Qurban Hua ~ Episode 1: Of Rakhis, Token White People and Mithai
So like I was playing the sims 4 and my sim’s only daughter (she has 5 kids - 4 sons, 1 daughter) just died from an accidental drowning on her eldest brother’s birthday party (but I quit without saving so she’s back to life). So that killed the whole gameplay mood. And I’ve decided to absolutely ignore my master’s degree (yes I’m going to be at uni for 5,000,000 years - fight me) I am going to liveblog both shows (Qurbaan Hua and Pavitra Bhagya coz that’s what was asked of me). My tolerance for shitty television has reduced since KZK so let’s see how long these liveblogs last....
So without further ado, here’s the first Liveblog of 2020: Qurban Hua (honestly just watching this show for Karan Jotwani’s face and physique)
Ooh we’re in the hills, with Krishna’s bhansuri and the feelzzz of sanskar
So we’re in Uttarkhand (sorry if I botched the spelling) with moustache uncle and representative white dude who has come to ‘find himself’
Do not give a damn about the religious talk (also this white dude doesn’t even know who Ram ji is, he’s just here to drink some bhang, go to a wedding, witness some poverty and go back home)
Moustache uncle is blind and we see this when he walks with a tree branch (no exaggeration) and his eyes closed. Nothing speaks ‘this person is blind’ than having them close their eyes for every shot
SO MANS ISN’T EVEN BLIND - HE’S JUST MOTHERFKN COSPLAYING TO BE A BLIND PERSON
honestly, what is this bakchodi where is my boi
Yaar ab shivji ke gaane bhi sunne padenge, kya loge main characters ko introduce karne ke liye
Ohhh he’s the head priest’s son and has become an ‘awara shehar waala’ rather than take over for his dad, who is too weak to carry the aag thaali (I do not know what it is called)
“daya aati hai mujhe Vyasji ki hassi par, pata nahi Vyasji ka launda, unki kaleje mein aag laga kar, shehar mein kaunsi aag bhuja raha hai?” So I thought what a weird dialogue, and then in the next fkn scene:
THERE’S SOMEONE LITERALLY ON FIRE AND HE’S COME TO SAVE HER
Also behen, toda dimaag laga, the fire isn’t that bad yet, her fkn arms are so loosely tied, and she has the lung capacity to scream ‘aag aag’ rather than find a better way to save herself, and save her energy and breath so she doesn’t pass out.
All these people and not one person calls the fire brigade
They call Neel instead, coz he’s invincible
Now comes a dramatic sequence of events
My man runs, unaffected by the spitting fire, there is another boi who is so happy to see him and willingly crouches just so mans can quite literally yeet himself on to the roof and break the window to save her. Not before giving some dramatic looks
A. Only her apartment was on fire, not the whole building, he could’ve easily taken the stairs. B. why was the fkn fire not spreading and C. It took him 3 seconds to get her out of that knot, so like as if she couldnt wriggle her hands out of it (maybe if she wasn’t wearing 300 chudiyas, she might’ve been able to)
I would also thank the gods they gave him winter clothing with a high neck to wear (coz nothing is hotter to me than men in high neck sweaters - it highlights their jawlines, shows off their muscles and shows how long their neck is) #FashionTipsWithAustralianDesi
OMG IT WAS A SCENE FOR A MOVIE OR SOMETHING OMG. OKAY YOU WIN FKN HELL. HINDI SERIALS: 1, AUSTRALIAN DESI: 29043284
Look how adorable he looks
“Production? sorry mera naam actually woh Neelkanth Bhatt Dhyani hai aur main baju-waale hotel mein chef hoon, mujhe laga tha aag lagi thi toh bachane aa gaya”
Hahahah, noice mans is a chef. Also his name is longer than my life. And so far, in the 3 minutes I’ve watched of him, I really like him. Let’s hope he stays that way
Let’s be real, I watched the promos, I’m going to savour whatever niceness we get of him
Okay so dude that looked at him, is the Pushkar/Rudra/Insert-comedic relief-younger-sibling, and basically said that our mans here is on a mission to save a girl every day. Wow what a hobby
“Aag, Aag, continue, aag, aag, aag, continue” hahahah he’s slowly backing out of there
Mans wants to do one good deed everyday - that’s a rare quality for a tellywood man (he does it because his sister does one good deed a day for his wellbeing - I don’t understand the logic but whatever)
OH MY FKN GOD WE HAVE AN ANJALI
She’s made a fkn shrine for him (absolutely love the pictures though)
And he calls his sister ‘Bhags’ - short for Bhagwan because she is god for him
I think these two could give Arnav-Anjali a run for their money
...And she’s preggers - and so he doesn’t want her pregnancy to have any complications so he’s going to do one good deed a day
let’s see how shit blows in their face - is it a kamina husband, a manipulative mother or a cunning father
Also gotta love how her husband is probably chilling while Neel is all like ‘MY DIDI’
No one:
No one:
Not even Neil’s fkn mother
Saraswati: NEIL IS COMING AFTER 3 MONTHS EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT
Welcome Saraswati Anjali
This man is completely evil. Change my mind.
So they went with the Kamina husband/brother-in-law
Who has a problem that Neel is a chef. But let’s be real he wants Neel to be a chef so he could become the head priest
I AM ONTO YOU. THIS ISN’T MY FIRST RODEO
And she’s just here to talk about the successes and accomplishments of her brother, because like Anjali, she has nothing better to do in life
Whatever her husband says goes right over my head, also it’s Saras-Wati not Sarasti
So proud of his Personal Protective Equipment. Thank god a career being shown properly
Also this looks really small and homely for an industrial kitchen
So the ‘villain’ of his life is here. Little does he know, that whether he keeps his job or not does not matter, all that matters is that his rakhi is never removed.��
“Main apni behen ko bhool nahi sakta, isliye yeh rakhi agle raksha bhandhan tak, nahi utregi” ummm how bad is your memory that you forget your sister unless there’s a rakhi on your wrist????
“Mere kitchen mein yeh sab bilkul allowed nahi hai, no rings, no watches, aur yeh tacky rakhi toh bilkul nahi, afterall hygeine har cook ki responsibility hoti hai”
“Yeh rakhi toh na utregi sir,” “acha toh phir yeh jo haath mein hai, woh meri kitchen mein khaana nahi bana sakte hai”
Wow he didn’t have to call the rakhi tacky. Also like, couldn’t you have a dimaag like Arnav, and keep them in a little box, and then show your sister like “look I kept all your rakhis”
Now watch him cook with one hand, just to prove a point
TOLD YA
Also the dude seemed pretty happy with him, I would’ve been like “banda chuthiya ho gaya hai”
Also his friend is really annoying me with his overreactions to simple things
He’s saying that he’s going to make the Singoria for the ‘bhakts’ and not for his dad, coz he doesn’t think he needs to ask for an apology to follow his heart
I enjoy this content, I like this boi. At least he stands by his actions
“Shaakal ko khush karne ke liye jijaji kaafi hai” Wow the Shyam vibes from his jijaji are through the roof
He said that line like he’s plotting murder or something with the fire reflected on his face
Also can they stop with the Kedarnath soundtrack
Lol this procession is still going on, it’s been going on for like 3 days. Like, in the time Neel did his wall climbing stunt, saved a woman who was ‘on fire’, stopped a film shoot, told his whole life story and his love obsession for his sister, went through an inspection and made food for a whole restaurant while sassing his boss, and the procession is still going on
Omg no, now there’s a fkn murgi - WHICH IS ALIVE HOW IS THIS A PROBLEM, JUST MOVE IT AND CONTINUE WALKING
I mean making him slip would’ve been more fun than a fkn murgi stopping him - also its alive so how is this an apshagun? Imma skip this I cannot
NOW FKN FAKE ANJALI IS LIKE “the chicken is a mother, do not touch her eggs, she will not look after her children and then they will never be able to feel the mother-child love”
Gurl, its a chicken. Chill. If it had this much feeling, it would not let go of it’s child
Okay, here’s a wild thought - why not just walk around it
The chicken isn’t even taking over the whole step, if everyone walks in a single file, you should be able to pass the chicken
but if we use our brains how will this be a hindi serial
Man fkn hell this the problem in India, the fkn mindset that “dharm se badke aur kuch nahi hai” is2g if people move away from that thought, life would be easier
Also Sarasti is just here caressing her belly, being all like motherhood is the biggest dharm #OhSnap #MicDrop
So Vyasji has said his first lines of the show and basically whatever I’m understanding is that dharm should be a part of your life, not your whole life and disregarding emotions for your dharm is in fact the opposite of dharm. Wow the man has some sense. Also the actor looks done and does not seem into it - I do not blame him one bit
And fake Anjali is all like “yay papa is on my side - fuck you husband”
NEEL YOU FKN IDIOT, IT’S JUST A BAG COULDN’T YOU TAKE IT WITH YOU, NOW THE SANGORIA ARE GONNA GET MISPLACED I ALREADY KNOW.
ab yeh kaun hai, jo Dhoom ke set se yahan aa gaya
and he took the wrong bag - well done Neel, that’s all on you
OMG AT LEAST HE REALISED THANK GOD
Great, now he’s gonna do some Dhoom-esque stunts
How dumb is the other dude, like there’s someone that’s literally chasing you and you aren’t going to stop to ask them why
Omg he’s actually grabbing it. Is2g if the prasad is completely fine still, Imma flip
Yeh chal kya raha hai? Is the other dude literally fighting for the supposed kachoris?
Oh wow its a wamen. And here we begin the #Romance
HE LITERALLY JUST SAW HER HAIR AND IS SMITTEN - ARE YOU THAT DESPERATE MY FRIEND
Lovely, he got distracted and she’s gone off with his Sangoria
Ofcourse he’s like a girl tricked me, now it’s an ego thing. At least he’s admitting it to be an ego ting
But also like dude do you not believe women can be cunning? I mean we’re literally known for possessing that single trait
Wow look how happy she is for some Sangoria - and look how dumb she is for not questioning the dude that was chasing her as to why was he after the bag
OF-FUCKING-COURSE she had to be a social worker who helps the gareeb bachche
I gotta love how she’s like, why is there mithai here instead of kachoris - proceeds to eat them because the kids were like we like mithai
Behen, kya aap kisi ka bhi khaana leke kha leti ho?
Like why wouldn’t you put two and two together
Why would someone be ready to fight you for this mithai. Do you have any logical thinking skills?
Me when I check my results. The absolute shock horror on his face is sending me
"Tum pahadi ho?” “Haan aur sharminda bhi” “Itni der se tumhara peecha kar raha tha, tab nahi samajh aaya?” “Nahin mujhe laga koi chor badmaash hai,”
Love the logic, love that she was so ashamed that she didn’t bother to give his mithai back - what is this character
She’s literally telling him how to handle his father that she’s never met.
Dude if it was that easy, would he be this stressed?
That was quick - she had video evidence that some gunde were making these kids become beggars, and got them arrested while also making Neel feel like he did his one good deed today and she conveniently has her own childcare
Wow we have an evil maami too, and some random man wanting to kill our gurl
She’s basically saying how Neel will definitely forget to bring the bhog
Little does she know he won’t forget, he’ll just have some misfortune which will cause him to not bring it
Now poor Sarasti is bringing her dad a shawl and convincing him to go change, but him being the brown dad he is, is all like “If only your idiotic brother was here, I would be sitting on the terrace watching this pooja, looking at him proudly, but he is a nalaayak and alas I am here,”
He’s literally so salty that he wants to cook, it’s so funny, I can’t
First of all, why is everyone just taunting Sarasti about her brother’s actions, like I get how close they are but they aren’t the same person??
Now she’s saying that he’s on his way - ah little does she know, he’s distracted by a wamen
Omg he’s literally telling the story of the Prayag Pushp (a flower I think) “that only blooms when 2 true lovers meet for the first time, and no one has seen it bloom, and no one will see it bloom in this family, and with the same confidence, I am telling you your bhola will not come” wow the amount of trust in your son. I am loving it
Also like who wants to bet the flower is going to bloom when he marries this girl or when they have a dramatic meet up
“Hey bhole baba, agli baar mujhe uss theeki shezwan sauce se mat milwana” Lol is he dumb or is he dumb
OMG GOD IN THIS SERIAL IS EXTREMELY FAST. HE PRAYED 2 SECONDS BEFORE AND IN THE NEXT SECOND SHE’S IN FRONT OF HIM
She’s deaf as well, he’s literally calling her and she’s like nope, I am looking outside can only focus on one thing at a time
“Bache hai kya, joh window seat ke liye itne excited ho rahe hai” “Sifaljiya kahi ka” Okay I’m loving the banter but also have no idea what she just called him
“Kya kaha tumne? Kaunsi bhasha mein gaali di?” “Mars pe boli jaati hai yeh zubaan, gaye ho kabhi?”
People I ship it!
“Lokhar ka sir hai kya tumhaara?” This idiot
Oh good its these ainvayi ke gunde, mans is never going to reach home in this decade
And they’re on the bus to beat her? Very normal
And ofcourse this our mans’ good deed of the day
“Kya ho gaya bhai ji? Koi takleef?” Love this man so much. The sass and the politeness how does he do it?
“Teri saki lagti hai kya?” “Meri patni hai yeh” wow man, like honestly dost bol deta, behen bol deta. Nahi she is now my wife for rescuing purposes (what an Omkara thing to do)
OMG YES THEIR BACKGROUND SCORE IS KURBAAN HUA FROM KURBAAN - I LOVE THAT SONG
So the episode ends here and wow this took so long to do coz they decided to make the episode 40 minutes long. So far I like it. I just wish the girl becomes smarter (also what even is her name?)
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sanjivani 23.10.19 lb
“kaafi kasssss ke gire aap mere pyaar mein.”
lmao she has zero chill.
haaaaaaaaye her heart eyes. siddhu, kaisa patthar dil sanam hai tu, jo isse andekha kar raha hai????
waise heart eyes toh idhar bhi hain.
DUDE ALL SHE WANTS TO DO IS TALK. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST TALK AND FINISH IT OFF??? YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO TELL HER THE WHOLE THING, JUST SAY YOU’RE NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP RN. LIKE……. YOU’RE JUST PROLONGING THE MISERY FOR YOURSELF.
askldjaslkdjlsakjdlkj he’s threatening to complain about her for workplace harassment. I WOULD ACTUALLY KINDA LIKE TO SEE IT HAPPEN THO, JUST TO SEE WHAT PROTOCOLS THIS HOSPITAL HAS IN PLACE FOR SUCH A SITUATION.
“aapki marzi!”
my god, she’s such a dheeeeeent.
OMFGGGGGGG SHE FLIPPED IT AROUND ON HIM. ki harassment isn’t what she’s doing - “kya kahenge aap; ki ek ladki aapko chhed rahi hai, aur aap chhidna nahi chahte?” - (lbr sis, it IS harassment. this is textbook aitraaz behaviour) but instead what he’s done, by removing her from his team coz of his personal feelings for her. LOL DON’T TRY TO SCHOOL THE MASTER IN THEIR OWN AREA OF EXPERTISE, SID. SHE PROBABLY HAS ALL THE WHOLE FUCKING HR AND ETHICS MANUAL MEMORIZED.
“jis din meri duty ke beech mera dil aa gaya na, uss din main khud apni complaint kar doongi.”
“aur rahi baat saat din ki…. abhi toh shuruvaat hai!”
“kaisi AJEEEEB zidddi ladki se paala pada hai!!!!”
hahahahahahaha the resignation in his voice. bechaara.
lagta hai dheent hone ke lessons ishani juhi se le rahi hai. naaak mein dummmmm kar rakha hai dono ne apne mentors ka.
“ek kaam karte hain: patient ko OT se utaar dete hain, aap ko yahaan pe letaa dete hain, aur tumhare dimaag mein jo baat atki hui hai, usse main surgery karke nikaal deta hoon.”
snort.
LMAO THE PATIENT IS AWAKE.
juhi is totally chill with it, while shashank is mortified. lolololololol.
great, even sister philo knows why juhi was thrown out 10 years ago. onlyyyyyyy juhi doesn’t know at this point.
………… ouff kya hi baat thi? is shashank covering for juhi for something? JUST TELL US ALREADY!!!!!!
nurse philo wanting to exit her mortal body and ascend to the heavens is the most accurate reaction i’ve ever seen to having a convo overheard by the person you’re talking about.
lol kalti maar li after confirming juhi didn’t really hear anything.
rishabh baar baar apologize kar raha hai and is saying he’s so glad to get to work with ishani now. dare i hope? has he changed????? IS HE A GOOD BOY NOW???? CAN WE LIKE HIM? BECAUSE WE WANT TO LIKE HIM. WE DON’T LIKE NOT LIKING HIM.
lmao asha looks tortured to be with sid. does she actually prefer working with rishabh? hard to believe. but i guess they must have formed their own little dynamic by now.
sis, your dil is getting in the way. focus.
OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG ASHA KI VOICE RISHABH MEIN SE AA RAHI HAI, ASKING KAISE PATAAYEGI SID KO, HAHAHAHAHA I CAN'TTTTT
“sheila ki jawaani.”
“WHAT? jawaan? kaun???”
omg rishabh is so adorably flummoxed and self conscious.
jaise taise mana liya ki case ke baare mein baat kar rahi hai…. and lol made him doubt his own knowledge about it and offer to reread the case. YAAAAAAR ISKO POSITIVE KAR DO, I WANT TO SEE HIM BE CUTE LIKE THIS!!!!!!
ugh girl you could have just texted.
this nazar band on the ankle is trend these days or what? surbhi’s been wearing hers since IB, but namit and rohit are wearing them too??
anjali is not liking her …… caffeine dependency, and thinks they should stop….. drinking coffee.
god anjali, stop getting hysterical. just tell him nahi chahiye teri coffee anymore and end it.
ugh. i hate men. i hate this man in particular, but god, i hateeeeeeee men.
LMAO THIS IS SO OBVIOUSLY PART OF THE HOSPITAL.
ugh anjaliiiiiiiiiiii. why are you like this????? sid se seekho kaise decision pe firm rehte hain.
menacing laddoo eating and promises to swargvaasi didi.
sid is being a bitch to asha also. dude, she just got the files like 5 minutes ago, thanks to your switcheroo.
STOP YELLING AT HER; TUM TOH AISE NA THE! YOU USED TO BE A GOOD MENTOR!!!!!!!!!!
juhi stepping in to save asha. god i love her. she’s honestly the besttttttttt.
ohhhhh nooooooooooo, he called dr. juhi “ISHANI”. bro, what is this behaviour?????
even juhi is like beta, what are you even doing????? it’s so obvious you’re all fucked up in love, literally every single person here can see it. stop torturing yourself like this.
boss!mom advice toh deke chali gayi ki dil ki suno…. karna toh isko hai na. bechaara.
i would like to thank all the known and unknown gods for this shirt of namit’s, that clings to alllllllllllll the right places.
body type se toh aman lagta hai.
LMAO SIDDHU READY TO THROW FISTS ALREADY.
waaah hospital ke pichwaade mein sekrit room bhi hai ishq ladaane ko! such thoughtful architecture. @nawaazishein kahin tumne toh design nahi ki yeh super useful feature?????????
lmao he sees hearts candles balloons and he’s like ishani i know it’s you!!!!!!!!
she’s like ouff kya dinnnnn aa gaye hain, manaane ke liye kya kya karna pad raha hai.
that’s heterosexuality, sis. tuney hi chuna hai yeh rasta, ab bhugat.
oh ho, hospital ka non operating wing hai. so it’s no more professional, just personal.
“tum chahti kya ho? mujhe chain se jeene nahi de sakti kya?”
lmaoooooooooooooooo he is truly so fucking done, the poor thing. i really feel his exhaustion, with like…. life.
“ab kya karoon; bimaari hai hi aisi, ilaaj bhi kadak hi karna hoga.”
save these two idiots from themselves!!!!!!!!!!
WELL DAMN.
DUDE IF YOU DON’T WANT HER, I VOLUNTEER. FUCK. SHE’S HOT AS HELL.
oh never mind, looks like you’ve changed your mind. carry on.
but he might also be having a little stroke, so i hope asha/rahil are somewhere close by for medical attention.
“kaisi lag rahi hoon main?”
lmao badiiiiii mushkil se he tore his gaze away from her boobs.
lollllllllllllllllllll sis what you doing???
HIS FACE!!!!!!!!!!!! haha awwwwww.
when zakir khan talks about sakht launda…….. THIS IS WHOM HE’S TALKING ABOUT. THE SAKHTEST OF ALL LAUNDAS!!!!!!!
i knew this would be a callback to the armaan-riddhima zara zara touch me. I KNEW IT. I KNEWWWWWWWW IT.
lmao ok this is some very awkward dancing. don’t quit your day job behen.
hahahahahahaha oh ishaaaaani.
lmaooooooooo pushed him down on the couch and he sat on a balloon and it phodofied. kya hi disasterrrrrrrr seduction hai yeh.
behold, the paragon of self control.
her long-suffering face while doing these things is honestly sending me.
yeah you love it, you asshole.
INSTANT SHIFT IN TONE OF SCENE. THINGS ARE HEATING UP.
THE SOFT EYES ARE BAAAAAAAAAACK.
we all know ki kal isko trauma flashbacks aayenge and he’ll run away, but for today, i’m gonna savour this and headcanon ki they had a nice handsy makeout session.
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