#do i take a sexy as fuck pic that's killing me

[xiuhunsoo]

got tagged by @bethereforme for a:

🖤✨ bias check ✨🖤

i'm not actively into a lot of groups anymore so rip

tagging @amaranth @littlesunshinedae @myeonplane @xiuminscheeks and @xiu-bee

[astonmartinii]

it must be a sign | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem deaf! red bull engineer!reader

when the two most unbothered people in the paddock combine their joint powers to be the it couple

request sent by the lovely @bibissparkles xx

author's note: heyyy so many of you won't know but i am actually deaf - i am 50% deaf in both ears and wear hearing aids so i love requests like this! (all i do most of this stuff as a deaf person, turning off your hearing aids >)

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri and 302,446 others

yourusername: you can't complain about the dutch national anthem when you can just turn your hearing aids off

view all comments

user1: the way max's engineer is as sick of that damn song as us

user2: turning off her hearing aids makes how bored she looks during podiums make sense

yourusername: it was a banger during the mercedes dominance but would it kill someone to play the australian anthem

danielricciardo: i knew you missed me

yourusername: sure, jan.

user3: her and max signing slay to each other will always be so personal to me

maxverstappen1: gonna pretend you didn't just say that

yourusername: boo hoo babe, you gotta lose something sometimes

user4: babe? are the flowers from max?

maxverstappen1: would rather choke on my own spit and fall into a pit of snakes, hope this helps ❤️

yourusername: rude! i wouldn't want flowers from you either :(

user5: i swear we get into this argument every weekend, i think people will still assume they're together until their married to other people

liamlawson30: stop using me as a messenger pigeon please and thank you

yourusername: but i thought red bull gave you wings?

liamlawson30: do not use a pr answer against me 🤨

yourusername: no comment

liamlawson30: choke.

yourusername: idk what's going on in the red bull junior academy but spit in helmut's coffee not mine

user6: y/n consistently giving all the red bull guys shit is my favourite thing ever

user7: the amount of times the sky broadcast has caught her waving them off or taking her hearing aids out lol

oscarpiastri

liked by yourusername, landonorris and 782,309 others

oscarpiastri: switched four tyres for two this weekend

view all comments

user11: you can't distract us with your slutty bike pics WHO THE FUCK IS THAT

landonorris: A WOMAN? A WOMAN? IS THAT A WOMAN OSCAR JACK PIASTRI?

oscarpiastri: yeah i'm pretty sure

landonorris: don't play smart with me buster - why was i not informed?

oscarpiastri: i don't ask to be informed of every time you get rejected in the instagram dms

landonorris: FAKE NEWS

oscarpiastri: okay buddy

user12: i be seeing the sign language book, oscar you are so real for that

user13: that's my king, i need a oscar and y/n link up in the paddock - my unbothered queens

user14: she's in the likes !!!!!!

logansargent: oh we've entered the soft launch phase i see

oscarpiastri: and what?

logansargent: someone is feeling defensive this morning, dude i won't tell i've already kept it a secret for so long

landonorris: HE KNOWS? DOES BEING YOUR TEAMMATE MEAN NOTHING?

oscarpiastri: he's my childhood best friend?

logansargent: there's levels to this game norris

landonorris: @oscarpiastri consider yourself UNDER SURVEILLANCE

oscarpiastri: okay girly

user15: oscar has the patience of a saint, the mystery gal may want to rethink it before having to deal with them all

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo and 381,044 others

yourusername: unrelaxed, unbothered, moisturised ✨

view all comments

user18: queen SHIT THAT AIN'T SHIT

user19: but this mystery man IS

maxverstappen1: yeah sorry about that... but at least boyfy has made his instagram debut?

yourusername: about time, he's too sexy to gatekeep

maxverstappen1: well i'm not going to agree out of respect for you

yourusername: so you don't think he's sexy? i might not be able to hear but HE CAN MAX BE NICE

maxverstappen1: first of all it's a text, second of all i've been way too nice to him

yourusername: he beat you in padel fair and square you're just SHIT AT IT ❤️

maxverstappen1: you know that's a sore subject WHY WOULD YOU BRING IT UP

user20: my queen was really like you wanna tell me to fuck off? oh here's my sexy boyfriend

user21: jos verstappen really didn't know who he was tangling with that gal may be chill but she doesn't take shit

user22: she's like a female version of oscar lol

user23: i knew there was a reason i liked her

this comment was liked by yourusername

danielricciardo: why am i left out of everything these days?

yourusername: snooze you lose

danielricciardo: I AM AWAKE REPLY TO MY TEXTS

danielricciardo: I JUST SAW YOU PUT YOUR PHONE ON DO NOT DISTURB

yourusername: protecting my peace

danielricciardo: i'm on to you buster

oscarpiastri

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 1,209,455 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: overjoyed to get my first (proper) win in formula one and even more overjoyed to have my amazing girlfriend (and even better engineer) up on the podium with me

view all comments

user27: so this was the special occasion?

user28: so this is why she said she wanted the australian national anthem over the dutch one?

user29: this is now my roman empire

yourusername: babe is so fucking good and i'm so fucking proud

oscarpiastri: i'm so glad to have been able to share this moment with you

yourusername: you deserve this and more, i love you

oscarpiastri: i love you too xx

user30: wait so oscar knows so much more sign language than i thought

user31: he looked so excited and even mark knows some

logansargent: he forced (we were happy to do so) me, mark and his family to learn as soon as he secured the date lol

oscarpiastri: and now we're all so cool because of it

logansargent: cool and able to chat shit without people knowing what we're saying

yourusername: best bit about it tbf (everyone please learn, it's a beautiful language)

landonorris: I KNEW IT

oscarpiastri: no you didn't

landonorris: no i didn't :( i'm hurt

oscarpiastri: if it's any consolation, we didn't tell many people, max and logan are exceptions

landonorris: WHY WAS I NOT AN EXCEPTION???

yourusername: boo hoo

landonorris: i'm not gonna say anything back to that you kinda scare me

yourusername: good ❤️

yourusername

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, oscarpiastri and 529,778 others

tagged: maxverstappen1 & oscarpiastri

yourusername: me and a racewinner (and our world champion third wheel)

view all comments

user32: fave trio in the paddock no competition

logansargent: logan erasure

yourusername: we love you logan, sunday roast at mine this weekend ❤️

logansargent: SCORE

user33: every time you post there's a new plushie

yourusername: we usually get one to commemorate a big weekend and we both got one for osc's first win

user34: that's so FUCKING CUTE

oscarpiastri: it's all fun and games until you don't fit in the bed because y/n feels too bad to put any of them on the floor

yourusername: they have FEELINGS OSCAR

oscarpiastri: she cried one time when max set off the smoke alarm cooking breakfast and the bed alarm shook so bad that all of them were thrown to the floor

yourusername: it was HARROWING but it also did wake me up so at least we know it works

maxverstappen1: actually my favourite couple to third wheel, but enjoy it while it's here osc, i won't lose again

yourusername: yeah sorry osc it's actually my job to help max win so you're gonna have to wait for him to retire if i have anything to do with it

oscarpiastri: not even for me :(

yourusername: sorry not sorry (i'm really sorry, i love you so much)

oscarpiastri: i love you too even if you won't sabotage max for my race :(

maxverstappen1: okay i know i said you guys are cute but that's enough for today

yourusername: we ARE cute thank you

oscarpiastri: the CUTEST

fin.

note: heheheheh i hope you enjoyed this, i love requests like this xx also on the comment about the bed alarm i had one in uni halls and when the alarm went off that baby SHOOK it was kinda scary

[racew1nn3rs]

─ 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘪. (𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦) 🍊

⤷ summary: saudi arabian and australian grands prix happen! y/n starts making vlogs for the races and it reveals more about her and a certain driver's feelings than she hoped, not that she notices. poor oscar's stuck in the middle of it all but he's trying his best!

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liked by f1, landonorris, and 55,007 others

tagged landonorris and oscarpiastri

mclaren saudi arabia, you were beautiful even if the results weren't! ready for what's to come

12,567 comments

user1 admin not using a single nice photo of the drivers 😭

user2 admin be honest is this your revenge era

mclaren well, yes!

user3 HELP MEEEE

user4 the way lando looks at her 😭

user5 this is a place of business

user6 oscar looks petrified 💀

mclaren dw guys we're still training him!

oscarpiastri wtf why would u say it like that, i'm not a dog

mclaren full-time team mascot, part time driver

user7 admin drop the insta your so pretty 😭😭

user8 no literally, content of her WHERE

mclaren ynusername 🤲🏼

user9 LETS FUCKING GO

user10 HER DISSING HER OWN TEAM 💀 THEY'RE GONNA FIRE YOU GIRL

mclaren they don't pay me to LIE

user11 CRAZYY

user12 LANDO IS NEVER GETTING A GOOD PIC EVER AGAIN 😭

mclaren what can i say, i am no mans peace 🥱

user13 icon

landonorris reporting you to hr

mclaren for what

landonorris idk harrassment or something

mclaren ok keyboard warrior, lets calm down 💀

user14 KEYBOARD WARRIOR HELEPSJSM

user15 i vote admin just takes over and we don't even get driver pictures

user16 real and true

user17 i fear we may have lost the plot

user18 thoughts on today's results

mclaren i'm trying to be positive in general but man

user19 LMAOOOOO

user20 ik the pr department is shaking in their boots after every post notif

mclaren probably! but unfortunately for everyone, i am going to keep doing whatever i want

user21 no more lando beef, mclaren admin?

mclaren i forget but i never forgive. i forgot why we were fighting but i stay hating bitches 🥱

landonorris literally WHAT DID I DO

mclaren IDK BUT IK U PISSED ME OFF 🫵

oscarpiastri diabolical photo choice

oscarpiastri i look like a little kid on picture day

mclaren so basically your everyday look

oscarpiastri yk what you are making this work environment very hostile

mclaren i can make it more hostile if you want 🤨

oscarpiastri nevermind!!!

maxfewtrell most flattering lando picture i've seen in years

mclaren that's saying something isn't it 🤩

user22 i went to haterville and they all knew you admin

mclaren they actually just elected me mayor there!!! 💪🏻

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liked by bsfusername, landonorris, and 17,800 others

ynusername if my admin duties don't kill me, i promise my caffeine addiction will! (:

3,422 comments

user23 be honest, how many coffees have you had today

ynusername 3!

user24 oh that's not that bad

ynusername +5

user24 JESUS CHRSUT

bsfusername at this point i think meth would be healthier

ynusername honestly yeah

ynusername thanks for the suggestion!!

user25 nooo admin don't do meth ur so sexy aha

ynusername that just made me want to do meth more

landonorris so what i'm hearing is buying you an espresso machine would get me in your good graces 😇

user26 oh brother here he goes

ynusername you must be deaf then

landonorris 😔 2 espresso machines?

ynusername i don't want ur dirty espresso machines 🙄

oscarpiastri now what car is that 🫵

ynusername SHHHHH

oscarpiastri TRAITOR

bsf2username when your not busy being super sexy on a race track, can we go thrifting and get sweetgreen and overpriced coffee 🙏🏼🙏🏼

ynusername this could've been an email, get this out of my comments 💀

ynusername but yeah obviously

user27 admin vlogs when 😔

ynusername SOON!!! very very soon

user28 mother feeding us once again

ynusername brb, adding single mom who works two jobs, loves her kids, and never stops to my resume

danielricciardo coffee recipe where?

ynusername in your dms now ‼️

danielricciardo is this flirting

ynusername no if i was flirting i would've told you to ask me in person, i'm just being charitable

landonorris can i get the coffee recipe too then 🤲🏼

ynusername wdy want next, my mugs? keep on walking charity case

user29 CHARITY CASE IS CRAZYDFHAJ

user30 she's so effortlessly funny and mean i love her

user31 i feel like this is so unprofessional /:

ynusername babe professional where, you are on??? my personal?? account???

user32 maybe she's born with it, maybe it's the fact that she's consumed enough caffeine to tranquelize a horse

user33 oh please the horse would be dead

ynusername call an ambulance, BUT NOT FOR ME ‼️💪🏻🗣️

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ynusername posted to story!

(caption: melbourne vlog out now on youtube, go watch!!)

15,221 replies

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would you like to watch? yes or no

now loading...

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"This thing better be working," could be heard slightly muffled in between vague shuffling sounds. After a second or two of incoherent noise, the camera footage finally came on. Y/N smiled at herself in the camera as the recording light blinked to life, and raised her hand victoriously. She grabbed the smile microphone in front of her and laughed, "It looks like everything is working. Thank God, I wouldn't have known how to fix it otherwise."

"Alright everybody, welcome to the first race weekend vlog hosted by me! Your favorite McLaren admin and social manager. It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to go about this, but now I think I settled on a format that will work," She explained as she walked around the small, clean kitchen that was within frame of the camera. She pulled a glass jar out of her cabinets and left it on the counter before pulling a jug of cold brew and a cartridge of milk out of her fridge.

"It is currently 7:30 A.M on March 29th, and I have a flight to Melbourne in 3 hours. I'm already packed and ready for this weekend, but I wanted to get an introduction filmed and I wanted to take a shower before I left." Y/N paused for a moment as she poured the coffee into her mason jar until she seemed satisfied and began to add some milk. "I am totally exhausted so this is probably cup one of like," she laughed, "I don't know seven probably. And this is a pretty big jar I won't lie."

"The race weekend doesn't technically start until Friday, so I'll be getting there a bit early, but I wanted to film some content before the race weekend gets really hectic, so McLaren is sending me a little bit earlier. I'm excited though! I love the heat, even if I live in London the antithesis of Australian weather," she taste-tested her coffee and hummed in delight.

"God I really never miss with this stuff," she said contently. "Anyway, it's a bit of an early start today, but I'll have plenty of time to sleep on the fight. I mean can you believe that London to Melbourne is a nearly 22 hours," she scoffed. "I vote that we start making all of the races in one place so I don't have to feel jet lag more painful than the force of 1,000 suns every other weekend. Not that I'm complaining," she chuckled awkwardly, "I love my job McLaren please don't fire me."

Abruptly an orange tabby cat came into the frame of the camera, causing Y/N to abruptly grab her glass jar in the hopes of avoiding a mess. She gasped, but laughed as the cat scampered off as quickly as it had come. She shook her head fondly.

"That, ladies and gentleman, was Cali! My cat. She's literally my baby, and I love her more than anything else on this earth. However, she does have an affinity for hitting things off of counters and breaking them. She also hates men and nearly all other animals, so she's basically the world's biggest hazard to society. She's a good girl, I love her." Y/N explained between sips of coffee as she stared wistfully past the the frame of the camera, where it could be assumed Cali had gone.

Abruptly an alarm went off and Y/N threw her head back with a groan.

"That means I have to get in the shower and get ready so I can leave on time," she said, before taking a few more sips of coffee. "I'm going to go do that, and the next time you'll hear my beautiful voice will be at the Melbourne Airport! Cue the travel montage!"

An assortment of clips follow. Y/N is seen dragging her luggage through Heathrow Airport. Y/N is seen ordering another coffee at the airport, finishing the coffee, and ordering another before her flight. Y/N is seen responding to emails from her airplane seat, editing video footage, and responding to instragram and twitter comments. Footage is shown outside the plane window of a cloudy, blue sky and a time lapse is shown as the sky grows beautiful shades of pink and red before becoming a starry-night sky. Y/N is seen cozy in a throw blanket and a travel pillow, presumably asleep with headphones on. Y/N is shown pulling her luggage through the airport once again, with a brand new coffee cup in hand. She smiles, taking a sip before she is seen settled down in a seat in the bustling airport.

"Twenty-two or so hours later and I have finally landed in Melbourne. I'm waiting for my Uber to get here so I can finally be taken to my hotel to drop my stuff off. I have a meeting with the McLaren drivers in two hours, but luckily I slept really well on the plane. I don't know how else I would be able to deal with Lando Norris. I'm going to finish this coffee in order to maximize my tolerance for the next few hours, but I suspect I'll be getting a new coffee before I reach that meeting. My addiction truly knows no bounds," she laughs, trying to ignore the people vaguely shown within frame that are staring at her speaking to a camera.

The camera cuts abruptly and the waiting screen from SpongeBob flashes on the screen, including the narrator's voice reading "2 hours later."

Y/N is shown once again in new clothes, a new coffee cup in hand, and luggage replaced by a small canvas bag. Her comfortable plane clothes have been swapped out for jean shorts and a plain white tank-top. Her hair is clipped back out of her face, and she is adorned with simple gold jewelry and light makeup.

Y/N smiles at the camera as she walks, bustling and talking heard around her, before whispering into the small microphone, "I have arrived at the McLaren garage. It is now time to meet with Lord Lando and workplace mascot Oscar Piastri," the titles slip off her tongue sarcastically and she doesn't bother suppressing an eye-roll.

In the next clip, Oscar and Lando are seen seated on either side of her as they sit in what seems like a board-room. Lando leans over and whispers something that the camera doesn't pick up and Oscar laughs while Y/N grimaces and reaches forward to readjust the camera. When the camera comes back on, Lando and Oscar are seated together on the left of Y/N as she faces on angle toward both them and the camera.

"Don't just sit there and look pretty, say hello to the camera boys," Y/N says and Oscar cackles at the disgruntled look on Lando's face.

"Is that your way of calling me pretty Y/N," Lando chokes out between laughs, and Y/N scoffs with an eye-roll.

"I was actually talking about Oscar, but whatever floats your little papaya boat Norris," Y/N deadpans and Oscar doubles over from the force of his laughter at the pout on Lando's face.

"That's not nice at all, I hope you know that. I think I am sitting here very prettily, thank you very much," Lando says, leaning into the girl next to him to speak into her microphone.

Y/N draws the microphone back, swatting him away, "Yes, yes quite prettily," Y/N mocks in a British accent.

Oscar, still trying to recover, joins in, "Pretty little Lando Norris," and Y/N laughs jovially, reaching across Lando as if the boy weren't there to high-five the Austrialian driver.

"Bullies, the lot of you," Lando mumbles and Y/N brushes off his comment without response before finally facing the camera.

"Anyway, welcome to the first McLaren race weekend vlog. I'm Y/N L/N, the best media manager in the whole god damn world, and this is Lando Norris, the biggest pain in my ass, and Oscar Piastri, the second biggest pain in my ass. How are you feeling about Melbourne boys?" Y/N questions, transitioning smoothly much to the British driver's chagrin.

"Feeling proud to be the second biggest pain in the ass and not the first. Probably the only time i've been glad to get second actually," Oscar comments and Y/N laughs as Lando shakes his head in disappointment.

"But in all seriousness it is good to be home, this is easily my favorite race of the year seeing as it's my home race and i'm looking forward to, hopefully, good results from our team," Oscar supplies and Y/N nods along to his words.

"Yes, Australia, we are in you and we are happy about it," both boys choked out a laugh at the manager's sexual innuendo and Oscar quickly covered his mouth with his hand so as not to react too much. "What about you Lando what are you feeling," Y/N questioned, leaning the small microphone to the boy.

"Feeling like that was a stupid joke. And also like I am going to be getting P1 this weekend. I can feel it in my bones."

"Leave my jokes alone Lando, you're not being paid to be a critic," she scoffed, "and if I recall, you said the same thing in Saudi Arabia not that long ago. What's changed now?"

Lando rolled his eyes, "What's changed is that we're in Australia now and I'm feeling much more confident."

"Well thank god for that," Y/N supplied unhelpfully as Oscar laughed.

"Now, what we really came here for, it's time to film a video for this channel, it's going to be a fan Q and A, I picked the questions. By the time this vlog is up, the QnA should've already been posted. So feel free to stop watching this and to go watch that or whatever," Y/N commented. "After that we're going to film a TikTok challenge," both and Lando and Oscar grimaced, but Y/N ignored their dismay at the idea of fiming yet another TikTok, so cue the montage! Filming time!" Y/N exclaimed and the screen transitioned to a new series of clips.

In the first clip Oscar and Lando were sitting in two chairs while Y/N sat across from them with a set of notecards.

"Lando, this question from user "ln4mania" asks, "Are you and admin actually friends? Or is the online beef real? The people demand answers!" Y/N reads off with a laugh.

"Do you hear that, the people demand answers Lando! Don't keep them waiting!" Oscar and Y/N laugh as Lando shakes his head and tucks his face into his hands.

"There is no beef, guys. Me and admin, or rather me and Y/N are just fine. We hadn't even actually met when that happened," Lando supplied between laughs. Y/N looked at the camera and rolled her eyes with a shake of her head, faux-disagreeing with the boy.

She ignored the simmering pit of disappointment in her stomach. She did in fact have a problem with entitled little Lando Norris who still gave her side-eyed looks and judgmental stares whenever he saw her. If that wasn't humiliating enough, Oscar had clearly noticed it too, which just gave Y/N the feeling that she wasn't being taken seriously at all now that Oscar understood Lando's lack of respect for Y/N. However that didn't matter in the current moment. All that mattered was making this video.

The next clip showed Lando and Oscar sitting at a table with bowls of water in front of them and towels strewn across a chair just within frame of the camera. Y/N stood behind them, hands rested in their hair as she reacted to the prompts being read by someone, an unnamed media intern, off-camera.

"Who is harder to make videos with?" The intern asked and Y/N huffed out a laugh as she let her hands fully grasp Lando's curls and push him into the water quickly. He sputtered, trying to blink the water out of his eyes as Y/N laughed at the wet-puppy dog look he was sporting.

Y/N tried to shake the ridiculous desire to let her hands run through the soft curls underneath her finger tips. Curse Lando and whatever stupidly good, rich-person hair routine he used that made him smell good and look good, and... whatever.

Lando, blinking water out of his eyes, was now undoubtedly certain that being damn-near waterboarded was worth it if it meant that Y/N would laugh like that again. He knew Oscar would harass him again later for being "down-bad" or something along those lines- as he had done every time he caught the man staring-, but as he caught a glimpse of Y/N's bright smile and shaking shoulders, he found he didn't really care.

The next clip showed Oscar, Lando, Y/N, and a laughing media intern as they all dried off- somehow all having become wet through the course of filming. Y/N dried herself off quickly, taking a sip of her newly refilled coffee, not seeing the way that only the camera and Oscar saw Lando stared at her until the driver was nudged back into focus on drying himself off.

A title-card once again came on the screen with white words on a photo collage of Australian grand-prix candids that Y/N had taken, reading "Race montage? More likely than you'd think."

Footage was shown of the free practice sessions. Oscar and Lando getting in and out of their cars. Engineers along the pit wall going over data. The team speaking incoherently, going over the game plan for Sunday's race. Oscar and Lando greeting fans, signing merch, and posing for photos. Y/N smiling and waving at a cheering crowd of people before staring at the camera incredulously with a small caption reading: "Omg she's famous your honor". More clips showed Lando laughing as Oscar tossed grapes and Lando moved to catch them with his mouth. Lando nearly choking as Y/N cackled in the background. Multiple clips showing Y/N with a fresh coffee, and another... and another, as Oscar's face in the background grew with concern. Zak Brown explaining to Y/N the dangers of caffeine overdose, and the need for moderation. Y/N explaining to Zak Brown that without coffee she would simply collapse and die, which the camera showed did nothing to ease her concern. Y/N getting caps signed by the drivers for fans and walking away with intricate friendship bracelets decorating her wrists.

And finally footage of the race. The engineers in the garage. The pit-crew changing tires. The cars racing past as Y/N watched attentively. Footage of the crowd as they cheered when the cars whizzed past. Smiling faces of fans. Y/N's cheers as Oscar and Lando passed. The smiling faces of McLaren employees as Lando and Oscar crossed the checkered flag in P6 and P8 respectively.

Y/N accepting hugs from both drivers, ignoring the burning sensation in her stomach as Lando wrapped his arms around her with a smile and a laugh. Y/N calling Lando smelly and telling him to go wash off if he wants to hug her next time, and him rolling his eyes at her fondly before making a face at the camera. The podium celebration is shown and Y/N smiles as the anthem plays, even though it's not for her own team.

The final clip is shown of Y/N in her hotel room, comfortable in sweats as she sits on the unmade bed.

"Not bad results this week guys! P6 for Lando and P8 for Oscar, which are good points for the team. I'm happy on my end, I think we got some good content filmed, and I am now ready to go to sleep so I can get home to Cali and my own bed quicker. I hope you enjoyed this video, and if you didn't don't tell me because I don't care!" Y/N jokes with a smile.

"Hopefully I will see you all at the next race, if not the race after that! Bye papaya fans, and be sure to follow us on instagram and all of the other social platforms!" Y/N exclaimed, gesturing to the list of the social media handles that appeared on her right hand side.

And with that, the camera cut to black.

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liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, and 29,145 others

ynusername afraid to report that i fought jetlag and lost 😔 i did sleep for 25 hours straight after melbourne and i had no clue where i was when i woke up! shout out cali for waking me up 🙏🏼 best friend frl

9,547 comments

bsfusername i'm going to try not to be offended by that caption (love you bb cali) but FUCK YOU CAUSE I BOUGHT YOUR ASS BREAKFAST

ynusername my bad! s/o to that bomb ass omlette 🤩

bsfusername never doing shit for you again

user34 that vlog was god tier, how long did that take

ynusername it took 7 hours of editing and years off my life, thanks so much for asking 🥳

maxverstappen1 thanks again for those podium photos! you have a gift for photography 💪🏻

ynusername don't mention it! 👍🏼

ynusername (no seriously, mclaren might behead me)

mclaren beheading is so last year. firing squad. 🗣️

user35 not y/n threatening herself 💀

oscarpiastri suprised your body didn't naturally wake up for coffee

ynusername it did! just 25 hours later

user36 your poor cat was literally starving for a whole day? youre a horrible owner

ynusername let me introduce you to god's greatest creation: the automatic feeder!!! i'm sure they can mail one to whatever fucking rock you live under!

user37 PERIODDDD

user38 me personally? i'd never log on again

user39 she needs a personal channel 🙏🏼🙏🏼 i'd subscribe

user40 her cat is so cute 😭😭😭 gimme that

ynusername 🫵 STAY BACK HEATHEN, NO ONE TOUCHES CALI AND LIVES

user40 my bad fam 🧍🏻‍♀️

user41 i want someone to love me as much as she loves that mean ass cat

landonorris don't you have a job to be doing 💀💀 she slept through a full work day

user42 lando always on her ass and for whattttt

user43 obsessed obsessed obsessed

ynusername i had the day off! but not the guy who was streaming video games coming for me 🥱 talking bout get a job

user44 lando and y/n beefing on insta again? we're so back

user45 at this point instagram comment beef isn't enough, they need to duel or some shit

user46 the caffeine addiction almost got her guys

ynusername i wish it would, then i wouldn't have to work with lando's annoying ass

landonorris I CAN SEE YOUR COMMENTS???

ynusername THAT'S THE POINT

user47 honestly just give her a gun atp, these men test her too damn much

━━━━━━ ༻✩₊⋆☾⋆⁺✧༺ ━━━━━━

user48 NURSE 🫵 SHE'S RIGHT HERE

user49 no fr, like let's get back to bed grandma

user50 OP, are you concussed?

user51 no actually cause didn't y/n just say she wanted to khs working with him 💀💀

pastryboy81 that sign can't stop me, because i can't read!

user53 OK I ACTUALLY SEE THE VISION

user54 ARE YOUR EYES CLOSED???!1!1

user55 i fear i totally get it 😔

user56 it's giving enemies to lovers, secret relationship type vibe lowkkkk

user57 no deadass like he hugged her reallll tight

user58 she also hugged oscar 😭😭?? and he has a whole gf

user59 the way she shoved him off and told him he reeked not 5 seconds after 💀 delusion is a disease yall

user60 someone call the f1 gossip pages cause 😗

user61 more like someone call the ward cause somethings real off with yall 🤨

━━━━━━ ༻✩₊⋆☾⋆⁺✧༺ ━━━━━━

━━━━━━ ༻✩₊⋆☾⋆⁺✧༺ ━━━━━━

sorry that this update took forever, i had surgery and recovery has been rougher than i expected! hope you enjoy!!

please leave your thoughts in the comments and feel free to drop a request for your fav in my asks <3

-

𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

@lemon-lav @slutforpopculture @m4rt10ne @urfavsgf @sadsierra2 @96jnie @sltwins @poppyflower-22 @alliumiae @livelovesports @liberty-barnes @the-holy-trinity-l @iliwyss @awritingtree @redpool @elliotts1one @velentine @chaoticmessneutralplease @5sospenguinqueen @charizznorizz @2pagenumb @mxdi0 @cwiphswmwasohmm @tremendousstarlighttragedy @lnspipedrm @itseightbeats @tinycoffeeroom @woozarts @personwhoisther @a-beaverhausen @love-simon @annabellelee @ravisinghs-wife @chezmardybum @greantii @weekendlusting @monserelates @sapphiccloud @halleest @deamus-liv @gigigreens @morenofilm @laneyspaulding19 @lanireadss @dear-fifi @moldyshorts1997 @oliviarodrigostan13 @eugene-emt-roe @ilivbullyingjeongin @im-a-ghost666

[jujutsubaby]

🍒 only fans boyfriend!toji headcanons 🍒

☆ pairing: toji fushiguro x afab!reader ☆ summary: blurb in which toji is your bf who helps you take your photos and videos for your onlyfans ☆ warnings: 18+ !! MINORS DNI !! dirty talking, nudes, sex work, penetrative sex, idk what else lol ☆ a/n: i'm having some serious toji brain rot send help

bf!toji who first thinks of the idea of you doing an only fans after taking his millionth video of him pounding into you. he won’t lie, initially it was because he was tight on some cash and didn’t wanna borrow from you again, but he was convinced you could be some insane OF celebrity. “i’m not sure about it, toji. i don’t want randos to see my face…” you surmise. “c’mon, we’ll cover your face, doll, if that’s what you’re worried about. i swear, we could be raking in thousands from this.” the prospect of coming across a large amount of money like that was enticing…

bf!toji who suggests that you start out simple. “maybe just a shot of you wearing somethin’ cute for the camera, i dunno.” after work one day, you both go to a lingerie store and pick out a sheer pink babydoll slip on, with silky bows on the shoulders. at home, you fish out an old mid 2000s digital camera from the garage and present it to toji. “you’re gonna be my sexy photographer, right?” you tease, as you change into the babydoll slip dress. 

bf!toji who totally sucks at taking photos at first, but is a quick learner as he learns all your best angles and poses. turns out when money is on the line, he’s a hard worker after all. pictures of you sluttily sticking out your tongue, and the dress straps falling off your shoulders send toji into a frenzy, and you both take a quick sex break before going back to taking the photos.

bf!toji doesn’t know how to edit photos for shit so you use the minimal photoshop you know to spruce up your makeshift boudoir shoot. not to toot your own horn, but you kinda ate those pics up, and toji can’t get enough of it. at work, he’s partially distracted, fighting off enemies with half a brain as the other half is trying not to get turned on (one time, he did get turned on while fighting and it was awkward to say the least. the guy’s dead now so toji doesn’t really care). 

bf!toji who creates the OF account for you because you’re feeling too shy to do so. the interface is confusing for both of you at first, but you guys get the hang of it pretty easily. you post the boudoir photoshoot and immediately close the laptop because you’re terrified of it flopping. “the damage of no one subscribing to me, toji, i would die,” you say earnestly, feeling nauseous. “if no one subscribes to you, i’ll fuck the memory out of you, don’t worry,” he says nonchalantly as he picks a random show on netflix to watch. he’s not bothered by this even one bit and you think it’s because he doesn’t care but really, it’s because he’s that confident.

bf!toji who wakes up before you the next morning for work and quickly checks to see if your photos gained any traction. “holy shit, doll, wake up!” he practically pushes you off the bed as he shakes you and you groggily wake up, irked at the intrusion of your slumber. “toji, i swear to god i’ll kill y-” “you just got 300 subscribers overnight, shut up.” he says, cutting you off and meeting your lips with a tender kiss. you quickly pull back, eyes widening at the news. 

bf!toji who reassures you that you’re only gonna blow up more, and that’s why you need to post more photos and videos. it starts off small: simple photoshoots and more slutty lingerie. you arch your back as toji gets an ass shot with your camera. he slaps it hard, leaving a red handprint mark and snaps a couple more photos. 

bf!toji who encourages you to start doing videos after reaching over 1k subscribers. you do a little strip tease/dance while toji films, but the first time you do it, toji folds almost immediately and has you pinned under him. you try again the next day, and graduate to longer more explicit videos – fingering yourself, using toys, and live streaming. toji buys you a couple cute masquerade masks to use, too. 

bf!toji who loves it when you get donations during streams. he ends up creating an amazon wishlist for you of things you guys could really use around the house. he can’t remember the last time he bought you lingerie anymore because your donations would usually cover that cost. that being said, he always chooses lingerie for you. he knows exactly what other horny guys are looking for on girls. “doll, i know crotchless panties are awful but i know the male gaze – they don’t give a fuck. look, okay, i’ll buy you that one piece too, don’t give me that look.” he says to you as you throw in a bunch of lingerie of your liking in the cart. 

bf!toji who finally decides to join you in front of the camera, giving your fans what they wanted. the way he sees it, he fucks you senseless for free every night anyway, might as well get paid for it. toji makes a show to tear your nice lingerie off you and leaves visible marks in your skin from his touch as he pounds into you or bites your neck. 

bf!toji who joins you on your livestreams, and they usually end with you bent over a desk, skirt hiked up, and his arousal deep inside you. “you guys think she deserves to cum?” he asks the chat, feeling you clench against him. he knows you're close, and it turns you on knowing it’s out of your control on whether or not you get to feel a release. your fans love your pornographic and lewd moans, but with toji fucking you, you don’t even have to act for them to come out of your mouth naturally. speaking of your mouth, toji especially loves when you have a masquerade mask on while he makes your little throat gag. you love it when he tests your gag reflex on camera in front of an audience, and everyone can tell when they see you soaked through your panties.

bf!toji who surprises you by taking you on a lavish vacation to bora bora when you reach over 10k subscribers. “we built this shit together,” he says, talking about your OF fame and money. you can’t remember the last time you guys worried about paying rent, and he wanted to do something special for his slutty little doll. he got one of those seaside huts surrounded by a private deck. your breath is taken away by the surprise, and toji wastes no time getting all your clothes off and getting you into the water. the makeout session turns into him fingering you underwater as he pushes your bikini to the side. after coming all over his fingers, you give him a handjob under the water, and toji has to quickly climb out of the pool so he doesn’t cum inside it and has to request a clean up on the very first day. 

bf!toji who fucks you more times than you can count in the water, on the bed, in the infinity pool, that one time super discretely under the blanket in the beach. you bring up the idea of filming a little here and there on vacation. “what? the grind never stops,” you say jokingly as you set up the camera on the tripod in front of the bed. he surprises you by using some silk ribbons to tie your hands back while he licks and kisses every inch of your body, focusing especially on your sensitive nipples erect for the camera. he blindfolds you, hands still tied back while he eats you out. the electrifying sensations are amplified in the darkness of the blindfold, and you make an absolute mess on the sheets and his mouth. 

bf!toji who uses the last night of your trip there to convince you to film one more video, this time on the private infinity pool outside your hut. you come out with a black strappy bikini with a sheer babydoll cover up. “don’t take off your clothes just yet, doll. just come in the water.” he commands, and you slowly get into the water. his silhouette looks ethereal in the golden hour of the sunset as you approach him. he cradles your jaw and kisses you deeply and passionately.  

bf!toji pulls away from you and guides you to the edge of the pool that stares out to the pink sunset and the turquoise ocean. “what? gonna fuck me while looking at the sunset like a stupid romantic?” you jeer, poking his chest. he chuckles nervously. “eventually…”

bf!toji who pulls a small black box from behind him and opens it to reveal a big shiny diamond ring. tears start freely falling down your cheeks and you don’t even hear what toji is saying (you feel a little bad – he must’ve prepped this speech for a while but you were far too emotional to process anything). all you do is nod your head vigorously as he gently puts the ring on finger. a perfect fit. and it glistens just perfectly in the dimming sun.

fiance!toji who then fucks you into the sunset like a stupid romantic.

[scarletlizzard]

Her Favorite Drug

Pairings: wanda x female reader

Tags Minors DNI: drug use (marijuana), smoking, smut, cunnilingus, fingering, stap on use (R receiving), fluff because I tortued yall with my last story

Summary: Your girlfriend is a stoner. One night, you decide you finally want to try some.

Masterlist

A/N: This is just smut oops. Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think. Also, the pics with the backward hats kills me every fucking time. Anyways, have fun 💚

Wandas delicate fingers expertly pack in the unfamiliar green into a brown wrapper. You watch closely, feeling her breath on the back of your neck and tickling your ear as she speaks.

"See detka? Then I'll just roll it up like this.." Her voice is soft as she speaks. You nod, eyes stuck on her fingers as they begin to roll the paper.

You were currently sitting in Wandas lap, her arms working in front of you to wrap another joint. In the year you had been dating, this was the first time you were going to join in on your girlfriends favorite recreational hobby. It was no secret that Wanda smoked weed, almost every night to be exact. You had never really been interested in smoking it, but you loved to watch her enjoy it.

Tonight was different. Tonight, you finally wanted to know how it felt. Wanda was surprised at first when you asked, but she was more than happy to pull you into her lap and show you how she does it.

"Lick along here for me," she says, drawing a line on the wrapper. You lean forward away from the warmth of Wandas chest to follow her instructions. "Perfect, baby!" Wanda praises, fiddling with the joint for only a moment before holding it out in her hand to show you the final product.

"Now it's ready?" You ask her, turning sideways on her lap. Your back rests against the arm of the couch, and your legs lay across her thighs.

Wanda nods, a grin on her face, "It's ready. I'll go first, you watch me, okay?"

You had planned on it. Wanda couldn't be more sexy when she smoked. You watch her bring the joint to rest between her lips, the other hand holding a lighter to the end of it. It catches easily, and Wanda inhales deeply before removing it from her lips and blowing out smoke. You press your thighs together tightly, Wanda always had that effect on you.

"You ready, baby?" She asks with a smirk, resting her hand to rub small circles on your leg. You nod slowly, reaching out your hand. "Just take a small one at first.." Wandas voice is husky from the smoke, only making you squeeze your legs tighter.

You begin to smell the familiar scent of the weed as smoke fills the air between the two of you. Here you go.. you take the drug between your lips as Wanda did, breathing it in. It's smoother than you thought as you inhale, but the burn in your lungs was unexpected. Wanda quickly takes the joint out of your hand as your eyes widen, and you let out the smoke with a set of coughs.

"Fuck.." You mumble out between coughs. Wanda chuckles and reaches for a water bottle, handing it to you. She watches with dark eyes as you sip the water, smoking the joint with no problem.

"Burns, huh?" She smiles and rubs your back soothingly as you nod at her, still drinking the water.

After a few moments and the burning resides, you take another hit. You feel your tensions disappear. Another one, and you feel an overwhelming rush to your head, not in a bad way. Then another, and so on until you and Wanda are finished with the joint. Your senses feel heightened.

You finish off the water as Wanda sets what remains of the joint in an ash tray. She smiles at you with red, squinting eyes, "Come here, baby." She chuckles and maneuvers you, so you're straddling her lap. "How do you feel?" She whispers, staring into your red and glossy eyes.

You giggle at her sentence, for some reason finding it funny. The lighting in the room was dark. Only a few string lights lit above the wall shone brightly against the side of Wandas face. There was a cloudy haze above the couch and in your mind. You felt...

"Like I'm floating," you giggle more, causing Wanda to chuckle. Her fingertips run along the hem of your shirt, sneaking under the back of it. They make their way slowly up and down your spine, the feeling practically euphoric in the state you were in.

"Feels good, huh detka?" Wanda mumbles as she plants soft kisses on your neck. So, so soft.. is all you could think. Your eyes close at the sensations. You nod, and you know it's too slow. Wanda lifts her head to look at you, and you take advantage by holding her face in your hands.

"So good, Wands.." Your thumbs rub over her cheeks as your eyes take in her features. You swallow hard, looking at her red lips and thinking of the way they kiss you softly. Your eyes travel down to her sharp jaw, your fingers tracing each feature you spot. "You're so pretty," you whisper with a giggle.

She laughs.

God, her laugh..

Your thoughts are slow as you look down to a freckle on her neck. Christ, you want to kiss it.

So you do. You lean forward and press your lips to her neck, feeling how warm her skin is under your kiss. Wanda lets out a low hum in response, so you kiss it again. Her nails scratch softly down your back, so you bite down on the skin and suck gently.

"Detka..." Her head lulls to the side, giving you more space. The thick accent in her voice only makes the ache for her stronger. "Baby," Wanda groans as your lips work their way down her neck. Her hands move down to your waist, "Move against me," she moans out, gripping your hips.

You rock back and forth in her lap, letting out a moan at the pleasure of the small amount of friction. As soon as your lips leave Wandas neck she's pulling off your shirt, along with her own. Among the haze you feel her breasts press against yours, and she leans forward to kiss you.

The kiss is unlike any you had before with her. It truly felt magical. You still felt like you were floating, and you could feel every inch of her skin on yours. "Need you.." You whimper in between kisses, still grinding yourself down against her lap. Wanda only moans in response. She continues to kiss you as she stands, still holding you. Your legs wrap around her waist.

The walk to her bedroom is short, and you don't even realize it until she's lying you down on the edge of the bed. The only thing you can think of is the way her lips fit perfectly against yours. You whine when she pulls away, frowning as you see her red and puffy lips that you still wanted to be touching your own.

"Now, now, detka.." She says, sliding down your pants. Bare for her to see, Wanda shakes her head as she gets down on her knees in front of the bed. "Fuck.. you're always so pretty for me." She mumbles in between wet kisses on your inner thighs. Your head was spinning between the lust and the weed, your body was begging for her touch.

Her hands move to hold your thighs open, gripping down tightly on the soft skin. "God, I can't wait to taste you," Wanda groans. You feel her lips attach to you clit, kissing it gently. Looking down you see green eyes peering up at you, a wicked grin on her face as she takes one long lick up your slit.

"Wanda, please.." You moan out, bucking your hips towards her. Your hands grip the sheets, and she can no longer hold back. Wandas mouth attaches to your wet pussy, her experienced tongue sending you into a frenzy.

"Mmm.." She moans against you, sending vibrations onto your clit. "You taste so good baby, just like always.." Wanda moans again, sucking softly on your clit. "Always so fucking good.."

"Ohh god, Wands.." You moan out, barely able to watch as she continues to move her tongue sinfully. Suddenly, you feel two slender fingers at your entrance, pushing in easily with how turned on you were. "Oh, fuck!" You whine out as she begins to pump her fingers inside of you, her lips sucking on your clit. Wanda can't help her own moans as you call out her name.

"That's it, babygirl.. just like that.." Her lips smack as she removes them from your clit, glistening in the dim lighting with your juices. You stare at her with red eyes as she kisses her way up your body.

"Baby I'm gonna cum, please," you moan.

"Cum for me then, detka." Wanda coaxes you, watching with dark eyes. She could get off right now at just the sight of your body beneath her, the way every one of her touches raised goosebumps on your skin. Wanda feels you tighten around her fingers, wet walls pulling them in. She smirks down at you. "That's it.. just like that, fuck.." She mutters.

You repeat her name as pleasure flows through your body, your climax crashing over you like waves. You knew being stoned would be different, but you hadn't expected to feel this euphoric. Your eyes open to see Wanda staring down at you with stars in her green eyes.

"Wanda, that.."

"I know, detka," Wanda chuckles.

You take her face in your hands and kiss her passionately. The way her tongue swipes across your lip and the fact that you can taste yourself has your body heating up all over again. You feel a familiar fire burning in your lower stomach as Wandas naked body rubs against yours.

So, so soft...

So, so warm...

You don't know how long it is, with no sense of time, that you had been kissing Wanda. But she parts with swollen lips to walk across the room. You feel yourself throbbing as you know what she's getting, what she's about to do. Wanda walks over to you, her strap now attached to her.

"Sit up, baby," Wanda says gently and helps you sit up. She moves to sit at the head of the bed, her back sitting against the headboard. "Come here." She smiles at you, helping you straddling her lap. "Such a pretty girl, for me, aren't you?" You nod in response. "Then ride my cock like the good girl you are." Her voice is stern, but soft.

Wanda practically lifts you up before you settle yourself down onto the faux cock. Your mouth parts and your eyes squeeze shut at the feeling of her deep inside you. Any pain quickly turns to pleasure as she guides you with hands on your hips to begin moving.

All you could grasp was the feeling of Wandas hips snapping up to meet yours, the way she moans your name, and how soft the skin under your hands was. Your hands traveled from her shoulders, to her neck, to her jaw. You couldn't pick one to settle on. You had to keep touching her.

Wanda could feel, with every thrust of her hips and every bounce of your body, the strap rubbing her in all the right places. She could feel her skin burning against yours.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," She moans along with you, sinful sounds filling the room. "You're doing so good detka, fucking bouncing on my cock like that." You only manage a whimper out, legs shaking as they were about to give out underneath you.

Wanda suddenly grabs ahold of you, lifting both of you up and lying you onto your back. She pounds relentlessly into you, and you know at this angle you're not going to last long.

"Oh god, Wanda! Feels so good!" You cry out, feeling her breasts press against yours. The muscles in her arms flexed as she held herself above you.

"I know, baby, I know.." Wanda praises. Your hands hold onto her back, leaving scratches down her back as she continues to thrust into you with no mercy. She grunts at the feeling, loving the way you held onto her.

Wanda is met with more resistance as she thrusts, your walls tightening once again around her. "Are you gonna cum again for me baby? Fuck, fuck.." She can't help the low moan that escapes from the back of her throat. This time you can only nod, mouth unable to form actual words. "Fuck Y/N I'm gonna cum!" Her hips waver, that steady rhythm she had finally faltering. "Cum with me, detka. Cum for me," Wanda pants out, hot breath hitting your sticky skin.

That's all it takes for you to repeat her name again, over and over like worship. Another orgasm crashes over just like before, waves hitting you over and over.

You don't know how long you'd been laying like this, but you were loving every moment of it. Wanda held you close under the covers, at the wrong side of the bed. You felt the soft fabric of your pillowcase tickle your toes. The two different highs you experienced tonight slowly fading away.

"I guess I could probably do that again," you say with a giggle, your finger tracing imaginary letters on Wandas chest. She hums in response, kissing your forehead. You could feel the smile plastered on her face.

"We're definitely getting you stoned again," Wanda laughs and moves herself on top of you again, settling herself between your legs. Her green eyes were just that, no sign of bloodshot anywhere.

Wandas' regular usage had her craving more already.

So she kisses you again, her favorite drug of choice.

[papil0nglegs]

Pics/gifs that remind me of them

(Fnf x reader)

Warnings: zaza, I hate this word but tsundere, insults but you guys are big girls/boys/things you can handle it

A/n: I’m gonna post shorter hcs for a bit cuz I’m working on this one req that has a lot of stuff, anyways ik this is cringey wattpad shit but who cares. Enjoy <33

Darnell

This is before you two were dating btw

All he wanted to do was doodle a bit 😔

“Oo whatcha got in there?”

“None of your goddamn business..”

grab

“Why are you hiding these they’re so c..”

This man was practically glowing mauve

It’s okay, you were blushing too

“…I won’t tell anyone if you let me keep it.”

“I fucking hate you.”

“Really? Cuz this says otherwise”

“IT SAYS NOTHING”

No but actually, you stared at them almost everyday

It got to the point where you memorized them page by page

After you guys started dating, it became an inside joke that he was always embarrassed of

“Draw me like your French girls Darnell..”

“Oh my fucking-just-don’t remind me”

Once you tried drawing him and it def wasn’t up to his level of mastery, but he still loved it

He cut it out and hung it up on his wall next to his bed

Nene

You guys swap every now and then but she likes it more when you do it

“Y/n do me first plsplspls”

“Okay okay just as long as you take out your knives, I don’t want them to cut me again”

“That was one time 🙄”

“No nene, it was two times.”

Sometimes you’ll choose themes, like ocean or just a general color

You guys would get into funny arguments about the shades

“Nene this not purple that’s pink”

“It’s a mix of both!”

“The theme was purple so just do purple! It shouldn’t be a mix of anything 😒”

No wonder she always loses in dress to impress..

She would sometimes awkwardly zone out just staring at your eyes

(And if you have brown eyes and your eye does that one thing during golden hour, she’s immediately gone)

“…nene?”

“Yea?”

“The makeup.”

“Oh fuck, sorry”

You guys love face masks too

When she gets back from Ulta or Sephora she always brings something back for you

“Y/n guess what I got you!!”

“Lemme guess, another face mask”

“No! Sol de Janeiro scent 40!!”

“ gasp MARRY ME”

“OKAYY ^^”

Pico

(Big ass picture omg)

Guys, the makeout sessions.

Pico is an okay kisser when sober, but for some reason his tongue just gets ✨✨ when puffing that za

He loves going to his house, playing “doin’ time” by sublime in the background while making out with you on his bed

You guys have been doing it since your teen years

“Mom I need to go to my friends house to study”

“Okay hun just be back before 8:30”

Best studying session of your life

Sometimes you guys don’t even kiss, just 🍃 + cartoons

Or random convos, like really random convos

He’s not a fan tho

“You think the wind is ever trying to tell us something we don’t understand yet?”

“…I want you to stop saying odd shit.”

One time, he grabbed your belt to pull you closer and did his tango with the tongue

The butterflies you felt when he did that.

“Jesus fuck Pico..”

“What? Did you not like it? I’m sorry I just-“

“Do it again or I’ll kill you”

You guys were such horny teens

And it hasn’t settled down ever since

But since consent is sexy, you two never BOOMBAYAH’D while 🍃

“P-Pico I bet can kiss every freckle on that beautiful fffucking face of yours”

“You wanna bet? Giggle I’ll put 20$ on this table right now”

“Hell yeah, bring it on Ed Sheeran head ass”

Eventually your lips got tired

“Pico my lips are so tired now”

“Nuh uh, keep going”

“Hey you can’t tell me what to do, respect women!”

“Idc I’m sexiest now”

“I think it’s sexist”

“No, it’s sextile”

“…okay”

I don’t think he was with us at that moment

Bitch was seeing stars

[blackypanther9]

Funtime – Wanda Maximoff x Male!Reader

A/N: Honestly ? I wanted to almost write “Funtime (Freddy)”. Okay ! I’ll stop ! Hahaha ! XD Also guys...we need to talk about your way how you write me some categories... Like “Asphyxiation“. First off, I had to research what the heck that was, instead of “choking” or “air restriction kink”, second there were two kinds of that and if I wouldn’t have known it was supposed to be smut, I would have almost gone for the “condition of deficient supply of oxygen”, which I’m pretty sure is a dangerous disease. Not to diss anyone, just saying that next time, you don’t have to use big words, just say choking and stuff. I had a bit of trouble writing it, also..I left it somehow a bit open, because I had no idea what else to add. TvT NOW ONTO THE ONESHOT (I hope I did it okay. I think I fucked up with Universe 838...) (Pic belongs to rightful owner)

WARNING!: Mention of murder, blood x gore, oral sex, face sitting, thigh worship, ass worship, praising, ruined orgasm/Orgasm denial, headscissor AND MORE ! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!!

She snuck up on the guard that was completely at her mercy. He was scared and she relished in it, she was ready the kill him, end his pathetic life, but she halted as Wanda observed him.

M/n was scared, don’t get him wrong, but damn her hips and thighs looked mighty fine. If he wouldn’t be at deaths mercy at the moment, he would have loved to ravish her and snuggle with her thighs, like holy shit. He didn’t even notice that he was hard, while Wanda was.

“What are you staring at ? Speak up, before I kill you.”, Wanda demanded darkly.

M/n swallowed thickly.

“Ah...Your thighs and hips look...sexy ? I know I’m gonna die, but well...might as well appreciate the view as long as I can, right ?”, M/n asked a bit nervously.

He was blushing. Wanda stared at him in disbelief, then in thoughts.

“If you can satisfy me, I will spare you.”, Wanda said.

M/n perked up at that and nodded.

“Okay. What do you want me to do ?”

“Get on the ground, on your stomach and wait.”, she replied darkly and then took off her pants and panties.

M/n did as told, not wanting to spoil his chance. She laid down on her back, opening her legs wide.

“Go on, start your game.”, she commanded.

M/n dived in and started to kiss her thighs, even ran his hands over the back of her thighs. She laid back there, just enjoying herself, while M/n kissed Wanda’s thighs, sucked small marks into them, which made her groan a bit and he even bit and nibbled at them, grasping what he couldn’t mark and worship properly.

Then she locked M/n into a head scissor and he groaned as Wanda cut off his airwaves. He continued to kiss and mark her thighs for a while, until Wanda had enough and pushed him away with her foot. M/n listened, his rod even harder than it was before.

It was hot how the Scarlet Witch just cut off his airwaves with her pretty thighs.

“On your back, boy.”, she commanded.

M/n did as told.

“Good boy.”, Wanda praised.

She soon was over him and before he could react, she sat down on his face. M/n moaned and started to lick, kiss and suck on Wanda’s cunt and her ass. She moaned, grabbing his hair and pulling and pushing him a bit.

“You’re doing so good. So, so good. Good boy.”, she praised.

She barely let him catch his breath, but he continued to please her none the less. He put his tongue inside her and started to tongue fuck her, which got her moaning loudly.

“What a good boy you are~!”, Wanda moaned out her praise.

M/n could see black dots appearing in his vision slowly, but he was determined to get her to cum, before he can take a breath. He continued to fuck her with his tongue, even pulled out of her cunt a few times to give her ass some more attention as well, before he stuffed her cunt with his tongue again.

“Fuck~! That’s it~! I’m close~! Make me cum~! Continue to be a good little toy~!”, Wanda moaned.

M/n truly wanted to do just as she asked, but he got more and more dizzy. And then suddenly...he passed out. The edge for an orgasm went away and Wanda groaned in frustration.

“Why did you stop ?”, she asked.

But no response came, only then did she realize that M/n was out cold. She got off of him and looked him over. He was still breathing luckily, but she almost suffocated him.

‘He passed out because he didn’t get any air...’

Her cunt was throbbing and wet, still in need of that orgasm that she was so close to. She sighed and picked M/n up, then left with him in a hurry, dragging him somewhere with her, to hide, so he can make up for it later.

A/N: I hope I added everything into it ! I was unsure if I should continue it and if yes, how, so I left it pretty much open.

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Sneaking Around (Will Graham)

Description: Will and Y/N are sneaking around but Freddie finds out and threatens them.

Word Count: 710

Requested by @linetaylorsversion hello! You can do an imagine with Will? where he and Y/N are co-workers, and sometimes she always ends up in his bed or at his classroom desk. 😏 relationships between agents are prohibited, Jack has already warned. but one day in the parking lot Freddie Lounds ends up seeing and taking photos of the two kissing (or something like that) and she threatens to tell Jack and provokes Y/N to the limit, and at the end of the day Freddie gets a broken nose from Y/N.

Author’s note: I am currently working on a Patrick Zweig request that I have! I am trying to go in order from when they were sent in. Also can someone please tell me how I am able to comment under my own posts? I see other people doing it but I cannot. Thank you!

“You may not date a fellow worker. Ever. If you do and I find out you’re fired.” Jack told her on her first day. “Got it.” She said. She didn’t feel the need to date a co worker. It could end messy but then she met Will Graham. The man was so sexy and ugh Y/N got wet just thinking about him. She hated that she liked him because at first he showed no interest in her.

Alana was all over him and it made Y/N sick to her stomach. Will seemed more uninterested in Alana than he did her. That made her feel a lot better. Will thought Y/N was beautiful but knew that Jack would freak out if he ever tried something. Y/N was always around him. Whether it be his classroom or on a case. That’s how he knew that she was into him. She made it so obvious. Will and her were in his classroom after hours laughing and talking.

Nothing was work related and she brought a little alcohol with her. He ended up kissing her and one thing led to another. Sex in a classroom. It wasn’t something Will ever thought he would do. He could be fired but it was so hot. After that Y/N found herself in his bed multiple times before they established anything. “Jack will kill us if he finds out.” Will said as they stood outside his car.

She shrugged, “He doesn’t have to find out.” She said with a smirk. Will loved that smirk. She used it to get her way and damn did it work everytime. She walks up to him and wraps her arms around his neck. “Besides, isn’t it hotter this way?” She asked against his lips.

Unknowingly to them Freddie Lounds was also in this parking lot and snapped a photo of them or two. Y/N hated Freddie as did Will and Freddie knew that Jack forbidden relationships. She planned to use this to get her way. She wanted a story, she was going to have one. Y/N and Will broke the kiss and smiled. “You’re a sexy little demon.” He said to her and she winked. “Only for you.” Seduction dripped from her voice.

Freddie smirked as she approached the secret couple. They looked at her and Y/N rolled her eyes. “Hi you two.” She said in that fake happy voice. “What do you want?” Y/N asked. “A story.” Will rolled his eyes this time. “Listen, we have nothing to give you nor do we want too, so move on.” y/n told her. Freddie smiled and pulled out her camera.

“So I don’t think so.” She said and clicked to the pics of Y/N and Will kissing. “You already gave me a story technically.” She shrugged and showed the two the camera. Y/N’s jaw dropped and Will looked surprised. “You were stalking us?” Y/N asked, angry. “I was just in the area but ya know Jack wouldn’t approve of this.” She pointed to the camera. “What the fuck are you saying?” Y/N asked her. “Are you threatening us?” Will asked. She shrugged, “I don’t know, that depends. Are you willing to give me something else?” Y/N knew what she was getting at.

“We aren’t giving you shit.” Y/N said. Freddie shrugged, “Suit yourselves. I’m sure Jack would love these.” “You wouldn’t.” Will said. “I will.” Y/N stepped closer to Freddie with a glare. “Do that and I'll knock your teeth out.” She growled. “Are you threatening me?” Y/N shook her head, “It’s not a threat it’s a promise.” Freddie chuckled, “What makes you think I'm scared of you?” Y/N laughed and punched her square in the face.

Freddie gasped as her nose started bleeding. Will watched in awe as he thought that was the hottest thing he’s ever seen. “Show him the pic and there’s more where that came from.” Y/N said. Freddie looked scared and ran away causing Y/N to laugh. “Scared little bitch.” Y/N said as she watched her ran away. “That was hot.” Will said, Y/N laughed and turned to him. “Really?” She asked and walked closer to him. “Really.” She pulled the man closer to her and whispered in his ear, “You wanna show me how hot?” She asked.

[hyunsvngs]

okay you know how in the super bowl jp video, they're all wearing football uniforms??? their reaction to their crush wearing a skimpy cheerleader uniform 👀

-🍵💌

STOPPP OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS. them in the football uniforms. i almost died

i think some of the members would find it amusing bc ur so cutie pie pookie, some would find it cute as fuck and some would also be horny.

under the cut bc long asf

so i’m saying:

laughs at u (fondly):

innie - he’s losing it on sight. ur his little cheerleader!!!! THATS SO FUNNY! HE COULD DIE!!!!!!!! he’d make u do little twirls in the cheerleader skirt while he just sat there giggling taking pics. smile would drop instantly if the skirt was a little bit short n he could see ur ass.

hyune - honestly he’d probs die laughing too. esp if you had little pom poms. he’d BEG you to keep the cheerleader outfit so u guys can have matching halloween costumes. makes u do a lil dance w the pom poms.

finds it so so cute:

channie - i can see him being SO fond. makes u stand there n pose for him for piccies and ur just like channie this is meant to be sexy. immediately hes like oh???? show me what’s sexy? and u bend over and he’s like oh. oh. yeah the skirts short isnt it? he’s gotta fuck u then and there but STILL he’d be mumbling in ur ear “‘s cute for me. my lil cheerleader, aren’t’cha?” jesus

binnie - oh my god he’d go insane. he’d be giggling and screaming the fucking house down if he came home to u dressed up as his cheerleader in his room. he’d probs pick u up and just scream. absolutely fucking losing it. INSTANTLY takes pictures with you in the matching football uniform and even makes other people take pics of you too. definitely fucks you after with the football uniform just pulled down a lil for his cock to be out and you with your skirt flipped up

lixie - oh god ur HIS??? UR HIS AND HIS LITTLE CHEERLEADER???? he’d squeal 100%. bounces off the fucking walls and probs even takes u out of his room parading u in front of the other members. like “LOOK!!!!! SHES IN THE UNIFORM!!! MY CHEERLEADER!!!!<3” and everyone’s just like felix that’s.. meant to be sexy. it’s a really short skirt. and lixie’s like “OK???? BUT LOOOOOK???” IMGHSJD

horny on sight:

seungmin - it’s like you took a peek into his deepest darkest fantasies. short short cheerleader skirt, maybe even braless underneath the lil crop top. he’s dead. you’ve killed him. immediately is asking you if you’re cheering for him, or “one of the other guys?” and you’re giggling, saying it’s all for him. definitely fucks you and makes you scream his name just to prove it.

jisung - short circuits. he walks in and you’re like “surprise!!!” and he’s hard. instantly. just staring at you with those wide boba eyes in awe and shock. jesus. you have to literally shake him awake, pushing him back on the bed to ride him in your skirt and he’s just nodding, just going “yeah. yeah. keep the skirt on, please.”. definitely cums really fast but its ok bc hes gonna fuck you in the skirt again in roughly t minus five minutes.

minho - ok at first he’d find it cute. like aww, you’re whipped for him too? his cheerleader. cheerin’ him on. but then he’s looking at you, REALLY looking at you, and maybe you’ve got his number from his football jersey on your cheerleading outfit and oh god. it’s like you’ve marked his territory and he’s going insane. instantly pushing you up against the wall, pushing his hand underneath that skirt and if you’re wearing nothing underneath? he’s dead. he’s dying. ur not gonna feel ur legs after.

♡ juno

[halliescomut]

Love Sea Ep 3 watch along

Okay, but that little reminder text is a perfect example of showing you care without saying you care. 🥹

Okay but sometimes Mame is unexpectedly very deep and very good with words.

P'Vi confuses me. I do like the blunt honesty her and Rak have though. That's important in friends.

Mook is so absolutely adorable. If Vi makes her cry I will figure out how to kick the ass of a fictional character.

So it seems their dad did worse than just leave them based on that convo between Rak and his sister. (I think I remember discussion of that from where ppl were discussing the novel on Twitter, but I did make the decision to not try and read the novel first.)

I kinda wanna know where all of Mut's button-up shirts are from. I really like them.

Rak being all depressing and Mut and ....shoot I forgot his name again... going diving.

Mut(Fort really) is just so cuddle shaped.

On iQiYi the OST lyrics overlap with the actual captions and it's annoying as fuck

This fucking nosey ass 🤣🤣

The difference in aesthetics for their clothes here is so wild. I will say though that I like that there's wardrobe repetition. That's not always common in TV, and it really fucks with the believability. I know it's more common in Thai BL, but that's mostly bc so many involve ppl that wear a uniform of some sort (looking at you University BLs).

Interesting...very interesting. I talked.... somewhere... About how the social power dynamics at play here were dangerous because they were going into this whole thing without being honest (with themselves or each other) and it was going to have fallout.

I don't know if I'm surprised Mut took so long, or if maybe I expected him to take Rak's verbal abuse a little longer.....

A beautiful scene. It's a lovely bit of physical acting how Rak sort of melts into Mut.

I do think it's so funny how Mut always says he's so simple (and in some ways he is) but people seem to take it to mean not smart or clever, and he's very obviously both. I can't tell if he truly sees himself that way or if it's an attempt to have people underestimate him....maybe it's both.

Well now I'm just depressed. Thanks a lot Rak. But seriously, I do appreciate the clarification of the family dynamics. I'm also a bit surprised Rak is opening up so soon to Mut about this. Idk if it's because it's at the front of his mind, or if Mut's kind of easy acceptance of everything makes it seem easy...idk.

Ruh-ro raggy .... Rak thinks this is gonna be a failed experiment because he truly doesn't think real love exists, but I fear he will be wrong (this is a romance after all).

I'm curious about Mut's motivations though. I believe he believes in love. I also think he wants Rak to, or maybe just for Rak to have some peace? Idk. He's surprisingly hard to read. As much as I think he likes Rak (both as a person and a sex partner) I don't think he's fallen in love with him at this point.

While I do love a fake dating storyline ... I'm still on the fence about P'Vi.

I feel like Fort had to carry Peat for a long time for this scene. I bet his arms were killing him. (Though we've seen the gym pics, I know he's been working out.)

That's so cute.

Oh yeah...slow mo pushing the hair back. Very Baywatch

Are we doing more beach sexy time?

I Guess Not. We're back at the keyboard.

You're gonna sit here and tell me that's not a goddamn puppy in human form??? LIES!!

He's goddamn adorable. I'd want one for myself if I wasn't Ace and had any idea what to do with one other than feed it and take it for walks.

Peat's got nice hands 🥵...send tweet.

That was such a sharp poke. OMG 🤣🤣

Okay but this is practically a still from the PaiSky fanfic I wrote. Linked here.

Rak likes cuddles. Cute little bean.

Palm ....that's his name. I was thinking Pond earlier, which is close. And now he's being nosey again.

Mut's face when Palm waved back🤣🤣🤣 Like bitch I ain't waving at you

I do think it's sweet how determined Palm is to be a good wingman though.

I do appreciate the love bite front and center. But what are our thoughts on whether it's makeup or a 'practical effect'?

"A dog in rut more like." "Well then his owners is as well." 🤣🤣

Mut's nervous to take Rak to his home. Sweet, but legit if Rak were to judge him for his home I would vote for kicking him to the curb, no matter how much I like him.

Ahhhhh.....so Ja is VI's costar...okay. God I forget how fucking tall he is. Mans practically a redwood.

Is this like Wedding Plan, but make it straight???

I know that bunny purse is entirely impractical for the person I am, but it's so cute.

It really is weird people would be claiming boob job when I think Vi is a B cup on a good day.

Very impressive just fully ignoring the sexuality question Vi.

Mook, babes....you gave in way too fast.

"I'm not bi." I know a lie by omission when I see one. That statement does not equal that you are straight.

You are a damn liar Rak. This little visit has nothing to do with inspiration. You want to be nosey and learn more about Mut.

I like the environmentalism aspect woven into the show. It's good.

As if I couldn't hate your dad more Mut. Calm down Satan.

So we know why Mut left. But really how can someone make their living from nature but not care enough about it??

Okay exhibitionist Rak.

Idk why but there's something about Rak straddling Mut that just....

Well.....we can tick off the Fort's nipple obsession of on the bingo board.

And we're returning favors. Very egalitarian.

Two condoms....well. You certainly had plenty of energy there didn't you....

There's a couple wrappers on the floor, but those do look unopened.

Also vaguely off topic: while the sheets are not the Slutty Geometry Sheets™️, I think my sister has the same kind.

Hmmm....now this is a juicy conversation. Rak being so intentionally honest here telling Mut to ask him to stay. He's afraid to take the leap, but he wants to.

As a side note....I cannot tell you how much I love them showing Fort's physical 'imperfections'. The kind of farmer's tan he has going on, you can see the stretch marks on his upper arms. He's an absolutely gorgeous man, but so often that stuff gets filtered out, or covered in makeup. I love seeing it. We need this more.

OMG I'm crying.

This is important though. Rak needs to know that his answer will have consequences.

That was the right answer. (Though the shabby hole comment about his house was a bit much. I'm hoping that's more a translation issue.)

I suspect the country mouse shall go to the city in next week's episode.....

Awwww Rak in Mut's tank top. Cute.

I really thought Rak was bare-assed for a second pulling a Pete, but no, he's in khaki pants.

So cute and sweet 🥹🥹🥹. Also, I love the bed net. Malaria is no joke.

So next week are we looking at just an NDA or is that contract for like a full Sugar Baby position??

Also end credits change-up again. Now MutRak are walking together....symbolic.

Well that's all for this watch along. I don't think I'll have 4k words to say about it tomorrow, but we shall see.

[resowrites]

Year Of The Rabbit - oneshot.

Summary: There’s teasing, reminiscing and a big surprise in the lead up to Henry and his girlfriend’s anniversary (following on from this oneshot but can be read as a standalone story).

Pairings: AU!Henry Cavill x Girlfriend!OC

Warnings: NSFW 18+ only, fluff, light smut/sexy talk (f masturbation/slight m dom vibe if you squint), banter/British humour, dialogue heavy, time hopping/vignette style, language, pet names, nondescript OC body type/appearance, hastily written/lightly proofread.

WC: 2662

A/N: This was meant to go up a while ago but time got away from me again, also please forgive the mistakes - my head’s still a touch sore from last night! Happy New Year folks, hope it’s a good one for you all ~ R x

My work must not be copied, reposted, or translated elsewhere. Likes, follows, reblogs and comments are thoroughly welcome and appreciated! Gifs/pics not my own. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for visiting!

Year Of The Rabbit - oneshot.

December 30th

"Er... I'm not sure this is the right turn."

"Henry, for the third time, I know where I'm going." He reached across to the glovebox and popped it open. She took a deep breath and kept her eyes fixed ahead, even when the corners of an unfurled map began to crowd her vision. They'd decided to spend January at the cottage, which meant they had to go home to pick up some more stuff.

"Yep, just as I thought, we're heading the wrong way. Oh no, wait. The map's upside down." She bit her lower lip, refusing to take the bait. "You still should've taken that last exit though, woulda shaved at least thirty minutes off the drive... are you alright? You seem a bit quiet." 

"I'm good... just enjoying the scenery." Henry sniffed and reached over to the glove box once again.

"Yes! I knew I'd remembered to pack it," he unwrapped a large block of tin foil and took a bite, "want some?" 

"No thanks."

"You sure? It's got extra nuts," Henry started waving the Christmas cake near her face, "here, I'll break off a small piece for me wee wife." A big chunk of cake then fell directly onto her lap. She gritted her teeth. "Now, if you take the next right instead of a left, we'll be back to the last exit in no time." She decided to pull over. "Oh darling, you didn't need to stop to read the map, I'm happy to give directions." She cleared her throat and looked directly into his devilish eyes.

"Darling, try all you like, you are not irritating me today."

"Oh? What makes you think I'm trying to irritate you?" Henry took another bite of cake, sending more crumbs flying everywhere. 

"Because you can't help yourself. But that's just fine, cos I'm not rising to it anymore. In fact, it's my New Year's resolution: to remain zen-like in your presence at all times." She then smiled and turned the key in the ignition. He made no reply, choosing instead to take another look at the map. "... Will you please get that bloody thing out of my face?!"

"What?! I'm just trying to help me wee wife get back on the right road--"

"And that's another thing, stop calling me your 'wee wife,' or I won't be marrying you at all!"

"But you are wee as well as my wife-to-be! What else am I meant to call you? Woman? And you can't backsie a marriage proposal, it's not like a new years resolution!"

"… Kill me."

"Oh come on, it's not that hopeless, woman. We'll find home again, I promise."

"Henry, I mean it, you put that map away right now and shut up or I'll take off my seatbelt and crash straight into the next fucking tree." Henry blinked.

"That's alright, I can always catch a lift."

"Christ, why me Lord?"

"I was thinking the same. We could have been back by now, having a shag in front of a roaring fire."

"Pfft, you'll be lucky."

"I know. When are you gunna put out? It's been days..."

"Perhaps when I'm not made to drive miles just to pick up a fucking Sonic game! And it's not even been 48 hours!"

"Yeah, 48 woman hours, in man hours that's closer to two weeks. And excuse me, it's Sonic Frontiers. How many times do I have to apologise for forgetting it?! You were the one who insisted on driving back, I was happy to go by myself!"

"Oh please, with the way you speed down these country roads?"

"Well I thought you'd take any opportunity to get rid of me?"

"I would but not at the expense of the bloody car!"

"Ollie?"

"What?!"

"… Just take a breath," she ground her teeth and ignored his smirk, "WAIT, LOOK OUT!" She quickly swerved, sending Henry into fits of giggles.

"You stupid, stupid twat! What did you do that for?! I could have crashed the fucking car!"

"Don't be silly, even you're not that bad a driver… "

"Oh my God I could kill you..."

"Oh, grow up."

"I need to grow up?!"

"Yes, or you shan't be receiving your anniversary present."

"What d'ya mean? What anniversary?"

"What d'ya mean 'what d'ya mean,' our anniversary! We met New Year's Eve, remember?"

"Oh... I thought we were just going to Mark and Claire's party?"

"Nope, I've got something else planned."

"Oh Henry, no more. You've spoiled me enough, just a quiet evening will do." 

"Trust me, you're gunna love it. And relax, it'll just be the two of us."

"Well now I'm sure to enjoy it..." 

"Don't worry, there'll still be plenty of drink."

"That's a relief, I always find it a rather solemn occasion..." He ignored her. 

"Aww, how could you forget the night your life changed forever? I can remember it like it was yesterday-- what you looking for?"

"The sick bags." Henry smiled.

"You know, you were the only woman I approached who didn't laugh at my jokes?"

"I laughed at you."

"Mmm... what was it I said again?"

"Er... something along the lines of 'nice dress, lucky you're not any taller." He cackled.

"Well it was bloody short! You still got it?"

"Pretty sure I burned it..."

"And what was it you said to me?"

"Um... 'that's a nice shirt, now hand me that Champagne and fuck off." Henry sighed.

"Yep, I knew right then you were my woman," she rolled her eyes, "you know I've still got that shirt?"

"Why? It was too small even back then..." He carried on ignoring her.

"You know, if we'd married back then we'd have been celebrating our seven-year wedding anniversary tomorrow? What do you get for seven years?"

"... An itch? And what kind of woman would I be if I married you straight away?!"

"A most fortunate one, my love. Do you what some women would give to marry me?"

"That's only cos they don't actually know you!" Henry smirked.

"... When did you realise you loved me?"

"Who said anything about love?!" He tutted.

"... I knew you only wanted me for my body." Henry then shoved the last bit of cake straight into his mouth.

"Oh my God look at the mess you've made! And I can’t believe you bought along a whole Christmas cake-- wait yes I can, it's exactly what you'd bloody do!"

"Then why are you marrying me?!" She sighed.

"I don't know... I must have hit my head and can't remember." 

"Well that explains why you didn't even remember our anniversary!"

"Oh my God, are you gunna be like this after we're married? Wait, we won't have to celebrate both anniversaries will we?" He nodded. "But can't we just roll them into one? I'll celebrate today in fact, call it my "prick-iversary.'"

"Oh stop it. You love this prick. And the man attached to it."

"Sure."

"Yes you do! I bet You’ll be a bigger wreck than me on the day…"

"What d'ya mean? Oh you better not start crying, or I’ll turn around and run!" Henry laughed.

"Well how could I not cry? We don't have enough sex now! What's it gunna be like once we're married?!"

***

She was laying beneath the bed cover with both arms under her pillow. She rocked gently back and forth, brushing her nipples against it and her bottom half against the other pillow between her legs. She didn’t even hear Henry enter the bedroom. "Right I've set up the other controller so— whoa, now! What's going on here?!"

"What does it... look like?"

"I dunno, lemme see…" He leaned over and tried to pull the cover down, causing her to grip the edge and roll onto her side.

"No, I don't think so…" She then closed her eyes, resumed grinding, and began massaging one of her breasts.

"So what am I meant to do?! Just stand here and watch?!"

"No but you can go... listen in the next room... if you like." Henry crossed his arms, his eyes still fixated on her chest.

"... Why are you doing this to me?!" 

"What?! I'm just celebrating our… anniversary."

"By having sex with yourself?!"

"When... do I not?" He tutted.

"How long've you been at it?"

"I've been edging for... nearly an hour."

"Without even using your fingers?! Oh darling, you must be in agony. Here, let me--"

"Henry! Will you please fuck off?!"

"Why?! I only want a little feel! Christ, I bet you're soaked…" Again Henry tried to pull back the cover.

"No don't... I'll cum too fast…" Her breath was short and she struggled to get any more words out. Eventually, she gasped and had to stop. Even beneath the covers, he could see her legs trembling. Henry snapped back up and unzipped his fly.

"Alright, on your back for me, there's a good girl."

"Nope."

"Ollie, that's enough. Get on your back. Now."

***

"Now, why is it you'll only cuddle me after I've fucked your brains out?" 

"… I think you just answered your own question there." She tried to wriggle free of Henry's arms.

"Oh no you don't. Come on, put your head back where it was, you were almost asleep."

"Nope, I'm going for a shower."

"Not yet you're not," he yanked her back and clamped her hip with his thigh so she couldn't move. Right on cue, she yawned as her face nestled into his chest. "I knew you loved listening to my heartbeat…"

"I'm not doing that!"

"Mm-hm, sure." Henry kissed the top of her head. "You know, this reminds me of when we were in lockdown."

"... How I didn't put your head through a window those first couple of weeks, I'll never know." He chuckled.

"Oh behave yourself, you love having me around. Now get some sleep, I'll wake you when it's dinner…” Suddenly her eyes popped open and she pushed at Henry's chest, forcing him to release her. "What did I do wrong now?!" But she quickly shushed him.

"Is that a knock at the door?"

"What? At this time? Who would it be--" she shushed Henry again.

"Can't you hear it? There's definitely someone there…" She rushed to put on a dressing gown and some slippers.

"Where are you going? Stay here, I'll go see who it is." He quickly threw on a tracksuit and jogged downstairs. Five minutes or so later, she could hear Henry clattering about the kitchen.

"Is everything okay, darling?"

"Yes! Dinner just came early, that's all. Go have your shower then come down…" He hoped that would buy him enough time. 

***

She trudged down the stairs about twenty minutes later, hair still wet and yawning like it was already gone midnight. "Darling? What are you doing?" Henry immediately jumped up and her eyes fell to the blanketed lump on the floor behind him. "What's that?" He stepped aside with a huge grin.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" Warily she took a few steps forward, glancing toward the counter before she crouched to the floor. 

"Wait, where's the food--" she'd never been in more shock than when she lifted off the blanket. 

"… Well? What do you think?" A lump had already formed in her throat. There, fast asleep, was a fluffy and very chunky Akita puppy. She quickly covered her face with her hands. "Ollie?" Henry dashed forwards and flung his arms around her. "Shhh it's alright... no! Don't cry, darling!" He soon found himself wiping away a tear or two of his own. Through no fault of her own, Ollie wasn't very demonstrative. But that moment was easily the happiest Henry had ever seen her.

“You got me… a… puppy? Really?" She could hardly talk for crying. He nodded as he wiped her face.

"Do you like her?"

"It's a girl?!" She sobbed harder, causing Henry to chuckle and kiss the top of her head.

"Of course! I didn't want you to feel outnumbered anymore. Here, do you wanna hold her?"

"No! Let her sleep…" She sunk to the floor anyway and began carefully stroking her fur. He took a seat beside her and continued drying her face. "I can't believe it, she's perfect... thank you so much. Even though you've got me crying like an idiot." Henry snorted.

“Well, I had to find the perfect girl for my other perfect girl! And I'm sorry, she was meant to be dropped off tomorrow but her breeders wanted to avoid the New Year's Eve traffic," he could see her face fall "what's wrong darling? Look, I know I've sprung this on you, and Kal and I are hard work enough, so if you're not ready it's fine I can--"

"No, it's not that! It's just… well what about Kal?" Their beloved boy was still fast asleep on the rug in the living room. "He's an older gentleman now, he won't appreciate being terrorised by a puppy--"

"Relax! they've already been introduced. Multiple times, in fact. It's what I was doing these last couple of months whenever I got a spare Sunday. She's super chill so he's fine with her. We were lucky, she was also the only girl in the litter--"

"Wait a minute, you kept her from me for months?!" 

"Well we had to be sure she had the right temperament! Akita's usually prefer being the only dog so--" she clamped a hand over Henry's mouth.

"It was a joke! She's absolutely beautiful, how old is she? Is she going to stay this colour?" The excitement in her voice made his heart sing.

"Should do, and she's just over four months. A friend of mine's already offered to train her to be a therapy dog when she's a bit older, he says she's perfect for it. And that way she can give you all the cuddles I can't when I'm away. Don't worry though, I'll continue toilet and crate training her in the meantime--" 

"No-- I want you to show me, I've never had a puppy before!"

"Are you sure? It'll be quicker just to teach her," she swatted Henry's arm "so, what are you gunna call her?" She thought for a moment.

"Copper!"

"Copper?!"

"Yeah, I mean... she looks that colour and I think it's also the seventh wedding anniversary gift?"

"Then Copper it is! Happy early anniversary, darling..." He planted a kiss on her lips and she felt the annoying, all too familiar sense of dread. "Darling? What is it?"

"It's nothing, I just... why are you doing all of this for me? First the cottage, and now this... it's not like I've done anything to deserve it--"

"Ollie, stop right there. I..." Henry paused for a moment, struggling to find the right words. "I know your life's not been the easiest, and being with me hasn't made it much easier--"

"Henry--"

"No, let me finish. I hope with time and the help of your sessions, you'll find it easier to trust people. But either way, I'll never stop trying to prove myself to you. Ever. You deserve the world, darling." She wiped away more tears. 

"Stop it. I left the sick bags in the car..." He grinned. "I feel terrible though, I didn't get you anything for our anniversary!" 

"Darling, you've had a lot on your mind. Though there is one thing you could do..." 

"Jesus, we were only at it an hour ago... or is that more like three days ago?" Henry smirked.

"I didn't mean that! Although, as soon as you've recovered just let me know..." She rolled her eyes. "I was actually going to ask you to play Sonic Frontiers with me." Her loving smile disappeared so quickly from her face that he burst out laughing.

"Fine. Copper's worth it. But no bloody cheating! Oh and--" she whispered something in Henry's ear. 

"... Really?! That's what made you fall in love with me?!" They both roared with laughter and shared another kiss.

To be updated on when I post please follow @resowrites and turn on post notifications.

@marytudorbrandon @luclittlepond @fanfictionaddiction99 @caffeinatedfestivalsheep @summersong69

[theosconfessions]

The Miscellaneous questions for River and his man/child, i mean husband.

i actually loled haha!! thank you for asking, love.

MISCELLANEOUS: Is money a problem? River: its not. i think we're lucky that blake got drafted and makes a good amount of money playing football. we literally got married while we were still in high school and a good majority of kids that do that are NOT in the same position we're in right now.

How many cars do they own?

Blake: we own two. one for riv to take the kids around when im not home and one for me to take to practice/games all that stuff.

Do they own their home or do they rent?

Blake: DUDEEEE if my apartment couldve magically grown with every kid we had ..then i would still be renting. good memories in that place

River: better memories in a place where we actually have room for kids..and me.

Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside?

Blake: we're balls deep in suburbia right now. his parents live out in the country and FUCK I WANT IT SO BAD.

Do they live in the city or in the country?

River: suburbs ..for now.

Do they enjoy their surroundings? River: i was fucking DYING in that apartment. i think having the house kinda gives me space so i dont really necessarily feel like im suffocating.

Blake: you feel like your suffocating?

River: in your man cave apartment i did yeah.

What’s their song? Blake: i gotta do it' so high school'-taylor swift

What do they do when they’re away from each other? River: we dont constantly text eachother but little pics through the day i think. gives us time to be you know separate people and lets us enjoy whatever we're doing at the moment without being glued to our phone all the time.

Blake: i demand sexy riv pics every night im away [smirks]

River: demands a strong word.

Blake: you know what i mean. i APPRECIATE sexy riv pics every night.

River: dude. looking like a douchebag.

Where did they first meet? Blake: we went to school together [smirks] friends first.

How did they first meet? Blake: we were in the same gym class and he fucking PELTED me with a dodgeball man. love at first sight. for me.

Who spends the most money when out shopping? Blake : *points to riv*

River: treats.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets? River: oh my god blake. he does it during games. FINED ALL OF THE TIME.

Blake: worth it [smirks]

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? River: me. hes not coordinated at all. youd think he would be but....

Any mental issues? Blake: oh god yeah. i mean...

River: i have depression. the past years been kinda.. i dont know. but i am doing better. im getting better

Blake: my boy.

Who’s terrified of bugs? River: i think both of us? fuck that shit.

Who kills the spiders around the house? Blake: Nellie

River: definitely Nellie.

Their favourite place? Blake: [smirks] theres this little ranch up in chestnut ridge. i love taking him there. just me him. no kids.

River:thats a good place [smirks]

Who pays the bills? Blake [raises hand] and proud of that shit

Do they have any fears for their future? River: i think that...we went through a lot of rough stuff in our separation and i just..do not want to go through that again. i think we're on a good path right now and i want to stay on that path

Blake: i think what riv said yeah. the last thing we both wanted when we were having problems was a divorce. and its something i do not want. i guess thats my fear for my future. i just wanna be good for him. i know i wasnt in the past.im trying to be now.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Blake: me for SURE.

Who uses up all of the hot water? Blake: again me for SURE. but he can crash the shower whenever

River: me time,babe.

Who’s the tallest? Blake: me. rivers a short shit.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? River:thats definitely blake. i LOVE showering alone but hey.

Blake: wont turn down that DICK.

River: gross.

Who wanders around in their underwear? River: [points to blake] he hasnt learned.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Blake: River for sure.he has a pretty voice though. love to hear that shit.

What do they tease each other about? River: i like to tease him over how much of a pussy he was for me back in our first starting dating days

Blake: i cried after we fucked for the first time. for real. and id do it again.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? River: me. blakes taste is .....

Do they have mutual friends? River: not anymore.

Who crushed first? Blake: oh me for sure. unless riv is about to say something i didnt know

River: i never really considered that AT ALL until you kissed me that one day. you werent on my radar at all i was so into my girlfriend at the time

Blake:until ....

Any alcohol or substance related problems? River: no we both quit that stuff when teddie came along.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Blake: we are good boys [smirks]

Who swears the most?

River: i think me and its purely because of my dads influence i swear to god.

[randomsillyfangirl]

This is me trying - Pablo Gavi x Reader

Ok so this is my first time writing a " x reader " story + I was really shitty at writing romance last year but I think I'm better now 😭

Also some parts of this will relate to my life so sorry if it doesn't fit what you're looking for

warning: anxiety

_______________________________________________

" they told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wastes like all my potential "

2 in the morning. Anxiety had filled your body as you remembered when you gave up. Pablo could feel you twisting and turning in bed, trying to fall back asleep. " amor? What's wrong? " the angry bird questioned you. And that's what you really didn't want to hear. " everything. nothing. I don't know." you said before hiding your face and sobbing.

This made your boyfriend quickly sit up and hold you close. " talk to me, y/n. What's happened? " and that's when you finally felt comfortable enough to talk about it. What gave you anxiety, and how much it ruined your life. Pablo knew about your anxiety, he helped you when it was difficult, but he had no clue you were feeling like this now. It broke him.

" I feel like- my anxiety is making me waste my life.." you said in between a mix of breaths and sobs, tears weren't only rolling down your face; but Pablo's too. " you haven't wasted your life. You're still full of potential to do anything." your loving boyfriend told you softly. You held him tight and asked him " do you promise? " and without hesitation he answered: " Sí, mi amor."

" and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad, I have alot of regrets about that "

You and Pablo never really fought now. At the beginning of your relationship with him, it was different...

" I can't stand it! I don't like seeing people fall in love with you whenever we go out! " Pablo yelled, after you two went on a date and you got checked out by two different guys. Pablo without realizing was taking all his anger out on this- out on you.

Without thinking, you snapped back with your first thought. " well maybe they wouldn't stare if you weren't a fucking famous football player!!" you were even louder than him, which Pablo hated.

" Excuse Me!? Are you blaming my job on this?! Are you fucking serious!! " your boyfriend matched your volume now. Only now processing your words, your whole body filled with regret and you started to shake your head sobbing. Pablo came over to you, to support you. " I didn't mean that.. I know not you're fault cariño.. "

That was back when you and Gavi had only been dating for a month. Now, dating for two yeats and engaged you still remembered the fight and went over to the love of your life and hugged him tightly, still regretting those words.

" I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere "

Your boyfriend was always so proud whenever you met success. As a (insert profession) and a footballer couple, you both saw success in your careers differently.

And you were obviously so proud of him.

Pablos biggest success? A tie between marrying you and winning the world Cup. He became the youngest Spanish player ever to win the world Cup, and it made you unbelievably proud.

He really was ahead of the curve in his career. And you couldn't be prouder.

" fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here "

Skipping this bc I have no idea, but here's a cute collection of Pablo pics as compensation 🫶

he's so cute I can't 💕

" pouring my heart out to a stranger, but I didn't pour the whiskey "

You only met the rest of Barça + their lovers when you and Gavi hosted a massive party at your shared home, to celebrate Gavis 19th birthday.

You were sitting at the kitchen table, talking with Mikky. You were wasted, as you were comfortable drinking at home compared to a club.

This was your first interaction with Mikky, but you could not shut up about your feelings for Gavi.

" he makes me sooooooooo happyyy " , " I love him more than anythinggg " , " he's so sexy when he's mad oh my godddd ", and you just continue, you really poured your heart out to a total stranger. But that stranger would soon become a person you couldn't imagine living without.

" I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying "

Sobbing in your arms, Gavi held onto you tight. " I'm really trying.. Trying to be good enough.." he repeated over and over. This was the first interaction after this training, he hadn't even showered yet, he hadn't even kissed you yet and he hadn't even taken his shoes off yet. You were just sitting on the couch, crying while you're boyfriend cried.

You assumed it was about training, and you didn't know much about football so you couldn't comment. You just held him tight, rubbed his back and tried to tell him that he's wrong and he is good enough as well as kissing his tears off his face.

Your boyfriend looked up at you, " I'm a good boyfriend, aren't I? " and then it clicked. He wasn't upset about training. It was because you were home sick. Being from (your country), you felt home sick of your family.

" amor.. I'm home sick because I miss my family. But whenever I'm away from you, even for a day I get home sick.. You're my home.." you confessed. You saw Gavi smile abit at the reassurance and nodded, kissing your lips.

You didn't care if he was all gross and sweaty, you misses kissing him. Even of he kissed you before going to training.

[mausguild]

Chaotic Mornings in the Class of '09 (Mega post)

Warning! This game features a lot of dark topics that is used as shock humor. I weeded out some of the less extreme statements for a sentence meme.

This is as tame as it gets.

Contains a mix of the OG '09 & Re-UP

👾 ; "WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO HIM!?" 👾 ; "I'm traumatized right now, but that was actually pretty good." 👾 ; "He literally just invited me over to fuck." 👾 ; "Uh-- Well I didn't use the F- word!" 👾 ; "Do something, bitch!" 👾 ; "....I said 'the tuna's good today' and you just replied with that." 👾 ; "You're on your fourth wife right now cause you couldn't make it as a photographer." 👾 ; "What's up you whores?" 👾 ; "...Okay, huffing at least one of these should get me fucked up, right?" 👾 ; "Whatever, just a little fun on the side while picking up bitches." 👾 ; "...What the fuck are you talking about?" 👾 ; "Bro, I have done literally nothing to give you this impression of me." 👾 ; "You really think I'm a quirky art girl?" 👾 ; "I wouldn't be surprised if he burned down a convenience store but yeah, he's nice." 👾 ; "I'm not having sex with you." 👾 ; "Fucking you was like, the last thing on my mind... unless you'd want to?" 👾 ; "Okay, we need to get the fuck outta here." 👾 ; "You brought me here to cook crack??" 👾 ; "Yeah, what else is baking soda for?" 👾 ; "Y'know you remind me of my wife a bit. I wanna fucking kill my wife!!" 👾 ; "Shut your mouth before I blow your fucking brains out on the tiled floor!!" 👾 ; "It's a doctor seuss book you fucking dipshit!" 👾 ; "I will not hesitate to fucking murder you." 👾 ; "Why don't you fuck off and finish last, virgin?" 👾 ; "Do you actually wanna fucking fight right now??" 👾 ; "Why would you care about the quality of my ass pics?" 👾 ; "Is there a definition where you blow your brains out with a shotgun while I sit and watch?" 👾 ; "Panhandling pills? What're you, homeless?" 👾 ; "Leave me alone bro, don't be a bitch. Don't make me fight you." 👾 ; "You're just gross? You look like you were breastfed 'till you were 8." 👾 ; "Oh, that's not good.. why are we getting him pizza?" 👾 ; "There's nothing sexy about you, it's just regular harassment." 👾 ; "What're you, my dom?" 👾 ; "Can I tell you to fuck off?" 👾 ; "Fuckin' dumb bitches, I had McDonalds in my room this whole time. Now I have two lunches." 👾 ; "What does making crack do for the community?" 👾 ; "It's get rich or die trying.. I did what I had to." 👾 ; "I'm not gonna burn her house down with expensive gas." 👾 ; "...Are you threatening me in sketchers?" 👾 ; "I'll take the gun you're saving for the cheerleaders and shoot you in the fucking face with it." 👾 ; "Who said we're buying anything? Just steal the shit." 👾 ; "One fish, two fish, red fish, you bitch." 👾 ; "Do you wanna get fucked up or not?!" 👾 ; "I'm gonna call your mom and tell her 'sorry' she'll never have grandkids." 👾 ; "All I asked was 'are you paying for the pizza' and you just went into that." 👾 ; "Yeah long flowing ponytail, very emo." 👾 ; "That was the most weekend dad question you could've possibly asked me."

[nattinatalia]

Urban Wyatt x Reader Instagram AU

Liked by yourbestiename, jackharlow, cozane, druski2funnny, shloob, and 8,677,355 others

yourusername 🔪 Spooky vibes all month long.👻

View all 1,900 comments

yourbestiename You two always take it to another level when it comes to these costumes and pictures. Love it.

yourusername We try lol 🙈 can’t wait to see what the kids dress up as this year.

yourbestiename Mia is between Spider-Man or something “spooky scary” lol 🥺 EZ chose Batman

druski2funnny Yooo Urb in that second pic 😩😩😩😩

yourusername What about it 🤔 😂

druski2funnny ya freaks man

urbanwyatt Always

nemoachida That second pic is wild

cozane more wild that I walked in on that second pic

druski2funnny I think you have a motion sensor for whenever they think about fucking because you walk in on them more than I can count

cozane 😩😩 at this point I’m not surprised anymore

Liked by 2forwoyne, quiiso, nemoachida, claybornharlow, cozane, and 8,567,356 others

urbanwyatt When your girl loves Halloween and dressing up.

View all 1,900 comments

yourusername Don’t act like you don’t enjoy dressing up and playing 😉

urbanwyatt I never said I didn’t lol 😝

yourcousinname Were these before you left for tour lol?

urbanwyatt Your cousin is crazy, these are while I’m on tour, her ass came to join me for a little and came with the masks 😂

yourusername 😩😩 Dressing up and taking pictures have been our thing so of course I had to come with the costumes lol

yourbestiename Knowing her ass she has all these costumes for all the parties she’s been invited too lol

yourusername You know me too well 🙈

Liked by urbanwyatt, yourbestiename, cozane, princeroyce, maluma, and 8,667,355 others

yourusername First Halloween party of 2022!!

View all 1,900 comments

urbanwyatt EXCUSE ME!!!!!!

yourusername Yesss????🙈

urbanwyatt Why didn’t you send me some of these? I have to come on insta to see your sexy ass???

yourusername Surprise lol 😝

yourbestiename Sexy mamiii

yourusername Can’t wait to see yours later tonight.

jackharlow Um say what now?

yourbestiename LMAAAOOOO

urbanwyatt Not cool, you two attending Halloween parties without us.

yourusername 🙈 I’ll join you next week so we can crash a party or something lol

urbanwyatt Deal

Liked by cozane, jackharlow, shloob, 2forwoyne, jackharlow, and 7,569,346 others

urbanwyatt it is deliciously deadly

View all 1,900 comments

cozane you guys killing these 🔥

urbanwyatt all my girls doing lol

yourbestiename Game over, y’all win!!!

yourusername Stop!!!!!! ☺️

druski2funnny I know for a fact you’re tired of all these costumes lmao

urbanwyatt 🤐

jackharlow Don’t act like your ass don’t like this shit!!!! anything your girl says, you’re cool with lmao

yourusername Right!!!!! Tell him 🙄

urbanwyatt ok fine I do

TAG LIST

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@cmalass 💕

@jackharloww

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[rodricksfilipinagf]

Muffins and Morning Sex Part 2 (Jamie Tartt x Reader)

      Jamie takes me to the London Eye, even though I tell him I have the most intense fear of heights. He uses his clout (and bribes the operator) into getting us a private compartment. Jamie uses one of my Hermes scarves to blindfold me, and we spend the entire ride having sex.

        When he gets off, he has to sign a few autographs and take pictures with some tourists. He’s kind and patient with them, rather than acting like they’re beneath him or he has better things to do. He also tells two starry-eyed little boys that they could be like him one day if they work hard, and lets them hug him, which was heart-meltingly adorable to watch.

        “So that’s what it takes to get you to be nice?” I tease him later on while we’re in his car. “Be a fan?”

        “Pretty much, yeah.” Jamie throws me an easy smile. “They know how lucky they are to be around me.”

        “Wow.” I roll my eyes.

        “For instance, this restaurant I’m taking you to is mad expensive, but they’ll offer to let us eat for free if they post a pic of me eating there,” Jamie explains.

        “Wow, you’re sure you don’t want to check if you look good first then?”

        Jamie scoffs. “I always look good. And I’m paying.”

        “Why?” I ask. It isn’t a date. It’s not like I’m expecting him to pay, or will be disgusted with him if he uses his celebrity status to get us a free meal.

        “Cause I can,” Jamie answers simply.

        When we get there, I order truffle mac and cheese, and Jamie makes fun of me relentlessly about how I thought it would be dotted with chocolate. He ordered steak for himself, of course.

        “Thought you were supposed to be the posh one,” he mocks. “How do you think something that stupid?”

        “Sorry for being a literal thinker…is it so weird to have chocolate on your mac and cheese?” I defend myself.

        Jamie laughs. “Maybe not to you. Is that common in America?”

        “No,” I say.

        “Then you’re the weird one,” Jamie says.

        We somehow get through the rest of the meal without killing each other, and maybe even having fun.

        Tristan would be coming back home soon from his sleepover, so Jamie drove me back shortly afterwards.

        “Thanks…for today,” I say awkwardly outside his apartment. “I don’t know if you treat all your hookups like this…”

        “Not really,” Jamie replies. “Just the annoying American cockblocking ones.”

        I scowl. “Jamie, I swear to God…..”

        He chuckles. “Getting you worked up never gets old.” He gathers me into his arms, and gives me a kiss I’m sure to be thinking about once I return to my own place. “Feel free to text me nudes,” he suggests, and snickers when I give him a dirty look.

        “Fuck you,” I say.

        “I’ll be thinking of you naked tonight,” Jamie brazenly informs me. “You can use my number in other ways then. Later.” He winks at me before swaggering into his apartment.

        Seriously? He’s inviting me to sext him? He is unbelievably cocky.

        After I put Tristan to bed, I can’t help but think of Jamie. How sexy he is, and how unbelievable it is that he’d be thinking of me right now. My phone buzzes with a text.

Jamie: Any second thoughts ab showing me your tits? ;)

Me: You see them in person or not at all ;)

        I wonder what he’s going to say to that.

Jamie: You saying you want to come over, then?

Jamie: We know your track record for keeping quiet when I’m inside you.

Me: I hate you smmmmmmm

Jamie: Are you picturing me naked too?

Me: Yes

Jamie: Touch yourself. I’m doing the same.

Me: No thanks. I want to wait for you to touch me yourself.

Jamie: Aww you’re sweet

Me: Good night, Jamie.

        Jamie sends me the tongue emoji, multiple eggplant and nut emojis.

Jamie: Gn love ;)