#did a few more gifs/edits w/ this scene..too good to just let it be

[leossmoonn]

No Weakness [Spencer Reid]

masterlist 

pairing - spencer reid x gn!reader

type - fluff, lil angst 

request / note -  “where the reader is new to BAU and they see dead body first time, and it kinda bothers them. and spencer noticed it, even when the reader tries they best no show it (bc they’re scared it makes the look like they’re weak) so when they’re just two of them spencer tries to make them feel better and tells them its okay and it does not make them weak.” this was so fun to write, ahhh! thank you @avrilstaro for requesting <3 *not edited lol oops*

summary - you’re embarrassed after freaking out from seeing a dead body, but spencer assures you that it’s okay

warnings / includes - descriptions of mutilated body, small description of case (child kidnapper case for this fic), crying, anxiety, nausea, little fighting, food mention. you and spencer are dating in this  

———— 

*gif isn’t mine*

“I can’t believe I didn’t get to sleep in,” you mumbled, throwing your purse down on your desk rather roughly. 

“Not like you would’ve anyways. Ariel was meowing for you five minutes before we got called in,” Spencer stated. 

“So? I would’ve fallen back asleep after,” you shrugged. “You would’ve stayed up all morning playing with her, babe,” Spencer chuckled. 

You rolled your eyes. “You don’t know that.” 

“I do! You’ve done it every morning since we got her,” Spencer argued. 

You scoffed, shaking your head at your boyfriend. You trudged over to the coffee machine, getting out a mug the size of a bowl and filling it to the brim. It was already your third cup of the day, and while it was probably unhealthy drinking that much coffee, you needed it. It was your first week on the job and you still weren’t used to waking up at five in the morning for a surprise case. This was your second case, though, so you weren’t very surprised that you were still tired. You knew you would get used to it as time went on, but you wished that your body and mind would adapt faster. 

“You’re coming on the field today.” Emily nudged your arm with a file. 

Your eyes widened and you sputtered out coffee, coughing to try and clear your throat. Emily chuckled, patting your back gently to help you. You set your coffee down, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand once you got control of your breathing.  

“W-What?” You asked, the words Emily said not processing in your brain. 

“I said you’re coming onto the field today,” she repeated. 

“B-But…” your trailed off, trying to find a reasonable explanation. “I-I wasn't supposed to be on the field for another week. I’m still technically in training.” 

“Well, part of the training is going on the field. You’re an amazing agent in the office, L/n, but you'd be even better on the field. You’re able to sympathise with the unsubs and solve the puzzles faster than most of us can, sometimes faster than your boyfriend. You’ll help us a lot better out there than in here.” 

You chuckled nervously, heat crawling up the back of your neck. “Thanks, Emily, but I’m not ready.” 

Emily rolled her eyes. “That’s what all the new agents say. You need to just get out there, and there’s no better time to do that then early in the game.”

“I guess,” you muttered, lifting your coffee cup and taking a sip. 

“You’ll be fine, Y/n. I have no doubts,” Emily smiled. 

“Thanks.” You have her a small smile. “No problem. And hey, don’t tell Spencer I said you’re better at the job than him,” she winked. 

You laughed and nodded, “I won’t, I promise.” 

She walked away, leaving you to lean against the counter and to drink the rest of your coffee before going to the briefing room. 

“So, I heard that Newbie is finally coming along with us today!” Luke exclaimed. 

“Newbie is your nickname, Newbie,” Penelope narrowed her eyes at Luke. Luke rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Anyways, you excited?”

You sat down in one of the chairs between to Luke and Matt. “Not really, if I”m being honest.” 

“Oh, why? You’ll be great!” Matt smiled. “So everyone says,” you sighed. 

“Hey, I heard you’re coming with us today. Can’t wait to have you on the field.” Spencer smiled as he walked past you. 

“Yeah, I’m excited to outsmart you, too,” you smirked. 

“Oh, Reid, looks like you have some competition!” Luke teased. 

Spencer shook his head and looked at you through his lashes. You gave him a challenging look, leaning on the table. 

“May the best agent win, Reid,” you dared. 

“Alright,” he shrugged. “Better have no weaknesses, L/n.” 

“Oh, I have none,” you smirked. Spencer replied to you with a hum, giving you an excited smile before paying attention to the case.  

Penelope and Emily delivered the case to you six, then leaving you all to pack up your things as you were going on the jet. You got out the small duffle bag of clothes you had in your car for traveling on cases, also grabbing your phone charger and the case files. You walked up onto the jet, placing your bags up over the overhead storage area. You got seated across from Tara and next to Spencer. 

You all talked about your plans to catch the unsub and where you all were assigned to. Tara, you, and Spencer were going to go to the crime scene to scope out the area. Emily and JJ would stay at the police station and work there, while Matt and Luke did witness and suspect interviews. 

You were sitting back in your chair, looking out the window and admiring the sky as the jet flew through the clouds. You still had an hour before you landed. Everyone was either sleeping or listening to music. You had thought about going back to sleep, but it seems as though the three cups of coffee you had finally kicked in.  

You regretted drinking so much coffee because now, your heart was racing and your hands were shaking. You weren’t sure if it was totally because of the caffeine or that you were nervous about being on the field for the first time, but you assumed it was a little bit of both. 

Spencer, who was seated next to you, noticed your jitteriness. He closed his book softly, setting it down on the floor next to his seat, turning to you and taking your hands in his. 

Your head snapped to him quickly, your eyes landing on his. He gave you a soft smile, beginning to rub his thumb over your knuckles. 

“You’ll do great out there, alright?” He assured. 

You sighed, turning away from the window and to him. “What if the lead I find doesn’t work? What if I can’t figure out where the unsub has the kids? O-Or what if I embarrass myself in front of the police chief?”

Spencer chuckled softly at your concerns, making you frown. 

“Don’t laugh! Hey, I bet you had all these concerns when you first joined.” 

“I did,” he admitted. “But, I learned that I worked with a team. It’s not just me doing the work, just like it’s not just you. You have seven people working with you on this. Try and relax, baby, alright? You do amazing work at the office. This won’t be any different.” 

You scoffed, “Please. It’s like, a million times different.” 

“Just try and relax,” he instructed, putting your hand up to his lips. 

You smiled widely, your heart fluttering as he kissed your hand. 

“Plus, even if it was just you working the case, I have no doubt you would figure it out quickly.” 

“Thanks, babe,” you smiled and leaned your head against the headrest. 

“Of course. I love you,” he said, leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. 

“Oh, gross. You guys know I just became newly single,” Tara scoffed. 

You laughed and turned to her. “That was like, nine months ago.” 

Tara raised her brows, looking at Matt and Spencer, and back at you. “You weren’t even here back then. How do you know this?” 

“I just know things,” you winked. “Yeah, well I’m betting someone blabbed,” Tara grumbled. 

“We would never,” Matt disagreed. “Mhm,” Tara hummed, going back onto her phone. 

You smiled at you teammates and looked back at Spencer and putting your head on his shoulder. You closed your eyes for a few moments, opening your eyes again. You blinked rapidly, yawning and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. You rolled your head around, your eyes settling onto Spencer who was back to reading his book. You turned your head back to the window, furrowing your brows as you noticed you weren’t up in the sky anymore. 

“Oh, good. You’re up,” Spencer spoke, putting his book away. 

“Are we here already?” You asked, your voice croaky and hoarse. 

“Yep,” he nodded. “We landed about ten minutes ago.” 

“Oh,” you frowned, sitting up and getting out of your seat. You stretched your limbs, yawning once more as you held your hand up above your head. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” You sighed. 

“You’re just so peaceful when you sleep. I couldn’t,” he explained. 

You smiled and went to get your luggage. “Thanks, Spence. But everyone is probably waiting for me now.” 

“No, it’s alright. We can’t go and see the crime scene yet anyways.” 

“How come?” You asked. “Not prepped for us,” Spencer answered. 

“Since when does a crime scene need to be prepped for the FBI?” You snorted. 

“You’d be surprised,” Spencer let out a breathy chuckle. 

You put your duffle bag over your shoulders and handing Spencer his, holding your hand out for Spencer to take. “Join me down the stairs?” 

“Of course,” he grinned, standing up and taking your hand into his and his bag.

You two walked off the jet, going over to the SUV. Spencer drove you two to the hotel where you dropped off your things, immediately going to the police station. 

“ ‘Bout time!” Matt exclaimed, seeing you two walking through the doors. 

You chuckled, “Sorry. Looks like the coffee wore off and I finally crashed.” 

“It’s alright. I think the scene is ready for you guys to look at now,” he said. 

“Great,” you smiled. 

You and Spencer found Tara, going into the SUV once again, driving to the house where the parents were killed and children taken. 

“Wow, I’ve never seen this much yellow tape in my life,” you chuckled. “Yeah. It’s definitely not an eye sore,” Tara chortled, stepping over the caution tape. 

You and Spencer followed her, going up to the police offers that were talking at the front door. 

“Hi, we’re FBI agent with the BAU. I’m Doctor Tara Lewis, this is Doctor Spencer Reid, and Agent Y/n L/n,” Tara introduced you all. 

You smiled and shook the two officer’s hand. “Nice to meet you two.” 

“Likewise. I’m Officer Santiago and this is Officer Reynolds. The parents were killed in two different places. The father in the bedroom, mother in the oldest child’s room.” 

“Lovely. Can’t wait to see,” Tara smiled sarcastically. 

“Oh, I bet. Go ahead and go in, let us know if you find anything, please,” Reynolds said. 

You nodded and stepped into the house, cringing at the heavy smell of bleach. 

“God. It’s like a hospital in here, but twenty times worse!” You held your nose. “I should’ve told Emily I needed to stay back with Penelope.” 

“Oh, this is nothing,” Spencer smirked. “Wait until you see where they all got killed.” 

“Ew, Spence!” You shrieked. “You’re supposed to protect me from all that.” 

He chuckled, “All part of the job, baby.” 

You nodded and sighed, knowing that he was right. As always. You three walked up the stairs, looking at where the father was killed. There was an enormous amount of blood of the bedsheets and some on the corner of the right nightstand, some splatters that were below on the floor. 

“So,” you started. “We’re looking at a team, right? I mean, there’s no way that the unsub could kill the father without the mom noticing.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking’,” Tara nodded. “Well, I could be possible,” Spencer contradicted.

You and Tara looked at each other, confused. 

“Yeah, how?” You asked.

 “Well,” Spencer said, walking over to the bed. “The unsub could’ve choked or suffocated the father in his sleep. I mean, there were ligature marks around his neck, right?” 

“True. And the mom was saying goodnight to her children, so she obviously didn’t see her husband get killed,” Tara added on. 

You furrowed your brows, stepped out of the parents’s bedroom, going to the child’s. 

“Yeah, but, what about the kid? I mean, wouldn’t it have screamed and fought and ran out of the house?” You asked. 

Tara looked to you, eyes widening in surprise. “Yeah, that is a good thought. So… unsub number one is killing the father while unsub number two is kidnapping the mom slash killing the child…” 

“No, that wouldn't work. Maybe it’s a group of three?” Spencer suggested. 

“Maybe,” Tara shrugged. 

You stepped into the child’s bedroom, scrunching your nose as a foul smell wafted under your nose. You walked around, covering your nose with your sleeve. You saw the blood on the bedsheets and nightstand table. 

“Looks like the unsubs all have the same MO’s,” you muttered. 

You opened the closet, seeing nothing but toys, clothes, and shoes. You closed the doors, looking around the walls, your heart sinking as you saw all the finger pantings and pictures of family and friends. You walked up to the wall, losing your balance as you tripped on a a long, soft object. 

You let out a yelp, falling on your shoulder. You groaned in pain, turning on your back while holding your injured side. You looked around for the object you tripped on, frowning as you couldn’t find it. Something pale caught the corner of your eyes. You raised your brow, getting up on your knees and moving closer. 

“What the —” You muttered, your voice getting caught in your throat as you realised it was an arm sticking out under the bed. “Oh, my —” You gasped, peering under the bed, seeing the dead body of one of the children. “Oh, my God!” You shouted, scooting back, your back hitting the wall as you stared at the lifeless body. Tears welled up in your eyes and you put your hand to your mouth, loud and broken sobs escaping your throat. 

The boy couldn’t have been more than a few days old, yet it was still lying there. You could see the lifelessness in his eyes, and still the fear. There was a slit across his throat and cheek, his upper chest red with with green and purple bruises. You felt nauseas and cold, your heart sinking all the way down past your stomach. Your body was shaking and you couldn’t tear your eyes off of the body, no matter how hard you tried. 

You heard the footsteps of your colleagues, their voices calling your name. 

“Y/n, where are — O-Oh, my God.” Spencer’s eyes widened as he saw you crying on the floor. He immediately dropped down to his knees, taking you into his arms. “What happened.” 

You were unable to move, your eyes staring wide at the body. Spencer followed your gaze, his own heart dropping down to his chest. 

“Oh, man. Um,” Spencer said, looking away from the body and to you. His heart broke as he saw you so horrified. He put his hand on your cheek gently, turning your face so you were no longer looking at the body. “Let’s get you to out of here, alright?” 

You nodded slowly, your breaths becoming laboured as you tried to calm yourself down in Spencer’s arms. He got up, taking you with him. He walked you out of the room, coming face-to-face with Tara. 

“What happened?” Tara gasped. 

“Looks like the unsubs left the older boy. Tell the police officers, I need to get Y/n out of here,” Spencer said. 

Tara looked at you, nodding without hesitation. She let you two go, Spencer walking you down the stairs slowly. You exited the house, still taking heavy breathes as the image of the boy haunted your thoughts. Spencer gently got you seated into the car, buckling you in. He went to the driver’s seat, getting in and starting to drive. 

You two sat in the silence for thirty minutes while Spencer drove around. You looked at the window the whole time, your eyes glossy and strained from crying and keeping them open. Whenever you closed your eyes, even to just blink, flashes of the dead boy raced through your mind. Spencer waited patiently for you to speak, understanding how shocked and horrified you were. 

He parked in a Burger King parking lot, sighing and looking at you. He gingerly put his hand on your shoulder, only for you to shrug him away. 

“Y/n,” he sighed. 

“No,” you grumbled. “Take me back.” 

“I think it would be smart if you took the day off. Seeing a dead body, especially a child’s and one you had no idea exited, can really throw you off. The first time I saw a dead body…. Man, I-I was sick to my stomach. I—” 

“Shut up!” You exclaimed, waving your hands in the hair. You looked at him, your chest heaving up and down. Your brows were furrowed and mouth open, your eyes glaring at him.  “Just shut up, Spencer!” 

His mouth went agape, hurt flashing though his eyes. He didn’t let your outburst  dampen his spirits, though. He knew you were embarrassed and still horrified, and that you didn’t like to feel belittled. So he gave you a small, comforting smile, taking your hands into his. You didn’t move away this time, but you avoided any and all eye contact. 

“I know how you feel, babe,” he sympathised. “Yeah, I bet,” you muttered, your voice hoarse and dry. 

He frowned and unbuckled, leaning closer to you. He put his hand on your chin, turning your head with strength and force. You eventually met his eyes, his smile dropping as he saw tears rolling down your cheeks once again, your lips pulled into a pout. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” he assured, cupping your cheek and wiping your tears away with his thumb. 

“N-No, it’s not,” you sobbed, shaking your head. “I-I’m so weak. I should’ve been ready. This is what I’ve been tra-trainging for and I suddenly turn into a freaking wuss? I-I… I… It’s so embarrassing!” You shoulders racked with sobs as you hung your head down to cry. 

“Oh, baby,” Spencer sighed, taking your head in both of his hands. He held your head up again, bringing his face close to yours. He put his forehead against yours, kissing the tip of your nose lightly. “It’s no embarrassing, alright? Your reaction was a perfectly normal reaction to seeing a dead child’s body. Honestly, if you didn’t cry and freak out, I would be worried,” he chuckled. 

You gave him a watery smile, laughing with him. “Y-Yeah, I s-suppose,” you sniffled. “B-But,” you started. “I-It makes me look weak. And I don’t want to look weak, Spence. A-All my life I’ve been told —” 

He smiled widely, leaning back so he could look you in the eyes. “You’re not weak, Y/n. You never could be, even if you tried. You’re just human, and that’s fine. It’s amazing, honestly. You know, I am so proud of you, babe.”

You frowned, “Why?”

“Because today was your first day out on the field, and you did fantastic. It can only get better from here.” 

“Y-You really think so?” You sniffed, wiping your nose with your sleeve. 

“I know so,” he nodded confidently. “And it’s okay to show weakness, Y/n. No weakness is the real weakness.” 

“Such wise words,” you laughed. He laughed with you and he shrugged. “I try.” 

You laid your head back on the headrest, looking a him through tired eyes. “Thanks, Spencer. It really means a lot.” 

He nodded with a smile. “Of course, honey. Now, why don’t you say we get something to eat, then go back to the precinct?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, “Sounds great.” 

He nodded and buckled himself back in, putting his hand on the gearshift and looking to you. 

“I’m proud of you, you know that?”

You smiled shyly, heat scorching your cheeks. “Yeah, I know. You’ve already told me.” 

“Just making sure you know, baby.” 

———— 

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[itsallyscorner]

Thank you for the request, love!🎄❤️ Hope you don’t mind, I did some changes but it still follows the concept of your request! I hope you like it and happy reading!!❤️ @palna

💌.

The One I’ve Been Missing

This was kinda inspired by Little Mix’s song, “One I’ve Been Missing”, give it a listen :)

Warnings: some angst? Kinda sad for a Christmas fix..but has a some what happy ending. This came out longer than expected..enjoy, I tired:)

(Gif from Pinterest)

The living room was full of smiles and laughter as your family began to create plans for Christmas Day. It was Christmas Eve, and knowing your family, everything was to come together last minute. Though your family didn’t live too far, they had been staying at your place since the weather at your hometown had been absolutely horrible. There had been snow storms that closed down schools, took out power lines, and covered the ground in a thick white blanket of snow.

Your cousins have been arguing about who was going to make the Mac and Cheese this year when your phone began to vibrate in your pocket. You took your phone out and saw that it was Paddy. Paddy was Tom’s younger brother. Even though you and Tom had broken up, your relationship with his family was still strong. You and his brothers had gotten along so well, that they loved you like you were their sister. His parents, Nikki and Dom, have been very supportive of you during the breakup. They were disappointed in Tom for what he did and even apologized for their son’s actions. Though your relationship with their son was undecided at the moment, they always made an effort to call you on holidays or to just say hello once in a while.

You quietly excused yourself and entered the kitchen. Answering the call, you lean on the marble counters of your kitchen. The call goes through and Paddy’s adorable face pops up on your screen. His smile grows into his rosy cheeks when he finally sees you.

“(Y/n)! Merry Christmas!” He happily screams through the phone. You hear Nikki scold him in the background.

“(Y/n), darling! Merry Christmas!” She smiles while waving at the camera.

“Thank you! You guys look like you’re having a blast over there!” You hear a ton of commotion in the background, which was most likely Tom and his siblings showing off their presents to each other or having some pointless argument.

“Thank you! You guys look like you’re having a blast over there!” You hear a ton of commotion in the background, which was most likely Tom and his siblings showing off their presents to each other or having some pointless argument.

“We are! Sam’s cooked our lunch and he’s planning on making dinner later today! We’ve already opened presents and everyone’s happy! How are you, love? Are you with your family?” She questioned you as she sat on the couch. You saw Dom beside her, who made a funny face and waved at you. You chuckled waving back.

“I’m doing really good, my family has been staying with me for the last few days, so we’ve been together for about a week now? But everything’s going great! It’s Christmas Eve here and now we’re just waiting till midnight to start passing out presents!” You answer.

“Oh that’s good! I’m glad you got to spend time with your family because I’ve heard the weather there has been harsh! Thankfully Harry made it out before that big storm, if he didn’t he wouldn’t be home for the holidays!” Harry had been in your hometown because Tom was filming a new movie there. The set was only an hour away from where you lived, but you never went to visit. Although, you and Harry would meet up sometimes to have lunch together in the city, Harrison would tag along once in a while as well.

“Harry made it home! That’s good news, I was worrying that they wouldn’t make it back on time for Christmas!” You hear someone talk in the background.

“Is that (y/n)?” A deep voice asks. You recognize it to be Harry’s. Nikki nods and motions at him to say hello. Sam and Harry’s heads pop onto the screen with silly grins.

“(Y/n)! Merry Christmas! You look beautiful!” Sam compliments you with a charming smile.

“Aw thank you Sam! You look handsome!” A light blush forms on the boy’s cheeks. Harry takes the phone and asks, “How’s the weather there? Has the storm died down?”

You glanced out the window and saw nothing but white. The storm had stopped yesterday, but there were some random snowfall here and there.

“Well it’s stopped for now, my backyard is literally nothing but white.” You chuckle as you turn your camera to show your spacious backyard.

“Oh! Isn’t that wonderful, we haven’t gotten much snow here this year.” You hear Dom comment. You turn the camera back to yourself and ask Harry, “How was the flight, Haz? Hope it wasn’t too bumpy.”

Harry hummed, “The plane departed when the storm died down so it was a decent flight. There was some turbulence when we got up in the air but it went by smoothly after.”

“At least you got home safe, that’s all that matters.”

“I’m quite surprised I handled the turbulence well on my own. I was getting anxious when the plane started to shake, but towards the end of the flight it was all good.” Your brows furrowed. It was a known fact that Harry wasn’t that good with turbulence (I made that fact up, he’s probably ok w/ turbulence idk). Since he usually traveled with Tom, he had to board many flights. Tom would be the one to calm his brother down when his anxiousness got the best of him. Which made you concerned because you knew Tom wouldn’t let his younger brother board a plane on his own while a snow storm was happening outside.

“Wait Harry, you were by yourself?” You began to question him. Harry was a grown adult, he’s 21, but it still concerned you.

“Yeah, Tom had to stay back since he had to film more scenes.” Harry answered.

“Oh. Did he at least make it back home before the storm?” You continued. A frown was on the boys lips.

“Nope, he got stuck in (your hometown). I was supposed to still be there with him, but he literally forced me to get on a flight home before Christmas.” Harry shrugged. A pout formed on your own lips at the thought of Tom getting stranded in (your hometown). Also the fact that he was probably alone during the holidays. Sure, you and him weren’t on the best terms, but it was Christmas. No one should be alone on Christmas.

You continued to talk to the Holland family for a few more minutes until they told you they had to go. You bid them all goodbye with kisses and a wave before hanging up. When the call ended, the smile on your face fell. You should’ve been happy. You were spending time with your family and it was Christmas Eve! But some things never change. As always, Tom had crept his way into your thoughts.

The breakup between you two was rough and messy. Though you should have seen it coming. There was a lack of communication on both sides of the relationship. You weren’t being honest with your feelings with him and neither was he. Of course, you understood his job. You knew he would have to travel long distances and be in a different time zone as you, he had to be gone for months, and had to work with some of the most beautiful actresses in the business. But there was something about this certain costar that didn’t sit right with you. You trusted Tom and knew that he would never cheat. You just didn’t trust her. You really tried to like her, even had some conversations with her when you went to visit Tom on set. But the way she would touch his arm whenever she would laugh or look at him the same way you would just made your blood boil. Maybe it was the green eyed monster in you that caused all these emotions, you just couldn’t help it. The green eyed monster had taken over you.

For months while Tom worked on that movie, you had been feeling your lowest. You were insecure about yourself and began to second guess things that occurred in your relationship with Tom. Which was not healthy, but it happens, you know? You hated the way you looked and how your body was shaped. You compared yourself to her even though you knew most of the pictures on her Instagram were very much edited. The more Tom got busy, the less he texted or called. Your relationship felt like it was drifting but you still made an effort. You would text him to ask about his day or to just say a simple “good morning” or “good night”. He never got the chance to reply most of the time, but when he did it would be a short response. It wasn’t like the paragraphs of him going on and on about his day and how great it was. Sometimes he would talk about getting a stunt correctly done in one take or how he would get his lines right the first time. You didn’t think much of the short replies, you usually chalked it up to him just being busy. But then you would see him on Harry or Harrison’s story at some restaurant gathered all together. Then she would also be there, nuzzled up against his side while his arm rested behind her chair. That should’ve been you.

You didn’t want to think that he was cheating on you, but the signs were literally there. You shouldn’t have fallen for them and should have talked it out with Tom instead of focusing on the scenarios that were created in your head. You knew Tom was smarter than that. He wouldn’t cheat on you, he promised you that he wouldn’t break your heart. Then those pictures from the club came out.

They were all over Instagram and Twitter. You had multiple fans tagging you on them and saw them everywhere on your feed. It was as if the world was trying to shove it into your face. The picture was taken at a club, it was the usual group of boys accompanied by some cast members from the movies. You assumed there had been some drinks involved, but Tom looked sober as ever. There were many pictures of them. There were some of them laughing, dancing, and drinking together. You spotted his arm wrapped around her waist or his hand touching her in almost all of them. Finally, there were the pictures of them practically sucking the lips off of each other’s faces. They disgusted you. The way his hands were combed through her hair or how they stroked her cheek reminded you of how he kissed you. You remember feeling sick to your stomach. The pain and the anger blended together as the tears blinded your eyes. It was like a bad dream that you couldn’t wake up from.

You realized you had been staring at your phone for the past 10 to 15 minutes. Tears welled up in your eyes as your memory began to remind you of the scar that Tom had left on your life. You felt the presence of the emptiness in your heart that you thought had healed months ago. You still love him. No matter the bullshit you went through with him, you’ve never loved anyone like Tom. The one you’ve been missing was the only thing that could fix the hollowness in your heart.

“You should invite him.” You jump as your mother makes herself present in the room. You place a hand onto your heart to calm its rapid beating.

“Geez, don’t do that.” You run a hand through your hair as you lean on the counter again. Your arms touch the cold marble, bringing some coolness into your warm body.

“You’ve been gone for about thirty minutes, it’s past twelve. Everyone was worrying about you.” You mother settled herself beside you, instead her back was leaning against the marble.

“You still love him.” She tells you quietly. You’re quick to react and stand up straight, “No I— ow my tongue!”

You whine as your teeth bite down on your tongue, your actions acting before your words.

“I don’t.”

“Really? If you didn’t love him anymore, you wouldn’t be talking to his family still or meeting up with his brothers during the weekend” you mother tilted her head at you, her arms crossed.

You shrugged, “They’re nice people.”

“You know, you should stop avoiding the truth. Denying your feelings and lying to yourself is only going to hurt you even more. I’m your mother, I hate seeing you hurt.” You turned to your mom.

“Don’t you hate him?” You asked her, voice quiet.

Your mother had a look of thought on her face, “Of course, I do, he broke your heart. But I don’t know, there’s just something about that boy.”

She snapped her fingers, “Ah! He reminds me of your dad!”

You raise a brow at her, “Tom reminds you of dad?”

“He does. I remember when we were younger, your dad made the same mistakes. I hated his guts but we crossed paths again somewhere down the road and I gave him a second chance. Now how many years later, we’re married with beautiful children and grandchildren.”

You remain silent as you stare at your phone again. You thought about asking Harry for Tom’s address but you were hesitant.

“He’s probably stuck here for a reason, (y/n).” Your mom says with a knowing look. You sigh rubbing the tiredness out your eyes. It had been a long day and you were low on energy.

“He could also be thinking about you right now.” She hummed, starting to make her way out the kitchen.

“How would you know?” You ask her.

“You bit your tongue.” She simply answers before turning the corner. You were alone in the kitchen staring at your phone once again. The debate in your head continuing throughout the night.

~The Next Day~

Your gloved hands gripped onto the steering wheel as you drove through the snowy roads. You were mindful to keep an eye out for any glossy patches to avoid getting into an accident. You turned on the street Harry sent you and peered out your window to look for the number of Tom’s rented house. Harry texted you that the house was a light gray color with black accents and had a 35 nailed to the door. When you spotted the house that matched Harry’s description, you pulled over and put the car in park. You hopped out the car, shivering when the brisk winter air came into contact with your face. Your boots sink into the snow as you trudge your way up to his door.

You get to his doorstep and began to stomp the snow off your boots. Taking a deep breath you brace yourself before you can ring his doorbell.

“It’s Christmas, he shouldn’t be alone on Christmas, this is why you’re doing this.” You mumble to yourself. You started to shake but you weren’t sure if it were your nerves or the cold. It was probably both.

You finger hovered over the doorbell for a moment before you forced yourself to push it. A string of “fucks” began to play over and over in your head like a mantra.

You waited for a few seconds for him to answer but heard nothing. You debated on ringing the bell again but your feet were already turning you away from the door, too scared to face Tom again. You were about to step off his doorstep when you heard footsteps behind the door. The lock clicked and the door opened to reveal Tom, looking disheveled as ever.

His eyes widen when he realizes it was you who rang his bell. His mouth is agape as he tries to form words. The only thing he could muster out is, “(y/n).”

“Hey.” You breath out, taking him in after avoiding him for months straight. You slowly approach him, settling to stand a few feet away from him. His hair had grown out a bit longer and there was a shadow of some facial hair on his face. You noticed that his eyes were a bit dark, almost blank. It was as if the light in his eyes had disappeared.

“What—What are you doing here?” He began to ask. He rushes to add, “Not that I don’t want you here, I’m actually really glad you’re here, but—um. I’m just— hi.” He sighs, shoulders slumping. He eyes you for a second before jumping on his feet.

“How rude of me, do you want to come in? It’s freezing out here.” He moves to the side and opens the door wider so you can walk in. You didn’t want to enter his place but the warmth of the house and the familiar scent of Tom entranced your senses.

You wiped your boots on the doormat and quietly thanked him as you walked into his rented home. You noticed that Love Actually had been playing on the tv while the couch was occupied with a bowl of popcorn and an abandoned Sherpa blanket. You loosen the scarf around your neck and turn to Tom who was already looking at you.

“So, what brings you around? Thought you didn’t want to talk to me ever since what happened.” His voice is strained as he leans against the doorway to the living room.

“Paddy called me on FaceTime yesterday.” You started. Tom sighed, shaking his head at his younger brother. You wave him off, “Don’t worry, I didn’t mind. He actually helped me avoid a family argument about Mac and Cheese.”

Tom was looking down at the floor but you saw his cheeks slightly raise, “Yeah, you never did mind Padd’s eagerness.”

“Well, he’s adorable. Anyway, I ended up talking to Harry and he said that you got stuck here during the blizzard. Also, that you were spending the holidays alone.” You began to explain rocking on the balls of your feet. You turn to his tv, the voices from it murmuring quietly, “So, if you’re done watching Love Actually for the hundredth time, um, you could come over at my place and spend Christmas with my family.”

Tom pushes off the wall and slowly shuffled towards you. His arms are crossed, something he did when he felt nervous or awkward.

“I wouldn’t want to impose, (y/n).” He finally looks up at you, his familiar brown eyes that you missed so much sending comfort into your body.

“Mom insisted.” A hint of a teasing smile played on your chapstick covered lips. No matter the situation between you and Tom, you knew he could never turn down your mother. He adored your mother, he always remembered the time when you first introduced him to her. She welcomed him with open arms and treated him like he were her fifth child.

He lets out a laugh, looking down at himself, “Guess that means I should clean up then?”

He was wearing a grey jumper with black sweatpants. A blue beanie was on his head, the ends of his curls peaking out, and his feet were covered in socks to keep him warm.

“Yeah.” You breathed out, relieved that he agreed to come and you didn’t embarrass yourself.

Tom begins to dust off the couch and moves the popcorn bowl to the coffee table. He sloppily folds the blanket and fluffs the pillows.

“I might take a while, so why don’t you get comfy?” He suggests.

“Sounds good.” You hum and unwrap the scarf from your neck. Tom is by your side at an instant and takes it from your hand. He motions at your jacket causing you to unzip it. He shuffles behind you to help you remove your arms from the sleeves. You turn around to thank him while moving your hair to rest on one side of your shoulder. You catch him staring at you once again.

“What?”

“You just look really beautiful.” He immediately answers. You’re about to respond but Tom begins to talk again, “I—I know I have no place in telling you that, but you just are.”

“Thanks, Tom.” You quietly say. He nods and moves to hang your things on the coat rack. He’s about to head up the stairs but he turns around to look at you again.

“Can we talk after?” His tone is soft, as if he were afraid of breaking the peacefulness between the two of you.

“Yeah. Yeah, we can talk.”

~⏰~

You wait in the living room for Tom to get himself ready. You try to watch the movie but all you can think about was what Tom and you could possibly talk about. You knew it would be about the breakup, but what else was there to discuss?

You heard Tom make his way down the stairs. Your eyes avert themselves to where Tom was coming from. He wore a dress shirt that had white and cream colored stripes going down it, pairing the shirt with dark jeans and dress shoes. His outfit wasn’t too fancy nor casual, it was perfect for Christmas Day with your family.

The smell of his cologne lingered it’s way to your nose. You recognized the smell even months after not seeing Tom. It was the cologne you had gotten him for his birthday. He fell in love with it the moment you gave it to him and had been wearing it ever since. You honestly thought he would switch it up after the breakup, but according to your nose, he hasn’t.

Tom presents himself to you, standing a few feet away from where you were sitting. “How is this? Too much?”

“You’re good, it’s spot on.” You reassure him. Tom hums in approval before settling himself beside you.

This was it. You guys were finally going to talk.

Tom rubs his hands together, resting his elbows on his knees. He looks at you over his shoulder, “It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, hasn’t it?”

“Or talked.” You add with a slight shrug. An awkward silence placed itself upon you two.

Tom was the first to speak, “I was a dick. I still am, but I was a dick back then for all the shit I put you through.”

You hesitate to answer but end up agreeing, “You were a dick. But we were both responsible for what happened.”

Tom shook his head, “No, don’t try to make me feel better. I know what I did was stupid and I should have been honest with you from the start. This was all my fault. I was a horrible boyfriend, everyone made me see that. Including my parents.”

Tom turns his body to face you, “I thought not telling you this would hurt you and I less, but it only made it a hundred times worse.” Your brows bunch together.

“What do you mean?”

“I know when we broke up I said a bunch of bullshit, but I just want to explain myself, please?” His eyes are pleading, almost glossy. You motion for him to continue.

“The thing that happened between me and her was all the studio’s plan. Though I’m not going to lie and say it was all their fault, because I also played a part in it. But that was how it started. They wanted us to put on a show and lead the fans on so it could be used as promo for the movie.” He admitted. Your mouth gapes at his confession. He was probably telling the truth, but it could’ve also been a front.

“And you’re telling me this now? What, did it take you eight months to come up with an excuse for cheating?” You angrily said. “And even if it was for promo, it’s still cheating, Tom! You knew you had a girlfriend when you agreed to go along with their stupid plan!”

Tom sighed frustratedly, rubbing his palms against his face, “I know, I know it sounds made up but I swear to you, (y/n) I’m telling you the truth!”

“Then why didn’t you tell me about it from the start? Did you really think lying was better than telling me the truth? I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other, you literally broke so many promises, Tom!” You stood up, the anger fuming in you growing too much for your body.

Tom stood up as well, “I only lied to you to protect you! I thought it would be better if you thought we were drifting apart than telling you I had to be publicly seen with a girl that’s not you! By the way, I wasn’t the only one who was being dishonest, so were you!”

“No, don’t turn this around on me! I wouldn’t have to had lie about my feelings if you would’ve told me the truth! This was all your fault Tom, you’re the one who agreed to some stupid pr stunt.” Your finger jabbed itself into his chest as you told him off about his doings.

Tom took your jabs as he shamefully looked down at his feet. “You don’t think I know that?”

“I know this was my fault, (y/n).” His tearful eyes lock onto yours. His jaw clenched as he tried to stop his tears from falling.

Your hand comes back to rest at your side, “If you knew it would break us up, then why did you agree to it, Tom?”

“Because it was either actually breaking up with you or agreeing to some stunt that’ll make me seem like some Hollywood hotshot who gets all the women.” He confessed. To Tom, it felt like a weight had been taken off his shoulders. But to you it felt the opposite. All the new information seemed as if it were piling up on you, making you overwhelmed.

“If I chose neither of them, I would’ve been fired from the film and they were planning on blackmailing me, so I chose the second option. I know it wasn’t the best decision, seeing how we are now. But it was the only choice where I would still be with you.” He explains leaning forward to her closer to you. Your arms crossed to form some kind of protection for yourself.

You had just realized that Tom forced himself into a stunt just so he can still be with you. It wasn’t the best option, but he chose the option where the two of you could still be together. You sighed not knowing how to react, it all just seemed like too much.

“I—Tom you can’t just tell me all of this and expect everything to be okay between us.” You run your hand through your hair. Your eyes watering from the frustration.

“I understand why you would keep it from me, but why did you wait so long? You could’ve said that eight months ago and I probably wouldn’t have hated you as much as I do now.” Your nails dig into your skin.

Tom looks up at you, “You hate me?” He croaks out.

Your head tilts at him, “Why wouldn’t I hate you? I hate you—I’m supposed to hate you but I just can’t and I don’t know why. You’re just, you’re you and no matter how many times I try to hate you I just can’t.”

Tom shifts closer, his frame now towering over you. His fingers slightly brush against yours, causing a rush of electricity to shoot through your body.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything, I know I should have been honest and told you the truth. I know what I did wrong and I’m sorry.” He gently cups your face to look up at him. You missed the feel of his hands against your skin and couldn’t hold yourself back from nuzzling against his warm palms.

“I still love you so much, (y/n). I never stopped. I just—is it too late for a second chance? I know it’s not going to be the same as when we were together but I’m willing to try again. I promise I will try harder and I’ll be honest, I’ll do everything for you to be mine again. All I want is just another chance.” His thumbs brush against your cheeks. Your hands come up to grip onto his wrists.

“Tom, I don’t know.”

“Please (y/n), it’s been so hard without you. Please I just need you again. I miss you so much, everything’s been going wrong ever since you left and I feel empty. I’m not complete without you.” His voice cracks as he begs for you to give him a chance. You stare at him for a moment and your mother’s voice echos in your head.

“He’s probably stuck here for a reason, (y/n).”

Maybe your mother had a point. Things happen for a reason and maybe this was one of this moments.

Your thumbs stroke the skin of his wrist, “Fine, I’ll give you another chance Tom.”

A look of relief is on his face as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you flush against his chest. You feel his heart beating rapidly against your chest as he shoves his face into your neck.

“Thank you.” He mutters against your skin multiple times. “I promise I won’t screw it up, I’m serious.” He pulls away to make sure you’re looking into his eyes.

“I’m trusting you to keep that promise. You’re only getting one chance, Tom.” You warn him. Tom nods eagerly.

“I know, I know, I’m not going to mess this up I swear. I’m going to prove that you could trust me again, I’ll do anything.”

You smile before pressing a light kiss on his cheek, “Ok, if you’ll do anything, then we better get going. Mom’s probably wondering what’s the hold up.”

“Right. Yeah, um before we go. If you want to talk more about what happened before or have any questions, you could ask me anytime. I just dumped all of this on you unexpectedly and it probably feels like a lot.” He offers.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

~⏰~

You and Tom arrived at your house to Christmas music blaring from the tv’s speakers and the happy chatter of your family. Your mom spots Tom at the doorway and her face lights up.

“Tom, you came!” She climbs her way through the mass amounts of wrapping paper and your niece and nephews. Tom meets her halfway and helps her remove the wrapping paper that had stuck onto her pants. She pulls him into a hug, which Tom returns immediately.

“Thank you for inviting me.” He smiles as your mom pats his cheek fondly. She waves him off, “Please honey, no one should be alone for Christmas.”

They continue to talk as your mother leads him into the living room. You see him greeting your siblings and cousins, a shy smile on his face as he shakes their hands. You couldn’t help but stare at him as he interacted with your family. It made you feel whole and warm inside, as if the emptiness in your heart was finally recovering.

You were taking off your boots when a shadow fell upon you. You look up to see Tom standing above you. “Need help?”

“No, I almost had it, the knot’s too small for my nails to undo it.” You mutter as your fingers continue to fumble with the knot. Tom kneels in front of you and gently removes your fingers from your boot.

“Let me do it, I know how fussy you get when you mess up your nails.” You smile fondly at him. The fact that he remembered how you hated messing up your nails after getting them done made the butterflies in your stomach erupt.

He gets the knot undone successfully and pulls off your boot. He holds a hand out for you and you take it. You stand up and thank him before glancing at your clothes.

“I’m gonna go upstairs and clean myself up for lunch. I’ll be back.” You place a hand on his shoulder before turning to go up the stairs. You feel his hand grip onto yours, pulling you back.

“I’ll save you a seat beside me?”

You squeeze his hand, “Yeah, I appreciate it.”

He watches you head up the stairs till the moment you turn the corner. He couldn’t believe you were back in his life. You haven’t changed at all in the months you’ve been apart. You were still beautiful and radiant as ever. He was so thankful for whatever gods that allowed him to have a second chance with you. You were all he wanted and he wasn’t going to screw it up like last time.

Your mother had called for everyone to sit at the table and you still weren’t there. Thirty or more minutes had passed since you went upstairs and so far he’s been catching up with your siblings and cousins. He’s also been dragged into playing “race cars” with your nephews and “princesses” with your only niece. Everyone had slowly shuffled into your dinning room but you were still missing. Tom even hung back in the living room for a while to see if you would catch up.

You mother spotted Tom looking back at the stairs as he decided to join your family in the dining room. She approached him and turned him towards the stairs, “Why don’t you go and check on her, tell her lunch is ready.”

Tom nods and climbs up the stairs. He’s been to your home multiple times while you two were together so he wasn’t lost. He found your door and knocked on it.

“I’ll be down in a sec!” He hears you yell from behind the door.

“Your mom said to call you down for lunch and see what’s been taking you so long.” Tom leans against the wall as he wait for you to open the door. The lock clicks and you pull it open. Your hair was in loose curls and there was some light makeup on your face. You weren’t in the jeans and sweater you were in earlier, now you were dressed in a white sweater and grey knee high boots.

“Hey.” He greets you. “You ready?”

“Yeah, I think I am.” You close the door behind yourself and stand across from Tom. He notices a shimmer around your neck. The silver chain with a circle charm hanging from it caught his eyes.

“You still have that?” He points out stepping closer to you. You glance at the necklace, “Of course I do. You gave it to me for my birthday.” Your fingers envelope around the charm, fiddling with it.

“You look stunning.” He says.

“Thanks.” The two of you stand there for a moment before Tom’s stomach grumbled.

“I think we should get going.” You laughed as you hooked your hand with his.

The two of you sat side by side at the table. He was a gentleman as always. He pulled your seat out for you and pushed it in once you were settled. He helped passed the dishes to you and even insisted on placing the food onto your plate. Lunch had gone smoothly, it was only filled with laughs, some catching up, and the stories your parents would tell at the table every year.

Your parents were in the middle of retelling their first Christmas together with your older brother, their first born. Your parents were reminiscing about the pearl ring your father gave her and how much it meant to her. You were listening to your parents when you felt a hand grip onto yours under the table. You glance down to see Tom had placed his hand above yours. His large hand enveloping your smaller ones.

“You alright?” You lean closer to him so only he can hear you. Tom squeezes your hand as a small smile forms on his lips.

“Yeah, I’m just glad to be here. Thank you.” He whispers. Your other hand covers his, your thumb stroking the top of his hand.

“So am I.” For the first time in those months apart, you finally felt like everything was complete again. Sure, you two had many things to work out and discuss. But right now, all you can think about was the man sat beside you. You weren’t missing him anymore, he was right there beside you. He was actually with you. All you wanted for Christmas was the one you’ve been missing and after eight long months of pain and longing, your wish finally came true.

[cryingcow]

Character Story - Daigo [RGGO]

This might be the longest Character Story I’ve done and man do my fingers feel it, but here’s Daigo! Now with GIFs, because I finally figured out how to use screencapture on my phone and I want to show how extra Majima’s sprite is XD (Thank you @onadacora​ and @blurred-voices​ for the request!)

Story: Kiryu leaves Daigo in charge of the Tojo Clan, but the people really don’t like nepotism, surprisingly. Majima returns to the clan but doesn’t listen to Daigo because he doesn’t have the required gym badge to tame him yet.

Bodhisattva Majima: “The Tojo Clan is pathetic! This is all Kiryu-chan’s fault for leaving!!”

Bonbon Boy Daigo: “Majima-san, I know you’re upset about your breakup, but please stop taking it out on our men D: ”

Note: “Bodhisattva” according to google means “a person who is able to reach nirvana but delays doing so out of compassion in order to save suffering beings” (so yeah Majima’s definitely full of shit). “Bonbon” refers to whiskey bonbon. EDIT: Apparently it’s slang for “rich spoiled brat”. (Yay new Daigo nickname!)

.

CHAPTER 1

.

|A few months after Kiryu Kazuma settled the score with Goda Ryuji and the Go-Ryu Clan, Dojima Daigo is recommended by Kiryu to be appointed as the Sixth Chairman of the Tojo Clan.|

Kiryu: “Then, I trust you to handle the rest . . .  Daigo.”

Daigo: “Yeah, please leave it to me.  . . . But . . . why me?”

Kiryu: “What do you mean?”

Daigo: “I think there are others more suitable than me. Such as Kashiwagi-san and Kiryu-san . . .”

Kiryu: “No, there’s no one else more suitable to be the Sixth Chairman than you. That’s what I think.”

Daigo: “More . . . than anyone?”

Kiryu: “Daigo, you are strong. You have the strength not to give in to violence or power. Now, with the Tojo Clan exhausted by the conflict against the Omi, we need a strong leader like you.”

Daigo: “A strong leader . . .”

Kiryu: “You will surely unite the Tojo Clan. I believe so.”

Daigo: “Kiryu-san . . .”

----

|After several months . . .|

Kodama: “That bastard Sasaki, invading our territory, what is the meaning of this?! Sixth Chairman!!”

Daigo: “. . . I don’t mean to leave it alone. I have repeatedly advised Sasaki to be careful.”

Kijima: “It’s not just Kodama, I’m affected too. Are you just going to let them do what they want?!”

Daigo: “. . . I’ll have a lot of words for Sasaki.”

Kodama: “Honestly, I don’t want to hear what you’re going to say. I’m sick of the Sixth Chairman.”

Daigo: “. . .”

Kijima: “You think this is all right? Sixth Chairman, do you even know what you’re saying? ‘The Sixth Chairman is a half-assed yakuza who lets the direct patriarchs do what they want’. That’s your reputation in the clan, right?”

Daigo: “What?”

Kashiwagi: “Kijima, watch your mouth.”

Kodama: “Kashiwagi-san. These are just facts. Even if you look away, it won’t solve the problem. Moreover, Kanda, who recently became the head of the Nishikiyama Family, is rumored to be planning something big.”

Kijima: “Haa~. None of this would be happening if the Fourth Chairman was still holding the seat.”

Daigo: “. . .”

---

Daigo: “Damn it! Nobody listens to what I have to say . . .”

Kashiwagi: “I’m here. The resistance is strong . . . even so, there is no courtesy to the Sixth Chairman.”

Daigo: “. . . but . . . what they are saying is also plausible.”

Kashiwagi: “Sixth Chairman, this isn’t solely your responsibility. There was also that incident with the Omi, and the clan is still in turmoil. The police are also keeping their distance from the Tojo, and the battle for territory is accelerating.”

Daigo: “Yeah. I can’t leave it as it is.”

Kashiwagi: “Jeez . . . that Kiryu left such a heavy role on you.”

Daigo: “Kashiwagi-san. For now, let’s talk to Sasaki again.”

----

Sasaki: “Sixth Chairman, even if you say that. I’m not doing anything wrong, am I? You just pay the money properly, make a contract, and buy the land, right?”

Daigo: “However, the land is Kodama Family territory. It doesn’t make sense to buy territory from your own relatives.”

Sasaki: “What reason. I’m not doing anything illegal, right? I even consulted with a lawyer.”

Daigo: “Even if you didn’t violate the law, you violated the code. I can’t forgive you for that.”

Sasaki: “Good grief, the person who was just a mere gangster the other day is now acting like he knows anything about being a yakuza. Didn’t the deceased Patriarch Dojima . . . no, didn’t your daddy give you a special education?”

Daigo: “What?”

Sasaki: “At this point in time, let me tell you . . . no one accepts you as the Sixth Chairman. Doesn’t have any experience or track record. Doesn’t have his own family. Aren’t you just recommended by the Fourth Chairman? On the contrary, until recently you were just a thug who drank a lot. Being fucked over by the Omi, getting captured, and after being released you play around with your parents’ money like a good-for-nothing boy?”

Daigo: “What was that?!”

Sasaki: “Is that who’s supposed to be the Sixth Chairman? How funny. You think anyone would agree to that? Hey, you . . . how much did you bribe the Fourth Chairman?”

Daigo: “Bastard!!”

Sasaki: “. . . That’s right. What are you going to do?!”

Daigo: “. . . if people don’t understand what you say, you need to change the way you say it.”

Sasaki: “Sixth Chairman. You think if you hit me in a fight, I’ll answer to you?!”

Daigo: “Yeah. If I can do it, then I’ll try it!”

{Daigo beats up Sasaki.}

Daigo: “Who are you calling a boy? Huh?!”

Sasaki: “Gyaah!!”

{Sasaki collapses.}

Daigo: “Haa . . . haa . . . haa . . .”

Kashiwagi: “Daigo! What happened?”

Daigo: “. . .”

Kashiwagi: “Is this . . . Sasaki? Daigo, you . . . no way . . .”

Daigo: “If people don’t understand what you say, you need to change the way you say it.  . . . Kashiwagi-san.”

Kashiwagi: “. . . Sixth Chairman. Is this what Kiryu expected of you?”

Daigo: “Eh?”

Kashiwagi: “Anyone can rule by force if they’re strong enough. But is this what Kiryu wanted you to do?”

Daigo: “That is . . .”

Kashiwagi: “I know suddenly being thrust into this role is confusing. But still . . . don’t lose sight of what you have to do as chairman.”

Daigo: “. . . Yeah. I already know that.”

Daigo: “. . .”

---

|After a few weeks . . .|

Kashiwagi: “. . . Sixth Chairman. There’s been talk.”

Daigo: “Talk? Of what?”

Kashiwagi: “Yeah it’s . . . should I call it good news, or should I call it bad news. Actually . . .”

Majima: “. . . I’m tired of waiting! How long I’ve waited!”

Daigo: “Ma-Majima-san?!”

Majima: “Daigo-chaa~n! Great to see ya!”

Daigo: “Kashiwagi-san, is this what you were saying earlier?”

Kashiwagi: “Yeah. the Majima Family will return to the Tojo Clan. It seems that Kiryu persuaded him. He wants him to support you.”

Daigo: “Kiryu-san? For me?”

Majima: “So, I’ll be taking care of ya from now on.”

Kashiwagi: “. . . Majima. I ask that you moderate your behavior.”

Majima: “Oh, leave it to me. With a bodhisattva-like heart, I support Daigo-chan.”

Daigo: Yes! If Majima-san returns, that would be reassuring! With this, the Tojo Clan . . . I think it will finally come together.”

Majima: “. . .”

Daigo: (Alright. From now on, let’s brace ourselves!)

.

-END-

.

CHAPTER 2

 .

Yakuza: “B-Bastard . . . What’re you doing?”

Majima: “You . . . I heard it. You’re dissatisfied with Daigo-chan’s manner of doing things. It sounds like something is being planned behind the scenes. Are you staging a coup d’état?”

Yakuza: “Wh-What the hell are you talking about?! Guh!!”

Majima: “Get up. I’m not through with ya yet.”

Yakuza: Hiii! No more!!”

Majima: “The Tojo Clan has become weak. If Kiryu-chan was still here . . . It wouldn’t be such a mess!!”

Yakuza: “Gyaaa!!”

----

Daigo: “What was that?! Majima-san again?!”

Kashiwagi: “Yeah. This is the 19th incident this month.”

Daigo: “Damn it. Why is he doing this?”

Kashiwagi: “It seems he is rampaging as much as he likes against those under suspicion of rebellion against you. With or without evidence, if he has judged you to have the will of rebellion against the Sixth Chairman, he will give you no mercy . . . Thanks to that, the number of voices dissatisfied with the Sixth Chairman is only increasing.”

Daigo: “. . . Majima-san, this is counterproductive . . .”

Kashiwagi: "That man is the kind of guy whose leash you couldn’t even hold in the first place. That Kiryu, bringing back such an outrageous problem child . . .”

Daigo: “It can’t be helped. I’ll have a word with him . . .”

----

Majima: “Daigo-chan, what’re ya talking about?”

Daigo: “Majima-san, I heard you’ve been rampaging around Kamurocho.”

Majima: “Kiryu-chan told me to. Hit the guy who opposes Daigo-chan from one end. That was what Kiryu-chan endorsed.”

Daigo: “Kiryu-san said that?”

Majima: “That’s the truth. I don’t know what to tell ya: if an idiot strikes, the owner will bite back to discipline him. With a dog.”

Daigo: “Th-that may be so . . . but what you’re doing is overkill.”

Majima: “. . . Haa. Daigo-chan, you’re an amateur.”

Daigo: “. . . Majima-san. Thank you for doing this for me and the clan. However, because of your rampaging, the Tojo Clan is plunged into more and more chaos. That is . . .”

Majima: “Daigo-chan! There seems to be a misunderstanding, so let me clear it up.”

Majima: “I don’t want to do this for the Tojo Clan and Daigo-chan.”

Daigo: “Then . . . are you doing this because of Kiryu-san?”

Majima: That ain’t it.  . . . It’s because . . . I want to rampage.”

Daigo: “Eh?”

Majima: “Kiryu-chan asked me to do it for Daigo-chan, it’s just for the cause!”

Daigo: “Wha-”

Majima: “Besides, the only one who can order me around is someone who is stronger than me! But Daigo-chan . . . you’re weak. I met ya the other day and it was easy to see at first glance.”

Daigo: “W-Weak?”

Majima: “Hopeless. I won’t listen to someone that weak. Y’know, that kind of thing!”

Daigo: (What . . . such an absurd person . . .)

----

Kashiwagi: “Really. Majima did that . . .”

Daigo: “Yeah. I’m in trouble.”

Kashiwagi: “. . . But, Sixth Chairman. Are you in a position to criticize Majima?”

Daigo: “Eh?”

Kashiwagi: “The other day, you too tried to make Sasaki obey with violence.”

Daigo: “!”

Kashiwagi: “What Majima is doing and what you did are essentially the same. The result is the current turmoil.”

Daigo: “. . .”

Daigo: “. . . Kashiwagi-san. How would Kiryu-san deal with this?”

Kashiwagi: “If it was Kiryu? No . . . I think the problem here is, ‘What would you do?’”

Daigo: “Me?”

Kashiwagi: “Yeah. There must be a reason why Kiryu is willing to entrust the Tojo Clan to you. In that case, it shouldn’t be about what Majima or Kiryu will do . . . but rather what will you do?”

Daigo: “. . . so it should be by my method?”

Kashiwagi: “Yeah. Just think it over.”

Daigo: “Okay . . .”

----

Daigo: (My method . . . In terms of achievements and popularity in the Tojo Clan, I can’t hope to match Kiryu-san. Majima-san’s way of domination through violence, that’s not my way . . . Then Kiryu-san, what were you expecting from me?)

Driver: “Uooooo!”

{The driver swerves wildly.}

Daigo: “Oi! What?!”

{A hail of bullets rings out.}

Daigo: “What?! A shootout?!”

Thug: “Dojima Daigo!! Come out!”

Daigo’s Bodyguard: “What the hell are you doing?!”

Thug: “You guys, do it!!”

Daigo’s Bodyguard: “Kuh . . . this many people . . .”

Thug: “You’re annoying!! Now die!!”

{the thugs beat up the bodyguard.}

Daigo’s Bodyguard: “Damn. . .”

Thug: “Hahahahahahaha!! Die!!”

Daigo: “Oi!! Stop it!! Aren’t I the one you want?!”

Daigo’s Bodyguard: “Sixth Chairman . . . please run away . . .”

Daigo: “No. I can’t. If I run away, you guys . . .”

Daigo’s Bodyguard: “B-But . . .”

Thug: “Hehehe. Don’t count on it. There are 30 people here. The load is too heavy for the Bonbon Boy!!”

{Daigo defeats all 30 men.}

Thug: “S-So strong . . .they didn’t say . . .”

Daigo: “You thought a chairman who sits at his desk all day and only does clerical work couldn’t fight? You guys . . . who hired you?”

Thug: “Damn . . .”

Daigo: “Answer me!!”

Thug: “. . . To-Tojo Clan.”

Daigo: “What? Oi!! Which family was it?”

Thug: “Come on! I don’t know! He seemed to be from a family at the lower end, but he didn’t give a name!! We were just given money by him and were told to kill you!!”

Daigo: (Shit. Who the hell could it be?)

---

|A few days later . . .|

Daigo: (The other day’s attack. The assailants didn’t seem to know anything . . . The person who hired them. If I think about it . . . it must be someone who has a deep grudge against me. Sasaki . . . he was still complaining about me after that, but could it really be him?)

Kashiwagi: “Daigo! It’s terrible! There’s an attack! Sasaki’s office is being attacked!”

Daigo: “Attacked?! By who?”

Kashiwagi: “. . . Majima. It seems he called up his family and headed to Sasaki’s office.”

Daigo: “What was that?!”

Kashiwagi: “Majima thinks Sasaki is the culprit who had you ambushed, said he was going to execute him.”

Daigo: “E-Execute?”

Kashiwagi: “Sixth Chairman. We can’t forgive Majima’s violence anymore. Isn’t that right?”

Daigo: “Y-Yes!! Let’s head to Majima-san right away!”

Kashiwagi: “. . .Yeah!”

.

-END-

.

CHAPTER 3

 .

Daigo: “Majima-san!!”

Sasaki: “U-Ugh . . .”

Majima: “Oh, Daigo-chan. Yeah, I came here too. This guy spilled everything. He said he had Daigo-chan attacked.”

Daigo: “You?”

Majima: “Rebellion against the chairman won’t be forgiven. You’ll be executed.”

Daigo: “Majima-san, stop it!!”

Majima: “Stop? Why? Didn’t this guy try to kill Daigo-chan?”

Sasaki: “D-Don’t kill me . . .”

Daigo: (Th-This method . . .)

Daigo: “. . . Majima-san! This method of making a mark is wrong!”

Majima: “. . . Haa. Don’t say something so boring. Besides, didn’t I say so the other day? The only ones who can order me around are those stronger than me. Is Daigo-chan stronger than me?”

Daigo: “. . . Th-that is . . .”

Majima: “Or . . . can ya prove it? That Daigo-chan is stronger than me.”

Daigo: “Eh?”

Majima: “Since you’re silent, I guess that means I don’t have to do what you say . . .”

Daigo: “Prove . . .”

Majima: “If ya can’t do it, then don’t do it. Let me do things my own way!!”

Daigo: “W-Wait!!”

Kashiwagi: “Daigo. Majima is provoking you. If you hop on . . .”

Daigo: “I know that. But . . . if I pull back now . . .”

Majima: “What are you going to do? To stop this guy from getting killed, are ya gonna prove you’re stronger than me?”

Daigo: “. . . . . . . . . Understood. Let’s fight, to bargain for his life.”

Majima: “Oh! So you’ll do it?!”

Daigo: “Yeah. And . . . if I beat you, please swear your loyalty to me.”

Majima: “What? That’s a hefty condition. Well, in that case . . . If I win, I get the Tojo Clan. I’ll be the next chairman.”

Daigo: “What!”

Kashiwagi: “O-Oi! That’s . . .”

Majima: “If ya can’t meet those conditions, then this discussion is over. Let Sasaki die.”

Sasaki: “H-Hiii~~!!”

Daigo: “. . . Alright. Let’s drink to your conditions.”

Majima: “Kukuku. Yeah. We’ll have to do that, Daigo-chan.”

Kashiwagi: “Daigo . . . ! This method . . .”

Daigo: “Pardon me, Kashiwagi-san. But this is the only way . . .”

Majima: “. . . Really. I should change the location. The best stage for the best event is . . . I’ll contact ya in a moment, so please wait. The pickup will come soon.”

Daigo: “. . .”

----

Daigo: “Here?”

Audience: “Wow!!”

Ring Announcer: “L a d i e s   a n d   G e n t l e m e n ! ! We suddenly have a special match tonight! Tojo Clan’s Sixth Chairman, Dojima Daigo VS  the patriarch of the Majima Family directly under the Tojo Clan and the Mad Dog of Shimano, Majima Goro! The battle for the chairmanship is about to begin!!”

Audience: “Oh~~~~~~!”

Daigo: “Wh-What is this . . .?”

Majima: “A special match. Isn’t it more exciting to do it this way?”

Daigo: “Heh. How like you . . .”

Majima: “Time to say goodbye, Daigo-chan!!”

{Daigo and Majima fight in the ring, presumably shirts off. Daigo . . . very much does not win.}

Daigo: (Damn . . . of course . . . he’s incredibly . . . strong . . .)

Majima: “After all that, Daigo-chan, it wasn’t enough. this is how it turns out.”

Daigo: “No, not yet!”

Majima: “Hmph. Let go.”

{Majima kicks Daigo.}

Daigo: “Guh!! Damn it!”

Majima: “Can’t be. I shouldn’t hit ya that way. It’s too full of holes!!”

{Majima kicks Daigo again.}

Daigo: “Gah! Guwaaaaaa!!”

Ring Announcer: “Oops, Dojima Daigo is  d o w n !”

Majima: “This is the end!! Uoryaaaaaaaaa!!”

{Majima kneedrops Daigo in the head.}

Daigo: “~~Gah!!!!”

Ring Announcer: “The Mad Dog of Shimano’s ruthless kneedrop downed Dojima Daigo with a direct hit to the skull!!”

Daigo: (No . . . I can’t beat . . . this person . . .)

Majima: “It’s over, Daigo-chan. The Tojo Clan is mine.”

Daigo: “. . .”

Kiryu: “Daigo, you are strong. You have the strength not to give in to violence or power. Now, with the Tojo Clan exhausted by the conflict against the Omi, we need a strong leader like you.”

Daigo: “A strong leader . . .”

Kiryu: “You will surely unite the Tojo Clan. I believe so.”

 Daigo: (. . . I see. So that’s what you meant, Kiryu-san.  . . . Strength is not just about power. The strength of Kiryu-san that I admired . . . is so much more than that!!)

Majima: “Wh-What?!”

Daigo: “. . . Haa . . . Haa . . . Majima-san, it’s still . . . it’s still not over yet!!”

Majima: “Hn. Ya talk big. Uooryaaaaaaaaa!!”

Daigo: “Guh!!”

Majima: “Good . . . now stay down, Daigo-chan!!”

Daigo: “No, I can’t lose. I can’t afford to lose!”

Majima: “Wh-What are you doing? Are you really going this far for the Tojo Clan and Sasaki?!”

Daigo: “. . . Majima-san, I finally understand now. What Kiryu-san expected from me and entrusted to me.”

Majima: “Wh-What?”

Daigo: “I will not give in to violence, because there is something to protect. But. If I succumb to you here, I would be recognizing that violence rules. I can’t admit that . . . so I can’t back down!!”

Majima: “!! . . . Hopeless. Daigo-chan, you . . . Being great . . . it’s hard. Meeting Kiryu-chan’s expectations.”

Daigo: “?”

{Majima falls to the ground.}

Ring Announcer: “Wh-What the hell is this?! Majima has fallen?!”

Daigo: “!”

Majima: “I lost. I’ve been completely defeated. Daigo-chan has crushed me.”

Ring Announcer: “Th-This is . . . the Mad Dog of Shimano has been torn downnnnn!! A miraculous reversal by Dojima Daigoooo!!”

{The crowd cheers.}

Daigo: “Majima-san, you promised. From now on, follow me. Okay?”

Majima: “. . . Yeah. Do whatever ya want with me. I entrust my life to Daigo-chan. Really, you’re a great man, Daigo-chan. It’s your win.”

{The crowd goes wild.}

----

|A few weeks later. . .|

Tojo Clan Member A: “Hey, have you heard the rumor? It’s said that the chairman disciplined a rampaging Majima with an iron fist.”

Tojo Clan Member B: “Ah, really? I can’t believe it.”

Tojo Clan Member A: “But lately, the Majima Family patriarch has been listening to the Sixth Chairman, and quietly does as he is told.”

Tojo Clan Member B: “No way, the Mad Dog of Shimano deferring to that boy?”

Majima’s voice: “Who is this ‘boy’?”

Tojo Clan Member B: “P-Patriarch Majima . . .”

Majima: “As long as my eyes are black, rebellion against the Sixth Chairman won’t be forgiven!!”

Tojo Clan Member B: “Hiii. I’ll be careful!”

Majima: “Hmph. Just rumors, at most.”

----

Sasaki: “I’m really sorry!! For me . . . to do such a thing . . .”

Daigo: “It wasn’t for you. I did what I should as the chairman.”

Sasaki: “But my betrayal this time can’t be forgiven! I will atone here as a yakuza!!”

Daigo: “Can you even use your fingers? I don’t need you to do such a thing.”

Sasaki: “But . . . !!”

Daigo: “With the Tojo Clan exhausted after the conflict with the Omi, we need as many people as possible. We do not allow acts that will impair it. Work frantically if you want the chance to remove your finger.”

Sasaki: “S-Sixth Chairman . . .”

Kashiwagi: “Everything worked out as you expected.  . . . Majima.”

Majima: “Whatcha mean?”

Kashiwagi: “The Mad Dog of Shimano that rampages as he likes, obeys when the Sixth Chairman punishes him . . . For the newly appointed Daigo who has no backing yet, that legend will become his strongest backing in leading the Tojo Clan. In preparation of that, didn’t you rampage around just so you can challenge Daigo to a one-on-one battle?”

Majima: “. . . You’re overthinking it. I just do what I want to do and I did it.”

Kashiwagi: “Hmph. So you did.”

Majima: “I was convinced and have accepted him as the Sixth Chairman. That guy is worthy to lead the Tojo Clan.  . . . Daigo-chan is real. More of a worthy man than I thought.”

Kashiwagi: “. . . Yeah. Maybe Kiryu had seen Daigo’s worth . . .”

Daigo: (The rebuilding of the Tojo Clan is just getting started.  . . . Kiryu-san, please watch. The future of the Tojo Clan that you protected, I will take over and show you.)

.

-END-

Masterlist

[smolbeandrabbles]

Innocence - Andrew ‘Pope’ Cody x Reader (Animal Kingdom)

@mandy23b​ @wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​

GIF CREDIT: X

‘This is gonna be one hell of a night, I know you want it...’ ~ Kim Petras, There Will Be Blood.

Author’s Note: Basically, this is a fic in response to #ThatOneFic on AO3. I got a little bit of ‘if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em.’ syndrome and then decided I was better than that.  Could have written the one that’s in my drafts, but doing my Director’s Cut and then talking to everyone about it really got me like... 

Why not start some probably not very good smut with murder, after all? 😉

Can I disclaimer myself? The notes for this (written, as tradition states at like, 3am) are just pure filth. And I was horrified reading them back. So yeah, you’re not... getting that, but you’re getting remnants of what it could have been...

Added 800 words during the editing process because he needed it. I’ll fight for my vision of Andrew one fic at a time...

Innocence - Halestorm

Disclaimer: AK nothing to do with me / Part inspired by my own Director’s Cut analysis of Andrew & further fic research / lyrics & gif not mine

Small ‘need to know’ info: David is a policeman, and readers oldest brother.

Premise: When a drugs deal goes awry on the wrong side of town, and the police on the case, Andrew has one place to go. You’re used to this behaviour, but there is something about that dangerous side of him you just can’t resist - and you don’t want him to hold back...

Words: 5639

Warnings: Swearing / Sex / Sinday/Sunday Smut / Drugs references

____ You see it from the outside You're running toward the wall Swinging from your blind side But you don't know me at all I've been here too many times before And your tears don't mean a thing I only come when you scream Is this what you wanted Did I make your dreams come true? You're sitting in a corner Wondering what you got into And you ache for things you don't understand That your tears don't mean a thing And I only come when you scream, I told you Child, don't follow me home You're just too perfect for my hands to hold If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away And I just want to take your innocence There's no such thing as fate Only yourself to blame You never walked away Child, don't follow me home You're just too perfect for my hands to hold If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away And I just want to take your innocence

---

The scent of bleach filled the apartment; opening the front door gave you nothing more than an instant headache. You were lucky it didn’t make you gag, and you stood blinking for a few minutes – surely the feeling of your eyes stinging was only phycological?! Slipping your bag from your shoulder you exhaled deeply, followed by an inhale you instantly regretted, groaning and dragging a hand over your face. There could only be one culprit. What the hell had he done this time? He was probably long gone by now, tidied away and back home “ANDREW!” This was certainly more a cry of frustration to yourself; it wasn’t like you’d actively get mad at someone so volatile. This time you were met by an answer, coming from vaguely the direction of your bathroom. “Okay. But it wasn’t my fault this time.” You jumped immediately, dropping your bag, hand to your heart. “Geez! Are you incapable of giving me anything other than a heart attack!?!” Instead of being verbally answered, the man himself appeared; the white shirt and black slacks were ill fitting. Like he’d just grabbed the first possible thing he could from some shelf or other. Judging by the sizing, they were likely your brother David’s. Your eyes instantly narrowed; only one reason Andrew wouldn’t be wearing his own clothes. “What the fuck did you do?” He held both his hands up, the attempt to stop you from jumping to conclusions clearly not working by your unimpressed face: “Got caught in the crossfire, that’s all.” You folded your arms, daring him to pull the other: “Oh yeah, my whole apartment smells like bleach because you got caught in the crossfire.” His face was deadly serious: “You can’t expect me not to retaliate now, can you.” Your body’s instant reaction to that was to move away from him, but your jerk away was not followed by a step back, “So you did kill someone.” His eyes flicked over your shoulder for a split second, “Not exactly.” “Andrew!” “Would you rather I was dead?” He touched his hand to his chest, immediately making you defensive. “Don’t say things like that--!” Of course not, you never liked thinking that it was a distinct possibility. The corporate world of the men you used to date – of the man you almost married – was a million miles from the one standing in front of you right now. Andrew turning up here unannounced was not unusual, but it usually meant something had pushed him here. It was that thought that prompted your next question; “What happened?” “Drugs run gone wrong.” Too blunt. You opened you mouth, eyes going point a-z - you weren’t really looking at anything, you just didn’t want to look into his eyes when you knew all they’d show was how deadly serious he was – “You know, sometimes I wish you’d be just a little more subtle with me, Andrew.” You shook your head “But, I know that’s not your strong suit.” He gave a shrug, “You asked. Usually you don’t want to know.” “Yeah well, now I wished I hadn’t.” You indicated to your bathroom, “What state is it in?” “It’s fine.” You pushed passed him with a huff; “I’ll be the judge of that!” You couldn’t actually stand in there for more than a few seconds at a time, but when finally you deemed it safe, you couldn’t help but conclude that he was right. Even if he was on thin ice. “How much damn blood was there for you to need that much bleach?” Andrew gave you a single slow blink; “I like to be thorough.” There was an edge to his voice that sent a shudder up your spine that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. Yeah, you knew that. “Did you come all the way up to my apartment in blood stained clothes?!” “Not exactly.” “This I don’t want to hear.” “I know there’s cameras. I know the blind spots and trust me, no one saw me.” That was about the only thing he’d said so far you did trust. Andrew was far too good at this – if he said no one saw him, then no one saw him. Or they were already sworn to silence. “And your clothes are where?” Because if they weren’t in a dumpster about 6 miles away, you’d throttle him yourself. “Oh no, you-” “It better not have been a shirt I liked!” This blink meant nothing, and his face remained stoic. So it probably was, now doused in someone else’s blood. Vital evidence, of course. You sighed and stepped towards him, “The police?” “Drug land wars. It’s gonna look like exactly what it was.” “Promise me this isn’t traceable?” “It wasn’t our side of town. But you know that means nothing.” “A…Andrew…” You took his face in your hands, beneath your fingertips the tiny litter of scars you could still feel, but not see. His body was littered with such marks – you doubted he’d ever consider healing properly before he was off to the next big ‘adventure’. “Tell me you’re gonna be okay?” He placed his hands gently on your waist, but shook his head, “I can’t. You know that.” Andrew would stretch the truth, perhaps even lie by omission; but never blatantly. Not to you – not to someone who cared about him in the way you did. You shook your head, fingers holding him a little firmer before you placed your forehead to his: “I’m just glad you’re safe.” It was all you could say, but you meant it. It could have been his blood all over someone else’s clothes, with their significant other now holding them the way you were holding him. Instead they were likely getting news that the person they loved was dead, and you got to feel Andrew Cody breathe. He wasn’t holding you like a man who loved you, you weren’t even close. You weren’t about to unpick his feelings right this second, but you knew exactly what that meant.   “You can’t stay, can you?” He shook his head again, slowly, detaching himself from you. “Not today.” Not I’m sorry, not I love you, just not today. His brothers were at the scene, but Andrew was the one that was in trouble. You wondered if that meant he should be staying – or if he thought staying would put you in danger. This was meant to be his safe house… then again, maybe he needed to get back to his family. Andrew had a knack for disappearing by coming to you – for exactly that reason, no one would think to look for him in this part of town – if the Cody’s didn’t know where he’d got to, they’d be facing chaos. You weren’t about to tell him that his presence god-knows-how-long later dressed in someone else’s clothes probably would only add to that. “If you need me…” “I’ll come back.” He only gave a single nod, those blue eyes telling nothing but the truth. Andrew let you steal a single kiss before he was heading toward your front door, he opened it without a word, pausing only to half raise his hand to say goodbye. You wanted to tell him you loved him, it didn’t seem like an appropriate moment, and with a last lingering look your apartment door closed, leaving you alone. You let out another breath, this time loud as it built into a groan, hands running into your hair: ‘What the fuck am I doing!?’

***

You weren’t exactly in the know on this type of thing, and living across Melbourne in your apartment, you saw Andrew by arrangement, or when he chose to see you. Crime in Melbourne didn’t interest you until it had to – and half the time it was only because he forced your hand. A shoot out on the wrong side of town attracted the attention of the police. The Cody’s weren’t in favour with the police at the best of times, so this only made the cops go haywire. You were none the wiser, but the boys knew it. The law would be all over them – Baz was surprised that they weren’t already, and to counteract this, quickly managed to set a plan in motion. Although it was enacted with an air of panic. “Alright! This time we take no chances, its lockdown. We can’t go anywhere; we move slow and cautious and don’t do anything.” Baz stilled and thought for a moment before turning to his friend, the most likely candidate to get into the wrong kind of trouble. They’d all been there, sure, but it was Andrew the police would come down hardest on. “If we do, we gotta stay put – if necessary, hide. Pope, that means you-!” Craig and Darren immediately began arguing about “How can the house be safe!?” and Baz had the job of reasoning about alibis and how they usually got out of this with help from Ezra, commonly - without evidence - nothing went anywhere… and trying to knock some sense into their panic. Andrew wasn’t hearing any of this, instead he just sat calmly, eyes on a fixed spot – staying here wasn’t his only option. In fact, it was an option he’d rather not take. He stood, wandering off to his bedroom, exiting barely a minute later with a bag. At this point the others realised that he was in fact, leaving, and their yelling after him didn’t cause a turn back. Andrew Cody left without a word. “Andrew!! POPE! Where the HELL do you think you’re going man?!” Baz was too preoccupied with his friend to bother holding the other two back, and yet they didn’t attempt to chase their older brother. He knew the answer that Andrew wouldn’t give; “Y/N.” Darren turned to him with wide eyes; “Is that even safe-!?!” Baz thought that was doing you a disservice as a head strong city girl, you knew what you were getting into. You knew who Andrew was. “Man, I don’t even know where she lives. It’s perfect. After all, who is gonna ask a girl - who barely knows the names of three drugs - where the hell Andrew Cody is. She’s the last place you’d think to look...”

They all heard the car engine start, and as it pulled from the drive they were left in silence. “Should we stop him?” “Nope. It’s not worth it. Pope’s made his choice, best he lay low and out of it for now.” Craig tipped nearly his entire body as he mused his thought; “How did he even get her anyway!?!” Baz frowned, “It’s not about how he got her,” Although he was sure he knew the answer to that,  “it’s about how he’s keeping her.” “Fear?” Baz was almost worried that that was Darren’s gut answer and shook his head firmly. “No. No that’s not it. Pope wouldn’t hurt her.” “You sure about that. He’s got pretty violent tendencies...” This particular incident was a case in point. “No. Because she really WOULD leave.” Unless it was truly accidental; you’d kicked him out for drugs – he lay a hand on you (in a way you didn’t like; he’d seen the scratches and bruises that often adorned your hips that you seemed to like showing off sometimes) Baz wouldn’t think you’d be incapable of calling the cops yourself. That wasn’t a thought he liked. “Oh, she loves him, dearly…” “So what is she to him?” There was a tone of disgust in Craig’s voice, Baz gave him a significant look, “At the very least, a safer space than he’ll ever have here.”

** Weekends alone were nice. You liked waking in someone’s arms, you liked wasting your time on nothing, maybe you’d be treated to a walk somewhere, but it was likely that if Andrew was staying the weekend, you’d not leave your apartment. But alone you could very nearly sleep the whole thing away, eat whenever you wanted – maybe do a grocery store snack run, see your friends at all your favourite Melbourne coffee bars, take your car up to your parents for the weekend to see the kids… but staying under the covers with nothing but your dreams was the priority.   And given that the smell of bleach was finally completely dissipating from your apartment, tonight was the best you slept in days. However, when you woke this morning you weren’t alone. Which was fine either way, your boyfriend had a key and this behaviour wasn’t uncommon, but he was not beside you in bed. Rather, standing at the foot of it staring at you. Andrew Cody wasn’t even blinking, and the only thing that would indicate that he wasn’t a statue, was the rise and fall of his chest for every breath he took. He’d been here for a while, simply observing your sleeping form, your movements and your breathing; Andrew didn’t want to wake you when the dreams seemed good. He didn’t scare you, or make you jump. If anything his presence made you feel a little safer, but by the indication of your clock it was nearly midday… what was he doing here? You flattened yourself out onto your back as you stared right back at him, but his eyes didn’t hold yours very long, raking themselves down your body. The fluctuation of his breathing changed, and you could read that like a book. This man was clearly DTF. And although you couldn’t possibly believe that Andrew would make the journey across the city just for that, it wasn’t out of Andrew’s remit. “What?” Your voice was still soft as you pushed yourself up with your arms so you sat. “Andrew? Baby, what?” Your pulse was elevating to meet the look on his face, the hunger in his eyes. Clearly your body was more than happy to read the signals of his and be roused from its dreams to give signals of its own. Your tongue danced across your bottom lip as you lowered your gaze to the rest of Andrew’s body. You couldn’t deny that you could feel the rise in your arousal and this time, as his eyes came up to meet yours again, your body tingled under the weight of his stare. You wanted him right now too. “C’mere.” You encouraged him, tipping your body back to rest on your hands, head inclined. Andrew didn’t need more than that invitation, crawling onto the bed, hands either side of you. You could hear his breathing now, and he was close, but still not touching you. You continued watching the way he was still staring at your body, the change to the colour of his eyes – he was putting too much thought into this and it was torture. Andrew inhaled you, and you could almost feel the heat coming from him. For a moment you realised you’d been forgetting to breathe, and as you did so your body gave a throb, stomach knotting deliciously. The scent of him covered you. With Andrew this close you didn’t think there was any going back from that. “Do you want me? Andrew? Babe? Do you want me? You can say it...” He still wasn’t looking at your face, and although his head movements were neither confirmation or denial, they were indecisive. With no verbal reaction, but consent certainly needed in order to continue, you closed that gap, grazing your lips to his cheek you nudged his head back just enough to ghost his lips. “I want you, too. Baby, I need you.” If he wouldn’t consent verbally, you would simply let him know you did. He immediately let out a growl, pushing you back into the sheets. Even if you expected kisses, you didn’t expect them to be this harsh and it was very nearly shocking – was Andrew only trying to hold himself back? He pinned you down; knees by your hips, feet between your legs. But you didn’t struggle against him, hands shooting to his shoulders and through his hair – Andrew didn’t pin your wrists. You could feel your hips widening for him – knowing immediately that you wanted him to do whatever the fuck he wanted to you. Shifting himself so that you were still pinned, Andrew pulled your underwear down your legs, discarding them. All the while his lips were still on yours and he wasn’t affording you much breathing room. Some would say this was too close, but this was just where he liked to be. His hands ran smoothly back up your thighs and your hips wiggled underneath his, looking for anything. Andrew answered you sooner than expected, clearly he wasn’t in the mood to wait for this, and slowed his hands to part your thighs just that little more. You immediately moaned into his kiss as Andrew ran his index finger teasingly through your folds. You knew he wouldn’t stop there, and you had to leave his lips in order to draw enough breath to whine as he circled your clit slow. Andrew freed you from being pinned just so you could feed your legs into a more comfortable position whilst still giving him access to you; already flushed, you knew he wouldn’t have to do much to work you up. Dipping his fingers into your arousal as he brushed his thumb across your clit, it wasn’t long before he pushed a finger inside you and even shorter before another joined it – widening you for him. You weren’t even sure you were fully awake yet and your mouth to brain filters hadn’t kicked in, hands shaking as you undid the buttons on your own shirt. “Fuck baby, I need you inside me. Oh, baby please, fuck me, hard. Harder. Edge me, tease me, make me yours.” Clearly neither of you were quite sure where that had come from by the look on his face, but if Andrew thought that was what you wanted, that was what he would give you. Andrew knew what the way you were talking was doing to him as he undid his belt and jeans; it was weird to hear out of your mouth sure, but you were only succeeding in turning him on even more. He removed his fingers from you and thrust in with more force than you expected – causing you to cry out again; not entirely in pain. He growled, lips to your neck as his nails dug into your hips, you pulled his body closer, locking your legs behind him. You drew Andrew deeper; but that was exactly where you wanted him. Here we go with another set of bruises I luckily never have to explain… No trips to the beach for another week, then. If this was back at his, if he’d have called you and asked you to come over – which wasn’t often but it did happen - then this would have to be quiet, and you got the feeling that he was going to be so rough with you that it would be impossible to be silent. But also Andrew liked it when you weren’t – he liked hearing the sounds that he was capable of drawing from you. For just a second he placed his head against yours, and that single kiss was gentle; you thought you were already breathless, perhaps in anticipation, but still managed to say it: “Baby, I will be as loud as you want.” It didn’t take long before you were blissfully sighing his name, moaning and arching you back into him and the travel of his hands. You had to admit you were insanely turned on, but also, in your house you could turn the volume to 10, because that’s what he enjoyed. Andrew didn’t hurt you when you had sex, it wasn’t something that occurred to him; sure he held you tight enough to leave marks and scratches, but he wasn’t actively hurting you. So him being this rough was an unusual experience. But Andrew also didn’t usually talk, beyond the occasional phenomena of his own quiet sighs, and his whispers of your name. So, you weren’t sure if you had unlocked or awakened something in him that was always there, but he never knew you wanted, or Andrew was simply playing into your request – but the threatening growl in his voice as he spoke basically had you doing as he commanded on the spot, “I’m gonna make you cum over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and then when you can’t take it any more I’ll finally cum for you.” You whimpered your ‘what!?’ in such a way that it didn’t even sound like a word – your fingers clinging onto him and tangling into his shirt for dear life as he continued his reckless rhythm inside you. You felt too high on the feeling of him fucking you, but you would take him at his word – that was exactly what Andrew was going to do, unless you told him to stop. And he would, if he didn’t want to hurt you, he would. He'd be out the door faster than he could apologise if not. Did you want him to stop, was the question? Instead you responded in kind; “Fuck me Andrew. Do whatever you want with my body, it’s yours.”

Andrew didn’t say anything unless it was worth saying, unless he meant it (at least sober) - that was like an unwritten rule. Although maybe with you like this he wasn’t entirely sober, ever. But it felt so heat of the moment and foreign to him - what he was telling you wasn’t calculated… it wasn’t even truly blunt information but it turned you on. And that clench of your muscles around him was something that he could feel. The same way he could feel your pulse under his fingertips, and your warmth: that was your life, your heartbeat and it jumped with your excitement. The sound of it with the ticking of his watch; everything was suddenly so sensory to him. It ran wild the harsher he was with you and the harder you panted; desperate to take on more air. He didn’t have to associate that sound with life, either, he knew that noise when taking it. Andrew wasn’t sure if he was supposed to find that sexy or not; but he thought he did.

Every little sign of your body was all he needed; Andrew could pay attention to that minutia of detail, whether it be the sounds you made, or the shake that you fought so hard against, the movement of your body under his, how it felt to have your fingertips glide over him, for your lips to press into his skin, smaller tensions of resistance… but also how it felt to be inside you - how being a little rough and talking a little dirty seemed only to make you wetter, a little tighter, a lot more desperate for him - as if suddenly all your senses had heightened too. Maybe this was just something you both needed. But all of this was bringing you pleasure - that’s what mattered most. That Andrew was bringing you something positive; HE was doing this to you. He didn’t know why you stuck around; he gave you plenty of reason to leave. But you proved a point, even if really you knew you were only proving it to yourself; that Andrew Cody could make a positive impact on people’s lives. You wanted nothing more than to desperately confirm to him that he wasn’t just some tool his family could use for violence without mercy. Andrew could be this for someone; a life partner, needed, wanted, loved... And it wasn’t just you - but the way your whole family felt about him; Andrew deserved a real family.

He watched the sweat dance on your skin for a minute, acutely aware of the way your nails were digging into him; “Andrew, PLEASE, give me more-!” You weren’t just a someone though. You were you. You of all the damn people in this city, let alone the world. You could have anyone you wanted - you almost got married. Whether that man be long gone or not, occasionally it crossed Andrew’s mind that if it wasn’t for him coming into your life, your absolute fascination with him, the fact that this was practically an affair… you would be married right now; in some extravagant mansion in some fancy part of Melbourne. But you weren’t, you were with him - having loud rough sex in your apartment in a moment where you were thinking things didn’t get much better than that. Andrew proved to you that you didn’t have to settle for what you thought you wanted - but you could just as easily find what you really needed, even in the most unexpected of places. For Andrew, he couldn’t help but admit there was an excitement about the potential of corrupting someone not from his world, nor should have ever crossed the line into it. And yet here you were, beneath him.

He didn’t go back on any of his growled promises; and every time you came it felt different. Because this wasn’t just about one thing – not just the physical act; it was how you were feeling about him, and how Andrew felt for you. How he listened intently to what your body was telling him and changed it up - how you vocalised what you liked (and maybe when he got a little too rough). Emotions might have been hard to find in Andrew Cody but they were buried there somewhere, and they were real, and sometimes he gave you a glimpse of them. Even if it was just the look on his face right now, as you came for him again, and again, and again… The slight sympathy in his features as you begged him to cum for you, in short sharp breaths that he could really barely register as a sentence: hot and flushed and sweaty and spent… but his; completely his. Heart, Body, Mind and Soul. And Andrew didn’t need to look at the marks across your skin to know it.

By the time he did finally come undone inside you, your energy was completely drained, body shaking beneath his. You were both drenched in sweat and breathing hard – but every second had been worth it – and your body was singing from every single high you were still on. You couldn’t be sure you were even down from the first yet. You weren’t sure if your mental note should be: we should really do this again, or, we really should never do this again! So you’d put a pin in it for now, far too tired to do more than sift your fingers through his hair as he lay quietly on your chest listening to your heartbeat. Whatever that decision would be, you couldn’t help thinking on the fact that you wanted this more often, you would keep Andrew here if you could… If you thought that was ever possible. One day you’d work up the nerve to broach him moving in, for now you lay still and quiet. Now wasn’t the time… Now you just wanted to get lost in the way he made you feel. ** You had barely left the bed all weekend, if only to shower. (Which hardly ever turned out as innocent as it sounded). Usually exhausted, but hardly something to worry about. Andrew took good care of you. But he really had worn you out and after he’d set you on the sofa, so that he could change your sheets and tidy up, Andrew returned to your sleeping form. He tilted his head to watch you; remnants of that afterglow remained, smile on your face as your body curled up. Although you were tired you looked content, no worries.  Exactly how Andrew wished he could keep you. You were with him though, so that certainly wasn’t easy. He stooped, arms under your body as he pulled you into him. You groaned gently as he tipped you, head against his chest. Andrew gave pause again as you immediately sought the warmth of his body with a sleepy hum. His head gave an involuntary little shake as he carried you back to your bedroom. Depositing you back on your bed to curl up once more, Andrew stopped in the doorway only to make sure you had settled, before he closed the door on you and continued his tidying. *** Andrew thought about simply leaving, maybe it would have calmed down at home, maybe he could find somewhere else to lay low… But, although you’d talked this weekend you’d never quite broached the subject of why he was here. It wasn’t something important to you, he supposed, it wasn’t something you’d ask probably because usually you’d get a blunt answer. You didn’t need to know. And yet maybe this time you did. You were still sleeping when he re-entered your bedroom, and Andrew settled on the bed to watch you this time. However, your body didn’t stir, as it had when he’d arrived; you were relaxed and peaceful. Andrew knew you enough to know that you slept pretty light usually, but you seemed a lot deeper in this time around. He was right, you were exhausted. Through good things, at least. He placed his fingers gently to your neck, searching for the run of your pulse… when he found it Andrew applied increasing pressure, it changed under his fingertips; manipulated by his exertion on you – but when he did this, he could feel it stronger. That was your life under his fingertips; something that he could so easily take from you. And that thought almost scared him, you walked a razors edge - balanced constantly - and yet never seemed to let it faze you. You stood up to him without fear that he could turn around and kill you, even though Andrew knew how aware you were of that possibility. Andrew supposed you just never let it cross your mind. That you wouldn’t allow yourself to believe that your relationship could ever end that way. He would keep it to himself, of course, but Andrew had an uneasy feeling this relationship would only end when one of you was dead. Uncomfortable with the applied pressure, your body woke you; Andrew withdrew his hand fascinated with the way you took on more air as you awoke. It really would be that easy… You stretched slowly and turned to him, “Oh… my god. I-” you glanced to the clock, “…I’m sorry.” “You needed it.” Andrew gave a nonchalant shrug. “I thought you might leave.” “I considered it.” He was still being blunt, you weren’t all that sure Andrew would recognise the difference and let you down softly: “…I might need to overstay my welcome.” You pulled yourself up, taking his hand in yours, “You are always welcome here. What happened?” He would take his leave, if there wasn’t a reason he couldn’t return home. “You know.” “The same as before? So the police are after you?” You said it with an undertone of ‘I told you so’. “Appears that way.” “And you’re gonna tell me what it’s about?” That was a rare event. “…I told you.” He indicated, “But-” and shuffling over to his things he presented you with a large polished wooden box. You were immediately unsure you were going to like this, and opened the lid cautiously, only at the last second realising now your fingerprints were on this thing. ‘David would scream at me!’ You blew out a breath at the contents, unable to quite raise your eyes to his. The entire box was filled with drugs, of various types, surely you couldn’t name them all, but pills, needles and powder were all present in various shapes and colours. Spoils of war? The darker patches of brown you could see around the edges of the box were saying blood to you. You were silent for a long while, before you said the first thing you could really think of, “This... is a lot.” A lot for me. “I know.” You weren’t sure he let your sentence settle enough for him to really know. You became sad for a minute, fingers dancing across the surface of the box as you closed it, unsure of what to do. What you were supposed to do with this information now. Andrew continued, deciding to take the leap of: “I can’t be what you want me to be.” You raised your head, with a blink and looked at him; clear and true, dead in the eye: “I don’t want you to be anything.” You had never wanted him to be anything, you knew exactly who he was. “You might be what they say you are, Andrew.” Not that you would know, being so out of the loop. But you’d seen enough, in your opinion far too much, “But that is not ALL you are.” I know you... I. Know. You. You could think of nothing else than to gather him to you, you didn’t care if he reciprocated or not – it was something you needed to do. Even if it was only for yourself. You buried your head in his shoulder, lacing yours fingers with his. Andrew wasn’t looking at you, he wasn’t even really giving you anything back. But he wasn’t pulling away from you either – and that was just as important. You rubbed his arm affectionately, running up to his collar. Those blue eyes trailed to yours; and you held him there. Your voice was gentle, voicing the only thing that really mattered to you in this moment – his own safety. “Stay as long as you need, we’ll get through this, we always do.”

You always would.

---

Thank yoooooou for reading! 💙💜

[e-vasong]

Can I ask about your writing process?

Huge fan of your TUA fics here - the way you just GET the characters is incredible - its almost like reading a novel written by the actual show writers!

How do you go about your characterisation and your drafting process? Any tips on nailing the complexities of the characters (specifically five)?

Thanks!!!

:') This is literally so nice I don't know how to respond, oh my goodness. I wish I had, like, life-altering writing wisdom for you here, but I honestly feel like my entire process is kind of a mess. I'll share it with you anyways, though, just in case you can glean anything helpful from it. I’ll tuck it below a cut, but here it is (ft. some of my specific characterization notes on Five, since you asked :D).

Pre-draft: Concept stage! This can be a variety of things -- sometimes it's a specific scene. For me it's usually a challenge of some sort. I like to take things that I think are unlikely for a character (under what circumstances would [x] character ever become a bad guy? How would [x] character’s secrets get revealed if they never talk willingly about their emotions?) Then I build out from there. I outline sometimes now, but I’ve been winging all my pieces for so long that it’s pretty tough for me. 

Draft one: Throw things at the wall. If I let myself, I will spend way too long agonizing on making every word perfect on the first go around, and I’ll never write anything. So draft one has permission to be as bad as it needs to be: sentence fragments, OOC dialogue/actions, clunky word choice, the whole nine yards. The most important thing is getting the words/scenes on the page.

Draft two: What sticks? Everyone is different -- I find it easier to edit than to write in the first place. So here’s where I look over my work from draft one. Is my sentence structure variable enough? How are their voices? Their actions? Does the narration work with the POV I’m using for the scene? 

Like, okay. I’m working on chapter two of the end of the war right now. Currently, it includes this line:

“How did you even—” Five starts, then shakes himself.  Absolutely not.  He isn’t entertaining this.  “Luther.”

In retrospect, I’m not wild about it. It doesn’t sound in character to me. I’m not pulling out receipts right now or anything, but the more I think about it, the more that I feel certain that Five rarely expresses surprise unless really shocked. Part of this is likely the contrast between him in his siblings (all the stuff about the Apocalypse and time travel is familiar to him and new to them, so the show has a lot of “Five explains [x] to his siblings while they look flabbergasted by him.”)

Anyways, it doesn’t sit right. So maybe, instead:

Five frowns, taken off guard. He could ask, but--quite frankly--he’s starting to think that he doesn’t want to know. He does, however, know what this is a preface to -- Luther is going to meddle. 

“Luther,” Five says it like a warning. Luther either doesn’t hear it or doesn’t care.

Anyways, rinse and repeat step two as much as necessary, and you basically have my entire drafting process.

Characterization, though, I have a more thorough process for!

Fanon and meta is super, super helpful, but I definitely prefer to look at canon first and foremost. I find it easiest to build characterization by asking myself questions about the character! I mean, don’t get me wrong. The first step is just to...get your own read on their personality? And there’s no trick to that. Everyone comes away from watching a show/reading a book with a slightly different interpretation of a character’s personality. But when building off of that to write them, I find questions helpful. They vary from fandom to fandom, but, like, here are some of the questions I’ve asked myself while writing Five.

What motivates them? For Five, this is a super easy one. He literally says it at multiple points throughout the show. He’s motivated by his family. To the point of wanting to save the world because they’re a part of it. Five troops through injury and pain and discomfort, but one reference from Handler about a deal to save his family is enough to coerce Five into 1 - working with her when he doesn’t want to and 2 - taking a job that he doesn’t seem like he wants to take.

How far are they willing to go to get it? For Five, he’s willing to do pretty much anything.

Are there any contradictions in their characterization? This is a weirdly specific question, but! People are inherently contradictory. Sometimes in TV or movies or books, it’s just bad writing. But sometimes it’s because people are complicated. So, in TUA, Five is consistently a big-picture thinker throughout the series. He seems to view his job at the Commission with apathy because he knows that it’s part of maintaining the timeline and necessary for him to get back home and stop the Apocalypse. He plans to kill an innocent person because he believes the butterfly effect of their death could stop the end of the world. He is, in many ways, a utilitarian -- the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. The greater good sometimes requires a lesser evil. Pull the lever in the trolley problem, and kill the one to save the five. Unless that one is one of Five’s siblings. 

For instance, his dialogue with the Handler in season one seems to imply that he is willing to give up fighting the Apocalypse if and only if she can guarantee his siblings’ safety (though this admittedly turns on how honest you think he was being with her -- I think he was honest, but smart enough to know she’d never follow through, but a fair argument can be made either way.) There are a million ways to read this, and the fun of playing with characterization is that you get to experiment with them! I read it as proof that Five is so driven by his desire to save his siblings that he actually places their wellbeing above his own moral compass (whether his moral compass is right or wrong is a whole other debate.)

What are they like at their best vs. at their worst? At his best, Five is strategic, driven, independent, determined, loyal, and protective. At his worst, he’s controlling, suspicious, bloodthirsty, temperamental, and obsessive. Of course, most people don’t just switch between these two extremes, and these traits frequently coexist, interact, and manifest in milder ways.  Five being suspicious usually manifests as him being cautious until he’s confronted with a character (in season two, Lila) that strikes him the wrong way. Him being obsessive is often just a side product of the fact that he is determined, loyal, and protective.  The fact that he can be controlling is connected to how independent he can be -- the same reason that Five tries to keep Diego in the mental hospital, never tells people that he’s injured, and hides things from them is the same reason he’s so quick and effective at getting things done. This is just a handy way of compiling a flaws/virtues list, and I like to look at it in terms of the potential extremes because I think it makes it easier to see how they interact to create the middle ground where the character actually exists.

How do they talk? Arguably the most important question for actually getting their voice, and the easiest way to nail this down is to just...look at the canon dialogue. Does the character use really big words? Do they talk in long gusts or in short, clipped sentences?  Do they use contractions more or do they not shorten things? This is the hardest part of writing Five for me, because my first impulse is to make him talk like an Intellectual (tm) and Very Erudite Adult. Like, I default to that when writing him, and it’s a horrible habit (in my opinion) because...while he does speak that way sometimes (usually when explaining things to his siblings) that’s not actually how he talks most of the time.  (Like, for instance, I tend to default away from Five using contractions in my first drafts of things. He actually uses contractions a lot, and frequently shortens words--”got to” is “gotta” for Five, “because” becomes “‘cause”, etc.) 

Other examples:

Five: Billions of people are about to die tonight. You can change that.

The Handler: Tonight, tomorrow. So little difference in the scheme of things. Don't you remember the Commission's raison d'etre? What's meant to be is meant to be, or, as I like to say, que será, será.

Five: It's bullshit in any language.

I love this exchange so much :D. And it establishes some great things about the way Five talks! He doesn’t dance around the issue or debate her or try and prove her wrong. He just tells her he thinks that that opinion is dumb, obviously.  He’s blunt, straightforward, and honest. (This seems to tie into the thing I was saying about Five and contractions -- he picks the most straightforward way of saying things unless he’s giving a technical explanation.)

Five: Okay, Luther, but be careful. I mean, I've... I've lived a long life, but you're still a young man. You got your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it.

Five talks like an old man. Not all the time (though there’s a wonderful gif set out there somewhere of Five using old timer slang -- wait, I found it here.) He doesn’t use the old-timey slang all the time -- and I personally like the idea of mixing up Five’s slang habits and including slang from all sorts of eras because he’s a time traveler whose primary source of interaction after four decades alone was other time traveling assassins. But! He also talks in a way where he shows his age. 

Regardless of where you think Five’s psychological age falls (I have my own Opinions on this), he seems to unilaterally view himself as the Big Sibling, and by a very large margin at that. That’s reflected in how he talks. Not always, since not every line of dialogue is relevant to his age. But stuff like this, or related to it, crops up a fair amount. He counsels his siblings on their problems (as when he comforted Diego post-Eudora’s death), and there are little moments like the quote above, where the point is that Five has indeed seen many more years than his siblings and has the perspective to reflect that.

Well, this is way too long now, and it’s really late where I’m at. I feel like the comprehensibility of this post has been steadily declining the whole time, but if other writers have tips that they want to add onto this, please go ahead! 

[blvirz]

Living Life Through a Lens: Chapter Nineteen

Chapter 19: Everything Was Going So Well

Word Count: 2.8K

Warnings: none

gif 

A/N: Hello! It’s a short one today, but I won’t leave you hanging for long. Also, would you look at the gif? would you just look at it?! You can tell she’s nasty LMAO.

[7:40 PM KST]

“This is Lisa and Jennie getting ready for their first concert to officially kick off their tour. Say hi!” you shouted as you held the camera steady in their direction. The two of them looked up from their phones to wave and smile at you. Lisa extended her right index finger to correct you and said, “you mean, our highly anticipated sold out tour.”

You jokingly stumbled back and put your free hand on your chest, “yes you’re right. I stand corrected. Are you guys nervous?” you asked.

“There’s always a bit of nervousness meeting the Blinks after a long break. But once we are on stage, it all goes away. Please give us lots of love!” Lisa shouted as she playfully pretended to kiss the camera.

Just then, you heard a knock on the door. Quickly panning the camera from Jennie and Lisa, over to the door, you saw Rosé and Jisoo walk through, in the monitor. Their smiles were wide, and they came rushing over to the couch where Jennie and Lisa were seated. You had started filming in their room, but when they needed to change into their outfits, that’s when you left the room and made your way into Lisa and Jennie’s dressing room.

When the four of them were all in front of you, you asked them a different question. “Alright we don’t have a lot of time so can one of you guys tell me about the thing you are most excited to show your fans? On this tour specifically?”

They all looked at each other and a few seconds later it was decided that Rosé would answer. “For me… it would have to be the new solo songs I’ve prepared. They have been waiting for a long time, so I’m excited to see their reactions.”

…

[12:00 AM KST]

“I’m so tired. I just want to sleep,” said Lisa as she dragged both her feet and suitcase across the hotel floor. Lisa was always energetic, so it was odd to see her like this. You patted her back as she went into her room, once she was safely inside, you continued walking with the rest of the girls to their rooms.

It was right after the concert, and all of you were staying at a hotel nearby the airport, so it would be easy to jet off to the next destination in the early morning. The next stop was Thailand. After Lisa’s room you guys got to Rosé’s and Jisoo’s. The last two at the end of the hallway were yours and Jennie’s rooms. Earlier when management gave you five keys in total, Jennie seemed disappointed that they gave you separate rooms, but on the way up you told her it was the right choice, as you both needed a good night’s rest. Life on tour required so much energy and focus, and sleep would only help with that.

Swiping your key over the handle, the light on the door turned red. Doing it slowly a couple times more, you figured it probably wasn't magnetized. So you set out to go find Lex and see if she had the spare key before going all the way downstairs to get a new one. When you looked up Jennie was standing there with her foot holding her door open and said, “don’t you see? Even your room is telling you to not sleep in it. Now will you just sleep in mine?”

Walking over to her, you grabbed her face and said, “Jennie. For the last time. Go. To. Sleep. You need it. I’m going to find Lex and get the other key card. Goodnight.” After kissing her goodbye, you left her. As if she knew you would look back, she waited and made sure you saw the annoyed look on her face before finally heading into her room.

…

[6:30 AM KST]

You, Lex, the members, their managers and security were all waiting at one of the airport gates. It was about twenty minutes before you were supposed to board the plane, that is, if it wasn't delayed again. Your original flight was supposed to leave two hours ago, and with the lack of sleep combined with your computer acting up, your patience was wearing thin.

Following a tutorial on your phone, you tried adjusting something on your laptop. When it unexpectedly quit, you panicked. “Oh crap. What did I do?” you said, not realizing you had said it out loud. Jennie perked up in the chair beside you and asked you what was wrong, but you had no time to think and rushed over to Lex. While you tried your best to explain what you did slowly and carefully, she grabbed you by the shoulders, told you to calm down, and took the laptop and phone out of your hands. Endless questions and tapping on the keys later, she had the screen up and running again. When you tried to touch it, she swatted your hand away and pressed yet another complicated combination of keys. “Don’t touch,” was all she said and you listened.

In the midst of your panicking, you didn't notice that all the members stood behind you two, so when you turned around to take a break from looking at your laptop and saw them there, you jumped in your seat. They too, were anxiously waiting for Lex to figure it out.

The familiar startup noise of your laptop rang through your ears and you quickly darted back to see if it was real and not just a hallucination. Once Lex logged in, she carefully handed over your laptop, as if she were handing you a bomb to defuse. Very slowly you took it in your lap.

Dragging the cursor over the files you opened each one to see if they were still there. Even playing a few videos to see if the files were corrupted. Unsure if the ones you were clicking just happened to be uncorrupted, you started to back it up online anyway. Until one of the attendants at the desk announced that it was time to board. Are you kidding me?!

On your way to the plane you told Jennie that you would be sitting next to Lex in the event that your computer acted up again. She tried her best to keep her cool, but you were quick enough to see her initial reaction, which wasn’t a happy one. As much as you wanted to resolve the issue, you couldn’t risk losing all your footage, so you put it off and hoped that she might let it go. After all, she was tired and stressed too, so you hoped that some time apart might save you both from any unnecessary argument.

…

[9:45 PM ICT]

It was the first concert of three here in Jakarta, and you noticed there was a change in atmosphere in comparison to the one in South Korea. It wasn’t a bad thing, but there was something about being in Thailand and you couldn't exactly pinpoint what made it different. Was it the fans? The arena?

Currently you sat in the space between the barricade and stage, waiting for the girls to come back out. It was about the third last song of the night before they had to close out, and this was the song that you were scheduled to record for this location. As much as you wanted to record in each stop along the tour, you and your team decided it wasn’t idealistic. For one, it didn't make sense to record the same songs over and over again. And two, you didn’t want to get in the way and possibly ruin one city’s whole experience, so it was enough to record one or two songs here and there.

Due to the demand, the girls would have two additional shows, and would then make their way to the next destination, which happened to be Indonesia. After Indonesia, they would head to Hong Kong and the Philippines. Then to finish off the first leg of their worldwide tour, they would end it in Taiwan before taking two months off to prepare for the North American and European legs. Also included in the two months would be the premiere for the documentary.

With the stress levels of everyone on the crew only increasing, you figured it would be better for you and your film crew to fly back to Korea and start some of the cataloguing, editing and other parts of the postproduction phase. Then when it was time you would meet up with the girls in Taipei for any additional footage that you might be missing. You had enough footage of the concert and behind the scenes, so you didn't think it was necessary to stay and record for any longer. Having footage of the concerts wasn’t the main focus of the documentary. Instead, it was to pull back the curtain on anything they had wished to share; that being the girls’ day to day lives or the behind the scenes look at all that went into preparing for their tour. The editing phase of the documentary was already here, and you couldn’t quite believe it.

Once the girls came back out you started rolling. It was always a fun time recording the girls, as sometimes they would stop and interact with you and the film crew. After a late night meeting after the second concert in South Korea, you and your film crew were able to learn and fine tune some of the mistakes you made. So as stressful as tonight was, you found that you were making less and less mistakes as time went on. Like where to be and where not to be.

After the song was finished and the girls quickly got into position for the next song, you sat back and enjoyed the concert taking both of your earplugs out. At first it was incredibly loud, but eventually you got used to the sounds of the screaming fans and the endless banging noise of their lightsticks. It was near impossible to be in a bad mood at a concert; there was food, good music and thousands of other people who were there to have a good time.

No matter how many times you had seen the girls rehearse or perform, it amazed you every time. There was little difference in Jisoo’s on and off stage persona, she was confident all the time but seemed to be a lot more carefree on stage. With Lisa there was a noticeable difference; she could still be described as her joyful self, but what changed was her boss-like attitude when she performed her solo. Her expressions and dance moves were sharper, and seemed to show off, in her words, her ‘swag.’ Rosé on the other hand was much brighter and happier when she was on stage. Near the end of the concert, when the girls were free to walk and interact with the fans, was when it became more apparent. It was clear to anyone with just one look that she genuinely loved what she did, and the people who came to support her. With Jennie, you saw the stark difference in her two personalities. Depending on the song, she could show her fierce and seductive side. And of course when the time was right, she showed the exact opposite, where she showed off her soft and childlike side.

To see them up close was far different from what you have seen on video, and you hoped that you would be able to do it justice with the documentary. Being able to show the fans the girls on stage and off-stage personalities, although there weren’t that many changes, was an important aspect that you wanted to both capture and convey through the documentary.

…

[12:20 AM ICT]

“Why do you insist on going back to your room? Look there’s enough space here for you and me.” Jennie pleaded while running her hands across the bed you two were currently laying on.

“Because you have a busy day of rehearsing tomorrow. Plus I have a flight to catch in the early morning. Get some sleep Jennie,” you said as you got up from the bed.

To make up for the past couple of days of being barely able to spend time with one another, you decided to spend a little bit of time with Jennie in her hotel room after the concert. So far everything was going smoothly, until she asked for you to stay once again. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to stay, but because you couldn’t. Management was strict and you understood why there were certain rules put in place. In the end it all boiled down to making sure that the talent was healthy and well-rested.

“Flying? Where are you going? Are you not filming the other two concerts?” she asked.

It was during one of the late night meetings you had when you and your team decided it was better for you to leave early. You wanted to tell Jennie, but you didn’t want to let it interfere with her focus on the tour, so you kept it to yourself. Only now did you realize that keeping it from her all this time was a bad idea.

Trying your best to make it sound like it was a good idea, you told her about all the reasons you and your team discussed in your meeting. No extra footage was required, a jumpstart on postproduction,, etc. But when you looked at her, you only saw tiredness and the early beginnings of anger. She sat still, said nothing, and her stare was ice cold. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to think about it too much. We’ll see each other in Taipei. It’s only a short while until then,” you said.

“So you thought that telling me about it last minute would be better? Y/N, I was going to find out anyways. And Taipei is a month away,” she snapped.

Jennie had never once lost it with you, and so you were a bit taken back when she did. You understood though, she was tired and under a lot of stress and so you didn't push back. And you had no intention of doing so either, so you said what you hoped might diffuse some of her anger. “Yeah I realize now that that wasn’t the best idea, but I hope you understand my thought process behind it. I don’t want to distract you from your responsibilities. At the end of the day, a lot of people come to see you, and I want you to be able to give them the best experience that you can offer them.”

“Y/N. You’re not a distraction. Believe it or not, I can do my job and focus on you. I have been doing it for months now,” she said while pinching the space between her eyes.

Wanting to avoid any further arguments, you gave in and let her blame you. If that's what she needed, then you would give it to her. “Alright this one is on me. I made a bad judgement call and I don’t wish to make things worse. I really can’t stay with you, so I’ll see you in Taipei. Good luck,” you said as you kissed her on the cheek goodbye. She didn’t look up, kiss you back, or even walk you out.

From your previous experiences of being on tour, you knew to expect some of the difficulties that touring would bring. But what you weren’t prepared for was doing that while also trying to find the balance between your personal life and work life. Especially when your relationship was entwined in them both. You thought it might help with the both of you being in the entertainment industry, but that wasn’t the case. Everything was going so well, you thought to yourself.

Chapter Twenty - HERE

[shownuxhyungwon]

@minhyukie, @nervousnotion @memehyungwon and @coups mentioned me in their “content creator year in review” and I figured why not go through w it! c:

first creation and most recent creation in 2020: hyungwon on/off camera and misfortunes in the kitchen with changkyun... wow... gif making process really changed drastically for me this year...

one of your favorite creations from 2020: jooheon on body positivity/positivity in general hands down... I think about his message so often

a creation you’re really proud of: just some cute hyungwon faces bc this coloring? god I really am so proud of myself for this I did that... took me SO LONG to match the gifs but I love love love how it turned out :_____( !!!!!

a new style you tried this year and a gifset that uses it: I used the jiminfilter for the 1st time w a wonho open mind performance and I haven’t used it since... it was just a fun one! last year I was terrified of compilation sets and performance sets bc they’re so hard to color imo but this year I decided to challenge myself and ended up discovering that I genuinely LOVE compilation sets they take a while and coloring is something I always take forever on but when it all comes together it’s just... so nice :’( my fav was just some cute hyunghyuk moments and as for performances... I’m okay w them now... not my fav to gif but not as reluctant w them lol... fav was wonho open mind @ m!countdown

a creation that took you forever: shownu running to relieve his hangover and all the commotion it caused took me like 6 or 7 hours? w no breaks bc I got OBSESSED w working on it... it took me so long bc I had to screen record and encoding those frames took FOREVER plus having to tell everything that went down in 10 gifs was so difficult bc I had to compile multiple scenes in a single gif... and then I had to blur ALL! OF!! THAT!!! plus including text and then I got even more obsessed w making the set match and also the gif limit wasn’t as big as it is now and— suffice to say it would have taken more time but I realized how long I’d been working on it and had to let it go omg... it was stressful(ish) but overall I really liked how it turned out!!!!!

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: wonho’s 2020 bday which is one of my all time favs from this year a lot of the tags mentioned the last 2 gifs and... yeah... it was easy to make but also incredibly emotional... but overall I’m so happy w the coloring and the scenes I ended up choosing! 

a creation you think deserved more notes: I don’t really focus on notes tbh? I just srb queue sets and call it a day I’m just happy making gifs! plus I post too many sets anyways 😅

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: wenee!!!!! I honestly really like the name wonho chose and I’ve made a couple of gifs of his time as a soloist and this set was of when he announced the fandom name! :’) and also I’ve liked nct for a few years now but this year I decided why not make a gif blog for them but I straight up forgot about it until a couple of days ago when I was cleaning my folders I saw an nct folder and was like OH... maybe I’ll start it up again lol

a creation that breaks your heart: 5 years with monsta x for sure... pain.

a simple creation that you really love: shownu w minggom... I think about this at least once a week... also smiley wonho during his 1st look interview brings me literal joy

a creation that was inspired by another one (add both your creation and the one that inspired it!): minhyuk’s 2020 bday was inspired by janice’s (@kihoseok) what happened in 1993? set which I love sm!!! 💓

a favorite creation created by someone else: @memehyungwon kihyun 2020 bday edit is SO PRETTY! I remember looking at it and my jaw literally dropped to the ground! :0 @minhyukie minhyuk’s firsts from 2020 blew me away as well! it’s just so beautiful and really nice to look at *-* @hyungkyun mx astrology changkyun aquarius set I looked at it and remember thinking “this is so wild” bc I really really was blown away by it! research queen!!!

some of your favorite creators from the year: in no particular order and ofc no need to do this if you don’t want to! I just love their gifs!!! @joohuns, @monxgifs, @minhyukie, @kihoseok, @coups, @hyungkyun

and for good measure, a couple creations of yours that you love: I’m shameless... these are my top 10... ck’s 2020 bday, jooheon and his love for beanies, jooheon as emoji’s, just some cute wonhyuk moments, favourite mxray s3 episodes/moments, black hair shownu (another fav coloring), jooheon and the Egg treasure hunt on mx is on holiday right now, kihyun + his love for dogs, mx love killa @ inkigayo and hyungwon on minhyuk’s 보그싶쇼 (ep. 17)

[migleefulmoments]

CrissColfer Strategy #2

This piece was posted on 2/19/20 but it is originally from 2018 prior to LM/DC. It’s always amusing to read their theories about big upcoming changes in Darren’s love life in light of the fact that Mia has been a steady force in Darren’s life for 10 years.

Here they are debating whether Lea will be Darren’s new beard- a theory that required them to ignore both Mia and Zandy. In this post we see justcantgetenoughcc using the “trust me I know more than you do but I can’t share it” strategy. Honestly, this is the one that baffles me the most. While I can see the slow-motion gifs for what they are- pure manipulation, I know that TLOS isn’t the Klaine bible they want it to be and I can understand how other’s can be conned with that evidence. What I can’t understand is why anyone would trust someone who continues to say “I know more than you do but I can’t share it with you...just trust me”.  Those very words are literally the exact words that should raise one’s caution flag. Mommas, the one thing you should teach your children is to never trust someone who claims to know the truth but can’t share any evidence. Especially if that story goes on for 5 or 10 years.

***********************************

ilikesomedistance There was a discussion many years ago, that they (PR and F/ox) wanted to bring Lea and Darren together. But it never worked out for many reasons.

Guess it’s happening now.

stopandimaginelove  But whyyyyyyyyyyyyy 🤐

justcantgetenoughcc Interesting question.

The primary reason was always to break Chris and Darren up.

RM/Ricky all playing together. AB imo not that invested but to a degree (at least initially). Even beard (she realized what she can have by getting rid of Chris and why she too is very much part of the game now). Each had their own reason for being invested, as Chris and Darren in love and united as a team, made it difficult to manipulate Darren. In a way, that - Darren and Chris in love - was also their Achilles heel. Each put the other ones’ interest first - and got manipulated in giving up their autonomy. Chris had nothing to hide as he was already out. Why would he even need a beard? They were so young and so naïve to Hollywood’s manipulation tactics. I don’t think they had anyone with industry experience, with their interests at heart, to advise them or look out for them. It was too late and they were in too deep, by the time they realized what they had agreed to. They still tried to back out of some of their worst mistakes. Some day… they will tell those stories or it will turn up in Chris’s books.

Initially people assumed that all that proximity and playing boyfriends onscreen - and no doubt their amazing chemistry - must be why they were together. I am sure they thought it will never last or they will get over it or get tired of it and move on to others once the itch was scratched. Like most young guys (as young gay guys - not my opinion at all - but a lot of people believe that).

But it didn’t happen that way. They didn’t break up. Instead they went and got engaged over Dec 2012/NYE 2013 (that was from when we have the pic of Chris looking at his ring standing next to his suitcase at an airport). They were serious from the get-go. They were ‘IT’ for each other.  They were even living together (even before Glee Live 2011 - in Chris’s first rented apartment in LA). I think it was Joey who once commented that he saw Darren only when he needed more clothes (Don’t quote me on it though. Ha). When Chris bought his first home in Laurel Canyon, guess who moved in there with him? It wasn’t W as most of the fandom was led to believe. There’s enough proof in their own words and since this is going to be a long post, I am going to leave some of those details out of this. And some I can’t reveal.

Why do you think LU Tour happened? It was another attempt to break them up and also to get Darren to declare his longtime gf of a hundred years. There was no way Darren would agree to it when Chris and Darren are together. And so his team came up with the clever “DIVIDE and CONQUER” tactic. Get Darren away from Chris and break him down.

Nothing ELSE came out of LU tour and so I am right in my assumption here.

A Darren who missed Chris on the road, who was mentally and physically exhausted from his days on the tour… gave in… WITH TEARS… a heartbroken Darren was FORCED to declare a gf - reading from a script, answering questions from a script, at the Toronto Radio Interview - WHILE he was already ENGAGED to CHRIS.  There are many ways I can cement the claims I am making. But they are NOT mine to share.

If you doubt me, that the intent ALWAYS was to break them up (come on guys! connect the dots!), so much has been exposed in the last two years, especially in the last six months.

Why were they forced to have beards? It wasn’t FOX (in fact there's a story not known to many that FOX was going to let Chris and Darren come out (heck they even knew of their engagement - again stories that I cannot reveal) but others disagreed/disapproved of that move and stopped it). Some of the old fandom crowd know of this. Why were their beards ALONE always allowed access to the glee set? Why were M and W paraded so much on the sets? Why was the beard woman given a job at FSO (where she did nothing really but was given free credit for work others did). Chris was already OUT. He was a grown up guy who always took care of himself even when he was much younger.

During 5.14 filming in NYC, it was clear that the film crew took care of Chris and Darren. All their needs on the set was met along with the rest of the cast present (Amber, Chord, Kevin, Lea and Darren). Even holding up their winter coats for them to slip their arms through. W didn’t do anything other than obstruct the filming (and there were a lot of complaints about W and he had to be told many times to move out of the crews way). Do you think Chris paid for W to accompany him to NYC where he wasn’t needed at all? Who had the most to gain from that decision to have W there?

The beards were ALWAYS meant to WEAR THE GUYS DOWN. To create discord between them. To grate on their nerves. To be a thorn in their side. You get the drift.  It still didn’t work. Those two guys still stayed strong.  

Yes, there was an attempt to END KLAINE early in S6 and use Darren/Blaine as Lea/Rachel’s LI and have them be the prime couple who got married to each other (instead of a Finchel wedding that RM always talked about) at the SERIES Finale. That didn’t work either. That story is known to many in the fandom. But is not mine to tell.

Look at all the attempts made to prevent Darren and Chris coming out. Since 2015.

I have repeated this so many times since 2015 and am going to repeat it ONE LAST TIME for the people who have joined the fandom since 2015.

Glee was filming the last season. Beards were barely on the set even with all the heavy make-out scenes (heavier Kliss scenes, emotional scenes, the elevator scene, the wedding, future Klaine etc). Guess everyone felt bearding was ending too as Glee only had a few more months left. We got the NOW FAMOUS BTS interview from the ranch - the day the Klaine wedding was being filmed - where Chris and Darren were interviewed by Leanne Aguilera (and not M). Where they admitted so much and looked radiant and vibrant. Best of all they admitted to being good friends in real life.

Then we got the Ellen Show where Darren and Chris interacted and wrote each others names (not to mention the incident where Chord slipped up and mentioned meeting Chris and Darren. Nothing dramatic happened by way of reaction or retaliation from PR).  Then came the Paleyfest and the Mario Lopez radio Interview - where Chris was present with Darren and Mario in the recording room. We counted Chris’s laughter interspersed  - at least five times. It wasn’t edited out. We rioted over all of those events repeatedly. It was like the CC drought was finally over. They were allowed to breathe free. And acknowledge each other. Say they were good friends with each other.

[We have proof on several claims I make here and are known to a lot of people but we can’t share them yet].

We knew they went on a European vacation that ended in Paris where Darren had to attend the CON with a few other Glee cast. Darren alone didn’t stay at the hotel where the CON was held, where the rest of the cast stayed. Ask yourself why. Darren returns to NYC and starts rehearsing for Hedwig Broadway that starts mid-April. Everyone was happy and there were several SM follows of both Darren and Chris back to back by Hedwig Crew and BTS crowd. Lot of happy tweets and fun stuff.

It felt like Darren had a few more months left to freedom. Chris plans his TLOS4 book tour around Darren’s closing show at Belasco - so that he can sit in the audience and not watch from the shadows as he did during the first 119 days of the run. Alla Plotkin, Chris’s publicist, allowed it and supported it (if there were any known contracts or clauses that prohibited Chris’s presence at the closing show, Alla wouldn’t have /couldn’t have allowed it) and planned the whole tour accordingly with Chris.  

So close to freedom and to coming out… and then out of the blue, Darren’s perfectly written Broadway BIO was edited to a mess of a BIO and  ‘xos to mia’ was included. Overnight Darren’s personal life got hijacked by a scheming woman and Darren’s manager. Eleni who was a longtime good friend of Jeff Jernigan, was appointed as Darren’s assistant (watchdog) at Belasco. Darren who hadn’t even seen or heard from the beard for many months, and Darren who had never displayed any real closeness to the woman - posts a dressing room kiss (long story about that too. (Read mleigh69’s post on how the Belasco kiss was staged).

From there on, everything went to hell in a hand basket. All their hopes and plans were dashed.

From that time to the present, how closely Darren is monitored and watched and babysat…is ridiculous. Darren has more people on his secret service detail,  sometimes more than even the President himself (it feels like). He sang 4 songs in Utah recently and he had Ricky, AB, Jeff Jernigan, Eleni, beard and Ken Sunshine (the boss of Sunshine Sachs) with him in Utah.

All their attempts to coming out was thwarted. Chris wasn’t allowed to attend the Hedwig closing show even though he had timed it to end the day before, giving him time enough to fly to NYC from LA. Chris who had never made a career misstep, chose to put his reputation as a children’s book author on the line by acting drunk - just so he could get on a plane to NYC. He had to watch the closing show from the shadows but am sure that was preferable to being beaten or giving in to two conniving people.

Even the ENCAGE was partially to stop CrissColfer from coming out. See what the encage did. All of Darren’s commitments and obligations were OVER AND DONE with by then… except for the NOOSE called the encage now. That was pretty timely, wasn’t it?

Why is Darren going on a tour with Lea Michele when Lea’s album was poorly received and didn’t do well at all? All her shows failed. She really has nothing much going on.  Hmmmm…

If am guessing, let me be wrong for one last time… WHAT IF IT IS TO KEEP CHRIS AND DARREN APART? As all their attempts and excuses to prevent Chris and Darren FROM COMING OUT ARE EXHAUSTED?

So now there are tours and MORE TOURS… where Darren's TEAM THINKS he has to remain NO HOMO for the tours to sell. They quickly got him committed to a LONDON concert while ACS was still airing.

Now ACS is over.

And sure enough, just as the ENCAGE IS COMING APART AT THE SEAMS… we have THE LM/DC TOUR!!!!

tahtah678

[anissagraces]

How I color poc in gifs

About a week a go, I got a request for a tutorial on how I color poc in gifs without whitewashing them. I finally got around to making it, and decided to show 2 different examples since not every scene is the same. Feel free to message me to ask about other types of scenes. 

So, in this tutorial, you will see these examples: 

PSA: this tutorial will be image heavy, and will probably contain lots of spelling/grammar mistakes since English isn’t my first language. You can always message me for more help in case it’s not 100% clear.

PSA #2: This tutorial is divided in 3 parts: the Tahani part, the Grace part and a general tips part at the end. You can use the search function to find any part you’re interested in. 

Tutorial under the cut!

I want to start with saying that I definitely made mistakes myself when coloring poc and I learned a lot over time. I think the most important thing is that when coloring poc you should look at 2 things: 

1. the original coloring: if a scene is really bright and the lighting is right in the character’s face, you won’t be able to bring back all of the color. If you do try, you might end up with really orange/red/yellow skintones. 

2. A picture of the actor/actress in normal lighting: when you are working with yellow or blue scenes and aren’t sure what your coloring should work towards, just google the actor/actress to know what their skincolor should look like. 

Okay that said, let’s start this tutorial! 

A) Tahani from the Good Place

We are starting off with this gif (cropped and sharpened)

It’s a fairly light scene, so we’ll have to make sure to bring back color as we go on. 

So to start off, I add a basic coloring that consist of 5 layers: 

I add a curves layer to brighten up the whole gif and the levels to bring back some contrast/color. The black arrow will give your gif more color while darkening the shadows, which will help when trying not too whitewash your gif. 

Be careful with brightness since it’ll take away some color from your gif.

Which gives us this gif:

Which is honestly pretty good? The coloring so far didn’t take away too much of the colors in the gif already, but I think it could be a bit more red (not too much), so I put this layer UNDER the base: 

It doesn’t make that much of a difference, but I like it:

You could leave it here, but I’m gonna add some other layers but that is optional!

So first I added light levels, which brightens up the lightest parts of your gifs, without taking away the color (I love this layer so much!!!!). Then I added a selective color layer and changed the magentas (this is very much a preference layer, I like the lips to be more redpink and not pinkpink). 

In the same selective color layer I changed the cyans to make them more vibrant. I also added more contrast with the curves layer. 

Then I changed the yellows to make then less ‘yellow’ (like in unnaturally yellow for a skintone) by upping the cyans and the magentas. This resulted in me thinking the gif was a bit too red, so I added a new color balance layer. 

With all these layers, I ended up with this: 

Now, I‘m happy with this, but I am going to give another tip when it comes to bright gifs: the white selective color. 

This does not make a big difference, so you cannot use it to fix the whitewashing in a gif. It will add some color back into the whitest parts of the gif. I almost never touch the cyan/magenta/yellow parts of this SC, because it can turn bad very easily :p. With this layer, you get this: 

Which I think is a good end result. While the brightest parts of her face are too light, you cannot bring back enough color (in a coloring with high contrast) without making it yellow/orange. When there’s a lot of light on the face, try looking at the neck to see if you’ve whitewashed a gif or if it’s simply the lighting.

B) Grace in Black Lightning

So I chose this scene because it is very orange, so we’ll have to make it less vibrant without whitewashing Grace. 

We start with this gif:

For this, I quickly googled Chantal Thuy (who plays Grace) and looked for a picture that wasn’t too heavily edited. I went with this one: 

You can see she isn’t very dark (especially compared to the gif we have), but definitely has some color in her skin that we should maintain in the gif. It’s always better to go too dark than too light. With that in mind, I did these steps:

Again, I started with almost the exact same base as the gif of Tahani. I did not add a vibrance layer yet. I did add a color balance layer UNDER the base to make the gif less red:

This is what we end up with without adding vibrance:

The gif is way too yellow for me, so I added another color balance layer:

This looks way better imo. So now I add vibrance (only 50% this time)

This makes the gif slightly too yellow again, so I add another color balance layer:

Now I could’ve just not added a vibrance layer... but... I love my vibrance layers 

I think this gif looks pretty good? It might still be a bit too vibrant when it comes to her skintone, but I like it. I did add some other layers to tweak the gif a bit, but these are optional:

I did this to make the skin a little less yellow/orange, it’s not a huge difference though.

I added a levels layer to give the gif a bit more contrast

I would prefer this as my end result, because I like very colorful gifs, but if it is still too orang-y for you, you can add another color balance layer;

And then this would be the end result. The gif isn’t orange anymore, but Grace also doesn’t look white.

C) General tips

1. If you are coloring a gif, and you notice it is looking too white and don’t know what to do, check these layers first:

Levels: the middle arrow of the levels will heavily take away the color in your gif while brightening it up, so don’t use it or use it sparsely. The black arrow will add more color in the shadows of you gifs while darkening it a bit.

Red/Yellow selective color. With this layer you can massively change the undertones of the colors in your gif, but be careful! I usually use the yellow SC, and in that one I change the cyans, magentas and yellows. The cyans will change how vibrant the color looks, the magentas will make the gif more/less yellow (I usually go for less yellow by upping hte magentas), same with the yellows. I recommend to only use the yellow arrow when you cannot decrease the yellows enough with magentas. 

Color balance: you can add a lot of color with this layer. Try to move around the layer in your psd, because different places will give different results. I usually add color with the yellow/red arrows, but the magenta can sometimes help (when your scene is too green and the red arrow makes it looks bad, you can add a little bit of magenta instead). If you are working with a red/yellow scene, you should use the blue/cyan arrows (as I did in the Grace example). 

Vibrance: you can always add another vibrance layer on top of your psd to give the colors a boost. I wouldn’t recommend doing another 100% one though, since it will probably make your gif grainy and the skincolor way too vibrant. I don’t rec using the saturation part of the vibrance layer, since it’ll make the gif yellow rather than colorful. 

2. If you aren’t sure, ask a friend! I do this all the time, because sometimes, after looking at your gif for half an hour, you have no clue what the hell you’re doing anymore and you need another pair of eyes. 

3. Coloring takes practice. You are free to use the (unedited) gifs I posted in this tutorial to practice on. 

4. While coloring your gif, put your adjustment layers in a group (select all and click on CTRL+G) and disable the group a few times while coloring so you can check if you’re not lightening the skin too much. 

5. You don’t need to do all your adjustments in 1 layer, sometimes it’s better to add two levels layers instead of doing everything in 1, same with color balance and curves/brightness (especially the latter!). Curves and brightness can take away a lot of color when they are (one of) the first layers you use, so it’s better to generally brighten up the gif in the first layer, and add on more after your vibrance layers and color balance layers. (Sometimes I even put my vibrance layer under my psd, this mostly in very bright scenes) 

6. The first adjustment layers of your psd do the most adjusting. Keep that in mind when adding color balance and vibrance layers. Adding a vibrance layer under everything else will make the gif a lot more vibrant in a different way than it would putting the vibrance layer above everything. If your gif is very light and you can’t seem to bring back coloring, I suggest putting your vibrance layer under all your other layers, it might help.

You won’t be able to bring back color in every gif. The important thing is that you don’t take it away by brightening too much (or with the wrong layers), taking away the yellow/reds or adding a b&w gradient / layer.

[eggjorp]

Rivals

A/N: THAT GODDAMNED TONGUE IN THE GIF shfishdfisfhijdfis ok I edited the bulleted scenario that I submitted to @nctdoingthings my lovely best friend instead of doing my homework skksdkjskskjdksjdksjskks

Warning: I swear a whole fucking lot

Idk how long it is but it is pretty fluffy and cute! Enemies to lovers! My no.1 au

Ok so you and Mr Kim Doyoung go to the same school/uni idk bro its your imagination I’m just a guideline okay

Y’all generally smart, he’s not in all your classes, just some

Neither of you are TOP of the class like this ain’t some no.1 in the school rivalry I don’t— bitch I don’t have to motivation to even TRY to be no.1 we gotta make this attainable ok?? Y’all just pretty high up there

He sits the table behind you and gets kinda pissed when you laugh obnoxiously with your friends (this is a personal attack @ myself ok)

You try to get along with him but sometimes he just gives you that Look™ where u can tell he’s judging you and thinking ‘damn she dumb wow ok’ (he’s probably not) (maybe a little)

Eventually you gave up because you got exams and fuck I forgot where I was going with this

Oh yeah so y’all just don’t speak. Like you acknowledge each others presences but you just— don’t speak to each other and give each other distasteful looks, you’re not each other’s cups of tea ok fuck it not everyone’s gonna like u suck it up u lil bitch ok I’ll stop

You go to the library to revise for the exams, only free space is next to him so you plop your butt down n get cracking uno

You get stuck on a question and you try textbooks, you try handouts, you try google, you try everything and you just?? Don’t??? Get it???? So you suck up your damned pride and you tap his shoulder like

“Yo so u see this question that we had for homework yeah I don’t understand it, like at ALL, so would you mind helping me please?”

And he just kinda stares at you for a few seconds because he just didn’t,, expect you to actually uno, talk to him never mind like ACTUALLY ask him for help

So he’s like ‘um sure’ ‘okay yeah so you blah blah blah bc the blah blah and the blah blah?’ And you just stare at him for a few seconds back like ‘um what?’

So he takes a deep breath and turns in his seat so he’s facing you more directly and takes the handout from that lesson and explains the whole thing. It kind of seems like he’s getting pissed at your ??? Faces but you don’t say anything because your grades are too important lol

You fiNALLy understand it and say thanks and then continue working

Then it happens agAIN (another day) excEPT ;))) he’s asking yOU for help

I’m making this up as I go along somebody help me

And you really wanna smirk and be all smug but your like to yourself ‘yn, no you gotta CHILL you don’t wanna piss him off’ and you help him anf all is good

THEN the 2 questions you helped each other in came up in the exam and when you get to class you high five because,, uno,, fun!!

So y’all are on an acquaintance level now, and it’s cool, you don’t really speak much but no more distasteful looks thank GOD

Aight so the library stuff doesn’t happen again because, uno, this ain’t to all the boys I’ve loved before ok

We gonna make it kinda realistic

So both of y’all are ill which sucks since y’all did wanna go to school but whatever so you go to your teacher during lunch to get the handout and catchup

Your teacher is like ‘it’s an easy topic I’m sure you guys will get it but how about you sit down and work through it together and if you have questions ask me, ignore the people on the other side of the room they have detention’ 

Your like aight yeet so you mainly work in silence apart from just checking your answers with each other’s until there’s a question where you both got differing answers so you ask the teacher and they’re like ok let’s go through it on the whiteboard and your and Doyoung’s differing points get him rEally confused 

y’all kinda riled up and angry at each other thinking ‘you’re being such a dickhead’ but at each other, with your eyes, idk fam

So the teacher is tryna work it out and you and Doyoung are lowkey/highkey because the passive aggressiveness ain’t subtle insulting each other it was aLL GOING GOOD UNTIL THIS ONE DAMN QUESTION FFS DOYOUNG WHY YOU GOTTA RUIN IT

then one of the kids in the detention are like ‘oooh lovers quarrel’ and snicker so you turn around like ‘bitch come at me do you wanna fight? Like legit I will fight you right now let’s fucking go I’m not joking let’s fucking gO IM READY SQUARE UP MOTHERFUCKER’ ok but obviously less agressive that’s just me and my 4 fire signs

Doyoung is kinda like “?? Why you so sensitive do you like me or something lol and you just give him the bIGGEST EYEROLL LIKE BITCH NOT EVERYTHING’S ABOUT YOU PERHAPS I’M STRESSED BECAUSE IM NOT GETTING THE QUESTION RIGHT DON’T FUCKING FLATTER YOURSELF” and he gets kinda embarrassed and the kids in detention are like ‘oooooh bro you better say sorry or she’ll break up w you’

So you roll your eyes agAIN and mumble ‘just when I started thinking you were actually cool but no you became an arrogant dickhead again, fucking wanker’ y’all I’m sorry I swear too much but there’s nothing I can do

Y’all just sit quietly and the teacher’s like ok start of the next lesson I’ll go through it because I need to ask the other teachers but if y’all are done you can go

So you angrily but quietly pack your shit up and go and Doyoung’s eyes follow you but ofc you don’t notice, you’re angry as shit

When you leave he walks after you and goes “hey y/n Im sorry for pissing you off, but seriously it’s not that deep?” and you just,,,

Because this bitch really hit you with the ‘it’s not that deep’ so you just kinda puff your chest out and walk up to him like ‘excuse you? “It’s not that deep” who do you think you are?’ and he’s just staring down at u 

He doesn’t reply, you’re looking him in the eyes but his eyes are a little lower uno ;))) HE’S STARING AT YOUR SOFT LIPS

So you and your filterless mouth decided to say the first thing that pops in your head and go “Kim Doyoung do you like me?” and he fucking snAPS like his eyes widen and he takes 3 steps back

He has the dumbest face like ‘pshh no where’d you get that idea from?’ 

And you smirk you are sOoooooo smug right now because it all cLICKS NOW

He made a joke saying “do you like me or something” because he wanted to see if you would be up for it and kinda gauge how you feel about him

So you’re like “oh my god Kim Doyoung has a crush on the dumb obnoxious girl who sits in front of him”

And he reddens and quietly says ‘no’ because he wants to deny it but bITCH ITS TOO LATE YOU CAUGHT ON

So u smirk (for the 17th time) and say “we shall see, Kim Doyoung”

And you leave and he’s like scARED SHITLESS BC HE HAS N O IDEA WTF YOU’RE GONNA DO

Y’all roll up to class the next day all chill, neither of you say anything but he’s watching youuuuu and you’re very aware of it so you’re thinking hmm maybe I’ll tease him a little it’d be fun so you go up to ask the teacher a question and as you’re walking back, everyone’s got their head down working uno, you wink at him cheekily and it sends him fucking wiLD like he jumps in his seat and the person sitting next to him is like bro you good???

So he just has to play it off like oh yeah I just thought I saw a spider

Meidbddhsid you love playing with kdy bc you’RE in control now

You maKE the library thing happen again (basically you just willingly sit next to him) because you wanna see him flustered again like when you winked because it’s funny but like,, also,, kinda cute? Shdidbdj Maybe you kinda like him too?? Shut up no you dONT (u totally do)

The ppl who sit closest to you guys in class have kinda noticed this weird energy where y’all don’t speak but you make a lOT of eye contact so they might perhaps bring it up Doyoung and he’s like “whAT no I just- she’s annoying so I- And the lesson- the, Yeah.” 

They just ignore him like fuck it whatever it’s his life

After that class he decides to confront you because he’s a little tired of being teased so he pulls you out of the corridor and into another one after class

He says ‘hey look, yes I like you, I think you’re cute and smart and funny and you might not like me back but I need some kind of answer I’ve been waiting for a while for some kind of answer you know’ 

Suddenly you feel kinda bad for teasing him for such a long time so you go ‘ugh Kim Doyoung you big dope I might kinda maybe like u too? But idk yet? Plus you know school is really important and idk if either of us have time for a relationship…’ and he nods ‘yeah I understand and you’re right actually, wanna walk to the bus stop together?’ 

So you do that but you’re both mainly silent, it’s kinda awkward

Next day you take the seat next to him in the library and maybe just maybe your hands touch a little and you end up going to the library together like everyday almost like a study date

You guys don’t speak you just work together quietly next to each other

And then perhaps get some food after

Maybe even watch a movie every now and then

Perhaps kiss a little ;))

You might not have time for a full relationship but what’s wrong with a little fun??

A/N: I might do a little bonus cutesy scene where y’all hold hands in the library and kiss while having a coffee break

Feedback is very much appreciated and welcomed, or even just a reblog💚

Masterlist

Want to read something similar?

[callioope]

Questions Meme!

Hello, yes, this HAS in fact been sitting in my drafts for ages and ages. Thank you to both @crazy-fruit and @ruby-red-inky-blue for tagging me and for waiting forever for me to answer (oops)! I’m sorry I took so long, but y’all ask really good questions and I had to think about some of them!

Question Set 1

1. How are you?

Oh, I’m doing alright! Thank you for asking. The earlier part of this year was rather rough, but therapy has been helping. I’ve been rather busy these past few weeks with traveling, and my schedule going forward is rather busy, too, so while I’m excited for those things, I’m also excited for the eventual moment I can just relax.

2. What would you say are your talents?

Writing. Making fancy color-coded spreadsheets. I’ve been told that my super power is getting random (annoying) songs stuck in other people’s heads. Does that count as a talent? 

3. If you had the chance to start your life again, would you take it?

NOPE. No thanks. I like where I am at right now, and I would not want to relive my awkward years. Er, at least, my more awkward, younger years. Cuz I’m totally still awkward. Just less awkward. I hope?

4. Which language would you like to speak instantly? 

HMM. ALL OF THEM. It’s really hard to choose! 

Language fascinates me, and in another life I feel like I would have devoted a lot more time to learning more of them. Unfortunately, I really hated German class in high school because of the teacher’s tendency to put people on the spot -- I think that is sort of inherent in a language class, but I get anxiety speaking in public. 

Anyways, I suppose I’ll answer Turkish to this question, since spouse and I keep saying we’re going to try to learn Turkish via Duolingo. For the record, my HS offered six languages, which was the most I’ve ever heard of an American school offering, and I was always quite happy with my choice of German. (The others were Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, and Latin.) I do wish I had maintained my German better, and I that I had more time to learn Spanish. 

5. Where would you like to be right now?

Honestly? I’m pretty happy when I’m at home. But if I had to answer where “else” would I like to be right now, out of the whole world? Being back on safari in Botswana is a top contender, as are a variety of places in Turkey, and also Munich. 

6. What name would you give yourself?

I’ve always liked my actual name (Elizabeth). I know I go by Liz; one of my HS friends was quite stubborn and I’m a bit stuck with it now, but I don’t mind it. There are worse nicknames that come from Elizabeth. I used to go by Fiona online; I’ve always been fond of that one. 

7. What is something you’re currently learning?

OOF, what a good question. I sorta blanked on this at first, and my first thought was uhhhh learning how to cope with my OCD??? I’m doing exposure therapy right now, ish. Emphasis on the ish. Also mindfulness. Does that really even count? I started a beginner’s knitting project several months ago that I never finished, does that count? (I just need to seam it, that’s what I’m putting off. I have knit plenty of scarves; however, this is my first hat.) I’m sort of teaching myself ukulele although I haven’t really learned any new chords or songs in awhile. I would very much like to take more photography classes with a focus on wildlife photography. That involves buying a new camera and... signing up for classes. 

Question Set 2

1. What is a detail in a piece of art/a text that you like that you really admire?

This was very difficult, at first because it was like looking at a bin full of loose things and just seeing an assortment of color and being overwhelmed by it all, and then because once I did start digging around, I kept finding different ideas and it was too hard too choose.

Character-building: In the A Song of Ice and Fire series, when Arya starts working for the House of Black and White, Martin stops using the name “Arya” as she dons different identities. For example, he uses “Cat” for a bit, among other names. It shows she’s trying to be someone else, but the caveat is that there are still little mannerisms and such that show she hasn’t really left Arya behind (I think maybe she bites her lip or something? I don’t remember specific examples because it’s been over 5 years since I read these books, but I do remember really appreciating the general technique at the time). 

Music: In The Beatles’ “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” I love those repeated arpeggios, over and over, building, intensifying, as the white noise comes in and you can just feel the heaviness of desire, of want... (and then I love how it just breaks so suddenly! And I know it wouldn’t have been intended this way because that’s the end of side one, but since I listen to the whole album on spotify, then those bright chords of “Here Comes the Sun” come in and god Abbey Road is the best Beatles album)

Writing: the poetry of Florence + The Machine’s “All This and Heaven Too,” obviously, since literally the title of my blog comes from that. I’d quote that whole song honestly. There’s something that speaks to me about the incapability of language to fully encompass just... everything. I mean, love in specific here, but also just everything. Words are just these little boats we put meaning on and we hope they make it to the other side but everyone takes ‘em a little differently. 

Like, look at this: 

And the words are all escaping, and coming back all damaged And I would put them back in poetry if I only knew how 

And this: 

Words were never so useful So I was screaming out a language that I never knew existed before

Anyways, there’s also something just incredibly soothing about the music, too, and how she sings the song. There’s another line, from Sara Bareilles’ “Miss Simone” that goes “How does she know what a heart sounds like?” which pretty much sums up how I feel about “All This and Heaven Too” (and also many of Sara Bareilles’ song, especially that particular album, but I digress).

Anyways I did have some art examples, but I think I’ve rambled long enough.

2. Is there an idea that you really liked but had to discard because you couldn’t get it to work?

If I really like an idea, I don’t really “discard” it so much as put it on the shelf to attempt later. Out of recent fic ideas, I’ve really struggled with “How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days.” I first thought of this in late spring 2017, and for awhile I couldn’t stop thinking about it, but I was working on Whatever I Do at the time, and wanted to wait before starting another WIP. By the time I got to writing this, the inspiration well had sort of dried up. 

I really like the idea of a fun cat-and-mouse rom-com idea where Jyn and Cassian keep outsmarting each other, with a whole lot of competency kink, some “oh shit we actually work well together!” and maybe some battle couple. And I was really looking forward to both the moment when they both finally let their guards down around each other and the big confrontation when they actually find out each other’s identities. But it involved more mission writing than I was prepared for, and I really struggled with it. I think I need to start over but that involves a lot of working, so it’s unfortunately shelved for now, and I’m working on a “You’ve Got Mail” concept instead.

3. Is there something fandom-related you would like to be able to do (i.e. I’d like to be able to make gif sets but can’t)?

Oh, yes, absolutely! Really anything that’s not writing related, lol. Gif sets, art, etc. But most of all, I have a music video idea for the song “So Close” from Enchanted--like I have a whole story board plotted out in a google doc. But I don’t have any video editing software, don’t even know how you get the scenes for a music video, etc. I have made videos before, but not since high school, and I don’t even have the cheap, basic video editing program I used back then. Sometimes I think I should just attempt make a gif set instead, but there are so many lyrics! and scenes that go with the lyrics! that I don’t know how to consolidate it into that format anyways. 

4. What is a skill you’ve acquired through fandom work?

Hmm, this was tough. I’m going to say HTML. I’m not up-to-date on webdesign at all, but back in my early fandom days, I ran a few fansites. I still sometimes use HTML while leaving comments or to edit posts on dreamwidth or w/e. It’s super basic, but it has helped me at work at a variety of jobs. I take it for granted that people my age should know basic HTML, but a lot of them don’t, and then a lot of people I work with now are older and definitely not tech savvy. 

5. Do you think anyone can learn to create great art, or does it take talent?

Well, I’m going to cheat a little. I do think think that anyone can learn to create great art, but I also think that everyone has a talent at something, and part of learning to create great art is recognizing your skill sets and honing those. If that makes sense? I’ve sort of seen both sides to this. I’ve seen naturally talented people create great things, but I also think that they’re probably cheating themselves if they’re not learning and honing their craft and trying to get better. But I’ve also seen people who started out making things that maybe you wouldn’t call great, but they worked hard over and over again, and looking at their work now, you’d say they were talented without ever knowing the difference. Great art = talent + learning + passion. Did that even answer the question? ...moving on

6. Do you prefer AUs or in-universe? Why?

I prefer to write in-universe, for sure. I find modern AUs more challenging, mostly because--and I feel kinda bad saying this--it’s very difficult for me to tap into Jyn and Cassian’s characters without some kind of tragic background. Their experiences and how they coped with them shape their personalities, and it’s really hard to separate them from those. My WWII was easier because, hey, it’s war, not so different from in-verse. But I initially tried to write Learning Curve in a modern AU and I was just totally bored. Putting it in universe made it more interesting to me, especially having to finagle a happier plot inverse. IDK, it might even be that I generally struggle to make up any conflict in modern AUs that feels interesting.

THAT SAID, lol, I definitely read either. So it’s probably strange for me to be hung up on it because I’ve read nice fluffy modern AUs and found them perfectly engaging.

Tagging: @theputterer, @magalis, @allatariel, @mythologicalmango, @threadsketchier  MY USUAL DISCLAIMER APPLIES: no pressure if you just don’t wanna, AND if anyone sees this and was like “aw hey i wish she’d tagged ME” well guess what, I wish I did too! so go ahead and do it and let me know and then i’ll know to tag you next time, too :-) 

Questions:

When you suffer a setback or a series of setbacks when creating (writing, drawing, knitting, any kind of crafty project thing you work on... even work), what are some strategies you use to cope with that stress and move forward?

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to create/make and what did you learn from it?

What part of a bicycle would you be?

What’s a helpful writing (art/crafting/work) technique you’ve learned?

What’s a piece of art that made you see things differently?

You’re a new addition to the crayon box. What color would you be and why?

What was the last board game you played and what did you like or not like about it?

*sorry these came out rather writer heavy!

[intergalactic-zoo]

In preparation for my viewing of Justice League, I decided to revisit Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice. I've been dithering with this post on and off for a month, and while I don't think it's gotten any shorter, at least I feel like it says all I'm going to need to say on the subject. Also, I added some pictures. Anyway, you may recall that I did not care for the movie the first time around. I'm approaching this like I did with my Man of Steel rewatch that I did in preparation for that viewing: trying to focus on the positive, to find the movie that I've seen fans posting gifs of on Tumblr for a year and a half. To that end, I'm watching the Ultimate Edition, which I've heard is better than the theatrical cut. Without further ado... I listened to the opening voiceover three times, twice with subtitles, and I'm still not sure what it means. "What falls...is fallen," is, I suppose, meant to be a way to set up Batman's character arc, that he goes from this nihilistic place to learning to hope again, but hoo boy does it make Batman sound like a pretentious MFA student. As unnecessary as the rehashed Batman origin is, I like that we see Martha Wayne being the proactive one in the alley. We typically see Thomas trying to take control, rushing forward to protect Martha and Bruce, and this is a nice change of pace from that. Batman and Superman's stories tend to be way too dad-centric, especially in adaptations, to the point where Martha Wayne is largely a cypher, despite having existed for almost eighty years. I'm no Batmanologist, but I think the only comic I've read that tried to characterize her at all was Batman: Death and the Maidens. Looking back to Man of Steel, this is an ongoing theme. Moms live longer in the Snyderverse, whether it's a few days, with Lara, a few seconds, with Martha Wayne, or indefinitely, with Martha Kent. Moms are also badasses, with Lara facing down Zod, Martha K. taking on Faora, and here, Martha W. trying to protect Bruce. It's a little weird that the Batcave is apparently adjacent to the Wayne family cemetery plots. Ugh, "the Superman." I'll accept "the Batman" as something people call Batman, but seriously, "the Superman" is what Nietzsche wrote about, not Jerry Siegel. At least, post-1933.

There's a giant alien spaceship destroying cities, and it's been active long enough for Bruce Wayne to ride a helicopter over to Metropolis and drive halfway across town in disaster traffic, but nobody at Wayne Enterprises looks out the window or starts to get out of the building until they get a call from the boss. Those are some dedicated employees, let me tell you. This is also a stark contrast to Superman, who never so much as shouts at bystanders to run during the big fight with Zod. Why doesn't Jack leave the building? It looks like the rest of the staff made it out, and as far as I'm aware, there's no tradition for the CFO or whatever to go down with the ship. Moreover, why does Bruce think he's still in the building? We just saw that he had no cell phone service, so it's not like their call was still connected. This scene tries to do what Man of Steel really failed at, examining the human cost of this destruction, but it doesn't work. There's no reason for Jack to make the sacrifice (at least they could have had him run back into the building to save someone, to make a parallel with Pa Kent in MOS—in the Snyderverse, Moms survive and Father Figures die for no reason), there's no reason for Bruce to think he's not among the evacuees, and we have no emotional connection to this character that we've never seen before in any medium. At least if it were "Lucius," the film could play on audience's previous familiarity with the character to tug some emotional strings, like it does with Jimmy Olsen later, but this is just the movie reaching for an emotional payoff that it hasn't earned. It's the same problem as the Jenny saying "he saved us" in Man of Steel—it relies on characters knowing things because the audience knows them, even though the characters have no way of knowing. It's a weird inversion of dramatic irony. The moment with the little girl who's lost her mom works considerably better, because at least it ties back to the origin flashback. The closest thing we have to a throughline for Batman's character in this movie is that he doesn't like it when people lose their moms. When I rewatched Man of Steel, I kept wondering what impression people on the street would get of Superman, and this is actually a nice reification of that. Bruce sees Superman pushing Zod back down from space, apparently in control, surrounded by debris from a Wayne Enterprises satellite, bringing him right back to the huge, densely-populated city that they were fighting in before, when presumably he could have flown him into the ocean just as easily. Bruce seems to have nothing but contempt for the battling aliens, and that's a way more genuine reaction than seeing him as a hero.

I am just infuriated by the callous incompetence of the Superman in this universe. Eighteen months later and there is still a wrecked alien spaceship leaking radioactive xenomaterials into the Indian Ocean. Like, for a movie so focused on mothers, it doesn't speak well of Martha Kent's character that she never taught her son to clean up his messes. We cut to a fictional country in Africa, where Lois acts like a jerk to Redshirt Jimmy, then sits down to interview General Amajagh with literally no chill. He says that he is "a man with nothing except a love of [his] people," and that's one of those lines that feels important. On one hand, it's more or less exactly what Zod said toward the end of Man of Steel, so that connection's made; on the other, it resonates with Batman's attitude, and Lex Luthor's as well. "These pious American fictions, spoken like truth" is another such line, and Luthor's "oldest lie in America" line echoes it later. The most suspicious thing about Jimmy Olsen is the idea that he'd be using a camera with film in 2016.

Hooray for casually lethal Superman. People like to justify the idea that Superman should be able to kill people in situations like this, where an innocent person is being held at gunpoint by a Bad Guy, because it would be a justified use of lethal force. And that would be true if Superman weren't, you know, Superman. He's not limited in the ways that, say, human law enforcement officers are. Even in the real world, we've seen an epidemic of police officers resorting to lethal force when effective nonlethal options are available. But for Superman, there are always nonlethal options available. We've seen this scenario before a thousand times, where Lois is in danger, held at gunpoint by a Bad Guy, and Superman manages to stop him without killing him. He can grab the gun at super-speed, he can block the bullet from exiting the barrel, he can melt the gun or the firing pin with heat vision, he can knock the Bad Guy out with a flick of his finger. We've seen literally all of those and a dozen other options spread out across half a dozen media for nigh on eight decades. But this is a Superman who defaults to lethal force, and I'm sorry, but that's not a heroic trait. Not in general, and especially not in the world of the last several years. Also, Lois and Superman share this look before he does the death-flight move, and she nods and lets go of Amajagh's arm and braces herself, implying this has happened before, or at least that they've discussed what they'd do in this situation. That adds a layer of complicity to Lois's behavior that's uncomfortable at best. We cut then to Nairomi villager Kahina Ziri's Congressional testimony, where it seems like the security contractors' intent in killing Amajagh's people was to frame Superman for their deaths. Which, first, is wholly unnecessary given that Superman actually does kill Amajagh, and second, would almost certainly be more effective if they had just used the flamethrowers rather than shooting the men and piling their bodies before burning them. Or did this universe's version of Lois Lane's "I Spent the Night with Superman" column mention his bullet-vision? Senator Finch decides to hold Superman responsible for the deaths of Amajagh's people (despite the fact that he stopped the CIA drone strike that also would have killed them, but that's actually fairly believable), and we see that the driving theme of the story is going to be the Responsible Use of Power and Holding the Powerful Accountable. It's a reasonable theme for a Superman movie (it's very similar to the theme of Superman IV, in fact), and a common theme of Superman stories going back to the Golden Age. Rarely, though, is it told through a version of Superman who is so obviously and disastrously irresponsible in his use of power. Ziri turns out to be lying, as part of Luthor's scheme, which is highlighted by how her recounting of events is directly contradicted by what we just saw. Leaving aside the elaborateness of Luthor's scheme, it's not a good look for all these African characters to be either sinister or witless pawns. The cops watching a Gotham/Metropolis football game are call sign Delta Charlie 27, and if you don't catch that Easter egg, don't worry, they repeat it three or four times to drive it home. And hey, if you thought "d***splash" was a weird phrase to hear in a Superman movie, wait 'til Officer Rucka drops an f-bomb. Clark comes in while Lois is in the bath, and right off the bat says he doesn't care what was said at the hearing. Which...kind of validates the point of the hearing. He also says he "didn't kill those men," which isn't quite accurate, is it, Clark? Like Ziri's testimony, Clark here is saying something that is directly at odds with what we just saw. Unlike her, though, we're never given a reason for the incongruity. It's common in superhero stories to have characters survive experiences that would cripple or kill normal humans. People point out how brutal Captain America is to a lot of the guys on the ship at the beginning of The Winter Soldier, and how some of the guys he kicks or throws his mighty shield at would likely have sustained pretty grievous injuries. There are two ways to deal with this; in Winter Soldier, we never really revisit the issue. Whether the anonymous cannon fodder died or were injured or were knocked out never comes up again, so we can assume whatever we like. The other way is to show some indication that, however improbably, the person survived their experience. Having a quick shot where they groan or rub their head or squirm on the ground is pretty commonplace, especially in superhero cartoons, for instance. This movie tries to do the former, treating these minor villains like goons in a beat-em-up arcade game, whose bloodless bodies disappear once their hit points are exhausted. Which might be fine, if not for the fact that "who administers lethal justice" is an explicit theme in the movie. As a result, we're left with an inconsistency between what Clark says and what we saw him do, with enough ambiguity in his words to make us wonder if he's being as duplicitous as Ziri was. Lois points out that there's a cost to his actions, which again feels like one of those "this is thematically important" lines. The Lois and Clark interaction is good here; I like seeing them being affectionate and even physical with one another. And yet, as if to drive home that point about themes, Lois warns him that he's going to flood the apartment if he climbs into the bathtub, and he just smiles and continues. This is a Superman who does what he wants, and damn the consequences. Hope they don't have any downstairs neighbors.

Alfred tells Bruce that "a feeling of powerlessness [...] turns good men cruel," in case you're taking notes on themes. And then this leads into our scene of Silicon Valley Startup CEO Lex Luthor, who offhandedly mentions that his father grew up poor and oppressed in East Germany before launching into his kryptonite weapon pitch. There's some weirdness here in the way they go from kryptonite weapons as deterrents to the "metahuman thesis" which suggests that Lex thinks metahumans are related to Kryptonians, and I wonder if that ties into the rumors from before this movie came out that the Amazons would have been descended from that empty pod on the Kryptonian ship. Lex's negotiations with Senator Jolly Rancher underscore that theme of power, and the abuses thereof. Lex pretends to be interested in preventing the metahumans from instituting a fascist state, but really just wants to be the guy with the launch codes. Much as I dislike this Heath Ledgeresque portrayal of the character (though he's not my least favorite version of Lex), this is a good understanding of the core of Lex's character. Clark has a sad at Kahina on TV pointing out that his actions have consequences. Meanwhile, there's a "beloved" statue of him in Heroes' Park. I wish we had a little indication of how we got to that point, how the city apparently got back to normal and built a massive monument in the span of 18 months. For comparison, only a handful of buildings in a single area were destroyed or damaged in New York on 9/11, and they didn't start constructing the memorial until almost five full years later. A line about how Superman assisted with the cleanup, a shot of a newspaper article on how helpful he was in rebuilding the city, those little things would have helped to make sense of the world we're presented with. As the story actually stands, it's another attempt to have a meaningful moment without actually earning it, and it further undercuts the movie's inconsistent attempts to explore the consequences of these superhero battles. Clark Kent, news reporter, is unaware of the vigilante in the town across the bay whose exploits were literally front page news the day before. So he's actually incompetent at both his jobs. And so is Perry White, who is a cynical jerk here who basically flaunts his lack of integrity. When Clark hits him with the same point that Kahina made on the news, he dismisses the very notion of the American conscience. Lois comes in with the bullet she recovered from Amajagh's camp, which is a one-of-a-kind cutting edge bullet not available anywhere. So, to recap, Lex Luthor had his people use unique, easily-traceable bullets to kill people in an attempt to frame Superman, who does not use guns, for their murder. And yet Lois thinks this means the U.S. government armed the rebels while claiming to support the elected government, even though it was already said that the government was officially neutral, and she knows the CIA was involved in going after Amajagh because she just washed the agent's blood off her shirt. Superman blew up a damn drone on the way to save her. Did he not mention that? One day it'd be nice to get back to superhero costumes that look like they might believably fit under a person's civilian clothes, rather than having to spend all their time on mannequins in those heroes' basements.

Clark Kent, news reporter, doesn't recognize the famous playboy billionaire businessman who lives in the town across the bay, owns an office building that he helped demolish (not to mention a satellite), and who was namechecked by the guy defacing a statue of him. It's bad enough that Clark managed to even get this job when his résumé reads "fisherman, waiter, US Air Force baggage handler," and it's worse that he doesn't find it odd that he, a guy with no more than 1.5 years' newspaper experience who struggles to file sports articles, gets specifically requested to cover a high-class fundraiser, but he hasn't even bothered to research the big-name donors who were specifically invited to the event he's covering? He is staggeringly incompetent. As bad a newsman as this movie's Perry White is, that he even tolerates Clark is a testament to superhuman patience. Clark tells Bruce that he's "seen" the "Bat vigilante," except...no, he hasn't? He's seen a newspaper story about it, and talked to a few people who fear Batman, but he hasn't actually seen Batman. He makes a crack about Batman thinking he's above the law, after scoffing himself at the idea of being accountable to a higher authority a few scenes ago. Again, Bruce is 100% right here: Clark is being a hypocrite, and doesn't even have the "Batman's tactics are too brutal" moral high ground to stand on when he risked an international incident by unnecessarily splattering a warlord through two brick walls. Like, the charitable interpretation here is that Clark is dealing with a crisis of conscience, trying to find an answer to the question of using power responsibly. So he's putting this question to other people with power—Perry, Bruce—in hopes of, what? Finding a satisfying answer for himself? Getting the guidance he seems to need? Exploring alternative points of view? The closest thing we have to a conclusion to this muddled plotline is that Superman sacrifices himself in the end, which could indicate that he realizes there's no way to use this much power responsibly. That would be a potentially interesting take, even if I think it's ultimately at odds with the whole point of Superman. If this were the Dark Knight Rises of the Man of Steel-iverse, a coda to Snyder's version of Superman the way that DKR was for Nolan's Batman, it could work. Instead, this is the springboard for the entire DC shared film universe, so it can't end with the message of "superhumans shouldn't exist because that amount of power inevitably corrupts or has unforseen negative consequences." It has to end with "Superman was actually great and now we need to get all the superhumans together because bad things are coming that regular people can't stop." Even if that weren't the case, we still have a situation where Superman sacrifices himself knowing full well that there is technology that could resurrect him as an unstoppable monster and that there are people willing to do just that. Even if the conclusion of his asinine soul-searching is "no one man should have all this power," his sacrifice doesn't fix that. It just wipes his hands of having to figure out who has that power and how it's used. Even his heroic sacrifice represents an irresponsible attitude toward the enormous power he possesses, and that's almost impressive.

Lex Luthor pops up, and the World's Greatest Detective doesn't find it odd that he knows the name of the occasional sports reporter who's covering the gala. Lex could not be more obvious about knowing who the two of them are. He also mentions that Bruce is finally in Metropolis, "after all these years." Metropolis, you'll recall, was home to a Wayne Enterprises building less than two years ago, and Bruce was heavily enough involved in its operations that he was on a first-name basis with the manager, and the staff didn't bother evacuating until they got the word directly from Mr. Wayne. Like, even if we imagine that Bruce traveling across the harbor to a building he owned was a freak occurrence during the battle, this also suggests that after witnessing and being traumatized by all that destruction, Bruce Wayne didn't bother setting foot in the city to help rebuilding efforts. Clark sees a report about a fire in Juarez and saves a little girl, leading to another "here's some religious imagery" scene, and a talking heads segment about how "every religion believes in a messianic figure," which I'm almost certain is complete nonsense. What's worse is that this segment made me agree with Andrew Sullivan of all people. The last bit poses the same basic question that young Clark asked Pa Kent in Man of Steel: should he just let people die on principle? And yeah, it'd be hard to tell a parent that their kid died because Superman restrained himself from saving them. But isn't it also hard to tell a kid that their parent died because Superman acted without restraint and, say, disabled a spaceship so that it would crash in the middle of a city? There's a fairly rapid-fire sequence where the bat-branded crook from earlier gets transferred to Metropolis and killed on the orders of Luthor's Russian merc, Wally the statue vandal gets released on Luthor-paid bail, gets cleaned up, and meets with Senator Finch, and Lois confirms things she already suspected about the strange bullet (with a bit of bathroom gender essentialism from General Swanwick). Clark gets in another fight with Perry, who tells him "you could stand for something in 1938, but not anymore," which...

And we also learn that not only has Clark Kent, a guy who can travel from the northeast coastal U.S. to Juarez in seconds, hasn't filed either of the stories he's been assigned so far. Like, sports stories don't have a long shelf life, my dude. You are a terrible reporter. We're treated to a painfully unfunny Jon Stewart monologue about Superman wanting not to be considered American anymore. It's weird on several levels, since we've had no indication that Superman's made any statements at this point about...anything, but it's also just not well-written. Superman must be American because he wears red and blue and has an S on his chest? It's a bigger stretch than the right-wing radio host I heard circa 1997 saying that the blue-and-white electric costume meant Superman now represented the United Nations. It makes more sense as a response to that Goyer-penned story from a few years back about Superman renouncing his U.S. citizenship, but even then it's still not good. Verbal sparring with Bruce and Diana, then we get the "Knightmare" sequence. I want to laugh about Batman wearing a mask over his mask, but honestly that's pretty true to the character.

Mad Bat-Max fights Superman Nazis and Parademons with guns until Superman kills him for taking "her" from him, presumably Lois. And then the Flash shows up to say "Bruce! Bruce! Justice League premieres in November, 2017! Mark your calendars!" or something. Did we need two scenes back to back where Bruce dreamily realizes that Lois Lane is important and Superman is bad (though Flash is notably vague with his pronouns)? Do we have any indication at all as to what's behind Batman's weird dreams? I've seen Justice League at this point, and I still can't answer those questions. Speaking of scenes we've already seen, Clark Kent gets a mysterious envelope with the Batman newspaper article he waved around earlier and a bunch of Polaroids of that dead bat-branded criminal, with the phrase "Judge Jury Executioner" written on the bottom. Literally none of this, down to that phrasing, is news to Clark, but hey anything worth doing is worth doing twice I guess. Also, even though he hasn't published anything about Batman, even though he's only asked a handful of people about the Bat vigilante, he doesn't stop to wonder who would send him these pictures, or whether it might be an attempt to manipulate him. Bruce learns that the White Portuguese is a ship, which I feel like he probably could have found out without downloading Lex's mainframe. He already knows about the kryptonite, and he knows it's being delivered to Lex Luthor, so he's going to steal it and use it to kill Superman, based on logic straight out of the Iraq war. It's a bad argument, especially for a guy who we know doesn't care about the consequences of his branding low-level thugs but has allowed the Joker to keep on living. It is easy to craft actual reasons to rein in the reckless, inexperienced, cavalier Superman of this universe, but Batman manages to be just as wrong and just as hypocritical as Superman. For the record, I think this is really the turning point of the movie, the sequence from Knightmare to this point. This is where the movie takes a hard right turn from a kind of fascinating mediocre to Actually Bad. All these overwrought dialogue-heavy scenes hammering on the same points as though the universe itself is trying to force Batman and Superman to fight, because it is. It's not just Luthor; as much as he's orchestrating, he isn't behind Batman's dreams or the branded crook's girlfriend being in the police station when Superman shows up. Every conversation Clark and Bruce have is driving them to fight each other because that's the title of the movie, not because it makes sense for either of their characters. And they both have to be hypocritical idiot fanatics for the plot to make any sense at all. I was going to say that this is plot driving character, but it's not, because there's not enough of either. This is a fight scene driving everything else. The battle between Batman and Superman is the given, and nothing else needs to make sense so long as it ends up with them fighting. So, after seeing Days of Future Bats using a handgun, we get a fakeout with him aiming a sniper rifle at the guys hauling the kryptonite. Psych, it's actually a tracer! Batman doesn't kill people, silly! And then he Batmobile-rams an apparently-occupied car so that it flips over several times and takes out a trailer office. Psych! Batman totally kills people. Okay, so maybe the office was empty, and maybe that car was just sitting next to all the other occupied cars, with its headlights on, but empty as well. Maybe? Maybe you can argue that he didn't kill anyone with it. Not so much after he harpoons it and uses it to flatten a car with at least four guys in it. And then uses his hood-mounted bat-guns to 1000% kill at least another two in an SUV.  I won't even blame him for the guy he let drive into a tanker truck, but he definitely decapitates at least one more with his car driving through the top of the semi carrying the kryptonite.

Are we supposed to be okay with this because Batman only has the power to kill dozens of people, rather than millions? Is his argument against Superman really just a matter of numbers? The thing about this scene that's most galling, though, is how unnecessary it is. Batman knows what ship the kryptonite is on, where it's docking, who's taking it, and where they're planning to deliver it. He puts a tracking device on the truck. There is no reason whatsoever for him to be chasing after them in his sports tank. He kills at least seven people and endangers at least a half-dozen other drivers we see on the road because, what, sneaking was too hard for The Batman? He was too lazy to set up an ambush? Nothing in this scene makes sense, and it thoroughly undermines what little moral high ground Batman had. It makes him look less like he's upset that Superman endangers people and more like he's just upset that Superman does it more efficiently. And then his car bounces off of Superman, which is actually a pretty cool idea. I always like it when Superman's powers are treated kind of casually; it makes him seem so effortlessly powerful. But then he gives Batman this 'go home and stop being Batman, or else' speech, and Batman asks "do you bleed," and ugh. That little detour kept Batman from pursuing the kryptonite shipment, so instead he uses the tracer. Surprise, it's at a LexCorp research facility! Except now they know Batman's after them! World's Greatest Detective, everybody! Lois meets with the General again and gives him the bullet. Senator Finch asks Superman to come to Congress. Lex ogles the kryptonite. Superman meets with Martha Kent, who tells him "when people see what you do, then they'll know who you are." She follows this up with "you're not a killer. You're not a threat." Except that he is. He's both of those things. He killed Zod, he killed Amajagh, and that's just the two we've seen directly, that's not even blaming him for all those killed in collateral damage. The last time we saw him in costume, he was literally threatening Batman. Martha's pouring a big ol' glass of Granny's Peach Tea right here. And then "you don't owe this world a thing. You never did," which is a pretty garbage sentiment, there, Martha. It's no wonder that this Superman doesn't bother to clean up his messes, doesn't think he should be held accountable, doesn't seem to have much agency beyond asking other people what he should do, if that's the message he's been getting his whole life. Hide your abilities to save yourself, you don't have to help people...these aren't the philosophies that build a hero. And Superman doesn't argue with her, doesn't plead a case. He just looks melancholy.

Ziri sees the contractors, then goes back to tell Sen. Finch that she lied before. The General meets back up with Lois to tell her that the bullet was developed by LexCorp and that it was a setup to make Superman look responsible. So, again, LexCorp hired mercenaries directly, armed them with unique LexCorp-designed bullets, and had them shoot a bunch of people to frame Superman, who doesn't use guns, for killing them, when he did in fact kill their leader and didn't actually need to be framed for anything. Everyone in this movie is an idiot. Perry won't run Lois's story against Luthor on the word of an anonymous source, and Finch knows that Ziri lied about pretty much everything because Luthor threatened her. So, if all this could be stirred up by one witness lying, why did they even need to kill the villagers in the first place? Luthor shows up, sends Mercy into the Congressional chamber, and tells Sen. Finch that the oldest lie in America is "that power can be innocent." And, again, he's right. We know he's right. Superman and Batman's reckless abuses of their respective powers makes them both responsible for unnecessary, avoidable, unjust deaths. And while you might argue that Luthor's being a hypocrite here, since his men push Ziri in front of a subway train and since he's about to blow up Congress, it's not like he's exempting himself from that statement. Luthor is willing to use his power, lethally if necessary, unilaterally to achieve his own ends. How is he any different from our two ostensible protagonists? We've seen this kind of question asked before, particularly in Lex Luthor stories. Luthor is cynical, megalomaniacal, and narcissistic. He can't imagine that Superman would use his power altruistically because he can't believe that anyone wields power without expecting something in return. And in these stories, we know that Luthor is projecting his own flaws onto Superman because he's unwilling to accept that he might be wrong. But having the Superman of these films, who uses his power irresponsibly and doesn't care about accountability, recontextualizes Luthor's position. He's no longer obviously wrong, no longer clearly trying to justify his own actions. This Luthor is a power-hungry narcissist, sure, but when opposed to a cavalier, unrestrained Superman, he's got a point. Anyway, in keeping with the movie's need to hammer every point home, Senator Finch chokes on her speech no less than three times as we take four long, loving shots at the jar labeled "Granny's Peach Tea" on her lectern. Then the Wallybomb blows and Superman just stands there, looking melancholy. Was his last line when he threatened Batman? Is this meant to be another allegory, Christ remaining silent under Pilate's questioning or something? Or is this Superman just a passive observer when he's not chasing down the Batman story or murdering warlords? Like, seriously, the U.S. Capitol Building just exploded. There are probably people in other rooms. There are priceless artifacts in this building. Maybe don't just stand there?

To Superman's credit, we do see him rescue a woman and bring her to the EMTs. And then he looks melancholy at Lois and flies off. The Capitol is still smoking, EMTs are working with people on stretchers, cops are zipping up body bags, but Superman doesn't try to reassure the crowd, doesn't ask the first responders how he can help, doesn't tell Lois what happened or where he's going. He just flies away. It's as if the filmmakers heard the criticism that Superman barely saves anyone in Man of Steel, and put this in as a "fine, see? He saved someone. Happy now?" As if Superman's got better things to do than help people who need help. We learn on the TV at Wayne Manor that first responders are still bringing victims out. Superman has to at least suspect that this was targeting him, right? And he just disappears, rather than help people who got hurt because they were near him. It's a theme for this version of Superman. Naturally, this drives Batman to go steal the kryptonite from Luthor's lab, which he was already going to do but now I guess he did it angrier. Superman has a sad with Lois about how he shouldn't have even bothered with helping people, and it was his dad's dream anyway. Lex gets into the Kryptonian ship's database, Batman does crossfit and makes his kryptonite weapons, and then he gets into Luthor's "META_HUMAN" folder where he's helpfully assigned the Justice League handy symbols and, apparently, names (or two-letter designations that just happen to correspond to their names).

If you were worried that maybe you wouldn't recognize one of the surveillance shots of Diana, it's okay, she always makes sure to look directly at the camera. But we get to hear her amazing theme music for the first time, so that's good. Luthor brings Zod's body into the Kryptonian ship and drips his own blood on it for reasons, and in the Daily Planet office and around the world, people are debating the degree of Superman's complicity in the bombing of Congress. It's not entirely fair to pin that on him, but the point that he's got nigh-unlimited power and did nothing to prevent people from being killed can be levied on other things he's done, so it's kind of a wash. Lois Lane, who generally makes out pretty good in these movies, sits at home watching TV, where they've figured out who the bomber was, but still haven't ruled out Superman as a co-conspirator. Because if he wanted to kill a whole bunch of people, he'd have some rando who hates him build a bomb. I can't decide what's dumber: that Lex keeps trying to frame Superman for murder with tactics that Superman doesn't use, or that people buy it. Lois eventually gets up and investigates Wally (and learns that the bullet and wheelchair were made of the same metal, because why not? Lex Luthor, criminal mastermind everybody), but she's weirdly passive here. You'd think she'd already be out fighting to clear Superman's name, badgering police officers and so forth. So much of this movie happens to our protagonists. Clark's already been sad in a field, and sad in a building, and sad in a city, so now he gets to be sad on a mountain.

And look, sad dead dad is there too, giving a speech about well-intended actions having unintended negative consequences. There's no clear message here. Is Pa saying that trying to be a hero means other people will get hurt?

That having a loving relationship will assuage your guilt? You'd expect there to be some kind of turning point to this conversation, that Clark would hear what he needs to hear, either that he's doing the right thing or the wrong thing, but we don't really get that. At most, it implies that he should listen to Lois (or maybe Martha), but even that's a bit of a stretch. Martha Kent gets kidnapped, Lois Lane gets kidnapped, and Lex throws her off a building so he can ramble Theology 101 at Superman. We get confirmation that Lex's dad was abusive, which hearkens all the way back to Alfred's comment about powerlessness making men cruel. We also get confirmation that Lex knows who Batman and Superman really are, because of course he does. He's going to force Superman to kill Batman so that the public sees what a monster Superman is. For killing a guy who's already a criminal vigilante that the papers say have gone too far. He also had Martha tied up, humiliated, and photographed, for a bit of that Killing Joke flair. Superman tells Lois that he has to convince Batman to help him, or he has to die, and the first part of that would ring truer if he hadn't threatened Batman earlier. Strange doings are afoot at the Kryptonian spaceship, and Wonder Woman reads her e-mail one 18-point line at a time.

When Superman confronts Batman, he sends some mixed messages. He tries talking, admits he was wrong, says there's no time, then shoves him because why not? It's not like he's in a hurry or anything. He hits Batman for no reason except that he has to hit Batman in order to fulfill the promise of the title. He also keeps throwing Batman, when he could pretty easily restrain him in order to, you know, ask for the help he needs. Instead, he's got to win the pissing match.

The bit where Batman's punching Superman in the face until the kryptonite gas wears off is very well done. It's one of the best bits of Superman fight choreography ever on film, up there with the bullet to the eye in Superman Returns and the punch-rush-punch in the Zod battle in Man of Steel. It's also pretty great that Batman literally hits him with a kitchen sink. He tells Superman that his parents, dying in the gutter, taught him "the world only makes sense if you force it to," which seems like a good metaphor for this movie. People seem to be able to derive a lot of messages out of this film, largely because it throws a whole bunch of stuff out that's meant to seem deep even if none of them actually fit together coherently. And then "you're letting him kill Martha," which is, yes, dumb from every possible angle. Superman doesn't specify who "him" is, doesn't specify who "Martha" is (but we get some flashback sequences to remind you that Bruce Wayne's mom was also named Martha!), and this doesn't make Batman even more enraged since he got that letter earlier about how he let his family die. I do like that Lois saves Superman. And suddenly they're all bestest friends, after wasting a bunch of time in a totally avoidable way. Batman kills several people from his bulletproof plane with his giant bat-Gatling gun, kills a few more dudes in the next fight, and finally kills the Russian in a scene pulled from Dark Knight Returns. Except in Dark Knight Returns, that scene stands out as a kind of turning point for Batman, because despite how ruthless he is in battles up to that point, killing a guy with a gun is still a line he doesn't typically cross. In this movie, Batman's already used a gun in a prophetic dream sequence, and he's been cavalier about killing people already, so it's just another notch on the utility belt here.

Martha and Batman's banter is very good, though. Doomsday is born amidst Luthor's continued nonsense about killing gods, and let's talk about Doomsday for a second. My feelings on Doomsday are well-documented (and oddly similar to my feelings about Zod), but I have a soft spot for the big galoot because the Death of Superman got me into Superman comics. Doomsday, for all that he's a long-haired bone monster in bike shorts, was a distinctive monster. This version of Doomsday, on the other hand, is basically indistinguishable from trolls we've seen in Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter movies. He's slimy, he's smooth, and somehow turning into a monster gave General Zod the groin of a Ken doll. His design is totally uninteresting. Even making him into something more clearly a misshapen hybrid of Zod and Luthor would have been better than this gray hulk. He gets bony and glowy later, but it's still weirdly restrained compared to the designs we've seen in the comics. Superman saving Luthor from Doomsday's punch is one of the few moments that a recognizable Superman comes through in this movie. Doomsday has his King Kong moment, and Wonder Woman wonders if maybe her great power entails some kind of great responsibility. Superman and Doomsday get nuked because it gives the movie an excuse to do another Dark Knight Returns scene devoid of its context. Batman realizes that Doomsday is Kryptonian, so rather than flying over to the spear and returning to the uninhabited island that Doomsday currently occupies, he thinks the best plan is to lead the rampaging indestructible murder monster back through the heavily populated city whose partial destruction so traumatized him before, so he can retrieve the kryptonite spear there and kill it. These are literally the worst superheroes. Thankfully, Wonder Woman shows up to save his bacon and to improve the movie by a billion times or so with her awesome theme music. Batman mentions that the port is abandoned, in a nice illustration of how a line or two can smooth over apparent plot holes (though I suspect the buildings Doomsday heat-visioned to get at the Batwing weren't quite so unoccupied).

It's about as elegant a solution as the "Duke's alive!" dub at the end of the G.I. Joe Movie, but several scenes would have benefited from more of that. Superman does the heroic sacrifice thing, and it's more necessary than I gave it credit for the first time I saw it. Wonder Woman is occupied keeping Doomsday tied up, Batman is out of his league, and Superman's clearly struggling to do a head-on charge with the kryptonite spear, so getting around to hit it from behind isn't much of an option. Unlike the end of Man of Steel, this feels much more genuinely like there wasn't another choice, rather than like the writers painted themselves into a corner. Some black ops guys go spelunking into the Kryptonian ship to find Luthor communing (?) with Steppenwolf (???), then take him into custody, where he gets his head shaved. The Daily Planet runs with a simply godawful headline, "SUPERMAN DEAD[:] NIGHT OF TERROR MORNING OF LOSS," which leads me to believe that all the copy editors died during Zod's attack. Clark Kent also died, and the Daily Planet prints in color on interior pages, so they must be doing all right. At the memorial for Clark, Martha gives Lois an envelope Clark had sent to surprise her, and it's an engagement ring. I could quibble with the logic of this scene, but it's poignant enough to let it pass.

The dual funeral scene is done pretty well, jumping back and forth between the big to-do at what appears to be the Metropolis branch of Arlington National Cemetery, and the more understated service in Smallville. The Smallville priest does a really weird reading that's clearly about resurrection, rather than a more standard Psalm, but it's ~*~foreshadowing~*~. Bruce and Diana talk about the Avengers Initiative, and now Batman believes men can be good, and they can rebuild. He's so full of hope now. For reasons. Batman comes to visit Lex Luthor with his Bat-branding iron, and says he's going to have Lex transferred to Arkham Asylum. Lex raves about bells and another pronoun that presumably belongs to some Apokolips thing, setting up the sequel, and I'm just tired. And then the dirt levitates off of Superman's coffin. Final thoughts: I'm definitely not as angry this time around as I was walking out of the theater a year and a half ago. Whether that's because the Ultimate Edition hangs together better or because I spaced it out over the course of three days or because I knew what to expect, I really can't say. So, positives: Ben Affleck isn't bad as Batman, Henry Cavill and Amy Adams do fine with what they're given, and Wonder Woman is great. The rest? There are scenes, like Amajagh's death or the aftermath of the Zod battle, that would be improved with a single line. "I dropped him off at an Interpol office." "Superman led the rebuilding efforts." "Rubber bullets, honest." Those would be clunky telling-not-showing moments, but they could easily smooth over some of the film's bigger problems. On the other hand, we have so many unnecessary scenes, things that happen over and over, driving home muddled thematic points (power, gods, etc.) or references ("Martha," "granny's peach tea," etc.) so that even the most inattentive viewer is going to catch everything the filmmakers thought was significant. What's telling is the things they thought insignificant. The text of the movie is so preoccupied with putting a human face to the casualties of these superhero battles and the ability to decide who lives and who dies, but the visual language of the movie doesn't care about those things at all. I keep harping on Amajagh's death because it's the clearest example of this; Superman slams the guy through two stone walls, and he is never mentioned again. The text of the film suggests that Superman didn't kill anyone in the village, but we have no reason whatsoever to think that he didn't kill that guy that we definitely watched him kill. Batman is so angered by Superman's callous disregard for life, then goes hurling cars around with no regard for safety, and no justification in the plot. During that chase sequence, I had a hard time judging just how many people he killed because of the effects shots. A car that was visibly full of dudes shooting at Batman before the stunt...

...is empty immediately after.

The text of the movie is telling us about how dangerous it is to let individuals decide who lives and who dies, and real people get hurt as a consequence even to well-intentioned actions. But the visuals tell a different story, that violence is cool and bloodless, that victims of violence don't even matter enough to be shown on the receiving end of that violence, and that those who commit crimes deserve neither due process nor the continued freedom to live (unless they're good criminals like the titular protagonists). This is a problem, and this kind of dissonance subverts every message the movie is trying to send, every theme it's trying to explore. Take, for instance, the repeated, not-even-subtextual theme of power: who has it, who abuses it, and how to hold the powerful accountable. We have three powerful characters who abuse their power: Superman, Batman, and Lex Luthor. Of the three, only one is punished for it: Lex, whose punishment comes in the form of Batman continuing to abuse his power by threatening him in prison and sending him to get abused in Arkham. Batman forgives Superman for the death and destruction that followed in his wake because of his sacrifice, and he feels no need to turn himself in or moderate his actions, just to assemble an army because Marty McFlash said he should. Heck, Batman's justification for building the kryptonite arsenal and Superman trap is ludicrous even judging these characters as they are (as opposed to how the movie wants us to see them), but he's vindicated because if he'd failed to build those weapons, Lex Luthor would have destroyed the city and probably the world with his laserface murdermonster. And to what end? Lex Luthor's master plan requires him to be both a Xanatosian genius and a complete idiot. He figures out Superman and Batman's true identities, manipulates them in ways that end up being both obvious and unnecessary (unless we're meant to believe that he plants Santos's wife in the police station for Clark to meet), and all so he can turn General Zod's corpse into a monster that immediately tries to kill him? If the implication is meant to be that he's been under Apokoliptian control the whole time, it might have been a good idea to make that clear (maybe trade one of the piss jar shots for that). As it stands, it looks like Luthor's plan was to occupy Superman and Batman long enough that he could destroy the world. For a movie that clearly has ambitions of being more complex and deep and dark than your standard superhero fare, that's an incredibly cartoonish goal. And that's kind of the story of the whole movie. You can't argue that Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice isn't ambitious. It has aspirations of being deep and meaningful, of exploring the meaning of superheroes in a real world, the human costs of their battles, the responsible use of power and the methods we might use to hold the powerful accountable for their abuses. But it's not so invested in exploring these ideas that it's willing to tone down the explosions and lethal violence. It gives us two protagonists who are like parodies of the characters they're meant to be. Batman is a terrible detective who hates Superman for endangering people's lives, but who kills criminals for no reason and doesn't care who gets hurt in his crusade for his idea of justice. Superman vacillates between cavalier and passive, either using his powers with reckless abandon or asking other people what he should do but not actually coming to a position himself beyond "being Superman is dumb." He acts like saving people is a chore (much like doing his assignments for the paper), like accountability and responsibility are grave impositions on his brooding time. The movie dwells a lot on parents and the lessons we learn from them, so maybe it's intentional that our three principal male characters are all emotionally-stunted man-children who need to grow the hell up. I doubt it, though. All this wouldn't be such a problem if we weren't continually being told by the text of the film that Superman saves people and is a symbol of hope and doesn't kill, that Batman is concerned about one man having the ability to kill and using it so irresponsibly. The text of the movie is at odds with the visuals, with the world that was created in Man of Steel, and with its own larger role in building a Justice League shared universe. And none of these elements quite jive with the story that the filmmakers clearly wanted to tell. So, in the end, just as in Man of Steel, we see the villain's philosophy validated. Power isn't innocent in this world. Everyone with power in this movie is corrupt or compromised, from Amajagh to Luthor to Superman to Batman to Perry freaking White. Even Wonder Woman is tarnished a bit when you realize that, according to her stated backstory, she didn't think it necessary to fight off the alien army that tried to kryptoform the world two years back. She just spends her time going to fancy galas. There might be an interesting story to tell along those themes, about how the powerful must either be corrupted or paralyzed by their power, but the movie can't decide what it wants to be. Is it a sincere meditation on the nature of power and accountability? A smash-bang action movie built around a classic superhero fight-then-team-up? A deconstruction of superhero morality in a real-world context? A mash-up adaptation of Dark Knight Returns and the Death of Superman? An exploration of the unintended consequences and human cost of these summer blockbuster set pieces? These ideas fight for dominance, and none of them ever quite gains the upper hand. The result is this muddled, cynical mess of an action-driven film that wants to say something important but never quite figures out what. Bottom line: if you want to watch a movie that attempts to explore the "must there be a Superman" question, features some brooding, an inconsistent tone, and a great cast doing their best with a story that can't live up to its potential, I know one that gets it done in half the time:

[captainvictoryboat]

Behind The Scenes 3 (18/21)

Author’s note: Okay, guys I actually finished my BTS 3 rough draft!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY! I have been working on this for months, like since I started posting BTS2, I have been writing BTS 3 (yes, that long). Now I just have alot of editing to do, so I still have alot to do. Sorry for any errors and sorry for any cultural and environmental inaccuracies. (if I was inaccurate about anything please correct me, I did my best to try and research some stuff and all, but there is only so much I can grasp)

Genre: Fluff (Jungkook)

Word count: 3934

City: Kuala Lumpar (3rd day)

Summary: Despite y/n’s current mood, she and Jungkook still go out on their “two year anniversary” date. 

Other parts: HERE

This is my GIF. I made it based off of this scenario series.

You lay in bed staring up at the ceiling just listening to the rain hit the large window besides you. The weather in Malaysia seemed to represent how you felt at the moment. Somehow you knew that it was the third day you all were in Kuala Lumpar even though you couldn’t recall anything of the last few days. Ever since Singapore, all you could remember was the feeling of being empty.

In actuality a few things did occur over the past days. You didn’t at all eat, drink or even speak and it terrified the maknaes. The three of them even turned to Jin to try and get some advice from him. Your days had been filled with V, Jimin, and Jungkook taking turns trying to get you to react to something. At night, Jungkook stuck by your side reassuring you that nothing was your fault when it came to the girls, telling you how much he cared for you and how much you meant to everyone. The only times you weren’t in his sight was when he would have to shoo away a drunk Suga that kept coming to your room to try and talk to you. When it came to Suga and Jhope, they were almost as bad as you. Suga wasn’t eating, even in public. He drank at all hours of the day making good use of the flask Jackson got him. He even drank during the concert. He was so drunk during the second Malaysian concert that he almost passed out and he was taken off stage. As a way to not make the fans feel too bad and to not schedule another concert for the next night, V took over Suga’s parts. It was fun for ARMY and things just barely went by smoothly. Jhope was opposite of Suga in terms of energy. He took too many pills and he was starting to go crazy. He was starting to say thing that weren’t making sense. During the performance, he was constantly off beat and slurring his lines and replacing them with random lines and phrases. Rap monster made the decision to have his mike turned off and Jhope was forced to lip sync through most of the concert. Despite all the dancing and running around on the stage he did, he never ran out of energy. After the concert, Rap monster had noticed he was trying to take more pill, pills Jhope nicknamed “happy pills”. Rap monster had to stop him in front of everyone backstage and you all rushed to the hotel so that Rap monster could force him to take some downers and try to even things out. Both Jhope and Suga were put in Minho’s room so that Minho could look after them and Jin had offered to help look after them if they got out of hand.

However, for you this was the first moment in days where you actually felt like you were “coming to”. You continued to watch the heavy rain. After about half an hour, the sun started to break from the clouds and the rain started to lighten up a bit and you yourself couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit better for some reason.

You could feel Jungkook rustling next to you. It took a while but eventually he was “awake”. You could feel his eyes on you, but you tried to block him out and kept looking out the window.

Jungkook got up and propped himself over you, examining you much closer now. “Morning Jagi.” He smiled sweetly in his soft but low morning voice. His fingers gently moved your strands of hair out of your face.

You looked up at him. His hair was sticking up at all angles and you saw a smile grow on his face. He surprised you and he dropped down on you giving you a tight hug. “Finally you look at me.” His voice vibrated into your neck. “Please don’t be sad anymore baby.” He whimpered.

His reaction threw you off. His use of the word “sad” was rather odd when you couldn’t even say “sad” was the correct word to what you were currently feeling. Maybe you were sad and you just didn’t even know because in the moment you were in more so in a daze. But then again, now that it was brought up, “sad” wasn’t exactly the worst word to use. As you filtered your emotions, you lifted your hand up and lazily patted his back. “Jungkook... you’re heavy.” Was all you managed to say.

You knew he was smiling without even having to look at him. “Finally you said something!” he slid his hands under your back and kissed the side of your head. Again, he did something that took you by surprise. He flipped onto his back, bringing you along with him. He kept his hands on your sides to keep you on top of him.

“Is this better?” he asked.

You gave a tiny nod, curling up in his arms, appreciating the effort he was putting in.

For a long moment, he stayed quiet and you were glad he was. You could feel bits and pieces of the last few days rushing through your mind and it was a lot to take in.

You only still lay on his chest hearing his heartbeat while his fingers lightly traced figures on your back. For the first time you felt like you were having a genuine moment with Jungkook, a moment where you were glad you decided to be with him.

“Jagi?” his voice was soft

“Huh?” you grunted.

“Do you feel any better?”

You just shrugged at him.

“Do you want to talk about it? What was it that made you so upset?”

You let out a heavy sigh and sat up, still staying on top of him. “I’m just… I don’t know.” Your voice was weaker than you anticipated now that you actually tried to speak. “Nothing makes sense…” You didn’t realize how hard it was for you to talk.

Jungkook sat up also “How so?”

“These last few days, I think I have just been replaying everything in my head. like trying to see where I went wrong. And I just- I don’t get it. I don’t grasp how anything is really happening, how any of this is actually real… I look back at everything and nothing seems possible… Like Jin, he was so – sweet. Like he was like so chill and understanding and well, like, he’s actually not! He’s like not! He’s a fucking asshole! And he has a kid no less, like how does he even get away with that?!? How does no one know?!? And like what life does that make for Jinjin, you know? And just, ugh, like I just I hate Jin. And then Namjoon... In the beginning, I thought he was the most normal person, but… I don’t know how he is even real! Like how the fuck is he an actual human being?!? Like he is a crazy ass mother fucker and I despise him! I hate him with every ounce of my soul because I am so scared of him… I hate him! I fucking hate him! Absolutely fucking hat-te h-him!” your voice cracked. Jungkook grabbed your hands and pulled you closer. “And then there is you. When you and I first started talking you were cool, but then I really got to know you and you were such a piece of shit!” you said poking his chest aggressively, tears already forming in your eyes. “You were so cold and manipulative and I hated you just as much as I did Jin and Namjoon…”

Jungkook grabbed your hands and brought them to his lips giving them kisses. “Y/n I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

You pulled your hands away and wiped your eyes. But then you grabbed his hands again and traced the veins on his arms as if to comfort him from your harsh words. “But knowing you more… you aren’t that bad. Not perfect obviously… but I like you. I actually really like you. You have your good sides… And Jimin, he was an ass with me since the moment he laid his eyes on me, but he goes through s-so much.” Again your weak voice cracked just thinking about Hiro and what he does to Jimin, and how now you were betraying Jimin after what he’s done for you. You still felt horrible. “I really hated the four of you all for a long time. Tae was okay I guess. He’s been nice, but I hated that he always sided with you guys, even when he didn’t want to…” you let out another sigh, letting all the built up anxiety out of you.

Jungkook tried to pull you closer, but you still had more to say. “A-and for the longest time Yoongi and Hoseok were my go to guys. They were the only ones that ever cared about me… They were the only ones th-that made things bearable. I-I thought I knew them, but I don’t! Like how could they do what they did to Aiko and Meihui?!? And, like don’t they care about me? Why do they never have time for me? Don’t I mean something to them? Even now, should they be the ones here with me instead of you? Shouldn’t they be the ones that were happy that I “finally looked at them”? Huh?” As if you were back in Singapore, you began to cry hard. “I don’t know anything anymore! It just doesn’t make sense! Nothing makes sense!”

Jungkook comforted you though your “little” breakdown. He held you tight as he said, “Don’t worry Y/n, I care about you. I care about you so much. You can always come to me.”

You wiped your eyes feeling as though a weight was taken off your shoulders. Again you stayed in his arms and it was the first time in a long while that you felt safe with him. That’s when it hit you. As of right now, Jungkook was the only good thing in your life. And you even had Jimin that you felt you can turn to. Even if it hurt you to hurt Jimin, Jungkook was your only real emotional escape at this point. Maybe if you balanced things out well, you could find a right way to tell Jimin everything one day.

“Y/n, I hate to say this, but I never cancelled the pans I made for the date…”

“You didn’t?”

“No, but don’t worry, we don’t have to go. I don’t give a fuck what Namjoon says.”

“… No, we should go…” you really didn’t want to go, but the last thing you wanted was for Rap monster to get mad.

“No, it’s okay. We can do something else and just say it’s for our “anniversary”.”

“…No… you planned it, we should go…”

Jungkook looked down at you. “Baby, are you sure? You’ve barely been out of the room in days. We really don’t have to do this.”

You grabbed his hand, your thumb gliding over his fingers. “Let’s just go with it. I don’t want to be in any more trouble.”

-

Not even two hours had passed and the intense rains returned and along with it came two stylists. Jungkook had informed you that they were going to help you both get ready for your “anniversary” date.

“Is this really necessary?” you asked nervously.

“Not really, but I had wanted you to feel like a princess today!” He smiled. He went ahead and opened the door for them.

In came the two stylists that had worked on Jungkook and Jimin the last few nights for the concerts. They both held their rain coats and were followed by a bellboy who rolled in a rack of clothes protected by a plastic sheet cover. “Hello!” they both cheered as they made their way into the room.

Jungkook greeted them first. “Hello! Thank you so much for doing this on such short notice. We really appreciate this!”

You came up after him, attempting to hide the depressed feelings that still consumed you. “Hello! Yes, thank you so much!”

The stylist that did Jimin’s makeup was the one to quickly take charge. She removed the plastic covering from the rack to expose about fifteen different dresses, one black suit, and many bags and boxes that were organized under them.

“Ok Damia, what is the game plan?” The second stylist asked.

Damia thought for a moment as she looked between the three of you and the rack of dresses. “Ok first, Jungkook, you go with Zara so she can do your makeup and help up fix your suit. I’ll get started on Y/n and Zara when you are done with him, you can help me with Y/n’s hair.” She said with much determination.

Jungkook walked off with Zara to the bathroom while the bedroom was where you got ready. Damia came up to you and pulled you closer to the rack of dresses. “Ok, so before we do your makeup, you pick out your dress for the night!”

You looked at her a bit in shock. “I-I can choose whichever I want?”

“Yes! Then we can pick out the shoes that match the dress!” she smiled.

You looked through all the dresses, only barely touching a few because they were too precious to be ruined by your hands. You noticed that all dresses were short cut, only barely reaching the knee. It made you a bit upset because you had basically sworn off dresses and skirts ever since Osaka, but the last thing you wanted to do was have a tantrum on Damia, who was being so generous with you, and ruin a night that Jungkook had planned for two of you. You looked at all the dresses and you were mesmerized by their different colors and fabrics and styles. Of all of them, there was one that stood out to you. Your heart was stuck on a cute red dress with thin straps. Compared to the other tight-fit dresses this one looked the most comfortable but just as elegant as the others. “…I like this one…” you said softly, pointing to the dress.

“Oh, that would look so great on you! I know exactly what shoes you can wear to go with it!” From under the dresses Damia rummaged through various shoe boxes before she pulled out a pair. “These would be perfect!” she exclaimed as she pulled out a pair of black heels. “And I know just the earring to go with this too!” Next she pulled out a pair of gold earrings. “Oh, Oh! I just thought of the perfect make up for you! Let’s get started!”

Damia pulled out large boxes from under the clothes and pulled out a portable mirror with lights within the frame and a huge case of makeup. “Don’t worry y/n, I’ll take good care of you!” she said cheerfully.

Damia, in comparison to the other stylist who did your makeup those many months ago, was so gentle and the conversation between the two of you was so pleasant.

Since Jungkook only had one suit to choose from and Zara already knew how to do his makeup, he was done in a flash. He came and sat on the bed and watched as Damia continued with your makeup and Zara began working on your hair.

As Damia worked on your eyes, Jungkook couldn’t keep his mouth shut any longer. “Jagi you look so amazing already!”

“Aw, miss y/n has such a cute boyfriend!” Zara grinned.

“Ha, I know!” you smiled warmly.

After finally being done with your makeup, Damia and Zara let you go off and change into your dress. When you stepped inside and got a full look at your face you almost wanted to cry. Damia had done such an amazing job on your makeup and Zara had given you a beautiful updo, even accenting it with a thin gold headband. You couldn’t stop staring at yourself, you felt like a walking art piece.

You carefully put your dress on and once again stood in amazement. Your faded collarbone scar was not enough to break your spirits. You felt more overwhelmed as you slid your heels on. You hadn’t seen yourself look so good in such a long time. There was not a visible bruise on you, your makeup was on point, and magically the dress faltered your body so well.

As you stepped out, Damia and Zara were all giggles over the great work they did and Jungkook was in awe over you.

You deeply thanked both of them, bowing to them and giving them hugs before they started setting up to leave.

You made your way to Jungkook who sat still on the bed. “So, what do you think?” you asked shyly.

“You look… beautiful.” Jungkook finally said. “No! You look more than beautiful. You look stunning… gorgeous… breath taking!”

Your face got hot as Jungkook jumped up from the bed and pulled you close as he continued to throw compliment after sweet compliment at you. “Jungkook stop.” You giggled. “You’re making me so shy right now.”

“Jagi, I can’t help it, you look so amazing.” He whispered.

Before leaving, Damia and Zara walked up to you for one more thing. From behind her back, Zara pulled out a little white box that housed a thin gold chained necklace with a small and simple gold heart pendent. “Don’t worry about returning this little thing, consider it an anniversary present gift from us to you!” Damia smiled.

-

A very nervous Minho navigated the rainy streets of Kuala Lumpar to reach the restaurant. With the help of Jungkook and Google maps, he brought the two of you to the restaurant just in time.

You were about to make a run to the entrance to avoid the rain, when Jungkook pulled you back into the van. It was only after doing a video update and, in a not-so-subtle fashion, giving the restaurant a shout out, did you and Jungkook make a run for the restaurant.

“So that’s how you got us a reservation on such short notice, isn’t it?” you asked as he handed the umbrella to the doorman.

“Well it was either shameless advertising or we were gonna be having this date at a McDonalds!” He laughed.

Reaching the highest floor and opening the door to the restaurant was like walking into a different world, a very elegant world. Even the hostess was dressed so beautifully. Her black dress made her gold hijab and gold jewelry pop out and gave her a simple yet sophisticated look, matching the rest of the restaurant.

Looking past the hostess, you could see the other patrons. They were all gorgeous and their attires equally so. You couldn’t help but immediately feel so underdressed in comparison to the other women who were practically wearing red carpet gowns. Your simple necklace did not compare to the precious metals and rocks the other men and women wore.

Jungkook pulled you close and whispered, “Let’s go to our table.”

You two followed the hostess to a table by the surrounding window that allowed for total view of the city.

You were suddenly self-conscious of your scar and possibly bruises on your back as you felt judging eyes follow you. Still after the hostess left and the waiter took your order, the anxiety didn’t leave you.

“So, what do you think of the place?” Jungkook’s question broke you out of your thoughts.

The waiter returned with the bottle of white wine that Jungkook ordered and your glasses were poured.

“Huh?” you looked about the restaurant again, still feeling eyes on you. “Um, yeah, beautiful, so beautiful...” you trailed off with a slight frown.

“Well I could say the same about you.” he said reaching for your hand across the small table.

You gave him a fake smile.

“What’s wrong?”

You hated that you couldn’t be believable. “… I don’t think I’m dressed right… I feel people staring…” you whispered.

“Well good! People need to see us!”

“But a bad staring!”

Jungkook looked about the restaurant to the people who couldn’t care less about the two of you. “Of course they are staring at you. Look at you! You look… stunning!” He said lovingly.

You could feel your face heat up again and you took a sip of wine to hide your smile. You took a look out the window. The city lights were so beautiful. It all felt like a dream. Jungkook being so sweet, the two of you in such a fancy restaurant, and just being in such a city. “This must be a dream. Hell, I even feel like we are moving right now.” you said softly.

“Baby, we are moving!” He laughed. “That’s the whole sky dining experience! We are slowly rotating to get a 360 view of the city.”

“Oh shit!” you said in wonder.

When the food came out you were amazed by the presentation and every single bite was to die for. Course after course was better than the last.

Over the course of the dinner, you and Jungkook had a bit too much wine, because the two of you were in a buzz by the time you finished dessert. By now he had moved to your side of the table so that both of you could have the same view of the city.

“Hahaha, I don’t know… but this dinner was fantastic! I’m so glad you brought me here.” You said giving his upper arm a hug.

Jungkook gave your hand a squeeze. “And I’m glad you’re having fun.”

Suddenly, the sounds of two cellos filled the dining room and your attention was drawn to the center of the floor. A cello duet began to play Canon and the sounds filled the room ending all conversation and stealing everyone’s attention.

“I love this song.” You mumbled as you swayed along with the movement of the bows.

“Let’s dance then!” Jungkook suggested.

“What?!? No!”

“Yeah, why not? What is music if you can’t dance?”

You laughed “Baby, this is not music you dance to.” You caught yourself by surprise. This was the first time you genuinely call Jungkook by a pet name.

The celloists continued their lovely performance for a few more songs, but sadly they were gone from the room too soon.

“So, what else do you have planned for us tonight?” you asked.

Jungkook frowned and lean in close to you. “Well, unfortunately, I didn’t get to plan anything else because the evil dickhead made me pay for the damages and I didn’t have enough to pay for anything as great as this…”

“Ah ok.”

“But I did tell Minho to drive us around the city. So if there is anywhere you want to stop and visit, we can check it out. Like I said, tonight is just you and me… and a little bit of Minho.” He laughed.

“That sounds fun, but will Minho really do it? He seemed so nervous driving us around… or driving in general… Actually, he’s nervous almost every time I see him. Why is that? Shouldn’t he be used to all this?”

“Eh, Minho is a bit… different. According to Tae, Minho’s got some anxiety issues or something like that and that’s why he didn’t make it as a real nurse.” Jungkook explained.

“Ooh!”

Suddenly, you heard a ring of Jungkook’s phone. “Oh he’s here! Now let’s go take a look around the city!”

Okay, so what do you guys thinks of this whole Y/n and Jungkook and Suga thing so far? Have any of you changed your minds of who she should be with? Do you guys think Suga even actually has any real romantic feelings towards y/n?