#does everybody hate me or am I anxious

[mazzystar24]

I like to play a game called Am I really observant and therefore always right or is that just my anxiety?

[skyeateyourdonuts]

lkjhgvcdd

[skipper1331]

Public? // Felicitas Rauch

a/n: based off this request. Hope you like it:)

The tension was thick at home.

Felicitas loved you.

You loved Felicitas.

But that didn‘t change the fact that there was this strange atmosphere ever since the two of you had one of your biggest fight ever.

-

At the age of 15, Feli and you met.

At the age of 16, she asked you out on a date.

After several dates, you asked you to be her girlfriend - it took you some weeks to build up the courage to do so.

At the age of 23, Feli asked you to marry her.

At the age of 24, the two of you were happily married.

Both of you seemed to be happy - you were, but something in Felis mindset shifted which had led to your argument.

She hated that she couldn‘t wear her ring.

She hated that nobody knew she was married.

For the world, you didn’t exist - that‘s how many people knew about you.

You‘re her wife.

She wanted to show everybody how much in love she was with you.

She wanted to post pictures with you,

she wanted to hold your hand in public,

she wanted to be seen with you.

You‘re everything to her and nobody knew about it.

-

It started as a simple conversation.

"Liebe, can we talk about something?" the German asked, taking a seat in front of you. You looked up from your laptop, putting the pen down, so your complete attention was on her. "Is everything alright?" you questioned, a big frown displayed over your features. It was never a good sign to start conversations like that, "what‘s wrong?"

The defender took a deep breath before she answered straightforward, "be my wife." which came out ruder than intended.

Confused, you looked at her, "I am"

"You‘re not" she declared, her jaw tense.

"What‘re you talking about?" you closed your laptop, "does that mean nothing?" wiggling with your ringfinger.

"No" she didn‘t want to get mad but slowly anger started to float through her body, all her emotions discovering the surface, "because I can��t wear mine!"

Taken back by her outburst, you matched her tone, "that‘s not my fault! You‘re the athlete, not me"

"You wanted us to be private!" her voice raised, "I could‘ve easily taped my ring" with her finger at the brick of nose, she tried to calm down. That’s not the way she wanted it to turn out - not at all.

"I want to be public" she stated, this time a much softer voice talking to you. The voice you could listen hours to.

"I don’t!"

With her voice level back angry and heart hurt, she growled, "Why not?!"

"I don‘t want to"

Your answer only made her angrier as she stood up and walked around the kitchen counter to pour herself a glass of water.

"That‘s not a reason!"

"You know what?!" leaving the chair, you gathered your notes, "I don‘t have to explain myself"

Feli could only watch as you took your laptop and walked away, in the direction of the front door.

Quickly, she followed you, stopping you in your tracks as she grabbed your wrist, her touch gentle, "Where are you going?"

"Away from you!" you felt so hurt, the insult of not being her wife. Was this whole marriage a joke to her?

"Y/n" she started, the hurt on your face visible for her, "please-"

"No, i got the message" you grumbled, "it‘s yours" angrily you took of the ring, slamming it down on the shelf.

Maybe it was childish to take off your ring but you felt helpless. She had been your girlfriend for many years and your wife for a few years, but never, never ever had she hurt you as much with a statement as she just did.

You left shortly after, Feli standing in the hall with an empty expression on her, your ring between her fingers.

She fucked up. She really did and she knew.

-

It was dark outside, 10 minutes before midnight and you still weren‘t home which made her anxious. The varnish of her nails was peeled off, her leg hobbling up and down and her mind racing with worst case scenarios.

Liebe❤️

When are you coming home?

please let me know

Even though you were hurt, you replied to her text. You hated it not reply to her texts and you could imagine how she was feeling, you hated it too when you didn’t know when she was coming home.

You

one hour.

Feli was laying in bed, anxiously watching the clock in your bedroom as she waited for you to come home. There was no way she would fall asleep before she knew you were safely at home.

Exactly an hour later, you opened the front door, walking into your home, eyes puffy and red. The defender didn’t leave the bed, she didn’t try to approach you nor talk to you. She wanted to let you be. Yet that didn‘t stop her from hoping you would join her in bed.

And you did.

Wordlessly you laid down, your back facing her. The German felt her heart sink, usually you would always cuddle her - she really had fucked up.

It took you about 20 minutes before you fell asleep, your body physically exhausted, Feli still wide awake. As your soft snores filled the room the defender was quick to decide what her next move would be. She couldn’t sleep without holding you, so that‘s what she did. Her arms snuggled around waist as she pulled you close, your body relaxing in her touch. She would make it up to you - that was a promise.

-

You woke up alone in bed, the wolfsburg player nowhere to be seen. Making your way out of bed, dressed in a oversized shirt and shorts, you walked in the kitchen, the smell of pancakes hitting your nostrils, "good morning" you muttered as you rubbed your eyes, taking on seat at the bar stool.

"Hey" the german whispered as she took you in, "I made you breakfast" she handed you the plate which was filled with pancakes.

"Thank you"

It was silent for a few moments.

"I‘m sorry" your wife started, "I’m so sorry. You‘re my wife no matter if the world knows that or not- I shouldn’t have yelled at you and I’m so sorry for insulting you like that" she inhaled sharply, turning to you as she gently interwined your fingers, "I love you. You are everything to me"

"Your comment hurt me" you whispered, your head falling against her shoulder as she instantly wrapped her arms around you. Silent tears streamed down your face as she mumbled sweet nothings in your ear.

"I‘m so sorry, baby" multiple kisses were pressed against your head, "I don’t wanna be public if you don‘t want to. I want you to be happy"

Her hands cupped your cheeks as she made you look at her, her eyes determined with her statement, "I love you"

-

"Can you tell me why you don‘t want to be public?" she asked one evening as she held you in her arms with the tv playing in the background. Her tone was gentle, understanding and as if she would accept every answer, she just had to know an answer.

"I like privacy"

And even though, it was indeed true that you enjoyed your privacy, the real reason to stay in secret was because you were afraid. You feared the public and their words. You didn‘t want your relationship to break down because her fans didn‘t like you or your looks or the fact that you don’t play nor enjoy football.

Just you and her.

-

The topic wasn‘t brought up again yet you could see how it killed Feli from day to day, how much it hurt her to take off her ring every morning. Her eyes stopped shining the way they used to, her smile didn‘t reach the corner of her eyes anymore - the light was missing.

She loved you, she really did and she still treated you like a princess but not wearing her ring, not having the opportunity to show you off left her heart in pain.

Which is why you did what you did one day after her training.

The defender came home with a smile tugged on her lips as she told you about her day.

After her story about the day, "I‘m going to shower, baby" she stated, pressing multiple kisses to your cheeks before she walked towards the bathroom, her phone resting on the kitchen counter.

When you heard the shower, it was safe to say that she wouldn‘t come out of the bathroom for at least 20 minutes.

Snatching her phone from the counter, you made yourself comfortable on the couch. Feli never had a problem if you take her phone, she had nothing to hide and was fully convinced that you would never control her which was true. Never ever would you stalk through her phone or anything, most of the time when you used her phone was for music, hay day or when she asked you to reply to someone. You trusted each other blindly and more than anything, so opening instagram, you did the thing that made her happy, hopefully.

You revealed your marriage with a simple post.

Within seconds her phone blew off, notification after notification.

feli_rauch

jule_brand and 20.364 others

feli_rauch 🤍

When Feli left the bathroom, you were happily cooking some dinner as music played softly in the background. You swayed with the beat, humming along the lyrics as you prepared your meal.

In the meantime Feli walked in the living room as she heard her phone ring constantly. What was happening?

And then she saw it.

Over a thousand notifications on instagram.

Why?

Your post.

"Liebe!" she yelled while she quickly entered the kitchen.

"Ye-" you‘re cut of as lips were pressed against your own, strong arms wrapping around your waist.

Feli kissed you with every inch of love in her body,

she kissed you with so much happiness,

she kissed you with a new found passion.

When air became a problem, you pulled away, the defender chasing after your lips for multiple pecks.

"What was that?" you asked, completely out of breath, lips swollen and chest heavily rising and falling.

Replying with "A thank you" she cupped your cheeks, thumb softly caressing it, "for the- that the world knows I‘m married and happily so"

your cheeks turned red, her gaze so intense as it was filled with love. She smiled brightly at you, a smile that reached the corner of her eyes.

"I‘m sorry for being so secretive, I was afraid of the outcome- the media and fans but I’m done with it. I love you and it‘s time for everyone to know" you stated in a firm voice, ready to fight the world if needed.

"I‘m so in love with you"

-

Since that day, there hasn't been a day where Felicitas took off her wedding ring. In games, she would tape it up, the same as in training. It was her good luck charm and everybody should know it.

—————

[freedomfireflies]

If requests are still ‚allowed‘: maybe you could write a one shot about Y/Ns first time with her boyfriend H! - Ina

Technically, my requests are closed but this is so cute and I've never gotten to write anything like it so I couldn't resist 😭💞

“Breathe, baby. Breathe. Good, that’s it. Just like that.”

The weight atop your chest grows lighter as Harry’s palm cups your cheek, keeping your eyes on his. He breathes with you. In. Out. In. Out. Hold.

Your nails begin to slip down his back, anxious to hold onto him. To hold onto this moment. You don’t want to stop. You want this with him but your mind is racing. Unable to focus on anything else but the fear of what you’re about to do.

“Good,” he whispers, thumb stroking along your jaw to soothe you. He looks proud. Expression soft and understanding. “Good. Are you still with me? Do I have you?”

You take a moment to find your voice, hidden beneath your nerves. “Yes.”

He nods once. “Okay. Do you wanna stop?”

“No.” Your fingers move to his hair, tugging softly on the roots as if to nail in your point. “No, I just…I can’t…it won’t stop.”

“What won’t stop?”

You swallow, eyes falling shut so you can hide yourself from his reaction. “…the voices.”

You hope he doesn’t make you elaborate. Hope he doesn’t think you’ve lost your mind, but you feel his hold on you grow a bit more firm. Pointed. Subtly requesting you look at him once more.

Hesitantly, you do, feeling weak and small under his gaze. Under his large frame that’s keeping you trapped to the bed. 

“The voices,” he repeats, and your cheeks flush. “And what are the voices telling you?”

You shift a bit, knees knocking into his hips as you take a beat to calm your racing heart. “Just…just that it won’t…be good? I guess? That you won’t…like it. That you won’t like how I do it, or…or how I am, or how I look.”

His brows furrow, forehead creasing in a way that makes your stomach drop. He’s so pretty. It hurts to see him frown.

“And?” he urges.

“And…that we won’t be us,” you admit softly, now staring a hole through the golden cross around his neck. “That you’ll…that you’ll hate it so much, you won’t be able to look at me. Or talk to me again. And I’ll be too embarrassed to try and fix it. And we’ll have done this, and it’ll ruin everything, and I’ll lose you—”

“No,” he suddenly breathes, the sound of his voice almost wounded. “Never. You’ll never lose me. Ever—”

“You don’t know that,” you argue, scratching at his scalp as you look back up. “You don’t. I’m not your first. I’m not…I’m not gonna know what to do the way you’re used to. I’m not gonna be able to do the kind of tricks or positions you might like, I won’t…I’m not gonna be any good—”

“Baby,” he just about sighs as if you’re physically hurting him. He surges forward, forehead pressing to yours as he forces you both to still. To quiet. “I…look, I know why you’re anxious, okay? Believe me, I know. I was anxious, too, my first time. It’s impossible not to be.”

You feel calmed ever-so-slightly. It’s hard for you to imagine Harry ever feeling any type of fear or anxiety.

He’s always been so…confident. Unwavering in who he is. After all, what does he have to be nervous about? He’s smart, he’s handsome, he’s rich. He’s got a body that was hand-sculpted by gods (and expensive trainers), he’s quick with a joke, and he makes everybody around him fall in love.

You already had a hard time convincing yourself he actually wanted to be with you, and it wasn’t some sort of odd joke. 

And now…now you’ve got a whole new crop of unsettling doubts attempting to remind you that he can do so much better.

“But please…baby, please,” he continues, pulling your focus back. “Please believe me when I tell you that there is nothing—and I mean nothing—that could ever ruin us. That could ruin the way I feel about you. Okay, it eats me from the inside out. I think about you all goddamn day. I think about holding you, and talking to you, and just…being near you. You…are everything to me.”

Your heart begins to pound against your ribcage at the earnest vulnerability in his confession.

“I am…consumed by you,” he murmurs, his naked chest flush with yours as he nestles himself in your embrace. “You have no idea what you do to me. No idea how badly I need to be with you. How much I love you. And this…this is just one, small way of proving that. One way to show you how much I worship you, and your body, and what it does for me.”

He dips down, lips trailing down your neck and toward your tits as he presses his adoration for you into each section of your skin.

“God, what you do to me,” he whispers, almost as if to himself. “You don’t even…baby, there is no universe where I’m not enamored by you. No universe where I’m not obsessed with the way you feel, the way you look, the way you taste. I think about touching you more times in a day than I think about breathing. Think about feeling you around me every goddamn second.”

As he continues to maneuver down your body, his hips subtly grind with yours, cock delicately grazing your naked cunt as you gasp and squirm beneath him.

“I just want to take care of you,” he says, finally looking up at you through his thick lashes, lips hovering just over your nipple. “Do anything to make you feel good. Make you see how badly I need you. To hear you moan my name or cry out for me. Just wanna show you…that I’m the only voice you need to listen to.”

Your chest is beginning to rise and fall with apprehensive, needy breaths. The lust in the pit of your stomach has grown, and the only comments in your head…are his. 

Which you imagine was his goal. To talk to you and praise you and remind you…until he's the only one you hear.

“We don’t have to,” he reminds you again, hand coming down to your hip to give it a reassuring squeeze. “Promise. If you’re not ready, we don’t—”

“I am,” you say quickly, whimpering a bit even as you do. “I am, really. I want to do this, I want you. I just…I want to be good for you.”

“You are,” he groans, straightening back up to press his mouth to yours and prove it to you. “So fucking good for me, baby. Always so good. Give me everything I’ve ever wanted. Don’t you, yeah?”

You nod, fingers once again pulling at his shoulder blades as you subtly beg him to keep going. Grinding. Pressing his body to yours until you can’t think about anything else.

“I know,” he mumbles, pressing your thigh to the bed to spread you as he readjusts and lines himself up. “M’gonna start slow, okay? Don’t want you to do anything but breathe. Be my good girl and let me take care of you, all right? I’ve got you.”

You make a noise in the back of your throat as you watch him bring his cock closer, dragging it through your arousal before gently pushing inside.

He’d spent a good half hour before this making sure to work you up. Eating you out, fingering you, whispering his praises. It wasn’t the first time he’d made you come, but it was certainly the most determined he’d ever been.

And you’re rather thankful for that now because you have this strange need to chase after that kind of release again. A longing to be filled in a way you couldn’t be with just his tongue.

Your lip is between your teeth as you begin to stretch around him. Your eyes have fallen closed and your thoughts have all but subsided. 

And then…there’s him.

Kissing down your cheek and neck once more as he murmurs, “So good, baby. Doing so good. Talk to me. Need to hear you. Need to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” you gasp, nails painting patterns down his spine. “Shit…m’okay.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Good.” He buries his face in your shoulder as he sheaths himself completely. 

The room goes still. Quiet. He waits patiently for your body to adjust. For the pleasure to kick in. He fights his own instinct. Fights the urge to ruin you as he kisses the patch of skin his lips can reach.

Soon, you’re nodding quickly as you begin to gently roll your hips up. “Okay,” you sigh. “Okay, go.”

He leans back to see you, kissing the side of your temple. “Yeah?”

Another nod. “Yeah. Please, Har. Please…”

He’s heard you beg before but not like this. Not in a way that makes his stomach flip and his brain grow fuzzy. 

And suddenly, all he sees is this desire to care for you. To completely own you. To make your pleasure his own personal property as you surrender to him.

So, he does. He thrusts into you in slow, hard patterns. Making sure you feel everything. Making sure you know nothing else but him. Until you’re cock-drunk and willing.

And after devoting each second of his time to making this everything you’ve ever needed, you come together. 

Sweaty limbs tangling as he captures you in his arms and rides you through. As he kisses those voices away and makes a home in your subconscious. Until your body and his have become one.

And you know, without a doubt…

This is only the start.

~ Other Harry Blurbs

~ Full Masterlist

[xxeycisxx]

Ache | Matt Murdock

Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: you feel really bad and matt holds you.

Author's note: I know mental illness doesn't work like that, but girls can dream, okay? Also, this is my first fanfiction i am posting here and english is not my first language, so if there is any typo, i am sorry!

Word-count: 654

masterlist here

You found yourself lying in your bed.

The world around you didn’t feel right, almost like it wasn’t even real and it made you feel anxious. Terified. It‘s touching every nerve in your body, every inch of your skin feels like it‘s not yours. Every sound that makes it‘s way through the thick walls of your apartment irritates you. Even if not loud, it feels like your eardrums are being violated. Your brain hurts. Every thought that comes in your brain is painful.

You shift on your bed, try to make it better by changing your position. You try to focus on the feeling of squeezing your bedsheets in your hands. Or looking on your ceiling, finding some minor details, that are familiar to you and maybe it will give your mind something to concentrate on.

But nothing around you does seem real. More like sort of crooked.

You try to close your eyes.

„What is happening to me?“ you wonder.

Your heart is beating fast. Maybe if you could cry, it would make you feel a bit better. Maybe it could create an escape for all those negative emotions that are overflowing your brain. But nothing comes out.

You just lie there. Trying to understand what is happening to you. Finding only hopelesness and fear, that it’s going to be like this forever.

You hear a different noise. This one comes from inside of your apartment. You dont turn around to see who it is, but after a few moments, you feel someone‘s hands touching you softly. You could recognize his touch anywhere. It was gentle. Loving.

„Are you okay?“ he asked. His voice almost scared you in your state of mind. You felt embarrased. How can you explain something you don’t understand either?

„I dont know,“ your voice sounded different to you, it came out of your mouth, but it felt as if it belonged to someone else. Matt placed his hand on your shoulder. He could hear your heartbeat, how fast and heavy it was.

„What can I do to help you?“ seeing you like this hurt him. And in your better days, it made you feel guilty, that you are the one making him feel bad. Why couldn’t you just be normal like everybody else?  He would most likely be much happier with someone, who doesn’t have to deal with things like this. You felt like a burden. And you didn’t want to pressure him into feeling like it was his burden to bear.

„Just don’t leave, please,“ you were almost begging him. You hated the feeling of him seeing you now. But you couldn’t do this on your own. You needed him. You needed to feel him. And some stupid part of you still believed, that maybe, even if he sees you like this, it won’t scare him off. He will, for some unknown reason, choose to stay.  

He said nothing. But you felt his big hands taking you and squeezing you tightly to his chest. You desparately curled up in his arms like a baby needing physical reassurence of your safety.

You both stayed in the bed like this. You tried to concentrate on his heart, while your head rested on his chest. It brought you comfort, something that you longed for so much. You felt your muscles slowly relaxing and after a while, your body no longer felt like it was made out of cold stone. His body radiated warm that gradually saturated your whole world. With him, being so close, you could smell him, it reminded you of sweet cinnamon and vanilla, but it was somehow so much better than that. He was so close to you. Right here. You could touch him. Feel him. He was right beside you. He did not leave you.

You fell asleep after a while. With him, holding you, hoping you could freeze this moment and stay like this forever.

.

.

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[flockrest]

everybody's asleep! time to post kido thoughts because i have so many things brewing in my head about him that i can never seem to word to my satisfaction and i am finally taking the leap and treating him like my canon muses in that you know what? the studies focusing solely on him do not have to be neat either!!

loves his dad. hates his dad. loves his dad enough to keep the quill from his feathered spear — the last physical connection to him he's got — to bind to the braided cord he receives from nekk for his growing semiplumes as a statement of you are still something to me. hates his dad enough that he never gave his weapon its proper rites by burning it in a funerary bonfire, which wouldn't be a problem if he also did not refuse to take it up in any shape or form ( nekk's still got it in his aerie, collecting dust ). it's complicated.

has healed enough from the loss that he can think of his dad and anything to do with him without ever feeling like his stomach's being pried open to be turned inside-out by the time totk rolls around. still wounded to the point of rejecting customary warrior training and finding that extensive, emphasised talk of warriorhood in general, a literal cultural hallmark, makes him genuinely anxious and even a little angry. just a little. he can at least immerse himself in the mythic touch and triumph of Songs.

loves revail. hates revali. still has all his Songs memorised and could recite the older ones by heart, still gets dreams of being buoyed up above the skies by what he imagines would be his gale, still quietly thinks he's one of the coolest people peaks among the ripples will ever have to grace their history. also can't feel normal about him in any single conversation. also gets irrationally mad when anyone goes on and on about him, the ( mostly silent ) critic to the enjoyer. also rather unhealthily, if only subconsciously, clings onto the idea that his dad chose revali and his legacy over himself — not in the "oh, i was not enough" way ( though he did have a stint of this ), but in the "oh, of course he'd choose someone so amazing like master revali over me" way. the idea of revali is the last thing connecting him to his past with his dad, where he was still present, and kido hasn't decided whether he wants to burn that bridge or reinforce it.

but hey, here's to fluffier things! is contender for the one with the best fine motor control among his peers. though he doesn't feel a passion for it, and would much rather something else at his current age, he does hold his clothier apprenticeship with nekk near and dear to his heart for giving him an outlet he very sorely needed and the inability to ( physically and emotionally ) self-isolate as he wanted to in the worst of his grief.

cartography came a bit out of nowhere, but at the same time it's perfectly fitting. he legitimately enjoys travelling, even if his initial taste for it came in little bites of attempted-and-failed rescue missions. and maybe he wants to make sure he'll be able to find anyone he cares about in the future, huh? maybe he wants to be able to pinpoint exactly where anyone could've gone no matter what. bonus points: it's an artisan's life, not a warrior's one! score! ( < is going to be so upset when he finds out that learning to at least know how to defend himself is a compulsory step in graduating from fledgling to globetrotter )

[growling]

pros of near total isolation from other people (other than immediate family + does tumblr count??), started from some grade of elementary school to counting:

peace and quiet <3

no annoying people <3 (except my father and grandfather however i don't live with either of them, father's like a country away and he's not even malicious in his professional dumbassery, and peepaw is actually oftentimes fucking hilarious with his absolutely rancid disposition it's so fun and enriching to listen to him yelling at me over the most bonkers shit. grandma hates him, i don't think anybody in our family even loves him anymore. kinda feel bad for him but also not really. also i see way too much of myself in that guy for my comfort)

no people <3

no <3

i like it that way <3

continuing my epic grind of never having to leave my house or do anything for society <3

cons of near total isolation from other people, started from some grade of elementary school to counting:

what is a high school dynamics that i keep hearing of. how do teenagers talk. who is this mystical "theatre kid" i hear so many people just casually reference all the time you have entire theatres in there???

i think it fucked me. why. why did it fuck me if i wanted it in the first place and i would be significantly MORE fucked if I actually didn't

new guessing game: is this the zero socialization lifestyle, autism, or The Disorder(s)

i now hate, are disgusted by and terrified of everybody else that I happen to see or meet. This whole world is rotten and infested with mindless violent fucking npc-sounding vermin that keeps looking at me like they want to hurt kill and keep pissing me off like they don't know just who I am and I am glad to never go outside alone to not risk getting bothered by them. What even is the point of interacting with inferiors like these other than to get something out of them and then run away as fast as I can before they get any ideas. I don't even know if I feel hate or something else entirely but that is what best describes it. I highly debated putting this in the pros tier but then like, can be honest with you: I kind of realized that makes me sound legitimately unhinged

^I have such an easier time seeing you as a person online than if I ever actually met you irl tbh. trust me it's Different if I see that we like the exact same things and carefully inspect your entire presence for evidence you're a monster and find none

when i say i cannot leave the house alone due to my paranoia i am not haha joking im saying i am unable leave the house alone due to my paranoia. Last time I ever did was when I was, uhh, 13-14? years old, to get groceries, and as I came back home (never got the groceries lol the store was closed) I was so scared I was crying. That was the last time in my entire life I went outside alone. Whenever my mom suggests I could as much as take out the trash right next to our block I get so anxious I cannot move and start crying again until she drops it and goes do that herself. It's fine though if there's at least one more (capable.) person with me they will Shield me from the Attacks <3

increasingly disillusioned with the concept of friendships. They all act and talk the same, but maybe some are more gross than others. What is the point if nobody else will ever truly be on my level. Even if they end up entertaining me, that feeling will fade as soon as I get to know them more and get used to all their reactions, or I won't but they end up abandoning me for some stupid reason completely out of my control like all my former ones did anyway. But also I feel like I don't even get it, and it's not like I don't want people that will hopefully care about me and give me attention and love (that aren't just my immediate family. but i feel that's different since i knew them from the moment i was literally born, we've had plenty time to actually bond and shit), but it's like. I do not know how to put this even. I WANT to like people. But I can't, not if they're like this, not if it's so fucking terrible and boring in here. I do still fantasize sometimes though :>

have i mentioned my absolutely broken paranoia and how somehow ive been programmed with both prey animal and predator animal fear at once. that's crazy dude

when I was a teenager I had this like REAL hatred of other teenagers like I could maybe stand adults but being around teens made me extremely grossed out like "ew why are they so simpler and stupider than me in every way all high schoolers and vindictive bastards with zero brain except for me. the superior one who has to suffer by being exposed to their idiot germs. they do not know im literally god" idk if I still have it not gonna test it. But younger people (barring small children. they make me either actually neutral or very sad depending on the situation) generally enrage me more than the older.

despite all of this im gonna keep trying to be a good person however because im better than them :333 if i am literal god then I'm gonna act like it by not going down to the average human's level. Being nice makes me feel so good and I'm gonna keep doing it for fucked up and evil reasons >:333 /j........ kinda?

I *sigh* now sound like if Ebenezer Scrooge, Kamukura Izuru and Patrick Bateman had a lovechild and then at least two of them booked a plane and bolted forever. hold on american psycho the musical just came on the playlist

btw i did not read anything i typed if you were curious. i already forgot what i was saying

[eternalwritess]

Hi, can I get a Hazbin Match up please?

• My pronouns are she/her

• I am bisexual, possibly also demi

• I'm quite reserved and introverted, one to blend into the crowd and not one to stand out, but once you get to know me I can be very open and expressive. An introverted theater kid essentially. I'd also say l'm pretty kind, but can also be sarcastic. I can also be a bit mischievous as l like to do random stuff because I think it's funny. Despite all this I'm still a more lower energy person and am pretty calm, the mediator (and quite mature I'm told). The therapist friend who also needs a therapist if you will. But that more hyper part of me definitely comes out more intensely if something I like is involved. As in bouncing up and down at the seams explaining my interests hyper. I also seek for deep connections with people, so I hate small talk

• My interests are in drawing, writing, reading, engineering, and ESPECIALLY music (kpop, anime openings, musical soundtracks, video game music, instrumental covers, etc) as I have a very large imagination and am constantly thinking up new scenarios with different characters be them for myself or for a potential book or show idea. I also loves rocks and have a rock collection, and find interest in other small things that I'll dip my toes into (like abandoned Disney animatronics, mechanics of roller coasters, Ancient Rome history, etc) but I also love media such as anime (Naruto specifically), NATM, Splatoon, Hamilton, Greatest Showman, and more

• I am also an INFJ, a Virgo, and a Hufflepuff

• Uh... I have epilepsy (not photosensitive, also medicated), I get very socially anxious depending on the scenario but am getting better about it, don't like fake people, and I have trust issues. I am also in a choir because of my love for singing

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕕 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙…

𝓐𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓵 𝓓𝓾𝓼𝓽!

Quite honestly I have no idea how you two met. Although I'd assume at the hotel

Since you're introverted and more quiet he'd definitely be the one to initiate conversation probably noticing how you're more closed off from the rest of the cast

"So what are you doin here sugar?"

He most likely just wanted to annoy the hell out of you at first and you noticed that and pushed him away... which only made him want to know you more

After that it was a chase for him. You also probably noticed how fake he was and began getting annoyed with him for it

Not to mention all of his energy really drained you at first most likely. It was only when he had a rough day at work when you decided to talk to him since it looked like he had it rough

"It's not your problem sweetie,"

There's no doubt that he was closed off at first and he didn't want to talk about what had happened but he did end up opening up to you

You being calmer than him definitely balanced him out but you do have enough energy so that he doesn't get bored of you or being around you

He likes talking to you because it calms him down and brings him back down to earth

He loves it what you're sarcastic and will commonly be sarcastic with you over random things

The moment he sees you get really hyper over something you enjoy it makes his heart flutter and he wants to continue it for as long as he can

"Lets do this!!"

You hate small talk? Well so does he! He doesn't see the point of it and will start whole ass arguments over random things

He loves seeing your reaction when he starts shit, he knows you'll try to resolve it and he finds it adorable although if it really gets to you he'll try and tone it down a bit

"Alright everybody I want a clean fight!!"

The moment you said you love music I knew that you'd two would be soulmates

You'd bond over music and he'd share all of his playlists with you. You'd also probably have a joint playlist together

He'd try to get you to dance all of the time and will try to push you out of your comfort zone

He might find the rock thing weird but explain it to him a bit and show him a cute looking rock and he'll be obsessed

"Its adorable!"

As for your epilepsy he tries to keep you away from Valentino's corner even more so (not like he wasn't trying before)

He doesn't want you to get hurt by Valentino any more than he does

He also probably keeps you away from clubs because of the lights and will opt to take you somewhere a little more chill instead

[lovetals]

aren’t i so kind?

synopsis: you were offered to teach at another school that came with a higher pay and better perks, but how does the headmage of the nrc react to this?

character: dire crowley

deets: gn reader, yandere, teacher x teacher, well, headmage x teacher is more correct ig, nobody dies or anything but crow man isn’t that subtle with how he feels, probs v ooc crowley

note: is it obvious how new i am to this game lmfaoo. idk shit about this man other than that i think he’s a little pretty and sucks as a headmage like c’mon dude, you even let some kid with self esteem issues get blackmail on you smh 🙄 (jk azul ily plz marry me). crowley is v ooc in this btw since idk much about him, sooo :p hopefully everyone is content with him in this tho <3

i made up a false school for this since everyone in this game hates the rsa with a burning passion so i feel like even y/n here would hate them, or crowley would have a much different reaction if they went to rsa. i came up with the name supreme fairy university (sfu) so pay no attention to it i scrambled 😭

There would always be those days when nobody in class could seem to focus and just act restless in general, yourself included, and the students that tend to cause trouble would up their antics tenfold. Today, you weren’t spared from this, each period acting worse than the last until finally, the final bell of the day rang, excusing everyone from class.

Students were eager to rush back to their dorms and you couldn’t blame them, you’d run back to bed if you could. Instead, you let out a sigh of relief and collapsed into your chair, leaning as far back as you could with your eyes shut. You didn’t bother to close the door of the classroom nor did you care if anyone saw how exhausted you were, it seemed as if your students had noticed it already, anyways.

It was nice to have that moment of alone time. It wasn’t completely silent since you could still students in the hallways, but that was fine, a little background noise wouldn’t kill you. Unfortunately, your alone time would be cut short.

“You should know the classroom is no place to sleep, Mx. (last name).”

A distasteful frown appeared on your face at the familiar voice. Opening your eyes, you caught sight of a pair of glowing yellow eyes that were a little too close than you would’ve liked. Seeing this, the person above you chuckled and closed his eyes, the yellow orbs disappearing.

“No need for that hateful look—I was kind enough to not shake you awake.”

You rolled your eyes and flicked at his masked forehead, making him lean back and let you have enough space to sit up properly.

“Good afternoon to you, too, Crowley.”

Wow. You flicked his forehead and didn’t use honorifics to the headmage? How are you still teaching at this school?!

“What’s with the attitude? You’re normally still smiling every time I drop by here.” Crowley said as he leaned beside you, a hand on the desk and another holding onto the chair behind you. With the pout on his face you weren’t sure if he was serious with his next question or not. “Are you feeling ill? Perhaps a rest in my office will help.”

Ah. That’s why.

It was a little obvious that the crow-man in charge of this school held favoritism towards you what with the way he let you act so casually towards him without repercussions and how’d he dote on you. His attitude remained the same towards everybody, except for you. I mean, would a man that forced a student from another world to be a personal therapist to everyone also offer you to sleep in his working space with no extra cost? Maybe, maybe not, but you try to not dwell on this and choose to remain oblivious. It’s best to not raise questions to a matter you wish to avoid.

With a shake of your head, you refuse his offer. “That’s… kind of you… but I’ll be fine. I think I’m just too exci—anxious to be leaving here.”

Heavy silence followed after you spoke, not even the students out in the hallway could ease up the tension that you mistakenly caused.

Shit, you cursed, biting your lip in worry. Though you could try to avoid Crowley’s fondness for you you couldn’t avoid how he felt about your transfer. He’d always become silent at the mention of you switching to another school to teach, which was a much better reaction than when he first heard the news (you swear you’ve never heard a man shout so loudly and so angrily before). From a professional point of view his dislike made sense. Any boss would be upset to have a member of their staff leave to work with their opponent, but something tells you that Crowley’s issues with this were more personal.

After a way too long moment of silence, he spoke up, “You’re still going there?”

“No matter how many times you ask my answer will remain the same.”

“I see…” he hummed, switching to a regular standing position with a hand beneath his chin in a thinking manner. He soon began to mutter, “I could’ve sworn that worked…”

“Pardon?”

“Nothing! Don’t you worry your pretty little head over it.” His smile returned once more as he gave your ‘pretty little head’ a pat, an action that he was much too eager to do. “But you are leaving us soon, have you finished packing?”

When you shook your head he removed his hand from it and stretched it right in front of you. “Then shall we head off to your room?”

Teachers were given a dorm of their own to reside in while they taught at the school. There was nothing special about it other than the fact that you only had to pay for your food (something Crowley tried to treat you to ‘out of the goodness of his heart’) and any clothes or little trinkets that caught your eye (things that Crowley liked to gift to you). There was no need to pay for living in the dorm itself.

Your room was situated right next to Crowley’s, which was significantly larger than what the teachers had since he was the headmage. You were honestly surprised to be given a spot right next to him, but once you saw how far off you were from the rest of the staff and how big your room was you realized that Crowley’s favoritism was showing again. You were sure that the room you were given was meant to be for whoever was the assistant headmage, a member that seemed to be missing at this school. Though you’d never ask Crowley about the lack of one as you feel he may try to persuade you to take the position.

Speaking of him…

As you quickly packed away any items that were only around for decoration, Crowley was taking his sweet time with helping you pack. Every item he picked up he would reminisce about, retelling you how and when he bought it for you, exaggerating every detail. For stuff that he wasn’t familiar with he still found a way to make some sort of comment, your least favorite being his cold tone when asking who got it for you.

“Crowley, shouldn’t you be working on your own work?” you asked. You were starting to become more antsy the longer the headmage remained in your living space, but it seemed Crowley had pulled a trick out of your book and chose to remain oblivious to your obvious nervousness around him.

“Not to worry, I have cleared out my schedule to help you!”

Grasping for something, you said, “But shouldn’t you be working on getting the prefect of Ramshackle back to their world?”

He let out a solemn sigh, shaking his head lightly with a hand on his forehead. “Ah, unfortunately, I seemed to have hit a block in the road during my research and can’t seem to get past it.” He seemed to quickly perk back up, however, smiling at you with his hand back down. “However! I’ve decided to listen to the advice you give to your students when they’re stuck on something: to take a break!”

“Ah… you remember the advice I give to them… how thoughtful.”

“Besides,” the upbeat tone Crowley once had quickly changed to a more cold one, “they seem so happy here and might even wish to remain here. After all, who’d want to leave?

Ouch.

The dangerous glint in Crowley’s eyes at those words made you gulp and turn around without a sound, the hands holding onto the sides of the box shaking slightly. Not once has Crowley ever taken that tone with you, the only perk of being the object of his affection. You have witnessed him speaking to others like that, but it was much more different to be on the receiving end of it. Thankfully, there was a phone ring that came to the rescue.

Picking up the device off your bed your eyes widened at the name on screen.

Supreme Fairy University.

Why was the school you were transferring to calling you just a week before you would officially be there? Regardless, you needed to answer them. Looking back at the raven-haired man over your shoulder you told him who it was.

Crowley was uncharacteristically quiet as he nodded, eyeing the device in your hand with wide, unblinking eyes. You would’ve questioned this behavior of his if you weren’t so interested in finding out what the call was for. Clearing your throat, you hit ‘accept and lifted it to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this (First name) (Last name) from the Night Raven College?”

“Yes, that’s correct. I was recently offered to come teach at your school and am supposed to be arriving within a week. Is everything ok?”

“I see. Well, while we were thrilled to have you join us we, unfortunately, have to recline our previous offer.”

“W-what?”

“You are not going to be teaching at the Supreme Fairy University, Mx. (Last name).”

You couldn’t believe this. A while back, when they first came to you, they expressed heavy interest in having you come work for them, even adding more benefits when you told them you’d think about it. So what was with the sudden change of mind?!

“Thank you for willing to work with us, we hope you have a great rest of the day. Please do not contact us again.”

“W-wait!”

But the person on the other end already hung up, leaving more questions than answers. Who the hell ends a call asking to not contact them? Had you done something wrong??

“(First name)? Is everything alright?”

A hand rested itself on your shoulder, little metal claws digging into it as Crowley turned you around. He let out a gasp that was a little too staged when he caught sight of your face.

“Oh, dear! You’re crying!”

You… were?

A shaky hand to your cheek made you realize that he was right; you were crying. Why? Were you really that excited to be working at the other school? Or…

“Come, come! Sit down, tell me what happened.”

Making space on your bed, Crowley lead you down to the mattress with a hand wrapped around your shoulder while the other was wrapped around your hand, his thumb rubbing over it. Somehow, this made you cry even harder.

Maybe you were just that desperate to get away from him.

Crowley kept shushing you, his cold breath hitting your ear as he brought his head close to yours, the hand once wrapped around your shoulder now caressing your hair.

“Calm down, my dear. I never inten—expected to have this happen. Why don’t you tell Crowley what happened?”

You would’ve. You really would’ve, but with how much you were sobbing and hiccuping you found it hard to.

This just made Crowley bring you closer to him, practically nuzzling your head as his hand intertwined itself between your fingers, the metal tips on his digging into your skin, yet he paid no attention to that, he instead seemed much more focused on being as close to you as possible.

“Don’t worry, take your time. I promise, I will never leave your side so you will never be alone. Aren’t I so kind?”

[saltminerising]

salt to me because lately I’ve taken up a habit of browsing through the most recent scries just for fun. Sometimes they give me a little inspo. I think of something similar (although sometimes tbh i really like the original) and I think “wow this would be a cool breeding project”! But I am wayyy too socially anxious to actually go through w/ it. Now I have all the breeding projects stuck in my head but I can never do them! Also I feel like that will be stealing and that everybody is going to hate me and block me forever and make 50,000 thousand salt posts about me and-

but the temptation is strong. i can push through my social anxiety… for a few… for the lizards… i could just live in my dragoncorner because nobody is going to see them. right??

does this make me a meanie. an ass. am i in the wrong for doing this (i probably am)

also not related. but why aren’t all the tags here (in submissions)? there’s only 16. also genes is here twice

[alostlittleriverlotus]

I'm literally so done with masking.

I have spent SO long playing into my high empathy and trying to play some part of being the perfect little human that loves everyone. I've spent so long trying to be that and all it's done is leave me more open to abuse. Cause it came from abuse. I couldn't call anyone mean names. I'm so tired of trying to be the perfectly good person that does nothing wrong so I can feel worthy of love and not be afraid of being called a monster. I'm so tired of pretending that I'm not drained of energy. I'm so tired of masking my facial expressions to be "normal."

I am SO tired of hiding how I look when I feel tired, which is basically just this dead look of "everybody die." I am so tired of trying to appear normal. I'm just tired of masking anything.

If someone sees me and thinks I look scary or odd or emotionless, who cares? If someone sees me and thinks I'm acting weird or odd cause I'm stimming to music, who cares? I just do not have the energy anymore and I've spent so long that I'm just done. I'm over it. Even if it causes me anxiety, even if it feels like the entire world is staring at me, I don't care. Learning to unmask has been heavenly. Stimming in public, mouthing lyrics in public, dressing with items that fit my needs for sensory issues and such, wearing clothes that make me happy, not masking my facial expressions, allowing my face to "go blank" or allowing my smile to not reach my eyes. It's all so wonderful. Whether it's an autistic thing I'm unmasking or some "undesirable" trait that would get me marked as a "monster," I'm happy unmasking. I'm happy to just be allowed to be me.

And I'm glad I've been able to have such conversations with my friends so they can learn my traits. Like how even if my face looks blank, I can still be happy. Or asking clarifying questions. Or saying "I know I'm not physically reacting, but I heard you and I'm happy for you." It's improved my mental health so much and allowed me to feel free in communicating in ways that fit me. Oh God, I've been hiding behind these masks for SO long to be accepted by people that I haven't seen in literal years or people that would hate me because I come out (my parents) and I'm just so done. I got peeps who love me and don't mind me being "weird" or "different." It's so nice to allow my face to express naturally as well. It's so nice to actually feel my feelings instead of repressing them. It's so nice to let myself be angry or upset or annoyed. It's so nice to be able to express it in a healthier way that isn't a BPD problem because I'm actually letting myself feel and vent frustrations! I've genuinely been hiding SO MUCH of myself to everyone for years because of trauma with ex friends and my family. Things that would have gotten me looked at like I was evil, unpleasant, a monster, unfriendly, cold, etc. I've been called those things too. I didn't express grief properly so I was called cold. My ex used to call me a monster for not instantly caring about his needs (even when I told him at the start of the relationship that I struggled with showing affection and he was like "that's okay!" only to turn around on me later.) I am so glad I don't have friends who look at me like I'm some freak for "acting out" songs or going completely blank in my face. I have good people in my life that let me be myself. It's nice. It's like I can finally breathe.

I'm still unmasking a lot of things and internalized issues, but it's so SO nice to just...be able to ME for once. Disordered, imperfect, quirky, autistic, weird, whatever. I can let myself feel, I can let myself express, I can let myself communicate. Even wit struggles I still face, my self confidence has gone up immensely. And even if I'm paranoid and anxious, I feel more confident in public. I still get intrusive thoughts about what other people are thinking, pure paranoia or sometimes delusions, but it's better. It's freeing. It's taken a lot these past few years. But since I've graduated high school, I've been learning a lot. I came out as nonbinary, I learned about me being autistic, I accepted my ADHD, I've gotten help and medication for some issues, I've accepted these disorders I was so scared to self diagnose with and I have helped my trauma immensely. I'm not forced into a schedule, I'm not forced to be around 2,000+ people (my high school was VERY large and overcrowded), I'm not forced to lose sleep. I can eat meals when I want, I can focus on what I eat so I can help my health (prediabetic.) I just, everything about me has gotten so much better since I've graduated. I feel like I understand myself a lot. And unmasking has been a HUGE part of it. It's so nice. Even now, I'm getting better with my comment/post anxiety by being able to post more often, completely how I want. I still get anxious, but I don't get like obsessive or have a panic attack anymore. God I'm disordered, but I'm getting somewhere and getting better. It's a wonderful feeling to make progress and actually see it.

This is just a personal celebration of how far I've come :) every day I'm getting better and I wanted to celebrate it for myself. So yay!

[very-grownup]

'How charming, this meeting of minds. So you hate one another?'

'Please don't misunderstand me,' said Morcerf. 'If Mademoiselle Danglars were the sort of woman to sympathize with the torments I am not enduring on her behalf and to recompense me outside the provisions of the marriage contract drawn up between our two families, I should be delighted with the arrangement. In short, I think Mademoiselle Danglars would make a charming mistress, but as a wife, good God!'

'So that's how you envisage your future?' Monte Cristo said with a laugh.

'Yes. When all's said and done, it is. Slightly brutal, I realize, but accurate. But, since this dream can never come true and since, for me to reach a particular goal, Mademoiselle Danglars must become my wife -- that is to say, live with me, think beside me, sing near me, write verses and make music a few yards away from me, and all this for the rest of my life -- then I am appalled at the prospect. You can leave a mistress, Count, but a wife ... Huh! That's a different matter entirely: a wife is for eternity, whether close by or at a distance. The idea of having Mademoiselle Danglars for ever is terrifying -- even at a distance.'

'You're fussy, Viscount.'

'Yes, because I dream of something impossible.'

'Which is?'

'Finding a wife for myself like the one my father found.'

The colour drained from Monte Cristo's cheeks and he watched Albert, while toying with some magnificent pistols, rapidly cocking them, then releasing the springs.

'So, your father has been a happy man,' he said.

'You know how I feel about my mother, Count: she is an angel, still beautiful, still witty, finer than ever. I have just come back from Le Treport. Now, for any other son, just imagine: travelling with his mother would be an act of kindness or an unavoidable burden. Yet I have just spent four days with mine in Le Treport and I can tell you they were more satisfying, more relaxing and more poetical than if I had been with Queen Mab or Titania.'

'Anyone would despair of rivalling such perfection. You will make anyone who hears you wish seriously to remain a bachelor.'

'Which is precisely why, knowing that there is one accomplished woman in the world, I'm not anxious to marry Mademoiselle Danglars. Have you noticed how our egoism paints everything that belongs to us in brilliant hues? The diamond that sparkled in the windows of Marle or Fossin becomes much lovelier once it is our diamond; but if circumstances force you to acknowledge that there is a still finer one and you are condemned for ever to wear the diamond which is inferior to the other, do you understand what torture that is?'

'Snob!' the count muttered.

'And that's why I shall be jumping for joy on the day when Mademoiselle Eugenie notices that I am only a puny little atom possessing hardly as many hundreds of thousands of francs as she has millions.'

Monte Cristo smiled.

'I did have another idea,' Albert went on. 'Franz likes odd things, so I tried to make him fall in love with Mademoiselle Danglars, in spite of himself. I wrote him four letters in the most enticing of styles, but he always gave me the same answer: "I may be eccentric, it's true, but my eccentricity does not extend to breaking my word once I have given it."'

'Now, that's what I call true friendship: giving another person as wife the woman one only wants for oneself as a mistress.'

Albert smiled. 'Incidentally,' he said, 'dear Franz is on his way home; but that doesn't bother you. You don't like him, do you?'

'What! My dear Viscount, whatever told you that I don't like Monsieur Franz? I like everybody.'

'I am included in everybody. Thank you.'

'Oh, don't misunderstand me,' said Monte Cristo. 'I like everybody in the way that God ordered us to love our neighbours, that is, in Christian charity. I only bestow true hatred on certain people. But to get back to Franz d'Epinay: he is coming home, you say?'

'Yes, on the instructions of Monsieur de Villefort, who is as mad keen to marry off Mademoiselle Valentine, apparently, as Monsieur Danglars is to marry off Mademoiselle Eugenie. It really does appear that being the father of grown-up girls is one of the most exhausting states. As far as I can see, their temperature soars and their pulses beat ninety to the minute until they have disposed of them.'

- The Count of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas

[areus-in-a-little-cave]

"Hey, Nate, how's life?" I don’t know, it's alright I've been dealin’ with some things like every human being And really didn't sleep much last night (Last night) "I'm sorry," that's fine I just think I need a little me time I just think I need a little free time Little break from the shows and the bus rides, yeah (Bus rides) Last year I had a breakdown Thoughts tellin' me I'm lost gettin' too loud Had to see a therapist, then I found out Somethin' funny’s goin’ on up in my house Yeah, I started thinkin' maybe I should move out You know, pack my cart, take a new route Clean up my yard, get the noose out Hang up my heart, let it air out (Air out) I’ve been searchin' "What does that mean, Nate?" I've been learning Grabbin' my keepsakes, leavin’ my burdens Well, I brought a few with me, I'm not perfect Lookin' at the view, like this concerns me Pickin' up the cues, right? I'm quite nervous Hate it when I lose sight, life gets blurry And things might hurt me It's prolly gonna be a long journey, but hey (But hey) It's worth it, though Cold world out there, kids, grab your coats it's been a minute, I know, now I'm back to roam lookin' for the antidote to crack the code pretty vivid; I admit it, I'm in classic mode don't need pity given to me, but I can't condone Talkin' down to me, I'ma have to crack your nose for crackin' jokes I'm lookin' for the map to hope, you seen it? (You seen it?) Been makin' a whole lot of changes Wrote a song about that, you should play it I get scared when I walk on these stages I look at the crowd and see so many faces, yeah That's when I start to get anxious That's when my thoughts can be dangerous That's when I put on my makeup and drown in self-hatred Forget what I'm sayin', and— Where'd the beat go? Oh, ain't that somethin'? Drums came in, you ain't see that comin' Hands on my head, can't tell me nothin' Got a taste of the fame, had to pump my stomach Throw it back up like I don't want it Wipe my face, clean off my vomit OCD, tryna push my buttons I said don't touch it, now y'all done it I can be critical, never typical Intricate with every syllable, I'm a criminal Intimate, but never political, pretty visual Even if you hate it, I'll make it feel like you're in it, though You call me what you wanna, but never call me forgettable Leave you deep in thought, I could never swim in the kiddie pool Way that I been thinkin' is cinematic, it's beautiful Man, I don't know if I'm makin' movies or music videos (Videos, videos, videos) Yeah, the sales can rise Doesn't mean much though when your health declines See, we've all got somethin' that we trapped inside That we try to suffocate, you know, hopin' it dies Try to hold it underwater but it always survives then it comes up outta nowhere like an evil surprise Then it hovers over you to tell you millions of lies You don't relate to that? Must not be as crazy as I am The point I'm makin' is the mind is a powerful place And what you feed it can affect you in a powerful way It's pretty cool, right? Yeah, but it's not always safe Just hang with me, this'll only take a moment, okay? Just think about it for a second, if you look at your faceEvery day when you get up and think you'll never be great You'll never be great—not because you're not, but the hate will always find a way to cut you up and murder your faith, woo I've been developin', take a look at the benefits Nothin' to meddle with, I can never be delicate Am I even relevant? That depends how you measure it Take a measurement, then bag it up and give me the evidence Pretty evident; dependable can never be tentative I'm a gentleman, depending on if I think you're genuine Pretty elegant, but not afraid to tell you to get a grip Proper etiquette, I keep it to myself when I celebrate, ah (Ah) It's that time again Better grab your balloons and invite your friends Seatbelts back on, yeah, strap 'em in Look at me, everybody, I'm smilin' big On a road right now that I can't predict Tell me "Tone that down," but I can't resist Y'all know that sound, better raise your fist The search begins, I'm back, so enjoy the trip, huh <- wwtltysts!tubbo

[kegiostoyslut12345]

The Search by NF

"Hey, Nate, how's life?" I don't know, it's alright I've been dealin' with some things like every human being And really didn't sleep much last night (last night) "I'm sorry", that's fine I just think I need a little me time I just think I need a little free time Little break from the shows and the bus rides (bus rides), yeah Last year I had a breakdown Thoughts tellin' me I'm lost gettin' too loud Had to see a therapist, then I found out Somethin' funny's goin' on up in my house Yeah, I started thinkin' maybe I should move out You know, pack my car, take a new route Clean up my yard, get the noose out Hang up my heart, let it air out (air out) I've been searchin' "What does that mean, Nate?" I've been learning Grabbin' my keepsakes, leavin' my burdens Well, I brought a few with me, I'm not perfect Lookin' at the view like, this concerns me Pickin' up the cues, right? I'm quite nervous Hate it when I lose sight, life gets blurry And things might hurt me It's prolly gonna be a long journey, but hey (but hey) It's worth it, though Cold world out there, kids, grab your coats Been a minute, I know, now I'm back to roam Lookin' for the antidote to crack the code Pretty vivid, I admit it, I'm in classic mode Don't need pity given to me, but I can't condone Talkin' down to me, I'ma have to crack your nose for crackin' jokes I'm lookin' for the map to hope, you seen it? (You seen it?) Been makin' a whole lot of changes Wrote a song about that, you should play it I get scared when I walk on these stages I look at the crowd and see so many faces, yeah That's when I start to get anxious That's when my thoughts can be dangerous That's when I put on my makeup and drown in self-hatred Forget what I'm saying, and

Where'd the beat go? Oh, ain't that somethin'? Drums came in, you ain't see that comin' Hands on my head, can't tell me nothin' Got a taste of the fame, had to pump my stomach Throw it back up like I don't want it Wipe my face, clean up my vomit OCD, tryna push my buttons I said don't touch it, now y'all done it I can be critical, never typical Intricate with every syllable, I'm a criminal Intimate, but never political, pretty visual Even if you hate it, I'll make it feel like you're in it, though You call me what you wanna, but never call me forgettable Leave you deep in thought, I could never swim in the kiddie pool Way that I been thinkin' is cinematic, it's beautiful Man, I don't know if I'm makin' movies or music videos (videos, videos, videos)

Yeah, the sales can rise Doesn't mean much though when your health declines See, we've all got somethin' that we trapped inside That we try to suffocate, you know, hopin' it dies Try to hold it underwater but it always survives Then it comes up out of nowhere like an evil surprise Then it hovers over you to tell you millions of lies You don't relate to that? Must not be as crazy as I am The point I'm makin' is the mind is a powerful place And what you feed it can affect you in a powerful way It's pretty cool, right? Yeah, but it's not always safe Just hang with me, this'll only take a moment, okay? Just think about it for a second, if you look at your face Every day when you get up and think you'll never be great You'll never be great, not because you're not, but the hate Will always find a way to cut you up and murder your faith (woo!)

I am developin', take a look at the benefits Nothin' to meddle with, I can never be delicate Am I even relevant? That depends how you measure it Take a measurement, then bag it up and give me the evidence Pretty evident, dependable can never be tentative I'm a gentleman, depending on if I think you're genuine Pretty elegant, but not afraid to tell you to get a grip Proper etiquette, I keep it to myself when I celebrate, ah (ah) It's that time again Better grab your balloons and invite your friends Seatbelts back on, yeah, strap 'em in Look at me, everybody, I'm smilin' big On a road right now that I can't predict Tell me "Tone that down, " but I can't resist Y'all know that sound, better raise your fist The search begins, I'm back, so enjoy the trip, huh

[megatraven]

RE: Number asks--4, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 28, 30, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, and 44. (Apologies in advance for the interview dump--and feel free to ask any back to me that you want! XD)

sorry this took a bit! my computer's been crap the last couple of days and answering this on mobile was a no-go :^) (if i already answers some, then i didn't re-answer them here!)

i am putting this under a readmore cause it's a little long, and there is a potentially triggering answer (with TWs on it)

4:Do you drink? - sometimes! not very often tbh, and when i do it's USUALLY just one drink tops

8:Want any tattoos? - YES!! the best tattoo idea i've ever had and desperately want is a tattoo of a grape on my finger tip so that when my fingers prune it becomes a raisin :))

but also i want this symbol tattood on in honor of alex <3:

but also also.... i want a bunch more too :) i want to get a cool sleeve tattoo that travels over my back and down the other arm

10:Want any piercings? - not really, i'm not big on wearing jewelry and the piercings i do have are empty for most of the year

14:Biggest turn offs - physical intimacy that isn't initiated by me. mansplainers. i dont really knwo what else to put here bc i don't necessarily even get turned on LMAO

16:I’ll love you if - this is a hard one because i already love everybody, i love all my little friends and followers here on tumblr dot com

18:Most traumatic experience - (TW: suicidal thoughts (not mine), knives) once when I was younger, i was home with just my older brother and my mom. out of nowhere my mom starts yelling and crying and me and my brother rush over to her and she's so obviously in pain and she's yelling about how her head feels like it wants to explode. (found out later she was having a really terrible migraine). my brother was trying to calm her down and we were trying to figure out what to do. i remember her saying, very clearly, that she wanted to take a knife and stick it through her ears to get the pain to stop. that she wanted to die because it hurt so bad. my brother kept an eye on her while he called our neighbors to come help. i went and took all of our steak knives and hid them. just in case we couldn't stop her. i was just a kid. i didn't know what else to do. but after so many years, that situation has stuck in my head, and it makes me extremely afraid of other people in pain. my mom's had a lot of health issues over the years and there have been times that she's in intense pain and i've always just froze up. and i would try to prepare myself to hold her down if i had to, like my brother was prepared to do back then. and sometimes i would wonder if i need to hide the knives again. (it never got so bad again, though, thankfully)

20:What I hate most about myself - i have a tendency to self-isolate when i'm feeling down or anxious and that only makes me feel WORSE and i hate it so much. im working on getting thru that tho

22:What I want to be when I get older - an artist and writer :) BUT!! also would be very interested in being an anthropologist still, too

24:My relationship with my parent(s) - strained a lot of the time, but it does a lot better when we're not living under the same roof. i love my parents, but they have a lot of room to improve, and i don't think they will. they love me, too, and they've helped me out a lot when shit has fallen apart, which i'm endlessly thankful for. but i don't know if they would love all of me if i came out which strains the relationship on my side which frustrates them and it's just. woof. we have stuff to work through lol but i'm not ready yet.

26:My biggest pet peeves - self deprecation as a form of humor, and refusing to take care of your body's basic needs even with a reminder to do so. neither one is funny or cute or quirky. it's annoying as shit. when my friends do it i want to throttle them (with love)

28:A description of the person I dislike the most - genuinely cannot think of a person i dislike the most

30:What I hate the most about work/school - i am taken advantage of because i'm a good worker and im a doormat so they just keep getting away with it >:(

32:What words upset me the most - when other people call me stupid or dumb or otherwise imply i'm not smart. when people try to control and box me in re: my sexuality as if they have any authority on that.

34:What I find attractive in women - everything :)

36:Where I would like to live - denver colorado! or really any place with mountains that gets relatively cold

38:My childhood career choice - volcanologist! (still kinda want that tbh) and firefighter, like my dad.

40:Who I wish I could be - i'm pretty happy being myself tbh

42:The last thing I ate - strawberry toaster strudels for breakfast

44:A random fact about anything - the plural of the word "beef" is "beeves"

[skelebonecentral]

Imposter Syndrome

request from ao3

eclipse, while still hiding in sun's body, experiences adoration and praise for the first time. but it's stolen glory, isnt' it?

words under cut

Well, here he was. Alone with the human that was besotted with Sun.

“what do you see when you look at me?” he asked, still using Sun’s voice rather than his own. He wanted to know what possible good they could find in the anxious, weak mess that was Sun.

They blushed, aw, how saccharine. “Uh…w-well, I…Sun, I think you’re wonderful. I can see how hard you try, how patient you are with Moon, how much you sacrifice your own wellbeing to care for others…it’s worrying, but I know you’re coming from a good place with it.”

“Really?” Eclipse acted the part, wide eyed and curious tone, “What if I told you that it was all to make people like me? To force a narrative that I’m the good one even if I have the same violent thoughts as Moon does?”

That…didn’t have the impact he wanted. The human just blinked and said, “Sun, I hate to tell you this, but everyone has violent thoughts now and again. I’ve wanted to punch Moon in the face a lot but I don’t because I can control myself. Thinking a thought isn’t the same as acting on it.”

Eclipse didn’t want to hear that, “So basically even if my inner dialogue was about how disgusting everybody is and how stupid I think they’re acting, it’s fine?”

“It’s not hurting anybody for you to think that, even if I do worry that you’re so upset with the world. Sun, maybe we should have some kind of staff therapist or something. I think you’d benefit.”

He laughed, but he had to control it because they noticed something was up.

“Sun, are you okay? This is really weird behavior from you.” They actually took his hand, and Eclipse faltered. Even with all he’d just said, all the other slips he’d done in front of this person, they were stupid enough to look with concern. They either really loved Sun or had no self preservation. He chose the second option for his assumption.

“I just don’t think I’m really the person you think I am,” he teased the truth, but knew they’d take it another way from the ‘sad’ tone he used.

“I’m willing to learn…Sun, I think you need to hear this now.” They blushed again, all the way to their ears this time as they held his hand, “Sun, I want to be your partner. I know it’s a stressful time, but…I’ve had feelings for you for a while and I just want to let you know  you aren’t alone.”

He wanted to push them away, make them lose the feelings they had for his captor, the annoy little wretch, but…he also wanted to see how far this would go.

“You want to date ME?” He acted shocked, then changed tact, “Well, can you show me? How much you want me?”

Their whole body started warming up, he could see it on his sensors, but the agreed with a nod and pulled ‘Sun’ toward the tower. Oh he was going to LOVE lording this over Sun.

“I never expected you to be so forward but…I-I do want to you to know how much I care so…I’ll take good care of you.”

He didn’t want to admit what that loving look did to him. He knew it wasn’t for him, it was for Sun, but…but he wanted it anyway. God he hated that Sun got to have looks like that and be oblivious from his own neurosis.

Taking him to Sun’s room, they laid him down on the bed and stroked his face…Sun’s face. “You look irritated. What’s wrong?”

“I’m just wondering why I get this kind of attention and not other people,” it was getting harder to keep Sun’s voice.

“Because I see you, all that you’ve ever shown me, even the parts you didn’t want me to see. Like just now,” their hands slid down his chest and stomach and it made him arch, “you’re angry and don’t feel like you deserve what I want to give. But you do. No matter how bad the thoughts you’ve had, or the pain you’ve been through, you still deserve to be loved.”

They were still talking to Sun, but…he couldn’t just ignore those words when they’d hit something so deep in his soul.

“P-please keep saying that,” he begged in Sun’s reedy register, feeling it more appropriate than his own growl would have been.

“Of course, sweetheart,” they smiled so softly, making the rage and hurt in his chest well up into his eyes. Why could they not be looking at him instead? He wanted them to say this to HIM and not Sun. “Actions speak louder than words. Your actions toward me have always been considerate,” their hands slowly pulled down the jester pants and exposed the modesty hatch, which was a hair’s breadth from opening from how much Eclipse wanted to feel their touch. “and you’re worth my actions now. You are always worth loving. Always.”

The tears spilled out and the hatch opened, tendril writhing in the sudden chill of the air and petals dripping.

“Can you say that with me, hon?” their hand wrapped around his tendril and stroked gently up and down, “That you’re worth loving?”

“I…” he swallowed, having almost slipped with his voice, “I’m worth loving…”

“That’s my good boy,” they cooed, and his tendril squeezed around their arm as they kept stroking it, “Now do you want me to undress or just take care of you like this?”

“J-just like this. Please don’t stop.” Well, there went his voice a bit, and they tilted their head.

“heh, your voice gets deep when you’re running hot, huh?” they giggled and kept moving, making him gasp and grip the sheets, “It’s very sexy, though. I don’t mind.”

Oh god they’d just complimented his voice. HIS voice. “G-good…mmnn, can’t stop it now.”

“That’s fine, sweetie. You’re still my good boy. Is it okay if I touch your pussy?” their words were so warm and sweet, he just wanted to drink them.

“Please do,” Eclipse hated that he was begging but his brain was not home at the moment. He was being led around by what felt good and he just wanted to feel MORE of them doting on him.

Their smile was so bright, he focused on it and let his mouth hang open, soft moans starting as their fingers went in.

“You’re so handsome when you’re moan for me, love,” they murmured and he arched his back with a gasp as they found the tender spot inside him, “Right there, huh? Okay, thank you for telling me how you can. You’re so open for me, I love you so much.”

He couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, just crying and gasping and writhing as they pleasured him in both places, utterly lost in the sensations and how desperately he wanted their eyes to keep looking into his.

“I want you to just let yourself go as soon as you want. I’m showing you how much I care about you, and that means you get everything you need.”

That alone got him over the edge and spurting all over their hands and his stomach, whimpering as he choked on his voice.

“There we go. Aren’t you so good for me?” They leaned up and kissed him, very gently and loving. Eclipse just hummed needily into it. “Now, let me clean us up and we can cuddle.”

Nodding, he lay there and watched them. Their every move was motivated by tenderness, whispering praises for letting them take care of him, for being so still while they cleaned and not taking over, for giving them the chance to love him.

When they were both clean, the human snuggled into the bed next to him and hugged him tight. “Let’s rest, Sunshine. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

The little nickname hit him like a ton of bricks. Of course…well, the tears were already flowing, why not let them go again? Eclipse held them close and let the body enter sleep mode, because even if he wasn’t in control when it woke up, he wouldn’t want to be. He’d be keeping these memories on loop, over and over…because for a few precious seconds, he was loved.