#discussions of miluca

[lovecolibri]

I have a suspicion/fear the show is going to try and push the idea that m*ria is the "hero" and she is "instrumental" and "important" in getting Malex back together because she "sacrificed her own happiness" and broke it off with Michael for Alex’s sake, and Alex and Michael will both have to thank her for helping them get together, and maybe stay away for awhile to protect her “delicate” feelings.

So, in case people forget, I have some reminders about the kind of “friend” m*ria is, which is going under the cut because this is more salty than I usually get so, enter at your own risk and all that.

First, before we get into the Michael and Alex of it all, we are told m*ria loved Rosa like family and went to her grave all the time, but when Rosa came back from the dead m*ria was...nowhere to be found. And I get her being pissed at Liz and the Pod Squad and wanting nothing to do with them. But none of that should have kept her from visiting with Rosa who is back from the dead after a decade. If she was truly a “good friend” and Rosa was truly “her family too” she could have made it work while still making her feelings clear to Liz. Now, on the the Michael and Alex portion of the salt show!

m*ria only broke it off with Michael after SHE decided for him that someone else could "make Michael happier". And this only came up after Michael spent a lot of time and effort, but never quite performed "boyfriend" correctly enough for her. She knew that Alex felt hopeful about Michael, but she never considered for a moment that maybe Alex could make Michael happier than her, until she decided that Michael didn't make HER happy. She is the one with the "psychic" senses which makes it all worse because she could sense how both of them felt but ignored it because she wanted a toy that she had never been interested in before, until she learned it might be someone else's. And only after she played with it and found it lacking did she decide she didn't want it anymore. She didn't “sacrifice her happiness” and "let Michael go" because she thought someone else could make him "happier". She dumped him because he was difficult, and challenged her, and she didn't want to deal with it anymore.

Part of the issue too, is that they wanted to have m*luca be the fun, funny, banter couple but that doesn't work when one character is fresh from horrific trauma and has a deep history of abandonment and abuse that the other character either refuses to acknowledge, or puts the blame on the first character by making snide comments about their history or the way the smell. (The choice to have her comment about the way Michael smells will never not send me into a rage. Like yes, let’s pick on the guy who was a homeless teen without consistent access to a shower, and now does outdoor manual labor. Way to endear m*ria as a character right off the bat 🙄)

The Malex banter works not only because Tyler and Vlamis are actually friends and have great chemistry, but also because Alex and Michael know each other. They understand (at least in part) what the other has suffered. And even then, their banter doesn't always land because they haven't figured out the right way to navigate their pain and trauma responses with each other- they haven't been in the same place long enough to. But their banter come from a place of love and understanding, where as with m*ria it always seemed to come from a place of superiority. 

Because every time m*ria mentions anything about Michael it's usually with an air of vague disgust and, when it comes to her “feelings” for him, shame. She never gives any indication that she even LIKES him as a person and not just a sex object/someone to boss around and prop her up. She calls him names (Uuuuugh, he’s such a “Chad” says the woman who is literally a psychic and should be able to pick up on Michael’s screaming internal pain from losing his mother and his brother Max, and Noah, the man he thought of as a brother and trusted to look after his sister), and refuses to entertain the idea that he may have valid reasons for making the choices he does, and goes crying to Alex until he does the heavy lifting for her. She never looks softly at him, she’s always looking down at him or looking calculating. 

So whyyyy did she even go after him? Why, if not to just prove that she could? Why, if not to prop herself up because Michael is an absolute mess inside (which, as mentioned above, her psychic senses would have told her), and willing to bend over backwards for any scrap of attention? Like, I am genuinely confused about why she was so hell bent on throwing herself at Michael in 2x01 when he was so clearly going through something and she’s had nothing but disdain for his behavior and previously made him promise he wouldn’t tell anyone that they slept together, but now she’s patting the seat next to her as he stumbles drunkenly into a funeral? While she’s sitting right near Alex? You know, the man she promised that nothing would happen again with Michael now that she knew HE was Alex’s museum guy that Alex was feeling hopeful about? 

And then her whole thing about not saying they are together, but making Michael promise not to kiss anyone else?? It just give me big “you don’t dump me, I dump you!” vibes. Like she could not handle scruffy, town drunk, “sex in a truck, smells like a river, never introduce him to your mamma” Michael Guerin NOT falling all over himself for her, so she pushed and pushed until she got what she wanted and once she had him, she could not care less about him as an actual person.

Also, let’s not forget she spent the season flaunting her pursuit of Michael and their relationship together in Alex's face, and went so far as to make Alex not only watch Michael have sex with her, but be a participant in her and the love of his life having sex (even if Alex didn’t physically have p/v sex with her, or they never touched each other’s bits, he was still involved). And she did it as a way to prove that Michael would pick her over Alex. She is a woman Alex has no sexual feelings for, which she knows, and they have known each other since childhood and are basically family. There is no reason she should want to have Alex around when she is having sex, or want to be around him having sex. You know, like how Isobel recoils when hearing about Michael or Max’s sex life, or the way Max does not want to hear about Isobel or Michael’s sex lives? Despite having no idea if they are actually related or not? Or the way Michael makes jokes about their sex lives or his own as a false sense of oversharing so they don’t probe or notice that he’s hiding something by not actually telling them anything about Alex, the love of his life? There isn’t really a way to read that scene except as a manipulation by m*ria to get something she had no right to (Alex), and to take what Alex wanted, just because she could.

And I am going to stick this here since I’m already talking about 2x06 and this will save me from making a separate post. It wasn't about the story or the character's journeys, it was written so carina could tick off  checkboxes like one for a "love triangle" but spicy because the dude in the middle is bi, a checkbox for "homage" to the OG show, but in a way that honored nothing about the OG story or characters, a checkbox for “threesome on national tv where the woman was the one in control”, but with no regard to the character's backstories (”every time I touched a woman I was trying to disappear” anyone?), or trauma histories. 

There’s a reason the post 2x06 interview wasn’t with Tyler or even Vlaims. Because that scene wasn’t about Alex and it wasn’t about Michael, it was about giving the female character the control in a sexy situation for “feminist” reasons and so c*rina could get a threesome on tv for woke points. It didn’t matter to her that Alex is gay, or injured, or that he and Michael are both deeply traumatized and their trauma responses involve them not standing up for themselves when they are uncomfortable or think they might upset someone. It didn’t matter. because it wasn’t about them at all. It was about m*ria getting to call the shots and be in control. But you can’t be applauded for giving one character agency if you take that agency from others. In framing m*ria as initiating the threesome to give her the agency, took it away from Alex, and from Michael. You also have the issue with m*ria being given the agency in breaking up with Michael and having Michael argue against it, because he can’t really chose Alex over m*ria if she isn’t a choice. And you also have Michael taking back that agency and deciding he isn’t ready to start things with Alex, but by having them not talk to each other about it, it takes away Alex’s chance to make a real choice to go after Forrest, since again, he can’t really chose if he doesn’t know Michael is an option.

And finally, if you think after Alex was the one reminding Liz to be a better friend to m*ria, hung out with Mimi, helped put up fliers and went on long drive to follow up some random lead on Mimi being missing even though m*ria was currently screwing the love of his life with zero remorse or apology and kept dragging him into it to flaunt it in his face, and then got stabbed for all his trouble and manipulated while injured and unable to leave into a questionable sexual situation, while the only “support” m*ria has provided is to tell Alex home can be a person before preceding to date said person in front of Alex, knowing he’s still in love with Michael, that ALEX is the one that needs to be a better friend to HER? That there is any scenario where he needs to step up and be better for her?! Then I don't know what to tell you.

[cakebeam]

[likeadisgruntledpelican]

I’m gonna go ahead and generalize since generalizing seems to work really well in this fandom.  This is for those who can’t seem to understand the issue without doing yet another post about biphobia (and for full disclosure, this post is being composed by yet another bisexual viewer before y’all get up in arms about that)

Nobody is saying that Michael isn’t bisexual now that he’s with Maria. 

Literally nobody is saying that.    

People’s issues with this involve how the narrative is composed around the two pairs of couples. 

The issue is and will always be... the narrative is setting up the Male/Male pairing to be described as toxic, unhealthy, “bad for each other,” and then heaps the responsibility for that toxicity solely onto the gay male character via behind the scenes descriptions, promotional interviews, and actual in-show dialogue slung in his direction by the bisexual male character.   

And in comparison, the narrative is setting up the Female/Male pairing to be described as hopeful and healthy, that they’ll be “good” for each other, and that they’ll be a breath of fresh air, while the negative behaviors on the part of both characters towards each other and towards the gay male character are ignored or are described in behind the scenes descriptions, promotional interviews, and in-show dialogue as being justified because of the “toxicity” of that other character. 

So the message being sent here by the narrative itself is that “Yeah, sure.  Michael Guerin is bisexual.  He is attracted to multiple genders.  But hey, that relationship he might have with that guy over there?  That one?  That’s totally a toxic relationship and Michael is better off without him.  But that woman over there?  She’s cool.  If he got with her, his life would be easier, better, healthier, and he could have a real chance at a happily ever after.  So sure, he could have a relationship with this man, but why would he when this woman over here is such a better pairing for him?” 

And just to emphasize the point, the narrative has the bisexual man mentally and emotionally associate the bad experiences in his life to the gay man and then has him verbally blame him for those things happening. 

And Alex?  That toxic asshat of a beautiful gay man?  The narrative is telling him that that bisexual man he loves won’t ever care enough about him to treat him like a person.  Not like the bisexual man treats the female love interest.  But this new (supposedly) gay guy?  He’ll be cool with Alex.  It’s probably best that Alex just starts a new relationship with this new guy.  Leave that bisexual man for the woman in his life.  That’s what will be best for everybody.

TL;DR.  Pointing out that the narrative is biphobic is not inherently biphobic on its own. The narrative itself is what’s biphobic.  So until y’all get a grasp of exactly what the biphobia here is and how it’s being used to justify this love triangle, you can just stop accusing every person on here of being biphobic, since you don’t even understand the concept.

Instead of yelling biphobia at every person (Alex stan) who hates this story line, why don’t you take a look at the writing itself and acknowledge the real problem?  

(It might have something to do with the fact that it isn’t your favorite character getting shit on.)

[lizacstuff]

It's not surprising that Carina said that Michael and Alex are her favorite couple but Michael is with Maria right now so why is it necessary to add to the ship war?

Because Carina is fucking messy. I think she miscalculated fan reaction to the Michael relationships this season and is trying to give her most vocal fanbase something to grab onto.  Her throwing that on social media is probably her trying to throw Malex fans a bone after she has stomped all over them this season.  She knows she’s losing some of them and has probably been spiraling over it since 2x06 aired. 

I don’t know about you, but if Malex is her favorite ship, I’m very happy to be shipping something (Echo) that is not her favorite.  

I don’t have a horse in the Malex vs Miluca race, but does any shipper want what Malex has gotten this season? If pulling them apart for an entire season in favor of Michael/Maria and then subjecting them all to a disturbing af three-way that can never be erased and taints all of the relationships in that triangle forever is what she does to her favs, it ain’t no great shakes to be so highly esteemed by her. 

I have a feeling that she finds my favs boring, however I’ll take a ship where they love so hard they bring each other back from the dead followed by a half season of milkshake declarations, ring imagery, ILYs and playing doctor in bed over what she’s done to Malex every day of the week and twice on Sunday.  

[michael-runs-hot-guerin]

2.10 Spoilers, anti m!luca, no cut bc mobile:

.

.

Michael did not at ALL seem enthusiastic abt M*ria climbing on him in the airstream. Like AT ALL.

Speaking from experience as an asexual that was even less interest than "You know I'm only sort of curious abt sex and I'm pretty sure I love you and you're interested so let's give it a try I guess"

Like he. He wanted to talk to her. And she decided that wasn't going to happen. And at this point I'm probably projecting but I think M*ria was a lot more annoyed than Michael was by Isobel's interruption.

It felt more like he was going to do it out of obligation & bc he actually does hate talking... to people who aren't Alex 👀

(Slightly off topic but their response to "don't propose to my great great grand niece" should have been 🤢 not haha very funny since Michael and Isobel legit think of each other as siblings so hard that they're grossed out when anyone suggests they're dating but okay)

[signoraviolettavalery]

Also I would totally write a meta about how Michael lets people abuse and mistreat him because he clings to the thin sliver of hope that they might keep him around, and how kids who have been abused and abandoned do that, they let abusers into their lives and they let themselves be mistreated because they might not be treating you well, but at least they’re staying 

And that’s exactly his relationship with Maria and, to some extent, his siblings. None of them care about him as a person; they just care about what he can do for them, and he lets them, because if he makes himself useful, they’ll keep him around. The sum total of Michael’s interactions with Maria are basically: he fixes things for her, he holds her while she cries, he protects her when she gets roofied, he gives her a night of good sex, he lets her insult him. Every single one of those things is something he does for her or her insulting him under the guise of banter (it’s not cute; it’s not flirty; it’s not teasing; it’s outright horrible and insulting and particularly so to someone who’s been told demeaning things his entire life). And he lets her. Because if she wants him around to use him and insult him, that still means she wants him around, and Michael desperately wants to be wanted. 

And it grosses me the fuck out, and it makes me uncomfortable how much this fandom clings to how “cute” their banter is or finds it “empowering” or “good representation” or whatever the fuck when an abused man gets further mistreated. Y’all think you’re so woke and you eat that shit up whole when the cast tells you how sweet that ship is and how she’s a “breath of fresh air” and nobody seems to want to conjure up the braincells to see how fucking unhealthy their dynamic is, because god forbid you criticize a relationship between a man and a woman, it can’t possibly be a valid critique, it’s ~biphobic~ to say anything bad about Miluca, don’t you know

[mariadelucaappreciation-kj]

I don't understand why there are some (Ma|ex people from what I see) calling Maria a bad and horrible friend??? Like did I miss something????

Chiiiiiiiillllleeeee!

What a question to return back from vacation from!

Now let me preface this: this is all my own unapologetic opinion. If anyone reading this is interested in an actual discussion? I'm always down to talk. Definitely won't entertain rude comments.

For starters: Are you trying to get me yeeted from the fandom? Lol

This question has been burning in my mind for now 3 seasons worth of show. I've long avoided writing about this "bad friend" narrative because I feel like could write a full blown dissertation on this topic. Plus, people with opposing opinions have such strong reactions to people who don't agree. But! I'm finally making time to do this.

I'll try to keep this to just a miniature dissertation. I'm about to fail miserably, lol. Sorry in advance.

In short, the answer is "she betrayed Alex" *chokes hard on this lie* when in actuality, she did nothing of the sort.

Let's start with early Michael and Maria interactions shall we? We'll stick to season one only for this unnecessary hard-hitting, in-depth analysis because the people's hate levels skyrocketed after season 1 and I don't have THAT much time on my hands. We'll kinda stick to where I think it stemmed from and why it's misguided to say the least.

From the very beginning, it was obvious to me that these two have a history we haven't seen on screen prior to the show's start. We know Maria frequently kicked/-s Michael out of her bar, yet they still give off mad flirtatious vibes while they throw jabs at each other. We see that on display early on.

Okay, let's fast forward to episode 1x07. It's a pretty pivotal moment in their relationship. She'd just sent her Mom off to the facility and in walks Michael. She tells him the bar is closed but he saunters in saying "I really need you to be open" after his not so equally rough day. She tells him "they're closed" again but eventually tells him "One drink. No talking.". She rightfully breaks down and who's there for her? Michael Guerin.

That's when I noticed that the completely irrational unwarranted hatred began for Maria. Mostly because it was obvious that Malex wasn't happening and MiLuca was definitely going to be a thing.

*record scratch*

Now let me back up for a minute. Early Malex was fine-ish to me. They just became too problematic for me. I definitely prefer MiLuca but to each their own though; like whatever ship you like. I don't know why so many people attack each other over their preference. We don't HAVE to agree.

*resumes mini dissertation*

That being said, nothing about the progression of MiLuca's relationship is at the fault of Maria. People can talk about the friend code all they want, but it doesn't really apply here. Both Michael and Alex kept each other a secret for over 10 years. Even from their best friends in the world. How can friend code start to begin to apply when no one knew their relationship existed for real?

So anywho. Maria is just out here minding her own business. Getting more flirty sessions in with Guerin. While trying to deny (and failing) that's she's feeling feelings for the guy that once described as "he's got kind of hot in a sex in a truck, smells like a river, never introduce him to your mama kind of way."

But he keeps. showing. up. Especially when she needs him the most. Sounds like a recipe for an accidentally on purpose hook up and relationship to me. *shrugs*

Cue the road trip to Texas. Who wouldn't be able to resist Maria singing Alanis Morissette? I mean, I can't blame Mikey at all. But I digress.

So, they finally drunkenly hook up. Keeping up their familiar bantering claiming that this was a mistake and should never happen again. By this time we all knew it was gonna happen again. This is a CW drama after all. 🙄🙄

After you! Welcome to all the members of The Official Maria Deluca Haters Club!

Here's the actual beginning of it all. She "dared" to hook up with Michael and thus "betraying Alex". Except, she didn't. Yes, I said it. In fact, the only one who betrayed anyone would be Michael.

Michael. Deserves. This. Fandom. Heat. He's the only one that knew both sides of the truth. He knew that he had recently kissed, slept with, and reignited old flames with Alex. When Alex started ignoring him, he moved on with his friend who was ignorant that there was ever a him and Alex. Yet somehow he's always blameless and Maria catches that faction of the fandom's virtual hands?? Make it make sense.

Coming back to it, Guerin kept showing up just in general. Even though she told him she couldn't be with him because of Alex once she found out he was "Museum Guy". She did try to adhere to the friend code. Kinda hard to do, when you've already caught feelings and the object of your affection that you're trying to avoid keeps coming around. Or whenever you're in need, he's always there. Let's not forget he literally stood guard over her even after she rejected him. I mean...

*Kanye Shrug*

Alas, cue more Maria hatred. Are you seeing the pattern? Every time MiLuca became a stronger reality, the (misplaced) anger grew. All because their preferred ship was losing out to another.

Side note: Most shows have warring ships - think Stelena/Delena. This is supposed to happen but not with so much vitriol. That's the part that gets me.

In the end, all anger really should be pointed at Mikey, but a lot of folks aren't ready to discuss how he essentially pitted two friends against each other because they both had feelings for him at completely different points in their lives.

If you're still with me, the moral of the story is simple.

No one (except maybe Michael) is in the wrong here.

Maria started developing feelings and love for a guy she's also known her whole life. Who was a fixture in her life even if in a small way for years after high school. He's the same guy who kept showing up for her when she literally needed someone to lean on. I mean, who wouldn't fall for that person?

Let's face it: She arguably had more in person interactions with Michael over the last 10 years than with her best friends Liz and Alex. Should she or even Micheal be unknowingly beholdened to the "friend code" after 10 years? Plus I never understood why Alex never told Maria of all people who "the boy from the museum" was.

I really just don't get it either. I actually really enjoyed the progression of MiLuca's relationship in season 1. It developed organically and was really believable that these two characters would get to where they got. I definitely think the execution (especially in season 2) could have been much better. I really do enjoy rival ships when properly written. Since it wasn't? A lot of things were left to be misinterpreted and left us with the state of affairs we have today.

We should have been given a Dawson/Joey/Pacey situation. They actually had the right dynamic for a more adult version of it. The execution was flawed. Which makes me sad because I love some good old fashioned love triangle drama!

Anyway thanks for coming to my MiLuca TED Talk. Even though I knew they weren't endgame, I'll always wish they had a better shot than they were given.

*end of dissertation*

[pastelwitchling]

Hey this is in no way meant to be rude or challenging so I hope I won't come off that way:

Could you (and anyone else who feels like responding to the post) please explain what's so bad abour season 2? Because it generally comes off to me as people just not liking Michael and Maria together, and I'm really hoping there's more to it than that. Again I'm genuinely just curious and would like a more detailed explanation, if possible🙏

This isn’t rude at all. That’s why I feel a little bad telling you that there’s no way I can relive the horrors of that season, and the last few episodes of season 1, without crying and losing hours or even another few days of my life over it.

I could suggest you look through my anti miluca tag. To put it in simpler terms, it all stems from crap writing and “strong female characters” that are apparently are only strong because they do whatever they want no matter who it hurts and never face repercussions.

I’m sorry because you’re being so polite about it, and I wish I could be of more help, but you have no idea the kind of mental strain They-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named put on me, and I can’t, I can’t, relive it.

If anyone else wants to give this anon their own explanation or thoughts, please just limit it to responding/reblogging to this post. I don’t want to go into a discussion about this in my inbox again or anything. I just don’t have the strength anymore.

[lambourngb]

Not sure if you are taking prompt buts if you are Post S2 prompt: I just want to see Alex quietly singing/humming The Song to Michael. Maybe Michael's hurt and in pain or they've both had a really emotional event happen and are totally drained from crying. I want that song to be a source of comfort. My partner isn't an amazing singer but I still find it really comforting when he sings to me and I like to think Michael and Alex eventually get to that point too.

This was a very romantic prompt nonnie! I’m afraid I was in a hurt/comfort state when I started this. Warnings: Confinement, experimentation, angst, mention of Forlex, mention of the Miluca breakup, but all is not lost.

“like a halo from a gun”

Time stopped having meaning to Michael sometime after the third week of confinement.

Guards entered his cell at random intervals, always wearing black masks and dull, badge-less armor that kept them anonymous. The first injection of the serum Helena had once used on him let him know he was probably in the hands of the real Deep Sky operation. Fighting with his fists, pulling every dirty trick he learned from his brief stint in juvie at 15, rewarded him with a broken wrist and a battered torso.

He was gifted with a soft white bandage to hold the splits of his bone together, he supposed they were too nervous to allow him with the hard plaster of a cast. The pain left him weak, tired, and finally docile as vial after vial of blood was taken from him.

At least it was just blood, and not anything more taxing, like tissue or an organ. If he survives this cell, he would have to thank Max for blowing up Liz’s lab. There was no way he could be sanguine over seeing Noah’s liver in a jar after this experience.

Worry about that later, he reminded himself. If there was a later.

No one was coming for him because no one knew he was missing. His plan had been simple, shared with Isobel, Max and Sanders. A month long road trip to get some space from Roswell, and Max’s moping over Liz’s departure seemed like a good idea at the time, and if he by chance he ended up in California to plead his brother’s case, well, seeing the Pacific Ocean felt like a thing to do.

The open road with his window down had beckoned. He had let the wounded feelings from Maria blow away with his mixed emotions about Forrest, stitching up the raw places inside in ways he knew alcohol couldn’t and acetone shouldn’t. As he drove, he had found himself humming Alex’s song, reminding himself of the promise of the future.

It was not their time now, but it would be one day had been his mantra.

Three hours later, feeling lighter and more hopeful, he had pulled over to assist a stranded motorist. A mother, holding a baby at her hip, had seemed harmless enough until she hit him with a needle pulled from an innocuous diaper bag.

His powers gone, he had made it back to his truck just in time for three black Jeeps with weapons mounted to appear from the surrounding brush to pin him down. Surrender or death, he picked surrender. He picked hope.

Now, his wrist screaming with a swollen hot feeling, he considered the idea that he might have picked the wrong option. Michael shut his eyes, letting the siren song of fatigue, despair and pain drag him down to sleep. He found a brighter, happier place to be, deep inside his mind. Perhaps it was his body shutting down, or perhaps he had found the place his mother described to Tripp. The ultimate sanctuary from pain and fear.

There was a kinship believing that his mother found the same haven, where maybe her Manes man had waited for her the way Alex waited for him in the dream. The only dark he could find there, were Alex’s warm eyes, and the only touch he could feel was Alex’s broad hands. After three bags of blood drawn, he could sometimes hear Alex’s voice, whispering soft promises to him.

Together we could quiet all the noises

Drown out the voices

Play our own song

He could still hear Alex’s voice, as he slowly surfaced from his mind. It didn’t make any sense to his sluggish thoughts. The song kept up, and the next thing he was aware of was the slow, carding of his hair and the warmth under his face of his pillow. Except he didn’t have a pillow.

Blinking he met the bruised, worried face of Alex. He would never hallucinate Alex with a mark on his face, let alone darkening blemish on his cheekbone and worrying cut that bled sluggishly from his forehead creeping upward to his hairline. “You’re actually here?”

“Yes,” Alex confirmed.

“Why? How-”

“The ‘how’ is Maria had a vision not long after you left, and once she figured out that you were in trouble, she had me try to track your phone.”  Alex frowned faintly, his touch never wavering as he smoothed back the matted and sweat-crusted locks of hair. “We found your truck at used car dealer a few miles from the last cell tower you pinged. It was all hands on deck to find you after that.”

Very little of his words registered on Michael. He was too caught up in the  cringing horror at their close proximity, as his mind moved on from the fantasy of seeing Alex to the reality of his current condition. He wanted to pull away because god only knew how badly he smelled at the moment. Bathing consisted of a blast of a hose, bracingly cold and relying on the force of the water to wash away the dirt and fear-sweats he routinely suffered. All of that said, he never wanted to leave the place on Alex’s lap. Being treated like a person after 3 weeks of nothing but sterile touch undid all his work at detachment.

Unaware of the train of Michael’s thoughts, Alex continued in a soft voice, “I  should have looked sooner, but- anyway, I didn’t even know you guys had broken up. Actually, I didn’t even know you left town until Maria came to my house looking for you.”

The blood loss was making him stupid as he tried to figure out what made Maria think he was at Alex’s. It was still too painful to even think about how he had failed with her, did she really think he would seek out the other person who knew how inadequate he was when it came to a relationship? As free and relaxed as Alex was at the Wild Pony, with Jesse in the ground, why would he want to ruin that?

Michael was well aware of how stuck he was emotionally, in all the ways that seemed to matter to people, and Alex had evolved past him. Tired, he squeezed his dry eyes shut tightly. “Why your house?”

“Her visions of you all involved me. In various positions she said?”

It took a second to comprehend Alex’s admission before Michael briefly wished that his captors would return. Getting drained to light-headed weakness was preferable to this. The mental retreat he had built where he inserted Alex into his delusion of a happily ever after had more windows instead of privacy doors. He had been broadcasting to his ex-girlfriend. Fuck his life. 

“Oh god- I’m so sorry, I just, I was trying to-.”

“Hey, hey,” Alex cut him off, his eyes kind as always even as Michael struggled to keep from crying. It was definitely time to wish for more needles, for more medical experimentation. That felt kinder than this discussion for Michael.

Sensing that hovering stab of humiliation, Alex made his own confession in return in the quiet, “After my leg, when rehab sucked. I pictured things being different too, or I thought about that summer with you. You don’t have to apologize, not to me.”

“Still, if she had put on the damn bracelet-” Mortified and weak, Micheal turned his face toward Alex’s hip, hiding it from view.

“Well the fact she wasn’t wearing the bracelet worked out in your favor. It’s how we realized you were in trouble in the first place, since she came over to my house to yell at you to stop projecting at her. She didn’t think it was deliberate either. She thought we had gotten back together, and because of your past with her, that you had left some link open by accident.”

“Bet Forrest loved that, my ex-girlfriend yelling at you about your- about me.”

Alex’s hand paused, either at the barb or the course correction Michael made in describing himself. For all the use of past tense feelings, the closest he’d heard Alex come to naming him was ‘first love’.

“Sorry,” Michael whispered, as a wave of shame swelled. “Sorry for that, and sorry that you’re here with me now. You shouldn’t have come but I know why you did. Guess that means we’re even now.”

“Of course I came, and it had nothing to do with being even.”

“Right, you don’t want to keep score anymore.”

Alex pinked a little at the reference to his song, before nodding seriously, “Yes, remember how the rest of the song goes?” He let his eyes track to the corner of the cell where the video surveillance was mounted plainly without subterfuge. “Would you meet me in the middle,” he sang sweetly, nodding toward the left wall of the cell, “Could we both stop keeping score? There’s a battle I must fight along, it’s you I’m fighting for. If I call on my battalion, break down the walls stone by stone, tear down the defenses, I could build our heart a home?”

Goddamnit. That crazy, brave, genius bastard really did have a plan. Michael was ready to both kiss and strangle Alex after that. 

The building shook briefly, rocked by a far off explosion. Michael summoned the reserves of his energy, and moved with Alex’s body as they rolled toward the wall. Then all hell started to break loose. The battalion mentioned was not just metaphorically tearing down walls. In the midst of deafening blasts and new alarms wailing in response, he found Alex’s ear. “I want to come home to you, that’s all I want, just when I’m ready.”

“That’s all I want too.”

[cosmicclownboy]

Can I ask how you deal with Michael’s part of the miluca situation? It’s clear that she was using him and didn’t love him or anything but his whole perspective of the relationship was out of concern or fear for her. I know that can go back to trauma with losing his mom and Max but it just feels crazy to me that they didn’t discuss that at all. Even with the show being crap about things like this.

I also just recently saw a few people discussing that if she hadn’t ended things then who knows how long they would stay together because Michael really was making no indication of ending things. And I feel like that’s true and it makes me sad that even Alex being taken and then them both almost dying at Jesse’s hand still didn’t wake him up.

In the span of a day Michael

found his mom

watched said mom blow up and felt a prison of aliens like him die

was murdered

was resurrected

had his hand healed without consent by his brother

said brother dies killing his brother in law

The one time he starts to open up about his pain Liz makes his loss about Maria so Michael assumes shes right.And the entire season Michael displays very high levels of PTSD the show frames it to be ‘love’, It’s not.

I think at that point it was sort of a made the bed situation. Michael spent a majority of the season pushing Alex away and putting everything in with Maria to make it work. And if he failed their relationship he truly would have to face that he screwed up and lost out on who he’s in love with.It’s why when they have the next scene and Alex says cosmic Michael looks sad.

[lovecolibri]

I don't think Forrest is a bad guy but most of his scenes and the things he said made me uncomfortable. He was a little too pushy with Alex imo, asking him out after only meeting him once and Alex was with another guy at the time and didn't show any interest in Forrest; trying to akwardly kiss him on their first date after shooting him in the leg, then again at the Pony and leaving him there when Alex rejected him. Good for him if he doesn't want to go back in the closet but he could have at least stayed there with Alex as a friend instead of leaving him sad and alone. The "making out in front of homophobes is hot" and "heroes are sexy" lines were so cringy. Last season Alex was telling Kyle that the military is evil and now he is smiling at a guy complimenting him for going to war. The writing was so bad for every character.

I think Forrest just...wasn't well written because his character was shoehorned in as an obstacle for Malex as well as a "bad guy" from Deep Sky which I believe C*rina said was changed at some point. Which sucks, but it really explains everything. I'm sure a lot of people find it perfectly normal to ask someone out right away, just to shoot your shot. I mean what's the worst that could happen? He gets turned down. It doesn't make that 2x06 scene at the market any less random though. Like Forrest asking if he misread Alex the other day and Alex saying no, but tall Forrest would have seen was Alex and Michael smiling and making heart eyes at each other, so why would he think he had a shot after that? Awkward first date kisses are normal and I thought the lead up to the kiss at paintball was good, and Alex pulling away when he gets a call about his homophobic dad was natural enough that they could have left it there (given C*rina says there was an illness on set preventing them from kissing) instead of having a SECOND non-kiss in the same episode. That scene at the Pony was really tone-deaf, specifically because a) the audience KNOWS what Alex has been through, and b) because the show never makes it clear that it was a shitty thing to say, particularly a character with trauma history like Alex, and instead makes it out like Forrest had a good point and Alex just needs to buck up. Not all people, regardless of sexual orientation or past trauma history, would feel comfortable sharing a first kiss with a veritable stranger in a very public place and there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. That scene really rubbed me the wrong way too, Nonnie. And there is also nothing wrong with Forrest realizing things aren't going to work because he is down with PDA and Alex isn't. There's nothing wrong with realizing someone isn't a good fit, but the way the whole situation was presented was not great.

And it's extra frustrating because it's not the first time the writers have failed to take into account basic things and history about a character that change the context of scenes. If that "pissing off homophobes" line had been said to say, Isobel, during a date, Isobel as a character has not had the same history as Alex and Michael and it would have come across more like the banter it was intended to be. It's still not a great line because real live people DO suffer horrific homophobic violence, but to have it said to a character who watched his father maim a teenager for life and then played off like the traumatized character is the one not relaxed and “out” enough to have a fun time is just...beyond ridiculous.  And because of that set up, we then had to suffer through that side ship dragging out even longer, the narrative that Alex needed a bigger, better, more public coming out, not to mention the whole season and a half of set up that Alex Manes is TiredTM of walking away and is ready to fight for Michael and having him sing a deeply person love song only to stick his tongue in someone else's mouth. 🙃 You also have things like 2x06 failing to take into account Michael and Alex's trauma history and very recent physical injuries, and things like Liz fearing she has inherited mental illness from her mom and sister who are both addicts and also showing her casually drinking and getting high, and teen Liz who wouldn't even kiss Max because she refused to be a “leaver” like her mom, but her story opening with her ditching her fiancée without a word to even break up, and it's just casually mentioned that it’s a thing that happened, and he causally comes to town, and it’s never mentioned that she has feelings about becoming like her mom in that regard.

IT'S JUST BAD WRITING, and particularly it's on C*rina who says she didn't bother planning backstories and stuff until it came up, which lead to some wonky timeline things (are two of the Manes boys twins? Because otherwise that timeline from 18 year-old Jesse just leaving for the military in 1987 and him meeting someone, getting married, and having 4 kids, with at least 2 older than Alex (who is BIG babiest brother vibes) who had to be born in what? 90? 91? is...really tight), not to mention a deep lack of understanding for how the trauma these characters have faced will inform their actions. Which is why the entire fandom understood that Alex was staying away from Michael and didn't want anyone to know about them for their, particularly Michael’s, safety and that Jesse likely forced Alex to enlist by threatening Michael, until C*rina came around saying Alex was "ashamed" of Michael (Alexander Manes would NEVER), and why we got that 2x05 flashback which, while that cheek kiss was EVERYTHING, still hit weird because it didn't quite fit with the narrative promise of the story we were first given. Same thing with Michael and Alex choosing NOW to pursue other relationships, it doesn't fulfill the narrative set up, and the whole m*luca storyline twisted everyone OOC and I think that’s a lot of people’s fear with Forlex as well, and we’ve already had to hear the same “breath of fresh air” lines about Forrest that we got with m*ria.

*siiiiiiigh* here's hoping Forrest is just a blip and we don't have to drag that out any longer than strictly necessary to clean up C*rina's mess.

[cakebeam]

Being overly negative is pointless, but lbr, if it wasn't for the actors hyping Malex up on social media, would any of us actually be expecting any progress at this point?

I think discussing issues about the show, especially on topics such as homophobia in the writing and storytelling, is important to acknowledge- even if it's considered 'negative'. That's honestly why my entire blog exists lol.

It actually wasn't the actors hyping Malex up that made me think things were going to change this season. The actor's have been hyping up Malex for a LONG time, even when Miluca was going on. I remember Vlamis wore his 'boys will be boys' merch at the convention in 2019 when he was going to be dating Maria all season long. Even though it's great that Vlamburn is still pushing out merch for dedicated fans and trying to stay positive on social media, I am fully aware neither one has any control of what goes on in the writer's room. And what they were told in the beginning for their character's could change at any point depending on what the showrunner and network ultimately decides on.

For me, I certainly didn't think this season was going to be this bad. Yeah, the alien lore is ok but that's not why I'm here. Is that why anyone's here? I was just hoping for some closure on the homophobic narratives in season 2 that was being written around Malex and Maria. That still has yet to happen and probably won't at this point.

I'm not having a good time watching the Maria Deluca show this season. Each episode just get's more and more disappointing on the Malex front. They're not writing a love story for Malex, I don't even know what this is. And after all that happened in seasons 1 & 2, RNM still stalling on Malex (it's been years) is really taking out the passion for these two and for fans. This isn't a journey or slow burn, this is just bullsh*t. And I'm getting pretty over it.

[winged-fool]

Do you think we will see Malex discuss Miluca at all? or will they pretend it didnt happen and that it did no wrong to Alex.

Lmfao no. That would mean letting Alex be vulnerable enough to be hurt when we know that Miluca did nothing wrong to him....

[michaeltrevino]

decided to listen to a few episodes of queer alien blast and it’s a no from me

addressing tyler’s lies but continuing to stan him and alex to this day 

reducing miluca’s relationship to a plot point in malex’s journey because the relationship was all about malex and malex is endgame so why be threatened by maria and michael’s relationship because the relationship was pointless anyway

the hosts don’t care about maria because the s2 writing is just sooo bad for her, she’s just awful and they didn’t feel bad about not giving her a second thought. but this season? oooh! she’s sooo good! she’s everyone’s favorite. 

i cannot roll my eyes hard enough. she’s great now because she’s away from michael and no longer a bump in the road for malex. 

saying how much they hate max but ship him with liz and kyle (echo is a good ship --- despite him letting her and her family suffer racist attacks for a fucking decade)

they talk about racism but at the end of the day they are all white women discussing things they have not and never will experience 

criticizing arturo for speaking up during 3x05 when he hasn’t had his visa long enough or thinking liz and kyle didn’t experience racism outside of roswell…

i’m sorry ladies but nah 

[manesalex]

when you never see the light

Alex finds a way to undo all the damage that his family has done. But can Michael bear the cost?

Warnings for hints of present Miluca, depression, low self-worth, suicidal ideation. Alex is in a dark place, y’all. Includes brief spoilers for the latest episode, but almost all of it was written before it aired.

***

Something’s wrong with Alex.

Michael could swear his heart stops when he reads those words. One simple text from Kyle to their group chat. He doesn’t need to ask to know how serious it must be. If Kyle’s telling him, telling them, at all, it means Alex can’t stop him.

“I gotta go,” he shouts over his shoulder as he bolts out of The Wild Pony, picking up into a run toward his truck, only realizing when he starts it that he doesn’t know where he’s going. Alex’s house? The cabin? One of the bunkers?

He glances down at his phone again, ignores the responses, focusing only on Kyle’s next message. Cabin bunker.

Fuck.

Michael drives as fast as he can, not even noticing the speed limit. Later, he’ll realize how lucky he is that the road was empty, that he didn’t get pulled over. But, on his way there, he can only think of Alex. He can only imagine the worst possible scenarios. Alex dying. Played out in multiple variations in his mind that was already too filled with possible ways Alex could have died when he went off to war.

He stops abruptly next to Kyle’s car, barely parking his truck before he’s jumping out and running up the cabin stairs, in the door. He almost falls trying to make it down that ladder too fast, only skidding to a stop when he sees Alex.

Kyle clearly took the time to move him to the bed, his crutch abandoned on the floor by the wall, the comforter all hiked up beneath him. He’s pale and too still, chest barely moving as he breathes. His dark eyes are open but unseeing. And, in both hands, he has a piece of the console.

“I tried to get it out of his hands so I could take him in, but… It’s like it attached itself to him,” Kyle says, making Michael suddenly aware he’s not alone. “He… Was trying to understand it. The language on it.”

Michael knows he should care why Alex has it, why he hadn’t just given this piece to Michael, had kept it from him, but all he can think about is Alex. “What’s happening to him?”

“I don’t know, man. I’m a little bit out of my wheelhouse, you know? Hoping Liz or you would have an idea.”

He shakes his head, but moves quickly to Alex’s side, kneeling on the floor next to him. He brushes Alex’s hair away from his face, frowning at the inhuman heat of Alex’s skin, the light sheen of sweat.

He turns his attention to Alex’s hands, tracing down them and to the piece of the ship.

It lights up under his touch and Alex responds too, letting out the slightest whimper,

Michael moves in closer so he can look, takes in the way the tech is fused to Alex's skin like it’s meant to be there. Almost like it would if he brought it in close proximity to the rest of the console.

“Any ideas?” Kyle asks.

He’s saved from speculating by Liz scrambling down the ladder, looking way too excited for what’s going on. A part of him will understand later, the mystery of it, the questions. But it’s Alex.

She’s followed closely by Isobel, who looks vaguely bored. “I don’t know why I’m needed here,” she says, examining her nails.

Liz rolls her eyes, but moves to Michael’s side, “What’ve we got, Mikey?” And, yeah, she’s way too excited about this.

***

It’s Liz who theorizes that the piece has somehow connected itself to Alex’s brain. “He’s not processing sensory input anymore,” Liz sounds fascinated. “But it is.”

“So how do we fix it?” Kyle asks. Michael can’t believe he’s siding with Kyle, of all people, but he is. If it were anyone else, maybe he’d be fascinated by it. He turns his attention back to Alex’s face while they discuss, taking in the way those ever present worry lines are gone, the horrifying way his expressive face is slack. What he wouldn’t give to see Alex give someone a withering look right now.

“I’m not sure,” he hears Liz say. “It would help if we could get an idea of what’s going on in there.”

“Huh?” Isobel asks. He doesn’t have to see her to know she had been busy looking at her phone and missed that Liz was talking to her.

“We need you to go into Alex’s… Or maybe the piece’s?... One of their minds and figure out how they’re connected. And how to separate them.”

“And you think I’ll understand any of that?” Isobel asks.

“Just go in there and tell us what you find,” Liz responds. He can practically hear her eye roll.

Things are silent for a moment, Alex too still under his gaze.

And then there’s the loud sound of Isobel retching. “I can’t get anywhere in there. I don’t know how you expect me to find anything.”

That’s when he turns his attention to her. She doesn’t look well at all, already taking gulps from the acetone bottle she stashes in her purse.

“What do you mean you ‘can’t get anywhere’?” He’s heard that too many times from Isobel about anyone she can’t influence.

“Not like you,” she says quickly. “You’re like standing in the middle of a tornado. It’s chaos, but… There’s probably some sense to it. He’s like… Trying to break into Fort Knox. His walls have walls. Maybe a moat. You know what I mean!” She sounds exasperated.

Michael sighs, “Try again. We can’t give up on him.”

“Excuse me, you try,” she says angrily. And then freezes. “Wait, you should try,” her voice calmer, like it’s a revelation. “He might let you in.”

“I spent a fucking decade trying to get past those walls, Iz,” Michael replies. “And now? I’m the last person he’d want to let in.” Alex may be skilled at hiding it, but Michael has spent far too long trying to hurt him for Alex to just let him wander around in his mind.

Liz frowns, “Can you try bringing one of us in? Maybe Maria? She’s already psychic. Could be easier?”

“Yeah, sure,” Isobel replies, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I’m going to try to get him to open up to the friend who is banging his ex. That sounds like a great plan.”

“Do we have other options?” Liz asks.

***

Maria swipes blood away from under her nose when she’s done. “He’s not letting me in. I can feel him. But I can’t communicate with him.”

“So he’s still in there, then,” Liz asks the question Michael wanted to before he can speak.

“It’s not… good,” Maria’s voice is soft as she sits down on the other side of the bed, stroking up and down Alex’s arm. “It’s like he’s given up. He feels defeated. I don’t think we’ll get him out of there unless one of us can change that.”

Michael feels everyone’s eyes on him. He just glances over at Maria, already aware he should feel guilty for what he’s about to do.

She just shrugs, “I don’t know how you feel about him, Guerin, but… He’s one of my best friends. And you’re his best shot right now.”

“Oh, he loves Alex,” Isobel not so helpfully chimes in.

Michael turns to glare at her, but he pauses when he feels Maria’s hand on his arm, “I could maybe love you someday. But I love Alex. And Alex loves you. I shouldn’t have- This should have been over a long time ago. It shouldn’t have ever started.”

“You sure?” he asks for confirmation.

She just nods. He can see her fighting off her tears, knows that it won’t be easy for her, that he’s already hurt her enough by dragging her into the middle of this thing he has with Alex, but he nods in return and turns his attention to Alex.

Michael isn’t as practiced as Isobel at this. He’s only managed to do it a couple of times, always on people who are easy targets, according to Isobel. But he pushes forward in his mind, pushes outward and into Alex’s head.

He slips in surprisingly easily, but not all the way. There’s that barrier Isobel mentioned, like a wall holding him off from Alex.

He mentally launches himself at it, tries to force his way through for a long time. He wears himself out doing it. He’s sure this is when Isobel had given up, but this is Alex. And giving up may mean losing him completely.

“Goddammit, Alex!” he shouts at him in his mind. “Let me the fuck in! We need to talk!”

No response at all.

He spends a long time just screaming and fighting against that barrier. He can’t give up on Alex. He can’t lose him like this. But, finally, he collapses in that empty space, lets himself stop fighting, just leans against that barrier, stroking it gently like he wishes he could be touching Alex. “Do you remember that morning I woke up to you in my Airstream?” he asks softly. “That’s the happiest I’ve been in a decade. Since we were teenagers in that toolshed. I let myself hope that, just maybe, you’d stay. And then Isobel showed up and… We never can get the timing right, can we? I put it all on you before, but it’s not just you. It’s me too. Every time I start to hope, either you push me away or I… I’m so scared of what happens when I let myself think I can finally have it. And I push you away. I push you into leaving me. Because it’s easier to blame you. And I know you’ll come back to me sooner or later.” He pauses, taking a deep breath, “I need you to let me in, Alex. I can’t lose you. Not for good. So… You can keep me out of there and I’ll just wait here until it kills me. Or you can choose to let me in. Either way, I’m not leaving you. And I’m not letting you just leave me without a fight. Not this time.”

It’s silent for so long and then, suddenly, overwhelming. Chaos. Pain.

He’s rocketing through memories of what he assumes is Alex’s childhood, an adorable boy with dark hair and tearstained cheeks, sobbing as a woman with long dark hair, Alex’s mom, he assumes, gets into a car and drives away.

An older Alex, by a few years anyway, awkward, but still sweet. And Jesse Manes with that terrifying expression Michael remembers from the toolshed, screaming about how no child of his will be a ‘freak’.

He feels the slap like it is him receiving it, feels the fear and shame. And he feels Alex beneath it all, his defiance. The boy he fell in love with, already clawing to get out.

And then there’s a teenaged Kyle Valenti, shoving Alex into the lockers, pushing him down.

There are brief moments of joy. Laughing with Rosa and Liz and Maria over milkshakes at The Crashdown.

More pain, more abuse, more of all of it, as Alex grows older and more defiant, into the boy Michael fell in love with.

And then he sees himself. And feels hope and joy and overwhelming love. So much love Michael can’t help but be blown away by it. Alex loved him. More than himself, more than anything.

He sees that moment he remembers so well when Alex’s father came in, but he sees it from Alex’s eyes. Feels Alex’s fear and heartbreak. Feels Alex’s shame after, after he’s managed to get out and away. And Alex is carefully cleaning up his blood, tears streaming down his beautiful face.

He sees Jesse Manes demanding Alex join the Air Force, feels Alex’s shame and fear mixing together. He feels the moment Alex lets go of all of his dreams.

It’s mostly a blur, after that. Basic, war, brief moments of joy when he came home on leave.

He’s there the moment Alex loses his leg, feels the agony Alex is in, smells the warm metallic scent of far too much blood. He’s filled with fear, not for himself, but for Michael. Even now, he’s afraid for Michael. He’s left watching as Alex reaches over and frantically removes a belt from another soldier’s body. A friend’s body. He is watching as Alex wraps it tight around his own calf, cutting off the blood flow. He knows Alex is determined to do whatever it takes to make it home. To him.

Waking up in a hospital bed alone. Always alone. Alex isn’t crying, won’t let himself, but Michael can’t stop the tears rolling down his face, the guilt. He should have been there for Alex. Someone should have been there for Alex.

He sees Alex talking to Maria at The Wild Pony, Maria saying how “home can be a person”. He knows this is the day before Alex showed up at his Airstream again to talk about them. The start of the happiest few days of his entire life.

He can feel that overwhelming love again and that little bit of hope that, maybe, it can work out this time.

But, of course, he knows it doesn’t. It’s only now that he sees why though. Feels the fear Alex felt when Isobel showed up. And that same fear when his father talked to him at the drive in.

He feels Alex give up. Until Kyle Valenti, of all people, shows up. And then that defiant side Michael loves so much is clawing back to the surface and Alex is fighting again. Fighting back for the first time in more than a decade.

Alex, pushing him away and then pulling him back. He feels Alex’s love and the hope burning in him, the hope that, this time, now that his father is out of the way…

Alex, going to Maria for support. Maria, pointing out that Alex loves him. That he’s hopeful. The painful realization of what he’s done to both of them.

Alex, waiting for him, only for him to never show up. The knowledge he was busy with Maria.

Alex, at his home, so hopeful and filled with love for him. All Alex had wanted to do was love him.

He’s telling Alex he’s not good for him, that he doesn’t want him, and it’s like he can feel Alex’s own feelings of worthlessness. Like he doesn’t think he’s worth being loved. Never enough. Not good enough.

He watches himself tell Alex that he likes Maria. And he feels that little bit of hope that Alex has been holding onto sputter out and die. But that love is still there, as strong as ever.

It’s overwhelming. He can’t handle Alex’s pain, so similar to his own, but so much worse because this is Alex. And Michael knows he deserves better than what he has. Alex doesn’t seem to think he does.

He sees Alex seeing him with Maria, the regret, the pain, the guilt over his own negative feelings. Like he doesn’t deserve to feel pain. Like he’s not good enough because he’s suffering.

He feels that love from Alex still, that determination to love both Michael and Maria, no matter how much it hurts. Because he’s convinced they both deserve joy and love. And he doesn’t.

And then, finally, finally, he’s out of the memories and standing in front of Alex.

He can feel the piece working its way through him, changing him into something else.

“Let it go, Alex,” he breathes, stepping as close as he dares. He doesn’t even know how much of Alex is left in there, how much time he has left to save him. Or how to do it.

“I can fix it,” Alex’s voice is steady, his face blank.  “You said I couldn’t, but I can. I can give you your mom back. I can give you your people back. I can give you the family and the home you always deserved.” A smile breaks across his face and Michael is absolutely certain that his heart is truly breaking for good.

“You can’t, darlin’. Let go of that piece,” he steps closer, easing toward him, afraid to startle him.

“It’s so easy,” Alex breathes. “Let me show you.”

And he can see it. His mom is smiling at him, safe and whole. They’re living in a community. On Earth. Passing for human, some of them leaving, but all of them safe. Isobel and Max are there and they’re happy. Max and Liz with an adorable half-human child. Isobel and Rosa, happily married.

It’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Until he realizes what’s missing.

“What happens to you?” he asks, choking back a sob.

“It doesn’t matter, Michael. You’re happy. You’ll never have to know me at all. I won’t be missing. I’ll never exist at all.” Alex’s voice and his face are both too calm for what Michael is certain he’s talking about.

“No,” he pushes the world Alex is showing him away, pushes past it and back to Alex. “No.”

“I can wipe out generations of Manes men in an instant, protect your people from all of that suffering. Dig out the tree by its roots. Set fire to it, salt the earth.” He sounds happy about that, like he’s not talking about wiping himself out too.

It hits Michael that he has spent so long talking about the evil of Manes men. Calling Alex one of them. Treating him like one of them. Taking his anger at all of them out on Alex, thinking Alex would just take it, like he always does. Not thinking about what it was doing to him. That it was doing this to him.

“Alex, you can’t,” he pleads.

“You’re so happy and loved,” his voice is soft, his gaze distant, a smile on his face. “You all are. You’re happy. I can give you that.”

Michael moves closer still, close enough to touch, grabbing Alex’s elbows, trying to make him see him. “I love you.”

“I know.” It’s the first time Alex’s eyes meet Michael’s and he chokes back another sob when their familiar warmth hits him. “I love you too. But you’re right. We’re not good for each other. I’m the worst thing that ever happened to you. My family is the worst thing that ever happened to you. I can fix that.” Alex’s tone is so calm, accepting. Maria had said he was defeated and she was right. He’s given up on himself entirely.

“You are not responsible for what your family has done, Alex! You’re not responsible for fixing it!” He needs to make Alex see that, no matter what he has said in the past.

“But I can.” And then Alex is smiling at him so fondly that it would break Michael’s heart if it weren’t already in the process of breaking. Maybe for good. He knows that, if he loses Alex, it will be irreperable. “Loving you is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You’re the best thing in my life, okay? And I’m going to give you the life you deserve to have.”

It’s instinct that has Michael diving forward, grabbing onto the piece with both hands.

Alex’s smile fades slowly.

Michael can feel the piece infecting him, worming its way into his body, changing him like he can feel it changing Alex. If he were able to focus on anything but Alex, he’d be fascinated by how it can change him while he’s in Alex’s head, but it could never do that to him if he were in his own body.

“Let go of it, Michael,” Alex’s voice is steady and firm.

“No. You’re gonna let it burn you up to change things, you gotta let it burn me up too.” He knows without having to think about it that that’s what this piece will do if Alex uses it to change things. It will burn them both up, take all their energy and pour it into changing time. Maybe that Alex-less Michael will exist in some other universe, but Alex will have to kill him, this Michael, to do it.

“Let go. Let me give you the life you should have had.” There’s no anger in Alex’s tone, just that commanding, soldier tone Michael almost never hears.

“You let go first,” Michael’s voice is soft but firm. He won’t budge. Not until Alex does.

They’re locked there for a moment that feels like an eternity.

And then Alex’s hands fall to his sides and Michael is throwing the piece as far as he can, listening to the sound of it shattering into countless pieces.

***

Michael opens his eyes to find himself laying on that ugly pink comforter, someone next to him.

The world seems to spin as he turns and he tries not to vomit, but Isobel is right there with a bucket right in time. He can’t even look at her, but he knows exactly the face she’s making.

When he can finally open his eyes without everything spinning, after he’s downed at least a bottle and a half of nail polish remover, he sees that Alex is next to him on the bed, the ship piece gone from his hands, laying in the middle of the floor, shattered.

Alex is still burning up though, still clearly affected by whatever had already started to change his system.

In spite of what his better judgment would probably tell him to do, Michael reaches his hand underneath the edge of Alex’s shirt, pressing against his chest, and pushing what little energy he has into him while pulling out every last thing that piece had put in him.

He can’t hold it either, but he knows how to release it, how to let it escape harmlessly from his body and into the universe. And he does, letting it pour out of him, watching the glowing matter escape up and out of the bunker before he collapses next to Alex and everything goes dark.

***

Maria is sitting there, watching him when he wakes. But the first thing he does is scramble to reach for Alex, absolutely terrified when he can’t find him.

“He’s fine,” Maria’s voice is far too even. “Or maybe not fine. Upstairs with Kyle though.”

She looks far calmer than she had before he had gone into Alex’s head, but he still knows he’s hurt her. “I’m sorry I-”

“Save your apologies for Alex, Guerin,” her voice is firm and professional as she stands. “Stay away from The Wild Pony for a few weeks, take care of my friend, and we’ll be fine.”

He watches as she makes her way up the ladder and out and he stretches before following her.

“He’s asleep,” Kyle says, holding out a cup of coffee when Michael emerges. “Unless you were looking to follow her?”

Michael shakes his head, taking the coffee gratefully. “He gonna be okay?”

“Physically?” Kyle asks. “Yeah. No permanent damage. But…” Kyle hesitates before continuing. “I need you to help me convince him to get help. Therapy. Preferably inpatient.” And then, in a rush, “I know you hate me, but he’s a mess, man. He needs more help than we can give him and, I know you’re used to handling things on your own, but… I know you love him. So you need to do what’s best for him right now.”

“I know,” Michael admits, looking at the coffee cup.

“You- Wait, what?”

He looks up just in time to see Kyle’s shocked expression. It would almost be entertaining, if he weren’t so worried. “I was in there. I know how bad it is,” he admits softly. “Gonna have to wait until that handprint is gone though.”

“Oh. Okay, Good,” Kyle replies quickly.

Michael continues to drink his coffee, ignoring Kyle, as he walks away, in search of Alex’s bedroom.

He looks beautiful in his sleep now that that is what it is. Face peaceful, dark lashes fanned across golden skin. He shifts a little and mumbles something and Michael feels like he can finally breathe again. Alex is safe. Alex is here. He’ll find a way to fight for Alex until Alex is ready to fight for himself like he always fights for Michael.

He waits until Alex’s warm brown eyes open, blinking sleepily for a few moments before fixing on him. “Guerin,” his voice is rough with sleep but absolutely perfect. “What are you doing here?”

“That console piece almost killed you. Or don’t you remember?” he asks, tone light.

“Fuck, right,” Alex buries his head in his hands for a moment before looking up and continuing, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept it from you. I just… I didn’t want to lose you. Not that that’s an excuse. I was being selfish. And I should have given it to you when I found out what it was. I’m sorry.”

Michael shakes his head, “I think we’re way past that, Alex.”

Alex looks away, toward the wall. “You’re right. I’m… Look, I’ll do what you want. I’ll get out of your life. Stay away. You’ll never have to-”

Michael doesn’t know how it’s possible Alex could have misinterpreted him so much, but he has. “I don’t care about the fucking piece, Alex!” He bursts to his feet, almost cursing when Alex flinches in response. But he takes a breath, a step back, and waits for Alex to look at him before he continues, voice softer, “You know how many times I thought about stealin’ your dog tags or something so you’d stay? I get it. I wish you would’ve talked to me, but that’s not exactly our strongsuit, is it?”

Alex looks down at the bedspread and shakes his head.

“You scared me half to death, you know? I thought I was going to lose you,” he says softly, climbing onto the bed next to Alex hesitantly. “I think… I know you need to get help, Alex. I’ll make sure Kyle finds you someone good, but… You were going to kill yourself because you thought it would make my life better.”

“I’ve only ever made your life worse,” Alex objects.

Michael shakes his head. He can think of only one way to make Alex see how much he means to him. “Can I show you something?”

Alex looks at him questioningly, but he nods, so Michael reaches forward, placing his hand over the handprint he left on Alex’s chest and he waits for Alex’s nod.

When he gets it, he pushes all of his happiest memories of Alex to the forefront. The moment Alex brought him that first guitar and said that sometimes people could be kind for no reason. The look on Alex’s face after he kissed him that first time, like he couldn’t quite believe it had happened, like he was in awe, like he wanted more. The way Alex laughed that first time in the toolshed, how beautiful he looked, so open and free. The way he held Michael, touched him like he was precious. Memory after memory of having Alex in his arms.

When he’s done, tears are streaming down Alex’s face. He doesn’t speak, so Michael simply cups his face between his hands and says, “You make my life better just by being in it, darlin’. I need you to stay in it. Do you think you can do that for me?” He wishes he thought that Alex could choose to do that for himself, but he doesn’t think he can right now.

Alex finally nods.

“Good. And, when this fades,” he presses his hand against the mark he left on Alex’s chest. “You’ll get help?”

Alex nods again.

“Good.” He takes a breath and smiles at Alex the best he can. “Now, do you think I can hold you for a bit? Because you just scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry-” Alex starts, voice weighed down with guilt.

“Don’t be sorry,” Michael shakes his head. He lays back on the bed and opens his arms for Alex, waits while Alex gets comfortable, curled up into him. Then he presses a kiss to Alex’s dark hair. “Just stay.”

[sunflowerdigs]

Just something that's been bothering me

I'm still trying to trim down my Maria and misogynoir meta to a reasonable length, but...something else had been bothering me so I wrote it down. I'm hesitant to post it but, whatever.

The show created this situation. The show decided to pit Miluca against Malex. The show created parallel instances where Michael ran away from something hard by running into a relationship and, in doing so, asked fans to compare Alex's reaction vs Maria's reaction.

Most importantly, the show put Maria into a love triangle that will inevitably end badly for her because Michael is still in love with Alex. Michael said that he was going to try to date Maria because he and Alex aren't good for each other. The show is not (or at least should not) going to validate that belief because it isn't true. Prior to Jesse, Alex and Michael communicated fantastically and there's no reason to think they wouldn't have continued to do so had they not been victims of a hate crime. Homophobia created the toxicity in their relationship and they will both only heal when they face that fact, stop blaming themselves for Jesse's hatred, and accept that loving each other isn't something to be afraid of.

I'm sorry if the comparison of Malex and Miluca has caused hurt feelings on the Miluca side, but given Malex's story, it was also extremely hard for Malex fans to hear about how 'fun' and 'easy' a mlw relationship would be for Michael after homophobia torched what would have been a wonderful mlm relationship with Alex. A similar situation would be if a Klan hate crime had wrenched Michael and Maria apart before they even started a relationship, and then Michael got with a white guy because it was more 'fun' and 'light' than dealing with the pain of his past with Maria. As a black fan, I know that I would be upset by that. Especially if the show made us watch Maria admit, in a moment of self-hatred, that if she were Michael and she could date Michael's white dude (instead of her black self) she would.

Under those circumstances...I would not feel very positively about the white boyfriend and I would 100% be cheering on Miluca. Especially if Maria then forgave him for getting with Michael behind her back so that they could still be friends and she didn't even have the self worth to be pissed off.

(And, trust, I have a million feelings about the show using a black woman to play the more privileged half of the base of the love triangle, while at the same time ignoring any issues Miluca would have faced as a black/white interracial couple. But that's what the story is rn, so that's what I'm writing about).

Fandom misogynoir is inexcusable and isn't the fault of the show. But the show is kinda responsible for painting a huge target on Maria's back, particularly for the queer audience. I'm not super shocked that Maria isn't beloved and a lot of Malex shippers are looking forward to the end of the relationship. Because Malex isn't just "some racist straight girls want to see two hot dudes touch dicks" which is definitely an argument I've seen coming from the Miluca camp. And while I'm waiting for the Malex fandom to reexamine how they judge Maria vs how they judge every other character on the show, I am also waiting for Miluca fans to try to understand the way that homophobia affects Malex and Miluca, both within the show's narrative and in the real world (Carina had to fight the network so the Malex kiss in episode 1 didn't get cut. She's never talked about having that same problem with any other relationship on the show, three guesses as to why and the first two don't count) and to stop boiling this conflict down to "they're hating on a black woman for getting in the middle of their slash ship".

Fandom can't forget it is dealing with at least two marginalized groups here. Corrective rape still happens. Pulse Nightclub still happened. Homophobia isn't over because we got gay marriage and lots of shows queerbait. So, as a black gay woman, while, yeah, I 100% feel like fandom needs to stop judging Maria more harshly than every other character because none of this is really her fault (There are ICE agents on this show...but Maria is the devil? That doesn't make any sense), I also feel like everything I've seen written about this conflict has been very...one-sided? We absolutely can and should discuss what is misogynoir in this fandom and what isn't but we have to do so honestly and in good faith and I kinda feel like that's not happening.

Edit: Have changed the first sentence in the last paragraph to "at least two marginalized groups" to acknowledge Alex's Native roots and also his disability. I can't speak to those two experiences and how it affects the conflict, so I haven't done so here.