#could use more work but ive been thinking about it nonstop since yesterday and just need to let it out.

[autism-corner]

levi in my autism-fit =w=bb

[smutty-ki113r]

Yes I do screenshot ur fics page by page (～￣▽￣)～

dude I saw Masky and Hoodie yesterday. I was hanging out with nina and the chaos trio in the living room. me and nina were playing karaoke and the bois were looking at ur pictures...or more so; ben was complimenting u nonstop and jeff and toby laughed at him and called him a simp the whole time- and anyways...hoodie and masky came in; to talk to toby and I was jamming to the song me and nina were singing and accidentially bumped into masky. I screeched and everybody stared at me; like I just insulted their mom and every 3 removed cousin they have. I just laughed it off and offered a high five to masky who just smirked at me!?!╰（‵□′）╯this man is scary and I would go cry in a corner cuz he's so intimidating.

also Ben said u look hot as shit with lipstick and asked if u could ✨please✨ wear some when u meet him :> but he said it doesn't matter since u are amazing with or without! he do be simpin tho. (✿◠‿◠)

YES WRITING SMUT IS THE BEST POWER EVER!!!

I guess alot of ppl see their oc's as their kids but I see them as my friends and choosen family...idk

BEN DEFINETLY SWIPED RIGHT ON U TWENTY TIMES ALREADY-

he looks like a mango?? dude I lost my shit when i read that holy shit why is that so funny to me??? mango man in tha basketball field-

Hope the burn ceremony is fun :> I never did stuff like that. I just throw stuff out and scream breakup songs lmao.

YOU MAKE ME HAPPIER （︶^︶）💕💗

-🃏

YOURE SO CUTE- PAGE BY PAGE??!!! Thats literally flattery to another extent aisurhfpoiausrguog

WAIT so jeff knows what I look like too????!!! Im so scared rn. The way I squealed when i read that he was complimenting me- god that makes me so much more secure. Im trying to calm down about the whole “wow he like think’s im pretty?” Thing but it’s not nessesarily working. (●´⌓`●)

You LAUGHED IT OFF??!! Props to you man, i would join you in crying in a corner too. Did he NOT return the high five?? Ofc hes intimidating, listen. LISTEN. When i get there. I will probably stay in my room for a solid 3 days, no food, no water, no light. Just sobbing. And whenever someone knocks on the door the sobbing will intensify. I will have to restrain myself from going out cause you watch ill be like “yes! Im ready to go and meet him!!” ( ･ ᗜ ･ ) And then I’ll literally get within a 5 feet radius, see his face and break down in a way that has never been seen before. It’ll be like when I went to go watch a Broadway musical for the first time and met the actors- just full on panic attack.

For ben I would wear whatever the fuck he wanted. ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶ I will stare at him like 😶 and he would just be trying to talk to me and id be holding back the tears. WHY AM I LIKE THIS BRO- bitch if he likes it ofc I’ll wear my lipstick.

Writing smut is such a great power. I am. I am very mentally ill but hey I CAN WRITE SEX!! And ive never even had it, ＾♪┌(・。・)┘♪♪ my imagination wildin, and they say maladaptive daydreaming dosen’t help for anything. And aww yeah I honestly think OC’s all have a bit of us in them so we get super attached. My burn ceremony was amazing! The paper burnt super fast!

Bruh but that man does look like a mango. I LOLED so bad when my friend told me that. Well he can suck it, i really don’t like him. And then he tried to hit me up a while ago and oml i was so smug about it. He had the AUDACITY to ask me where I was and what I was doing and i fucking said “why do you need to know”. AGHH im so badass.

HE SWIPED RIGHT HOW MANY TIMES- i mean you can also tell him im smart 🙄 and really fucking funny. 🥱 what else? I mean IDK, im a good person ig?? I am very loving, and affectionate when I trust someone enough. Mmmmmmmmmm wow im blanking. Who am I again? I can’t remember. Hm. I had a lot to say for this and then i forgot. Imma post the thingy that i was telling about actually cause i just remembered that i forgot about that.

REGARDLESS I LOVE YOU SM SMSMSMSMMMSMMSEMSMMSM MUAH 💋

[croissantconnoisseurdinosaur]

Coping with 285, Pt. 3

Deku was the first to wake up in the hospital.  He was followed closely by his teacher — hospital had staff informed him — about 30 minutes later.  When he asked the nurse about Kacchan, she informed him that he was still out cold.  Izuku’s heart pounded in his chest as dread swept through his body with a freezing chill.  

Deku had been discharged and released from the hospital yesterday, but Kacchan still hadn’t woken up.  He’d been battling high fevers for days, in and out of consciousness, but never lucid either way.

Izuku had actually gone into his room that first night at the hospital, against doctor’s orders.  He’d pulled himself up onto his shaky legs, and dragged himself and his IV bags to Kacchan’s room in the middle of the night.  He’d stood in the doorway listening to the various beeps and hissings of the machines hooked up to Katsuki Bakugo.  Eventually, Izuku had gained the strength to venture fully into the room.  He’d pulled up a chair and sat next to Bakugo, just watching him.  He spoke to him occasionally, but it didn’t really matter, he couldn’t really hear him that well anyway.  He’d stayed so long he’d accidentally fallen asleep, and hospital staff had to walk him back to his own room and get him back into his own hospital bed.  

Now here he was, sitting in the lobby of the hospital with everybody else, just as his friends had done every single day since they’d all been admitted.  It started with the entirety of class A, but day after day the group had thinned, and now only a few remained.  Kacchan’s parents had been waiting there nonstop for the first two days, but eventually they both had to go back to work, and doctors promised to call them once he was awake.  It broke Deku’s heart that more didn’t stay for Kacchan… 

“I’m going to the snack machines you guys want anything?”  Kaminari asked, attempting to bring some lightheartedness to the situation.  A few agreed to go with him, a few declined politely.  His golden gaze shifted over to Kirishima.  “Dude, come with us.  You look like you could use a distraction right about now.”  Kirishima shook his head, a look of absolute hopelessness etched onto his face.  Kaminari frowned, “come on.  You’ve been sitting there all day and you haven’t moved, not even once.”

“I don’t want to,” Kirishima uttered in a dead voice.  It was such a departure from the usual ray of sunshine that Kirishima was. 

Kaminari gulped and turned towards Sero for help, who’s sad eyes were glued to Kirishima’s expression. 

“Please?”  Kaminari tried.  “I’ll buy you a soda or something.  You can’t tell me you don’t need the caffeine.”  Kirishima’s hardened expression remained steady as he nodded, conceding.  “Ok, buddy,” Kaminari smiled sweetly, tapping Kirishima on the shoulder as he stood.

The small group had just wandered off when an excited nurse came buzzing into the room.  

“Visitors of Bakugo, Katsuki?”  Those remaining in the lobby perked up in anticipation.  “He’s awake.  The doctor says it’s ok to visit with him now.” 

Izuku Midoriya had rocketed himself out of the chair and zoomed down the hall towards Bakugo’s room as fast as he could.  He could just barely hear All Might asking the nurse to inform those who had left for the vending machines once they get back.  Deku rounded the corner and skidded to a halt — grabbing onto the door frame for support and slamming into it painfully with his shoulder.  Bakugo looked at him and kind of snickered at the ridiculous injury.

He’s okay… HE’S OKAY! 

Deku ran the rest of the way into the room, laughing and crying as Todoroki and All Might trailed in behind him.

“KACCHAN!  You… YOU’RE… YOU’RE OKAY!”  Deku’s hands kind of flew all over the place — covering his mouth as he cried, hovering all over Kacchan’s general vicinity without actually touching him (fearing the consequences if he did).  His hands both finally landed on the top of his green head as he let out a high-pitched laugh of pure relief.  It felt cathartic to finally laugh again.  

Todoroki was just staring at Bakugo, grinning at him silently as he took in the sight of his friend, alive and well. 

“Young Bakugo… you certainly had me worried there for a while,” All Might chuckled uncomfortably, eyes swimming and filling with tears. 

Bakugo grinned at his mentor and personal hero, determination burning in his eyes as he scoffed.

“Worried?  About me?  …What for?”  Bakugo smirked charmingly.

All Might guffawed.  “You’re entirely right.  I should have known a fighter like you would not be taken down so easily.” 

Bakugo pretended he didn’t feel a swell of pride in his chest at All Might’s words. 

All Might ruffled Bakugo’s hair, proud tears pouring out of his sunken eyes.

“You really are a true hero,” he grinned like a proud father.  Bakugo looked up at him with wide eyes, an almost childlike expression.

A sniffle brought Bakugo’s attention back to Deku, standing behind All Might, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“S’wrong with you?”  The blond growled from his hospital bed. 

Midoriya shook his head back and forth, taking a deep breath before he spoke, gravely.  

“I just can’t believe you protected me… I’d be dead now if it wasn’t for you.”  He whispered, darkly, in awe at the thought that his life could have ended, if not for Kacchan’s selflessness. 

Kacchan’s eyebrows stitched together for a moment, before neutrality flattened his expression again.

“Of course I did it… you really think I’m gonna let you die right in front of me?  No freaking way…” 

Normally, he would have said that with some sort of snarl or smirk, but there was nothing.  Izuku’s childhood friend set his jaw firmly and stared off to the side with a hint of embarrassment.

Deku smiled at him, tears steadily falling from his eyes as he continually wiped at his face. 

Kacchan turned his attention back to Midoriya with a half-hearted scowl, “what the hell are you smiling about, huh?” He growled, clearly uncomfortable with the silence.  Deku chuckled melodically.  His green eyes shed a few more tears as he grinned back at the boy who had sacrificed himself for him: his friend.  

“Just… thank you, Kacchan…”  

Bakugo stared back with an indiscernible expression, before he finally clicked his teeth.  

“Tch.  Stop crying, Deku, you’re gonna dehydrate,” Kacchan snarled with a sarcastic roll of his eyes.  That wasn’t surprising.  What was surprising was what followed: a smile.  It started off as a taunting smirk, but it softened into one of those rare smiles that Deku had only ever seen a handful of times (and never directed at him.  They mostly happened when Kacchan didn’t even know Deku was looking, and they were mostly only directed at—). 

“BAKUGO!”  

Kirishima burst into the room, followed closely by Kaminari, Sero, and Ashido.

The front runner ran right up to the hospital bed, and wrapped his arms around the startled patient. 

“OW!”  Bakugo snarled at him, loudly.

“CAREFUL!” Came dual shouts from both Kaminari and All Might.

“Sorry!” Kirishima whispered, adjusting his hold, but refusing to let go.

“Get off me, shitty hair…” 

There was no movement from the red head. 

“Kirishima…” Bakugo grumbled in protest.  He raised his right hand, as if to push Kirishima away, but he hesitated.  Instead, he simply rested his scarred palm against his shoulder and held it there.  When the redhead didn’t pull away, Bakugo jostled his shoulder just slightly.  “Kirishima…” he sighed, slightly annoyed. 

It was then that it became clear that Kirishima was crying. 

A small sniffle escaped, muffled against Bakugo’s pillow.  Red Riot’s shoulders began to tremble as his breathing hitched quietly.  Bakugo’s hand lifted off of him in shock.  He’s… crying?  After a moment, Bakugo lowered his hand, slowly, resting comfortably against his dyed red hair.  “Eijiro…” he whispered, tenderly.

Silently, All Might ushered the rest of the kids out of the room.  Bakugo didn’t even notice they were gone. 

“You almost died…” came the broken whimper from Kirishima. 

Bakugo gulped reflexively.  “Yeah, but I didn’t…” he snarled, almost like he was challenging death. 

“I almost lost you…”   

Bakugo froze at that.  He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what to do. 

A snarky, ’Why would you care?’ Was almost his first response.  But that would’ve been stupid.  Of course he cared.  The spiky haired embodiment of the color red had only been following him everywhere since he’d first arrived at UA.  You could even say they were… friends… 

And if the roles were reversed…

Bakugo couldn't even lie to himself.  Of course he would care, too, if it was he who had almost lost the one trembling in his arms.

He almost couldn’t imagine that reality.  He didn’t want to.

Bakugo closed his eyes and tilted his head towards Kirishima’s — hand still resting heavily against the back of his head.  

“You really think I’d let myself die before I got the chance to be number one?  No.  Don’t be stupid,” Bakugo drawled with a determined grin audible in his voice.  

Kirishima chuckled in what felt like the first time in days.  Then he laughed louder.  He just kept laughing until he finally released his hold on Bakugo, tilting his head back and laughing boisterously until his entire body shook from the effort.  He was soon wiping happy tears from his eyes instead of anxious ones.  

Midoriya heard the commotion from just outside the door and peeked his head in, out of curiosity.  He half prepared himself for Kacchan to realize, and yell at him for spying from the doorway like a creep, but the blond never even noticed him.  That’s not where he was looking.

That’s when Izuku saw it: that smile, bigger and brighter than ever.  

His green eyes shined happily as he watched him from afar.  

Upon hearing laughter erupting from the hospital room, Kaminari took it upon himself to enter the room again. 

“Kacchan!  Glad to see you’re in good spirits!” Kaminari teased him, walking in with his hands behind his head and his eyes closed in a happy display of lightheartedness. 

“Tch,” Bakugo’s smile tilted into a good-natured scowl.  

The group stayed in that hospital room as long as they were physically allowed.  Then, when the nurse came in to announce that visiting hours were over, All Might had convinced her to let it slide, just this once.  She let it slide because, well… it’s All Might.  

Eventually, it got so late that most of them had said their goodbyes and left.  All Might had just dismissed himself, departing with a loving ruffle of Bakugo’s hair, and encouraging words of pride. Now it was only Kirishima and Izuku, but the latter figured that the injured patient would need rest, so he tapped the redhead on the shoulder, and nodded towards the door.  

Midoriya was about to walk through the door when Bakugo’s voice stopped him. 

“W-wait!”  He stuttered in a panicked voice.  Kirishima and Midoriya turned around to see Bakugo scowling at his hands, as if scolding himself for speaking up.  He finally looked back up at them, grabbing the hospital remote from his nightstand.  “Do you losers wanna watch a movie?” 

So they did. 

Eventually, Deku had fallen asleep.  He awoke around 3 am, when his back began aching from the hospital chair he was slouched in.  The tv was still on, playing some other movie now, and he suspected the one they had been watching had been over for a while now.  

He should probably turn off the tv.  Where was that remote?  Izuku was the last to have it, so he searched around himself and under the bed, with no luck. 

“Kacchan, where—”  Deku’s words stopped short at the sleeping sight of the other two.  

Kirishima had fallen asleep with his head resting on the hospital bed, right next to Bakugo’s lap, head tilted so he could still see the tv.  Bakugo was still lying on his back, but his head was lulled to the side towards Kirishima.  What had made Midoriya freeze in his tracks however was Kacchan’s hand — turned palm-up, next to his side — with Kirishima’s own scarred hand resting on top, both of their fingers curled around the other’s.

He stared at them in shock for a moment, before a smile softened his freckled expression.  He was vaguely reminded of the events of Kamino: the look on Bakugo’s face when he’d seen Kirishima calling to him from the sky; the way Kirishima kept reaching for Bakugo’s hand even after the fact, just needing to know he’d had Bakugo safe in his hand, despite being rejected every time… 

Izuku decided to pretend he’d never woken up.  Let them stay like that for a while longer.  He climbed back into the chair, curling up in a more comfortable position, and drifted back asleep.   

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright well there you have it.  This part is definitely more Fanon than canon at this point, but I still tried to make it kinda possible.  

I hope you enjoyed my little ramblings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pt. 1: here.    pt. 2:  here

[herequeeranfulloffear]

My boyfriends family is the fucking worst. His sister gave MY cat Ibuprofen, which btw is fucking toxic to animals especially cats, without asking, told me she gave him 3/4 of an 800mg pill (200mg can be lethal to a cat) and disnt understand why I had full blown panic attack and started yelling at her. Apparently their mom gives their cats little tiny pieces cut off a tablet when theyre sick(she used to be a vet so I have no fucking clue why shed think its okay). Turns out she only gave him a little sliver but Im still pissed cause she disnt wven ask me if it was okay if she gave it to him. She just made him take it. Like what the fuck??? And now his mom hates me even more than she did, said she doesnt want me eating her food or anything, said she done "trying to be nice" (she constantly calls me a slut and a whore and all this shit even tho her daughter dresses the EXACT same sometimes w even more revealing clothes(I have bigger tits than both of them and Ive heard them bitch about how slutty I look trying to wear crop tops cause of it)) But now I cant eat, my cat keeps throwing up and I have no.money to take him to the vet because me and my boyfriend went to the doctor Wednesday and they told us the total would be about 400$ ( had to be paid then, wouldnt do a payment plan) and the ACTUAL total was 511$ so we have no money for anything after bills and rent to his mom. We HAD 10$ to last us til the fucking 22nd and his sister stole it. So Im sitting her with a sick cat, my stomach hurting and feeling like its eating itself cause Im so fucking hungry, trying to figure out wjat to do cause his mom basically told us she doesnt want us here anymore and that shes tired of my slutty ass wlaking around in shorts and bralettes "teasing" her boyfriend (its fucking hot and her boyfriend, while nice, is gross and not my type. And I have a boyfriend so wtf) Ive been crying nonstop since last night cause I have no fucking clue what to fuckikng do right now. Im so hungry and anxious I cant think straight. Im terrified to go downstairs cause I dont want to be yelled at more. Were going to move into my parents but we cant right away so for the next few days Im stuck with nothing to eat, no money to get food or take care of my cat, and in a house full of people who hate me for reasons I have no idea about other than being upset that my bfs sister gave my cat LETHAL MEDICATION THAT COULD HAVE KILLED HIM. Im pretty sure it made him sicker too cause he seems wortlse today than yesterday. I have no fucking clue what Im doing or what I did to his family to make thembhate my guts so fuckijng much but I cant take it I feel like Im fucking dyung of starvation. And usually Id smoke a bowl or something to helpwith my anxiety but we have nothing to smoke and I dont have any ciggarettes and Im compeltely out of vape juice with no way to get more so all my ways of dealing with my anxiety are gone and my boyfriend isnt here and Ive been crying to myself all fucking day waiting for him to get off work cause I ccant deal wuth this shit anymore. Ive had the strongest urges to start cutting again that Ive had in years its never been this bad Im so scared Im going to fall back to cutting and I dont want to do that I dont want to hurt myself anymore but all my other coping means are gone and Im just sad and scared and alone

[saintkimora]

ok……..here is the long awaited post of what happened on saturday night! (Last Saturday night btw not yesterday night) ive been too busy to post about it until now but it is juicy

so as i said on saturday, joel and i were texting on and off that day but it was weird as usual. so after i showered i wrote out a text to him saying that even though we havent been communicating much recently i still miss him and think about him all the time and that i appreciate the chances i do get to talk to him. so i sent this message but literally the second it sent i got a message from him. like we sent our texts at the same time. so i started reading his text and it started with “perry……im really sorry but what we have isnt working out” skafjhkajdhfkjads so i felt like a jolt in my legs and had to sit down. so he sent this long ass breakup text and here are the basic points that he used

he isnt ready for a relationship/exclusivity (even though HE was the one who literally deleted all his dating apps the day after we met bc he wanted to focus on pursuing me)

he hasnt been making the effort and i deserve someone who does

he hasnt been opening up and he is aware of that bc he knows he isnt ready

i deserve someone who is in a better place in their life than he is rn/someone who has their stuff together

i dont deserve what hes putting me through

he wants time to be single and make mistakes and regret them (stupid ass reasoning btw)

he knew using texts was the wrong way to end it but he wasnt strong enough to do it in person

he apologized if i feel like i wasted my time on him/if i regret anything ive done w him (since the last time i saw him before this was when i had sex with him)

hes sorry that he isnt treating me better

not my fault at all

so yeah that was the text! i didnt even read it fully until later on like i skimmed it and called him immediately and asked if we could talk in person (ofc i got all choked up trying to ask and almost started crying over the phone) so he said yes he owes me that much so i grabbed my tissue box, tried to put on my shoes (my mom had to help me bc i was shaking too much) and drove to his apartment and then sprinted to his apartment from where i parked a block away. i got there and his roommates werent home so it was just him. he opened the door and i said hi and he let me in and it was v solemn so we went into his room and sat on his bed and this is where the drama really started

so i was like “can i have a hug” and he was like “yes” so we hugged and i started crying. so we hugged for a while and then we separated and i was like “ok so explain why you want to end this” so he started explaining it to me. i was crying and he was crying too but i was crying more obv! i was like bawling. his eyes were red and tears were falling and he was sniffling but he wasnt like crying hard

so he just explained that he was in a bad place when he met me and he still is in that bad place (in reference to his depression) and how its not me its him and how i deserve someone who puts in the effort and doesnt distance themselves from me and actually has the time to see me and i was annoyed bc caleb did the same thing and i am sick of other guys telling me whats best for me like *vicki from rhoc voice* how do you know whats best for me? and like obv just bc you have depression doesnt mean you dont deserve love, like he said he still liked me and wanted to be with me and how it was breaking his heart to have to do this so i did not want him to end something just bc he felt he didnt deserve me or that he wasnt worthy of my love or anything like that 

so he also explained how he wasnt ready to settle down and i was like sis we arent even officially boyfriends yet, its not like im asking you to marry me and have kids lmfao and he said he wasnt ready for exclusivity so i was like “does that mean you wanna fuck other guys?” and he was like “i dont know” so ????? and he was like “im feeling conflicted” so i was like wtf is going on in here on this day

also i asked if his roommates were home and he said no he was home alone tonight and that was part of why he was feeling so bad and its like sis…..if being alone makes you feel worse then making yourself even more alone by breaking up w me doesnt seem like the best way to fix that! and i told him that i was free tonight and he couldve just invited me over if he was feeling lonely and he was like “i thought you would be busy” like sis literally the only times i am ever busy on saturday nights is when im with him!! lmao

he also said he wasnt opening up bc he couldnt/wasnt ready for it yet, but like i wasnt asking him to open up like all i wanted was for him to put a modicum of effort into our conversations just to show that he cared, like we can just keep doing fun things like im not asking him to get all deep and vulnerable with me (although i would love that too)

so we just had a very emotional time, i was crying my eyes out nonstop and he was lightly crying as well, there was lots of hugging and holding and stuff so like i was really really REALLY losing it like i was so MESSSSSSSSSSYYYY like i was just getting all in my feelings and saying all the things im gonna miss about him and like apologizing for anything i did wrong/apologizing for not being enough for him and like it was really really bad. but i was still also cracking jokes like a dumbass throughout the whole thing lmao bc i like to find the humor in things

i decided to mention that i was originally planning to ask him to be my bf officially on our next date (that plan had changed since he became cold and distant the past week or two but originally i was planning on doing it on the next date after i got back from the retreat) just bc i was being emotional

at one point he was laying on the bed and i was sitting on the edge of it crying (and covering my face bc im an ugly crier even though he’d already seen plenty of footage of me crying at this point) and he held out his arms and was like “come here” and i was like “no” and looked away and he was like “please” like that was very satisfying bc it showed that he needed comforting as well at that moment

at one point i was just laying on my side rolled up in a ball scream crying into my hands now THAT was messy. it was nice though bc joel moved in behind me and tried to hold me and calm me down. speaking of calming down! there were some points where i got like………REALLY bad like i was breathing so hard and fast it was troubling but whenever i had a wave of that joel held me and tried to soothe me and help me breathe

i even offered to have an open relationship if he wanted (bc this was during the exclusivity convo) bc i was just trying to grasp at any straws i could at the moment in the hopes of reaching an agreement or just stalling for time so i could move past his walls and get through to him. in reality i would never even consider it bc it is definitely not for me but at the moment i was desperate. he said no though bc he knows i wouldnt want that and he said he didnt want me to compromise myself for him

so then this is when we reached the turning point. so joel was laying down and i was like half sitting on the bed/half laying on him. and i said something along the lines of “you dont have to go through this alone, i wanna be there for you” and like when i said alone he lost IT! like we had a breakthrough he started bawling just like i was this whole time!! obviously it was hard for me to see him in that state but it was also kinda nice to see how much he cared 

but then he started breathing really fast and he was like “i think im having a panic attack” so i was like uh oh so i was like omg do you want me to get off of you or something but he was like no stay here so i kept holding him and tried to help him ride it out. but then he choked out the words “i think im making the wrong decision” like !!!! i have never felt such a strong feeling of hope in my life! but i was just like its fine dont worry about it just breathe and btw during this event he was laying on his side so he was looking to the side while i was kinda on top of him so i was like at him. so then he turned to look me directly in the face and………………………

he said “I love you!” like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hearing that made me SO so happy so i was like “i love you too!” and we hugged and kissed and then he was like “ask me!!” and i was like “ask you what???” and he was like “ask me what you were gonna ask me before!” and i was like “OH! joel……will you be my boyfriend?” and he was like “YES!” and then we hugged again and laughed and made out and it was really really passionate even though we were both gross with tears and runny noses, like it might have even been the most passionate kissing ive ever had! it was a very emotionally intimate moment and i loved it

so then he was like “im sorry” and i was like dont worry about it lmao so then we just continued cuddling and kissing and stuff for a while. he told me that he knew i loved him back bc during my breakdown i said “i really really really really liked you” and he said he knew i wanted to say i loved you lol

he also said hes gonna try to open up more and put more of an effort in so!! that was nice

so it was hot in his room and we were all sweaty on top of being gross from crying so we showered together which is always fun. and during the shower he was very touchy and he would like press his body against mine and give little kisses on like my chest or my back which i really loved. we also did some sexual stuff too

then we got out and dried off and he finally said he would watch flavor of love with me!! so we watched a few eps and it was super fun. then we cuddled until we fell asleep holding each other which is always one of my fave parts of our dates. he was very affectionate and sweet and i really liked it. then we fell asleep and in the morning i had to go home bc i had work or something

so yeah thats it! it made me really happy that he said i love you (and that he said it to me first!!) and i made sure he knew that he could always ask me for anything he needed if he was feeling down again or something. so now fast forward to today he is back to texting me every day and being an active and engaging texter! and i went over to do homework with him on monday night which was fun! and then on friday night he invited me over at like midnight and we got checkers and then we hung out and cuddled and watched more flavor of love. and then we did some more sexual things which was really fun! he was really really into me again and he literally is the hottest guy ive ever met so i enjoyed getting to make him feel good and stuff

on friday the 13th i am taking the gsa eboard + jami w me to go see the addams family musical at his school since he is part of the pit orchestra so that will be fun! i am very happy to have joel back and i am even happier that we are officially boyfriends now! and its so so so nice to get i love you texts again!! overall i am very happy with how things turned out and i am glad i fought to make it work instead of just seeing the text and being like ok bye

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #8

My gosh, there’s just so much stuff you vetlings want to know, isn’t there? Well, knowledge is good, so here we go with yet another info dump as I try to answer a big slew of your questions in one hit.

Anonymous said: I sometimes get your patreon emails or an update on your blog while I'm studying/struggling in the wee-hours of the morning (vetmed). I'm in WA, so where-ever you are it's also late/early. What are you doing up in the witching hours?

First of all, I am an AdultTM and as such I am permitted to set by own Bed Time. There are many reasons why you might receive notifications from me so ‘early’.

I have a blog post on queue every morning between 5am and 6am my time (so probably 3am and 4am your time). It goes up automatically, so I can see initial responses before I go to work.

I think Patreon sends its emails at the same time each day, regardless of when I post. I certainly don’t type there early in the morning.

Sometimes I’m on nightshift and can get kinda bored at 3am sometimes.

Sometimes I just can’t sleep, especially with the changing day/night cycles.

Most of the blog runs on queue, honestly. At least three posts a day do.

@banesidhe said: Just happened to discover your blog. Thank you so much for posting like you do (even the snark. I'm a 911 dispatcher, I appreciate the snark ;) ), and sharing your experiences. No vet question, but if you could only ever re/read five books for the rest of your life, which five titles would make your cut?

Ah, I have found many similar people to myself among emergency personnel. There’s a particular combination of gallows humor and wishing people would get to the point that unites us.

For fiction books:

Feral, Kerry Greenwood

The Shepherd’s Crown, Terry Pratchett

Monstrous Regiment, Terry Pratchett

Watership Down, Richard Adam

Good Omens, Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman

Hmm, bit of a trend there.

But the work books I couldn’t live without are:

Plumb’s Veterinary Drug Handbook

The 5 minute veterinary consult, Dog and Cat Edition

Ettinger’s Textbook of Internal Medicine, Expert Consult

BSAVA Rabbit Medicine & Surgery Handbook

Small Animal Surgery, Fossum.

Anonymous asked: what was the most exotic/rare patient youve ever had?

This fat meerkat.

Anonymous said: My dog is a shelter dog and we suspect she was abused before we got her (afraid of E V E R Y T H I N G) and weve been slowly working on getting her to at least ignore people we walk past or that enter the house and thats been making progress. But she hates the vet. Hates it. Gets in my lap and refuses to leave. New dogs people and smells. So her normal vet takes the approach of having one of us hold/console her while they do all the poking and listening and whatnot and muzzling her if they need to and just getting it done as quickly as possible. But this last time she saw a new vet and this vet took the approach of hand-feeding her almost an entire bag of treats and called it "stress-eating" and tbh you should have seen the look on my dogs face. She was so weirded out. Shes highly food motivated so it was like heaven to her but she was simultaneously very suspicious. Her face was like"i love this but idk if i trust it" it was great.Have a greatday!

If you an reinforce the behaviour by arranging frequent, short visits to the vet clinic where nothing happens but lots of treats, she may start to associate the vet clinic with positive things (food) ad no scary things. This might make the rest ofher life easier.

Anonymous said: I own fancy rats and just want to put out there to people, that while they are THE MOST amazing tiny friends, in my experience most vets are completely lost when it comes to their care & several I've seen refused to even touch my exceptionally friendly females. They often get respiratory infections requiring antibiotics. One of my friend's females passed away bc nobody would perform a simple surgery on her. So please be cautious when buying them. 

I would like to suggest that any surgery on a rat is likely to be not simple, because they do have particular anesthetic requirements that can make their recovery difficult. Also that a lot of traditional rat medicine hinges on using post mortem examination as a diagnostic tool, which is not useful at all with pet rats.

In dog and cat medicine most of our equipment and even medications are not suitable for rats, or very difficult to adapt. We simply have fewer options, and generally less experience with these species Most vets I know will attempt to treat them, but with a great big disclaimer saying I don’t do this often, and a quick question as to whether you’d prefer to go to a nearby clinic that does see rats more often.

Anonymous said: Hello, I recently took in 3 abandoned kittens and they're covered in fleas. They appear to be 6 weeks old and can't use meds or wash for them. I clean them with vinegar and dish soap and I was wondering if you knew of any other ways to help them since they hate getting wet. I also use a comb but they dislike that as well.

You can use capstar on kittens from 4 weeks of age, and Revolution from 6, probably earlier. Talk to your vet.

Anonymous asked: Strange question but do you know if that rage syndrome thing can happen in cats also? I know a cat who does that and also acts strangely in general at the same time?

It is not documented in cats, however Feline Hyperesthesia Syndrome may present in a similar way.

Anonymous said: Hey doc! I plan on getting my cat fixed soon and I'm worried about how it'll affect her. She's really skittish and prefers to stay in one room, could getting her fixed make it worse?? I guess like what are the possible behavioral effects is what I'm askin? For the qt: ive been here a while i just dont like or reblog stuff but i came for the vet knowledge and stayed for it too, especially the mythical creatures and dog breed info

She is probably not going to have any long term personality changes from being desexed, though might be out of sorts for a few days after the anaesthetic. If anything they tend to be less stressed because they’re not attracting Toms.

Another Anonymous said: My kitten was neutered yesterday and he's doing great, healing well, playing nonstop, remarkably agile despite the e-collar (navigating small spaces, jumping to high places), eating & drinking well. The vet didn't give us any aftercare instructions but I googled it -- and wish I'd done so before the surgery because I could've prepared better. A lot of it seemed obvious in hindsight but nothing I'd have thought of on my own. Do you have a flier or anything for your patients' humans? 

We send our patients home with aftercare instructions. We have a default one that we print for routine surgery like desexing, and a customized one for non-routine procedures.

We also read it out to our clients when they pick up their pet, and point out that all these instructions are written down, because it’s easy to forget details when you’re worried.

Anonymous asked: I have a question! I saw your desexing cats post and thought I might send it to you. I neutered my male cat but he still sprays and tries to roam the neighborhood. I try to keep him inside best I can. Is there a reason this happens?

It may be stress, but you should consult your vet to rule out any underlying urinary tract issue before assuming so. Your vet should be able to discus the various stress reducing techniques, changes and treatments that are available.

Anonymous asked: Whenever my roommate wakes up before me, she makes bacon for breakfast while the coffee is brewing. If she hasn't slept well, her coherence is sometimes a bit... lacking. If our cat happens to demand food, about half the time she ends up giving him a slice of bacon instead of cat food. We only recently figured out that she's been doing this. He's not getting fat, and gets actual cat food later, so is this OK, or do we need to try to figure out how to keep this from happening?

While bacon is certainly digestible, it is not a balanced diet. It would be ideal if you could minimize his bacon habit.

@nowgovanish said: Hello! I have a question about my 13 and 4 year old cats. They seem to have some pretty bad skin reactions to certain foods, and I've tried a lot of different food brands that my vet reccommended. The one that seems to work best is a grain free/ non chicken variant, but I see that you aren't a huge fan of grain free. Is there anything I should change or try sticking with what works?

I have said many times before that if it’s working, keep feeding it.

Novel protein diets, and ideally single proteins source diets, are more use for allergies than just going ‘grain free’.

‘Grain Free’ labelling on food particularly vexes me because it’s not regulated. You can find ‘grain free’ food that really mean ‘corn free’ and either use grain byproducts or straight up use rice. Last time I checked, rice was a grain.

It’s like ‘Hollistic’ - it means nothing on a pet food label. Neither does ‘Organic’, pet food companies do not have to use all organic products in pet food to label the food as organic. These are marketing ploys like ‘all natural’ which are targeting your emotions and don’t mean anything when it comes to the food.

If you’ve come across a novel protein diet, or a minimum ingredient diet, that is beneficial for your cats then stick with it. But recognise what’s marketing and what’s useful.

Anonymous said: I love my dog but he is a complete and total moron. He has strangled himself so often that his bark is now raspy. He even found a way to do it with a harness! We've resorted to jogging when walking him to try and keep up but is there some way to make it better? We've tried letting him learn on his own, pausing when he pulls, and getting a longer leash. If he was much smarter I'd accuse him of being into asphyxiation.

I would suggest that you potentially need to figure out what motivates your dog most. Consider using positive reinforcement to encourage him to heel on the lead, instead of wandering and pulling.

You might also want to consider something like a halti collar, which pulls the dog’s nose downwards to their chest when they pull, instead of something that goes around the neck.

Anonymous: Would you consider it a good generalization that dogs more closely resembling/related to wolves (like huskies) have less health problems? I am aware that no dogs are completely lacking in health problems.  Tax: came for good hard factual analysis.

No. And here’s the thing- all modern dog breeds are equally distant from their wolf-like ancestor, unless they have been recently mixed with wolves again.

Their health problems are different to those dogs with more extreme anatomy, but dogs that look like wolves are not inherently healthier.

@justslowdown said: a book i have discusses the man who created the GSD breed (aka isolated traits from a diverse population) pairing dogs with their daughters, granddaughters, great-granddaughters and onwards til more than 1/2 of the pups had to be culled. due you think this could be partially responsible for the health issues remaining more than a century later? "Very drastic inbreeding was espoused during the formation of the breed [...] to quickly form specific type" - The German Shepherd Dog by Ernest H Hart

Certainly.

This is called line breeding, where the offspring of a ‘perfect’ individual are repeatedly bred back to the same individual generation upon generation to try to recreate it. All you really do is lose genetic diversity very quickly and allow recessive deleterious genes to proliferate in the population.

This is why just about everywhere else that’s not the purebred pet world, this is considered a bad thing to do.

@eyestumblin said: Do you think horses would look significantly different if their wonky anatomy were more logical?

They would no longer be a horse.

@cirque-du-spoon said: I saw you mention sheep on the horse thread and I spent a fair bit of time on a sheep farm in Wales. The head shepherd once told me "sheep are born, they spend the rest of their life trying to die". Then he opened his landrover door, and the passenger footwell was maybe 6 lambs snuggled up to one of his old motherly collies.

The common phrase down here was “The aim in life of a Merino ewe is to die and take fifty of her friends with her.” It’s not really much of an exaggeration.

Anonymous said: I'm intrigued to hear the faults of sheep, lay it on me!

Oh I will. It’s on my list for a big write up.

@queenalia said: Hi! I love the post about why horses make no sense, and I was wondering if you would do a similar one for sheep (one of the most suicidal animals on earth in my opinion)?

It will definitely be done sometime in the next few weeks. As you understand, it’s not  quick answer.

@vulturegeorge said: Hey Dr.F, after reeding your "horses-are-spindily-legged-disasters" post and your comment about how sheep are worse, I was wondering if you wished to elaborate? I am currently working on a heard of 50 random sheep my uni bought with a ton of lung issues ... so it'd be super interesting to me. Question tax: came for the Lucifer story, stayed for all of your amazing advice & opinions. I hope you are finding balance between vetting and living. cheers!

I promise I will elaborate. I can’t leave a cliff hanger like that and not explain... eventually.