#couldnt sleep last night. at all
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#couldnt sleep last night. at all#had to wake up at 5:15 so i went to bed at a crisp 11:15#six hours is enough sleep for a ten hour shift right?#it doesnt matter. because i got MAYBE two hours#two NONCONSECUTIVE hours#went to bed at 11:15. woke up at 12:15. went back to bed. woke up at 12:30. wokw up at 12:45. etc#seriously it was almost exactly 15 minute intervals. for hours on end#and those fifteen minutes were not sleep#i closed my eyes for a bit. felt like hours had gone by. opened my eyes to find that only fifteen minutes had passed#finally at 4am i decided that i didnt want to keep trying to sleep#so i went on my phone for a bit and then took a shower before work#do you know how difficult showering is??????? do you??????? i xan barely do it on a good day#to be clear. i shower regularly and am always clean and hygienic. it's just difficult for me#but at 4:45am after almost no sleep i easily got myself out of bed and took a shower#what the fuck kind of witchcraft was that#im halfway through my ten hour shift and it's gone by so quickly. thank god#i was alone for the first 4.5 hours so my boss only made me run drive thru#and sunday is always chill. i got like five total customers#then two of my coworkers showed up and we had to open the entire store but whatever#took another adderall today which is probably helping. took two yesterday which probably caused this problem#but i dont care. i took a shower. im awake and feel alright. and time is going by quickly#thats all that i need in life#that and a better job
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#its me im girls#i literally couldnt sleep last night bc i couldnt stop thinking about this book i think i am unwell#the sunshine court#tsc#the sunshine court spoilers#tsc spoilers#aftg#all for the game
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okay but a version of events in which tommy takes ellie to the fireflies, but NEITHER of them come back. and maria joel have to work together to get them back
#maria and joel best friend agenda#has someone already done this (in a way that actually characterizes maria as an actual person w a plot lmfao)#pissed off maria and regretful af grumpy joel having to team up#joel at first being like i canNOT let you come with me youre pregnant#maria: and who the fuck are you to tell me what to do#joel: okay ur coming i guess#him doing anything and everything to make the trip as easy and safe as possible for her#runs on like four hours of sleep every night so she only has to take one watch and gives her 70% of their food#at first maria is sooooooo not having it like#sure you care about me and my baby who you asked your brother to LEAVE for yOUR SELFISH SHORTSIGHTED ASS#but then one night hes telling her a story about ellie and then she tells a story about kevin and he tells a story about sarah#and she can see how much he loves not just his late baby girl but his living one too#and in that moment she just kind of gets it#tommy told her this part of joel was long dead#the part that was soft and loving and good#but he was wrong#he was so wrong#and all maria needed was to see that for herself#and then they team up and break into davids camp and take care of business#tommy and ellie are probably there that makes sense#and then ellie is like we still have to finish this we’re going to the fireflies#maria: um haha ur funny no we’re not#ellie: i—#maria to tommy and joel: no we’re not everybody pack it up#we’re going HOME#joel and tommy: yes ma’am#maria miller#joel miller#au#i had a dream abt this last night couldnt at least do a tag story on it
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I'm obsessed with this lil creep, so here are some doodles of him as internet cats 🫠
#hazbin hotel#cursed cat alastor#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin lucifer#hazbin art#i couldnt sleep last night because all i vould think of was him and lucifer in the “lady yelling at a cat” meme#has this been done yet#i havent seen it anywhere but im usually late to the party so maybe thats what happened this time to#anyway i hope you like it
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doodle dump brought to you by my involuntary sleep deprivation :v
#sketch dump#bob velseb#spooky month#creepypasta#slenderman#fizzarolli#but like little teeny baby fizzy#i literally did not sleep at all last night man i tossed and turned for hours but no dice#so i just kinda gave up and drew all of this instead#and i couldnt be assed to drag out my tablet so you’re getting good old fashioned paper baby#doll's art#dollia harkon#my art#doodle dump#also a random ferret cause i saw the pin i have saved in my clown pinterest board and wanted to draw one#also i’m probably gonna add more to this later but heres what i got so far
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jesseh
#unmeuc.png#jesse#tlou2#the last of us part 2#naughty dog#jasper jeon#i couldnt sleep last night and i made a buncha stuff on top of all the stuff i already had made so sorry for the spam but i dont want these#to accumulate#im gonna be busy the next few days but knowing myself ill probably still find time to make these#at least until i run out of ideas for what to create
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Man im just doing. really not good right now. My mom died suddenly last night and everything is bad and i have to figure out all the funeral stuff now and i dont know what im doing at all.
#i couldnt sleep at all last night and havent eaten in over 24 hours#at least my work gave me the week off i guess#but thinking about going back is so hard because i got the job because i helped her through an illness#so its just. gonna constantly remind me that shes gone#at least she was in a good mood yesterday and i got to give her an easter basket on sunday#me#might delete later
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#probably my last sunny walk at home :(#keeeeellll meeeee#i think one of the things i hate about going back to uni is not being able to experience autumn and winter at home like i used to#it’s weird because i’ve always loved them and considered them my favourite seasons.#but last year (and now this year) i’m realizing that oh! i think it’s because i got to come home after a long day and be in a safe familiar#space. and at uni everything is still a bit unfamiliar and not very comforting so the long cold days get so much harder#but i will surviveeeeeee#counting on gilmore girls to get me through it!! and also love is blind s7. i LOVE having things to look forward to every week it makes tim#fly by so fast. last yr every friday night was reserved for me and i ate frozen pizza or takeout and/or my favourite snacks and#watch my comfort films :( i cooked a lot those nights too 2 save money but yeah. it was rlly nice to have that comfy safe time to myself#i think it rlly got me thru uni.#ik it’s gonna be so hard to get back into a routine but im trying to tell myself that i need to like. focus on the basics first. adulting#can be so hard & i wanna do everything at once! i wanna b perfect in all areas. always do my hobbies. etc etc but i#i couldnt even get out of bed to make myself meals sometimes 💔 so i need to like remember if i don’t journal or read a whole book in a day#not the end of the world. and most importantly i need to be EATING and staying active and SLEEPING FIRST and foremost cause then hopefully#i won’t feel like a zombie.#okay anyways.#feeling sad feeling tired feeling unmotivated but also feeling a teensy bit excited for finally BEING ALONE!!!!#i have my cardiologist appt tmrw so maybe that’s why i feel so yuck also. just thinking abt it makes me wanna throw up#i hope everything goes well#anyways bye bye#♡ dear diary…
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a silly little thing for lesbian visibility week ^_^ happy birthday lesbians
#my art#do not copy trace or steal#i wanted to do something a little fancier but i am so stinkin tired and finals are next week x_x i had an exam today and i was so nervous#and it literally was fine AHBDJHDG i am such a nervous test taker#last semester i couldnt sleep At All the night before my first final and i cried the entire way to campus it was so bad AHBJBDFHGBDFGHJ#BUT REGARDLESS!!!!! blowing a kiss out to all of the lesbians (platonically ofc)
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chainsaw man makes you think its a sick action anime where a horny guy made of chainsaws murders a bunch of guys and gets a sorta fucked up found family along the way, but then you watch it and its actually about a 15 year old boy getting groomed and everybody hates everyone else but theyre mostly busy hating themselves and then everyone dies
#csm spoilers#chainsaw man spoilers#they introduce like 8 characters in one episode and then kill them like two episodes later#half the characters in the intro dont show up until yhe very last episode and they all get like one line apiece#not eyepatch finding out denji is a minor and then STILL TRYING TO SLEEP WITH HIM???#'i didnt take advantage of you last night right? oh good i totally wouldve gone to jail'#HELLO????? DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF????????#ik anime is like that but i still just couldnt stomach the show after that#she died like 5 minutes later tho so it was fine#you lied to me i was promised found family#and i got a bunch of fucked up teens who need therapy but instead get groomed#feel bad show of the year#i get its not supposed to make you feel good by the end#and maybe its really effective for that#but i was upset by the wrong things i think#i didnt care when any of the characters died because they had just been introduced like one episode agu#i didnt even remember any of their names#honestly not a good show#ive never liked mappas stuff#theyre allergic to filler and thats their proboem#they dont take the time to make me care about the characters before they kill them#tl;dr i didnt like it#chainsaw man#csm
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sneepy cozy....
#cats#(medical stuff mention for tags)#poasting confortable image of boye for peace and serenity and such forthe#I have little weird episodes sometimes where I get shaky (but like violently like 'would spill a drink if you were holding it beacuse#your hands are moving so much' type shaky) and weird and sick feeling but usually it passes in an hour or less. but last night I just#literally couldnt sleep I was shaking so much and my heartrate was up a ton and wouldn't go down even after like 6 hours plus super nausea#so I went to the hospital and now shall wear a heart monitor for a week. which hopefully it's just some weird drastic low blood sugar#event or something and there's nothing actually going on. ekg + ct scan for blod clots + virus panel + almost all of the blood work seems#normal so... aa.......#Though me being so privacy focused hrggh... I basically have a constantly bluetooth connected device around me#since the monitor comes with a cell phone that is constantly transmitting data to the place. which they said they'll call you#if they see anything weird which is also scary. random phone calls... but definitely better than letting an issue go unadressed lol#the phone is also not meant to be more than 10 feet away from the monitor at any time so I put on this old tactical fishing#vest thing thats like navy green with 100 pockets and im just using one of the giant pocketson the side as a phone holder#my enormous silly vest just to keep one little phone#ANYWAY... because I got up early the morning before and didn't sleep at all and spent nearly all day in waiting rooms and such#I have been awake for like 32 hours striaght. which I'm sure also does not help with an elevated heartrate lol#feeling shrimp emotions or whatever people talk about unlocking at a certain level of stress and sleep deprivation#and also no food or water. after a while they brought me like 3 saltines and some ice water but I basically also haven't eaten since 3am#last night and it's 2pm now..#thus............ bapy............. baby boye....... he will help ease all ailments with his baby powers...#And no I dont drink energy drinks or anything with caffiene really I'm afraid of all substances on the planet essentially#My body just likes to become shaky and weird randomly even when I'm not conciously anxious about anything/have had no caffiene/etc#and I guess I'm always more nervous about getting anything heart related checked out because of my arm/shoulder/chest area injury stuff#... i literally have constant chest pain all the time. it moves around but i nearly always have some sort of pain or pressure in my chest#so when people are like 'oh well a little weird heartrate is fine but watch out if you have pain!' it's like... i always do lol.. how am I#supposed to tell the Bad Pain apart from the Always Pain when the descriptions of Bad Pain are very very similar#AAAANYway.... hrghh... i wanted to be very productive and finally post drafts and wrok on things today. but alas..#I can at least post small image of soft boye.. though he recently got into stuff in the bathroom whilst left#alone and knocked things into the toilet.. So perhaps not an innocent and NICE boy.. but still.. a soft one .. beautfile....
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I'm tired and cranky today and I don't want to deal with people and I'm gonna throttle the next person who complains about having to provide their basic information
#did not sleep good last night which is annoying cause i was so fucking tired all day#like tried to lay down for a nap but couldnt sleep then was just tired
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happy flat fuck friday I feel likr I've been run over by a steamroller <3
#someones car alarm (?) went off in the middle of the night and then i couldnt sleep properly again after#and kept having nightmares.. had a rly scary one right before i woke up where i was lactating blood and it wouldnt stop coming out#i onoy noticed at first bc the shirt i was wearing had massive growing bloodstains onnthe front and then i took it off qnd there it was#and no one was around and it was night and i went outside and i was on this empty rocky beach and j had this sudden realisation#that i was going to die here like this. i was rly lightheaded from the blood loss so i sat down and just stared at the water#and then my alarm went off like fucking hellllll. wild dysphoria dream i guess 🫠🫠🫠🫠#anyway yeah whatever just gotta get thru work today hey the moons out sorry unrelated just noticed her. hi#climbing was fun last night tho :^) and i have a concert tomrorow yayyyy#dont know the band super well but only bc i havent listened to much of them but i like all ive listened to theyll be sick live i reckon#my roommate knows them more than i do but wouldnt go by herself so im dragging her with me >:)#and surprisingly a fair few number of ppl from climbing are going too which is cool ill try n say hi to some of them#actuallt there are 2 bands i should listen to the album of the other one before tomorrow too. mahbe on the bus home#guys i am sotireddddd 😭😭😭😭#MAY skip my afternoon meds so i can sleep straight after showering and eating once im home. we'll see#depends what i have to do this afternoon at work i dont even rember.. i think i have training maybe#we willl seeeee i dont mind being at work that much anyway its all good. maybe i will take my meds so i can play elden ring later#okayyyy bye#.diaries
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poor sleep 💔 no dreams 💔 what am i even alive for 💔
#★#on top of that i was just so uncomfy last night#couldnt find a good position to sleep in :( </3#this is all my dog's fault hmph#no but rlly he just wants something or someone to cuddle up against#i dont blame him </3
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when i say im an insomniac, i dont mean i fall asleep at 2am and feel a bit run down the next day. when i say im an insomniac, i mean once when unmedicated, i didnt sleep for three days, hallucinated, and was hospitalised, and when i am medicated, it takes 10mg of melatonin before my body decides it might fall asleep before 7am, so i hope yous can understand my frustration that "i overslept" isnt an acceptable excuse.
#charlie.txt#my entire life has just been a massive cesspit of sleep deprivation#i feel like insomnia is seen as this kind of normalised thing that everyone deals with#and whilst its like#im not trying to say people with regular insomnia dont struggle or have it bad#i have never met anyone in my entire life who has such trouble sleeping as i do#ive been like this since i was a baby#an actual baby who couldnt even hold his own head up#right through my entire childhood#teen years#and then up to now#theres never been a single period in my life where ive known what its like to sleep well#im constantly running on near empty and yet society expects me to give up more than i have for it#and its like. im not trying to be condescending here. but my issues with sleeping have made me suicidal in the past.#ive just wanted to end it all so i can get a moments fucking rest#and it feels diminishing when someone tells me they stayed up til 3am last night so they get where my frustrations lie
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I love the Magnus archives, it gives me horrific brain damage but I can for the life of me never rewatch it because it gives me anxiety so bad I feel like a fish flopping on land suffocating to death ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
#magpod#personal thoughts#magnus archives#I don't have that issue with magnus protocol which makes it infinitly easier to watch#girl why am i like this#its been almost 3 years when i last watched it#i replay episodes every now and then but can neve do the whole series 💔💔💔💔💔#girl help#i was trying to rewatch yesterday and the symptoms immediately showed up and i couldnt sleep all night 💔💔💔#why cant i be normal#i need to rewatch it so i can do proper theory crafting for tmgp AAAAAAAAAAAA#i also miss Jon god i miss Jon yall have no idea how downbad i am for him and have b#een for him#the way it felt like a flashbang going off in my face when i heard him in EPISODE 1 OF TMGP#i need my men to be extremely sad and pathetic yk?#celes try not to rant in the tags challenge
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