EP 347 Riley Silverman - The Potato. Mostly Frozen.  TDF EP 355 Ivan Van Norman/Andy Ashcraft - Zombies & pen/paper games TDF EP 341 Cathy Ladman - Knitting  TDF EP 349 Moon Zappa - The BIG questions TDF EP 368 Martha Kelly - Law and Order SVU TDF EP 367 Phil Johnson - Pirates TDF EP 362 Rory Scovel - Golf (quietly clap) TDF EP 339 Sovereign Syre - Spanish Invasion of Florida.  TDF EP 348 Dash Kwiatkowski - Superman TDF EP 338 TJ Chambers - Chess TDF EP 379 Michelle Thaller – SPACE! LIVE DC Drafthouse (Bandcamp)

2015 TDF EP 303 Matt Saxe – all Vice Presidents. TDF EP 298 Jason Klamm – Vice Presidents and Lego! TDF EP 312 Greg Proops at LA Podfest – 70s Movies TDF EP 320 Wil Wheaton – BEER and Boardgames TDF EP 287 Michelle McNamara – Robert Durst and more True Crime TDF EP 294 Retta – Purses. Handbags TDF EP 323 Chez Amanda – Xfiles. Finally. TDF EP 310 David Koechner – History dork! TDF EP 268 Tammy Pescatelli – Thrift stores and Vampires TDF EP 279 Brian Kiley – Presidential Biographic Minutia TDF EP 285 Ian Abramson – McDonald’s Land TDF EP 316 Breanna Conley – Old time Photo Booth collecting 2015 another 12 that I picked: TDF EP 329 Robert Hurt – Space Ships TDF EP 321 Ryan Stout – Injustice. AS USUAL. TDF EP 324 Suzy Soro – Ghosts. TDF EP 313 Danielle Radford – great “bad” movies TDF EP 305 Murray Valeriano & Monty Franklin – Surfin. TDF EP 269 Christian Brown, Roselle Hurley and Andy Ashcraft - LARPing TDF EP 271 Bridget Everett - Barry Manilow, Richard Simmons & Rudy TDF EP 273 Sean Crespo – DUNE TDF EP 284 Brian Upton - history and aesthetics of gaming TDF EP 293 Live at Bridgetown Branum, Kilgariff and Preston (Bandcamp) TDF EP 300 Amy Shira Teitel – SPACE TDF EP 325 Gail Carriger Live in SF – Anglophile. (Bandcamp)

2014 TDF EP 259 – Laraine Newman - Dubstep TDF EP 245 – Brittnee Braun - Cosplay TDF EP 249 – Brian Regan – Line Mentality TDF EP 215 – Robert Hack – Doctor Who TDF EP 264 – Joseph Scrimshaw – Star War Prequels TDF EP 227 – Emily Gordon – Breakfast around the world TDF EP 239 – Rhea Butcher – Back to the Future Movies TDF EP 260 – Jimmy Pardo – Chicago (the band) TDF EP210 – Corey Olsen – Tolkien TDF EP 258 – Emily Heller – ESM & HS Debate

2013 TDF EP 177 - Greg Proops - Ancient History TDF EP 172 – Janeane/Bamford - Beading/SuzeOrman TDF EP198 – Live Podfest w Kilgariff/Bamford/Anthony/Valeriano - Salad TDF EP 189 – Moshe Kasher - Religion TDF EP 199 – Michelle McNamara - True Crime TDF EP 203 – Ryan Stout - Traffic Court

TDF EP 150 – Gina Yashere - Ghosts/Elevators TDF EP 151 – Craig Shoemaker - Wizard of Oz TDF EP 207 –  Matt Mira - James Bond TDF EP 167 – David Huntsberger - Horses TDF EP 200 –  Andy Peters/Mike Schmidt - Wrestling TDF EP 190 –  Cameron Esposito - Lesbians TDF EP 202 –  Matt Weinhold/Dana Gould/ Shawn Sheridan - Halloween

2012 TDF EP 129 – Live with Michelle McNamara (True Crime) TDF EP 111 – Jim Gaffigan (obscure news personality) TDF EP 117 – Corey Olsen (TolkienProf) TDF EP 142 – Live with Retta, Rajskub, Kilmartin and Scovel TDF EP 94 – Mary Jo Pehl (reading and writing and more reading) TDF EP 133 – Kira Soltonovich (Korean Spas) TDF EP 113 – Jesse Schell and Andy Ashcraft (oh. Video Games) TDF EP 98 – Henry Phillips and Mike Phirman (Guitar Comedy and Music) TDF EP 139 – Joel Hodgson (ventriloquism) TDF EP 93 – Live with Ernie Cline (the 80s and Ready Player One) TDF EP 102 – Dan Telfer (Dinosaurs and science in general) TDF EP 108 – Al Madrigal (Sales and Cartoons) TDF EP 148 – Guy Branum - Canada TDF EP 95 – Live with Kevin Eastman (ninja turtles) TDF EP 97 – Rose Abdoo and John Matta (tiny tiny ART! And The Thing) TDF EP 99 – Asterios Kokkinos (Pokemon) TDF EP 100 – PF Wilson – (history of the various football leagues)  TDF EP 103 – Live with Andy Kindler (“indie” comic books) TDF EP 104 – Merrill Markoe (I feel like we talked dogs mostly)  TDF EP 110 – Patrick Brady (animation)   TDF EP 120 – Erin Foley (NY Giants) TDF EP 121 – Tom Franck (Art) TDF EP 130 – Lois McMaster Bujold (I dork out AT her. She talks writing) TDF EP 138 – Michael Everson (coding fonts for obscure languages)

2011 # 55 Greg Proops – Making Baseball interesting            # 67 Hardwick/Palascak – Harry Potter                       # 37 Karen Kilgariff  - Sandra Bullock                          # 16 Dana Gould – Planet of the Apes                         # 48 Aisha Tyler – girl on girl fandom                          # 24 Jen Kirkman/ Karen Rontowksi – ghosts/UFO                 # 49 Dana/James - HOLLYWOOD                                # 40 April/Vargus – TRIP TO MIDDLE EAST                                                   # 3 Madigan/Kilmartin – the KENNEDY’S  #42 Maile Flanagan/Yuri Lowenthal - Animation #50 Michelle McNamara – True Crime #30 Ed Brubaker / Kermet Apio – Comics #14 Thrilling Adventure Hour – so many things Origin Story – #69 Andy Origin Story - #71 Maria #73 Rich Sommer – Mad Men and Boardgames #77 Matt Weinhold/Ken Daly – Horror Movies #82 Chad Daniels/David Huntsberger – just hilarious #80 Bengt Washburn – Fine art #51 Andrew Solmssen - IT #28 Eric Drysdale - VIEWMASTER #58 Bees – uh, BEES #63 Perfume – and, PERFUME #44 Jim Coughlin – A4 Paper #91 Trains!    

NOTE Premium eps w/o iTunes:  Here’s how to download albums from Bandcamp:

1.    Download the .zip file from Bandcamp. 2.    Unzip the file to your Music folder. 3.    Rescan your Music folder. 4.    Open the music app and listen to your tunes.

[meteora-fc]

masterlist for my moodboards/aesthetics

I wanted to make a masterlist so they are all together and easy to find. I’ve done a strange collection and some are a bit rubbish so I might redo those. I’m always wanting to make more so if you want one I’ll be happy to make one for you. Under the read more bc it’s a long list and growing. Please let me know if any links aren’t working.

¬ WRESTLING

tag-team concept: Sami Zayn / Noam Dar

Dean Ambrose

Seth Rollins

Tommaso Ciampa

Johnny Gargano

Candice LeRae

Drew Gulak

New Day

AEW: All In

Cody Rhodes

Rey Fenix

Lucha Brothers

Golden Elite (matt, nick, kenny, kota)

Kazuchika Okada

Minoru Suzuki

El Phantasmo

Zack Sabre Jr

Dragon Lee 1 // Dragon Lee 2

Mistico

Sanada 1 // Sanada 2

Tetsuya Naito

Hiromu Takahashi

Tetsuya Naito / Hiromu Takahashi

Los Ingobernables de Japon

Suzuki Gun

Roppongi 3k

Motor City Machine Guns

¬ HARRY POTTER

Hogwarts Houses

Oliver Wood

Charlie Weasley

Nymphadora Tonks

Barnaby Lee

Penny Haywood

Talbott Winger

Skye Parkin

Tulip Karasu

Jae Kim

Murphy McNully

¬ FOOTBALL

World Cup

England NT

Trent Alexander-Arnold

¬ BAND OF BROTHERS / THE PACIFIC

Band of Brothers general

Ronald Speirs

Lewis Nixon

Joe Toye

Donald Hoobler

Floyd Talbert

Robert Leckie

Vera Keller

Runner Conley / Chuckler Juergens

¬ OTHERS

this or that 1 // this or that 2

Pinterest name search // moodboard for me

Jenna Marbles [youtube]

Peaky Blinders general

Polly Gray [peaky blinders]

Lando Norris [f1]

Alex Summers (Havok) [x men]

[athletic-collection]

Brody Conley

[rugantino7]

Storie di campioni - Flavia Pennetta La storia sportiva di Flavia Pennetta. La prima tennista italiana ad entrare nella Top 10 della classifica WTA e vincitrice degli US Open nella storica finale contro l'amica e connazionale Roberta Vinci. Storie di Campioni è una serie di brevi podcast sia in versione video, sia in versione solo audio, che raccontano la vita sportiva di alcuni grandi esponenti di calcio, formula 1, tennis, wrestling e altri sport. Ideato e condotto da Daniele Antonio Battaglia @flaviapennetta82 Versione video: https://www.gsradio.it/gs-television1/storie-di-campioni-flavia-pennetta https://youtu.be/yxYj6qMhIUc Versione audio su Anchor.fm: https://anchor.fm/storie-di-campioni/episodes/Flavia-Pennetta-eeljcu/a-a2aks2l Immagine di sfondo by www.pexels.com Musiche: "City lights " by Jon Conley "Grand Elusive" by Austin Woodward & Zack L. "Magnolia" by Austin Woodward & Zack L. Produzione di Daniele Antonio Battaglia per GS Television & GS Radio Copyrights Maggio 2020 www.danielebattaglia.com www.gsradio.it www.globalshow.net www.compagniafantasma.eu www.thesharpshooter.eu www.nerdlandshop.eu #gsradio #televisione #podcast #radio #webradio #documentari #sport #atleti #storiedicampioni #danielebattaglia #danieleantoniobattaglia #rugantino7 #podcastlovers #flaviapennetta #pennetta #flaviapennettafans #wta #tenniste #tennisteitaliane #camilagiorgi #fabiofognini #fabiofogna #usopen #wtatour #indianwells #brindisi #puglia #fedcup #italia #corradobarazzutti (presso Messina, Italy) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAu94o4lrDB/?igshid=w0xyhpflh1lr

[fandomscenariosforyou]

can you do a preference on how Wilbur "runner" Conley would cuddle? thank you!

(I know its late don’t kill me y’all I’m trying)

- He can be either little spoon or big spoon depending on his mood

- But due to that little height thing, he likes to be big spoon

-  it makes him feel more confident

- has one arm wrapped around your waist and the other tickling your sides as he kisses your cheeks over and over again

- he is an energy kind of cuddler

-  he wants to wrestle and tickle and roll around!

- it helps him smile seeing you smile and all giddy because of him

- but there are times where he just wants to come home and lay on his back and have you lay on top of him to relax

- he likes to read aloud and play with your hair or listen to you read and he will fall asleep

- if it’s a late night and this is the occasion where this is the only time you have seen each other all day, he’ll want to lay next to you and just look into your eyes

- he just likes to admire you but after a few minutes he will whisper ‘I love you” really quietly

- it’s in these moment he really appreciates you and the comfortable silence and moments you have just like this

[popentertainment-interviews]

Joel Edgerton

Rewriting Boy Erased

By Jay S. Jacobs

This seems to be a fertile time for actors to take a more hands-on approach to filmmaking and write and direct their own films.

Take Joel Edgerton. The Australian-born actor has been slowly-but-surely building a big name in the States with roles in such films as Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones, Warrior, Zero Dark Thirty, The Great Gatsby, Bright, It Comes at Night and Red Sparrow.

In 2015, he also directed his first film, the psychological thriller The Gift. While The Gift was a very enjoyable genre film, Edgerton has taken a big step forward with his second movie.

Edgerton was in Budapest filming the action film Red Sparrow with Jennifer Lawrence when the Garrard Conley memoir Boy Erased – about the author’s brief experience in a gay conversion therapy program – crossed Edgerton’s path.

“My producer Kerry Roberts gave me the book,” Edgerton told me on the red carpet of the film’s screening at the Philadelphia Film Festival. “I don’t normally read things very quickly. But I read this one because I had a real childhood obsession, or fear more like it, of institutions…. Cults, prisons, boarding schools, anything where I’d be locked up… This was an institution of sorts, a religious institution that I’d heard bits and pieces about. So, I read the book with this morbid curiosity about that.”

However, that morbid curiosity quickly morphed into a real interest in making this book into a movie. At that point though, he wasn’t quite committed to writing the movie or directing it. He was thinking of whether he could produce it perhaps. When he flew home to New York during a break in filming for Red Sparrow, he asked Roberts to investigate whether or not the rights to the film were available. They were.

“The reason I wanted to make the movie is because what I came out of it with was a more emotional experience than I thought I’d get out of it,” Edgerton continued. “I just felt connected to Garrard’s story. It was his family actually… it was less cut and dried and less black and white than I thought.”

Edgerton met with Conley to discuss the project. They got along well, so Edgerton asked if he could meet his parents, since they play such a big part in the film narrative.

“Then I went back to Budapest and was really wrestling with whether I was the right person to make the movie or not…,” Edgerton said. “I started writing scenes. Very quickly I’d written a first draft. It was like driving me on, so I very quickly polished it up and sent it to people. I was like; I guess I’m making the movie.”

Of course, he recognized right away that he was taking on a very touchy subject. Gay conversion therapy has obviously been very controversial for years. Also, the practice is still much more widespread than most people realized. Not just in the bible belt, either. Edgerton was surprised to find out while working on the film in New York that there were two conversion centers in Manhattan, within 20 blocks of where they were working. They also were widely located in his native Australia, which also came as a bit of a shock.

Still, the last thing Edgerton wanted to do was make a hatchet piece. He wasn’t going to play the blame game and instead felt it was more interesting to let the audience come up with their own opinions, just by seeing what goes on in the program.

“There are worse conversion therapy places than the one that Garrard went to,” Edgerton explained to me. “His story opened up this space for a good conversation to how things could change, because his parents have in their own different ways come around.”

In a world where the cultural and political divide is currently so massive, Edgerton did not want to give half of the audience an excuse to ignore what he was saying with his film. Nor did he want them to ignore what happened to Conley. Edgerton wants all sides to take part in this conversation.

“I think the quickest way for people to pass this film off is just some sort of liberal bashing,” Edgerton continued. “The other side was to be dishonest about Garrard’s story. His story was full of people who in their own way – despite what you might believe – thought they were trying to help him. In my opinion, though, he didn’t need any help. A lot of chaos and pain and drama was created out of something that I think didn’t need to happen.”

The first thing he had to do was to find a sympathetic young actor to pay Garrard Conley – well the character was named Jared Eamons, but he was based on Conley. It did not take long to come up with the name of Lucas Hedges, who has been making quite a name for himself in buzz-worthy films like Manchester by the Sea, which earned him a nomination for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. Hedges was also in last years’ acclaimed films Lady Bird and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. In fact, Hedges was the star of two films in this year’s Philadelphia Film Festival, not only Boy Erased but also playing a young addict in Ben is Back with Julia Roberts.

“He’s incredible,” Edgerton told me enthusiastically. “I mean, there is a reason why you’re seeing a lot of Lucas Hedges at the moment. Ben is Back is here. Mid90s has just been released. He’s got a couple of other amazing movies coming down the pike. He is a very sensitive actor who really is that child, in terms of his ability to get in touch with his instinct and his imagination. I’ve known him for a long time. I think he’s a beautiful kid. He’s going to be around for a long time, and that’s a good thing.”

As far as playing Conley’s parents (or the fictional versions of them), Edgerton quickly thought of his fellow Aussies Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe. (This made Conley’s mother happy, as Kidman is her favorite actress.) However, despite their shared heritage, Edgerton was not sure he’d get them to come on board.

“[The parents looked like] Russell and Nicole,” Edgerton said. “I thought, oh, I’ve got to get to them. Even though we’re all Australian, we’re not neighbors. I had to go through the proper channels. Luckily everyone involved read the script very quickly and were as passionate about the subject as I was.”

By now, he had pretty much decided that he would direct Boy Erased as well, the second time he stepped behind the camera as a feature film director, after the 2015 psychological thriller The Gift with himself, Jason Bateman and Rebecca Hall in the lead roles. (He had also directed a few shorts and written and produced other feature films.) Unlike the gift, in this film his character, though very important to the plot as the head of the conversion program, was more of a supporting role.

As just stated, this is not the first time he worked as both an actor and as a director in a film. Honestly, he still finds it a little strange wearing both of those caps – trying to be one of the team as an actor, but also somewhat running things as a director.

“It’s very tricky, actually,” Edgerton admitted. “To be honest, the most joyless… well, not joyless… the days that were the trickiest took a bit of the freedom of the joy of directing out of it, having to be in front of the camera, and behind it. Being a director is like being a parent, and being an actor is like being a child, I say. A child gets to play and have an imagination. A parent has to run a household, and a director is that.”

It’s a balancing act, but he juggled the roles well.

“Flipping between the two is the trickiest thing,” Edgerton continued. “But it also gives you a chance to set everything up, and then enter the frame in kind of a free fall way that does something that I’ve been good at. [Something] good actors allow themselves to do, which is not premeditate too much. You just go in there and go, all right, whatever happens, happens.”

It was just the continuation of a fascination with the technical aspects of filmmaking that has been going for over a decade now. Even though Edgerton spends most of his time acting, the actual creation of films has gotten into his blood.

“I was trying to remember the last time that I was here – not at the Festival, but in Philly,” Edgerton told the crowd when he introduced the film. “I’ve been through to promote various films, but somebody reminded me that my brother and I had brought out our first film here in like 2007, a movie called The Square. It was the first time that I had tried to write a movie under coercion by my brother. I’m happy I did, because I fell in love with being behind the camera, perhaps more than being in front of it.”

Now, for his second film as a director, Edgerton wanted to raise the bar even further after the popcorn fun of The Gift.

“I wanted to tell a story that was more of a drama than a genre experience,” Edgerton said. “The Gift was an amazing experience, and it was a real-life creation – creating characters that were there to reflect real life and bullying. This was a bullying of a different kind, and a very real-life situation. I just had a lot more respect in my mind to the rendering of characters…. I was aware that I was handling something precious because I was dealing with somebody’s real life.”

Those real lives were not limited to Conley and his father. Edgerton wanted to respect all the characters in the film – even the conversion therapy leader who Edgerton plays, Victor Sykes, who had a share of contradictions which also intrigued him. The man the character was based upon (all of the major characters had fictional names) was gay himself, though he had had been fighting this natural inclination for years.

“He went back into the closet for 25 years,” Edgerton explained from the stage during the Q&A after the screening. “He was a client [of the conversion therapy], and then he became a leader, because he felt that was a way to remind himself how far his relationship was, through the therapy of the 12-step program. He was in the program reminding himself. I find it sad. In a way he knew it wasn’t working for himself, and yet he was doing this to kids and parents. Then he came out [as gay] in the end.”

Edgerton enjoyed playing such a layered, multi-dimensional character as much as he enjoyed writing for him.

“I just felt like there was something really interesting in that for me to do,” Edgerton continued. “I enjoyed that. It was really tricky to not try to paint him, or anyone else in the movie, as a villain. I truly believe a lot of whatever he thought, he tried to help. The irony was Garrard didn’t need any help.”

In fact, the thing that is most amazing about the whole story is the fact that Garrard’s parents – who were loving and smart – just took the word of the local bishops that the conversion center was legitimate. They didn’t even Google the place, they just took it on faith (sorry, pun not intended) that because they were doing the religious thing, they must be doing the right thing.

Garrard’s father, as a local pastor, felt he needed to nip this in the bud because it went against what he preached, so when the local religious leaders suggested the Love in Action program was a good thing. His mother had an even harder road to walk, allowing the men to talk her into this instead of standing up for her son. Edgerton felt that this was a fascinating character conflict.

“The question is how parents send their kids to a place like this without full investigation and research…,” Edgerton said. “Parents are the people who make decisions for us. I know my parents were everything to me. They were my guards, my heroes, my protectors. Imagine your protectors and heroes and guards telling you there is something wrong with you. Not protecting you when they are the ones who sent you to a place that you felt unsafe. I don’t know how I would have coped with that.”

However, again, Edgerton feels that is just comes down to simple human fallibility.

“I always thought adults knew everything,” Edgerton explained. “As we realize when we get older, we’re still children. We don’t know everything…. We take advice from other people…. Love in Action were very corporate. They had bright, shiny books and a great foyer and grounds that were lovely and well-kept. The furniture was nice. It wasn’t a rusty barbed-wire prison.”

Therefore, he hopes the film will be a spotlight for some parents who find themselves in the same situation as the Conleys.

“I think the film should definitely be an example to parents who are in this situation,” Edgerton stated.

In fact, he feels that it may not even be as much of a surprise as the parents think, if they stop closing their eyes and denying the signs.

“I think parents who have a son or daughter who are gay before the coming out are aware of something.”

However, just like Edgerton does not want the film to blame the counselors, he is also not looking to place the blame on the parents. In fact, in getting to know the Conleys well throughout the process, he recognizes that they have learned from the experience – though she has made a more complete, quicker turn-around than he has on the subject.

“What happened after when she was driving away, she was ‘How do we know them?’ She said, ‘What are your actual qualifications?’ Above everything, she was so shameful for herself that she didn’t do her research.”

In fact, Edgerton feels that Garrard’s mother’s change of heart was vital to the story he was telling. The fact that the experience had led her to reexamine all her beliefs and decide that her son was more important than and doctrine may be. It was a story of family, and understanding, and most of all love.

“It wasn’t just a story that would be sensational, but it would be hopeful because of her change.”

Copyright ©2018 PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved. Posted: November 15, 2018.

Photos #1-4 by Bonnie Paul © 2018. All rights reserved.

Photos #5-6 by Jay S. Jacobs ©2018. All rights reserved.

[picturelockshow]

Middleburg Film Festival '18: "Boy Erased" Review

Boy Erased is based on the memoir of Garrard Conley’s experience with gay-conversion therapy. Adapted to screen by writer/director Joel Edgerton, the film allows its audience to come to a conclusion based on what’s presented. At its heart, the movie is about where we draw lines in our love, and if we do, is it truly unconditional love?

Lucas Hedges is Jared Eamons, son of minister Marshall Eamons (Russell Crowe) and first lady Nancy Eamons (Nicole Kidman). Growing up a preacher’s kid, Jared finds himself at a crossroads between his faith and family after coming to terms with the fact that he’s gay.  Upon his son’s coming out, Marshall seeks wisdom through church elders, while Nancy defers to Marshall’s leadership. 

Marshall and Nancy enroll their son in a conversion program called Love in Action that’s directed by Victor Sykes (Joel Edgerton). As time moves forward, Jared quickly sees that something is off in the therapy. His dutiful trust in his parents becomes shaken as he witnesses  the degradation of his fellow participants. This sparks action in Jared to take his destiny into his own hands.

The film jumps around in chronology to give us a picture of Jared’s life leading up to Love in Action and beyond while giving us the “full picture” of Jared’s struggle. The key to this film is that Edgerton makes Jared our eyes into this world. Hedges has a way of displaying his internal conflict without wearing it on his sleeve. Instead, his journey in finding himself, standing up to his abusers, and charting his path in life is easier to understand because the message is not clouded by accusation or heavy judgement. Crowe and Kidman turn in authentic performances as well with both sides clinging to to their belief system. 

Boy Erased’s conspicuous restraint allows its viewer to be haunted after the film by what they witnessed. After all, it’s the quiet, solitary moments in life in which we wrestle with the big questions.

Rating: B