#despite how shitty i am at explaining myself i do love to explain

[coolestclowns]

So I do love the way you drew Simon and Betty in that TMA crossover piece, but. I have notes which is incredibly silly, especially for the thing I disagree on, being the chosen symbolism. I’m curious, what made you pick out the Eye for Simon, and the Spiral for Betty? I always saw their vibes as more Lonely for Simon, and Eye for Betty.

After all, Simon’s whole thing seems to be isolation- with or without the crown. And Betty, she’s constantly suffering the pain of Knowing- knowing what it used to be, knowing the ways she could make it back to normal, and then as GOLBetty, knowing and surveilling everything. Even gets extra eyes.

I do see the argument for something like Corruption for Simon, as it’s close bedfellows with the relationship aspects of Lonely, and all the crown stuff and being forcibly changed and the “romance”/obsession aspects of it, and TBH, Betty’s brand of Eye would also be close to Spiral.

HEHEHEHEEEE OOOOoOOoO hogohooo... how I love all the alignment discussions my art has creaaatted!! I genuinely love reading through people's different reasonings for why different ones would fit as well ( ≧∀≦)ノ

For Simon being the eye?! I can't lie... it's fully because every time I see people posting Simon art in non-adventure-time style, it takes me a moment to realise it ISN'T Jonathan Sims. But if I had to make some shit up on the spot?? It was his search for knowledge that got him cursed in the first place, I feel like he could be marked by multiple different entities with all that seeking he did, yk? But yeah...mainly it was just a "hehe... nerd old man" thing

Then for betty, oh my beloved!! She was actually originally going to be the lonely! It was straight up going to be Simon and betty as Jon and Martin drawing at first! But through several hours of watching magic betty edits on tiktok, especially with her coocoo laughter she does in a few scenes. My mind got absolutely stuck on her being a spiral victim. There's a good lot of parallels between her and Micheal. From him blindly following gertude to his death, and betty lovingly following Simon to her own decent into madness, to the Micheal-Helen switch and the magic man-magic betty switch!! There's a lot in my mind that I'm not all to great at spewing into words, so my evidence is gonna have to just be left to "vibes."

Also, I kind of just wanted to draw betty coocoo bananas. By the time my sketch was finished, I didn't even wanna draw Simon, just HEEER!!! which...is rather obvious when you look at the difference in effort I put into the two of them, lmao

[alex51324]

Dear it/its users

OK, so this is a speech I've been working on ever since my sister told me that my two nonbinary niblings had added it/its to their list of pronouns. So far, they haven't indicated that those are their first-choice pronouns, so we've kind of been skirting the issue, but I've been getting this ready, because I love them and want to try to help them avoid long-term unintended consequences as they enter the adult world. Now I'm sharing it with you, because doing so is as nice as I know how to be.

First: If I, as a queer elder and active Tumblr user, have the initial reaction of, "Fuck, these little shits are going to get somebody fired with their 5-edgy-4-U bullshit," that is super-important context for you to know in considering taking this choice out into the larger world.

Now, I have made the effort of educating myself, and I understand that many people who make this choice have substantive reasons that go beyond edgy teen bullshit. However, you have to allow for the fact that the majority of people will not move past their first impression regarding this choice.

Being gender-nonconforming is already a strike against you in a lot of contexts--even in reasonably liberal settings, unconscious bias is a thing. Is being it/its important enough to you to add another strike against yourself?

Second: People are going to be uncomfortable calling you "it," even if you've thoroughly explained why you want them to.

This is different from people not wanting to call you by your chosen name, or wanting to call your by the pronouns for your gender assigned at birth, because these people will be coming from a place of wanting to respect you.

Yes, you can argue with them that calling you as you want to be called is the most respectful option, but they will still be uncomfortable. You can't reason them out of feeling uncomfortable, because they didn't reason themselves into it. It's a feeling. They may get over it in time.

But.

If those people do not already have some prexisting love, loyalty, or commitment toward you, that motivates them to sit with that discomfort and work through it, the easiest way out will be to simply decide that--for some totally unrelated reason, that their conscious mind will be fully convinced is true--you and they just didn't click! You don't seem like a good fit for the job, team, walking tour of the Lake District, whatever it is.

Because people don't like being uncomfortable, and if mentioning your existence puts them in an ethical dilemma, a lot of them will just nope right out of it.

And again, these will be people who are motivated in part by their desire to respect you and your autonomy. They will feel, consciously or not, that you have put them in a shitty position where no matter what they say, they'll feel like they're doing something wrong--

And they, dear nibling, will feel that way because you have. You didn't intend to, but you did.

I love you, and if that is your choice I will get used to it, but I am writing this in the second person for a reason.

Story time: I was trans/nonbinary in nine-teen-fucking-ninety-six. The LGB* organization on my college campus didn't know what the fuck to do with me. When I said in "let's go around the room and introduce yourself" time on the first day of class, that despite what the roster said, I was actually a boy called Alex, people got nervous and looked away, and kind of avoided talking about me for the rest of the semester.

(*By the time I left, it was the LGBT organization.)

And then when I was ready to go to grad school, I had professors tell me that they weren't sure how to write me a letter of recommendation, because they knew I didn't want to be called "she," but if they put "he," the recipient might be confused, and if they put "they" they'd look bad because we were in the English department and "they" is plural.

When I got to grad school, I kept "Alex," but skipped saying anything about my gender identity. It didn't help all that much. I got along well enough with my classmates, but all of the professors seemed to be waiting for me to cause trouble, and as a teaching assistant my student evaluation comments made frequent reference to my gender presentation and how they found my name "confusing." (Another grad student, whose name was James or something like that, went by Kip, and nobody gave him shit about it.) I got an anonymous rape threat in my campus email about my "indoctrinating students with my radical agenda," and the campus cop who responded to the complaint said maybe I should, "Tone it down a bit." (Tone what down? I was dressing and acting pretty much the same as the male half of my class cohort.) I ended up dropping out after the Masters, even though the plan all along had been to do the PhD and have an academic career.

Throughout all this, I was a bit more oblivious than I should have been about the underlying pattern behind all this--blame the autism, I guess.

I don't know, if I'd realized it all, whether i would have made different choices regarding my identity and presentation--since my choices were pretty much limited to "present as my gender assigned at birth, or suffer the consequences."

You, today, nibling, in 2024, have the option of being a "they/them," and if you choose your company right, it won't be a big deal--it'll close some doors, but mainly ones you don't want to go through anyway.

Or you can be an it/its, and watch doors slam in your face.

I will love you and support you either way, dear nibling, but I can't make the world love you.

I--we, my generation--changed the world enough that there's a space in it for people like us. I hope you make that space bigger, better, and brighter, but it hurts to think about you dragging yourself through the same shit we went through. We built a path behind us, so you wouldn't have to.

(P.S., For the love of god, please don't get a nonbinary gender marker on your driver's license; the last thing we need is you getting shot at a routine traffic stop.)

[wwouldvecouldveshouldve]

I can(not) do it with a broken heart

requested, and it took me too long to do. I do love the request!! <33

sigma when he finds the reader cutting except I have not written something like this before. I don't know what it's like to cut myself. I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts but I can't say that I understand what it's like to cut myself on the level that some others do.

(swearing and obvious warnings like blood, cutting, implied mental illness)

he is late to get home one day, but he's hurrying despite how he's tired. he cannot explain it; it is simply his intuition. so when he opens the door and finds you there, quickly and accidentally slamming the bathroom door, he just has to get to you. you don't lock it, you can't lock Sigma out, but you're filth. he is above you. he deserves so much better, but he's so above that in no world can you go against him. he slowly opens it and says your name a few times. he rushes over, quietly and shakingly calls your name again, but it takes a while for you to answer, and you answer with a choked-out sob. he does not know why you're doing this, but he'd give up everything if you could be okay. he runs to you but you back away. you don't have it in you to shove him, he's everything to you, but to taint someone as good as Sigma with your filthy blood, your filthy mind, your filthy, shitty issues, your fucking filthy life would be unforgivable. you have not dropped the boxcutter yet. he talks to you, and he is perfectly okay with how you don't respond. when your mind refocuses on him and your breathing is more stable, you still can't speak, but you've calmed down at least a little. neither of you know how much time has been spent in this bathroom already. he moves his hand towards the boxcutter, but you shove him with weak and shaking hands. he hits the wall, and shame curls in your gut. "Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry, so sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry-" you repeat. shame that you've made Sigma like this, shame that you shoved him, shame on you because every single thing you touch becomes sick. you can't get fucking anything right, all you've ever done is be a fucking monster. you're a fucking bitch, there's no goddamn way you deserve Sigma. (sorry, the being a monster and bitch is kinda my own insert. I am a horrible person, sorry y'all. I'm so fucking horrible I feel absolutely nothing from admitting how horrible I am) "It's okay, I'm sorry. It's okay. I love you. You're beautiful. Please, you're everything to me. You don't need to apologise, it's not your fault. Please let me make it a little closer to okay. You're so kind. I don't know how to make it better, but I'd do anything to make it a little better. I love you so much."

Not really a happy ending. For reasons that I won't disclose, I simply cannot finish it. :/

[generic-whumperz]

OC in 3

Choose 3 pics to represent your OC

Oops, I got overly excited and made 10 three-picture collages

Omg thank you @mj-iza-writer for the tag! I am honored that I came to mind! 🥹

No pressure (& open to anyone interested!) tag: @rainydaywhump @eatyourdamnpears @clairelsonao3 @dresden-syndrome @lights-out-knives-out @snakebites-and-ink

| Aid Masterlist | Aid Character Sheet | Character Info

Soooo, I know I’m supposed only to pick three pics, but honestly, I simply cannot (I know, no surprise there). I have been wanting to do a vibe photo dump for The Aid (the Whumpee & title of the story) but have yet to do it (hello, my ever-expanding Pinterest boards), so I’ll take this chance to explore The Aid’s past phases he’s gone through (pre & post-Wyatt {Whumper #2}) and give some explanations because it’s a lot. However, I don’t know if explanations are necessary for this tag game, but I’m famously too much, so of course, I’m going to over-explain myself because of my crippling fear of being misunderstood!

Ironically, I call his time with Madame Eleanor (technical Whumper #1) his “Aid Era” because that’s when he becomes this character we are introduced to and currently know him as. Yet, this is the part of his life he is phasing out of. **Insert something-something about being haunted by your past.**

(In the current storyline, he is going through a succession of more changes, and his world is about to be turned upside down yet again, but I’ll hold off on showing those for now because they’re spoilers, and I have more than enough here!)

Starting from the top, here we goooo—

P.S. The people in these pics are not what the characters look like, this is simply vibes only!

Day 1

1. As soon as The Aid arrives at his new home, Madame Eleanor gets custom-made Gucci uniforms made for him that looks like this. This is his go-to everyday attire. (I spent too long looking at scrubs and hospitality uniforms on and off for over a month—tell me you like it and think it’s cool and sleek.)

2. He has a special built-in in his closet specifically for all his fancy, jewel-encrusted collars Madame Eleanor gifted him throughout the years, but this is what the facility's standard-issue collar looks like for his designation (Grand Servant: Domestic Aid).

3. His favorite Prada frames Madame Eleanor got him. (Wyatt later breaks them because he’s an asshole, leaving him straight up blind for several months).

Fancy Threads

Eleanor Sullivan was a Rich Bitch™️, so best believe she had her servant dressed to the 9s in designer fits when out and about or for Family events and the like. She may also put him in a butler uniform from time to time when they were hosting a party at their residence—which was often, Eleanor was known for her soirées. (To clarify, he’d still wear a collar even when dressed up, and all those attending knew who and what he was.)

The Host

He loved a good party just as much as Eleanor did! He likes serving and seeing people have fun and enjoy themselves (people-pleasing empath). He was known for his food displays and had a knack for creating a proper afternoon tea spread that garnered attention from all those present.

Speaking of Empath…

We can’t talk about him without bringing up his not-so-secret secret! Lil’ homie has a gang of abilities (telepathic empathy, hyper intuition, premonitions, and psychometry) just bubbling up inside him at all times. His relationship with himself and his sixth senses is complicated, to say the least—he finds them burdensome, yet he cannot function without them, despite how much he argues otherwise. It’s a whole thing, but for a certified Telepathic-Empath™️, he sure is dead inside (which only gets worse after Wyatt OFC).

*Sorry for the shitty upload quality of the Emotional Sponge, idk why it looks so bad!

Domestic Duties

Not only can he slap together the best charcuterie board you’ve ever seen and easily untangle Christmas lights, but he’s also a man who can cook, clean, and keep a house. What can’t he do?

Hobbies? Interests?

Don’t be ridiculous, he didn’t have time for leisure activities! But when he had some occasional downtime, he would spend an ungodly amount of it doing facials and grooming himself. He also loved to go to the spa with Madame Eleanor. As far as reading went, he wasn’t into novels, but he would occasionally peruse short-story myths and legends, old fables, or read picture books in funny voices to Eleanor’s grandchildren. Primarily, he’d like to read trashy magazines, comics, and cookbooks. But let’s be real, he considered cleaning, gossiping, and baking his primary hobbies.

RIP Madame Eleanor Sullivan

(She’s been dead for about a year and a half when they story picks up)

First and foremost—above everything else—The Aid was Eleanor Sullivan’s literal live-in medically trained caregiver, which is why she bought him in the first place. They had a very close relationship for five years, and he did everything for her. When she died, his world was shattered, and he took her death really hard. Wyatt was jealous of his Mother’s relationship with her servant from day one, which is where part of his animosity comes from. Quick note—Eleanor was a posh, vintage-Chanel-wearing Grandma and would never be caught dead wearing a bathrobe outside. Eleanor was Queen of being That Bitch.

Enter: Wyatt Sullivan

These pics are pretty tame all things considered, but after Eleanor’s death, The Aid is now in a World O’ Hurt and the subject of Wyatt’s drug-and-alcohol-fueled rage. The Aid went from a high-class servant loved by his Madame and respected by her friends, associates, and family (besides Wyatt) to a human punching bag overnight. The beef between these two runs deep and maybe Eleanor isn’t as innocent as she seems. Stick around and you’ll find out all the Sullivan family tea.

To: Wyatt

Just some memes directed towards Wyatt and The Aid being painfully aware of his shitty situation (I got too many of these and had to sprinkle some in).

Where We’re at Now…

Quite the fall from grace, wouldn’t you say? Our boy is currently bed-ridden and zombified while having the worst time imaginable. He’s drugged up, fucked up, and can’t move half of his body!

*This took me an embarrassing amount of time to assemble, but I went the extra mile because this doubles as a reference guide.

[fullstcp]

"You Might Not Like Her" by Maddie Zahm Sentence Starters

POCKET BIBLE

"He/she/they could've been the best friend I couldn't have."

"Passed out advice, never passed out on drugs."

"I/You carried around judgement and labeled it love."

"I thought I knew how to live exactly right."

"The truth ain't travel sized."

"What's it gonna take to heal a heartbreak?"

"What happens if I kiss a girl/boy for Christ's sake?"

"If I'm getting high, am I mistake?"

"Why'd they start to want me when I lost the weight?"

"Why do I feel better when I don't pray?"

"I must've missed a verse that was vital."

FAT FUNNY FRIEND

"I have to be nice or I'll be the next punchline."

"I'm just the best friend in Hollywood movies who only exists to continue the story."

"The girl gets the guy, while I'm standing off-screen."

"I'll wait for my cue to be comedic relief."

"If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?"

"Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?"

"I say 'I'm okay', cause they wouldn't care anyway."

"And I could try to explain, but my effort's in vain."

"I've done every diet to make me look thinner."

"So why do I still feel so goddamn inferior."

"It's funny when I think a guy/girl likes me."

"If I don't answer now, are they still gonna miss me?"

"Life of the fat, funny friend."

IF IT'S NOT GOD

"Be pretty and don't make it look like you're trying."

"When they were wrong, I could never keep quiet."

"I searched for the truth, and had faith that I'd find it."

"I let myself be the liar."

"I never understood some types of love being wrong."

"Something inside me was always steering left."

"What father/mother picks a few just to leave the rest?"

"I heard a voice inside my head, it disagreed."

"So if that wasn't God, well, thank God it was me."

"They called me a sinner when I was a saint."

"I let them call me the liar."

"He'll/she'll/they'll know why I left, why I ran in a hurry."

"Either way I choose, I'm not wasting my life."

"The voice in my head has always been right."

INEVITABLE

"You spent ten years with somebody, didn't end up working out."

"You call me a friend, again and again."

"We could try to resist, to keep our distance."

"We could call this what it isn't."

"This has more push than it ever had pull."

"We're inevitable."

"You look out for me and it scares me."

"Every time I meet someone new face to face, the pieces don't fit the same."

"We both know it's inevitable."

"This was never in our control."

"Can we both admit it's out of our control?"

YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE HER

"It's against everything that we stood for."

"Someday, you'll kiss a girl/boy and you'll panic."

"You'll learn to let people have their opinions."

"Someday, you'll learn to keep your own secrets."

"You'll say you're doing okay and really mean it."

"You'll lose your faith a bit and question if she's/he's/they're you."

"For a while you not like her/him/them, but I do."

"You'll the old you, but here's the deal."

"That good girl/guy you were was really fucking bad at being real."

"They'll love you not despite, but regardless."

"You'll learn to let people have shitty opinions."

[morska--vila]

Tag some of your favorite mutuals to let them know you love them and it's going to be okay! 💖💖💖

wow this is really cute 🥺 first of all, I love all of my mutuals, you guys bring me so much joy whenever I'm here and you all mean a lot to me

I'm really sorry if I forgot someone important (it happens to me a lot 💀), but know I love and appreciate all of you and I'm ultra grateful to have this safe space with all of you in it ❤️

first my bestest girl @day-trippin-dreamer, I love you so much, you're my soulmate and the one person that can pull me out of the deepest gutters with just a few words. you're the most amazing person I've ever met, you are smart, funny, capable, kind, compassionate, creative, humble, drop dead gorgeous and you just radiate positivity. you're so brave, I'm always amazed by your strength. my life would literally suck so much without you and I can't (and don't want to) imagine a single day without you in it for the rest of my life. I appreciate you so much and all of our conversations, whether we're joking, hoeing, thirsting, being silly or being serious, bring me so much happiness and I always feel so loved and worthy in your presence. I appreciate all the time and effort you consistently put into our friendship and how much time you've spent over the years on making me feel good about myself. you have the most uplifting spirit and I'm immensely jealous of anyone who gets to share space with you every day and I hope and pray every day that you're being treated nicely and appreciated the way you deserve to be. I am so sorry for being so difficult and stubborn sometimes and I thank you for still putting up with me and still being here. I promise to keep working on myself so I can be the kind of friend a sexy bitch like you deserves so we can finally meet and start checking off that to do list together. I feel so lucky and grateful that I get to call myself your friend and that I get to witness firsthand all of your success and achievements. I love you so much more than I can explain with words and I hope that I make you feel good because you don't deserve anything less. 🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗

@awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands moja sestra 💗 first of all, thank you for tagging me in this, it made my heart so warm! you are such a kind and beautiful soul, you always go out of your way to make others feel good and I admire your endless positivity. you are so hot, your selfies and outfits are always fire. I love your creative mind and I feel so lucky and grateful to be your sestra ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@emometalhead girl, you just get me. I feel like I can tell you anything and you would understand. your friendship, reassurance and support over the years mean so much to me. you are as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside and I'm always in awe of you. despite life not always treating you kindly, you are still so positive, compassionate and cheerful. just like Alessia, you bring a lot of light into this world and we're all lucky to have you by our side 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

@glamourizedcocaine my dude, my bro, my og, the nikki to my tommy. never underestimate what your insane (affectionate) mind is capable of. you can do and achieve anything you want as long as you don't listen to other people's shitty projections of their own insecurity. you are so intelligent, brave, CRAZILY creative and talented, funny as hell, determined and smoking hot. your friendship means a lot to me and I've been so lucky over the years to be able to witness some of your ingenious AND dumbass ideas (duality of man am I right). I love you dude and I hope you're doing well. 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

@ephyjeva sestro moja, ovnu moj ♈, hvala ti što me uvijek nasmiješ i razveseliš. sanjala sam neku noć da smo skupa išle na psihomodo 😭😭 možda se i ostvari jednog dana. sjećam se prvog puta kad smo imale neku prepisku u komentarima i bilo mi je tako toplo oko srca vidjet naš jezik na ovoj godforsaken app 😭 hvala ti za sve i nadam se da te mobitel dobro služi bumeru jedan 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

@ladyshandioftheendless shandi, my love, you are so fun, smart and creative, I love seeing you on my dash and your views are always so right, I always agree with everything you say. you are so awesome and I love reading your tags. I hope life is treating you nicely because you deserve it and I hope all the good things come your way 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

@stars-kiss-the-sky SKYYYY 💖 my beloved bee and shrek enthusiast. you're such a great person and you always have the most fun stories, your sense of humour had me on the floor on multiple occasions 😭 I really hope you're doing well and that Jackie and his dogs howled at the full moon the other day 😭😭💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

@jcferrero we haven't talked, but I enjoy seeing you on my dash and in my notes. your humour is unmatched, your tennis takes and blorbos superior and your tags exquisite 🤌 you seem very kind and I truly hope you're having the best week 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

@kodachromatics I love your sense of humour and your posts are always on point. we've talked briefly (in unfortunate circumstances sadly) and you seem like you have a very bright soul and I can sense your kindness through the screen. I hope you're doing well and I'm sending you hugs if you need them 😭🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

@fedalgaard we also haven't talked, but I love seeing you on my dash and in my notes, I really appreciate you being here and I love learning about cycling through your posts. you seem like the sweetest person overall and I'm wishing you an amazing week and i hope you're doing well 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

@born-to-lose you're so weird in the best possible way!! 😭😭 I love seeing your posts and selfies (and those fire fits) on my dash and I really love your sense of humour. you're really smart and creative, I admire your knowledge of languages and I love your music taste so much. hopefully today has been kind to you and I wish the rest of the week is too 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[liminalpebble]

Eddie's Education: Chapter 20

Masterlist link

CW: Language, descriptions of sex, violent and gruesome horror imagery, hate speech (from a shitty character), description of physical abuse. Death (not of main protagonists) Minors DNI

Chapter 20

Leia's eyes felt sore, heavy and red-ringed with exhaustion as her vision swam in the haze of liminal space between sleep and waking. Hovering there, she could swear she heard a deep gravely voice; hypnotic and commanding, otherworldly.

Leia...You're teasing me. You're so so tired...tired of all the tribulations. You've fought for so long. You don't need to be afraid, my dear. I want you to rest well. In fact, I have such lovely gifts in store for you. You'll see.

Despite the somnolent trance, somewhere in the back of her mind she could feel an alarm going off...some warning...there was something she was trying to do...What was it? Leia only had the sense that she ought to run, but couldn't quite recall why as she slumped, anchored to her spot on the couch.

She goaded herself. Come on...come on...open your eyes all the way. Wake up.

Once Leia finally gathered the strength to lift her eyelids, she scanned her apartment, now bathed in the cold blue light of the little hours. Small beams snaked their way through the slats of the blinds and the parting of the curtains to dance around a figure sitting in the chair across from her. A tall thin man with blond hair and severe features sat with his legs crossed and hands folded on his lap, like a therapist waiting graciously for his client's attention.

“Hello, darling,” he said in a more youthful voice than the gravelly one which greeted her. “I'm pleased to finally meet you.”

She tried to respond but her mouth was frozen. She could only think her response. You're him. Aren't you? You're Vecna.

Nonetheless, he heard her thoughts, and chuckled darkly, “Just Henry, please. What a dramatic name they've chosen for me!” He smiled an unnerving grin, full of teeth as white and orderly as his uniform, as he stalked closer to her frozen form.

Though she was cold and paralyzed, she could feel her pulse skyrocket with a blaze of fear. Her words emerged in a hazy tendril of disjointed thoughts. You're...you're not what I thought you'd be like. You're...beautiful. How are you beautiful? That doesn't seem right. Before...you were... Are you...are you here to kill me?

“Beautiful! Oh you are so sweet, aren't you? I can see why dear sweet Eddie loves you so much,” he said, now leaning over her, hands casually resting in his pockets, as if he were just out for a stroll. Suddenly his face was level with hers, large icy blue eyes boring into her as his smile dropped. “No. I'm not here to kill you. More to...hmm, how should I explain this? To gather you into my world... myself...like an embrace, but not yet.”

He put a hand under her chin, but the pads of his fingers didn't feel like skin, they felt desiccated, rough and clammy; like dead branches after a storm. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as his youthful face began to wither and scar, eyes clouding over with corpse-like cataracts. She felt the urge to scream but nothing came out.

“I have such gifts for you before I take you with me, Leia.”

Leia...

Leia!

“Leia!”

She woke from her trance with a start, realizing that Never Tear Us Apart was blasting against her eardrums from the headphones Eddie was holding against her ears.

“Leia! Oh god...oh Jesus. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry,” he sniffed and whimpered holding her close, feeling her little body panting and shivering. “I fell asleep.”

She slowly got her bearings in her own real apartment, where every light was on and blazing despite it being 5 am, and still very dark outside. “Hey, I'm here...I'm here, Eddie. It's okay...” she soothed, holding him close.

He was crying, blubbering now. “I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry. I could have lost you...fuck, I could have lost you!”

She held his face, meeting his tear-soaked dark eyes, “Hey, Eddie, honey. I'm fine...I'm fine. I'm right here.” Leia kissed him, tasting the salt of his tears as she whisked them away with her soft fingers and gentle lips. Eddie was holding her so tightly that it began to hurt but she couldn't bear to stop him, for his sake and for her own. They clung onto each other like wreckage in a storm. After they spent a moment calming each other down, and Leia told him what happened, they both stared into space for a moment, trying to just accept the surreal and impossible.

Eddie rubbed over his face with a shaky hand, saying in a nervous whine, “Fuck...what do we do. What the fuck do we do, Leia?”

Leia's level head took over. She'd always been good in a crisis, and she'd never needed to roll with the punches more than she did right now. She shrugged, taking a deep shaky breath, “Uh...well. I need to shower and get ready for work. Wanna join me?”

Eddie stared at her in disbelief, dark eyes looking like a deer's in headlights. “You can't be serious! You're gonna go into work today?”

She shrugged. “Eddie, I have to stay awake, right? It seems like this might be the best idea to keep me on my feet all day. I can play music in the classroom while the students work to help keep him from getting in my head again. It's the last day before Thanksgiving break anyway.”

“Jesus...how are you always right?”

She smiled wryly. “I sure as hell try to be. The stakes are usually too high for me for be wrong.” She sighed heavily, the weight of it all sitting uncomfortably on her shoulders, but still, she smiled to him as she said, “Come on, handsome, take a shower with me. I'll let you wash my back...or whatever else you want.”

He couldn't help but chuckle as he rubbed his tired eyes. “Whatever you want, Princess. Anything for you. Always.”

-----

As Eddie spent the rest of the morning passionately fucking Leia against the wall of her shower, losing track of time, and then scrambling with her to get ready for the day, Dr. Ferguson sat in his house across town, nodding off. The dean sat with a cup of bitter coffee in front of him, nearly spilling it on the puke green velvet recliner; his favorite. Each time he woke again, he violently smacked the snooze button of the alarm clock beside him. He thought, vitriol rising, about how tired he was. He hadn't slept well for weeks.

It's all that little whore's fault. Women don't know their place anymore, giving an upstanding Christian man like me impure thoughts that keep me up at night, the stupid little Jezebels.

Ferguson had always been misogynistic, but it'd gotten worse ever since his wife left him at the start of the school year, unable to tolerate any more of his ranting about how women should all be barefoot and pregnant all the time. And then...and then there was Leia goddamn Vespero. Some highly educated little snot of a teacher with academic awards all over her resume, whom all these idiot students adored, especially that godless Munson boy.

The fact that Eddie Munson was no longer a kid, or that it was no longer 1983, or 1970, or the 1950's didn't often occur to Ferguson. He was stuck in the Brady Bunch and Leave It to Beaver ideals of a bygone time when men were men, instead of long-haired Satan-worshiping freaks, and women made dinner in pearls and high heels instead of being little show-off shits who got their Master's a year early and thought they were good enough to be professors instead of their secretaries.

Ferguson looked around his empty home, his living room, where he'd taken to sleeping every night in the recliner without his nag of a wife to make him go to the bed. Mid-glance, his bloodshot eyes flickered shut. His dingy 70's bungalow, was suddenly clean, tidy, and new, the way it had been when he'd bought it, right after it was built. He saw his 5 children (who were no longer children but were in this moment) lined up on the stairs in their perfect Sunday best of suits and modest dresses. And there was his wife at the foot of the stairs, saying in a softer, more docile, voice than she'd ever actually had, “Good Morning, John. We're all ready for church.”

He made a joke, to which his wife gave him an unsettling laugh that sounded like the canned laughter of a fake studio audience; all those artificial voices coming from a single red mouth.

Nonetheless, he smiled in smug satisfaction as he walked over to inspect his righteous American family, but the closer he came, the more their toothpaste-commercial smiles began to drop in unison. He looked to his wife as her make up dripped off, revealing every bruise he had given her over the years. They were piling on all at once until her head began to look like a rotten piece of fruit; a swollen over-ripe plum of a face still trying to smile for him, like he always told her to do.

Unable to look at the contorting, livid faces of his family, he screamed and stumbled back. Ferguson's eyes met the large crucifix on the wall, as he attempted to look at anything but them. It was wrong somehow. The tangled, sinewy figure of his lord and savior, emaciated and streaked with blood, was no longer ceramic, but a small living creature, that looked as if it had been flayed alive, full of pulsing ropes of bare muscle and ooze. It turned its skinless, smiling head as it hung there, and addressed him.

“Hello, John. Do you have something you'd like to confess?” it asked in a deep growling voice.

John tumbled back from the wall, falling with a thud onto the shag carpet and trying to crawl backwards until he slammed against a pair of legs. There were vines slithering from the monster's body constricting around him, and lifting him from the ground to face Vecna's milky eyes and smiling skull of a face. One gigantic clawed hand rose, caging around Ferguson's trembling head as he was forced to meet the creatures eyes. It said, slowly, deliberately, from vocal cords laced with decay, “Be not afraid, John. The shepherd is here to gather his flock. It'll all be over soon.”

With that Ferguson's thick red neck made a disgusting snap and his jaw lulled open. With his mind, Vecna reached within John's chest encircling the muscle of his heart with a bruising, invisible grasp. Then he squeezed, popping it was if it were no more than a water balloon.

In the waking world, the corpse of dean Ferguson still sat in his armchair, his coffee, having long since tumbled to the carpet in shards of ceramic and an inky puddle. His gray frozen face was distorted with fear and fracture. It would be ruled a heart attack (a cause of death which would surprise no one, and was technically true) but there were older cops on the police force who saw something in that twisted face they recognized...something from a series of cases 15 years ago.

-----

Leia walked quietly around her classroom and glanced at her watch. I was 10:30 am.

This will be a long day. She thought with a sigh, rubbed her tired eyes, yawned and shivered. She was chilly and grumpy, having run out of the house with a wet head of hair and some pain between her legs from and overenthusiastic Eddie. She smiled, thinking, to be fair I was the one who asked for more and harder, and it certainly woke me up.

The room was quiet as her students worked on their essays. The only soundtrack was the ticking of pens and pencils against paper and the low music coming from her CD player. She stretched and took few more steps between the desks as Thom Yorke crooned out the opening lines of Karma Police in his shaky pretty voice over the lazy strum of the guitar riffs.

She glanced out the into the hall and saw two teachers and a secretary talking in hushed but urgent voices as Radiohead played on...

Karma police, arrest this man. He talks in maths. He buzzes like a fridge. He's like a detuned radio....

The music played on but her awareness of it migrated to the back of her mind as she watched the hall get more and more crowded with the rising cacophony of her coworkers. Their eyes were wide. Their hands went over their mouths as they gasped. Something was wrong. Something was weird. A student called her over, and she put on a smile, helping him for a few minutes, before her attention returned to the hall as Thom wailed in the background...

This is what you get. This is what you get when you mess with us. For a minute there I lost myself. I lost myself. Phew, for a minute there I lost...

There was a gentle knock at the door. The secretary poked her head in and politely asked, “Miss Vespero, can...can I see you real quick?”

@sunflowerdaydreamer @sweetsigyn

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

auggggggh ive been wanting to make this post for an eternity but i havent been able to because I keep trying to explain myself WELL guess what. Im giving up, heres the song Wenn ich tanzen will from Elisabeth: das Musical with english translations, does it not make you think of what if Feysand was interesting

If you dont wanna watch the whole thing for some reason, I'd like to highlight this part

Fly!

I'll fly alone!

I alone want to accompany you through night and storm

I don't want to be accompanied anymore

Not even by you — I won't let myself be led

You're free only through me

Only through me

Only for me

For me!

For you shall make the way for me

I'm going my own way now

I've seperated myself from you — Leave me alone!

You've fallen in love with me

Because there's no freedom without me

And no one can understand you except for me!

Oh and also this part (theyre kinda singing over each other at this point)

I'm strong enough on my own!

You were only strong as long as you still thought that you were weak

I'm not calling for you!

You will call for me!

I'm not seeking you out!

You will seek me out!

I'm beginning to love my life!

Soon you will hate it!

Okay, I actually lied at the start of this post, I am gonna try to explain myself. My ideal not-boring version of Feysand that I think of when I listen to this song is like. Okay so, the structure of the story is fundamentally the same (except it takes place over a wayyyy longer timespan) with Feyre initially just kinda going about her new life as a traumatized fae and Rhysand coming to pick her up once a month, which ends up helping her because the SC manorhouse is kind of just covered in a bunch of depressing ooze rn (figuratively) and she cant really leave and Rhysand is basically giving her an excuse to hang out in a place without ooze, so its easier for her to have a good time. Rhysand is kinda awkward around her initially because hes basically like "ohhhhhh shit oh fuck, the woman that I tortured UTM as a fucked up way of coping with what Amarantha was doing to is my soulmate!!" because i really hate the fact that Rhysand apparently already knew about her and dreamt about her before she was even fae, it shouldve snapped in place for both of them during that little scene at the end of ACOTAR but Feyre has no concept of how a mating bond is supposed to feel like so shes just kinda like "huh, that felt kinda weird. anyway"

(this inexplicably got very long. like, 6 more paragraphs long. so much for me not explaining myself)

So yeah, Rhysand is hardcore struggling trying to figure out how to win her over despite all of the torture, but fortunately for him all she wants is to be left alone, so he does that, no putting her in unecessary danger and no asking insane favors of her even though theyve only been hanging out for like two weeks. Idrk how, but at some point they would start to get closer, this all happens very slowly, its a true slow-burn. And then one day Tamlin is like "I cant stand it, I need to find a way to break this bargain" so he collects a bunch of guys and he tells Feyre that theyre gonna go out and travel through all of Prythian and maybe even beyond in order to find a way to do it and itll probably take them atleast a few months. And then when Feyre says she wants to come along because this is about her after all, hes like "no, its dangerous and also, if Im gone then the Spring Court is gonna needs its Lady" and then he puts the shield around the manor because yeah, Im keeping Tamlin shitty in this one, sorry. This is about me trying to make Feysand good but trying to figure that out with Tamlin being in-character is too complicated for me rn so Im just gonna stick to the character assassination (thats something SJM probably also said while writing ACOMAF)

So yeah, like in canon, Mor gets her outta there and then Feyre starts permanently staying the night court except shes not going out on political errands because of the war with Hybern because honestly, this whole war plot is so stupid and it feels so unecessary like cmon Sarah girlie, I can tell youre not actually interested in writing politics, just stick to the romance and the healing journey. Anyway, during her stay she inadvertantly starts spending more time with Rhysand and realizing that he suffered too and that hes only human or fae or something like that, which helps her deal with her UTM trauma because she kinda thought of him as the embodiment of all her new trauma, so seeing that hes really not that and that hes just a person that she can make peace with helps her

Rhys is falling head over heels for Feyre because she just reminds him SO much of Cassian while Feyre is kinda conflicted but starting to develop some affection for him, and again, this happens over the course of many many months instead of just two. And after all that time, Feyre is starting feel pretty good and she doesnt really wanna go back to the spring court if shes totally honest with herself and then oops, Tamlin's back! He finds her and hes super worried like "oh my cauldron, feyre, my servants told me he just kidnapped you and they couldnt find a way to free you!! but Im here now and Im taking you back home dont worry" and Feyre feels guilty and shes basically like "yeahhhhh this was totally necessary, I definitely wanna go back... home, its just that he exploited this loophole in the bargain so had to stay here. Totally against my will, oh no it was so bad" and Tamlin tells her not to worry, theyve found a way to break they just need to get back to the spring court so they do that

At the Spring Court, Feyre gets to thinking. She thinks shes basically completely defeated her trauma by hanging out with Rhysand and shes like "well, my trauma was pretty much the main thing that made mine and Tamlins relationship not work, so now that my trauma is gone its gonna be all smooth sailing from here" and she just willfully ignores the fact that his way of coping with his UTM trauma was suffocating her and making it impossible to deal with her own issues and when she pointed it out to him he had a panic attack about it. Also, at this point it kinda hits her that shes been spending all this time with Tamlins enemy and feeling this affection for him that she hasnt really felt for Tamlin ever since theyve been back from UTM and their relationship started getting really bad, so now she feels very guilty and wants to rush into a marriage with him after all. Also, maybe by this point shes revovered enough to take a step back and start focusing on her surroundings again instead of just herself, and she realises that the people of the Spring Court would really need this kind of big celebration after this long time of turmoil and suffering, so maybe that plays into her decision to marry Tamlin as well idk

Meanwhile, Rhysand is back at the night court absolutely CONVINCED that Feyre is gonna come back to him even without the bargain or atleast send him a message or something, because of the mating bond and because by this point he thinks that Feyre loves him back, she just hasnt said it because Tamlin interrupted them or whatever. Yknow, because Feyre stopped throwing shoes at him and started to tolerate his presence somewhat, which are obviously the surefire signs that someone is in love with you. But anyway, Feyre never does get back to him because shes busy with her wedding and also trying very hard not think about either Rhysand or Tamlin too much so she doesnt simply run out into the forest to avoid dealing with all this bullshit

So yeah, Rhysand finds out about Feyre marrying Tamlin and he gets very upset and so he winnows to the Spring Court on the day of the wedding. Feyre has just been dressed up in this gorgeous pastel pink and green pantssuit (thats very important for the story) and now Ianthe is leaving her alone for a bit before the grand wedding ceremony. At this point Rhysand comes in and they have a confrontation thats basically just the song except in dialogue-form, remember when this post was about a song I really like, yeah me neither. During this confrontation I really want Rhysand to bring up the mating bond and kinda throw it in her face and I want Feyre to basically respond "oh, so now the guy who always preached about giving me choices and not letting others decide for me is gonna get on my case for not doing what some god wants from me, gtfo" and thats basically how it ends. Then the next book is the book where Feyre hay to make the choice between Tamlin and Rhysand because its a romance series at the end of the day, so even though I would like the last book to just be Feyre ending up single and going on her own adventures, I recognize that thats not a great ending for a romance series so

I wanna end this off by saying that I was trying to only focus on the romance for this because its easier, if I were to write my ideal acotar sequel it would look different than this even if I used the original acomaf as a base. So yeah, thats it hope you enjoyed my 7am ramblings, I have been awake for three hours already writing this

[swiftfootedachilles]

MY BEHAVIOR AND RESPONSES REGARDING WHAT EXACTLY??? stop being vague and get fucking specific. unless you HAVE nothing to be specific about because i have done absolutely nothing to garner the hate ive been receiving for MONTHS. the only reason i even said that personal shit about my relationship or lack thereof with judaism in response to your ask is so you understand that i didnt wake up one day and go "today im going to spread misinformation on the internet" i was explaining that i try to learn my shit before i go posting stuff on the internet regarding cultures that i am not a part of and customs i do not follow. i wasnt trying to gain sympathy points, i wasn't doing a "woe is me" schtick. i couldnt care less about how you or anyone else on here feels about me. it was simply me stating that i wasn't trying to misrepresent, stereotype, or negatively convey any jewish cultural beliefs

i cannot "google it" because you didnt even say what specifically i misrepresented or fetishizes about jewish customs... i learned about jewish wedding traditions, then i made a post mentioning some of those traditions because i thought it wouldve been nice to see said traditions in regards to the fictional characters Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich getting married in the television show Shameless. i did not write the episode where they revealed a shitty white supremacists to be also jewish. thats a completely separate conversation to have. i only brought up that episode because an anon was confused as to why i made a post mentioning mickey being jewish. that is what youre so pissed over. again, if i misrepresented something, i wouldnt know because - despite the fact that YOU are the one who send me an ask and made me aware that my post was apparently fetishization - you have not specified what i said to make you come to this conclusion

since you wont tell me what the hell i said that upset you so much and you refuse to respond to me privately, i guess ill have to explain myself here publicly

i can only assume that you already disliked me before today and are just looking for reasons to disassociate with me like all your friends are doing. luckily i still have followers, mutuals, and real friends who have critical thinkings skills and still support/love me despite whatever bullshit is going on in this dumbass fandom right now. whatever. i would love to hear from other people on this since the person who originally raised this concern is not responding to me. do you find it inappropriate or unethical to discuss - specifically in fandom spaces - communities you are not a part of? is that the problem here, or is there something i missed?

[cloudjumpervalka]

brain thought stuff

so ive been doing weekly therapy again for the past couple months and as i mentioned before i love my therapist. shes my age and also trans so ? thats great. all my other therapists have been older women that made me explain what being trans/nb is over and over again despite labeling themselves as lgbt friendly therapists lmao

anyway like. im really discovering how ingrained my low self worth is into my brain bc it really did start with my earliest memories and just kept getting into more toxic situations

i was emotionally neglected growing up and bullied k-12 for a plethora of reasons. when i did get my first friendships/relationship, they were like. borderline abusive* (both my therapist and i are hesitant with this word)

i have years of feeling like my self worth is reliant on how unhealthy people view my usefulness to their life?

i need to like. learn how to find myself worthy of just existing. worthy of waking up and being able to, as my therapist said, "breathe, eat, and fuck"

it feels really weird too bc i have spent years feeling like a waste of a person and like. inheritely a horrible person who is too self absorbed to realize it. i know i have made mistakes and could have handled these situations better, but it doesnt define me as a person. i try every day to be a better person for myself and my loved ones and its always weird to hear "well an actually shitty person wouldnt care about getting better" bc i then trick myself into being im one of those assholes utilizing therapy talk to justify my shit behavior

idr why i started this lil vent but like. idk it feels like therapy is working this time. its helping me realize some things, its helping me learn how to not fall into the same patterns (my therapist said im like an addict that cant leave unhealthy situations) , learning where my values lie and how to pick those values out in other people

most importantly tho, shes having me try to not define myself as an artist but rather someone that makes art. i have so much fucked up brain layers over my self worth and it being tied to what i create, i was starting to have like mini breakdowns over not getting enough attention for my work, which shouldnt matter bc i should do work for myself.

ive gone back to sketching in a real sketchbook and not posting a lot of my work bc then i am doing it strictly for myself. but maybe ill post a sketch collection at a later date for fun.

i still want to work on "angelkin" project aka SERAPH. which is an art project i started a yearish ago that is a self biographical look at these most "toxic" relationships and the feelings of devotion/obsession with uh. spoilers: the 3 people in my life that threatened suicide to various degrees/reasons towards me. bigger spoilers, imagine this also being tied in to my own self worth being connected to how well i can be Everything to someone. hence the angel theming

eh whatever, i hope you enjoyed my ted talk bc my lunch break at work is over now LOL

[northwest-cryptid]

I cannot express this clearly enough so let me say it as best I can...

The reason I don't go off about "AI is bad AI is scary!" is not because I condone the use of AI to steal people's art, writing, voice, or likeness; because I don't condone that at all. The reason you don't hear me go off about "AI is bad AI is scary!" is because AI isn't actually the problem here... The people who use AI for these things are the problem and I refuse to let them get away with their horrible shitty behavior by letting them scapegoat lines of code that we've literally had for decades but haven't been usable for the common individual due to a lack of understanding, an understanding that the common individual STILL lacks.

If you actually care to know my thoughts past that summary I got you fam. All that I ask of you is that you have the reading comprehension level to understand that I do not condone theft in any form, outside of shoplifting necessities from specifically large chains (do not steal from mom and pop shops or small chains like mall stores it impacts the workers on the lowest rungs of the ladder.)

I literally expressed to a good friend of mine not too long ago that I had used an AI to generate a reference image since I'm trying to get better at art. Without so much as any understanding of my process he began to shame me for it, which made it very hard to explain to him that I had actually trained the model in it's entirety myself; on my own art so that it would produce reference images closer to how I actually draw already and thus make it easier for me to understand how the drawing would look in my style. He then went off about how even if that were true, it wouldn't know what common things are, like how it knows what an owl looks like; to which I had to explain to him that stock photos exist and how I have literally done photography as a hobby for years so most of the images were literally my own photography (most of my family are artists whether that be photography, writing, music, or painting and I grew up in this environment) the only images used to train the AI that weren't literally created by my hand were legally owned stock photos that I used to help round it out a little since obviously I don't have great photos of everything ever that I might want to try my hand at drawing. This explanation literally took me hours, and the actual explanation would have taken me about 5 minutes but we couldn't get past "AI bad AI scary!" to get to "actually you can ethically train an AI to use art, photography, and images of your own creation and not have to steal anything from anyone; ever. All of the images, and art that are used by my AI are used with permission of their original creator, because I am that creator." The AI doesn't even run on the internet or connect to the internet, so it's not like it could pull results from some secret third party or website or something. It's just a huge help as someone who suffers from ADHD, I can't very easily keep an image in my mind and remember the finer details as I draw, and I am not a skilled enough artist yet to know how things should look in relation to other things just yet. However despite all of this I still have had a lot of people get upset with me simply for even USING an AI in the first place.

It's honestly as if people forget what "AI" really even is, it's code. That's it; that's the end all be all of it. Every video game under the sun that you love uses code, and I'm willing to bet good money it uses AI, it's own AI; because a lot of shit has for a long, LONG time. We're only seeing a problem with it now because it's finally being made open source, brought to the masses; and in those masses there will always be people who use it for the wrong reasons. I've been told that my thoughts on AI sound like some 2nd amendment right winger talking about guns and gun laws, which is honestly just annoying because I cannot in my right mind think of an ethical use case for a gun. The best case scenario with a gun is that it's a waste of money you never have to use. However when you break down what AI really is, it's just a bunch of code that can use the knowledge given to it (by a human being) to discern patterns and calculate what mathematically should happen next based on the parameters and then do that thing. There are so many use cases for that, everything from simply trying to calculate a minecraft seed to stuff as complex as surgery (although I would probably still feel more comfortable with human surgery lol)

The only difference between AI and say a basic start up sequence for a computer is that a sequence like that is pre-written by the programmer, it's a line of commands the computer will just follow; while AI has a line of commands that tells it to basically write it's own code and execute it based on the commands that give it "knowledge" of how to do everything. There's no "thinking" there's no "consciousness" it's all calculation and mathematics; which some may equate to consciousness and thinking; but like at that point I think you're just getting into the weeds about it.

What I'm trying to say with all of this is simple though, the tl;dr is this:

That age old saying of "a computer should never be put in a position of power because a computer cannot be held accountable for it's actions" is how I feel about AI, people want to point the finger at AI saying that it stole someone's art or voice or something; and no it didn't AI didn't do that A PERSON DID, BLAME THE PERSON; DO NOT LET THE INDIVIDUAL GET AWAY WITH USING A TOOL TO MAKE THEIR THEFT EASIER, THE PERSON IS STILL THE ONE AT FAULT.

Ai has no conscious thought, it cannot do anything it is not explicitly told to. If I go out and use an AI to generate art or to steal someone's style, that's on ME not the AI; the AI is just a tool, I could have just as easily gone about it some other way. I view AI as a sort of accessibility tool, it makes a lot of lives easier it can make everything from hobbies to jobs easier WITH PROPER USE, but the lazy idiotic assholes who don't bother with proper use and wish to abuse it should be the ones being held accountable. If a studio uses an AI to steal someone's voice and likeness then blame the studio for misuse of their tools!

If I run over 20 people with my car, the car is not at fault; I am. Rightfully so! If I generate 20 images that uses art from various photographers or drawings from artists without their permission or knowledge well, I guess the AI did it; can't blame me right? When people aren't held accountable, they'll just go do it again.

[botheringlevi]

I was scrolling by and I saw you like romance novels, I would’ve never thought. It’s cute. What trope do you like the most?

I’m very into romance/erotica books myself and I love books about love, and this is me rambling on about stuff you probably don’t care about. I am nothing but a curious creature.

I don't see why this is a burning question, but I'll answer it.

Like I said, it's a guilty pleasure. I'll explain what's shitty first—it's impossible not to mention this anyway. The further in the Walls you shop for books, the crazier those kinds of stories become. I think I've mentioned this before... but the most glaring kind is women who fall in love with damaged but attractive men whose dark secret is their ability to Titanize. I could've sworn I was reading that shit wrong, so I flipped through one of those filthy books and it seems like the woman either gets the Titan to change his ways by the end, or he's cured. More rarely, the Titan is a woman... the man is usually a soldier or something, and their love is forbidden. In that case the soldier finds her so disgusting she goes out of her way to cure herself, and it's all the same. I'd collect all these just to get them off the shelves, but it's a waste of money and matches.

Besides the obvious disgusting fact, books in Sina like those tend to have strange... quirks. They always end up married by the end, and with a couple kids. Not that it's bad thing or anything... but it gets old since it happens every time.

The pairing is always between a man and a woman. Variations are more rare in real life, sure... but... this is fiction, isn't it? What's stopping these authors from writing one damn story? Considering the cash they rake in from writing about fucking Titans, it wouldn't hurt their bottom-line, would it?

It'd be annoying to get further into that, and I'm already way off track from what this whole question was about, so forget it.

Maybe you two could help with this. Certain ways characters interact are confusing. It seems like the love interests... especially the man, doesn't treat the woman with decency. I mean lies... or manipulating the situation so she'll end up with him, and the most confusing part is that she eventually agrees. Or... as you said Morgyn, an erotic scene appears from nowhere. The woman might object, but it goes on each time when she's convinced in some way. By that point I've stopped reading.

I'm not an expert, and books including that aren't my thing, but that kind of shit makes no sense to me.

I avoid tragic endings. They're too depressing. Petra is one of those people who obsess over romance stories, so if I'd ask her how an ending—vaguely—goes, and she'll answer. She acts embarrassed when we talk about that sort of thing, but she's my best source of information, so, I have to endure those conversations.

No idea why she gets embarrassed. Of spoiling the ending, if I had to guess. There's Erwin, surprisingly... but it's somehow more awkward to ask him.

Love triangles are a waste of time... but I'll read them if the plot makes up for it. People who've known each other forever—as friends, coworkers, or so on—and are too stupid to realize their feelings for each other... and drag this out through the whole story irritate me. It's a constant pain. My opinion changes if they have other obstacles. Or completely opposite, I like reading about strangers who meet and were... somehow bound to be together, as they navigate conflict that tests their bond.

Despite what I said earlier... forbidden relationships in general aren't bad. Enemies who find common ground, and get attached. And then, one who has no choice but to make an enemy out of the other again despite everything they feel going against that—that fake betrayal. Some battle happens, and the "enemy" ends up injuring the other before coming to their senses. That's the best trope to me.

I ended up rambling too, Morgyn. Don't assume I don't care.

...And thanks for the tea, Milan.

[vatican3]

Do You have any thoughts about Nihil's friend. Would love to hear if you do.

Prefacing all of this with the fact that you really need to buy into my Nihil-is-a-girl canon for almost any of this to interest you.

I feel like I need to split this up into sections but as I'm writing this I have no clue what those sections will be. But they're all. General concepts.

BESTIE:

Cishet. Sorry.

Except for when I sometimes hit him with the transbian beam because I can't help myself. But we'll get to that.

Despite looking like a massive douchebag this guy is so sweet and full of love. Assigned dogboy.

Best friends with Nihil for a long long time, Nihil is known and loved by his family.

They are roommates. They live in a shitty apartment together. They're in a shitty band together. They go to shitty parties together. They're having the time of their lives.

But he's like, hm, I do sort of want Nihil carnally but as far as I know I am not into men. They get drunk and make out constantly.

Nihil eventually comes around to telling him she's a girl and he's like OHHH THAT MAKES WAY MORE SENSE FOR ME, PERSONALLY.

Upon learning he is avoiding a sexuality crisis (for now. We'll get out the transbian beam in a minute) he's like okay, obviously we should have sex. Nihil also thinks this because she is bored and horny and thinks hey he's pretty sexy that would be fun. This is a great solution to the nights when neither of them experiences success with women.

So they fuck raw every single day basically.

It does not take long for them to individually figure out they are in love with each other but it does take them forever to say fucking anything about it.

There is a weird relationship limbo where they are really not sure if they're dating and are too scared to ask. Bestie has stopped trying to hit on other women.

Their friends in their shitty rock band do not understand what their dynamic is and they are trying to piece it together from context clues and it just is not happening. They are also confused about Nihil's general gender situation but they are beyond asking questions.

BESTIE IS PRIMO'S DAD:

Despite the fucking raw every day they are somehow surprised when Nihil ends up pregnant (there is nary a brain cell between them).

Nihil is vomiting. They think it must be a stomach bug. And then she just keeps vomiting and now certain smells are making her nauseous that didn't before and her period is not making an appearance when it should be. And then they're like, don't think this one's a stomach bug, man.

Bestie is terrified for fatherhood.

But very excited!

Nihil has to speedrun going girlmode because pregnancy is not going to wait for that to get figured out.

Nihil, because of how she is, has about 50 books about pregnancy in her room. Bestie makes the mistake of reading one of them and is now gripped with anxieties about everything that could possibly go wrong.

Bestie tries to gather band friends without Nihil to tell them she's pregnant. They do not understand. He can see the gears trying to turn in their heads. It's not clicking. They are excited for this mystery baby regardless.

Bestie calls his family to explain that hey you know Nihil? Yeah you do. We're having a kid and also she's kind of my girlfriend not clear on that one yet. Try not to ask questions I do not have answers.

He wins some shitty arcade jewelry for them to wear as wedding rings to doctor appointments because they are already not stoked about this greasy freak having a kid with some nice girl but an unmarried greasy freak is worse.

They go to see Bestie's family for Christmas with baby Primo in hand. There are clearly questions. Nobody is going to ask. Bestie's siblings try to talk to Nihil like she's a new person and she's like, I have known you forever what are you fucking doing.

They can pawn off baby Primo on Bestie's extended family and cuddle and fall asleep by the fireplace together. They are so tired. Did you know having a baby is so hard.

BESTIE IS A VAMPIRE:

You don't need me to explain this.

You've seen the Dance Macabre video.

NIHIL IS BESTIE'S GIRLFRIEND FOR REAL THIS TIME:

They are so into each other it's either adorable or disgusting depending on what kind of person you are.

Bestie is at work exclusively talking about his girlfriend and how she is and how excited he is to go home and see her.

I don't have time or room to fit all of my nurse Nihil thoughts prompted by that other person in here. But please understand how much I thought about this concept.

Bestie is so into her and constantly brings home presents for her. Candy. Clothes.

They just fucking love watching horror movies and cuddling and eating Chinese leftovers together.

TRANSBIAN BEAM:

Someone tell this girl she can be butch.

Imp/Nihil/Bestie Femme4Femme4Butch throuple.

Nihil has two hands for two hot vampire gfs.

[autistic-fuckwad]

"not everything's about you guys" lmao can't you take a hint in your own words?

Last one of these I'm answering unless you guys want to actually be nicer about it.

Unlike what you'd think, I'm not like Dakkokki and whatever weird shit he's gotten into. I don't have an interest in "proving you wrong". I was genuinely an asshat, I can't say I'm not now but I can say that I'm actively trying to be better. I don't have an interest in constantly fighting drama about myself, which is why I don't answer most of my asks.

Explaining a situation isn't the same as deflecting responsibility. My worst crime was being an asshole to people, despite the fact that I've been called a suibaiter ( for genuinely wanting to commit suicide, i guess? though you are the people sending me death threats, so it makes sense you'd laugh about my suicide note ), a freak who apparently "loves sending people death threats X3" ( i said i wanted to set scalpers on fire. i think we can all agree that scalpers suck. was it appropriate? probably not, not all opinions are meant to be shared. the only other instance i was accused of this, i apologized directly to the person for the hate they were getting despite me not actually doing it, because i still felt bad that they were getting hate. ), and a racist ( i said a dumb thing when i was 16 on twitter because at the time I didn't know the nuance behind words. i was already remorseful after i realized it could be misunderstood, i've apologized to everyone that affected already. at the time i got hundreds of death threats over that, all telling me i was worthless for being disabled and someone should push me down the stairs, i don't want that to start again. i still don't know how to word things like that properly, so i don't talk about race whatsoever as I'm white and it's not my subject to touch. )

I don't know what your endgame is at this point. Despite what you think, I get many more asks than I actually publish. Most of them are death threats. Some of them are nice questions. Some of them are just calling me any of the above words and saying they're gonna tell all of my friends how shitty i am.

If your end goal is really to get me to change, then just leave me alone. Giving me endless nightmares and anxiety, retriggering my eating disorder, sending me death threats, even harassing my few ( read: 3 ) friends I do have left because of shit things I did in my past that I'm genuinely ashamed of and sorry for isn't going to make you a better person, or make me feel more sorry than I already do. The only reason you all are on anon is because you know if your friends found out, they would all hate you just like you all hate me, too.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi i am about 9 years younger than you but i have a question because im so very fearful for my future. i have some college education i just work part time and live with family i am thankful despite it not being a good home life. my point is i dont want to go back to college and i worry i will never be free. i think im trapped forever. i just want to explore. how do you make money? i cant see myself with a 9-5..how do u afford ur sweet adventures and drugs and living? thank u so much.

hehe aww anon.. welll.. my life choices arent really advisable....i dont know how to explain the sequence of events tht lead me to where i am now but. i never had many goals for myself other than makin memories and learning to love good. theres been times i tried to force myself to care about money n career cus of pressure from the world but it never amounted to anything cus it wasnt genuine. soo i just spent most my life doing shitty minimum wage jobs to survive and living frugal. throughout it all i devoted a lot of energy to my friends who r like family to me now n we all hold eachother up. its not somethin i ever couldve foreseen n im rly lucky but also nothin about my circumstances is glamorous. by the standards of most ppl my age i am doing Very Bad. and i have nooo idea what i'll do from here! like i literally jst hope for the best and try to keep moving. i rarely do drugs anymore cus too expensive, got some 2nite as a bday gift :9 sorry if thats not the most helpful haha im lost toooo

[myjourno]

6/18/24 - The Beginning

I always wanted to write a book, but I have neither the stones nor the patience. I love to read them. I love poetry. Something about words has always had an appeal to me, despite not being much of a talker. It wasn't always like this, but for at least half my life now, I talk to myself. Not like people do when they're just needing to rationalize a decision, but....all the time? Most of the time? Sometimes its me, sometimes an audience in my head, but even when its daydreaming, its always there. The other me?

Its not a personality disorder. There are not two me's. Its not a mirror either. More like an echo that responds, rather than repeats. Its comforting in a way. To have a conversation with no one. To ramble and have a listener, but not really. I could make a reference to the Truman Show, despite never having watched the movie, but I feel like to an outsider, it loses the humor, the laugh, I can feel in the thought. I think and talk to myself like I am a character in a book. But its not an act and I would really like to assume this is normal and I am not slowly going deranged.

That's how we got here. Well, I got here. I don't think anyone will read this. I'm not that important and I doubt this much rambling to anyone else is interesting. But I feel like it would help me to put my thoughts into the world. I think a lot. I want to write it down. I started carrying a journal with me to work, and two pages in my arm started to hurt. This is easier. Faster. And I don't have to look at my scrawl anymore. I would say maybe I should just write here, but given the 8 hour work day, some of the thoughts would be lost. So the journal will be my day outlet, and the blog the night.

I recently got out of a mental hospital (haha no kidding right?) and the journal at first was going to be things that made me happy. Not because the therapist asked me to, but because given how long I have been like this, I thought it was a good idea. I have seen similar ideas anyway. How long does one need to write down nonce and read shitty- no that's not nice. Be nice. Self help books are not shitty, but I am just chock full of cynicism and hate the idea of reading one. I don't think I would find any benefit in being talked to like I need how to be happy explained to me like I am a five year old or because I choose to be like this.

I am probably wrong. Maybe one day I'll relent and read one. Tumblr why do you pay bandwidth for this? That's not the right word. I wish it was. It sounds cooler.

Oh well.