#dealing with life

[worldbuildingwanderlust]

When in doubt

You can always shout

Fuck it

[gentleoverdrive]

[捌] We the people have spoken against our endless war

I need whoever happens to read this dumb journal entry to realize something: Individuals can be stupid and to hold them up in any sort of pedestal is going to, more often than not, do more harm than good, both for them and to yourself. ---- And this isn't just because the default "Ignore celebrities" tool that I've grown more and more accustomed to deploying now that I'm on my mid-to-late 30's, but maybe just realize that artists, celebrities, influencers, etc are also human, and we humans can be really dumb. ---- Sure, humans being... well, human (in this specific case, meaning "kinda dumb"), can also be charming and make you go "Oh they just like me frfr!" and like that's fine. It's fine: You can still stan and/or enjoy whoever you like, just never become so incurious that you take what anybody recognizable says as gospel. ---- That's the whole idea behind the phrase "stay woke" that african-americans have been saying since the 1930's: Stay alert of racial-prejudice + racial discrimination. "Alert" being the opposite of incurious and ignorant. Be aware. Be awake. ---- Sure, I know that the term (mostly the word woke, in this case) has come to mean something else entirely in the 2010's and 2020's because language changes all the time, and I know that change can feel like it sucks, but it doesn't have to. Humans are all about being stubborn bastards who refuse to remain in obsolescence. ---- When something sucks, we don't just go "it is what it is". Fuck that shit. We work hard to make it stop sucking. Or to give way to people so that they can make it better. Anyway, keep yourselves safe out there and read ya' later!

[autumnalsteahouse]

you guys know when you’ve been gone for over a month and you’ve lost your fire but then you read a few well written fics and you can see off into the distance,,, a small spark,,

[walkawayinsin]

Opinion: Why Season 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was much darker than you thought.

*BIG SPOILERS* (also tw; depression, mental health struggles)

There are people who recall season 6 as being the darkest season of the whole TV-series. And in context to the development; it confuses me why some fan thinks that the series should've ended with Season 5's final episode "The Gift". It even triggers me in a way which I will talk about later. While season 6 stands for the darkest character arcs for like EVERYONE, season 5 is foreshadowing a lot of the upcoming, personal struggles within the Scooby gang. It also made me understand why Buffy struggled the way she did in season 6.

Buffy Summers, the main character of the series, has always gone through more or less struggles through the whole series. It's not surprising since the series does revolve around her double-life as a youth with normal struggles and as a slayer. But not even the dark half of season 2 and whole season 3 can reach up to the level of struggling she goes through in season 5. In season 5 she isn't just dealing with one or a few hardships; she's dealing with a shit tons of them. To explain this further I will, down below, list every main struggle Buffy has been facing through season 5 and analyze them deeper.

*****

Role as the slayer As I've previously stated; the role as slayer has always been a main struggle in Buffy's life. What separates if from the other earlier seasons begins with as early as in the first episode when Buffy faces Dracula. And this is mainly because it looked like she had it all figured out in season 4 regarding her role as the slayer (except for the foreshadowing dream in the finale episode which told her otherwise). It also makes her realize that she still needs Rupert Giles in her life as her Watcher. Just like previous times, it affects her confidence and her questioning her role. But on top of that she's now facing the wrath of an enemy by the name Glorificus (also known as "Glory"). Since you've probably watched Buffy you know who I am talking about. It's Buffy's toughest enemy - even tougher than the mayor. Glory is an almost unbeatable Hell Goddess who stops at nothing to be able to go back to her dimension. And Buffy doesn't just take one beating from Glory; she takes several of them and even have to face the fact that she has to run away from this enemy. This affects her confidence even further. Glory is after Buffy's little sister who, until season 5, never existed which leads us to Buffy's next main struggle

The arrival of Dawn Summers Buffy's struggles with her little sister Dawn Summers (and other family problems) are another theme for season 5. And if you have siblings; you already know it isn't all sunshine and rainbows. On top of that Joyce Summers, Buffy's mother, is also a single parent and has her own issues which leads to Buffy taking the role of a caretaker. In episode 2 we already see how Buffy's life becomes even more complicated with her having a little sister around her. As if that wasn't hard enough; Buffy faces the harsh truth when she realizes, in episode 5, that hers, and everyone else's, past memories of Dawn  are made up by a couple of monks. Dawn is in fact an energy source called "The Key" which, the previously mentioned, Glory is after. And the girl has no idea about her previous identity and has no powers other than the ability to open dimensions with her blood. And it's a task Buffy has been given without consent. It's also a task she can't escape and not least because she still feels like the bond to her little sister is very real. She feels protective over Dawn and it grows even more after finding out about Dawn's role. This isn't even half of the trouble. Buffy now has to deal with the truth regarding her sister. Like I've previously mentioned the one being after Dawn is a powerful Hell Goddess. This leads to Buffy having to struggle with keeping Dawn a secret for everyone, except Giles, to stop Glory from figuring out who the Key is. So while everybody else behaves as if nothing has changed; Buffy (and Giles) has to go on pretending that everything is normal. Not the least do they also have to hide it from Dawn because that girl is a fragile hormone monster. Episode 13 proves my point further and who can blame the poor girl? Finding out that everyone's memories of you were altered and that you were nothing but a destructive energy source before isn't something a struggling teenager wants to hear. Dawn doesn't the least affects the relationship between Buffy and Riley which will be the next main struggle I want to talk about.

Buffy's love life struggles Buffy's love life being a messy roller coaster isn't anything new. Her first boyfriend Angel was a vampire. Sure he was a vampire with a soul but it had it's catch; he would loose his soul if he experienced a moment of happiness. So that was doomed from the start. Then Riley arrived and Buffy faced a new form of struggle: while Riley was otherwise normal he was being involved in a military project called The Initiative. This project was a big part of Riley's life but it was toxic and his involvement with Buffy lead to the project's downfall and him living a normal life. It seemed as if their struggles were done by the end of season 4 ... but it's Buffy we're talking about. So already by the first episode, in season 5, the seeds for Buffy and Riley's relationship struggles are planted when Riley is facing doubts about his importance to Buffy. When Buffy gets bitten by Dracula (which she also fangirled about early in the episode) it affects Riley's insecurities regarding Buffy's ex-boyfriend Angel. And it's only episode 1. Following each episode leading to their breakup, with Riley leaving in episode 10, there are subtle hints that Buffy and Riley has some serious issues and power struggles within their relationship. Not the least is their relationship affected by Buffy's family issues and her new struggles with her slayer identity. It's becomes even more heartbreaking when Buffy finally catches a break from her family issues but then suddenly have to face her love life being more rocky than she previously thought. On top of that she hasn't even any time to process it before he leaves her without saying goodbye. But Riley isn't the only one she faces struggles with. Spike has been Buffy's enemy since season two and since season 4 he became a reluctant ally of The Scoobies because he has a chip in head which makes him harmless to humans. Kicking demons helps him deals with his new life as a "neutered vampire" as Buffy calls him in season 6. But in season 5 Spike has realized that he has developed a crush on Buffy. And as much as I love Spike and Spuffy; it was just creepy by this stage - not the least the whole thing with the Buffy Bot in episode 18. Spike also triggers the breakup between Buffy and Riley. He also helped Dawn find out about her identity in episode 13. Buffy doesn't just have to deal with someone having an unrequited love almost directly after her breakup with Riley. She has to deal with it coming from a soulless vampire who wanted to previously kill her and her friends and with Buffy's past experience she won't even consider Spike at this point. By the end of season 5 Buffy has developed a bond with Spike based on him helping her protecting Dawn from Glory. This after he protected Dawn's secret identity even if it almost cost him his life back in episode 18. Not only has Buffy another powerful ally but she can also feel some kind of kinship with Spike, who understands her struggles far better than anyone in the Scooby gang. This was hinted already back in episode 7 when Spike chooses to comfort Buffy when she finds out about her mother. This leads us to Buffy's fourth struggle.

The death of Joyce While I could've talked about Buffy's family issues in one category I felt it was worth separating her struggles with Dawn from her struggles with her mother. Buffy has already had problems with her mother in previous seasons - not the least when her mom finds out about her identity by the end of season 2. While the season begins with Buffy bickering with her mother about sister responsibilities, it takes a 180 degree turn when Buffy's mother becomes sick in episode 5 and later discovers she has a tumor in episode 7. Now Buffy has to face the fact that her mother might die since the operation she faces isn't without any risks. Buffy, who has overcome death before and seen how life continues after death, struggles with the fact that nothing supernatural is the cause for her mother's illness. And while Joyce's operation succeeds in episode 10 Buffy can't enjoy this moment for a very long time because, as previously told, she faces a sudden breakup in the same episode. And Joyce's recovery is short-lived when episode 15 ends with Buffy, who finally seems to have recovered from Riley, finds her mother dead on the sofa. The next episode "The Body" is about Buffy having to deal with her mother's death and it is an amazing episode which has been well-deserved for all the praising it got. This is the darkest moment in the whole Buffy series - yes even darker than the Dark Willow arc. Because it's not caused by anything supernatural - it's a "natural cause" of death. Something had gone wrong with the operation and therefore Buffy couldn't save her mother this time. Also when Buffy is facing this, as you can see from what I've mentioned earlier, Buffy has already gone through shit tons of hardships without catching a break from it. Instead she's faced with one of the worst moments of her life. And no breaks are taken after that either. Because she's now has a single responsibility for Dawn while only being 20 years old. Episode 17 shows how Buffy finally has enough and breaks down in front of her sister while bursting out "Who's going to take care of us?!". No matter what role Buffy was given she's still a young human who faces the beginning of adulthood. The death of Joyce marks Buffy's down spiral towards depression and emotional/mental exhaustion from the intense struggling she has been facing the whole season.

Her loved ones being in lethal danger Joyce and Dawn was not the only of Buffy's loved ones facing lethal danger in season 5. Like many other struggles; Buffy's friends and family facing danger isn't new but it's on a new level. When the Watcher's Council returns in episode 12, they threatens to take away Giles if Buffy fails their trials. Tara, girlfriend to Buffy's best friend Willow, is tortured by Glory who breaks her hand and then takes away her sanity in the search for The Key. And as Buffy's sister is revealed as the Key by the end of episode 19 Buffy can't protect her loved ones in any other way than to run away with all of them. But their runaway trip is followed by being hunted down by knights who also wants to kill Buffy's sister to protect the world from her. This leads to Giles getting lethally wounded and in need for medical care. In the end the running away was for nothing since Glory ends up kidnapping Dawn anyway in episode 20. This leads to Buffy's final breakdown over all of her struggles which leaves her completely blank. She is trapped in her guilt and the fact that she may loose the only family member present in her life. While she is brought back to sanity by Willow she must almost immediately face that she may have to kill Dawn if the portal opens. Which of course it does. *******

As a final discussion, after this long analyze, I want to bring back my statement about how season 5 made me understand why Buffy struggled as much as she did in season 6. Because by the end of season 5 she was already depressed. By the end of season 5 Buffy solely lived to protect the world and her loved ones. Otherwise her love life was in shackles, her mother was dead, she dropped out of college and she'd come to realize that the struggles with being The Slayer would never end.  She wasn't just facing troubles with the supernatural but also with the real life. I don't think she would've mildly accept her fate as she did in the final episode if she hadn't gone through all those hardships and trials in season 5.  So ending her life to protect the others wasn't as hard as it was for her in season 1. When she realized she could've taken her sister's place, in closing the portal, she also found her own release. And O'boy do I know that feeling. As someone who is struggling with periods of depression: facing a lot of struggles at once is what triggers me to question if life is worth living. I felt Buffy's relief as she saw the sun rise and Heaven waiting for her self-sacrifice. And this is why I needed season 6. Because in that season Buffy came to realize she couldn't escape her life struggles. And also the Scooby gang realized the cost of not accepting someone being dead. Spike singing "Life's not a song; Life isn't bliss. Life is just this. It's living" is one of the most encouraging lines I've listened to. It also summarizes Buffy's struggle to live with her hardships and eventually succeed in dealing with it. It's encouraging to us who deals with life struggles just as season 5 reminds us that even the supernatural hero can experience extreme life struggles that leads to them questioning the point of living.

[curiositiesandtragedies]

Sometimes you're not ready for the right answer.

[lotsumy]

There are days like today when I simply miss you a lot and desperately want to hug you, kiss you and make you mine…

[theburnedhand]

Rebuilding Trust: A Journey to Renewed Connections

After lies were discovered by people I thought to be friends in my personal life, I find it fitting to explore a topic that resonates deeply with human experiences—rebuilding trust. Trust, once broken, can seem like a fragile porcelain vase shattered into countless pieces. However, just as skilled artisans can mend the most delicate artifacts, so too can individuals reconstruct trust in their…

[alakuhfuckingzam]

the v's are so funny to me. they own some of the biggest media companies in hell. they're a bunch of upstarts who have the patience of a toddler. only one of them can deal with the others shit at a time like they're playing the worst game of rock paper scissors ever. they call each other pet names. they're hells worst polycule. they're somehow the least and most efficient business partners ever. they're some of the most impulsive people on the cast. they manipulate each other constantly. they're a moth, a tv, and a clown. one of them is shown to be so much worse than the other two. i think they'd kill each other if they were allowed too. they lean on each other so heavily they'd knock over the leaning tower of piza. ive never seen three cunts try so hard in my life.

like what is wrong with them i want to put them in a terrarium and observe them with a magnifying glass.

[heatherfawn-blog-blog]

We change.

We grow.

We don’t always do it either the easy way.

Guilt can grab us in the night.

Guilt can torment us in the day light hours.

One of the hardest things

to wrap our heads around

and allow to penetrate

our emotional responses,

is that, when we come to Christ Jesus,

He washes away not only our mistakes

but He eliminates His own memory of them.

He ‘remembers it no more’.

He makes us new.

When we allow God to forgive us,

the proverbial hammer over our heads

is removed.

There is no impending doom.

We become free from our past errors.

No matter how grievous or trifle,

The Almighty God does not associate

us with those errors, mistakes or sins.

It is as if we are brand new clean people.

New people.

No guilt.

No past - grand or slanderous.

No reason for ridicule, ostracizing

or punitive action.

When God forgives us,

we become truly free.

The difficulty is in believing

such a great gift is ours and

training our emotions to respond

from this base truth

rather the habit of our experience.

The difficulty is not in the forgiveness.

The difficulty is not with Jesus.

The difficulty is simply in believing.

Let’s work on believing that this gift

of being made new

is truly ours.

Hope.

Life is getting better.

[themadscotsmansblog]

I laugh to keep from crying

[alienssstufff]

Our Secret Life winner ladies and gentlemen

[astramthetaprime]

Mind Like Silly Putty

So today was ... surprisingly encouraging.  

I actually had 2 interviews today.  The first I am really hoping I get, it would be perfect for me.  A small office, no requirement for nice clothes beyond reasonable.  While there is phone work involved it seems limited in scope and not all over the place -- just phone reminders to customers.  Otherwise, straight data entry.  I could do this job, it would be comfortable, the people seem really nice.  So really crossing my fingers with that one.  

The second was unexpected as I only put the application in this morning and boom, they call me in for an interview three hours later.  It was cashier at one of the big box hardware stores, part time.  Again, I could do it, simple enough, though the environment might be a little much for noise and such.  But I could do it.  

I’m waiting for word on both.  

And I finally gave in and am writing a bit.  More IceMav, but it’s just some PWP of Mav and Ice nesting in the new house.  Just fluff.  Because I need some boys being adorable and feeding each other frozen pizza in bed at nearly midnight in their new house.  This is my comfort item, y’know?  Like people have plushies, I have Ice and Mav being in love.  

Things change so quickly I need something to help balance it all.  Or I suspect I’d just go out of my mind in short order.  I know my own patterns.  I panic, then I get a handle on it, then I go on.  

When I went to ChattaCon earlier in the year, I managed to find two old friends.  I’ve been texting them since then, and I did so when I was freaking out so bad the other night.  These two guys were my family back in the day, they’re still my family now.  One is in very similar straits to myself at the moment.  And that helped.  We panic, we get a grip, we go on.  Thinking about su!c!ide is hamsterwheeling.  It gets you nowhere.  Okay, you think about it for ten minutes or half an hour, then you take a breath and you’re right back where you started.  It doesn’t solve the problem.  It just wastes time and emotional resources.  Don’t get stuck on the panic.  Get a grip.  Go on.  Move forward, or move sideways, but move.  

And don’t deny yourself whatever comfort you can find just because you think you don’t deserve it.  Whatever gets you from one moment to the next is worth it.

[bruciemilf]

"Dick is the golden child" I love that you love that, but I raise you this; This motherfucker barely behaves better than Ace. Barely. He's not even the silver egg.

Jason? On the other hand? Sure, he pretends dissapointing Bruce isn't a core fear. But he's afraid of letting Bruce down the same way you're afraid of making your mother mad.

A re-enactment of a normal day:

Dick: Okay, so, we severely fucked up this time.

Jason: [Screams]

Dick: But don't worry, I'm calling Bruce!

Jason: [SCREAMS]

[theweeklyblogger]

The Most Difficult Time of My Life

A good quote I came across during this difficult time was by J. Sterling wrote: “Sometimes letting go is the only way to find out who you're meant to hold on to.” I think about this quote every once in a while and reflect on everything that had happened. It's still a process, and there are days where I struggle more than others when thinking about something that happened not that long ago. It's insane how much your life can change in just a couple of weeks. But I know that I have to keep letting go if I want to move forward and create a better life for myself. I'm learning to accept that some things can't be changed and that it's okay to let go and start fresh. This quote has helped me to accept that and move on. Some things I started to help cope with this upsetting time was that I decided to bake more. I already baked a lot, but this time, the baking was purposeful, and I tried not to be holed up in my room and upset. With all the baking I did during this time, I improved my skills, which was a nice upside. I started to share some of my baking creations with friends, and it gave me happiness. I felt grateful to be able to take part in something I enjoyed, and it helped me heal emotionally. I'm proud to have used baking to cope with the pain and come out a better baker than before.