#dark gender romantic

[stardustmuseum]

i’m such a “🥹” girl. sorry not sorry i feel everything so deeply

[atopvisenyashill]

i was thinking more about characters Performing Gender, but not necessarily Transgressing Gender. I wound up focusing on Ned and Sansa bc I feel like I understand them the most but-

Sansa as a hostage is imo the most obvious (bc it’s so well done) moment of someone clearly Performing Gender but not being transgressive in that performance. Which isn’t to say it’s not a complicated performance; it’s a fine line Sansa walks between weaponizing her gender to protect herself without seeming too fake. She’s trying to placate the Lannisters by playing the perfect, dedicated, air headed betrothed because it’s the only defense she has - if she outwardly rebels, she will be punished in a likely violent and/or sexual way (which isn’t even conjecture - when she says “or maybe he’ll give me yours” Joffrey has her struck with an armored hand). She’s not quite successful in being convincing but that’s because it’s a rather extreme situation; despite no one believing her, she does make herself seem meek and stupid enough that no one suspects she’s plotting to escape with Dontos until she’s well away from KL. The fact that she even has Dontos to confide in is because of Sansa’s relationship with gender! When she saves him, she covers her rebellious slip by playing up Joffrey’s intelligence & his role as King; she reaches for “tools” of her gender AND of ~proper manhood~ to save a life and herself from another beating. Her retreats into the godswood and silence are very much Sansa attempting to recharge from these draining interactions, the same way a knight would need to stop and eat and rest after a fight. She is fighting, constantly, by forcing herself to stay within the narrow confines of a specific type of gender performance as a way of shielding herself from harm.

Ned yelling at Cat is another big one, and I’ve seen the scene referred to as Ned using his patriarchal power to scare Cat, which is a great description. It feels like a Performance because Ned is putting on this terrifying Lord Stark mask in an attempt to get Catelyn to stop asking about Jon (and Lyanna). This is not how he usually acts with those he loves! When Ned is with His People, he is welcoming of questions, curiosity, emotion, even transgressive thought (to a point! the idea that Ned is a feminist because he lets Arya learn to fight is Not accurate but you can’t deny he allows significantly more flexibility wrt gender expression than most of the fathers we meet in this series. the bar is in hell tho). Yet when Cat asks him about Jon’s mother, Ned scares her so well she stops asking & still remembers the moment bitterly over a decade later. And if that snippet we see through Bran’s eyes of Ned praying that Cat will forgive him does come after she asks (like it’s suspected), it’s clear not only that this is a performance he’s putting on & weaponizing against Cat, it’s one he does not like using as a weapon against someone he is close to. After using the power his gender gives him to cause harm, he retreats to the godswood and silence to pray and rest, much like Sansa. A spiritual cleanse, the way a soldier may pray after battle, to reset and reconnect Being A Proper Man to Being A Kind Man.

I think there’s something interesting in that two of the characters most widely defined by how well they adhere to Westerosi gender norms both dislike feeling like they had to weaponize their gender. They are exhausted by the performance, because it’s a performance. This isn’t Sansa getting excited over tourneys, or Ned teaching his sons to fight; it’s toxic masculinity, it’s structural misogyny. It’s something they’re good at, excel at, and connected to something they enjoy but when it’s paired with violence, whether done by Ned or done to Sansa, it crosses over in their minds from an innate part of themselves (The Gender) to a performance necessary due to survival (The Gender Role). And that after these performances, both retreat to nature & god as a way of resting and cleansing from the experience.

[achillesreborn]

here's to every trans masc who just had the "big haircut". you look amazing <3

[flowersforfrancis]

Sirius Black Darlings

[wewereborntodie777]

🧚🏻🧚🏻🧚🏻

I took these photos last Friday when i met with my friends after school, they are very pretty and I wanted to share them.

I hope you have a great day, love ya!

[littlelioncub43]

Steve bringing over some fresh meat (wink wink) for reader, so she can feed her basement husband Robert🥰

Hehehe silly thang.

I'm weirdly only getting a small opening blurb for this so this is what we're going with!

With the sun finally dipping below the horizon, the sterile house around you seemed to soften. The warm lights that you had picked out were much more inviting than the blinding white lights Steve originally installed.

You're such a surgeon, it kills me, you teased.

Oh, don't tease, sweetheart, only I get to kill you, he cooed.

Humming a soft tune, you began to gather what you needed. Cutting boards, pots, pans, spoons, knives— all were neatly tucked away in the kitchen, your kitchen now. Steve would be home soon, so you might as well get as much prep done as you could before he arrived. You hated when your counter tops were too cluttered.

The rhythmic slices of onions, garlic, and potatoes always soothed you, it put you in just the right state of mind, one that you can relax and let loose in. The sound of Steve's car pulling in the drive stole you away from your little bubble, the organized bowls of ingredients neatly set in front of you made you smile. Man, time does fly when you're having fun.

You hear Steve's voice, no doubt charming another woman, or man, or whomever was unfortunate enough to be taken in by your husband. He was a flirt, unbearably smooth-talking. He could charm the bees out of the hive if he wanted to. You told him he'd make a damn good politician, but he scrunched his nose and chuckled 'they give too many speeches.'

You're busy sharpening your knife as he rounds the corner, some pretty little thing following blindly behind him like some poor puppy. Her bashful smile at whatever he said is quickly lost the moment she sees you.

"O-Oh," she squeaks, frozen in her spot as she watches Steve round the counter top, making his way over to give you a loving peck. "I-Im sorry, I didn't kno–"

"It's alright, darling," you soothe her with a gentle smile, she relaxed ever so slightly at your calming voice, just as you wanted. You quickly drink in her form: supple flesh, rounded cheeks, glowing skin— oh, she's perfect. Bobby'll like her, you thought. "Steve told me he invited you over for dinner. Are you hungry?"

"Starving," she nodded.

"Good," you grinned, "so are we."

[goth-oat-milk]

[kaleb-is-definitely-sane]

Tl;dr: Not like other girls/guys is misogynist and misandrist respectively. For a good example of not like other girls actually being healthy, check out Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

“Not like other girls/guys” will always be my least favorite trope. It is so disgusting. It’s kinda sexist. In most cases it’s straight up misogynistic/misandristic. It’s just….. ugh. Because often times it’s about putting down women and men instead of celebrating the differences that make all people, regardless of gender, unique and beautiful. It also is interesting that the “not like other girls trope” is mostly used by women…. Actually i think both are mostly used by women… or maybe i just mostly read women, idk. And it’s the worst when they try to brand this as “feminism”. Like…. ew. No. It’s not feminism.

And then the other thing is that some people actually make it work! The one instance i can think of this working is Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, where Mr. Darcy falls in love with Elizabeth Bennet because she’s not like the other women. Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite books and I consider Jane Austen to be a literary genius. But this isn’t about women and the nature of women (honestly it’s about humans and human nature but also); it’s about men and women in Regency England and how they are expected to behave. Elizabeth doesn’t behave like that, she is her own person and that is Mr. Darcy loves her. Also, women different from Elizabeth aren’t put down on. Jane, for example, is the sugar to her spice; eternally optimistic and full of a candid desire for the best in and for all people. Very different from Elizabeth’s “the more I see of the world the more i am dissatisfied with it”. And yet, both women are 1. Celebrated for being who they are. 2. Called out on their respective faults and 3. Not humiliated by the story, simply challenged and nurtured into maturity.

Charlotte would be an exception, however it is Elizabeth that puts down Charlotte, not the narrative. Charlotte is praised for her ingenuity, even though Austen (and thus Elizabeth) are still upset about her mercenary tendencies. She understands that “mercenary” was (and still is) sometimes a very much needed aspect of society.

The only time women are put down they are legit awful: Mrs. Bennet, Mary, Kitty, Lydia, Caroline, Louisa, Cathrine (she doesn’t deserve the title of Lady). All of whom are just awful. However, they are not put down as women and Lizzy isn’t “different from these women”. She and the other good characters in the books are different from the other foolish characters. Not foolish women. Not even foolish men (of which there are plenty!). Simple foolish people. Because, as Jane Austen was well aware, people have a great propensity to act foolishly.

It’s not about men or women. It is about gender: the culturally and socially constructed differences between males and females. And about how those constructs affect people and there relationships. The point is: Elizabeth isn’t “not like other women” she’s “different and better than what Regency England allows people (male and female) to be.”

[jackalgirl-01]

𝓐𝓯𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓱 𝓸𝓯 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓔𝔁𝓪𝓶

𝐼𝓃𝓈𝓅𝒾𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒷𝓎 𝒥𝒾𝓂ち 𝒜𝒮𝑀𝑅'𝓈 𝒞𝒪𝒟 𝒱𝒾𝒹𝑒𝑜𝓈

𝒪𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓁 𝒾𝒹𝑒𝒶 𝒷𝓎 @/𝒩𝑜𝓋𝒶𝓁𝓅𝓁𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝒴𝑜𝓊𝒯𝓊𝒷𝑒 (𝒾𝓃 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓈𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝑜𝒻 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓋𝒾𝒹𝑒𝑜𝓈)

𝐹𝒶𝓃𝒹𝑜𝓂: 𝒞𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝒟𝓊𝓉𝓎

𝒲𝑜𝓇𝒹 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓃𝓉: 𝟤.𝟨𝓀 (𝓅𝒶𝑔𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓃𝓉: 𝟧)

𝑅𝑒𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅: 𝒢𝑒𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇-𝓃𝑒𝓊𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓁 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇/𝒴𝑜𝓊 & 𝒮𝒾𝓂𝑜𝓃 "𝒢𝒽𝑜𝓈𝓉" 𝑅𝒾𝓁𝑒𝓎

𝒯𝒶𝑔𝓈: 𝒯𝓇𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒾𝓈𝓈𝓊𝑒𝓈, 𝒾𝓂𝓅𝓁𝒾𝑒𝒹/𝓇𝑒𝒻𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝓅𝓈𝓎𝒸𝒽𝑜𝓁𝑜𝑔𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓁 𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓊𝓂𝒶, 𝒾𝓂𝓅𝓁𝒾𝑒𝒹/𝓇𝑒𝒻𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻-𝒽𝒶𝓇𝓂, 𝒾𝓂𝓅𝓁𝒾𝑒𝒹/𝓇𝑒𝒻𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑒, 𝒷���𝓃𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒹𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓁𝑜𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅, 𝒜𝒮𝑀𝑅 𝒻𝒶𝓃𝒻𝒾𝒸, 𝐹𝓁𝓊𝒻𝒻, 𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓉/𝒸𝑜𝓂𝒻𝑜𝓇𝓉/𝑒𝓂𝑜𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝒶𝓁 𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓉, 𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒶𝓁 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓉𝒽 𝒾𝓈𝓈𝓊𝑒𝓈, 𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒶𝓁 𝒾𝓃𝓈𝓉𝒶𝒷𝒾𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎

𝒮𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎: 𝒲𝑒𝑒𝓀𝓈 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝓅𝒶𝓈𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝒯𝒶𝓈𝓀 𝐹𝑜𝓇𝒸𝑒 𝟣𝟦𝟣 𝓅𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓊𝓂𝒶𝓉𝒾𝒸 𝑒𝓍𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑒𝓍𝒶𝓂 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝒸𝒸𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝐵𝐵𝒞 (𝐵𝒾𝑔 𝐵𝑜𝓎𝓈 𝒞𝓁𝓊𝒷 𝒶 𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒫𝓇𝒾𝒸𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝓊𝓅 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝓁𝑒𝑔𝒶𝓁 𝒸𝑜𝓅𝓎𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝐵𝓇𝒾𝓉𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝐵𝓇𝑜𝒶𝒹𝒸𝒶𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒩𝑒𝓌𝓈 𝒩𝑒𝓉𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀). 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽, 𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝑒𝓌𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝓇𝑜𝑜𝓀𝒾𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝒸𝑒𝓈 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃 "𝒮𝓊𝑔𝒶𝓇𝒸𝓊𝒷𝑒" 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝒷𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝑜𝓎𝓈 𝒹𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓅𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽𝒹𝓇𝒶𝓌𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓂 𝒷𝓎 𝒹𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑒𝓍𝓉𝓇𝑒𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝓇𝒶𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝓊𝓈𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒹𝑜 𝓊𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝐿.𝒯 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊

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》Story on AO3《 | 》Story on SquidgeWorld《 | 》Story on Tumblr《 (you're here)

It's been weeks since you've been through that traumatizing experience that the 141 Task force and its members put you through. You keep having recurring night terrors replaying the memories of König giving you actual electric shock torture. and Captain Price firing his gun against your forehead loaded with blank bullets to scare the living shit out of you. The nightmares felt real, altering little details between the two experiences, events, and memories together. To the point you feel yourself bleeding, injured, burned, electrocuted, or even dead.

And each time you feel yourself dying from your dream injuries or slipping into unconsciousness of darkness warm hands on you. Your body response by jolt your wide awake sometimes makes you stand up on your bed. Making sure that you're still alive with heavy breathing, rapid heart beats, and night sweats of anxiety trying to cool you down. Even though you're the only rookie that joined the task force and wakes in their bunker in the middle of the night in their own barracks. Sleep won't come back easily to your body due to the nightmares that affect you both emotionally and mentally. 

You get yourself dressed in your workout clothes/training uniform, then sneak your way through the occupied barracks of your fellow members and avoid your fellow peers on night duty. silently making your way out to the field behind the base that's been used as a running track for training and drills. The dim light of the moon and nearby lampposts give you some illumination in the area. Without even thinking or your body switching on autopilot, you started to run laps around the semi-moist grass field until you couldn't anymore. Feeling the exhaustion, pain, and aches from the late night run. You slowly, and quietly make your way back to your barracks.

Being cautious with your surroundings and not to wake anyone up. After some time you made it back to your room, closing the door behind you, removing the workout clothing you wear for the run to switch back to your uniform, climbing back into bed, and letting the friendly return of sleep slowly return to your body. closing your eyes and letting it embrace you as an old friend. To help you get some rest and relaxation to your exhausting body.

The time is now 0645. You wake up an hour earlier to get yourself dressed and not looking like shit before heading out to the training area. Luckily for you no one knows about your late night run, and you're thankful for that piece of calmness for your mental health. Now you and fellow soldiers are waiting for the instructor to show up to begin your day. You try brewing yourself some relaxing tea, reading, and even some form of mental activities to keep your mind busy but all seem to temporarily work. To keep the nightmare and demons at bay you have been forcing on your training more and improving your skills.

Avoiding the boys any chance you could get except for team briefings and training to improve team trust and bonding. In all honesty you still hated them for the mental fuck up they give you. You didn't know when or how this happened but you started to slowly withdraw from your duties on base and eat a bit under your normal calories intake during meal time. Even sitting alone at the table to give you some form of inner peace from your mental battle. There are times that some of the members will ask you if you're feeling alright Or if you have a heavy load of duties around base that keep you out of sight for half the day. 

You always response to these questions with a "yea, yes sir" 

Even jokingly respond with "Yea, just this workload is just making me feel like I'm doing overtime but I ain't complaining about it. Everyone has their role around here to keep the base functional and I'm just doing my part either major or minor. Beside you can't operate something that's missing parts to make it function." 

Keeping the conversation at a minimum and not taking too much time with their busy schedules. So far the response you give seems to satisfy them enough to not disturb you any further. But that didn't help prevent potential spread of worry among some in base. You've been on autopilot and repeating the same thing you do day in and day out. Working out in the base gym, doing extra target practice and drills in your free time, late night laps around the base past curfew, and asking for additional duties on and around base to be added on your schedule. Just to keep yourself busy and avoid the negative voices in your head and the glares of the team.

You kept this little coping method going for the next few weeks, until it wouldn’t be kept at the bare minimum in the public eyes any longer. Captain Price starts noticing your lack of attendees in both team related training and meetings. While Soap and Gaz try to get you to open up and share what's bothering your mind these past weeks, back asking you if you want to grab a drink at the local pub with them. You alway politely decline the offer due to you not being much of a drinker and smoker each time they ask and it’s starting to annoy you a bit. Lieutenant Ghost seems you aren't your usual self since after the exam and been taking mental notes of your changes of character and body language. 

To the point that you feel his glance watching over you like a hawk every hour throughout the day. While you’re working, and doing some extra training throughout the week. Seeing you pushing yourself to your limits being a bit reckless with your body not giving it time to recover. It got to the point that you almost passed out during one of your drills with sergeant Gaz. That he and some of your peers have to carry you to the medical bay to get examined and receive a lecture by the nurse hours after you regain consciousness. Price and Gaz come in to visit you after the nurse takes their leave.

“You’re alright Sugarcube? Gaz here was just explaining to me that you passed out during training this evening. Is there something that you would like to tell us?” Price asks you to keep his voice steady and calm.

You look up at both of them feeling a bit faded still, but hestanted to respond at first. not knowing if you sure tell him the truth or keep pretending that everything is fine for his sake. Since he was the one to put you through that fucked up exam in the first place. Sighing you look up at them trying to find the words that make this situation make sense.

“Captain, Sergeant, I have something to confess, I…” 

“Go on Rookie, you have the floor.” Price encourages you by giving you one of his famous warm smiles. While Gaz left the room to give you both some privacy to make things easier for you. You honestly wish that he should have stayed in the room, and not leave you alone with the captain. Wishing that this was a nightmare and that you’re still unconscious. 

“Captain, I have been trying out a new health diet and supplement pills that were shipped from home. I guess it wasn't for me in the long run and I should probably send them back or toss them in the trash, and send a letter to my folks. They aren’t really tech savvy but it’s best to tell them the truth, I’m truly sorry that I worry you guys. It’s just that I've been dealing with some personal issues lately.”

The captain stares at you for a bit making you feel like a moth in a jar being watched. It wasn’t a complete lie that you told him. Your family from overseas keeps shipping you items from home every month to help you with homesickness. At first it was a sweet gesture but now it’s being a bit of an annoyance. Since some of the items are either personal or false advertisements, the guys like to make fun of you for it. Price let out a sigh, breaking your trace of thoughts and seeing him lifting up his hat slightly from his forehead.

“Alright, Sugarcube, I’ll put you on a week-long break from any field and base duties while you sort your personal issues. But that doesn’t mean you can skip out on your training. I’ll temporarily assign someone to watch over you until then don’t be a weak muppet alright?”

“Aye sir, and thank you.” you respond to him respectfully hiding a bit of your anxiety from your voice that hasn't settled down during your conversation with him.  

Then he left the room leaving you alone with your thoughts.

**************

The cold early morning temperature reminds you of home when you have to wake up early to help the family out with apples and orange harvesting. It was the last thing you did with them before you were called into service in the task force. Of course family say their heartfelt goodbyes and remind you to eat well, behave well, and do what you were told by your commander. You take a deep slow breath, steady your aim and fire your sniper to the paper target. Firing 3 rounds before getting up and examining your accuracy skill, the three shots hit the paper target in the right places. But you ain’t improve with the lack of bullets used in this exercise.

Since the objective was to provide sniper support with the usage of a limited amount of ammo to either kill or disable your target at a far distance. You rip the paper target from its place, replace it with a brand new one in its place in a different angle and position. Ghost was observing you from the corner not saying anything to you after you came back to your assigned position. You both haven’t talked since the coffee date, and at the end of the exam it was a shock to you that he was the one who knocked on your door. Waking you up from your slumber, asked you to get dressed, and meet him at the gun range well it was more of an order than a ask. Knowing and hearing stories and rumors about him from the others around the base, you did what he asked you to do either due to fear or uneasiness on what he planned to do with you.

You set your sniper down on the table as a signal to the lieutenant you're ready for your next challenge. And take a few steps away from the table with your back turned. Ghost walks up towards the table assembling and adding a random amount of bullets in the sniper mags. Both of you don't speak letting the silence linger between you two then it was required. You know the lieutenant is a strong muscular person with similar experiences in the military like Captain Price. You heard the rumors by others on base why he wears a skull balaclava ranging from honoring an dear old friend to hiding his identity/face due to some naughty injury or legal shit that only he and Price know about.  It wasn’t your place or business to know about the details so you leave it alone.

That was then and this is now and it doesn’t help that there's a possibility Ghost will get on you and give you an hardcore training routine. Or a write up and lecture from Price for the slightest disobedience or out of line tone. Back in boot camp you and your fellow peers learned to be obedient dogs, never question or judge your ranking officers’ orders even if it resulted in death. You’re starting to even question your choices with the demons coming back to attack you once again. You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn’t notice the lieutenant finished with the sniper on the table and placing his hand on your shoulder lightly.

“Oi, you’re alright Sugarcube? You seem a bit out of it for the past few weeks bloody hell, almost a month. What’s eating you alive inside?” he asks you with a bit of concern that leaks out of his rough voice and let go of your shoulder cause you to snap out of your traces. Not knowing how to respond to him properly.

“Aye, I’m alright lieutenant, just been deep in the woods about some things, it’s nothing too corcering to share about tho. Let’s just continue with the exercise and call it a day alright?” you say lying through your tongue trying not to worry him more. You went to grab the sniper off the table. And repeat the process again; find a good position, take everything in account, take deep breaths, steady yourself, aim, and fire on the paper target repeatedly until there’s no ammonation left. And set the snip down against the wooden wall of the range. You seem a bit disappointed with the result but it can be fixed with a bit more practice. You’re about to change the paper target again when Ghost stops you and places his hand in face of you.

“Rookie, you have been withdrawing from your responsibility and training in and around base, along with avoiding team briefing and training that involves mandatory attendance. You’re also been avoiding your teammates as well. Look, whatever you told Price won’t work on me. So I’ll ask again, are you alright?”

You feel your face flaring up in anger, shame, and embarrassment that you can’t escape now or even pretend that everything is alright. That you know deep down you aren’t okay and need to talk to someone about it. Sighing deeply you look up, staring at his brown color eyes there’s not turning back now. You told him everything about the aftermath of the exam and how it fuck up your mental and emotional state. And the reason why you were withdrawn for your duties and avoiding the 141 as a whole. Along with the whole nightmare of being torture being so real. After you’re done telling him what’s on your chest, you look away feeling stupid and small for letting this shit bother you for so long.

Ghost didn’t say anything while you told him your troubles listening and saying no words during this ordeal. He knows what you've been through and what you have endured during the exam. He told Price to go easy on you when he saw you and didn’t pull the “traumatize the rookie even more” card. Even though Price reassured him that it’ll be fine he still did anyway. All of them were surprised that you passed it without cracking under the pressure. But he’ll have to pay König a visit when he returns to teach him some less lethal torture methods to use on the new batch of recruits. 

Ghost looks around to make sure that both of you are truthly alone, and gently offers you a quick hug being careful with not hurting you or your body due to his buff form and strength. You were shocked by the action then slowly hugged him back gently and slowly feeling the floodgates of tears about to open. He holds you a bit closer against his body and gently rubs your back. After a long tearful silent comforting session between teammates, both you and the lieutenant left the gun range with everything back to their rightful place and a bit of clean up. With him leading you toward the office of one of the base therapists to help you get a fresh start on your recovery journey. Along with fresh new start on trust, developing bonds, and friendship among your peers throughout your new career within the military.

[ceoofmetagala]

Pride knights 💖💖

[enigmaticacademia]

writing a shakesqueer essay

I procrastinated writing this so much, the days have been so emotionally and academically but I had to put in effort because such gayness, very homoeroticism. Been listening to apocalypse by cigarettes after sex on loop. I completed the essay at 4:30 am so now I feel something that's not dead inside ~ eni

[romantictheoryposts]

mwah

[edgy-abomination]

sometimes i get overcome with the urge to dress dark academic and then i remember that i will never look like a fluffy haired boy with brown eyes in corduroy trousers and a big, comfy sweater who has spent his day tucked into a big arm chair, reading with a cup of tea.

[chadsuke]

Comics Read in 2023:

Mr. Bride Vol. 1 by Natsumi Shiba (2020)

Mr. Bride Vol. 2 by Natsumi Shiba (2020)

Mr. Bride Vol. 3 by Natsumi Shiba (2021)

Mr. Bride Vol. 4 by Natsumi Shiba (2021)

Shadows House Vol. 1 by Somato (2019)

Shadows House Vol. 2 by Somato (2019)

Otherworldly Izakaya Nobu Vol. 4 by Natsuya Semikawa & Virginia Nitouhei (2017)

Otherworldly Izakaya Nobu Vol. 5 by Natsuya Semikawa & Virginia Nitouhei (2017)

Otherworldly Izakaya Nobu Vol. 6 by Natsuya Semikawa & Virginia Nitouhei (2018)

[ID: Covers of the aforementioned books. End ID.]

[imagiguard]

someday i will go into the memories account without the ghost of past me haunting me

[rxmye]

" 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐄 "

𝐀 𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐍𝐈𝐀𝐂 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 — you're his entire world, his only thought, the very illness that has corrupted his mind and body . . .

gender neutral reader / yandere oc x reader / mentions of sleep medication / pathetic yandere / suggestive content / a character slightly aimed towards people with a savior complex

masterlist | requesting rules | character info . . . a/n: edited, Lucas first fanfic is out !! . . click here to read it !! <3

He was someone with fleeting attraction—yet a hopeless romantic, who'd spend most of his class time doodling away in his notebook instead of taking actual notes, writing these scenarios that played out in his mind—tired hazy doodles of small characters, blurry lines of writing, scribbled out text, as he struggled to stay awake—

He had never had a proper sleeping schedule, and if he did he'd never stick to it, a night owl who often faced the consequences of his own actions, sleep medication was something he was all too familiar with, the feeling of being restless without sleep, his nerves always on edge, dark circles under his eyes made him feel insecure, and alarmingly out of character.

He felt something touch his back, he froze, nerves all over the place, a pit growing in his stomach as he turned almost instinctively to face whoever touched him, pushing their hand off harshly . . . "Hey Yoichi . . what's up with you man, why so aggressive?!" Lucas asked . . and then he froze, letting out a nervous and rather embarrassed chuckle, "Ah—um . . sorry Lucas . . just feeling a little tired that's all", he replied softly, voice barely coming out.

To be quite honest, when he first saw you, Yoichi thought nothing of it, he sat at the very back and you for some reason, sat in front of him, not that he minds, you're presence covered him from the teachers eyesight, which allowed him to do whatever he wanted, he was even able to drift off to sleep during that period.

However, it wasn't until he found himself, drawing tiny versions of you in his notebook, little doodles, pink ink staining the paper as he hearted your initials together—his name then your last name . . your name then his last name . . . names of future children—that he realized he was crushing on you . . . big time.

His emotions was fleeting, it had always been, he didn't think much of it . . it was just a simple crush, everyone has one of those, and they go away with time.

Yoichi was a punctual student—and a well organized one—he'd rarely forget his books, much less the notebook with his embarrassing doodles of him and you, it would ruin his image to be quite honest . . yet for some reason he had forgotten it in class today, it could've been his ever-growing restlessness due to a lack of sleep, or maybe the caffeine that's been fucking with his head since early in the morning—he sighed—knocking himself out of his own thoughts, as he twisted the doorknob, hopefully the teacher left the class unlocked.

The door was open, to his utter relieve . . . wait . . . "y/n?", he spoke, taken aback—you were soundly asleep on your desk—you looked so at . . peace . . . calm? . . . Nothing could describe the emotions he felt as he approached you, slowly reaching over to his desk and grabbing his notebook, quickly stuffing it in his backpack—he should go . . , that would be the best course of action . . .

Yet he couldn't . . . he knelt down on the floor, leaning his head on the desk, starring at your face, looking into every curve and line, in his eyes every imperfection just made you even more perfect, the pattern of your breath was soothing to his otherwise restless mind, a soothing scent radiated off of you, and for the first time in months, he felt sleepy . . . like he could sleep without a care . . . everything felt so right. . .—nothing felt displaced or disoriented.

That was the day that started it all, it seems, Yoichi had started forming something that was akin to obsession, he couldn't sleep at all without you—a piece of you—something that reminded him of that calming scent that he felt that day, you calmed his overdriven nerves, you halted his troubles for more than a fleeting moment.

Yoichi knew what he was doing was odd, especially when he found himself picking up the wrapper you threw out, and taking inhaling it, his eyes growing half lidded—he felt like a drug addict—drunk off of you . .

Fleeting touches would tick off his ever delusional mind, a small compliment could set him on overdrive and in the back of his head he knew he was growing addicted, a pit in his stomach grew as he felt slightly disgusted with himself, with the obscene and rather degrading things he'd do, just to get something touched by you.

Lucas stared at his friend, who seemed no better than dead, "Are ya' okay?" he asked, looking him up and down, "You look like a train-wreck", he stated half out of concern and half out of clear disdain and possibly curiosity, "Is it normal?", Yoichi spoke up, taking a gulp of air as he continued, "to want someone so badly that it's hard to explain—like—a part of me feels obsessed, like I feel like carving my own heart out and showing them just to prove my love wont be enough—they could claw out my fingernails—and from where I'm standing, I'd still look at them with only love . . . but at the same time I feel disgusted with the feelings I feel—", Yoichi kept blabbering on, until his friend shushed him, taking a sip of his drink as he jokingly replied, "I mean . . if you love them that much, then their clearly the one . . ."

Yoichi blanked out, as Lucas chuckled, he has no idea how much of his teasing words Yoichi would take to heart that day nor of it's lasting consequences . . .

@ rxmye , do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or adapt my work/theme without prior permission and or confirmation.