#crack post

[debrisreal]

6am and im doing this shit ⛹️‍♀️

[battymidnights]

don’t get it twisted dick’s a prep, jason’s a nerd, and tim’s a geek. damian’s an art kid

which means

• dick was totally a cheerleader

• jason definitely went to book club

• tim played video games till morning

• dami has fanart

[heartfullofleeches]

In abstance of my (second) favorite reader - A thread of fast food worker reader and the haunted establishment that has attached itself to them.

-

[A customer walks up to the counter after seeing Reader in the close ballpit face down]

Customer: Um, excuse me- don't you think it's inappropriate for a grown adult to be ballpit like that

Your coworker: Ma'am- please. It's site policy that they have to lay in the ballpit each day for at least twenty minutes so we don't have another missing person's incident.

You, getting a full body massage by the dozens of hands in the pit: This is the only reason I keep this job.

-

A coworker with a crush tries to console you after you get harrassed by a customer: Don't worry, Y/n- I'll protect you!

You: Let's hope you're not like the last one and fall victim to the Weeper

Coworker: the what-

[A hooded figure bangs on the restaurant doors]: Please... Let me in. It hurts so much. I just want to see my spouse again. It's been so long..

Coworker: Oh no, I'll let you in-

You: I didn't leave you, asshole! You keep leaving deer kidney's on the tables when I let you in!

The figure: ...you don't eat enough during your lunch break

-

[The restaurant's mascot walks out of the breakroom and hands you and other coworkers something before walking off]

Coworker: He... gave me a burger? That's nice of him... I guess.

You: Don't eat that. Whenever he hands those out the person in question goes missing.

Coworker: Then what does what he gave you mean?

You, holding a bouquet of roses: I don't wanna talk about it

[salty-rey]

A silly doodle I did based off a mutual's post.

[kota-the-orange-newt]

Aboard an alien ship, a captive Human sits in the cell with the captain of the aliens interrogating them. Not long after, the Human gets antsy. The captain demands why.

"Why do I hear boss music?" The Human asked.

The aliens didn't understand what they meant by that, so they smacked the Human before scoffing and turning around, only to come face to face with another Human armed with a cadaver and a hunting knife.

"Why'd you bring a knife to a gun fight?" The captive Human was mildly miffed.

Though that didn't matter, the other Human dominated the captain and forced him to return them to their colony.

[eosphoroz]

This is their relationship in a nutshell.

[midoristeashop]

More screencap studies + sketches since y’all DEVOURED my httyd one ily

fun fact I did the rotg one first and didn’t really like it but we’re ballin here

Oh also have more randomly assorted tomfoolery I did in class :,)

Also Jamie’s stupid face

[chaoswarfare]

dp x dc prompt #26

Danny and Ember end up having a dance competition/battle, all in good fun, which gets spotted by the Justice League studying the new species on earth.

The League, with almost all of its primary intelligence gathering members out on missions, makes the leap in logic that this species may communicate by dance, like bees…

Unfortunately, Danny has started a dance battle fad and now the Justice League is getting responses when they randomly break into dance around ghosts. or the ghosts just laugh at them and leave. Danny just has to keep the confusion from getting worse until the rest of the league gets back planet side. How bad could it be?

Or- the epic saga of misinformation and guesswork on culture that can only go hilariously.

[dorliart]

I Imagine the first time Crowley actually convinces Aziraphale to wear less than a full-on Victorian bathing suit, it goes something like this; after all why go through the trouble of miracling nipples for yourself if your chest is covered?

[junijupi]

y'all i can't even defend myself anymore. WIP

[windsweptinred]

(Hob having lunch with his friend who happens to be a vet... Lets call them Ruth)

Ruth: That cat of yours Robbie...

Hob: Murphy?

Ruth: He really needs microchipping.

Hob: Oh, no I really don't think there's any need...

Ruth: He's been seen roaming about all over the place Rob. Something could happen to him. I'm surprised at you! You're usually so up on stuff like this. Not to mention, he needs neutering.

Hob: He's NOT being neutered!

Ruth: It's what a responsibile owner would..

Hob: No neutering!!

Ruth: Ok, well he still needs microchipping. Look he'll barely feel a thing, it'll take seconds and he'll forever have your details as his owner under his skin. It can't be lost like a collar. You can even update them online now.

Hob: I really don't think...

Ruth: The clinics having a mircochipping push this weekend, it's 50% off. I'll book you in!

Hob: No, I really....

Ruth: 2pm Saturday, Rob. With Murphy!

(Hours later in the Dreaming, after attempting to explain the situation to Dream)

Hob:... Will you say something... Dream?

Dream: You wish to have your name permantly branded under my skin? As a mark of ownership?

Hob: No, I mean, yes. Ruth will probably neuter me if I don't show but, no I...

Dream: It is a most novel way to ask for my hand Hob Gadling, but I accept, gladly.

Hob:.....

Lucienne: Congratulations are in order I believe.

Hob.... Thank you?

Matthew: Laughing his little feathery ass off.

[debrisreal]

idek what im doing at this point

starscream: you’re right

soundwave: 😨‼️

soundwave: someone get a medic in here! something’s wrong with starscream!

starscream: [i hate this entire faction]

[battymidnights]

i’m imagining one of those scenes with the batbros + cass doing an undercover mission like the trope of tough lady finally putting a dress on except it’s cass and instead goes smth like

cass, who is uncomfortable with certain aspects of her femininity: >:(

jason: cass go change back into the suit. your clearly uncomfortable. tim! you get to wear the dress.

tim: yes

dick: what—

jason unapologetically : shut it dickface. you’re to tall for this one. maybe next time. tim get on it!

tim happy with himself: suck it, losers :p

dick: this is so unfair

damian patting his back: there there

[heartfullofleeches]

Slasher Reader: I don't think this is gonna work out

Yan, sitting in a fancy restaurant: What do you mean, darling? I was very clear in my message. Come mingle with your biggest fan and have the best evening of your life- on top of marrying them and never looking at another person again aside of your victims... but that part of the letter didn't send.

You: The text said "mangle your biggest fan"

Yan: You can mangle my guts as soon as we get home. Quite literally if you don't enjoy yourself. Plus the group of college students staying at my family's lodge. No phone service if you're wondering

You: [quietly sits down]

[lovelybunn]

south park post covid main 4 w/ you in a revealing bikini ! 🍹˚ ༘

warning(s): uses of prns she/her, fem!reader, lowkey a crack post, swearing, suggestive themes

author's note: i'm pretty late to the party (and this was just stuck in my drafts) so i decided to post it now, hope you enjoy!

stan marsh

his swimming trunks don't ever fit him, either they're squeezing his balls off or they're so loose that he will almost flash some poor innocent family

"alcohol-free" by twice but with the alcohol

i mean, stan's like wasted on like five margaritas before he sees you, and when he does... oh, HOOCHIE MAMA!!

ok but fr, the moment this pot belly man sees you in that cute ass swimsuit, he is ALL OVER you.

he's gon grab you from behind and give you all kinds of sloppy neck kisses

"you're so sexy baby. i love you~"

did i forget to add that's he's an ass man?

"🎶 take that, rewind it back, usher got the voice to make your booty go– SMACK!"

ㅤ

kyle broflovski

leanly built kyle broflovski me thinks...

the only one who actually reacted like a normal grown individual out of the four of them 😐

if you have any body dysmorphia, this man will make sure you love your body just as much as he does.

don't get me wrong, he did show you off, but that was more of him making a declaration of "that's all mine, and you wish she was yours."

his hands most definitely will be glued to your hips/waist (his favorite part of your body)

anytime someone would look at you in a flirtatious way/quite literally flirt with you, he would instantly give that signature "i'm tired of your shit.™" kyle broflovski look.

forehead kisses and CONSTANT compliments

trust me, he loves the way that fabric hugs all your yummy curves 😋

ㅤ

eric cartman

this cutie patootie was shocked to see you in that. (calling cartman of all ppl that makes me want to vomit)

he tried his so very hardest to cover you up, with towels, a cover-up, his own swim-shirt, but you took it all off bc ofc you did.

istg he almost cussed a mf out for cat-calling you, he was fighting the urge to keep the true eric theodore cartman deep inside

he would hold your hand the whole time like if he let go you would vanish out of thin air lmao XD

weird headcanon, but i think eric loves seeing your hair down and wet, like all that water dripping down your body really turns him on

sunbathing is his fav past-time when going to the beach/pool

LIKE IF Y'ALL ARE TANNING TOGETHER, LAY ON HIS BIG OL TUMMY, IT'S WORTH IT ISTG, ITS LIKE A PILLOW

also cartman can't swim for shit so he stays in the shallowest part of the water at ALL TIMES. (come on, you don't wanna see his old ass drown, do you?)

ㅤ

kenny mccormick

kenny man bun, kenny man bun, KENNY MAN BUN (but fr, he doesn't like getting his hair wet so he puts it up every time y'all go to the beach/pool)

you just had to pick out a bikini that would show the most amount of cleavage, didn't you?

my man's eyes must've POPPED out of their damn sockets like a cartoon character when he saw that shit

"ah that's hot, that's hot."

every chance this dude gets he's gon come up to you like "madam, your breasts look awfully heavy, shall i hold them for you?"

but enough about kenny's obsession with boobs, i honestly feel like he'd be all kinds of lovey-dovey the whole time

hugging you, kissing you, feeling you all over,I'm pretty sure you'll have to literally bitch-slap kenny cuz this man will be attached to your hip like a tumor

also, you know that hawaiian shirt he always wears (that probably hasn't been washed in 6 months)? yeah, that thing will stay on his body the whole time unless he's in the water. but it's unbuttoned ofc, he isn't trying to die of heat stroke bruv 😕

[little-buzz]

Audrey: Bendy, quit being feral or I'm taking away your drawing privileges. *She promptly points to the several pieces of artwork sprawled about her desk*

Bendy: *He pauses from continuously spinning on a vacant wheelie chair, while throwing a bouncy ball up and down* >:O And you people call me an ink monster!