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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255)
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The problem is that I give my everything to people who will never prioritize me.
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“You’re seeking something, but at the same time you're running away for all you're worth.”
- Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the shore
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The Day I Got Into Yale
The moment I got into Yale, I went numb.
My mom tapped me on the shoulder and said, "you got in by the way."
Because I wasn't saying anything.
I wasn't doing anything.
I just sat there, staring blankly at the screen.
My sister screamed and ran across the room.
My dad cheered.
My mom hugged me.
The world celebrated all around me.
And yet, I sat there, at the center of it all, completely and utterly numb.
Because for some reason, I wasn't happy.
I was just empty.
I should have been happy.
Logically, I knew that.
I thought I was going to be happy.
I wanted to be happy.
But I just wasn't
And so, the day I got into Yale became the day the last piece of me broke.
The day I got into Yale became the day I realized I was never going to be happy.
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Llegamos a un punto donde, ya no eramos quienes nos conocimos hace años.
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Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995-1996)
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I'm not sad, he told me once, laughing, I'm just always here.
Ocean Vuong, Time Is a Mother.
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I am fighting the urge to cut myself again.
My fingers tremble at the idea of touching a cold and sharp blade again.
My eyes are eager to see my skin being ripped open and blood slowly coming out from it.
My heart wants a break from the emotional pain, sometimes it is too numb to feel emotions.
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It really sucks when your heart is breaking and you're listening to sad songs to mute out the world and a grammarly ad just starts
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I was 10 thinking about killing myself
Im 23 still thinking about killing myself…
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