#do not care. i have been through so much shit on this blue hellsite I’m literally 100% I do what i want. not even my adhd can limit me lmfao

[clawsextended]

i wanna remind everyone it’s just tumblr rp, greg.

[salamanderskin]

TLDR Sal is an old grouch who doesn’t understand tumblr. 

I kind of assume the community here is small enough that I’m seeing everything I’d be interested in, but I keep discovering other pockets of stuff that just hasn’t appeared on my dash. Like I’ve been crying about Cri!!tic/al Ro/le for months and there are other people who are too but we missed each other’s stuff. I guess because everyone is careful not to make our weird shit searchable for vanillas but then we can’t find each other’s. 

I’m mostly here to read and write fic and archive things I want to return to. I want to leave good comments and have them be part of a conversation with the author (and who am I kidding I want to get comments and having to click through to the tags is a pain). I’ve been trying to leave feedback in replies instead but I am old and useless so I keep hitting post before I’m ready and not being able to edit. And I want to put my favourite quotes in my feedback and tumblr is a pain for that. I could put comments in reblogs but tbh I don’t want to reblog everything because it clutters up my dash, I want to use my likes to archive stuff I liked reading because there’s so much of it that my own stuff gets buried.  So I’m kind of missing the blue hellsite, and the good old days of getting and giving tons of long gushing comments. But I’ve given up cross-posting there for the most part because a) there’s very little on there that I want to read and b) I haven’t got enough comments or even clicks on things I’ve posted there recently for it to feel worth it c) I do NOT want to KNOW what covid-related horrendousness is happening on there. 

I feel old (I’m 31) and unhip and frustrated. 

[butterfleyequeen]

Hi. It’s me. If anyone is reading this, I have something serious I need to get off my chest. I’ve been keeping it in for an unhealthy amount of time, and I think it’s finally time to let it out.

(Continued below the cut)

You’ve probably heard it dozens of times before. I’m unhappy about my life and I wish I got more attention and appreciation for my content. Somebody comments saying “heyyy i care”, I feel better, everything’s fine.

Rinse and repeat.

If things really are fine, then why do these problems keep coming back? Why does my content still get ignored? And most importantly, why do I still feel like shit about myself?

I keep being told that “ohhh, you can’t let others’ popularity get you down, keep creating!”. And you know what? I did.

Only to still get ignored.

Even when I make fan content to support someone I like and admire, it hurts me when they seemingly show little to no interest in what I’ve made for them while absolutely loving what everyone else made, and I just don’t know why I bother. Even though things on DeviantArt are slightly better in the “attention department”, it’s not a whole lot better. At best, my art/writing gets little more than a dozen Favourites–again, slightly more bearable than here on Tumblr, but not much.

I just… feel like so much of a try-hard that I feel like I’m “plaguing” tags (namely the Undertale tag) with my shit. It makes me almost feel embarrassed to even look at my art knowing how much it goes unnoticed. I try to make compelling characters like Arial for instance, but nobody seems to notice or care. There are so many other female skeleton OCs in the Undertale tag, some being quite well-known and liked, so who gives a shit, right?! Just like pretty much all of my other characters, nobody shows interest in her, nobody asks about her, and nobody seems to care. I feel like such a try-hard by drawing and developing her so much and I feel embarrassed by how fruitless it all is.

I just wanted to interpret an enigmatic, anonymous character like the River Person that defies the common fanon tropes by being a hidden third sibling to Sans and Papyrus instead of, say, their mom, a miscellaneous relative, Gaster himself, or somebody completely unrelated. And actually being a sibling that’s older than both Sans and Papyrus instead of younger, and to introduce an interesting dynamic to the “Dadster theory” in which the River Person is one of Gaster’s own children instead of his wife/lover or something.

I wanted to add the wonder of what it would be like being the long-disappeared eldest child of the former Royal Scientist, who essentially hangs around hiding under everyone’s noses to check up on her little brothers every so often. What the history between the four skeletons would be, and how it all began with a simple tale of a father and his daughter. And I wanted her to feel as authentic as possible through blending her into canon like that. But no, I can never get anyone to care enough about her and who she’s supposed to be. I used to have fun with her, drawing her in different AUs or in silly little doodles, and even writing stories about her.

But now I’m not having fun anymore.

Since the dawn of my time joining the world of art-sharing sites and whatnot (circa 2010 or so), I’ve felt embittered when I see everyone get more attention than me to the point where I even almost resent them for it. I’ve tried to be good and pretend that it didn’t bother me, but now I can’t take it anymore. It has been almost a decade and nothing has improved at all. While others receive love and admiration, I receive what ranges between indifference to outright spurning. I’ve gotten (now deleted) hate mail on this blue hellsite telling me to “go choke and die” or to “go rot in a ditch” for having a politically taboo opinion. Sometimes my artistic efforts have gotten shoved in a spotlight and openly mocked for all the world to see. So all that encouragement to be happy and keep creating now just seems like empty words to me.

What’s even worse is that this kind of envy has been harbored long before my “Internet era” in general. I’ve never felt good enough for anything no matter how hard I try, and no matter how many times people say that they support me, they’ve done little to nothing to prove it. A lot of people–even my own mutuals–just brush through their lives without me, and whenever I say something or show something off, they’re just like “cool” and move on to a different subject. Sometimes they seem to outright ignore my input.

No matter what I do in life, no matter how much of my life I share, I can never get enough people to care about it.

With my bad history with others that continues even now, it feels like I don’t have anyone I can depend on–whether on the Internet or in real life. This feeling of worthlessness has been so ingrained into my mind that it is virtually impossible to change it. And on my worst days, I get to the point where I lose the motivation or even refuse to feed or take care of myself. In fact, earlier this week, I was having trouble falling asleep at bedtime as well as losing a lot of my appetite. I spent a lot of time laying in bed and having fits of sobbing until I tired myself out. I just can’t help but wonder what’s the point of getting up in the morning if nobody seems to care about what happens during the day to come.

I don’t want anyone to feel guilt-tripped by this or think I’m a terrible person for having envy for others’ popularity. I already know that. I just wanted to let out a near-fucking-decade’s worth of something I’ve kept bottled up. At this rate I wonder if I really am a worthless waste of space, if I don’t deserve to be happy, appreciated, or loved. All I know is that this probably isn’t going to change anytime soon–if at all.

I just don’t see the point in pumping out content that no one asked for.

I don’t see the point in sharing anything when no one cares.

[nyxi-styx]

It’s hard joining a new fandom sometimes

I’m just going to take a minute to vent a little bit of my feelings and I honestly don’t care if anyone reads this.

At 25 years old (24 when I started getting dragged into it all), I thought I was “too old” to be a YouTube fan. It was, after all, rather after my time. Established in 2005, I didn’t really experience anything on YouTube until about 2007-2008. Back then it was meme-y BS like Shoop-da-Whoop, “Shoes”, Charlie the Unicorn, and Potter Puppet Pals. As I grew older, YouTube seemed like something better left to teens. Maybe use it to look up a music video or something instructional and then fall down a Slow-Mo Guys or choreography rabbit hole. Still not a fandom. The closest I came to such was binge-watching Rob Dyke’s WWYPTOTI series and Twisted Tens series.

At Indy PopCon 2016, I was there with friends to see a guest (and caught glimpses of a passing Kevin Smith as I was so that was badass). Two of my friends were already in the YouTube culture world and fans of Markiplier and Dan & Phil. While we were having a snack and playing a card game, they spotted Wade (THE LordMinion777) taking some photos with fans int eh same food court area. I went over and took the photo of them with him, having no idea who this dude was. Less than a month later, (I’d say about 2 weeks) one of those two friends finally introduced me to Markiplier. I don’t remember the reasoning, but she showed me I Am Bread first. It was funny. I liked it. I didn’t think I’d get as into it as she did. However, curiosity had the better of me and I went to my room that night and watched him play ALL of OctoDad: Dadliest Catch. I laughed so hard I cried and that sold it for me. I fell in love. Of course, I had known a little about him due to gratuitous gifs and photos all over this godforsaken hellsite and I always thought he seemed like a nice, genuine person. Overtime, I just kept watching. I got to know about Bob and Wade and Team Edge. I fell in love with Chica. I just really enjoyed myself. Of course, I knew a little bit about JackSepticEye too, but I though being a Markiplier fan was about as deep into YouTube fandom as I was going to get.

About February, I saw a recommended playlist of JSE videos on an unrelated site. At this point, the post with the playlist was about 4 months old. I decided to go ahead and watch it, just to try something new. Naturally, I fell in love. I loved Jack more than I love Mark soon enough, not through any fault of Mark or anything. He’s still a wonderful person. I just loved that Jack was jsut unabashedly, fully, enjoying himself and nerding out and THEN doing the “professional” thing and reviewing the game whereas Mark would try to review while playing and get distracted by his own emotions and reactions. Not that that is a bad thing. That doesn’t mean Jack is better than Mark. I love them both SO much, but I find it easier to connect with Jack that way because that’s how I am too. I think that’s how most of us are. Once again, I thought this was as deep into YouTube fandom as I was going to get. I caught up with most of their videos (both Mark and Jack). The ones that interested me anyway. And then I would go back and forth and catch up on their latest. So, naturally, I got to know Tyler and Ethan too.

Unfortunately- and I feel like dirt admitting this, like I feel so fucking guilty and that’s why I’m venting here- I paid a lot of attention to Tyler and Mark and not a whole lot to Ethan. I didn’t have anything against him at all. He was funny and adorable. I just... *shrug*. But eventually, his self-deprecating jokes about “my channel is dying” started echoing in my head. And I found myself going “Why?” I knew they would tease him about his opening (which I think is a little unfair since it happens to be joked about more than Mark’s or Jack though there’s are targeted too) and that was about it. So, I finally went and I hit that subscribe button and waited until I had a little bit of time to really check out the content.

I finally sat down and opened the Crank Gameplays channel and started saving playlists of content that I found interesting. I don’t remember where exactly I started but I was kind of like “Okay. Cool. Cool. I mean there’s a lot of similarities between YouTube gamers, so how much can you really do?” But then I saw the video of Ethan and his brother singing “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” and I was like “Wow! He can sing! He’s got a really nice voice! It’s kind of that rugged jazzy, folks-y type voice. He kinda reminds me of like... Train or Matt Nathanson. Neato.” But then in ‘recommended’ came a video (I assume a clip from a livestream) of Ethan playing ukulele and covering “Can’t Help Falling In Love”. If there’s one thing I’m a sucker for, it’s Elvis songs.

I watched that video and fell. in. LOVE. Instant stan. I don’t know what it was but I just... couldn’t help falling in love. Haha.

Like I do, I instantly tried to find out a lot about him as if to play catch up. I was surprised to find out he’s a bit younger than me. But he’s got the same birthday as my dad (three days before mine and 3 days after my favourite actor) so of course I thought that was pretty freaking cool.

Maybe it’s because I always root for the underdog and the secondary characters... maybe it’s because blue is my favourite colour... maybe it’s because I am a sucker for hazel eyes... maybe it’s because I always fall for the biggest dork... I don’t know. I can’t pinpoint it, but Ethan is so wildly different from Mark and Jack. They’re all super nice, super genuine guys, but something about Ethan tugs at my heartstrings way more.

Whatever it is, I’m happy to be here. I’m happy to watch him grow and succeed in the next year. And I’m SO excited to have the chance to meet him at Indy PopCon 2018.

The thing is, though... I feel... like I don’t belong here. In Mark’s fandom, I really am just a number. Nobody notices. Nobody cares. In Jack’s fandom... well, the Overnight Watch was my first foray into community interaction and I was so surprised and overwhelmed by how welcome I was. Like it didn’t matter how long I had been a fan, what mattered was that I was a fan and I was happy to be interacting. And it’s nice to be a part of a fandom in which there’s little to no toxicity and drama and hatred amongst fans. It’s nice to be completely accepted.

In Ethan’s fandom... well, I’ve been here all of about a week... and I feel like I’m trying too hard. Like I shouldn’t be in this community because everyone else has been here longer. Everyone else understands more. Everyone else is better than me. I don’t matter.

This is why it’s nice to have @markidarkimoo as a friend. She stans with me no matter who or what.

The worst of it all in these three fandoms is that I can’t make fanart. I am shit at mood/aesthetic boards. I CAN make video edits, but my current laptop will not support my preferred software and I can’t afford a better laptop for a while. I am shit at photo edits.

I just... I can’t do anything worthwhile. I see all this other amazing work that all of the rest of you put out and I just... feel so insignificant.

Being part of a “big box” fandom like Supernatural or Marvel or Sherlock is easy for me because they’re all fictional characters and people eat up fanfic like they’re starving to death. Doesn’t matter if I can’t fan art. I can contribute to the fandom and show my love by making stories.

YouTube is different. It’s not based on fictional characters (Jack’s Egos and Darkiplier aside), it’s based all on real people. I can’t fanfic that unless it’s reader insert and that’s not something for the creators to see (*if they ever do, please kill me*) and enjoy.

I don’t know... I just feel pretty useless. These fandoms are smaller than the “big box” fandoms so I feel like I have to contribute something in order to properly show my love and appreciation and gratitude. But I can’t. I’m just useless. I’m just a blip.

[hiraffaloph]

i was tagged in another, these are fun and a gr8 way to get to know more about me I was tagged by my fav ginger @cheytheredhead rules that I do understand: tag some peeps and talk about your appearance, personality, ability, hobbies, experiences, life, relationships, and other random shit like that (I think?) people I tag: @karyotypicals @waitwhatthxfvck @jlmosier @miwd APPEARANCE: I’m v tall like 5’11” v tall. I tend to hang out in the slightly lanky to average build range (but like just how average can I be while I’m this tall). I’m super pasty and have green to blue eyes. My hair is naturally wavy and an auburn brown sort of color but I recently dyed it so it’s a turquoise type of color right now and I usually wear it straight. I also just got my nose pierced so basically I’m everything I thought was cool in middle school aesthetically. PERSONALITY: I’m such a typical INTP that it’s almost ridiculous. I’m super into dark, dry, and sarcastic humor. I’ve been pretty regularly described as the most sarcastic person that people have ever met. ABILITY: I feel like on a whole I’m okay to goodish at a lot of different things without having many things that I’m particularly great at. As far as academically I’ve always been really good at things involving reading and English. With life and work things I’m  good at working with kiddos. HOBBIES: I definitely spend way too much time on this hellsite. I really enjoy doing music related things when I have time (singing, uke, piano). I also really like doing art related things when I have the motivation to do it. EXPERIENCES: I have been to a small handful of concerts (skillet, Trans Siberian Orchestra). A few weeks ago I got to see John Mulaney live and wow wow wow it was so amazing! After high school I took a gap year and was an au pair in Germany for about 7 months. While I was there I got to go to Amsterdam for a week which was one of the single most amazing experiences of my life. Far less exciting but still important to me is that I did choir (and band for a little while) through middle and high school and got to do a lot of really cool things and meet great people through that. MY LIFE: Right now I am not up to a whole lot because of break but I’m working on GURs but I am planning on majoring in human services bc despite how cold and cynical I am I still care a whole lot about people and their wellbeing. I’m also in a place in my life right now where thankfully I get to spend a lot of time with my friends. RELATIONSHIPS: hahahaha yeah so that’s a piece of work. I’ve effectively been in two relationships which both sure have been something or another. The first one wasn’t that serious bc I was probably about 15 at the time but anyway I was basically dating a guy friend of mine but then I found out he was he was having sex with guys and lying about it so that ended that. Then this last year I was involved with one of my best friends for about 5 months but we decided to take a break based on a communication errors and now he’s dating a girl he was working with that he told me not to worry about so that’s a shit show. RANDOM: I’m definitely a night person all the way but I really appreciate early mornings when I can actually get up for them. I drink way way too much coffee all of the time. I also really like tea and cranberry ginger ale. I am basically a cat as a person bc introvert things. I am also a cat person but dogs are cool too. I have a super fluffy cat named Sherlock and a black lab named Jasper and they’re my favs.

[zelwin]

@peepstercrue23​ Accidentally sent me all the questions and then said to just answer the ones I wanted to, but I’m doing them all because I have nothing better to do.

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed? Depends, if the door slides open I don’t care, but if it swings open it has to stay closed.

(2) Do You Have Freckles? Sure do.

(3) Can You Whistle? Yes, I do it all the time.

(4) Last Song You Listened To. “Spring Cleaning” by Hi I’m Case

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour? Lime Green or Hot Pink

(6) Relationship Status. Taken, more or less.

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now? 45 degrees Fahrenheit

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky? Almost always, I just don’t sleep enough.

(9) How Many Followers? 226

(10) Zodiac Sign. Gemini

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour? The darkest brown.

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily? No, I should, but I don’t.

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower? If I’m home alone, yes.

(14) What Books Are You Reading? None at the moment, which is super sad.

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14. “Screw you, I’m driving as fast as this piece of shit will go.” - From ‘Hero’ by Perry Moore

(16) Favourite Anime? Log Horizon

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of? My sister, in her car.

(18) Do You Collect Anything? Do regrets count? 

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch? A bagel the size of my head.

(20) Do You Dance In The Car? All the time. :D

(21) Favourite Animal? Tigers and Turtles, equally.

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics? I used to, now I’m always working when they’re on.

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed? Bed by 10 or so, asleep by... 2-3am?

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now? Nope.

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean? Pool, I don’t like sand.

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog? caffeinewitchcraft

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water? Tap water in a bottled water bottle (refills forever.)

(28) What Makes You Happy? Rain, music, days off work, iced tea, naps, and David.

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now. Link

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music? With, always.

(31) Dogs Or Cats? Cats

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be? Cerulean

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox. Play Station (But really the Switch.)

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean? Ocean, lakes smell funny.

(35) Do You Believe In Magic? Yes.

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing? Burgundy and gray stripes.

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue? Yes, but only once, can’t do tongue clovers.

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It? Spend it, I’m terrible.

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You? My pillowcase that I’m laying on, a couple of my pens, my hair brush...

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now? If people count, yes, David, if they don’t, no.

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly? No, but that’s okay, they’re free spirits and don’t deserve to be caught.

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People? Unfortunately, yes.

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams? Only every time I sleep.

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes? I don’t know, I’ve never been on one.

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry. A Monster Calls

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds? I eat peanuts more often, but Sunflower Seeds are much better.

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be? Kesha or Joywave

(48) Are You A Picky Eater? Not really.

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper? Incredibly, I can sleep through anything.

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning? Not at all, I’m the crazy person dancing outside during a thunderstorm.

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write? Both in varying amounts.

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud? No, I don’t care if it’s loud, so long as I can hear everything going on in it.

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents? Wrap presents, it’s not as messy and I don’t feel I have to try as hard to be creative.

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up? ‘Coming Attractions’ by Chris Jobe

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather) Fall, kind of gloomy, it’s been raining/drizzling for a few hours now.

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now? Affection or blue cheese, not sure.

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed. [No thanks, it’s porn right now.]

(58) What Is Your Gender? Cisgendered Male

(59) Coffee Or Tea? Tea, every time.

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About? Nope.

(61) What Is Your Sexuality? Somewhere between Asexual and Rampant Homosexual.

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

(63) Favourite Pokemon? Squirtle, always has been.

(64) Favourite Social Media? . . . There’s something other than this hellsite?

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories? I don’t know her.

(66) Do You Get Homesick? I’ve never been away from home long enough.

(67) Are You A Virgin? Yes.

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now? Whole Blends “Honey Treasures”

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free? Rent a crappy motel room, it’s probably not sanitary, but I can’t sleep in a car overnight without waking up feeling like a glowstick.

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life? Yes.

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters? Thor: Ragnarok

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex? Depends on the Ex? Some yes, some no.

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now? “Contouring is for women who want to leech the souls of their dead lovers, and collect the inheritance of their ex-boyfriends who disappeared under mysterious circumstances.” - Sailor J

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest? Hazel

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set? Yes and no, respectively.

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate? Pecan Donut from Harris Teeter

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone? 1010, looking for more I’d enjoy though.

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not? Yes, because I’ve been trained to do it and anyone deserves to have their life saved.

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight? Today? No. Ever? Absolutely.

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network? Accidentally, maybe.

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People? Not really.

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them. That would involve turning on a light, and I don’t want to do that, but it’s essentially this: Link

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed? Closed, mostly because I’m the last one awake and I don’t want people peeping at me while I’m still snoozing.

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today? Discovered Sailor J, tried to walk home from work (and made my sister mad at me by doing so), and answered all these questions.

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed? Pajamas? Todays are blue plaid bottoms and a burgundy and gray striped shirt (the one I mentioned a while ago)

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now. A few different nail polishes (various shades of green and blue), L’oreal quick blue hair bleach, and various hair dyes (Arctic Fox Virgin Pink and Sunset Orange and a box of L’oreal Feria Deep Burgundy)

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person? I’m filling this out at 2am. Night person.

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc. That’d be a long list, but right now I’m playing 1010 on my phone, Super Mario Odyssey on my Switch, and Final Fantasy 14 on my laptop.

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened. One time when I was I think in middle school I dreamed about these electric slime monsters that could travel through the power lines and wanted to eat people. I spent the entire dream finding the half-eaten bodies of my loved ones.

(90) Favourite Soda Drink? I can’t drink soda anymore (I voluntarily gave it up, and now if I try to drink it the carbonation murders me) but I *really* miss Coca Cola.

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite? Calm breathing, thunderstorms, heartbeats, and acoustic guitars.

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More? Pants are for cold people.

(93) How Do You Look Right Now? Tired and frumpy but comfortable.

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You. Talking to myself.

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want? More trees! I want my own forest!

(96) Favourite YouTuber? Corinne from Threadbanger 

[stillcominback]

Dragon, Phoenix & Vampire 😊💝

DRAGON: tag someone who you see as really dedicated to their muse.

HOO BOY! i could honestly list so many people sdalfkjdkflkjfds i feel like this was a mistake because i wanna talk about SO MANY FOLKS, but i wanna tryyyyy and play by the rules >.> i’m gonna go with my hunny @boldlydared tbqh because lemme tell you that COSMO?? goddamn what an incredible writer??? liKE the detail and commitment – the effort bae is puttin’ in to ALL of her muses (especially space boyfriend over here) is really just incredible and something i admire the hell out of, honestly. actual goals forever. seriously, the love and attention is so abundantly clear if you just READ the posts and look at any of her blogs – it’s dedication to the billionth degree and, like i said, i admire the friCK outta this talented angel. actually, i’m breaking the rules and i’m gonna add two more folks, starting with @sitched / @celebrityvictim / AND SO ON because blythe is so fucking talented she deserves the menTION! the dedication on her part is seriously insane and also admirable from my point of view – she gives SO much to her various (and equally flawless) portrayals and there’s no way you can go on to any of her blogs and not see that 100% clearly. the headcanons, meta, all that (actually from everyone i’m throwin’ in here) are things i loVE to see roll across my dash because they just breathe SO MUCH MORE LIFE into their muses it’s seriously the most good shit.LASTLY cause i broke the rules too much here, i wanted to throw a mention at my sister from another mister: @sythegun because serIOUSLY EM IS SO UHM?? AMAZING??? the amount of effort and detail she puts in to any of her portrayals is seriously just #goals tbqh – all her blogs fall under my faves like automatically (and it’s not just because i adore her) liKE the amount of thought and care that goes into each individual muse is just top notch! basically, what i’m saying is that all these people are incredible and uhm follow for quality ass content – thanks!

PHONIX: tag someone who is a bright light on your dash.

ALL OF YOU TBQH. i’m gonna break the rules on this one though because i wanna live my liFE OKAY. @twicehard IS A BRIGHT LIGHT IN MY DAMN LIFE OKAY. seriously, jess is probably one of my closest friends and i was literally telling her today what a light she is on my dash (and in general) sO this feels relevant. she’s just such an understanding, friendly, loving, and talented person??? seeing her on my dash ALWAYS makes me so happy and go into immediate hearteyes tbqh – one of my fave people in the known universe who never fails to make me feel so loved and special??? the brightest of lights that i’m so grateful to have in my life! like!! how lucky am i?? ALSO. jess has been with me through sO much garbage (and i try to do the same) – she’s a real, true bluE pal and i love the shit out of her. I ADORE HER AND ALWAYS WILL, THE END.@ghoulord this goddamn meme right here i juST!!! i had to mention jean because i ?? adore her ?? and seeing her on my dash from any of her blogs makes me immediately happy ?? LIKE. she’s so funny and kind and the most ride or die beautiful friend?? i feel so damn lucky to have this canadian bundle of sunshine in my life and that’s the teA ON THAT. seriously tho – jean is SUCH a literal bright light and i really admire the positivity she puts out there (and how goddamn genuine it is) as well as how she’ll go to bat SO HARD for the people she cares about. also, jean has been an amazing friend to me and helped me through some really rough stuff – we were “new” friends and she still leant me an ear and really seemed to understand?? i just??? that’s always going to mean so much to me so!! a trUE BEAN tbqh!UNO MAS! @glorysoaked is uhm an actual living ray of sun and one of the sweetest people in the known universe – you can quoTE ME ON THAT OK. seriously. jess has been my pal on this hellsite for way too long and like?? every time this angel appears on my dash (from any of her beautiful blogs), i’m instantly happier :3 such a talented writer but genuinely one of the warmest, most wonderful people and friends you could meet. she’s been so supportive to me and helped me pick myself up through a lot of things and i’ll always appreciate and adore the shiT out of this little cupcake (even tho she brings me lots and lots of IC pain – i’ll forgive her). 

VAMPIRE: tag someone of whom you’ve been a longtime fan.

honestly? the first person that sprang to mind on this one was @toshootfirst / @spunstories – like eli is really?? so talented??? i remember following him like AGES AGO! AGES, I’M TELLIN’ YA! and it took me a little bit i think to actually follow cause i was so *___* at his han blog but when i did and when we became mutuals, i got up the stones to approach him and liKE WOWZA what a sweet, sweet human

LEMME GUSH AT PEOPLE | ACCEPTING!

[theloudmute-deadaccountwheee]

100 OC Questions

list created (I think?) by @the-moon-dust-writings I’m using Anti and Dark...but...my versions. Is that okay? Like, I’m not doing the canon ones so I’m not stepping on any toes, right? ...fuck I’mma do it anyway.  I need some OCs.

1. How do they present themselves to others? Anti: With caution, but only out of shyness, then opens up very easily after a while Dark: *bursts through the door* “Sup, fucknuts?” 2. Do they like animals? Anti: Domestic ones Dark: “Eh, they’re alright. Even better when they’re on my dinner plate :3″ 

3. How do they dress? Anti: Business casual Dark: Whatever’s on top of the laundry basket

4. How many languages do they know? Anti: Only english, but would love to learn more Dark: “I’m kinda good at spanish.”  Anti: “Wow, really? That’s neat!”  Dark: “ El español es el idioma más romántico, bebé.” Anti: “What?”  Dark: “Never mind.”    5. How big is their family? Anti: “I consider Dark, Sean, and Singe family.”  Dark: “Idk, I hate all of you except for Anti so. Anti.”  6. What is their purpose in the story? Anti: I always considered him to be a metaphor for my mental illness Dark: He is Anti’s protector. They need each other.  7. Do they know how to fight? Oh hell yeah both of ‘em do 8. What is their back story? Oh gracious me, if you’re that curious just find my old fan fics lol  9. Why is their name, their name? Anti: While in Jack/Sean’s head, he considered himself the opposite of Jack for a long time Dark: Dark didn’t have a name for MONTHS after his creation. Mark named him that as a joke because of his fan created character and it just stuck 10. Do they have any nick names? Anti: “Dark has tons for me. ‘Green bean’, ‘greenie’, ‘shorty’.  Dark: “Some anons on this hellsite call me Darkipoo for some reason.”  11. Do they have a romantic interest? They both love each other very much!!! 12. How do they cope with struggles? Anti: “...” He doesn’t like to talk about it, but, mostly when conflict arises, he goes berserk.  Dark: If he can punch it to death then problem probably solved. Or moaping/ignoring it if it can’t be punched  13. Do they have anyone they can lean on? Each other! 

14. How do they react to someone dying? Anti: Silence and becoming dead to the world Dark: Bottling everything inside 

15. Can you name 5 personality traits they have? Anti: Kind, timid, rash, easy going, welcoming Dark: Rash, wild, crude, humorous, dangerous    16. How did they become a character? Well... my versions, I guess? Anti came to be because all that stuff on Jack’s channel last year had me so hyped I was like “I have to write a horror story about this” and so I did. Then I was like, “I don’t want to stop. Let’s throw Dark into the mix.”  17. Do they get along with others? Anti: More than likey, yes. He’s always wanted friends.  Dark: “...eh.”  18. What flaws do they have? Anti: Going berserk, trusts people way too easily, jumps to conclusions, makes rash decisions Dark: Crude, snarky, also makes rash decisions, solves problems with his fists 19. How do they influence the story? Anti: I hope he serves as a beacon of hope. That no matter what problems we face, there’s good things comin’. Dark: He’s there for humor, he’s there to protect Anti, he’s a reminder to get what you want you gotta work hard at it 20. What do they look like? Anti: Bright green, mid long hair, black sceleras and green iris’, big ol’ puppy dog eyes, thin nose bridge but wide nostrils, LONG pointed ears, pale skin, tall waist Dark: Short red hair, short pointed ears, can change his eyes at any time but mostly looks like Anti’s bed with red iris’, wide nose 21. What are their hobbies? Anti: Cooking, painting, enjoying nature Dark: Fighting, fire magic, pestering people 22. What are their ticks? Anti: It’s hard to find anything that really bothers Anti. Well, bigotry and homophobia. Dark: “All these fuckin’ questions; there’s what, seventy more of these god damn things?”    23. Do they like children? Anti: Hasn’t had many interactions with kids Dark: “No.”  24. How do they react to being around wild animals? Anti: With caution Dark: “Can I eat it? I’mma kill it.”  25. If they were given the task to prank someone, who would it be, what would they do, and would the prank work? Anti: “Okay, don’t tell Dark but I want to cover all the doorways and the toilet seats with clear wrap *snickers*. Would that be the funnest thing?!”  Dark: “Kill a guy. What, that’s not a prank?”  26. Do they have any survival skills? Anti: If he weren’t a demon, he probably wouldn’t last long out in the wilderness on his own.  Dark: “Bitch I don’t need survival skills; you can’t kill me.”  27. Are they more book smart or street smart? Anti: “Well...okay, I guess I’m a bit of both? I’ve not read many books but I know all that Sean knows so...”  Dark: “STREET SMARTS I’LL CUT YA BITCH” 28. How do they get out of a difficult situation? Anti: Faces it head on, though hesitantly Dark: “SEE ABOVE I’LL CUT YA”  29. Do they use their body, mind, personality or force to get what they want? Anti: “I’d say my personality is pretty persuasive.”  Dark: “*laying on a bed, naked, rose in his mouth* Hey.”  30. What music do they enjoy? Anti: “I like all sorts of music! Modest Mouse, Mumford and Sons, Caravan Palace; chill stuff.”  Dark: “Heavy metal and rock baby. And uh...don’t tell anyone but uh...some blue grass.” 

31. How do they overcome obstacles? Anti: “I believe we were asked this already.”  Dark: “I’LL CUT YA.”  Anti: “Yeah, I think we’ve been asked variants of these.”  32. When faced with a difficult decision do they get stronger or break? They both get stronger. They’re like any good relationship; can be hurt, but never broken 33. Do they have any special powers? Anti: Going berserk, control over most technology, teleportation Dark: Fire magic and control over fire, teleportation, immortality, flightless wings made of fire   34. How do they change throughout the story? Anti: Learns to...well, be himself. He’s changed a lot over the course of this madness.  Dark: Learns to be less harsh...well, mostly towards Anti.  35. Do they have any friends? If so, are they close knit? Anti: “Sean and Signe! And Bea and Sukino, C-A, C-B, Marzia...a lot of people in the CDO, really!”  Dark: “No.”  Anti: “Come on, you have friends!”  Dark: “My two best friends are Ben and Jerry.” *holds up two pints of icecream*  Anti: “I don’t get it.”  36. How is their family life? Anti: “Considering I’ve already listed my family members, pretty good!”  Dark: “Same, I guess.”  37. Are they likable? You tell me!  38. Are they the hero, or anti-hero? Honestly, I think Dark is more of an anti-hero than Anti.  39. Do they make questionable choices? YES. Very rash decisions. They don’t think much before they act.  40. How do they become who they are? Time, love, and a lot of bloodshed.  41. How was their childhood? Anti’s childhood was miserable, considering he was trapped in Sean’s mind. Dark’s childhood was when he was created, about six years ago. Other than Mark trying to literally exercise him out of his house with a priest and everything, things were pretty okay.    42. Are they close with anyone who is going to screw them over? ...I WANT TO SPOIL SO MANY THINGS 43.How do they adapt to different situations? Do they adapt at all? Anti adapts and evolves very easily. I wanted that to mirror how technology advances and whatnot. Dark is kinda like an old man, stuck in his ways.  44. How do they speak? Examples - Are they soft spoken, hot heated, vulgar Anti: Calmly Dark: Quickly, hot heated, and vulgar  45. Are they opposed to violence? Anti: “I mean, no? It just kind of happens.”  Dark: “AW HELL NO I’MMA CUT--”  Anti: “WOuld you stop?!”  46. When is their birthday? Anti: “Halloween!”  Dark: “August? Was I born in August? I don’t think it was summer, it was kind of chilly.” 

47. Are they quick to judge? Anti: “I try not to be.”  Dark: “Fuck yes.”  48. Do they have anything they are trying to hide from others? Anti: “...the whole...berserk thing.”  Dark: “We’re trying to hide the fact I’m alive from the CDO. ...and my love of bluegrass.”  49. Do they act different around different people? Anti: “I try not to.”  Dark: “I think I have a total mood shift when I’m around Anti.”  50.Do they enjoy the arts? Anti: “Of course!”  Dark: “Cinema, plays, broadway, yeah but not like...painting and sculptures and shit.”  51. Do they like science? Anti: “Computers fascinate me.” Dark: “No but you should hear Mark talk about space holy shit.”    52. Are they more emotional or logical? Anti: “I try to be logical but emotions get in the way.”  Dark: “...same.”  53. How do they deal with their emotions? Anti: “Let them out. You gotta let ‘em out.”  Dark: Bottles everything up inside.  54. How do they cope with sadness? Anti: See “dealing with death”  Dark: Same  55. What is something they care about? Anti: “The safety of my loved ones.”  Dark: “Flaming hot cheetos.”  Anti: “...”  Dark: “What? OH, you too. Love you.”     56. Would they die for anyone/anything? They would most certainly die for each other.   57. What do they do when they are happy? Anti: Quietly soaks in the moment  Dark: You will certainly know when Dark is happy.  58. How would they come across to other characters? Examples- messy, lazy, childish, caring ect Anti: Shy, means well Dark: A douchebag  59. Do they have a phrase they use over and over? Anti: Nah not really Dark: “WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB! RIKKI TIKKI TAFFI BIIIIITCH!!!!”  Anti: “Just say no.”  60. In a crowed room are they in the corners, sides, or in the middle? Anti: more to the side, not hiding in a corner but not at the fore front either  Dark: in the middle and probably trying to take up as much room as possible 61. Are they comfortable being in a crowed room? Anti: Yeah, nothing to be afraid of. Just a room full of people.  Dark: Same 62. How do they relax? Anti: Thinkin’ tub  Dark: Liquor and a cigarette  63. Have they ever harmed anyone and regretted it? Verbally or physically? Anti: “...”  Dark: “...”  64. Do they like to dance? Anti: “Around the house, yeah, a little.”  Dark: *is dancing right now*  65. How do they get around their environment? Examples - horses, bike, vehicle They both walk around town or teleport  66. What is their pet peeve(s)? Anti: can’t think of any  Dark: EVERYTHING  67. Do they have a disability? No  68. How do they react to getting flowers? Anti: “How sweet! Thank you!”  Dark: “*blushing* Aw, uh...thanks.”  69. Would they ever wear a flower crown? Anti: “I’d love to!”  Dark: “Hell yeah, I’d rock it, too.”  70. Do they like themselves? Anti: “...”  Dark: “Fuck yeah, I love me.”  71. Who do they dislike? Anti: “I can’t think of anyone I’ve met that I don’t like yet.”  Dark: “Mostly everyone.” 

72. What is their motto? Anti: “Never give up.”  Dark: “GRAAAAAAAASS tastes bad. AIDS!”  Anti: “Stop quoting Rick and Morty.” 

73. Do they have any markings on their body? Anti: None Dark: Scars from Anti 74. Have they ever been abused? No  75. What is their biggest fear? Anti: Being trapped in Jack’s mind again Dark: Loosing Anti  76. What are their goals? Anti: Overcome his powers Dark: To die 77. How do they go about achieving their goals? Anti: Spars with Dark Dark: Hasn’t figured it out yet  78. Do they have a fight or flight response? Both of them have a fight response  79. Is there someone in their life that they care about more than themselves? Each other  80. How would they fair in zombie apocalypse? They would do JUST fine.  81. Do they have any tattoos? If so, are they significant? Anti: “I’d love to get a tattoo one day!”  Dark: “Me too. Right on my ass.”  82. Are they good at mental math? Anti: “I’m not good at...any math.”  Dark: “Fuck math.”  83. Do they get along with others? Anti: Very well!  Dark: No  84 Are they lazy? Anti: No, he does most everything around the house  Dark: Very lazy  85. Are they self motivated? Anti: Yes  Dark: Needs a push  86. How do they cope with anger? Anti: If he’s angry, he kinda hulks out  Dark: Punches his way through life and his problems  87. Have they ever been in a situation where they were helpless? Both of them have. Very emotional.  88. Are they organized or messy? Anti: Organized.  Dark: Messy.  89. Can they remember a lot of information at once? Anti: Anti probably can Dark: “lol no”  90. What is their occupation? Anti was a stock boy at a grocery store and Dark was forced to be a CDO knight 91. Do other characters respect your OC, if so, is it out of fear? Or do they respect your OC because they like them? No one really fears Dark, so yeah, they respect Dark to an extent. No one has admitted they’re afraid of Anti, they don’t want to hurt his feelings.  92. If they were given minutes to live, what would they do? Who would they want to see and say? Anti: “Dark and only Dark. I’d want...I’d NEED him to hold me. I can’t tell him enough how much I love him.”  Dark: “I. Can’t. Die.”  93. How do they deal with stress? I mean, how they handle other emotions, really.  94. Do they have a more submissive or dominate personality type? Anti: Submissive Dark: Dominate 95. Do they have a pet? Anti: “I want a dog SO BAD!” Dark: “...maybe I should surprise Anti with a dog one day...”  96. Do they have a stash of weapons? Anti: No  Dark: “Bitch, I AM a weapon.” 

97. Where do they live? Who do they live with? In brighton with each other!  98. How do they calm themselves down? Dark sings Anti to sleep. Dark never calms down.  99. Are they co-dependent? They need each other.  100. Are they a day, or night person? Anti: Night person Dark: “I don’t sleep, either, so I’m like...an all the time person.” 

[the-frozone-layer]

I was tagged by @rudamiester i’m not tagging anyone lol do it if you want and @ me

the last: 1. drink: water 2. phone call: coworker wondering how much whipping cream to get 3. text message: my best friend ranting about how expensive textbooks are and me forgetting to reply (sorry emerson) 4. song you listened to: despacito 5. time you cried: when my dog died in february have you ever: 6. dated someone twice: No 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yep 8. been cheated on: Nope (that I know of lol) 9. lost someone special: Yes 10. been depressed: no 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no thank god I hate throwing up and i never want to be that drunk 3 favorite colors: 12. blue 13. light pink 14. burgundy in the last year have you: 15. made new friends: Yee 16. fallen out of love: I got rid of a crush on someone does that count 17. laughed until you cried: Yeet 18. found out someone was talking about you: nah and idc 19. met someone who changed you: Yes 20. found out who your friends are: not really (thankfully cause you gotta go through shit to find that out) 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: yes general: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them 23. do you have any pets: no 24. do you want to change your name: no 25. what did you do for your last birthday: hung out at my house and played shot roulette with my friends 26. what time did you wake up: too goddamn early 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching american dad 28. name something you can’t wait for: Incredibles 2 31. what are you listening to right now: my tinnitus 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I think so? yes. 33. something that is getting on your nerves: c h i l d r e n 34. most visited website: facebook i think? that or it’s this hellsite 35. hair colour: Brown 36. long or short hair: mine is short but i don’t have a preference 39. piercings: 2 Ear piercings 40. blood type: A+ unlike my grades 41. nicknames: Dee 42. relationship status: Single  43. zodiac: Sagittarius 44. pronouns: She/her 45. favourite tv show: Pushing Daisies 46. tattoos: none but I want one 47. right or left handed: Right 48. surgery: wisdom teeth 49. piercing: Go back to 39 you twat 50. sport: played basketball and volleyball in middle school, did rowing in g 9 and nothing since then lool 51. vacation: Cuba! 52. pair of trainers: the fuck is this even asking more general: 53. eating: air 54. drinking: water 55. i’m about to: fall asleep 56. waiting for: the end of summer 57. want: snacks 58. get married: maybe idk 59. career: currently a child care worker but about to be unemployed which is better: 60. hugs or kisses: hisses 61. lips or eyes: lips 62. shorter or taller: shorter in girls taller in boys 63. older or younger: Older 64. nice arms or nice stomach: stomach 65. hook up or relationship: hookup 66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant have you ever: 67. kissed a stranger: No 68. drank hard liquor: Ye 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: only in my house idk if that counts 70. turned someone down: several times 71. sex on the first date: No 72. broken someone’s heart: idk I think so 73. had your heart broken: Na 74. been arrested: Nope 75. cried when someone died: Yep 76. fallen for a friend: Yep do you believe in: 77. yourself: ahahahahaha i have anxiety 78. miracles: ehh 79. love at first sight: No 80. santa claus: only cause if I don’t then my parents will stop giving me santa presents 81. kiss on the first date: ye 82. angels: idk lol other: 83. current best friend’s name: @im-a-genius-trust-me emerson :) 84. eye colour: Hazel 85. favourite movie: The Princess Bride

[i-dont-believe-in-saints]

ALL

First of all, I love/hate you

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify

is your room messy or clean? MESSY AF

what color are your eyes? Green

do you like your name? why? ?????????? WHO KNOWS

what is your relationship status? I’m dating a nerd but it’s fine I love him

describe your personality in 3 words or less: Gay, Weed, Emo

what color hair do you have? Red

what kind of car do you drive? color? ???????????? CAn’t do THAT

where do you shop? The Internet

how would you describe your style? Tshirt blue jeans beanie BYE

favorite social media account: This hellsite

what size bed do you have? Queen

any siblings? I have two half siblngs

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Maine- because little kid me loved sarah plain and tall also the OCEAN also it’s just so cool okay

favorite snapchat filter? THE LEXA ONE

favorite makeup brand(s) ?????????????????

how many times a week do you shower? 2-3 I guess normally 

favorite tv show? Y’all got any Orphan Black

shoe size? 9.5/7.5

how tall are you? 168cm 

sandals or sneakers? sneakers

do you go to the gym? I cut through my schools gym on the way to work, does that count

describe your dream date: ?????????????????? that would literally change with every person ya gotta make sure they have a good time too 

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? I don’t even know where my wallet is right now so

what color socks are you wearing? ????????? WHAT ARE SOCKS

how many pillows do you sleep with? At school: 6 At home 6

do you have a job? what do you do? Subway, Women’s Resource Center UWSP

how many friends do you have? like 8

whats the worst thing you have ever done? I plead the fifth

whats your favorite candle scent? Sugar Cookie candles are my fav

3 favorite boy names ?????

3 favorite girl names ?????

favorite actor? Kaitlyn Alexander

favorite actress? Tatiana Maslany 

who is your celebrity crush? See Above

favorite movie? Juno 

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I used to (thanks depression) and it’s stupid but HP OOTP is always gonna be my favorite book

money or brains? ?????/

do you have a nickname? what is it? ?????/

how many times have you been to the hospital? ?????????

top 10 favorite songs That’s too much work I hate you ally

do you take any medications daily? Sure do

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) ????????

what is your biggest fear? Death

how many kids do you want? None 

whats your go to hair style? GAY

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) uuuh

who is your role model? Y’ALL FUCKS

what was the last compliment you received? ????????/

what was the last text you sent? HOLY SHIT

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? I think I was seven

what is your dream car? One that drives for me

opinion on smoking? I don’t care but also care because health and shit. Just don’t smoke kids

do you go to college? unfortunately 

what is your dream job? A weird combo of tech and writing jobs

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I’d rather live in the suburbs because at least if I lived in a snooty suburb I could get food delievered to my house and not experience a food desert 

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? yes

do you have freckles? yes

do you smile for pictures? I look like a turkey and chander bing but yeah 

how many pictures do you have on your phone? ??????/ idk man and I’m not gonna look

have you ever peed in the woods? yep

do you still watch cartoons? yup

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? Mcdonalds

Favorite dipping sauce? Depends on my mood but usually honey mustard

what do you wear to bed? ??// depends I guess

have you ever won a spelling bee? nope

what are your hobbies? suffering

can you draw? no but I’m trying so

do you play an instrument? nope

what was the last concert you saw? a choir concert myduddes

tea or coffee? both

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? neither 

do you want to get married? not particularly 

what is your crush’s first and last initial? 

are you going to change your last name when you get married? I’d rather get my first name changed

what color looks best on you? I have red hair so literally black

do you miss anyone right now? ALL MY NERDS

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed wtf 

do you believe in ghosts? yep

what is your biggest pet peeve? weird chewers, my friend terry eats chips so weird and I wanna smack him

last person you called`my grandma

favorite ice cream flavor? cookie dough sounds fantastic

regular oreos or golden oreos? golden

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? RAINBOW

what shirt are you wearing? a PJ shirt from my sister

what is your phone background? “Bullshit Bullshit and more Bullshit” and “What’s your name thug I’m about to tentacle your dick:”

are you outgoing or shy? Shy af

do you like it when people play with your hair? Maybe??

do you like your neighbors? I like my neighbor @ school he’s cool

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? ???????? NO

have you ever been high? I’m high right now

have you ever been drunk? yes

last thing you ate? a mini peanut butter cup

favorite lyrics right now: That one part in Centuries by FOB where they just go oooohhhhoooohohohohohohohoooooooo

summer or winter? Winter

day or night? Night

dark, milk, or white chocolate? white

favorite month? May

what is your zodiac sign

who was the last person you cried in front of? ?????/ idk man idk 

THANKS ALLY I FUCKING HATED THIS 

[carriefisherscokenail]

as payback you gotta do aLL ONE HUNDRED UNUSUAL ASKS

>:0000

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?Spotify. always

is your room messy or clean?clean !!!! i cleaned yesterday

what color are your eyes?green to me but some ppl say hazel but i think theyre green

do you like your name? why?sometimes as a kid i always HATED my name because i think its ugly and i still do but now i just care less

what is your relationship status?i have a real cute gf

describe your personality in 3 words or lessbad jokes

what color hair do you have?red/orange depends who u ask

what kind of car do you drive? color?2004 Nissan Pathfinder in maroon shes old but shes a trooper

where do you shop?like everywhere

how would you describe your style?my ideal style is 1970′s wannabe but ive been through so many phases its all just a hodgepodge of vintage-esque, hippy, jeans and t-shirt, lace and who the fuck knows what else. 

favorite social media account/this hellsite

what size bed do you have? i have a twin bed but fun fact i used to have a full but because i dont move while sleeping i got a twin bed and i still only use half of it

any siblings?one sis

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?sitges, spain, in an old apartment with only necessary renovations. i love sitges. 

favorite snapchat filter?hmmmmm idk 

favorite makeup brand(s)i really like smashbox?

how many times a week do you shower?usually 4 or 5

favorite tv show?parks and rec or ahs

shoe size?7 or 7.5 

how tall are you?5′ 2″ :/ 

sandals or sneakers? well i love my adidas so sneakers

do you go to the gym? no

describe your dream datei dont kno 

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?a crisp $20

what color socks are you wearing? none 

how many pillows do you sleep with?one or none like beneath my head but i actually have like nine

do you have a job? what do you do? i dont have a job :(

how many friends do you have? i dont know 

whats the worst thing you have ever done? i cut some of my sisters finger off on accident  

whats your favorite candle scent? hmmmmm i really like vanilla candles but i didn’t used to until i bought this woodburning in like december and now i have three but i also love lavender

3 favorite boy namesmario, luigi, bowser

3 favorite girl namesmario, luigi, bowser

favorite actor? chris pratt probably boy do i love that man

favorite actress? hmm i love carrie fisher but i also love sarah paulson

who is your celebrity crush?sarah paulson 

favorite movie? fried green tomatoes, but im a cheerleader, and vacation

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? i dont but my fave book is fried green tomatoes

money or brains? what is this even asking? like, which would i rather have or which do i look for in a person or what? keep me posted

do you have a nickname? what is it? i have ten billion reesie, reese a roni, reese-otto, deace, reeses pieces (which i do not condone)

how many times have you been to the hospital?the one time i was born

top 10 favorite songsSHIT okay. 1. your protector by fleet foxes2. talking in code by margot and the nuclear so and sos3. on a freezing chicago street by margot and the nuclear so and sos4. the chain by fleetwood mac5. storms by fleetwood mac6. peacekeeper by fleetwood mac7. tusk by fleetwood mac8. otherside by rhcp9. narc by interpol 10. nara by alt-j 

do you take any medications daily? not anymore

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)dry i think ? idk i moisturize now so

what is your biggest fear? well, if we’re not going too deep here, the ocean. if we are, rejection

how many kids do you want? ZERO 

whats your go to hair style?curled and parted down the middle 

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) its big i think 

who is your role model? tbh i dont know

what was the last compliment you received?my gf said i’m cute

what was the last text you sent?“omggg” god im so dull

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?like nine

what is your dream car? one that has good gas mileage and isn’t too low to the ground

opinion on smoking?tbh my parents smoke and my whole family does too so i find it strangely comforting even tho i dont do it myself and i like the smell

do you go to college? not yet

what is your dream job? journalist or something involved with film (costume casting etc)

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? ive lived in rural areas almost my whole life and i miss it so that but id live in the city over everything 

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? i don’t but my mom does

do you have freckles? yeah a fucken million of em

do you smile for pictures?yes i do

how many pictures do you have on your phone?over 1000 

have you ever peed in the woods? yes i have 

do you still watch cartoons? i watched sponebob this morning

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?i think mcdonalds

Favorite dipping sauce? i don’t dip that much 

what do you wear to bed? usually a sweatshirt and no pants

have you ever won a spelling bee?ive never even been in one

what are your hobbies?tbh i dont have any

can you draw? i CAN draw just not well

do you play an instrument?i play the guitar and i can still remember hot cross buns on recorder

what was the last concert you saw? imagine dragons in 2014

tea or coffee?recently its been tea but i go back and fourth

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?ive never been to dunkin donuts

do you want to get married?im 17 i dont know

what is your crush’s first and last initial?RC (this question makes me uncomfortable and i dont even know why)

are you going to change your last name when you get married? im literlaly 17

what color looks best on you? blue probaby?

do you miss anyone right now? yeha a lot of ppl

do you sleep with your door open or closed?closed

do you believe in ghosts?of course i do

what is your biggest pet peeve? i have so many i really hate it when my sister takes my clothes though 

last person you called`my gf

favorite ice cream flavor? cookie dough

regular oreos or golden oreos?i like em both

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow is this even a question

what shirt are you wearing?a sweatshirt from my old high school

what is your phone background?scary terry

are you outgoing or shy?i think i can be both it depends on the person

do you like it when people play with your hair?it depends on the person usually yes

do you like your neighbors? yes !

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?i wash it in the morning usually sometimes at night

have you ever been high?yes

have you ever been drunk? yes

last thing you ate? some weird bar my neighbor made

favorite lyrics right nowthis entire song tbh

On a freezing Chicago street we shook Your hands were trembling from all those pills you took And we got drunk on cheap red wine in a paper cup And I was barely awake when you got home And climbed yourself into bed wearing cheap perfume And Sarah screamed your every breath is a gift If you weren't so selfish than you might want to live So if your lover should leave don't get too sad And don't compose epic poems to win her back Cause when your bird has flown, she'll never return home Though all your life you'll wait she never will return

summer or winter?summer!!

day or night? night!!!

dark, milk, or white chocolate? milk!!

favorite month? october. my birthday and fall and halloween

what is your zodiac signlibra !

who was the last person you cried in front of? i dont kno holy fuck that took an hour 

[y01te-moved]

ok so this is mostly thoughts on like,,, idk what to say without making it overly obvious but it’s not anything i do or don’t want anyone to read, and i’ve sorta censored names to keep it vague i just want to get these thoughts somewhere that isn’t in my mind so here’s the ultimate Blook Please Shut The Actual Fuck Up, Dammit post.

**** is just living proof that i can end up with a rlly nice and chill group of tight-knit friends and i’ll still think i’m constantly fucking up in front of them constantly even if i know deep down they probably don’t care i just can’t convince myself that i’m not a huge bother due to the simplest things like not always talking

and it’s all **’s fault, or at least it comforts me to blame them for my problems at this point regardless of whether or not that’s really shitty to do

because realistically it’s not like they ever wanted to ruin my life, i can only assume, they just have a bad sense of humor that often times bothered me or made me uncomfortable and i could never say that to their faces and i still cant which is why i’m even making this post like the fucking cowardly idot i am.

it’s also because of that that i just straight up left instead of actually maybe trying solve the issues like a normal actually half-decent human being is supposed to.

i feel like while it was ultimately shitty on everyone’s part since they had no right to be so fucking rude to begin with but i did do a lot worse when it came to causes of the issue. it’s my fault i never just tried to be rational and say “hey don’t do that that’s kind of offensive/rude and it’s making me feel bad can you stop?” although i wonder if they’d have ever listened, or just turned that into some dumb in-joke as well. i don’t know why i’m saying this i know they wouldn’t and that’s why i gave up and tried to disappear.

however, it is indisputably my fault for the temporary discourse that had to take place on this hellsite once i finally started to get comfortable with how it all worked out. i mean i did make it easy for anyone from ** to find me on here thanks to adding my acc on here as my “website” on **********, and then i’m the one that was like, “nice those toxic shitheads may have disbanded” after they apparently found me whenever they did and got rightfully mad. it was kind of sucky to get yelled at by people who i thought i’d finally removed from my life but i had it coming and probably even deserved worse than i what i got for being such a let down in general.

i feel like they could have reacted better to everything but i probably started the overreacting when i got to the point where i started to doubt the kind of humor that ** had and the kind of vibes it gave off. obviously i never said anything about it to them but i still did react badly to a lot, i feel.

no matter how many times i’m told on **** i just can’t convince myself that i didn’t end up gone due to anything but an act on impulse. it was in the moment, and it felt good at first. i was finally away from a group of people that were “the worst thing ever” but now i almost wish i was back there putting up with the occasional offensive joke and mockery over the smallest little mistakes i’ve made instead of having these kind of feelings towards people i knew for a really long time and now hate more than they probably deserve to be hated.

the entire issue is so fucking dumb and minimal compared to things other people talk about all the time and it makes me feel bad that i’m this worried over something so trivial that barely even matters anymore. maybe it’s just to give me something to think about besides actual issues, or maybe it is an actual issue i’m just struggling with that everyone else moved on from. i don’t know.

i just hope ******* knows how much i really wish they never saw me as a friend, not because i didn’t or don’t want to be friendly if i can but if they never bothered adding me to ** out of the complete blue i’d never be here, having to worry about this. granted, not putting up with all that bullshit would mean i never would have stayed on ***** long enough to end up being invited to ******* and meeting everyone i’ve met on **** which i’m really thankful for. but i wonder if i’d have been better off oblivious to either group than to be a good, and possibly but i don’t want to speak for them and be wrong since i’m still new af compared to everyone else even somewhat important part of.

i just hope everyone in ** knows that while i don’t hold anything against them personally, not even *******, they have overall been a more negative experience to me than a positive one. and that i’d at least like to blame them for a lot of my paranoia over a lot of stuff involving social interactions whether they ever wanted to or not, and that i do hate you but at the same time i’m really fucking sorry that i ever did anything that made you what i can only assume hate me back.

i just hope **** knows that i appreciate all of them a lot, and i’m thankful for them putting up with my bullshit constantly, even though i feel like a lot of times i’m just a similar kind of weight to them as ** is for me, just, with less toxicity. i’m thankful for all the help/support i’ve been given from them regarding, well, a lot of trivial problems like this one, even if i fuck up a lot of the advice half the time and i can barely help much with other issues in return. even though thats not the point of this post i’m so glad i got to know the people there especially since that’s where i got the final bit of help in decision making that i needed to make a confident decision regarding **** and **. it may have had a few bad consequences due to how fucking dumb i am but even through those they were still really chill and i wouldn’t have been able to handle it without them and i really really hope they know that even though i’ll never be able to say it without worrying i’m being bothersome and overly emotional.

tl;dr: ** is a piece of shit i wish i was never a part of y’all have ruined my already miserable fucking life but i’m sorry because im probably the one thats being shitty and dumb and petty in this situation i both hate and don’t hate you all very much its very conflicting but at least ive got **** to help keep me somewhat sane even though theyre way too good for me tbvfh.