#cracker x jujubee

[artificialqueens]

Crying In My Prom Dress (Cracker x Jujubee) - Mumu

AN: Couldn’t get the Prom Queen Fantasy runway out of my head, so I wrote something for it! Read on AO3 here.

Summary: Jujubee knows she’s not winning prom queen. Brianna makes her night better.

Jujubee is bored out of her mind. Whoever said that prom is the highlight of your life must not have had very much of a life to begin with, because Jujubee has been to basement parties better than this. Then again, school dances are always boring, so maybe she should have known.

She’s been standing at the edge of the dance floor for what feels like hours, swirling a cup of punch in her left hand. Thank the heavens the stoners had the good sense to spike it a few hours before. If not for the alcohol, Jujubee probably would have ditched by now.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Shea, head thrown back in the middle of a laugh. She looks absolutely gorgeous tonight, with red petals clipped into her hair, her pink dress shimmering under the cheap neon lights. She looks like every little girl’s dream.

Jujubee can’t help feeling childish in her own gown, an 80’s inspired tulle number. She loved it when she first picked it out, but now, eyeing Shea’s form-fitting choice, she sort of feels like an over-decorated cupcake. Jujubee’s stomach twists watching Shea, and she chugs the rest of her punch to cover the jealousy. It’s not like Jujubee isn’t popular, or pretty, but every school has a hierarchy. For as long as she can remember, Shea’s been at the top, and Jujubee has been playing second fiddle to her. The worst part is that Shea is genuinely a good person, which makes her impossible to hate.

Jujubee checks her phone again. The screen lights up: 11:55. Five minutes until prom queen is announced, and then Jujubee can slip away and get some real food. She’s been through three cups of punch by now, and all she’s eaten all day is some popcorn because her dress has a built-in corset and she’s not about to test the universe by risking a popped zipper. Maybe her empty stomach has something to do with her sour mood. Regardless, she’s craving fried chicken really bad right now.

“Girl!” Raven stumbles over, grabbing her arm. “You look stunning!”

“Fuck, did you pregame, Rav?” It’s a rhetorical question, given the fact that the girl looks absolutely slammed. It’s a miracle the administration even let her in. “Back up a step, your breath smells like vodka and I’m not tryna get that all on me.”

“Sure did, and fuck you,” Raven giggles. “C’mon, come dance with us!”

That sounds like the last thing Jujubee wants to do, especially cause she can barely breathe in this dress, but she knows it’ll be impossible to convince Raven to let her mope around on her own. Jujubee lets herself be led into the huddle her friends have made in the middle of the dance floor, plastering on a friendly smile.

“Juju!” Shea immediately wraps her in a warm hug, talking at a mile a minute. “Where have you been? This song is such a bop! I love your dress, purple looks so good on you.”

Jujubee feels a flash of guilt, realizing suddenly that she’s kept herself isolated this whole night.

It’s not Shea’s fault, really, that she’s a shoo-in for the prom queen title. It just hurts that Shea doesn’t even care about popularity or crowns and yet she’s constantly winning those things. Jujubee doesn’t trust herself not to be a bitter bitch about the whole thing, so she’d figured it would be best to avoid Shea for the night. It would be completely on-brand for her to make some petty little jab as a way to bring attention back to herself and soothe the blows to her ego. Jujubee doesn’t want to risk ruining the moment for her best friend, no matter how rocky their relationship.

Lucky for her, Shea has the attention span of a goldfish, and the girl is already back to grooving along to whatever the DJ is currently playing without Jujubee having to answer her question. Small mercies.

“Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention?” A voice booms from the DJ booth. Everyone turns to face it. “The time has finally come. It’s my pleasure to announce to you the nominees for this year’s Prom Queen!”

Jujubee feels the bile rise in her throat. Shea grabs her hand and she flinches at the unexpected contact.

Shea shoots a concerned look at her. “You good, girl?”

“Yeah,” Jujubee lies. “Just nervous.”

“Mhmm,” Shea murmurs. “Don’t be, yeah? We got this.”

Easy for you to say, Jujubee wants to snap. She doesn’t. Shea’s done nothing wrong. It’s not her fault that the girl is prettier and nicer and more charismatic than Jujubee can ever hope to be, and it’s certainly not her fault that Jujubee’s being a bitter Betty tonight.

“Farrah Moan!” The DJ bellows.

A light swings over to a pink-haired girl to Jujubee’s left. Jujubee thinks she remembers her from French class last year. All she really recalls about Farrah is the pounds of highlighter she came to school with every day. By the looks of it, nothing has really changed: Farrah is practically metallic under the spotlight.

Jujubee applauds politely and resists the urge to roll her eyes at the girl’s fake smile. Everybody knows Shea’s going to win. Why do they even bother announcing the nominees?

“Shea Coulee!”

Shea shifts, stepping away from Jujubee so the spotlight falls solely on her. She smiles brightly. She looks radiant, and Jujubee feels that pang of jealousy again. It’s not fair that Jujubee has had to try twice as hard to even come close to the level of popularity Shea attained during her first month here. Then again, nothing is ever fair with Shea. The girl is just god’s favourite.

The light swings away from Shea after a few seconds, falling onto Raven next, and Jujubee lets out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding.

“Juju,” Shea says, mistaking her envy for nervousness. “Chill. You’re an amazing person. This doesn’t define you, okay?”

Jujubee doesn’t trust herself to respond over the lump that’s in her throat and the jealousy clawing at her insides, so she just offers the other girl a soft smile and a nod.

“Jujubee Inthyrath!” The light settles on her, finally.

Jujubee tries not to squint against the brightness. She squares her shoulders, flashing her most dazzling smile and blowing a kiss into what she thinks is the general direction of the DJ booth. The direct light is blinding, and Jujubee sees green and red spots at the back of her eyelids when she blinks.

After a few counts, the light shifts back towards the DJ booth again. She tries to recenter herself, shaking her head lightly.

“Bright, right?” Shea laughs good-naturedly at her dazed expression.

“That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen,” Jujubee jokes in response, swallowing over the jealousy that seems to have made a home in her throat tonight.

“Ladies and gentlemen…” The DJ says, dragging out the last word.

God, hurry up, Jujubee wants to complain. She fixes her best ‘runner-up who’s happy for her best friend’ look on her face instead. She’s been practising her graceful loser smile in the mirror for two months, and she’ll be damned if she lets any of her pettiness show now. As much as Jujubee thrives off of attention, she knows she will never be able to forgive herself if she messes this moment up for Shea.

“Your St. Charles Prom Queen is…”

Jujubee digs her nails into her palm.

“Shea Coulee!”

Besides her, Shea gasps, face breaking into a wide smile. The awful part is that Jujubee is absolutely sure she’s genuinely surprised. Shea’s never been one to expect anything to be given to her.

She forces her fake smile even wider, hugging Shea fiercely. “Congrats!”

“Oh my god,” Shea lets out an incredulous laugh. “Oh my god!”

Jujubee feels like her heart is being ripped out of her chest. She wonders if it would be suspicious to start crying. Probably, she decides. She’ll save her tears for later. Her cheeks hurt from maintaining the face-splitting grin she’s glued to her face, but she keeps it there anyways.

Shea shuffles towards the DJ, who drapes the sash around her and places a crown on her head. She still looks absolutely shocked at the outcome, tearing up a bit. Their friends gather around her, squealing their congratulations and crushing Shea in hugs.

Jujubee watches the scene unfold in front of her and can’t suppress the bitter chuckle that passes her lips. Everything is happening in slow motion. The neon lights dance across Shea’s features. Her eyes shiny are shiny with tears, and she’s slightly shaking as her hands go up to touch the crown on her head.  

Jujubee gets the feeling that all her friends are having their glorious teenage coming-of-age moment and she’s just an audience member sitting in the theatre. They’re only a few feet away, but they seem to be in a whole different world.

There’s a soreness building at the back of her throat. She has to leave, now, before she ends up having to explain why she’s crying over Shea’s win. Jujubee’s eyes dart around the banquet hall. Everyone seems to be occupied with congratulating the newly crowned queen.

Now is a good time as any, she supposes, so she slips out of the back doors and into the night air.

Jujubee takes a seat on a nearby bench, flinching at the cold steel pressing into her thighs. She shivers as a breeze blows by, suddenly acutely aware of how unpractical her dress is for San Francisco’s late-night weather.

The tears have been building all night, and now that she’s finally out of Shea’s sight, Jujubee lets them fall. Once she starts, she can’t stop, and before long she’s fully sobbing. She grinds the heels of her palms into her eyelids with complete disregard for her eyeshadow. Her hands come away a mess of glitter, mascara and pink pigment.

“Um, are you alright?” A voice asks.

She whips her head around so fast she almost breaks her neck. A girl is standing there, in a hot pink gown. Her platinum blonde hair is piled on top of her head in a voluminous updo.  Fuck. This girl fully just witnessed Jujubee having a breakdown. She sniffles, wiping at her eyes and trying to maintain some shred of dignity.

“Yeah, uh-” Jujubee’s voice strains on the word, and, to her horror, she feels another wave of tears coming. She opens her mouth to reassure the girl that yes, she’s totally fine, thank you so much, but ends up bursting into tears again. Her dignity is officially gone. Every bit.

“Oh no, please don’t cry!” The girl slides onto the bench next to her.

She pats Jujubee awkwardly. After Jujubee shows no signs of stopping, she just sits quietly next to her, hand still on the small of Jujubee’s back, letting her cry it out. Jujubee has never hated someone as passionately as this girl right now. Can’t she just leave her alone? This is mortifying.

The girl pulls her hand back from Jujubee like she’s been burned. Fuck. Did she say that out loud?  A sidelong glance at the girl’s hurt expression confirms her suspicions.

For what feels like the millionth time tonight, Jujubee feels guilt pooling in her stomach. This time it crawls all the way up, burning as it builds in her throat.  Jujubee half-falls off of the bench in her haste, stumbling over to the bushes. She proceeds to hurl her guts out. Well—it’s more of a dry heave, really, since Jujubee hasn’t really eaten anything in the past few hours to throw up, but it’s embarrassing nonetheless.

“Holy shit, are you okay?” The girl rushes to her side, doing her best to hold Jujubee’s hair out of her face.

Despite her condition, Jujubee still manages a sarcastic, “Just peachy, thanks.”

She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, wincing as it comes away smeared with hot pink gloss. The girl helps her back to the bench, taking a seat next to her.

“I’m Brianna,” The girl offers.

“Juju,” Jujubee says.

“Wanna talk about it?” Brianna asks.

Jujubee almost snorts at her. In less than five minutes of meeting this girl, Jujubee’s managed to sob, throw up, and make a bitchy comment towards her. Brianna still wants to play therapist?

“Okay,” She says quietly, surprising herself. That was not what she meant to say, at all. But Brianna brightens considerably next to her, and suddenly Jujubee doesn’t have the heart to take it back. Besides, she sort of owes it to Brianna after being a bitch, Jujubee reasons. It’s not at all about the fact that Brianna’s kind of pretty and Jujubee needs to vent.

“Where do I even start? This night has been a mess.”

Brianna takes her hand gently. Jujubee tenses, but lets Brianna brush her fingers over her own. It’s strangely intimate. It’s also far more comfortable than it should be, given she and Brianna are complete strangers.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you aren’t comfortable,” Brianna whispers.

Jujubee feels something unfamiliar swell in her chest. She almost feels like crying again, but out of a different reason than before. She can’t really remember the last time someone was willing to listen to her feelings, nevermind being as gentle with her as Brianna is being right now.  Usually, Jujubee would scoff and call herself pathetic for even considering opening up to this girl, but something about the mess that tonight has been has made her stone-cold exterior crack a bit. She takes a shaky breath in and out.

“No, I want to,” Jujubee says. She feels the other girl’s gaze but doesn’t meet it, staring down at the crystals on her shoes instead. She worries a loose cobblestone with her left heel. “I didn’t win prom queen.”

Brianna makes some kind of shocked noise next to her. When Jujubee peeks up at her, the girl looks like she’s trying her hardest not to laugh and to stay supportive.

“You think it’s ridiculous,” She says, a touch of amusement behind her words. It’s an accusation, but there’s no bite behind it.

“No, I don’t!” Brianna shakes her head. Her updo wobbles dangerously at the movement. Jujubee quirks a brow at her, and Brianna flushes. “It’s just… you look absolutely beautiful. Why let some stupid popularity contest ruin your night?”

“Oh,” Jujubee says, slightly reeling from the compliment. “This old thing?”

Thank god for her quick wit, because otherwise Jujubee definitely would have been stammering some sort of awkward “thank you.” She’s suddenly hyper-aware of how Brianna is pressed close against her side and how their fingers are laced together in the blonde’s lap.

“It’s just, my best friend, Shea? She won, and I know it sounds terrible, but I can’t help but feel super jealous. She’s just perfect, you know? She doesn’t even have to try. And I’m just-”

She laughs self-deprecatingly, gesturing at herself, “Well. You see me.”

“Juju, don’t downplay yourself,” Brianna says. “You’re amazing.”

“How do you know?”

Brianna furrows her brow. “Oh. Oh! Uh, you don’t remember me, do you?”

“Remember you?” Jujubee racks her brain for any memory she might have of Brianna. Nothing. Surely she would have recognized this barbie look-alike if she ever ran into her in school?

“Jesus,” Brianna reddens. “I must have seemed so creepy then, just coming up to you out of nowhere?”

Jujubee must still look confused because Brianna explains further. “We’ve had classes together since seventh grade. I was in your homeroom this year.”

This time it’s Jujubee’s turn to feel embarrassed. God, she’s such a bitch.

“Oh my gosh,” She buries her face into her hands. “I’m so sorry, I-”

“Don’t sweat it,” Brianna laughs. “You know who I am now, so that’s what matters, yeah?”

“Yeah, guess so.”

They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes. The music leaks out of the banquet hall and wraps around them, bass throbbing. Jujubee breaths in the night air deeply. It’s always the after-party silence that she’s liked the best. That feeling of shivering in the chilly breeze and walking home barefoot, heels in hand. The atmosphere always makes her slightly nostalgic for an experience she’s never had and can’t quite name.

“Do you want to dance?” Brianna asks.

“Hmm? I like it out here,” Jujubee says. “If you don’t mind.”

Brianna smiles at her. She looks pretty when she smiles, Jujubee decides. The corners of her eyes crinkle and her nose scrunches up.

“We don’t have to go back inside,” Brianna says. “We can just dance here.”

“Oh! In that case, uh, sure!” Jujubee stammers. She’s barely gotten through the sentence before she’s mentally kicking herself. Of all the times to be socially awkward, of course it happens to her while talking to a pretty girl.

Brianna stands, brushing down the feathers on her dress. She extends a hand that Jujubee takes. Brianna’s palm is warm, and the skin-to-skin contact makes fireworks go off in her chest. Jujubee meets Brianna’s eyes tentatively, snaking a hand around the blonde girl’s waist.

She hears the song change into something slower, and Brianna guides her into a gentle sway. She can feel her cheeks flushing, and her teeth tug on her bottom lip. It’s quiet, save for the leaves crunching beneath their heels and the faint music leaking from the hall, but Jujubee doesn’t mind. It feels peaceful.

She’s always been hopeless romantic, has dreamt of slow-dancing at prom since she was five. Her younger self watched those Disney channel movies that cumulated with a girl being swept off her feet by the football captain religiously.

This is different from all of the scenes she dreamed up when she was younger. There’s no parting of the crowd, no spotlight illuminating her. There’s no crown on her head. But somehow, Jujubee doesn’t really mind.

“This is so cheesy,” Brianna laughs softly.

“This is our rom-com moment, I guess,” Jujubee agrees, grinning. “I don’t mind though.”

“I’ve liked you since seventh grade,” Brianna admits. “You walked into class with a pink streak in your hair and immediately cracked a joke that made everyone laugh.”

“You remember that?” Jujubee’s impressed. She remembers that hair. It was such a pain to have to re-dye her roots every few weeks that she’d sworn to never touch a semi-permanent colour again.

She tells Brianna this, and the girl laughs, gesturing to her updo. “You’re lucky you don’t touch your hair! I’ve been dying mine this icy platinum forever.”

“What? I totally thought that was natural,” Jujubee marvels. “What’s your normal colour?”

“It’s more of a honey shade,” Brianna explains.

Jujubee cocks her head, trying to imagine Brianna with a warm-toned colour. She’d look nice with it. “That sounds pretty.”

The song playing from inside the hall finishes, and the two girls step away from each other. Jujubee shivers, already missing the warmth of Brianna’s hands around her waist.

“Cold?” Brianna asks sympathetically.

“Yeah, my dress is fluffy but it’s still really thin,” Jujubee answers. Her stomach growls, loudly, and she flushes. “Sorry. I haven’t eaten anything in a while.”

“We can go get Denny’s if you wanna leave?” Brianna offers hesitantly. “I drove.”

Jujubee pauses at the request, considering.

“I’d like that,” She says, finally. “I think we have a few years worth of stuff to catch up on.”

“Yeah, well, conversation always flows easiest over pancakes,” Brianna says with a wink.

The action gives Jujubee butterflies. Yes, she would very much like to get to know Brianna better. Something tells her they’ll be awfully close in the future.

[newron]

Drag Queens

[holy-tilda-swinton]

[punkgarbagememeboy]

Me looking at y’alls top 10 drag race girls lists

[wildnandprofilin]

My favorite queens from each season of Drag Race.

Season 1: Nina Flowers

Season 2: Jujubee

Season 3: Manila Luzon

Season 4: Latrice Royale

Season 5: Alaska

Season 6: Bianca Del Rio

Season 7: Katya

Season 8: Chi Chi Devayne

Season 9: Shea Coulee

Season 10: Monet X Change/Miz Cracker (I can’t choose!)

What are yours?!

[stillmumu]

👀

from a cracker x juju hollywood au (think wildest dreams music video vibes)

“Where is this coming from?” Jujubee’s voice is smaller than she wants it to be. 

It hangs in the air and she cringes at the way it makes her sound vulnerable. She’s spent the last six years building up her public persona, polishing it until nobody could ever call her weak or pick out a flaw. It’s taken less than three months for Brianna to destroy it.

“It’s too risky now,” Brianna says. She shifts in her seat again, staring straight ahead like Jujubee doesn’t exist.

“It’s too-” Jujubee barks out a laugh, some sort of twisted-up sound. “Brianna, it’s been risky this whole summer. I deserve a real reason.”

[aquariasasshole]

drag queens in pride colors

Hot Pink (Sex)// Monet X Change, Trixie Mattel, Farrah Moan, Gia Gunn, Courtney Act, Pearl Liaison, Detox, Kennedy Davenport

Red (Life)// Trinity The Tuck, Nina West, Katya, Bianca Del Rio, Violet Chachki, Aja, Jujubee, Shangela

Orange (Healing)// Tatianna, Ariel Versace, Bebe Zahara Benet, Miz Cracker, Nina Flowers, Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Nina Bo’nina Brown, Mimi Imfurst

Yellow (Sunlight)// Sharon Needles, Aquaria, Monique Heart, Yvie Oddly, Scarlet Envy, Shea Couleé, Alaksa, Manila Luzon

Green (Nature)// Laganja Estranja, Naomi Smalls, Sasha Velour, Valentina, Ivy Winters, April Carrión, Kameron Michaels, Ra’jah O’Hara

Turquoise (Magic/Art)// Ongina, Peppermint, Robbie Turner, BenDelaCreme, Akashia, Mercedes Iman Diamond, Kim Chi, Phi Phi O’Hara

Indigo (Serenity)// Blair St. Clair, Silky Nutmeg Ganache, Latrice Royale, India Ferrah, Pandora Boxx, Mayhem Miller, Brooke Lynn Hytes, Morgan McMichaels

Violet (Spirit)// A’keria Chanel Davenport, Roxxxy Andrews, The Vixen, Plastique Tiara, Alyssa Edwards, Jinkx Monsoon, Cynthia Lee Fontaine, Honey Davenport

[ao3feed-trixya]

Reunion

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2MMx1kO

by Mionicov

At a reunion party all the queens play truth or dare.

Might not have energy to include each and every queen but imma try my best!

Words: 1834, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 3 of One shot collections RPDR

Fandoms: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Characters: Violet Chachki, Pearl Liaison, Manila Luzon, Sutan Amrull | Raja, Trixie Mattel, Katya Zamolodchikova, Courtney Act, Willam Belli, Bianca Del Rio, Danny Noriega | Adore Delano, Alaska Thunderfuck 5000, Sharon Needles, Airline Inthyrath | Jujubee, David Petruschin | Raven, Kurtis Dam-Mikkelsen | Miss Fame, Max Malanaphy, Jinkx Monsoon, Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Brooke Lynn Hytes, Nina West, Plastique Tiara, Miz Cracker, Giovanni Palandrani | Aquaria, Bob The Drag Queen, Kim Chi, Naomi Smalls

Relationships: Bianca Del Rio/Danny Noriega | Adore Delano, Violet Chachki/Pearl Liaison, Violet Chachki/Danny Noriega | Adore Delano, Violet Chachki/Kurtis Dam-Mikkelsen | Miss Fame, Violet Chachki/Max Malanaphy, Courtney Act/Danny Noriega | Adore Delano, Sharon Needles/Alaska Thunderfuck 5000, Jinkx Monsoon/Sharon Needles, Airline Inthyrath | Jujubee/David Petruschin | Raven, Sutan Amrull | Raja/David Petruschin | Raven, Sutan Amrull | Raja/Manila Luzon, Courtney Act/Willam Belli, Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova, Violet Chachki/Trixie Mattel, Violet Chachki/Katya Zamolodchikova, Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Miz Cracker/Giovanni Palandrani | Aquaria, Bob The Drag Queen/Naomi Smalls

Additional Tags: Everyone's there, Partying, Party, Truth or Dare, Alcohol, Drinking, drunken games, Yup i made another one, Might be more smut-ish, Daring, Everyone x everyone pretty much, Kissing, Making Out, Lapdance, what not

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2MMx1kO

[radgeorgie]

i used to do this like all the time but uuuhh,,,,,i need some more blogs to follow,,,,,so if you post any of the following please like/reblog & I’ll follow you!

(g) idle

2ne1

7senses

9Muses

a-pink

a.c.e

abry

akmu

Anda

aoa

April

Astro

B.A.P

B1a4

Babymetal

Bangtan Boys

Blackpink

Block b

Bolbbalgan4

BTOB

Chungha

CLC

Cross Gene

Day6

Dreamcatcher

Elris

Eric nam

EXID

EXO

f(x)

Fairies

faky

FEMM

Gfriend

giriboy

Girls' Generation

Girls day

Grace

Gugudan

Gwsn

Happiness

Heize

Highlight

Holland

Honeyst

HyunA

ikon

Imfact

IU

jay park

Jessi

Jo Kwon

Jujubee

K.A.R.D.

Katya

kimchi

Kimi

Kriesha chu

kyary pamyu pamyu

Laboum

Ladies code

lee hyori

Loco

LOONA

m.o.l.a.

MAP6

matilda

miso

Miz Cracker

Momoland

Monsta x

N.flying

Nafla

Neon Punch

NewKidd

NCT

Nogizaka46

Nu’est

Oh My Girl

Pentagon

Perfume

Pristin

Red Velvet

Roy Kim

Samuel

SEVENTEEN

Shannon Williams

SHINee

Sistar

SNUPER

south club

Stray Kids

Super Girls

Suran

Suzy

T-ARA

Team Syachihoko

Teen Top

TheEastLight

TrySail

TWICE

vixx

weki meki

wonder girls

xeno-t

zion t

[lipsyncforyourlife]

VH1 brings back “Untucked” aftershow for new season of “RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars”

VH1 brings back “Untucked” aftershow for new season of “RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars” premiering on Friday, June 5th at 8PM ET/PT

NEW YORK, NY – June 5, 2020 – VH1 today announced the return of the Emmy® nominated aftershow “Untucked” to follow “RuPaul’s Drag All Stars” for the first time since season one. The series gives viewers an all-access pass to the competition where legendary queens are back to compete for a spot in the “Drag Race Hall of Fame,” including behind-the-scenes drama and shade, unseen judge moments and secret vote reveals. Viewers get a front row seat as their favorite “All Stars” spill the tea when “Untucked” premieres Friday, June 5th at 9:30PM ET/PT following the premiere of “RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars” on VH1.

In the new season of “RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars,” returning queens sing, dance, sew, and lip sync for their legacy. The last queen standing will waltz away with the “All Stars” crown, a spot in the “Drag Race Hall of Fame” and a cash prize of $100,000.

The previously announced queens include Alexis Mateo (Season 3, All Stars 1), Blair St. Clair (Season 10), Derrick Barry (Season 8), India Ferrah (Season 3), Jujubee (Season 2, All Stars 1), Mariah Paris Balenciaga (Season 3), Mayhem Miller (Season 10), Miz Cracker (Season 10), Ongina (Season 1) and Shea Couleé (Season 9).

This season, the traditional elimination rules for “All Stars” have been shaken up. At the end of each episode, RuPaul will name one top all star of the week. That queen will lip sync against a mysterious lip sync assassin, chosen from the most iconic performers in “Drag Race” herstory. If the top all star of the week wins the lip sync, she wins a $10,000 tip and the power to eliminate the bottom queen of her choice.  If the lip sync assassin wins, a bottom queen selected from a secret group vote gets the chop, and the $10,000 rolls over until a top all star wins.

Leading into the premiere of “RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars,” “All Stars” winners Monét X Change and Trinity The Tuck will host a special movie marathon of Legally Blonde, 27 Dresses, and The Devil Wears Prada from 1PM to 8PM ET/PT on Friday, June 5th on VH1.

For more information on “RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars” and up-to-date news, go to www.vh1press.com. Join the conversation using #AllStars5 and follow the official accounts on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok.

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 86 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Previously: Courtney quitting threw a wrench into everyone’s plans, especially Violet’s.

This Chapter: Violet returns to Miss Fame’s office to make everything all better, Raven throws a tantrum, and Courtney panics about her rash decision.

***

“Okay, I’ll keep trying her,” Ivy said, trying as best she could not to let her exasperation show, keeping her voice low so as to not worry Miss Fame if she happened to overhear, although Ivy was fairly certain that Pearl had her undivided attention at the moment.

IT was refusing to give her access to Courtney’s computer without written permission, so there was absolutely no way for her to tell where the potential fires were. She’d tried Courtney’s personal cell a few times, but it went straight to voicemail, so she was pretty sure it was turned off.

She still hoped that Courtney would see and respond to her exceedingly polite messages once she turned her phone back on. After all, they’d always had a very friendly relationship. (In fact, Ivy was feeling a tiny bit guilty over the whole situation, since she was pretty sure that she’d been the one to help tart her up for Bianca on multiple occasions.)

It was clear to Ivy from the beginning that Courtney was in over her head. If anyone had asked her, she probably would have said that there’s no way she was ready to handle the office on her own. But no one had asked, and she’d learned long ago that offering unsolicited opinions as an assistant was a one-way ticket to the unemployment office. Therefore, she’d kept her mouth shut about the subject.

The only saving grace at the moment was that Violet was on her way back with Raja. Ivy felt a bit guilty for being so relieved--after all, Violet’s promotion was well-deserved, and missing out on a vacation was terrible, but she selfishly knew that this would make her own life 20 times easier than any other scenario.

Miss Fame would be taken care of, by someone who knew and, as far as Ivy could tell, actually cared about her.

***

Violet furiously typed out text after text, doing her best to be as quiet as possible, tilting her thumbs so her nails never hit her screen, since Raja was talking on the phone in the front seat.

She was ever so grateful for the assistant network, Ivy adding her private number to the groupchat the minute she found out she was coming back. Roxy had run to the wardrobe to get her a somewhat Fame-approved outfit, while Ivy was trying to hold down Fame’s office, the mailboxes she could access filled to the brim with post-holiday catch ups.

Fame was going to be furious, the woman usually losing it if a single thing was out of place, and right now, everything was out of place.

At least, she hadn’t had to face Fame directly yet, Pearl throwing herself on the bomb that was Fame in a mood, the blonde somehow always able to get out unscathed where literally anyone else would have been eaten alive.

Violet was beyond grateful for the distraction, a text ticking in from Pearl with a picture of her in what looked like a Starbucks line, along with a question about Fame’s coffee order.

Violet hated that she knew it by heart, a medium double extra hot skinny vanilla unsweetened almond milk latte with cold foam and 2 shakes of cinnamon the safest bet when Fame was in a funk.

Roxy sent her a series of three different dresses, all of them usable, but she had included tan tights, the shade of them compared to her skin tone something Violet knew Fame would comment on instantly.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes, letting the wave of anxiety wash over her, before she swallowed it down, and got back to work.

***

Juju’s phone was buzzing so much that it felt like a vibrator in her pocket. Still, she ignored it while she finished the color on one of her favorite clients, the legendary socialite Chad Michaels. After all, Detox and the kids’ schools knew to call reception if there was a real emergency. Also, she knew she’d have to take some time off when she had the baby, so she could use all the time she could get with her clients.

“There we go,” Juju smiled, finishing the last foil. “Sandy will be over to wash this out in 30 minutes, okay? And then we’ll do your cut. If you need anything, just ask.”

“Of course.” Chad smiled back, opening up the latest Vogue in her lap.

Juju headed for her office, feeling grateful that Baby Number Four wasn’t a bladder kicker--at least not yet. She did, however, need to rest her feet, so she plunked down onto her chair with a sigh and finally pulled out her phone, where she saw five missed FaceTime calls from Raven.

Uh oh.

Raven only war-dialed like this when something was truly wrong--last time, it was over losing a job to a 19 year old, and it had taken Juju about 3 hours to calm her down. She didn’t have that kind of time at the moment, but she did want to be there for her friend. As she was hesitating, the phone began buzzing again in her hand. She checked the clock. Thirty-five minutes to play therapist, tops. But would it be enough? She decided to risk it.

“Hello?”

“Hi.” Raven looked awful. Puffy and red-eyed, mascara streaked down her face.

“Why aren’t you on a plane to Colorado right now?” Juju asked, trying to keep her voice light and chipper. Sometimes, the same techniques that worked on her children were the best way to go with Raven.

“Raja doesn’t love me anymore.” Raven tried, and failed to hold down a sob, her normally flawless hair in a messy bun.

“... Come again?” Juju raised an eyebrow, Raven’s statement as unbelievable as it was unlikely, her two friends like peas in a pod.

“We were at the airport,” Raven wiped her eye and smearing her mascara even futher, doing her best to be understandable, “and then one call from the office about stupid Courtney quitting without warning and she-”

“Courtney quit?” Juju asked, eyes wide. She couldn’t say that it surprised her, but the no warning was worrying.

“Who gives a shit about her!” Raven snapped, and Juju held her tongue. “The second Raj found out, she dropped everything and went back there, and left me all alone with Sutan!”

“The horror.” Juju couldn’t help but smile, Raven ridiculously dramatic even though she was obviously genuinely sad.

“Shut up, it was awful!” Raven threw herself down on her bed, rolling onto her stomach. “He was so fucking calm, I wanted to strangle him!”

“Maybe he was trying to be calm for you?” Juju tilted her head. More often than not, Sutan’s calm acted like water on the burning embers of Raven's temperament, but sometimes, sometimes, it was like pouring oil on a fire. “He cares about you.”

Juju honestly had no idea how Sutan and Raven managed to work together as well as they did, their lives a somewhat terrifying blend of personal and professional with no clear boundaries that Juju knew she’d never be able to live with.

“I wish Raja cared.” Raven buried her face in her pillow, groaning.

“Come on, Rave. You know she loves you.”

“Then why did she leave?!” Raven sat back up, hugging the pillow to her chest. “It wasn’t even a discussion, it was just like, sorry babe, bye!” Raven sniffed bitterly. “She didn’t even look back. I think maybe…”

Juju tilted her head, seeing Raven’s gray eyes full of tears and uncharacteristically soft.

“Maybe what, babe?”

“Maybe she only loves me when it’s convenient.”

She looked so sad, so fragile, but it took every muscle in Juju’s body not to burst out laughing. Convenient?

“Rave…” she began softly, quickly adding, “and I say this with love, but you’re the least convenient person in the universe. You’re an enormous pain in the ass. Nobody would want to be around you unless they love you with all their heart and soul.”

“You really mean it?” Raven asked, sounding almost hopeful.

“I really do.”

***

Alaska wouldn’t dare say it out loud, since she’d risk sounding like the world’s biggest brown-noser, but she was actually excited to be back at work. She and Kim were planning a huge launch after fashion week for all their new products, and she couldn’t wait to really dig into their marketing and roll-out plans.

She entered the conference room with a spring in her step, waving a cheerful hello to Trixie and pausing, head cocked, at the table. There were bottles of Evian at each place along with the usual printed agenda, but that was it. No elaborate breakfast spread, no piles of pastries or even muffins--not that she minded terribly, but she knew that her team was grateful for all the treats she would snag and take downstairs with her every Monday. Plus, it made her wonder what it all meant.

Were there budget cuts? What would that mean for her plans, her department? Laying anyone off was, fortunately, not something she’d had to do since becoming a department head and she really, really didn’t want to lose anyone on her team.

All of her questions were somewhat answered a few minutes later, when Miss Fame entered, flanked by both Pearl and Ivy. Her heart sank a little.

Where was Courtney? She hoped she was okay. They hadn’t had a chance to talk much at the New Year’s party, but she’d seemed so happy, and Alaska hoped that nothing had occurred to destroy that.

Of course, Alaska knew better than to ask about her, even under her breath. Odds were, Amy would know all the gossip, and if worse came to worse, Roxy could always be bribed with a free sample or two.

They got right down to business, Alyssa taking them through the marketing plans, including the upcoming Marie Claireshoot and the makeup launch party in March. Alaska found herself getting excited all over again when the door opened and Raja stalked in.

Alaska looked up curiously - as far as she knew, Raja was supposed to be in Aspen right now. And based on her outfit, which was a cashmere sweater and what looked like velour track pants, she may have been under the impression that she was in fact there, sitting in a lodge in front of a roaring fire.

However, this was Raja, so she slid into her seat as if she was wearing couture and silently opened the packet in front of her, her and Trixie exchanged a lift of eyebrows before Trixie slid over another sheath of notes which she took, folding her hands and looking up at Fame.

She hadn’t expected it, but she saw the tiniest glint of relief in Fame’s eyes as she nodded at Raja, before gesturing for Alyssa to continue her presentation.

Alaska saw the door open once again out of the corner of her eye, Violet slipping in and walking up to Ivy without saying a word, Ivy handing her her notebook and giving her shoulder a brief squeeze, before they exchanged spots, Violet melting into the background like she had never left.

***

Courtney had waited until almost 10 am before making her way back to Bianca’s, just to be completely sure that she’d have already left for work. She’d done the cowardly thing and turned her phone off, which she knew was wrong, but she just couldn’t bear to deal with the barrage of calls and messages that she knew would come the second Miss Fame saw that she wasn’t there.

She would send a formal letter of resignation to Rita later, she’d decided. That was the correct thing to do. But right now, what she needed more than anything was a way to get out the anxiety that was making her mind spin in circles, thoughts spiraling like dominos, each one worse than the last.

She stripped out of her work clothes and put on a pair of sweats, even found an old iPod so that she could listen to music without her phone, and then climbed onto Bianca’s elliptical.

As she began working out, music blasting, she tried her very best to clear her mind and focus on the movement, the breathing.

The worst case scenario, very worst case, was that she’d made such a mess of things at Galactica, pissed Miss Fame off so much, that Bianca wouldn’t want her anymore. That would be the worst thing. But what would she do? Would she kick her out? Tati had gone back to her aunt’s house in New Jersey, so she could probably sleep on Adore’s couch. Of course, Adore loved Miss Fame too, so if Bianca was angry enough to throw her out, there was a chance that she’d lose her best friend too.

Why, why couldn’t she just go in and face Miss Fame like a fucking adult? Why did even getting near that building cause pain in her chest? What was wrong with her?

Courtney pedaled faster, pushing her body farther and farther, until sweat was pouring down her back. She squeezed her eyes shut and kept going, certain that if she could just go hard enough, she could release her mind from spiraling out of control, thinking of one doomsday scenario after another.

Moving back home to her parents’ house in Brisbane wouldn’t be the end of the world. She could handle it. So what if everyone in her life would know how terribly she’d failed? So what if she’d have to wake up every day to the disappointment on her mum’s face, the condescending pity from her dad? They were probably expecting this. Probably, everyone was expecting her to fail, come back home with her tail between her legs and admit that she wasn’t special, wasn’t able to cut it on her own out in the real world.

Maybe Ben would let her stay with him. Sydney was better than Brisbane, and she could cook and clean for him. Well, she could clean, at least. And maybe even learn how to help with his wig business. Not that she had the faintest idea how any of that worked. But maybe he would need help with the website or social media. And yeah, his place was a studio, but it was a pretty big studio. Of course, he probably wouldn’t want her around either--the last time she’d stayed with him, it had only been two days before he decided that having a little sister around was hindering his ability to get laid and pointedly asked her if she had any friends in the area.

Courtney turned up the resistance, pushing her body to the breaking point, gasping for air, every muscle working. She kept at it, losing track of time and finally, finally clearing her mind. As long as she kept up the furious pace, it worked just fine. But after awhile, when she started faltering and finally stumbled off the machine, she suddenly felt the pain searing through her body, crawling into the bathroom to throw up, then pressing her head against the side of the toilet bowl. She didn’t even notice the hot tears on her cheeks until a minute later.

It was no use wallowing in misery, she decided, wiping her face with the back of her hands. She needed to, at the very fucking least, turn on her phone and face the music.

***

“You’re seriously serious?” Jovan whispered, biting his lip. He was gathered with Bob, Maxwell and Blu around the espresso machine. Trixie had returned from the Monday department head meeting and went directly to his office, a newer face from HR right behind him, Trixie actually closing his door, which he never ever did.

“Swear on my life,” Bob put a hand on his chest, the other holding his coffee cup. “The entire upstairs is in an uproar over it.”

“Shit,” Jovan took a sip of his coffee. Bob was probably exaggerating about the uproar, upstairs way too uptight and WASPy to do anything beyond hushed whispers and quiet panic, though their quiet panic always manifested like earthquakes through the entire company.

“I can’t believe Courtney just quit,” Maxwell had his arms crossed, his eyes on Trixie’s office door.

“Well I can,” Blu sighed, fiddling with the end of her orange ponytail. “Poor Violet.”

They had all heard Bob’s tale of how Roxy had told him that Violet had been called back in, none of them really believing it until Alexis had bumped into Raja in the hallway, all of them knowing that Violet was supposed to be in Aspen with Raja, Sutan and Raven.

“I know,” Bob poured himself a second mug. “I’m still thinking of excuses to go to Miss Fame’s office.”

“Bob!” Maxwell turned to him, a level of outrage in his voice that he normally never took with his boyfriend. “Don’t even think about getting involved-”

“Relax,” Bob bumped his shoulder with his own. “I just want to check in on our girl.”

“I doubt that she needs us meddling right now,” Blu chewed her lip, clearly missing the irony of the fact that they were all just waiting for the other shoe to drop instead of actually working, Maxwell right back to staring at Trixie’s door.

“Should we like,” Blu glanced over her shoulder at Violet’s desk, everything neatly organized and put exactly right for the week she was supposed to be out of office, a stack of dated envelopes ready for Jovan, since he had offered to lend a hand, “send her a fruit basket or something?”

“You’re acting like she died.”

“Didn’t she?”

***

Fame took a sip of tea, watching as Raja pulled her sweater over her head, the first smile of the day playing on her lips at the sight of her friend's bra.

“If I had known I’d get a show, I would have requested something stronger.”

“Please,” Raja grinned back, grabbing a blue silk shirt from the small emergency wardrobe she kept in her office, pulling it on and buttoning it.

It had been a genuine surprise to see Raja at the meeting, and Violet slipping in behind her was a huge relief. If Fame was the type to feel real guilt, the tight sensation she had in her stomach would have been suffocating. They had gone to Raja’s office directly after the meeting, Ivy setting up their usual teapot and cups--which didn’t bother her this time, since Pearl had managed to get her coffee order correct--something she was sure had everything to do with Violet.

“So,” Raja sat down on the couch, picking up her notebook. She had made her ponytail into a quick braid, her lounge wear exchanged with a suit, a quick layer of gloss on her lips making her lack of makeup look intentional instead of accidental. “What are we going to do?”

At the we, Fame felt her stomach clench again. She hadn’t asked Raja to come back in, but she had to admit that she was so grateful that she was there.

“I already told Trixie that we might need Violet in your office for awhile.” Raja made a note, “He isn’t happy about it, but it is what it is, and with his new hire, he’ll figure it out.”

Fame nooded.

“Rita is working on nothing except finding a replacement, but we both know handling your office isn’t-“

“Are you back here all week?”

Raja paused, her pen touching the paper, a soft expression in her eyes. “I haven’t made any firm decision.“

“Raven can’t be happy.”

“Raven hasn’t answered any of my texts, but I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Raja didn’t sound like it was actually fine, but her tone was light enough, “Sutan says she got home safe.”

Fame nodded, taking a sip of her tea. As wonderful as it was to have someone who was always on her side, she wondered if it was a mistake to rely so heavily on Raja all the time. Surely she should be able to handle a week without her so that she could take a vacation.

“You could still go, you know.” Fame gently knocked their knees together, making Raja smile.

“Well…” Raja put down her notebook, taking her teacup leaning back on the couch. “I don’t really want to go without Tan, and he won’t want to go without Violet...” Raja trailed off, a sour note in her voice.

“Oh. Right...” While Fame knew that having Raja gone right now would be inconvenient, she also knew that she could manage. Violet, however, was another story.

She wasn’t willing to let Violet go, not when there was still so much chaos, not when she made things so very easy. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, I understand,” Raja said, reaching over to touch her hand.

The best part was that Fame knew she was telling the truth. She smiled.

“But...maybe you could take her somewhere else?” Fame suggested. “Even if it’s just for a few days. So that she doesn’t want to kill me.”

“Hmm...well, St. Bart’s is pretty nice this time of year…”

***

“No, no you listen to me.” Violet hissed, pressing the handset from the landline against her ear. “I don’t care if I have to personally come down there and break every single pathetic bone in your little keyboard tapping fingers. I want access to that computer, and I want it now.”

“We can’t do that-“

Violet groaned, the tinny voice from the unfortunate soul down in IT only fanning the fire in her chest.

“If you think I won’t find a way to get you fired, you’re wrong.” Violet hung up, the plastic on the phone clacking. She hated using the landline, but since she didn’t have a new work phone, it was her only option.

Raja and Fame had thankfully gone to lunch together, so Violet had spent the break from tending to Fame digging through every single drawer in Courtney’s desk and flipping through her notebooks on a desperate quest for something, anything, that could help her understand the color coded illogical mess that had been left behind.

When she had opened the bottom drawer, she had seriously considered going on a witch hunt to find Courtney, the entire drawer filled with crumpled receipts and printouts that she just knew hadn’t been filed correctly with accounting.

Violet hated traveling, but she’d go to the end of the world, uproot the very earth to find whatever hole Courtney had crawled into, just for the chance to gut her like a fish.

She had managed to cobble an approximate schedule for the week together out of what she could see from Fame’s side of the calendar, but she knew there had to be hundred, if not thousand, of requests of all different kinds from both internal and external business partners in Courtney’s mailbox, since this was the first day back from the holidays.

Violet was just about to call Shangela, the Director of Operations starting to seem like her only hope in getting access to the computer, when her personal phone vibrated.

She picked it up to see a text from Ivy just with a screen shot from Courtney, who gave Galactica permission to open her accounts to whoever needed it.

Violet breathed a sigh of relief, clutching her phone as she quickly dialed the number for IT, feeling certain now that she could have a somewhat functioning office by the time Fame came back.

Things would be okay, because they had to be, but if she never had to see Courtney fucking Jenek again, Violet could die a happy woman.

[coronerra]

ranking drag race queens imo season 1-10

1 Manila Luzon 1 Aquaria 3 Yara Sofia 4 Adore Delano 5 Monét X. Change 6 Chi Chi DeVayne 7 Aja 8 Sharon Needles 9 Jinkx Monsoon 10 Alaska 11 Willam 12 Shangela 13 Tyra Sanchez 14 Jujubee 15 BenDeLaCreme 16 Shea Couleé 17 Asia O'Hara 18 Trinity Taylor 19 The Vixen 20 Monique Heart 21 Stacy Layne Matthews 22 Mariah 23 Latrice Royale 24 Lineysha Sparx 25 Roxxxy Andrews 26 Sahara Davenport 27 Tammie Brown 28 Shannel 29 Nina Flowers 30 Coco Montrese 31 Ivy Winters 32 Jessica Wild 33 Blair St. Clair 34 Bob The Drag Queen 35 Peppermint 36 Nina Bo'Nina Brown 37 Tatianna 38 Alexis Matteo 39 Alexis Michelle 40 Chad Michaels 41 Raja 42 Violet Chachki 43 Kennedy Davenport 44 Katya 45 Ginger Minj 46 Miss Fame 47 Max 48 Trinity K. Bonet 49 Bianca Del Rio 50 Jade Jolie 51 Vivacious 52 Alyssa Edwards 53 Detox 54 Mayhem Miller 55 Jaidynn Diore Fierce 56 Thorgy Thor 57 Morgan McMichaels 58 BeBe Zahara Benet 59 Acid Betty 60 Dida Ritz 61 Phi Phi O'Hara 62 Joslyn Fox 63 Jasmine Masters 64 Courtney Act 65 Darienne Lake 66 Gia Gunn 67 Mrs. Kasha Davis 68 April Carrion 69 Milk 70 Laganja Estranja 71 Nicole Paige Brooks 72 Sonique 73 Pandora Boxx 74 Dusty Ray Bottoms 75 Vanessa Vanjie Mateo 76 Mimi Imfurst 77 Carmen Carrera 78 Delta Work 79 Jaymes Mansfield 80 Farrah Moan 81 Kimora Blac 82 Valentina 83 India Ferrah 84 Rebecca Glasscock 85 LaShawn Beyond 86 Milan 87 Jiggly Caliente 88 Laila McQueen 89 Dax ExclamationPoint 90 Kalorie Karbdashian Williams 91 Eureka 92 Kim Chi 93 Yuhua Hamasaki 94 Honey Mahogany 95 Charlie Hides 96 Mystique Summers Madison 97 Akashia 98 Naysha Lopez 99 Naomi Smalls 100 Cynthia Lee Fontaine 101 Victoria (Porkchop) Parker 102 Jade 103 Derrick Barry 104 Kenya Michaels 105 The Princess 106 Monica Beverly Hillz 107 Robbie Turner 108 Tempest DuJour 109 Kandy Ho 110 Sasha Belle 111 Madame LaQueer 112 Vivienne Pinay 113 Magnolia Crawford 114 Kelly Mantle 115 Pearl 116 Venus D-Lite 117 Alisa Summers 118 Penny Tration 119 Serena Cha Cha 120 Miz Cracker 121 Kameron Michaels 122 Ongina 123 Phoenix 124 Raven 124 Trixie Mattel 124 Sasha Velour

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 63 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Last Chapter: The red carpet turned into a major headache for Raja as the Galactica holiday party got underway.

This Chapter: It’s all eyes on Miss Fame as she finally finds out about her best friend and her assistant arriving as a couple. And everyone except Violet seems to enjoy all the shit-talking.

***

The Christmas Party was Maxwell's favorite company event of the year. It was always wonderfully decadent, Fame apparently setting out with an intention of topping perfection every single year, and so far, Maxwell hadn’t seen her fail.

The air smelled like pine and peppermint, the air conditioning running overtime so it almost felt like they were in a winter wonderland.

It wasn’t that Maxwell didn’t like to dance, wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy letting loose when he went with Bob to one of his drag shows, but on a night like this, he preferred observing, watching for inspiration and being taken in by the grandeur.

Most of the designers were already on the dance floor--April twirling in a gorgeous yellow dress, Kiara dripping with gold while Alexis was wrapped in bold red. The marketing team, on the other hand, had set up shop at the bar, some of them already seeming a bit messy.

Maxwell was nibbling on the selection of canapes he had managed to snatch from a waiter, smoked Alaskan salmon on rye, cranberry and brie bites and Swiss chocolate dipped clementines among the night's selection.

“Wait. Wait wait wait wait.”

Maxwell turned his head, looking over at Bob who was standing next to him at the small table they had occupied, Roxy’s face twisted in a shiteating grin.

If it had been any other night, Bob would have been on the dance floor, tearing it up, but Roxy had dangled a secret in front of his face, and if there was one thing Bob loved, it was a good secret.

He had been plying her with drinks from the moment they had arrived, and it seemed like she had finally spilled the beans while Maxwell wasn’t paying attention.

“She’s what?” Bob asked, trying to get Roxy to repeat herself. “Tell me who Courtney’s dating!”

“She’s dating beedeearrrr,” Roxy slurred, and Bob looked at Maxwell, who shrugged.

“I have no idea what she’s saying.”

“Bee! Deeeee! Arrrrrrrgh!” Roxy said again, doing her absolute best to separate her words.

“Wait, BDR? As in Bianca Del Rio?” Bob asked, mouth open in amazement.

“Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding!” Roxy crowed, her brown hair in the most elegant updo, a sparkling shawl over her shoulders. “But nobody knows.”

“Then how do you know?” Bob asked, arms crossed, a skeptical expression creasing his features.

“Because. She’s been getting deliveries.”

“So? Isn’t it normal for Bianca to have stuff delivered to Miss Fame’s office? Aren’t they good friends?”

“Yes! But! Not to Fame. And anyway, they’re coming together tonight,” Roxy said, lifting her glass to her lips. “Courtney said so herself.”

“Sure, sure...I’ll believe that when I see it,” Bob laughed.

Maxwell rolled his eyes just as Jovan walked stiffly up to their table, holding a cocktail.

“What’s going on with your suit?” Maxwell asked, reaching out to touch the orange fabric.

“Spray paint made the fabric inflexible,” Jovan said, “But I made it work.”

“Did you? Because from here you look like you can’t walk.”

“Yeah but I look amazing. Fair trade.”

“If you say so,” Maxwell laughed, thumping him on the shoulder.

“Violet! Come here!” Bob called, beckoning her over. He leaned in and told Roxy, “Violet will know if your little rumor is true.”

*

“Hey!” Sutan got dragged through the crowd, Raja’s nails digging through his suit jacket, his twin holding him a death grip. “Raj, calm down!”

Sutan had barely made it off the carpet and detached himself from the women he had taken pictures with to reunite with Violet, relocating his girlfriend in such a big crowd always a hassle when Raja had snatched him up.

[We-] Raja released him, looking over her shoulders to make sure that they were alone before she continued, [have a problem.]

[I figured.] Sutan straightened his jacket, his sleeve completely twisted. It had to be a serious shit situation if Raja was this paranoid, Indonesian usually enough for her to say whatever she wanted wherever she wanted. [So what’s going on?]

[Bianca brought Courtney.] Raja crossed her arms, her nostrils flaring with annoyance.

[... Who?] Sutan had no idea who that was, the name not ringing any bells.

[Fame’s assistant.]

[The small blonde?] He vaguely remembered her from when Violet had broken her ankle, the woman kneeling next to them, but there hadn’t been anything special about her at all, her face completely blurred out in his mind.

[Yes.]

It took a moment to click, a moment for Sutan to realize what his sister had actually said.

[Oh fuck….] His eyes widened.

[Oh fuck exactly.] Raja huffed. [She is here. As Bianca’s date.]

Oh this. This was bad. There was no way at all that this would go over well with Fame, the entire situation truly an absolute shit show.

[Did you talk to her?]

[I tried,] Raja rolled her eyes, her fingers tapping on her arm, cold annoyance coming off of his twin in waves. [But you know her-]

Sutan did know Bianca, actually, he knew Bianca very well.

[Please don’t tell me.]

[Yes.]

Great. Great great great.

[Okay, so.] Sutan sighed, crossing his own arms. [Are we doing a divide and conquer? Going for the black out? Because I think I can talk Fame into trying all the gins with me-]

It wasn’t that Sutan didn’t like spending time with Fame, getting drunk with her actually a lot more fun than strangers would expect, but he had genuinely looked forward to going home and peeling his girlfriend out of her dress, drinking Fame under the table for the common good wrecking any chance of that happening.

[Bianca said no distractions.] Raja rolled her eyes again. [She wants Fame to-] Raja held up her hands, doing quotation marks with her fingers as she switched to english. “Just deal with it”

“Well fuck.” Sutan groaned, Fame just dealing with it about as fun as rolling around naked in hot coals, his sisters damage control duties as Fame’s right hand woman never ending.

*

“Katya!” Pearl grinned when she finally spotted her roommate between the forest of Christmas trees, the blonde standing against the wall in her poofy dress, not at all looking interested in the party that was happening around her.

“I got you a present,” Pearl slid in next to her, Katya barely raising an eyebrow when Pearl handed her a drink. “The best virgin drink the bartender could whip up!”

“Thanks…” Katya took the glass, the rim lined in sugar, a couple of maraschino cherries floating around in the orange soda.

“Annnnnnd...I saved the best for last,” Pearl smiled, reaching into her pocket, refusing to let Katya’s downbeat mood ruin the night, even if she had to force her friend to feel happy. “I got you a little umbrella. Look! It’s tiny!”

Katya rolled her eyes slightly, but still took the umbrella. “Thanks, Pearlie.”

“Do you wanna dance?” Pearl asked, hoping to distract her while Trixie was off schmoozing the Bloomingdale’s buyer.

“Uh...maybe in a bit,” Katya said. “You know, you don’t have to babysit me. Don’t you have people you need to talk to?”

“Nope!” Pearl smiled, sidling up and leaning against the wall beside her. “I’m all yours.”

“Lucky me.”

*

“Sure I can’t tempt you with a sip?”

Violet looked over at Jovan, who was grinning at her, her coworker standing in a bright orange suit that he never would have gotten away with if he wasn’t known as the company's kooky designer.

It was kind of him to offer, Violet unable to have a drink of her own unless she was sitting, but there was one glaring impracticality with the arrangement Jovan was offering her.

“I’d rather not share a straw, but thanks-”

“Are you absolutely sure you don’t know anything Chachki?” Bob smiled, him taking a long sip of his own cocktail, the man like a fish in water and as giddy as a child.

“Why would I?”

“Because you’re dating Sutan?”

Bob and Roxy had tried to pry information out of Violet, had tried to make her confess if Courtney was dating Bianca, but Violet honestly had no idea, and most importantly, she didn’t give a single shit about it.

“That doesn’t mean-”

“Lovely eyes!” Violet was cut off at the sound of Sutan’s voice, her boyfriend walking up to the group. “There you are.”

Sutan smiled, pressing a kiss against her temple, and Violet couldn’t help but lean into it, even though she was annoyed with him, the man just leaving her with no explanation when Raja had pulled him aside.

“Mr. Amrull!” Maxwell held a hand out, and Sutan took it, Violet barely keeping from rolling her eyes at Maxwell’s obvious eagerness. Thankfully, Bob had no such qualms, openly making fun of his boyfriend.

“Mr. Amrull,” Bob wiggled his brows, holding his own hand out to shake with Sutan, while staring directly at Maxwell, who blushed all the way to his ears, the red matching wonderfully with his sky blue suit.

“Shut up!” Maxwell hissed, pushing an elbow into Bob’s side, but it didn’t seem like Sutan had noticed, the man moving as close to her side as he could, his voice low.

“I’m sorry I just left.” Sutan looked at her, a genuinely apologetic expression on his face, and Violet felt a little bit of her annoyance melt away, Sutan so incredibly good at making her feel like she mattered to him. “There was a slight situation.”

Judging from Raja’s face, Violet wouldn’t call it slight, but before she had a chance to open her mouth, Bob and Roxy had already stepped in.

“Situation?” Bob looked delighted, while Roxy only did a slightly better job of pretending to be a professional.

“Is there anything we can help with?”

“My sister has it all handled.” Violet saw Sutan put a hand in his pants pocket, his tone clearly dismissive while still being polite.

“So there is a real issue?” Bob’s eyes widened, and he took a step forward, his interest just Bob’s usual curiosity, but for once, Violet felt oddly protective of Sutan.

“Don’t answer that.” She leaned against his side, letting him take a little bit of her weight, telling him that she was there with him. “He loves gossip.”

It was both a warning, and an attempt to lighten the mood, and thankfully, Jovan laughed at her jab, Sutan’s hand coming around her waist and holding her close.

“I can hear that.” Sutan smiled down at her, the warmth and humor back in his eyes, his hand grip tightening in the most delicious way. “Can I whisk you away?”

“Please,” Violet smiled back, her heart skipping a beat. She couldn’t wait to find a place to sit down and hopefully be left alone, but it seemed like life had other plans.

“There!” They all turned at the sound of Roxy’s voice, the receptionist pointing into the crowd at Courtney and Bianca who were walking side by side, their fingers intertwined. “I told you so!”

*

“Juju,” Raven hissed, sitting down next to her best friend, her heart beating away in her chest. “You are not going to believe this!”

“Believe what?” Juju was sitting at the VIP bar with Detox at her side, Juju is a gorgeous blue gown  with ruffles over her bump, the dress almost concealing the fact that she was getting rounder and rounder every day.

“Yes,” Detox chimed in, “Believe what?”

“I am trying,” Raven looked around, desperate not to draw Fame’s attention, the blonde thankfully caught up in conversation on the other side of the room, “not to cause suspicion.”

“Oh?”  Detox’s eyes widened, cheshire smirk on his face since the man could smell drama from miles away.

“Raja left me all alone.”

“Really?” Juju raised an eyebrow, “That’s it? I don’t think that warrants-”

“No! You’re not listening. Raja left me, because Bianca is here with someone!”

“So?” Detox sighed. “She has a flavor of the month, how’s that news?”

“This isn’t just any flavor of the month. I didn’t know why I recognized her at first.” In honesty, Raven had been fuming when Raja had left her alone; the only reason she hadn’t kicked up a fuss the fact that there were cameras present and that this was an industry event. “But then I remembered.” It had taken a while, and Raven was pretty sure she wouldn’t have realized who Bianca’s date was if she hadn’t looked so lost. “It’s Fame’s assistant.”

“Oh nooooo…” Juju said, mouth opening wide in horror.

“What?” Detox grinned, his eyes filled with delight. “Oh this...this is a mess I can’t wait to see.”

“Look!” Raven exclaimed, and Juju’s eyes practically bugged out of her head at the sight of Bianca and Courtney walking across the ballroom, straight towards Fame.

Juju grabbed Raven’s arm, squeezing it tight. “Omigod Fame sees them. Omigod omigod omigod…”

“Hey guys,” Raja said, strolling up to the group. “Sorry for leaving, princess, but I had to-”

“I know! We’re watching the drama right now,” Raven said, taking Raja’s arm and pulling her close, making sure she knew that all was forgiven.

“Oh fuck,” Raja groaned, turning away and hiding her head in Raven’s hair. “I can’t look.”

*

Fame smiled benignly, surveying the party with a pleased expression. So far, everything was perfect. She really had to pat herself on the back for pulling off such an extraordinary event year after year. With Patrick happily chowing down at the buffet, she’d strolled off to admire the indoor forest, the trees huge and impressive, covered with a dusting of glittery white snow. She took a deep breath, turning around--and that’s when she saw them.

Bianca, striding towards her with a smile on her face and a spring in her step, her fingers laced together with none other than Fame’s very own Executive Assistant.

Fame stared at them, gripping her champagne glass, blood rushing through her ears. How dare she?

Fame had told Bianca to stay away from Courtney, less than a month ago, and now, she was bringing her as a date, with no prior warning, to a Galactica party of all places?

Even worse--Bianca then gave her a mildly sheepish, casual little wave. Was she on drugs? That was the only possible explanation for this kind of egregious lapse in judgment.

Fame could see how everyone was watching them, Courtney and Bianca suddenly the focus of the party instead of the decor or the menu or the music she had worked so hard on arranging. Fame hated when her plans didn’t work out, when things took a turn she wasn’t aware of, and yet, it seemed like Bianca hadn’t even had the courtesy to warn her that she was going to be all over the gossip sites tomorrow.

She watched them approach, noting that Courtney, at least, had the decency to look both frightened and apologetic. Well, good. She should be frightened. They should both be frightened. As they got closer and closer, Fame couldn’t help but notice the ring she’d bought Bianca for her birthday glittering on her finger.

Well, if she thought that was going to win her any brownie points after this stunt, she was dead wrong.

Fame painted a big, beaming smile on her face, venom dripping from the corners of her mouth, as she opened her arms to Bianca and crooned out, “Merry Christmas, darling!”

*

There was nothing on the planet that Courtney could imagine would cause her to let go of Bianca’s hand in that moment, walking across the grand hotel ballroom towards Miss Fame. At first, her face looked shocked, and Courtney's stomach sank, wondering for about the thousandth time today if showing up on Bianca’s arm was a bad idea.

If her death grip on Bianca’s poor hand was causing her pain, she didn’t give any sign of it, simply squeezed her back, murmuring, “Don’t worry, it’ll be okay,” under her breath.

Courtney thought that Miss Fame’s shocked glare was scary, but she was wholly unprepared for how much worse it would be when she smiled, an almost manic grin spreading across her face as she opened her arms to Bianca.

“Merry Christmas, darling!” she cried, throwing her arms around Bianca’s shoulders and giving her a tight hug. She turned to Courtney, voice light and nonchalant, as if this was all totally normal. “Hello, Courtney. How are you enjoying the party, dear?”

“Oh, um…” Courtney found herself at a loss for words. She wasn’t sure exactly what she’d been expecting. Maybe Fame pulling Bianca aside to lecture her like Raja had. Or giving them both irritated looks and demanding that they keep a low profile. But this, casual small talk? She felt dismally unprepared. “It’s beautiful, Shangela really did a great job.”

Fame gave a low, dry chuckle. “Yes. Shangela. Truly a visionary.”

“Well I mean...you know, executing your vision, Miss,” Courtney said quickly, trying to recover from her obvious blunder. Shit.

“It’s as spectacular as always, blondie,” Bianca said, squeezing Courtney’s fingers slightly, reassuring her that everything was okay.

“I’m delighted you think so,” Fame replied in her most honeyed voice.

*

“This is great,” Detox laughed. “You can literally see the steam coming out of her ears.”

“Shut up, De!” Juju slapped his arm.

Detox couldn’t help it--he enjoyed seeing Fame shaken like this. He’d known her for many years, and generally she was the picture of cool, calm, and collected perfection, so seeing her fury when some small thing went wrong was hilarious. And even better, the fact that she was mad at Bianca, who was normally untouchable.

Over the years, he’d taken more than his fair share of shit for his hair and wardrobe choices, so seeing someone else in the hot seat was delightful. He giggled happily, sipping his cocktail.

“They’re all the way on the other side of the room,” he said. “She can’t hear us.”

“Come on. We both know Fame is basically a bat.”

Detox laughed, shaking his head at his wife’s adorable paranoia, when he saw Sutan approaching the group, Violet hobbling beside him on her crutches.

“Hey Tan!” Detox said, greeting his friend with a hug. He’d always loved Sutan, but they’d become even closer once Karl had moved, the two of them often escaping for a smoke and some quiet time away from the girls.

“Scoot over Raj.”

“Can’t live without your sister?” Detox lifted an eyebrow as Sutan sat down, making room for Violet as well.

“We’re fraternal, not identical,” Sutan put an arm behind Raja’s back, and she slumped back against him. “And we’re not connected at the hip.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Detox joked.

“What’s with them?” Sutan asked, gesturing to Juju and Raven, who had barely acknowledged his presence, their eyes still glued to the drama playing out with Fame.

“They’re obsessed with Bianca’s new trick.”

“Oh. That.”

“Yes, that,” Detox smirked. It was in moments like these when he was extra annoyed about Fame not letting him have his reporters inside the venue, because this would have been a delicious little story.

“I’ve gotta hand it to the little gold-digger,” Raven said, “She might be smarter than I thought.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping your way to glory,” Sutan said with a chuckle.

“Who says Bianca leads to that?” Raja smirked.

“Well, she certainly leads to better clothes.” Raven threw a lock of hair over her shoulder, “I bet those shoes cost more than that girl’s made in her life.”

“That’s probably true.” Detox smiled, Raven on a bitchy tangent a delight to experience.

“Bianca’s way too generous with these bitches, she should make them work harder for it.”

Sutan laughed again, practically choking on his drink, and said, “Great advice, Rave. Be sure to tell her that.”

“Honestly, she seems like a very nice girl,” Juju said, and off Raven’s scoff, added, “She does! I did her hair about a month ago. But this whole thing is just so…Bianca. In the worst way.”

“A trainwreck,” Raven agreed.

“Let’s go rubberneck up close!” Juju suggested, heaving herself up from the sofa, pulling Raven along with her, who then tugged on Raja’s arm.

“Ughhhh,” Raja groaned. “Do we have to?”

“Come on, come on. We all gotta kiss the ring. May as well be now,” Juju said, beckoning Detox and Sutan along with her, no one noticing that Violet was moving quickly in the opposite direction.

***

Violet had never been Courtney’s biggest fan. Hell, when she found out that she’d shown up on the red carpet with Bianca Del Rio tonight, her first thought had been what an absolutely idiotic move it was, the decision of being so public going against everything Violet had attempted to teach Courtney about blending into the background and being invisible when they still were in Fame’s office together.

However, that didn’t mean she wanted to listen to Sutan and his friends laughing about Courtney. It was incredibly disheartening to hear, not because they called her a trick or a gold-digger, Violet not giving two shits about Courtney’s feelings, but because those words meant there was a risk they were saying those exact same things about her behind her back.

So when they’d all headed over to say hello to Miss Fame, Violet had swung herself off in the opposite direction on her crutches, finding a seat in a relatively dark corner, hoping no one would see her while she took a few minutes to breathe deeply.

“Violet!”

Violet winced, then turned to see none other than Tatianna, who was in a gorgeous golden dress that made her skin glow, her makeup sparkly and colorful, a sweet scent enveloping her as Tatianna gave her a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry to hear what happened to your leg!”

“Hi-” Violet croaked out, desperately hoping she wasn’t blushing as Tatianna sat down next to her, their skirts fighting for space on the small couch.

“I just couldn’t believe it when they told us.” Tatianna’s wide brown eyes were filled with concern, her beautiful lips pursed in empathy. “Like, it happened right there, right in the middle of everything, just, boom!” Tatianna emulated a crashing noise, and Violet wished the floor would swallow her up.

“Thanks for reminding me.”

Tatianna laughed, not at all affected by Violet’s dry tone and sharp sarcasm, the other woman so stupidly pretty Violet swore she was sweating.

“Do you want something? A drink? Some water? I don’t mind getting it for you with your foot and all, the champagne is-”

“I better not.”

“Get more alcohol?” Tatianna grinned. “Me too girl,” she threw her hair over her shoulder, Violet hit with another wave of the delicious scent. “Better not make myself look a fool. It’s so good to see a familiar face. The only reason I’m even at this party is because of Courtney, and she looks...kind of occupied, so I don’t want to bother her.”

Violet had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from rolling her eyes.

“When I asked my agent to get on the guest list, she looked at me like I was crazy. Turns out, she didn’t even know this was happening!”

“Your agent?” This time, Violet did raise an eyebrow. “Aren’t you a model?”

“That’s what I tried to tell her!”

“Wow…” Any good agent worth their salt would know that it was bordering on crucial for newer models to be seen at industry events, and that Galactica was only outdone by Vogue when it came to throwing parties.

“But I guess that’s the life when you’re sighed with One Management.” Tatianna huffed, blowing a bit of her brown hair out of her face, their legs still pressed together. “They’re nice, but they’re not like, fashion fashion,” Tatianna waved her hand, “but they’re the only agency who wanted me.”

“Wait? What?” Violet sat up, not believing what she had just heard. “That’s insane! You’re like, one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever met.”

“Awh,” Tatianna laughed, and if Violet’s ankle hadn’t been broken, this would have been the exact moment she had run away, a blush rising in her cheeks, what she said so beyond stupid. “You’re so sweet.”

Tatianna grinned, leaning in to give Violet’s cheek a kiss, her lips barely touching the skin before she pulled back.

“Thank you so much.”

“I-”

“Oh!” Someone behind her had obviously caught Tatianna’s attention, her hand finding Violet’s arm. “Gotta go! But it was so nice talking to you!” and then, after another hug and a flurry of hair, she was gone, leaving Violet to sit alone, her fingers finding her cheek to touch where Tatianna had just kissed it.

***

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 2/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Heyo, yall! Just hope yall are enjoying this fic so far. I worked really hard on it, but so proud. So many times I just wanted to quit it. But I stuck it out!

Major TW for this chapter: Child abuse mentions // mental breakdown // Anxiety // Dementia mentions

2020

I flinched, feeling a hand lightly slap my foot twice. "Wake up, Princess."

I rolled over slightly, blinking as if to clear my vision. Jujubee looked as if she had been awake for hours, looking fresh as fuck in her dressing gown. She must have had a shower hours before because, despite the dry hair, I could smell the mango and papaya soap. Fuck, it smelt so good.

Then there was me; hair wrecked, makeup long expired, body smelling of that typical hangover smell. Like a hospital, except unclean.

I whined like a child, rolled back over on my stomach and buried my face hoping it would stop my head from pounding.

"Nope. Not happened." Jujubee sat down on the bed and shook me.

"What time is it?" I asked with my face still smushed into the pillow.

"It's 2PM." She answered.

That's what got me up. I threw the covers back and went to stand. "Fuck!"

Jujubee grabbed my hand and pulled me back down. "Relax. It's our day off, remember?"

I whined even more, curling up with my head in her lap.

"Not that it makes a difference considering you're always late anyway," Jujubee added as she stroked my unbrushed hair.

"Shut up. I'm the boss. I can do what I want." I mumbled.

"Ah, Brianna Caldwell, you never change." Jujubee quipped. "Only follows the rules whenever it suits her, bosses everyone around - -"

"I do not, you whore. And can you please not speak to me so loud right now?" I pulled myself up and tousled my hair. "I need some shades or something."

I always needed shades when I was hungover, so Jujubee was already prepared. She pulled them from her pocket and handed them over. "Shade up, baby girl."

Life was already so much better with them on.

"But back to the topic at hand, though. Don't you remember the chess boys from high school?" Jujubee spoke a bit quieter now. "You literally bossed them around."

"They let me boss them around 'cause they wanted to sleep with me, Jujubee," I replied, reaching for my phone.

"And, you bossed me around too." Jujubee raised her brows.

"Mmmm, I don't remember that." I hummed, feeling pretty much over the conversation.

It took Jujubee an hour to convince me to get out of bed and clean myself up. After finally getting showered and dressed, we were out of the apartment and already heading to Starbucks.

I could have made my own coffee, but that required effort. And that I wasn't willing to give that day.

We were sitting at a booth in the back, with minimal effort in trying to go incognito. But this was a regular hang out for us. There was no need to worry about our names being shouted out. The baristas eventually learned to just bring our orders to us. It made Jujubee feel bad, but I didn't mind.

The barista, Kyle, came over and put our drinks down on the table.

"I deserve this. I really, really deserve this." I said, already taking a sip of my coffee.

"Congrats on last night. The boss said if you both need a refill, just let me know." Kyle winked. God bless Kyle. "So, When's the launch day?"

"Kyle, as charming as you are, you'll just have to wait like everybody else." I tried my best to beam a smile.

"Alright. Enjoy, ladies." And Kyle walked away.

Jujubee let her eyes follow for a moment longer. I know she was literally staring at nothing in particular, but I decided to have a bit of fun. "Go ask him out, Juju."

"Girl, you ask him out," Jujubee smirked. "I'm happy enough being a crazy cat lady. I don't need no man."

I knew it was a joke. Jujubee wasn't the type to encourage me to find someone. It was like she knew how it could bother me.

Despite liking the single life, I kind of did like the sound of being with someone. Maybe it was the fear of the past that stopped me from pursuing a relationship. I had a few girlfriends in the past. But they hadn't lasted long. I was afraid they would have somehow found out about my past self. Because, once upon a time, nobody would've even dared think of me as an attractive, promiscuous, alluring, single female.

But now that I had the glow-up of the century, dyed my hair blonde, I had quite a lot of admirers. It only really started to occur when NASA began sponsoring the project, bringing more traction.

My phone started ringing, but I paid no heed.

Jujubee, however, almost dropped her drink.

"Girl, why is Ed Sheeran calling you?" Jujubee raised a brow.

And as soon as the name met my ears, I was reminded of the night before. "Oh, God." I held my head in my hands.

"What did you do?" Jujubee was already groaning.

"I fucked up," I answered.

"You didn't have a quicky with him or something, right?" Jujubee questioned further.

I lifted my head, looking at her with squinted eyes. "What? No. Ew. Juju." I sipped my coffee before bearing the news. "OK, so...I don't know why I did it, maybe 'cause I'm a mess when I'm drunk, but I…" I lowered my tone, "kinda offered him the chance to be the first person to go into the other world."

"What?? I thought we were gonna do that!" Jujubee was freaking out.

"I know. I fucked up."

"Well, call him back."

"And, tell him what? 'Sorry, Ed. Jk'?"

Jujubee's forehead was in her hands, "I was really excited." She whined.

As I said before, this meant a lot to us. We hadn't discussed it with the team yet, but Jujubee and I had privately planned that we'd be first to enter the other world. So you could understand this was incredibly disappointing for her.

"OK. How about this? Ed will go in for 5 minutes. After that, we bring him back to Earth. And then we fly off by ourselves?" I suggested.

"I was looking forward to the pink sky. And the flying horses. And the…"

Jujubee went on a ramble as my phone began to ring again. I picked it up, letting it ring for a few seconds before declining Ed Sheeran's call.

I checked if there were any texts from him. Nada. But there was one message that caught my attention. The memory of reading it the previous night came flooding back.

Jujubee was still rambling, but I put my phone down and leaned across the table slightly. "Juju, do you remember Blair St Clair?"

Jujubee's expression changed instantaneously. "Girl, of course, I do. You were in love with her for years."

"Oh my God, can you whisper, please?" I questioned, the desperation in my voice very much apparent.

"Brianna, she's back in Ohio. We're in New York. I don't think anyone's gonna go and tell."

"You never know," I briefly looked behind me for fear that somehow the world decided to shit on my luck and make her appear in the booth behind me.

"Girl, chill out. And yes, I do remember her." Jujubee replied, "you know something that always stuck with me? Please don't ask why, but I'll never forget the day you told me you were in love with her. You came out to me that day too."

-_-_-_-

1995

"Juju, I gotta tell you something," I said, throwing my doll to the side of the fort. If I didn't tell her the truth now, I never would.

"What is it?" Jujubee sounded scared.

I crossed my legs in a pretzel shape, straightened my back and declared, "Juju, I like girls. And Blair St Clair is the girl I'm in love with."

I was expecting amazement, awe, shock. But Jujubee just seemed confused.

"What? How is that possible?" She asked.

"You promise you can keep a secret?" I offered my pinky.

Jujubee joined hers with mine. "Of course I can."

"OK." Our fingers remained twisted around each other. "Well, I saw two ladies in the mall kissing. And my Mommy told me girls can like girls. And I had an a-piffa-tree. The reason I like Blair so much is because I'm in love with her!"

"Brie-Brie, you need to slow down." Jujubee put her hand up. "If girls can like girls, then how come we never see girls kissing girls? It's always boys and girls."

"I don't know."

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Nope."

"Then, how are you sure?"

"I don't know. You ever get that weird feeling inside that tells you that you're right? I can feel it. I know I'm not lying."

"Wooow." Jujubee looked away briefly. "Does that mean you like me?"

"I don't know. You're my friend, Juju." I shrugged. "I mean, maybe we should kiss just to figure it out."

Juju looked like she was contemplating this for a moment before nodding her head and sitting up. "OK!"

I didn't even hesitate. Instead, I moved closer and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"Ew!" We both pulled away.

We both agreed to never do that again, nor ever speak of it.

As if nothing had happened, we continued on playing with our dolls for another hour before the rain came out.

I walked Jujubee home, feeling very much like 'the big girl' being all responsible.

And in walking back to my own place, wrapping my arms around myself, I saw Blair - walking alone, drenched from head to toe.

"Blair!" I ran towards her.

She turned to look at me, her face scrunched up, trying to see through the downpour.

Call it instinct, but I knew something was up, just from how she was looking at me. I put my hands on her shoulders. "What's wrong?? Are you OK?"

"I'm lost. I-I'm trying to find my way home." She said quietly.

"What. How did you - -" I stopped myself from talking any further. Instead, I took Blair by the hand and pulled her towards the bus shelter off to the side of the road.

We both sat down when we got inside. She was shaking, close to catching a cold in the awful weather. Not to mention she had no jacket on. So I pulled my arm out of its sleeve and draped half of the coat over her.

"What happened to your coat?" I asked

"I didn't bring it." She replied.

"Why not? It's cold. You're going to get sick."

"I'm sorry. I just...ran."

I was silent for a moment. Then, "What do you mean?"

She was also silent for a moment, her blue eyes drifting to the ground. "Brianna...is it normal for Daddies to shout real loud all the time? Do they smash things a lot?"

No. It was not expected. I may not have had a Father figure in my life, but I knew well enough. "Blair, what happened?"

Blair clenched her fist around the jacket. "My Daddy...he…"

Despite her timid voice trailing off, I understood. She didn't even need to say it. "Do you have somewhere to go?"

She lifted her eyes to me, "I need to get home. I just ran as fast as I could. And somehow ended up here. I don't know my way back."

"I don't think you should go back," I admitted.

"I have to. Or he'll be even more mad."

I was wracking my brain. There was no way I could let her go back. "OK. Is there somewhere you can stay for a while? Somewhere close?"

"No." Blair shook her head. "Wait. Yeah. My Granny lives somewhere around here." She looked at me with optimism in her eyes.

"That's great! I know this place like the back of my hand. I bet I can find it in a few seconds."

After sitting for 10 more minutes, the rain was starting to settle, so Blair gave me the address, and off we went. I carried her bag for her. She was probably exhausted from all the walking.

All the while, I just listened as she talked about many things - Madonna, her Princess Belle doll, how Jade from school actually picked her nose when no one was looking. So many different topics. And I didn't speak a word. I guess I was just so...astonished. Here I was, walking along in a light rainstorm, hanging out with the prettiest girl in my class. How was this possible? Was this real life?

"You've been really quiet." Blair pointed out.

"Yeah, I just can't believe you're talking to me. What the fuck?" Yes, I said that.

Blair laughed at my potty mouth. "Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

I shrugged. "Well, I don't know. Maybe 'cause no one likes me."

Blair stopped in her tracks for a moment. "I like you."

I stopped, spun around, and looked at her with wide eyes. There was no way I heard her say those words. No fucking way.

"Come on. I know where we are now. Granny's house is around the corner." Blair began to move again.

But the butterflies in my stomach were going wild. I felt warm and wanted to just hug her. But I also didn't want to alarm her. Baby steps, Brianna.

I walked Blair to the house. Her Granny came to the door and was obviously quite confused. And Blair began to cry again.

I wanted to turn and run, feeling very out of place. But Blair grabbed me before I could leave and pulled me into a hug. She pressed her tear-stained face against my shoulder and whispered, "Thank you, Brie."

"I gotta go."

I pulled out of the hug and ran as fast I could. I don't know if I left her standing there confused or if she just knew by then it was just a me thing to be awkward.

But my mind was racing; Blair liked me. I knew not in the same way as I liked her. But, surely, that meant we could be friends.

Oh, how naive I was.

A few weeks later, it was the beginning of Summer. Mom took me to the park, and there was Blair with her friends.

I ran across the grass to the picnic blanket they were all sitting at.

"Blair!" I called excitedly. I practically threw myself down next to her, giving her a tight hug.

"Ew." Jade laughed.

"Shut up, Jade." Blair snapped.

"Are you friends with the freak now or something?" Carmen questioned, inching away from me.

"I'm not a freak!" I shouted.

"Uh, yeah, you are," Serena added. "We don't want freaks in our friend group. Go on. Get lost."

"Girls - -" Blair tried.

"You wanna join her?" Jade pointed her gaze at Blair, her face scrunched up in disgust.

I was waiting for it; The big 'fuck you' as Blair stood up, took my hand and walked away.

But she remained seated. Her eyes trailed down to the ground. I tried shaking her shoulder.

"Blair?" I spoke quietly.

She didn't say a word. It was as if she had turned to stone.

My body felt cold.

"See? She doesn't like ugly people like you. No one does." Jade smirked.

I remember the moment being more intense than it actually was. Because in a matter of seconds, the girls were screaming as I began to punch Jade in her bitchy face. I couldn't punch for shit. But if it left a bruise, I was happy.

"Brianna!" I heard my Mom's voice. Her dark arms wrapped around me, pulling me away from the now crying Jade. "We are going home right now." Mom threatened. But I didn't care.

From being dragged away from the fight scene all the way until we got home, I screamed.

Mom screamed back for a while when we were in the car. But you can't fight fire with fire. So she stopped when we pulled up.

I got in, I beat the fuck out of every object that came into my line of vision. And my shouting never stopped.

"No one wants you, ugly freak!" I smashed a vase. "Worthless piece of trash!"

Mom had been chasing me all over the house, trying to calm me down. But this wasn't like any tantrum I had ever had, and as Mom had no idea what was actually going on, she had no idea what to do.

She eventually scooped me up in her arms and held me tight as she sat on the ground. I screamed as I tried to fight off her grasp, downing out all her hushed whispers. "I got you, Baby. I got you. Mommy's here."

My screams did go on for another while, but as soon as they ended, all I could say to Mom was, "I should give up. Blair will never be my friend. I'm too ugly."

Mom stood me up, so she knew I was looking directly into her eyes. She pointed a finger in my face and spoke with a cracked but stern tone. "Don't say that. Never ever say that. You are so beautiful, and no one has the right to tell you that you're not. I want you to go look in the mirror, really, really look at yourself, Brianna. And I want you to see how pretty you are. Look at your hair, your brown eyes, your freckles. You are just as pretty as everyone else, girl. You are not ugly."

I squeezed my fists, feeling the hard lump in my throat. "Then why did my Mommy and Daddy give me away?"

Mom was stunned for a moment. She took my hand. "Baby, that had nothing to do with how you look. They…" she paused, trying to find the right words to use, "they just…" another pause, "look, I'll tell you when you're older. But I promise you are not ugly."

I couldn't hold on anymore. I let out a pained cry and immediately threw myself into her arms and buried my face in her shoulder.

-_-_-_-

2020

That was my first major emotional breakdown, marking the beginning of many more to come. But, unfortunately, Mom didn't want to immediately get me help. She had a feeling it would upset me further. And she was right.

Just as I had begun middle school, I had another huge episode. That was it. There had been too many episodes throughout those years.

You can try covering a crack in the wall with a pretty picture, but the problem would never go away, would it?

I couldn't stand therapy. Why was I the one to work on my emotions when I only felt the way I did because kids were assholes? Where were all the breathing exercises and meditation sessions to make them not be dicks?

But as much as I hated it, the older I got, I opened my eyes. What I hated the most was seeing the pain I was putting Mom through. So I really tried hard not to freak out.

I didn't want to upset Mom anymore. She really did her best. And to this day, I wouldn't change her for the world.

"We're here."

I was brought out of my thoughts as the cab pulled over. I had been so gone, just sitting in the backseat, staring at the magenta glass vase in my hands.

"Keep the change," I replied, handing the driver the money and thanking him as I got out.

He took my suitcase from the trunk and left it by my side. And with a goodbye, he drove off.

Standing at the bottom of the lawn, I looked at the house. Fuck, once upon a time, I wouldn't have been so in love with its appearance. I had no idea what my Mom was going for with the multiple colours. The outside was painted pastel yellow with a sky blue door and pink frame. Then there were the various flowerpots stuck onto the wall next to the door. All different colours; pink, green, orange or blue.

OK, I lied; as a kid, I fucking loved our house. Everyone else's was boring. But when high school rolled around, people would whisper how I was "the weird hippie chick from the rainbow crack house". So, you can understand why it quickly became an eyesore for me.

I knocked on the front door, feeling the excitement bubble within me. I had been so busy with the project, it was a few months since I last saw her in person. I glanced at the vase in my hand, the perfect Birthday gift. It was perfect because I got her a new one every year. Because I never got over the guilt from smashing her favourite vase as a child. This act was to make a point - to show that no matter how much I apologised, I was always sorry, and would always be.

I knocked again. There was only a barking behind the door. Good to know someone was in.

I still had my own key. No point in standing outside all day. I made my own way in, knowing I could just surprise her later.

"Hi, baby!" I spoke in a hushed tone as Piggie started to jump around excitedly. Fuck, I missed him so much.

I closed the door and knelt down next to the pug, bringing him into a hug and kissing him on the head. "You good boy," I said in between kisses, "Let's get you some food."

Standing back up, I made my way to the kitchen, and Piggie was only happy to follow. I still remembered where his food was kept, so I poured him a bowl. Then, while he was distracted, I took my suitcase up the stairs and into my old bedroom.

Fuck, there was always something so surreal about walking into it. I hadn't lived at home since before I went to college. From that moment on, Jujubee and I always had our own places. And now, I had my apartment in New York.

Meaning, the last time I had redecorated was years before my glow up (in personality and looks). The walls were pink, I remember them being a pretty pastel tone, but they looked duller now. Above my bed, the wall was littered with posters, writing and photos. I made eye contact with Reese Witherspoon on the Legally Blonde poster, remembering how I always wanted to be like her. Funny how I kind of did achieve that.

I realised I was just standing in the doorway, just staring. So, I sat the suitcase against my desk and went to lie down. I smirked as I found all 5'5" of my whole being still fit into it.

I took out my phone and snapped a picture of myself to Jujubee, the caption reading 'Hey, babe, my parents are out?￰ 😉😉 come over?'.

While waiting for her reply, I changed my pencil skirt and blouse, choosing to wear leggings and a tank instead. Suddenly, I felt 10 years younger.

An hour passed, and Mom was still nowhere to be seen.

"Maybe she's at work. Does she have a job?" Jujubee asked me through the phone.

"I... don't know, Juju," I murmured, my attention not really on the question but on the contents of the fridge.

There was a punnet of strawberries. I helped myself to a few.

"When was the last time you spoke to her? Seriously, Brie, I'm getting so nervous." Jujubee sounded concerned. I knew her mind was thinking of the worst. And oddly enough, I found it to be entertaining.

"A few months back, actually," I smirked. "She's been real quiet, to be honest." Piggie was at my feet, looking for one of the juicy strawberries. I shook my head at him.

"Oh God, no. Did you check every room? Talk to the neighbours?"

"Oh, fuck! Juju. My God, there's a head in the fridge!" I feigned terror.

"Brianna!"

"Relax. I'm fucking with you. I spoke to her last night." I took one more strawberry. Biting into it, the juice dripped down my fingers and onto the ground. Piggie was beyond happy now, licking it up. I let him be and made my way out of the kitchen.

"That's not funny, Brianna. Don't joke about that. I thought she was missing or...worse."

"Fair enough. Sorry, girl. Anyway, how's work today?" I walked into the living room and sat on the couch.

"Good, good. Ed Sheeran's team finally got in touch," Jujubee said with a hint of disdain.

I held my forehead in one hand, wanting to punch myself for even speaking to him the week before.

I groaned, "See, this is why I should stop drinking."

"Well, to be fair, you don't drink as much as you did back in college. But when you do, you go hard."

Jujubee continued talking, lecturing me about my life choices when I moved my foot and felt it touch something under the couch. It startled me at first, but I pulled out the item.

A slipper. Grandpa's slipper. Sitting back on the couch again, letting my eyes just stare at it. "Hey, Juju. I'm gonna go."

There was a sigh on the other end. "Fine. Not like I was talking about anything important or whatever."

"Sorry," I said quietly.

"Don't worry. I still love you, whore." She said.

"Of course you do."

I made a nasty kissing sound through the phone. She was grossed out, of course, and hung up. I chuckled for a moment and put my phone away.

Piggie came into the room and jumped up on the sofa next to me. I began to pet him, my eyes now back on the shoe.

Grandpa wore his slippers more than he wore regular shoes. Every time he found out Mom had put them in the wash, he would be furious. I would always listen to him ranting and wonder why men were gross. But I'd also laugh at how he threw his hands up in the air in frustration.

There was one time, in particular. He had gotten mad for the same reason. He huffed and came into the living room, sitting down on the couch, in the very seat I currently was sitting. He was shaking his head, just looking at the TV.

I shuffled closer to him and offered a few potato chips. His frown was immediately reversed. His smile had never seemed brighter. He took a few chips and asked with a full mouth, "Hey, kiddo. Aren't you late for school?"

It was 2PM. On a Saturday.

My smile was beginning to fade, my eyes still focused on the slipper. I could feel it - a familiar twisting feeling from somewhere within my stomach, the oxygen in my lungs seeming to fail me, a tremble taking my hands over.

And then, Piggie licking my arm.

I flinched slightly as I was brought back to the present. I smiled, petting Piggie. "Where would I be without you, baby?"

Piggie didn't answer, of course. Instead, he just licked my hand, which was enough for me to chill out.

I put Grandpa's shoe back under the couch, now inspired to search more of the house. But before I got off the couch, I checked my phone. Jujubee had Snapchatted me.

Clicking into it, I froze for a moment. She was in her bathroom, the shower running behind her. I wanted to say she was the main element to the picture, cocking her head to the side, pouting her lips and raising a brow. Despite the fact Jujubee never sent me pictures like this, it wasn't the first time I had seen her in her lingerie, though. But, I couldn't help but glance at her black lacey bra. The breath was caught in my throat for a moment.

The text read, 'You OK, babe?'

Around middle school, Jujubee developed this 6th sense, knowing when something was up with me. It was impressive.

I lifted my phone up high, took a picture and made sure to get Piggie in the frame. He wasn't looking, however.

"Piggie." He was looking now. I smiled and took the picture. I captioned it, 'Just hanging out with this one'.

I hit send. And now filled with inspiration to go on a nostalgia trip, I got up from the sofa and went off to explore. I called Piggie to follow.

I found myself upstairs, standing in the doorway of Mom's room. It felt rude to intrude. After all, a bedroom wasn't just a bedroom. It was a sanctuary, a place to be yourself, to carry out your own private rituals free from judgement, a happy place. So it felt like an intrusion to invade her space.

But I spotted the perfume bottles on her dresser. There was one bottle, in particular, a fragrance she always bought. It was her favourite - a musky scent with a hint of amber vanilla.

I couldn't resist. I made my way to the dresser, lifted the bottle and smelt the underside of the lid. Immediately, I felt my body relax. It smelled just like her. And there was no smell sweeter than the smell of your own Mother. It felt safe, loving, warm. Now, I was even more excited to see her again.

That was as far as I'd go into her room. So I put the perfume back, ushered Piggie to get down from her bed and left.

I was back in my old bedroom. I wanted this nostalgia trip to be unlike any other. So I knew exactly where I'd find it. I looked in the drawers of my desk. And in the very bottom drawer, I found it; my old diary.

"This is going to be wild, Piggie. I just know it." I smirked, sitting down on my bed, my back against the headboard. Piggie curled up beside me. We were both sitting comfortably. So I began.

'Dear Dairy'

Already, I had to pause and laugh. 7 year old me would have been a legend in a spelling bee.

'Today, I had a fight with Jujubee. She really upset me, but I upset her too. I should say sorry. That's all. Bye.'

Short and sweet, child me didn't beat around the bush. She just gave you the information you needed. That was it.

I flicked a few pages forward.

'Dear Diary,

I had another fight with Jujubee. I really don't want to upset her. But sometimes I get so angry, I don't know what to do. I lost a tooth today too. So I am going to leave a note to the tooth fairy. I want her to take all my anger from me instead of my tooth. I hope it works.'

I remembered that. I had gotten mad because we were playing house. I wanted Jujubee to be both the parents, and I'd be the two kids. She didn't want to. She wanted to play the part of a child too. I freaked out, of course. I specifically remembered telling her she'd do it if she cared about me. She said she did care. But in the heat of the moment, I didn't believe her.

"God, I was such a brat," I spoke quietly.

I skipped some pages, unsure of what I was to find. And seeing one specific name, I stopped flicking through.

'Dear Blair,

You are like the sunshine. You are…'

I stopped reading, cringing at my child self. Was this before I realised it was a crush or not? What was hilarious about this entry was how damn long it was. All other accounts were short and straight to the point. But this? It went on for 3 pages. I bet my younger self felt mega proud about writing so much. But now, I felt the need to build a fucking time machine, go back to that moment and tell little Brianna, "Guess what? Nothing happens. Blair never becomes your friend. She never feels the same way about you the way you feel about her, so stop before you make it worse for yourself!"

I decided I was taking this diary back to New York. I needed to investigate it more. And there were probably some accounts that Jujubee would cackle laughing at.

My nostalgia trip wasn't at its peak just yet. I needed something that would just send me over the edge of happiness. And I knew I'd probably find that in my memory box. But there was a problem. I had given it to my Mom, asking her to hide it away somewhere. And whenever I wanted to put something into it, I'd give it to her, and she'd hide it for me.

And I made her promise to only give it back to me when I turned 50. No matter how much I cried and begged, she could not break that promise. Young me knew one day I'd be on a one way trip down memory lane.

I was so tempted to find the box. Surely, it couldn't have been too hard to find. But Piggie growled for a moment, his ears perking up. He looked at the window and started barking. I was now aware of the sound of a car's engine. A familiar one at that.

Finally, Mom was home.

I peaked out the window to see she was grabbing her bag from the car.

Piggie and I raced down the stairs, taking the vase from the living room and waiting excitedly at the door.

Funny how with excitement there came a level of anxiety, the tiniest hint of fear bubbling in your stomach. And I felt it all as soon as I heard the jiggling of the key.

The door opened slowly as if she already knew something was unusual about the place like she was bracing herself for whatever she was going to find.

She peeked around the door. My smile was beaming.

"Happy Birthday!" I shouted.

"Jesus Christ!" Mom flinched, almost falling back and stamping on the ground. Piggie was going wild now, barking from all the excitement. "Brianna, you could have given me a heart attack!" She shut the door and clasped a hand to her chest.

I laughed at her over-the-top reaction and held out the vase. "I got you another one."

Mom looked at me, still panting from her shock. She was silent for a moment, and in that silence, I realised how much I had missed her.

Mom stepped forward, took the vase and put it to the side. As she pulled me into a tight hug, I could see her face scrunching up.

There are two people of people; those who can't stand seeing their Moms cry. And fucking liars.

Of course, I belonged to the first group. As you know, I…

Well, you already know. Here, let me put in a fun diagram of things I didn't want to deal with at that moment.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, you bitch." Mom spoke softly in my ear as she cried.

"I couldn't help myself." I forced a smile.

As much as I hated seeing her cry, I knew she needed it. Me being the only child she ever had, it broke her heart when I moved out in the first place. I'd imagine it was tough now that she was alone.

Yeah, she had Piggie. But it obviously wasn't enough. So I let her cry it out as she hugged me. I could smell the perfume, and again, I felt that safety, the security a Mother's love brings.

When she pulled away, she immediately moved to the kitchen, already brewing some tea. I let her know that I didn't mind if she had to go upstairs and change or anything. But she insisted we get into the catch-up.

"I invited some people from work to come over later. You remember the flower shop beside the old church?" Mom rambled, her shaking hands pouring the tea into two mugs.

"Of course I do," I answered, sitting at the table, with Piggie in my lap.

"Yeah, I work there now." Mom replied.

I felt bad. This shouldn't have been news. It was my part to already know that.

Mom sat at the table, placing the mugs down too. Piggie's attention was drawn to them, licking his lips with thirst.

"So I hope you're not jet-lagged, girl." The excitement was practically radiating from her face.

I was a bit exhausted, but she deserved to have a great night. "I'm good. Don't worry."

"Oh, and your aunt is coming." She added, sipping her tea.

"Aunt Monét! Yes, bitch."

It had been a very, very long time since I last saw Monét. She knew how to turn a party. And she was always so glamorous. I remember numerous times as a child asking her to teach me her ways, be my mentor, so I could grow up to look as good as she did.

"So, it's gonna be a long night. Be prepared." Mom said.

"So, it's a party?"

"Not my plan, but knowing Monét, that's how it will turn out. Anyway, I saw pictures from the event last week. You looked great up on that stage, baby. Keep doing me proud."

I gave her a gracious smile as I sipped my tea. A small drop fell onto my lap. Piggie was searching for it, but it had already soaked in. Sorry, Piggie.

"Yeah, I kinda fucked up, though," I said, playing with one of the dog's ears.

"'Fuck’ always has been your favourite word," Mom shook her head, "Go ahead. Tell me, what did you do?"

"So at the after-party, I kinda offered Ed Sheeran to be the first person to go through. Please don't ask me why. The answer is; I was drunk. I don't have a more logical explanation for you right now."

Mom was silent for a moment, her eyes narrowing. "Ed Sheeran? Why him?"

"I told you, I have no idea." I sipped my tea. "I'm just a fucking idiot when I'm drunk."

"So, what now? Is he actually going to do it?"

"Yep. His team got in contact. Everything is set in stone." I was ashamed of the whole Ed Sheeran thing, but now telling this to my Mother, it felt all the more embarrassing.

"Oh, God. This is going in history books, girl." Mom held her forehead in her hand.

"I know," I reciprocated. "Even worse, now they're asking the big questions like 'is the atmosphere safe on the other side?' We're still in the middle of working all that out."

"OK, asides from the Ed Sheeran fuck up," Mom put her hand on mine, "I am extremely proud of how far you've come since you were just a kid."

Uh oh. This wasn't what I wanted.

"And I know you're so busy with this whole thing, but sometimes, I just wish you'd call."

Fuck. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, no. I don't wanna make you feel bad, girl. Like I said, you're a busy lady." She held a hand up.

But still, I felt bad.

"Shit. I was supposed to pick up some lemonade on the way home." Mom stood up, taking her tea with her. She had barely touched it.

"I could go to the store if you want," I suggested, taking a big gulp of tea.

"I mean, if you wanna, go for it. Tina still works there. It would be nice to see her again." Mom continued. She reached in her pocket.

I kissed Piggie on the head before putting him on the ground. "It's OK. I got it." I stood up from the table.

We had a bit of back and forth about who paid. I left before she could even give me her spare change.

Before I walked out the door, Piggie looked sad to see me go. Of course, I was coming back, but he didn't know that. Therefore I felt guilty.

I put my sunglasses on as I walked out the door. It wasn't even sunny out, but I knew I'd probably get stopped by people I used to know to dive deep into conversations about how far I had come. I had things on my mind, so many thoughts circling in my head.

I knew I should have put more effort into staying in contact with Mom. But after years of putting her through hell, I felt a sense of guilt. There were a few times I'd message, and somehow the conversation would take a turn, and she'd bring up a childhood memory.

I was done with my past. I was once a troubled child who eventually grew up to have a better mindset. I didn't want to relay the breakdowns, all of the vases I had smashed.

Then I realised how much of a contradiction that all was as I realised it was all that was on my mind as I walked down the street. So I plugged in my earbuds and drowned out the thoughts with whatever Spotify had to offer.

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 1/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Welp! I started this back in March. It was supposed to be a oneshot and then I realised it was 200 odd pages. Whoops! Another songfic based on music by Joji. This one is Gimme Love, which some of you would probably know, it was circling TikTok for a while. Anyway, more song fics to come!! I hope y'all enjoy! Stay safe in these crazy times!

TW: Mental health, panic attacks

1993

"OK, so you got your apple juice, your finger sandwiches, and grapes. And most importantly, you got your best outfit on. Ready?"

No. I wasn't ready. They were going to eat me up. I knew just by how the 3 bitches off to the side stared and laughed. One of them was swinging from the bus stop pole. It sounded evil, but I hoped she would have fallen over.

"No." I clung to my Mother.

"Brianna." She uttered. She was tired, already having dealt with this before leaving the house. And it didn't help that Grandpa only laughed instead of helping out.

"No!" I said louder, squeezing my tiny fists into her shoulders.

"Look. Everything will be fine. The day will fly in, trust me. And I'll be right here when you get off the bus later." Mom continued.

She gave me a kiss on the forehead and shook me off.

As she smoothed her skirt down, I stamped my foot in a huff. For me, this was the second most ultimate betrayal that had ever happened to me. My Mom was making me go to school. How dare she.

"I love you, girl. Be good and have a great day." Mom said before walking away. My gaze followed, feeling the faucet in my eyes turn on. I was prone to cry baby behaviour around this age.

Now that my Mom was gone, it was all game for the bitches.

"Awww, the little baby needs her Mommy." One of them cooed in her fake voice. "Didn't you know the pre-school bus picks up two hours later?"

"Yeah!" Another decided to join in, "And I bet that's not even your real Mommy."

"She is too!" I clenched my tiny fists at my side. This was half true. I was an adopted child, but to me, Roberta was the best Mother I could have ever asked for. And no one had the right to question that.

"No, she's not! Your real Mommy didn't want you 'cause you're ugly!"

"Yeah, look at your hair. It looks like a fur ball."

"And your clothes are obviously hand me downs."

I stamped my feet again. "That's it! I'm giving you the finger!" I flipped them off. I picked it up from Mom, from the many time's drivers pissed her off. When she'd warn me never to do that, I knew it had some sort of power to it.

But it did nothing. The girls just laughed even more. I had no defences; therefore, I was left helpless.

The bus pulled up, and I was last to get in. The girls warned almost everybody to watch out for the "girl with the weird hair".

I moved down the middle of the bus, my head moving from side to side, hoping to find a seat.

Everybody with a free seat either put their bags on the chairs or put their feet up. I wanted to snap, demanding that they let me sit. But the fear inside rendered me silent.

I was nearing the back, where the 3 girls sat. They smirked upon seeing my face, relishing in the fact I was on the verge of tears. All I wanted was to turn back, get off the bus and lock myself in my house.

But as if someone above heard my innermost thoughts, that's when I heard it.

"Do you need a seat?"

I looked towards the voice. And I froze. There she was, an absolute angel. She looked like a Disney Princess with her bright blonde hair and blue eyes.

I hesitated for a moment. But the bus began to move. So I sat down next to her.

"Hi," I said.

"Hey." Her eyes were observing me, looking me up and down. And I felt even more stunned. "You have funny hair."

"My Mommy says I have lovely hair," I replied in defence.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way. I just never seen hair like that." The girl replied.

My hair wasn't even bad. I just had a massive head of untamed brown curls. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Then again, I had never seen anyone with hair like hers. She looked like she had gone to a salon beforehand. "Your hair looks golden."

"Thank you." She smiled. "I'm Blair. My favourite colour is yellow, and I wanna be a singer when I grow up. How about you?"

"I'm Brianna. My favourite colour is pink. And...I wanna be a politician someday."

"What's a pola...polatichon?" Blair asked.

"A politician." I corrected her. "I don't know what they do. They just shout a lot. And that's what I want to do."

Blair had no idea what I was talking about, but she laughed anyway. And that made my heart skip a beat.

I felt something pelt the back of my head. I grabbed it, looking at the small rolled up bit of my paper in my hand. It was wet. I had just been spitballed for the first time.

Blair looked over her shoulder, and I did the same. It was the three bitches from the bus stop. They weren't even hiding their giggles.

"Not nice." Blair stuck her tongue out at them. Then, turning back around in her seat, she put her hand on mine. "Don't worry about them. I'm your friend, Brianna."

"Really?" My eyes brightened.

"Of course!"

As much as that statement had made my heart soar, how it made me feel like there was nothing to be afraid of…

It was the biggest lie I heard that day.

As soon as I got off the bus at the end of the day, I waved to Blair, unaware that she would be sitting with the 3 bitches the next day.

And then it went on for years, being that ugly girl with weird hair. And it didn't help that I needed glasses later in life.

But I wasn't completely alone. So let me tell you about Jujubee.

2020

"Hey, asshole! I'm pulling in there!"

Jujubee was hanging out the driver side window, flicking the indicator aggressively.

"Juju, can you just...not do that?" I asked, my eyes glued to my phone as I checked how many people had seen my Instagram story. It was a picture of the two of us, showing off our outfits that had been gifted from Alexander McQueen.

"And let that asshole steal my spot? Absolutely not." Jujubee protested. She flipped the guy off, only to receive the same gesture back at her. She wasn't prone to behaving like this. I usually found it absolutely hilarious how loud she could be.

Now, you're probably wondering - two well-dressed ladies in their Alexander McQueen outfits should be seated in the back of a limo, sipping champagne.

I wasn't a fan of limos. They only drew attention.

And with Jujubee hurling dog abuse at the other drivers, I was sure the attention would be on us.

But we made it to the event without any trouble.

Jujubee was hilarious, intentionally and unintentionally. I learned that all the way back on my second day of school. When it was clear to me that I wouldn't be friends with anyone else, I ventured off on my own, exploring the playground and looking for bugs. But, instead, I found her sitting alone in the sandbox.

"Leave me alone. I'm trying to dig to the centre of the Earth." She had said, blowing her shiny black hair out of her face.

I knew she would only reach the bottom of the pit, so I laughed, and I helped her dig. We had been inseparable since.

We grew up together, all the way through elementary, high school and college. And through those years, we had one thing in common - we were the weird ones. The kids who everyone bullied.

Ugh, I hated that word; bullied. It made me feel pathetic and helpless. Jujubee and I, however? We were far from pathetic and helpless. After all, how would we even be where we were if that was the case?

OK, maybe I was pathetic and helpless growing up. No, I was. I had just accepted all the name-calling, the shoving, the damage. Jujubee, on the other hand, would fight against it all.

But back to the current situation. We were now sitting at a table with the other project workers. Everyone was having a great time, and the event hadn't even really begun yet. They passed jokes around, talked about trials and tribulations, and I laughed along.

But I may as well have been alone as I was stuck in my own thoughts. How it was even possible, we were all gathered here for this moment.

I looked at Jujubee, sitting next to me, and felt an overwhelming need to hug the shit out of her. If it weren't for her being so encouraging, then maybe this wouldn't have happened.

"What's up?" She caught me staring.

I lowered my head for a moment, breathing a laugh out through my nostrils. I didn't want to get sappy with her, even though she deserved my gratitude. My best friend, my ride-or-die bitch. Lifting my head again, I smirked. "Nothing. I'm just glad you're on this team." I raised my glass to her before sipping the bubbling champagne.

"Proud of you bitch." Jujubee reaching over and squeezed my free hand.

I was proud of me too. Because, despite all of the shit I dealt with in school, here I was, the manager and director of this whole operation.

All of the hard work paid off - years of trials and tribulations, so many arguments and disagreements. We finally did it. We found a gateway to another world, a parallel universe, a portal in the middle of the space just waiting to be explored.

Of course, people doubted me. They said things like, "Well, it is a dream, all right." How could anyone blame them?

But here we were.

The speaker, Michelle, called me up onto the stage to receive a certificate, all encased in a glass frame. I exchanged air kisses with her and graciously took the award. Jujubee cheered me on as I stood up there, letting people take pictures.

And then came the obligatory speech.

I couldn't lie; I hated public speaking. It was always something I struggled with. But, I never backed down from one. I just liked to keep them short and sweet.

"Long story short, I had dreams, and I worked towards them. So, here I am, an example of the walking embodiment of success. And I thank each and every one of you, ladies and gentlemen. Have a great night."

Short and sweet. The crowd applauded.

Yes, I was told in the past that I'm arrogant, but I disagreed. I'd say confident. And there was nothing wrong with confidence. After all, there has been a stigma around that word. Doesn't it come from a sense of insecurity, the need to tear successful people down because you're afraid to strive towards your goals?

I deserved to feel this successful, for all those times I was laughed at and ridiculed. I look down on all those assholes and let them know that I made it.

I posed for pictures as I held my award, knowing they would be everywhere the next day; in the papers, magazines, the Internet.

This wasn't the first award I had received. I had a shelf full back home, along with all of my past badges. They reminded me that, once upon a time, I was just any other office worker with her yellow badge. And now here I was, the director of the project with my black badge working closely with the government.

I got off the stage and moved back to my chair. Jujubee rolled her eyes, but her smile remained.

"Where's the after-party?" I asked as the audience shifted their attention from me.

Sometimes I never understood how she put up with me. "Don't worry. I got us covered."

She wasn't lying. A few hours later, we were in the apartment of some other rich somebody. Music was bouncing off the walls, the speakers apparently on full blast.

The main lights were out, replaced with multicoloured LEDs dancing around the place. It was as if we were in our own private club.

Jujubee and I were in the crowd dancing, but because I was absolutely wasted, I lost her many times.

No need to panic, however. Jujubee wasn't a drinker. So she'd find me. She always did.

I really did feel sorry that she had to deal with all of my shenanigans.

"Juju, where the fuck are you??" I roared, not that it would do much. Midsummer Madness by 88RISING was blaring now. Starting to stress out now.

I grabbed a champagne flute as a waiter walked by.

"Brianna, I love the dress." A woman leaned over and shouted in my ear. I had met her before at another event, a fashion reporter if I remembered correctly.

"Thanks. It's Versaci."

As I said earlier, it was fucking Alexander McQueen. I was faded.

Somehow I ended up in the bathroom, throwing up all the alcohol I had consumed into the toilet. After I finished, I washed my mouth out, looked at my reflection and said, "Baby, you're a star."

And somehow, I made it back downstairs. I was searching for Jujubee but found someone else instead. And it was fucking Ed Sheeran.

"I love your new song." I lied.

"Which one?"

"The new one." I smiled. "Hey, Ed. You wanna be the first person to go through the portal?" I wrapped an arm around him.

He looked absolutely taken aback. "Of fucking course. My manager will be in touch."

I really hoped he was joking. Why the fuck had I even suggested it?

I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Jujubee. My nerves settled, and I leaned closer to her. "Let's go outside."

I had no recollection of making it out to the balcony. The only thing I remembered happening before then was rambling to many strangers about how much I adored Jujubee.

A few other party attendees were outside too. I wanted to tell them how I didn't deserve Jujubee and that she was an angel. But she quickly steered me away.

I looked out over the city, a happy smile on my face.

"Are you having fun, baby girl?" Jujubee asked, using her favourite pet name for me. She sparked up a cigarette. I wanted to ask her for one, having gone from chain smoker to social smoker in recent years. But I was too distracted by the view.

"Yeah. I can feel it, Juju." I replied, looking at my hands. It was almost like I could actually feel it. The euphoric feeling of success running in my veins. "Good things are coming."

"Oh, I feel it too." Jujubee blew out the smoke and followed my gaze. "You know what? Your Grandpa was a great guy. And I know that he's proud of you."

My smile dropped. And I was silent.

I preferred to avoid speaking about things like this. Emotions weren't something I liked to deal with - another difference between Jujubee and me.

Just the year prior, we both went to see Midsommar. During the scene where the main character is having a breakdown on the ground surrounded by the Hargan woman screaming along with her, Jujubee was captivated. She looked almost like she wanted to scream along with them. And as she squeezed my hand and leaned over to me, she said, "I need someone to do that with me." I replied with a quiet, "Can't relate."

I'm not insensitive. I just feared emotions for two reasons.

1. They could be weaponised against me. And as much as I tried not to let the online hate get to me, I knew that if it ever became personal, then it would hit difficult.

2. The most important reason of all; a childhood full of breakdowns and too many emotions.

Jujubee nudged me. "You wanna go?"

I didn't want to. But I said, "Yeah. I'm...so drunk right now," and turned away from the city view.

"Can I be that annoying whore and ask if I can stay at your place?" Jujubee asked, taking my hand.

She didn't even need a reason. "Yes, you can."

We waded our way through the crowd, made for the door and left. And before I knew it, we were back at my place, lying in my bed. I loaned her a t-shirt to sleep in. I wanted to sleep in my Alexander McQueen. But Jujubee wouldn't let me.

We both lay there, facing the ceiling. I could already feel the oncoming suffering. Usually, I loved moments like these, when time became fluid, when I didn't have to worry about how I had even gotten home.

But my head was pounding, and the loud ringing in my ears was the cause. If I was bad now, I'd be dead by morning.

I could feel Jujubee's eyes on me, and I looked back at her. She was smiling, her brown eyes glimmering. "Almost there, girl."

Despite the pain I was in, I smiled back. I knew this whole thing, the thingy, the portal; it wasn't just my dream. It was hers too.

Fuck, I was hammered.

"Almost there," was all I could manage to say.

Jujubee turned on her side and treated me to some cuddly spooning. "OK, go to sleep, loser."

It was straining on my neck, but I kept my head turned, letting my eyes linger for a moment longer. God, I fucking loved that bitch. Nothing was ever going to come between us, and that made me the happiest.

I turned over, my back relaxing against her torso. Then, before giving in to my exhaustion, I checked my phone. The bright light made me squint at first. And the alcohol in my system didn't help matters.

I checked how many people had seen my story now. The number was blurry. So I aimlessly swiped notifications away.

But I stopped at one message in particular.

Blair: Hey Brianna! Long time no speak. I just wanted to say I saw pictures from your thing tonight. Congrats, girl! Look, I know you're probably super busy, but I'd love to have a catch up with you sometime.

"..." My eyes were wide. Now that was a name I hadn't heard in a long time.

1995

"Do you see Cassiopeia yet?" Juju whined.

I was trying my hardest to find it in the telescope. But the stars were all in clutters; there were so many. "No. I think I see the big dipper, though."

"Really? Let me have a turn!" Juju begged.

I pulled away from the telescope, allowing Juju her turn. Usually, I would have refused, only letting her use the scope after finding what I was looking for.

I really hadn't found the big dipper, but Juju bought it. "Wooooow. That's so cool."

"I know, right?" I smirked.

The backdoor opened, and Grandpa came out in his winter jacket, pj's and his signature slippers. "How many have you girls found now?"

He was carrying two mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream. I cheered excitedly because Grandpa's hot chocolate was the best, and I'd fight anyone who tried to tell me otherwise.

"We found the big dipper. But that's it." Juju replied, sounding very much let down.

"Don't lose hope," Grandpa gave us our hot chocolate, "some are harder to find than others. I bet there are a lot more constellations out there that haven't even been discovered yet."

I sipped the hot drink, and I could feel it already warming me up. I was so tempted to take my gloves off and let the mug warm them up. But we promised my Mom we would stay wrapped up. "Do you think we could discover one?"

Grandpa took a seat on one of the old deck chairs. "Brianna, you can do anything you set your mind to. Anything is possible."

"One day, I wanna get into a rocket ship and fly away," I said, looking up at the night sky, imagining the scene in my head.

"Hey, Mr Caldwell, are there other people like us? Just looking up at the sky?" Juju asked, taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

"That's an interesting question. I'd say yes, what with how nice the sky is tonight," Grandpa let his gaze trail up, the stars reflecting in his eyes, "But did you know, somewhere far, far away, there are two little girls who are exactly like you. They look the same, they talk the same and even have your names. And they are doing exactly what you're doing right now."

My brows knit in confusion, "what do you mean 'far far away?"

Grandpa looked down again, seeing how intrigued Juju and I was. "Let's just call it the other world. It's basically like our world, but...certain things are different. Like," he paused to think, "maybe cats bark and dogs meow. Or, maybe the sky is pink and not blue. Maybe you girls are actually older, and I'm the young one."

"Do horseys fly in the other world?" Juju asked with much optimism.

"Probably. I don't see why not." Grandpa shrugged.

I glanced up at the sky as if I would somehow just see it. Another world where life was somewhat better.

"Would my Mommy and Daddy have given me up in the other world?" I asked quietly.

Grandpa was silent. His lips were pursed, forming a tight line like there were words on the tip of his tongue that he knew he shouldn't say.

Juju hugged me from the side. I wanted to hug her back but didn't want to cry.

Her hold made me feel safe, so I offered her a half-smile.

Since my first day at school, when those cretins had tried to tell me Roberta wasn't my real Mom, it stuck with me. Yeah, I knew deep down those girls didn't know shit, and Roberta was the best Mother in the world, but I was only human.

As much as I loved my Mom, Grandpa and other family members, I just wanted to feel acceptance from my biological parents.

"Brianna, honey, whoever your family is in the other world, I'm sure they love you from the bottom of their hearts. Just like we do." Grandpa said. He extended his arms out, offering me a hug.

I didn't want it. But I knew I needed it.

That night, we didn't find any constellations. Not that it mattered. After my Grandpa went back inside, Juju and I were set on finding the other world instead.

And this interest went on for nearly a whole year.

It sounded dumb, but we would play games where we were our 'other world selves'. Juju lived in a house full of cats, and they were 'cutest cats in the whole country. So cute they won every pageant!'

And I lived in a huge mansion with my Mom, Grandpa, and my biological parents.

We collectively agreed that our other world selves were the prettiest girls in school, and we had tons of friends. We were so cool, we didn't even have to go to school.

Of course, this started a minor argument between us. Juju would always say, "how can we be the prettiest girls at school if we don't have to go to school??"

"Shut up, Juju! Anything is possible in the other world!"

"Yeah, but it doesn't make sense!"

All of it was so ridiculous. But we loved every minute of it.

I'll never forget the time we built a fort in the woods at the back of my house, and Juju stood under the archway and shouted. "I'm the queen of 'Other World'. Beware ye bastards who enter our domain!"

Then she got upset because she said a bad word and thought she had betrayed her parents.

A few minutes later, I fucked up.

"I, Brianna Caldwell, am the Queen of 'Other World'. I sit on this throne along with my best friend, Blair St Clair!"

Juju was even more upset now.

"Why is she your best friend?? I'm your best friend!" She began to cry.

"Jujubee, it's only pretend." I tried to reason with her.

"No, Brie-Brie. You're always talking about Blair! I know you would rather be best friends with her than me!"

"That's not true!"

"It is!" She wept. "She'll never be your friend, Brie-Brie. She doesn't even like you."

"Take that back!"

"No!"

My anger was bubbling beyond the boiling point. So I shoved her over. "Go away. Now!"

Juju ran off crying.

My teeth were grit, my fists clenched. For about 5 minutes, I stormed around the fort, screaming in anger and kicking the ground.

Mom was freaked out. She knew it was me screaming, so she came running. When she found me, she shouted at me for scaring the absolute fuck out of her.

This only pissed me off more. It took her 5 minutes to get me to chill out.

When I finally explained what happened, she told me it was OK and that we'd be friends again the next day.

It didn't help my mood, so she took me to the mall. It was a rare occasion for us to visit the place. We weren't the richest, what with Mom struggling to keep a job. She wasn't a lousy worker; someone else would just come along who was much more experienced. And without another parental figure to help out, it just meant not much money was being brought into the house.

But Mom decided we'd go to the toy store, and I'd find two dolls, one for me and one for Juju. I made sure they looked exactly like us. Well, considering the nice clothes and great hair, they were our other-selves.

And leaving the building, I was perched on Mom's shoulders, eating the biggest ice cream cone I had ever gotten, when I looked over at the jewellery shop. Two women were leaving the store, holding hands. They leaned in close to each other and kissed.

I just...stared as they smiled at each other, mesmerised by the adoration they so clearly shared.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Brianna, baby?"

"Why are those two ladies kissing?"

Mom cast a quick glance to where I was looking. "Oh. OK, first of all, don't stare. It's rude. But yeah, they're just two ladies in love with each other. That's all."

I looked away, just as she told me to do. "They're in love? I thought only boys and girls could be in love."

"I guess they're still telling you that in school, huh?" Mom quipped. "Well, I'll tell you this, but keep it on the down-low 'cause I don't want no parents coming and knocking on my door saying you're putting ideas into their kids' heads." She laughed. "The truth is; boys can fall in love with boys, and girls can fall in love with girls. You fall in love with whoever your heart tells you to, Brianna."

I nodded. "Uh, huh. OK, I understand." But then, it hit me. "Fuck."

"Brianna." Mom warned. She knew I was prone to sometimes spurting a few cuss words. But she only had herself to blame.

"Sorry, Mommy." And as we left the mall, my brain couldn't stop thinking about what had popped into my head.

Maybe, just maybe, I was in love with Blair.

My mind was taking me back to years prior, still in my first year of elementary school. It was coming up to Valentine's Day, and we all had to make a card for someone in the class. Bit of a weird activity for a bunch of kids who were more concerned if they were getting bikes for Christmas or not.

And I slaved over my card, making it yellow instead of the traditional pink colour, and drawing daisies all over it.

The message read, "You really deserve this. You're welcome." I've always been a poetic genius.

And instead of giving it to any of the boys, I insisted it went to Blair.

I had vague memories of that day. I only remembered her confused face as I handed it over.

I never received a card in return.

Of course, the other kids picked on me for it. But Juju had my back.

"You're all just jealous 'cause Brie-Brie's card is unique!" I remember her shouting.

But of course, they weren't jealous. This concept was foreign to them - a girl gifting another girl with a Valentine's Day gift. But then again, they just didn't know any better.

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 46 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Last Chapter: Pearl invited Adore to a party

This Chapter: Adore has a very bad week, the design team gets more cronuts, and Raven has a lunch date with her bestie.

***

“I don’t understand…”

It had been a great night. Pearl had picked her up, both of them dressed to kill, Adore’s hair freshly dyed an icy turquoise. They’d had dinner, laughing their asses off while they swapped stories about concert debauchery and their favorite bands, and then went onto the party. It was just hours of dancing and flashing lights and pounding bass, their bodies pressed together, chemistry electric like it’d been when they first got together.

Things were so heated at one point that Pearl dragged Adore off to fuck her against a brick wall, making her shiver and moan, fingers gripping the lapels of Pearl’s motorcycle jacket.

After the party, they’d gone to an all-night diner in DUMBO for pancakes, sharing sticky kisses, leaving most of the food untouched as they giggled happily, party drugs slowly leaving their systems.

And then lastly, they’d wandered over to the bridge, the best spot in the whole city to watch the sunrise.

It was then, snuggled in Pearl’s arms as they watched the sky slowly begin to brighten, the first faint rays of light turning a few clouds pink, when Adore carefully brought up the idea of being monogamous. If not now, she figured, clinging together under a cotton-candy sky, then when.

“This open thing, I just...I feel like it’s making me paranoid, you know?”

What she wasn’t expecting, not after a night like that, was that Pearl would immediately let go of her, shaking her head, saying, “I’m just not ready for that.”

Which brought them to the present moment.

“I don’t understand…” Adore began, eyes welling up with tears. “Didn’t you have fun tonight?”

“Yeah, of course. I always have fun with you,” Pearl said.

“So then why-” Adore gulped as a single tear spilled down her cheek. “Why am I not enough for you?”

“It’s not that! You’re great. You are. There are just things I miss when we’re together. And I don’t want to make you a promise that I can’t keep.”

“Like what? What do you miss?”

“Like…” Pearl faltered. “Like, little lacy panties and kissing with lipgloss. Having a manicured hand in my hair while I eat a girl out. Watching an ass in high heels and smelling floral perfumes. Carrying her tiny purse-”

“So...I’m not femme enough?” Adore asked, head still shaking in confusion.

“You’re the one who asked.” Pearl sighed, pushing away from the bridge. “I like you, and it makes me sound like a douche, but, I dunno Adore. I’m a lesbian. I like girls. Sometimes-” Pearl looked over at her. “Sometimes you seem more like a boy.”

Adore swore she could feel her heart shatter, a wrecked sob leaving her. Growing up, one of her biggest sources of shame was not being enough of a “girl.” She never liked frilly things, she never liked the things her older sisters did, like ballet classes and fashion and shopping. She remembered being a kid, bored silly with the endless conversations about nail polish and push-up bras that she was subjected to.

When she came out, one of the best things was that a lot of those expectations were suddenly removed, lifted from her shoulders. She could make her own rules, and so she did. But sometimes, secretly, she still worried. She still glanced at her reflection when in a group of other girls, still wondered sometimes how she measured up.

Most of the time, she got plenty of validation--her friends praising her constantly, and even her sister’s lighthearted shade was affectionate, never failing to slip in a compliment. So she was able to curb her inner demons, really believe that she was beautiful and cute and lovable, even if she wasn’t the most feminine.

But today, hearing Pearl’s honest opinion...it was like someone confirming her worst fear. Like a boy. As she continued crying, her chest aching, she felt like even more of a monster than she ever had.

“C’mon, don’t cry.” Pearl didn’t touch her, and Adore was so thankful for that, as it would have made everything worse. “You’re a really cool boy, and it’s fun to spend time with you.”

“Just stop talking.”

“Let’s get a cab and head back-”

“You think I wanna ride in a cab with you right now?!” Adore asked angrily, swiping at her eyes, surely smearing her makeup even more. “Fuck you!”

“Adore-”

“Just go!” she exclaimed hoarsely, glaring right into Pearl’s tired eyes, daring her.

After a resigned sigh, Pearl muttered, “Whatever you say,” and turned, walking back towards Brooklyn.

***

Courtney had almost finished getting ready for work, putting the last touches on her makeup and looking for a pair of earrings both plain enough to be acceptable, but that she was certain she hadn’t worn in the last two weeks. She’d just pulled out a pair of small, inoffensive black hoops when her phone started buzzing, sending a wave of fear and nausea through her all at once.

It was barely 6:30, and getting a phone call at this time could only mean that there was some pending disaster for her at work--or worse, something she’d already screwed up. She reached for the phone with her heart in throat, stomach churning, only to see to her surprise that it wasn’t her work phone ringing. Brow furrowed, she picked up her old personal iPhone, wondering what could be wrong.

“Adore? Are you okay?”

“Pearl and I broke up,” came Adore’s shaky voice, hitching on the last word.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry!”

“We had the best night, I thought things were turning around, and then she-”

What came next was almost totally incomprehensible as Adore tried to speak through her sobs.

“Where are you, honey? Do you need me to come and-”

“I’m on the Brooklyn Bridge.”

“You’re what!?” Courtney’s heart nearly stopped, panic rushing through her like a bolt of lightning.

“No, I’m…It’s just cause we were at a party here. Don’t-” Adore managed to chuckle drily through her tears. “Don’t worry.”

“Oh. Okay. Good.”

“I’m just gonna walk across and then like...I dunno. Probably go home and sleep all day. But I thought...maybe we could hang out this week?”

“Of course! Whenever you want, just say the word. Okay?”

“Okay. Thanks. I’m sorry to...I know you’re probably heading to work, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You know you can call me anytime. And Dore?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

***

Pearl was leaning back in her chair, her eyes closed, a constant throb behind her right eye.

Normally, she had nothing against the big glass doors and windows that let her entire team see her at all times, the installment of them her own choice, but right now, Pearl desperately wished she had a private office.

She was feeling absolutely wretched from last night, and if she was being honest, it wasn’t just leftover alcohol and party drugs that had her feeling like shit.

Adore had completely misunderstood, had refused to listen to her when she explained herself, the whole thing a terrible terrible mess.

It wasn’t Pearl’s fault that Adore had agreed to something she apparently wasn’t cool with, this whole situation only happening because Adore didn’t actually know herself.

Pearl crossed her arms, groaning, the lie comforting for a moment, but it was just that, a lie.

Adore had asked for honesty, but it seemed like Pearl had made a mistake indulging it. She didn’t know what to do, the guilty feeling new and unfamiliar.

“Pearl?” Pearl opened her eyes to see Laganja standing at her door, a curious expression on her face. “I need you to-”

“I don’t need to do shit until after you get me a coffee.”

“Okay boss?” Laganja raised an eyebrow. “Way to be a bitch.”

Laganja turned around and walked away, Pearl groaning as she slid even further down her chair, today going from bad to worse to terrible.

***

“Hello! Earth to Chachki.”

“Huh?” Violet looked up, Bob’s voice cutting through her thoughts. It was midmorning, Trixie coming into work with boxes of cronuts, a smile on his face as the designers had flocked around him.

Everyone had gathered at the couches, Violet’s stack of magazines she had already read in the corner, Maxwell asking if he could read them when she was done.

“Are you going to eat that?” Bob pointed at Violet’s plate.

“Oh.” Violet looked down, the pastry untouched. “Umh-” April had been kind enough to bring Violet a plate without being asked, her and Alexis sitting side by side. “What’s Trixie’s deal with these anyway?”

“With the cronuts?” Jovan looked over at her, Maxwell next to him.

“It means there’s a tough week ahead-” Maxwell waved his cronut around. “It’s kind of an apology in advance.”

“Ha,” Violet smiled, that statement so fitting with everything she knew of Trixie, the man downstairs in a meeting with Bendela.

“And the question still stands on whether or not you're eating that,” Bob nodded, his eyes still firmly on Violet’s cronut.

“Ah.” She hadn’t even tasted it, but Violet was not in the mood, Sutan’s question about Aspen still playing around in her head. “No.”

“Dibs then!” Blu grinned, reaching over the coffee table and snatching it from Violet’s plate.

“Hey!” Bob yelled, outrage on his face. “That was mine.”

“We can share it.” Blu smiled, breaking it in two.

“You guys,” Alexis rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her coffee as she flicked to the next page. “Awww, look!” Alexis lit up, turning the magazine around. “Remember when Lupita Nyong’o wore my dress to the Grammys?”

“Gimme!” Maxwell reached out, snatching it from Alexis' hand and Violet leaned over so she could see too, Jovan inches away from her.

Lupita looked stunning in her dark blue gown, the flowy skirt making her look like a goddess, Alexis’ signature draping all over it.

“She looks great,” Violet said, “You should be very proud.”

“Thanks, girl!”

Violet looked closer at the page, grimacing when she saw Katy Perry’s weirdly unflattering, asymmetrical suit.

“Katy Perry, though, what an absolute mess. It looks as if Maxwell and Jovan collabed while on acid.”

The second the words left her mouth, Violet regretted them.

This was the first time she had spoken her mind around her new coworkers, the first time she had let out her most sarcastic and dry thoughts, her heart speeding up.

Jovan and Maxwell looked at each other, and Violet tensed, prepared for the angry response she was sure would be coming. But instead of snapping at her or putting her in her place, both men burst out laughing, the rest of the group quickly joining in.

This was unlike anything Violet had ever experienced in school, her peers not laughing at her, but apparently with her instead, the feeling completely new. No one giving her death stares or looking at her like she was a stain on a carpet.

“Omigod, draaag them!” Bob exclaimed, wiping his eyes.

“I-” Violet didn’t know what to say. As a child, she had kept her mouth shut, never saying anything, even when it got her in trouble. It had gotten better at the academy, her body speaking for her, but her classmates and coworkers had taken her silence as a judgement, her corrections of their work like attacks instead of the advice she had meant it as.

In college, she had just stopped giving her opinion all together, another girl leaving a critique in tears when Violet had shared her honest thoughts.

“I didn’t mean-”

“Just to be clear,” Maxwell smiled, “I refuse to have this color story pinned on me.”

“Oh girl shut up,” Jovan grabbed the magazine. “It’s not the colors that makes this terrible, it’s the fucking cut. Are you blind?”

“Anything but the neckline is fine.”

“Okay, so you are blind?”

“I think all of it looks like shit too.”

“BLU!”

Violet smiled, watching her coworkers argue, for once, feeling like she completely and absolutely belonged with them.

***

Bianca stepped off the elevator into her foyer, nearly tripping over a pair of studded black combat boots telling her that she wasn’t coming home to her usual empty apartment.

“Adore? Hello? Where are you?”

Bianca walked through the living room and dining room to the kitchen, assuming that’s where she’d find her sister, but there was no Adore to be found.

“Adore!”

She started to get concerned when yipping from the dogs guided her into the den, where Adore was curled up on the giant L-shaped sofa, buried under 3 blankets, a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the coffee table.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Adore looked up, blue eyes red and watery, lip quivering, and Bianca immediately softened at the sight.

“What’s wrong?” Bianca asked, although she had a pretty good idea already.

Adore rubbed her eyes and sniffled before saying, “Please just don’t say ‘I told you so,’ okay?”

“Aww, baby girl…” Bianca rushed to her side, wrapping her up into a hug and rocking her, rubbing her back, letting her cry it out. “I’m so sorry, pussycat.”

“I’m so stupid,” Adore cried into her neck, and Bianca shook her head vigorously.

“You’re not. Not at all. She’s the stupid one. Okay?” Bianca murmured against her temple.

“Do you have any ice cream?”

Bianca smiled slightly, brushing away a few of Adore’s tears with her thumbs. “I’ll have some delivered. Cookie dough or fudge brownie?”

“Both.”

“Coming right up.” Bianca pressed a kiss to Adore’s forehead and reached for her phone. The fact that things between Adore and Pearl had ended like this was no surprise, not to anyone with half a brain, but she still felt badly for her sister, would still do anything possible to help her feel better.

***

“Juju!” Raven stood up, smiling brightly as she watched her best friend make her way through the restaurant. “It’s so good to see you!” Raven pulled her in for a hug, breathing in the scent of the coconut oil Juju always used.

“Hi gorgeous!” Juju said, hugging her back, and Raven grinned, pulling back to take her in.

Juju looked amazing, her brown hair styled in her signature curls, her blouse of the day a satin lilac with a bow. And of course that bump, growing every day.

“Mama, how did you grow this much in two weeks?” Raven put a hand on Juju’s belly, a tight pencil skirt holding it in. She couldn’t feel the baby yet, but that didn’t matter.

“My best guess is curly fries.” Juju laughed. “I’ve been hitting up Arby’s on my way home from the salon every day, because I…” Juju framed her face with triumphant jazz hands, “am garbage!”

“That’s why we love you,” Raven giggled, pressing a kiss to her friend’s cheek before getting back into their seats.

Raven and Juju had been friends for years. Raven had liked Juju from the moment they met,  Sutan putting her in Juju’s salon chair the second he had signed her for Elite, but they hadn’t officially clicked until she had started dating Raja.

Raven had never really had a best friend growing up, and she was so happy that she had Juju, even though they didn’t see each other as much as they both wanted to. Raven often visited the Sanderson household, spending her evenings there sometimes when Raja worked late--but with the twins, Detox and Kelly around, they rarely had time just the two of them. So as soon as the waiter came by and took their orders, she got down to business.

“Tell me all about your trip!” Raven said. “How’s the new location doing?”

“Oh man. I mean it’s going well so far, but could I have chosen a worse time to open up a new salon? I’m so busy already, and now this new kid. I’m a little worried.”

Juju’s New York salon was such a success that over the years she’d opened up several more locations: Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. And now, her latest one in Atlanta, opened just a month before she’d found out that she was pregnant again.

“If anyone can do it, you can!” Raven told her with an encouraging squeeze, remembering how hectic things had been after the twins were born. “Look at it this way...at least it’s only one baby this time.”

“Ha! That’s true. Anyway, so far so good. Plus it’s around the corner from the best restaurant I have ever been, in my life”

“In Atlanta?” Raven asked, stirring her iced tea, one eyebrow raised.

“Yes, don’t be such a snob!” Juju laughed.

“Whatever you say,” Raven replied.

“Rave, seriously. I mean the food was good, but the desserts?”

Raven perked up, eyes getting bigger and bigger as Juju proceeded to describe a decadent chocolate mousse cheesecake and coconut bread pudding soufflé.

“Stop, omigod!” she finally interrupted, picking up her napkin to fan herself with it. “This is too public. It’s like watching porn on the subway.”

Jujubee laughed, clapping her hands. “Sounds fun! I’m gonna try that. Also...” Juju gestured to the dessert tray rolling by, piled high with confections.

“Ugh, I would push my grandmother in front of a bus for one of those!” Raven groaned, and Juju laughed again.

“So have one! You can’t still be on your runway diet, right?”

“No, I am. “ Raven sighed. “Galactica is doing that showroom thing for the holiday collection next week, and in December I have two swimwear shoots.”

Just thinking about it, Raven groaned. She was excited about the Galactica booking, showroom shows technically way below her level of modeling, but Raven took any excuse she could to work with Raja, spending time with her finacée more than enough reason to put up with the tedious task of playing mannequin for the day.

What was starting not to feel worth it, was the swimwear shoots.

Raven wanted the money, and she was happy she had work, but she couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving, Sutan giving her a mere 6 hours of carte blanche to eat whatever she wanted.

“I’ve been in the gym two hours every day, eating like, grass and leaves.”

Raja had been sweet about it, encouraging her and helping her, but her fiancée just didn’t understand, getting in shape and most importantly keeping the same shape never an issue for Raja, Raja’s measurements largely the same in her 40s as they had been in her 20s. Raven was just happy that Raja seemed to love her body no matter what, the grind of being perfect getting harder and harder every year.

“It’s been horrendous.”

“Aww, I’m sorry boo.” Juju reached over the table, squeezing Raven’s forearm. “If it helps, Kelly’s getting into cooking and yesterday she made us the most god-awful pancakes I’ve ever had. I didn’t want to discourage her so I had five.”

“How is you eating five pancakes supposed to make me feel better?!” Raven shrieked.

“They were terrible!”

“They were pancakes! Do you know how long it’s been since I had a pancake, you fuckin’ bitch?!”

Juju opened her mouth to reply, but instead, caught sight of the absolutely enraged expression on her friend’s face and burst out laughing. Soon both of them were laughing, clutching their sides, completely unconcerned with the number of Upper East Side ladies giving them the stink-eye.

***

COURTNEY: Hey honey, how’s it going?

ADORE: Well. Bianca is keeping the liquor cabinet well-stocked, so...counting my blessings.

COURTNEY: I really want to see you.

ADORE: Me too. Ditch work tomorrow and come hang out with me.

COURTNEY: Ha! I wish.

ADORE: Maybe Friday? Sleepover at my place?

COURTNEY: It’s a date. <3

***

“If you’d please direct your attention to the beading samples in front of you, I’ve made horizontal and vertical variations, the horizontal the pattern I’ve integrated on the bodice-”

As an assistant, Violet had been used to Fame’s steely blue eyes every single day, a squint, a lifted brow, the twist of a mouth more than enough to tell Violet everything she needed to know.

Now, it felt like Fame was a complete stranger, her boss sitting with Raja at her side, both of them completely impassive, Fame’s face not giving anything away.

“And it’s my clear conviction that that will be the best choice, the lines creating a more pleasant visual.”

Violet knew it wasn’t her outfit, her hair styled with a golden clip exactly like Fame liked it, her nails the almond shape and pale pink that was never a problem, her shoes the regulated height so Violet wouldn’t tower over Fame if they had to walk anywhere together.

“For the sleeves, I hope you’ll considered the flared options,” Violet twisted her mannequin, showing off the right sleeve that she had carefully attached with loose stitches to her dress, “But I’ve also done a more traditional slender-”

“Violet.”

Violet froze, looking over at Fame, her boss wearing a white sweater and white high waisted pants, the row of pearls on her Jimmy Choo’s matching her bracelet and earrings.

“That’s all.”

“Oh,” Violet felt her stomach clench, a flash of disappointment washing over her. “Yes Miss.”

Violet grabbed her mannequin, knowing defeat when it was staring her in the face. She had no idea what she had done wrong, Fame cutting her off mid sentence, all the other designers getting feedback or questions.

Violet watched as Alexis rolled up, the other woman instantly filling out the room with her personality, even making Raja laugh as she showed off the several garments she was working on.

Violet swallowed her disappointment, breathing through her nose as she left the meeting room, her nails digging into her palm.

Years of ballet had taught her that sometimes, even your best wasn’t enough, but without feedback, Violet had no idea what to change or how to fix the situation.

She sat at her desk, tailoring thankfully sending up a package with options for details on her prêt-à-porter so she could distract herself.

Violet was going over the button options for the clothes that would end up mass produced for the stores, when she felt Trixie’s hand on her shoulder.

“Good work today Violet.” Trixie smiled, sitting down on the edge of her desk. He was wearing a blue fuzzy sweater with a teddy bear on it, the creation so clearly made by Katya, a clipboard in his hand.

“Thanks.” Violet bit her cheek, doing her best not to let the disappointment show on her face.

“I know it’s tough right now, not knowing where you stand, but remember. You’re most likely already in the collection somewhere.” Trixie’s voice was soft, which actually only made Violet feel worse, his compassion not at all what she needed. “While we’re waiting for placements and final feedback, I need you to focus on Holiday.”

“Yes.” Violet nodded. She only had one piece in the holiday collection, but she still had to do her best.

“Everything is happening Monday, and I hope you’re ready for it. I expect you to be there bright and early, getting to know how these things work will be crucial for your further career here.”

“Yes sir-” Violet cut herself off, the sir feeling all wrong. “You got it coach.”