#deep deep issue that one!! because it extends to my parents

[immortalsins]

self-isolation during times of stress is pretty bad actually shame it took me 2 years of uni to realise this

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

scott street - d. wagner

a/n: i am feeling super normal about my relationship with my dad! and i just need a little comfort right now. reminder that you aren't your parents, and step parents can be either your actual parent or the worst in the world! i would know. warnings: big angst, huge. reader and danny sneak off to fuck, and then again at the end of the fic, domestic abuse, divorced parents, step parents, neglect and trauma, cursing, uhhhh yknow. daddy issues, but i hate that term bc of tiktok, enjoy ! word count: 3.1k summary: he's your danny, even while putting the pieces back together. paring: danny wagner x fiance!gn!reader now playing: scott street - phoebe bridgers "do you feel ashamed/when you hear my name?"

It happened before your mom got remarried. You were back from school on summer vacation, after your stepdad helped you move out for the summer. It had been the end of your freshman year.

For weeks, you tried to convince your dad to help move you out, begging him to be somewhat active in your life. He hadn’t seen you since winter break, and that was only because you had to go over to his house. Because your brother begged you to give him a shot. But this time, he refused to help you move out. You don’t go to college that far from home, but he tells you he wants to save himself the trip if you’re just going to be home a few days later.

You don’t even have to ask your stepdad. He offers.

And this is what makes it not a big deal when he buys a car decal from your campus bookstore. It has your school’s logo, and says the name of your school, with ‘Dad’ next to it. You laugh and talk your whole trip home, and it doesn’t seem that deep. I mean, your dad has neglected you for years, treating you like a toy on a shelf, and you don’t even have to ask your stepdad if you can grab a snack for the trip home.

It’s just easier for you to be around him, and he really acts the way a father should. He isn’t even married to your mom yet, and you feel this great swell of love for this man, knowing that he’d be the one to be there without hesitation.

Your brother manages to convince you to go with him to get dinner with your dad a few days into your trip. In a few days, you’ll have people over. Your extended family, your brothers’ friends, and your friends from high school.

Well, your friend. Sam can’t make it; he’s having a root canal done.

But Danny will be there. Your Danny. Being in college hadn’t been enough to push aside your crush on your best friend. You suspected the summer would probably make that even more difficult. But you hadn’t seen him in a few months, and you missed him desperately. You focus on him to get you through the dinner from hell.

Your dad picks you up from your moms, your stepdad not yet home. You sit awkwardly in the front seat, anxious for a reason you can’t quite put a finger on.

But really, dinner goes sort of well. You push through the awkwardness of it all, and it’s not that bad.

Until he pulls into your driveway to drop you off. He sees the sticker on your stepdad’s car and starts screaming at you.

You scoff, telling him you find it rich that he’s making comments about your mom’s boyfriend when he let his wife absolutely torment you and your brother for years.

Before you can blink, he grabs you by the hair and smashes your face against the dashboard. He’s still screaming at you when you come to about ten seconds later. Your brother is screaming too, telling your dad to stop, and he’s pulling you out of the car. Blood runs down your face, staining a shirt you got from Danny. It makes you start to sob as you run into your house. You hear the slamming of car doors, and your brother follows you quickly, holding your bag and sweatshirt.

Your mom swears she’ll kill him, but you keep crying. You’re too sad to be angry. But you decide right then and there, you’re done with him.

When you go to the ER, they tell you that your nose is broken. They set it back into place and bandage it up, telling you to take it easy for a few days.

When you see Danny a few days later, he’s immediately concerned.

He holds your face gently, asking you what happened. You’re tired of explaining it to everyone.

“My dad. He banged my head into a dashboard a few days ago. Broke it.” You sighed. You see him tense.

“I’ll fucking kill him.”

“You’ll have to get in line.” You tell him. You take a sip of your beer. You move on from the subject quickly, asking how he’s been, what he’s been up to. He tells you that the band he had joined with the Kiszka’s is starting to pick up. You’re thrilled for him.

It’s hard to stay away from your attraction.

The night goes by smoothly, until there’s a knock on your front door. Your mom goes to answer it, and after a few minutes, she calls you over. Your dad stands there. He has a pile of papers in his hands.

“What do you want?” You ask, putting down your drink. He looks past you. Danny leans against the doorway to the hallway. You don’t ask him to leave.

“To give you these. I’m signing over my parental rights.” He tells you. It hurts more than the broken nose. You stay quiet. Inside you, you feel the ghost of your ten-year-old self screaming for her daddy, telling him to take it back. But you take the paper, and see he’s already signed and notarized them. “It’s been a long time coming.” You laugh, biting back tears.

“Fuck you. Get out of my fucking house, I don’t want you here.” You tell him, angry now. You want to yell, because he waited until three weeks before you turned eighteen to do this. It’s an extra punch to the gut.

“No more Christmases, no more birthdays, no more support, other than what’s mandated by the court.”

“Go to hell! You were never there for any of that shit!” You tell him. He just stares. “You broke my nose, if you care.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you, but I need to do what’s best for us.”

“Have a good fucking life.” You slam the door in his face. You ignore your mom’s gaze. You ignore Danny’s. You start to cry as you walk quickly through the house, dodging your family members. You make it outside to your backyard, where sobs rack your body. Someone says your name from behind you, and you know who it is.

You let Danny hug you, hold you, as you cry.  You cry for a long time, and he stays just like that, refusing to let you go. When you finally calm down, you’re laying your head on him when you ask him a question, and it breaks his heart into a million little pieces.

“Why doesn’t he want me?”

He just hushes you softly. But, you want an answer. You demand it of him, and he gives you one.

“Because he’s a fucking moron. You’re the best, you’re kind, and gorgeous, and fucking funny. You make me laugh constantly, and for so long you’re going to date men who remind you of him, because you’ll long for his love. But he doesn’t deserve your love. And what he does… That isn’t love. One day you are going to meet someone who never questions why you don’t talk to him, and they will be his exact opposite. You deserve that type of love.” He tells you.

You just look at him for a few minutes. Maybe it’s the alcohol. Maybe it’s the pain.

You kiss him. It lasts a few moments, and he kisses back. Then he’s pulling away, mumbling no…

No?

“We can’t. You’re drunk, you’re upset. I won’t kiss you just because you’re sad. I’ll kiss you when the time is right and you’re happy. I’ll kiss you when I know we’re both ready and in love.” He tells you. You feel betrayed. You know, somewhere deep down, that he’s right. That you both deserve a first kiss that isn’t full of angst and drama.

But you’re angry. Angry at your dad. Angry at Danny. Angry at yourself. Angry at God, who you haven’t prayed to since you were nine. You pull away from him, wiping tears that remain on your face.

“I think you should go.” You say softly. He knows you don’t mean it. But he respects your wish.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” He tells you. “Don’t be a stranger.”

He leaves, and for a second time that night, you’re crushed that a man has left you despite telling him to go.

It’s been five years since that day. You’ve graduated college, and you spend most of your days waiting for Danny to get home from the studio or from a tour.

He finally kissed you again when you graduated college, promising to never let you go ever again. Promising to never let any other shit for brains guy hurt you because you wanted to be loved. He promises to hold your hand while you put yourself back together. He never insists on doing it for you, but he always supports you.  

You’ve been in therapy for a long time, and most days, you don’t think about your dad. You have your mom and stepdad. But somedays, it hurts. And it doesn’t hurt you, it hurts that same ten-year old who lives inside you.

But you ignore it. You focus on your career, your life, your boyfriend.

And one day, a few months before your brother’s wedding, he asks you to marry him. You say yes. It seems so natural; you’ve only been dating for just under two years, but you’ve been in love for as long as you can remember.

You love being engaged. You love thinking about him as your future husband. For you, there are few questions about the wedding. You’ll get married in early fall, you’ll have your mom walk you down the aisle, you’ll have red velvet cake, and Josh will sing your first dance song as well as officiate.

All these things seem very natural to you.

They’re not as easily answered as your brother. When his fiancé got pregnant right before your engagement to Danny, he began questioning whether he’d have your dad there. You couldn’t say you didn’t understand it. There were times you considered reaching out. And with a kid on the way, you knew why he would want his dad in his life again.

It doesn’t stop you from booking an emergency session with your therapist when he tells you he’s coming to the wedding.

He won’t be part of the wedding party, and he’ll have no part in any speeches or traditions. He’ll just be there to support your brother and his wife. You’ll barely notice him; Danny reassures you of this time and time again.

The wedding went well. You focus on your brother and his wife, your sister-in-law. You’re so proud of him. Danny watches you the whole time. He thinks about how you’ll look at the alter of your own wedding, and he melts a little at the thought. Your engagement ring looks lovely with the flowers your sister-in-law picked out.

During the cocktail hour, in between the reception and the ceremony, he can barely keep his hands off you. He’s pulling you out of the crowd, kissing you against the walls, telling you how pretty you are. You don’t really think about your dad.

You sneak off with him, and he takes you into a nearby empty room. An employee from the venue almost walks in on the two of you. You can’t stop laughing. You tell him you love him again and again. There’s something about someone so close to you getting married that thrills you in preparation for your own wedding.

You sit with your mom, stepdad, and your sister in law’s immediate family. Danny holds your hand as your sister-in-law’s sister makes her maid of honor speech. You make a speech too, your brother dubbing you his best man, regardless of your gender. Your sister-in-law dances with her dad. Your brother dances with your mom.

Your stepdad asks to dance with you to Goodnight My Angel, by Billy Joel. You oblige. While dancing, you tearfully ask him to dance with you to it at your own wedding. He agrees, happily. The photographer takes a photo of you during the dance.

And that’s the last time during the night that you’re truly sober, and you spend the rest of your night dancing with your mom, and with your fiancé. You love calling him that. You slow dance to your favorite songs, and that night, you decide your first dance song will be a Loggins & Messina song.

You’re getting a drink at the bar when he finally says something to you. Your father. His first words to you are as follows:

“I saw you dancing with him. To that song.” You laugh spitefully.

“With Danny? Yeah, I’m gonna dance with him, he’s my—”

“No. With your stepfather. Why would you disrespect me like that?”

“You left. You abandoned me. You wanted nothing to do with me. You have no right to comment on my relationship with my stepdad.”

He stands up to face you.

“You were disrespectful. Rude. Horrible. Out of control, I couldn’t deal with you!” You glare.

“You’re so full of shit. He was always more of a dad to me than you were.” You can tell he’s ready to hit you, but you feel a hand on your arm from behind. Your head whips to see Danny. Your shoulders slump. You’re immediately calmer. Your other hand goes up to lay on his hand, where his thumb is gently rubbing your forearm. It’s then that your father sees your engagement ring. You go to say something, but he cuts you off.

“Engaged?” You realize he didn’t know.

“Yeah. You remember Danny.” Your fiancé says nothing.

“Of course, I do. You always were in love with him.” It almost makes you smile, the way your dad remembered your crush on him. But you just as quickly remember when he called you a slut for having two boyfriends in a year. You just as quickly remember him leaving you and your brother for hours, days, at home with your stepmom who refused to let you eat any food. You just as quickly remember the pain from the broken nose, and the worse pain of him showing up at your door to sign away his parental rights.

“Yeah. I always was.” You grab your drink and take Danny’s hand properly now. “Have a good night.” You tell him, and you lead Danny away from him, leaving your father at the bar, where he was always meant to end up.

Danny says your name, asking you softly, “Are you okay?” You let out a shaky breath, taking a sip of your drink. Tears brim your eyes.

“I love you, Danny.” You tell him weakly. He can tell that that’s a no. He guides you away from the party, this time to not make love with you, but to comfort you. Tears run down your face as you lean against the wall in the hallway, feeling the thump-thump of the music from the party. He frowns and wipes your tears, shaking his head. “I thought seeing him wouldn’t hurt anymore.” You say quietly.

Sometimes the child that yearns for your father slips out. You can’t keep them inside in this moment.

“I know, baby.” He says gently. “…Do you want to talk to him more after this? Invite him to the wedding?” He isn’t coercing you, isn’t forcing you to. He’s only laying out your options.

“No.” you tell him. “I don’t need him. I’ve got you. I’ve got mom. I have Mark, and my father be damned, I have a fucking dad. Not that asshole. I have a dad, and it isn’t him.” You tell him. Danny nods.

“You have grown into an amazing young adult. I’ve been in love with you for so long, and I am so proud of you. You’ve grown so much, and you’ve made yourself a damn good life.” He tells you.

“Damn good.” You confirm, your voice breaking.

“Damn good. You’re right. He’s not your dad. Dads don’t do the things he’s done to you. He might be your father, but he isn’t your dad. And it’s okay to miss him, but you have an amazing life without him. And we’re gonna get married. And we’re never going to make his mistakes. You are nothing like him. We’ll get hitched, and have sex every night, and we’ll die in our nineties after a long life of Rock n Roll, Sex, and love. We’ll dance to Loggins and Messina at your wedding, our kids will call Patrick ‘pop’ and he’ll never have a second of your life.” He tells you. You kiss him gently, unable to form the words to tell him how much that means to you. When he stops kissing you, just for a second, he tells you, “We’ll make a new home, with just the two of us. We’ll host holidays, and you’ll never cry on Christmas again.” He tells you.

His words heal something in you. He won’t let you be hurt by your father ever again. The war is over, and now you’ll try to heal, try to move on.

Danny wipes your tears and asks you to come dance with him. You oblige. You dance through the night and focus on your future.

And it’s just as your fiancé describes. You get married. You dance to ‘A Love Song’ by Loggins and Messina, sung by your officiant, Josh.

Sam is Danny’s best man, and your brother is your maid of honor.

You dance with your stepdad to that Billy Joel song.

On Christmases, Danny kisses you under the mistletoe and holds you close.

He’s nothing but romantic and good to you.

On Father’s Day, a particularly hard holiday for you, he brings you home a cake before you go out for dinner with your mom, stepdad, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew.

It’s white, and has small hearts all over it, and in red frosting, it reads, ‘You can’t choose your father, but you can choose your daddy.’ It makes you laugh, and you ruin your hair and ruffle your clothes making love before you leave for dinner.

That night before he goes to bed, he kisses you and tells you that he loves you. That he can’t wait to live the rest of his life with you.

It takes you a long time to fall asleep, thinking about your dad, your Danny, and your stepdad. You wonder if you’ll ever have the courage to have children, out of fear of fucking them up like your dad did with you. You wonder if Danny and you really will live a long, happy, sexually vast life. You realize he is your soulmate, and that he’ll always be your husband.

You decide you’ll be alright.

[winchesterwild78]

Austin part 6

Austin Master List

Chapter Warnings: Fluffy chapter, some anxiety but lots of sweetness

A/N: Time jumps in this chapter. Felt like this one was it for this story.

Absolutely no disrespect to Jensen or his family. This is a work of fiction and does not represent reality. This chapter is a little long because y’all know I get long winded. 😂 I edited this fast so please overlook any mistakes.

All work is my own, don’t take it

18+ Minors DNI

*********************************************

The quick trip to Dallas was incredible. Jacob had a fantastic time and you and Jensen grew closer. Jacob saw just how much Jensen cared about you and how much you cared about him. It made him feel good to know you had someone who cared for you. By the time the three of you returned to Austin your relationship was all over social media.

Rob had been calling and texting you telling you to call him. While you were in Dallas you ignored him and focused on the trip. Sitting in the living room your phone rang and it was Rob. “What do you want Rob” you asked as you answered the phone. “So I see you’re dating him now” he hissed. “So what if I am. That’s not your concern anymore. We are over and who I date is my business. You need to focus on your pregnant girlfriend” you growled. Rob was speechless. “Yeah that’s right. She told us. Congratulations Rob. Now I need to go” and you hung up.

Jensen had been answering calls from his agent, publicist and Danneel. When he walked back in the room he just looked exhausted. You stood up and wrapped your arms around him “you okay honey” you asked. “I will be. This is an absolute mess. Danneel is creating issues and my agent is losing their mind over the break up and now our relationship. I told them I don’t care what anyone thinks. I’m in love with you and I want to make a life with you.” He said as he kissed your head.

“Jensen I don’t want to cause problems for you. If we need to chill out for a while I understand.” You swallowed hard. Jensen cupped your face and said “absolutely not. I’m not letting them tell me how to live my life. I have to meet D at the house today too. I really don’t want to but we need to figure out things with the kids.” “Do you want me to come with you” you asked hesitantly. “You don’t have to. I know how she can be and I don’t want her to focus her anger on you” he said. “I want to go. Maybe I can help” you kissed him.

About 30 minutes later you and Jensen pulled in his driveway. You got out and started to walk to the door. You saw a car pulling in and caught a glimpse of red hair. You knew it was Danneel. Jensen tensed up. You grabbed his hand and told him to take a deep breath. “Go inside Jensen. I want to talk to her first” you said. His eyes went wide but before he could protest you nodded “I’ve got this. Trust me” you said.

Jensen went inside leaving you alone with Danneel. You extended your hand “hello Danneel. I’m Y/n. It’s good to finally meet you.” She looked confused but shook your hand. “I’m here to talk to Jensen about our children” she snapped. “I know you are, but I wanted to talk to you first. Woman to woman.” You stood your ground. “Let’s sit” you motioned to the patio chairs. The two of you took a seat. “I’m not going to pretend I know everything about your relationship with Jensen or what led to the two of you splitting up. What I do know is Jensen loves your children and he’s an amazing father. Our relationship started out very innocently and when you two split and I split with my husband is when we started seeing each other. Not before. I want what’s best for Jensen and your children. I would never come in between them, him or you. You two are their parents and I respect that. I would however with your permission like to get to know them better. I have a teenage son who would love nothing more than to meet them and hang out with them. I was not able to give him any siblings so he’s excited about getting to know your children. I don’t know where this relationship with Jensen is going but I can assure you if we decide to take this further I would never try to replace you in their lives. You will always be their mother and I would be a bonus mom. I just hope you can remember what an incredible father he is before any rash decisions are made. You wouldn’t just be hurting him, you would be hurting those children too.”

You finally took a breath and looked at her. She was sitting with her mouth slightly open. “Wow, I don’t know what to say. It sounds like you really care for him and the well being of our children. Y/N I can’t ever forget what an incredible father he is. Our children are so lucky to have him. I would be okay with you and your son meeting them. I know Jensen and I have a long road ahead of us to repair our friendship but I would never use the kids as pawns. Thank you for talking to me. I know I hurt Jensen and that wasn’t my intention. I fell in love with someone else. I just went about leaving him the wrong way.” She said. “I get it. My ex cheated on me and his girlfriend is pregnant. I was devastated. I would have much rather he told me he wanted to leave and just left. What he did was so much worse.” You told her.

“I can see why Jensen cares about you. I hope we can all have a good relationship and not just for the kids. Can we go in and talk to Jensen now” she asked. You shook your head and stood up. Before you knew what was happening Danneel hugged you “thank you, Y/N”. You hugged her back and smiled.

The two of you walked in the house and Jensen stood up from the kitchen table he was sitting at. “Hello D” he said to her and looked over at you. “I’ll give you two some space.” You said walking up to Jensen you placed a soft kiss on his lips and smiled. “Jensen I want to start by saying I’m sorry for how things ended between us. You didn’t deserve any of it. I should have just been honest about how I felt and just left. Y/N seems like an incredible woman. I’m glad you have her. I assured her our children are a priority and I wouldn’t use them as pawns in a game. I respect you and your relationship with them too much. I’ll always love you, Jensen.” She said as she touched his arm softly. “I appreciate that D. I love our children and hope one day we can get our friendship back to where it was. Y/N is amazing and has an incredible son. She’s going to be great with the kids. Should we get lawyers involved to help sort custody or is it something you think we can figure out ourselves?” Jensen asked. Danneel said “I think we can figure it out ourselves. I’m planning on buying a house big enough for them but in the meantime can they stay here with you?” “Of course they can and if you want you can stay in the guest room when you want to visit with them.” Jensen offered.

You sat at the top of the stairs listening to them talk. You wanted to make sure they stayed civil. You smiled when they came to a compromise about the children. You were a little nervous.

A few minutes later Jensen came upstairs to get you. He smiled, pulled you into his arms and kissed you. “What was that for” you smiled. “You’re an amazing woman you know that. I don’t know what you said to her but that went better than I expected.” He said. You smiled and nodded “just some girl talk.”

*time jump about a year*

“Jensen, honey we are going to be late. I don’t want to miss the procession” you yelled from downstairs. “Coming” Jensen said as he bounded down the stairs. You turned and looked at him. God he looked amazing. He was in a blue blazer and white button up shirt, and blue slacks that matched his blazer. His hair was longer and was styled out of his face. You bit your bottom lip. You’d been with him for over a year and he still took your breath away. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed your neck. “You look beautiful sweetheart. Is Jacob meeting us there” he asked. “Yeah. They had to be there early. I can’t believe my baby is graduating today” you said tearfully. “D and the kids are meeting us there and I talked to Rob this morning. He, Cindi and baby Jessica are almost in town so they will be there.” Jensen told you.

“Thank you Jensen. You’re incredible” you kissed him. The two of you headed out the door and to the stadium. You saw Jacob standing with his friends in his cap and gown. You waved and he smiled. He started walking towards you and he threw his arms around you. Jensen started taking pictures. You hugged your boy and started crying. “Don’t cry Ma.” Jacob said. You wiped your tears “sorry. It’s just my baby is graduating. I’m so proud of you.”

It was time to get started so you and Jensen took your seats near D and the kids. Over the past year the three of you had gotten close and the kids were part of your family now too. Jacob loved having younger siblings and he was incredible as a big brother to Rob’s baby. When she was born you were sad. You thought about your little girl. When Cindi gave birth you took Jacob to the hospital and gave them space. They moved out of Austin not long after her birth. Rob and Cindi decided to move outside of the city limits so they weren’t too far.

You and Jacob moved in with Jensen about 5 months ago and everything was going great. You and Jensen had been talking more about the future and it excited you but scared you too.

Once the ceremony was over it was time to head back to the house for the party. Everyone came, even Jensen’s friends. Jared and his family, Misha and his kids, Jensen’s family and other people in your lives. It was a bigger party than you had ever thrown so you were thankful for Danneel and Gen’s help with planning.

You went upstairs to change and get ready for the party. You were feeling a bit tired and under the weather. You had been running around trying to get things ready for the past few days. Jensen insisted you go to the doctor to get checked. The doctor said everything was fine you just needed rest. She did draw blood to check your iron levels and everything else.

While upstairs your phone rang. You answered the phone and it was the doctor with your results. You were crying when you got off the phone. You had no idea how to process what she told you. How would you tell Jensen and Jacob. Your mind was spinning and you just cried. This was going to change so much.

You composed yourself and went back downstairs. Jensen was at the grill and saw you come downstairs. He mouthed “are you okay” you nodded yes. Jacob asked for everyone’s attention and he thanked everyone for their support and love. He hugged you and said “Mom I know moving here was hard but I’m glad we did. We have an incredible family and Jensen. Jensen, thank you for loving my mom and being incredible with me. You’ve helped me in so many ways over this past year.” He hugged Jensen.

Jensen took the floor next “Jacob, I couldn’t be more proud of you if you were my own son. You are an amazing young man with an incredible future. Thank you for accepting me and allowing me to love you and your mom. And Y/N, thank you for everything. You’ve made my life so much better and you’ve given me an incredible son. There is just one more thing I need from you.” Jensen turned to you, dropped to his knee and pulled out a ring “will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

You were speechless and you cried. Shaking your head yes. He placed the ring on your finger and hugged you. Everyone cheered and congratulated you. You pulled Jensen to the downstairs guest room. “Jensen I need to talk to you. I got a call from my doctor and they gave me my results. They know why I’ve been so sick. I’m anemic and um I don’t know how to tell you this.” You started to cry a little. Jensen wrapped his arms around you and kissed you. “It’s okay baby. Whatever it is we will deal with it together.” “Jensen I love you so much and I can’t wait to be your wife. I um I’m pregnant” you blurted out.

Jensen’s eyes filled with tears. You started to panic. “You’re pregnant” he asked. “Like really pregnant. You’re having my baby” he asked. “Yes, Jensen. I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby. Are you mad?” You whispered. “Mad?!? No! I’m so happy. We’re having a baby. We’re getting married and having a baby. Oh I’m so excited” he said. “Can we wait to tell everyone. I don’t want to say anything too early” you asked. He shook his head yes and smiled. Taking you in his arms he kissed you deeply. “I love you so much, Y/N.” “I love you too, Jensen.”

*time jump 8 months later*

“Okay Mrs Ackles it’s time. Give me a big push. You got this. Just a few more and your baby will be here.” The doctor told you. Jensen stood by the bed helping you deliver your baby. He kissed your forehead “you’ve got this baby. Just a few more pushes and you’ll be holding our baby. Come on sweetheart.” You pushed and soon you heard the sound of your baby crying. The doctor placed the baby on your chest and you looked down at this tiny miracle you and Jensen created. Ten fingers, ten toes and beautiful green eyes like their daddy.

After the baby was cleaned and dressed Jensen carried them to the waiting room to meet their family. Jensen was smiling so proudly holding the baby. Everyone was on their feet as soon as they saw him. “Y/N is doing great and it is my honor to introduce you all to our beautiful baby girl, Arabella Nicole Ackles.” Jacob beamed with joy. His little sister, finally where she belongs.

The End

Tags: @nescaveckdaily @kr804573 @k-slla @jackles010378 @jawritter @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @roseblue373 @cheynovak @jassackles @chriszgirl92 @suckitands33 @arcannaa @n-o-p-e-never @ladysparkles78 @smoothdogsgirl

[nico-esoterica]

"I Want A Love That'll Last Forever" - Saturn in Synastry

When Saturn aspects personal planets in synastry, it creates a bond that's forged in fire in iron. This means that come hell or high water, y'all will always feel a deep unrelenting devotion to one another. It's always feeling a sense of reliability between each other or towards the person it affects more. Of course it takes more than the 'promise' of forever - There's commitment and diligence.

But Saturn aspects make it easier to stay the course for the long haul. Even harsh major aspects or confusing minor ones have a 'sticking' effect. Like, even if this person seems difficult, you still keep coming back to them or vice versa. Imo, this may result in feeling a comfort in the familiarity and security of a relationship opposed to who it's with. Squares and oppositions also suggest there's a fear or anxiety around commitment because of the looming 'what happens next?' that can contribute to someone projecting fears of being trapped or controlled and require their autonomy to be respected somewhere. But they're workable.

However, in my professional and personal experience, issues with Saturn directly point to deeply rooted hangups around how secure you felt around your parents and early childhood environment growing up. It can create a mistrust of those in a place of authority in our lives bc so&so wasn't there, was inconsistent, or we were neglected or in a way that makes us crave yet fear stability and security. It's wanting a stable and loving figure but we don't think we're worthy or ready for that because we either never had it or didn't receive it without it disappointing us. Children are meant to be held and consistently supported but not all of us had that. Sometimes our experiences with our caregivers were traumatizing or influenced us to think 'true stability' means we have to over-extend, over compromise, or hurt ourselves further to receive even a crumb of it. That fear can persist in relationships where nothing's seemingly wrong.

From a sociopolitical point of view, this can be an analogy for how because we exist in a constant state of scarcity, we approach relationships from a scarcity-mindset. They feel transactional, fleeting, and in lieu of Saturn--No one feels as if they quite have enough or are getting what they truly deserve.

Saturn in its exaltation in Libra tells us that true security is rich and abundant with plenty to go around but we have to remember it's not 'too perfect' (Libra) for us to receive consistently and at all. We must believe, like children, that we'll be endlessly provided for by the people we love. And that's a general Saturn lesson. If it's not around us, then we must believe it can be found elsewhere.

Couples still together from Love Island: Will & Lyra - Sun-Saturn, (potentially) a Moon-Saturn, Mercury-Saturn, Venus-Saturn, Saturn-Pluto (mostly hard aspects) Hannah & Marco - Sun-Saturn, Moon-Saturn, Mercury-Saturn, and (potentially) another Moon-Saturn if Hannah's Moon's in late Cap (mostly hard aspects)

Taylor & Bergie - Venus-Saturn, Sun-Saturn, Moon-Saturn, and another Venus-Saturn (honestly? expect babies)

Carmen & Kenzo - Saturn-Saturn, Moon-Saturn, Venus-Saturn (babies w/ these too oh my god)\

_______________________________

Credit - Header Image Source (Tumblr)

[neetily]

↳ EVENT 45. Sebastian (Jealousy Sex & Incest)

— ✧ warnings: Jealousy Issues, jealousy sex, Incest, stepcest, Pseudo-Incest, Manipulation, clueless!reader, dubcon, Cheating, Creampie — ✧ word count: 3,197

— ✧ A/N: reposting from my old account since i was asked to! formatting might be off, but it's still readable.

There are many perks that come with being the eldest sibling. For one, his word is final. Always has been, really. Even when you were half his size and sporting those baby fat chubby little cheeks, cute little pout on your lips; didn't matter what he said, he knew you would always listen to him regardless. Because that's what little sisters do, right? They listen well to their big brothers, always relying on him to know exactly what you should do at any given moment.

It's not his fault that you're gullible to a T.

Another benefit is that he's always right too. So even if you whinge and complain at his bossing around, he knows just how easy you are to tire out, because you know just how right he really is. He hasn't failed you yet, has he? No matter the circumstances, you can trust him to be right when it comes to you. No you shouldn't wear that skirt to that party, promise I'm not looking at you any kind of way, you should probably pick up some more panties now that we're out. Always, always, Sebastian is right. Like he always says to you: Big brothers intuition. And you never seem to fight him too hard on it, which is good. It's preferred. It's easier that way, for you too, right? There's no need to use that empty little head of yours when he's around!

Perhaps his favourite perk of being your big brother, however, is how much he's trusted with you. Not just from how much trust you personally put in him, though to know that you depend on him for daily life things is sweet enough as it is. It's even better when his mom and your dad leave you all alone with him for an extended weekend, as is usually the case at least once a month. Date night or whatever, he never cared too much for the reasons, too focused on the fact that he has free reign access to you completely for a few days. Yeah, yeah. I'll babysit her— even in your adulthood. Ignorant to his real intentions, all involved remain blissfully unaware of just how degenerate he truly is— especially when it comes to you.

If they did, he'd never be allowed near you again.

He'd hoped to have waited a little bit longer, though. Sweetened you up some more, have you perched right on the edge of confession before enacting his perverted fantasies upon you; and yet here you are, laying under him so pliantly, submissively sniffing up at him as he lines his red hot leaking tip up to your sopping little hole as if it were natural to do so, and not some forced plotline from the plenty incest pornos he's watched. If only y'hadn't brought your boyfriend over last night, yeah? Taking the prime opportunity your parents have offered you and running with it— a free house, of course you had to invite him over. You might be dumb, but you're not stupid, he expected as much. Encouraged it, even. Wanted you to enjoy yourself before charming you for a night, letting you mess around before making you all his. What you didn't have to do was get plowed by your boyfriend so hard all night long, and keep your loving, doting, wanting brother awake with a fist pumping away frantically at his rock hard cock, listening intently to the forced moans you let out from your locked room.

That, might make you stupid.

Don't you think he deserves a go, too? After all, he's your big brother. You should be wanting to offer him up some hole too, yeah?

It's not difficult to see just how jealous he is deep down. He's not trying to hide it very well, his muscles tight as he looms above, eyes squinting down at you. Sure, he knew that you had a boyfriend, but that's just a little play time, right? Deep down, you know exactly who you belong to. You should have known better than to disrespect him in his house by moaning so prettily for another man, so it's only fair that you suffer some consequences. Don't you know just how long he's been waiting, planning, scheming to make you his? He doesn't so much mind that you aren't a virgin, but rather than you chose to fuck some other guy in his house. Makes his tummy turn with upset.

"Um... You're like, absolutely sure that this isn't cheating, Sebby?" Your body quivers with your shaky words, batting your eyelashes up at him so prettily like that, he's forced to take a moment to collect himself before giving you an answer. Poor baby, is big brother being mean to you? He's only giving you what you deserve, afterall.

With his cock head still slipping between your folds, smearing precum all over your puffy little sister clit, he offers you a faux sweet sigh of relief. "Promise, silly," He lightly scolds you, flashing you a playful smile to hopefully break you in, wear you down enough so that it's easier for you to give him what he wants. It's all he has to do at the end of the day, dupe you onto his side. "I'm your big brother, right? We're just playing. That's all! You aren't doing anything wrong, okay?"

It takes you a moment to fully comprehend his words, but the meek little nod up at his lies fills him with so much joy immediately, lust pooling in his tummy upon earning your coerced consent. Bad big brother, isn't he? Taking advantage of your innocence, letting his tip drool precum all over your cute little sister cunt with corrupting intent; fuck, such a pretty pussy you've got, it's a shame he's had to wait so long to fuck it.

"If big brother says so..."

"'Zactly, you got it," He coos down at you softly, extending a hand to help fluff up the pillow under your head for you to be as comfortable as possible, his chest tight at the sound of your cute giggled thanks to contrast the way that his cock still twitches against your slit. Just playing, just a little play time with your beloved big bro, that's all! "You trust me, don't you?" he preys on your people pleasing tendencies, fist squeezing tight at the base of his cock just to tap his tip against your clit a few times. An action that earns a gasp from you, and himself at the heated connection, precum string keeping him connected to you as he sucks in some air through his teeth. "Don't you love me?"

Rotten to the core, he figures that he'd never be able to express to you just how much he adores that look of absolute worry on your pretty face, flustering to reassure him that yes, you do love him! yes, you do trust him! After all, he's taken such good care of you thus far, right? It's just— there's that big brother itch, y'know? Forever gnawing at him, body begging for him to indulge, to satisfy you better than your boyfriend could ever, to have you relying him for even this. God, he can imagine it even now as he hovers above you, one hand lightly stroking at his cock, the other stabilising himself next to your head. Images of having you wander into his room late at night, tugging sheepishly at your shirt, rubbing your legs together with blushy cheeks. Can you help me, big brother? That's the fucking dream, y'know?

"Then, you want to play too, right?" He cocks his head at you, clearly seeking an obvious answer; of which you give almost immediately with a quick head nod, shyly chewing on your bottom lip as he smiles down at you lovingly. You're so easy to manipulate, he thinks. Serving yourself up on a silver platter for his selfish desires. Dirty wants, lewd wishes. So pretty when you're being such a shy baby too, his shy little sister, on her back for him with your legs hiked up to allow him space between them. You're prettiest when you're unwittingly submitting to him, he thinks.

And it's nice to know that this was all your idea, right? Wasn't it? He could have swore...

Sighing deeply, he lets his cock drag down to your hole instinctively, tip catching on it slowly, showing you restraint only because he doesn't want to scare you off too much. If he had it his way, he'd have you folded in half already, turning you into some sort of squeaky toy from how many hiccups he'd like to fuck outta ya. But alas, he genuinely treasures you too— even if he has a funny way of showing it. Giving you a quick plain look once he's properly situated between your legs, an eyebrow raised at the way you immediately tense up under his gaze, but the glassy eyes and trembling lips that greet him back provide enough consent for him to just— push. Just a little, popping his tip into your tight little sister cunt for the first time ever and God, he— "Fuck me," He whispers to himself, voice all trembly and caught in his throat at the sheer tightness of your cunt, jealousy burrowing deeper in his tummy at the way he can finally feel that your boyfriend hasn't been fucking you right; so not only have you been messing around with someone unworthy behind his back, but the guy hasn't even been taking care of you properly? Dummy, big brother was here the whole time— He'll just have to fuck you well enough to force you into requiring his dirty touch instead, yeah? Get you away from your pathetic play thing and back into big brothers loving arms and twitching cock, leaking precum to collect at your hole, can you feel the way it gushes out around his cock as he pushes further in? Unable to keep holding back for you, driven to claim you as his own by the way your face scrunches up cutely as he makes you feel the burn of every. Single. Inch.

"Tight cunt, shit—" He heaves above you, not missing the way you mewl and whine pitifully for him, struggling to accept the stretch his fat cock offers you, but doing so well, doing your best to impress big brother, aren't you? "Shh, it's okay. Gonna look after you, like always, yeah?" He hushes your feeble sounds, little baby babbles that only make his cock harder, to be honest. "Jus' gotta trust big brother, all y'gotta do is sit there and look pretty— easy."

And though he's doing his best to reassure you, pushing his hips all the way until they rest against your ass, balls deep in the one hole he's supposed to avoid, he can't help but to shiver himself at the amount of hedonistic pleasure that comes with taking you like this. Under false pretence, soothing his own self indulgent jealousy by way of letting his precum stain your insides sticky, his eyes rolling to the back of his head at the way your cunt is so warm and soft for him, walls squirming around his fat cock so nicely, like your body just knows how much better he can treat you as compared to your boyfriend.

Pinned under him, at the mercy of his restraint, he gives you a barely audible "Gonna move now, kay?" through gritted teeth. Doesn't even wait for your response before moving, far too lost in the reality of dragging his hips back, only to push them back gently inside of his baby sister, into your little cunt, gasping loudly at the way she squelches for him, fuckin' soaked for big brother, yeah? Pretty body is just begging for him to look after you, sucking his cock off so well already— better than anything he's ever experienced before; which is why you're his little sister, right? It makes sense, he thinks, settling into a comfortable enough pace to have you gripping at his arms for grounding, his eyes glued to your pretty tits as they bounce with every easy thrust of his hips; nice and easy, for now. You're his sister, so you're made perfect for him, yeah? Cock slotting inside of your cute cunt so easily, wrapped around him so tightly that it's almost a little winding if he's honest. But that's a good thing, huffing above you with furrowed brows at the subtle sounds he rocks out of you, every thrust intent on winning you over, back where you belong— on the end of his cock. A squirming, moaning, little sister mess for him to fully enjoy in the privacy of the empty house.

Which is disgusting, right? How much he yearns for you, deciding himself who you belong to, simply because he can. Gross how every single thrust of his pervert cock into your squishy little cunt is purposeful, precise as he picks up the pace as soon as you're settled, stroking himself off as if you were his favourite onahole, dirtying your insides like it was a practiced routine, a natural conclusion to his relationship with you. And you look so cute taking your big brothers cock, you can't expect him to resist those soft sounds, right? Coaxing him into fucking you harder with the pretty pout you give him, convincing him to grip one hand at your waist to help bounce you back down his cock with tandem movements, a sly smirk tugging on his lips at the increased volume of your moans, breaking out into breathless laughter above you when you arch your back into his touch.

"Feelin' good?" He slurs for you, balls slapping against your ass with the quicker pace he humps you into, wet skin on skin echoing in his room to match the sweet suck of your cunt, gushing slick around the base of his cock every time he bullies his way to the hilt. Tiny fucking cunt, making him feel so good, shivering into you with every heavy fuck forward, trembling with you every time he drags your cunt back down his length. He'll fuck you into his shape if it's the last thing he ever does, completely and utterly in love with how good you make him feel, and you aren't even doing any of the work. "C'mon, tell big brother how it feels— fuck, got s'tight baby," He breaks out into a genuine smile, immediately clocking on to the fact that you're getting off to hearing his voice, like a fucking degenerate. Just like him, yeah? Two peas in a filthy, perverted, cock dribbling, cunt squirming, sibling fucking pod. "Better than your boyfriend, right? S'okay, y'can be— shit, please be honest with me—" He can't help but to want to hear you stroke his ego, pounding you into his bed sheets like it was any other normal weekend. The springs in his bed squeaking under his fast fucks, you should be thankful that he's pinning you in place, effectively locked you in under him as he ruts against you unfairly, hand on your hip as your legs cling to has waist for dear life.

And it's difficult to hear you through the babbled moans he fucks out of you, high pitched sobs of enjoyment for his cock to twitch at, cute little cunt clenching around him every time he tugs you down his girth. And then when he buries himself aaaall the way inside, tip kissing against your sweet spot almost on purpose as if to make the act of talking itself difficult for you, your words get cut off with a pretty silent gasp. He can't help himself, you're just too cute when you're acting so helpless for him. "It's— Seb—! Better, promise— so good." You eventually choke out, interrupted by sweet hiccups and sniffles, doing so well not only by taking his cock, but by calming his unjust jealousy with such simple words. Because he fucking believes you when you say it too, how can he not? The bright blush you wear on your cheeks, eyes squeezed tightly shut as your back arches so prettily for him, voice all strained and interrupted by whines and sighs with every little jerk of his cock deep inside of you. He knew he could fuck you better, because big brothers are always right, remember?

"Bigger too, yeah? Fuckin' you so deep, feel that?" He urges you, hand on your tummy to apply the smallest amount of pressure, but it's enough to have you fucking sobbing on his cock. Little cunt gripping him so tightly that he can barely move for a second or two, in awe of how pretty you look when creaming his cock for the first time ever as your hole starts to convulse around the base of it, and he's caught unaware. Like a deer in headlights, his eyes wide open and blown black with lust, trying to imprint in his mind the cute face of bliss you wear when jerking his cock off with your orgasm for use later tonight, he's never felt so honestly good before; it's so fucking unfair.

He'd liked to have fucked you for longer, fold you in half like he's always wanted to. But as he's quickly following suit, triggered by your intense wave of pleasure, his own orgasm takes hold of him and he's gripping your waist with both hands so harshly. Digging his nails into your soft skin, bucking sloppily, messy little sounds reaching his ears as you writhe and whine for him, your name falling from his lips in a soft sigh of sheer desperation. Still yet fucking you full as he shoots his big brother cum into your tiny cunt, wincing at the way his load seeps out around his cock to stain his sheets all sticky; just like your insides.

And he doesn't stop fucking you, only slows down. Even when he's done and fully milked, he continues to rut into you, trying to prolong how good he feels in a vain effort to quell the bubbling jealousy in his heart.

Because even now, after he's fucked you thoroughly, promised you that he'd take care of you, he can't help but to indulge a little further. You've yet to answer his question, so like a good big brother, he reminds you of it while you catch your breath.

"Bigger too, right?" He laughs without pause, head hanging low to try and collecting himself after exerting so much energy into making you cum on his cock, trying to reconcile with how fucking pretty you looked just moments ago, and how he just knows (big brother intuition) that you've ruined him for anyone else now. "Should jus' start using me instead—" He heaves, cringing as he inevitably has to pull out of your warm little cunt and some of his seed spills down your ass with him. But fuck if it isn't the prettiest thing he's ever seen either, all sloppy with seed, so cute.

"Promise I'll always be there to help y'out always. Like a good big brother."

[mjstral]

Meet Michiko!

Name: Michiko Ishihara

Age: 20 in the canon universe, 24 in my fanfiction

Affiliation: Black Oak, Amazzoni

Occupation: • flowerist (before)

• whatever the Amazzoni are lol (after)

Ability: the setting sun; it allows her to absorb the life energy of other living beings. If she absorbs too much energy all at once, she runs the risk of losing control. In this case her body can suffer serious consequences that often manifests as maniacal phases. To avoid this risk she always wears an obsidian stone around her neck which absorbs excess energy. If she absorb energy little by little she can heal herself and extend her life as much as she wants (to do so she must first remove the stone).

Love interest: Dazai ihih

Hobby: doesn't really have one and always complains about being bored

Likes: coffee, dogs, the sea

Dislikes: boredom, lemons, wasps

Personality: lively, confident, curious, sensitive, shrewd, spontaneous, witty, compassionate, honest, rebellious, naïve

Personal motto: life is painful and hilarious

More undercut

Trivia

• inspired by the real Michiko Ishihara, Dazai Osamu's second wife

• I decided to give her the biological surname of her real counterpart and not the surname "Tsushima" to make her character more independent from Dazai;

• irl Michiko was a teacher but BSD Michiko doesn't want to become one, plus she's not very good with children because she doesn't have any patience;

• her ability is inspired by one of the book of Dazai Osamu, The setting sun in which her best friend Kazuko is the main character

• awful sense of humour. Just awful.

• Clumsy, not in the adorable sense, in the sense that she falls, taking down with her the name of every saint she knows and whoever is walking with her to hold on to her

• Happy that life has no meaning because she believes that in this way the human being can be the architect of their own destiny, but at the same time she's suffocated by the absurdity of life

• Too sincere

• "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"

• Mary Oliver poetry incarnated

• Sexy dumb bitch

• "the very reason to live is whatever you do that prevent you to kill yourself" (A. Camus)

• Crave a deep emotional connection with ppl

• Has a specific taste in men but can't recognise/explain it so if you aks her she'd be like:

"What's your type?"

"I like pathetic men."

• Parents issues

• Good and big heart but doesn't really know how to show affection (bc her father never did)

• Always down for throwing punches, but always tries to talk first

• Verbally attacks if she feels verbally attacked

• not to mention when she feels physically attacked

• Wants to understand people and why they do what they do, in fact it's hard for her to blame someone for their actions (unless they kill someone of course)

• Sees the good in everything, but it's far from being a soft character

• Sometimes she think she's God, sometimes she's a drama queen: "God's sense of humour is me", "but weren't you god?", "in fact I'm very self deprecating"

• Fear of abandonment but the one that makes you cry when you're alone bc you think about when shit will end so you self sabotage yourself and leave before you get left

• Michiko: I'm so wise.

Kazuko: You're a problem child.

Michiko: A wise one. I don't make the rules.

• naïve but doesn't seem to bother her

Dazai: why did you call me?

Michiko: I had nothing to do

Dazai: and I'm the one who came to your mind first?~

Michiko: yes, why? Oh, wait....... Eh, nevermind I guess you're right.

• she likes to give nicknames to people that think can represent their personality or traits.

Dazai: Bakazai

Atsushi: lil tiger

Murakami: mr. handsome asiatic (in Italian it's funnier)

Kunikida: kunikidazilla

•owns a motorbike. She bought it to piss her father off.

[dontmeantobepoliticalbut]

The conservative “parents’ rights” group will spend more than $3 million on ads in swing states ahead of the election, according to a Wednesday report in the Associated Press.

Known for stirring the panic about pronoun usage in schools and pioneering book bans across the country, Moms for Liberty plans to target voters in the battleground states of Arizona, Georgia, North Carolina, and Wisconsin. They hope to expand to Michigan, Nevada, and Pennsylvania later this year, according to the AP.

Tina Descovich, one of the co-founders of Moms for Liberty, said that their goal is to “activate” their members who do not vote. The group doesn’t endorse specific presidential candidates, but their preferences—for electing right-wing representatives—are clear: The latest ad campaign, the AP reports, will attack President Biden for his recently-enacted Title IX rules that extend safeguards to LGBTQ students.

The group refused to divulge their funding source for the new campaign to the AP, with Descovich only saying “investors” want to see the group “grow in specific states.” (As my colleague Kiera Butler has reported, Moms for Liberty has acknowledged that they have worked with the well-funded conservative groups the Heritage Foundation and the Leadership Institute.)

A spokesperson for the group did not immediately respond to questions from Mother Jones.

The announcement comes as Moms for Liberty’s latest effort to soften their image and make inroads in blue and purple states. As Kiera has reported, the group has recently shifted its focus from book bans and pronoun panic to literacy issues, essentially alleging that schools are too “woke” to teach reading correctly. Earlier this year, I attended Moms for Liberty’s town hall in New York City, where they trotted out their new talking points about literacy issues, along with their go-to culture war screeds against alleged indoctrination of students by social justice-oriented teachers and mandatory masking in schools during the pandemic. Backlash to that event was swift, from both local politicians and protesters. Last year, they held their national conference—which Kiera attended—in Philadelphia, where several of the then-Republican candidates for president attended; a few hundred protesters were also present.

The Moms have recently attracted a swell of bad press, thanks to a disastrous 60 Minutes interview in which the co-founders struggled to defend their stances; a chapter leading quoting Hitler in a newsletter last year; some members’ close ties to the Proud Boys; and, perhaps most notably, the group’s national co-founder Bridget Ziegler becoming embroiled in a sex scandal after it came out that she and her husband, Florida GOP chair Christian Ziegler, were involved in a three-way sexual relationship with a woman—even though Bridget Ziegler played a key role in the passage of Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” law, which forbade discussion of LGBTQ issues in many school settings. (Christian Ziegler was accused of rape by the other woman in the encounter—an allegation he denied, and which authorities ultimately declined to prosecute—and was booted from his post within the state Republican party earlier this year.)

Descovich insisted to the AP that the negative press has not hurt the group: “No one reached out to me and said, ‘We’re not going to donate to you anymore because of these stories,’” she said. “Everybody understands that the work we’re doing is going to be under intense attacks and scrutiny.”

An unanswered question, though, remains: Who is the deep-pocketed donor, or donors, paying for their election-year ad buys in swing states?

As the group’s arch nemesis, Randi Weingarten, president of the American Federation of Teachers, told the AP, there’s likely a few reasons they’re not revealing that.

“Given the timing of their new push and given that they will not reveal their investors, they’re telling you two things,” Weingarten said. “One, they’re telling you it’s not grassroots. And two, they’re telling you that they’re operatives for somebody else.”

[letteredlettered]

Hi!! Have you ever struggled with burnout, depression, or overwork? Currently in my first job post college and it’s been very intense as we are currently like 3 people doing the work of a team designed for 7 people (two roles they are working to fill and two people are out on leave -> one is out on vacation and the other on parental leave). Have spent many ours on overtime (around two days a week I usually sleep five or six hours and spend a few more hours working —> other days I work a bit less but still some overtime) for the last few months. It’s really hard to decompress and stop thinking about work as I work remotely. I need to get better at setting limits and advocating for myself but I think one issue I’ve been dealing with is getting caught in a cycle of having a lot so having not a lot of time to do an analysis of like what needs to change and this is my bandwidth. Also it’s hard to predict bandwidth sometimes because I’m still very new to this industry and department, so I’m still learning how much coordination is necessary to get something done. Another problem is that everyone is stretched to their limit and extremely busy, so I feel kind of bad rejecting projects. I think an issue is that I also have relatively low self-esteem and confidence but a deep desire to be “good” from like an academic perspective and a work perspective, and the main leader of my team is someone who I like a lot and appreciates what I do, so I keep trying to do more or at least meet expectations. I also receive assignments from different people (five people total, usually), so people generally don’t have visibility as to my bandwidth unless I speak up. One person in particular gave me a lot of assignments with a good deal of time pressure and was the person that I was working the closest with —> still trying to catch up to some of the more evergreen projects I had with him because the other projects I’ve had in the last two months have even way too intense to do anything else. I’m really grateful for this job and I like a lot of the people I work with, but I’m kind of struggling.

I mention all of this because I really respect the way you are able to commit to creative projects and create incredible works and really focus on making something. I’ve never really had an ability to stick to a creative project or hobby for an extended period of time —> frequently I disappoint myself in my lack of consistency or follow-through for a lot of my personal goals. I also really appreciate the way that you engage with certain themes in your work and value your perspective. So just kind of curious if you’ve been through this before or have any thoughts about this sort of thing

I've thought a lot about what to tell you here.

What anyone would recommend is that you set boundaries and take care of yourself. They'd say that your well-being is more important than your work. If they read your ask carefully they'd realize that maybe your performance in this job is connected to your well-being in your mind. If they're looking at the strings that control the system they're going to tell you capitalism has brainwashed us into thinking that we should sacrifice our health for the sake of production, and then they'll tell you you should do what you can to break out of the capitalist mentality. If they're not excited about seizing the means of production then their in-universe advice (in-the-capitalist-universe advice) is going to point out that you cannot produce more for the capitalist machine if you're burnt out (I'd call these people the neoliberals of tumblr but I'm not sure that exists; I haven't seen it).

But none of that is really addressing the problem here, because you already know all of that, or if you don't know it, knowing that isn't going to help you. You don't need to be told to set boundaries. You know you accept too many projects; you know that you haven't been clear with your colleagues about your bandwidth. You know you're trying too hard to please others and that part of the reason is you have a low self-esteem.

Something that people don't talk about enough is how bad it feels to set boundaries. When people advise others to "set boundaries" it's always as if it's never occurred to anyone else to stand up for themselves. The problem is that it usually has occurred to us, but it's hard to do and feels bad. Hearing "stand up for yourself!" repeatedly can sometimes help us feel like we did the right thing when we do manage to stand up for ourselves, but it can just as often make you feel even worse when you can't stand up for yourself. You're being overworked and you're not doing the thing that everyone tells you you should do.

And another thing that people do not talk about enough is that most workplaces do not like employees who set boundaries for themselves. They like people who say yes. You often won't get in trouble for setting reasonable limits for yourself, but you won't advance. The ones who work late and work on weekends and take on every project and say nothing about bandwidth are usually the ones who get promoted. I'm not saying this because it's right or okay. It's another flaw in the capitalist system. But it is very often true, and I've been a little frustrated that in all these glorious discussions about boundary-setting, this is not something that gets talked about more.

So what to do, when you know the answers, but it doesn't feel great, and might not get you where you want to go?

Spend time with your feelings. A lot of time with your feelings. Imagine ways to communicate your bandwidth. Imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Pick scenarios that feel more comfortable and less intimidating for you. Imagine saying no to a new project. Imagine how you would feel doing that. Pick a way of doing it that feels the most manageable.

Think about your colleagues, what you like about them and why. Imagine how they would feel if they knew that you were struggling. Imagine having an honest conversation with them about how hard this is for you. Would they listen open and compassionately? Would they try to make changes that could help you? Or would they say, "We're all going through it," and "there's nothing to be done?" Imagine saying to them, "I know we're all going through this, because of the staffing challenges we're facing," and "I know there's not much to be done about this, but this is how I'm feeling." Would they accept your vulnerability? Would it make you feel bad to be vulnerable in that way? Would it make you feel worse to be vulnerable in that way or to say nothing?

That's not a leading question. Saying nothing is okay. There have been many times where I am facing a problem and I realized that doing nothing was the thing that made me feel best. There were other times when I really didn't want to do something and I knew it would be incredibly hard, but I knew I would feel much better having done it.

Think about your self-esteem and confidence. Why don't you feel confident? When you imagine saying no, and it feels bad, what makes it feel so bad? Is it because other people don't say no? Are you measuring yourself against those other people? How can you stop doing that? Or is it because you feel like a good worker always says yes? Where did you get that idea? Was it an idea communicated to you by people who love you? By society? Are there people who haven't made you feel that your worth as a person was predicated on how much you were able to accomplish? When is the last time you spent time with them? What makes you feel good about yourself? When is the last time you did it? Are there things you can do outside of work to boost your confidence? What are they? Can you do them? Why not? If work is holding you back from doing them, is it worth it?

It's okay if work feels worth it. I'm not endorsing the capitalist machine when I say that it is okay to do something that is really difficult or unpleasant for a certain amount of time to get where you are going. But if that's what you're going to do, then develop a plan of escape. Ask yourself how long you're willing to put up with this. Ask yourself what the next step in your career or life journey is. Ask yourself what you will put up with to get there and what is unacceptable. Write it down if you have to, then try to abide by that, and if you are unable to bear your plan six months down the line, make a new one.

I am fortunate in that these kinds of questions come really naturally to me, and I think they must not come so naturally for a lot of other people. Definitely, there are blocks in my mind; I'm not always able to understand myself or my own feelings; I don't know what's best for myself or how to make myself do things I want. But this kind of thinking is not going to give you immediate answers. Instead, it's going to build the skill of getting to know yourself.

The ultimate question you should be asking is "What will make me happy?" It sounds like a simple question, but it is in fact the most difficult of all. It is the question we struggle with every day, and every book that was ever written, every song that was ever sung, every painting that was ever painted is about that, in the end. The answer to that question is the meaning of life. Most people never find it, but the search is worth it.

It's definitely worth it.

[saintsenara]

Literary style (rich prose, use of narrative techniques, etc.); strong adherence to the principle of charity (diversity of perspectives/everyone is given the fairest possible shot); thematic focus on death and its effects on the living (particularly, grief); thematic focus on gender; devastating one-liners; emphatically correct Ron Weasley takes; Voldemort having a thing for mirror sex.

thanks so much, pal!

sex/gender/death are in an exclusive triad over here, but what i most appreciate you drawing out here is the principle of charity in writing [also the subject of this meta: fandom is like medicine].

I've seen a lot of posts from villain-enjoyers recently taking against the idea of redemption. and i do get this - there's been such a move in many fandom spaces against any sort of moral complexity in characterisation that i understand the impulse to say fuck it, and enjoy your favourite horrible people as horrible people.

but i do also think that this rejection of theme of redemption often misunderstands the reading that we all owe our blorbos. i think there's a tendency to believe that redemption would require some sort of damascene extraordinariness which would result in the character in question becoming neutered - perfect and soft and lacking the bite which led to us becoming interested in them in the first place.

but not so. redemption can be small, ordinary. it can be accidental. it can sneak up on you. it can exist in some areas of your lives and not others. sometimes little chips of redemption are gradually carved by bringing the man whose parents you murdered cups of tea - and maybe that's not enough to redeem you fully, and maybe it shouldn't be, but it's something - and by him being charitable enough to understand what happened in your life which led you down the path of evil.

one of the real issues with the harry potter fandom [and this is why i am so frequently on my soapbox about how we need to think about the narrative conventions of the series, and how it wants us to do this and how we should work against it] is that far too many people involved in it find themselves on sides. maybe they identify as gryffindors, and therefore fail to offer any of the other houses the nuance they extend to their favourite characters. maybe they think the villains get a bad showing in the series, so they bash the heroes. maybe they loathe a specific character, or ship, or subfandom, and so they dismiss anyone who writes within those confines.

but this is an error. every single character - just like every single person alive - can be interesting and worthy of exploration and worthy of the chance to transcend their canon [and fanon - catch me defending molly weasley against both sirius and percy nation like it's my paid employment] evils if we just give them the chance.

and i'm not just saying this because i have been recently forced to become fascinated by rodolphus lestrange...

i hadn't deeped before now that the 'lord voldemort enjoys watching himself get fucked in a mirror' thing had turned up in more than one piece... and all i have to say is...

[attention-seeking behaviour here]

[stargazer-sims]

All the questions (1-15) for Nikolai and Mishka please

@dandylion240 sorry this took so long! I had it almost finished and then forgot it was in my drafts, and it got pushed down by all the other stuff in my drafts... and yeah. Anyway, here you go!

I'm going to do both of them together, so I only have to copy-paste the question set one time.

Nikolai Pavlenko & Mikhail (Mishka) Vasiliev

What is your character's biggest fear, and how does it affect their actions and relationships?

Nikolai's biggest fear is losing his independence. So much of his self-identity is tied to teaching, helping and taking care of others, it's hard for him to accept the idea of needing to be taken care of by someone else. He's okay with interdependence, but he's afraid of a situation where he might no longer be able to care for himself and where he'd become mostly, or fully, dependent on other people looking after him.

Mishka's biggest fear is abandonment, which extends out to a real fear of simply being alone. He was never able to live alone and always needed to have a roommate after leaving his family's home. He doesn't like to go anywhere by himself, especially if he's never been there before, and when Nikolai travels, Mishka either has to stay with someone else or travel with him. He thinks his fear of abandonment goes all the way back to when he was a baby/toddler, when his biological mother would leave him and Vika alone in their apartment for hours and sometimes days at a time. He used to have major separation anxiety when he was a child (and he still kind of does, if he's being honest).

What is something your character is deeply passionate about, and how does it drive their goals and motivations?

Nikolai is deeply passionate about sports in general and figure skating in particular. He's highly competitive and he always wants to be the best he can be, which motivates him to stay fit an healthy. It informs his choices about exercise, eating and sleep. Unfortunately, it also means he can be stubborn once he makes up his mind, and sometimes he doesn't know when to quit.

Mishka is passionate about appreciating and understanding all living things. He loves animals, and despite being both anxious and shy, he's really a people-person at heart. He's soft-hearted and compassionate and genuinely wants to help everyone live their best life, including every animal. This has motivated him to get involved in volunteering with organizations such as an animal rescue and a community soup kitchen and thrift shop. Now that he's retired from his hockey career, he has more time to devote to his causes.

Describe a memorable childhood experience that shaped your character's personality or outlook on life

The thing in Nikolai's childhood that shaped his character and personality wasn't so much a specific event but really his childhood in general. Nikolai was raised by his grandfather just as much as by his parents (if not more so). Of all his guardians, he's always been closest to his grandfather, and he was greatly influenced not just by the way his grandfather raised him but also by the way he saw his grandfather treat other people. Grandpa is a genuinely kind and thoughtful person, and he loves to help and teach others, and Nikolai wanted to be like that too, whether by conscious choice or as a way of life.

A childhood experience that shaped Mishka's personality was being abused, neglected and ultimately abandoned by his biological mother. It caused him to have a deep-seated fear of the dark from being locked in a cupboard as a toddler, not to mention his fear of abandonment and of being alone. He's also afraid of needles (due to his biological mother injecting herself with drugs and then having very bad reactions), and he's afraid of people yelling at him (something his bio mother did far too often). Fortunately, he was adopted by his foster family, and they gave him the life he deserved, but he still has issues because of a lot of those things that happened. He's also grown up to value every living thing, and to do his best to make sure innocent and vulnerable people don't suffer the way he did.

What are your character's quirks or eccentricities that make them stand out from others?

For Nikolai, it's his hair. It's not really a quirk or eccentricity, but it is a characteristic that makes him stand out from others. One of his quirks that might make him stand out to the more observant person might be his obsession with wearing green clothes. The majority of his wardrobe is green, with the exception of shoes, jeans, and some black, grey or brown shorts and sweatpants, and it's unusual to see him in other colours.

Also not really a quirk, but Mishka is notable for having an overall physical appearance that doesn't seem to match with his personality. He embodies that older meme "looks like he could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll". People who don't know MIshka well are often intimidated by him at first.

Does your character have any hidden talents or abilities that only a few people know about?

Nikolai can draw and is fairly skilled at it, but he doesn't really like to show off his art. He's self-conscious about it, so only the people closest to him know.

Mishka likes to knit and crochet, and he knows how to do basic sewing. It's not necessarily a hidden talent, but it's not something he talks about with most people, either.

What is your character's preferred way of coping with stress or difficult situations?

Nikolai exercises when he's stressed. He finds physical activity helps him release all his pent-up energy and lets him relax.

Mishka stress-knits. Making multiple hats and pairs of mittens is far better for him than some of his old anxiety-coping behaviours, such as not eating, or unconsciously pulling out strands of his own hair.

How does your character handle failure or setbacks? Are they resilient or easily discouraged?

Neither one of them cope well with setbacks initially, but they're both resilient.

Nikolai is stubborn and dedicated, which is a powerful combination when it comes to pushing through failure and heading for his goals. He's very goal-oriented, and although he might struggle at first when he fails at something or has a setback, he's never down for long.

Mishka is more prone to being discouraged, but not to the point of giving up. Where Nikolai is self-motivated, Mishka often needs at least a little encouragement to help him get up and keep going. It's not because he doesn't want to achieve the goal in question, but more so that he needs someone to affirm that he can do it and to validate his continued efforts.

Describe a significant relationship in your character's life and how it has influenced them.

Nikolai considers all his relationships significant, but one of the most important ones for him is with his former coach and 'bonus mom', Beth-Anne. She's one of the few people with whom he's comfortable showing his vulnerability (his grandfather, Mishka and Ginger being the others). He also credits Beth-Anne for saving his life, literally and figuratively, shortly after the accident that ended his competitive skating career. Her love and support helped him want to stay alive, and she was the one who helped him get his life back on track, and she steered him toward coaching as a natural next step for him. He loves coaching and he's forever grateful to Beth-Anne for all she's done for him. Now, his goal is to pay her kindness forward to someone else.

Mishka's most significant relationship is with Nikolai. He's made great strides in his personal growth because Nikolai supports him rather than judging him. Mishka is never going to be an extrovert or a particularly self-assured person, but thanks to Nikolai's help and encouragement, he's learned how to be more outgoing and confident, and he's learned that the world isn't nearly as scary a place as his own anxiety would want him to believe. He's learning how to trust others and how to make strong, lasting friendships.

What is your character's moral compass? What principles or values do they hold dear?

I would say this is very similar for both Nikolai and Mishka. They aren't religious but they would both think of themselves as moral individuals. Both of them value courage, kindness, compassion and honesty. They both also place a high value on loyalty, and family (or found family) loyalty in particular.

Imagine your character in a challenging moral dilemma. How would they approach it, and what choice would they make?

The choice they'd make would really depend on the dilemma.

They'd both seek advice from someone they trust, and they'd both weigh up the case for and against each potential course of action. Both of them lean more toward being emotional decision-makers, but that's not to say they wouldn't give it serious thought. Mishka would struggle less than Nikolai would, because morality is a bit less nuanced in Mishka's worldview. Nikolai sees more shades of grey than Mishka does.

Is there a specific physical feature or item that holds special significance to your character? Why is it important to them?

Nikolai has a silver ring that was given to him by Beth-Anne, which has the word "forever" engraved on the inside. Beth-Anne has a similar one that she received from her former coach, Stan. Hers has the Latin inscription "per aspera ad astra" (through hardship, to the stars) on the inside. Eden also has one, given to him by Nikolai, which says "chase your dream". Nikolai hopes Eden might someday have a special student of his own to give one to. The inscription on Nikolai's ring refers to his first gold-medal win with Beth-Anne as his coach. He was going through a confidence crisis, after having three coaches in theree years, but he really bonded with Beth-Anne and this was the first glimmer of the shining career he'd hoped for. He wanted Beth-Anne to stay with him, and she promised she would continue to coach him and that she'd stay in his life forever if that's what he wanted.

Mishka's important item is his blue teddy bear (also called Mishka). It's important to him because he hadn't had a teddy bear or plushie since he was a young child, and really wanted one but was too self-conscious as a grown man to purchase his own. Self-consciousness about teddy bears isn't something Nikolai suffers from (he carries his through the airport), so he had no problem buying one for Mishka.

How does your character react to change or unexpected situations? Are they adaptable or resistant?

Mishka does not like change or unexpected situations. He's very routine-oriented and prefers to have lots of advance notice to prepare himself psychologically for things like travelling, having overnight houseguests, etc. Unfortunately, he doesn't always get the advance notice he prefers, and interruptions in his routine are very stressful for him. He's not resistant to change per se. He knows and accepts that change is inevitable. His problem isn't that he resists it, but more that he struggles to adapt. If he had his preference, nothing much would change, but he gets that change is often necessary and he tries his best to keep up even if he doesn't like it and finds it upsetting and challenging.

Nikolai isn't a fan of change either, but he's a lot more adaptable than Mishka. Nikolai has learned to be pragmatic about change. He may be upset or stressed in the moment, but he recovers quickly and is reasonably good at rolling with whatever happens.

Does your character have any recurring dreams or nightmares? How do these dreams affect them?

Neither of them have any recurring dreams

What is your character's preferred method of self-expression? Do they have any artistic talents or creative outlets?

Nikolai's favourite form of self-expression is dance (and skating)

For Mishka, it' s music. He's had classical vocal training and piano lessons, and he loves both. If you think you hear opera on the beach, it's Mishka. Loud Russian drinking songs? Probably also Mishka. Soulful ballad in the shower? Mishka.

Describe a defining moment in your character's life that marked a turning point or significant change in their path.

Nikolai's defining moment was the injury that ended his competitive skating career, and the weeks that followed his injury. Up to that point, he'd defined himself primarily as a professional athlete, and the loss of his ability to compete left him shattered for a while. He didn't know how to think of himself outside the context of his sport. His transition into coaching helped him see things from a new perspective, not just in his own life but in his view of the world in general.

Mishka hasn't had his defining moment yet, but it's coming. For him, it'll be becoming a parent.

[bubblesxo]

Okay I just found out about your g!bruce meets the batfam AU and I LOVE IT SO MUCH - have only gone through the tumblr posts but I have the fic on my list to read. Wondering how you think of Jason's resurrection and Barbara's paralyzation working in a post-Gotham world? (Not specifically related to your AU sking you because you also seem really excited about these two worlds clashing!)

Because the way I see it, Hugo Strange was a well known factor and his resurrections don't appear to have any side effects. So why didn't Bruce try to get Jason resurrected, even if it meant working with an enemy?

Barbara's paralyzation pretty much happened exactly like Selina's did - so would Bruce not only be beating himself up, but also be able to approach Ivy for help? Or at least wouldn't Selina or Barbara Kean do it?

thank you so much!! i'm glad that you like the au even without all the material that goes around it! the au actually started out on tumblr in a few different textposts before i decided that i might as well just write it atp.

okay okay, jason's death and barbara's paralyzation.

jason first.

imo, if bruce ever comes face to face with hugo strange again, there won't even be words involved, that man is getting the beat down of his life. batman will MAKE IT so that that man stays in jail, if even only because he would be beat half to death again if he was let out.

hugo strange ordered the hit on bruce's parents, after all, and while bruce is opposed to murder, he is not, as we have seen, opposed to beating the stuffing out of someone repeatedly.

i also feel like that one girl who was introduced to the show really had more of an impact on bruce than is explored, because the show set them up almost like siblings. the girl, karen jennings i think? yeah, she was really close with thomas wayne before his death and he came to visit her often. he was involved in keeping her safe from the people at indian hollow (who moved there after pinewood was shut down).

karen suffered IMMENSELY under the hand of hugo strange, and during her short stay on the show, she and bruce got very close and developed what i personally see as an early sibling bond (and another example of bruce latching onto people and becoming emotionally involved way too quick, like, as a pattern).

anyway, hugo strange's mechanisms eventually end up getting karen brutally murdered right in front of bruce, so i feel like that could have a major effect on his mind, esp at that age and knowing what he does (or later did? my timeline there is fuzzy) about strange being involved in his parents' death.

because of his personal anger with him, deep-set mistrust of him (he likely heard about how he put a chip in ed's brain after penguin payed him to, essentially, revive him from the dead), and his respect for karen, he wouldn't ever get hugo involved, i believe.

as for barbara's paralyzation, i think that selina's side effects would play a huuuuge role here. in the show, when bruce gets the cure from ivy, she warns that it might have some side effects, and soon after, selina begins exhibiting animalistic and highly emotional traits, such as irrationality, extreme anger, low temper, excessive growling/hissing, etc.

it was during this time that bruce and selina's relationship was coming up on its time for both of them to decide what would happen next. after reunification, what would happen to both of them? would they still be a "they?"

even though both selina (deal with penguin) and bruce (helicopter, but also the interrupted dinner scene) want to leave gotham, either for good (selina) or for an extended period of time (bruce), neither of them are truly 100% involved in the discussion, which leads to communication issues, which is what eventually causes their breakup.

what i was more getting at bruce thinking here, however, i would say that bruce blames himself for getting her involved in the first place (as she literally did blame him, not that i can be mad at her), that she got shot because of him, and that he made the personal choice to force her to live on and feels responsible for taking the cure which gave her so many side effects (which she likes but he hates), bruce ultimately blames himself for their messy breakup and all of the pain that has caused.

which, of course, he hasn't processed at all, so instead he deflects it.

instead, he blames ivy and her weird eyeball-looking plant for taking away his best friend / girlfriend.

i definitely don't think that bruce would trust in ivy enough at this point in the timeline for her to be involved, but that i agree that (other than this) he (i fell asleep right here lol so im back now that it's morning) would totally do everything he possibly could to help barbara.

as for barbara kean---i'm going to be so real with you, i've been specifically not actually watching the series finale so i can stay on-track with bruce's line of thinking, so when i heard she got shot i honestly thought she died. i just checked last night and found out she got shot in the leg. so yeah, she's dead in this au. sorry guys 😭😭😭😭😭

i'm probably gonna go more in depth about this in the story, esp since i already thought she died LOL

so basically i'm giving babs extra childhood trauma (going the jim and bruce route with that), which honestly kinda fits because of the whole generational hero thing that jim and bruce kinda have going on (bruce's and jim's dads, jim passes it on to bruce, bruce passes it on to his kids, they both pass it on to babs).

more on that in the actual story LOL. i never really pictured barbara kean as working in the canon batfam universe anyway (just because penguin kinda has her niche). since in batfam canon it always seemed like she was at least primarily living with her dad, whereas barbara lee from gotham seems to be living primarily with her mom, and the only time i can see this changing is if something happened to her mom.

partially, i also think that babs herself had some sway in the whole not-going-to-ivy thing. barbara isn't a damsel in distress, and she likely wouldn't like bruce overstepping like that and just assuming that she wants to be cured just because selina did (not that she knew about selina being temporarily paralyzed, unless her dad told her). barbara doesn't see herself as any less of a person for her disabilty (which is good of course! though it took a little while for her to get used to everything and truly accept it) so she basically tells bruce to not get involved with any magic stuff for her.

the selina-barbara parallel is kinda crazy tho. i'm definitely gonna have to explore that in my fic (how bruce feels about it, selina, and babs of course).

bruce majorly spiraled after jason's death, so honestly i think that his mindset just wasn't in the best spot and that he wasn't doing okay mentally at all. honestly, he might have gone back to his old alcohol habits from his brucie phase (yes i know in gotham it's spelled brucey but i hate that) like some people headcanon.

basically, i don't really want to change any of the existing batfam canon as much as i can (like retconning barbara to have been cured, idk i just don't like that) and also i feel like bruce would never trust any of those people to be close to any of his loved ones haha.

thank you again so much for the ask!! hopefully this was intelligible, having been written on two different days. thank you so much for your support!! hopefully you like the story when you read it. feel free to send more asks anytime if you want!

[id-rather-be-home]

What do you think Ted thinks about gay people? He’s obviously conservative, but he doesn’t strike me as a particularly politically involved Republican. I feel like he’s too unmotivated for that lol. He’s very Milquetoast Suburban Dad™️.

Also, the Wheelers don’t seem to be very religiously motivated either. This is not to say that Ted would think gay people are “normal,” or that he wouldn’t be homophobic, but do you agree that it wouldn’t be in a fire and brimstone way?

Ted seems like more of a cultural conservative to me who votes Reagan because things are “good” under him, and there’s no reason to think any differently. Maybe he turns on the radio occasionally, but it’s not like there is FoxNews and evangelical preachers constantly in the Wheeler home. Is it possible he cares more about the economy than about social issues?

How do you think he would feel about having a gay son? Is it possible he already suspects it? Or suspected it at some point?

Also it’s hard to get a read on if Ted loves his kids. He obviously doesn’t really show it, but does he feel it? I feel like he at least loves Holly.

you really read my mind with this analysis on ted, anon!

i am absolutely obsessed with the wheeler family dynamic and how stereotypical it is of an 80s family

i cannot imagine ted wheeler being a fire and brimstone type of homophobe. is he homophobic? almost certainly, but i don't think it's due to deep seeded religious views. like you mentioned i think it's mostly because it's just not what is typical or 'normal'. i'm inclined to believe that ted doesn't extend much thought to gay people until it's brought under his attention by maybe discussion of the AIDS crisis or his son being gay

and, yeah, i'd say ted probably cares more about the economy than social issues. it's just so difficult to imagine ted extending the energy to care about social issues either way or hating a specific group of people - he's genuinely just kind of indifferent it seems

as for mike... i feel like ted might suspect something. he's made too many comments throughout the seasons for me to think otherwise, especially when he's like "our son with a girl?" of course that could have been him in disbelief over a girl liking mike because he's nerdy and not popular in any sense of the word, but with every other context clue about mike's sexuality in the show it just makes you wonder

i don't think that ted would be the type of homophobic parent to threaten to kick mike out of the house or become abusive (*cough* lonnie the son of a bitch *cough*). but i do think he'd tell mike to keep his sexuality and especially his relationship with will behind closed doors, and it'd be a subject not really talked about. ted likely wouldn't approve simply because it's not what is 'normal' and he might make some passing comments to mike that make his opinion known, but i can't see it becoming overly aggressive. i really believe ted would just rather not talk about it or acknowledge it at all instead - an out of sight, out of mind mentality

and i do think he loves his kids, actually. he's just a very stereotypical 80s dad that doesn't show it well at all. he probably assumes he's showing his love by providing them with a good house and food on the table. to him fathers aren't the ones who deal with the emotional stuff, that's up to the mother. he's no doubt even worse with mike about showing affection because it would be even more awkward for him to be open and vulnerable with his son rather than his daughters, and that of course is caused by misogyny and rigid gender roles/expectations

i am interested to hear what anyone else thinks about this!

[mswyrr]

IMO, the Star Wars OT is a huge space opera, but at heart it's about Luke learning about his abusive/addict father and making peace with him and the things inside Luke that he shared with his father. it's about how he is tempted by the dark side too, about Anakin as his shadow he has to incorporate and make peace with.

The historical context in the US fits with this and helps explain (in part) why this story hit so hard with the public. It was a period of major generational conflict between Boomers and their parents, the WW2 gen, over the Vietnam War (which many ww2 veterans pushed their sons into). Within that, the OT was written by a Boomer about a touchy-feely kid who wanted to go express himself and chill instead of becoming a machine man, a weapon of war like his father, who serves the "Empire" (which Lucas has said was based on the US!! It was based on the US war machine). The WW2 gen/Boomer generational conflict is right there - as is the way that a LOT of the WW2 generation men had deep trauma they never dealt with besides self-medicating with alcohol* and numbing it as best they could. (and often also hitting their kids/wives).** That was something a lot of younger men like Lucas didn't want for themselves; they tried to embrace psychology, self-help, myths and mysticism, emotion.

A WW2 generation man as this numb, violent, terrifying being locked away in a suit? And the idea that maybe somewhere inside there is a heart that could love you? Powerful stuff for a generation of boys that largely grew up being (to one degree or another) knocked around by emotionally distant fathers.

The metaphor works beautifully and I think where Ahsoka's relationship with Anakin as a father/elder brother figure goes in Ahsoka ep 5 is aiming for a similar level of emotional nuance re: how love and abuse can be complex and how someone can "fall" to the darkness, but it's not a simple situation for you as someone who loves them. (Similarly, the handling of the late Jedi Order's abusive behavior in sending children into battle has been done with nuance as well). Because she does love him and she does feel that he is a part of her - so until she can make peace with that and what it means, she cannot be at peace with herself*** and her own right to live and be whole rather than afraid of herself.

I think the inner psychological journey stuff is a rich thing that comes out of a specific period and its dynamics and yet continues to be able to speak to powerful issues re: trauma, love, addiction, and abuse. There's other ways of interpreting it, and it's a story, so those are valid. But I do get frustrated when the metaphorical reading is dismissed out of hand or denigrated, when Lucas and Filoni both intentionally draw on Jungian psychology and mythology in ways that fit with it as a reading.

I'm still annoyed at the person on Twitter yesterday who told me I was being "harmful" toward survivors of abuse (I am myself a survivor of abuse) for liking Ahsoka Episode 5. Like.... my dear Twitter person, I am not telling you how to feel about abuse or art or telling you that your reactions make you a bad person, would you extend me the same grace? No? Okay.

*mental health care was shit at the time, like absolutely shit if you weren't rich. i cannot emphasize enough how absolutely shit it was. some states even put any mental hospitalizations you had on records viewable by potential employers so they could see it and discriminate against you. so it's complicated - partly the embrace of mental health comes from the Boomer gen and their backlash against their parents' "keep it all inside" school of thought and the damage it caused

**I did a dissertation on late 20th Century mental health care in the US

***not everybody is going to relate to this and that's okay! there is no one right way to heal! it's not a simple thing or an exact science; humans are too complex for that

[marlasbreastlump]

Fight clubbers ranked by me based on how much i like them. very long.

1. Fem narrator - cuter than regular narrator (to me she looks the same except for the obvious). coworkers think shes a “mildly effete teenage boy” (via jacksprostate). she has acne from the copius amounts of foundation needed to cover her fight club bruises. she has a virgin mary complex (fears spontaneous pregnancy despite not having sex). she has a collection of 37831 kitchenwares because she doesn’t make enough money to buy furniture as a hobby, and despite this she eats mustard for dinner. if she ever had a pregnancy scare she would kill herself immediately. her morning routine is weighing herself and riding her exercise bike religiously. she’s sooo afraid of becoming a parent or married or pregnant. she has penetration anxiety. what’s not to love.

2. Fem Tyler - Looks exactly like tyler with crazier sideburns and boobs. doesnt have sex with marlon not because shes lesbian (shes not real idk i dont consider her or tyler to have any specific sexuality) but because narrators fear of pregnancy and penetration is so deep it extends to her. likes narrator more than m tyler likes m narrator but still throughly sick of her shit by the end. To me shes a coyote but she would LARP as a hyena. kind of wants to kill marlon but they’re still besties. worst boyfriend ever. Also shes very hot to me sorry.

3. Regular Narrator - The Guy of all time. truly a fascinating specimen. many many things deeply wrong with him. he took all his issues and made them into one guy. he is inertia personified. i think if he doenst kill himself post canon and survives until 2009 he has a blank grindr account where he scrolls through all the guys in the area without actually messaging any of them. but he probably is dead by then.

4. Regular Marla - I love her so dearly. Her in the book and narrator was so cute… so sad they cut out a lot of their closer moments in the movie. Idk she wants him to shove sleeping pills up his ass girl best friends forever objectively… and her calling narrator in the psych ward.. Her madonna-whore complex towards herself where she can only see herself as a human shitstain when she’s so tender… she lets tyler hurt her and she keeps coming back when narrators an asshole… she asks narrator to check her for cancer and tries to keep him awake and watches him kill a person and shes still there. what can i say it makes me ill. And she’s going to die young… everything about her is so tragic. She wants someone to love her……..

5. Male Marla/Marlon - tfw your best/only friend who semierotically puts out cigarettes on you was actually a split personality. when he’s walking with narrator through the gardens he assumes she got on meds or something because she doenst look like she wants to skin him alive anymore. as project mayhem grows he has to perform increasingly complex maneuvers to get to paper street house and narrator without getting his balls cut off.

6. Regular Tyler - “i could fix him” except “him” was also tyler and he could not, in fact, fix him. tried to get narrator to make impactful decisions and change but narrator imprinted on him like a baby duck and became totally dependent on tyler. like the idea that tyler is alive post canon but pretends to be dead because he’s so sick of narrator’s shit.

7. My fight club OC Brandon Pitchard - never actually joined fight club. tries to hook up with narrator in a gay bar september 9th 2001 and gets punched in the face. Buddhist.

[laceyjane44]

GaaSaku 2023 FanFest Day23

Prompt: Domestic

“What if this is my fault?”

Sakura looked over to her husband, his usually stoic expression was twisted in worry. “Don’t go placing any blame,” she advised, her hand finding his as they walked and giving him a reassuring squeeze. “We still don’t know the whole story.”

Gaara thinned his lips and drew his brow together, he’d been deep in thought ever since their presence was requested at the academy building. “He got into a fight.”

“I bet you it was a scuffle,” she replied.

“Has he said anything to you about this?” he asked, his concern clearly showing through.

Sakura shook her head. “He might be having a hard time adjusting, it’s nothing we can’t work through.”

Gaara sighed, the weight of indecision pressing down on him. “I knew we should’ve waited till next year; it was too soon.”

Sakura let go of his hand and patted his shoulder as he held open the academy’s front door for her. “He wanted to,” she reminded him. “He told us he was ready. We have to trust that.”

A few members of staff were milling about the halls and they lowered their heads as the Kazekage and his wife passed. It was just after noon, in the middle of the week, and they’d left their offices to meet with the head of the academy; apparently there had been a fight at the athletic fields during lunch. Gaara had been precipitating a nervous sweat their entire walk there, thinking of all the things that had gotten him in trouble as a young man, whereas Sakura was more so reminded of the endearing way that her young teammates always found trouble for themselves.

“You’ll be fine,” she teased, nudging him with her elbow.

He nodded, taking a breath and regaining his usual composure. Again, he opened the office door for her, allowing his wife through first before closing it behind himself. The chief administrator got up to greet them and extended an offer to the seats across his desk.

“Please,” he said. “Have a seat. Thank you both for coming on such short notice.”

Sakura took her seat, poised and giving off an air of calm, and said, “Of course, thank you for calling us. Can you tell us about what happened?”

Gaara nodded for the man to begin, he wanted to get right the point, and his eyes slid to the side of the room where a young boy sat pouting with his arms crossed. He looked upset. Sakura leaned out from beside her husband and smiled at him, waving a little hello.

Shinki frowned and looked away.

Keeping his composure, Gaara’s pulse still raced through his chest. He’d been worried something like this might happen, he’d tried talking Shinki out of studying a year at the academy before assigning him a team. He was already so bright and incredibly skilled; he could have passed all the qualifying exams for his certifications with just a few months practice and without the hassle of attending the classes. But Shinki had wanted to give it a try, told him he wanted to be just like the normal kids, how could he tell him no after that? Though, Gaara had a sneaking suspicion it was actually because it was Riku’s first year at the academy.

When the administrator began retelling how the staff had discovered Shinki fighting with a classmate, the boy in question peeked over at the two that had been called to deal with him. Gaara sat composed and stone-faced, much as he always was, and even though Shinki had lived with them for quite some time now, he still found it difficult to get a read on him. Sakura was much more open with her emotions, she’d worn them on her sleeve since day one, and he could plainly see as her worry became more evident the longer the administrator talked.

He sighed, this was so stupid, he shouldn’t even be in trouble, there was nothing else he could have done and no other way he would have rather responded.

“As you know,” the man spoke in conclusion. “We take disputes among classmates very seriously. Having a healthy competition is one thing, but for interpersonal issues we’ve asked for the parents’ involvement.”

Gaara and Sakura nodded, agreeing that more discussion would be needed. Then, Sakura turned in her chair to better face Shinki and asked, “Is that what happened, Shinki?”

He hadn’t looked at her, but he did nod once, and he heard Gaara take a slow breath when he did. Shinki’s hand clenched his arm, he’d come to know some of the Kazekage’s darker past and how easily he could replicate those very same mistakes, and he swore he could feel that radiating disappointment now.

Sakura was talking with the administrator again. “Have you spoken with the other student?” They had, but the student had recalled nothing out of the ordinary and the fight being unprovoked. “So, he claimed no wrong doing?” There was twinge of disbelief in her voice, though – caught up in his thoughts and feeling the weight of his actions – Shinki hadn’t heard it.

“He’s lying,” he grumbled as he slouched deeper into his seat, his eyes glaring at the ground, the iron dusting over his clothes beginning to bristle.

Sakura then asked, “What was that?”

“He’s lying!” he snapped, the anger in his eyes lifting to her face only to be met with that same patient concern that always had him doubling back. He quickly looked away, his outbursts had been feeling more frustrating and misplaced these days, and they no longer helped him deal with his emotions.

Gaara spoke up then, and the patience in his voice gave Shinki a moment’s pause. “Then tell us what happened,” he advised. “Did he do something, or say something?” Gaara had hoped it wasn’t for the same minor infractions he used to send people to the hospital for, but if it was, they were actions he would only come to regret.

Shinki was quiet as he thought, wondering if his actions really had been justified as he thought them in the moment. Now, with three pairs of eyes staring him down, waiting for his answer, he was suddenly overcome with doubt. He’d made his classmate cry after all, and he was sure that he embarrassed him in front of his friends, likely hurting his own chances of finding any for himself, but then Shinki thought of Riku. He was still so young and the older kids could pick on him too easily, it’s why he wanted to go to the academy in the first place. He made no mistake that it would be tough for him, but he didn’t want Riku to go alone, he knew how much being alone sucked.

He grumbled something under his breath, arms still crossed in front of him, shoulders held up to his ears, that sour expression glaring daggers at the corner.

Sakura again had to encourage him, “Speak up, Shinki, and speak clearly.”

He’d gone a little pink in the face, embarrassed to have to say it again, but with his face turned from them he said, “He made fun of Riku for taking after our mom.”

Gaara’s steadying hand immediately found his wife’s knee as she quickly stifled a gasp. She was squeezing his hand then, her other covering her mouth though he could still hear her mutter Shinki’s last words. “Our mom.”

Shinki peaked over upon hearing the small sound she had made. Sakura’s ears had gone red and Gaara was clearly biting the inside of his lip just to keep his composure. The administrator was the most shocked to hear his reasons for starting a schoolyard brawl and asked, “He did what?”

“This makes sense now,” Gaara muttered, halfway relieved that Shinki hadn’t fought a kid for a no reason, and halfway more concerned that it meant his other son was getting teased for having the likeness of his mother.

“Goodness,” the man gaped from across the desk. “I’m so sorry, we had no idea – we’ll look into this right away.”

Sakura took a steady breath and cleared her throat. “That’s all right, I’d like to be connected with the parents first. We will discuss this with them.” The man agreed, apologetic to the very end, and he quickly gathered the contact information of the other parents and gave it to her.

“We’ll be keeping a close eye on things for the next few days,” the administrator assured them as they stood to go. “We’ll be in touch if anything else comes up. Thank you again for coming down right away.”

Sakura smiled and shook the man’s hand. “Anytime, have a nice afternoon.”

Gaara nodded to him and motioned for Shinki to get up and join them. He placed a hand on his shoulder as he led him out of the office, always struck with how small he still was, at how much weight rested on the shoulders of this child just as it had on his own.

Once the door had shut and they walked down the hall, Shinki watched as the two ahead of them led him out of the building. They walked side by side, in line as equals, and Gaara reached out to take his wife’s hand. She was grinning when she held out her hand, a peculiar expression given the conversation they’d just come from as he had thought that he would’ve immediately been in trouble. He thought they would’ve scolded him in front of the administrator, or maybe tried to ground him – little good that would do for a kid with no social life as it was – but he had desperately hoped they wouldn’t pull him from the academy.

He was nervous, incredibly so, but didn’t want to be blindsided later, and meagerly asked, “Um…Am I in trouble?”

The two stopped and turned to face him, no anger or disappointment in their eyes, just patience and an expression he couldn’t quite place, though it always made him feel better to be looked at that way. Gaara leaned down to face him at eye level, though his eyes were always avoidant, and he always had that guarded expression across his young face either way. “We’ll need to discuss this at home, and it is important to work out disputes through conversation rather than force.”

Sakura was knelt at his side then, her hands clutching his and gazing into his eyes with such flowery brightness that Shinki grimaced as he felt his face get hot. He averted his eyes. “You’re not in trouble, sweetheart,” she said, squeezing his fingers in her grasp. “And I’m so proud of you for wanting to stand up for your brother.”

He met her gaze only for a moment before looking to his hands held gently in her own. She always had such a considerate touch and never used any force, even though he had seen firsthand how powerful those unassuming hands could be. “You are?” he asked after a moment, his brow pulled together over his eyes.

Sakura nodded. “Of course, but we need to set a good example for Riku, he’ll be looking up to you, you know?”

Shinki felt a sharp pang in his chest and the twitch of his face expressed it. Now, for the first time, he was realizing what it was that he’d done wrong. He’d made a wrongful choice on behalf of someone close to him and tried to justify it by using the transgression against them as his own. It wasn’t that he’d hit his classmate, or embarrassed him to tears, he could always apologize for that; it was because of the example he’d set for someone younger and more impressionable.

In the light of his mistakes, Shinki felt his lower lip wobble but refused to shed a tear. Though, it was always hard to keep that hardened shell around him when surrounded by such unexpected patience and unfamiliar warmth, almost as if he really did have a family of his own now. “Yes, ma’am,” he muttered, his voice trembling a little before he wiped his nose on his sleeve.

Sakura’s hands moved to his shoulders, keeping him squared in front of her as she smiled a little and asked, “What? What was that?”

Shinki sighed, exasperated that she didn’t know when to quit, and avoided both her and Gaara’s eager eyes as he repeated with a different choice of words, “Yes, Mom.”

Thanks for reading!

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaceyJane

FanFiction: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2120361/WiccadBaltane0501

[windsweptinred]

The amount of fun and intrigue to be had with Desire and Unity's time in the Dreaming... I mean there's so many questions!

Did Lucienne just miss there was a Dream Vortex and an Endless running round the Dreamling? Did Unity or Desire keep them hidden? In an untouched little patch of the Dreaming while the rest crumbled? Or were they in 'The Land' with the remnant of Alianora playing happy families. A place complete outside of Dream/Lucienne's remit. Was the Dreaming so utterly destroyed because Dream was cut off? Or was a lot of that the fact there was a Vortex running rampent? Because Rose seemed to make quite a destructive impact every time she entered. Was Unity and Desire having a child the only thing that stopped reality as we know it from crumbling? Or did Unity's Vortex powers stay latent because the Dreaming was in shut down mode? Is the Vortex's destructive potential only an issue if Dream is there to 'kill' it...Because if so that's some funky ass universal law right there.

Unity was dreaming for a century. Was she aware it was a dream or not? Did time pass normally or not, did life progress just like the real world... Did they age? Did the random dream logic stuff just get dismissed as you do in a dream. And then you wake up and realise that's why there were mythical creatures frolicking round the supermarket. Or was she lucid Dreaming? Was it pretty evident Desire was some kind of supernatural entity early on and they were living in magic land? Did Unity just call Desire 'my man' because she didn't have a word for what they are... You can't blame a turn of the century girl for not knowing correct gender pronouns after all.

Netflix has added an entire new generation due to extending Dreams imprisonment to 2022. We now have Desire and Unity's 'beautiful baby girl' mother of Miranda. I mean, did they accomplish what Hector and Lyta Hall tried to do and have and raise a baby in the Dreaming? Was the baby born in both the Dreaming and reality? Because Unity seems distinctly aware of her on a personal level. Did this daughter spend her days with adopted parents and nights with Desire and Unity? What happens when thier little girl dies in the real world?

Did they get married in this dream life? Is it cosmically legally binding? Was Despair invited?.. I mean, obviously Destiny would know. Did he come? He seems pretty up on formalities. Wait... Did he marry them? Do they have some weird little group pact going on not to mention it because they know how serverly in deep sh*t they are if Death ever finds out. 😆

And how does it end? Desire has settled into this dream life, Has this lovely little, utterly intriguing human, descendants, is merrily playing happy families in big brothers realm. They're possessive of them... If not, dare we use the word attached...Even possibly, 'loves' whether they admit it or not. Then one day, completely out of no where... Unity wakes up. Dream's free. It's over. No warning, it's ripped from them. The moment Dream gets everything back, Desire looses it all. And they can do absolutely nothing about it, unless they're prepared to admit to a whole lot of wrongs and beg forgiveness. Worse, Unity is now back in the real world and her time is officially counting down toward her meeting their sister. You can just imagine how Desire in this emotional situation is going to act...There's so many ways you could read their following actions. How do they go about getting their happy ending when it so heavily relies on Dream?

This is such an unexplored part of Netflix's lore with so much potential!