#domestic abuse

[support]

Everything ok?

If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, please contact:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline (Text “Start” to 88788 )  RAINN (online chat)

Trained advocates are available 24/7 to take your call.

For international resources, please try IASP.

[maxophone]

A black trans woman was on her way to a gender affirming care appointment when her at the time boyfriend pushed her onto the subway tracks. She has had the lower parts of both her legs amputated.

There is more info in the fundraiser page and here: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5zL5buP1iN/?igsh=NTF1NmVmYThyNHE=

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by T TIME NETWORK (@ttimenetwork)

Please share widely - not sure if this has been posted on tumblr yet but i’m sure it cant hurt to post it again.

(PS - she has chosen anonymity, which is why her name is not mentioned.)

[neuroticboyfriend]

Abuse has a goal behind it, and a lot of the time, it's about changing the victims behavior. If someone screams at you for not doing X activity, eventually you learn to do X activity. If someone hits you when you defy them, eventually you learn not to defy them. If someone abuses you frequently enough, and you begin to break down to their will... It is possible to reach a point where it may seem like you're not being abused anymore.

They don't yell anymore because you stay quiet and do what you're told. They don't threaten you anymore because you don't voice even the slightest disagreement or need. What used to be screaming fighting arguments have become lectures at your expense. They may even praise you for doing what they want you to. And all those mundane moments - breakfast, the rare kind act - stand out more. Your perception of the relationship skews even more. It's all normal now.

And it's still abuse. It's just reached its end goal - wearing you down so badly that they don't need to overtly abuse you anymore to get what they want. All they need to do is make a joke, or complain to guilt you, or tell you want to do/not to do, etc. etc. The fact that's all it takes now doesn't make what's happening to you less severe - if anything, it means you're in much, much more danger than you could realize.

It's abuse. It's horrific. It's just not obvious anymore... and that's terrifying. You deserve so, so much better. You deserve to truly be safe - not to have your wellbeing held behind fearful compliance. That's not safety. That's not love. That's abuse. It being psychological doesn't make it less dangerous.

[vexingwoman]

scrotes love to throw “did you know lesbians have higher rates of abuse??” into every debate, not realizing men are still the issue even in their most favorite statistic.

[mysharona1987]

AITA for dumping my sociopathic monster of a boyfriend?

Honestly, girl needs a restraining order and a shrink more than a Reddit account at this point.

That she is even having doubts is incredibly worrying itself and suggests what he did worked.

[villainelle]

Amber Heard vs. Johnny Depp Fact Check: MASTERLIST (28/04/2022)

VIOLENCE/ABUSE:

Heard has proven 12 out of 14 incidents of abuse by Depp “to the civil standard.

Texts from Depp’s assistant shows his assistant saying Depp kicked Heard; “He was appalled. When I told him he kicked you, he cried…It was disgusting. And he knows it.”

Depp is on audio telling Amber Heard to cut him. He continues to tell her to cut him while wielding a knife, and she is heard begging him to put the knife down.

Texts from Depp to Paul Bettany joke about murdering Amber and raping her dead body.  (Video of it being read in court here)

Texts about him talking about smacking Amber Heard around.

Audio reveals Depp shouting and calling Heard a “fat ass” a “cunt” and Heard telling him to put his cigarettes out on someone else.

“‘Her lip was swollen and busted up a bit, and she also had these horrible cuts on her arms – like gashes … The she told me that the cuts on her arms were from the broken glass that was from him throwing bottles and smashing glasses all over the place.’” (Heard’s sister, Whitney). 

“Ms Pennington said that she could see gashes on Ms Heard’s arms from her wrists to her elbows. In cross-examination Ms Pennington said that one arm was cut worse than the other. Ms Heard told Ms Pennington that the soles of her feet were also cut. Ms Heard said that Mr Depp had thrown a bottle at her; there had been broken glass all over the ground which was how she had cut her feet.“

Johnny destroying Heard’s closet: “Good morning sir … So …. um Johnny destroyed Amber’s closet”.  (page 82)

"As Ms Lloyd said, ‘We had to restrain both of them.’” Depp supposedly instigated the violence, Heard retaliated. (page 81/82)

Diary entry by Heard talks about Depp strangling her and hitting her in the head: “Our fight was terrible. J [Mr Depp] finally at one point found himself with his shirt wrapped around my neck… He hit me several times. I don’t even know how I wound up with this huge rather annoying knot on the back of my head?” (page 84)

Depp refers to the fight on the train as getting “physical”: ‘..other than the fact that we had a fight on the train, which was physical…’ (page 83)

Text message from Heard to her publicist; “ I’m really bruised and might have a black eye or two tmrw – same with my nose. Nurse on the way to make sure I don’t have concussion.” There are also texts to her psychotherapist saying it’s an ‘emergency’ and a text to a friend in which she says “J beat me up pretty good”. (page 87)

Photos of Heard bruised “which the metadata shows were taken on the morning and afternoon of 16th December 2015”. (page 88)

Makeup artist recalls having to cover up bruising on Heard’s nose, eyes, and her lip injury with red lipstick. (page 89)

Although Depp claims Heard hit him at a party in 2016, the photos of injury Depp claims happened in 2016, where found to be from 2015: “This version of the picture has a date stamp of 23rd March 2015. It could not have been taken after the birthday party on 21st April 2016.” The photo instead was from a previous occasion in which Ms Heard already admitted that she punched Mr Depp. (page 99)

Despite police claims, photos of Heard injuries with meta data show she did sustain injuries by Depp: “There are the photographs. The metadata is not disputed and shows that one of the photographs of Ms Heard’s face was taken before the first pair of police officers arrived.” They also show damage to the apartment. (page 107)

Depp texted Bettany that he “pounded and displayed ugly colors to Amber on a recent journey".

HEARD’s CLAIMS: 

Heard has previously admitted to hitting Johnny and throwing things at him to defend herself in her original 7hr deposition. (2016)

“She admitted that in the course of this argument, she struck Mr Depp in order, she said, to protect Whitney.” (page 80)

In regards to the donations: “Amber has already been responsible for seven figures in donations to charitable causes and intends to continue to contribute and eventually fulfill her pledge. However, Amber has been delayed in that goal because Mr. Depp filed a lawsuit against her, and consequently, she has been forced to spend millions of dollars defending Mr. Depp’s false accusations against her.”   

“Please tell people it was a fair fight and see what the jury and judge think. Tell the world, Johnny. Tell them, Johnny Depp. I, Johnny Depp, …. man*, I’m-I’m a victim too of domestic violence and I, y’know, it’s a fair fight and see how many people believe or side with you”.

[*NOTE: Heard is using “man” as in “oh, man”, not in reference to Depp’s gender.]

“Full audio shows Heard talking about how their relationship is not “fair fight”, he scoffs and replies “it doesn’t matter” and “fair fight, my ass”, Heard responds “exactly” and that Depp is “bigger and stronger”. Heard goes on to talk about why she felt the need to call 911 after he threw the phone at her face and laid his hands on her.

THE FINGER CLAIM:

Deuters (Depp’s friend) admitting that the story of Depp’s injury was a public relations disaster and saying: ‘Just make sure you say you aren’t sure how he hurt his hand. (page 75)

Depp’s texts to his doctor states he cut his own finger off. Another text is found of Depp again saying he cut his own finger off. Doctor’s notes show the injury is more suggestive of a crushing mechanism. In fact, Depp told three separate people that he cut his own finger off.

Depp heard on tape stating, “I’m talking about Australia. The day I chopped my finger off”.

“Nor did Mr Depp say that Ms Heard had been responsible for the injury to his finger in either of his two texts to sister Christi on 8th March 2015.” (page 78)

FECES PRANK/CLAIM:

Heard did not defecate in Depp’s bed and the previous judge ruled it unlikely. The judge in the previous case ruled it likely it were the dogs, as there was evidence it “had an incomplete mastery of her bowels.”

“Ms. Heard gave evidence that Boo had in the past defecated on the bed and that she herself had cleaned it up rather than leave that task to Ms Vargas.” (page 100)

Furthermore, Depp is on text’s with his assistant’s suggesting to him to defecate and tell Amber it was the dogs as a prank

DRUGS/ALCOHOL:

Texts from Depp’s daughter (Lily-Rose Depp) and Depp himself show that Amber helped him stay sober. Depp talking to his mother-in-law, Paige Heard about Amber helping him.

Texts from Heard and Lily-Rose Depp show the two had an amicable relationship. 

Texts show Depp’s constant use of alcohol and drugs, mentioning his “blackouts”. More texts here, and here. Texts show Depp referring to his addiction as the “Monster”, even to Elton John who was helping him with his sobriety. 

An audio shows Depp telling Heard he will never get clean or sober.  Amber can be heard crying. Another audio shows Heard crying and saying, “All the coke you’ve done today, and all the booze you’ve drunk today, has it helped us?”

PREVIOUS LIBEL CASE:

As stated, the previous judge ruled Heard has proven 12 out of 14 incidents of abuse.

“For all of these reasons I accept that the Defendants have shown that the words they published were substantially true in the meanings I have held them to bear. The Claimant has not succeeded in his action for libel.” (2020)

Depp’s previous lawyer, Adam Waldman was accused of dishonesty, and was thrown off the case for leaking confidential information to the press and social media which was protected via court order. 

Depp’s team was accused of using bots to influence opinion of social media.  Bot Sentinel, a group that uses artificial intelligence to detect and track troll bots & suspect Twitter accounts, found the actress “had been a victim of an ongoing targeted harassment and smear campaign”. 

(Waldman is a long-time US lobbyist for Russian oligarchs.) 

OTHER OPINIONS/LINKS:

Depp in texts talking about wanting to cause “global humiliation” for Heard.

Depp defending Roman Polanski: “Roman is not a predator. He’s 75 or 76 years old. He has got two beautiful kids, he has got a wife that he has been with for a long, long time. He is not out on the street.”

Depp is close friends with Marilyn Manson, who has his own abuse allegations against him, and who is also suing his victims for defamation. 

PREV. LEGAL ISSUES & CAREER:

Depp was arrested in 1989 for assaulting a security guard after the police were called to end a loud party at his hotel room.

He was also arrested in New York City in 1994 after damaging a hotel room he was staying in with Kate Moss.

Depp brawling with the paparazzi. 

In 2018, Depp assaulting crew member on the set of City of Lies.

In 2018, two of Depp’s former bodyguards sued him for unpaid fees and unsafe working conditions. The suit was settled in 2019.

Depp was constantly late and drunk on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean. 

Depp will also supposedly receive his full salary for the third Fantastic Beasts movie, despite filming only one scene for it and being asked to leave the project.

Texts show that Depp told Heard she was not to take roles, stating “No goddamn meetings. No movies”. (x)

Depp admits to getting, “irrational”, “crazy”, and “jealous” when Heard is filming.

Charges against Heard for bringing her dogs to Australia were dropped; it was a supposed mix-up with her staff being dismissed who were to do the paperwork. Heard apologised, and admitted to her wrongdoing, pleading guilty.  

Heard sought a restraining order from Depp in 2016. She also sought an order requiring Depp to attend 52 weeks of anger management courses. (page 19)

PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: 

Depp started dating Winona Ryder when she was a minor, and 17 years old to his 25 [edit:] 26 years.  (Depp is 23 years older than Heard.)

Depp called his ex-wife a “French extortionist ex-cunt” and a “withering whore”. 

Heard was granted a restraining order against Depp. 

Depp was the one to originally ask Amber to settle outside of court, and the couple issued a statement that, “Neither party has made false accusations for financial gain.”

Heard’s previous girlfriend has come to Heard’s defence, saying that Heard never abused her and that the police officers who claimed it had misogynistic and homophobic attitudes once they realised Heard and her were partners.

Ellen Barkin, Depp’s ex, testified Depp threw a wine bottle at her during an argument between Depp and his assistant. (page 43)

DEPP’S JEALOUSY:

Depp has used abusive language towards Heard for her sexuality and her past relationship with women, calling her a “lesbian camp counsellor”. He was also jealous of Amber’s female ex, Tasya van Ree, calling her “Van Pee”, he also “tried to set fire to another of Ms van Ree’s paintings”.

In fact, Depp’s homophobia and jealousy didn’t stop there, he then attacked Heard’s friend, iO Tillet Wright, by misgendering him and mocking his transition, calling him a “dike bitch” and “wanting to be a man now”.

Depp also makes unfavourable comments about Heard’s relationship with Elon Musk: “But she sucked Mollusk’s [I assume a reference to Elon Musk] crooked dick”. (page 126)

He also accused her of having an affair with Billy Bob Thornton, writing about it in graffiti. (page 76)

THE CURRENT TRIAL:

The trial is a not a criminal trial, but a defamation trial. Depp is suggesting Heard ruined his reputation in her article about domestic violence, despite not naming him in it. In fact, Depp was requested to leave the project after he lost his libel case.

Depp is suing Heard for $50 million, over 7x the amount they originally settled together. Heard originally attempted to get the suit moved to California and dismissed, and only filed a counterclaim when it was refused.

Virginia has less strict anti-SLAPP laws and as a result has drawn questionable legal cases in recent years. SLAPP lawsuits are also known as intimidation lawsuits and often used to censor, intimidate and silence critics by burdening victims with the cost of legal defence until they abandon their criticism.

Depp fans are heavily affecting the way social media is reacting to the trial, by indulging in edits on social media, fabrications of events, pseudoscience.

Heard has had to hire more security. Some Depp fans have attempted to chase vehicles with Heard and her team inside as they return home from the courthouse. 

One of Depp’s witnesses (Gina Deuters) was dismissed from the stand after admitting to watching the trial online.

Depp fans were barred from the court for violent threats against Heard. Most attendees are Depp-fans and have had to have been told, “Order in the court or I will have you removed”.

CONCLUSION:

The suit is not to determine whether Heard was violent, or whether their relationship was mutually toxic, but as to whether Heard lied in her op-ed, and there is plenty of evidence of Depp physically harming Heard multiple times; regardless of Heard’s retaliation, he has been proven to be a domestic abuser.

[DISCLAIMER: This post is purely in relevance to the Heard vs. Depp case, to fact-check claims made by Depp, his team, as well as opinions on social media. They are not meant to be a remission on Heard’s part of any potential wrongdoing.]

// TERFS DON’T INTERACT //

[womenaremypriority]

It’s really sad how many feminists supported Johnny Depp because they wanted to prove they cared about male victims

[odinsblog]

Yes, you are the asshole

[froody]

Libertarians and republicans will run on platforms that are almost cartoonishly evil. They’ll say shit like “When I’m elected, I promise to do away with free lunch for low income children. Let those little bastards starve, it’s the American way!” and “When I’m elected, I promise to return gun rights to all convicted domestic abusers!”

[tobiasontherun]

Alice's response after hearing shelby's story

TW: DOMESTIC ABUSE, EMOTIONAL ABUSE, SH, S@, ALCOHOL

May she be with someone better and have a Better life without him

[mariaiscrafting]

Jack responded, here are some key points:

He stands with Shelby 100%

Although he has his own experiences with abuse, he never experienced anything with Wilbur

He finds it upsetting to see people online speculating about if he had been abused, too

This came as a big shock for him and he likely won't say anything more on the subject in the future

Here's the link to Women's Aid that he provided in chat: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

[femsolid]

A french policeman is currently investigated because a woman called for help as her ex was outside her building threatening to kill her and the officer on the phone made fun of her and insulted her instead of helping. She told the officer “he said he’s going to kill me” and the officer replied “no :)” with a smile, she said “yes he is!” and the officer condescendly said “oh! :)”. Then the woman yelled at her ex through the window: “stop screaming in front of my building you’re fucking annoying!” and the officer said “and you’re cursing you piece of shit no wonder he’s threatening you. Don’t call again and sort this shit out yourself” and he hung up on her. So she called again and talked to someone who seemed a lot nicer... except it was the same police officer pretending to be another one who didn’t know her situation, making her repeat herself again. She complained to him about the previous phone call, that she was insulted and hung up on, and in a perfect exercice of gaslighting the officer faked disbelief  “really? He insulted you? He said “sort this shit yourself you piece of shit”? That seems unlikely.” The next day she walked out of her building and her ex was waiting for her with a baseball bat. He beat her within an inch of her life, punched her, kicked her and tried to drive over her. Her daughter called the police in a panic and he was arrested, he’s currently serving a 4 years sentence for attempted murder. The daughter is deeply traumatised as one could expect. The police officer is 48 years old and has been working for the police for 20 years. He’s only suspended from answering emergency calls, otherwise he’s still working despite those facts. He said he didn’t believe the woman was in real danger, that she sounded like “a fantasist” and that “a woman who is in danger is not agressive against the individual threatening her.” He said he had no reason to send a patrol car for this woman. During his audition with the police inspection he was still using the same ironic and dismissive tone and when asked if he had been trained about violence against women he replied “we aren’t obliged to read those memos”.

[furiousgoldfish]

Abusive parents will convince you that you're incapable of being independent, when all your life you were nothing but independent. You were growing up and figuring it out and resolving issues and solving problems all on your own because you had no goddamn parents because nobody filled that role for you. You were on your own from the start. Nobody ever enabled you to be anything but independent.

[pillarsalt]

[summer-fruits-and-cream]

a man sues a woman for saying she was abused. she doesn't name him in the op-ed he sues her for. he claims that she abused him. he files the case in a state where it will be televised, even though neither of them live there. youtubers get rich off of explaining how the woman's breakdowns in court means she's crazy. experts explain how the justice system is stacked against DV victims and how that's reflected in the case. laywer youtubers explain how the woman is an abuser, based on what they've learnt from the justice system they are part and parcel of.

domestic violence advocates and experts say that the man shows the hallmarks of an abuser and the woman an abuse victim. people cry out about how society believes women can never be abusers. some people say they were abuse victims and support the man. they say that experiencing abuse qualifies them to identify the abuser, despite having no further experience beyond victimhood. some people say they were abuse victims and support the woman, but they don't count.

domestic violence advocates and experts speak up in an open letter. but the man is famous. he's rich. he's calm. the woman does not act with extreme rationality, which is what we should expect of people reliving extreme trauma. the photos are fake. of course, we shouldn't blame abuse victims for staying in their relationships. but it's weird she tried to go back to him after they broke up. how could she accuse him of abuse after doing that? society is biased against men. the courts are stacked against men.

[skrifores]

I have seen the point being made that you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship for some behaviour to constitute domestic violence. I’m seeing this said with regards to Our Flag Means Death and what some people perceive as domestic abuse on Ed’s part - that him not being romantically involved with Izzy shouldn’t mean behaviour between can’t be considered domestic abuse.

It is an excellent point that in many places, the definition of domestic abuse isn’t restricted to intimate partners! It is often widened to consider any violence, coercion and emotional harm taking place within a home environment. Under this definition, children can be victims of domestic abuse by their parents, it can occur between siblings, even roommates - especially with a live-in landlord situation. And of course, the Revenge as well as being a workplace is ultimately where the characters live.

I think it’s very clear that the show is a workplace comedy about pirates, but if you want to apply the definition of violence, coercion and emotional harm within a home environment to your reading to the show, that can be done.

Of course, I would be surprised if you genuinely view it that way and still made it as far as even watching Season 2, given the way what you consider to be domestic abuse in this fictional setting happens so very often with little to no moral consequence, and is often intended to be taken as a joke.

I mean. In the very first episode, the crew talk about killing Stede, and begin to plan for this, including lighting him on fire.

Jim threatens Lucius and actually physically locks him in a small wooden box in the second episode for what seems to be quite a long time.

I think in 4, Izzy pulls on Fang’s beard and it really upsets him. He also talks pretty openly about the intention to kill the Revenge crew, though I’ll let that go at this stage since he doesn’t really live there so much as being there for the purpose of murdering them and stealing their stuff. Still, poor Fang, that looked like it hurt.

While we’re on Izzy, he does also actively try to kill Stede by stabbing him, and he then he goes and does the olde worlde equivalent of calling the cops on him on the intention of having him executed, which seems pretty fucked up on the ‘violence’ part of our DA definition but also hits pretty hard on coercive control since he’s doing this to get Ed to behave differently.

He does prevent the Navy from executing Ed, which is nice, but he does point out that he regrets this, which, ouch, emotional harm. If we’re doing real world definitions, “I should’ve let the cops I called on you murder you” is the sort of thing that would make me feel pretty fucked up. And we all know what it means when someone tells you to watch your step.

But it’s not all about Izzy! (It’s really not, guys, there’s a whole TV show here!) Buttons bites Lucius - who ends up needing the whole finger gone! And he’s a visual artist!

Even my darling man Roach tries to eat the Swede, and I’ve gotta say, I don’t think they were on that island long enough to justify murder.

And who could forget Mary?? Wonderfully written character, love her, but, she does with malice aforethought attempt to kill her spouse in his sleep with a skewer. She was right to do it, in my opinion, but y’know, even without broadening the definition beyond partner relationships, murder of your spouse is pretty classic domestic abuse.

So, y’know, the point I’m getting at really is that if your definition of domestic abuse is violence and control wherein the perpetrator and victim share a significant aspect of their lives like living space - that’s a fine definition in real life. It is the one I use, in real life. But if you apply it to Our Flag Means Death, I really don’t understand how you stomached watching the first season or why you came back for more.

And if you only apply this definition with regards to Ed’s behaviour, but not the rest of the characters, I do wonder why that might be.