#depending on how generous you are being i suppos

[eraserisms]

Shota + Harmful Coping Mechanisms

While Shota does have a lot of coping strategies that are considered to be seen as normal and healthy, there is always the other side of the coin. He has a lot of bad ones as well. Shota doesn't depend on all of these strategies into his late twenties and into his thirties, but a reoccurring theme that you will find on this blog is that progress isn't always linear. Just because people occasionally slip back into bad habits, doesn't mean that they aren't getting better or not learning from their experiences. In fact, I believe that stumbling is a big part of making any sort of progress. Having the ability to shake it off and get back on the horse is crucial to self growth and it's best to learn how to do it early. In some cases, I find that those who don't make mistakes along the way tend to fall and they fall hard when they do have some sort of relapse. A majority of Shota's negative coping strategies were born out of Shota's survivor's guilt surrounding Shirakumo's death & other mental illnesses. His strategies are primarily of a self-destructive nature & primarily consist of avoidance techniques.

Over-exercising:

We see in Vigilantes that after Oboro's death that Shota throws himself into training and focusing on improving his skills & technique. While exercise can be something healthy and a good way to spend pent up energy, that isn't how Shota utilizes it. While in school, more often than not Shota would train until he dropped or even push himself to the point of throwing up. This was done for two reasons; he wanted to make sure he didn't suffer the same fate as Oboro & If Shota was too fatigued, he couldn't spend his time ruminating about what he went through. This also falls under the category of risky behaviors. There has been more than one occasion that Shota has injured himself by overdoing it. Shota will do this on occasion as a means to try to improve or become stronger, but he has a much healthier mentality around it as he gets older. I also wanted to mention that exercise is a double-edged sword for Shota as I wrote here [1].

Over-working:

This is a strategy that Shota still uses to current day. It is something that goes hand-in-hand with the over exercising. Shota might not have as many jobs as Hizashi but Shota works as a hero and as a teacher. I also have mentioned that Shota does spend a lot of his time helping people around his neighborhood as well [2]. If Shota has worked himself to exhaustion, he is unable to think about things that are bothering him.

Promiscuity

The reason why I added sex to one of his negative strategies is partially due to Shota being demisexual and having a strong preference for men. This is where the self-destruction comes into play again. Although Shota doesn't know what demisexuality is [3], at the very least Aizawa knows he rather sleep with someone while being in a meaningful relationship vs. having a one night stand. Does Shota feel good in the moment? Sure. Does he feel like shit immediately after? Nearly every time. He knows that it won't make him feel better, but it serves as a great distraction. It is important to know that his promiscuity falls not only the umbrella of avoidance strategies, but also falls under the category of risky behaviors. Not all of his interactions could have been considered exactly safe or sane, and sometimes Shota could find himself in the beds of some seedy individuals. A lot of encounters he had were unprotected. If his partner was okay with forgoing a condom, Shota was too. There also was a reason why I mentioned Shota's preference for men. He did have a lot of one night stands during during this period of his life and at the time, Shota didn't care what the gender/sex of his one night stand was. In general, it was easier for Shota to find a female participant over a man and Shota was willing to sleep with whoever was willing. This is also why I am open to roleplaying with people who have OCs that are supposed to be a child that Shota doesn't know about[4]. It is very possible that Shota does have a child that he is unaware of. This isn't something that he really does much at all as an older adult. He may have a one night stand when he has an itch to scratch, but it isn't something that he abuses. He is a lot more selective about who he does hook up with and with his hero career and being a teacher, it's difficult to find the time even if he wanted to.

Substance Abuse

Alcohol is something that Shota depended on regularly as an older teenager and into his early twenties. If Shota didn't have any obligations the next day, he would spend his nights drinking. Sometimes, heavy drinking is how how Shota found his way into a stranger's bed. He was rather dependent on it for a while but eventually decided to get sober. Alcohol is something that he sometimes uses as a crutch when he is having a really bad time, but he doesn't get black out drunk like he has in the past. He can imbibe in moderation and is content with drinking socially. Marijuana is rather difficult to find in Japan due to the country's strict drug polices. But that doesn't mean that it's impossible to find either. With Shota being an underground hero, it was something that was easy for him to obtain. Shota has dealt with a lot of illegal drug trafficking with his undercover work. From time to time Shota would have to partake as a means to keep himself safe and undercover. Whenever Shota could avoid using drugs with criminals, he would. But being off the clock was a different story. If Shota was alone and holed up in his apartment, he would smoke here and there to help ease his mind. Shota snuffed out this habit completely before he decided to take his position at UA and this isn't something he does present day. Cigarettes are bad, everyone knows that. As a pre-teen, Shota was against smoking and that had partly to do with his father's own addiction. Shota could never understand why Aizawa Sr. was a smoker in light of the fact that he was a nurse [5]. After Oboro's death, Shota ended up picking up the habit and finally had come to an understanding as to why his father is a smoker. It has been something that Shota has been unable to put down and has become something that they bond over now. If Shota is at home and his dad is on the porch smoking, Shota usually follows after.

Positive Coping Strategies:

Part I Part II

[simcardiac-arrested]

BARNHAM THATS THE FUCKER! thank you. i didnt know he had a first name. i hope this was a fun exercise for you or something. as uhh reward or something idk. i dont quite really have something i can just go grab to give you. so heres a free space to ramble about a character from those games you like.

fuck yes free pass to autism. anyway i like both trucy and maya so i think i will talk about their parallels. they are both young girls at the start of their respective games and they go through So Fucking Much it’s incredible. but they still stay strong despite it all. maya loses her older sister at the ripe age of 17 and now has to live up to all these expectations of being a perfect spirit medium and perfect adult and now she has to be the head of the fey clan and master her technique. But she sucks balls at it all. obviously. she only has nick and pearl in her corner but that doesn’t even really help because all the time she feels like she’s failing them, like she’s not enough. she always tries to handle things on her own even if it’s to her own detriment. she defines her worth by her powers and her usefulness, and when she’s in court she feels like a waste when she’s next to nick. because he knows so much. he knows what he’s doing, he clearly doesn’t need her there. but the thing is that half the cases—hell, most of the cases in the whole ace attorney series would not have been able to be solved without maya. and yes, of course her powers are useful in solving cases, but that is not what i mean. i mean without maya. without her determination, because when nick gives up she Doesn’t. without her quick thinking, because when nick falters she Acts. without her strength, because maya is seriously So Fucking Strong. when her sister dies and she gets accused of murdering her, it’s devastating, but she doesn’t lose herself and she tries to help nick solve the case as much as possible. when her aunt betrays her and she is accused of murder again she is strong enough to stay collected despite everything. when she gets kidnapped it is quite possibly the worst few days of her life, and yet she never stops fighting, both for herself and for her family. and she always stays positive, always the light of everyone’s life—when she’s gone nick’s world practically crumbles. she is his anchor, and he couldn’t have gotten anywhere without her. On the other hand we have trucy, who technically becomes an orphan when she’s like, what, 8? 9? and that’s when nick takes her in, but that’s also when nick loses his damn job. and even though i’m sure nick has taken good care of her and loved her like no one else, i can’t imagine how it was like growing up for her. or no—i can, at least a little. because trucy is cagey. self dependent. strong. basically a full fledged adult at the age of only 15/16. she had to stay strong for her dad, obviously. couldn’t make him worry about anything. couldn’t make anyone worry about anything. when we see her in the game she is silly, whimsical, seemingly without a care in the world, seemingly not understanding the gravity of any given situation. but she understands it better than most. she knows how to be serious, how to be strong, she just does it in her own subtle ways. and she is definitely not stupid. she is one of the smartest characters in the games, even if we don’t take into account her ability to detect lies. she’s great at reading people and judging situations. she’s good at navigating life in general, all on her own. of course she still appreciates her dad, she still loves him, but the life of a daughter with a jobless single father who isolated himself from everyone for 7 years has not done her a lot of favors. just like maya, she is also the light of nick’s life, his second anchor, his most important person. and just like maya, trucy never allows herself to be weak, to be open, to be not enough. never allows herself to make others worry about her or, god forbid, pity her. just like maya, she is everyone’s support, everyone’s comic relief, everyone’s reliable adult in all but actual age. So anyway if capcom had let me work on ace attorney 4: apollo justice all these years ago i would’ve actually made trucy and maya interact on screen

[blondrichclosetwitch]

But in our darkest hour, I stumbled on a secret power

Tarot Reader’s curse lifting 5/2/17

Tarot reader, drop in.

Tarot reader, drop in.

Tarot reader, drop in.

(Pause, waiting)

(For the record according to the tapes, I spoke to the Tarot Reader the first time April 28. And by May 2 I was being told she needed me to lift her generational curses in her family. But she was also telling me a bunch of fucked up stuff she had done to me & Stella & Jakk, so I was beyond mad.)

yes? What? (I sound a little bratty here; i’m making hot water for tea. I had started to get sick. I called to the cat.Low lights by Kanye starts to play.)

(channeling now what I’m being told by the Tarot Reader, speaking as her. They had me channel for people a couple times. Apparently all this is either me to her, or one of us talking to “God”. Though I don’t remember too many details about it, I do know she told me that we were God’s twin daughters, and that I was the light one and she was the dark one.)

(Tinka As tarot reader) Hello. (vocal change in the voice, more sexy and sultry) I suppose you want me to approach the bench.

(Pause)

I can’t even… You’re pointing out The trees…..?or the sun? The sun is setting. Is that your point? That the sun is setting? The sun is setting on me you mean?

hmmm. Hadn’t thought of it that way. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. I mean, it depends on who you talk to. (She coughs.) Some people think I’m doing fine. I’m busy, with clients. I have a good name for myself. I have lots of dresses. I have a huge following.

My bills are paid on time. I have a nice apartment. I always have money.

I eat out pretty much every day. I’m doing fine. I’m doing very well. I visit Al‘s grave almost every day.

What?

I’ve been spending a lot of time obsessing about my sister?

How do you know? Have you been paying attention? I didn’t know you were paying any attention to me. (She coughs again.) Well… Ohhhhh, you want me to talk about it.

Well… she came on my radar… Number one I have to admit I’m high.

*I’ve been doing a lot of Coke and I’ve been high all day. I’ve been doing lines all day and drinking while she’s been… Learning all this shit. Because… I can’t deal with anything sober… cause like I knew it was gonna come out, and she’s learning shit pretty fast. Like she gets stuff much faster than I thought she was going to. I thought it was kind enough to be just kind of fun to fuck with her? It’s not really that fun… It’s pretty scary actually. To get into her brain and hear like what she’s able to get because she knows what’s up.

*And when I hear it told, it makes me feel pretty bad. Because it makes me realize that like, honestly if we’re just talking off the record, number one, I went too far. And I probably… Should be in a mental… (laughs)Home, for what I did. Like it’s… Fucked, OK? There is very few people who know what’s going on, you know how secretive I am and how secretive I’ve always been. But you know, I get people to believe what I want them to believe, and do what I want them to do, and that they don’t even know that I’m getting them to do it.

(As tinka to the tarot reader) Dude, how high are you, Jesus! How high are you? You’re really high. Aren’t you? Are you just on Coke? Just cocaine? I might as well just DO drugs, I’m so high right now. I mean I have some, it just would be better than being half-high!

I have to take the fur coat off I can’t wear it it’s it’s too hot.

(The day before when the Tarot Reader spoke to me for three hours, there were two for coats left on the street that she told me to bring home. I carried them I think 18 blocks, along with some heavy books she had me buy at the vintage store on Manhattan Avenue. the light colored fur coat was for Blond and the dark brown one which was full length was for the Tarot Reader.)

They’re here if I want them. Because she’s so high that I am burning up right now. Jesus. (For some reason, I would often feel people’s stuff: I would shake or feel fucked up, if they were fucked up.)

*(Speaking as the TR again) all right so I’m supposed to repent my sins. I… Got stuck on… I have this love-hate thing with my twin sister. She didn’t even know that we were twins, and I started doing spell work on her even before she knew I existed. Her name is Tinka, and I started to do, like, attraction spells to pull her to me, and before long, I became her Tarot Reader, and… And I started to learn as much about her life as possible. I did a spell before she came to me.

She came onto my radar in August 2012 which was when she got pregnant.

(As tinka) my body is tensing up, is it because you’re doing cocaine?!

(as Tarot Reader again) So she came on my radar when she got pregnant. I sensed that she got pregnant, I sensed the pregnancy right away.. And so I started…

(Tinka, exasperated)Come on you guys you gotta make this easy. Oh God. I I’m too tired to do this, I’m too tired. Let’s just go over what we know about the Tarot Reader and what she needs done. Which is that… Is that she did a spell that caused me to get hit by a car, she taught Blond all the spells… that she performed on… She taught Blond all the spells.

This is what kills me, this is what kills me. That it was her who taught Blond… she taught my enemy. The TR taught my enemy, the woman who kept saying to me to my face, she kept saying to me that Jakk was my beloved but she was behind my back teaching Blond spells to use on me. Including including… The car?

Including the fight. So you are a fucking liar. You are pretty much the scum of the earth. Wow. You are pretty much… Every single session we did together was lies. You were feeding me lies. Well you know what, you’re going to pay me for every single session that we did. You’re going to PayPal me tonight, do you hear me? For every single session that we did. Or I’m going to go on Facebook right now and write an expose about what you did, do you understand me? Word for Word write what you did.

So every single… How many sessions, I did a session with you every single month, and I was scraping… I was paying you instead of paying rent. I was paying rent late so I could pay you. And You were knifing me in the back.

(Real friends is playing in the background.)

Do you know what, you have no real friends.

And you are the lowliest person in the world, and you killed the person I loved the most in the world. You knew that I loved her more than anyone in the world.(to God) she knew I loved her more than Jack, or than my mom, more than anyone. More than the baby I gave up, and she killed her. She killed her to kill me. (I haven’t gotten to this tape yet, I think it’s alluded to on one I already put up, but whether this is the Tarot Reader or someone pretending to be the tarot reader, she told me that she created Stella, and that she was responsible for her Death. Which had me In hysterics.

I did work with her monthly for a year and a half, I do know her a bit, and I stand by that I know she does deep work, and she definitely knows how to lie to your face, but I don’t think she would go to this level. She might do a working to break me and Jakk up and make me go crazy to pay her bills, but she would be very careful of her reputation while doing it. she’s a witch of few words, let’s put it that way. The way the storyline went day after day, drama after drama, this doesn’t really seem her style. She’s more the type to burn you a candle and make you a doll and hex your enemy. Not write dialogue day after day for months. )

Cuz she was so angry that it wasn’t enough to kill Stella, to make Jakk marry Blond, to have me be hit by a car, to drive me crazy, to take so much money from me and convince me that she was my healer… You know what? I’m gonna take this fucking tape is what I’m gonna do and I’m gonna publish it.

There you go.

You want your curse line lifted? Who puts a spell on a nine-year-old girl to have her killed? To hurt a 46-year-old woman that you have past lives with? Who is that vindictive? Or who is that stuck on money power and glory?(The tape is at 36:36 at this point.)

Who is that stuck in the dark? That they subject someone’s lover to Satanic ritual abuse?

(Pause)

Are we done with your sins yet? Cause I’m pretty done with you. And you are sending me that money tonight.

(The second half is a super long curse line clearing. It’s about half an hour & massively repetitive where it talks about how demons attach to the natural father or mother. And then I finish the tape with reading a poem I ended all rituals with. That said, the asterisked paragraphs were what made me realize that often people will blend fiction with their own confessions that some shadow part of them are dying to make. )

[drunkoctopusinc]

Saw this on Instagram and not gonna lie- it kinda bugged me. Some of these points are accurate, some I disagree with but I see the argument for, others are out and out wrong. Usually the inaccuracies are due to purpously inflammatory phrasing, which is understandable since its a meme but the issues are to important for the language to stand fully uncriticed. Basically, I know it’s just a meme but I wanna pick it apart since this stuff is important and quite frankly I’m a little bored.

“Total support for Isreal”

This is true of the official platforms for each party. That being said I think it’s important to note you will find Democratic candidates and office holders with more moderated views on Isreal and (increasingly so) candidates who strongly support Palestine. There is no such moderation or diversity of opinion on the Republican side. If you want to cast your vote for someone who doesn’t support Isreal you might find that in a Democrat especially in the House of Reps, so be sure to look up your local candidates because they might surprise you on this one.

“Do Wall Streets bidding”

Wall Street is basically begging for Dodd-Frank to be repealed, and no Democrat is gonna do that. A Democratic administration created the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, and since 2010 there have been 3 separate bills introduced by Democrats to improve/reinstate the Glass-Steagall Act. (The most recent was a bi-patrician bill sponsored by Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), John McCain (R-AZ), Maria Cantwell (D-WA), and Angus King (I-ME)) I understand how a lack of success can make it feel like Democrats are just doing Wall Street’s bidding, but that’s not the case. There are certainly differences in the level of regulation Democrats are asking for, but the broad strokes is Democrats want regulations put on Wall Street, while Republicans believe Wall Street can be trusted to do whatever they want.

“Unlimited Military Spending”

Much to my chagrin, this is true. Regardless of party affiliation it’s good for any elected official to say they brought jobs to the district, and more fighter jets mean more jobs building fighter jets. No one wants to rock that boat.

“Hostility to Russia, Iran, & China”

This one has multiple parts with varing degrees of debatablity. For Russia the Obama Administration tried to soften relations but Putin basically responded “No thanks Toots” and proceeded to violated Ukraine’s sovrienty, back a dictator using chemical weapons on his own people, and meddle in our elections. Basically the Dems tried but it’s a two way street and Russia’s gotta be on board too. Meanwhile Trump and the Republicans seem to be fine with Russia paying militants to kill Americans and undermining democratic norms in the 2016 US elections as well as a bunch of other European elections so seems like they want to get along with Russia whatever it fucking takes. So I’d say there’s a pretty big difference on that one.

Regarding Iran, there’s not much difference between Democrats and Republicans. Both are skeptical about Iran and don’t want to risk the alliances we have with other middle eastern nations in order to tighten bonds with Iran. HOWEVER, the Iran Nuclear Treaty was a huge step forward in calming tensions which damn near every democrat supported. And the Republicans basically yeeted it into the sun for no good reason. So at least democrats don’t want to make shit worse with Iran. As for China 100% hositlites would have remained the same with a Dem and probably most Republicans. But at the moment Republicans support an active trade war with China which is only making our relations with them worse. So for both Iran and China the Dems gotta get at least some points for not wanting to make shit worse.

“Full Spectrum Dominance.”

Yes. Both parties want the US to a strong political and economic force on the world stage without any major foreign threats. (TBH I struggle to see the problem with this because that dominance could be used to give every nation wi-fi and tasty cookies just easily as to perpetuate rampant injustice especially when its so vauge as to what they mean by Full Spectrum Dominance. But I don’t have nothing against you if you don’t want the US to persue dominance as goal.)

“Let Money Rule politics”

Campaign finance reform is a complicated issue because there isn’t 1 clear answer for how to do it. Campaigning costs a lot of money and candidates have to get that money somehow, unfortunately there isn’t really an answer for how it needs to be done that can’t in some way be attacked for not going far enough or not solving the real problem. So while Democrats generally try to find solutions and create reform, it is perfectly understandable and reasonable to feel they aren’t actually solving anything. However I think it’s important note (given how important this years election is) that Joe Biden has been very consistent on voting for campaign finance reform for the past 40 years, even going so far as to create a system of public funding for congressional elections in the early 90s. So if this is a high priority issue for you Joe Biden has a strong record on it.

“Neoliberalism Rocks!”

I’ve found online the term “neoliberalism” is used to describe such a wide range of policies it’s becoming less and less clear exactly what a person means by saying “neoliberalism.” So how accurate this claim is really depends on how you define “neoliberal.” That caveats aside, traditionally both parties have their neoliberal cohorts, and they do wield a far bit of power since they usually are the “deal makers” who talk more with the other side and create the compromises which get broad enough support to pass. However, the Republican Party has been drifting away from neoliberal policies for some time and has been completely sprinting away from them since trump was elected. For example here are some policies self described neoliberals love which recent republicans have taken a massive shit on; Free Trade, easier immigration, and a carbon tax. Neoliberals are inherently in the middle so yes both parties have neoliberal segments (Bill Clinton, Bush Senior for example) but Republicans are rapidly running further and further right, so if not already accurate to say “Neoliberals universally identify as democrats” it will be soon.

“Spy on Everyone!”

This is a bit hyperbolic but yeah mostly. While there are officals on both sides who want to stop or at least curb the survalince state when talking about the respective parties as a whole there aren’t big differences on changing this, at least not public ones.

“Screw the Old and the Poor!”

This one is just so wildly overstated as to be impossible to really discuss/debate effectively. I could say this is false because both parties agree we should strive to eleminate poverty but they differ on how. I could also say this is true because neither party has proposed a solution which would actually help end poverty, or I could say this is false because the Democratic platform includes issues like raising the minimum wage and expanding the social safety net which will help the poorest Americans. There’s no way to really analyze for accuracy because its so broad and emotional that it’s really more of an opinion statement than anything. (To be clear, there’s nothing inherently wrong with such a statement. In many ways they are critical to the nations broader political discussion. it just doesn’t lend itself to what I’m looking to do with this post and I felt it would have been dismissive to just say “it’s an emotional argument so I don’t care”) The only substantive thing I can say here which still fits into my general structure is no candidate wants to do anything against old people because old people vote in big numbers. It’s the reason despite talk of cutting medicare and social security Republicans haven’t actually tried anything substantial on those issues.

“Oligarchy not democracy”

This is another one that gets caught up in definition. If you use the strictest definition of democracy and a broad definiton of Oligarchy then yes this is right but otherwise it really depends on how you define oligarchy. The majority of Americans have the right to vote, thus they have a say in what our government does. This would generally meet the most common definition of democracy and neither party wants to change that (at least not officially.) there is no bi partisan call for the wealthiest 1% or even the wealthiest 10% of Americans to have exclusive control over our governance. Of course that’s the most inflammatory version of this statement, and I doubt that’s what the person who wrote it was saying. The more likely definition of oligarchy this person was using is a government where an elite class hold a disproportionate share of political power rather all political power. In which case it’s very very hard to agrue the US isn’t an oligarchy. I mean even if we put aside the more heavily debated question of how strongly political power and money are, I think everyone would agree my senator has more political power than I do. Plus, the founders didn’t want “mob rule” they were terrified of a populist leader rising up, so they didn’t create a pure democracy. Instead they made republic, which one could argue is simultaneously an oligarchy and a democracy. This means when anyone looks to maintain the current american system even in the broadest strokes it could be agrued they’re supporting oligarchy over democracy. However you could just as easily argue they’re supporting democracy. The line between oligarchy and democracy aren’t as clear as we’d like them to be. (And of course when you bring the “how strongly are political power and money connected” debate back into the picture it only gets more obscured). Now, to finally get to my point, the degree to which the US is an oligarchy is unclear and so is the degree to which each party supports maintaining the oligarchical elements. However I think saying that either party doesn’t support democracy is inaccurate. BUT I also think it is vital that we recognize under Trump the Republican Party has tolerated repeated undermining of our democratic system risking serious and dangerous backsliding into totalitarianism. The Democratic Party has not engaged in this backsliding at all and has fought against it as much as they can, and you absolutely must understand that as you vote this fall.

“Vive US imperialism!”

Yeah this is pretty much spot on. I mean I don’t think either political party is looking to conquer Cuba or to steal Baja California from Mexico but yeah the bulk of people in each party are at the very least not invested in reducing what has been called “Neo-imperialism” which is almost certainly what this statement is referring to, so while I could get this on the technically but that would be disingenuous.

“outlaw third parties”

Third parties are legal. No one wants to make them illegal, the constitution also wouldnt let them. The problem is our voting system makes third parties mathematically unstrategic. You could argue they are functionally unallowed and there’s no insensitive for either party to change that so the idea here isn’t to far off, but outlawing third parties is such a bold claim, and that mathy disadvantage is drastically reduced in local races. So if you support a third party or want to create a third party, go for it. Just know that your efforts will be best spent starting local.

“Crush the left”

Pretty sure “the left” here means self described socialists and further left in which case yes. the establishment of both parties are still scared by the s-word and even worse the c-word because no one wants to be the USSR. But there are loads of people who would define the left as the democrats and the Democratic Party doesn’t want to crush Democratic Party. (It doesn’t mean to be a self destructive idiot but sometimes it just can’t help itself) so again I know what they’re going for here but little astrisk for other people might not.

“Regime change is cool.”

If regime change was something both parties liked there would be US troops in Venezuela right now. The oldest Democrats might not be out and out against all regime change but no democrat (and plenty of Republicans quiet frankly) want to repeat the Iraq War. When it comes to regime change worse case something democrats and republicans disagree on and best case something they both agree is bad.

TL;DR- there are key differences between the political parties, regardless of what a meme might say. It’s not the 90s anymore so those differences are pretty big and only getting bigger. To each there own on who and what they support, so do your research and learn which party and which candidates best represents your values.

PS- if it’s Donald Trump go jump of a bridge.

[kanapt]

The response is just so overwhelmingly beautiful (last paragraphs) that I had to post this. Dear Sugar, I was raised in the very conservative, Christian “deep south,” where I’ve discovered that my life has been sheltered from the views and lifestyles in other areas of the country.Our town has a population of about 6,000. The whole county has less than 30,000. The Internet has been a real eye opener, to say the least. I accidentally found your column and was fascinated. I know that people are pretty much the same everywhere, but in the south people tend to keep things out of the public eye. Especially concerning sex and relationships. I have very much enjoyed reading your columns because they are honest, blunt and give me a new perspective on the lives of others that I normally wouldn’t see or hear. Yes, the “Southern Culture” you’ve always heard about is alive and well in the 21st century. I am a professional in a real estate related field and I own my own business. I’ve been married for 20+ years and have four children. The first half of my marriage was what I considered utopia but we’ve grown apart over the last ten years or so. Now it seems that we simply cohabitate peacefully, similar to siblings. Neither of us is happy, but we stay together for the kids. Several years ago, I was involved in an accident that damaged my spine. I was told by a neurosurgeon that operating wouldn’t help and he referred me to a pain management clinic. Now I am hopelessly addicted to the pain meds. In my youth, I experimented with drinking and drugs. Much of that was spurred on by the suicide of an older sibling. I never had a problem as far as addiction though. Now, I take a month’s supply of some very strong pain meds in about seven to ten days then I crash and have to beg or borrow from others to make it to the next appointment. I know that these drugs will end up turning my liver into a rock if I don’t accidentally overdose first. I know that I have a serious problem. When the economy went bad, so did business and we ended up losing our health insurance. I no longer have employees, so if I don’t work every day, we don’t eat. Rehab is realistically impossible. I can’t depend on my wife for support and don’t have any other family anywhere close. I feel totally alone except for my children. I tried everything I could think of from prayer to “cold turkey.” I simply don’t have the discipline to follow through. I’ve come to depend on the drugs mentally as much or more than physically. I depend on the drugs to help me deal with the lack of work and income as well as dealing with a loveless marriage. Couple that with the loss of my dear mother a year and a half ago and soon thereafter, one of my best friends to cancer. Now I have begun to have problems with depression and suicidal thoughts that I’m sure are related to the meds as much as the economy or anything else. The choices I see are: 1. Continue like I have been, knowing that there is a good chance that it will kill me. 2. Find a way to go to rehab and lose the house and business (my wife doesn’t work). 3. Go to AA/NA meetings in this small town. This would almost surely ruin what’s left of my business. I hope you can see some other options because I just don’t see any of the ones I’ve listed working out. Please be honest, blunt and give me a new perspective on my multifaceted problem. Thank you, Ruler of a Fallen Empire Dear Ruler of a Fallen Empire, I’m terribly sorry for your misfortune. You listed the three options you believe you have, but really they all say the same thing: that you believe you’re fucked before you begin. I understand why you feel this way, sweet pea. Your convergence of physical pain, drug addiction, financial woe, no health insurance, and an unhappy marriage is truly daunting. But you don’t have the luxury of despair. You can find a way to overcome these difficulties and you must. There aren’t three options. There is only one. As Rilke says, “You must change your life.” You have the capacity to do that, Ruler. It seems impossible now, but you aren’t thinking clearly. The drugs and desperation and depression have muddled your head. If there is only one thought that you hold in your mind right now, please let it be that one. It was that thought that got me out of my own drug/money/love disaster several years ago. Someone I trusted told me what to do when I couldn’t think right for myself and listening to him saved my life. You say that you don’t have the “discipline to follow through” when it comes to kicking your addiction, but you do. It’s that you can’t do it alone. You need to reach out for help. Here’s what I think you should do: 1. Talk to a medical doctor at your pain management clinic and tell him or her that you’ve become addicted to your pain medication and also that you’re depressed and broke. Tell the whole story. Don’t conceal anything. You aren’t alone. You have nothing to be ashamed of, hon. I know your first instinct is to lie to your doctor, lest he or she cut off your drug supply, but don’t trust that instinct. That’s the instinct that will ruin your life and possibly kill you. Trust the man inside you who you really are and if you can’t do that, trust me. Your doctor can help you safely taper off of the drug to which you’ve become addicted, prescribe an alternative, non-addictive drug, refer you to drug addiction treatment programs and/or psychological counseling, or all of the above. 2. Perhaps your doctor knows of a drug treatment program available to you at no cost, but if this isn’t an option, I implore you to attend an NA meeting (or an AA meeting, if that’s what’s available in your town). Of course you’re afraid of being judged and condemned. Some people will judge and condemn you, but most won’t. Our minds are small, but our hearts are big. Just about every one of us has fucked up at one point or another. You’re in a pickle. You did things you didn’t hope to do. You have not always been your best self. This means that you’re like the rest of us. I’ve never been in a humiliating situation when I wasn’t shocked by all the “normal” people who were also in the very same humiliating position. Humans are beautifully imperfect and complex. We’re horny, ass-saving, ego-driven, drug fiends, among other, more noble things. I think you’ll be comforted when you go the AA/NA meeting and see how many have problems similar to yours—including people you assumed would not. Those people will help you heal yourself, darling. They’ll support you as you face this addiction. And they’ll do it for free. I know a lot of people who have transformed their lives thanks to those meetings. Not one of them thought they were the “AA/NA type” before they went. They knew that they were smarter or more sophisticated or less religious or more skeptical or less strung out or more independent than all those other hopeless freaks who went to AA or NA. They were all wrong. You worry that your business will be ruined if word gets around that you’re attending meetings. I think people are more generous than you’re imagining—yes, even in the “very conservative, Christian ‘deep south.’” But, Ruler, even if you’re right, what’s the alternative? Your addiction and depression will only deepen if you continue on this path. Would you rather have your business go down because you did or because you live among a community of punishing jackasses? 3. Talk to your wife and tell her about your addiction and your depression. This might be the first item on the list or the last—I can’t gauge from your letter. Will your wife be an important advocate for you as you make the initial reach for help or will she be more supportive if you tell her after you’ve made a few positive changes on your own? Either way, I imagine she’ll feel betrayed to learn that you’ve been concealing your addiction from her, and eventually relieved that she knows the truth. You say your marriage is “loveless” and perhaps you’re correct that your relationship has come to its natural end, but I’d like you to consider the notion that you aren’t the best judge of that right now. You’re a psychologically distressed drug addict with four kids, no health insurance, uncertain business prospects and a pile of bills. I wouldn’t expect your marriage to be thriving. I doubt you’ve been an excellent partner in recent years and it doesn’t sound like your wife has either. But that the two of you have managed—after your ten happy years together—to roll on for another ten “peaceably,” in spite of the enormous stress you’re under, is an accomplishment that you mustn’t fail to recognize. It may indicate that the love you once shared isn’t dead. Perhaps you can re-build your marriage. Perhaps you can’t. Either way, I encourage you to see. 4. Make a financial plan, even if that plan is an anatomy of a disaster. You cite money as the reason you can’t go into rehab, or even to AA/NA meetings, but surely you know that the financial repercussions will be far worse if you continue on your present course. Everything is at stake, Ruler. Your children. Your career. Your marriage. Your home. Your life. If you need to spend some money to cure yourself, so be it. The only way out of a hole is to climb out. After you consult with your doctor and see what options are available to you, and after you have a heart-to-heart with your wife about your situation, sit down with her and have a discussion about money in which everything is on the table. Perhaps you qualify for public assistance. Perhaps your wife can get a job, either temporarily or permanently. Perhaps you can get a loan from a friend or family member. Perhaps things won’t seem so dire once you make the first steps in the direction of healing and you’ll be able to maintain your job while you recover. I know you feel panicked about your financial standing because you have four children to support, but every choice you’re currently making is hurting your cause. The only way for you to support your family financially is to get yourself together. Your letter appeared in my inbox a couple of days after my last column ran. It was so hard for me to stick to my word to take a break from being Sugar so I could write like a motherfucker on my book under my real name because I felt urgently that you needed advice. I thought of you every day. I sent you the inexplicable version of love I feel for those who write to me. I kept imagining your despair. Your words about there being no way out of your situation rang through my mind, especially as I worked and reworked a scene that I wasn’t sure I should keep in my book. It was about the year I lived in Brooklyn when I was 24. I shared an apartment with a man who was then my husband in a building that was mostly empty. Below us there was a bodega; above us a couple who got into raging fights in the middle of the night. The rest of the building—though full of apartments—was unoccupied for reasons that were never clear to me. I spent my days alone writing in the apartment while my husband worked his job as an assistant to someone who appeared to be in the mafia. In the evenings I worked as a waitress. “Did you hear something strange?” my husband asked me one night when I got home from work. “Hear something?” I asked. “Behind the walls,” he said. “I heard something earlier and I wondered if you heard it too, while you were alone today.” “I didn’t hear anything,” I said. But the next day I did. Something behind the walls, and then from the ceiling. Something close, then distant, then close again, then gone. I didn’t know what it was. It sounded awful. Like a baby who was extremely discreet. Its keen had the weight of a feather, the velocity of a dried leave falling from a tree. It could have been nothing. It could have been me. It was the exact expression of the sound my insides were making every time I thought of my life and how I needed to change it and how impossible that seemed. “I heard something,” I told my husband that night. He went to the wall and touched it. There was nothing there. It was silent. “I think we’re imagining things,” he said and I agreed. But the sound kept coming and going, all through December, impossible to define or reach. Christmas came and we were all alone. The people who probably belonged to the mafia gave my husband a bonus. We spent it on tickets to the opera in way-back seats. It was Mozart’s “The Magic Flute.” “I keep hearing it,” I said to my husband on the subway home. “The sound behind the walls.” “Yeah,” he said. “Me too.” On New Year’s Day we woke at seven to a yowling. We jumped out of bed. The sound was the same one we’d been hearing for three weeks, but it wasn’t discreet anymore. It was coming very clearly from the ceiling of our bedroom closet. My husband immediately got a hammer and started pounding away at the plaster with the claw end, chipping it in great chalky chunks that fell over our clothes. Within ten minutes, he’d clawed almost the entire closet ceiling away. We didn’t care that we were ruining the place. We knew only that we had to get to the source of that sound, which had stopped during the pounding. Once there was no more closet ceiling to claw away, we went silent and stared up into the mysterious black innards of the building. At first it seemed there was nothing—that the horrible sound-maker had again gone away or perhaps we really had imagined it—but a moment later two emaciated kittens appeared, coming to peer down at us from the jagged edge of the hole. They were the strangest things I’ve ever seen. So skeletal they should have been dead, visibly shaking with fear, caked in soot and spider webs and globs of black grease, their eyes enormous and blazing. “Meow,” one of them said. “Meow,” wailed the other. My husband and I held up our palms and the kittens walked into them immediately. They were so light it was like holding air with the smallest possible thing in it. They were like two sparrows in our hands. I worked and reworked this scene as I pondered you and your problems over these past weeks, Ruler, but after all that work, I decided to take it out of my book. It was nice, but I didn’t need it. It was an odd thing that happened to me during a sad and uncertain time in my life that I hoped would tell readers something deep about my ex-husband and me. About how in love we were and also how lost. About how we were like those kittens who’d been trapped and starving for weeks. Or maybe not about the kittens at all. Maybe the meaning was in how we heard the sound, but did nothing about it until it was so loud we had no choice. I could’ve sanded it down. I could have fit it in. But I took it out because of you, Ruler. I realized it was a story you needed to hear instead. Not how the kittens suffered during those weeks they were wandering inside the dark building with no way out—though surely there’s something there too—but how they saved themselves. How frightened those kittens were, and yet how they persisted. How when two strangers offered up their palms, they stepped in. Yours, Sugar

Tiny beautiful things - advice on love and life from Dear Sugar

Cheryl Strayed

http://therumpus.net/2010/10/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-52-reach/

[truthaeekingwriter-blog]

Who Has Kept The Great Command? (Deut 6:4-5) By David Michael. Fighter Verses

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” —Deuteronomy 6:4-5 Opening the Bible is like opening a box of 31,102 priceless jewels. The beauty of just one is enough to take our breath away and yet that beauty can be lost when it is one among thousands of beauties. This week we have two gems to lift out of the box, examine, memorize, and marvel at their uniqueness and beauty. What makes these gems especially noteworthy is that our Lord Jesus singled one of them out as the “first and the great commandment” (Matthew 22:38) and the “most important” (Mark 12:29). I would like to take us back 260 years to Sunday morning, November 8, 1857 where a standing-room-only crowd gathered at the great Music Hall in the Royal Surrey Gardens of London to hear C. H. Spurgeon preach for nearly an hour on Mark 12:29 where Jesus quotes this week’s Fighter Verse. I read the whole sermon to help my soul contemplate the depth of the beauty of this portion of God’s Word. I can share some excerpts here but I commend the whole sermon to you. After a substantial introduction in which Spurgeon explained why Jesus said this is the “first” and “great” commandment, he directs our attention to “the duty” and “the measure of the duty” that this law demands. He stated simply that “the duty is that we should love God” and then at great length he described the various classes of people who forsake this duty including “the infidel” and “the religious” of whom he says “…you talk of God with great propriety, but you never talk of him with love. Your heart never bounds at the mention of his name; your eyes never glisten at the thought of his attributes; your soul never leaps when you meditate on his works, for your heart is all untouched, and while you are honoring God with your lips, your heart is far from him and you are still disobedient to this commandment…” What then, is the measure of this duty? “How much,” Spurgeon asks, “am I to love God?” He answers by saying we should love him “supremely.” We love him with all our heart more than our spouse, more than our children, more than our relatives. “…we are not to love the dearest objects of our hearts as much as we love God. You may erect little thrones for those you rightly love; but God’s throne must be a glorious high throne; you may set them on the steps but God must sit on the very seat itself…our heart is to have its whole being absorbed into God, so that God is the hearty object of its pursuit and its most mighty love…all is repeated again and again. The whole stirring up of the soul is to be for God only.” We also see that “we are to love him with all our souls…we are to love him with all our life; for that is the meaning of it. If we are called to die for God, we prefer God before our own life.” And, we are to love God “with all our mind. That is, the intellect is to love God. Now, many men believe in the existence of God, but they do not love that belief. They know there is a God, but they greatly wish there were none…the Christian never wishes any such thing. The thought that there is a God is the sunshine of his existence. His intellect bows before the Most High, not like a slave who bends his body because he must, but like the angel who prostrates himself because he loves to adore his Maker.” Last, our verse compels us to “love God with all our strength, that is, actively. I am to throw my whole soul into the worship and adoration of God. I am not to keep back a single hour, or a single farthing of my wealth, or a single talent that I have or a single atom of strength, bodily or mental, from the worship of God.” At this point in the message, I doubt there was anyone in the great Music Hall, at the Royal Surry Gardens who was feeling confident that they could meet the demands of this first and great commandment. “Now, what man ever kept this commandment? Surely, none; and no man ever can keep it. Hence, then, the necessity of a Savior. O! that we might by this commandment be smitten to the earth, that our self-righteousness may be broken in pieces by this great hammer of the first and great commandment! But oh! my brethren, how may we wish that we could keep it for if we could keep this command intact, unbroken, it would be a heaven below. The happiest of creatures are those that are most holy, and that unreservedly love God.” Right reflection on the law and on this great commandment should undo us, but embedded in this jewel, there is the glimmer of hope. “The LORD, our God.” He is our God. He is the LORD, and the LORD is our God! “He preserves you. Your table is spread, but he spreads it for you. The air that you breath is a gift of his charity; the clothes that you have on your back are gifts of his love; your life depends on him…your life is absolutely dependent upon him.” Never do we realize this utter dependency more than when we are confronted with the perfect law of God that we cannot perfectly keep but still must perfectly keep. To this law we say: “Commandment, I cannot keep you, but my Savior kept you, and what my Savior did, he did for all of them that believe; and now, O law, what Jesus did is mine…my Savior kept it wholly for me, and he is my substitute; what I cannot do myself, my Savior has done for me…O law, shut your mouth forever, you can never condemn me; though I break you a thousand times, I put my simple trust in Jesus only, his righteousness is mine and with it I pay the debt and satisfy your hungry mouth.” Spurgeon concluded with an appeal to cast themselves on Christ and pray: “Lord, give me a new heart, for this old heart never will love you! Lord, give me a new life, for this old life is too vile. Lord, give me new understanding; wash my mind with the clean water of the Spirit; come and dwell in my judgment, my memory, my thought; and then give me the new strength of your Spirit, and then will I love you with all my new heart, with all my new life, with all my renewed mind, and with all my spiritual strength from this time forth and for evermore.” David Michael and his wife, Sally, founded Children Desiring God in 1996 with the commitment to equip and partner with parents to support the spiritual development of their children. David currently serves as the Next Generation Pastor at College Park Church in Indianapolis. David and Sally have two daughters, Amy and Kristi, and three grandchildren. Children Desiring God (CDG) publishes Fighter Verses and offers products to suppo