#dies he not realize that just makes it worse

[sirfrogsworth]

sirfrogsworth please i am begging to know your boomer uncle’s thought process when he installed all those spam search bars what on earth was he TRUING to do

This was my Uncle Larry. He died in 2014 from a lifetime of smoking.

But while he was alive, he was what my grandma would refer to as "a character."

I feel like seeing his photo gives a partial explanation of the toolbar fiasco.

He was a man stuck in the 1960s but extremely curious about new things.

It was the early 2000s and I was trying to make some extra money. So when he was interested in getting a computer I offered to build him one from scratch.

What I didn't consider about this arrangement was that I was basically signing up to be my uncle's IT person. If something went wrong, it could possibly be due to a mistake I made.

He called me up complaining he couldn't see his websites and that the computer was running slower than normal.

I boot up his system and it takes 10 minutes to get to Windows. The desktop was filled with random programs he installed. And when I opened his web browser I was immediately greeted with a dozen pop up advertisements. Once I nuked them all, all of the different search toolbars were revealed. There was maybe a few inches of space for viewing websites and he had just been looking at photos a segment at a time for weeks before wondering if maybe it wasn't supposed to work like that.

I asked him why he installed all of this crap and he told me he didn't realize he had a choice. He just thought you had to say yes to everything that popped up on the screen. He also opened every spam email he received.

To make matters even worse, when he was searching for lewd pictures of Catherine Bell (aka the "JAG lady" with nice cans), he ended up on various softcore porn sites containing ever more dangerous pop up ads. And he clicked on all of those as well.

He loved the internet. It was a wonderland for such a curious person. He loved typing in random things and just reading and looking at pictures for hours. Aside from Maxim photos of TV celebrities, his searches were pretty innocent. He looked at old cars he used to own and lawnmowers he wanted to buy. He read old war stories and found websites helping him learn how to whittle walking sticks.

But he had no sense of danger. He had a Leroy Jenkins approach to life. He just sort of jumped into whatever without any fear or caution. Which is probably why my parents were so pissed at him when he offered 8 year-old me a ride on his new motorcycle. He immediately took me off-road and up a steep hill without a helmet or telling me to hold on. And it was a Harley, so not really meant for that terrain.

I tried a virus scan and it just said "You have every virus." So I had to nuke his Windows install from orbit. I then gave him computer lessons, which he paid me for, so that sort of worked out despite how frustrating it was to keep him from clicking on random things.

Uncle Larry taught me an important lesson.

Never tell your family you know about computers.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

While I don’t think the senti-kid story necessarily works if the writers wanted to keep the show focused on kids, I think it would’ve gone over a bit better if it was just Felix who was the senti, rather than also Adrien and Kagami (especially Kagami, she was a complete retcon in that regard).

Picture this:

Gabriel, Emilie, and Natalie find the Miraculous (Butterfly and Peacock) because they have an expensive hobby (archeology/collecting rare items, as wealthy people like to do), not because they need the magic at all. They just heard a rumor of an old Tibetan monastery and wanted to check it out, got lucky in finding the two jewels. The Peacock doesn’t even have to be broken.

We can keep the basics of the backstory shown in Representation- minus the detail of Adrien being made with the Peacock. Gabriel and Emilie conceive Adrien normally, but Colt and Amelie aren’t able to like in canon, so Colt has that same jealous outburst at Gabriel. Because Emilie feels bad for her sister, and Gabriel sees an opportunity to make a deal, they lend, or maybe trade, the Peacock to them to create a child. As in canon, Colt uses it, and his jealousy makes Felix a physical copy of Adrien.

Emilie gets sick for non-magical reasons. (I wouldn’t mind having her use it for funsies and not realizing it was broken, but it’s very obviously cracked, and I can’t imagine at least one of their two kwamis not giving them a warning.) As for what happens to Colt, I’m on the fence about him being alive in present times because that kind of abuse is really heavy, so maybe he just dies for unsaid reasons (though I vote Amelie poisoned him or something).

This version would allow for a really cool contrast between Adrien and Felix’s stories and characters. You have Adrien, a normal human, capable of disobedience, but who bends easily under others and is a people-pleaser. Versus Felix, a senti being magically compelled to obey orders of whoever has his amok, but fights to be free every chance he gets. That contrast would also further Felix’s frustration and jealousy of Adrien, in addition to his own father’s hatred of him and being identical to his cousin, because Felix would kill for Adrien’s free will, but he squanders it. But then there’s also the issue that he’s essentially victim blaming Adrien, not realizing that magic isn’t the only way to force obedience- not to mention ignoring the times that Adrien did stand up for himself (like running away to school). I think that would be a really great discussion of free will, how jealousy can blind you, family conflict (and resolution), and how different kinds of abuse/trauma aren’t automatically better than each other just because they’re opposites (ex: someone with heatstroke shouldn’t be jealous of someone with frostbite. Both suck.) The intensity might be worse for each circumstance (since Felix has magical abuse and physical+verbal abuse), but he would be in the wrong for saying Adrien has it easy.

(I think at this point my ADHD is over-explaining, so I’ll leave it at that lol)

Do you think a route like that would’ve improved the show at all? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

The sentiplot has many issues and one of the big ones is that it's not a great fit for a show where Marinette is the one and only main character. They've given Kagami, Felix, and Adrien this massive weight that begs for them to take center stage for at least a few episodes, but probably a whole season or two. The show isn't going to do that, so it's near impossible to really fix the sentiplot without truly massive changes to canon.

That being said, I think that this idea would have vastly improved the sentiplot in its current form! Right now, the senti thing truly doesn't matter to Adrien's character. His mom could have gotten sick for any random reason and the only meaningful change would be that Gabriel couldn't use the rings to keep Adrienette from kissing that one time. Outside of that, Adrien's status has no meaningful effect on the story. It doesn't even keep him out of the final! He does that on his own! The senti thing is just there for cheap drama.

There's also the issue that the current storyline makes the Agreste's look awful which is clearly not the story's goal. Emilie is supposed to be an angel and Gabriel is supposed to be a grief-stricken man who loves his family. That doesn't fit with the kind of monsters who would make a magical designer slave to be their child and then wear his control rings around as daily accessories. Remember, they picked their freaking wedding rings for his slave collars! Most people wear those every day. The implications are nasty!

It makes way more sense for the Agreste's to have the peacock for more mundane reasons and for Colt to get it somehow. Maybe even have him steal it after he finds out about it to really remove the Ageste's from the perfect slave child issue. This allows for the contrast between Gabriel and Colt that canon so clearly wanted, but failed to write. It also makes Felix's actions towards Adrien make way more sense. It feels like canon Felix hates Adrien and we still don't know why that is.

As nebulous as Felix's character is, he still feels like the kind of character who needs to be tied to something like the sentiplot. It's part of the reason I don't think I can use him in my own stuff. The sentiplot is - or at least should be - such a major, defining thing for him that the only possible way to use him is to keep that plot or to give him a plot about freeing the Kwamis since they're also slaves and his abusive childhood could make him feel a bond with them.

Focusing the sentistruggle on Felix instead of spreading it out to include Adrien and Kagami would also keep the sentistuff from dominating the story. Making the male romantic lead an artificial being without true free will whose creation killed his mother is a massive thing that needs to be the focus of his character for the rest of the story. People are on the edge of their seats waiting for Adrien to learn the truth and want this to be a big plot. I do not think they're going to get that, but they should.

Having a side character be the artificial human allows this to be something that is dealt with and then Felix either leaves or fades into the background once his story is over because his story allowed to have an ending whenever they want it to. That's not true for Adrien. Adrien's ending is happily every after with Marinette and the sentiplot needlessly complicates that plan because it means that Adrien's character is always going to be center stage, making people want the sentiplot to mean something since it's apparently impossible for him to ever be a real boy who has true free will. That's such a massive thing that it begs for Adrien to be the main character, which is an asinine writing choice. I have no idea why they keep giving Adrien all this massive narrative weight. You don't do that if you want the female romantic lead to be the main focus! You do it if you want them to be true costars or if you want the male lead to get the majority of the focus. This is writing 101!

As you said at the top, I'm not sure how well this works for a show aimed at five-year-olds because it's still a pretty heavy stuff, but as a general idea, I'd be down to watch it! I didn't have a ton to add to this one because your pitch was already excellent!

[fivelasanctum]

Dark Fivela *Five Edition*

Update on the nightmare sequence. Apparently they filmed it with five which hits hard in the feels. He could be holding on to his own sanity but it's precarious at best. Would be romantic but also depressing if Lila and Five had the same nightmares of losing the other to insanity. Lila has been called 'Crazy Lady' but it's five who has danced with madness multiple times in his life. Some outwardly, some from his past and emotions/feelings underneath the surface. Ironic given the from the montage, he seemed like he was her rock. Which makes sense since this is Lila's first rodeo with dealing with it to this degree. Five here, doesn't look as unhinged as Lila but might be worse. He stares listlessly at her. No emotion. The opposite of love isn't always hate but apathy. He surrenders to the impulse to give up. Foreshadowing of his suicidal, broken hearted mindset at the end of the season. If he doesn't have her, he rather let the world burn. Go back to their purgatory alone to be lost physically and in the mind or worse...end himself. He saw himself when he was on that course but in the end...death would happen. Just about how one dies. (Least they had a chance to communicate with their eyes and hold each other) He slowly backs away from her. Abandoning lila to it all. Going into the light of the cracked open subway. Symbolically it's beautiful. Where as they cursed the subway often for their predicament; it was their safe haven from the horrors they could face outside of the time stops. A place for them to laugh, share stories...where they truly sat down to know each other. In this case, can represent the mind. Given how five was going towards the broken opening of it. It's ambiguous given the short clip but if you look between the lines, Lila's own fears were manifesting. Yes being alone like Five suffered for 45 years but something more there with him walking away. Not having warmth in his eyes. Not caring (loving) her anymore and shutting down. Leaving everything behind. This was early in their subway travels so could show that she did already love him but was hidden under denial and how it would look like. Perhaps, scared if she did reveal her feelings too early...the judgements from Five since one would think he would be more loyal to his family over someone who cares for him (at this point she could have been unsure) The fear of losing him by misreading the emotions but also the domino effect of the entire family closing her out if it wasn't reciprocated. Their is her complications with kids and still being married and all ^^; Or this was a sobering moment in the nightmare, causing her to realize how much she had grown to care for him (outside of reliance for survival) if she lost him completely to insanity. Much to ponder with these clips. This song came to my mind with this whole concept. If we had more darker fivela scenes I could imagine all the edits with the song. Missed opportunities... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qn862pSFe_M

[antiquepearlss]

Angsty headcanons because why not (cw in tags)

Rapunzel had days in the tower where she just couldn’t motivate herself to get out of bed. Life just felt so boring and monotonous, pointless and endless, she felt no reason in moving, eating, breathing…

Moving to the castle and living a fast paced royal lifestyle was such a shift for her that she had regular breakdowns.

Eugene and Stalyan had a mutually toxic relationship but she was slightly physically abusive at times. Not horrendously, but enough that Eugene still flinches when he’s around her again. 

Lance has never been in an actual relationship. Just situationships and hook-ups. He doesn’t have much time to date outside of raising two kids and having a job. He doesn’t let the loneliness set in but if he looks at Rapunzel and Eugene with some jealous bitterness on occasion..well, that’s his business. (The guilt is worse than the loneliness)

Quirin’s father died when he was 14 and was very emotionally distant. As Quirin felt death looming over him in the amber, he realized he was repeating the cycle.

Neither Hector nor Adira ever knew their parents.

Rapunzel still harbors some body image issues from Gothel repeatedly making comments about her weight and appearance. As much as she loves sweets and trying new food, sometimes she restricts her plate when she feels like she’s gained too much weight lately.

Honestly, Rapunzel, Eugene, and Varian all suffer from eating disorders to an extent.

Werewolf transformations are painful for Catalina and can be borderline unbearable. Somedays it’s seamless, some days it feels like her skin is tearing itself. As an adult she’s covered in stretch marks.

Kiera has a tendency to be too controlling because she feels like she has no control over her life

Varian still suffers from anger issues, he tends to bottle everything up so he isn’t as angry as he used to be, and so he doesn’t dwell on the anger like he used to; but it backfires in tantrums and outbursts- mostly on his loved ones.

Eugene can be incredibly overprotective of the ones he loves, as he has never had a family before and he doesn’t want to risk losing what he’s dreamed of his entire life.

One day when Eugene had pissed Varian off with his hovering, Varian yelled at him to “just lock him up in a tower” and the two didn’t talk for a week after that. Mostly because Varian felt too guilty to be around him and vice versa.

Arianna and Frederic tried for more children after Rapunzel, solely just to secure their lineage, but she miscarried everytime. Arianna feels guilty, but, she’s glad she did.

Cassandra made multiple attempts on her own life after she left Corona. Luckily they all failed.

Varian has an incredibly weak immune system due to his time in prison.

A plague swept through Corona the first official year of Rapunzel’s reign. Luckily she didn’t get sick, but Eugene, Catalina, Kiera, and Varian did. Eugene almost died.

Out of everyone, realistically, Eugene and Varian are going to be the first to die. Rapunzel is the last.

[arliedraws]

So in the AU where J&L survive but the war gets worse and worse, and Sirius dies in Harry's teens, how does James handle it????? Because he's got to be strong for his grieving son, but he just lost the other half of his soul.....discuss.

I think James wouldn’t really understand his own feelings for a long time.

Where Sirius—usually the measured man—breaks immediately upon James’s death, swearing revenge, James is the opposite. He responds to the news with swift and angry disbelief, but then goes completely numb when he realizes it’s true. When he’s asked to identify Sirius’s body, he does so coolly and businesslike and then leaves abruptly to throw up. But that’s it. He just can’t seem to make it real to himself that Sirius is dead.

So he’s overly optimistic. He tells everyone that Sirius wouldn’t want them to mourn or be sad. Remus and Lily see right through this, and they’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Harry doesn’t understand why James is acting like this. Sirius is dead! Why isn’t his dad upset? When they go to clean out Sirius’s stuff, Harry loses it, but still, James just comforts him.

It’s a month or two down the line, and James still really hasn’t cried about Sirius. A few tears at the funeral, but nothing too big. And then, one day, the weather turns cold and James goes into the wardrobe for a coat when he spots one that Sirius had forgotten at Godric’s Hollow ages ago. So James pulls it out and puts it on. He can still smell Sirius on the jacket, and suddenly, it becomes real. He realizes that once the scent wears off this jacket, he’s never going to remember what Sirius smelled like because he’d forgotten until just now, and Sirius is never coming back to get his jacket.

And then he breaks! Hugging his arms around himself in Sirius’s old jacket, sobbing on the floor 🥰

[the-kneesbees]

"this sounds perfect you guys!" my entire section has not successfully played this piece once.

[wickjump]

killer sans but he’s not the first killer on nightmare’s team (canon) however comma dust and horror are already there because they didn’t die when the killer before him died, and new killer doesn’t the way they act around him. like someone they already know. they’d come long before him, as far as he knows. why do they act like he’s the one who knows the way around this castle? like he’s the one who knows anything about nightmare? why do they look like they’re anticipating something when he enters the room, but he just sits down quietly and fiddles with his knife?

[undertheredhood]

ykw would've made s02 of atla even better? if jet didn't immediately find out that zuko is a firebender and for the majority of the season they're really close best friends only for jet to find out the truth about zuko in the worst possible way imaginable (i.e. when zuko sided with azula in the crossroads of destiny).

[dutybcrne]

Mulling over the idea of Kae in the Abyss verse slowly transforming into an Abyss herald or smth bc of the influence of all the Abyssal energy he'd absorbed and used, but instead of simply accepting it; he's utterly terrified and the Instant someone, anyone, finds him partway corrupted, him just Immediately reaching out to them so desperately, pride be damned, and begging them in tears to stay, to not leave him alone, like a child craving solace in the face of thunder-

[shalvis]

Xenoblade 1 is the best game like ever fucking made and it has two of the most dogshit sequels ever fucking made

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

[scionshtola]

shb is such a trying time for cori for many reasons obviously but especially for shtola reasons

[crazysnor1ax]

You looked so good in green

I hope you’re well

And you look so good with him

And I’m proud of you still.

I hope you love yourself

Your body and heart

I hope you feel happy

That’s all I want.

[quibbs126]

AU where Tigerclaw isn’t actually evil, he’s just Like That

[ruvviks]

– Playground.

Characters >> Vitali Dobrynin (oc), a bunch of oc side characters Total >> 5.3k words Warnings >> Alcohol, drugs, NSFW (public :^/, unprotected, rough, mentions of other sexual activities which are most definitely questionable choices on Vitali’s end), some mentions of semi-gendered pre-op body parts on a trans man’s body Context >> Vitali is in college and has lost contact with both his family and his best friend, leaving him mostly to his own devices and he’s not handling it very well

‘Hey, that’s- that’s my dress!’

‘So? You’re not wearing it-’

‘You fucking slut- Give it back!’

‘No!’

Vitali found himself in a spacious bathroom, positioned at the double sink made from black marble in front of a large mirror covering most of the wall. He was surrounded by girls- Jen’s friends, people he did not know by name and did not want to get to know better- and largely ignored their high-pitched shrieking while carefully applying his eyeliner.

They had a party at a local BD club; a fancy one at that, one session costing nearly as much as three months rent, but with her parents’ money Jen had been able to rent the place for the night. The party itself would be anything but fancy, though- Vitali knew exactly what kind of people were going to show up, and already felt a bit sorry for next day’s cleaning crew.

‘You going to run off by yourself again, babe?’ Jen asked, popping up right next to him without warning and startling him to the point he nearly ruined his makeup. ‘We’re gonna smoke pot on the roof terrace with Stacey’s boyfriend and his chooms.’

‘Nick’s there,’ Vitali bluntly answered.

‘Gross! V, Jesus- Just come with me?’

‘Don’t wait up.’

Vitali cared very little for Jen’s plans. He did not even like her- and he knew the feeling was most definitely mutual, yet Jen kept him around because he was the only straight-A student willing to share his notes and homework with her.

‘Bite his dick off when you’re done with him,’ Jen said, plucking Vitali’s eyeliner out of his hand the moment he lowered it to put it down with the rest of his stuff. ‘Don’t let him use you like that.’

‘Paying customer,’ Vitali shrugged in response. ‘I need cash.’

Jen rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t we all.’

Vitali glanced around. Not really, no.

He quickly gathered all his hair behind his head and pulled it in a bun; his signature style at this point, but the only one he was comfortable with- while sober, at least.

Jen reached out for him again, eyeliner already back on the sink despite not having been used by her yet, and she opened the two top buttons of his cropped, short-sleeved button-up to reveal part of his chest. No binder, that night- or anything else for that matter- unnecessary, since no one cared anyway and everyone knew he was a man.

Those who dared to question it always ended up unrecognizable for a week or two.

‘If you’re gonna whore yourself out do it properly at least,’ Jen mumbled. ‘Already wearing long jeans- show some skin, babe.’

‘My tits are going to fall out.’ Vitali tried to protest, but Jen clicked her tongue over his complaining and pulled his light blue denims up a bit higher by the waistband.

‘They’re good tits, V. People should be grateful to get a glimpse of that.’

Alright, she had a point. Still, Vitali redid one of the buttons.

He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror while Jen grabbed his eyeliner again and leaned forward to start applying it. The other girls paid them no attention, still yelling at each other about their clothes and whoever it was they all wanted to hook up with that night-

Except for Stacy, of course. But if anything she was the only one there in need of a better output.

‘We finish at 2 AM,’ Jen said. ‘No minute later. Leaving for my father’s bar- we can get the good stuff there, then we’ll split up for Clouds and- well, whatever food place is still open, probably, for whoever doesn’t wanna go.’ A pause. ‘You listening?’

‘2 AM for afterparty at your father’s bar,’ Vitali answered, absently brushing a loose strand of hair out of his face.

‘Clouds after?’

‘No thanks.’

‘Whatever. Your loss.’

It’s a terrible place. I’m not losing anything.

Vitali clenched his jaw, but wisely did not respond anymore.

1:38 AM.

Vitali was wasted, yet unnoticeably so as always; looking as exhausted and absent as he always did, thousand yard stare into nothing while slowly navigating through the dense crowd of the club, face and arms by then already covered in neon body paint.

Wasted, and high; while he was not liked by his peers all that much, he had still been offered enough drags from joints for the effects to take place. He knew they still contained nicotine, and he had made someone the promise to stop smoking, but-

Well, that someone wasn’t there. Not anymore.

The music was loud, even with his earbuds in. Vitali had spent hours on the dancefloor already, first with Jen and some other girls, then with Jackie who had unexpectedly showed up- had briefly made out with him, even, two separate times- and then with a few random guys he had never seen before, some of which had also had the pleasure of getting a taste of Vitali’s lips.

He left the club’s main hall, darting into the hallway with the restrooms and braindance corners. Some people stumbled right into him and he was met with some laughter and yelled apologies- he politely smiled back and forcefully pushed them aside, moving deeper into the hallway.

His eyes were pulled into some of the BD rooms- people sitting on dirty couches wearing special headsets, hands stuffed in their own clothes, or others’ clothes- or hands explicitly traveling over bodies, clothes already on the floor- while making the most obscene noises, audible above the music.

Were it not for the man standing close by, waiting for him, Vitali would have joined.

He recognized him, even in the dark and with his limited eyesight now that he was under the influence of several things at once. A tall figure, broad-shouldered, pretty-faced- covered in neon body paint as well, several smudges decorating his cheeks and lips, telling Vitali he was not going to be the first of the night.

‘Vito.’

Nick could barely stand on his legs anymore, swaying from side to side as he reached for Vitali’s waist and dragged him closer, lips finding his with ease- he tasted like overly expensive wine, tobacco, and chewing gum.

‘Nicky,’ Vitali replied into the kiss, grabbing the man’s hips and dragging him with until his own back was pressed solidly against the wall of the hallway and they were out of the way for people passing by. ‘Where have you been?’

‘Around,’ was the only answer he received. Nick leaned in and pressed his lips against Vitali’s neck, hands eagerly traveling over his body- a man of actions, and especially when piss drunk he usually wasted no time.

Vitali hummed in response and rested his head against the wall as Nick began to grind against him; lips curled up into a small smile the moment he felt a bulge press prominently against his thigh.

‘Have been waiting for you,’ Nick mumbled, pressing their bodies together as close as he could while reaching for Vitali’s hair and undoing his bun. ‘Worried you wouldn’t show.’

‘Don’t.’ Vitali repositioned himself against the wall and shook his head a bit, hair dropping down past and over his shoulders, some strands falling forward and covering his face. ‘When I inevitably ditch you I will let you know.’

Nick grabbed a handful of his hair and tugged on it hard to tilt Vitali’s head up and to kiss the underside of his jaw. Vitali allowed him- strangely aroused by Nick’s rough eagerness, and strangely comfortable in his locked position against the wall.

He did not worry. If Nick would truly hurt him, Vitali could break his skull with ease if he wanted to. And Nick knew that.

‘Vito- Relax, baby.’

Nick had clearly noticed the remaining tension in Vitali’s body, and he looked up again and smiled. ‘Wanna grab a room?’

Vitali blinked slowly and glanced around- and made direct eye-contact with another guy a few feet away, chest pressed against the wall, hips rolling back into the thrusts of his partner.

He turned his head back to Nick and leaned closer-

‘Just get it over with.’

Vitali took out his earbuds and allowed the music from the club to swallow him whole, surrendering himself to the overwhelming sensations clouding his mind. Nick immediately pressed him hard into the wall, lips on his neck again, hands traveling down- briefly fumbling with Vitali’s pants before yanking them down- and finding their way to him, like countless times before.

‘Damn, baby,’ he breathed, his teeth grazing past Vitali’s skin and his fingers running over him. ‘Got nothing for me?’

‘Medication side effects,’ Vitali plainly answered, dipping his head to press it against Nick’s shoulder.

Motherfucker. You haven’t made me wet since your first chance.

Why Vitali kept coming back, he was no longer sure. He needed the distraction, he guessed- though plenty of men around to fuck, so why Nick?

Safety, familiarity. Nicky was not good, but he was desperate- and respectful as he could be, unprejudiced and surprisingly smart enough to know better than to use the wrong words in a certain context.

Yes, even when barely present anymore because of whatever he had been smoking or drinking. That was probably why Vitali couldn’t stay away.

Nick pulled the top buttons of Vitali’s shirt open, pushing the left of it aside to reveal part of his bare chest. Vitali allowed him to move his head down and get closer, press his tongue against him- and to grab his chest and squeeze hard while his tongue licked all the way back up to Vitali’s jaw.

Yes, it felt good. No, Vitali was not all that impressed anymore. Nick had a limited set of tricks which he cycled through and- even though Vitali always stayed open-minded and patient with others- it was starting to bore him a bit.

‘You look good,’ Nick breathed, fingers making a messy attempt at jerking Vitali off as his other hand ran through his hair again. ‘Dressed up for me?’

‘Sure,’ Vitali replied, gently tugging on his own shirt until the other half of his chest was also exposed to the hot and stuffy air of the club. Nick took the bait without hesitation, teeth grazing past Vitali’s hardened nipple as he moaned against his skin.

And Vitali surrendered again, raising his arms above his head and draping them over his hair as he rolled his hips forward on the beat of the music and allowed Nick to touch him wherever he pleased. His head was starting to spin a little, throbbing in his half-pulled down boxer briefs as he yearned for more stimulation, dry humping the air.

Oh, what a good distraction it was. No more worries about anything- just him, a partner- or two, or three, on other occasions- the heat between them and the building tension in his body. The loud music was a nice touch; as were the noises of other people’s pleasure surrounding him- at least, what he could hear of it.

Nick had lowered his own pants now, hand rapidly pumping up and down as quick relief- and he did not waste any time, grabbing Vitali’s underwear and pulling it down far enough to be able to force his legs apart and he rubbed himself eagerly over Vitali’s crotch, throbbing, and already moaning in his ear.

And then he slowly pushed in- ‘Mmh-! So tight…’- deeper and deeper- ‘Fuck, baby- feels so fucking good…’- and Vitali rolled his eyes as he wrapped his arms tightly around Nick’s broad shoulders, a quiet gasp leaving his lips when he bottomed out way too soon. A girl passed by them, her eyes finding Vitali’s- and she leaned over Nick, standing on her tiptoes, to kiss Vitali and push her tongue into his mouth.

A heavenly distraction from those first few thrusts, she tasted like sweetened liquor and candy- her hands soft and soothing on Vitali’s skin as she cupped his face and hummed contently into the kiss. She let go, yet kept their heads as steady in place as the light bounce of Vitali’s body allowed and she watched until his eyes glossed over, and a shaky sigh of relief finally left his lips.

‘Good boy,’ she mouthed at him, and for a split second Vitali wondered if she was even real- a complete stranger, like most others from earlier that night, yet so sweet and gentle to the point Vitali doubted her entire existence. Mind playing tricks on him, possibly-

But the girl kissed him again and that sweet, overwhelming taste of liquor and candy convinced him otherwise, and for a brief moment it was as if Nick was not there at all.

They parted, and Vitali sighed once more as he rested his face against Nick’s, hands grabbing the back of his hair as he was lifted up a bit at the next, deep thrust. He watched the girl take out a black marker, and allowed her to leave her number on the backside of his arm-

He would not call her back. She deserved better than him.

‘You’ve been saving yourself for me,’ Nick falsely stated between grunts as the girl wandered off again, his lips wet against Vitali’s skin and his hands tightly locking his hips in place.

‘Bold assumption,’ Vitali merely responded, vividly recalling his quickie in the communal restroom of the college dorm of Stacey’s boyfriend with said man, from only the day before.

‘Hey, now. Be nice.’

Nick slowed down, reaching up to Vitali’s face and grabbing his chin to tilt his head up- but Vitali instantly made a biting motion at him, causing Nick to quickly pull his hand back.

‘I am not nice,’ he said, hands moving down to the back and sides of Nick’s neck and he pulled him closer, applying light pressure as he did and causing him to moan quietly.

‘Now go on- Fuck me. I know you want to.’

Another quiet moan and grunt left Nick’s lips when Vitali tightened around him, and he continued- picking up his pace, and his force, and Vitali lightly winced when Nick lifted up his right leg a bit too high and his groin painfully protested.

Should see a doc for that.

‘Come on, baby,’ Nick grunted in his ear, squeezing Vitali’s thigh. He shifted position- finally hitting the right spot and Vitali gasped, grabbing the back of the other man’s shirt and pulling him closer as another hard thrust caused his teeth to clack together and his back to chafe the wall.

Yes, Nick was desperate- but so was Vitali, as embarrassing as it was for him to admit. Deprived entirely from the comfort he had once had when he had still been in high school- an emptiness in him that needed to be filled, but nobody could- nobody came even close- so he sought out distraction after distraction and took every opportunity he could get to feel something again.

And oh, it was not good- but it was good enough, locked against the wall, Nick buried deep inside him and holding him up by his ass, wildly chasing his own finish as he moaned Vitali’s name with closed eyes and red cheeks.

And he went deeper, and harder, finally forcing a moan from Vitali’s lips and causing his eyes to flutter shut. He arched his back, humming when Nick eagerly cupped his chest again- another shaky moan, and building tension- but it was not enough yet, not nearly close enough, but Nick’s release followed with a gasp and a relieved sigh into Vitali’s ear while he filled him up and lazily thrusted it deeper in.

Classic.

A pause, as Nick buried his face in the crook of Vitali’s neck, his hot breath heavy against his skin. Vitali reached for the man’s back pocket and found a lighter and a joint- he flicked it out, leaned over Nick’s shoulder to put it between his lips and he lit it, raising his eyebrows when Nick grunted and rolled his hips forward a final time, lifting Vitali’s body up a little as he pressed him tighter into the wall.

‘Not enough yet?’ Vitali asked, sucking in a breath and slipping Nick’s lighter into the chest pocket of his own shirt before leaning back against the wall. Nick did not answer him- instead, he held still again, both hands moving up to Vitali’s chest once more and his lips traveling back up to his jaw.

Yeah, he was far gone. But it mattered little to Vitali, taking another drag as he let his eyes wander into the hallway again; the boys next to them had finished up and slowly made their way past them, the taller one giving Vitali a wink when he walked by.

Vitali arched his back again to push his chest closer to Nick’s touch, the back of his head rolling over the wall as he looked up at the ceiling to expose more of his neck- but Nick pulled back now, his hunger finally sated, and an exasperated sigh left Vitali’s lips as he dropped himself back against the wall entirely and lifted his arm.

A glance at his watch- 2:19 AM.

Jen’s gonna kill me.

Nick pulled out and fixed his clothing, suddenly acting as if Vitali was not even there. Vitali merely watched- it was no new situation to him- and he left his joint dangle from his lips as he hooked his arms behind his back, waiting for Nick to finish and redirect his attention to him.

And he got what he wanted; of course he did. Exposed like he was- shirt open, pants down- in the hallway of a club no less- truly a sight for sore eyes, and Nick hummed as he grabbed Vitali’s waist and made him sway along to the music a bit.

‘You’re hot,’ he said, another smile spreading on his face as he leaned forward again.

‘I know.’ Vitali rested his head against the wall to avoid another kiss and puffed some smoke in Nick’s face. ‘Pay up.’

Even in the darkness Vitali could see a shadow wash over his face, but it did him nothing. He did not ask much- but he needed the money, already having lost his second job in a short period of time and his savings steadily running out.

‘Seriously?’ Nick huffed and mockingly rolled his eyes. ‘V, come on. We can’t keep doing this.’

‘No protection.’ Vitali took another drag from his joint and slightly turned his hips away when Nick squeezed his ass. ‘No prep. Did not even get to cum. Eddies- stat.’

Oh, now the man just looked pathetic.

Like a kicked puppy, Nick briefly removed his hands from Vitali’s body- eyes big upon learning he apparently was not the pleaser he thought himself to be. Vitali shrugged and reached down, to pull up his boxer briefs and pants again.

‘No- No, baby, wait,’ Nick immediately said and stopped him, then lowered through his knees. Vitali rolled his eyes again- but allowed Nick to wrap his arms around his thighs and take him into his mouth without hesitation; though Vitali knew it was no longer out of eagerness, but merely to get it over with.

And again it was nothing special- some sucking and prodding, fingers finding their way back inside but reaching not far enough to hit any good spot- but at least he was there, and in that moment it was better than having to do the job himself.

Vitali took a long drag and closed his eyes, humming along to the music as Nick worked. When he opened them again, there was someone else with them- a man, around his own age, staring without shame, and Vitali reached out for his hand and pulled him closer.

Kiss, after kiss, after kiss- no one ever stayed. Well, Jackie did- but they were friends, nothing more. Vitali did not want to let it get to that.

But it was good, to kiss- to get lost in it, to be that close to someone- and especially in that moment it was exactly what Vitali needed, a second set of hands on his body and lips against his own as Nick’s mouth between his legs finally started to cause more blood to rush down, arousal running through his torso.

Okay, it felt alright now. Whether it was the alcohol, the weed, the soreness, the kiss, his exhaustion- Vitali was unsure. But he did not care, either. He rolled his hips forward, grabbing a handful of Nick’s hair as he dragged him closer while breaking his kiss, the stranger briefly moving his mouth to Vitali’s neck before taking his joint from him and putting it between his own lips.

‘That’s it, baby,’ Vitali moaned, reaching for his own chest and squeezing, pretending his hand was someone else’s. Nick hummed against him, the vibrations tightening the knot in Vitali’s stomach, the building heat-

Another kiss, parted lips against his own, tongue finding its way into his mouth and he moaned again. Yes, it felt good- the warm, hazy feeling in his head more so than the act itself- it felt good to not worry, to not care-

And Vitali sighed as relief washed over him, eyes rolling back in their sockets and legs momentarily giving out, to the point only Nick’s hands were holding him up.

‘Dripping, now,’ Nick mumbled. ‘Good, baby- that’s what I like to see.’

Shut up, cunt. That’s mostly just your own fucking fluids, not mine.

Silence, as Nick slowly got back up on his feet. The other man was still there, leaving kisses on Vitali’s jaw and cheek, hand having found its way to his chest too and thumb rubbing over his nipple.

‘Meet me behind the club, ten minutes,’ he said into Vitali’s ear. ‘I can do much better.’

Vitali believed him. Yet said nothing as the stranger wandered off, with no intent on ever following him-

He deserved better than Vitali. Much, much better.

Nick leaned in- Vitali had momentarily forgotten about him- his lips still parted and glossy as he tried to kiss him; but Vitali pushed his fingers against Nick’s mouth and pushed him back, creating a distance between them.

‘Three-fourth of full price,’ he bluntly said.

A small discount. For a lousy orgasm.

‘You’re a fucking cunt,’ Nick spat at him, pushing him back against the wall and reaching down again- though Vitali was unsure with what intent exactly and in return grabbed Nick’s wrist before he could touch him, and he squeezed lightly as a warning while leaning in a little closer.

‘And you can’t get any bitches and feel the constant need to use me as your outlet,’ he merely responded, and Nick quickly- but forcefully- pulled his hand back. Vitali stared up at him for a second, then grabbed the man’s collar and dragged him closer, until their lips were practically touching while he continued to speak.

‘Now pay up before I break your pretty nose.’

Nick forcefully kissed Vitali, hands grabbing his hair and body locking him in place once more. Vitali bit Nick’s lower lip hard in return and pulled on his hair until his head was tilted upward, and Vitali could lick some of the remnants of cum- his own, but mostly Nick’s- off the man’s chin.

He watched as the outer rim of Nick’s irises lit up neon blue and a sum of money popped up in his view- three-fourth of the full price, and Vitali shot him a sarcastic smile as he loosened his grip on his hair.

‘For your fucking booze and drugs,’ Nick sneered.

For my meds and surgery. Thanks.

Vitali leaned in and kissed him again- but passionately this time, stealing the air from his lungs as he allowed Nick’s tongue free access, secretly longing for a more intimate moment between them- but knowing very well it would never get to any of that.

‘I’ll make sure to enjoy it more than I enjoyed you,’ he breathed into the kiss, and forcefully pushed Nick away from him.

It was all clear again, now. The hallway they stood in, the music from the hall next door- too loud, and not good at all- and the moans and cries of pleasure surrounding them, combined with the smell of bodies and the heat of the air and it all just made Vitali nauseous now.

‘You’re gonna die alone, in a fucking ditch next to the highway somewhere,’ Nick spat as Vitali fixed his underwear and pants. He reached for his shirt- but Nick stopped him, suddenly, pushing his hands aside to- right, first give another hard squeeze, classic- and then to fix his shirt for him, buttoning it all the way to the top.

‘Too much to fuckin’ handle,’ he muttered, only just loud enough for Vitali to hear. ‘Why’d you think no one stays?’

Vitali pushed Nick’s hands away. ‘Then why do you keep coming back?’

Nick said nothing.

Vitali stared at him as he gathered his hair again and put it back up in a bun, pushing himself away from the wall and slowly wandering off without breaking eye contact, until Nick looked away first. Vitali rolled his eyes and scoffed, and he began making his way away from the rest of the party, through the neon-lit hallway, toward the exit on the other side.

God, he was fucking stupid.

He was well aware of it- none of his behavior was good for him, but he cared so little now. He had nothing; nobody. Yes, Jackie, but- it was different now. Everything was different and there was nothing he could do about it anymore.

The hallway seemed to double in size before his eyes, stretching out as he stumbled forward and nearly crashed into another couple- he apologized, in Russian for some reason, and tried to continue walking but it was so crowded around him again suddenly he felt himself lose control again.

Hands grasped at him from all sides, continuously pulling him in- he allowed it to happen, stopping every few feet or so to kiss, to steal a drink, to take a huff from a joint- allowed two girls to suck several hickeys on his chest- allowed some guy to cup his cheek and softly set him down on his knees for a while, next to three others-

2:56 AM.

The exit was so close.

Vitali did not want to leave yet.

He sat on the floor, watching others- too tired to stand, or try to stand, or just move at all. Had another drink, or two, or three- someone straddled his lap for a bit, a classmate, they kissed him over and over until they fell asleep and he pushed them aside- grabbed someone else’s jacket from the floor and draped it over them as they quietly snored.

3:15 AM.

He wanted to stay.

He wanted to get lost again, lose himself- but he couldn’t, despite being as far gone as he was. Too far gone, perhaps; he was a bit nauseous, still, but merely sat unmoving, and watched-

More kissing, more strangers, yet nothing helped. He was dragged back to his feet- didn’t help, made him dizzy- he could barely stand on his legs and he just wanted to go to bed.

3:41 AM.

‘Come on, come with us!’

The girls were barely drunk compared to him and their laughter was actively hurting his head. They tried to pull him along- them and their boyfriends and girlfriends- to do whatever it was they were planning on doing in one of the BD rooms, but Vitali managed to free himself from their grips and stumbled toward the exit instead.

Oh, but he wanted to stay, and join them-

‘Hey, come on!’

A hand gripped his wrist tightly and he was yanked back. Vitali turned his head-

The guy was tall, and attractive. Hair color indiscernible yet hairstyle strangely familiar-

Mikhail?

Of course it wasn’t him.

But everything around him suddenly went quiet.

Vitali blinked, the music fading into the background as he stumbled and nearly fell. The guy tried kissing him- Vitali pushed him away, and when that turned out not to be enough of a hint he let his fist collide with the guy’s jaw, a sudden rush of adrenaline overtaking his body by the memory of his friend.

Leave.

He stumbled back, pushing himself past a small gathering of people- they just stared, and laughed, said things to him and about him to others but he could no longer understand any of it-

4:00 AM.

Vitali pushed himself outside through the back entrance of the club.

He gasped for air, inhaling the cool air of the early morning hours; nothing fresh about it, but to him it was similar to the air of a flowery meadow in comparison to the stench of the club.

It was raining a bit. It felt nice.

Vitali exhaled and looked up at the sky, allowing the rain to wash the body paint and makeup off his face. How tired he was now- how he longed for the comfort of his own bed, despite it being merely a mattress on the floor.

He tried so hard to not think about him.

But it was hard, still. Even after nearly a year of not speaking with him-

Vitali was unable to even finish his thoughts.

He had to go home. He didn’t care about Jen- no missed texts or calls, she didn’t care about him either- so he just had to get out of there, somehow, and he wasn’t even sure where exactly he was.

Somehow, this happened nearly every week. He gave in, gave too much, got too drunk and too high and his sex-addicted ass would make mistake after mistake after mistake until he regretted all his actions and just wanted to disappear; and then the next time it would happen all over again, memories haunting his mind and he needed to forget- and it worked, until it didn’t, and by then the memories had doubled and next time he would find himself chasing that same high again until his faults would swallow him whole.

And for what?

What the fuck was he missing?

He knew.

He knew exactly- but he refused to think about it.

It was his own fucking fault.

Tears welled up in Vitali’s eyes. He was thinking about him again- his bright crooked smile, his bright blue eyes- the gentleness of his hands, the softness of his hair- his arms wrapped around Vitali’s waist as they slow-danced in the kitchen at three in the morning, Vitali’s head resting comfortably against his chest-

He lost his balance and fell on his knees on the ground, his entire body shaking suddenly. He finally realized he was cold; and shivered, a choked sob leaving his throat.

Oh, how he missed him. An empty space in his soul that no amount of alcohol, drugs or sex could fill- but what else could Vitali do other than trying, knowing he was probably never going to see Mikhail again?

He screamed.

Startled himself with it, a bit; a loud, mournful cry echoing through the streets of Night City, catching nobody’s attention- yet he almost wished someone would hear, and he would no longer have to be alone.

Oh, how he missed him- he missed his jokes, his tics, his laugh- the warmth of his body next to him as they slept, the comfort of his arms as they took a bath, the softness of his lips, pressed against Vitali’s cheek-

They had not been together. Not at any point in time. But there had been no need for that.

Mikhail was the only one who had never walked away, and then Vitali had lost him-

And with that, he had also lost himself.

[minarcana]