#cqpersonal

[coltsandquills]

I usually manage to keep polish on my nails for about three hours before they wind up scratched, peeled or chipped, so

[cosmoqueen]

Ever feel like you wanna cry but can't cuz you hate crying sfm?

[coltsandquills]

so tired. could die. sweet potato feels.

[coltsandquills]

the best part about having short hair is how it feels in the shower

[coltsandquills]

Im on my break and looking at the folders of fanfic I never finished writing, trying to pick something to work with, and the one that I last worked with has in big red type at the top: REWRITE CAS IN 3RD PERSON. NO ONE LIKES FIRST. But I kinda like what I have so far and uggggh?! I cant make decisions right now. Even small ones. I am extremely nervous about something that I don't want to talk about right now. Ive got to keep busy or I feel like Im going to have a panic attack.

[coltsandquills]

I have loads of old clothes that I've kept saving for a "when I can fit in these again" celebration, but I'm desperately in need of room, so I think I have to send them on their way. I guess when and if I ever get back to my younger, pre-injury size I can celebrate by saving up and buying new things here or there rather than cozying up in old favorites.

[coltsandquills]

I haven’t written in forever and to ease my pain over that I’ve just wasted two browsing the net 

[coltsandquills]

Zero hours of sleep. Zero. Work is going to be awesome. Yes. Trust all your Englishes to me.

[coltsandquills]

Does anyone else go from not hungry at all to RAVENOUS without warning? 

[coltsandquills]

I am so bummed.

They couldn’t let me donate because my iron levels were too low. 

[coltsandquills]

There’s an older guy at my work who Im almost certain has episodic depression or some other mental issue he contends with. Either that, or he really thrives on an inflated image of self and turns vicious whenever that image is challenged.

So about a month back, I was working on an assignment for the second most powerful person in my company. The job was handed off to me without warning, and I was told I had 15 minutes to complete it. Stressful, but doable, so long as I could focus.

This guy wanders over to chat about something unrelated to work, which he does all day with everyone. Usually, that’s not a problem. But given the situation, when he came over and started talking, I kept my eyes on my computer and was only replying to his comments with little “ohs” and such. Finally I turned and said:

“Hey, Im sorry. Im not trying to ignore you, but I have to get this done. Ill catch up with you later.”

To which he replies…

“Oh, no, please. Go on and ignore me. Everyone else does.”

And ever since then he’s been rude af to me. He’ll walk around talking to everyone surrounding me, but ignore me. When I try to start conversations, he brushes me off. And now today, as I was taking a seat at a meeting, I greeted him. I got silence back and thought he might not have heard me, so I glanced up to make eye contact, and he gives me this mean half-smile (you know, the why-must-i-acknowledge-this-lesser-human lip twist) and barely nods his head.

And now I’m venting here because life is stressful and Im ready to bite his head off and hock it into the nearest large body of water.

I’m trying so hard to be patient because I really think something is wrong with him. But whether that something is mental illness or an exceptional case of asshat, I dont know. Either way, I dont want to push him further into whatever spiral he’s fighting (and/or has manifested for himself), but at the same time, both compassion and patience are running low. I know depression and mental disorders are not universal in how they project, but at the same time, Ive never met anyone who displayed (nor have i personally experienced) the need for such antagonistic targeting. I feel like a chastised wife or mother or something.

[coltsandquills]

This is one of those afternoons where I have to remind myself that I don't like to drink on bad days

[coltsandquills]

featherasscas replied to your post “I am so bummed. They couldn’t let me donate because my iron levels...”

I feel your pain �� They turned me down bc of the meds I was on

writingsofwinchesters replied to your post “I am so bummed. They couldn’t let me donate because my iron levels...”

I hate when that happens. its feels terrible. :( :(

Thanks, you two! It really does suck. Even though it’s out of my control, I feel like I've let people down. I’m debating getting back on a multivitamin. In the past, they’ve always made me feel lethargic and depressed (which my doctor claimed can’t be a side effect, but it happens every single time. Either I’ve got some kind of placebo-effect in the works or, like some tumblr friends have said to me, there’s something about multis that just don’t agree with certain people’s body chem). 

On the plus side, they gave me a cookie for trying. A runner’s up cookie. A cookie of defeat. 

[coltsandquills]

In the continuing search for a username that’s not already taken on the art sites I belong to, I thought of one that can swing either way gender-wise, and I’m admittedly curious to see how and if it would affect my interaction with others in the comic forums and such....

[coltsandquills]

today

My PT broke me physically. Technology broke me mentally. But @snarky-fangirl had good news, and I ate a lot of chocolate, and anyone who's seen The Princess Bride knows how potent miracles and chocolate can be when it comes to rejuvenation.

[coltsandquills]

I really love that one anagram of my name is A Irate Smirk, grammatical faults and all