#dean would totally pine after him for an entire lifetime just to avoid telling sam in case that it makes his little brother hate him forever

[coca-colas-truck-driver]

its a vastly different feeling from how he felt eyeing pretty women at bars than when he lost just enough self control to let himself check out sam (probably some time in the summer before he left for Stanford, the knowledge that he’ll be even more alone than he already is settling in); whose bent over a pool table trying to hassle money from an old southern guy with more bald spots than patches of hair at this point, while dean got them another round.

dads on a hunt across a different state line, with less words than usual before he left; just a gruff repeat of practically the only words he and dean exchange anymore, “take care of sammy for me”.

for the last however many years deans been pining for, he never let himself consciously check out sam. hes almost regretful of that when his eyes catch on sams ass, hes eternally grateful no one knows them here, has no idea they’re related, when sam turns around and almost immediately meets his eyes with a smile and wave. he barely even notices the old guy walk away from the pool table with twenty less dollars in his pocket, when he approaches instead with two of the cheapest beers the bar had in hand.

and hes never been stupid or blind, he can see how others also look at sammy-watching him with such interest, its disgusting-so he trails a wandering hand across sams waist then his back as he walks past. its not bold enough to draw suspicion from sam himself, but makes the women who were peeking glances at either of them, sigh and look away, resigned

he feels a little petty, but mostly proud of himself for successfully warding off interested onlookers.