every time dick breaks up one of his brothers’ fights, he just flashbacks to when he tried to square up against a 13 year old and decides to send a gift basket to bruce
If the batkids had a podcast. Part. Xll
Nightwing: "How does it feel to be Batman"- You know that meme "I have no mouth and I must scream"?
Redhood: Wow- That bad??
Nightwing: No-Not really- It's just- You have a very set of limited things you can do as batman.
Nightwing: The fear is great though– People look at you and run.
Redhood: (giggles) Uh-huh
Nightwing: But like- If /Nightwing. Go up to a Penguing gang meeting and shout "Well that's fishy" no one bats an eye.
Redhood: Because you're weird-
Nightwing: I'm not weird- Shut up-("you are" on the background) I'm not. If- If Robin says that-
Robin: I would never say that.
Red Robin: I would
Robin: Of course you wou-
Nightwing: Point is- If I say that, Or Robin say that or Red Robi- No one cares. You can do a double flip and call them a bitch, and that's it. Now if Batman say's that-
Red Robin: You have a problem.
Nightwing: You would have like seven drug dealers heavily armed staring at you horrofied in a empty parking lot.
Redhood: That Sounds awfully restricting.
Nightwing: Right? It was. But (pause) it was a kind of- I don't know. I kinda of a honor noneless. Would do the same again. If had to.
Nightwing: And people would– People would tweet "why the fuck batman is smiling so much this is terrifying"- And I would be like "well that doesn't add to the pressure at all"- (nervous laugh) Like- I'm trying my best guys- Please.
ramadan mubarak to all my fellow muslims from damian and alfred the cat
So ra's wants to see if he can slowly make tim a bit more immortal so he starts diluting some ectoplasm from his least favorite pit and starts putting him into tims drink and sometimes just straight up injects him
Problem, the reason why he doesn't like the pit is because it's too close to real ectoplasm and it rejects the bad ectoplasm in his body
So tim slowly becomes more liminal until Danny, who was taking a road trip through universes, sees him and picks him up
Like, actually picks him up and takes him with him for a bit
Normally Tim would freak but all his ectoplasm just cheers because ghost king is a soothing balm and Tim just takes a long nap
Even when he wakes up he is just feels content and listens to dannys rambles, whenever he gets agitated Danny chirps and calms him down
He is slightly worried when Danny explains that he needs to drink some actual ectoplasm to not die and it will have certain effects on him
But when he finds out it means it will also help with jasons pit rage? Sign him up
So about two months after he shows back up in the batcave mid argument and when he sees Jason he chirps loudly
It instantly calms him
So now the bats gotta deal with whatever happened to Tim, a ghost king (Constantine nearly passes away when he hears) and Jason clinging to Tim cause it helps his pit rage
Tim can't wait to tell them that he and Danny are going on a date soon
Happy Birthday Boy Wonder 💙💙💙🦇🎉
thinking of things...bruce is the hardest to draw sigh
ykno when you hear some bullshit and you gotta take your glasses off for a sec
So I have an idea for a dp x dc fic and I'm going to throw it here since i need to get it out of my head and i'm not sure i'll ever actually write it (and as always if anyone finds my rambles interesting any/all of it us up for grabs to run with):
Elle ends up crashing into the DC universe while exploring, but despite all the dimension/multivariate nonsense that always goes down (or maybe because of it) she can't actually get back, and the levels of ectoplasm are a lot lower than most dimensions which weakens her quite a bit.
There's enough for her to survive, and use her powers a little bit, but using them too much makes her get really weak/maybe even causes serious harm depending on how much she uses.
She finds this out when she tries to open a portal home and both fails to open the portal & passes out as a result of trying. Cut to Elle waking up in Cadmus and realizing "ah, fucked up unethical science, I am familiar with this fuckery" and escapes.
In the process of escaping she comes across Kon, who isn't "finished" yet. He's alive and aged up to a teenager, but isn't quite done with his programming/whatever (this idea came to me based entirely off what I've gleaned through fandom so I don't know the canon of Kon's whole time with Cadmus). Elle immediately realizes "Oh clone baby, that's not good" and breaks him out and takes him with her.
Kon in this doesn't know he's a clone of Superman, he doesn't know a lot of things considering how early into the clone info-dumling process he was in when Elle broke him out. He barely knows language and how to read. What he does know for sure though is that Cadmus is Bad and Getting the Fuck Out is Good so he's down to go with Elle
Queue them becoming friends and being on the run together, learning about this world/dimension together and coming to see each other as family. Eventually they end up in Gotham because it's one of the places that naturally has a higher ectopalsm level and because if you're in the right area no one cares if you have no legal ID (in some circles it's a plus).
Kon gets a lot of odd jobs before eventually ending up working at a strip club or burlesque bar or something (my idea is that it's years after escaping so he's in his early 20s at this point and not just a fresh baby clone anymore and he gets into it because he likes it and it's good money) while Elle uses her ghostly knowledge/what powers she can to work as like a psychic or something like that.
Meanwhile Justice League (with alive again Superman) have found out about the escaped Superman clone and, along with Cadmus, are desperately trying to track him down. The info they have is a bit murky, so they think it's actually *two* clones, one that had Martian dnd also thrown in to the mix based off a short clip they managed to find of Elle phasing through walls.
My idea is that it'd all finally come to a head when Constantine pulls Tim (and maybe also Damian) in on a JL Dark case that involves the Lazerus Pit and for reasons ends up having to hire Elle to help. I'm thinking it's a thing that Elle is a pretty respected name in certain magic circles due to her expert knowledge on the Infinite Realms, though she refuses to work for most people who seek her out - even though the money would be good - because usually it's only evil assholes that want to hire her.
She makes a deal with Jon to help (in exchange for something that would let her get a message to Danny letting him know what happened or something like that) and Kon joins in because there's no way he's trusting a dude Elle calls the "drunk soul slut" with his baby sister unattended, he doesn't *care* if she could handle herself it's not happening.
Anyway, Tim/Kon (and maybe some Damian/Elle) shenanigans during a Lazerus Pit/demon hunting road trip where eventually everyone figures out who Kon & Elle are, Elle manages to get a stable portal setup so she can go home and come back whenever she wants (Kon getting adopted by Danny? Kon getting adopted by Danny) and Kon joining Young Justice and having a good relationship with Clark (who had a lot more time to deal with things before meeting Kon and learned about him as a person before learning he was Clark's clone).
Anyway there would be a scene at the end where Kon would be in his superhero suit for the first time and just:
Clark: Did you choose a hero name yet?
Kon: Yeah, I figured I'd go with Supernova.
Clark, feeling touched: Yeah? Any particular reason?
Kon: It's cool, it has 'Super' in the name, and really it just seemed the easiest option, I'm used to responding to Nova, so *shrugs*
Clark: Yeah? Why's that? Nickname?
Kon: I guess kinda? It's my stage name at the strip club I work at
Tim, brain shut down by this revelation: ...do you do private shows?
Clark: w h a t
a teeny tiny damian for u. a liddol guy. if u even care
Serious chaos prompt:
"I trusted you," Dani's soft voice hit Damian like a truck. Her eyes glistened and a few somber tears escaped before she disappeared.
"Dani!" Damian called, taking a few steps toward the last place she stood, "Dani wait! Dani!" He searched the sky, roof tops, and the streets down below for any sign of her, "Come back." But there wasn't any sign. No familiar soft whisper in his ear. No gentle invisible hands teasing his hair, their signal to meet on the manor's roof later.
She wasn't coming back.
Clenching his fist, Damian whirled around, baring his teeth in a snarl, "Damn it, Father!"
okay so hear me out, i think about their dynamic a lot cause damian will get in the way of danger for jon to a stupid extent, to the point where he will risk everyone else including himself, and jon... he cannot really be hurt so he really just has to deal with the fallout
also im so sorry
*Dick hangs up*
Duke: Uh oh. What's going on, B?
Bruce: Dick usually says "I love you" when we hang up. And then he sings it and then he whispers it. This time he just said, "gotta go, dad"
Cass: Well, maybe... He's gotta go?
Bruce: Yeah, maybe. It just feels like Dick hasn't been around as much lately. Last week, he only came to four out of seven breakfasts, and he missed bat-equitment maintenance day to, and I quote, "train with Wally." He didn't even come over to watch that other unrelated Wayne family on Family Feud.
Damian: Their performance was- survey says- disgraceful.
Bruce: I mean, I don't want to just throw around the D-word but...
Steph: *Gasp* Dracula disorder?
Bruce: Drifting. As in we're all drifting apart. This was my worry when Dick moved out to Blüdhaven, that we'd see him less and less. And then from there, who knows what would happen?
Jason: oh my god, is it me driving him away? I'm always pestering Dick with annoying questions like "How much do you think your arms weigh? Like if you took them off your body and weighed them separately?"
Tim: *gasp* it could be my fault. The other day, when Dick and I went to the movies, I got a small popcorn to share and he said, "I wish you'd gotten a medium."
Damian: well, I know it's not me. I'm amazing.
*The batkids are playing a team sport*
Damian: Are you upset you don’t get to be on the same team as Tim?
Jason: Have you ever played a game with Tim?
Jason: Have you ever been trapped in a cage with a wolverine?
*Meanwhile, on the other side of the field*
Tim, chasing Dick: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD “FASTER” MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!
Dick: *walks into the room to see Tim with his face in his hands, seemingly hiding from the world, and Jason definitely laughing way harder than necessary* uhhh what’s going on?
Jason: Tim was-Tim was tryin’ to remember what STEM stands for, right?
Dick: okay? And?
Jason: so he goes- he goes “Science, Technology, Engineering and—”
Tim: *finally looking up, seems dead inside but with a manic gleam you can only get from an unholy combination of sleep deprivation and pure embarrassment* Magic! I said magic! What kind of- I’m such an idiot! *puts his head in his hands again*
Damian: t-t, surely you know that the ‘M’ stands for Mathematics, not even you can be that dumb
Tim: I know- *looks up sharply* WAIT, did you just compliment me?!
Damian: don’t be ridiculous Drake, you must be more sleep deprived than I thought. Come, you must not wither away here; Pennyworth has already prepared your room for you and it would be rude to dawdle
*a confident Damian and a confused Tim leave the room. Dick and Jason look at each other, baffled*
Dick: what just happened?
Jason: I have no idea