#does this shit even make sense i'm just fucking obsessed with that imagery

[usercelestial]

can't stop thinking about characters who are dogs. like characters who bark and growl. who bite the hands that feed them and that get mean when they're nervous like bad dogs, who can't help gnawing at a good thing until it bleeds. characters who are loyal and possessive and protective but reckless and feral and rabid. characters who wanna sit at the feet of their owners and characters that can't stop losing. characters who are kicked like strays and put in cages. characters who are muzzled and loud and obedient and mean. characters who are just foaming at the mouth for love and attention, characters who are hungry and savage. characters who are just. dogs.

[1-h4v3-wr1t3rs-bl0ck]

Did the first 10 chapters of fight club. Here are my thoughts:

SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE AND THE BOOK!!

1. This is a dangerous book if you're an incel.

This is actually such a dangerous book if you go into it being an incel/ violent guy who watched the movie. Tyler describes how to literally blow up buildings, make dynamite, how to make your own silencer on a gun... This is a fucking amazing book and I'm having a great time but... Majority of the people in the fan base are people who heavily romanticise the graphic imagery and say shit like "I'm so Tyler Durden fr." And that kinda worries me when you literally give us a step by step into making napalm.

2. This is a queer book.

Think I'm joking? Here some reason I think it's a gay book. Again, I'm only on chapter 10/30.

The narrator essentially comparing his want for Tyler and Tyler's want for Marla as if they're even on the same level. Tyler and Marla have a strong sexual relationship... Why would the narrator compare that to what he has with Tyler, why would he describe it as a triangle?

Knowing that Tyler is a figment of his imagination is a weird perspective to have going into the book, but it helps. If Tyler is just made up by the narrator then... Me when I casually just start seeing this hot sweaty man on a nude beach.

The narrator is was more vulnerable with men than he is with women. He can't cry at the clubs, not until Bob shows up. Also I'm going to note that when Marla shows up to the clubs, he stoped crying and he can't sleep... He hates the thought of being vulnerable with a woman but he has no problem with crying in front of multiple men.

He repeats a lot of things Tyler says and does, Tyler heavily influences the narrator.

Tyler is vulnerable with the narrator.

Also just this line. Not honest women, he only says strangers. And he says this while being hugged by a man who's being vulnerable with him and sharing extremely sensitive details about his life. And as soon as he meets Tyler, Tyler starts over sharing immediately.

And this line about not needing to be married to a woman. They both bond over having daddy issues and then talk about "I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer I need." ... interesting... This obviously isn't inherently queer, but just to note, this scene in the movie is really um... Tyler's taking a bath while the narrator just sits in the bathroom and talks to him. Again, Tyler's made up. Why would his mind go to those kinds of places with a man?

3. The main characters are obsessed with death.

I think it's really interesting reading a book where the main characters are passively suicidal. I have read books before about suicidal characters but never passively suicidal characters. Both The Narrator and Marla have this going on. When The Narrators in the aeroplane he's hoping that it would crash and that he'd die, he never acts on his want to die though. Marla is slightly different in the sense that she does act on it occasionally. "Marla's philosophy of life, she told me, is that she can die at any moment. The tragedy of her life is that she doesn't."

Overall so far, fucking amazing book. I recommend this to anyone who has an interest in the movie or social commentaries or how toxic masculinity ruins men. 10/10 so far.

I'll post more notes when I get to chapter 20

[kyrodo]

I deal with significantly less selective bullshit than I used to. Ever use wordplay for anything other than manipulating and gaslighting people?

i used to use it to communicate negative emotions and thoughts. I would think up a negative or painful word to express what I'm feeling, find edgy art, or I'll just straight up retweet a post if I can't find furry artwork with it, that is not gaslighting. That is a direct reflection of emotion. Or I would retell recent events in my favorites cause that was my obsession at the time and perhaps still so. And then find random art to bury it so stalkers aren't finding it right away. That used to be my stupid form of leaking emotions into the public space. On the other hand what the fuck were you doing?

My inner thoughts leak like an open wound when I am stressed I just don't bother to obfuscate it anymore. That's the difference between now and then. I don't care what you think or feel about me because that ship has already sailed so I'm free. I'm free to be as literal or figurative as I want to be. I'm free to monologue as much as I want even when it's excessive, because it doesn't fucking matter who's reading it anymore.

I like it better when you're not there to respond and twist everything beyond recognition. When you're not there pretending like you actually gave a shit, excited about things that were never going to happen, because you wouldn't drop the mask for half a second and actually give it a chance.

Boundaries, relationship status, what I can say, what I can't, what I have to let go, so much of that could have been padded out with time, communication, peer pressure whatever the fuck needed to happen. It seemed so simple in my head. But I'm the only one that understood that.

It wasn't a great time for me and I used you to cope with it like a wet rag. But I would have gotten better later. And your role would have changed even if just as a friend or an acquaintance. I would've eventually stopped being codependent on you. And things would have died more peacefully. Feelings and such time fixes those things sooner than you think. If I didn't need to be there for us to recover there were better ways for that to happen too. If me lurking was an issue, you just had to give me time or have everyone block me. I was persistent but not that persistent. Or at least you should have tried it first so I couldn't make that excuse. Instead I was provoked beckoned encouraged manipulated so your friends could have fun and traumatize for no other reason than spite. And that shit hurts and that shit lasts and it still hurts. And I'm still stuck here asking myself why. Why did I deserve this? Why can't people talk to each other instead of half ass everything they try to get across, be reasonable, act reasonable, resolve conflicts instead of actively and excessively make them worse? I'm sure I seemed overly tenacious, but the fact that you plainly didn't even fucking try is still there. The whole taking a hint thing kinda went out the window when we just completely gave up on human language.

I'm used to Omi's group, I'm not used to yours, and yours is underdeveloped as fuck. Either that or the personality of it is complete ass. I know for a fact we wouldn't do that shit to someone. Does Omi Lucas Belle or Kay seem the type? Didn't think so. Nope it's just fucking you. Guess you can't approach everyone the same way huh? I mean I don't share lyrics and vent imagery with them but the point still fucking stands. Why are you a fucking dick?

Do I make sense now? The man behind the curtain? Still waiting for you to. The contrast with my personality irl, to the one I show people that are dicking around with me, you gotta fucking earn that. You gotta be doing something wrong. And even then I'm blowing hot air on a keyboard not raiding your fucking apartment.

You don't know how stupid it feels to think you mean something to someone only to finally talk them and fall flat on your face like it was all a complete joke. Of course I was mad, and people are allowed to be mad at you. Being mad at someone is not a fucking crime. Showing you're mad at someone is not a crime. Making someone's life miserable directly because you're mad is. And no amount of technicalities and wordplay makes that okay.

Having someone to squeeze a pillow and obsess over, it seems I do that from time to time, you're the only that's hacked me for it. Hell you're the only one that's caused any real drama for it too. Guess you'll need to find someone else for Luke to have a manipulative power trip over. I don't know if you noticed yet but I'm not the type for that shit to work on for very long. If I didn't ground myself in enough logic back then back when I was pathetic and crushy I certainly have now. The ground beneath me is full of fucking concrete and I'm not desperate for some asshole that keeps trying to hurt me wherever they know Red can't protect me.

Bringing Red up to speed sucked but your leverage fucking died. All I had to do was give up on you. Something I really shouldn't have had a hard time with, cause you don't deserve it. You did everything in your power to kill that off.

As silly as I presented my mental playground back then I have an extremely hard time trying to figure out what mental gymnastics it took for you to make your stupid ass decisions. I like how I went from romantic bullshit to being the one telling everyone common sense is a bitch