support · 9 years
Everything okay?
If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. There are many support services that are here to help. For 24/7 peer support and other resources, message KokoBot on Tumblr.
If you are in the United States, please try:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) The Trevor Project (LGBTQ youth, ages 13-24) National Eating Disorders Association (online chat, text) RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline)
If you are outside the United States, visit IASP to find resources for your country.
For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.
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reachoutusa · 8 years
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Support can make a huge difference when someone is hitting a rough patch. Why wait until then to let your friends know you'll be there? Take a stand for Mental Health Awareness and tag someone you care about to let them know you have their back. ‪
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jawsum · 3 days
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Piece from 2020 that I still like a lot
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My friend came over and she was very upset with me for some reason. She picked up a pink doll that looked like a man with a pig's head and put it in the microwave and microwaved it for 5 minutes so my depression would "disappear".
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youmatterlifeline · 9 years
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artbylittlebug · 2 days
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pinkskytwst · 2 days
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A Pirate King's First Mate
Childhood Friend!Au
Leona/Reader (not Yuu)
The first time Leona met you at five years old, you both got into a screaming match that quickly devolved into a physical scrap that ended with the two of you covered in mud, bruised, and him limping.
Your parents – a pair of female nobles that were friends with Leona’s mother – just groaned while Leona’s own cackled brightly and pulled the both of you under each of her arms to haul off to the healers.
Leona insisted loudly that he never wanted to see you again.
The queen invited you back the next day.
Leona threw a fit. He refused to come out of his room until his mother came personally and in a calm but firm voice instructed her son to unlock the door. He did, of course, but didn’t hide the glare that he sent you from where you stood just behind her. He puffed up even more when you stuck your tongue out at him, nose scrunched up and obviously as happy about being there as he was.
The queen proceeded to leave you both to ‘play together nicely’ in his room and absconded with your mothers for a private teatime.
Leona waited until he couldn’t hear the adults’ footsteps any longer before spinning around stalking out of his room in the opposite direction. His ears twitched when he heard you scrambling after him.
“Hey! You can’t just leave me! Your mom said you have to play with me!” you demanded, more angry at him abandoning you against his mother’s wishes than actually wanting to play together.
“Go away, I don’t play with herbivores.” He said, raising his chin like he saw Farena do when he was trying to act like their father.
“I’m not a herbivore!” you stomped your foot, “And your mom said-“
“Do you always do everything your moms tell you?” he snapped, glaring over his shoulder.
“Of course, I do!” your voice utterly offended.
Well…Leona hardly ever went against what his mother wanted either but still…you were a baby herbivore, and he didn’t want anything to do with you, so it wasn’t the same.
He scoffed and wound his way through the halls, ignoring the guards and any passing servants as you continued to chase after him stubbornly.
“Go away, I don’t play with babies.”
“I’m not a baby! I’m older than you!”
“You’re shorter, so you’re the baby.”
“That’s not fair! Your ears don’t count!”
“Of course, they do, they’re me, idiot!”
“You’re the idiot!”
The bickering continued as he couldn’t manage to lose you in the garden.
Your patience apparently ran out, though, as you threw yourself at him again and you both went down. He struck back, of course, sending you rolling but – the same as the time before – you ended up on top of him, victorious smile on your face.
“HA! Pinned ya!”
“Let me go!” he complained, trying to wiggle away. “I’m a prince you know! You can’t treat me like this!”
You just stuck your tongue out again but did eventually let him up, still smug smirk on your face despite his glower.
“You’re a very uncute herbivore!”
“Well, you're a rude prince!”
His face screwed up in a pout, ready to go at you again, but instead he just huffed and climbed to his feet, brushing off the grass stains and dirt smudges as best he could. He turned and continued on to his favorite tree to nap under and proceeded to climb it.
You scampered after him again but gaped as he made himself comfortable in the branches completely out of your reach.
“Hey! Hey, that’s not fair!” you stomped your foot, going to the large tree trunk and trying to follow after him.
Your climbing skills were nothing to his, though, despite his young age, and you barely got your feet off the ground before you toppled back and landed in the dirt. A grunt escaped you and you rubbed at your backside with a pout, eyes narrowing at the smug smirk from the boy above you.
“Looks like you really are an herbivore if you can’t even climb a tree.” His tiny fangs flashing in his grin.
“You…you-ugh!” you threw your hands into the air and stormed off, giving him some actual peace and quiet again, thankfully.
You returned a couple of minutes later, arms covered in mud and proceeded to throw a huge sludge ball right at his stupid, prince face.
To say your ‘friendship’ had a rough start was an understatement.
The ‘play dates’ continued like that for months, only ending when you were both either having to be dragged to the healers again or so filthy you had to be carted off by servants to be hosed down and given proper baths before being able to be seen by polite company again.
You were the bane of Leona’s existence, and he did not understand why his mother didn’t grasp the insurmountable trials she was putting him through. She would just smile fondly and brush her fingers through his hair and completely change the subject by telling weird stories about how she and his father would fight when they were children.
What did that matter!? He didn’t care about how stupid his dad was for not seeing how awesome his mom was as a kid! It just confirmed that he was an idiot! It had nothing to do with the trauma your very presence was inflicting on him! Why couldn’t she just order you to not come back! Clearly if she loved him she wouldn’t force him to suffer your bullying!
But no, she would just chuckle and kiss his forehead and promise that one day he would understand and forgive her.
No, he was certain this was the one thing that he wouldn’t be able to forgive his mom for even if he could never stay mad at her.
It was favoritism! Why couldn’t she torture Farena with an annoying herbivore and let him hang around Njeri instead? She deserved better than being betrothed to his jerk of a brother anyway! She definitely had better taste and wouldn’t actually agree to marry him when they were older! He might not want to marry her but it would still be better being around her than having to put up with the brat that kept shoving his face in mud!
Not that they could actually beat him or anything! He was going easy on them, that’s all!
More months passed, a couple of birthdays, and still he was stuck putting up with you at least three times a week. A common complaint that he brought up to his mother every chance he could.
He would detail out all the horrible things about you and how you always bullied him and never treated him like a prince the way you should and they should praise him for going easy on you because that’s the only reason they found him trapped under you again as you ruthlessly braided flowers into his hair so that he would look like a ‘real prince’.
Really! He was just being nice and letting you win!
He was a prince after all! He should be shown respect even if he wasn’t going to be king! You were anything but respectful! Clearly he deserved a better ‘friend’!
After the funeral, you were the first person to find him.
“Hey.” You said, voice cutting through his deafening thoughts that were dragging his soul down deeper into the tar of despair and self-hatred.  
“Go away.” He muttered, burying his head deeper into his arms and claws digging into the black sleeves of his kanzu to the point that the luxurious fabric began to rip.
Not that he cared. Not that it mattered.
Nothing mattered anymore.
He couldn’t even work up the energy to lash out as he felt you sit beside him under the tree. His tree he always hid away at.
Where you were always able to find him.
You sat there in silence for an undetermined amount of time that dragged on like hours.
It grated on his nerves. Raw and stinging as he couldn’t figure out if it would be better if you would say something or if he didn’t want to hear your voice.
He didn’t want to listen to anyone. The thought of being around others, feeling their stares heavy on his shoulders like accusing fists suffocating him, of hearing the hissed whispers that now followed his every step like poisonous snakes sinking their fangs into his heart. It all made him sick. It made him want to rip off his own ears, to claw his eyes out.
It made him wish he had died instead of his mother.
“You know…” you finally said, breaking him from his sludge tar thoughts again. “If you want, we can go be pirates.”
Leona looked up from his arms, staring at you.
You pointed to your own eye, the one that mirrored the scar that now slashed over his own, mostly healed but still an angry red.
The one he had gotten from the assassin before his mother had thrown herself at the female with a vicious roar that felt like it rocked the very ground beneath them.
“You look like a pirate now. You want to be a king right? We can go be pirates and you can be a pirate king. I’ll have to come too, of course, since you’re useless with out me but I guess if I have to follow a pirate king you’d be a good one.”
Leona just stared up at you.
You were ten now and he would be in a month, but you were still a little taller than him. He hated it. He complained to his mother all the time about you growing faster than him.
She always told him to be patient.
She’d never tell him that again.
He didn’t realize that he was crying until you reached out with your sleeve and started to scrub them away. You weren’t gentle but you were also not as rough as you normally were.
No one should touch him! It wasn’t safe! He would kill you just like-
The breath left his lungs as you were suddenly right there and wrapping your arms around him.
He struggled, tried to pull away, did his best not to let his hands land on you.
The hands of a killer.
“Shut up! You’re being dumb!” you snapped, your voice wobbly in a way he’d never heard it before. “It’s not your fault! It was that bitch’s fault for attacking you and your mom! It was your guards’ faults for not stopping her!”
Leona froze, his mind still as his thoughts circled around one thing.
“Your moms will be mad that you cussed.”
He felt your breath shutter against his chest, the beat of your heart dragging him back down to reality.
“I’m practicing.” He muttered into his neck, the stubborn tone returning to what he was familiar with. “We’re going to be pirates, remember? I decided. We’re going to be pirates and you’re going to be the Pirate King and I’m going to be your right hand pirate because all Pirate Kings need a right hand pirate.”
“Idiot, they’re called ‘first mates’.”
“Well, I’ll be your first mate then, you jerk prince! But only I get to be so you can’t go off and be a pirate without me, you got it! It was my idea so it wouldn’t be fair! You can’t leave without me!”
Leona swallowed thickly, not understanding what was happening but also…maybe he didn’t mind listening to your voice as much as he thought.
It wasn’t a horrible voice after all. And he supposed you weren’t ugly even if you were still an annoying herbivore.
“I can’t touch you.” He finally whispered, keeping his hands hovering away from you.
The feeling of sand beneath his fingers still snapped him into a cold sweat and haunted his nightmares.
“Stop saying stupid things.” You refused to pull away from him and just tightened your grip. “Who cares if you can turn things to sand, hm? You think you’re so amazing, you idiot? You’re 9! I’m older and smarter and I’m telling you that your sand powers won’t hurt me! If you’re so scared we’ll get you gloves. Pirates wear cool gloves all the time anyway. An eyepatch too. Maybe covering up one of your eyes will make your aim better!”
Leona couldn’t breathe again.
He didn’t understand. He didn't understand, but he didn’t want you to leave.
His touch was feather light, terrified and ready to rip away in an instant.
You didn’t flinch. Your heart didn’t so much as speed up as you continued to hold him.
You gave a small, annoyed huff.
“Idiot.” You muttered. “Pirates cry too so it’s fine. It’s only me anyway.”
Suddenly he was clutching at you, broken sobs wracking through his body as everything he had been holding in, trying to hide, forcing back behind a mask to escape everyone in the palace that could no longer look at him without seeing a murderer, came flooding out.
He cried himself to sleep.
You carried him to the palace on your back and snarled at any servant or guard that looked at him wrong.
You pushed him into bed and kicked off your own sandals before climbing in to join him, curling around his smaller form.
It was the first night since he watched his mother die that he didn’t wake up screaming.
Lots of things changed over the years. Some bad, some good.
The constant in Leona’s life, though, remained you. It was you since the day when you were both five and it would be you until the day one of you died.
When you were both accepted to Night Raven College he wasn’t surprised. He was a genius after all and you were…passable at least. Not as good as him – though you’d never admit it no matter how many times he shoved it in your face – but definitely better than the plebians that filled the rest of the world.
He’d never admit to the relief he felt when you were placed in the same dorm.
With all the trouble you got into it was just easier to make sure you didn’t get in over your head if he was at your side.
School was boring but with you there at least it was at least bearable. It was better than being at ‘home’ where whispered still followed – though less when you were at his side – and he could escape the obnoxious cub of a nephew his brother had so generously gifted him.
Cheka loved you, of course, and you doted on him like he was your own and it was the most annoyingly sickening sweet thing he ever saw that he tended to just snag the brat by the back of his shirt and throw him out of the room whenever you were around.
No one wanted to see that!
He didn’t really care about doing too well, though he would allow you to drag him to class every now and then. It wasn’t like grades were going to change anything about his future and he knew all the information already anyway. School was just to enjoy and despite the lectures you might give him every now and then you gave in enough that he knew you didn’t mind it all that much.
It also helped that he was now much taller than you and he took every chance he could to use it against you by dragging you down for a nap or just throwing you over his shoulder to cart off to the botanical gardens.
Of course, when he noticed that others didn’t always treat you like you deserved – he was the only one that could tease or call you names – he quickly took action and when your Housewarden had shrugged off his words with: “Maybe if they were stronger they wouldn’t be a target.”
Well, needless to say he was the new pack leader of Savanaclaw and the old was in the infirmary for three weeks before he was allowed out of bed.
After that no one in the dorm dared to try anything with you and the rare time that you couldn’t take care of yourself against someone from another dorm he dealt with it for you.
“It’s my job to take care of my first mate.” He’d shrug before ruffling your hair and then throw his arm around your neck to drag you back to his room for a nap.
That changed in your third year during the first break back home.
The two of you had enjoyed a day out, a rare occasion for Farena to not keep him swarmed by guards the entire time and just allowed for a ‘chaperone’ – who was definitely a guard in disguise – and you had dragged him to the ‘Watering Hole’.
It was a centralized tourist spot with a large lake and surrounded by expansive shopping and restaurant districts. Entertainment avenues of theater and movies and clubs, and all absolutely swarmed with people.
He hated it.
You thought it was great.
You might not have been royalty, after all, but you were still a noble and your parents were pretty protective as well so you rarely got to just go out and explore places so public.
You couldn’t keep the beaming smile off your face and he guessed he could put up with it for one day.
You were a trouble magnet, though, so he had to keep a firm hold on your hand the entire time.
No doubt you’d go and get tricked into some unmarked van with promises of free candy and kittens otherwise, so he was only being responsible like his brother always nagged him about.
The worst thing was…it didn’t even have to happen.
If he had been paying attention.
If he hadn’t been so focused on watching the way your eyes sparkled with excitement over something as simple as samosas from a street vendor…
The next thing he knew your treat was on the ground and you had thrown yourself at him, shoving him as hard as your strength could manage.
Energy sizzled through the air, electric shocks brushing over his skin and sending his nerves on end.
He snapped into defense mode, pen out and already throwing up a shield while holding you close.
They were nothing - street thugs that only one of them even had magic at all. It was barely a flick of his pen before they were all thrown into a nearby store’s wall and knocked unconscious. The police and guards would handle them.
The smell of charred flesh reached his nose.
His heart stopped as he looked down at your unmoving form in his arms, back smoking as your clothes had been burned away by the blast that you had taken.
The blast meant for him.
He tasted sand on his tongue.
The black, jagged streaks traveled along your spine and painted your skin where the outright, open wound weeped crimson.
You weren’t breathing.
Leona didn’t remember much after that. Sirens, maybe, people trying to pull you from his grasp, definitely, but the next time he was really aware he was sitting at your bedside in the palace’s private hospital wing. Your hand clasped between his white knuckles and his eyes locked on your face and his ears focused solely on listening for every beep to confirm that your heart was still beating.
The healers said it was a miracle you had survived. Your mothers had sobbed in relief and then horror at the knowledge that you may very well never walk again.
The thought didn’t make sense in his mind.
You were…you were so small. Why did you look so small?
How could someone like you, someone who could do so much, was meant for so much – meant so much to him – look so tiny and weak.
It wasn’t right.
And it was his fault.
It was always his fault.
You would be safe if it wasn’t for him.
If he had never been brought into your life.
Leona took a deep breath, swallowing back the taste of sand and lightning before he delicately laid your hand down on the stark white, hospital sheets.
He had to fight but eventually he released your fingers and stood from the plastic chair. He forced himself not to pause at the door, forced himself not to look back at your unconscious form.
He didn’t deserve to.
He left.
Leona didn’t leave his room for weeks, though he ordered his guard to notify him of any change to your status. He barely left his bed and ignored all cries from Cheka outside his door.
He didn’t have the energy to deal with him.
He didn’t have the energy for anything.
It felt like his heart finally started beating again when he heard you had woken up for the first time.
He wanted to rip it out when he had to growl to his brother that he wasn’t coming even though you were asking for him.
Every day you asked for him.
Every day he wished he could just die instead of having to deny you.
But he couldn’t see you. He couldn’t let you be a part of his life anymore when everyone he ever lo-ever cared about would be a target. Would be eventually ripped from his arms and leave him alone.
It was only when you refused to eat until he came to speak with you face to face that he managed to force himself out of bed.
“You look like shit.”
Those were the first words you said to him, sitting propped up in the hospital bed’s many pillows and connected to more wires and tubes than he had seen on anyone before.
“Speak for yourself.” He said before he even had a chance to bite the words back, hating himself instantly.
You only smirked at him, though it was exhausted as if merely being awake was more than you could handle at the moment.
“Stop being an idiot and eat. You-“
“Shut up, jerk, you don’t get to give me orders when you left. You left.”
Your expression fell, twisting into something more pained and hurt than he could ever remember coming from you.
You were in a hospital bed from an attack that you took for him and instead of being angry at him not protecting you as he should, you were angry that he wasn’t there when you woke up.
You were crying.
You were crying and it was like someone was clawing his heart out all over again.
Without thinking, without even pausing to contemplate any kind of consequence or fall out, Leona was at your side, leaning over you and cupping your face as you struggled to breathe through the sobs and the pain shooting through your body that came with them.
“Y-you’re my Pirate K-king.” You whimpered, hands pressing his against your cheeks and eyes looking up at him desperately. “You can’t leave me b-behind.”
He was helpless. He realized there was never anything he could ever refuse you. He would do anything to take your pain away, make the tears stop.
“If I’m your King then you have to follow my orders.” He said lowly, voice raw. “You can’t leave me either. What am I supposed to do without a first mate?”
You gave a wobbly sort of chuckle, still trembling from the tears.
“You’d be useless.”
A small smile pulled on your lips and suddenly he was leaning in desperately, claiming them with his own.
You let out a small sound of surprise but his heart leaped when you instantly returned the kiss without hesitation, meeting his tongue with your own eagerly.
First mate indeed…
Farena didn’t bother asking why he failed that year, or the year after.
You were still recovering, still learning to walk again and regain what you had lost from the attack.
It took two years and while he kept his dorm running and in line, he made no effort to progress with school.
There was no point without you there after all.
It was hard to get up the energy to get out of bed most days, anyway, so he just didn’t bother. Most of the time he was awake he was texting or calling you.
Ruggie was really a life saver at that point, keeping things mostly orderly and him from just growing moss in his sheets.
But when you were finally recovered enough to return to school – and he made absolutely sure that Crowley understood that you would be welcomed back to school no matter how long it had been – he attended the first opening ceremony since he had become Housewarden.
Technically since it had been so long, the Headmage insisted you had to be resorted.
Not that Leona understood why.
You belonged at his side, no where else.
Of course, you were sent to Savanaclaw once more, and he was proud to be able to watch you join your fellow dorm members under your own power after all the hard work you had put into relearning to walk.
You might have been a little more clumsy than before, a little quicker to tire, but to him it only showed just how strong you were.
If he was protective before, it was nothing compared to now.
He still hated class but more often than not he would go if for no other reason than to insure that you got there safely and had someone to help if you were struggling.
Days that the taste of sand and lightning suffocated him, you would crawl into bed with him and wrap your arms around him so he could listen to your heartbeat.
When the pain overpowered the potions you took, he would carry you back to his room, fill a hot bath, and hold you as you cried and tried to let the heat soothe the pain in your legs.
The one time someone tried to say something about you being a ‘burden’ to him, he nearly ripped their throat out and it was only a passing Crewel that managed to prevent him from succeeding.
Needless to say no one ever said anything negative about you again.
You lectured him, loudly, in the Savanaclaw lounge while you cleaned his busted knuckles and wrapped them. Not holding back as you told him just how stupid he was and how you didn’t know why you put up with his idiocy.
The other Savanaclaw students just stared in both awe and a little bit of terror at how you so fearlessly told off the prince that had almost just committed murder.
Leona propped his cheek up with one bandaged fist and flashed a sharp, fanged grin that sent everyone scampering away.
Any insult to you, after all, was an insult to him.
When he dragged you to his rooms and locked the door, you didn’t even bother doing more than rolling your eyes before letting him press you into the pillows and show just how sorry he was for upsetting you.
In the end…he supposed he could forgive his mother for forcing him to be friends with a weak little herbivore.
He could be strong for the both of you.
When you finally got fed up with his teasing and shoved him over to climb on top of him and take exactly what you wanted, he supposed you weren’t really all that weak to begin with.
Hope you all like it! <3 A little angstier than Riddle's but let's be real, no matter what childhood Leona had it would be filled with angst.
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thetrevorproject · 12 years
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Autistic Burnout
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pixlokita · 3 days
Anxiety is so wack, How Can something in my brain make my stomach hurt like I’m dying and make it so hard to breathe my lungs hurt too
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no one will notice or miss me once i’m gone
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randomreasonstolive · 23 hours
Reason to Live #8835
 Warm blankets, a nice book and hot cocoa. – Guest Submission
(Please don't add negative comments to these posts.)
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c-ptsdrecovery · 23 hours
So, because of my problems with my antidepressants not working, I got an appointment with a new psychiatrist (the fifth? sixth? one I’ve seen over the course of my life), and I just had my first appointment with her today.
You know how great I was doing at the beginning of the year? So much energy, so much confidence, so much creativity, so much euphoria... Yeah, new psychiatrist thinks that was a hypomanic episode (and I think she’s probably right). She thinks what I have isn’t major depressive disorder, it’s bipolar 2.
Bipolar 1 is when you cycle between depression and mania. In Bipolar 2, you have at least one episode of hypomania (like mania but not as severe), and trouble with depressive episodes. The reason I had a really recognizable bout of hypomania at the beginning of the year is that if you have undiagnosed bipolar disorder and you get put on antidepressants, the antidepressants can sometimes trigger manic or hypomanic episodes. I did say that the last time I felt that good was when I first started on Effexor, so there’s definitely a pattern there. Also the time I started Wellbutrin I became FURIOUSLY angry, and anger can also be a sign of mania or hypomania. So.
It’s very common for bipolar disorder, and bipolar 2 in particular, to be misdiagnosed as depression. It can’t really be officially diagnosed as bipolar disorder until you’ve had at least one hypomanic episode that lasted at least like four days. But please note that if you start on an antidepressant and you start showing signs that might be mania or hypomania, definitely tell your doctor! Because you might have bipolar disorder instead.
Anyway, I’m starting on a mood stabilizer this week, and we’ll see how things go! More thoughts on this subject if it turns out that it actually is bipolar 2 instead of depression.
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whump-or-whatever · 2 days
Whumps for an ex-assassin trying to turn over a new leaf or something like that?
Ooooh that’s an interesting one. Let me give it a go.
Whumpee was supposed to assassinate someone but didn’t and their bosses eventually find out and punish them
The internal struggle of fighting years of training
The guilt and moral injuries they carry from everything they did as an assassin (and the depression that comes with it)
Bosses want whumpee back for “one more job”, and use blackmail or threaten them to get them to do it
Everyone in whumpee’s new life thinks they’re just pretty normal until they whip out some crazy skills and everyone is like wow
Whumpee being terrified to tell anyone in their new life what they used to do because 1. It could put them in danger and 2. What if they hate them for it
Someone from whumpee’s old life, maybe a relative of someone they killed, shows up for revenge
An old colleague needs help out of a sticky situation and threatens to reveal whumpee’s past to their new friends if they don’t help
Maybe whumpee received a lot of injures in their line of work and when people see their scars they start asking questions
Everyone kind of knowing there’s something dark in whumpee’s past but nobody being sure about what it is
Whumpee having PTSD from their experiences but not being able to tell anyone what from
People in whumpee’s new life slowly piecing together the story from snippets they get over time (stuff said during nightmares, people from their past showing up, odd behaviours, etc.)
Whumpee finally telling new caretaker about their past and being relieved as hell when caretaker understands and doesn’t just run for the hills
Maybe whumpee has permanent injuries from their past job they have to deal with constantly
The continued behaviours of their past life (sleeping with a gun by their bed, keeping a bag packed, checking for vantage points, etc.)
Someone shows up who whumpee owes a favour to and whumpee’s new friends get really concerned cause what could be serious enough that whumpee would drop everything to do that person’s bidding?
Feel free to add!
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yourlocaladhder · 2 days
I long for the day when we don't have to use physical ailments as analogies to describe the severity of mental issues. Please show me this in my lifetime.
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