#do you ever go crazy insane over bruce being the only human - mortal - member of the JL and not only keeping up with LITERAL OTHERWORDLY

[bruciemilf]

“This reminds me of playtime back home,” Diana’s smile is pearly and smudged with blood, and Bruce struggles not to stare.

He won’t point out that she just ripped an alien apart with her bare hands and way too little effort.

He wants to. Anyone would have words faced with gods, but he doesn’t trust his conversation skills.

“Hn.”

“Boy, you’re a chatty one,” Green Lantern is positively insufferable.

He’s whip-smart, dangerously brave, selfless and tactical when needs be, but insufferable all the same, “ Also, cool boomerang.”

Defensive, Bruce grips the gadget a little closer to his hip, “It’s a batarang.” And it was my son’s idea. Of course it’s impressive. 

The brunette snorts, Diana chuckling alongside him, both entirely too bright for the gore on their clothes, “Oh yeah, that sounds so much better. But you obviously know how to handle it, I’ll tell you that much,”

inwardly, Bruce frowns. Why would he design a weapon he couldn’t use? 

“Yes, your combat skills are impressive! You must do your tribe proud,”

Involuntarily, his head lowers in embarrassment. The cowl feels ten times hotter now, and he wants to snarl at Superman for tugging at the pointy ears. His smile just blinds him too much, that’s all.

Aquaman picks body matter out of his hair, beach sand blonde, sending The Flash a smirk Bruce assumes is teasing.

He can’t quite tell. They’ve known each other for 10 hours, 20 minutes, and 32 seconds, and an odd, familiar energy had settled. “At least you’re not the only nerd in class.”

The Flash is young; Bruce notes the eagerness in his footsteps, the reckless courage, the perseverance to fight for the world and against it;

More than anything, he notices pride sparking a light in his chest.

“Not a nerd!"

"Whatever, speedy,"

"This nerd saved your well-conditioned ass! But anyway, DUDE, – I mean, can we talk about the tech? Just, – I need to know how you designed that utility belt, because holy FUCK, -,”

There’s a full minute of just animated hand gestures, plentiful explanations, queries, and Bruce of course pays attention to all of it. 

The Flash, – Barry, as he accidentally revealed five minutes in, too lost in excitable rambling to notice, – stops, frowns,

“Uh, dude? I mean, obviously, the whole,” he gestures to the entirety of Bruce, “Man Bat thing, that rocks,  but isn’t it easier to just use your powers?”

Superman’s fingers snap, “I was wondering about that! Why didn’t you?”

But there’s an underlying hint that the man already suspects it; It makes Bruce’s teeth grind anxiously, looking around expectant, curious eyes, 

“I don’t have superpowers,” the truth spills in a rush, and Bruce doesn’t take it back in time. 

They share stunned looks between them, but sky-blue eyes, peppered with a ring of brown in the left one, those stay on him. He’s uncomfortable with the appreciative gleam. 

Superman smirks, “We should do this again!”

[bewareofchris]

@chamiryokuroi, i have so many feelings and so few of them are good that i almost don’t want to go into it on the internet.  but,

(This turned into a dissertation) OBVIOUSLY THERE ARE INFINITY WAR SPOILERS BELOW THIS POINT.

first off let me say that I walked into this movie with the expectation that marvel was going to behave in a predictable marvel way.  and what exactly is a predictably marvel way to act?

Cap is the Hero, Tony tries but fails, Thor can’t understand that reference but he’s super powerful, for reasons unknown powers that worked yesterday fail today, a critical part of the plot hinges upon a relationship or a decision that the audience hasn’t had enough time to form a bond with and so the critical emotional peak of the movie falls flat

so what happened in Infinity War?

Lets get started by saying that I don’t honestly care if Loki dies, but I am 100% disappointed that he didn’t have a better plan, more action or a real shot at doing anything.  I mean.  This little shit is basically a cockroach that’s been alive forever and he’s done all kinds of shit in that time but the BEST IDEA he had was to try to stab Thanos right in his stupid face?  

I see that the Bifrost works however it wants now.  Good to know.  

WOULD YOU FUCKING MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND ABOUT TONY FUCKING STARK’S GLOWING FUCKING CHEST MY DUDE.

Look, I don’t think its a leap for Tony to wear nanobots and a hoodie that turns into a suit.  I think that’s 100% in character, but Marvel you’re a bunch of morons that took the shiny thing out of Tony’s chest several movies ago you can’t just show up now and act like that didn’t happen because he looks better with it.  This is like 0% relative and 100% nitpicky but it’s part of a greater Marvel Realized That Was Silly So They Changed It and Acted LIke We Wouldn’t Notice issue.

Bruce exists in this movie basically as a cheap joke and a town crier.  THANOS IS COMING, THANOS IS COMING.  Its like someone in the group writer meeting was like: dude, the Hulk is too much.  We’ve literally seen the Hulk take on everything.  We’ve established he’s undefeatable.  We can’t go back now.  How are we going to deal with the Hulk being a thing?  And the guy sitting next to him, balancing a pencil on his nose was like IDK what if we just like, inexplicably and for no reason we ever need to explain, make the Hulk not show up?  What if the Hulk gets hurt or scared by Thanos?  And he doesn’t show up?  OH DUDE then Bruce can use an Iron Man suit and we’ll do the trailers and make it look like the whole group is there!  

You know else is too fucking powerful to let loose too early in the movie?  Thor.  You know they did this in Age of Ultron too, they were like: lets give him a vision of Ragnorok and send him to a sparkle pool to take his shirt off and see things, so he could not be present when Cap was fighting Ultron.  Here they send him off with a Rabbit (this genuinely amused me no lie) and Groot.  And Thor speaks Groot.  A language he learned in high school.  He’s 1500 years old.  How does he remember high school Groot?  but that’s not important, what is important is that he’s off on a side quest waking up some dead star to forge some Thanos-killing weapon because as we see in the final battle as soon as Thor shows up looking hella fine, the show is basically over.

COULD SOMEONE PLEASE SLAP THE FUCK OUT OF STEVE GOD DAMN ROGERS.  Look, I understand that its upsetting when someone randomly suggests that killing themselves is the only way to save the planet but Rogers, if you aren’t the single most annoying hypocrite that ever walked the earth.  (At least the movie did point this out.  At least it did that.)  “We don’t trade lives?”  FUCK YOU STEVE.  It was ONE FUCKING LIFE versus HALF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE.  Everyone can do that math.  One Life < Half the Universe.  SEE, THE OPEN MOUTH GOES TOWARD TEH BIGGER NUMBER YOU SANCTIMONIOUS FUCK.

Honestly, Steve at the end, collapsing as he said ‘oh God’ is the only part of the entire MCU wherein Steve seems to sort of grasp that just because he wants the world to work a certain way doesn’t mean it will.  I hate to be a petty bitch but I’m 100% okay with everyone dying because at least Captain Fucking Rogers was wrong AND THE STORY CANNOT DENY IT.

This is going out of order, I’m sorry.

Lets talk about Thanos.  I actually liked Thanos.  I bear him no ill will.  He’s completely insane, but he’s doing what he thinks must be done for the greater good.  (*COUGH* THE SAFEST HANDS ARE STILL OUR OWN */COUGH*)  He is consistently insane which is nice.

but honestly.  I mean, honestly, if this bastard was this set on doing this shit and this capable of it, why the fuck didn’t he show up earlier?  Was it because he didn’t know where all the stones were?  I feel like it’s been a couple of movies now that he should have known where most of them were?  Why not collect them one at a time?  Why not send out his assortment of assassins to collect them individually?  He could have gotten all of the not-earth stones and then shown up to the party like HAHA BITCHES GUESS WHO THE FUCK I AM and 0 people would have known.

but this way is good too.  I guess.

This plot hinges entire on a string of inconveniences.  If not for bad timing, this series of events would not have unfolded in this way.  I try not to get bitchy about conveniences because things happen in real life that would seem a lot like the cosmic writer whose dictating our lives never took a writing class, BUT if it progresses your story and makes things easier for you (the writer) to accomplish what the plot (and not necessarily the characters) needs/wants to happen next it’s lazy.

The iris mechanism breaking?

Thanos having already found the reality stone?

Gamora secretly being the only thing he loves?

Nebula only escaping after it’s too late?

Cap’s abilities being literally ‘whatever the story needs, is he mortal, is he not?’

Bruce and Hulk’s domestic issue

Dr. Strange apparently being able to not only tolerate 14 million alternate futures but also remember them with enough confidence to make decisions for everyone without consulting them

Everything that happened when Quill found out about Gamora

The end part where the axe to the chest didn’t stop Thanos

the convenient core-member survival of the Avengers

I truly believe in my heart that Marvel decided to kill Black Panther before they realized how popular that movie and character would be and fuck them.  

While we’re at it.  Fuck them for that whole thing.  Like I get that T’Challa was leading his people, but the movie is framed in a way where he’s kind of an afterthought?  

They definitely underestimated him, that’s all I’m saying.  And Shuri.

THEY MISUSED THEM.  THEY DID NOT TREAT THEM FAIRLY.

Look, I love Tony and I”m super happy that the MCU finally, finally stopped treating him like he was insane.  Don’t get me wrong here, having Thanos show up and having Tony be like I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS is great.

What’s not great?  Is the fact that Tony who literally has been waiting for this this whole time suddenly had very little back up plan?  He had enough time to send Peter Parker a suit but he didn’t have a trove of alternate suits, or weapons, or anything that he could have sent along with it?  I know he had a few minutes to think but ALIENS ARE INVADING IS LITERALLY THE THING HE’S BEEN FRETTING ABOUT SINCE AVENGERS 1.

I’m just saying, they could have had him be slightly more prepared.  

Having said that, Tony was amazing.  

One of the best parts of the movie is that twenty seconds where it looks like he’s having a stroke when he realizes he’s working with idiots.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU LET THEM GET THE GAUNTLET OFF IF YOU WERE JUST GOING TO HAVE QUILL FREAK OUT?

No I’ll tell you.  Because it’s Marvel.  

Honestly that fight V. Thanos in space was amazing.  10/10.  Until Quill.

I have never been more furious about anything in my life than I was about Thanos trying to smash Steve Rogers into the ground and being unable to.  Like, even his face seemed to be conveying some kind of ‘what is this bullshit happening before me’ 

(IS HE MORTAL?  IS HE NOT?)

I also hated Steve’s shields, but I appreciate that they went with a pointy design so that he could more directly murder his helpless victims in combat.  Someone needs to introduce Steve to Jeff Goldblum because I feel like he’d either invite Cap to join the harem or the gladiators or both and it would be glorious either way.

Gamora’s death shouldn’t have won the soul stone because Thanos is a piece of shit.  He’s nuts.  The Soul Stone should have just thrown her back up there while laughing hysterically something like “AHAHAHA MY MAN, YOU’RE A PSYCHO, HAHAHA, YOU DON’T LOVE ANYTHING.”

That moment when you realize that if even one thing had changed in this movie the entire sequence of events would collapse.  That moment.

Also, how the living fuck did Tony live through getting impaled?  How?  HOW.

Dr. Strange: LET TONY LIVE Thanos: like, aren’t you a medical doctor? Dr. Strange: yes, but that’s not important Thanos: I’m not a medical doctor, like I’m just a crazy man, but he is definitely definitely dead. Dr. Strange: ok, yes, but. Thanos: no wait, I’m just--you’re really going to give up the time stone, a stone that as of this moment is basically impossible to get off you, just because you want Tony to live?  He’s definitely going to die.  I stuck this whole sharp thing through him. Dr. Strange: I KNOW IT SEEMS UNLIKELY BUT ROBERT DOWNEY JR SELLS MOVIES, OK.  HE’S ADORABLE. Thanos:  ...whatever dude.  Give me the green glowy thing

NO HUMAN BEING CAN COMPREHEND 14 MILLION ANYTHINGS.   This isn’t a number people can relate to.  It’s meaningless.  Why do all these movies have to overact?  Lets blow up a whole planet, lets kill half the universe, lets act like a human mind can comprehend 14 million alternate timelines

The fanservice in this movie was incredible.  Like, I’m now convinced there’s a whole team of interns at Marvel scouring the internet for more jokes.  

“Hey boss, they seem to think Rocket trying to steal Bucky’s arm would be hilarious.  So should we do that?” “GREG MY BOY WHAT A FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC IDEA.”

I loved Tony’s whole outfit.  I loved the nano bots.  I even loved at the end when he was running out and he had to redistribute them.  It was amazing

“Home” says Steve Fucking Rogers, the international war criminal that was like ‘but he’s my friend’.  BITCH THAT ISN’T YOUR HOME.

I’m actually 100% furious just at the fact that Rhodey who supported the accords immediately didn’t give one fuck about them as soon as it was convenient to want to be on Cap’s side instead.  I’m FURIOUS that the Accords didn’t matter.  They never did, but the fact that Rhodey was the last man standing that believed in them and he handwaved that shit away as soon as he laid eyes on Steve’s gruff unshaven face, its just like getting kicked in the nuts.

I just looked it up apparently Black Panther and Infinity War were filmed back to back which meant that Marvel had 0 idea how well Black Panther would do in theaters and honestly that must have been why they were like “ah yes you guys remember T’Challa?  Well. basically he just gives Steve some shields and that’s fucking it.”

(I know he did more than that, but he was still treated like a convenient secondary character who had convenient abilities, like Groot who couldn’t be bothered to do anything until someone needed an axe handle.)

C O M M U N I C A T I O N.  It really could have solved so many things. Dr. Strange: 14 million alternate futures Tony: cool.  how many did we win? Dr. Strange: 1. Tony: wait what?  TELL ME EXACTLY WHO DID WHAT Dr. Strange: I’m sorry I can’t just tell you the plot I’m not Mark Ruffalo.

Peter Parker did break my heart.

this is just personal preference but since I don’t find Chris Pratt funny at all, basically all the minutes that were put into his character were wasted on me

This movie cannot stand on it’s own.  That’s not a negative.  You don’t go see a movie like Infinity Wars if you haven’t already spent the last decade on the others leading up to it.  

but, my dudes, you did not set up Wanda/Vision well enough.  And so much emphasis was put on this.  SO MUCH.  She’ll have to destroy him, it’ll have to be her.  Ok.  Cool.  So lets get to it.

I may be heartless.

Gamora crying when she though she’d killed Thanos felt more authentic than Wanda’s entire crisis about Vision.

But, hey, I’m sure in the next one they’ll do something stupid as fuck that’ll make the emotional punch of this movie completely fucking worthless.