#d&d quotes

[contextfreedungeon]

Rogue: Sorry, sometimes there's a paladin in my head that confuses me

Reoccurring NPC: Oh my father used to hallucinate a paladin sometimes

Rogue: Interesting

[dnd-on-a-budget]

I'm a working class girl. I'd put all the nobles' heads on spikes.

NPC bartender

[bean-writes]

“And then he’ll just be a sad bard, twerking in a field alone.”

[mankillercalledbunny]

Artificer: At least when I did it, nobody got arrested.

Paladin: You burnt down a warehouse!

Artificer: Yes, but nobody got arrested.

[incorporeal-apricot]

d&d quotes

"Remind me when you're out of combat to have you and Muds roll a check together."

"Is it a hand holding check?!"

"Remind me to have you roll two checks."

[firnen-the-teragram-teabag]

Things nobody said until I played dnd:

"I rolled a nat 6 on shitting"

"roll to keep suffocating"

"Can I seduce satan with my hand puppets"

"roll to kill satan"

"you do not successfully pull off the robot"

"my dick got left behind in the prime material"

"the pope says 'the most powerful weapon in the world, my son, is the bible gun' and he pulls out the bible gun"

"roll to not die"

"if the gods of D&D what me to be a fascist, then I will be a fascist"

[nevergetstuck]

[krabkrab-wontshutup]

DM: You enter the town and see something strange- White, very similar houses, each with a lawn. In front of every other house, people were mowing their lawns, and the houses between were watering their plants.

Paladin and Barbarian: OH GOD ITS THE SUBURBS.

Me(sorcerer): Hey wait isnt this a plot in “A Wrinkle In Time”?

DM: is it???

Paladin: Hey wait yeah!

[dndclassesquotes]

Sorcerer: This Halloween I’m going as a disappointment to my family.

Rogue: At least you won’t have to buy a costume.

[skijarama]

Sometimes when playing D&D, you just belt out banger fucking lines. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a war to wage, and you all have a war to win." For context: Our campaign is taking place in a large archipelago with two primary political powers that have just spiraled into war against one another. This war is mostly a result of demonic corruption infiltrating the leadership of one of the nations and twisting it to evil ends. Typical D&D stuff. The PC party is part of a 'terrorist' organization (really more of a secretive rebel faction) that is trying to investigate and eliminate said demonic corruption. The above quote was said by the commander of the 'good' aligned faction's military. She is in charge of waging the war and managing the front lines, but she is fully aware of the fact that it is not within the power of her army to actually win. Her people's advantage over the corrupted nation begins and ends on the water. The party, on the other hand? Well, they don't have to worry about all that so much. They don't have to worry about the logistics of war or any of that. They just have to slip in, find the demons' heart, and cleave it beating from its nest. All in all, I am very proud of that line up there, and my players seemed to appreciate it, too. Just thought I'd share.

[contextfreedungeon]

"He could stop being a toilet at anytime, he just chooses not to."

[dnd-on-a-budget]

Odette, our wizard: Would you consider joining a cult? NPC: No Odette: But it's a fun cult NPC: Yeah my cousin went down that road.

[bean-writes]

Player: “That wouldn’t be the first time we’ve violated the Genova Conventions.”

DM: "And it won’t be the last.”

[bad-homebrew-dnd-quotes]

Bad Homebrew Quotes // Day 24

Fighter: What's your pronouns?

Rogue: I don't know but I'm probably genderfluid as fuck.