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#depression posting
deurity · 6 months
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systemdeez · 6 months
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I'm cleaning my fucking bedroom and I just realized that having a clean room actually owns. Why did none of you tell me this?!
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infernaljazzman · 3 months
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Just me or is the release of Hazbin Hotel s1 (Friday the 19th) the only thing I have to look forward to all year, like literally nothing else in my life can top that.
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That place in my heart
Where the light doesn't touch
Some days it swells
Opens wide
And swallows me whole
But at least I'm not alone
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grimethefrog · 1 year
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i want a very large monster to hug me close and not let go because it can sense my depression and all it can offer is its embrace to try and comfort me and it works because we may not be able to communicate but at least we're not alone
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very-sleepy-bees · 2 months
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I just feel like the difference between who I am and who I want to be is too much, if that makes sense. The person I want to be is very easily found, as a cute, thin, social person with fun hair who does cosplay, is a great artist and loves to do fun things, that kind of person is who I want to be. The issue is I'm none of those things at all. My hair is messy(I've been trying to grow it out which just means I haven't cut it in years and barely brush it) I'm awkward, overweight, ugly as all hell, shy, a truly horrible artist, too fat to do any cosplay and constantly miserable(also don't bother commenting "oh you're not those things" I am, you don't know me.) Just idk I feel like I'm so far from the person I actually want to be I just wasn't born right for it.
So @ any trans moots if you've been thru something similar please do tell me how you solved it on your end. God knows I could use the help.
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selbstzerstoerun9 · 2 years
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Ich bin nicht suizidgefährdet , aber wenn ich kurz davor bin, einen schweren Unfall zu haben , glaube ich nicht, dass ich ihn vermeiden würde und wenn mir jemand eine Waffe an den Kopf halten würde , glaube ich nicht, dass ich um mein Leben flehen würde. Ich würde sagen " tue es " , ich habe eh nichts zu verlieren. Nein ich bin nicht suizidgefährdet, aber wenn ich sterben könnte, ohne mich selber umzubringen, ich würde es tun.
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badmimi · 5 months
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On Trying
People say “I love you. You know I’d do anything for you.” “Oh, so-and-so, I’d do anything for them.”
But I don’t think we know what this “anything” really looks like. Maybe you picture these vague, but heroic in their amorphous shape, feats of triumph. Harnessing your considerable will to defy an impossible or Sisyphean task. Slay a dragon, lift a car somehow, move a mountain, walk through fire, defeat Voldemort through the power of friendship - you get it.
We’re raised on legends, stories, magic and dreams. That is our kind of “anything”. And we mean it, we do. In the way that if life ever came down to that moment in the third act of a movie and you’re holding the bad guys off so your people can get out in time before you light a cigarette, hit the detonator in your lap and adios motherfucker for the sake of the ones you love? Yeah. We mean it.
But that “anything” isn’t all that relevant because nobody needs me to do any of that. For me anyway, self-sacrificing shit is a forgone conclusion, are you kidding? It’s best case scenario. Everybody lives, I can rest and nobody can be mad at me for being dead. (Because I’m a hero. Duh.)
And there are things to be done that Miss ‘I’d do anything’ hasn’t, in fact, done. Some things outright asked for and some things unsaid but so present in the room with us you can almost feel them hanging written in the air. Things that would change everything for a number of people I care about. Things that are fair.
My loves, I would do anything for you and these are the invisible things hanging in the room.
would you try?
would you wake up in the morning and go to bed at night?
would you take care of yourself and your personal space?
will you try?
would you take better control of this body and this home and have gratitude every day you get to have them?
can you try?
would you cultivate the agency you’ve lost?
will you address the avoidant behavior patterns that make so many of these bare minimum things someone else’s job?
could you try?
would you be present inside your body?
would you put the same energy you put into escapism into real life and right now?
would you stop spinning in your anxious, breathless, sticky, static shame about having wasted so much time so you can put that energy into starting?
could you try?
Trying is putting one foot in front of the other. Trying is a single step you just keep taking. That’s all it is. It’s a simple thing but it’s always conscious. Intentional. How can trying be more formidable than death itself? Death is supposed to be a nightmare that stalks us from birth. A shadow on the wall. Death is a thing that eats.
Maybe some of us lived in the dark and stopped seeing shadows? We’ve moved mountains just to be here and it’s caught up with us. We’ve been stumbling numbly down hallways just reacting to stimuli on autopilot and we forgot about taking steps on purpose. Flipping the intention switch of trying seems too hard. Impossible. Sisyphean.
This year I’m working on trying. I’m slaying dragons.
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gothicfishnetyuri · 2 months
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A leaky dam
Patch it up with tape, the crack won't grow
A drippy ceiling
Plane a bucket underneath, it won't spill over
A creaky bridge
Turn up the stereo, drown out The strain of iron
Concrete gives way. a vessel overflows. a path becomes in traversable
Admonish the dam for its scars
Trouble the bucket for its lack of volume
Scold the iron for its weakness
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Being the mentally unstable one in the family is wild to me because like, I had an improbably unproblematic childhood. Like, zero complaints. I got that all-natural, organic, cruelty-free free-range madness. I would make Freud puff his cheeks, throw up his hands and convince himself that I'm just a lying liar who lies. IDK either bro. It is what it is, my guy.
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systemdeez · 5 months
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Fighting a war with my inner demons right now (I saw an attractive person and I'm mad that I don't look like them).
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deepdarknightoughts · 4 months
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Does it get better? Unfortunately all the people would tell the truth are dead.
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listening to Slipknot and teenagers on repeat isolating ourselves from our friends purposely, not being able to remember the homework the teacher gave us, an overall feeling like shit and depression yay
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I want to die in a hole
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It creeps up on you
You never see it coming
By the time I notice it's already too late
The numbness has set in
Made it's nest inside my head
So deep I could drown in it
It feels inescapable now
Every time I think I've beat it
It evolves and comes back again
I keep thinking I've tied the score
But then depression takes the lead
Once more
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happymooncomputer · 8 months
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I have never been real good at love. I give it out freely, and wear my heart on my sleeve, and do you know where that has gotten me?
Nowhere. It has gotten me nowhere. Sitting here, alone, in a dark, empty room. I think about all the things I could be doing, and I just don't have the desire to do any of it!
I try really hard to stay positive, and I tell myself it's going to get better, but when? When is it going to get better for me? Because it's getting really hard to see.
I've been here before, so many times. Only, this time, I'm alone. Entirely, and completely, alone. It's so hard to pick yourself back up, for a future that looks so bleak. Why is this happening to me? I've been asking myself that question my whole life. I still don't understand. Why me? What did I do that was SO wrong? Don't I deserve love? Don't I deserve happiness?
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christiecandor · 3 months
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Gone for the last couple of days since the fucking gestapo threw me in prison for pushing my landlord out of my face making false accusations at me for daring to assert my tenant rights, in which those self-hating jackbooted cunts in there stripped, sexually assaulted me, and then threw me in a cell without shoes or a place to lie down, because i protested it after getting attitude for asking about it.
Nevermind she'd scratch me much worse in the process, and the staff had been antagonizing me since I got here, stealing, harassing, abusing, and gaslighting just like the family I had just escaped from- who BTW placed false police reports to get me legally removed from their home leaving me homeless at the height of the pandemic, June 2020, in retaliation for trying to protect the rest of them from my grandfather.
And so I can't stop thinking about how when my grandfather bashed my head in with a rusty metal dishrack in which i needed 5 staples in my skull, I got no victim witness much less any legal or mental support, he got one day in jail and 1 anger management seminar. He didn't even have to be in a cell because "oh what a charming old man" thought those brainless fucking pigs. Everyone always thinks I'm exaggerating, but I came across the pictures and even though that was 2011, I need people to see them now because my life has yet to get better since.
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