#dogs are so great like they provide my social life

[couldawouldashoulda50]

A heart full of regret - William Nylander

A/N - This fic still falls under William Nylander and the fem reader who is a global super-star.

Just a side note (for anyone that might be wondering), I have been honestly struggling to find my way back to The Distance and the Time between Us . Between my work and personal commitments, it’s been super challenging to get back in that headspace.  Admittedly, my perception changed a little of William since the Sweden trip so I have been reworking a few things in my head about him too.  

I tried to tie this side piece into the main Distance and Time series as well so hopefully I can get back to outlining some of the earlier years between William and the reader and have it all flow together.  I tried to make sure I’m well on my way with getting Part 2 completed of this piece before I posted Part One.  I apologize if I seem all over the place sometimes.

Thank you to everyone for giving this a shot 🙂

Word count 8k+

Warnings: 18+ content, general smut (p in v, oral m receiving, c*ck massage), swearing, angst, reflections of the end of a relationship, casual sex

Late November, 2023

A familiar chime echoes once again through the condo, signalling a step closer to yet another tryst for William Nylander.  This time, it’s Trina; a lively and pretty young woman in her early twenties whom he crossed paths with recently while out for his daily walk with Pablo and Banksy.  

Prior to the trip to Sweden for the NHL Global Series, William wouldn’t go too many days without a casual encounter with an attractive female, which would lead to introductions and further chats, and often enough, to the bedroom of whomever's place was closest.  Ever since Williiam moved to this upscale part of the city, he noticed there was no shortage of beautiful and stylish women that lived within a short distance of his doorstep.  Now having returned from his beloved Stockholm, where he shone even brighter than the spotlights themselves, there had been a further surge of interested parties coming out of the woodwork.  

William had been in committed relationships for long periods of time prior to this season, but throughout the other periods of time when he was single, he felt there was no harm in having small feasts of women here and there to satisfy his sexual appetite.   

William had consistently been very low-key about divulging (m)any details about his personal life, whether it be in interviews or across all the social media apps.  He was no stranger to his name being thrown around in the news by reporters hungry to spawn a certain narrative about his game performance or even his personality; many times, he was not cast in a favorable light but somehow his laid back personality carried him through.  Regardless of what kind of attention he received, William never came across like any of it went to his head, to any great degree anyway.  

However, after his well-documented week in Sweden, and the internet exploding after his appearance on the “Bianca” show where he provided some very personal details of his own sex life, William was reaping the benefits of his re-energized superstardom.  As a result, he was getting more notoriety with being a handsome, talented, virile, and notably single, professional hockey player.

All of the resurgence of popularity does not come without a flipside - a downside to which the descent is much longer lasting that the ascent to stardom.  William knew this and he was fortunate that he had people in his life that would remind him to be careful of the traps and pitfalls tied to such celebrity.   The trouble is there was no one quite like that here in Toronto that he could just call and hang out with, that he could just “be” with; the people that cared for him most, and that he cared for, were all dispersed between the US and Sweden.  And as much as he loved his two beloved dogs, they weren’t great for a two-way conversation. 

William’s phone chimes again.

Be there in 5 😘

William acknowledges the text and heads into the washroom to do his traditional freshening up routine.  

“She's nice, boys - you met her on our walk”, William said to Pablo and Banksy as he returned to the living room; the dogs cock their heads to the side in response.  William gives them both a hearty and affectionate scratch behind their ears, and chuckles as their rumps move in unison showing their adoration for their dog dad.

William flopped down on the couch and continued to absent-mindedly scratch the dog's backs and scrolled through some more messages on his phone.  

After glancing at numerous DM's received as of late, something shifted in William’s mind; an empty feeling that he only just recognized at that moment.  He realized, rather suddenly, that he really wasn’t into Trina at all and the dread of her impending arrival started to build within him.  William had only invited her over for one purpose.  She was merely coming to scratch an itch, an itch that would still linger long after she’s long gone from his bed.  He didn’t have the heart to cancel on her with her just being literal seconds from his door, but he made up his mind right there that this would not be a long visit.  

Say you’ve got a migraine he thought to himself.   

William’s phone rang, a picture of his mom appeared on the screen.

“Hey, Mom…how’s it going?”  William smiled.

They exchange some light-hearted small talk for a few moments when William hears a soft knock at the door.  He takes his mom off speaker-phone and starts walking toward the door.  He thinks he should probably just tell his Mom he has company and end the call but he’s come to realize that he would much rather talk to her than the girl on the other side of the door.  Trina will just have to come in and wait.

“Mom, two seconds - just letting someone in”.

“I can let you go - there’s just something I need to discuss with you about Christmas so we’ll need some more time to talk.   I’ll talk to you later William, ok?”

“No - Mom, please…if it’s about you guys coming for Christmas, I’d like to get that sorted out, ok?  Just gimme a sec.”

He opens the door for Trina and mustering a smile, he invites her in.  She glides past him and gives him her best “come fuck me” eyes, ghosting her fingers along his covered abdomen.  William catches the scent of her perfume; between that and the deep blue bodycon dress she’s wearing under a sleek, belted wool coat (the dress he feels is a little over the top given he didn’t plan to leave the apartment), he momentarily forgets his migraine plan as he stares at the contour of her cleavage and her ass as she enters the living room.   

She approaches the couch where the two dogs are waiting anxiously, but politely, for some affection.  Trina looks at the dogs and tries to give a command for them to get down off of the furniture; looking back at William she said “sorry, I just don’t want the dogs slobbering all over me”.  

There’s a sinking feeling in William’s stomach; he really wants to get out of this now.  

Migraine plan is back on.  Say you’ve got a migraine right after a few sips of wine correcting his first thought to himself.

“Boys….off,” William commands.  He feels like shit watching his cherished companions skulk off the couch.

He motions to the phone, “It’s my Mom, she’s just got a quick question but I won’t be long, just going to take in here” nodding toward his bedroom.  “There’s a bottle of white wine in the fridge; help yourself.  I'll be right out”.  

William enters his room, closes the door and lets out a long sigh.

Switching to his native tongue, he resumes the call.  

“Ok, Mom…what’s up?” 

“You sure I’m not interrupting?  You have a guest, William”.

“It’s ok, she’s good…it’s fine, Mom”.

“So Dad and I have been figuring out what might make sense for all of us to get together for Christmas.  We’ve had an interesting offer if we come to Toronto, but we wanted to talk with you about it first.”

William senses that his mom seems tentative; her tone just seems off.

“...oh - okaaay?...”

Camilla hesitates and then begins.  “Well, we recently received a phone call from Y/N”.

William’s stomach is no longer sinking.  It’s plummeting.  His heart begins to race hearing your name.

“She reached out to ask if she could borrow back that guitar she gave your sister a few years ago.  There’s an exhibit that was running in London but has now moved on to Toronto showing the different guitars she’s collected over the years and the stories behind each one”.

William remains silent at the other end.  His face is drained; any colour he had initially has been swapped out with a dull, achy feeling.   

“She was very apologetic for calling but she explained that although it wasn’t part of the London exhibit, she would really love to have it included at the Toronto exhibit, given it’s in her hometown and she has a strong sentimental attachment to it”.  

Camilla was only met with further silence from William. She knew this would be difficult for him, given the history you and he shared.

“She ended up coming to Stockholm to pick it up herself.  We invited her to stay for a meal so we had a long visit, which was nice.”

William could barely think to form a sentence; a million thoughts ricocheted off of one another in his brain. 

“So, anyway, she asked if we were coming to visit you in Toronto this year for Christmas. I said we weren’t sure.  I told her that when we were there last year, it soaked up a lot of our time trying to get anywhere since we were split up between your place and the hotel.”  

Although William didn’t speak, he agreed silently  in his head that it was chaotic from time to time last year to line up the logistics with the various designated meeting places and transporting his family in the heavy downtown traffic.

“Are you still there darling?” Camilla asked.

“I’m here, Mom.” William quietly responded.

“Getting to the point, she said that if we wanted, and if you were comfortable with it, that we could use her house while she’s away visiting her family.  She said she would be happy to arrange anything we needed so we can just relax and spend time together.  Your Dad was impressed that she came up with the idea at all…then she just offered it up straight away.”

Turns out, when he tells Trina that he has a migraine, it may not be far from the truth.  

“Sounds like her - always going above and beyond for everyone”, William said.  His tone was indiscernible; it was hard for Camilla to tell whether her son was just emotionless or if he was really hurting.  

“You don’t need to answer right away, but it really would be such a great option for us. She told us a bit about the layout; it would almost be like being back at one of those villas in Saint Tropez….only in winter. I suppose you already know that.”

William knew what his Mom was saying was true.  He knew and loved your house, and not just for all the grandeur of the amenities; the indoor/outdoor pool, the games room and the theatre room to name a few.  He loved how it felt whenever he was there with you.  It didn’t matter if it was just the two of you, or if it was a get together with friends,  you always made it so warm, comfortable and inviting for anyone that came to visit.   

“Yeah, ok Mom, I’ll think about it and will call you back”.  William ends the call and remains in his room, trying to regroup.

Ugh. Trina’s out there waiting 

He walks out and sees Pablo and Banksy lying on the floor by the entrance door.  He had forgotten he had banished them from the couch so apologetically, he told them to hop up on his bed.  If they’re sad, they can at least be comfortable.

“Hey you,” Trina smiles warmly.  

“Sorry about that - with the time difference and all, it’s hard to sometimes get a chance for my Mom and I to talk”, William fibbed.

William sits beside Trina on his couch and sees she has poured a glass of wine for her and him.  

Take a drink, say you have a headache, get her out of here.

“Was it not a good call?  You don’t look well…” Trina said, her perfectly shaped brows furrow.

“Nah, it was fine - I just feel a headache coming on I think”.

“I’m sorry…can I do something?  I know this thing - like a massage for your neck that helps reduce pressure from your head.” Trina’s hopeful tone was apparent.  

William thought for a moment and then reluctantly agreed.  She positions him in the exact spot she needs and readjusts herself sitting on her knees behind him.  She instructs William to lower his chin to his chest and he obliges.  

 William closed his eyes and let Trina’s hands try and work out the pressure that has built in his head since the phone call.  You used to do the same; the strength and dexterity in your hands from years of masterfully playing guitar, piano and drums always succeeded in releasing pressure from one area or another.  It usually led to a thoroughly enjoyable activity after the fact as well.

His memory calls William back to a night, many years ago, with you in his bed and you sheepishly asked if you could give him a cock massage, while he is blindfolded.  You said you had seen a video  (he got you to admit you were actually watching porn while travelling back to Toronto after a performance) of a woman giving the most insane massage to her boyfriend’s member and you desperately wanted to try it with William upon your return.  

[December, 2016]

“Isn’t it just like a hand-job?” William chuckled, lying on his back, his muscular everything fully exposed.

“Maybe a little - but it was more sensual than her just pumping away on it until…” you made an exploding hand gesture with one of your hands.   

William watched you, grinning ear to ear.  He felt his cock twitch, not just at the thought of your hands working his member but from the purely awesome sight of your beauty.  You were standing lighting candles by the bed in a short, black silk negligee that you had bought in Florence that summer.  You had bought it for yourself - you loved how you felt in it and oftentimes when you were alone at home, you would pad around the house on a lazy day wearing only that…and it felt wonderful.  Your long curls laid loose down your back; your sandy blonde mane layered with dark brown lowlights was tousled at the crown of your head from the passionate make-out session that had just occurred.  This was one of those nights where every open mouthed kiss was more delicious than the last and neither you could bring yourselves to stop.

You grab your black sleeping mask and with a coy smile, you put the flexible band of the mask between your teeth so it’s dangling from your mouth, and you crawl slowly from the foot of the bed toward William.  Your eyes are fixed on his stunning blues that appear to be darkening with pure hunger for you.  

You straddle his midriff - fucking god, his hard abdominal muscles against your entrance has you clenching your walls, wishing he was inside you.  Your pussy is primed and wet already for his cock but you’re able to push those urges aside.  You carefully place the mask over his eyes and gently expand the band, fitting it around his head.  Now fully blindfolded, you lace your fingers through his and bring his hands up to your tits as you rock back and forth.  

Fuck, he feels good.  You fight with that ongoing urge for his cock to drive into you fast and hard; first, you want to make him writhe and squirm with ecstasy with just your touch.  With this, you push the thoughts of him fucking you into oblivion to the side and stay with what you planned initially.  

Willing yourself to NOT put his cock in your mouth as you descend down his body, was a chore unto itself.  ‘It's right there, Y/N - just a little taste…’, your thoughts taunt you as you shake your head, trying to stay focused.

Finally, you seat yourself in a comfortable position and you help Willam shift his bum down towards you a little further.  

You generously apply some warming oil around his (shaved) pubic area and begin the process of smoothing the oil around, somewhat teasingly avoiding his growing erection.  

Applying a little more, you strategically drip the oil around just above his balls.  The liquid slowly trickles down from the base of his member and across the sensitive skin of his sac, his cock continuing to twitch from the sensation; you smile as you hear a small moan from William as he bites his bottom lip.

You begin smoothing your hands up the length of his dick and down the shaft towards his balls.  You repeat various motions, concentrating on his body reactions to the touches and stroking that your hands are providing.  You're pleased to hear William start to moan; his hips begin to move to the rhythm of your strokes.  When a large, translucent bead of fluid appears from the tip of his penis, you let out a soft moan.  It takes everything in you to not lean over and run your tongue through his arousal.  Although you love sucking his cock, you abstain as it's not on the menu tonight, not just yet.  Instead, you smear the precum around the tip using your thumb and forefinger, over and over again.  

William’s head falls to the side as a long moan leaves his mouth, followed by a curse word or two.  You experiment a little by grabbing the thick base of his cock, balls included, firmly in one hand, and with the other, you stroke his shaft of his member and his balls masterfully with your hands, using his seeping fluid for extra slickness.  

As his breath quickens, William’s muscles in his abdomen flex and contract as you continue to alternate stroking the head of his cock and using his arousal to glide your hand up and down his shaft and over his balls.  Soon, his hips instinctively rise and fall with every stroke, while louder grunts echo when you smooth your hands over the now purple head of his throbbing dick at a faster pace.  Veins are protruding from his pelvis all the way to his shaft and you sense William is getting close, as he grits his teeth and grasps at the large towel that covers the comforter on his bed.

As breathy gasps escape from his mouth, you can see and feel the eruption bubbling up through his shaft as his balls flex and constrict.  You hold his impressive cock firmly in place and continue to work the head of his cock with your fingers and hand until finally thick streams of cum shoot out of his tip.  Instead of just finishing him off with a few more pumps of his cock, you follow your recollection of the video and keep using his seed to lubricate his shaft and tip to keep stroking his cock, looking to draw out a longer and more intense pleasure.  

As you stroke and manipulate his member after his first orgasm, William becomes even more vocal…only managing short sentences through his strained voice, blurting out his gratification which was mixed with a whole lot of profanity.  More and more, his thigh muscles are flexed leading to more contouring of his hips and accentuating that god damned “V” that literally makes you throb at the sight of it.  

A long, strained growl marks the next explosion followed by a forceful “Fuuuuuuck mee” from William, almost chuckling as the cum spills out in thick ribbons.   You smile at the sight of him panting through his naturally pouting lips;  this experience with William was even better than what you had hoped for and as it turns out, it was just as fulfilling for you too.  

As William laid there, sprawled out and spent, he slid the blindfold off his eyes, leaving it resting on his forehead.  He gazes at you sitting in front of him not understanding how he could have ever gotten so lucky to even be able to kiss you, let alone have you give him two of the most earth shattering orgasms, within minutes of each other, with just your hands.

He was certain that he would lose his mind as he watched you slowly lean over his cock and lick the last remnants of cum from around the head.  

William inhales sharply as you flatten your tongue against the rounded tip for a more substantial taste.  And just because you could not control the urge anymore (he tasted and felt that good in your mouth), you slid the length of his softening cock all the way in your mouth until it touched the back of your throat.  You withdraw him from your mouth and gently lay his cock in back on his midriff.  Yep, he's definitely done for now.

“C’mere…that was just fucking amazing.  Seriously….fucking amazing, Y/N” William said with a low, gravelly tone as gently pulled you on top of him.  

You’re not sure where it came from but a brand new need for William washed over you.  It was something beyond sex; you yearned for him to just bring you into his sculpted arms and have them fully envelop you.  Gently, you slide your one hand under William’s head and you nestle your face into the crook of his neck, pressing your lips against his skin.  Your legs flank William’s torso and your other arm has looped under his other underarm.  In turn, William slid his one hand up all the way up from your thigh, along your spine up to the nape of your neck, gently grasping a small handful of your gorgeous locks.  His other arm slid around your waist, the silk fabric of your neglige gathered in his hand.  Although your core had pressure building from being in the position you were in, the overwhelming sense of calm and safety had momentarily usurped the need for his cock to be buried deep inside you.

After a few moments, William gently rolled you both on your sides, never releasing you from his hold.  You remained intertwined as William kissed your forehead, temple…wherever he could rest his lips against.  

“Kap’s going to be here tomorrow night with his new girl - think you could make it to the game and we can sneak back to your place after? I might have some ideas to try out on you now…” 

“Mmm-hmm - would love that” you said drowsily, nuzzling into William even further.

William kisses your head again and breaks from the embrace for a moment; leaning over top of you, he proceeds to blow out all the candles.  As his body pressed against yours, you take the opportunity to run your hands over his muscular flank, marvelling at the look and feel of such a beautiful physique.

As sleep found you both, you each drifted off with the quiet thoughts in your heads, that there was something very unique and special developing  between you.  

William snapped back to reality.  He had to admit; Trina’s hands felt pretty good and with that, William let out a groan. With the memories of you consuming his mind, William began to get hard as Trina continued to work on loosening his tense muscles.  William’s burgeoning erection caught Trina’s attention, and she wasted no time in moving her hands from his neck to his shoulders, down along his broad back muscles to his hips. 

“You like that, Willy?” Trina said, her tone low and sultry.   

“Mmm-hmph” 

“What about this?”  Trina’s hands brazenly reach around to cup his balls while sucking on his earlobe, slightly north of his diamond earring.  She palms his still-clothed dick and rubs his erection in slight circular motion.

“Mmmm….good….” William responds, his voice slightly strained.

William’s mind slides back and forth with conflicting thoughts, like a car fish-tailing on ice.  Images of you, your face, your body, your mouth, your taste, your touch - his desire for you - had penetrated his brain.  But the voice.  It’s not your voice.  It’s some random girl’s voice in his ear and William’s gut twists at the thought. 

Meanwhile, Trina was determined to seize her moment with the hockey star.  She stands up from her position on the couch and gently nudges William to turn so he’s facing her as she stands in front of him.  

William's eyes are fixed on the hem of her dress which has ridden up to the top of her thighs.  Trina follows William’s gaze and looking down at William, she smiles sweetly and begins to pull her hem up even further.

“You make me so hot, Willy” Trina said, the ‘v’ of her scarcely covered cunt now on display.

She brings one of William’s hands up towards her need, opens her thighs slightly and positions the palm of his hand right against her drenched entrance.  

“Shit” William said gruffly; his sweatpants have done little to mask his rigid dick.  Figuring he might as well have some fun, William’s mind all but dismisses his previous thoughts concerning you and concentrates on the girl in front of him.

William runs his middle finger from the top of Trina’s folds and firmly inserts the same finger deep inside of her.  Trina gasps with pleasure and both of her hands encircle William’s wrist holding his hand in place, she begins to rotate her hips over his digit, encouraging his finger to move deeper and curl inside of her.

William obliges by inserting his ring finger alongside his middle.  As William gyrates his hand, Trina’s head snaps back when he connects with her sweet spot.  William continues to finger fuck Trina; she releases her grip around William’s wrist and begins to knead her breasts.  

“Oooooh - Willy….your thick fingers feel so fucking good inside of me” Trina whines as William continues move his fingers into her wet core.  

“Let me suck your cock…I want your dick in my mouth”.

William again obliges, removing his fingers from her centre.  Trina steps closer to William and lowers herself between his legs.  She closes the distance between them, leaning in for their first kiss.  Trina places a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss on William’s mouth.  Immediately he tastes a faint mint flavour mixed with something else, something stronger.  

Weed maybe, he thinks to himself.

Whatever it is, it's not doing much to improve his mood.

If there's anything William’s past sexual encounters have taught him, it was better in the long run to feign enjoyment than to show ambivalence or dissatisfaction toward the girl of the moment.  William is hopeful he won't have to fake anything at this point - fuck - he needs a distraction and goddammit, Trina’s just gonna have to be it.  

Thankfully, Trina moves on from William’s mouth and starts pulling his sweatpants and shorts off.

Moving right along…., William thinks to himself.

Trina licks a long strip up William’s shaft; she spits on the tip and begins to stroke his cock, trying to make him a little harder.  

The spit dries out without Trina even realizing it as she continues to pump his cock.  William flinches at the rough and dry sensation that her too firm of a grip left on his member. 

She lowers herself down to lap at his balls, enveloping one in her mouth at a time, and withdrawing it with an audible ‘pop’.  

She’s trying too hard, William pondered. 

He watches her alternate from ball to ball, with a ‘pop’ each time she withdraws her mouth.  Trina licks another stripe up his shaft.  “You like that, right Willy?  You like it when I lick your balls?” 

William gives a faint smile and leans his head back on the couch; not because he was enjoying Trina’s attempts at pleasuring him but to try and think of his personal turn-ons so he can get through this.  

William thought of you.  He thought of the way you always made his toes fucking curl whenever you took him in your mouth.  Deep in your mouth as you’d innocently, almost bashfully, make eye contact with him for just a few seconds here and there. He loved watching you working your magic with your tongue, mouth and your hands, smoothing back your curls to view the best angles of your face.  You never just sucked his cock.  You took your time.  You savoured him.  You made love to his cock and balls with your mouth and God, the moans you made while you tasted him always left him reeling.  

As it turns out, William’s images of you in his head had the desired effect.  Now with his diminishing erection reversed, William made some small adjustments to Trina’s methods in order to keep the momentum going in the right direction.

After a few more moments, Trina stood up and she fully disrobed in front of William.“Do you want to move to the bedroom?”  

If she’s anything, she’s confident, William muses.

His dogs had already been displaced once and he’s not about to do it again.  

“Let’s stay out here - on the couch…just gotta go grab something”.  

William stands up, naked from the waist down, and saunters into the bathroom.

Trina eyes his chiselled body walk away, almost as though she’s stalking her prey.  She had been hoping to meet William ever since she spotted him one morning leaving his building to go for a walk with his dogs.  Though he was dressed down in baggy sweatpants, an oversized hoodie, and a backwards baseball cap,  William screamed affluence with the luxury designer labels scrawled across the articles of clothing.  He was wealthy, gorgeous, and seemingly single…three of Trina’s favourite qualities.  William being a popular professional athlete only further tempted Trina. 

Trina’s father, a wealthy executive of a real estate development firm headquartered in Toronto, had essentially gifted her a luxury condo unit in the same neighbourhood as William, once she had graduated from university (only graduating by the skin of her teeth [doing everything at university but apply herself to her studies]; regardless, it mattered not - she still had her degree).  

Both Trina’s parents had long realized, after the fact, the detrimental effects of doting on their only child’s every whim for so many years.  Privileged and spoiled were the two prevalent adjectives that described their daughter.  Therefore after graduation, as an ultimatum, Trina got a luxury condo (and all living expenses paid) as long as she came to work for her father as a junior executive in his firm.   Trina agreed, under the condition that her closest friend, Lara (really her only friend amongst a sea of party-goers and acquaintances), could come live and work with her too.

It worked well, or at least Trina’s father thought so.  If not for any other reason, Trina’s father could, at the very least, keep a watchful eye on his daughter and at the very most, attempt to infect her with a better work ethic.

While her friend Lara seemed to fit right in at the firm, Trina longed for an even easier life.  She wanted to be pampered, to be looked after - she did not want to get up every morning and head to an office just to do the bare minimum while she spent the majority of time shopping online.  

The one skill Trina had become quite adept at was pretending to be what she needed to be in order to get what she wants, in any given circumstance.

She had her sights on William now.  She could pretend to be a dog lover - that’s how she caught his eye to begin with.  She could pretend to be interested in his beloved Sweden, his family, his friends - hell, even the team…there was more than enough eye-candy to snack on with the Leafs.  She fit the bill of a trophy wife perfectly and whether she became one with William, or someone else, that was her ultimate goal.

Presently, Trina was pretending to be William’s personal pornstar.

Trina leaned back on the couch with her legs splayed, stroking her sensitive clit, awaiting William’s return.  When he finally emerged, his cock semi-erect already covered by a condom, he laid a towel on the couch and then sat down on the middle cushion.  He smiled at Trina who was now sitting in an upright position and motions for her to climb aboard.

Trina straddles William; her mouth devours him with more open-mouthed kisses. At this stage, William knew he was just going through the motions; there was zero chemistry, sexual or otherwise, between them.  

Struggling to keep his erection, he breaks from her kiss and rubs the tip of his cock back and forth through the slickness of her folds.  He positions the tip at Trina’s entrance.  Eventually (and gratefully), his cock is rigid enough to slide into her.     

Trina adjusted herself to William’s girth and began to slowly rock back and forth.  William was cautiously optimistic about how good this is actually starting to feel.  Trina had only succeeded in killing his hard-ons so far so he was hoping for a quick release; after she leaves he can just go to bed with his dogs and put this whole experience behind him.  

William grabbed onto Trina’s hips and drove his frustration into her.  She screamed in pleasure, calling his name as she bounced on top of him.  

Fuck - my neighbours are going to hate me.

Trina continued grinding, bouncing and rotating on Wiliiam’s cock at a furious pace; her chest  flushed with pink as she worked his cock and her tits bounced in William’s line of sight.  

“Uh-huh, uh-huh, yes, Willy…like that” Trina whined emphatically.  

It was clear to William at that moment she was exaggerating most of the sounds she was making.  Hell, he had made you wail and scream with the most mind bending orgasms that you never thought were possible.  William knew that with you, your cries and grasps were genuine and that he was witnessing the real thing, several times over.

William had been around the block with his cock enough to know Trina was overacting and it was getting on William’s last nerve.

Moan after moan, hitting a higher decibel each time, William had reached his limit.  His hands circle Trina’s waist lifting her off his cock.  With no verbal cues, he positioned Trina back on the couch so he could enter her from behind.  He’s frustrated and annoyed at himself more than anything, so he’s just going to fuck her and hopefully the pillow she’s holding onto will muffle her noise.

William closes his eyes and enters Trina.  It’s not long before she’s grasping the arm of the couch with the force of William’s dick buried deep inside of her.  William grips her hips holding them steady as he continuously bottoms out, his encased shaft is slick and shiny with Trina’s wetness from her core.

“Faster, Willy!  Faster….oh god, harder, Willy!” Trina pleads.

Jesus - she’s trying to kill me.

Miraculously, William’s close to release.  His hips ram against Trina’s ass as hard and as fast as he could manage while Trina feverishly rubs her clit.  A loud shriek signals Trina’s orgasm.  Her pussy walls clenching helped William reach his own climax and a few thick streams of cum collect in the reservoir tip of the condom. 

Thank Christ this is over.

Trina half collapses on the couch and rolls onto her back.  Her sleek figure shines from the thin layer of sweat from their late afternoon’s strenuous activities.  

“Oh my God Willy…that was so good, so fucking good…” Trina chuckles, still out of breath. A lazy grin adorns her pretty face.  William, having already gotten up to dispose of the condom, returns to the living room, still naked from the waist down.

“Ha, yeah…well, I try” William smiles, grabbing a pillow to place on his lap .  

William paused for a moment as he surveyed the situation and whether Trina planned on staying longer.  

“I’m sorry to say this but I feel a migraine coming on - could we call it a night?”

Trina sat up and moved closer to William on the couch.  

“Oh..I’m sorry, I was hoping that massage, and well, everything else I did would have helped”.  

���No, no, the massage was great but I think the headache was already too far gone to really stop it.  I just need to crawl into bed, not move and have no sounds around me, and hopefully I’ll sleep until tomorrow.

Trina offers to stay multiple times and William declines each offer.  Although William was ready to snap, he kept his composure, pulled his pants back on, helped gather her things and politely escorted her to the door.

Trina leans in and plants another open-mouthed kiss on William’s mouth.  

William’s lack of reciprocation went unnoticed by Trina.

“Feel better, Willy - maybe call me later…if you can,” Trina smiles and leans in, giving him a hug.

“Yeah, thanks - have a good night”.  William waves as she enters the elevator and he then gently closes the door.

William hangs his head and exhales; there’s so much going on in his mind.  He goes into the bedroom, kneels on the floor and brings his face close to each of the dogs.

“Sorry boys….fuck.  Never again with that one”.

The dogs are quick to smother William with kisses.

“I’ll take you guys out in a few minutes, ok?”

William climbs onto his bed and grabs his phone.  He pulls up his Mom's number and types a quick note:

Hey Mom… if you’re sure, let’s do the Xmas thing at Y/N’s.  I’ll reach out to her myself 

William’s stomach flips at the thought of contacting you.  Despite the time that had long passed since William effectively removed you from his life, his mind would still betray him time after time with the many memories of you in his mind's eye. William often longed to reach out to you and in his quietest moments, William always held a very private and guarded hope that one day, you would wind up together.  

These thoughts only intensified for William when, in late July this past summer, William spotted you at Mitch and Stephanie’s wedding.  You had third-wheeled it with Tessa and Morgan, who had also tied the knot that summer in a much more secretive manner.  With Tessa being one of your closest friends of the last 10 plus years, she knew you might need a crash helmet when you initially laid your eyes on him for the first time in forever, so she and Morgan invited you to come along with them.  

When the moment came that you and William first glanced at each other, no air bag or crash helmet was needed.  You and William shared a long and lingering look at each other amongst the guests that meandered around the dancefloor.  Neither of you could control the wide smiles that spanned your faces.  For not only did everything seem right in the world for a mere moment, your dress and William’s pants were the exact same shade of lilac.  Your chosen outfits looked obnoxiously pre-planned and the comedy of your attire wasn’t lost on those in attendance that knew of your shared history.  They laughed and gestured at you both, all of them getting a kick out of the sight of the two of you being all matchy-matchy.

It served as an icebreaker for you and William; you simply looked him up and down and commented, rather dryly, saying “well, I ain’t changing…I was here first” followed by a cheeky grin.  William approached you and extended his arms for a hug.  All the hurt from the past temporarily washed away in that moment, and you both felt genuinely happy to see each other.  

The small talk flowed easily and you both quickly fell back into light and vivacious exchanges. William began to wonder if he might be able to steal you away before the end of the night.  After all, being among the very few bachelors in attendance, it would be a fantasy-come-to-reality scenario to spend the night with you.  When William finally managed to ask what your plans after the reception were, he was crushed to find out you would be leaving early, right after your last performance at the reception (oftentimes at weddings, you were not only a guest but were part of the entertainment as well).  

Things never change, William thought.  It was this main reason why he ended your affair so many years ago.  

 William couldn’t hide his disappointment.  “Still not in one place for very long, eh?”

You were quick to react to his comment inside your head; a feeling somewhere between annoyance and hurt. You felt the sting of one of his last spoken sentiments to you all those years ago about always needing to leave where he was, yet again, for something else.

Quietly you respond.  “Well…unfortunately it’s a rehearsal for a musical tribute in Ireland for a dear friend and a mentor of mine who recently passed, rather unexpectedly.”  An intense urge to cry hit you without warning, and it took all your might, along with a hard swallow, to keep the tears from appearing.  

What you really wanted, and you were thoroughly ashamed to admit this to yourself, was to go to William and lose yourself completely in his arms.  After all these years, he still had an effect on you like no one you had ever known.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N…I didn’t mean to sound like an asshole”, William said quietly after seeing you struggle to hide the sorrow on your face.     

“William, no, I get it - it’s ok.  Honestly though, if I had it my way, she’d still be alive and I’d be having more fun tonight as opposed to belting out a few songs, nursing my Pink Whitney, and then having to catch a flight.”  

William pulled you in for a side hug and kept his arm draped around your shoulder as you walked together to rejoin Rasmus Sandin and his girlfriend Lisa.

As you enjoyed the lively banter between the Swedes in attendance, mixed with Jumbo Joe Thornton’s boisterous brand of humour, you were summoned away from William’s side.  You excused yourself from the group and as you walked away, you glanced at William’s face and smiled warmly.  He leaned in towards you and gently placed his hand on the exposed skin on your lower back.  With his voice lowered, just above a whisper, he said “Good luck up there.  Come find me after.”

But as fate, or rather too many prolonged drunken speeches and several other delays, once you had finished performing (at Stephanie’s request) Taylor Swift’s “22”, you were whisked away, with no opportunity for goodbyes, into the awaiting car in order to catch your flight to Dublin.

As the car speeds along the Queen Elizabeth Way towards Pearson Airport, you busy yourself with sending a series of texts, starting with Mitch and Stephanie, thanking them and wishing them well for their honeymoon.  A flurry of messages are exchanged between you and the other wedding go-ers until finally, you reach William’s contact information.  

Feelings had rapidly thawed between you and William but there still was a palpable distance, a recognizable gap in which that great span of time apart, with no communication, had created.  You wistfully type:

it was really great to see you…hope you’re having a blast.

Not long after you pressed send, your phone shows an image being received. After a few more seconds, a selfie appeared of Rasmus and William in sleeveless t-shirts with Zeus portrayed on the front.

You can’t help but laugh out loud. 

You two…fucking adorable 😄

A lone heart acknowledges your message.

Back at the wedding, William stares at the screen of his phone.  

Rasmus can clearly see his friend’s disappointment; he knew William well, and he was aware of the torch he had always carried for you.  Rasmus could also see the sadness in your eyes whenever you looked at William.  Rasmus knew how fortunate he was to have found his love in Lisa, and he felt strongly it truly existed between you and William as well. If only you could get on the same fucking page at the same time.

Rasmus puts his arm around William’s shoulders.  “Sorry she left, bro.  But at least you got a chance to talk to her again”. Rasmus paused before ending with “You never know.” 

Rasmus, one of William’s closest friends and forever the optimist, smiles and motions for him to put his phone away.  “Let’s just fucking enjoy the rest of the night”.  

William stuffs his phone in his pocket and the two friends venture off toward the dancefloor where the sound of whoops and hollers co-mingle with the guests screaming out the lyrics to Rasputin by Boney M.  

William quickly distracted himself enough to diminish the thoughts that had been circling his mind about you, and concentrated on having a night with his many friends and former teammates.  

By the next day, with William’s eventual departure back to Stockholm and you deep in the throes of rehearsals in Dublin, any feeling that may have arisen during the brief encounter between you and William seemed to dissipate.  It seemed apparent, at that moment at least, too much time had passed for either of you to feel secure in contacting the other.  

William resumed his off-season activities and on the surface, his brush with you had no real impact on his current life. He saw whomever he wanted to, slept with whomever he wanted to and detached from whomever he wanted to.  Even after your name made it into the headlines across Europe and North America regaling your poignant and stunning tribute to the late, great Sinead O’Connor, William simply scrolled past the article on his phone.  It was better for him to have you remain out of sight and therefore out of mind.  

You had mixed feelings, however.  You couldn’t never quite grasp, never quite understand why William’s mere presence affected you so profoundly.  You surmised that’s what made you you, and what made your musical career so successful was the depths in which your feelings ran, and how it was converted to song.  On the other side of the coin was, once again, the realization - that slap across the face, that William did not feel the same about you.  You had allowed what transpired between you and William to completely derail you for years.  You simply hadn’t been interested in meeting anyone. Love had shown it’s occasional cruelty in the past but unrequited love was pure unmitigated torture and you enabled it enough to shut down the myriad of advances from men.  But It was enough now; you just needed to let go.

And the fog you had been in did eventually lift.  You had come to terms that you were ready to find that person; a partner to build a life and a family with.  You were approaching 31 years of age and you had deep desires for an exciting future with someone by your side.  William’s life seemed to be on a completely different trajectory than yours; his recent admissions during his stint in Stockholm during the Leafs visit had people buzzing that William might be more of a fuck-boy than they had originally thought. And all judgements aside - he’s allowed to blow off steam and decompress however he wants - that version of William that the media was salivating over now was of little interest to you. 

[back to the present moment]

William remains on his bed, continuously starting and deleting a text addressed to you.  He repeats this 5, 6, 8 times before his frustration with himself boils over. He tosses his phone away from him as if it suddenly had turned into a hot potato.

William rubs his eyes with a bit too much force, almost in an attempt to diminish the gnawing feeling he has in his stomach.   

Fuck. 

Letting out a long sigh, William turns to Pablo and Banksy who had started to play fight on the bed.  “Alright boys, let’s make this quick - it’d be my luck that girl is still hanging out somewhere around the building” William said as he picked up each dog for a quick nuzzle and then set them down on the floor to get ready.

[hisui-dreamer]

hioooo~ i would like to request something soft for heartsbyul headcanons dating a smiling and sociable mc fem with beautiful golden curls like shirley temple or goldilocks from the tale of the bears for example ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა, well thank you and have a good day! *hug*

golden to the core

Characters: Heartslabyul (Riddle, Ace, Deuce, Cater, Trey)

Synopsis: How is your relationship like with your man when you're the literal embodiment of sunshine?

Tags: reader has blond hair, fluff, bot proofread

Word count: 1.1k+

Notes: This was very fun to think about, I love sunny happy characters hehe. This leaned more into gender neutral with golden hair, so I hope you like it!

Masterlist

Riddle was taken aback by your open demeanour at first

over time though, he starts to appreciate your positivity and charm

he’s so attracted to your warmth and friendliness and the positive energy you bring into his life

sometimes he gets frustrated at how carefree you are, and he might become irritable and lash out, but once he mellows out, he’s apologising and tries talking to you rationally

he also finds solace and comfort in your presence

everyone in heartslabyul runs to get you when he’s raging

you soften his strict exterior and provide him with moments of joy and relaxation

just seeing you will soften his glare into a lovesick gaze

appreciates you so much but he’s not great at saying it

he likes to secretly show his affection through thoughtful gestures, surprising you with small gifts or acts of service, brewing your favourite tea or helping you with homework you find challenging

or just spending quality time with you despite his busy schedule and dedication to his studies

Riddle sighs, reaching to brush away a stray lock of hair. "I know our differences can be challenging, but I'm willing to work on finding a balance between my need for order and your more relaxed approach to life. My Golden Rose, you mean a lot to me, and I want to make our relationship work," he murmurs, hoping you wouldn’t be upset at him.

Ace finds you so fun

he loves teasing you with his sharp wit and clever comebacks to make you laugh or smile

he finds you so cute! and he can get your attention, it’s a win-win!

it’s his unique way of showing affection

he has no filter on his mouth and is brutally honest

will not hold back on expressing his opinions and feelings, even if they might not be what you want to hear

but if you’re patient enough, you’ll see that he never wants to lie to you even though he’s great at lying

he’s incredibly loyal

although I wouldn’t blame you if you give him a good punch from time to time

the two of you are absolute menaces when it comes to pranks

you two are such a powerful duo, your charm makes anyone believe you, and ace can be rather crafty when it comes to pranking

he is also great at surprising you, planning creative dates, surprising you with a small gift or gesture etc.

you’re his perfect partner in crime

"I think you're secretly a fairy with that golden mane of yours, enchanting everyone around you, " Ace winks flirtingly. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on, and I'm not just saying that to get a kiss, though it wouldn't hurt!" He leans closer to you, batting his eyelashes and putting on his best puppy dog face.

Deuce is so in love with you omg

loves staring at your hair shine under sunlight

he’s drawn to your outgoing and cheerful personality

it balances out with how serious he can be

really admires you at navigating social situations with ease

with how straightforward and tactless he is, sometimes he accidentally says something that offends you

many misunderstandings

but he’s really genuine and once he figures out what’s wrong, he’ll immediately apologise and try to make it up to you

his love language is very varied, he wants to do everything he can do make you happy

his mom raised him well to treat his lover nicely afterall

acts of service!! cooking a meal for you, helping you with physical tasks, or giving you a massage after a long day, he’s at your beck and call ready to help you

also small protective gestures like placing a hand on your back or shoulder in a reassuring manner when you’re nervous or in danger

he cares about you so much and wants to keep you safe!

Deuce fidgets nervously. "I know I can be tactless at times and say or do things that hurt you. I'm sorry if I've ever offended you, and I'll work hard to be more mindful of my words and actions. Please forgive me," he pleads, resembling a sad puppy dog.

your personality matches so well with Cater!

enjoys the attention the two of you would garner from others

shares all of your experiences together on social media, as long as you give him permission of course

his magicam is full of cute couple photos, sweet captions, and definitely tags you in posts or stories, if only to show off your relationship to the world

he loves complimenting you, calling you endearing pet names, and expressing his appreciation for you, your smile, sociability, golden hair, he adores every bit of you

definitely helps you style your hair in trendy and cute ways

he really wants to impress you, so he might use his skills to find information about you on your social media and keep up with the latest trends related to your interests

sometimes he feels like he’s not good enough for you, but he’ll rarely show it

if he’s really warmed up to you though, he might let his true feelings show

he ends up seeking you for comfort when he has a bad day

give this man all the hugs he needs and wants

"We’re #RelationshipGoals, babe!" He laughs as he hugs you with one arm, the other typing his phone. "Your presence makes every moment brighter, and your personality shines just as gold. Lucky to call you mine! And… post!" He chuckled, then leaned in to plant a kiss on your cheek.

Trey loves how light-hearted and sociable nature you are

he really appreciates how you light up the entire room by just being there

he finds your extroverted nature refreshing and may sometimes even rely on you to help him navigate social situations that he might otherwise avoid

the two of you compliment each other so well, he’s the voice of reason and you bring warmth and charm to social settings

he admires your ability to diffuse conflicts and ease tensions, it helps so much when the inevitable fights break out

he does have moments where he feels a bit overwhelmed or uncomfortable with how outgoing you are because he doesn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to him

but communication is key and he will respect your boundaries as well

he loves brushing your hair for you, he’s quite good at it too having practice with his younger siblings

will also pinpoint your exact tastes so he can make treats and snacks to your liking

he loves nothing more than seeing you happy and content

even more so when it’s because of him

"Hey there, sunshine!" You turn around and you see Trey standing behind you, a warm look in his eyes as he ruffled your hair. "Haha, your smile always brightens up my day," he says, tucking your head under his chin as he bathed in your presence.

Masterlist

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

[cosmicjoke]

Part 2 of the Psychological and Emotional Impact of Levi’s Early Childhood:  How Levi’s Years with his mother weren’t Idealic:

So some of the conversations and additions to my post about Levi’s childhood got me thinking and focusing a little more on one, specific aspect of it, that I wanted to delve into here.   

Again, it’s interesting, because, as we know, Kuchel was a loving mother toward Levi.  She clearly loved him and, at risk to herself, wanted and kept him.  Something which undoubtedly made her own life exponentially harder, when obviously it was already incredibly difficult.  I also talked about how this decision had an aspect of selfishness to it, though, as she knowingly brought Levi into a situation in which he would also end up suffering a great deal.  I want to reiterate that this isn’t meant to be taken as a criticism of Kuchel or her love of Levi.  It’s just a stated fact. 

Kuchel clearly struggled to take care of Levi.  The fact that Levi was at death’s door when Kenny found him is testament to this reality.  All the love in the world wouldn’t have been enough to provide the basic necessities a growing child requires.  Levi was in a state of extreme neglect.  He was starving to death.  He was filthy.  He was barefoot and completely alone, with no sign at all of anyone having come by even once to provide help, and no sign that Levi ever left to seek help.  It was pure luck that Kenny came by when he did and was able to rescue him.  If he hadn’t, Levi would have surely died.

So what I wanted to get into here more specifically is what it tells us about Levi’s upbringing with his mother, that he was left in such a state, and why when Kenny found him, it was obvious that Levi was totally isolated, that nobody came by to help him, and that he also, apparently, never left their room to find help.

What that tells me is that Levi likely never had any real social interaction outside of his mother.  That his isolation may have been so extreme, in fact, that nobody outside of their home even knew he existed.  This seems supported by the fact that Levi was socially inept when Kenny first meets him.  He barely speaks, almost to the point of muteness.  When Kenny talks to him, Levi more often than not says nothing, just stares at him with shuttered eyes.  Kenny describes Levi as “cold” or “unfriendly”.  Levi is also constantly looking at Kenny.  He rarely seems to take his eyes off of him, which could indicate a wariness of him, which, given the sort of life his mother was living, and given where they were, the Underground, makes plenty of sense.  Levi would be wary of strange men. 

Given these details, it seems likely to me that Kuchel, in the least, kept Levi as isolated and alone as she could manage, and that she likely did this out of a desire to protect him from the dangers of the Underground.  It seems likely that she kept him in their room and rarely, if ever, let him out.  Again, probably because she wanted to shield him from danger.

But as we see, there was a price to pay for doing something like this.  Not only was Levi maladjusted, but when his mother was dying, and Levi was left to starve to death, Levi seemingly didn’t know how to ask anyone for help.  Now it’s possible Levi might have tried finding help, and nobody listened to him.  I wouldn’t find that surprising either, given the environment they were living in.  The Underground is a cut-throat, dog eat dog place, where very few people can afford to help anyone else, given the general, desperate circumstances most down there find themselves living in. 

Whether Levi sought help and was turned away, or he didn’t seek help because he didn’t realize he could, and also because nobody ever came by to help either of them, either way, this would have, tragically, affirmed for Levi that neither his nor his mother’s lives were worth anything to anyone. 

I assume it took a long time for Kuchel to die.  She was completely wasted away by the time Kenny found her, essentially skeletal in her appearance.  Part of this could have been because her body was decomposing.  But the fact she’d been dying from disease would have obviously ravaged her body, too.  Levi would have had to witness this slow, no doubt agonizing deterioration for who knows how many weeks or months.  That alone would have been horrifically traumatizing for him, especially given his own, general helplessness.  And in all that time, nobody ever once, we can assume, offered them a helping hand, offered them food, offered them money, offered them medical assistance. 

It’s interesting to consider too that Kuchel must have known that she was dying, and that without her, Levi would surely die too.  She had no way of knowing that Kenny would come by when he did, or that he would come by at all.  She hadn’t seen him, I’m assuming, since before she gave birth to Levi, since Kenny didn’t even know Levi’s name when they met.  So what does this tell us?  That Kuchel knew she was dying, and that without her there to take care of him, Levi would die too?

One might think Kuchel, once she realized her case was hopeless, would attempt to hand Levi over to someone else to care for him.  But clearly that didn’t happen.  There could be a million reasons for this.  Mainly, I would think, Kuchel didn’t trust anyone she knew enough to actually care for Levi, or that she simply wasn’t close enough with anyone to feel confident in her ability to ask them to care for her child, and that gives us a pretty good idea of what Kuchel’s relationships with other people in the Underground were like.  We can assume from this that she didn’t have any close friends, and in turn, we can assume that neither did Levi.  I would go so far as to say Levi probably didn’t have any friends.  I don’t think he ever had any real, meaningful interaction with other children, even.  Again, remembering Levi’s social ineptness when Kenny finds him, how withdrawn he was, seems to support this.  So from all of this, I think it’s likely that neither Kuchel or Levi ever got much social interaction, or had any, real social lives to speak of.  I think we can clearly see the ill effects of this in Levi throughout his entire life.  He’s famously very socially awkward.  He doesn’t really know how to express himself in words.  People often mistake him for being apathetic or rude or unfriendly because his face isn’t generally very emotive, and he often speaks in a monotone.  This in itself is it’s own kind of tragedy, because at his core, Levi is actually exceptionally compassionate and kind.  Levi’s social difficulties would also have obviously been terribly exacerbated by the way Kenny raised him after Kuchel died. 

But going back to the way Kuchel raised him, I think it’s fair to say that she kept Levi very isolated, and that she herself was probably very isolated too, and so we have to think about how this bleak reality likely impacted Kuchel’s own ability adequately care for Levi.

Again, going back to the state Kenny found Levi in, it’s obvious that something went very, very wrong in Kuchel’s ability to take care of her son.  It’s obvious that she was struggling severely to provide for him, once again not from lack of effort, but because of the desperate circumstances of their lives.  Food, clothing, shelter, warmth, etc...  We see those things were clearly not being provided to Levi on a consistent basis.  He was dressed in rags, some type of garment that was too large for him, and might be supposed to have belonged to Kuchel herself, meaning she couldn’t afford to buy him anything better.  He was barefoot, meaning she probably couldn’t afford shoes for him.  His hair was uncut and unwashed, as was the rest of his body.  They were living in what appears to be a single room with next to nothing in it.  There’s a single bed which Kuchel occupies, some pots and a pitcher for water I’m guessing, and that’s about it.  We see no toys.  We see no books.  We see nothing of any comfort or luxury.  There’s no other obvious rooms attached to the one they’re in.  No bathroom or washing area.  No doors leading anywhere else but outside.  And finally, Levi clearly hadn’t eaten anything of substance, or any kind of full meal, in a long, long time.   And he was completely alone.  So we see that, in the end, Kuchel, despite her obvious and genuine love for Levi, wasn’t able to take care of him.  Obviously Levi’s deteriorated state when Kenny finds him is a direct result of Kuchel herself falling ill, and she no doubt did her best when she was still able to work to provide for him these basic necessities.  But it’s also still obvious that it was always a struggle.  They had no money, and that’s plain.  They were living, very obviously, in abject poverty.  And already living in such a dangerous, cut-throat environment, where criminals and predators were able to openly roam the streets without consequence, since the above ground authorities rarely ventured down there, a lone mother and her very young child would have struggled all the more to survive.  With such a poor financial situation, their day to day lives must have been incredibly precarious and uncertain. 

But I’m also not just talking about providing the bare life essentials when talking about Kuchel’s struggles to take care of Levi.  Going back to Kuchel’s own seeming lack of social interaction or dependable friends, one has to consider the psychological impact of this on her, and how that in turn would impact her relationship with Levi.  Being a mother is a hard job.  It’s hard enough even in the best of circumstances.  Taking care of a helpless child that is in constant need of love, care and attention is incredibly draining and time consuming.  We often hear people joke about how mother’s should be paid to be mothers alone, because it’s such a consuming job. 

Now, you take the general difficulty of that job, and you amplify it with the sorts of difficulties and bleak realities Kuchel and Levi faced, things like abject impoverishment, a lack of any sort of real social life or friends, constant fear and paranoia of ones surroundings, the ever present reality of being surrounded by criminals, and Kuchel’s own day to day life working as a prostitute, and you start to really realize just how bad and difficult their lives together must have been.

Kuchel wouldn’t have had any sort of outlet, or escape, from the harsh realities of her day to day situation.  If she had no real friends (again, something that seems almost certain when considering everything else), then we have to assume whatever downtime she had from selling her body for money was spent with Levi and Levi alone.  So after hours and hours of being forced to let strangers have their way with her and use her body for sex, which we can pretty much guarantee also involved plenty of physical violence against her, Kuchel would then have to come home and take care of a young child who needed to be fed, clothed, washed, paid attention to, etc, etc...  all things Kuchel was clearly struggling to provide.  I don’t think the mental and emotional toll this sort of existence must have had on her can be exaggerated.  She had to have been exhausted, both physically and mentally.  With no one outside of a young child to talk to or interact with, she must have been deeply depressed and often felt incredibly alone.  Those feelings would have only been worsened by her struggle to provide enough food and shelter and warmth to keep them both alive.  They would have only be worsened further by her need to constantly be vigilant and protect Levi from the many, many dangers of the Underground. 

My point with bringing all this up is to show that it’s unlikely that Kuchel, in these circumstances, would have been able to provide Levi, not just things like food or clothing or warmth, but a healthy social environment.  It’s very, very doubtful that Kuchel would have had the time, or the energy, or even the mental capacity, to be able to give Levi the kind of love and attention she would have under even slightly better circumstances.  Realistically speaking, she was probably simply too tired at the end of each work day to really play with him, or spend time with him in any meaningful way.  She was probably too exhausted to indulge in any sort of wants or needs of his outside of immediate essentials.  Assuming Kuchel was often depressed (which I don’t think is at all a stretch or unlikely, again given her own isolation and the ugly reality of her life), that would have also impacted how she interacted with Levi.  Children aren’t stupid, they’re intuitive, and we know Levi in particular is maybe the most emotionally intelligent character in AoT.  He would have picked up on her depressive moods, and her general unhappiness, I’m sure.  He would have felt that negative energy coming from her. 

Going back to Levi’s maladjustment when Kenny finds him, to his muteness and wariness, his “cold”, “unfriendly” demeanor, I think it’s safe to assume that these problems in Levi were a result of not just the incredibly harsh circumstances of his life with his mother, but also came from Kuchel’s failure to provide Levi with enough stimulation to teach him social skills.  Again, please remember, this isn’t meant as a criticism of Kuchel or her love for Levi.  I don’t want anyone to think I’m trying to cast doubt on those things.  Again, it’s just to highlight and draw attention to the fact that, despite that love, Kuchel still wasn’t, and frankly couldn’t have been, a perfect mother to Levi.  Their situation just simply wouldn’t have allowed for it.  And so I think it’s realistic and fair to assume that Kuchel failed Levi in certain ways. 

Levi wasn’t okay when Kenny found him.  Again, not just based on the fact that he was literally dying and in a state of extreme neglect, but based on the fact that he was clearly a child who had never learned to be social.  He was strange. He didn’t act at all like a normal child his age might.  He was deeply withdrawn, almost mute, he never smiled or laughed, he was wary, probably from having been taught to be afraid of men, listless and resigned.  None of this speaks to a child who is well adjusted or who received a lot of love and attention.  He doesn’t demand attention, the way most children do.  Instead, when Kenny finds him, Levi is curled against a far wall, just waiting to die, quiet and accepting.  Think about this.  He wasn’t crying, he wasn’t making a fuss, he wasn’t even visibly upset in any way over his situation.  He was just resigned to it.  He didn’t beg Kenny for help when he came, or even talk to him, except to tell him his mother was dead, and after being promoted multiple times, to tell him his name.  Levi didn’t demand or seek attention, even from the first person to show up and offer help, likely because Levi was taught through example not to expect attention.  And once again, this isn’t a criticism of Kuchel, but an acknowledgment of the likely reality that she just didn’t have the time, energy or ability to give Levi attention beyond providing for him the bare minimum required to keep him alive. 

Levi’s state when Kenny finds him, not just physical, but his emotional and mental state, suggests a certain amount of neglect in Levi’s life from his mother. 

So again I posit that this general perception in the fandom of Levi being provided plenty of love and care from his mother in the first, few years of his life is idealized in the extreme, and fails to acknowledge the harsh reality of their lives and circumstances, as well as fails to acknowledge the state Levi was in when Kenny found him.

I say all this, and think it’s important to acknowledge, because I don’t think Levi is given enough credit for making himself into the man he would eventually become.  Very often, the credit is solely given to his mother, and sometimes even to Kenny (really don’t get that one), for Levi turning out to be a kind, caring and compassionate human being.  But in my opinion, in the face of everything we know, this belief doesn’t hold water.  It doesn’t account for just how bad off Levi was, not just physically, but mentally, when Kenny took him in. 

There’s always the question of nature vs nurture, and I’m always of the mind that how a person turns out is more a mixture of the two than any, single one.  And certainly, we see parts of Levi’s personality which have been shaped by the way he was raised, both by Kuchel and Kenny.  Levi’s social awkwardness, his blunt, sometimes rude interactions, his anger and violence, his fear and readiness to act in the face of that fear, etc... all these things were no doubt informed by Levi’s experiences growing up.  And yes, I’m sure that part of Levi’s ability to love and be loved came from his mother.  But not all of it did.  Levi, from seeing how his mother was treated, from seeing the negative results of the life she was living, not just on her, but on him, would have been sent the lesson early on in life that neither of their lives were worth very much to anyone but each other.  From Kuchel’s inability to really take care of him, Levi would have undoubtedly questioned his own worth, not because Kuchel didn’t love him, but because he would have picked up on how his existence was a burden to her, how it made her life harder, how she in turn wasn’t always able to provide him with a great deal of warmth or affection, because it was already too much to provide him with basic necessities for staying alive.  Levi knew not to expect a lot of love or attention, and that tells us an awful lot about Levi’s life with his mother.  He doesn’t throw a fit or complain when Kenny takes him in and starts treating him harshly.  He doesn’t whine or demand love when Kenny starts teaching him how to use a knife, or how to “greet people” (ala, beat the shit out of them).  He doesn’t show any expectation from Kenny at all, let alone an expectation for love and affection from him.  Every panel we see of Levi with Kenny shows Levi standing there, mute and listless, simply accepting of his new situation and the new way in which he’s being treated.  He just... takes it.  This isn’t a child who’s been taught that he deserves better.  This isn’t a child who expects to be treated with kindness or respect or gentility.  This isn’t a child who is used to getting his way, or who expects to be paid attention to.  This isn’t a child who expects much of anything at all.  Again, the fact of Levi’s immediate acceptance of the way Kenny treats him tells us a LOT about what his life with his mother was like.  He wasn’t spoiled, he wasn’t treated as special, he wasn’t given an excess of attention or love.  If he had been, that would have made itself evident when Kenny took him in and started treating him the way he did.  And once more I reiterate, this isn’t meant as a knock on Kuchel, or to cast doubt on the love she had for Levi.  It’s just a simple acknowledgment of certain facts.  When Kenny leaves Levi, Levi just accepts that as well, though obviously it hurts him immensely.  He doesn’t chase after Kenny, or beg him to come back.  He just stands there and watches him walk away.  He just accepts that he’s being abandoned.  Again, this isn’t indicative of a child who has a particularly strong sense of self-worth or importance, or a child who was taught to fight for his right to love.  He was taught to fight for his life by Kenny, sure, but he was taught the exact opposite regarding other people’s lives in turn.  And we know, bizarrely, from how resigned he was to his own death after Kuchel died, that Levi’s experiences in the first years of his life with his mother didn’t teach him to fight for or value his own life, though I’m sure that isn’t what Kuchel ever intended. 

And so when we take this all into account, when we take into account that Levi wasn’t ever really taught to value or fight for his own right to love and compassion, or even life, how he wasn’t taught to even expect those things, on top of which, taking into account how he was taught not to value the lives of others through Kenny’s lessons, and then you reflect on how, DESPITE all that, Levi was open enough to make, on his own, his first, real friends in Furlan and Isabel, to form an actual family with them, and to make more friends after they died in Erwin and Hange, how he fights with everything he has to protect the lives and dreams of others, how he has so much deep compassion and care for others, how deeply affected he is by the deaths of others, how hard he tries to keep everyone around him alive, how much he values life, values the lives of others, and their right to life, you realize how remarkable that really is.  You realize that nothing in Levi’s life growing up can really account for that ability to care, or that deep compassion he holds.  It comes down to his nature.  Levi is just an innately caring, kind and compassionate person.  Rather than inheriting that ability from Kuchel’s example, I would rather say Levi inherited that ability from Kuchel’s nature.  He wasn’t taught to be loving and compassionate.  He just was.  And so was his mother.  Both of them maintained that capacity despite their horrible circumstances and experiences, not because of them.  Just like how Levi and Mikasa are innately loyal, Levi I would say is also innately, inherently kind and compassionate.  Some traits of our personalities are just inborn, not taught.

I think Levi deserves so much more credit than he generally receives for being the kind, caring man he is.

[charcorner]

Welcome to Char Corner!

Hi there, fellow Char owners! My name is Astra, I use any pronouns but mostly she/they, and I raise Homo aznablii (also known as Chars) for a living! I have worked at multiple Char shelters, and own multiple Chars myself. Here's a quick intro to them!

(Plus, some tips I shared in the comments of a Strange Aeons video about clown husbandry:)

Mars

Male 0079

Age: 4

Mars is a new addition to the family. I picked him up from a Char shelter back in July. He was surrendered to the shelter after his owners couldn't take care of them. PSA: Purebred 0079s are not good starter Chars! They need constant stimulation to keep from engaging in the classic Char pastime of destroying everything in your home, along with 0079s needing to be disciplined regularly, (without force! please do not hit or yell at your char, as they will distrust you and be more likely to indiscriminately attack you. i like to use spray bottles) to actually make them listen to you. If you REALLY like 0079s but don't have any experience raising Chars, get a 0079/Quattro cross. While Mars can have an attitude sometimes and has tried to escape a few times when I let him outside for more than a few minutes, he's a really sweet Char. Fun fact: he's the same 0079 Char from the Garfield story I shared above

---

Hallie Jr.

Female Quattro/CCA mix

Age: 3

Hallie Jr. is one of the Char pups from the story I shared above. Her mother, a Quattro named Hallie, was one of the first Chars I raised, and was a general sweetheart. Sadly, last May, Hallie was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 17, and I had no choice but to end her life in a humane way. I'll never forget the day I took her home from the shelter all those years ago, and how she was so scared on the ride back home... Anyways, Hallie Jr. is chaotic. That's it. I remember when I first took Mars home and Hallie Jr. gave him a nice chomp on the shoulder. What a way to roll in the welcome wagon... She's also given me a few nips, too, and almost attacked another Char at the Char park (my pride and joy as a char owner. /s) Anyways, I always say that Quattros are the ideal starter breed of Char, due to their mostly-docile temperament. CCAs, however, need a great deal of training and socialization, which I know a lot of casual Char owners can't afford to provide. Sadly, this has led to many CCAs turning aggressive and getting the breed as a whole classified as dangerous in a lot of jurisdictions. (They're kinda like the "bully breeds" of dogs.)

---

Meteor

Male Full Frontal

Age: 27

While I normally do not condone getting Full Frontals due to the problems with the breed (see above), a friend gave me Meteor because they were moving to a place which did not allow Chars in the lease (an unfortunate truth in many places) and I couldn't say no. Even if he is getting on in the years (the average Char lifespan is 33 years), he is still one of the most amazing Chars I have ever taken care of. However, last month he started to become more lethargic and nipped me when I tried to pet him (an action he usually enjoys). I'm planning to take him to the vet soon to see what's up with him.

---

Ceres

Female mutt (with 0079 and CCA features)

Age: 1½ years

Last but not least, Ceres was a stray Char pup who was rejected by her mother. I found her in my front lawn in critical condition and I just had to take her in because I couldn't let a newborn Char die like that, and bottle-fed her and nursed her back to health. She's currently in her "teen phase" (Chars fully mature at 2 years old) and is starting to test her boundaries. She often gets zoomies and even scratched Hallie Jr. once (she's probably learned her lesson now). However, she's still as sweet as the day I took her in!

Random Char facts and tips:

Chars only started being imported to the western world in the past 25 years. Before that, they were popular pets in Japan and other East Asian countries, hitting their stride in the late seventies, although a small portion of Chars were imported to Italy around the early eighties in the hopes of starting a fad, although they never caught on back then.

CHARS AND CLOWNS DO NOT GO TOGETHER!! I've seen so many Chars get surrendered to shelters because they attacked or even killed clowns, one of their NATURAL PREY SOURCES. Come on.

Chars are facultative carnivores. In the wild, they prey on not only clowns, but also deer and other large herbivores. But domesticated Chars will still be as happy eating small animals such as live mice as they would chasing down a deer in the wild.

Please do not keep attack/guard Chars, especially CCAs. The training to turn them into one cannot be done in a way that does not involve abuse. Please get a functioning security system.

You may have noticed that Chars are horny AF. It's a survival strategy: Chars mate with anything and everything as wild mother Chars have a tendency to reject or even eat their offspring. Thankfully for Char breeders, domesticated Chars have had this behavior almost entirely bred out of them.

Chars are pregnant for 6 months and usually give birth to a litter of 4-9 Char pups.

Anyways, good luck in your own Char breeding and owning adventures!

~ Astra

[zoezoegr]

Pennies from Heaven

I have to hurry home to my ghost. Let me explain: I moved to a new apartment 1 and 1/2 years ago––I'm coming up on a lease renewal. It has generally been a perfectly typical apartment, of course, save for the floor-to-ceiling windows, comparatively low rent, and the neighbor's dog, whose expression looks shockingly like Sir Alec Guinness. It's uncanny, but probably not occult. I mean, I sincerely doubt that Mr. Feathers––that's the dog's name––is the reincarnated spirit of The star of the Lavender Hill Mob, The Lady Killers, and Our Man in Havana, among others, but the thought has crossed my mind. It is a rather striking resemblance. But I swear, that was the only strange element in my building for over a year. And as well we all know, ghosts don't wait a year before they saunter out and start haunting a place––they get right down to it––or so popular fiction would have us believe. That's why I was understandably surprised to find, as I got under the covers one night last month, a strange glow, almost phosphorescent, from which was produced a pallid figure, lacking in gravity.

You probably think that I screamed. I didn't scream; I simply went up to the man––I quickly ascertained that he was one––and asked him who he was. To my surprise, he asked me the same thing. For an exaggerated moment, our eyes were locked in a very long winded attempt to glean some understanding through the nuance of expression, but to no avail. I engaged him in small talk; he reciprocated. Little by little, I was able to make head and tail of the situation:

His name is Frederick and his wife was recently widowed. He is 36 years old and he passed away in a freak tram accident. The great irony is that both the tram and his home are in another country. Let me rephrase: he is haunting the wrong country. In fact, he is haunting the wrong continent.

Frederick was, of course, very distressed to hear this. He was hoping to haunt his wife––you know, out of love––but I suppose there was some sort of bureaucratic mixup––naturally I don't know the true nature of Providence, but I assume it must be something of the sort––and instead he's haunting me! It breaks my heart, really. The poor man is stuck in my apartment, longing for his wife and home, I can't do anything to help. You might assume that his being here would be an imposition on me, but frankly, it's been a long time since I've entertained, and what's more, my social life is going through bit of a dry spell these days. Maybe it's selfish, but I'm glad of the company.

This was the situation as of last month. In four weeks, we have become friends. We know each other's tastes––I don't know his in food, for the obvious reasons––but his likes, dislikes, dreams for the future, pet peeves, etc. I well know. He loves Dianne Wiest, and it pains me that we can't go to see her new movie together––you know, because he can't leave the apartment. But at the very least, last week, I agreed to dog sit Mr. Feathers for the day, for Frederick's enjoyment, and he does agree most adamantly about the resemblance.

Flip Side

My memories suddenly returned as I materialized. There was a period of time where I either did not exist, or was existing in a way that I cannot comprehend. As I came back into being, I was filled with the joy of knowing that I was at home with Mary, even if it was no longer as a being she could see, touch, or even understand. Mary has always been a very scientific person. Even if she saw me, there's a chance that she’d refuse to believe her eyes. As I materialized, I began to perceive a woman in front of me––but she wasn't Mary. I am much more disappointed in death than in life. She didn't scream––I'm grateful for that––she talked to me politely––that was a shocking relief. I don't particularly like small talk, but in this situation, it was soothing. For the first time, in death, I appreciated its value. She asked me more than she told, but was never nosy. I managed to find out that her name is Lucy, she's 40, and she's a bank teller. She loves to read and watercolor and we have surprisingly similar taste in films.

It became apparent that I was stuck at Lucy's, but there are far worse fates. Apparently, death isn't fair, either. But I like Lucy. As much as is humanly possible, she helps me forget that I was killed by a derailed tram—while Ben Affleck, who was standing next to me at the time, lived, apparently––and that I would probably never see Mary again. She knows I like Dianne Wiest, and since I couldn't go to see her new film, she rented her entire filmography for me. She brought over her neighbor's dog, who bears a shocking resemblance to Alec Guinness. That was a good day.

Lucy is not the easiest person. She's always bubbling over and she seems to be incapable of sitting in silence. But she's very kind. I can't think of any logical reason why she should be. It's obvious to her that people should be kind. I don't know how long I'll be with Lucy, but I know that I'll enjoy my time with here much more than I ever could've imagined.

[yourtastefulcannibal]

Hello, Dr Lecter,

First and foremost, I must apologize for my lack of patience regarding your timing of your response. It happened to be a time when I had many things on mind, and our discussions helped me ease my spirit. This is why I took it as rude your so late promptitude of response. But as mentioned before, you are also a busy man, and your time is valuable. Something you must choose carefully who deserves more of it.

As for my inspiration, I think I finally found it. Not entirely what I had in mind, but it’s close enough. You have here the two paintings I have found that are closest to what I had in mind. Unfortunately, I couldn't find their names or their painters: Pin page (https://ro.pinterest.com/pin/70437488665607/), Pin page (https://ro.pinterest.com/pin/1407443627388724/)

Fear not about my pseudonym being or not common. Your choice was great like any other name you would have chosen. You are right though; Hannibal is quite uncommon. Beside you, I only know the Hannibal from the Roman legend, who travelled with the elephants, crossing the Alps into Italy. I actually wanted to ask you as a joke how your trip with the elephants was, but I feared not to be too rude.

As for the reason of me being a mystery for you… I know much about you because I am an observant person. I know your work, your papers. Must admit I was curious to know more about the man behind these brilliant papers, what he was like outside his professional life. And I was not disappointed. I found out that Dr Hannibal Lecter is indeed a man with a brilliant mind, a man who knows his art and music. I might have heard you’re a great cook as well (fear not, it’s not an á propos for earning an invitation to your tables). But most of all, he has one of a hell interesting hobby (pardon my language, but I couldn’t express my astonishment in any other way). Do not take my praise to you as a soft-soap, I give my compliments when deserved, and you, Dr Lecter, have all my sympathy and respect.

You mentioned you were also intrigued to know more about me. Ask and you shall find out. Yes, I am also a passionate about art and literature as you quite well noticed, but being way younger than you, I would be more than delighted and honoured if we could keep our discussions on going. Something I can now tell you about myself is that I am an animal lover (heard a special person of yours is a dog lover, they have a pack, I think?), I enjoy taking long walks in the woods since I live close to one and going to opera and theatre whenever I have the chance.

You are more than welcome to Romania should you have the occasion of visiting.

Yours sincerely,

Aspasia Winterbourne

Aspasia,

All is forgiven, if not forgotten, in respect to your previous impatience. While I am not one to lean into virtues of any sort, I do believe that patience is the mark of a conscientious and intelligent individual. One can have one without the other, as I see frequently in my daily interactions; having both is a rarity, it seems, although I know that everyone, myself included, has their moments in which they may lack courtesy, forethought, or both. As for the works of art you provided, I do believe I have found their source. They both appear to be stylized or edited sections of a fresco by Pietro da Cortona, The Allegory of Divine Providence and Barberini Power. It is painted on the ceiling of the Palazzo Barberini in Rome. I will attach photographs of both the fresco as well as the Palazzo Barberini below.

Your words in regards to my academic writings are certainly far too kind, however I will certainly not reject them. I have not taken to writing as many papers as of late, instead choosing to invest more time in my private practice and social affairs. Perhaps one day soon I will host a dinner party with enough notice to enable you to dine at my table. Or, perhaps, I shall have to visit your home country and you shall show me about Romania, as I only recall ever visiting once when I was quite young.

I am curious to know about your interest in animals. Has it led you to taking on pets? Do you have a favourite animal in particular? Are there any that are not to your liking, or that you are even afraid of? As for your walks in the woods, do you forage? In some areas even in Baltimore, there are wild fruits available during some times of year. There are countless wineberry bushes in the woods behind Will's home, and I do not doubt that edible mushrooms such as chanterelles, morels, and lion's mane are plentiful there as well. The forest can bring quite a bounty to the table, if one knows what to look for. I would be curious to know of your favourite opera. I will not hazard a guess, as I fear I would be far off no matter which of the countless operas I might choose.

I do not doubt I will hear from you again soon. Regards, Hannibal Lecter

[nicasdreamer]

This is a message for my mutuals and especially one going through a tough time right now.

If you guys are currently having problems with the men in your life (e.g Father/Boyfriend) like he’s hurting you physically, mentally, or emotionally. That man is not worth it.

Your life is worth way more than those men tearing you down and trying to compare your worth to something below you like a dog or to trash. The men in your life aren’t suppose to make you feel that way and you know that yourself.

If that man is a deadbeat bum or an abusive father/partner. Kick their sorry ass to the curb because in the words of my mama “If he ain’t providing for you or giving you the same amount of love you give back, drop him from your life”.

Fight back, block him from all forms of social media, tell him your done with him, and don’t even give him a passing thought. That’s the only way he’ll get the message that he can’t control you anymore.

Your gonna do great things in the future. Your life keeps moving on. So don’t let one person drag you down with them.

[todderwodders]

for the character ask!: 4, 24, 34, and J!

Ask me Uncommon Questions about my OCs

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

For Faline, not trusting people is a point of pride. In her experience, giving trust implicates a certain level of humanity in another person that more likely than not, is an easily changeable node swayed by money, lust, hate, or any combination thereof. People are too inconsistent to trust at best, or too much of a threat to be fit for it at worst.

Alternatively: She's a white girl with a savior complex and all her favorite people are dogs with bite histories.

If one were to insert themselves into her life and are pathetic just enough to sucker her in she'll trust them against her will, after a good chunk of years. See: Enver Gortash

24. Is sex something that they're comfortable speaking about? To whom?

Faline is a former courtesan and sex worker* for much of her narrative. She's done most things, seen a lot more, and generally thinks of sex as damn near boring in and on its own terms. Pedestrian, something only idiots or virgins are coy about because they assign some kind of specialness to the act, when really it is a mechanical function of pleasure for most and reproduction for those in the treaty of marriage. If you ask her a question regarding sex, her sex life, or to speculate on someone else's sexual habits, she'll give you honest, mildly disturbing in their sheer insight, answers. This applies to almost everyone and every situation in her life - only in polite, formal company does she hold her tongue, and even then, she sometimes slips up.

*these two terms should not be conflated irl as the history of the courtesan varies greatly from culture to culture and center to century, and may be considered disrespectful or an oversimplification of a complex socio-economic strata. That being said, with the world building implied in DND material and the canon I have established explicitly for Baldur's Gate in the 1480s, I have established that Courtesans typically do enter into sexual relationships with patrons, some living in hauses or brothels or independently, most expecting great exchanges of wealth and gifts and time before sexual relations are exchanged. The Lotus Eater, Faline's haus, is somewhat more lax on the degree of social expectation and steps required for sexual contact and privileges patrons may take, merging brothel culture with the high end company and entertainment provided by courtesans in an explicitly erotic approach that are not popular with other courtesans or high end sex workers, as it encroaches onto both scenes without consideration or respect.

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

Depends. Faline feels almost zero guilt when she is in her early twenties, as she is so focused on surviving - the Lotus, her grandmother, her patrons, and then Gortash - that she was not really able to turn that part of her brain on. It's really only when she's twenty-six that she realizes just how profoundly fucked up what she allows to go on around her is, and even then, the guilt comes and goes. Sometimes she takes on other people's evil deeds by herself, guilty by association. Sometimes she places all the blame on others. Sometimes she even comes close to the truth.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Uhhh so I don't think so? Faline existing within the canon narrative feasible up until a point, but her initial existence and influence on the canon story is negligible until you hit act 3. I try my best to insert OCs into plausible situations.

[atlasmoonshine]

How I almost died on a camping trip (Long story, tl;dr at bottom)

Ok so my geology class has an end-of-semester field trip to the Appalachian Mountains for extra credit. Naturally, I take it because I have never gone camping before and it was a great opportunity to do so. The first day was a lot of fun, we went rock climbing with no harnesses, almost fell 50+ feet, went into a cave with only one opening as wide as my body, almost got stuck, fun times!

But those, while dangerous, were not the near-death experience.

So before the field trip started, my professor talks about it in the syllabus. HOWEVER, there was NO MENTION OF A SUPPLY LIST. It LITERALLY only said "just bring money for food." My assumption was that they would provide supplies or something.

They did not.

I had NO sleeping bag, NO blanket, NOTHING. I only had a tent because I buddied up with someone. It was just me and the cold, hard ground, just completely raw-dogging nature. But I didn't realize she'd be the one raw-dogging me. And she didn't bring lube.

So what DID I bring, you may ask? Just enough clothes to last the weekend, the shittiest keychain flashlight known to man, a multitool knife, and snacks for the van. That's it.

It was cold. It was in the 20s that night, and me NOT HAVING A SLEEPING BAG OR BLANKET, I layered up on clothes so I'd at least be a LITTLE warmer. I had like 2 hoodies, 3 shirts, 2 pants, and 3 pairs of socks on.

So this is where the trouble starts. It was 1 AM and I had to pee. I stumbled out of my tent with my shitty flashlight. This flashlight, turns out, was only good at telling the general shapes of things, nothing else. So I saw a dip in the land and assumed it was just a ledge.

It was not.

I slipped and fell on my ass directly into a creek. My pants were SOAKED from the ass down, my socks were soaked, my shoes were soaked. And although I had the self-preservation skills of a lemming, even I knew that wearing wet clothes in 20F weather was BAD NEWS. And I had no clothes to switch into, as all the clothes I had were currently clinging to my freezing body.

I make it back to my tent and I start shaking like I have never shaked before in my life. Have you ever held an ice cube for so long it started to burn? My ass down to my toes were BURNING. My feet no longer had feeling in them except for the icy hellfire that punished me for having bodily functions. I couldn't even lay down because I had to sit on my feet with the hopes my body heat would at least ease the pain a little. After a couple hours, my torso started feeling REALLY warm, despite nothing really changing. I may not be a survivalist, but I've heard that's generally a bad sign.

4 am hits. After THREE HOURS of accepting death, being in the most pain I have been in in a hot minute, my tentmate, who has been peacefully sleeping next to me unaware of me fighting for my life, wakes up. I'm assuming from me vibrating so much I was rubbing against the tent floor making noise. She asks me "How are you doing?" I say "Miserable, I think I'm dying, thanks! :D" I tell her the terrible situation I was in and she asked the question I'm sure every reader has asked at this point:

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

And at this moment: I learned something VERY interesting about myself. The reason I didn't wake her up was because I didn't want to disturb her. I didn't want to disturb her with me LITERALLY dying. In an ACTUAL LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION, when given the choice between POTENTIALLY bothering someone or just straight up dying, I CHOSE DYING. For some reason, my brain put bothering someone and LITERALLY DYING on the EXACT SAME TIER.

So that's how bad my social anxiety is.

Anyways, she lent me some pants so I'd stop wearing my soaked jeans and gave me some socks and let me use her sleeping bag for a couple hours before everyone else had to wake up. Somehow, I made out of it alive while still keeping all my toes. But I came out of it with some new knowledge about myself:

My social anxiety is SO BAD that I would LITERALLY rather die than potentially bother someone.

Tl;dr: I almost died of hypothermia because of social anxiety

[translationandbetrayals]

Let's talk about the real Osamu Dazai, a genius in transforming his wounds into art

Who is Osamu Dazai?

Osamu Dazai was a Japanese novelist born on June 19, 1909, considered one of the most appreciated writers of the 20th century in Japan. Some of his most popular works, such as The Setting Sun and No Longer Human, are also considered modern classics in his country of origin.

"It's not that I'm weak, it's that the suffering weighs too much on me"

While some writers write to heal the wounds acquired in life; others, like Osamu Dazai, refuse to let their wounds heal and thus reveal them starkly in their writing. 

For Japanese literature, Osamu Dazai is one of the outstanding writers of the post-World War II period. His narrative developed a pessimistic tone, openly presenting a nation in social and moral crisis, a product of the effects of the war and the transition from feudal Japan to an industrial society.

No Longer Human, his greatest work

His novel No Longer Human (人間失格),it's the second best-selling novel in Japan.This novel portrays the life of Oba Yozo, a young sinaffect who, feeling alienated from society, tries to survive through the mask of a "clown", being a subject provided with humor and irony. Parents, teachers, friends, strangers, lovers, all of them are the subjects by whom Yozo wants to be recognized. The story thus shows us the protagonist's unsuccessful attempts to reconcile with the world around him; a process that begins in childhood and continues until adulthood, when he decides to commit suicide as an escape from this impossibility.

¨I had always been afraid of people and, due to my lack of confidence in my ability to act and speak like a human being, I kept my lonely agonies locked in my chest and my melancholy and restlessness hidden behind naive optimism. And over time I perfected my role as a strange jester¨.

Dazai's work reveals the dark side of modernization and its effects on our humanity, being critical of the rules and expectations of his time. For the writer, the human being is disqualified or dehumanized, since he is forced to live in the fragility of social ties. The novel is thus a tragic story that warns of today's postmodern world; written in sober and elegant prose that reveals the author's inner world.

Indeed, what we know about Yozo comes mainly from the life of Osamu Dazai himself, who used biographical material throughout his books. This is what is known as the literary genre shishosetsu or watakushi shōsetsu,��used to describe a literature with a confessional tone where the events of the story correspond to the events in the author's life. 

Although it is worth saying that his work is also marked by satire and sarcasm, just as the protagonist of No Longer Human.

(Osamu Dazai's grave)

So...why is Dazai's name so beloved in anime?

Osamu Dazai's work has been widely revived by multimedia, through films, series and manga. We owe the boom that No Longer Human has had in the otaku community worldwide to the manga (and later anime) Bungou Stray Dogs, written by Kafka Asagiri and illustrated by Sango Harukawa. In this series, the character inspired by said work, who shares the name with our wonderful author, reflects Yozo's personality in a striking and exceptional way. Even the theme of the author's (and the character Yozo's) recurring suicide attempts are a comedic resource in the series, reflecting his ¨clown¨ ways, without leaving aside the reflection of the serious inner emptiness that Osamu Dazai's character suffers.

Due to his peculiar personality, attractive design and importance in the resolution of the plot of the work, this character has generated a large fan base throughout the younger community, of which a significant percentage has resorted to the original work, giving it great popularity outside Japan.

Without a doubt, Dazai has earned a position in modern Japanese literature comparable to writers of the stature of Mishima, Soseki, Akutagawa, Abe and Kawabata. Although his greatest achievement is not even that. His greatest achievement is being an essentially youthful writer, widely read and loved by young people. That far exceeds the previous one.

I, personally, highly recommend Dazai's work. Despite being from a past century, it has a very deep connection with the slights of youth. I assure you that if you are an ordinary person, who has felt internal conflicts and confusion, even more or less mild depressive moments, No Longer Human will give you a reflective space (and in my case, a safe space), in which to protect yourself. your insecurities and emptiness, represented in the person of Yozo, who, after all, was a reflection of the deep emptiness that Osamu Dazai felt throughout his disordered and tragic life, and the tangible example that your misfortunes can become one of the best youth literary works of all time. 

   Javiera Martel P.

[honourablejester]

Homebrew Warlock Subclass: Myconid Great Meld

Because I was walking my dog through wet woods today, and there were so many mushrooms, so I randomly felt like making a psychic mushroom warlock? Also, myconids are cool.

OTHERWORLDLY PATRON: MYCONID GREAT MELD

The largest myconid in a colony is its sovereign, which presides over one or more social groups called circles. A circle consists of twenty or more myconids that work, live, and meld together.

A meld is a form of communal meditation that allows myconids to transcend their dull subterranean existence. The myconids' rapport spores bind the participants into a group consciousness. Hallucination spores then induce a shared dream that provides entertainment and social interaction. Myconids consider melding to be the purpose of their existence. They use it in the pursuit of higher consciousness, collective union, and spiritual apotheosis. Myconids also use their rapport spores to communicate telepathically with other sentient creatures.

(Monster Manual)

The meld is the focal point of myconid life, a spore-enabled psychic union that allows them to transcend their physical existence and join their thoughts into a great group consciousness within their circles and colonies. Sometimes, myconids in meld tap into a union that goes beyond those individual circles and colonies. They transcend, a spiritual apotheosis, and reach something far greater: the Great Meld, a vast psychic union that connects myconids across the width of a world, and perhaps even further. There are some who think that the Great Meld extends across the Astral Plane, a vast web of psychic spores across the Silver Sea, connecting myconids across all realms into one great spiritual union.

And the Great Meld does not touch myconids alone. Other creatures may transcend and touch the vastness of it, retaining some element of that great union even when they return to their physical forms. Perhaps you were present, under the influence of rapport spores, when a myconid circle transcended. Perhaps you ingested a strange fungus that catapulted your consciousness into contact with the Great Meld. Perhaps you crewed on a spelljamming vessel that unwittingly crossed one of the great spore lines of the Meld in the Astral Sea. However you encountered it, the Great Meld now extends its awareness to you, and its influence to your form and powers.

EXPANDED SPELL LIST

The Great Meld lets you choose from an expanded list of spells when you learn a warlock spell. The following spells are added to the warlock spell list for you.

Great Meld Expanded Spells

Spell Level          Spells

1st                         Entangle, Faerie Fire      

2nd                       Blur, Calm Emotions

3rd                        Revivify, Slow

4th                        Confusion, Death Ward

5th                        Contagion, Seeming

PSYCHIC SPORES

Starting at 1st level, your connection with the Great Meld grants you the rapport abilities of the myconid people. As an action, you can seed a 30ft radius area around you with psychic spores. These spores can go around corners and affect only creatures with an Intelligence of 2 or higher that aren't undead, constructs, or elementals. Affected creatures can communicate telepathically with one another while they are within 30 feet of each other. The effect lasts for 1 hour.

FUNGAL DEFENSES

Beginning at 6th level, as your symbiosis with the Great Meld increases, it starts to influence your physical form. You gain resistance to poison and psychic damage. In addition, whenever you are hit by a melee attack, you can use your reaction to release a retaliatory burst of psychic spores. These spores deal psychic damage equal to 1d6 + your Charisma modifier to the attacking creature, unless it succeeds on an Intelligence saving throw against your spell save DC. At 14th level, this damage increases to 2d6 + your Charisma modifier.

TRANSCENDENT CONSCIOUSNESS

From 10th level, the rapport spores of the Great Meld are always present in your body and protect your mind from external influences outside of the Meld itself. You are immune to the charmed and frightened conditions, and you have advantage on saving throws to resist or end the stunned condition.

INDUCE TRANSCENDENCE

At 14th level, you gain the ability to demonstrate the existence and vastness of the Great Meld to others, as it was once demonstrated to you. As an action, you can hurl a cloud of psychic spores at a creature that you can see within 60ft of you. The creature must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw against your spell save DC, or be stunned for 1 minute, as the vastness of the Meld descends upon its consciousness. The target can repeat the save at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on a success. Once you use this action, you cannot use it again until you finish a long rest.

[harpieunion]

when I’m given the chance to talk about my Little Ladies, imma do it. I love my Whisps. I adore them. And I will make you love them too.

These are the Whisps (I use she/her when referring to them, but they/it is also acceptable). Named so due to a spelling error turned lore, these Will-o-the-wisps are notable for the indescribable and hushed whispering that fills the air around them. The gals are short, two or so feet tall, and act like intelligent toddlers. They have no features other than elemental “crowns” and color differences. More about them individually under the cut.

The Whisps do as wisps do, assist the lost. Be it the person is physically lost, or something else. They will guide you. (Note: whisps are prone to distraction. They’ll get you to where you need to be, just expect a detour or two.)

Anyways they love climbing people and sitting in laps, holding hands, making forts out of any available martial, being cozy, and playing pretend. But make no mistake, these intelligent toddlers are incalculably old.

Woohooooo you clicked read more I get to talk more about my ladies to yoooooou

First up we got little flower gal. This one is probably the most social and outgoing of the three. Her favored biomes are temperate and full of foliage and life. Got lost heading home from the creek on a summer evening? She’s your whisp. Her skin is snowy white, and would probably blind you as such if the light hit her right. The flower atop her head is forever blooming and decaying, sometimes changing color and type. She’s the tallest when with her sisters.

Next we got Lil Pebble. She’s aloof and playful, but gets her job done. More of an egg white compared to her floral sister, and her halo of rocks make delightful tinking noises when they softly collide. Did you know whisps could cook? This one can. Hit her up for a great soup or stew. Something to warm you on those cold days she favors so much. Ice and snow, she’ll be there. She’s best friends with all the avalanche dogs.

Please note she is not responsible for anything on Everest.

Last we got our fire. Either delightfully warm or searing hot, this lady has a fast temper (dewdrop, is that you?). Somehow, she’s the responsible one. Order and neatness and organization. While she’s slow to warm up to people (ha), she also loves attention. All eyes on her! She loves deserts and the dark, being the guiding flame for those needing safety. “How does a pitch black flame provide light?” You ask. I don’t know, I say.

[lotusmi]

Hi, actually I kind of needed help and advice with this. Today I read your posts and read many success stories and I am wondering if they are really true? And does it really help? I have been knowing about LOA from 2 years...I have tried manifesting a few times when times were really really difficult, I had faith but then I was also sad and depressed because of the situation I saw everyday...later lots of things happened and I just stopped doing anything or thinking anything of manifesting...it's not that I stopped believing in manifestation, I was just really tired so I stopped putting any effort and was going with the flow...I was mid 15 years when I started to know about manifestation and Neville Goddard...things were still difficult and suffocating for me but I still was just distracting myself from the reality and lived these 2 and half years somehow...I don't have a supportive family...and now I am going to be 18 in 4 weeks...and things are at the edge as I haven't accomplished anything I have just been distracting myself from the reality by being on social media and watching series or movies. I haven't had any friends not even a single friend...I just made a good friend at the end of the last year and the friend is really really good to me...maybe I unconsciously manifested a friend who thinks of me as a friend too....because all my life I have just had fake friends or no friends...and they would care about or even think about me...but this friend that I made is a really good friend and understands me...we are besties now..and I am really grateful...I am grateful for a lot of things in my life...but still my life is not great at all...I am going to be an adult in 4 weeks and I want to leave my country and go and live in my favor country on my own and I want to live there successfully with a proper job and happily...I have 2 dogs I want to take them with me and give them the best life that they deserve...I want to change my name legally I want to graduate from college with very good results and I want to immediately get a job at my favorite country...and go there with my dogs...my family is really toxic and nothing like a family to me and it is really suffocating...I have been alone since childhood never had a friend until last end of the year....I want to manifest the life I want....if I have to leave this country and go to my dream country I will also need money...there is no one to guide me....I feel so blank everyday....I don't feel like doing anything...and even if I want something or do something I can't because I am from middle class family...and I hate to ask anything from my own family because they make me feel like a beggar...I want to return all the money they have spent on me this whole life even if it's hundred thousands I just want to return them everything and I want to live my dream life with a good house in my favorite country with my 2 dogs...and I also want my dogs to be really really healthy which they are I know they are...I am just instantly still worried for them....I love them a lot they are my whole life....I really want to give them a good life....they deserve a lot...I am not able to provide a lot to my dogs which makes me really sad...I cry everyday alone and I just go blank....I am on my own...and now I am used to being on my own but it still hurts and I still want people in my life who loves me a lot and who is afraid to lose me and who cares a lot about me...

In short I want to manifest the life I want and want to be successful and want to manifest people in my life who loves and cares for me a lot...and also I want to leave this country as soon as possible as soo as I finish graduating...and there are yes other things too like my appearance getting good marks....and also change the behavior of the people around me...

I want to be a master manifestor...

Please help me guide me....I'll be really grateful for the help...

I would first recommend you reading edward series. You are the operant power in your life, you can live your dream life. Take your control and decide what you want to live. If you know the law for 2 years, you know that what you assume you are or have will always be reflected so decided to only accept your desires and live in the end. You can do this. Just make your mind your heaven!

[scotszoologist]

Just realised that I never got around to posting about this when it happened. Brief warning - this is emotional and concerns the death of a pet (from old age)

I've posted a few times in the past about my poodles Honey and Treacle so and update here makes sense, and now I'm at the point where I'm not bursting into tears at the thought. Also, it'd be nice to get some of the feelings out on a social media where no one really knows me personally. I don't really expect anyone to read this, but maybe it could be helpful for anyone else with elderly pets who might benefit from knowing how it can go.

Back in January of this year my vet and I made the decision that Treacle's quality of life had deteriorated to the point where she wasn't getting much from life anymore. I truly believe that one of the most important responsibilities of a pet owner is to recognise when it is time to let them go. Treacle has always been not great at eating and in the past few years it got to the point where every meal had to be hand fed to her. Her weight was low but never actively falling and for a long time she was still active and herself.

However, over the course of 2022 she spent more and more of the day sleeping. In the last few months she no longer barked at cars or people or even just because she wanted to anymore. She didn't spin in excitement when she wanted something anymore. She didn't want to play with her toys and she couldn't see very well. Bathroom accidents in the night also became more frequent meaning she needed baths almost every morning, which tended to stress her out a bit. The worst moment was when just after new year's she got a respiratory infection and deteriorated super quickly while we were visiting family. An antibiotic injection helped her bounce back but the vets were honest with us - this would likely happen again and she might not bounce back. I didn't want her to pass suffering from a horrible illness, I wanted her to pass feeling as peaceful as possible.

Our vet was brilliant and very upfront with us. We were always adamant that we cared more about quality of life than length of life. We were provided with painkillers for treacle, which helped her appetite and she even became a bit more active but her time was clearly near. We fed her anything she would eat, from bacon flavoured crisps to roast chicken. In her last week I roast a pork loin for her and she even got the crackling, and she loved it. I cried when she ate it so enthusiastically.

The vet appointment went as good as I could hope for. Treacle ate all her breakfast that morning and promptly fell asleep in my arms. We took her to the vet and she went peacefully. My heart was broken but I'm glad that as pet owners we are able to do this for our animals. 16 years is pretty good for a dog, especially one born with a birth defect that made the vet doubt she'd live to a year old.

Honey, somehow was fine. To be honest, near the end, treacle didn't interact much with her sister so I don't know if Honey even noticed. She appreciates the extra love and attention she's been getting.

[mindfulcuppa]

Dipped in Foreign Lands; An Exercise in Image Storytelling

The beginning of an offering of consolidated thoughts, photos, slices of life in between rocks, more photos, and general going.

Preface.

With an elongated farewell, a month passed before I departed the country. This time wasn’t spent finding accomodation, or sorting bank cards as it probably should have been. No, instead there was lots of relaxing, music, surfing, watching the NBA playoffs and organising of the hoards gathering dust in my parents cupboards. It wasn't until the final 2 days that the urgency of packing life into a bag for the foreseeable future became a priority. 

It was done though, thanks to my loving housemates who provided a ‘jacpac’ for its potential to be filled. 2 jackets, 6 t-shirts, 2 brother-made garments, 2 shirts, 2.5 pairs of shoes, 2 cameras, a recording kit (regrettable now…), synthesiser (also marginal…), 400 leaves of paper, and a whole lot of other possessions that I probably didn’t need to pack. I felt sad to think of time apart from some things, but their absence will drift like the main themes of Toy Story (1998). 

I write this now sitting at a glass dining table enclosed in a small house-in-progress situated on a piece of land in Almagreira. There are dogs barking next door, and many flies darting around the area. It has been 2 weeks since leaving Aotearoa, so I would like to tell you how I have been, and how it’s being seen. Through the lens of a digital camera (and the occasional iPhone pic).

1 Melbourne

As early birds get worms, I had an early flight to Naarm on 01/06/2023. Melbourne waited a bounty of friends, sandwiches, musical sharing, long walks, and pizza. A social extension on a Friday saw our Mouthfull ‘Live at Capers’ residence with a jovial group of deejays providing a space for listening, dancing - and a great meeting point for people to come together over some Mastika & Moussaka worthy of a trophy made of pure 1 million carat gold.

Tyler and I would also have so much fun playing songs on the radio for breakfast over 2 days (links below for listening). For breakfast we ate toast with avocado and tomato, and for breakfast radio we listened to a mixture of jazz, folk, new wave, ambient, worldly music with a sprinkling of a few classic ballads of course.

Sleeping on the sofa was comfortable after some cushion amendments and some wine. We would spend our days walking and talking in Carlton North, relaxing and imagining. Our best meal together was from the Sri Lankan spot, Citrus, where you can find a banquet of vegan smorgasbord for $15.

Once the event was said and done, a recovery in the mornings light was aided with a walk to the felafel shop to meet again with Olive. Hearing of her news in between bites brought great happiness and love.

The following day, I met with Poppy. We were to find a place in Brunswick for a coffee; opting for some breakfast too at Kines. While we were there, I would think of Denzel for his obsession with the cafe. His voice would riddle through echoes from the past. After our breakfast, we walked up and down, crossing Sydney road 3 times, turning corners, and entering discount food stores to browse the obscure flavours of pringles and chocolate. The day was hot and the walk long. Navigating our bodies to Ceres we rummaged through bike parts and found entertainment in a cat in the chicken coup. It was a pleasant walk, except the moderate panic when I left my jacket on a park bench with all money and devices embezzled in the pockets.

After all the catching up, walking, wandering; I caught a train down to Torquay to visit an old friend, Isabelle. It was strange down there considering last time was around 5 years ago staying in a resort not dissimilar to vaudeville. However, we would go for a long walk to discover an amazing mosaic sundial (designed by artist Claire Gittings - whom I have no known lineage to - but am probably related somehow). 

With conversations over a cafe breakfast of my conviction against mining, we would enjoy each others' company in a true taurus manner. I would stay in her house near Marshall and meet her love, and we would have a Spanish soup next to a brazen colour changing fire in a brazier. A casket of red wine was ordered for $10 and delivered promptly, while it wasn't exactly even middle of the road it was a fine drink.

Finally, a pizza evening at Leonado's with Harrison & Andre. Some of the best pizza you will try, the Italian community in Carlton is a reliable source. Twas a welcome carbohydrate to carry forward into the nights digestion on what was to be my last night in Naarm. I bought Tyler a Toblerone to thank him for my stay, and the constant trickling of happy travel wishes would soon be finished with a final embrace.

And so it was, as it was, an extended layover in a city being taken over by sandwich shops and wine bars. It was to be the takeoff point to the north, an expansion to signify the changing of place from previous programming. The world outside was luminous and the air filled with a freshness known to mother nature so much more well than ceiling fans.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

[dweemeister]

10th Anniversary MOABOS warm-up

Tumblr still DOES NOT show bullet indentations on dashboards after more than two years now. So it is highly recommended you view this post through the direct link HERE.

TAGGING (in addition to 30+ via email): @addaellis, @cokwong, @halfwaythruthedark, @idontknowmuchaboutmovies, @maximiliani, @monkeysmadeofcheese, @plus-low-overthrow, @rawberry101, @rosymeraki-blog, @shootingstarvenator, @theybecomestories, @umgeschrieben, @underblackwings,and @yellanimal

OPEN INVITATIONS/REMINDERS FOR THE PRELIMINARY ROUND FOR (other followers who have not been following as long are being considered for the final round): @birdsongvelvet, @cinemaocd, @dog-of-ulthar, @exlibrisneh, @ideallaedi, @introspectivemeltdown, @memetoilet, @myluckyerror, @phendranaedge, @shadesofhappy, @thewolfofelectricavenue

If you are being sent or tagged in this, that is because you have confirmed with me your interest in participating in this year's edition of the Movie Odyssey Award for Best Original Song (MOABOS). MOABOS, as many of you know, is part of my tumblr's end-of-year tradition to give Oscar-like awards to movies that I saw for the first time in its entirety this calendar year. This year will mark the tenth edition of MOABOS, and the ninth with outside involvement. A milestone year, one that I hardly imagined realistic a decade ago. It is a cinematic/musical thank-you to all of you for your friendship and support over the last calendar year.

But MOABOS itself is not until Black Friday (and I will give more details to first-timers when we get there)! Until then, we have a warm-up - of sorts - for all of you. Each of these ten songs are from films that I saw for the first time prior to the blog's creation on August 15, 2012 or are songs that I have realized, long after the fact, should've competed in one year's prelim or final rounds (age made me appreciate certain songs more than I did originally). There are ten songs here, which can also be accessed through this YouTube playlist.

Some of you may reflexively want to rank these songs out of habit, but that is for the preliminary that starts on Black Friday (however I'm not stopping anyone from ranking the following and sending in comments for fun).

Ten original songs from movies follow, representing ten decades, for your listening pleasure. Each one comes with contextual blurbs, as is typical for MOABOS. I hope you enjoy!

(“song title”, composer and lyricist, film title (year released)): 

“You Were Meant for Me”, music by Nacio Herb Brown, lyrics by Arthur Freed, The Broadway Melody (1929)

Originally performed by Charles King; provided version performed by Nat Shilkret and the RCA Victor Symphony Orchestra

Performer Eddie Kearns (Charles King) is engaged, but he falls quickly for another girl, Queenie (Anita Page). At a rehearsal, Eddie gives an impromptu performance of this song, with Queenie by the piano side, and his fiancée raging off to the side. If you can get past the context, "You Were Meant for Me" has had a long shelf life as an American songbook standard and has been covered by many artists.

“Remember My Forgotten Man”, music by Harry Warren, lyrics by Al Dubin, Gold Diggers of 1933 (1933)

Performed by Etta Moten, Joan Blondell, and chorus

Gold Diggers of 1933 might seem like a splashy, light musical. But look closer and you'll find tons of social commentary about the effects of the Great Depression on struggling artists. Appearing as the finale for Gold Diggers of 1933, this bitter song decries what happened to returning American veterans of World War I. This song contains references to the fate of the Bonus Army the year prior. The Bonus Army (17,000 WWI veterans and 26,000 of their family members and allies who marched on D.C. to demand the cash bonuses they were promised by the Dept. of War) was violently dispersed by the U.S. Army. The number of dead and wounded ranges wildly and will never be known. The choreography was by Busby Berkeley, who was noted for his kaleidoscopic mass choreography (which is more in evidence in other songs in this film).

“The King Who Couldn’t Dance (The Worry Song)”, music by Sammy Fain, lyrics by Arthur Freed, Anchors Aweigh (1945)

Performed by Gene Kelly and Jerry Mouse (voiced by Sara Berner)

Visiting a school, U.S. Navy sailor Joe Brady (Kelly) tells the children a fantastical tale about how he earned one of his medals. This being a Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) film, the animation team under Joseph Hanna and William Barbera (of Hanna-Barbera fame) collaborated with the filmmakers to bring Jerry Mouse (and Tom, briefly) on-screen to dance with Gene Kelly. This is the first instance of Jerry speaking at length. We won't speak of the modern made-for-TV/streaming Tom and Jerry movies. Kelly is the one of only two human performers to be a part of a musical number with Tom and/or Jerry. The other is Esther Williams in Dangerous When Wet (1953).

“High Noon (Do Not Forsake Me, Oh My Darlin’)”, music by Dimitri Tiomkin, lyrics by Ned Washington, High Noon (1952)

Performed by Tex Ritter

Winner of the Academy Award for Best Original Song

Performed over the opening credits, as just-released-from-prison outlaw Frank Miller (Ian MacDonald) rounds up his gang, intent on murdering the just-married Marshal Will Kane (Gary Cooper), who originally sent him to prison. With Miller incoming, Kane decides that imminent retirement and his honeymoon with Amy (Grace Kelly), a Quaker and a pacifist, must wait. Shot in real time, High Noon is considered an anti-McCarthyism allegory and the title song is one of the most iconic in American Western history. Its melody is used across the film's score, composed by Ukrainian Jewish composer Tiomkin. The warbling sound you hear in the background is a Novachord, an early electronic instrument of Tiomkin's choosing.

“Magical Mystery Tour”, music and lyrics by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, Magical Mystery Tour (1967)

Performed by The Beatles

The title song appears in the opening moments of this somewhat psychedelic film. Magical Mystery Tour debuted in Britain on BBC One on Boxing Day, 1967, as part of the BBC's tradition of Yuletide TV specials. This film made its debut theatrically in the U.S. in 1976.

“Mithrandir”, music by Leonard Rosenman, lyrics by Mark Fleischer, The Lord of the Rings (1978)

Performed by chorus

This is the animated feature film version of The Lord of the Rings from director Ralph Bakshi (1972's historic X-rated Fritz the Cat and 1977's Wizards). Shortly after Gandalf's death by the Balrog and being granted refuge in the Elven haven of Lothlórien, Frodo and Aragorn* overhear this song from an unseen chorus. "Mithrandir" means "gray pilgrim" in Quenya, the Elven language constructed by J.R.R. Tolkien. This film covers The Fellowship of the Ring and the first half of The Two Towers; a second part to this film to complete the LOTR cycle was never realized.

“Somewhere Out There”, music by James Horner and Barry Mann, lyrics by Cynthia Weil, An American Tail (1986)

Initial use / end credits

Originally performed by Philip Glasser and Betsy Cathcart; end credits version performed by Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram

Nominated for the Academy Award for Best Original Song

Young Russian-Jewish mouse Feivel Mousekewitz has been separated from his family after arriving in New York City. The Mousekewitzes, in an allegory of the pogroms in Russia against Jews from the 1880s-1920s, have fled Russia because they have heard, "there are no cats in America". Uh huh. Sure. Feivel and his sister, miles apart, sing this duet, hoping to be reunited. The use in the film's context is definitely of a familial love that is lost in the end credits version.

“Up There”, music and lyrics by Trey Parker, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

Performed by Trey Parker

Grimace at the South Park title if you will and the purposefully crude animation, but this movie is actually a very decent musical (the film was never marketed as a musical). The soulful "Up There" is sung by Satan after a dispiriting moment with his lover, Saddam Hussein. "Up There" is one of two songs in the soundtrack without any obscenities. This film is a satire about obscenity in films and TV and the reactions of late '90s parents and government officials over media content.

“El Amor Amor”, music and lyrics by DRA, The Wind Journeys (2009, Colombia)

In-film version with subtitles (audio and video quality is not great) / soundtrack version

Performed by José Luis Torres, Guillermo Arzuaga, Rosendo Romero, Marciano Martínez, and company

Lyrics in Spanish

DRA are a little-known folk music group in Colombia and they did the music for this unfortunately obscure movie. "El Amor Amor" appears in the movie's first half as Carrillo (Marciano Martínez) and the young Fermín (Yull Núñez) are journeying to find the former's accordion teacher. Carrillo is an aging juglar (a troubadour) whose accordion - with two horns protruding from its sides - might be possessed by the devil (the film always makes this ambiguous). This song is a series of accordion duels, as Carrillo and Fermín happen upon a village throwing a music festival that evening.

“Chanson Illusionist”, music and lyrics by Sylvain Chomet, The Illusionist (2010, France)

Performed by Didier Gustin, Jil Aigrot, and Frédéric Lebon

Lyrics in French (untranslated lyrics)

Played over the end credits. This melancholic animated film is not to be confused with the unrelated 2006 live-action movie of the same name. Directed by Sylvain Chomet, The Illusionist was based on a story written by the late Jacques Tati, a mime whose M. Hulot character (1953's Monsieur Hulot's Holiday, 1958's Mon Oncle) proved popular even beyond France. The title character in this film is drawn to look like Tati. The Illusionist travels to late 1950s/early 1960s Edinburgh, Scotland after finding no work in Paris. While in Scotland, he befriends a girl named Alice who is transfixed by his magic tricks and kindness.

This song's three performers are performing to purposefully mimic the styles of seven singers famous in the Francophone world for their work in the lyrically-driven chanson genre. In order: Juliette Gréco, George Brassens, Barbara, Yves Montand, Edith Piaf, Jacques Brel, and Serge Gainsbourg.

Until the 25th for the preliminary round!

* The scene where this song comes from contains such a beautiful exchange between Frodo and Aragorn that appears in neither Tolkien’s text nor the Peter Jackson adaptation:

FRODO: It's a song about Gandalf, isn't it? ARAGORN: Yes. Mithrandir was the name the elves gave him, It means "the gray pilgrim". FRODO: We knew him so little in the Shire, Aragorn. He was just "Gandalf" to us; we never knew he had so many names. ARAGORN: I think he was fondest of Gandalf.