#did this make sense ? I have very specific lore in my brain for how this shit works

[bigfatbreak]

Hello I love your art!!! I was reading through your changeling au and Felix mentions that fae are creatures of mirth. They literally need attention to survive. But what kind of attention? I guess I'm wondering because Adrien has been in the public eye for a while now, but has been personally neglected for even longer. What does that mean for him? Is he starving? Is he in danger of dying? Does he even know it? (I assume not given he doesn't even know he's Fae).

If he is starving / in danger of starving who is the first to realize this?

it depends on the mirth, on the attention, on what it is they seek. Without making things too complicated - I don't like to define everything into neat little boxes after all, there's fun in nuance - Felix is just explaining from his experience, the Fae he was with tended to be "entertained" by certain aspects of their playing, which was the mirth that kept them relevant. Relevancy more than anything is really what keeps their wheels greased.

In Adrien's case though, the reason he's cloying for so many names and to have so many thralls and attendants is because he SHOULD be a more social creature and has been kept woefully alone. He is kinda starving in the way a fae starves - he's relevant, but only in an image his father constructs OF him, which means it isn't REALLY him - and he has no one to play with. No friends, no lovers, and no rivals, makes a very sad fae

[cuteniaarts]

Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession:

Malina, Lady of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe. As if Red Lotus child OCs weren’t niche enough

[dejabooooo]

Alex hirsch interviews always leave me blown away. I could listen to this man talk for hours, he is so inspiring. Definitely the kind of writer I strive to be like.

One of the main things i took away from this interview is how strongly his every word reiterates that his number one priority is the emotions and arcs of the characters. Here’s a couple tangents about that cuz I gotta get them outta my brain:

It became really clear to me on the Fiddleford question about the memory gun and the timeline. He couldn’t even remember how the events lined up but what he DID remember once reminded was the incredibly complex feelings McGucket was having and the specifics of how his friendship with ford was affecting him at that point in time.

It was fascinating to hear because this information was so much more complicated than the initial timeline rearrangement question. Almost all of his answers were like this. So, so deep and thoughtful and it really highlighted the fact that he is a storyteller whose focus is on the important things.

Canon dates and hidden codes and funny jokes are secondary to heart because heart is the big picture. Ppl say it’s the codes and secrets are the “deeper” part of gf. But the complexities of the characters in and of themselves are INSANELY deep. It becomes especially clear when Alex himself is talking about them. He knows their minds and motivations so well, and it tends to get overshadowed by lore questions but to me the details of the inner working of the characters minds and the psychology of their actions is the MOST interesting information that comes out of these interviews.

I feel like ppl might not agree with me when I say this. But for me the answer about ford looking at romance the same way Tesla does is a way more fascinating idea than concluding definitively that he’s gay (and this is coming from someone who’s written an entire fic about the latter). Because that’s so unique! That’s so different! I’ve never seen that before! It gives him such a distinct and fresh identity and it makes so much sense for him

I myself wasn’t particularly a fan of don’t dimension it before I watched this. Because I had thought that it was humoring the fandoms bad faith gripes about Mabel’s character, but luckily I was wrong! Online media analysis has unfortunately forced a moral priority on most story explorations and I’ll admit I bought into it a bit with this. I thought Mabel was being punished for her personality. But Alex’s incites quelled this worry. The narrative wasn’t blaming Mabel for weirdmageddon, Mabel was blaming Mabel for weirdmageddon. As he explained, she was just experiencing a bit of self awareness for the first time just like dipper did in double dipper.

This interview has made me rethink things a bit. I feel like the very first question a gf fan should ask themselves before building a theory is ‘does this idea compromise the arcs or narrative purpose of the characters?’ If the answer is an immediate yes then it’s not canon full stop, because then it becomes the antithesis of what gravity falls is really about

[batsplat]

hello i saw in your tags that you don't think people on here get casey stoner and as someone relatively new into the sport i would love to hear your thoughts <3

(context here) okay first of all, this post will be framed as ‘things I wish people talked about more with regards to casey stoner’, rather than arguing against what I think people think

I've tried to come up with a concise response to this ask but kept heading into thesis-length territory. so I decided to write a bullet point list and it’s still… yeah… but well it could be worse. if you, dear anon, wish to read thousands of words of casey stoner lore then please let me know. otherwise, here are just a few things I find interesting about this bloke:

casey has a very complex relationship with the concept of confidence, both in other riders and himself, in the sense that he KNOWS how important it is but also believes/wishes that he specifically is kinda above all that

this feeds into how he wishes that racing were Just Racing and not all this other stuff… not his brain not his body not other racers being assholes on/off track not talking to journalists or doing photoshoots not having to deal with politics etc etc - central underlying tension of his career

he has openly spoken about not ever really enjoying race day, saying the only thing he's missed after retiring is qualifying. very perfectionist, the anxiety, the over-thinking, craving control… all key casey traits

(which also ties in with the valentino rivalry, because valentino obviously adores racing (in particular wheel-to-wheel battle) but he’s also great at all that other off-track stuff)

some very rigid ideas of How The Sport Should Look, which you can see in everything from how he talks about racing standards to the introduction of CRT riders (he had it OUT for them, head hot every time aleix espargaro shows up in parc fermé) to valentino’s influence on ducati and the importance of the colour red

let him have his mean streak! the grim satisfaction in discussing jorge’s 2008 injuries after his early-season arrogance towards casey, the dismissiveness towards dani, some of the wilder valentino remarks (this isn’t a criticism to be clear, alien-on-alien violence is part of the natural order of things)

casey is a classic case of ‘just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they aren’t after you’. definitely a suspicious guy and perpetual underdog 'me against the world' mindset. not to get too psychoanalytic-y, but I reckon this was partly born out of how he had to leave australia as a teenager (with his family completely dependent on him succeeding) because of how the racing establishment down under fucked him over

they definitely were out to get him a lot of the time, cf yamaha and then ducati drama plus the slander from some of the greats of the sport, fellow riders, the media etc etc (particularly egregious in 2009 when he was dealing with his mystery illness and a lot of people said some pretty unpleasant stuff in his absence - here is just one example)

his struggles were constantly downplayed. the chronic fatigue misdiagnosed as lactose intolerance led to people calling him weak-minded, broken, running away from the sport (part of why he was so allergic to the idea his results might in any way be connected to what was going on in his head). add in the undiagnosed anxiety and you have all this invisible strife people wouldn't even take seriously

that being said, he definitely did have a propensity for jumping to the worst possible conclusions

two specific examples: firstly from his autobiography, where he makes the claim that valentino may have been sabotaged in the 2006 title decider and was deliberately given a rubbish tyre to make him lose the championship - to which casey’s response was: “welcome to my world, mate”. he does have a tendency to believe he’s being sabotaged, and is constantly on the look out for conspiracies even when they are… unlikely

the other example is mat oxley talking about his issues with casey in his stint working for ducati, partly based on a misunderstanding:

something allegedly written about him in 2001!

let’s just say he can definitely hold a grudge

the moaner stoner stuff was definitely nasty, calling him mopey and whiny and all of that, but he also has never shied away from some good old-fashioned complaining (some of this was a bit of a spiral - complaining for good reason worsening public perception of him leading to more reasons to complain)

see also the lingering marc grudge, who probably did play a significant part in getting casey kicked out of honda (as casey has accused him of). whether marquez prevented stoner from racing in 2015 is more of an open question. casey still speaks about how honda made a mistake by only listening to marc (which, again, does have some truth to it)

casey was always very quick to shut down the idea that momentum, motivation, confidence etc could affect his results (unlike that of his competitors) because he argues he was always very rational & clear-sighted about when things were his fault & when things could be blamed on the bike + extraneous factors. he really goes into detail about this when discussing 2008 laguna seca in his autobiography, which he argues had no effect on him psychologically (but was followed by him crashing out of the lead of the next two races)

has definitely spoken more about his rivalry with valentino than valentino has, which probably has also helped shape perception of it over time

on ‘ambition outweighed talent’ - I feel like people almost understate just what a (hilariously) out of pocket remark it was in context. it was rossi’s second ever race at ducati (and the start of his season was impacted by his shoulder issues) - and the rain meant he had a ~win it or bin it~ approach because he knew it was as good a chance as he might get for some time (despite starting from 12th). the move on stoner for second place was at best optimistic, most definitely impatient and at worst foolish - but sort of understandable in that situation, rossi was definitely rapid, and this stuff can happen in the wet. in that sense, it was obviously more a reaction to the manner of the apology (and his frustration with the stewards) than to what casey himself described as a racing incident

stoner made a remark in his autobiography about how rossi had stolen 25 points in a title battle he was never going to be a part of (oof). whether you're obligated to race title contenders differently is already a bit sketch but certainly should not be a consideration for anybody in round TWO

he was forced to publicly retract the remarks, though he doubled down on them to a deeply funny extent in his autobiography by suggesting they were true of valentino’s entire career and that he’d just benefited from a weak era. rossi mostly took it on the chin especially when interviewed about it for documentaries, probably because with something like that you do just need to take the L

it's understandable how it’s become such a defining image of their rivalry (along with laguna seca), not least because of how evocative the whole thing is - rossi showing up still wearing his helmet, trying to make a PR apology stick while he’s been eating nauseating amounts of humble pie at ducati; stoner casual as you like, pissed off about the points loss while still indulging in schadenfreude about how the Great Big Ducati Adventure is working out for rossi

but again, I think it’s funnier because of just HOW over the top an insult it was in that situation (and more broadly how it does have a different vibe to their interactions when they were meaningfully competing, aka 2007-2008)

in conclusion: casey has his doubts and his insecurities and his obsessions and his foibles… a complicated guy in his own right

and a big thing I’d like to stress here is that the rivalry with valentino does benefit from treating them both as somewhat unreliable narrators

I just think he's neat

[utilitycaster]

Hey, so can you explain to me the difference between the gods taking down Aeor and Ludinus destroying Molaesmyr? I’ve read some pro-Ludinus takes and, at least the ones I’ve read, seem to forget Molaesmyr. I feel like Ludinus and the gods did the same thing but for different reasons. The gods wanted to save themselves and at the same time (maybe I read it wrong) tried to find other ways to take down The Factorum Malleus with minimal casualties. Ludinus, according to his notes in episode 58 of c3 hoped “a channel of consciousness could be opened and perhaps whatever is seeking his attention from the red moon can bring clarity and purpose.” But that didn’t happen. He caused poisonous fumes, miasma, to happen and it killed a lot of people. A lot of people who are pro-Ludinus (at least the ones I’ve read) always bring up the innocents of Aeor and how awful it it that they died because of the gods actions, but what about the innocents in Molaesmyr? The ones Ludinus killed? They both brought down citys. So, what’s the difference? I could totally be wrong, but every time I read Ludinus lovers takes I feel like I lose brain cells.

Hi anon,

I can't say I've avoided ascribing intent to other fans in the past, nor that I don't at times speculate (see: the Laudna ask from last night) but I cannot answer the question of why other people might gloss over Ludinus's destruction of Molaesmyr. I think it's fair to say these are very different situations in terms of intent of the destroyers, number of survivors, innocence and intent of the city itself, and lasting effects; I personally would say "Ludinus Da'leth has no moral high ground re: destroying a city," but some people wouldn't. You would have to ask them.

I did want to use this opportunity, however, to sort of explore my sticking point re: people in favor of Ludinus because what gets me in the end is I can't find any like...narrative or moral throughline. I don't think I've seen anyone at this point say that he's right, is the problem; the people who are in his favor still have him joining Bells Hells as a redemption arc.

I find a lot of the fans of Ludinus believe that the gods should leave. They downplay the threat of Predathos and the vast harm Ludinus himself has done; wildly overstate the harm done to Ruidusborn (and ignore that a lot of the contemporaneous harm towards Ruidusborn is specifically directed at the Vanguard, a cultish army), and make unsupported assumptions regarding the positions of the gods re: Laudna; they overstate the power of Vasselheim; and generally have either a tenuous grasp on the lore or a shameless willingness to fabricate support for their claims. However, outside of the occasional banal "idk maybe it would be interesting if a god got eaten!" post, pretty much everyone stops short of actually fully siding with him.

This, to be clear, is good, because he really has been an architect of such war and destruction and abuses of power within Exandria over the past several centuries that it's fairly unconscionable to do so. The thing is, this leaves us with an interesting conundrum: how does the campaign end? Does Ludinus just. step down? Does he start killing the Vanguard? Does he undo the harm he's done to the weave of magic? What happens to the Weave Mind? Do they become the enemy? If your clear and present BBEG just flips sides, and his larger goal is one you think is kind of okay...where does that leave us? What does this look like? What happens to the gods then when the guy trying to kill them just gives up? Is there any resolution to any of the story beats? Like, what is the ending of this story when Ludinus is on Bells Hells' side?

It's honestly the eternal fix-it fic/What if the Villain could be GOOD problem. I'm not saying there can't be compelling stories about redemption and healing - obviously there can be - but sometimes a fictional character really isn't built to make sense of a narrative of redemption and healing. I don't think Ludinus is built like that. The story kind of unravels around him if he does not see his purpose of a thousand years through to the bitter end. I'm not saying it's impossible; a simultaneous strength and weakness of actual play is that the unexpected can happen because of player choice and particular dice rolls, and sometimes the unexpected is brilliant and sometimes it really isn't.

I find myself with the following two hypotheses. They are only educated guesses; they are not confirmed in any way.

Ludinus Da'leth is, in a way, Matt exploring the terrifying question "what if someone who subscribes to the politics of bitterness and revenge happened to also be intelligent and competent." I hesitate to draw direct comparisons to such figures as, say, Trump, or Elon Musk, but there is something in how Ludinus is played that evokes that base desire to destroy something because you found it insulted you (especially if it wasn't even after you personally), and dedicating your power and resources to taking it over, even if that is a joyless endeavor that destroys you in the process.

I think a lot of fans of Ludinus Da'leth are terrified of being wrong, either morally or in terms of their predictions; ironically this leads to a tendency to hedge to the point of incoherence as seen above such that I think it's impossible for them to ever be correct in their predictions other than in the most tangential or obvious (ie, everyone is predicting this) ways.

Anyway: this didn't really answer your question for the reasons given but I hope this explores why, in my mind, it kind of doesn't matter.

[alteredsilicone]

Attempt at putting my feelings about Jade Shadows in a Long Post

I was never a big Stalker fangirl so I did not have any expectations or desires for this quest, I fully saw it as filler to distract me before Tennocon and the wait for Warframe 1999.

I was worried about some things, thinking DE might add/retcon lore about the Rebellion and Night of the Naga Drums, but that didn't happen haha

The quest itself did not elicit an emotional response from me, at some points it even seemed weird and absurd. They really went there, huh?

I see now that there is a LOT of tension and opinion flinging and accusations and such and such and I also fell victim to getting maybe a little bit too angry and incensed.

To me, the hype didn't live up to the payoff, this is basically Angels of the Zariman 2.0 for me. Where I expected one thing (Tenno Rebellion, Stalker lore) but got something else (Warframe Baby). I feel this is the kind of quest that expected me to have one specific emotional reaction ("aww!") so it didn't try to... elicit that reaction. Sympathy-bait. Like showing a little kitten to make you "aww" and stop thinking. If you don't "aww" then you won't like it but the people who "aww"-ed will think you are a heartless weirdo.

Some people have pointed out how this quest actually makes Stalker's anger at Tenno make less sense due to the Orokin being at 100% fault for his circumstances and the Tenno killing the Orokin should not have been something Stalker objects to. Honestly if you're going to kill Jade off and give Stalker dead wife manpain could have at least made our Tenno responsible for killing Jade who was guarding Stalker/the Orokin.

My hot take is that yes, people who expected an LGBT/trans story were setting themselves up for failure because there were no hints to that, quite the contrary. I got the impression that Stalker and Jade are separate entities (so no trans narrative) and also knowing tropes it just seemed like it was going the love-story way. Opposites attract and all that, plus Warframe's queer themes are more... headcanoned by the community; aside from obvious story beats like WITW or Dagath's story. Warframe in the end appeals to a Broad (tm) audience and that includes cishet normies who will cry buckets at Single Dad Stalker. Which is happening right now and making me feel like a heartless weirdo.

Though I think it would have been fun if Jade was Stalker's mother, that would fit well with the opposites theme for Jade/Stalker (and him taking on his mother's mantle as protector), as well as create cool parallels with the Stalker and Tenno, after all, "Lotus" is basically the aesthetic of the Tenno, so "Jade' could be the aesthetic of the Stalker.

Oh well.

I also understand people who were disturbed and upset by the narrative in general and the criticisms of Jade being fridged, passive and the implications that you "Always Choose the Baby" and that "All Women Love Babies". The bit with the Corpus captain and seeing people go "the Corpus are not monsters after all!" made me cringe because... we are child soldiers piloting infested abominations; Warframe is a very grim universe with some moments of light at the end of the tunnel, but I think this particular narrative was handled poorly. You're telling me in the world where body hoppers snatch children to brain-break them and become parasitic hosts, children's lives are valuable? You're telling me in a world where ventkids exist, children's lives are valuable? Nelīmējas kopā.

You COULD make this a story of light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel in terms of a child's life being precious - we should have fought the Corpus, maybe the Tenno jump in as help to protect Stalker. Putting a newborn into danger? Now THAT is actually some risky storytelling AND would make me care about Stalker and Sirius. You want that kid? Fight for it, because the world hates you and hates your kid. LOVE MUST TRIUMPH HATE, isn't that what Hunhow tried to tell you?

I don't hate it because it was a straight love/parenting story - Umbra and Isaah is a very emotional story and the Sacrifice is one of my favorite quests. All I needed was more backstory/flashbacks on Jade and Sorren. Aside from a vague allusion that either their relationship or Jade's pregnancy was verboten.

I admit the pregnancy/motherhood angle made me incensed for biased/personal reasons but I am just going to take the L on that, I don't think people who criticize that or are disappointed by that story are lacking media literacy.

Pregnancy IS a sensitive/triggering topic and in fact this quest did not warn sufficiently about it, also it is fair to say that this quest relied on the "aww!" factor and it's fine if people find it cheap. Some people find "aww!" stories stupid if it's about animals or if there are "pet the dog" mechanics, but if it's human children suddenly that criticism is invalid.

Oh well. That is all.

tl;dr

Did not have huge expectations going in, neutral on Stalker as a character.

Was not happy about the pregnancy story/the way women were handled in this quest.

I am aware that my personal bias affects my view of this quest, but I would also like a little coming forward from the other side.

Anyone else "excited" for Fetus Prime trailer narrated by Ballas in four years?

[anime-grimmy]

Sooo, as has been evident from me rambling so often about it, I’ve been reading a lot of Genshin fics lately (specifically Sumeru centered ones), and it is so funny to see how headcanons and AUs change between the releases of the characters. 

Ofc, this sticks out to me especially with Haikaveh cos Kaveh got released so late for showing up so early and ppl ran far with their ideas. One of the biggest theories was (and I think still kinda is) is that Alhaitham is or at least is linked to the Scarlet King bcs his eyes have the same shape as the eye portrayed in the Forbidden Knowledge cutscene.

After the quests came out where you find out about King Deshret’s and the Goddess of Flowers’ relationship, ofc ppl started to push Alhaitham and Kaveh in the respective roles, which, ngl, I totally vibe with. Even more so cos I can only image the Goddess of Flowers with Nilou’s kinda personality (since her outfit is supposed to look like the Goddess) and the thought of her reincarnation still being good hearted beyond believe, yet also a fucking idiot with anger issues is so fucking funny.

However, the theory I personally even more subscribe to, is that both Alhaitham and Kaveh, at least in an design aspect, represent the Scarlet King. I cannot by God find the one vid that talked about it, but they laid out a lot of design specifics that rly did make sense. This ofc, made me think a lot about it too.

Alhaitham could represent King Deshret’s mind and rational side, the part of him that made him a genius and good leader. As much as Alhaitham acts as if he sucks as a leader, which from a personality standpoint might be true, his abilities and critical mind say otherwise. Alhaitham is strategic and very wise for his age, but also curious and ambitious about the knowledge he seeks. He is not without fault either, as, despite him saying he acts only out of self interest, he still does act very arrogantly and above others.

Kaveh on the other hand shows King Deshret’s soul. Clever and curious in his own right, Kaveh seeks out knowledge not only to learn and understand but because his emotions drive him to reach for it. Kaveh has a bleeding heart and follows its voice more often than his mind’s, yet that makes him empathetic to people and care about them, which we know the Scarlet King was known for as well (caring for his people, that is). His emotions and self-sacrificial nature are his crux as well, though, and lead him close to his own downfall time and time again, much as it happened with King Deshret.

Both Alhaitham and Kaveh make up the body. As is evident how haywire the theories went when the Forbidden Knowledge quest came out, Alhaitham’s eyes bear a strong physical resemblance to Deshret’s supposed eyes. Not to mention, we know Deshret is often described as powerful, so I wouldn't be surprised if Alhaitham’s body build is part of that too. For Kaveh, in that one video I mentioned they said that Kaveh’s attire seems to represent some sort of royalty. Also, in a world quest, though I don’t remember which one (i think either aranara or djini) the NPC you travel with says the traveler reminds them of King Deshret, especially the golden hair, which ofc also works for Kaveh.

(Mind you, I havent dived that deeply into Deshret lore and I did zone out during the world quests often, so pls do correct me if I say sth stupid.)

So yeah, the two sides of the same coin. We already know these two have been designed as perfect mirrors to each other, in their ideologies, personalities all the way to their colour schemes, but with regarding the headcanon they’re both aspects of the Scarlet King, it’s also an interesting analogy to think it’s Deshret’s different sides clashing with each other. 

Yes, yes they’re basically the Left Brain Right Brain meme for King Deshret.

Also, as I’ve said, I’ve read my fair share of fics with the Scarlet King reincarnation, which is usually Alhaitham. I am honestly too lazy to write a whole ass fic about it, but you can bet your ass my mind has conjured up enough stuff to fill a few pages. To finally get it outta my head tho, I will just ramble here instead.

I personally don’t think that Alhaitham and Kaveh are reincarnations of Deshret, even though it’d make sense why his body and mind would be two separate entities, as he split himself to avoid spreading more Forbidden Knowledge. I see it more as the two being “blessed” with parts of his soul or something.

Ngl, the whole thing came to me during the one World Quest where you clear up the sandstorm above King Deshret’s Mausoleum and you get to this big platform on top. I dunno, it just looked so cool and it made me think of how this could have been a ritual site or something. So, perfect place for some foreign memories to invade your brain, no?

Also, you cannot tell me the Akademiya wasn’t frothing at the mouth when the Mausoleum finally became accessible. I’d assume they’d send research teams up there after the Traveler cleared the place, and it would seem logical for both Alhaitham and Kaveh to be interested in the place, their respective curiosities spurred by the fragment of Deshret inside them.

They and a small group of scholars take it upon themselves to scope the place out, and eventually end up at the top of the pyramid. Kaveh would marvel at such a grand stage so high up in the air, being able to see into the far reaches of the desert. But he also feels trepidation in his soul, though he brushes it off.

Alhaitham and him conduct their respective researches, Alhaitham jutting down any interesting runes and scripts he finds on the podium, while Kaveh sketches the many columns and the scenery behind, his mind running wild trying to understand how such impossible structures hold. But as he stands at the edge, looking out upon the empty desert with its many ruins, a thought pops into his head.

The desert should not be dead like this.

It’s then that Kaveh feels something shift inside him. Sensations rush over him, the sun beating down on him so differently than just moments ago, the air smelling not of sand and dust but of spices and flowers, the stillness of the desert filled with the distant rush of a city well lived in and people calling him yet not shouting his name.

Kaveh stumbles back to the middle of the podium, only for Alhaitham to meet him halfway. They stare at each other with wide eyes, stare at the other but seeing reflections of themselves. Kaveh bores into Alhaitham’s intense gaze, seeing the many questions and the fierce determination to solve each and everyone of them reflect in those piercing pupils of his, and thinks:

Only a gaze as steeled as mine is fit for a king.

Alhaitham roams his eyes over Kaveh, over his golden hair reflecting the sun, making it almost blinding to look at, over proud shoulders, pushed back to straighten his stance, over calloused hands, twitching in the need to create, and thinks:

Only a presence as loud and vibrant as mine can win over my people.

The spell is broken as fast as it had come when one of the scholars of their group asks for their assistance. Kaveh and Alhaitham busy themselves with helping out the rest of the research group for the remainder of the stay to not let those intrusive thoughts resurface and really just hope that it was some weird hallucination caused by the heat or dehydration or something.

Lucky them, it wasn’t.

And really, all this fancy dressing in the form of a story just to come to the one headcanon stuck in my head:  If both Alhaitham and Kaveh are the Scarlet King, and they were to inherit his memories, I believe they’d experience them differently.

Alhaitham would have tangible memories, thoughts that’d pop into his head unbridled. He’d see the tension between Desert folk and the people of the forest and think “This is not what we fought for.”. He’d run across Cyno, discuss matters of the Akademiya with him and think “As competent and loyal as ever, just as is to be expected of my General.”. He’d meet with Nahida and think “No matter the shape she takes, her wisdom remains the same.”.

Kaveh on the other hand would experience the memories with sensations. He’d witness a fight between the matra and Emerites and be transported to a battlefield, as countless shouts and clanking metal were heard while the unmistakable taste of blood sat heavy on his tongue. He’d look at scholars disassembling a Primal Construct and his hands would itch for his tools while his heart sped up in excitement, even if Kaveh knew his knowledge of such machines was limited. He’d watch Nilou dance in the Grand Bazar and almost buckle under the mix of elation, yearning and unfathomable grief that overtook him.

(it would also be funny the other way around, as in, experience the memories with the parts “missing” from them. Though Kaveh, being the overthinker he is, would have an easier time cos his head is filled all the time with thoughts anyways. Alhaitham would have a real crisis though lmao)

At the end of the day they’d come home to each other, stand face to face and stare into a mirror of themselves, all the while the edges would start to blur and it’d become increasingly difficult to know where one of them started and the other ended.

I dunno where I’d even go with this story, in all honesty. I personally don’t like the kinda fics where King Deshret actually “awakens” and either takes over or integrates into the person he wakes up as. I think I’d push a story like this more into the territory of this experience making the two learn more about themselves and each other. As in, since they both “derive from” the same person, even if they’re steadfast in their own beliefs, they’re kinda forced to actually see from the other perspective as well. While this would probably lead to even more arguments, I believe it’d also manage to blunt their edges and while they still can’t agree with each other, they understand and therefore don’t always go on the defensive with counter points at the ready. 

Tho, if both are considered King Deshret, would that count as self-cest.

[unoriginal-and-dumb]

whats the deal with greene man who is he why is he and where is he

He’s an oc from a few months back, developed world lore and his lore, this was a thing I did together with my friends as well

Was basically all I drew for months

If anyone is interested in a small lore dump…⬇️

For a quick rundown, basically the story is based in the future. It’s super dystopian, massive cities where there is the EXTREME WEALTH and then the EXTREME POOR. In this future medicine is all whacked out, so people can go in and just get their limbs replaced no questions asked where it came from. Since poor people aren’t real the lower classes were typically pulled in for body part harvesting/experimentation to develop medicines or spliced beings.

These limbs/body parts tend to keep a sort of “memory” in a way. Say you got your arms replaced but the previous person who had those arms was like really good at origami, congrats you’re good at origami now. It might not make a whole lot of technical sense but. I dunno it’s a play on muscle memory!!!

Anyway for Greene specifically, he was a lower class as a kid and just got sucked into the experimental/harvesting stuff just cuz HE EXISTS. for him, the experimenting part was the idea of an outsider being able to experience and just peer into someone else's memories (i think it would be used regarding law and control stuff, may or may not have drawn inspiration from 1984 for that…) so he gets all brain scrambled and stuff

then some not poor person is like shlawg i want an eye and they are like hey we have those and thats why his face is stupid. he does have an eye but its a replacement one. and like i said limbs/organs hold a special sort of memory so that kinda extra makes him weird. he sees stuff! wowie! only sometimes… also he thinks he has a wife but like he doesnt. he is only 23 and has no interest in anyone he does not have a wife but sometimes hes like man i havent seen my wife in a while and everyone else is like haha ok buddy

Despite how I drew him and all that he’s actually very happy (or something) he deals with everything by going wow that’s crazy lalalalalalala skips around yay

He lives in a found family sort of situation with my friends @lucid-daydreaming-art and @ghostlykatt and my other friend who doesn’t have a tumblr characters :)

[mumms-the-word]

A random thought I had about the whole illithid soul thing. It's totally possible you touched on this somewhere in one of your posts and I've forgotten about it lol so sorry

So if we think the special tadpole that turns tav/karlach/whoever into a mindflayer at the very end is some kind of advanced tadpole that allows them to retain their souls, or at least a little bit of it, what do you make of Omeluum? He's the exception of course but he comes across as caring, empathetic, etc. He cares about Blurg and the society and the citizens of the Underdark. And he's grateful to tav for saving him in the iron throne and wants to help them defeat the Absolute. I just wonder how much of his original personality/soul is still in him. I guess it could be the same as Balduran. The emperor says his personality was just so strong that he retained at least part of it.

ANYWAY a follow up question: do you think when someone turns into a mindflayer they IMMEDIATELY lose their soul/any sense of their nonillithid self? I'm thinking specifically about the cut scene in the final battle where civilians start turning into mindflayers and immediately eating brains. Are they just following this new unfamiliar instinct while their former self is still somewhere in there thinking wtf is going on? Or like, soul gone, evil now, eat brain, previous self destroyed completely?

Excellent questions! I actually avoided talking about Omeluum because I felt like it was too much side lore but I love him and I’m delighted to talk about him

disclaimer that this isn't like...super well-thought-out or amazingly organized because the brain isn't functioning that well today but I didn't want to make you wait 2-3 business days while I dug up screenshots and crafted a whole ass deep dive. so the thoughts/theories below the cut are my Best Guesses lol but there are plenty of thoughts/theories!

First it’s worth thinking about how Omeluum was able to break away from being enthralled to an elder brain. Omeluum explains that he was able to break away because he was a spellcaster, probably a sorcerer who studied to become a wizard:

Player: How did you escape your colony? Omeluum: I was born with a propensity for arcane magic my people despise. It gave me the strength to resist the elder brain. Every waking hour, I pushed back against its dire hold. My wizardry empowered me. The moment its control shattered, I fled before the colony discovered I had defected.

So it sounds like he has some memory of who he was, or at least what he was capable of, before his transformation. But it's also a smidge unclear. For example, is "my people" the mind flayers, or his original race? Because mind flayers also hate arcane magic because they think psionic magic is better. But perhaps he comes from an anti-magic people group and is referencing them instead.

That said there’s no way of knowing whether the personality we see in Omeluum right now is the same one he had pre-transformation. There are hints in his dialogue that suggest he’s been around for a while (he's certainly not a brand new mind flayer) and I do think over time mind flayers change and adapt who they are, whether or not they’re enthralled to an elder brain. Whether this is merely a product of time (everyone changes over time), or because they consume and retain memories, or it’s an intentional choice they make, it’s not entirely certain, but I'm sure mind flayers do change as they mature and develop.

But I think his caring, empathetic qualities are genuine. It’s possible these qualities were part of his original soul/personality but it’s equally possible these qualities are ones he learned by interacting with Blurg and other Society members. Mind flayers aren’t emotionless, they just feel…differently. They might have a smaller emotional range, and typically every emotional thing they express appears muted or subtle (we see this especially with Karlach, who loses a lot of her usual exuberance, and even Blurg is like "Omeluum isn't given to strong emotions" when discussing him), but as long as they’re not enthralled, they’re capable of care and empathy. It just might look different.

I mean, even Omeluum phrases his relief and gratitude toward you in distanced terms when you save him from the Iron Throne. He says stuff like "It is...pleasurable to see you" when you talk to him at the Society of Brilliance and when you say that you like him, he responds with "I too feel some...warmth at your presence." He picks both words with hesitancy and there's a kind of distance there, but he does feel those things.

There are other hints in his other dialogues, but I don't want to clog up this response with tons of screenshots. But from the datamined dialogues we see that he is capable of joy, warmth, pleasure (words literally written in dialogues and narrator observations), as well as empathy, concern, and good-aligned morals (he actively tries to make the world a better place, wants to help stop the Absolute plot, and is even trying to research ways to eat fewer brains to sustain himself).

But whether all of that is due to his prior personality, I doubt even he knows. I'm sure there is a pre-transformation influence there, but he doesn't pretend he's anything other than a mind flayer. For example, if you tell him about the nautiloids, he says "What a brilliant experience. To feel one step closer to my ancestors is a fine gift indeed." Elsewhere he talks about the illithids being his people and while he doesn't group himself with their goals, he still talks about them being his collective people-group. He'll say stuff like "our warships" and "the gith rebelled and ended our dominion" when talking about mind flayer history, but then in act 3 he'll say "Given my kind's involvement in creating this evil, it is only right that I do my part in helping you defeat it" to explain his actions in helping you and say "I do not share my kind's opinions on the value of other living beings. I would have seen them all saved, if I could." when you point out he could have just looked after himself and not the Gondian hostages and Ravengard.

So basically, while I think there might be some prior influence or some of his original soul/identity still lingering in him, I think he's just a genuinely empathetic mind flayer. My theory is some of it existed prior to his transformation, but he nurtured that empathy while living as a mind flayer. I don't think he's empathetic because he's got more of his original soul still lingering around than most other mind flayers, I think that he's just...genuinely nice. An outlier for a mind flayer, for sure. Anyways I'm hoping that all makes sense.

As for your second question, I think normally yes you lose essentially most or all of your original identity the moment you transform (some memories typically linger, but not always) but you don't suddenly go feral. Normally you lose your soul/identity because a normal illithid tadpole literally ate your brain matter, so what’s left, essentially, is a blank slate (whereas for your soul my theory is that it morphs and transforms). You'd be hungry and instinctively you'd crave other brains, but I don't think you'd suddenly go about killing hundreds of people in your path. But you'd also not really be thinking independently, since you'd be connected with an elder brain who is issuing commands to you. So normally, just after you transform, you’re basically a mindless puppet at the start, though I’m sure as time goes on mind flayers grow a little more autonomous (as we see with Omeluum). But they don't suddenly go evil and attack everything on sight...at least, from what I understand of normal lore.

The cutscene you're referring to is not at all a normal situation. The people in that mid-battle cutscene are infected with Netherese tadpoles which only transform a person at the express command of the Netherbrain. Also, in that specific moment when they transform, the Netherbrain is actively shouting commands for everyone to destroy each other. So I think for those people, the sudden transformation would have been overwhelming because it came completely by surprise, and then their brains (which theoretically should also be capable of retaining more personhood like Tav and Karlach do because everyone's got the same kind of tadpole) is literally filled with the irresistible voice of the Netherbrain who is very loudly like “TRANSFORM. DESTROY.” over and over and over again.

Like, seriously, if my "the Netherese tadpole makes you special" theory holds any water, then anyone with a Netherese tadpole could potentially retain their soul/personality after turning into a mind flayer so long as they have access to the Astral Prism's shields to get them through the battle. Unfortunately for the city of Baldur's Gate, the Emperor is extremely picky about who he lets in.

The only reason we and our companions don't end up the same mindless, destructive mind flayers as the Baldurian citizens is because of the Astral Prism, and even then, we get close. If you trigger forced ceremorphosis (using Gale's orb in act 2, trying to go back to act 1 after killing Ketheric, attacking the Emperor in the Astral Prism without having a way to free Orpheus, etc), then you see how helpless we are to resist the Absolute's command to transform and then become her thrall. But also, if you get Orpheus to transform you into a mind flayer by him reducing his mental shields around you, there's a hint there too:

Narrator: With the withdrawal of Orpheus' power, your mind is rushed with the full force of the Netherbrain. You feel a compulsion unlike anything you've ever known - excruciating and exhilarating in equal measure. You wish nothing in the world but to evolve. Then - complete silence, as you are once again closed off from the Netherbrain's mind.

I'm sure that's more or less what is happening to the people in the streets too. But since they're under the Netherbrain's command, they're also getting commanded to kill and destroy. I doubt they have time to get their bearings or even understand what's happening because they're just reacting to commands at that point.

So it's kind of a unique case for them too. I think when they transform, they don't have the mental capacity to think beyond what the Netherbrain is forcing into their minds. If they survived the battle and were conscious when the Netherbrain went silent, maybe there was a chance they could have remembered something of themselves, but we'll never know, because they were all being killed in the streets.

Theoretically, those people could also have retained their identities (because again, Netherese tadpole) so there's a chance they might have "watched" their horrible actions from afar without having the power to stop themselves from acting. But there's also a chance that everything was just completely overwhelmed by the Netherbrain's voice and any chance at keeping personhood was taken away, first by the Netherbrain's incessant voice, and second by the very quick culling of mind flayers after the Netherbrain was defeated.

So...TLDR, normally the transformation would be like you waking up and being like "who am I? I'm hungry. That voice seems sensible. I'll listen to that voice." But the mid-battle Netherbrain transformation would be more like "OH GOD PAIN--The Voice says I must destroy, I must kill, I must eat, I must destroy, I must kill, I must eat" and maybe there's the original person deep down inside going "wtf is happening" but also maybe not.

So...maybe that helps?? Happy to chat more or clarify if I need to!

[mecachrome]

Hi k! I love reading your ojp scholarship, as he has crept up on me and taken over my brain. Weird question but why do you think he picked Lando as his guy to be a bit weird about?

hi anon 🥺 first off thank u for indulging me & also that is not a weird question at all!!!

ok obviously this is just me saying Anything so i apologize in advance T__T but tbh i think a lot of it ultimately goes back to the idea of lando's ~Proximity~ and how a very specific mélange of career circumstance laid out a foundation for oscar's interest extremely early on... which. let me explain!!! more behind the cut:

not to go on too much of a tangent but if you look at the current drivers in f1 who are roughly within a few years of oscar's age and could have feasibly been someone he'd looked up to coming up the ranks, i'd say the cutoff is like, 2018? so the group is basically charles/george/alex/lando, of whom the first 3 were alr in intrepid together (albeit in diff categories) when oscar had barely started karting at all. also alex moved up to single-seaters very early and his career/road to f1 is obviously a lot more complex than the others, so in reality the only ones oscar would have properly "followed" are lando and george, and then having gone through rfm & british f4 himself it makes sense that he'd lean more toward lando.

...idk how to put this succinctly but basically it's Like: so you're a kid in australia who believes in yourself so much you're willing to move halfway across the globe and attend boarding school by yourself while all your friends and family and the World As You've Always Known It grows and changes without you, and the team you're determined to prove yourself at has semi-recently achieved victory with a guy named lando norris, who is now british f4 champion and runs three separate series the same year you move to europe and goes on to win them all, who is extremely accessible on social media and is kind of awkward but charming and uses dumb unfunny gifs that match your level of online humor exactly, and all the while you're learning to navigate a new country, learning what it really means to prioritize the endless grind of motorsport, and you wouldn't dare look too far ahead into the future but sometimes you see him and think if he can keep winning everything then why not you?

So. also i think what always krills meeee about young_814 lore is that you have to really envision what they looked like circa 2016 like they were undersized dweebs for a majority of their lives!!! anyway. but also nasdlfnagk every time oscar is like i thought you were 30 with your goatee going on haha xD it's like U knowww he's flashing back to that image of little baby lando in his mind..... ok i need to relax.

there are of course other people oscar could have been weird about but in the end it's kind of just a Skill Issue thing / matter of attrition. like from the rfm pack max and logan and guanyu never progressed the same way lando did, and you also have to remember that by the time lando was a mclaren junior he was genuinely their Golden BoyTM, and i know we often talk about lando's competency kink but oscar is also similar to that but in like a ........ he needs to respect you on some fundamental level to be obsessed with you. so the fact that he genuinely rates lando contributes (imo) massively to the fundamentals of their dynamic!!!

also tbh to me one of oscar's biggest mental strengths is specifically that he isn't a very sentimental person, as in if he left to another team i don't think he'd be torn up or anything about not having lando as a teammate lol. but i DO believe he's someone who adapts very well to unfamiliar environments and is always willing to match someone's energy/meet them where they're at (again - especially when he respects them), so he's basically the perfect person to vibe with lando's idiosyncrasies and engage in all the lighthearted push/pulling they have going on. because like he genuinely thinks lando is funny and is more than happy to follow along his meandering bantz and the weirder lando is the weirder oscar is in response and that's just how they Work ?__? so At the end of the day it's: oscar was once a teenage boy who followed (still does) at ladbible instagram and watched the same gaming streamers lando likes or whatever and has seen lando grow into the man he is today (way more confident and "visible" and successful, very much a menace, brutally honest as ever) from this Very Specific vantage point of basically the only other junior after lando to have followed the same path to f1 and been Equally as good / achieved the same stock.

*__* does any of that make sense. 

do u ever think about how lando (extensively nurtured by the team as their only junior) and oscar (basically crashlanded belatedly into his seat) are the only driver pairing in team history to have both debuted with mclaren........ do you ever think about how in a way lando's karting success indirectly influenced oscar's move to europe. do you ever think about how if alpine weren't an abject mess we would have never gotten 814 as teammates and lando would have just been Another Guy On The Grid to him........ 😮‍💨

[recurring-polynya]

Idk if you’ve answered this question (sorry if you have) before, but how do you think Renji & Rukia first met ? What do you think their life was like originally before Soul Society ?

Pardon me if I'm reading this wrong, but...Rukia and Renji's first meeting is enshrined pretty thoroughly in canon? She rescued him from a water heist that was about to turn disastrous.

This is from Chapter 98/Episode 32: A Star and a Stray Dog, which is the first place you should be looking if you're interested in pre-canon Renruki lore.

As to the second part of your question...you mean before they died? What sort of lives did they have in the World of the Living?

I'm gonna pontificate, so I'll throw that under a cut

First off, I am fascinated with the fact that Kubo gives us nothing about what anyone's living life was like. On one hand, I would like to know everyone's pre-history, but on the other, I'm glad he didn't, like as a literary choice. The slate is supposed to be wiped clean. It doesn't matter. It's maddening, but also correct.

It's also one of those places that is just ✨fanfic free real estate✨ in terms of I think everyone should make up their own version for their blorbos, so of course I have them for Renji and Rukia. I have absolutely nothing to support these, they are just what I felt in my heart.

I have actually talked about Renji's beforedeath quite a bit, here and there in various fanfics, usual under the conceit that, particularly in their Inuzuri days, he would sometimes blurt out some half-remembered thing and then promptly forget it again. Here an excerpt from Chapter 3 of go places:

It’s an Alive Memory, Rukia is nearly certain. Most souls get them. All the boys did, from time to time. To Renji, it’s just brain dust. Whatever it is in Soul Society that makes people forget their lives also makes this memory detritus slippery to hold onto. Renji won’t think of this later, or attach any importance to this conversation. The funny thing is, after ten years of watching him stumble through these moments, Rukia probably has a better idea of what Renji’s life was like than he does. He lived on a farm of some sort. A small one, or at least his family grew a lot of their own food. He died of a fever. Nearly all of his Alive Memories involve his mother. Rukia is almost positive that Renji’s mother is the one who taught him to write. The sewing scissors were likely hers. In Rukia’s imagination, Renji’s mother is very tall and beautiful and kind. Rukia doesn’t need to use her imagination to know that Renji loved his mother very much.

Just to offer a little more detail--doing the math out, where Bleach starts in the early 00s, Rukia and Renji have been separated for 40 years and knew each other for 10 years before that, it would make a lot of sense for both of them to have died in WWII. However, I like to think that time is very wobbly, especially in the outer Rukon, so I like to make their deaths a little earlier-- specifically, I think that Renji died in the 1918 flu pandemic, which may have contributed to getting a plague spirit for a zanpakutou. That being said, my general vibe for his childhood is based on Kanta, the neighbor kid from My Neighbor Totoro, which takes place in the 50s. In any case, he had a pretty small and unremarkable life in rural Japan, aside from the fact that he was loved very much, which will never be unremarkable, no matter how common it may be.

I have written less about Rukia's beforedeath, mostly because she was too young when she died to have any phantom memories. [Note: I know there are some theories out there, based on some arcane clues that Kubo has dropped that Rukia may not actually be a normal soul and may be related to Hell. That's...fine. While I'm never going to say no to a storyline that centers Rukia, I really do hope that it comes to naught. Ichigo has enough Crazy Origin going on and I like the Rukia's backstory the way it is, so I'm just going to ignore all of that for the sake of this post]. Ahem! So, infant death is not anything surprising, or even really interesting, but what makes Rukia's kind of compelling is the fact that her much-older sister died at the same time. To me, this indicates either a natural disaster or a death-by-violence.

As I said above, there are infinity ways you can go with this, but to me, there were two important things I wanted to capture 1) given Renji's descriptions of Rukia having an inherent grace and nobility, and the idea that something about Hisana caught Byakuya's eye, I thought that maybe they should have been noble, and 2) I wanted them to live by the sea. I do not actually remember how I landed on this, but in the 1850s, a bunch of sea fortresses were constructed to protect Japan by attack from sea (see here for more detail). This was the tail end of the Edo period and I liked the idea that maybe Rukia came from an old samurai family, and her father was sent to oversee one of these coastal forts. Did they die in a bombardment? A bad storm? The Kanto earthquake? I never got that far. I'm not even sure if this is a realistic scenario, if they had civilians living there, etc, this was just a half-thought-out thing I came up with for a bonus chapter of a fanfic that someone requested once. The one other detail from that that I came up with and stand by is that I think there were more siblings in their family between Hisana and Rukia. I also like that this idea that makes Rukia somewhat older than Renji, even though the math is impossible and the points are made up anyway.

[warsamongthestars]

ON CHIPS AND CROSSES

Crosshair's episodes are always a treat.

But, they're under cut by one of the largest issues with the Bad Batch Show, and that's the Chip.

( Warning, we're about to hit hard on some heavy shit. Reader discretion is advised. )

The Inhibitor Chip already has a very important slot in Star Wars lore. Its the very reason for Order 66 and the massacre of the Jedi, one of the largest backstory elements of the OG Trilogy, and the end result of the Prequels.

It was discovered by the character "Fives", who, introduced in Season 1, was one of the biggest Audience Surrogate Characters for the Clones' side of the War--even outpacing Captain Rex in this case. Both him and Echo.

( So it makes Thematic sense to have Echo as a main character in a Clonecentric Show, because he is an Audience Surrogate Character, and the only surviving one out of the Clone Wars Show--which makes his character neglect all that much more worse in TBB )

As something like the Inhibitor Chip does not exist in real life, there are several elements of imaginative fiction and real life that come into play with its concept.

Brain Tumor (Real Life)

Altered State of Consciousness caused by External Factors (Real Life)

Non-consentual substance-induction which causes Consciousness / Behavior alteration (Also known as "Being Drugged") (Real Life)

Mind Control (Fiction)

Possession by Exterior Force (Fiction)

Possession by Interior Force (Fiction)

Any kind of fucking Possession that involves overriding consciousness (Fiction)

Most of these elements, especially the Real Life ones, already put a character under that situation that clearly states "cannot be responsible for judgement calls" / "is not of sound mind".

The prior show, The Clone Wars, took steps to show and explain the chip and what it does.

It's entire purpose, narrative-wise, was to avoid the situation of "The Clone Troopers were complacent in Genocide". As well as the induced plothole that such a circumstance would cause. Because the Clone Troopers were being developed as individuals, who merely in poor circumstances and making the best of it (as real people tend to do), as opposed to indoctrinated disposable soldiers who were little better than Stormtroopers.

( Even my younger self pointed out to Revenge of the Sith and went "Hang on, I thought they were friends! It must be a Darkside Trick that caused these friends to do that! All the Anime Says So!" )

So.

You have this Brain Tumor that drastically alters the behavior of someone, and in this case, its a specifically-programmed tumor that ensures certain behaviors.

The Bad Batch Show even walks us through the scene. It does so clumsily, because it seems to never want to have any kind of serious discussions ever, but it still takes the steps to do so.

And one of those steps is Enhancing the "programming" of one Crosshair's chip.

It "grew".

I don't know about anyone else, but this scene is kind of an odd Grinch moment, where his "tumor" grew "Three fucking sizes that day". Life Day is gods damn Doomed.

Then, we get to spend the season without Crosshair.

Then the moment we meet Crosshair again, reunited (and it feels so fucked up), he says that the Chip was removed, and refuses to elaborate how, why, and implies that all he did was his own choices.

... even though, as I pointed out above, that is not the case. The very show itself even makes it a point that its not only not the case--but that Crosshair got the Super Tumor instead.

But since then, the show has made it a point to forgive every Clone but Crosshair, and then ignores the fact that it gave Crosshair the super tumor, something that is in recording, something that I have clearly caught a part of in picture--and instead, places all of Crosshair's actions on himself, and even Rides an Arc of "Redemption" for his "judgement".

( Even though, the act of removing a Super Tumor in this case, would still have the Super attached. If you Super Something in a story, that means you have to take the extra steps to handle the Super part in order to keep relevance and impact. )

It has even ignored the one person that is, thematically and narratively, related to a story like this--Echo, who has had the Most Extreme Variant of this theme (from fictional cyborgification to the real life "non-consensual body alteration").

Whatever the hell the Bad Batch Show is doing and has done, it has done it damnedest to utterly destroy any impact, to the cost of the characters, the story, the significance, their legacy, and more.

[thedragonagebigbang]

Bang Creator Interview: Tumblr: @oxygenforthewicked  |  AO3: Oxygenforthewicked

The Collaboration period has begun! In these quiet months before works are due, we want to foster a sense of excitement, camaraderie, and celebration among our participants. To that end, all participants were given the option of a formal interview by our mod, Dema, or an informal “ask-game” survey. We hope you enjoy getting to know our phenomenal creators as much as we have!

10 Reasons Why Rift Hopping Is Probably Hazardous to Your Health (Hint: Cassandra Is One of Them)

Gin and Dema talk process, inspiration, and what to do when a character kicks down your door

Dema: Since this is a Big Bang I'll start there: have you done one before? If you have, what made you want to do it again? If not: what made you wanna give it a go? 

Gin: I've considered being a part of a Big Bang event before but I haven't actually done one yet. However, after seeing all of the fics and artwork that came out of other bangs last year, I got a better feel for it and decided I wanted to give it a try!

Dema: So exciting! Are you finding that this process feels different from how you usually write?

Gin: Not really, honestly. I've done NaNoWriMo in the past, and this feels similar in terms of working towards a set goal. I think the big difference (and better difference, honestly) is that this is much more community-centered, and the goal is to finish the project instead of just reaching a word count minimum. That in and of itself is a really refreshing new challenge.

Dema: When you tackle a project like this, what does that look like for you?

Gin: Usually I like to prepare a concept/vague outline first, write out in more detail the major plot points, create a mood playlist, and just start writing! I do tend to carve out time for writing, too, as that helps me focus better.

Dema: How much time do you feel like you need in a chunk? (Me, interviewing: “So, writing. How Do You Do It. AND WHY??)

Gin: It depends. Sometimes I can write for several consecutive hours, other times my brain can only handle about thirty minutes. Either way, I know that as long as I get words on the page, I'm making progress! But creativity isn't something that can be forced, so if the words just aren't coming out, I'll take a break for a while and refresh my brain by reading a book or watching something. Once my creative battery is full again, I can knock out a huge chunk of the project, and that usually feels so much better than trying to strongarm my brain into getting words out.

Dema: Is there something you are reading or watching right now that is providing particular inspiration? Or if not inspiration, rejuvenation?

Gin: Yes, actually! I'm currently reading A Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss, and it's been giving me all sorts of good inspiration.

Dema: Oh yes! I love that book. Is there anything in particular about it that's scratching the itch?

Gin: The lore and worldbuilding are both so interesting, but I'm also just very invested in the characters. This series so far has done a great job of creating a rich world with fleshed-out characters, an intricate magic system, and I love the complexity of the relationships. (In short, all of it!) 

Dema: Hard agree, I love those complicated characters and dynamics. Speaking of characters, when you're crafting an OC, what's your starting point? What was the spark that birthed Saeris, if you want to be more specific?

Gin: Most of the time, it's a picture or a song that sparks the initial concept. But there are other times when OCs kick down the door in my head and decide that they live there rent-free. Saeris was one of those characters. Admittedly, I did intend on creating Saeris for a specific project after reading The Horror of Hormak, but he was supposed to be a minor character that I was going to write once and never write again after that. (Boy was I wrong.) But what really sparked the inspiration for him was a photo I found while looking up references for gray eyes. The vibe of that photo just seemed like it fit him so well that his entire character quickly started unfolding bit by bit after that. I chose a name for him, a class, and all of it snowballed until he became my most fleshed-out character (and my favorite).

Dema: How long ago was that?

Gin: April 2022

Dema: Awwww! He’s two! 

Gin: LOL! It was when the event I was writing him for took place. 

Dema: I will not ask you if your Bang fic involves Saeris because I do not want to pry any spoilers from you, but thank you for your click-bait title and for your interview! Gin: Sounds good! And thank you!! It was very fun chatting.

[jounosparticles]

I'm curious....... what do you think the hunting dogs's backgrounds are?

I mean, we know fukuchi's and tachihara's and jouno was in a crime ring but i mean like specific details. does that make sense?

like what was their education or did they ever have to do like a mini basic training? did tachihara create a milk locker?

idk they've been taking up my brain since like October and what I do is that since they don't have specific backgrounds my brain just fills in the spaces for me. just little backstory hcs djdebd

hi!!

okay so….sorry in advance i got really rambly but here are some of my ideas for everyone

the whole team

- tachi joined likely after the others

- i assume fukuchi was there from the start

- but you don’t start a one person team so i’d assume teruko and tecchou were there as well!

- fukuchi specifically picked out jouno for the team. maybe he chose all the members? maybe not im not sure really.

- personally i think they started the team with tecchou, teruko, and fukuchi. then shortly after jouno joined then tachi after

- fukuchi wore the hunting dogs uniform during untold origins. this means either they never got new uniforms or the team has existed for at least 12 years.

- that makes me wonder if there are former hunting dogs that have retired or been killed? or maybe it was just fukuchi and teruko at the start.

- i suppose if tecchou joined while a teenager still (16-19ish) during untold origins it would make sense still. i assume he’s in his late 20s if not older (please i need canon ages asagiri please make them at least 28 please im so sick of everyone being in their early 20s sob. anyways). it would still make sense for them to form then

- however i don’t believe fukuchi makes an appearance in the untold origins book? so it may just be a lore mistake and the team may be newer. who knows.

now onto individual characters

fukuchi

- was in the military prior to the hunting dogs. we know this

- his power probably was the core reason the hunting dogs were founded

- i assume he started training and set this goal in his childhood after getting the signal from amenogozen

- he likely helped form the idea of the group

- i like to imagine he knew teruko beforehand

- i assume fukuchi’s ability manifested out of pure desire to save the world. likely around when he got drafted. since fukuzawa and him fought evenly as children i assume he didn’t have the ability then

- i feel the other hunting dogs likely warmed up to him quickly. he just has the personality of that

- he’s probably always felt immense pressure and stress throughout his entire life due to him knowing the worlds outcome results in his actions

- he likely started out with a strong fighting spirit (like when he met fukuzawa) but he was likely drained and very stressed over time

- as for education, hmmmmm. i actually am not sure. we really don’t get much of any mention of school in bsd in general (other than tanizaki and naomi being students and kunikida being a former teacher). i assume fukuchi got some schooling but enlisted while young

i don’t have too much to say about him since we seen a lot of his backstory.

teruko

- i want to say she was also likely military or a public service worker of sorts

- we really don’t know much about teruko. but she has the personality of someone who is very used to her work and likely has been here a long time

- i feel she probably completed school and went to further school in law enforcement

- she is very tough and good at interrogation. it likely made her one of the most noticeable candidates for the job

- i assume her ability manifested likely out of a time where she desperately wanted to change people, hence the way it is. i’m not really sure how exactly ill have to think more on this!

- i feel she was likely quick to adjust to the job. she doesn’t seem to have an issue talking to people and would likely be a good coworker from the start

- a lot of her background is hard to tell when we don’t quite know how old she is. if i could hazard to guess even roughly how long she’s been around i could come up with some better ideas i think

- i like to imagine she uses her ability to mess with people before they find out what her ability is. imagine going to get a coffee and coming back and seeing a random baby at ur coworkers desk. that would be so funny

- she also probably could use her ability to get those "kids eat free” meals and stuff. not really a backstory headcanon it’s just what i would do

- i bet she always had her sense of justice. i don’t think she ever swayed far from the way she is now. her job likely toughened her a bit and made interrogation easier that way but her heart was always the same intent

- i assume she knew who fukuchi was before they started working together (guessing his reputation was already good or maybe they knew each other).

- she’s probably the brains behind a lot of their work. despite fukuchi being the captain usually it’s her and jouno strategizing the most out of them all. i assume she’s super smart

- i feel she was probably very willing to do the surgeries. she already likely was very strong and skilled in her work. she’s dutiful and i think everything about her screams willing

tachihara

- i assume he’s somewhat new to the squad. remembering he’s only 19

- that makes me wonder if he had went to highschool? if so he was part time hunting dog part time student. must have been one hell of a week. i’m saying he probably dropped out after getting recruited OR idk had a lesser workload until he graduated

- i wish i knew how long he has been in the mafia, that could help me figure out a timeline a lot easier for him.

- i assume he hasn’t been in the mafia much longer than the manga has been going on, however he must have very quickly moved up the ranks somehow without outing his ability. possibly his enhanced strength helped here

- he was found and recruited by the hunting dogs but we don’t know when. somehow long enough to gain their trust to infiltrate the mafia, but not long enough to make a name for himself as a hunting dog.

- guessing, he got found at 17, started infiltrating the mafia at 18, and has been since (at 19). best timeline i can think of that’s reasonable. of course he Could have been much younger but i just don’t see that

- anyway, prior to any of this. we know he wanted to be different than his brother which caused him to act out in rebellion

- regardless of that i think the people around him (including his brother) taught him a lot of who he is

- tachihara is loyal and caring, much like his brother seemed to be. they felt very similar in personality there it really shows

- i’ll also note that his eyes stay bright white most of the time in the manga. despite most of the mafia having black eyes

- but i think being in the mafia taught tachihara that good people can do horrible things, which likely influenced his decision in sparing yosano

- i’d guess his ability manifested out of grief for his brother. he formed a much more dangerous ability that would help him get revenge

- as for joining the hunting dogs, i assume he fit in well from the start

- i think he seems like the type to be very easy to get along with which probably made him an optimal choice for infiltrating but also being part of the job.

- we can see that he cares about the approval of his coworkers as well

- he looks very happy and proud of completing his job. i think this just further shows that he’s always loyal to people, even if they contradict each other

- i bet he was surprised at the start of his military job. he likely didn’t have an option to not join. the sudden change from the surgeries was probably hard. i assume he didn’t train much beforehand since it wasn’t really important

- i like to imagine they all trained him a little bit and they all grew to like him rather quickly !!

jouno

- so all we know is that he was in a crime group six years prior to the current events

- as for schooling i’m really lost here. he might have went to school. he might not have went much. who knows. not me

- i assume jouno had a rougher upbringing. assuming he is at least in his mid-late twenties he was in his crime group until he was an adult

- that is explained a lot in his actions as well. he’s maintained his sadistic personality overtime. compare that to dazai who left his crime group while still a teenager and has had a clear change in some core personality traits

- of course, we don’t know how criminal-era jouno was. but i assume he didn’t change too much since based off the way he acts now.

- we also know he was an executive in said criminal organization, so he was likely affiliated with them for a long time.

- let’s take a quick look at the only executive jouno picture:

this photo is really neat. the striped outfit could indicate that he was a prisoner that fukuchi spotted. it could also just appear that way to look ambiguous as well. jouno also is smiling in the image, this could also be him being asked by fukuchi to join the hunting dogs here. it doesn’t really explain what’s going on or where he is. i just think it’s neat and worth bringing up. had be been a prisoner though im sure it would have been an easy escape given his ability (unless he was in an ability space, of course).

- anyway. this picture also shows his eyes closed, meaning he loses his sight before joining the hunting dogs

- he mentioned that he Lost his sight when arresting dazai, which means he was not born that way. i switch between it being an injury or an illness that made him lose it. either idea is interesting to me and i hope we get an answer.

- either way, i want more criminal executive jouno information

- and i’d assume his ability formed when he felt trapped somewhere. possibly cornered or in a dangerous situation and just needed a quick way to escape and formed it out of fear maybe?

-as for joining the hunting dogs, i assume it was a rougher transition for him

- the people who were after him before are now his coworkers. he probably felt awkward over this (if the others know his past)

- i assume he had the hard time adjusting to everyone too. probably easily annoyed but not wanting to come off that way until he was confident in his job

- i also assume the surgeries wasnt something he initially wanted to do but ultimately did because that’s better than being executed or imprisoned for his crimes.

- he also seems like the type to be reluctant to work with others. possibly making adjusting harder for him

- his morality probably clashed against tecchou’s a bit at first, until jouno found the joy in helping others

- i believe the hunting dogs really helped him find joy in helping people as well. their dedication probably helped motivate him

- he also mentions in one panel after fukuchi asks him to betray "so this isn’t some kind of military test?" which (maybe a stretch) Could suggest he’s been tested by the military to see if he’s still reliable. maybe this creates some lack of trust because people don’t believe him.

- i also assume his upbringing influences the way he acts towards people. he’s cold and mean sometimes but that’s likely a defense mechanism to not b too close to others

tecchou

- once again we don’t know much about tecchou yet. there’s nothing about his past yet but that doesn’t mean i don’t have a ton of ideas floating around

- i feel like teruko he probably went to school and then law-enforcement in post secondary. i know he was a good student too

- we know he’s typically very composed. even when joking he often keeps a straight face except that one time he teases jouno but that’s just him being gay idk

- because of this i wonder if he had some communication issues growing up? maybe working in anything unprofessional didn’t work for him since he often was taken seriously

- however with that in mind i believe he was definitely raised with his just morals. it seems really driven into him and seems to be a huge part of who he is

- i like to think his sense of justice stems from being failed by the system before. maybe he lost someone close to him and never got proper justice?

- what backs that up is how he mentions "there is evil that goes unpunished, and good that goes unrewarded.” and mentions that his blade helps decide that. that is an immense amount of pressure onto himself to keep everything he possibly can just

- such ideas i guess stem from his desire to never have someone not get what they deserve. destroy all evil, protect the innocent. he wants to do what the system failed before and takes it upon himself.

- maybe his ability manifested out of his desire to protect people?

- as for adjusting into the hunting dogs, i feel it wasn’t great or badly. got along with people fine but i feel maybe his very straight-faced personality was a strong contrast to the others at first

- he was possibly military beforehand? or law enforcement and was recruited because of his ability and his strong morals

- he was probably willing to do the surgeries and was already very physically trained. anything to serve proper justice

- he seems to be the calmest-acting of them all. very straightforward when he talks. maybe this was hard to get along with initially? until you’re used to him

- i don’t think he sees the way he acts as unusual either. probably just doesn’t care and is just himself. (which i love)

- i also like to imagine his fixation on ants and stuff is just something he’s always liked. idk he’s so cute for that

- he probably excelled at working right away. i see him to be very good at staying determined to get the job done

thank you for the question!! this was super fun to look at. also please ignore the grammar issues i am super tired

[dynamic-k]

'AH, yeah, I just figured that Dark was behind Ted's actions, since Ted can't act alone.'

now i have more fuel for my questions!!! >:]

Okay, so Dark uses the chip thingy he implanted into his brain to communicate with the bots.

Therefore:

If Dark's chip became broken, what would happen to the button bots? If they can't act independently, would they just shut down, or would they go through what they know of Dark, and try to find what he would most likely tell them to do in that situation to follow that?

Also, an extra weakness for Dark i guess. What if someone hacked into the bots to make them make Dark's vision and stuff all weird?

Because they can highlight stuff, so could they just go haywire and destroy Dark's brain etc.???

Or would Dark's coding be too complicated for even experts to hack??

hm... OH I JUST GOT A NEW IDEA

Blue learns alchemy from Vic, and Yellow could learn computer science from Dark!! they could be that one technically two now person who gets up all the information and makes a plan to hack in for a kidnapping back a kidnapping!! if that makes sense.

And if you saw me refering to when potentially King Orange and Purple kidnap Vic, no you didn't

Going back to the bots, sorry my brains jumpy, if Dark died what would they do?? And what happens when he's unconscious and can't think? WAIT WHAT ABOUT SLEEPING-

I think I went hyper from eating a KitKat. XD

Thank you for reading this,

-R

Be forewarned: There is a lot of lore rambling below the cut.

AH- We appear to have a slight slight misunderstanding-

|Okay, so Dark uses the chip thingy he implanted into his brain to communicate with the bots.|

Uhhh, not quite- It's only a more instantaneous communication. Remember that Dark did that surgery on himself during his and Chosen's first few years of heroing, but not like right at the start. So how would Dark have communicated with his beloved button-bots before the chip in his head existed?

Verbally commanding them present time, and precoding certain instructions into the bots beforehand, was how he did it before he went and made the chip design and then surgeried himself. He still does do that, like how in chapter three of Arc One:

The bots are constantly idle, listening to conversations and other audio surrounding Dark, as the button-bots remain on Dark's person at all times. [The bots are recharged with energy when idle as buttons, and said energy is stored inside Dark's vest which is gotten from a small wired battery Dark has stored in both his wrist cuffs. He changes the battery to a new one as needed.]

Because the bots pick up on all audio, and are programmed with precoded specifications, Ted clearly overheard what Chosen wanted Dark to do. When Dark pulled Ted out, [Dark had the chip at this point in time] Ted sent a confirm message straight to Dark's vision, like it was asking if what Dark wanted was for Ted to handle the school situation and make sure that the school was under the impression that Second would be staying home. Ted's artificial intelligence was set well enough, and the bot used artificial soundwaves that matched similarly to Alan's voice, in order to be convincing, and it was pulled off very well.

Without the chip, Dark always had to verbally give commands and sometimes this was inefficient and slowed things down. The reason it was slow, was only so because Dark is extremely cautious about where and what his bots do, so there are many walls of precautions set in place so the artificial intelligence doesn't run in the wrong direction and a bot thinks it should do something other than what Dark wants. That's why there are confirm messages and such, like "Are you sure that [insert command] is what you wish to happen?"

There was not confirm messages before the chip existed. Instead, Dark just gave orders, and the bots were never programmed at that moment to formulate thoughts and orders themselves, because they would be under the risk of assuming something incorrect. After the chip existed, Dark added the codes that allowed the bots to use information they received to guess what Dark wanted to happen, because now the previous "risk" did not exist. It was alleviated by the ability for Dark to directly receive confirm messages, and there was no longer the possibility that a bot would assume the wrong thing and try to do something Dark didn't want to happen. With the chip, if a bot did happen to misunderstand, than Dark could cancel it mentally when the confirm message appears in his vision. If he had that code set up without the chip, and a bot misunderstood something Dark would be forced to chase after a bot physically in the moment and try to verbally re-issue a corrected command. Hence, the reason that "think and estimate" code was not added to the button bots until after Dark gained mental connection to his bots via the chip he implanted.

....I hope all of this is making sense, oh my sticks- I did say I would ramble about how they worked, I have so much lore in my head that needs an excuse to get out-

The chip no longer exists as a physical chip under Dark's skin. It has melded with the rest of his code and being, and now is literally in his bloodstream as a direct part of himself. Dark and the chip are one, and this action cannot be undone. [This does mean that the chip cannot fracture physically though, neither can it somehow corrode or be corrupted due to Dark's receiving of physical injuries.]

The bots cannot be "hacked", they only respond to Dark. They recognize Dark and Dark's being and Dark's code and everything that is Dark. Unless someone somehow managed to literally be exactly like Dark in every way, looks, code [DNA], mind, the chip...

Yeah, that isn't happening, every stick is different.

Even if somehow the recognition software implanted into the bots is damaged, they STILL will know the difference between Dark and someone else pretending, because they are still CONNECTED to Dark and Dark only with an unbreakable bond and connection that would not extend to anyone else. Even if the bots are blinded and their audio processors are offline and damaged, even if their code scanners that differentiate every stick was broken somehow, even if anything they use to recognize sticks was not working, EVEN IF they could not tell apart one stick from another, DARK WOULD STILL BE KNOWN. Always, they will know where Dark is and they will NEVER mix him up with another.

Now for Yellow and Dark's connection with each other. >:3

I have plans for the story in this regard, and Dark does indeed end up as somewhat of a mentor figure to the kid, though not like how regularly and consistently Vic ends up teaching Blue. [Vic and Blue's bond is, uh, primarily Arc Three material. I shouldn't say too much, but meh- You asked. At this point, with how much I have shared, who cares about my rambles and why I shouldn't ramble about certain things-]

Yellow and Dark will be amazing together, and Yellow already has a certain knack for technical and code-related things, so Dark is very happy to have something of a protege.

Anyway, the entire reasoning behind this ask was Dark's weaknesses with having the chip, yes? Well, guess what. There happens to be an upcoming incident that occurs, revealing just exactly what this weakness could be and how Dark gets through it.

Because Dark Whump, why not- U v U

The chip does have coatings on it [back when it was solidly a chip in form and before it began its absorption process into Dark's code as a whole] that prevent electrical and signal-interference damages as well. I forgot to mention this fact earlier in my explanation. A friend once asked me about whether or not Dark's chip could be decommissioned via such things, under the assumption that since the chip is made of metal, it could be weak in ways that metal is weak. I was reminded of this while answering this ask, so I'm including the information here midway, hehehe :D

Now uh- I never did say that King and Purple successfully end up yoinking Vic- There may be an attempt, though- EHEHHEHHEHHEHEHHE

Oh circuits, I need to keep my mouth shut sometimes. [and then Scarlett proceeded to not keep her mouth shut- /silly]

Interesting theory or guess that Yellow might attempt to be a hacker? If that's what I'm understanding from what you said? Yellow doesn't end up hacking anything per se.... But uhhhhhhhhhhhh-

.........Oy. I actually don't think I should say what I want to say here, that's too big of a spoiler. ....This is a lore ramble, not a spoiler ramble, I must remember this-

All I will say for now, is that Yellow has a significant importance in Arc Two, to a very large degree OTHER than the fact he designs and makes work the majority of the Color Gang's costumes/upgrades.

Arc Two was always meant to be much more focused on the Color Gang than Arc One was, partially as a sort of apology for how much the quadruplets were left out at the time of Arc One's climactic points, where we only really got to see mercenaries and the hollowheads. Primal is also a big focus, but so is Dark, Second, and Victim. And King and Purple. And Navy and Orchid very much, oh dear I have LOTS of plans for them.

It's meant to be more well-rounded in character includement, is what I mean. Everyone gets the spotlight, even if technically Second is still the main main character. XD

Going back to the bots: My brain also jumped-

If Dark dies, the bots deactivate? [sorta?] permanently because every function is tied to Dark, except for the energy part, of which is stored in Dark's wrist cuffs. The battery could be recharged and maintained by someone else, and it would not take much effort to get the bots back online, but what I mean by "deactivate" is the way that they work. They could be online again, yes, but they won't do the things they did before. They will not follow orders from another, and will not fly, or do anything but sit there and technically be "online". Now, if Yellow or someone went to the trouble to painstakingly reprogram them, and they no longer were tied to Dark [and this is dependent on how much Dark's body would corrode] than yes, they could function again with the abilities they wielded previously, since those function still exists, but couldn't work or activate without Dark's presence.

If Dark is unconscious, or in sleep, his button-bots are probably on his vest, in idle positions as buttons. If Dark is, for example, knocked out while fighting and his button bots happen to be on the field not as buttons while this happens, then they will now be limited in their actions to a very select few set of precoded commands.

This includes, protection of Dark and those he deems protection listed, such as Second, Chosen, Alan, Vic, any friends he has on the list as well, and of course any sticks the bots understand are civilians. Remember that the database in the button-bots for the population of the city is incredibly expansive, and Dark has a stored list of nearly everyone, so the button-bots can easily know who is who. Or they can artificially think it out whether a stick is a civilian or not, based on the circumstances of the current situation and the things a civilian would do/places a civilian would be.

There are only a few set commands that are precoded, in which the bots are allowed to follow without needing Dark's confirmation. If Dark is knocked out, and a bot processes a situation that requires the usage of a more dangerous use of abilities and therefore needs to use a confirm message in order to proceed with the bot's conclusion of what it needs to do, then without Dark to confirm message the conclusion, the button-bot can do nothing but return to Dark as a button or not proceed with the conclusion it made. They are only able to do the simplest of precoded commands, as a set precaution. Imagine if Dark woke up and the bots had set something on fire by accident, or by procedure of a wrong/incorrect conclusion of situation. This wouldn't do, there needed to be preset restrictions on the artificial thinking processes.

Mostly, all the bots would be able to do while Dark is out, would be protect and defend. If a building started to catch fire because of a villain, the bots could put it out, though. They are not inherently useless just when Dark is out of commission for the time being. This possibility is very dependent on Dark actually getting knocked out mid-fight, in the first place, however, and this is very unlikely due to Dark's high skill.

...

I think that may be it for now- Honestly, this was SO SO much fun to answer!! I feel like I had a brain clog released, or something. Rambling is so therapeutic!! :D

Thank you EVER so much for your asks!! I hope there may still be more! [aside from that one still in my inbox that I haven't finished yet-]

[espritradieux]

Today I took my first real step towards mending my relationship to Genshin Impact by finally overcoming the dumbest obstacle ever that left such a disproportionate emotional scar on me.

Back when I was playing genshin for the first time I had been actively playing the game since 1.2 and I was playing on a pretty crappy laptop (which I still use for most things including hi3) and it didn't have a lot of storage. I was young when I started. I was still a minor and still working to construct myself and still immature and emotional and school was kicking my ass. Overall, not a great life stage to be in.

Then about three years ago, the first We Will be Reunited archon quest was released and I got blocked on the stupidest, most basic level design element ever, something so unbelievably minuscule and insignificant probably no one remembers it: the disappearing bubble hallway.

I failed this thing over and over. Admittedly I was terrible at the game (and still am), and I kept failing and falling and barely making it before falling again. So I rage quit, as one does. By the time I got back to the game, 2.0 was released. And updates started pilling while I wasn't playing. And eventually my storage was saturated and I couldn't open the game anymore.

When I tell you that hallway left a scar on me I am not joking. To me it was the reason I couldn't play the game anymore. For years, the first thing I would think about when thinking about genshin was those damned bubble stairs. It is almost single handedly responsible for me being a genshin hater for so long. I tentatively attempted to come back to the game when Sumeru was fully released since I now had a good phone which could run the game much better than my laptop and I was terrified. The game was scary and overwhelming, I couldn't remember how to fight which I had never been good at anyway and I was haunted by the knowledge of failing the most basic things which killed all sense of adventure and confidence I could have had. I was miserable.

All of that coupled with the memories I had of the game being monstrously taxing and feeling like it was sucking the soul out of me, I became a hater. Mostly harmlessly though, the bulk of it was gently prodding at my friends and being petty about the game mechanisms being so time consuming and the rewards being so bad, but still the fact remains that I was essentially anti genshin, denying every connection I may have had to it and verbally tearing it down every time I could. I did not like the game.

But then a year ago, as I was studying for a final, I discovered Honkai Star Rail. I was wary of Hoyoverse but still I gave it a try.

And HSR was amazing. HSR was magical. HSR made me feel happy and welcome, it felt homey and kind and wonderful and it was written so well. The music was fantastic, the story was fantastic, the fighting was great, the content was interesting, the game didn't feel like a drag, it was incredible. And through HSR I then discovered Honkai Impact 3rd. And HI3 was insane. Hi3 took my brain hostage and rewrote it, it made me feel things I'd never felt before in a game.

Together the Honkai games opened the hyperfixation floodgate in my mind, it made me live through things and feel things I had never felt before, in a single year it fundamentally changed my life.

So I went back to genshin. Not to the game itself though, just the story. I watched other people's playthroughs to get caught up on the main archon quests. And going past the urge to say "I could fix this", I liked the story. But I liked the characters more. Enter the EiMiko hyperfixation. That very specific ship probably did more for me than anything else when it comes to fandom and is honestly probably 50% of the reason I'm back to the fandom now. EiMiko did two things for me: first it gave me angsty lesbians to obsess over and lore to dissect. Second, more recently and somewhat derivative of the first, it allowed me to meet @heemskerck .

I never had anyone who I could talk about those games with, someone who understood and had thoughts of their own about it. I think we probably all know how it feels, to be overcome with the desire to theory dump but having no one to do it with. ( @nobodynotbymitski I appreciate you so much thank you for listening to my rambling when you didn't understand a single word of it)

But now I did have someone to talk about it. So we talked about it and it was great (and it still is, I love talking with them they're so amazing and smart and talented, go follow them) and I did my usual thing of criticizing genshin as much as I could and being a hater but now it was different because now not only was I swayed by the angsty lesbians, I was listening to someone who did play appreciate the game (even if there's a lot to fix).

And when you listen to someone talk about something they're deeply interested in, you start to become interested as well. So despite my still existing dislike of the game, I was interested in going back to it to live through the story myself. The only thing really standing in my way was my dread of the combat system which would be terrible since I was coming back to a level 3 world with essentially the amount of combat experience as a new player, but I refused to start over because there is one thing I did care about on that account. My account is horrible mind you, I had four 5* and three of them were the Traveler, Kequing and Diluc. But the fourth is my beloved Ganyu. My lv 40, unbuilt, miserable Ganyu on a Favonius bow that I got on her first ever rerun who has emotional meaning to me. I still have a picture of my laptop screen when I got her, she is my pride and joy, the only thing worth saving in this game and I was not going to abandon her.

@heemskerck was really kind and agreed to log onto my essentially no pulls dead account to assess the damage and help me level up, give me pointers and even maybe play for me through the story because I was certain I wouldn't be able to run it on my phone and my laptop would certainly not cut it. And that was that.

Except that wasn't because then a month ago the Ignition trailer dropped and my Himeko obsessed self saw Mavuika and immediately imploded. Natlan had me hooked. And then I realized I could actually run Genshin on my phone. And then the 5.0 program arrived with massive quality of life updates that would greatly reduce the problems that I experienced when I was playing. I was still fearful of the fighting though and most of all I was terrified of having to go through the bubble stairs and then the rest of the story but 5.0 also fixed that for me. So two to three weeks before Natlan released, I warily installed the game and got to walk around the map again, feeling like a baby deer in a forest full of wolves.

But then yesterday, Natlan released. And Natlan is amazing. Natlan is fun. Natlan is interesting. Natlan doesn't feel like a drag or a mine field, Natlan brought back the feeling of adventure and discovery. Natlan helped me relearn combat (even though I'm still so bad at it and most of it is pure panic) and it gave me confidence.

So today, once I was done with Natlan, I went back. I went back to We Will be Reunited which, ironically enough, was waiting to be reunited with me.

I went back to this god forsaken bubble stairs three years later.

And I failed.

But then I tried again.

And I succeeded.

Three years. Three years of remembering this fucking hallway with dread. Three years of hating on a game everyone else shoved in my face. Three years away from Teyvat but finally I did it.

I am free

I can enjoy the game now.

This is the first step back towards a game that used to be my world, that became my nightmare, that led me toward games that changed my life and people I am so glad I met and maybe, hopefully, towards a great game that could make me feel as many things as the other two did.

There is no moral to this, I just wanted to tell my weird genshin storytime. Now that I'm older it probably made playing easier honestly. Genshin isn't perfect though. It still has a lot of flaws, I still don't like its combat system and once I'm caught up on the story and back to farming artefacts and items I will probably still think the game sucks and I'll probably be angry at the gacha system but I think I'm much more emotionally equiped for it now than I was three years ago. Three years is a lot for a kid and it teaches you a lot.

I'm getting genuinely excited about this now, I'm gonna go finish the quest.