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charminglatina · 4 years

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I’m done with Riverdale.

I gave Riverdale and the writers of this show so many chances to fix their shit. I gave them so many chances to write better storylines, to stop with the repetitive shit, to stop writing the same boring couples every single season, to stop with the character assassination, to stop with the fan service, to try different relationships and refreshing dynamics, to stop destroying characters/couples for the sake of other characters/couples, etc. And the show just continues to let me down over and over and over again. Last night’s episode was the worst episode in Riverdale history. Relationships were destroyed left and right, characters were assassinated and written out of character. Archie was completely OOC in last night’s episode. He was a complete fucking asshole and prick. Archie in no way looked like the hero and protagonist of Riverdale. He didn’t live up to the values, ideals and standards that he claims to have. Instead, he came off as an unsympathetic, emotionless, disgusting, cheating, fickle piece of garbage douchebag. Archie Andrews is no fucking hero and the writers completely destroyed his character within 45 minutes and a single episode. He is irredeemable from my point of view and his character is beyond repair at this point. There is nothing that can fix that mess of a character. His treatment of women in general is disgusting and misogynistic. The way he treated Betty in 5x08 was absolutely abhorrent, degrading and despicable. He acted like he had zero emotions or feelings for her and that he just used her for sex. He then dumps her and runs back to the same toxic relationship with Veronica. Even after seven years, Archie hasn’t changed or grown at all.He’s still the same stupid and immature punk that he was in high school. FUCK ARCHIE ANDREWS. He’s THE WORST main character, lead, and protagonist I’ve ever seen on any show. Not even Elena Gilbert from TVD or Lucas Scott from OTH is as horrible or badly written as he is. Archie is much more of a villain than a hero. There’s nothing that the writers can do to make Archie a good character again. His character is beyond reproach and they should be ashamed to have a piece of shit like Archie leading their show. Veronica is acting like a thirsty, desperate, trampy whore throwing herself at another man while she’s still married and the ink hasn’t even dried on her divorce papers. She has revealed herself to be an extremely controlling, domineering, conniving, money hungry and manipulative bitch. She is so fucking detestable and unlikeable. I can’t root for her character. I actually HATE Veronica now and I never thought I would say that. The writers completely butchered her character just as badly as Archie’s. It’s evident that after five seasons, the writers don’t know what the fuck to do with her character but have her be Hiram’s chew toy or having her constantly chasing after Archie like some pathetic desperate hussy. She’s become the worst character on the show and she has had zero character development. All of her storylines are the same: they either revolve around her father or around men in general. Veronica is a shallow character that lacks complexity and depth. She is nothing more than Hiram Lodge with lipstick and a skirt/dress. As someone who is Latina, Veronica is a horrible representation of Latina and hispanic women in media. Veronica Lodge is an absolute embarrassment to the Hispanic and Latinx community and I’m ashamed of her character at this point. She doesn’t represent me and I don’t want her kind of character to represent my community. RAS and the writers clearly hate Camila Mendes. I can’t say that Camila’s acting is helping matters either. Betty is an emotionally unstable, whiny, pathetic doormat for Archie and a complete fucking emotional mess. She was nothing but a sex toy/booty call for Archie so that he could get his rocks off. As soon as the sex wore off, Archie and no problem with dumping her and throwing her away ;ike a dirty tissue. And Betty didn’t fight for herself. She didn’t fight for her feelings. She didn’t stand up to Archie for disrespecting her like that and using her. Archie used her for pleasure and than acted as if she were nothing to him. And Betty just fucking took it?? Why doesn't Betty just stand up for herself for once? Why doesn’t she stop being such a doormat for him and letting Archie stomp on her feelings all the time? Does she have no self respect? The one thing that makes Betty’s character somewhat salvageble is the fact that Lili Reinhart is an amazing fucking actress and for that, you can’t help but feel sympathy for her even if she’s being written as a pathetic doormat and Archie’s sex toy. Chad is a narcissistic, abusive POS who is Hiram 2.0. What was the purpose of his character on the show? Just to cause some tension between Varchie? What a waste of an actor and character. Jughead is a pathetic drunk and a lazy bum with no purpose. His sole reason for existing is to get drunk every episode, get abducted by aliens and be saved by girls. The writers are ruining my fave character on the show. Kevin is a cheating piece of shit. He has no clue what monogamy is or what a real relationship stands for and means. He’s nothing more than a walking and talking negative gay stereotype. Reggie was completely destroyed this season. They had him turn on his friends and side with Hiram, the town bully. Reggie is a complete douche and any character development he had in the earlier seasons has vanished. The writers butchered his character horribly and it’s a shame because Charles Melton is a decent dude and actor who deserves a better storyline and material. Cheryl is a sociopath with no remorse for her horrible behaviour and she treats Toni like garbage. I don’t know how Toni can stand being with her or around her. She doesn’t give a shit who she hurts in the process as long as she is creating chaos for her own amusement. Cheryl is a horrible person and the fact that she has had no development for hasn’t changed makes things worse. Also, it’s evident that Madeleine Petsch (along with the rest of the cast, LBR), is completely phoning it in all season. Her acting is terrible and cringeworthy. At this point, Cheryl is so awful and toxic that I don't think I want her to be with Toni or for Choni to reunite in the future. Toni deserves better than this red haired creature. Toni is, once again and as usual, being sidelined. I expected this to happen sooner than later. I figured that Toni would be relegated to a support character once more or to go back to being Cheryl’s punching bag. Though Toni being sidelined isn’t really her fault or the writers fault because Vanessa is on maternity leave. As if the characters haven't been destroyed, the relationships have been slaughtered and decimated left and right. Choni is toxic as fuck. Barchie was made out to be nothing of substance but sex (plus the way they got together is sickening including the cheating and the FWB plot line which amounted to nothing in the end). Bughead is an awkward repetitive and annoying bore with no chemistry. Varchie is the worst couple on the show, toxic as hell with no chemistry and takes up too much screen time. Kangs was destroyed for absolutely no reason. The only couple that has potential to be something great and substantial is Jabitha but considering the writers track record, I expect them to ruin them for Bughead. It’s only a matter of time. Tick tock. ⏰ To top it all off, the storylines are absolutely fucking ridiculous this season. Archie with his stupid overblown hero complex trying to save Riverdale? BORING. Hiram being the same boring villain AGAIN and trying to take down the same group of teenagers he was harassing seven years ago? REPETITIVE. The Mothman/Aliens storyline? We’re dealing with fucking ALIENS??? Aliens of all things? What the actual fuck are the writers smoking?! Then there’s the whole Polly storyline which is boring and repetitive.. Try something different for fucks sake. I’m not gonna get into the whole TBK nonsense which also reeks of repetitive storytelling. There's way too many plot lines and storylines being told and it’s a jumbled, incoherent mess. There’s only so much nonsense that you can take before you finally snap and say enough is enough. I’m at that point. For me to cut something or someone out of my life for good, it’s got to be something or someone really horrible. Riverdale is one of those things. Riverdale has made my viewing and fandom experience absolutely fucking miserable. It’s caused me significant upset and emotional distress because of how attached I was to these characters and relationships. Now it seems like it was all a waste. What was the point? Why did I stick around to watch the characters and the relationships on this show get butchered? The writers don’t know what the fuck they are doing. They continue to be stuck in the same rut and a time jump hasn’t fixed that. I’M DONE. There’s no more chances. The show is dead to me as are the Riverdale cast and the writers. The show should just end this season. Season 6 should either be cancelled or shortened to 10 episodes. Stop wasting the audience’s time with this garbage.

#barchie #anti bughead #anti varchie #jeronica #choni #kangs #jabitha #betty cooper #archie andrews #veronica lodge #jughead jones #cheryl blossom #toni topaz #riverdale #anti riverdale

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riverdale-retread · 3 years

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Riverdale S5 E8 Lock & Key

5 Things I loved/ 3 Things to Consider

I loved this:

1. THE KEY PARTY was excellent and ultra high stratospheric camp, that you can only appreciate if you really know the show. Achieving this tone- ‘this isn’t how things are but wouldn’t it be so amusing if it was?’ - is very difficult, and I felt rewarded for the close attention I’ve paid to the show. Further, at this sex party they have a heavily pregnant lady, and the only person who is in any way apprehensive that he might get paired with her is Reggie - everyone else is like, It’s fine. And also? The majority of the invitees have ALREADY had sex with each other, and almost all of them are also currently cohabitants and/or coworkers and/or doing joint projects, in various states of married, long-term relationship, casual hookup and courting. Just, absolute catnip I tell you!

Sidebar: Again CHADWICK FUCKING GECKO being SANE, and objecting to Veronica drawing Archie’s key with - NOT WITH YOUR EX. I mean, why does this always happen to me??? Why am I *Chad*?

2. I loved Betty in this episode. Just fell in love with her like I am flippin’ Jughead.

#1: Betty is so very sexy. Wow I was so not ready. Her in the FBI T shirt & him in fire fighter gear! Yeah it’s good looking people in actual Halloween costumes, but what makes it work is Betty's reaction - electrified, then amused and looking forward to a good time. Love this for grown Betty.

#2: Betty is so very wounded and vulnerable, and by her estimation lovers / boyfriends will never stand by her, but friends will. I love me a character in romantic anguish.

And related, #3, and yes, this may be wishful thinking, but there are hints that Betty actually feels the impact of what she did to Jughead and Veronica in her Senior year. Why else would Betty think that engaging in an actual adult romantic relationship with Archie for real will cause the light to go out and the haven bubble to collapse? Oh Betty. She’s so accepting about Archie abandoning her immediately after she told him she wasn’t mentally/emotionally well because she feels both ruined and like a ruinous force.

Finally #4, the kindness and care Betty shows to her mother, who does not deserve it, made me respect her a lot.

Sidebar to give Archie Andrews a Demerit: Betty has a single emotion in front of Archie (waking up from a trauma nightmare) and Archie (who woke up from a trauma nightmare first thing after the time jump) is just unwilling or unable to provide the necessary commitment. He in fact decides RIGHT THEN that Betty needing extra support (of the kind he needs, in fact) means Veronica is the answer. (Archie, please redeem yourself. Tell me what’s happening with you soon).

3. The only reason the high camp works though is because there’s a grounding in reality, with believable human emotions providing a solid foundation, and boy this episode really delivered!

The shaky breath Jughead lets out after he says Billy (character in the novel he’s teaching) might be crazy right after he sees MOTHMAN. Love this detail. The shame and pain Jughead goes through, writhing with his whole little face, while confessing that he’d been a reckless drug user and drinker to Tabitha, who sweetly feels some of that pain with him, was heartrending.

The ‘you are a jackass’ face that Archie makes at Chad while also SMILING (because that is how he looks handsomest) in reaction to Chad dude-bro-ing him with ‘females’ and ‘podunk town,’ without even bothering to reply to his dickhead question, is wonderful.

And most heartbreaking - Fangs’ laughter that presages a dawning realization that Kevin really intends to implode (his words) their whole life and his gentle tone in trying to figure out what the hell his boyfriend is doing was very upsetting and wonderful. Apparently, over the past 8 years, Fangs has been trying to give Kevin everything he wanted - monogamy, non monogamy, the baby, the marriage - only to have it go up in smoke.

4. Now that the characters are older, they can meet a wider array of adults and I really appreciate this - the expansion of the world of the show. Who knows if she appears again, but I very much liked this anthropology professor who has segued into creating a support group for the disturbed people she meets while she pursues her very esoteric interest in alien encounters. Minerva the campy lesbian art collector who wants an Original Cheryl Blossom and Rick the gay trucker who is like, the most sexually easy going man in the history of humanity are really fun additions too.

5. And this last one is going to sound mean spirited but I love what is happening to Alice Cooper. She was so horrendous and monstrous to both her daughters - I mean between Betty and Polly it’s really hard to tell who had it harder from Alice - and she is having to atone for the damage she did to her smart, resilient girls by the peril that Polly is now in. Polly, despite being born in Riverdale, could’ve been another Betty in terms of accomplishment - academic and career - but Alice just bashed her head in, basically, and now look where we are. So, suffer for your sins, Alice Cooper.

3 Things to Think About

a) Toni has “a medical condition that makes it harder for her to get pregnant the older she gets.” This is called BEING A HOMO SAPIEN. I was so amused by this that I actually looked up the production notes and this episode was written by a woman (!) and directed by another woman (!!) and the scene is acted out by two women (!!!) one of whom was actually pregnant at the time in real life (!!!!) so now I’m like, Wait, is Cheryl…an immortal? Is Cheryl somehow not 100% homo-sapien and that’s why Toni says this?

b) I gathered yet more evidence that Archie is a Riverdale-HS-Sexual. Archie is in the teacher lounge at Riverdale High talking remodelling plans with Veronica, who says she needs big changes, and he immediately switches into Let’s Fuck mode. When Jughead innocently asks what the blueprints are for, Archie TOTALLY acts like he got cockblocked.

c) The long pointy-nailed manicures on the lesbian couple’s fingers REALLY bother me. More than 20-something almost-perfect-SAT scorers Cheryl and Toni not understanding that human fertility wanes with age. I will just say that.

#riverdale positivity #riverdale s5

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ourloveisforthelovely · 4 years

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Lost Part 8

Harry Potter Marauders Era

Link to Part 7

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: M

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Regulus found himself staring at his father with wide eyes. This was the last thing that he ever expected to happen! When Regulus scoped out this cafe, he liked it because it was off of the “normal path.” He never expected his father to be in a place like this.

Reaching down, Regulus wrapped his hand around yours. If he had to break the law for underage magic to apparate both of you away from Orion Black, he would. Regulus wouldn’t let you be harmed. He had just gotten you back in his life and nothing (not even his crazy pureblood parents) would wreck it. Regulus was happy for once and that happiness wouldn’t be taken away from him!

If his parents thought that arranging some marriage to some pureblood girl would stop him from being with you...they had another thing coming! They could kick him out of the family, disinherit him, and leave his share of the Black family fortune to someone else for all Regulus cared. He would find some way to provide you with the life that you deserved.

“Dad…”

Regulus began but Orion stopped him with one icy look. Orion didn’t have to say anything to get his children in line. When Regulus and Sirius were small and behaving wildly it would take one look from their father to make both boys sit down...today was no exception. Regulus’ mouth instantly shut. The boy bit his bottom lip before looking down to avoid his father’s piercing gaze.

His eyes had flickered over to the girl huddled at his son’s side. You looked up at him with fear clearly written all over your face. You didn’t, however, move away from Regulus. That to Orion was bravery. If you knew who he was and didn’t try to run or back down, maybe you were more than a pretty face?

Regulus had scooted, if possible closer to you and was gently rubbing the hand that he was holding onto.

“I want to talk to you outside.”

Orion finally in his calm reserved voice. Unlike his wife, Orion wasn’t one for yelling. It took too much effort and made people too uncomfortable. His reserved nature usually got him everything that he wanted. Regulus turned his attention back to you as his father spoke again.

“She will be just fine without you for a moment. Wait here, my dear.”

Regulus gave you an apologetic look before standing and following his father outside of the cafe. He wasn’t for sure what Orion was about to say but whatever it was it couldn’t be good. He was about to learn that his “favorite son” was dating the one thing that their family hated most in the world.

Orion turned to meet Regulus’ wary gaze. He was thankful this scene was happening with Regulus and not Sirius. Sirius would have bitched the whole way out of the building. Regulus just followed after him with a frown on his face.

“The girl, Regulus, what is her name?”

Regulus looked down at his feet a moment before facing his father again.

“Y/n Evans.”

Regulus replied, keeping his tone calm and reserved as his father was silent for a moment.

“Her blood status?”

Orion watched as Regulus muttered “damn” under his breath.

“She’s a muggle-born. Go ahead and kill me.”

Orion smirked as Regulus closed his eyes. The boy was clearly waiting to be wiped from the planet. When no pain hit him, Regulus’ grey eyes fluttered open before focusing on his father.

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

Regulus asked and was even more confused when his father smiled. What the fuck was he smiling about? Orion Black didn’t smile. When he did it was few and far between...just like his youngest son.

“I’m not your mother, Regulus.”

“I’m aware of that but I’m dating a muggle-born...that’s like first on the Black family things that we don’t do list. I should be kicked out of the family and never spoken of again.”

Orion motioned to the bench by the front door of the cafe. Regulus followed his father to the bench and sat down as Orion looked thoughtful.

“I’m not going to say anything to your mother. You should know that some of our family rules are meant to be broken. What Walburga doesn’t know won’t hurt her. For example, she thinks that I am at work right now. The girl is very pretty. What house is she in?”

It took all that Orion had not to laugh at the expression on Regulus’ face. The boy looked as if his father had been replaced with an alien and he was just figuring things out.

“Hufflepuff.”

Regulus replied, quietly as Orion nodded.

“That makes sense. You’re like me more than you realize, Regulus. I’m going to tell you something and I would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself as I am keeping your Y/n’s blood status to myself. When I was your age, before it was arranged that I would be marrying your mother, I was in love with a girl from Hufflepuff. She was a muggle-born too. I let her get away from me because I didn’t want to disappoint the family. Regulus, if you love this girl then don’t let her go. You will regret it for the rest of your life.”

Orion chose to ignore the stunned expression on Regulus’ face as he took in what he was told. It took Regulus a few moments before he was able to speak. He never in a million years would have guessed that his father loved anymore but Walburga.

“What happened to her?”

Regulus asked. Orion sighed.

“She died in a car crash. You were six at the time. While I love your mother very much, I have never stopped loving Ana. If I had just been a little braver, maybe she would still be alive. You don’t need to be afraid of being kicked out of the family, Regulus. If you love Y/n then you need to be ready to fight for her because that is what it will be...a fight. My suggestion, again, is to not let her go.”

Regulus frowned.

“The family will never accept her since she’s a…”

Orion interrupted without meeting Regulus’ face.

“Don’t. Let. Her. Go.”

Regulus didn’t feel the need to argue anymore. He simply nodded at his father’s command.

“I won’t. Please, don’t tell mum yet. I want to wait as long as I can. At least until we are out of school and I can provide for Y/n.”

Orion stood with a curt nod. He had things to do and this conversation needed to end. He looked back to Regulus with a small smile. If Orion hadn’t noticed how much his youngest son resembled him, he saw it now. Regulus reminded Orion of himself at 16.

“Tell your mum what?”

He questioned before Regulus smiled.

“Nothing.”

Regulus said, softly as his father turned and walked down the street without another word.

Meanwhile,

You remained in the cafe feeling even more anxious with each passing moment. Would Orion hurt Regulus in the middle of a busy street? Surly, he would have more sense than that. Too many witnesses. The better question in your mind was how was Orion taking the news about his son dating a mudblood? You frowned at the word but was sure that was what Orion Black was calling you at the moment. The fact that the man didn’t curse you was still a shock all on its own.

The door of the cafe opening and closing quickly pulled you from your thoughts. Regulus stepped back into the building without his father behind him. You nearly jumped on his lap when your boyfriend took his seat beside you.

“Are you okay? Is he freaking out? Did you get kicked out of the…”

Regulus placed a finger on your lips.

“Everything is fine.”

He replied, seeing the questions building in your mind. Why was Regulus so calm when he was so nervous only 10 minutes ago? He looked as if he had just gone and had a pleasant little chat with his father.

“But Reggie…”

Regulus raised an eyebrow resulting in you shutting your mouth instantly. That look alone said “enough, hush.” He leaned down and nuzzled his nose against your ear.

“I’ll tell you everything, shortly.”

Regulus was mostly quiet until the two of you returned to the hotel room that Regulus had reserved. The two of you were returning to school the next day and Regulus wanted one more night of just having you to himself. Regulus knew, come the next day, he was going to have to share you with others again. He didn’t mind his brother and friends as much as he did people like Gavin McDonald. Regulus was still internally seething over Gavin asking you on a date. It didn’t matter that Regulus completely had you under his spell now...Gavin was still worth brooding over.

I’ll just pay him another little visit in a dark hallway so he doesn’t forget just who he’s dealing with.

You, meanwhile, had been keeping your mouth shut all the way to the hotel. Regulus was going to extremes to have your last night alone as “alone” as possibly. You had suggested Regulus just staying with you in your bedroom but he insisted on a hotel. This left you lying to your parents about where exactly you were going. Your parents were under the assumption that you were staying at Lucille’s when in fact you just checked into a hotel as Mrs. Black.

Regulus locked the door behind him as you took off your coat. You waited until he turned around to speak again.

“Do you think that witch at the front desk bought it when you said that we are on our honeymoon?”

Regulus smirked.

“Well, we don’t like 11 anymore. Give it another year and maybe we won’t get such weird looks.”

He rolled up the sleeves of his black dress shirt before pulling your body against his.

“We won’t have to lie much longer either. You know that I’m in love with you.”

You eagerly returned the sentiment and kissed Regulus hungrily. The kiss quickly escalated but was stopped when you abruptly pulled away and went to sit on the bed. Regulus remained where you left him looking confused. You never pulled away from him like that and he didn’t like being left behind.

“Are you going to tell me about what happened today?”

You asked. Regulus quickly moved to join you on the bed. Reaching out, he gently took your hand in his and stroked his fingers over your palm.

“Apparently I am more like my father than I previously believed. My father had a little love affair with a girl from Hufflepuff when he was my age. I never would have believed it possible but he seems to be okay with us. He also agreed to not tell my mother anything.”

Regulus smiled at the stunned expression on your face.

“So...he doesn’t care that I am a muggle-born?”

Regulus shook his head.

“He would be a bit of a hypocrite if he had a problem with us then told me about him loving some muggle-born himself. He told me that I should be ready to fight for you...and I am. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make sure that I keep you in my life.”

Regulus gently pushed you on your back and took his place over you. He leaned down to kiss your lips before making a path down your neck.

“I told you so.”

You said with a smug smile. Regulus raised his head up curiously.

“Told me what?”

“That Slytherins can’t resist Hufflepuffs.”

You slyly replied. Regulus smirked and pulled you into his arms. He didn’t want to rush to get undressed but now it seemed the perfect path to go down.

“Yes, you did and you were right. Now shut that smart mouth or put it to good use.”

______

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mrchickenus · 4 years

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Aliendale and It's Crazy Plots

I watch Riverdale I know it is all over the place and shit but it is funny and gay (#RIPCHONI). I started actually watch it this season because that were all over the place when they were teens (we will get into that part later) and I couldn't watch it but I felt lets give Riverdale a chance so I am. Last week episode was crazy now they have aliens (ALEINS) and a lot of people confused but knowing Riverdale they will give everyone a plot/storyline then it all comes together in the end.

So the plots/storylines for everyone:

Archie come back from war and wants to rebuild Riverdale. And a fire department witch in the thumbnail of promo of 5x08 we will be seeing his rock hard sculpture of a body (the only man I will say that to).

Betty comes back from a the FBI with major PTSD (anxiety, crippling depression there is no question you shall kill me) from being held captive by the TBK (Trash Bag Killer) and her crazy ass sister Polly is missing.

Jughead (back to the aliens) is in serious debt because he has writers block and can pay is bills so want do as a writer who has big bad guys on your trail not only out of Riverdale but in Riverdale you find a story about aliens and ask a (kind of sketchy) old lady about it. ALEINS.

Toni well is just boring this season really nothing big has happen but a few thing that Toni may have joined the core four (but who knows). She is also very pregnant and no one knows who the daddy is. She is trying to force Cheryl out of the rabbit whole she has hid into but that's back firing she is the Serpent queen.

Cheryl thinks she is cursed I don't blame her brother did die her dad committed suicide and her mom is a crazy so maybe she is cursed but she doesn't have to be unhappy for the rest of her life. And she can't keep up with her ex-girlfriends snark though they are made for each other. She is sad.

Veronica married the younger version of her dad and she is wondering why she can't be independent. She also recruited a team of high schooler to make River-dollars with her face in it.

Couple:

The only high school couple that has lasted is Kevin and Fang. Archie and Betty are getting it on though. V's married.

Back to the fact that they are supposed to be adults winch they aren't. Cheryl challenged a HIGH SCHOOLER to a dance battle for a cheerleading team that her ex-girlfriend funded and runs but it not like she lived in her renovated house for seven years and thinks she is cursed. Reggie is fully aware that what Hiram is doing is wrong but wants the "protection" . Hiram is acting like a 2 year old he wants candy so he is going to throw a tantrum to get it. Archie is still being Archie like when he made that so called gang (that did nothing for the black hood) he had no clear plan into what he was doing. It was just a vanity project and so is this.

So ya Riverdale is crazy and confusing but is that going to stop me from watching no because Riverdale is fun and entertaining that way that it makes no since until the end like marvel.

P.S. I notice people liked it is not crazy good but I learned you can't compare your work to others. I was surprised so thanks. I didn't think people would care about me spreading my young opinion.

#riverdale season 5 #riverdale #choni #kevin #fangs #cheryl blossom #archie andrews #toni topaz #betty #veronica lodge #aliens #aliendale #ripchoni #tvshow commentary #tumblr #gay

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 4 years

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Future Episode Titles

So I have just discovered that the episode titles for 5x10 through 5x13 have been released so I figured and see if there are any clues as to what might happen in those episodes. All of these titles are in reference to various movies so be warned there are spoilers for all the movies the titles have. So if you see the name of movie and don’t want to be spoiled stop reading.

With 5x10 we’ve got a bit of an advantage as we also have the synopsis for that one. But the title is ‘The Pincushion Man’ the title is a reference to a 1935 animated short film. It is also known as ‘Balloon Land’. The story is set in a land where everyone and everything is made of balloons. Two young balloon children are given the warning to beware the Pincushion Man who lives in the forest. The Boy and Girl don’t heed the warning and travel into the woods where they end up leading the Pincushion man back to Balloon Land. He pops a load of the residents before he is finally brought down by the army. So I actually have alot of theories around this one. Obviously in Riverdale I think the Pincushion man is going to represent a serial killer, in the cartoon when he pops the residents he essentially kills them. But who in the episode could be the Pincushion Man. I mean we have a couple of serial killers at the moment. There’s the Truck Killer, TBK and even potentially The Mothman, though we don’t know for sure if they are killing people. So which one could be presented as the Pincushion Man. Well I don’t think its any of them or rather it could be all of them. The Pincushion Man could be more of the idea of a s serial killer terrorizing a town and so could be represented by a number of different characters/ killers. I actually think it could also be in reference to either Chic or Charles or both of them. The synopsis says that Betty and Alice get unexpected visitors and my theory is that this is Charles and Chic. I also think there are clues in that short film that support this theory though obviously like with all the titles that Riverdale episodes share with films I don’t think they will follow the plot exactly but there might some common themes or symbolism.

Like I said the Pincushion Man is lead to the town by a young boy and girl. In the episode 9 synopsis it says Betty has to make a difficult decision, which if you read my previous post I said that I thought that she would find out that Charles worked on cases relating to the the Truck Killer and is trying to decide on whether to reach out to Charles. It’s also worth noting that in this episode we know from released stills that Betty and Jughead will be interacting and maybe even investigating together. So as Charles is brother to them both Jughead might also be involved in reaching out to Charles. In this scenario Betty and Jughead would be the boy and girl that leads the killer to town whilst trying to escape. Also the title of episode 9 is Destroyer. There is a 2018 film of the same name. This film is about a detective who ends up investigating a case from their past and a criminal that re-emerges after 16 years. Again this could support my theory of Charles’ old cases being reopened as the killer has reappeared. Also in the film the law enforcement officers (a LAPD officer and an FBI agent who are partners working undercover) investigating the crime fall in love and decide to legitimately join in on the crime. Again this to me seems really similar to Charles and Chic with Charles being an FBI agent who becomes a criminal.

Going back to the 1935 short film, another reason why I think the Pincushion Man might be in reference to Charles is because in the short film the Pincushion Man gains entry through the gate and into the town through hypnosis. He hypnotises the guard at the gate to gain entry. We know that Charles has an interest/ skills in hypnosis.

But there is something else that is interesting. In the short film the Pincushion Man is finally stopped by the army. The synopsis talked about how Archie’s former general shows up in town with some surprising news. Now I do have a theory that its to do with the Military Base outside of Riverdale but now I have another theory on what it could be. There is a department called the United States Army Criminal Investigation Command aka CID. Now I am not going to pretend I’m an expert on this department but I did some research and what they basically do is investigate felony crimes where the Army is or may be a party of interest. So maybe the surprising news is that the Army or someone in the army is being investigated by the CID in Riverdale. We know that both Archie and Betty were doing stunts for episode 10 and I’m pretty sure this might be the episode Archie is wearing a Kevlar vest so we know its likely to be a pretty action packed episode. So maybe the FBI and CID investigate together. As to who they might be investigating I think it could be one of two. Either Eric Jackson really goes off the deep end and does some crazy stuff. Or it could still be to do with the military testing theory that Pop’s had.

Episode 5x11 is titled Strange Bedfellows. This again could reference a 1965 film of the same name. In this one a couple impulsively get married then when they realise they have nothing in common and always fight they separate. Seven years later they reunite to finalise their divorce and end up rekindling things. The next day they are right back to fighting and so decide to carry on with the divorce. But then the male protagonist finds out his promotion relies on him being married. So he woos her back. Meanwhile the female protagonist is constantly getting involved in public protests. To me this just screams Chad and Veronica. So here’s what I think is going to happen. I think Chad and Veronica will have a big bust up in the next episode 5x08. They will end up separating at the end of the episode. Then Chad will reappear in episode 11 to finalize their divorce. We know that in those episodes in between that Veronica will likely continue fighting against her father and working to save Riverdale. I think Hiram will come up with a scheme and will offer Chad this amazing job but will tell him he can only have it if he stays married to Veronica and helps distract her/ keep her away from trying to save Riverdale.

Episode 5x12 is titled Citizen Lodge. This one is actually really interesting to me. It is obviously to do with the 1941 film Citizen Kane. What’s interesting to me is the film has this theme about trying to solve a mystery/ find the truth but failing. The film is about a man named Charles Foster Kane who on his death bed whispers the words Rosebud before dying. A man is tasked with finding out what the significance of the word Rosebud was. He is never able to solve the mystery and resigns himself to the fact that they will never know the truth. I think this part will be to do with Jughead and his search for the Aliens/ Mothmen. It is worth noting that whilst in Citizen Kane the characters never find out the true meaning of Rosebud the audience does. I think this will be what happens in this episode we will find out something really important about the Mothmen but Jughead and the other characters won’t and maybe they will temporarily give up on finding the truth. It’s the idea that not all things can be explained.

The other thing that’s interesting about this film is that it is also about the rise and fall of a newspaper magnate. How he rises up from nothing to become one of the most powerful men in his business before then falling back into obscurity. I actually think this will be in reference to Hiram. I have heard some rumours, though to be clear I don’t think this is confirmed, that episode 12 will be a Hiram flashback episode. So I think we will see how Hiram came to be as powerful as he is. But I also think this will be the episode where it either all falls apart for Hiram or at the very least begins to. But I do think Hiram is going to take a drastic hit in this episode.

So lastly episode 5x13 is titled Reservoir Dogs. Again another film this time from 1992. This one is about a jewellery heist that goes badly wrong and leads those involved to think that one of them is a police informant. Here’s my theories about this one and they could be seen as a little out there but it makes sense to me. We know that Veronica is opening a jewellery store by episode 13 she should have that up and running. I reckon if I am right about Hiram taking a big hit in episode 12 then Veronica probably played a part in that. Hiram is known to take out revenge on her when she gets in the way of his plans like when he had her liquor license cancelled and smashed all the rum she had. So I think he will organise a raid on her jewellery store and this will go badly wrong. Some or more characters might get hurt. As to who might be the part of the police informant well in the film the informant gained the trust of the gang and become friends with one of them, they become really close and have a father/son like relationship and when that friend finds out he is a cop he is naturally devastated at the betrayal of his friend. I actually think Reggie is a double agent and will betray Hiram to protect his friends. Also I think Ted confirmed that episode 12 covers some of Reggie’s backstory so that would line up with this episode if in the one before we get to see how Reggie came to work with Hiram. I mean to me they seem kind of close. Reggie is clearly someone that Hiram trusts and he listens to his advice which we saw last episode when Reggie convinced him to delay the turnpike and let the Coopers search the swamp. To me it would make sense for them to show us how Hiram and Reggie developed a bond in episode 12 and then for us to see it be betrayed in episode 13. In the film major spoiler alert here but I think all but one of the thieves is killed. I am hoping that the story doesn’t go exactly the same way though because if it does it could lead to a situation where Hiram kills Reggie. In all honesty I don’t think they are going to kill a whole bunch of characters like they do in Reservoir Dogs but I could see either Hiram or Reggie dying maybe even both if Riverdale are feeling really ballsy. Personally I really hope that Reggie doesn’t die because I love his character as for Hiram I don’t know if Riverdale will kill him off but I also feel like there’s not much else they can do with his character. I mean we’ve already seen him in jail and we’ve already seen him as a villain about million times by now giving him an emotional death where he’s betrayed by someone he trusts could be a good way of bringing his story to a close.

As for who could be representing Mr Pink the only one to survive in the movie and who tries to sneak off with the jewellery I think this could potentially be Chad. In the film its a bit ambiguous what happens to Mr Pink but if you listen closing in the ending scene you can hear him struggling to start the car, and then police yelling at him. It seems to me like he gets arrested but does survive. I think Chad will attempt to get away with the jewellery but will ultimately get caught and sent to jail.

So yeah those are some theories I have based pretty much purely on the titles of the next few episodes and the plots of various movies.

#riverdale #riverdale theories

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czec-hoslo-vak-ians · 3 years

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This in my opinion is the best episode of the season 5 out of 5 ⭐

Maria and Michael 💜

Scene goes 👽

Funny that they go before school to check out the ship.👽 Michael should really start taking School seriously. Of course Michael would be the only one who got stuck with this type of assignment talking to an old person. This old guy actually has some cojones the stand up to Michael. You think that this old guy would be a little short little thing but he's just as tall as Michael. Michael and his sense of humor the old guy not knowing that Michael is an alien Michael saying you going to teach me about aliens LOL. I really enjoy that Michael is the center of this episode.

I love that everybody is somebody in this episode in the story. I love that Kyle is the normal joe in the story, I really love Maria hair in this episode. I'm not a fan of Alex being the tough guy in this episode.

That little piece of whatever that was the old man has no idea how much that would mean to Michael. Michael is right the old shouldn't smoke.

I would be scared stiff it's all of a sudden my car starts slowing down and I hit a glowing thing or see a glowing thing in the back of my car.

These random people talking I'm trying to figure out who they are I think they're just random people having conversation. I love how they turned the crash down into something completely different. Michael always jumping the gun wanting to do something and Max being conservative in waiting at least they're keeping their same roles as if it was their time and not them in 47. I love the flirtiness between Betty and Carver. It's super cute. Alex being the tough guy mean is not suiting him. Wow Isabel widowed once divorce twice married three times all before her 25th birthday, Isabel playing Michael women in this episode she very well.

👽 the old guy drinking three banana splits that's a lot of very not going to lie.👽

I love this smooth transaction between today's Michael and Maria to the Betty and Carver version. Carver thought it was a date between them, to get ambushed like that talk to someone else I don't blame him for being upset. Those socks were definitely Valenti socks oh, I wonder what the police were looking for oh, I bet it was that little silver thing he had. Dixie having a crush on Carver is a little funny, it's refreshing not to see her want Max. Wow Carver is really getting in trouble for seeing that reporter. Carver is really taking a leap and talking to this nurse. The nurse got kidnapped or even killed.

The interaction between Dixie and Carver kinda make my stomach turn, it's not as cute as I think they wanted it to be. Carver learned that curiosity killed the cat you never open up mail that says confidential when it's not addressed to you. It seems like everyone's going against Carver. His friend is trying to help Carver out by telling him to keep his nose out of it. I'm glad that Carver decided to talk to the reporter. At this point he really has no one else. I love how Michael just changed the orange soda to beer totally cool. You can see that it's written on Michael's face that his relationship with Maria is over old Carver knows that what's going on between Michael and Maria isn't really over. It's sad that old Carver was never in love I agree that he should have kissed Betty when he had the opportunity too. Reggie didn't have a backbone now he's with regret kicking himself for being a jerk to his friend. A job came before his friend now he realizes that his friend should have came before the job. A funny feeling that Reggie is going to stab Carver in the back. Had a slight feeling that Reggie was pretending to be drunk and spilling his guts out like that.

If the story was never printed that means they got to Betty. I can't believe they want him to resign just because of him snooping around and talking to that reporter. The guy snooping in his window earlier was taking photos Carver'ust sign the honorable discharge and walk out with dignity what's left with it.

I can't believe they killed Betty the accident was no accident. Question how did Betty get that key to that building ? She must have knew her life was in danger if she dropped off the key and ran. Carver is a smart man realizing what the little aliens wanted instead of trying to fight him off he walked away it's smart of him to pull the fire alarm to help them save their babies.

Carver saved Michael's life by pulling Fire alarm this is probably one of the most touching moments of the whole entire series where Carver sees what he saved that day. However he said that there were eight sacks total what's means there are for more among them.

👽

💜 I do not like this awkward weird tension between Michael and Maria she trying to have a normal conversation and he's being all weird however he just did find out that there is a ship that can take him back to his home planet I think he's just trying to wrap his mind around that upset that he at school instead of figuring out how and what the ship is all about.

💜 Michael and Maria still but he heads a little.

💜 it totally sucks that Michael is pushing Maria away like this you can tell that he doesn't want to but he needs to. I love how Michael still gets his way even though Maria is totally still pissed at him he could be a smooth talker.

💜 I like the nice side of Michael we don't get to see often . I'm glad that Michael is showing Maria the reason why he's been avoiding her and not calling. Michael opening up his hands and saying thank you like that to Maria give me so many feels everytime and her taken his hands. Warm feelings!! Its nice that he finally opening up to Maria. Michael told Maria about the other effect of them somewhere.

Quote of the episode" cars are like men Carver give their cable a little Jingle they'll be fine until morning"

Coming up next: the end of the world

Pic NOT mine

#roswell #michael #maria #season 2 #summer of 47

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sarcasticskip · 5 years

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What It Means To Be Mature

I’ll be honest, I was not expecting to enjoy Twelve Forever as much as I have. Just the overall quality of each episode being so far above what I’ve grown accustomed to with a lot of modern cartoons. But there is one aspect of it that I can’t stop thinking about and that’s how the basic storyline of “Child who doesn’t want to grow up” that’s been done a million times is executed in such a way that I haven’t quite seen in a children’s show before, and I want to discuss it, specifically how it pertains to the character of Reggie. But before I get any further, this whole thing will contain spoilers for the entire first season of Twelve Forever so if you’re thinking of watching the show I highly recommend it. It is, to me, one of the best animated shows to come out in recent memory, with a delightfully weird art style, interesting characters, and stellar comedy. The entire first season is up on Netflix so any of you with an account should check it out.

So for those of you sticking around, as stated above I’m going to be focusing on how the plot of “Child refusing to grow up” is handled, specifically as it pertains to the main character Reggie. I might wanna make separate posts about the ways in which the characters of Todd and Esther pertain to this storyline but Reggie’s character is the one that interested me the most in this regard.

From the very first scene, it’s clear that Reggie is rather childish, being shown sloppily eating birthday cake while playing with action figures. And how the one thing she wants for her birthday is another doll. However, instead of any sort of toys, Reggie’s mom gives her a sweater.

All the other gifts Reggie receives (with the exception of the socks and deodorant) are representative of what exactly is expected of a young girl; that being, to perform traditional femininity. Reggie’s mom says that “this birthday was going to be different” since Reggie is now growing up and is supposed to become a woman. Right off the bat, the main conflict is given: Reggie’s resistance to growing up stems from the fundamental disconnect she feels towards the agreed upon signifiers of what it means to be a “grown women”. Basically she has no interest in following the traditional gender roles laid out for her. Now her desire to remain young does expand into another area, and that being not wanting to take on responsibility. This can best be seen in the episode “Reggie’s Dad Forever” where a direct comparison is drawn between Reggie and her father, who according to her mom couldn’t handle the responsibility of looking after others.

That is definitely an important part of Reggie’s refusal to “grow up” and I did want to acknowledge it. And I do feel this is quite an interesting approach to take, highlighting how the adults in a person’s life can shape the way they view maturity. But there’s a lot more to it than that, which is where we go back to Reggie’s failure to conform to society’s idea of what it means to be a grown woman.

I keep stressing her gender because that is a huge part of why Reggie seems so against growing up, because simply put, there is nothing about being a grown woman that appeals to her. Not the make up, or the fashion, or the romance. Reggie’s refusal to adhere to traditional feminine roles goes beyond her sense of style and self-expression. Reggie is established early on as being disinterested in romance. At first it would seem this is caused by her parents’ failed relationship, as that is what she makes it out to be in the episode “Mack & Beefhouse Forever”

But then by the end of the episode, in an effort to get Beefhouse to stop hurting Mack, she says this:

Now all the way back in the first episode, Reggie described Mack and Beefhouse as a great couple, and the fact that Reggie’s example of a healthy relationship (since Mack and Beefhouse are the direct products of her imagination) are two men. You know where I’m going with this.

A part of growing up means that you will eventually get married and have kids of your own, and the reason that this idea is so unappealing to Reggie is caused not only by her parent’s failed relationship, but by the fact that she herself cannot fit this heteronormative idea. Her aversion to romance in thrown in a completely different light when it’s clear that the reason Reggie isn’t interested isn’t because she’s incapable of romantic feelings, but how those feelings are portrayed is incongruent to her.

The episodes “Locked Out Forever: Part One & Two” are a major turning point in the season with the introduction of Connelly.

Reggie has always been confident and shameless of who she is, but once she meets Connelly she suddenly becomes a stuttering mess desperately trying to avoid Connelly at all costs because of this. Now it’s very clear that Reggie has a crush on Connelly, and that this is something entirely new to her. Reggie didn’t connect with the idea of romance before because all of the previous forms she had been exposed to (with the exception of Mack and Beefhouse) had been straight. Because of Connelly, Reggie ends up breaking her key to Endless, meaning she is cut off from the fantasy world that helps her cope with reality. She cannot run from these feelings as she has no idea how to process them.

There is also the fact that Connelly’s introduction is placed alongside the backstory as to how Reggie found Endless in the first place. How it has always served as an escape from the harsh reality that she is not compatible with her peers and how she cannot live up to her mother’s expectations of her. Reggie is alienated in her life, and Endless is a place where everything and everyone not only loves her but is as weird as she is.

By the end of “Locked Out Forever: Part Two”, however, despite actually hitting it off with Connelly as the two share a similar passion to create art, Reggie has successfully buried her feelings and can once again retreat into the safety of her imagination.

She still is completely against the idea of romance, and cuts off Connelly as a result since she cannot handle her romantic feelings towards her.

Even though Reggie is not at all interested in conforming to the idea of what it means to be mature that is presented to her, she also cannot conceive of any other alternative ways of growing up that are better suited to her, which is why she continues to avoid Connelly and begins to feel even more alienated from her peers and her friends.

After “Locked Out Forever”, there is a noticeable shift in the dynamic of the main trio, mainly that Todd and Esther become more open and excited towards the idea of growing up as Reggie becomes more resistant to it. In “Brown Roger Forever”, Reggie’s immaturity and refusal to take responsibility for those in her care causes a rift in her relationship with Todd, who has already had to take on a lot of responsibility at home due to his brother’s absence and his father’s new relationship.

However, the point of no return so to speak, when it becomes clear that Reggie’s refusal to grow up is ultimately toxic is in the very next episode “Spring Break Forever”, as when Todd and Esther stay in Endless for several days, they begin to lose their memories. Endless is an escape, but not a place where one can thrive mentally. The loss of memory basically means that maturity in Endless is impossible, as one can not learn and grow from their past experiences there. The episode is rather grim, as it ends with Reggie unknowingly relinquishing herself to this rather toxic environment.

Now I say toxic, but really Endless itself is not a dangerous place to be in (for the most part). Endless is rather akin to a child’s imaginary friend: while it can be helpful in allowing a child to cope with difficult social situations, a refusal to let go of it and using it as a crutch is detrimental to a person’s development. The creatures on Endless mean no harm to any of the kids, because they cannot grasp that their actions are in anyway harmful.

So why does Reggie feel that Endless is the only place she can be herself? Because as we’ve established, she does not fit within the social confines of her world. In the episode “Dance Forever”, Todd and Esther are both able to find a romantic partner, while Reggie is left alone with no one she connects with.

But when the one person who she could make a romantic connection with does show up, Reggie is still resistant to this part of herself. She still is not at a point where she can process her feelings towards Connelly, and not wanting to face her complex emotions, Reggie opts to leave the dance.

Reggie could handle feeling left out, what pushed her over the edge was the reminder in the form of Connelly of just how much she doesn’t fit in with her friends. She is simply not compatible with the form of romance they so clearly are, and on some level she recognizes this and is left feeling alone with no one she can rely on.

In one of the following episodes, “Stranger Forever”, not only is it the clearest idea we’ve ever gotten as to how exactly Endless works but also serves as a grim tale as to the fate that Reggie could succumb to if she chooses to remain on Endless.

Her friends now fully grasp the dangers of remaining in a childlike mindset, but Reggie refuses to listen to their warnings or learn from Elmer the dangers of refusing to learn from your mistakes and abiding by the immature logic of a child. Ultimately, Reggie will end up hurting those she cares about because of her refusal to grow up.

Twelve Forever could’ve done what so many other books, shows, and movies have done before it and go the easy route with Reggie’s storyline. The show could’ve just said “You can’t stay a kid forever, you have to grow up because everybody does”. Instead it offers solid reasoning as to why it’s important to grow up. How refusing to do so will ultimately lead to isolation and stagnation that leaves a person unhappy. Not only does the show offer actual explanations as to why it is dangerous to try and remain a kid forever with the fantasy land of Endless Island, but also explains the other side of the issue as to why a kid wouldn’t want to grow up in the first place in the more grounded and mundane aspects of Reggie’s life.

Reggie’s failure to conform to traditional gender roles in every sense of the word, and the adults in her life (with the exception of Mr. Fleming) being unable to help her navigate the adult world in a way that fits who she is allows her moments of immaturity to be more relatable and sympathetic to those who grew up just like Reggie, unable to fit the role that society has told you is what’s right. That’s why I feel those who make out Reggie’s mom to be a villain are missing the point. Judy genuinely believes all the pressure she puts on Reggie to conform is what’s best for her, as Judy has not been taught anything different. I think that’s part of why Reggie’s story really struck a cord with me, as growing up I dreaded adulthood as it didn’t seem like there was a place for someone like me.

The 2010s has brought us a new wave of lgbt rep in children’s shows, but to me Twelve Forever stands out in it’s depiction of its gay characters as not only does it portray gay relationships as healthy but also portrays what its like growing up gay and how it can often make you feel alienated from the experiences of your peers. And it never feels the need to spell any of this out since it doesn’t have to, because it wouldn’t fit within the story since Reggie herself still hasn’t fully grasped who she is.

Twelve Forever is a fantastic show, and I can only hope that it not only is given a second season but that it can pave the way for creators to explore the ideas of gender, identity, and sexuality within children’s media in a way that can benefit kids into feeling like they do have a place in this world.

#twelve forever #twelve forever reggie #twelve forever todd #twelve forever esther

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valkerymillenia · 4 years

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Umbrella Academy

season 2, episode 4

New episode, new post!

This was the other post I had written out that got accidently deleted so I'm writing it all again.

1993? And Lila was 4? TOO MUCH COINCIDENCE! I still stand by my theory that Lila is one of the 43.

Yes, she has a father but that could just be her mother's husband. It's just too coincidental that the show would make her exactly the same age as the Hargreeves for no reason.

Ah the red heels. Hi Handler. These heels are really pretty though, very wicked witch with the ruby slippers. Even that outfit kind of screams wicked witch meets Cruella de Vil 😏

Kill parents, adopt child. Interesting MO, Handler. Like an evil Bruce Wayne (does this make Handler Owlman? I know, I'm not funny).

Oh, Handler pulling a Reginald with Lila!

Except, you know, she actually gives Lila positive reinforcement and affection, unlike Reggie. But her training seems just as brutal and inhumane for a child (and possibly even more violent) as Reginald's...

It's curious and interesting, a nice foil. Handler succeeds where Reggie fails- creating a loyal and effective soldier will into adulthood- because she was willing to give the kid affection and compassion. Reggie saw himself as some sort of hero creating heros but he failed at the most basic and human thing that even the villain understood.

-The filmography in these training scenes is brilliant.

-Ah, that prom look is the same as half of my classmates when we graduated 🤣 down to the blue makeup.

I'm guessing Lila's "prom"/"graduation" was her first solo assassination?

Wait, Handler wants to protect Five...? What the hell is she up to now?

Talking about killing people like it's a fun hobby 🤨

Oh, so the Swedes are triplets? I suspected but I like the confirmation.

Oh, Handler is lying ~~~~ 🎶

She's definitely following her own agenda here and she's leading Lila into danger. The question is if she's going to undermine the Commission for revenge of if she wants to prove her ability to get promoted back into administrative ranks of the Commission.

Either way, this will not end well for Five.

Lila is going to end up having to choose between Diego and Handler, isn't she?

Five stays in the car to give Luther space... No matter what Five says he actually cares about his siblings' feelings, doesn't he? He's the most overprotective of them all and always has been. It's sweet.

Ah, Luther and Vanya bonding over Five being an asshole. ☺️

"very warm and cuddly father" 🤣

Of course Vanya figured out Five was sparing her feelings, because she's not dumb

Oh, thank you for the honesty, Luther! Gotta love that.

I'm actually really happy to see Luther owning up to his mistakes instead of trying to act like the flawless leader. I think he grew a lot after accepting that Reginald wasnt perfect and I'm glad to see that growth still happening as he learns how to be an independent person. I just hope his guilt doesn't turn into even more self-hatred.

"you had kind of a bad childhood" -understatement of the century, Luther!

Luther, you have pissed off the mobster, you moron. You're on big trouble now.

Dramatic wall punch! 🙄

"when you get angry shit blows up" 😂😂😂

"you're our sister and a member of the umbrella academy" - oh, now you want to include her? The irony of this is that it's the one thing Vanya wanted for the first 29 years of her life and if anyone had said it then, the apocalypse would probably have never happened.

🖕🙊🖕

"I wonder if it's too late to be un-adopted" -ah, you know you love them, Five

Honestly, Allison actually keeps her cool really well, if I went through that phone call I would have broken something.

Why the hell does Klaus want menudo first thing in the morning?? Ew...

Klaus butchering "the frog and the scorpion"... You were doing so well but ended up completely missing the point of that story, dummy.

Diego's stab wound is healing really quickly...

Wait, he's healing quickly and Allison doesn't have a neck scar... Plus Klaus is immortal... Hmm, I wonder if quick healing is an ability they all share? Though that would put Diego's scars (and maybe Ben's death) into perspective...

Does Diego wax his chest? Those pecs are real smooth for someone who spent over two months in a 60s mental institution. 😆

"we've all had the urge" 😂 and Diego's sarcastic laugh 🤣

Who's the 12th of the Magestic 12? Oh, I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE??? Maybe a certain monocled asshole?

"Mamie pink" is Klaus's new nickname, I don't make the rules.

Klaus, you are freaking the boy out with all this new information...

Oh no, the homophobia 😡😡😡

You know what's more heartbreaking about this homophobic disaster? Dave is likely in the closet and this whole situation here and the hate his uncle is showing must be so painful to him, it would probably bury him even deeper in the closet...

Klaus... The punch... Oh, baby... 😢 Oh no, I'm going to cry 😭😭😭

Is Raymond really implying that Allison is a spy? Damn...

Just tell him the truth, Allison! How do you marry a person without telling them something so big about yourself??

Oh, so Klaus has been sober for 3 years... Interesting.

No, Klaus! Don't start self-destructing again! 😢😢😢

It must be so painful for Ben to watch this and not be able to stop it...

Oh shoot, the cult found him.

"prophet"? "holy wanderer"? Interesting.

Poor Klaus just wants peace.

They seriously couldn't get a suit for Five too? Is he not allowed to wear anything else?

Five is onto Lila 🎶

Luther, are you stress eating? Well, at least you're not going on a bender again.

Awww, Luther- Allison reunion. Cute. Please don't make it weird.

Oh God, the awkward small talk is back 😩

I'm glad Luther is being so mature about this. I like this dynamic better.

"Vanya is on a farm. And happy" and Allison finds the happy part weird. Diego in the "nuthouse" and Allison doesn't find that weird at all, even does that 'yeah, ok makes sense' face. Klaus "cult leader" and Luther isn't surprised at all, that little "eh" was so funny.

Lord, this family is mess.

"Doomsday" *awkward chuckle* -you guys are getting way too used to this.

"Diego, try not to do anything too stupid" 😆 ah, brothers.

Lila in red heels, like mommy... 😏

Reggie taught them ballroom dancing? And Handler had the same idea?

Um.... Ok, so new theories! Do Handler and Reginald know each other? Could Reginald have been in the Commission? I'm going to be thinking about this for a while...

Just let the girl lead, Diego. Stop being a little bitch.

GRACE?!

So mom!Grace is either a cyborg or she was modeled after this woman... Makes curious about Reggie's relationship with this lady.

Diego going through the universal horror every kid goes through when realizing that mommy and daddy are "together". 🤣🤣🤣 "I can't picture it on my head. That's nasty"

She didn't tell him her name was Grace but apparently it is.

Am I the only one getting weird desperate and co-dependant vibes from Sissy?

Oh no! Save the baby!

Holy shit! HOLY SHIT! Vanya's powers are incredible! The special effects in this scene are unbelievable!

Save the child!

How did his lips get blue so quickly?

THE RETURN OF THE MAGIC ALIEN LIGHTS! AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Ok, I need to pause to gather my thoughts... Ok, things I hope don't happen-please don't magically "fix" the disabled boy, and please don't make the powers transferrable (that's just lazy writing, don't rehash "Misfits").

However, other than that I'm just very curious what those lights will do to Harlan. Will they just save his life? Will he gain powers? Will he have some weird connection to Vanya now? I'm dying to find out!

Anyway, back to the ep.

Baby boy is ok!

Luther, did you think pissing off the mobster would end well?

Elliot just starting up at Luther in awe and visibly fighting not to poke him. 😆

HELL NO, LUTHER! NO DRUGS! DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE LAST TIME?? YOU GOT YOUR BROTHER KILLED!

Oh, Sissy... Poor woman.

There going to kiss, aren't they?

Melancholic music kicking in. Sad emotional talk. Sitting way too close. Yeah, they're going to kiss.

Aaaaaand there's the kiss! ☺️

But now I need to pause and digress again...

Yeah, Sissy's feelings for Vanya are not healthy at all. In fact they mirror Vanya's feelings for Leonard- she's unhappy with her life and clinging to the first person that gives her attention. She wants help, she wants to be rescued, she's touch and attention starved. She's co-dependant and emotionally manipulative.

I'm not saying Sissy is a bad person, she's not, she's a sad person stuck in an unhappy marriage, terrified of being abandoned (almost paranoid) and exhausted under a lot of pressure dealing with a disabled child. And then in comes Vanya, who is perfect with Harlan, so loving and kind and has nothing else to pour all her attention towards. Of course Sissy sees salvation in Vanya and is desperate to keep her.

I'm not saying Vanya and Sissy can't have a beautiful healthy relationship, they can, but not like this. Sissy is clinging too tight and using Vanya to make herself feel better and make her life easier. They both deserve better than that and I hope they get it.

I'm starting to think that all relationships in this season might be doomed to fail:

-Sissy and Vanya have a co-dependant and emotionally unhealthy infatuation and Sissy is married to a man that, while not great, still clearly loves her;

-Raymond and Allison have too many secrets between them that are causing a major rift, they can fix it but there's also the chance that Ray might not be able to accept the truth about her;

-Lila is a double agent using Diego to get close to Five, she seems to be developing feelings but the fact that she's lying about who she is and working for Handler is obviously toxic;

-Klaus is pining over a person that Dave has not yet become and while he only wants to save Dave's life, it's obvious there's too big an experience and culture gap between them for a relationship to flourish;

-Luther and Allison have become one-sided and less innocent and puppy-love than before, now it really is just creepy and unhealthy (whereas before it was understandable because they grew up together under an emotionally unavailable father and isolated from the real world, naturally they became attached and confused their feelings, their attachment wasn't healthy but it was justified and almost innocent... Not anymore though);

-we have no concrete proof yet, but it seems Ben MIGHT be pining over a girl that might not even see him, he's dead, it might be an interesting dynamic storywise, but it's not going to happen, it's unhealthy and unfair;

Some of these couples might still survive and become great, it's still really in the season after all, but they have a lot of growing to do before they get there.

Anyway.... Back to the episode.

Oh Klaus... Off the wagon...

Allison being a good sister and taking care of her brother. My heart ❤️

Luther, you idiot... Well, at least you're getting high in a safe environment.

Luther and Klaus are self-destructing, my poor boys.

"you are super weird" - Luther, you have no zero right to call anyone weird, have you looked in the mirror??

"the woman I love loves someone else" -the woman you love is. your. SISTER!

I really like poor Elliot, I hope nothing bad happens to him.

Jesus, that's creepy, Luther.

Didn't I say Reginald was the 12th? 😏

Roswell? Reggie probably has a vested interest in that.

Blink out of there, Five.

I love that Five's main move is always 'teleport onto their backs and go for the throat'.

Wait, why did Five's teleportation glitch???

The music!!!!

Wait, did Diego's aim just glitch too???

Could these power glitches be connected to Vanya's magic lights going into Harlan? Or could it be something about the Swedes? Or about Reginald's presence, seeing as he dodged Diego's power before? Hmm...

Oooh, Lila has to choose between Diego and her mission already? Interesting... Of course she chooses to save Five.

Badass Lila is amazing!

So she could have helped Diego after helping Five but instead she just walks away? Huh, unexpected.

Diego, you adrenaline junkie. Good moves though.

The ancient Greek is a surprise! I really want to know what Five said to Reginald!!! What did he say? I need to know!!!

Another great chapter!! Very emotional too!

I want more!!!

#tua #tua s2 #tua s2 spoilers #reactions #live blogging #theories #spoilers

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five-the-assassin · 5 years

Text

Unplanned mafia au

So because of writers block everything official i’ve tried writing is shit so here i am in notes just going for a stream of consciousness style fic bc lets be real nothing else is fucking working

so here’s an au. no powers, reggie’s not an alien, grace is human, pogo doesn’t exist bc i forgot about him and by the time i remembered it was too late

- reginald is essentially the same. abusive asshole. i still see him as an eccentric billionaire, so that lends the question how did he get so rich? he’s not an alien or whatever the fuck he is in the show, so where did the money come from? more on that later.

- so you have this weird ass kinda shady billionaire who decides out of the blue to adopt six children. reasons unclear, but hey it happens. the tabloids go wild.

- after a series of failed nannies he marries grace, a beautiful young women in her very early twenties. the tabloids go wild yet again, but they can’t find any details on the marriage or grace.

- it’s as if Grace didn’t exist before her marriage.

- eventually they just accept it and move on.

- and the kids grow up. reginald is still an abusive dick, and these kids have a pretty miserable childhood. grace is their one saving (excuse the pun) grace.

-and one by one, they leave.

-allison is the first, getting a small part in a movie filming in la when she’s sixteen. she emancipated herself (reginald doesn’t even look at the papers, just signs the dotted line), and she’s gone.

-a few months later, so is vanya. full scholarship to study performance violin at a local college. she doesn’t tell anyone she’s leaving, and it takes days for anyone to notice she was gone.

-there’s a brief interlude. a few months go by.

-then ben leaves. he was accepted to a local community college with plans to go to medical school once he saves up the money.

- a few days later, klaus follows.

-diego storms out a few weeks after he turns seventeen. no plans, no savings, he ends up in a gym and the owner takes pity on him and lets him stay in the boiler room. he stays there for a little while, then enrolls in the police academy where he meets a fiery seventeen year old named eudora patch, and for the first time diego has met his match.

- luther stays, and then when he turns eighteen his father unceremoniously kicks him out. he flounders, then joins the army.

-in the last three months of luther’s stay there was something he failed to notice. but to be fair to him, grace always has worn loose dresses.

-reginald only notices around the five month mark, and therein lies the problem. he and grace has never harbored any delusions of love, or even fondness. grace loved her children, and for her children she stayed. but once most her children left, there was a hole in her heart.

-so one night she left, and she tried to find something to fill that hole.

-and six weeks later, in one of the many empty rooms in the hargreeves mansion, she finds that, while it’s not what she expected, the hole will be filled a little.

-grace’s baby is born in a hospital on may fifth.

-she is alone in the delivery room, save the doctors.

-she doesn’t know quite yet what she wants to name the child, so she brings home a blank birth certificate and a baby the doctors have been calling little baby grace.

-reginald barely blinks when she brings the baby home.

-(“What is it called?” He asks, not looking up from his journal. He is sitting in his desk chair, portrait of himself looming over the room.

“He doesn’t have a name yet.” Grace replies softly, trying not to wake the baby in her arms. The doctors had said he was one of the most alert babies they had ever seen, and he seemed to scoff at the idea that babies needed sleep.

Grace loved him with all her heart.

“When was it born?” Reginald demanded, sharply closing his journal and finally looking up at his wife and her baby.

“May fifth at-“ Grace started to answer, but Reginald cut her off.

“It will be called Five.”

And that was the end of that.)

-Grace considers calling her children, telling them they had a new brother But they had fought so hard to make lives for themselves, and never once had they looked back. Grace ignores the heartbreak, because she understands. She considered leaving, so many times, but her children had kept her here. So she stayed, but she will not drag her children back here when they finally escaped.

- She knows what it’s like to run and never look back. She knows how much it would hurt to be dragged back.

-And so Five grows up with pictures and stories of his older siblings, but no visits.

-It’s evident from the beginning that he is not an ordinary child. He’s speaking by six months, carrying full conversations by twelve. Grace encourages this with all she has, this house had been silent for too long.

-Grace had planned on sending Five to school. With her other six children Reginald had demanded they be privately tutored, but Reginald seemed to ignore Five’s existence altogether. Grace has taken this as permission to raise Five as she saw fit, and she wanted Five’s childhood to be nothing like his siblings.

-(and maybe if she gave Five a childhood completely different than his siblings then he wouldn’t run one day and never look back.)

-Five’s first day of preschool was... interesting.

(“Five, how was school? Did you make new friends?” Grace asked as she walked him to the car. Five was still a tiny little thing, she nearly had to stoop to hold his hand.

“It was boring. All we did was sing the ABCs.” Five muttered, kicking a rock along the pavement. “I tried to tell the Ms. Henry that I knew my times tables but she just told me that we’re not supposed to do times tables yet.”

Grace sighed, then fixed on a smile. “Well, were the other children nice?”

“They were boring. They just wanted to play pretend. They didn’t like me.” Five admitted the last part softly, and Grace’s heart clenched painfully.)

-So Five had been moved up to first grade. Within a week he had been moved to third. After the third grade teacher recommended he be moved to fifth Grace finally caved and decided to tutor him privately.

-She still tried to encourage him to spend time with kids his own age. Five seemed to enjoy the martial arts class Grace signed him up for, and there was a mother/child art class that Five liked. But despite her encouragement, Five never seemed to want to play with kids his own age. He was perfectly content to be on his own, reading and learning more and more.

- (One day when he is five, Five asks if they can talk. Grace agrees immediately, and follows as Five sits down on his bed and Grace sits across from him.

“Why do you stay here?” He asks, his five year old face as serious as Grace had ever seen it.

“What do you mean? This is our home.” Grace replies, trying to put her hand over Five’s. He snatches it away, and looks Grace dead in the eye.

“No, it’s not. It’s his.”

Grace doesn’t ask who he means.)

- She has her reasons for staying. She had her reasons for marrying Reginald. But those reasons begin to get more and more insignificant every time she finds Five curled up in nearly unreachable corners of the house, pale face buried in a book.

- And so when Five turns seven, she hands Reginald divorce papers, quietly sues him for four and a half million dollars, and moves herself and Five to a small apartment in the middle of the city, near the local university.

- Five flourishes. When they still lived at the mansion he was withdrawn and kept to himself, it took forever to Grace to coax him out of his shell every afternoon.

- (Privately she was terrified that something had happened that she didn’t know about. Reginald had never seemed to notice Five nor want to be around him, but there were times when Grace came home from the store and Five would be hiding in his room, head buried in a book, tear stains on his face.)

- One day at the library, when he’s eight, he meets a girl named Dolores. Her wheelchair is turquoise and decorated with sequins, and Five is drawn to her immediately. Grace gives the two their space, and by the time she comes back Five already knows the alphabet in sign language, and his entire stack of books he brings to check out are sign language instructionals.

-When Five turned ten, he graduated college with a degree in theoretical physics. By the time he was twelve he had his masters, and then he immediately began his PhD.

-Grace was at every one of his graduations, videotaping them with a proud smile and a tears in her eyes.

-(Privately, she wonders what Ben and Vanya’s graduations had been like, how handsome they must have looked in their gowns and hats. She wonders if Vanya smiled that bright smile reserved only for her violin, if Ben’s shoulders finally unclenched as he walked across the stage.)

- Dolores becomes a permanent fixture in their lives. She’s cyber schooled because of her various doctor’s visits and appointments, so whenever Five isn’t absolutely required to be in school he is by her side. Grace gives the two their space, and she and Dolores’ dads become fast friends. When hospital bills start to become too much she quietly steps in and offers to help out; she has more money than she knows what to do with.

- One day, at the hospital, she runs into Ben. She nearly doesn’t recognize her baby, he got so tall since last saw him.

- But Ben recognizes her immediately.

- (He had dropped his folders and run over to her, crushing her in a hug before she knew what was happening. He quickly pulled back, examining Grace worriedly.

“Mom! Are you ok? Is everyone fine? What are you doing here?” He asks, and Grace smiles, barely able to contain her joy at being reunited with one of her children.

“Everyone’s fine, I’m here with Five to visit his friend.” She soothes, and Ben’s eyebrows furrow.

“Five?” He asks, and Grace’s smile is tinted with sadness and she suggests they get coffee and talk.)

- She tells Ben that she divorced Reginald four years ago, and of the existence of Five.

-Ben meets Five a few days later.

-(He would have brought Klaus, but Ben had just checked him into rehab again. Grace’s heart hurt, but she knew that rehab would help Klaus more than she could right now.)

- Five is understandably wary, but Ben has a way of worming past people’s defenses and before dinner they’re chatting like they’ve known each other their whole lives.

- Then, one day when Five is thirteen, Grace’s sister calls and tells her that Sir Reginald Hargreeves is dead three days before the news announces it.

- She hadn’t spoken to Claudia since the day before she was married.

- Except Claudia apparently only answers to ‘The Handler’ now.

#The Umbrella Academy #Umbrella Academy #Grace Hargreeves #Reginald Hargreeves #au #ramblings #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #maybe ill expand on this later #i didn't plan on it turning into a mafia au but im fully prepared to roll with it #grace hargreeves is gonna fuck shit up to protect her kids #yeah there's gonna be a part 2 #so i gotta name this #runaway au

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urwarriorangel · 6 years

Text

<3 urwarriorangel’s writing challenge <3

hello my darling angels! i have started a writing challenge because i want to read more of what you write. i’m calling this a challenge because that’s what i’ve read others call it? rules are listed below! all submissions will be read by yours truly and (if they follow the p basic rules) i will post them all on a masterlist! i will reblog them and give you feedback because that’s what should happen regardless and also i love you guys! (gif not mine!)

rules

*no rape/incest/underage sex/etc.

*if you choose to write smut, you must be 18+!!! the characters you’re writing for must be 18+!!

*must be character x reader! you can write for multiple characters, but it still must be a reader insert!

*it’s first come first serve for characters, meaning there are character limits. multiple people can write for the same character, but they are capped. so please message me as soon as you see a character you want to write for!

*only one prompt per fic! (bonus points if you use any of my original prompts lol!) (also prompts can only be used once)

*triggers must be tagged. if there are any triggers in your fic, you must have a trigger warning. i cannot emphasize this enough.

*fic should be at least 500 words, if it’s longer (which please make it as long as you’d like!) you have to add a ‘read more’

*must tag me in the fic and use # urwarriorangelwritingchallenge <3

*fic should be a new original, not an old piece being resubmitted or a part of an already existing series. (you can write a series for this challenge if you’d like!)

*bonus points if you’re a poc!writer with a poc!reader <3 <3 <3

*you must respect the sexuality of the character! if you would like for an lgbtq+ character, their sexuality should not change in the fic. thank you!

*please send me a message with the character(s) you’d like to write for and the prompt!

example: damon salvatore + “i don’t know how much longer i can go on”

~the masterlist will be posted on august 13th! (if this goes well aka if people participate i would love to do this more often!)~

categories allowed:

anything your heart desires. if you’re going to write fluff please keep it compelling! add a few different styles together! give me some angst, some smut. make it a mystery! i mean absolutely no disrespect to those who write/read only fluff, but personally i find fluff a little more fun when it’s got multiple components! (if you write only fluff, please go ahead and write fluff! i will read it and i’m sure i’ll love it! these are just my personal preferences!)

i love aus very much, so please don’t shy away from them!

characters & prompts under the cut!

characters (five slots for each character)

agents of shield

al mackenzie antoine “trip” triplett daisy “skye” johnson grant ward jemma simmons lance hunter leopold fitz lincoln campbell

brooklyn 99

amy santiago charles boyle gina linetti jake peralta raymond holt rosa diaz terrence jeffords

buffy the vampire slayer

angel buffy summers cordelia chase rupert giles william the bloody aka spike

criminal minds

aaron hotchner david rossi derek morgan elle greenaway emily prentiss jennifer jareau luke alvez penelope garcia spencer reid

defenders-ish

billy russo frank castle jessica jones luke cage matt murdock

friends

chandler bing joey tribbiani monica geller phoebe buffay rachel green ross geller

game of thrones

arya stark benjen stark daenerys targaryen eddard stark jaime lannister jon snow khal drogo robb stark samwell tarly sansa stark tyrion lannister

gossip girl

blair waldorf carter baizen chuck bass dan humphrey nate archibald serena van der woodsen vanessa abrams

harry potter

draco malfoy fred weasley george weasley harry potter hermione granger remus lupin ronald weasley sirius black (young) tom riddle

hawaii five-0

adam noshimuri chin ho kelly daniel williams kono kalakaua michael noshimuri steve mcgarrett

jane the virgin

adam alvaro jane gloriana villanueva petra solano rafael solano

lucky number slevin

slevin kelevra

mcu

bruce banner aka hulk brunnhilde aka my valkyrie queen bucky barnes aka winter soldier clint barton aka hawkeye drax aka the destroyer erik stevens aka killmonger gamora aka um need we say more? janet van dyne aka wasp loki aka loki m’baku aka you already know mantis aka mantis aka a fucking cutie may parker aka ailf nakia aka loml okoye aka incredible badass peggy carter aka kickass peter parker aka spider-man peter quill aka star-lord pietro maximoff aka quicksilver sam wilson aka falcon scott lang aka antman shuri aka an angel stephen strange aka dr. strange steve rogers aka captain america t’challa aka black panther thor aka thor tony stark aka iron-man wanda maximoff aka scarlet witch

new girl

coach nick miller

pretty little liars

aria montgomery caleb rivers emily fields ezra fitz hanna marin jason dilaurentis mona vanderwaal noel kahn spencer hastings wren kingston

reign

francis mary stuart nostradamus sebastian

riverdale

archie andrews betty cooper cheryl blossom fangs fogarty fp jones fred andrews jason blossom josie mccoy jughead jones kevin keller malachai charles!reggie mantle ross!reggie mantle sweet pea toni topaz valerie brown veronica lodge

shadowhunters

alec lightwood clary fray isabelle lightwood jace herondale lucian grey magnus bane simon lewis

teen wolf

allison argent chris argent cora hale derek hale isaac lahey jackson whittermore jordan parrish kira yukimura liam dunbar lydia martin malia tate peter hale scott mccall stiles stilinski theo raeken

the 100

bellamy blake clarke griffin echo finn collins jasper jordan john murphy king roan lexa lincoln monty green nathan miller octavia blake ontari raven reyes wells jaha

the originals

davina claire elijah mikaelson freya mikaelson hayley marshall kol mikaelson lucian castle niklaus mikaelson marcel gerard rebekah mikaelson

the vampire diaries

bonnie bennett caroline forbes damon salvatore elena gilbert jeremy gilbert katherine pierce malachi parker mary louise matt donovan nora hildegard olivia parker tyler lockwood stefan salvatore sybil

x-men

alex summers aka havok charles xavier aka young!professor x erik lehnsherr aka magneto hank mccoy aka beast jean grey aka phoenix logan aka wolverine peter maximoff aka quiksilver ororo monroe aka storm raven darkholme aka mystique

prompts (once someone requests a prompt, i will update the list! list will be updated once a day, if multiple people ask for a prompt in between updates, i will give it to the first person who sent me an ask. i realize that there are more character options than there are prompts, i did this because i don’t think too many people will participate. if we ever run out, i will add more prompts! example of request: klaus mikaelson + “give me a chance”)

(rfaimagining)

angst

1: “ give me a chance. ”

2: “ not you again.. ”

3: “ leave me alone. ”

4: “ i don’t love you anymore. ”

5: “ why do you hate me? ”

6: “ i lost the baby. ”

7: “ i thought you loved me. ”

8: “ i don’t need you anymore. ”

9:“ i can’t believe you! ”

10: “ we can't keep this up forever. ”

11: “ you’re a monster. ”

12: “ i hate you. ”

13: “ don’t leave me… ”

14: “ you’re a disappointment. ”

15: “ don’t die on me– please. ”

16: “ i never meant to hurt you. ”

17: “ are you upset with me? ”

18: “ i wish i’d never met you. ”

19: “ i’m going to kill you! ”

20: “ please don’t hurt me like this. ”

21: “ thanks for nothing. ”

22: “ dont call this number again. “

23: “ why did you spare me? ”

24: “ you need to leave. ”

25: “ i’m sick. ”

26: “ i’m dying. ”

27: “ i wish i’d never met you. ”

28: “ i thought we were family!”

29: “ there was never an us. ”

30: “ so that’s it? it’s over? ”

31: “ i fucked up. ”

32: “ i came to say goodbye. ”

33:“ he’s dead because of you. ”

34: “ i don’t deserve to be loved. ”

35: “ about the baby… its yours. ”

love

36: “ i’m so in love with you. ”

37: “ dance with me! ”

38: “ isn’t this amazing? ”

39: “ i wish we could stay like this forever. ”

40: “ will you marry me? ”

41: “ i’m pregnant. ”

42: “ i need a hug. ”

43: “ you’re special to me. ”

44: “ i’m going to keep you safe. ”

45: “ do you trust me? ”

46: “ can i kiss you right now? ”

47: “ you’re cute when you’re angry. ”

48: “ i’ve liked you for awhile now. ”

49: “ let’s have a baby. ”

50: “ we’d make such a cute couple. ”

51: “ i want to take care of you. ”

52: “ can we cuddle? ”

53: “ it’s lonely here without you. ”

54: “ i can’t stand the thought of losing you. ”

55: “ shut up and kiss me already. ”

56: “ are you flirting with me? ”

57: “ is that my shirt? ”

58: “ how did we get here? ”

59: “ you own my heart. ”

60: “ you’d be a great dad. ”

61: “ you’d be a great mom. ”

62: “ i want to protect you. ”

63: “ what's the matter? ”

64: “ you’re so beautiful. ”

65: “ did you do something different with your hair? ”

66: “ is that a new perfume? ”

67: “ stop being so cute. ”

68: “ you’re making me blush! ”

69: “ you’re teasing me again… ”

70: “ this is why i fell in love with you. ”

71: “ you’re the best! ”

72: “ they’re going to love you, don’t worry! ”

73: “ oh, are you ticklish? ”

74: “ of course i remembered! ”

75: “ you’re one hell of a girl. ”

76: “ you’re one hell of a guy. ”

77: “ are you jealous? ”

78: “ hold me and never let me go. ”

79: “ stop hogging all the blankets! ”

80: “ lets run away together. ”

misc

90: “ catch me if you can! ”

91: “ i’m fine. ”

92: “ are you drunk? ”

93: “ are you high? ”

94: “ we can't go in there… ”

95: “ give it back! ”

96: “ well this is just great. ”

97: “ don’t touch me. ”

98: “ not sure if you could tell, but i’m not exactly a people person. ”

99: “ this was fun— let's do it again sometime!”

100: “ i didn’t do it! ”

101: “ i did it… ”

102: “ i don’t remember that! ”

103: “ well that’s pretty rude of you to say. ”

104: “ get that thing away from me! ”

105: “ you owe me. ”

106: “ do you believe in aliens? ”

107: “ do you believe in ghosts? ”

108: “ are you hitting on me? ”

109: “ why are you naked? ”

110: “ you did what?! ”

111: “ you have… superpowers? ”

112: “ why are you bleeding? ”

113: “ where did all these puppies come from?”

114: “ don’t make me come over there myself! ”

115: “ that wasn’t funny. ”

116: “ this tastes horrible. ”

117: “ this is delicious! ”

118: “ are you mad at me? ”

119: “ stop ignoring me… ”

120: “ i love that show too! ”

121: “ can i borrow that book of yours?”

122: “ let's blow this joint. ”

123: “ let me help you with that. ”

124: “ take that back! ”

125: “ wanna go see a movie with me? ”

126: “ no way, that’s so lame. ”

127: “ what are you listening to? ”

128: “ i brought you your coffee. ”

129: “ don’t fuck this up. ”

130: “ run! ”

131: “ lets run away together. ”

132: “ i haven’t slept in four days… ”

133: “ your turn to do the dishes. ”

134: “ was i really that drunk? ”

135: “ was i really that stoned? ”

136: “give me back my phone! ”

137: “ you’re an asshole. ”

138: “ are you cold? ”

139: “ this place gives me the creeps. ”

140: “ i swear my house is haunted. ”

141: “ did you hear that? ”

142: “ it’s just your imagination. ”

143: “ just how stupid do you think i am? ”

144: “ stop being such a baby. ”

145: “ go back to bed. ”

146: “ are you okay? ”

147: “ i can take care of myself just fine.”

148: “ thanks for helping me back there. ”

149: “ since when have we ever been friends? ”

150: “ what on earth are you wearing? ”

151: “ i can’t feel my legs! ”

152: “ stop texting me weird stuff so late at night. ”

153: “ put me down! ”

154: “ there’s only one bed… ”

155: “ it isn’t what it looks like! okay.. maybe it is… ”

156: “ how did i lose it? ”

157: “ i read your diary. ”

158: “ this is awkward. ”

159: “ didn’t you read the sign? ”

160: “ do you think you can teach me that? ”

nsfw

161: “ bite me. ”

162: “ make me. ”

163: “ fuck me. ”

164: “ stop teasing me so much… ”

165: “ do you like it when i touch you like that?”

166: “ okay.. this is new. ”

167: “ want to head back to my place and have a little fun? ”

168: “ you’re in trouble now. ”

169: “ what a pretty sight. ”

170: “ bend over. ”

171: “ on your knees. ”

172: “ the food looks great but.. there’s something much more delicious i’d like to eat right now. ”

173: “ lay back. ”

174: “ take off your clothes. ”

175: “ well, fine; just this once. ”

176: “ i’m waiting. ”

177: “ you’re so beautiful. ”

178:“ as you wish. ”

179: “ first one to make a noise loses.”

180: “ you have no idea what you do to me. ”

181: “ if you’re bored; wanna have sex? ”

182: “ i've wanted this for so long. ”

183: “ car sex looks so much more easier in the movies. ”

184: “ can i touch you? ”

185: “ open up. ”

186: “ no strings attached. ”

187: “ already? do i really have that much of an effect on you? ”

188: “ mine. ”

189: “ the nights still young. ”

190: “ we can't do that here! ”

191: “ behave. ”

192:“ what did you just say? ”

193: “ good girl. ”

194: “ good boy. ”

195: “ come here. ”

continued nsfw from misc sources

196: “are you going to come here, or are you going to make me come get you myself?”

197: “don’t look at me like that, you brought this on yourself.”

198: “stay still, squirming will make it worse.”

199: “keep count. if you lose it, we’re starting over. understand?”

200: “go get me the cane.”

201: “take your shirt off and put your hands up against the wall.”

202: “open your mouth. i’m putting the gag in so your screaming won’t alarm someone.”

203: “did you disobey my orders?”

204: “i thought i told you not to touch that?”

205: “have you finished everything i told you to do?”

206: “if you don’t stop acting like this, i’ll be forced to use different tactics.”

207: “your skin turns so red under my palm.”

208: “bend over the back of the couch.”

209: “you might want to bite something, the whip has a bite to it.”

210: “come here and bend over my lap.”

211: “i’m tired of your smart mouth.”

212: “you’re really hot.”

213: “oh, don’t mind me. just enjoying the view.”

214: “you know, those/that ______ of yours are/is pretty distracting.”

215: “hot damn.”

216: “so, you come here often?”

217: “well, well. my night just got better.”

218: “is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

219: “you have got a great ass.”

220: “hey, i’m open minded.”

221: “you enjoying the view over there?”

222: “keep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.”

223: “don’t be bashful. you know you want to.”

224: “you can have me any way you’d like, baby.”

225: “you wanna move this conversation someplace more private?”

226: “i’m off in a few minutes, you know.”

227:“it’s been a long day. why don’t we help each other unwind?”

228: “i think it’s about time we stop avoiding the obvious.”

229: “i’m gonna be honest with you. i’m really horny, and you’re really hot. can we fuck? like, now?”

230: “i wanna see you get naked.”

231: “you like how i bend over for you, huh?”

232: “you’re getting me all worked up.”

233: “what do we have here?”

234: "i see someone’s happy to see me.”

235: “play your cards right, and i just might have to put you on speed dial.”

236: “you like that, don’t you?”

237: “how do you want me?”

238: “i’m sure we can put those lips to better use.”

239: “i want you. right here. right now.”

240: “god, you’re perfect.”

241: “i really like a man who’s good with his hands.”

242: “i’d be more than happy to show you a good time, if you’re looking for one.”

243: “i saw that. you just checked me out.”

244: “you look real good in that suit/dress/skirt/outfit.”

245: “you wanna help me out of this ___?” (insert article clothing here.)

246: “can i keep you?”

247: “you’re such a tease.”

248: “oh my, looks like i/you dropped something.”

249: “i love it when you talk dirty.”

250: “i can’t stop thinking about your hands on me.”

251: “i think you’ll be happy to know that i’m not wearing any underwear.”

252: “i really want to take you home and get you out of all those clothes.”

253: “it’s like you want to ruin men/women for me.”

#urwarriorangelswritingchallenge

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aviewfromthepanopticon · 5 years

Text

The Auntie Matter

Big Finish’s summary: England in the 1920s. Whilst K9 is off in the TARDIS leading the Black Guardian on a wild goose chase, the Doctor and Romana are enjoying a leisurely lifestyle as the Lord and Lady of a London townhouse. But trouble never stays away from them for long, and before they know it a chance discovery of alien technology leads them deep into the heart of the English countryside where a malign presence lurks. As the Doctor dodges deadly butlers and ferocious gamekeepers, Romana is faced with a malevolent Aunt and an even deadlier peril — marriage. Written by: Jonathan Morris Directed by: Ken Bentley Release Date: January 14th, 2013 Series: The Fourth Doctor Adventures, Series 2, Story 1 Cast: Tom Baker (The Doctor), Mary Tamm (Romana), Alan Cox (Grenville), Lucy Griffiths (Mabel), Julia McKenzie (Florence), Robert Portal (Reggie), Jane Slavin (Ligeia)

This audio is simply a DELIGHT

Everything about it is just... so much fun. Just endlessly amusing.

Some commentary on this audio from Vortex:

Writer Jonathan Morris says: “The story is set in 1920s Hampshire and is a kind of a what-if, the what-if being, ‘What if PG Wodehouse had written a Doctor Who story in 1978?’ Well, The Auntie Matter endeavours to be the answer to that question. “It’s a frothy, silly, summery, farcical comedy, but with grisly undertones. I’m immeasurably proud of it. I think, through attempting to channel the voice of the Master, it contains some of my wittiest writing.”

Jonny attended the studio recording and was delighted with the passionate performances. He grins: “To hear Tom Baker performing my words and doing it so well, with such attention to detail, with such irrepressible humour and with such panache! Many times I closed my eyes and it was like being transported back to 1978 – or sticking on a DVD of a Doctor Who from 1978. “I count myself inordinately fortunate to have been given such an opportunity; even if in retrospect I still can’t quite believe it happened! It will be a memory to treasure for the rest of my life. It’s just mind-boggling.” (Vortex 107)

Director Ken Bentley adds: “The Auntie Matter is still one of the most bonkers stories I’ve worked on. You can always rely on Jonny for something unusual, and every now and then and he delivers a real peach. “The combination of such quintessentially English comedy characters and science fiction turned this into something akin to an absurdist play. Robert Portal did such a fantastic job of bringing Reggie to life that he’s on the list of characters I’d like to see return.” (Vortex 107)

We open on the Doctor and Romana pretending to be a married couple in 1929, where they co-own a townhouse on Baker Street in London. When they purchased this townhouse is a mystery. This seems to be Romana’s first visit to the townhouse, and they stay there later in the 4DAs (when Romana is in her Second Incarnation type later) both earlier in the 1920s and during the Victorian era (they also stay there in the 1960s and in the 1980s).

Regardless of where the townhouse came from, Romana is bored out of her mind pretending to be a Human, so she decides to go out and learn about Human scientific advancement (no wonder later in the 4DAs Romana has a list of fun activities to do/exciting people to meet, in case she has to spend extended periods of time on Earth).

ROMANA: You did what? DOCTOR: I told you, I linked the randomizer to the TARDIS guidance systems and left it on automatic in a low oven. ROMANA: So now the TARDIS is flitting randomly through time and space? DOCTOR: Yes. Until the Black Guardian gets tired of chasing it, and then it will return to us here in London. Eventually. ROMANA: Eventually? DOCTOR: Oh, after its visited a thousand worlds or so, it shouldn’t take more than a couple of weeks, a month at the most! ROMANA: And in the meantime, Doctor, we’re stuck here on Earth? And what about the dog? He’s still in the TARDIS! DOCTOR: Oh, he’ll be in his element! I left the scanner open so he can look outside, and if he gets bored he can always look things up in the databank. He likes that. ROMANA: Aren’t you forgetting something? What if the Black Guardian manages to locate us while the TARDIS is away? DOCTOR: Ah! That’s why I’m building this! ROMANA: Which is? DOCTOR: It’s an etheric field disturbance detector! ROMANA: Huh? DOCTOR: It detects disturbances in the etheric field. ROMANA: Ah! And does it work? DOCTOR: Not yet, but it will do! When it’s finished. Then the Black Guardian won’t be able to sneak up on us without our knowing about it! *chuckles* ROMANA: I can’t help thinking it might have been more logical to finish building the detector before sending the TARDIS off on a wild goose chase! DOCTOR: Yes, I suppose it would, now you come to mention it. Oh well. *knock on door* DOCTOR: Hello? Yes! MABEL: Your breakfast, your Lordship. DOCTOR: Breakfast? Ah! Yes! Put it on the table over there, will you? No. On second thought… I’m not hungry anymore. Could you take it away again? MABEL: As you wish, my Lord. DOCTOR: Hmmmmm, now then… where was I? *sounds of tea being poured* ROMANA: But of all the places in the galaxy, why choose here? DOCTOR: Why? What’s wrong with Earth?!?! ROMANA: Ooooh, nothing. It’s harmless. *tea is now being stirred*... If a little primitive. DOCTOR: Primitive? *tea is set down* ROMANA: Well, yes. They’ve only just worked out general relativity. They’re barely one step up from banging rocks together. DOCTOR: I’ll have you know this is one of the three great periods in Earth history! The roaring Twenties! A time of Gershwin, F Scott Fitzgerald of Hemingway *laughs* a ton of flappers and men in spats… of diamonds as big as the ritz! ROMANA: So that’s why you chose this time zone. DOCTOR: ….well… well no. It was a complete accident. But I don’t know what you’re complaining about! I found us a nice house, didn’t I? ROMANA: Yes, I… I just wish… *sighs* we’d landed on a more stimulating world. DOCTOR: More stimu - !!!! You’ve barely given it a chance! You should get out there! See the sights! Enjoy some of the local culture! ROMANA: While you stay here trying to get that machine to work? DOCTOR: Well I’m hardly going to get it to work if I go out with you, am I, Romana? ROMANA: I suppose I could always immerse myself in the scientific literature of this age. That might while away the afternoon! DOCTOR: Yes... that’s the spirit. Carpe Diem. ROMANA: I’ll just pop down to one of the bookshops in Bloomsbury. I shouldn’t be longer than half an hour! DOCTOR: Sonic screwdriver… sonic screwdriver… ROMANA: I SAID I’ll - DOCTOR: I know I put it down somewhere… ROMANA: UGH, nevermind. Goodbye Doctor! DOCTOR: Uh, there you are! Now, just a matter of calibrating the temporal anomaly…

At the bookstore she goes to to learn about Human knowledge, Romana meets a man who is desperate to find a lady to marry and bring home to meet his aunt (who is a body snatching alien, shhhhh, he doesn’t know)

BOOKSTORE EMPLOYEE: Yes Ma’am, can I help you? ROMANA: I’m looking for any publications relating to recent mathematical and scientific developments. EMPLOYEE: Was there anything in particular you were interested in? ROMANA: Oooh, you know, set theory, quantum theory, the photo-electric effect, that sort of thing. EMPLOYEE: I’ll take a look in the back. REGGIE: I say! That’s a bit of a coincidence, what! ROMANA: What is? REGGIE: You, coming in here, asking about books on the photogigamy effect, when that’s precisely what I was looking for too! ROMANA: Really? You don’t strike me as the scientific type. REGGIE: Oh, yes. I’m a sucker for all things sciencey! The more advanced, the better as far as I’m concerned! And it’s not everyday a chap comes across a pretty girl who's interested in quantic theory! ROMANA: Quantum theory. REGGIE: That too! ROMANA: It relates to the behavior of subatomic particles. REGGIE: Oh, I know! Fascinating little chaps, aren’t they? ROMANA: I was wondering in particular what conclusions have been drawn from the photo-electric effect with regards to particle-wave duality. REGGIE: Oh! That! Yes! Wan old business, isn’t it? Been exercising the grey matter about it myself, actually! ROMANA: And have you come to any conclusions? REGGIE: Not conclusions, as such. But I’ll tell you what, I’d love to discuss it with you over a spot of lunch! If you’re willing. ROMANA: Hmmm, I suppose I have nothing better to do, Mr eh? REGGIE: Connally-Basset, at your service. But you can me Reginald. Or Reggie if time is short! ROMANA: Pleased to meet you. My name’s Romana. REGGIE: Romana. Is that short for something? ROMANA: It’s funny you should mention that… *bookstore shop door opens and closes with a dinging bell

Reggie has an alien implant, put there by his aunt, and through it his butler (who is an android) feeds him information regarding increasingly advanced science to talk to Romana about. So while he stumbles over pronouncing words right and all that, he does seem to have an actual understanding of the concepts Romana brings up when they are talking more in depth during lunch. Romana is very willing to believe that this guy is an actual authority on Earth science (Gee I wonder why Romana is so forgiving of this guy mispronouncing every term and stumbling over the basics as they talk about science. Wonder what leads her to think someone who so clearly doesn’t know what the hell they are talking about is actually worth hearing out?) Overall, Romana is very happy to meet someone who can tell her all about Human scientific advancement.

It also needs to be noted that Romana knows literally nothing about the social mores of early 20th Century Earth, particularly among the English upper class. So when Reggie invites her to lunch she says yes, because she wants to talk about science. She has no idea her acceptance of his invitation can be construed as anything other than she simply wishes to continue their conversation about human scientific advancement. Similarly, when Reggie invites her to come to his country estate alone, specifically to meet his aunt who he makes clear is his family matriarch, she says yes, because he told her he has books about science there. She has no idea her acceptance of his invitation can be construed as anything other than that she simply wishes to take a look at the books he keeps at the manor.

Meanwhile Reggie plans to tell her the truth once they are at his estate, because “She might not mind being manacled to a chap who was mentally negligible once she's seen the size of his country estate!”

Throughout this process Reggie is a bit thrown that she never wants to talk to him about anything but science, but hey a super gorgeous lady is giving him the time of day and accepting his courting invites so he isn’t going to question things too much.

Once Romana is at the manor, Reggie’s alien body snatcher aunt makes it clear that she REALLY REALLY REALLY wants to steal Romana’s body.

You see, the Aunt’s body snatching process results in the bodies she takes aging at a super increased rate, so they tend to last her only a few months at the very most. It’s very annoying because every time she gets a new one she has to erase all of Reggie’s memories about the last woman he was engaged to, and then send him off immediately to find someone new.

Reggie, we find out, was raised from infancy by this alien to be used as a lure to capture Human women. It is implied that he is very very handsome and beyond super rich.

The prospect of taking over Romana’s body really excites the bodysnatching aunt. A Time Lord’s body, even with the increased aging factor brought on by the bodyswap, would be good for THOUSANDS of years.

As if that wasn’t enough of a reason for her to be obsessed with Romana, even having made sure Reggie was only bringing home exceptionally bright Humans, Human brains were still leaving the body snatching aunt feeling cramped. She’d have no such problem with Romana’s brain, since Time Lord brains are far larger than even the aunt’s original body’s!!

So yeah, this alien is very very very set on capturing Romana. She orders both her Robot-Gamekeeper and her Robot-Butler to bring Romana to her no matter what.

This of course leads to Romana fighting and ultimately defeating the aunt.

Romana’s pretty sure she did it entirely on her own.

Meanwhile, after Romana leaves him alone, the Doctor gets restless and goes out to foil an alien invasion. He does this with the help of his and Romana’s housekeeper Mabel, because well... you know how it is when the Doctor’s left alone around any given Human for too long. Originally he wanted Romana to come with him (he was not actually aware she left), and ran into Mabel while looking for her, so he decided she should come with him instead. It started when he decided to test the machine he was building. It picked up a signal, and he wanted to check it out. He then stumbled upon a crashed spaceship not too far from an old manor house, which was being guarded by androids. This led to him discovering that the manor house was run by a body snatching alien. The body snatcher wanted to kill the Doctor - Four was functionally useless to her, since she only wanted to live inside a woman’s body.

This seems to primarily just be an excuse to work in this quote:

AUNT FLORENCE: Leave the man, it's the girl I want!

The housekeeper the Doctor made his companion for the day and the guy hitting on Romana fall in love and get together by the end of the story.

REGGIE: Toodle-pip! ROMANA: I’m sorry? REGGIE: Oh, it’s an old Earth saying. It means goodbye. ROMANA: (slowly, almost sounding it out) Toodle-pip, Reginald. MABEL: So, I suppose this is toodle-pip for us, too? REGGIE: What?! MABEL: Well, I’m a kitchen maid, and you’re… Lord Basset of Basset Hall. REGGIE: Yes. I suppose you’re right. MABEL: Yes. REGGIE: I mean, what would people say? MABEL: Exactly. REGGIE: Imagine the brouhaha! *snorts* MABEL: Yes. REGGIE: So I suppose that gives us no alternative. MABEL: Nope. REGGIE: We’ll just have to let them talk, won’t we? MABEL: Wha? Reggie… you mean? REGGIE: I certainly do! Light of my life! MABEL: You mean you love me? REGGIE: From the very first moment I clapped eyes upon you. Reginald, I thought, this is the girl for you and no mistake! MABEL: Oh, Reggie! REGGIE: Come, my dear. We can discuss the wedding arrangements over breakfast.

At no point did either of our two nonsense Time Lord dorks notice the other was also working on foiling the exact same alien invasion, or even how they were directly helping each other.

(In the following scene there are places where the Doctor and Romana are both speaking at the same time.) DOCTOR: No extraterrestrial activity detected. Ahah! It works perfectly! *door opens* Romana! ROMANA: Doctor, are you still working on this machine? DOCTOR: Well, just making a few final adjustments! Where have you been? ROMANA: Well… it’s funny you should ask. I’ve just defeated an alien menace! DOCTOR: Have you? ROMANA: Yes! Single-handedly! DOCTOR: Well that’s a bit of a coincidence! Because while you were off sight-seeing, I also saw off an alien threat! ROMANA: Really? DOCTOR: Oh yes! Single-handedly! ROMANA: You’ll forgive me if I find that a little hard to believe. DOCTOR: Well you should have been there! It was terribly dangerous! ROMANA: Been where? DOCTOR: Basset Hall! ROMANA: BASSET HALL?! DOCTOR: Yes. ROMANA: But that’s where I’ve just been! DOCTOR: Really? Basset Hall? ROMANA: Yes! You don’t mean to say you were there too? DOCTOR: Yes, of course! I faced an alien Valjax who had possessed the body of a woman- ROMANA: YOU faced an alien Valjax? DOCTOR (in unison with Romana): There’s no way you have been there. I feel sure I would have noticed, and even if you WERE there… Who was it who set the robot gamekeeper to explode? Eh? Tell me that! ROMANA (in unison with the Doctor): I think you’ll find that I was the one who faced the alien Valjax! Even if you were there, you weren’t the one who defeated it! Because I was the one who set the robot butler to explode! ROMANA: *sighs* I’ll get the butler to make us a cup of tea. I think we have a spot of explaining to do.

Since this first audio in the 4DAs Volume 2 came out six months after Mary Tamm’s death, following the story itself there is an extended tribute to her. Obviously the entire second season is dedicated to her memory.

From Vortex:

Before we launch into a full preview of season two of The Fourth Doctor Adventures, it seems fitting to talk about Mary Tamm, who eagerly embraced the opportunity to return as Romana for this series. “Nothing will keep me away,” she told me when I first approached her, and she was true to her word. Even cancer, and months spent enduring treatment, didn’t quell Mary’s passion for the project. We, as colleagues and as fans, are indebted to her for seeing the series through, under awful circumstances. She came to every studio recording full of enthusiasm, laughed endlessly, and – on the last day I saw her – told me that doing the recordings had helped her get through it. She was a fantastic lady, and this season is dedicated to her. (Vortex 47)

Jonny added: “There’s a very moving tribute to Mary included on the end of the CD/ download. There’s not much more I can add, except to say that it was [an] honour to write for her and to hear her performing words I had written, and performing them so beautifully, so precisely, and with such a joyful lightness of touch. “I feel privileged to have been associated with her, even in a small way. We Doctor Who fans love all the actors and actresses from the show dearly, and I hope Mary realised how admired and appreciated she was.” (Vortex 107)

Overall I really enjoy this audio.

The entire second volume of the 4DAs feels like an exciting transitional period in Romana’s life, set after the Key to Time quest but before she regenerated. You can see her really start to explore the traits that would eventually define her second incarnation, while still remaining very much recognizable as the Romana I of Season 16.

Not to mention of course that the Wodehouse vibe of this story works exceptionally well for the Fourth Doctor, particularly for a story set during the Williams era.

This is just over all and through and through an exceptionally enjoyable audio. I find myself returning to it again and again, since it truly delivers on being incredibly entertaining and fun.

#Doctor Who #Big Finish #The Fourth Doctor Adventures #Fourth Doctor #Romana #Romanadvoratrelundar #Romana I #The Auntie Matter #The Doctor

0 notes

cwnerd12 · 7 years

Text

A Decorated Officer

“A Decorated Officer” In the conference room, David sits with his leaders, “Okay, for starters, if we’re gonna be an army, we need a fucking name.” Shay: “What about the Rebel Army of Free Gilboa?”David: “That’s good, but I think we should keep it simple. The Army of Free Gilboa. The AFG. That works.” Jack: “Can we be the Free Army of Gilboa?” David, “What? No, that doesn’t make sense.” Jack: “PLEASE?!” David, “No, we can’t be the FA…” he realizes what the initials spell, “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Jack, this is serious!” Jack cackles. Shay: “So what are we gonna attack, first? I have a list of potential targets.” Abby: “We should consider going to other nations for aid, before we do anything.” David: “No, we’ve gotta do first things first. Now that we have a name, we need a flag. Does anyone have any ideas?” Everyone looks around uncomfortably. David sighs, “Yeah, I should probably ask Monique about that. She’d do a good job.” Asher: “She’s in Shiloh under close surveillance.” David: “We can bring her here.” Joel: “Not anymore. Silas closed the borders.” Shay: “We can open the border again, but that would involve attacking a checkpoint and holding it open.” David: “Can we do that?” Shay, shrugging, “Yeah, but, I want to make sure that when we do it, we do it right. I’m gonna need some time to train the Queens. When we’re ready, I can lead an attack.” David: “Okay. I’ll get you out to the army base this afternoon. Start planning how you’re gonna train your girls.” Suddenly, the door bangs open, and Norman storms in, “What’s this?” David: “It’s…. a meeting?” Norman: “What kind of meeting?” David: “An army meeting?” Norman: “I’ve got a plan to take down Silas.” Jack: “Do you, now? You gonna just pop into the palace, put a bullet in his head?” Norman points at David, “Why is he in charge? Just because he made a speech?” David: “I… kind of got chosen.” Asher: “Authority arises from the consent of the governed and I say David’s our leader.” Shay: “Me, too.” Joel: “Me, too.” The others chime in with agreement. Norman sneers: “I should at least be sitting in this meeting. What’s it take to get into this group, anyway? The two prison breakers, I get, but why does my wife get to be here but I don’t?” David: “Abby’s the only one here who knows how to write a treaty and understands international politics. As for you, to be perfectly honest, I don’t see in you any unique skills or knowledge that you can advise me with.” Norman: “I’m a decorated officer in the Gilboan Army!” David: “So am I. So is Shay, and so is Jack.” Norman: “Please, we all know that the prince is only here because he’s sucking your dick!” David stares at Norman for a moment, and then says, with deadly calm. “Get the fuck out of here.” Norman: “I’m not going anywhere!” David gets up, “Get the fuck out!” He pushes Norman out of the room and locks the door. Abby breaks down sobbing, “I’m sorry! I am so sorry about Norman!” David sits back down, “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” Abby: “My dad’s a big officer in the army, Norman was one of his soldiers. I- I was going to have a career in diplomacy, but my dad made me marry Norman because his career was more important than mine. Then one night, he got drunk on base, got in a big fight, and was dishonorably discharged. I thought I could get away by joining the rebellion, but he followed me here.” David listens in, horrified, “Abby, I swear, I’m gonna do everything I can in my power to keep him away from you.” Abby sniffs and wipes her eyes, “Thank you, David.” David nods and looks back at everyone else, “Okay. Well, I guess that’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna train, and become a real army. And we’re gonna make plans. Does that make sense?” Everyone nods and agrees.

Later, in their hotel room, David talks to Jack, “Listen, I’ve been thinking about the issue of our relationship, and how I want to address it.” Jack: “Yeah?” David: “You know my greatest concern is keeping you safe, right?” Jack: “Yeah…” David: “I think because of that, it might be best if we don’t… advertise our relationship.” Jack: “What? What the fuck does that mean?” David: “It means I don’t want to do anything that could make you more of a target than you already are. If people know that I’m in love with you, they can use that to hurt me.” Jack: “I fucking escaped Gilboa so I could be honest and open about who I am, and now you’re telling me I have to keep it a secret.” David: “No! That’s not it at all! All the people who matter will know about us, and you can tell the whole world you’re gay, but…” Jack: “But what?” David tries to think, “If someone were to hurt you to hurt me, I wouldn’t be capable of sound leadership. I’d do something stupid, something that would put a lot of people in danger, if it meant saving you. I wouldn’t be able to think rationally. If something were to happen to you, it would jeopardize this whole rebellion.” Jack shakes his head, “Is there going to be a time when we can tell people about it?” David: “Whenever it is that I think you won’t be in danger.” Jack, muttering, “Fine, you’re King David, anyway.” David, hurt: “Don’t call me that!” Jack: “I’m sorry. I say a lot of stupid shit when I’m angry.” David, “Don’t be angry, it’s not a big deal.” Jack shoots David a filthy look, “You’ve never had to hide who you are.” David, “Jack!” Jack pushes past him, “I told Michelle I’d let her practice wrapping bandages on me. I’m gonna go.” He leaves.

Michelle practices bandaging up various parts of Jack’s body. Jack: “I mean, I’m allowed to be pissed off about it, right? I spend my whole life trying to be someone else, and when I finally manage to escape, it’s oh, sorry, we have to be careful.” Michelle: “You know David’s just looking out for you, right?” Jack: “I knoooow. It still sucks, okay? It’s just…. yet another way that nothing I do is ever good enough for anyone.” Michelle rolls her eyes, “If you’re going to wallow in self-pity, I’m going to tape your mouth shut.” Jack: “Oh, come on. It all started when I was three days old. Dad looked down at me, and said, ‘Your sister just survived open-heart surgery. What the fuck have you done?’” Michelle: “He did not say that.” Jack: “I guarantee you he was thinking it. That’s just how everything worked: you were the miracle, and I was the chump who was born healthy.” Michelle wraps a length of gauze around Jack’s neck, “You want to stay healthy? Because I can change that real quick. My childhood was fucking miserable, too, and you know it.” Jack: “All right! All right! I’m sorry! I misspoke.” Michelle releases the gauze, and goes back to practice, “David is the first real friend my own age I’ve ever had. You actually went to school and made friends while all I had was tutors.” Jack scoffs, “You actually think I had friends at Hollingsworth? Boys go to Hollingsworth so they can learn to be soldiers, not friends. The closest thing I had to a friend was Reggie.” Michelle: “I was wondering when we’d get to him.” Jack: “What?” Michelle: “It’s so fucking cliche: You were fifteen and he was in his mid-forties. You were a lonely, insecure boy trying to figure out your sexuality in an unforgiving environment. You were pedophile catnip.” Jack makes a face: “You make it sound a lot grosser than it was.” Michelle: “Reggie was pretty fucking gross, Jack.” Jack: “Everything we did was consensual.” Michelle: “Yeah right up until he got bored with you and found some other teenage boy to bone. You were a fucking mess after that. Scratch that, you never stopped being a mess after that.” Jack sighs, “I can’t even get my own fucking sister to respect me.” Michelle: “Hey, you want respect? Stop whining and go fucking earn some respect.”

David has lunch with his brothers at a nearby diner. Ethan: “What’s bothering you, David?” David: “I- I had a fight with Jack.” All three brothers, “Oooh.” David: “You guys are gonna have to get used to him being my boyfriend, okay?” Ethan: “Look, we all supported you when you told us you’re… whatever that Japanese word is.” David: “Ryototsukai.” Ethan: “Yeah, that.” Arthur: “It’s a lot easier if you just say you’re bi, David.” David: “I don’t like labels!” Ethan: “Bi, gay, ryoto-whatever, it doesn’t matter, but the fact that you’re dating Jack, of all the people in the world, is kind of a problem.” A waitress comes up, “Are you guys ready to order?” David: “Yeah, I’ll have a cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate shake.” The waitress looks at him and gasps, “Oh my god, you’re David Shepherd!” David nods awkwardly, “Yeah, I am.” The waitress laughs, “This is my first day here, and of all the people in the world I could serve, I get David Shepherd!” David: “Congratulations. Can you take my brother’s orders?” Waitress, “Oh, yeah, I’m sorry!” The brothers all order burgers. Waitress, “Okay, I’ll have everything in just a minute!” She leaves. David sighs, “I am not going to get used to this.” Ethan: “As I was saying, David, I don’t care if you want to date men, women, or space aliens, but Jack did kind of try to kill me.” David: “Okay, first of all, you’ve got to understand Silas. He’s fucking nuts.” Ethan: “We’ve established that.” David: “He’s fucking nuts, and he’s a really shitty father who constantly treated Jack like shit. Nothing Jack ever did was good enough for Silas. Maybe Jack should be the one who explains it to you.” Ethan: “You can explain it.” David: “Okay, well, Michelle, meanwhile, she was Silas’s little girl. He’d do whatever she asked of him, especially if he had it in his head that it could somehow make Jack work harder, do better.” Ethan: “So Michelle asked Silas to pardon me?” David: “And Silas did it because Jack worked so hard to convict you! Jack knew that the more effort he put into it, the more likely Silas would be to pardon you.” Ethan makes a face, “David, that makes no fucking sense.” David: “That’s Silas! He’s an asshole who doesn’t think right! Jack’s been on my side ever since I saved his life.” Ethan: “Even when he was trying to get you convicted?” David: “Silas knew Jack was in love with me at that point. He set it out as some sort of fucked-up loyalty test for Jack, and look who Jack chose. He- he loves me! And I love him! Which is why it sucks that I had a fight with him, and I don’t know what I should do about it!” Sean: “You tried apologizing?” David: “It’s not an apology type situation. We’ve had a pretty big disagreement about how public we’re gonna be with our relationship, and I don’t know how to resolve it.” Sean: “Shit, man. You’re fucked.” David, grimly, “Thanks.” Ethan: “If you two are as in love as you say you are, you’ll figure something out.” The waitress arrives with their food. She passes out four burgers, “And a chocolate shake for the hero.” David: “Thanks.” The waitress goes off. David: “Can I like, wear a sign that tells people not to do that shit?” Ethan, sarcastic: “Yeah, it’s so hard to be the big famous hero that everyone loves.” David: “Hey, when Silas starts dropping bombs on your ass, you earn a right to complain about shit.” Ethan: “Whatever. Eat your food.”

back at HQ, David finds Jack, still getting bandaged by Michelle, “Can we talk?” Michelle: “I’m almost done.” David: “I kind of want to talk now.” Jack: “David, I don’t want to fight.” David: “Then it’s better that we figure this out as quickly as we can!” Up in their room, Jack sits on the bed while David paces. David: “Look, I’m sorry I made you upset.” Jack cuts him off, “I’m not upset.” David: “I just, you understand I’m only trying to protect you, right?” Jack sighs, “Yeah, I know. And… I think you’re probably right, I- I don’t want to do anything that’s gonna make this whole leadership thing herder for you than it already is. But I thought when I broke out, I’d be able to live completely openly. I just have to get used to the idea that I’m still going to have to keep some things hidden.” David stops his pacing and leans on a dresser. He puts his hand on his stomach and grimaces. Jack: “David?” David: “Thank you, Jack, I,” he belches, “Ugh I think I have food poisoning.” Jack: “From that nasty-looking diner on the corner? Why am I not surprised?” David makes a noise, and vomits all over the floor. Jack gets up, “Woah, are you all right?” David tries to walk towards the bathroom, but he stumbles, and then falls. Jack rushes over, “David! What did you eat?” David: “A burger!” Jack kneels next to David and tries to help him back to his feet. David vomits again, and falls. Jack kneels next to David and touches his face, “David, can you feel this?” David: “Feel what?” Jack: “SHIT!” He jumps up and rushes out of the room, yelling for Arthur, Sean, and Ethan. He pounds on their door, and Ethan opens, “What?” Jack, “Call an ambulance, David’s been poisoned!” He turns and goes back into his room, the brothers following, asking, “What?” David tries to make it to the bathroom again, but collapses. Jack rushes over, “David, hey, don’t panic, but I think you were poisoned.” David gasps. Jack, “David?” David: “I can’t breathe!” Jack looks up at the brothers, “What are you doing? Call a fucking ambulance!” Ethan goes over to the phone, “Uh, someone’s been poisoned at the Royal Hotel,” he looks at Jack, “Do you know what kind of poison it is?” Jack: “Aconite.” Ethan: “What?” Jack: “Aconite! Tell them it’s aconite!” Ethan, “It’s- it’s aconite.” Arthur: “How do you know?” Jack: “My dad loves that shit!” Jack looks at David, “You’re gonna be okay, David, we just gotta get you to the hospital, okay?” David nods, still gasping. Jack: “Just keep breathing as best you can. Just keep breathing.”

David gets wheeled through the hotel lobby on a gurney, an oxygen mask over his face. Michelle and Abby approach Jack. Michelle: “What happened?” Jack: “He’s been poisoned!” The EMTs load David into the back of an ambulance. Ethan, “We have to go with!” Jack, “No, we can’t!” Ethan: “What?” Jack: “We’ve gotta go back to the diner and ask to see their security footage.” The back door of the ambulance slams shut, and the sirens start.

In a cluttered back office of the diner, Jack and Ethan watch grainy security footage with the diner’s manager. Ethan points at the screen, “There we are, and there’s the waitress who served us.” Jack: “Can I get a view of the food being prepared?” The manager switches camera views, to where food is lined up in a window, ready to be served. The waitress approaches the window, looks around carefully, and then clearly puts something in David’s milkshake. Jack: “Who is that?” Manager: “She said her name’s Marie, today was her first day.” Jack: “Where is she?” Manager: “She left early, she said she had an emergency.” Jack rubs his forehead, “Goddamnit, she’s gotta be halfway to Shiloh by now!” Manager: “What?” Jack: “That shit she put in David’s shake was my dad’s favorite poison, and I guarantee you my dad sent her here to kill David!” Manager: “Are you serious?” Jack: “I gotta call the police and have them put a bulletin out. Can you and your employees and give a description?”

Back at the hotel, Jack enters, followed by the brothers. Ethan: “Can we go to the hospital now?” Jack: “Yes, just lemme put on something that’s not covered in barf!” On his way to the room, he sees Norman pounding on Abby’s door, and stops. Jack: “Hey, David told you to get the fuck out of here this morning!” Norman: “He never said I had to leave the hotel. This is none of your fucking business!” Norman pounds on the door and yells for Abby. Jack pulls him away. Norman, “Do you want to fucking take this outside?” Very calmly, Jack looks him in the eye and smiles, “I just watched my boyfriend get poisoned. I know my dad is behind it, it’s not the first time he’s tried to kill him, and David’s not the first boyfriend he’s tried to kill. Are you sure you want to fuck with me right now?” Hotel security comes up, “We have a complaint about someone who’s not supposed to be here.” Jack: “Yep, this is him. Throw him out.” Security guards lead Norman away. Norman, “I’ll be back to finish this!” Jack: “Yeah, have fun with that.” When Norman is out of the hall, Jack knocks on the door, “Abby? Abby, are you okay?” Abby sticks he head out of the doorway, “Is he gone?” Jack: “Yeah.” Abby nods, still looking afraid, “I’ll be fine. How is David?” Jack: “I was just going to go to the hospital and see.” Abby: “Lucky thing you were there.” Jack: “Yeah, it is.”

At the hospital, Michelle talks to the doctor, and Jack enters. Michelle: “Jack!” Jack goes over tot he doctor, “Are you treating David Shepherd?” Doctor: “Yes.” Jack: “I- I’m his boyfriend. How is he?” Doctor: “He has cardiac arrhythmia.” Michelle, “Irregular heartbeat!” Doctor: “Very good. His heart was beating too fast to pump blood to his body, so we’ve had to defibrillate him.” Jack: “You mean like, shocking him with the paddles?” Michelle, “They don’t use paddles anymore, just electrodes!” Doctor: “Yes, she’s correct.” Michelle beams, “I’m training to be a medic!” Doctor: “You’re going to be a good one, then, if you recognized the poison as aconite right away.” Jack: “That was me. I recognized the symptoms.” Doctor, “You knew exactly what to do, then. David still needs to be stabilized, but as long as we keep treating him with medicine and defibrillation as needed, he should stabilize,” he looks at Jack, “You saved someone’s life today.” Jack smiles, pained, “Thank you, doctor.” The doctor turns and leaves. Michelle hugs Jack, “You did good, Jack. You did so good.”

That night, when David is stabilized enough for visitors, Michelle, Jack, and the brothers sit into his room. David wears an oxygen mask, and Ethan holds up a phone to take a picture, “Okay, thumbs up.” David gives a thumbs up, and the camera flashes. Ethan grins, “Great, lemme just get this posted…” He posts the picture to social media with the caption, “I’m still here, bitch!” Ethan: “Silas is gonna be pissed!” Michelle: “Even more so when he realizes Jack was the one who saved David.” David, “Jack, come here.” He gestures to the space beside him in the bed. Jack blushes, “There’s not enough room.” David scoots over, “There’s plenty of room, come on.” Jack climbs into the bed, and lays down next to David. David: “You saved my life. I think we’re even now.” Jack: “You’ve saved my life twice, remember the mission in Gath?” David: “Yeah, but you definitely saved my life when I was in the woods, even if you weren’t there. So we’re even.” Jack. “Okay, we’re even.” Jack looks David in the eye and smiles. David takes off his oxygen mask, and kisses Jack.

#Kings

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bookgasms-bookboyfriends-blog · 7 years

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Blank bookcover with clipping path

Christmas balls in winter setting,Winter holidays concept.

Christmas background with bright wooden board and fir branches decorated with red and silver baubles and stars – modern, simple and elegant

Three hunging red christmas balls isolated on a white background

BLURBS

Let It Snow – Nikola Christain

Jovie has always avoided the Christmas season. But when she has to spend the holidays in a ski lodge, she meets someone who may inspire her to embrace the season. Or at least the part about meeting under the mistletoe.

Eight Secret Nights – Shoshana David

Someone’s been leaving Hanukkah presents on Mara’s doorstep. Sweet presents. Thoughtful presents. She wonders who her secret admirer is. Hopefully it’s the cute guy who moved in next door and not the creep from 7A.

A Tradition Worth Continuing – Tricia Ramey

It’s Christmas Eve, and Beth Murphy is finally able to relax. Now’s the time to enjoy a little downtime with her husband James before the chaos of their descending families the next day. But it’s the gift she has for her husband that will make this Christmas the most memorable one yet.

Kittens For Christmas – Caitlyn Lynch

Regina Brooks thinks finding a box of abandoned kittens on Christmas Eve is a disaster in the making. Fortunately, her hunky neighbor Ric is eager to help her out — in any way he can!

Missing You For Christmas – Moxie Rivers

When Allison’s husband, Jake, can’t get leave, it’ll be her first Christmas without him since they were married. But Allison isn’t the type of person to let that stop her, but with the help of her coworkers, and just maybe a little Christmas magic, it will still be a Merry Christmas.

A Grease Monkey Christmas – Cailin Briste

Fate arranges the chance meeting of two strangers in need of a little kindness on Christmas Eve. Celebrity Davon Weider, with his navy-blue eyes and muscular physique, can fill the starring role in any woman’s fantasy. But Jasline, a spaceport mech, is more impressed by his five jump speed records.

Santa Claus is Coming – Jennie Kew

I don’t dress up as Santa for just anyone, you know? Holly Granville isn’t just anyone. When a massive storm hits our Christmas photo shoot and we’re trapped inside a tiny hut — cold, wet, angry, and naked — our friendship irrevocably changes. But will it be for better, or worse?

The Promise Of Love – Maya Bailey

The year is 1819. He sees a man across a room and it is like seeing himself dressed in a British soldier’s uniform. How could it be that another man bears his face? He had loved her once; she had betrayed that love. Now he must find answers. If only he could do that without laying eyes on her again.

Underneath The Mistletoe – Ava Bari

Police officer Nic Zanetti just wanted to spent a quiet holiday alone with his TV. Then he’s called to find a runaway little girl. When he meets her widowed mother, this Christmas will be one they never forget.

Blizzard – Suzi Frewin

Simon and Fallon find themselves marooned together, fearing for their lives against the Zengwee, an alien species which has dominated Earth for its resources. Neither want the complication of falling in love, but fate and Christmas have other plans.

All I Want for Christmas … is You – Annika Steele

On Christmas Eve, Dr. Victoria Long is determined to take her relationship with Detective Devon King to the next level, maybe even the forever kind. But will their relationship survive when Devon discovers she’s a suspect in a series of thefts?

Christmas is Coming – Liv Honeywell

It’s almost Christmas, and Abby decides to decorate the tree, despite Will, her Dom, telling her to wait. But when she drops his toolbox and all the parts scatter like confetti, she’s left wondering if she’ll be able to sit down by *next* Christmas. What will happen when Will gets home?

New Beginnings – Dana Kenzi

When Erika’s Winter Solstice ritual doesn’t go as planned, it joins her list of worries, right next to her struggles to run her newly acquired business. Then her handsome neighbor, David, drops by to offer her some company. What starts off as a venting session between two frustrated adults leads to a cathartic and pleasurable encounter.

I Fell Through Starlight For You – Keira Fox

It’s the earliest hours of Christmas and Lucille is thinking of closing up her bistro when an enchanting figure comes through her door seeking aid for his injuries.

EXCERPTS

From Kittens For Christmas by Caitlyn Lynch

Ric looked at Reggie sitting there on the floor next to him, a pair of fools caring for some orphaned kittens early in the morning on Christmas Day, and he wondered if she’d slap his face if he kissed her. She’d fallen asleep on his shoulder mid-sentence earlier, and snuggled up to him with the cutest little sound of protest when he tried to carefully shift her off. In the end he’d just leaned his head back on the couch and dropped off to sleep himself.

Reggie’s brown eyes sparkled as she laughed, and impulsively Ric reached out a hand and touched one of hers, resting lax on her knee.

“Hey. I’m glad I met you coming in tonight. Last night, I mean, it’s morning now…”

Ugh, that was so not smooth. Why does my brain always fail me when I’m talking to an attractive woman?

Reggie was smiling at him, though. “I’m glad, too,” she said softly, and her slight, fine-boned hand turned under his so their fingers interlaced.

Ric’s brain stalled out and failed him completely. He just stared at her hand under his, at least until Reggie let out a soft, husky little laugh. His eyes snapped up to her face – which was suddenly a lot closer.

This is actually happening. He was suddenly as nervous as a teenage boy with his first crush, palms sweating, hands shaking.

Reggie’s lips were soft against his, a light, tentative touch before she pulled back, looking at him with wide eyes.

She can’t be nervous. She’s gorgeous, she could have any guy she wanted. That look of nervous worry, of concern that he might not be into her, absolutely killed him. No way could he let her have that impression, even for one second. So he leaned closer and brought up his free hand to cup her cheek, fingers sliding into her thick ringlets, feeling their springy texture.

“God damn, but you’re beautiful,” he murmured before bringing their mouths back together. He felt her lips curve up in a pleased smile, right before they parted, welcoming in his tongue as he probed lightly.

Ric felt Reggie’s soft sigh all through his body; the little moan she let out as he explored her mouth had his cock hardening in his pants. Her fingers tightened around his before she moved, going to her knees beside him and putting her free arm around him, pulling their bodies flush against each other.

It was Ric’s turn to make a noise, a low hungry groan in his throat as Reggie’s breasts pressed against his chest. Leaning back against the couch, he pulled her with him and she straddled his thighs, settling her groin against his.

“Reggie,” his voice came out a husky rasp as she pulled away from the kiss and ducked down to nip and lick at his neck, finding that sensitive spot in the hollow of his collarbone which made him shudder, hips jerking up involuntarily. “What are we doing?”

“Well,” she paused to swirl her tongue in the hollow of his throat, “right now we’re making out, and since our charges are full of milk and sound asleep, I think we should take advantage of the temporary quiet to go ahead and fuck.”

His eyes, half-lidded with pleasure, flew wide open. “Well,” he said after recovering his composure, “that’s direct.”

Reggie chuckled and leaned back to look him in the eye. “I’m not one to talk around a situation. You’re hot, I’m horny, it’s Christmas, let’s have fun.”

“I think you’ve got it the wrong way round.”

Her brows furrowed adorably, a small line appearing between them.

“You’re hot and I’m horny. But the floor’s too hard and the couch is too small, so how about we take this to the bedroom?”

From Santa Claus Is Coming by Jennie Kew:

“Please tell me that was the last one.”

Holly grins. “That was the last one.”

“Oh, thank God.” I push myself up and out of the driftwood throne I’ve occupied for the better part of the day and stretch the kinks out of my back and shoulders.

Everything hurts.

My back is stiff from sitting for too long, and my thighs hurt from having an endless line-up of kids — and the occasional adult — sit on them all day. My cheeks ache from smiling waaay too much, my ass is so numb I’m not entirely sure it’s still attached to my body, and don’t even get me started on my balls….

Fuck me.

What a day.

When my best friend’s sister invited me to spend the day with her at Melbourne’s iconic Brighton Beach — you know the one, with the long line of brightly painted bathing huts that wedding photographers clamour over — I jumped at the opportunity. Spend the day with the woman I’ve lusted after for years while she parades around in one of those skimpy bikinis she’s so fond of?

Fuck yeah!

And sure, maybe I could catch a few waves while we’re there, show off my very grown-up, non-brotherly physique to the woman who once told me a. she’d never date one of her brother’s mates, and b. she’d never, ever be interested in someone so much younger than her.

Like a ten year age difference made her old or something.

Women!

Anyway, I rock up, surfboard in hand, and what does she do? Hands me a beach bum Santa costume consisting of little more than a pair of boardshorts and a Santa hat, shoves me in front of a camera and starts charging people money to let their precious little darlings crawl all over me and tell me their Christmas wishes. Which, okay — crushed ball-sack aside — was actually pretty cool, especially the kid who wanted total world domination so he could end bullying everywhere. I didn’t have the heart to point out the flaw in his plan, and judging by the look on his dad’s face, neither did he.

“You did a good job today, Chris,” Holly says as she packs away her camera equipment, then laughs. “I can’t wait to show Mikey that shot of the granny in your lap.”

I slip my Santa hat off my head and shove it in my pocket. “I’ll have you know her name was Phillipa, she’s only seventy-five years old, and she said I reminded her of her late husband.”

“She licked your face.”

“She wanted to know if I tasted like him, too,” I say with a grin. “I’d reckon the saucy old dame did it to win a bet, actually. I saw her and her friend exchange a tenner after she collected her photo. And you know Mike hates it when you call him Mikey, right?”

“Of course. Why do you think I do it?” she says with a wink that makes my breath stall in my chest and my legs go weak at the knees. “Seriously, though. Thanks for today. I know I blindsided you with it.”

“You know, you could have just told me what you wanted me for,” I say as I step down from the dais and discreetly adjust my aching package. “It is for charity. And you know us firemen. We love any excuse to take our shirts off.”

She looks up at me from under long, blonde lashes. “After the calendar shoot fiasco I wasn’t sure how willing you’d be to help me.”

Ah, yes. The calendar fiasco. I snort a laugh and shake my head. “I run into burning buildings for a living, Hols. On purpose. Did you really think a little dog shit would keep me away?”

Holly laughs, the full-bodied sound bursting from within her and shaking her deliciously plump figure with the force of it.

Good God, I want to eat her all up.

Starting right between her—

“It was more than a little dog shit. That poor pup had the worst diarrhoea I’ve ever seen. You were covered in it. I have photos. I was thinking of blowing one up and giving it to your mum for Christmas.”

Cocking an eyebrow at her obvious glee, I fold my arms over my chest and grin. “You just love humiliating me, don’t you?”

“Call it a hobby,” she says with a shrug, her pretty mouth curved in a smile of honest good humour. A smile that has my cock twitching with interest as I imagine how those sweet lips would feel wrapped around its rock hard length.

Fuck.

The last thing I need right now is a hard-on. I’m almost thankful for the sudden wind that whips past us, stinging my legs with flying sand.

From Underneath The Mistletoe by Ava Bari

The officer who’d found her daughter was still there, and Amelia had yet to even acknowledge him. She rubbed her eyes and kept Grace at her hip as she looked up at the taller man… and instantly regretted choosing her most unflattering nightgown to wear to bed.

“Mrs. Eliot, I’m Officer Zanetti,” he said, offering a hand. She tried to ignore how strong his grip was. His hand was huge and completely engulfed hers.

“Thank you so much for finding my daughter, Officer,” Amelia said. “I really can’t thank you enough.”

“It’s all in a day’s work, Ma’am,” he said, his smile bringing her back to her teenage years when she’d fawned over boy band members and actors.

She thanked him several more times as the other cops left and Grace began to yawn and lean heavily on her mother. Deciding to save all punishments until tomorrow, Amelia hoisted Grace into her arms. “I think I’d better get her to bed now.”

Officer Zanetti nodded. “Yeah you should.” He leaned over, catching Grace’s attention. She was half-asleep but awake enough to listen when he spoke. “Stay in bed this time, okay? Remember what we said.”

“Uh huh.” She took the letter out of her pocket and then, for whatever reason, handed it to the officer. “You promise Santa will read it?”

“If he doesn’t, I will read it to him myself,” he swore, as serious as if he had his hand on the Bible.

“Okay, but don’t open it until you see him,” Grace said. She nestled into the thick cottony fabric of Amelia’s nightgown and was asleep in seconds. Amelia gave Officer Zanetti a questioning look.

“Ah yeah…” He rubbed his neck. “I might have told her I work for Santa Claus to get her to come with me.”

Amelia chuckled. Her heart had yet to slow down all the way, but there was something hilarious about this tough guy cop getting embarrassed. “You’re a Christmas elf?”

“A bodyguard, thank you,” he said, affronted.

“That would’ve been my next guess.” He certainly looked the part, as the unhelpful part of Amelia’s brain was quick to point out.

They stood in awkward silence for a time until Grace shifted in Amelia’s arms, reminding her they probably shouldn’t stand outside in freezing cold weather. Officer Zanetti seemed to realize this at the same time. He coughed and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Okay, looks like everything is good here. I’ll let you two get some sleep.”

“Would you like some coffee before you go?” Amelia asked. “I feel like I owe you for finding my daughter.”

“Just keep her safe in bed tonight, Ma’am,” he said, walking back to his car. “Have a Merry Christmas.”

“You too,” Amelia called out, but he’d already started his engine, and she had no idea if he heard her.

THE AUTHORS

The saying goes that “it’s always the quiet ones,” and that is certainly true of Nikola Christain, the sexy personality lurking within a shy, regular woman. When she isn’t living her “normal”, quiet life, she is exploring, experiencing, reading, and writing about it all.

Follow her on goodreads, facebook, tumblr, and through her Amazon author page.

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A native New Yorker, Shoshana David loves celebrating her Jewish heritage in her writing. A bit of a late bloomer, she didn’t catch the writing bug until college. This is her first published work.

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Tricia Ramey, born in Alberta, Canada, enjoys reading and writing a variety of fiction. Married for sixteen years and counting to the love of her life, she uses her vast imagination and life experience to create rich and detailed scenarios for all her works.

Find her on her Amazon Author’s Page or on Tumblr.

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USA Today bestseller Caitlyn Lynch is an Australian author and happily married mother of two. She has a number of published works available on Amazon.

You can also find her at caitlynlynch.com, on Goodreads or Bookbub, or on her Facebook, Twitter, Google +, Pinterest, Instagram or Tumblr social media accounts.

Add your name to her mailing list to find out about new works, be invited to read exclusive advanced reader copies, and more!

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Moxie Rivers is an American writer of erotic fiction of all persuasions, living on the Mid-Atlantic coast with her wife and three fat, happy cats. When not writing, she can be found at her crafting table making jewelry or digging in the dirt in her garden. You can find her on Facebook or on Tumblr.

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Cailin Briste writes science fiction romance. She’s a member of Romance Writers of America, the RWA Fantasy, Futuristic and Paranormal Chapter, and the RWA Passionate Ink Chapter. She’s writing the third novel in her Sons of Tallav series and the second novel in her A Thief in Love Suspense Romance series.

You can connect with Cailin on her website, her blog, Twitter, Facebook, Google +, Pinterest, Goodreads, Bookbub and Amazon. Join her street team or subscribe to her newsletter for lots more!

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Jennie Kew is the author of The Q Collection, a series of quick and quirky erotic romances, as well as the upcoming Bennett’s Bastards series.

You can stalk Jennie on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest, follow her on Amazon and Goodreads, or sign up for her newsletter and get first dibs on new releases, cover reveals and more.

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Maya Bailey grew up in India but now resides in Utah with her husband. As a marketing communications professional she has lived and worked all over the world. An eternal optimist, she adores happily-ever-afters and the craft or writing. Regency Romance is her favourite genre.

You can find Maya at her website, on Amazon, Goodreads, Facebook and Pinterest.

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Ava Bari is a New York born Midwesterner with a passion for writing, reading, and reading when she’s supposed to be writing. Find her on Tumblr and Twitter.

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If the book you just can’t put down is an exciting tale of intrigue with lots of villains, twists, and an awesome romance, then you’ll love Suzi Frewin’s books. As a lifetime reader of romance, she likes more action than promise, so that’s the way she writes. Enjoy.

You can find Suzi on her website or on Twitter.

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Annika began writing at the age of eight, but abandoned her stories in college. A ridiculous number of years later, she stumbled across fanfic, put fingers to keyboard, and hasn’t stopped writing since.

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Liv Honeywell is a BDSM erotic romance writer, and when not writing about delicious, hot male dominants and the female subs who love them, she’s usually doing something craft-like, reading, or baking and attempting to satisfy the demands of His High and Mighty Dominance (the cat!).

You can follow her on her blog, on Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads, BookBub or her Amazon page.

Or sign up to her newsletter for freebies, fun, and book news!

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Dana Kenzi has been writing fiction for over ten years. Currently, she indulges in her deepest and darkest fantasies to write erotica in her spare time. When she’s not glued to the keyboard, she’s eating, traveling, binge watching TV shows on Netflix, or impulse buying on Amazon.

Find Dana on her website, Twitter, or Facebook, or sign up to her mailing list to receive the latest information about new releases!

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Keira always used to joke that she’d end up writing Mills & Boon novels if her career in art didn’t work out. She’s still making art and baking the sweet things that she so often likes to write about, but she decided that she’d like to do the other thing too. She lives and works in a tumbledown cottage in the back of a garden right near the ocean in Western Australia.

Find her on Tumblr.

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Seasonal Shenanigans Anthology BLURBS Let It Snow - Nikola Christain Jovie has always avoided the Christmas season. But when she has to spend the holidays in a ski lodge, she meets someone who may inspire her to embrace the season.

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