#did i said that im love with him? because i am.

[l0stfoster]

Paul anon here to say eeeeeeYEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE ME SOME CURSED PAUL DOODLES THATS MY SCRUNKLY BOY IM LOEHEVDJDGUEHE I LOVE PAUL HOLDEN

I wanna know more about the feather situation now tho ohhhh you got me intrigued ohhhh my goddddd

And paul just thinking and knowing hes the reason johnny’s in a wheelchair and that’ll probably haunt him for the rest of his life cuz now hes so associated with the greasers he probably knows johnny a lot better now and ohhh im gonna be sick . He probably has so many feelings about the shit he did b4 he was kicked out of the house ohhhh my sweet boy i love you so bad

Paul anon I hope you know you're an icon among the writers. Novva has previously expressed how much they want to put you in a jar and observe you (/pos)

As always I am so joyous that you're enjoying Paul here hehe. I've said it once and I'll say it again. Canon Paul can go kick rocks, Cursed Paul, on the other hand, needs a break from me. I talk a lot below so yeah another below the cut.

The feather situation was a little thing I'd thought about recently, since I've brought up to the writers before about how Two would eventually offer Paul a feather for flock marking, and Paul, by god, does NOT want the feather. Not only does he feel like he doesn't deserve it for what he's done; but it proves something about himself too- that he's getting attached. What the fuck does it say about him if he begins to connect with these people? It doesn’t help the guilt, that’s for sure. Two tries for probably months to get him to take it; literally days on end of offering and being ignored or shrugged off- finally, Paul takes it, but he doesn't wear it, nor does he keep it on his person. The only reason Paul wears it visibly for the first time is because god DAMN does Two pull off some REALLY good sad, pathetic bird eyes (and Dally looks ready to kill him for upsetting Two-Bit, so.)

He just gets so damn unlucky with the timing and circumstances surrounding it. Not only do the harpies already hold beef with him because of Two’s original jumping and the feather issue (most of them are clueless to the fact that Two’s forgiven him, while others are aware and have kinda chilled), but having a soc who’s harmed one of their own in their territory does not sit well with a majority of them, even all these months later; something especially impactful to the Shepard’s Gang. The second one harpy spots Paul with this feather, the immediate assumption is that he’d taken it just as he did with the first one.

I don’t talk about the Shepard’s all too much, but this is a good time to mention that Two and Tim are pretty good friends— so, well, he takes this as a matter that he can settle himself; and it’s a good way to warn this rich boy imposing on their territory that he’s on strike two of three, whether he’s one of the cursed or not.

Paul Gets Jumped, Part 2. It’s definitely not as bad as when the socs got him because, despite their gripes, Tim is half aware that Darry does gaf about this guy (he’s very out of the loop, and doesn’t even know the two are dating). As bad or not, it does freak Paul the hell out due to how familiar it felt to the first time he was jumped. That’s called trauma big guy, you and Johnny can bond over shaking like chihuahuas when you walk home alone. They take the feather away from him too, and you bet your ass he will NOT ask Two-Bit for another one because he doesn’t want him thinking Paul had purposefully disposed of it, especially with how often he’d been turning it down. This mf also ends not up being very fond of harpies outside of the ones he knows (ie; Two, Mrs. Mathews, etc) for a little while. Refuses to walk outside the house unless he’s got someone else with the gang. Two dive bombs on and grabs Paul while he’s walking home once and the entire East side loses power for like 5 hours lmao. Two was not happy when he found out about it too. Harpy: “Oh yeah we got this back from a soc while ago here" Two: Two: “-Isn’t that Paul’s?” Harpy: Harpy: “Th. The soc?” Two: “Yeah??? Paul??? Darry’s boyfriend?? This was his-“ Harpy: “I mean, he had it b- ohhh shit. You gave it to him on purpose.” Two:

Tim is very confused when a ruffled Two slams the door open and off its hinges at his house

Two, slamming the door open: “WHY WOULD YOU JUMP HIM WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME ABOUT THE FEATHER????” Tim, half asleep on the couch: Tim: “..g’d mornin'?”

ON THAT NOTE Paul is,, so utterly haunted by both Johnny's and Two's disabilities, and that is absolutely not helped by the fact that they don't even seem to hold it against him. In Johnny's eyes, Paul wasn't the one who'd jumped him, resulting in him carrying the switchblade that killed Bob. He wasn't the one who held Pony underwater with the intent to kill. Two himself already knows that Paul didn't expect him to be burned as he was, nor was he the one holding the lighter. The blame the gang directs at him varies; especially when they see that the two who fell victim don't even seem to be mad about it. I think that a large reason as to why Pony throws his blame at Paul for Johnny is because, well, Bob's not around to take it. He's an emotional teen who's taking it out on the person he knows had some correlation to it. Besides, I think all of us know Pony blames himself for the church fire; directing that anger at Paul makes it easier to cope.

But yeah, Paul's practically eaten alive by the guilt. It sure as hell doesn't help that he already feels bad for being directly related to the witch that cursed Tulsa.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 16

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

Hello! Another day, another chapter!

I really don't have much to ramble about today, but I am back on my tea. This is a new one from the ren faire this year- vanilla chai with sugar and milk. The cup is from the same ren faire (but purchased last year).

let's go let's let's go- I am already impatient to get into this chapter.

Last chapter we ended on a cliffhanger with Luo Binghe totally unconscious- we start this chapter with Shen QIngqiu ready to rescue his man and escape!

It's really so upsetting that he is going back to trash (two bar) spiritually energy in this body when he was so used to his mushroom Unlimited Power p65

RIP Luo Binghe's skull LOL he is really being tossed around like a rag doll. SQQ needs to be more careful. p66

MXTX said forget the only one bed trope, I raise you -> There Was Only One Coffin p67

Fuck. This is actually so scary 10/10 I would pee myself if a little skeletal arm was worming it's way into the coffin I was temporarily occupying (really anything in this book's reality would make me die of fright. as an aside I was talking to my partner about this while watching MDZS donghua yesterday, in the world of cultivators I would be a dumpling stall owner. I could never with the sword training and literal corpses). pp67-68

I CANT 'extenuating circumstances'. SQQ definitely: I just HAD to kiss his cute little forehead to save our lives. p68

i'm crying LOL "a person's abdomen is supposed to be the softest spot on their body, but Luo Binghe's was uncomfortably hard against Shen Qingqiu's stomach. The farther down he pulled him, the more he was sure that Luo Binghe had an eight-pack. Was that a rock slab down there?" p70

this keeps getting worse LMAO

OOOOO Meng Mo is back! Is it weird that I kind of love this guy? He has such a cool power and is a bit of a dick, but in the best and worst of ways. Him and Airplane give similar energy and I am not mad about it. p72

oh gosh! LBH is either "fatally ill" or "close to death" p72

wait- adding to the above point. he could also be mentally very unwell :( poor buddy -> it's likely this option. p72

so even though SQQ is processing nothing , I think SQQ admitting (not naming the feeling but admitting) that he is feeling a mess of emotions about Luo Binghe is a big step for him! p73

Meng Mo seems to have a lot of feelings about LBH. I am not sure if it's just pride or what but whatever it is he is correct here, "The way this elder sees it, he (LBH) should either kill you (SQQ) or do you!" p74

PLEASE OH NO

I AM WHEEZING

+1000 Protagonist Satisfaction Points for touching LBH's "Heavenly Pillar" p76

IM DYING OH NO

WHY IS THIS EVEN A THOUGHT IF HE THINKS HE'S STRAIGHT "He couldn't exactly help Luo Binghe jerk off under these circumstances, right?!" p76 But like if not these circumstances he is cool with doing it in other circumstances???????????

oh no! SQQ blocking the blades with his bare hand for LBH p79

Dang. the Old Palace Master has been through some shit. p80

Are we getting more of Shen jiu's story??? We have Qiu Haitang here too! p81 (just as an aside because my notes did not revisit this, we do not get more of his story just weird little hints. That I hope Shang Qinghua clears up later). p81

What a terrible combo. Old Palace master is just butthurt Luo Binghe doesn't want him as a teacher or to marry his daughter and Qiu Haitang seems to be just a vile woman with a grudge against SQQ for some reason. pp82-83

Okay but as horrible as OPM is, that cultivation he's doing with his voice is kind of cool. p85

Wait. Did the Old Palace Master have a thing for Su Xiyan? This is so fucking weird for LBH and he's not even conscious pp86-87

reading further the above point got so much worse omg :(((((((((((( I'm so upset for Su Xiyun. p87

It got even worse with the implications of what it meant for Luo Binghe in that sect. That terrible terrible man deserved that horrifying death. Fuck that guy! pp 89-90

OMG SQQ, basically half dead carrying LBH, barely got away from the death flower room, and here we have Tianglang-jun back on his bullshit. p94

SQQ is in such a bad state :o pp94-95

Is this another dime??? Our demon blood piggy bank for SQQ is now at $0.40 p97

YAY! Luo Binghe is awake! (is he going to be okay mentally though??)p 99

Why is Luo Binghe so mad? Like this man just nearly died trying to get you the fuck out of there p100

Fucking finally okay, it got better LBH is realizing what SQQ did while he was unconscious pp102-103

I'm glad they cleared that up (even though there was the other added miscommunication about LBH thinking SQQ was crying when he was actually just in a fuck ton of pain). p104

I am actually so glad that the discussion was interrupted before LBH found out about the dick touching being real LOL p108

MORE DEMON BLOOD. -> SQQ's dime bank is at $0.50

How many times does this man get kidnapped?

We really ended with him being kidnapped again and with Luo Binghe being conned by his own dad. That was so rough. -500 dignity points (not really but it sure feels like it)

[rui-drawsbox]

maybe maid mammon but in a white dress instead? just feel like he'd look nice w a white one instead of the usual black ones <3

i tried to balance the white with the blue of his eyes, or it would be too much of the same color/sobs

If you think i put more effort in this, its because i did. Only the best for my first man 😊💕

[roseworth]

honestly i don't think any jason after his death seems to really match the one before it? hard to say he's in character at any point then. they might as well have introduced some new guy and told his story through flashbacks. at least the new guy would presumably have someone that cared enough about their oc to give them consistency

can i say something controversial. i disagree with this

i think you have a great point about how robin jason is a lot different than red hood jason, bc a lot of robin stories have him as just an average happy kid so the whiplash from barr tec jason -> utrh jason is insane

on the other hand,, that adds to it for me. this was not winick's intention but i love the idea that jason was just a happy robin that loved his dad & loved being robin then immediately gets crushed because he was living his happy life and thought everything was great, then went through an insane trauma and realized that everything was not as great as he thought so he decided to start killing people. in my head theres a great narrative where he basically becomes unrecognizable to who he was before because thats how bad his death & resurrection fucked him up

but also heres where im gonna get even more controversial! i dont think hes that different!

i loooove barr tec but i think barr has specifically said that he wanted to be writing dick so he just pretended he was. a lot of robin jason writers didnt bother to give him any character of his own, he was just dick 2.0 until starlin

i dont love how starlin wrote jason because his only reason for writing jason like that was that he hated him and wanted to kill him. but. starlin's jason was so distinct from dick that its one of the only times that it feels like jason. honestly if you take early post-crisis robin jason and compare it to starlin jason, its not that different. hes a little aggressive & angry but does it for a good reason, he fights with batman and can be impulsive but has strong morals even if his morals arent always what batman believes, which is very similar to who he was when he first became robin post-crisis

and because starlin jason is one of the only times that jason is distinct from dick (not to mention, in terms of general robin jason knowledge, most of jason's iconic robin stories come from starlin), it makes sense that that version of jason was used in utrh. and the version of jason that had empathy for victims to the point that he wanted to kill the perpetrators makes so much sense for red hood jason. he believed that the best way to get vengeance for the victims was to kill the person who did it, which is why he was so mad that bruce wouldnt do that for him after he died

in my mind there is a very clear progression from the version of jason that died and the version that comes back to life. he had a lot of empathy for the victims when he was robin (to the point that bruce told him that he should sit out the garzonas case bc he got too emotionally invested in it) so it makes sense that when he is the victim of a gruesome murder from someone like the joker, who has killed and done horrible things and isnt going to stop, that he would be extremely pissed that bruce wouldnt let his morals go just to kill the person that killed jason, since thats what jason, even as robin, believed was the best way to get vengeance for the victims

[vilelittlecritter]

"YoU cAnT liKe ThAt ChArAcTeR tHeY [bad action which is integral to the story and why the story is so good in the first place]"

My brother in Christ,

They are not real.

[widevibratobitch]

when i say i am obsessed with him

[gunstellations]

rk800 💙 rk900

[avaetin]

What I feel for Alabaster is the same as what I feel for Percy and Nico.

I love them. But, before I give them even a scintilla of happiness, I have to subject them to the most excruciating pain I can possibly think of at the time of writing.

The plans I have for Hecate's son - how I plan to hurt him emotionally and scar his very being by making him face the ghosts of his past while dealing with things of the present... 🤌

[faaun]

ok let's catch up quickly

[softshuji]

Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.

[apocketfullofhobbits]

can't stop thinking abt how the fact that declan mattered so little to his father that the asshole couldn't even be bothered to keep the memories of the day his son was born was supposed to make up for declan's whole shitty childhood

like hey kid u know what u just weren't worth the pain. do u feel better abt it now.

[sapphicautistic]

My gf was listening to "White Blank Page" by Mumford and Sons and I once again told her that song is SO much better if it's gay.

She doesn't listen to the lyrics of songs but she's extremely good at literary analysis and this time she actually looked up the lyrics and has now come to the following conclusion: "It makes no sense if it's not gay."

My (objectively best) reading is this:

The narrator was in love with a guy who strung him along, never willing to be in a committed (or public) relationship with him and maybe insisting that it's extremely heterosexual "helping a bro out" sex, except in more intimate moments. Finally out of nowhere guy is suddenly committed to a woman and when Narrator confronted him, guy spat out homophobic vitriol and claimed he's not gay like the Narrator.

(For extra flavor imagine them as closeted, straight passing Midwestern flannel wearing, love-bonfires-and-camping guys who sat next to each other at church and elbowed and annoyed each other like best friends do and were each other's go-to source of emotional support! And then to suddenly shut Narrator out for the first time ever, by abruptly marrying a woman and insisting that he's always been straight and their relationship meant nothing...)

Here are the lyrics:

Can you lie next to her And give her your heart, your heart As well as your body? And can you lie next to her And confess your love, your love As well as your folly? And can you kneel before the king And say, "I'm clean! I'm clean!" ? But tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Oh, tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage You did not think When you sent me to the brink, to the brink You desired my attention But denied my affections, my affections So tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Oh, tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Lead me to the truth and I Will follow you with my whole life Oh, lead me to the truth and I Will follow you with my whole life

Why call multiple people "you" in a totally unclear way? Why would you claim that your female ex's new man can't love her AT ALL (not just as much as you did, AT ALL)? And invoking the judgment of God is so fucking tedious if you're just shaming your female ex for moving on or even cheating/getting with your friend. Also you look like a creepy asshole if you think a girl broke up with you for "loving her too much".

This song is tepid, badly written, and makes the narrator look like an asshole if it's NOT gay.

The gay reading is the ONLY compelling one.

[apricotbuncakes]

I would fucking die for my English professor.

He's super fucking accepting and accommodating. I emailed him before classes even started to let him know that my deadname wasn't fully updated in all the systems with the school and told him my name and pronouns. HE THANKED ME FOR SHARING MY PRONOUNS WITH HIM AND PROMISED THAT ONLY THE NAME I GO BY WOULD BE USED IN CLASS.

Today during class I had to put on noise cancelling headphones because we have super loud construction across the hall. Most of the time the noise is in short bursts so there's no point in putting them on, but today it was nonstop (plus someone's chair was squeaking constantly) so I put them on so I could focus better. When the noise died down and we started having a class participation conversation, I took them off.

Well, my professor apparently got very concerned about the whole thing because after class while I was packing up he came over and very softly asked if there was anything he could do to make the class more compliant with my sensory needs AND I NEARLY STARTED CRYING BECAUSE HOLY SHIT NO ONE HAS EVER ASKED ME THAT BEFORE. I told him that it wasn't his fault, that he was doing awesome, and explained that it was mainly the construction that made it difficult (and then I told him my headphones can't play music so I wasn't just not paying attention).

"Oh, I wasn't worried about that. They don't look like they're built for music."

I reassured him that there was nothing that he could really do, but I appreciated his concern. And then he looked over at my cane against the wall. "Oh I never noticed the animal crossing stickers. That's nice!"

And I very awkwardly said "Have to spice it up somehow!"

Anyway, English professors are my fucking favorite and I would die for all of them

[ballercollective]

Im going to kill like 10 different people if i hear another peep about payjay because oj ans paper interact in the trailoR IM GONNA LOSE ITTTT IM GONNA GO FERAL STOPPPPPPPP

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

thinking about hamilton and burr together but not in a kissing way but in a you are so different on surface but are made of the same core way. they have the same sort of wants and hurt but they project it in such different ways.

[depresseddepot]

trying to determine which parts of my relationship with sex are asexuality, which are trauma, and which are autism is like trying to have a conversation with three people talking loudly and all at once