I looked in the mirror and did not recognize my own face
3.75" x 3.75" pen on paper
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i think the funniest thing about living such a surreal life while having dissociative disorders is that shit sometimes starts feeling so profoundly unreal that im not exactly sure how to even explain to myself anymore what my life is, like this just feels like a weird cyberpunk tv drama im watching sometimes but like no girlie this is ur life
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"Wow, you're so self-aware! It takes most people years of therapy and dedication to get to that point." Thanks, I constantly feel completely disconnected from my physical being and the material sensation of my body, brain, and spirit/soul is so overwhelming that I often have to see myself as an objective third-party instead of an integrated entity. Father son holy spirit and all that.
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I was disappearing, evaporating, slipping away. A dreadful sensation, like being ripped from the realm of the living, but in slow motion. As though my soul was leaking through the pores of my skin. I began wandering the streets all through the night, searching for a sign. Some proof of life. Around me, the city, misty and otherworldly, was taking on the sepia hues of an old film. If I raised my eyes, the railings of the public garden in front of which I was standing seemed to be moving on their own, turning like a magic lantern, three or four images a second, like eyelids blinking, slowly and regularly. Something inside me was still in revolt. I wanted to scream: Is anybody there?
Vanessa Springora, Consent
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(Image ID:) a blue, green, and white graphic titled “Depersonalization versus Derealization: Exploring the differences in two dissociative symptoms” organized in two columns. The left hand column is titled “Depersonalization” with a stock icon of a head with a scribbled like for the brain. The right hand column is titled “Derealization” with a stock icon of a broken heart.
The statements in the “Depersonalization” column read: “I have trouble recognizing myself, including my reflection and aspects of my identity,” “I feel as though I don’t exist, like I’m invisible, or like someone besides me is controlling my body,” “I feel disconnected from thoughts, memories, and actions, and have a weak sense of identity,” and “I feel numb physically and emotionally when recalling my own past or painful events.”
The statements in the “Derealization” column read: “I have trouble recognizing my surroundings and environment,” “I feel as though the world around me doesn’t exist, including places and people I interact with daily,” “I feel disconnected from reality and struggle to determine what’s real and what isn’t,” and “I feel numb to the world around me, and daily life seems foggy, unreal, and fake.”
Below these columns is the word “sources:” with the following links:
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/dissociative-disorders/
https://www.isst-d.org/public-resources-home/fact-sheet-iv-what-are-the-dissociative-disorders/
https://www.dpmanual.com/articles/depersonalization-and-derealization-whats-the-difference/
(END ID)
This infographic was made by us, Halberd (@dreamlandsystem). Feel free to save and share as much as you’d like. Program used: Canva. Image credits: Pixabay. This infographic explores our personal experiences with DPDR, with additional sources for further reading.
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People talk about wanting to recover so that they can re-gain their old selves, their old passions, their old interests
What do you do when you don't have an old self to go back to and re-gain? There wasn't a 'me' before mental illness or if there was I don't remember them
When you start struggling with your mental health at a young age, it becomes all that you know and your identity can become distorted around it
Now I'm an adult who has no idea what they like, what they enjoy or even how to comfort themselves
What am I supposed to do with myself and how am I supposed to find reasons to recover when it feels like drowning is all I know?
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