#depressing thought

[family-disappointment]

I became so attached to my depression that I can't imagine my life without it anymore

[betyourefine]

Cheers for another year where we wish we didn't exist.

[x3no9]

The moment you realize that in nearly all your favorite ships one or both lovers are dead... just doesn't make for a happy time. No matter what ya do, no matter how intricate and alive of a world you build for them to live and interact in, they are dead in the one story that universally matters- the canon story.

Let's all take a moment to appreciate those writers and artists that hold that candle for love that never was but should have been, or love lost.

[supersleepysnail]

I tell myself good days are ahead and know that they are all used up on the ungrateful child I can never be again.

[downrightlost]

[sokoraovnistarsandstarsandstars]

I don't think I will ever recover or heal maybe it's not for me

[eddyslittlenightmare]

gonna attempt again before monday..because...fuck this world.

[alettearesius]

[family-disappointment]

The thoughts in my head are too loud I want them to stop I don't want to think anymore

[the-anticipated]

[betyourefine]

I don't think I will ever change, and at this point, I am not even sure if I can.

[sulfrix-acid]

I am tired and uninspired.

[suffocating-thoughts]

𝚒'𝚖 𝚓𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚒𝚝

𝚒 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖

𝚒 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚒 𝚊𝚖 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚝𝚑 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚜

𝚒 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚓𝚘𝚢, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚏𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚎 𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚊 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍,

𝚝𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢'𝚛𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚊𝚗𝚝

[downrightlost]

I have too many emotions I can’t begin to explain.

Also I started medication so we’ll see how that goes. In the meantime I’m still wading through the unending questions of “why bother?”

[anonymoon]

Why do I always end up sabotaging myself?

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.