#don’t freak the fuck out freddy I’m sure your still packing

[are-we-really-doing-this]

The energy of this pick is

“OH MY GOD HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHERE DID MY DICK GO?!?”

[ohtheseboysilove]

Silly boy. [Roger Taylor x F!Reader]

Words : 1, 700 K +

Warnings : angst, fluff, tiny hint of steamy time

Summary : Reader and Roger fought. The drummer misunderstood the situation and thinks Reader is leaving him.

Note : Thank you for the request lovie (and the compliments about my writings !!! Jeez im still blushing!!!) I changed few things and it’s a bit dramatic but it’s not too bad, hope you like it cutie pie !

🌼Request are open🌼☀ Masterlist ☀

"Are you fucking kidding me Roger Taylor ?" You shoved violently the magazine in his face as soon as your boyfriend of three years passed the door of your shared flat. "Roger Taylor and his girlfriends celebrating the new Queen’s album. Girlfriends Roger, with a fucking S at the end ! What’s wrong with you ?" You yelled furiously, face red and tense.

"Oh, please baby, not again. We’re not gonna have that discussion again" The drummer pushed your hand away and sighed, kicking his shoes off.

"Oh yes, we damn will Taylor ! Do you know how humiliating this is for me ?" You followed him in the flat, smoke practically coming out from your ears.

"For god’ sake (Y/N) ! Nothing happened, you know that ! They’re just fans, crappy journalists like to create dramas to sell there shitty magazines" The blond groaned, leaning against the kitchen’s counter.

You snorted loudly, resisting of the urge to slap him in his face.

"Everyone think you cheating on me, even my parents, Rog ! They asked me why I stayed with you the other day !" You hit his chest with the magazine repeatedly. "You slap stupid slap wanker slap ! I don’t know how to deal with your childish behaviour Roger !" The drummer snapped the journal from your hands and threw it on the counter, rubbing his torso.

"It’s called marketing (Y/N) ! I can’t just shoo away every people who come to me because you’re bloody jealous" He crosses his arms, jaw clenched tightly.

You had this argument again and again, it always ended in screams and shutting doors.

"You’re funny, it’s never men that I saw on your lap on the photo or ugly girls ! What a freaking coincidence ! Only models are allowed to have pictures with you, very convenient Roger" You bit back, this time you wouldn’t just drop the topic. And he wouldn’t get away with a charming smile and sweet nothings, not this time.

“Jesus, (Y/N)..." The blond pinched his nose bridge, chest panting with anger. "You know what ? Maybe if sometime you would come with me to these events, I wouldn’t be so fucking bored ! But no, of course, you’re always busy with your stupid work !"

You took a step back, mouth parting at the audacity of the man.

"Did you hear yourself Roger ?" You let out a loud fake laugh as you shook your head. "You’re on tour half of the year and you’re telling me that I’m too busy with work ? You’re a joke" You walked away and this time he was the one to follow you. "You know what ? Me and stupid job are telling you to go fuck yourself Taylor"

"What a mature reaction for sure !" He threw his hands in the airs, brows furrowed by how tense he was about the whole situation. "Maybe you could get out of your ass the giant stick you got in there, couldn’t hurt" He added, his lips drew into a thin line.

You nodded slowly and grabbed your jacket and handbag, before shutting the door on his face without another word.

**

You and him ignored each other for two days until Roger came home after work, to find boxes in the entry. His eyes widened and his heart quickened against his rib cage. No. You couldn’t leave him. It had always been (Y/N) and Roger against the rest of the world, no matter how bad your fights were, you always found your ways to each other. Every time. Roger swallowed nervously at the boxes full of clothes, dropping his things on the ground and rushing to the bedroom.

Love of my life was playing quietly on background as you were kneeled next to a box, folding clothes inside it. This was it. He lost you. The thought of you not in his life anymore was unbearable, his stomach twisting in horror at the realisation. This was his fault, he pushed you away with his bullshits, he was the only responsible of the situation. His heart compressed heavily his chest, tears pooling in his eyes.

Not you.

Roger felt a rush of adrenaline rolling through his veins. He wouldn’t allow that, whatever it could take, you needed to stay by his side. You noticed him and rolled your eyes still pissed at him but you didn’t except what followed.

The drummer dropped on his knees next to you and cupped your cheeks, bringing his lips on yours for a kiss. You kissed him back, forgetting for few seconds that you were mad at him as his tongue caressed yours, in a deep but incredibly soft and full of love kiss.

"Please don’t leave me" Roger whispered, his forehead resting on yours, his shaky fingers reaching for your hands. "Baby, please, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot"

You blinked and knitted your brows together in confusion.

"I don’t—"

But he shook his head, putting his hand on your mouth, pleading you to let him talk. You were confused but Roger’s eyes were glassy and his voice sounded so weak, you kept your mouth shut.

"I will do better okay ? No more girls at parties, I don’t give a shit, just stay with me" The blond squeezed your hands and you looked at him with a parted mouth, wondering why he was suddenly reacting like that. The romantic rhythm of the famous song Freddie wrote for Mary was echoing in the room and Roger’s mouth started moving in synch, singing the words to you. "Love of my life don't leave me, you've stolen my love, you now desert me..." A tear escaped the drummer’s eyes, his lips pressing against yours in the softest way you ever felt. Your own gaze was starting to get teary at Roger’s words and state, you never saw him so...vulnerable. "Don't take it away from me because you don't know, what it means to me..." He was sobbing at the end of the song. You weren’t better, his head was buried in your neck, his salty tears soaking your top but you didn’t give a care in the world.

"Roger..." You were speechless, trying to find a reason to his desperate behaviour but feeling completely helpless. And clueless. You had worst fight than the last one, it couldn’t be because of that.

"I’m begging you (Y/N), don’t leave me. You’re the love of my life, you’re the one and Freddie is right, you stolen my love but I don’t want it back, I just want you" The drummer raised his head, his bottom lip shaking with fear and his beautiful big blue eyes were puffy and red from all the cries.

Your heart twisted with pain at his state, heartbroken and visibly hurt.

"Roger, love, I’m not going anywhere" You caressed gently his wet cheeks, giving him a small but reassuring smile. "How could think I would leave you Rog ? Silly boy" You peppered several kisses on his parted lips, your hands falling on his tense shoulders.

The drummer blinked away the few last tears in his eyes, breathing slowly calming down. He seemed confused.

"But the boxes..." It was your turn to be a bit lost. He gestured to the clothes folded on the floor. "It look a lot like you were packing and leaving me" He sheepishly said, still a bit shook by the previous event. Roller-coaster of emotions.

"Oh my god Roger, you’re serious !" You cried with a pitched-voice. The blond recognise your exasperated tone and bit his lips. What did he forget again ? "I have been asking you for ages to get ride of the clothes you don’t use ! For my cousin's charity shop, are you listening to me when I talk ?" You tilted your head with annoyance, crossing your arms with a sigh. "I’m cleaning my closet and I’m still excepting you to do the same"

The drummer’s lips parted in a perfect O. Yes. You did talk about this a lot. But Roger always pushed it back, too lazy. Well, it just fireback right on his face, giving him the biggest fear of his life.

"I remember now" He murmured bitterly, rubbed his forehead and feeling incredibly stupid. "God, I really thought you were leaving me !"

"You silly ass !" You shook your head but smiled tenderly, fingers messing a bit his hairs. "But at least it did make you said things I really like. Especially the part about not seeing girls at parties anymore" You tilted your head, arching a brow.

The blond glanced at you and pretended to think about it, making you humphed in annoyance. "I’m joking baby, I meant what I said. I don’t want to lose you. Never" You smiled happily, almost purring at Roger’s gentle stroking on your cheek. "You’re the love of my life after all" He added, lips melting against yours.

"Stop it, we cried enough today" You replied in the kiss, gasping when Roger slid his tongue in your mouth, cheekily grinning.

His warm palm travelled to your hips, bringing you closer and you happily obliged, your fingers wrapping tightly around his neck. You sighed softly when he left your mouth to nibbled at your neck, his hand cupping your breast through your top.

"Baby" You hummed questioningly, a quiet moan leaving your parted lips. " I need you” He grabbed one of your hand and put it on his crotch, proving you how much he needed you. "Please" He whined when you barely palmed him, feeling bratty today.

"I have a better idea" The blond’s eyes sparkled at your words, lust feeling his big blue eyes. "You, mister, gonna clean your fucking closet. I’m supposed to bring the boxes tomorrow morning"

You swallowed back a snort at the deception on his gaze, hips bucking desperately against your body.

"Baby, come on. I will do it after, I swear" The drummer pleaded. "I’m so hard right now"

"That absolutely not negotiable pretty boy. You said you will doing better at home, so help me with the boxes and clothes and eventually, I could let you have me. If you do a good job" You stepped away, sliding an empty box in his direction. He pouted, cheeks red with need and it was a beautiful sight. "Come on, you better catch up with me because I will certainly start without you if you’re too slow" You winked and chuckled as Roger accepted the challenge, practically tripping on his way to his closet.

"The winner cum first !" The blond yelled, half of his body buried into the closet, somewhere in the outrageous amount of clothes hanging in it.

"You got yourself a deal, Mr Taylor"

**

Permanent tag list : @jennyggggrrr

[how-manygalileos]

Beautiful Tragedy

Pairing: Roger Taylor x F!Reader

Warnings: smoking, cheating mention, more smoking, angsttttttt, unexpected pregnancy, mentions of sex, angsty goodness.

Word count: 2770

Summary: People meet in odd circumstances that sometimes feel perfect, Y/N and Roger were two of those people. (I don’t really want to give too much away lol). Based on the song Beautiful Tragedy by Mike Dignam, it’s a good song, it makes me feel things. Set c. 1978/1979.

We didn't meet, we collided From the speed I was driving Brakes won't work, this is happening now Speed of light in slow motion

Wiping tears from her cheeks, she closes her eyes and take a deep breath before lighting a cigarette. Y/N places the lit cigarette to her mouth and takes a drag, trying to stop herself from crying again. She could feel the bassline of the music playing from inside the house that she had just stormed out of, as her head rests against a wall. Her free hand brushes over the locket hanging around her neck, feelings of anger, pain and betrayal wash over her. She rips it from around her neck and throws it to the ground, taking another drag of her cigarette. Suddenly an angry woman pushes through the door followed by a guy calling after her.

“Dominique! Wait, you don’t understand, you’re not hearing me!” the guy shouts reaching out to grab the woman’s hand.

“No Roger! You’re not hearing me!” she yells back at him, “you’re always at the studio, or on tour, or out partying – I never see you!”. Y/N considered going back inside to stay out of the couple’s way but then remembered who was inside, deciding that being a bystander to a domestic argument was preferable.

“It’s my fucking job, babe”, the guy, Roger, retorted “I try to spend as much time as I can with you, you know this!” he pauses, “and besides, you don’t see me throw a tantrum every bloody time you flirt with other guys at bars, or cancel plans last minute, or make excuses that you can’t see me!”. There was a deafening silence for a moment. Y/N takes a final drag from her cigarette before dropping it and stamping it out, trying not to draw attention to herself, really just wanting to disappear.

“You know what? I’ve had enough, I can’t do this.” The woman, Dominique, says, “I can’t be with you right now, stay with Freddie tonight.” She says before storming off, not looking back.

“Dominique! Wait!” Roger called out again, more helpless this time.

Not looking where he was going, Roger backs up towards the wall of the building, watching his on-again-off-again girlfriend walk towards the road. Before he hits the wall, he turns; finding himself face to face with a young woman who had mascara streaks running down her cheeks.

“Shit! I’m sorry – I didn’t see you standing there – I just – sorry – are you alright?” he rambles, noticing her mildly startled expression.

“Not really to be honest with you, but I guess you could probably tell that.” she responds with a sad chuckle, “Although it doesn’t seem like your night is exactly going as planned either.” Y/N takes the pack of cigarettes out of her purse, puts one between her lips before offering one to the man standing next to her, he accepts.

My engine roared Forced me to your side Foot stuck to the floor Brace yourself for the impact

After lighting the two cigarettes, she takes a few steps forward, looking off into the distance, as Roger leans against the wall. A few moments later she walks back to the wall to where she had previously been lent.

“Y/N”, she finally introduces herself, holding her hand out but continuing to look into the distance.

“It’s a pleasure, Y/N”, he takes her hand “I’m Roger”

“Yeah, I know” she says, monotone “you’re the drummer from Queen”. There’s a silence between the two, both smoking, both wallowing in their own sadness.

“How do you know Elton then?”, Roger breaks the silence.

“I don’t” Y/N replies, looking him in the eye for the first time in their conversation “I came as a plus one, though I’m not sure if that applies anymore”

“What do you mean?” Roger asks, curiosity and slight concern in his voice.

“My boyfriend – ex-boyfriend – is one of Elton’s roadies,” she says, “I came here with him, unfortunately he’s decided he’s leaving with someone else” she bitterly takes a long drag from her cigarette trying desperately to erase the image of what she had seen earlier that night; her now ex and some woman, in one of the many bedrooms in Elton John’s mansion, fucking.

Y/N takes one final drag from her cigarette before dropping it and stomping it out with the heel of her boot.

“I should be going” she says, “it was good to meet you Roger, drummer from queen.” She begins to walk away.

“Hey!” Roger calls out to her, “maybe I could walk you home?”

“Um… sure, I wouldn’t mind the company, don’t feel you have to, I wouldn’t want to go inconveniencing a rock star now, would I?” she says smiling slightly,

“Inconvenience? Nonsense, my good lady” Roger says, offering his arm, she accepts, linking her arm with his.

The two acquaintances walk arm in arm to Y/N’s small flat. They talked and laughed and it was good, it felt comfortable, it felt like they fit each other.

“We were meant to move in together when he got back from the last tour” she says as they reach the door, “thank god we didn’t” she continues as the door clicks open. Roger smiles at her as she turns to face him, the two then notice just how close they are stood together.

“You could – er – come in for a bit – if you want” she whispers, their faces just inches apart, she looked deep into his pale blue eyes, spellbound. She then pressed her lips to his before pulling him through the door.

Beautiful tragedy Was it meant to be, we'd meet like this Beautiful tragedy I just can't believe this is how you were sent to me

Weeks passed and, more often and not, Y/N and Roger were spending their time together. They weren’t a couple but they may as well have been. Y/N would go to work, Roger would go to the studio or stay at home writing songs. After, they’d get dinner, then Y/N would accompany Roger to gigs, they’d get home, screw and then fall asleep in each other’s arms. For both of them, things were starting to feel perfect.

“So, this girl you’re seeing, Rog” Brian asks looking up from the Red Special, “Are you guys together together or just hooking up together?”

“What do you mean by that?” Roger asks in response,

“Like are there feelings there?” Brian says, “feelings other than lust”. Roger stops to think; did he have feelings for Y/N? Was he getting feelings too fast? To start with, it was an unspoken agreement, this was just rebound for both of them but part of him wanted it to be more.

“I don’t know” Roger finally says, getting up from behind his drum kit, pacing around a bit, trying to organise his thoughts.

“Well she seems like a nice girl, I’m happy for you either way, mate” Brian says going back to playing the riff he had been trying out earlier that afternoon.

“I’m going out for a smoke” Roger muttered before quickly leaving the rehearsal space to get some air. Breathing out the smoke from his cigarette, Roger was reminded of that night around a month and a half before; the night that he had first met Y/N. He smiles slightly just thinking about her, he wanted to be with her properly. He wanted to call her his girlfriend and introduce her to his family, he wanted to cook her dinner when she got back from work. He just wanted her.

Roger began to walk back to his place, a smile on his face and thoughts of Y/N in his head.

“Roger!” a familiar voice called out, he stops dead in his tracks.

“What do you want, Dominique?” he says, facing her, she was the last person he wanted to talk to right now.

“I was just walking to yours to find you” she starts, sounding nervous, “I need to tell you something – it’s important, you need to not freak out and you need to just listen t–

“What? What is it? I’ve got places I need to be” Roger interrupts. Dominique looks at her feet, the air between them is tense.

“Dominique, what is it?” Roger repeats, softer this time. She looks like she might burst into tears at any moment.

“Roger, I’m pregnant.”

We gotta be careful now Petrol soaking the ground One spark and we'll both burn in flames But we've already ignited

Those three words shook him to his core. Pregnant. Dominique was pregnant. His hands were clammy and his mouth was dry, how was he meant to respond to that? Roger couldn’t focus on anything; his head was racing. He stands there in shock for a few seconds.

“Oh…” he finally says, “What do we do now?”

“I don’t know” she says, looking back down at her feet “I just know I don’t want to do this alone” she says a tear rolling down her cheek. Roger is stunned once more.

“…I’m sorry, I have to be somewhere – I’ll call, I promise” he rambles, avoiding eye contact, before turning his back to continue walking home.

“Roger!” Dominique calls out, he ignores her and keeps walking, he needed to think it all through. He wanted to ignore it and just be with Y/N. He knew he couldn’t do that, not forever at least.

He arrived at his flat and immediately got a beer from the fridge. Roger new that he couldn’t drink this problem away, this wasn’t pre-album-release anxiety or an argument with Freddie, but for now, he needed a distraction.

Bzzzzzzzzzz

Roger walks over to the intercom.

“Hello?” he says, still in his daze.

“Hey, Rog it’s freezing out here, want to let me in?” Y/N giggles from the other end, the sound of her voice makes him smile slightly.

“Right – sorry – yes, I’ll buzz you in” he says back, trying to sound happier. He pressed the buzzer and then waited by the door to let her in. He opened the door when she knocked, just laying eyes on her made him smile.

“Starting early, are we?” Y/N says, gesturing to the bottle in his hand.

“Erm – yeah, just bit of a tough rehearsal, Brian was being a self-righteous twat and Fred took his side” he lies, “just sort of rubbed me the wrong way”. He knew he’d have to tell her, he just didn’t want to, he didn’t want to ruin what they had.

The two carried out what had become their normal routine, dinner, (in the absence of a show) cuddling and watching TV, sex, and then more cuddling. But this time, something was off, Y/N could tell. Roger seemed distant and distracted by something.

“What is with you tonight?” she finally asked, as the two lay in each other’s arms.

“I told you” he says, lighting a cigarette “I got into a spat with Brian during rehearsal”. Y/N grows slightly apprehensive, she knew that that couldn’t be the reason. He passes her the cigarette.

“But you’ve had arguments with the guys before, and it never gets you like this” she says between drags. When he’d argue with his band mates, Roger would show his infamous temper, Y/N knew this had to be something different. Passing the cigarette back to him, she snuggles closer into him.

“Well, what is it then?” she practically whispers. Roger swallows lightly and looks up at the ceiling.

“Dominique’s pregnant” he says, biting the inside of his cheek then taking a final drag from the cigarette before stubbing it out in the ash tray on his bedside table. Y/N rolled away from him slightly.

“Oh” was the only sound she could make leave her lips.

And as I hold you in my arms You're shaking but don't close your eyes I feel your heart beat with mine I hope we survive

Roger eventually nodded off but Y/N couldn’t sleep. She knew she’d have to do something, this wouldn’t just go away if ignored. She slipped out of the bed. Picking up her underwear and Rogers shirt, she wanders to the kitchen, putting the kettle on. Y/N starts to think, the last thing she wants is for anyone to get hurt because of her. Whatever choice she makes she knows that it’ll hurt someone.

Her mind goes to Dominique, she must be so afraid, thinking she might have to raise a child by herself. It wasn’t right for her to inadvertently be the cause of that, she thinks to herself. She certainly wouldn’t want to be alone in Dominique’s position. But on the other hand, she was happy with Roger, she could see herself being with him for a long time. It often felt like fate the way they had met; their lives had collided at just the right moment. She had comforted him and he had comforted her, together they had started to build something. Y/N makes herself a cup of tea before sitting down at the table with a pen and a note pad, she knew what she had to do.

Y/N silently crept back into the bedroom after she was finished writing. She looks at Roger, peaceful and asleep. She feels a few hot tears fall from her eyes, her heart is heavy. She collects her belongings together, still silently crying. Y/N walks to the bed side, she places the note on the pillow where she had previously rested her head on. Roger stirs slightly, she watches as he settles, hot tears still rolling down her cheeks causing the remanence of the previous day’s mascara to run down her face also. It reminds her of the night they first met. She’s in pain but she reminds herself that she’s doing the right thing. She leans down and lightly places a final kiss on Roger’s lips, before grabbing her bag and walking out.

“Goodbye” she whispers, taking a final moment to glance back at the person who has meant so much to her over the past several weeks.

I now believe that fate exists We had to hit and not miss To share with you this moment of fighting to stay alive If we don't please know I kissed your shaking lips goodnight I said goodbye

Roger awoke to an empty bed and a cold flat. Y/N missing from his bed, where she should be, in his arms. Sitting up, he sees a folded piece of paper on the pillow next to him. His name written on it in her handwriting. He gently picks it up, opens it and starts to read.

Roger,

We have before us somewhat of a predicament. I want you to know that I care very deeply about you, I may even be starting to fall in love. The last 6 weeks have made me so very happy, and I sincerely hope you feel the same way. That’s why it’s so painful for me to do what I know I must. I don’t want to make this decision but I fear if I don’t do anything, nothing will change and it will end with everyone getting hurt.

Dominique needs you. You may have not parted on good terms, but now she does need support. She’s pregnant with your child, regardless of what happens, you should be there for her. I couldn’t live with myself if Dominique were to suffer because of me, she must feel so alone and scared right now. This is why I’ve decided that I need to end whatever it is that we have, not just for her sake but for mine and yours as well.

Maybe we just weren’t meant to be, even though this feels so right. My heart hurts for both of us, but your priorities need to be placed elsewhere right now. What we had, while short, was beautiful and special. I just wish it could have been something more. I’m so sorry.

We shared a fleeting moment in the universe and it was beautiful.

You’ll always have a place in my heart, Roger Taylor: drummer from Queen.

Y/N x

He reads the letter again, and then for a third time. She was gone. The brightest star in the night sky that was his life, extinguished. He puts the letter down, the words she had written going around and around in his head. He places his head in his hands and begins to cry. He’d call Dominique later. He new that something would feel missing for a long time.

Beautiful tragedy Was it meant to be, we'd meet like this Beautiful tragedy, I just can't believe it ends like this

[titsoutforkapanen]

Giving in Ch. 6

SO! My original post of this chapter wasn’t linking so I deleted it and hopefully it works now. 

There is some sensitive information in this chapter and there will be a trigger warning before it starts.

_________________________________  

It had been a few weeks since Freddie and I went to the doctor. I had been talking to Auston some more lately. We weren't official but I didn’t want to make the first move. He was aware of the baby and was super supportive and even put one of the sonograms in his cars visor. Auston and I were going to meet for lunch and then I had another doctors appointment. I was doing my hair when I heard my phone ding. I walked over to my bed and grabbed my phone and saw I had a text from Auston.

From Matts : I’ll pick you up so you don’t have to drive

To Matts : I have an appointment after but thank you though

From Matts : Freddie asked me to go with you he said something came up.

To Matts : Oh okay, see you soon

I threw my hair up into a messy ponytail and grabbed my purse and walked into the kitchen. I was putting on my shoes when there was a knock on the door. I grabbed my jacket and walked over and opened the door to see Auston standing on the other side.

“Hi” I smiled as he pulled me in for a hug.

“You ready?” he asked as he took my hand in his own.

“Of course”

When we had eaten lunch and were talking about the upcoming season. I looked down to my phone to see Freddie had texted me apologizing for missing my doctors appointment. When I looked back up Auston was already looking at me. I sent him a smile but before I could say anything he started talking.

“I want to be official, Hazy”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean we pretty much are but now we have a label”

“Well, boyfriend. We have an appointment to get to” I smiled

INSTAGRAM

Hazy_bennn: Now it’s officially my flannel 

I was laying down on the table waiting for the doctor to walk in. Auston was sitting down in the chair beside the bed looking at a magazine. The doctor walked in and sat down across from Auston and I.

“Hi Hazy, so before we start. Have you made your decision on what you plan on doing with the baby?”

“I’m going to do adoption… Closed preferably” I said looking over at Auston.

“Okay well, I can get you that paperwork before you leave, but let’s get started”  

**TRIGGER WARNING**

She put the jelly on my stomach and started looking the baby. I looked over at Auston when the doctor made a ‘humph’ sound.

“Is everything okay?” I asked looking back towards her.

“Uh not sure. Remember at your first appointment when I told you that your hormones are low and that it can cause miscarriages?”

“Uh yeah” I answered nervously. Auston grabbed my hands and rubbed his thumbs along the back of my hand.

“Well, I need to do blood work to confirm but sadly I can’t find a heartbeat” she said putting the wand of the ultrasound machine back.

“What do you mean?” I asked feeling my heart break.

“I couldn’t find a heartbeat, but that doesn’t mean anything for positive. I’m going to do some blood work and that will give us a for sure answer” she walked out to get the supplies for the blood work leaving just Auston and I in the room. I laid my head back looking at the ceiling feeling tears start to fall down my cheeks.

“Hey, it’ll be okay. Look at it this way. Maybe it isn’t the right time, you can work for the Ice Girls and then you don’t have to explain anything to Tyler” Auston muttered standing up and rubbing my shoulder. The doctor came in a took my blood and told me to go sit in the waiting room till they got the results back.

About thirty minutes later we were called back again. We got brought to a smaller room that didn’t have a bed and only had a few chairs. We waited for a few more minutes till the doctor walked in.

“So, Hazy we went over the results from your blood work. And I’m sorry but… you lost the baby” she said handing me some papers titled ‘How to handle miscarriage’. I felt my heartbreak and there were tears falling down my cheeks. I felt Auston put his arm around my shoulders and pull me into him.

“If you have any other questions feel free to call me. You’re welcome to stay in here for as long as you need” the doctor said walking out and closing the door behind her. As soon as the door closed I felt myself start crying harder. Auston pulled me into him letting me cry on his shoulder.

“It’ll be okay, Hazy. You’ll get through this” he muttered into my hair.

TIME SKIP

1 MONTH

We were about two full weeks into the season and tonight the Stars were here in Toronto. I hadn’t talked to Jamie very much lately because I had been pretty busy. I had started therapy to help me cope with the miscarriage and was practicing with the Ice Girls.

I was getting ready to leave since the game started in a few hours. I walked into the kitchen and saw a note on the table.

Hazy,

I know Jamie and Tyler will be here tonight so if you don’t want to see them just text me before the game starts and we can say we have plans.

Talk to you after the game,

Freddie.

I smiled to myself and grabbed my phone to text him.

To Fredex same day delivery: Thank you for the note and for offering to hide me from my brother . After the game I’m stopping at home to change but then I’m going over to Austons. Love you bunches. Don’t let them win

INSTAGRAM

Hazy_bennn: It’s only November and I’m freezing.

The game was about to start and all of us girls were standing down by the entrance to the ice. I looked over towards the benches and saw that Tyler was already looking at me. I rolled my eyes and looked back out at the ice when the lights dimmed. I looked up towards the jumbotron and saw that one of the youtube videos the Leaf’s were going to post was going live right now and they were going to show it right now. I zoned out till I felt one of the girls hit my arm. I looked over to her and saw her point towards the jumbotron. I looked up and saw that on the screen was a video of Auston driving his car was showing. I felt my stomach drop when I saw that you could clearly see the sonogram picture.

The Leafs had won the game 5-4 but I had left as soon as the game was over so I could try to avoid Jamie and Tyler. I was in my room packing my bag for Austons when I heard Freddie walk in the apartment. I grabbed my bag and walked into the living room to see him looking in the fridge.

“There’s some left over pizza on the bottom shelf if you want it” I said grabbing a water bottle and walking back to the table to grab my bag. “I’m going to head out, I’ll be back sometime tomorrow” I said grabbing my keys. I was almost at the door when someone knocked on the door. I froze in my spot before quietly walking to the door to look out of the peephole.

“Oh my god Freddie, it’s Jamie and Tyler” I whispered as I backed away from the door. Freddie pushed me back into the kitchen so you couldn’t see me from the door and answered it.

“Hello?”

“Is Hazy here?”

“Nope, she was gone when I got home, sorry”

“Are those her shoes?” I heard Jamie ask. I looked down towards Freddies feet and saw my slides sitting on the ground. I rolled my eyes and groaned before walking towards the door. I tapped Freddie on the shoulder to signal that I was okay and to let me see them. Freddie moved and I walked to the door showing myself to the two guys.

“Hi, Jame. How did you find our address?” I asked slipping on my slides. “Bye Freddie I’ll see you tomorrow” I said as I squeezed in between Jamie and Tyler and closed the door.

“Why did Auston have a sonogram in his car?” Tyler asked following me down the hall.

“Because I was pregnant and he was a supportive friend” I pushed the elevator button so I could go down to the car lot.

“What do you mean you were pregnant?” Jamie asked as the elevator doors opened.

“Was as in I’m not anymore” I said walking in.

“I’m still confused” Tyler muttered.

“Okay you idiot. You knocked me up, I told you I might be pregnant and you freaked out. I moved here and found out it was going to be a baby girl. My hormones were low and I lost the baby” I said praying the elevator ride would go faster.

“Well where are you going?” Jamie asked as the doors opened.

“My boyfriends”

“Who’s your boyfriend?” Tyler scoffed.

“Who do you think?” he stayed silent. I opened my car door and threw my bag into the back before turning to face Tyler and Jamie. “I’m dating Auston you fucking idiot”

“You have got to be kidding me” Tyler laughed.

“Don’t even start with that, Tyler. He was here for me no matter if I was pregnant or not. But I wanted someone who wasn’t afraid of commitment like you” I laughed back, getting into my Jeep.

“Hazy wait” Jamie said putting his hand on the door before I could close it.

“What?”

“Just text me more okay? I just want to know you’re okay” he said looking at me. I jumped out of the seat throwing myself on to Jamie and pulling him in for a hug.

“I will, I promise”

INSTAGRAM

Auston_Matthews: wow she rich rich

[wewillwriteyou]

Friends Will Be Friends || Chapter 5

A few elements from the main plot: A very special group of friends: early days, drama, laughter, booze, success, rock stars life, girl power, friendship, love, sex, music, misunderstandings, some more drama, family. Pairings in the tags

Summary Chapter 5: Melissa’s point of view. Concert. A lot of awkwardness and misunderstandings (aka drama). It’ll make sense once you read it, I swear.

Word count: 2.5K

Warnings: little smut (kissing, touching), some fluff, tiny drama (the perfect recipe?)

A/N: Guys! I know I’ve said it already but things reeeally start to get interesting. Make sure you got the previous parts (you find the link into the description of this blog) and stay tuned for the next ones ‘cause the best is yet to come lovelies 💖😏 As usual, if you like what you read, comment, like, reblog and share this with others! For everyone who follows and supports this story, thank you guys (you know who you are)! You are real stars! ⭐💗

Days went by and Mel started losing hope that John would call her.

She hated the fact that she was so disappointed: they hadn’t promised anything to each other, so he was not totally at fault. Still, she had hoped to hear from him. She also hated the fact that his face would pop out in her head in the most inappropriate situations.

On Wednesday during class, when she was writing down equations, a variable named J popped up and she couldn’t help but smile, and go back to the concert when he had held her tight and kissed her passionately. She missed almost half an hour of lesson forcing her brain not to think about him.

By the weekend she was frustrated and almost angry at him, for not calling and Mary and Chelsea noticed something was going on with her.

When Mary asked her about it, she considered the chance of talking to someone about what was going on inside of her, so that it wouldn’t all be in her head.

“It’s just… It’s about this jerk I made out with last week” she laughed a little, seeing the girls widening her eyes hearing her talk like that “don’t be so shocked, I’m not a prude, girls”

They chuckled “Well, I gave him my number and, you know, since I enjoyed myself, I hoped he had too but he hasn’t called, so… I guess he hasn’t, after all” she laughed, feeling herself flush in embarrassment.

Mary jumped right in “Oh honey, don’t say that! He probably is just a jerk. I wouldn’t worry about him… I would go out tonight and look for someone else to enjoy” she smirked and Mel giggled.

“Darling do not dare to doubt yourself” Chelsea added, smiling and rubbing her shoulder “Tonight my roommate is playing near the Imperial. We should go and dance our asses off. We need to forget about all the fucking boys that hunt our lives” she continued, laughing and putting her arm around Mel’s shoulder.

“I’m absolutely in! Three single girls, ready to conquer the world and leave a trail of broken hearts” Mary exclaimed lifting her fist in the air.

They all laughed and, after closing the shop, they arranged to meet at the bar later in the evening.

Mel was aware of the fact she wasn’t completely over the whole John story, but her friends’ enthusiasm was bloody contagious and she couldn’t help but feel excited.

She desperately needed to boost her self-esteem, so she decided to wear the floral dress that always put her in a good mood.

When she got out of her bedroom she found Roger packing up some things for the gig they had that night. When he glanced at her he immediately stopped,

“Wow sis, where are you going?” he said, a bit of disapprovement in his tone

Mel was weirdly pleased by his reaction “Out with the girls” she said.

“You have girl friends?” he joked acting surprised.

“Yeah, Rog, and they’re off limits okay? Not that I’d let you near one of them anyway…”

He chuckled “Don’t worry sis, there are loads of other fishes in the sea”

“You’re disgusting” she said, laughing a little.

“Sweet as always, Mel. You watch yourself tonight, okay?” he changed tone, mid-sentence, actually concerned for his little sister. He knew perfectly well how guys could be. Hell, he was one of those guys and he didn’t care about what other people thought of him, but the idea of her sister as a one-night-stand girl made his blood boil in his veins.

“Don’t worry, Rog, I can take care of myself, okay?” and she really meant it.

He left her a piece of paper with a number on it “It’s the number of the pub we’re playing in. If you have any problem, please just call me”

“Okay Rog, thanks. Have fun and don’t wait up” she winked at him before closing the door.

Roger had never seen her so enthusiastic about going out and had the strange sense something was off with his sister. He tried to shun the bad feeling and focus on the instruments he was packing.

“Relax mate, she’s a smart girl” Brian appeared behind his shoulders and Roger nodded distractedly, his mind was somewhere else. Brian knew him too well and immediately understood that he wasn’t only thinking about his sister in that moment. “It can’t be true. You’re still thinking about her?” Roger rolled his eyes and headed to the door. But Brian stopped him.

“You’re being ridiculous”

“Okay, then tell me you’re lying and I’ll stop”

“Fine. I’m still thinking about Chelsea, are you happy now?” Roger didn’t even give Brian the time to speak, pushed him aside and opened the door, going down the stairs. Brian smirked and followed him.  

***

Outside the pub, you could already feel the acre smell of alcohol spilled on the floor and the heat of the bodies dancing to the beat of the music.

The girls entered just when the first band finished their set and announced a few minutes break. The crowd was huge and the girls managed to squeeze and slide into the first row in the corner near the bass amplifier.

They chatted livelily, scanning the first rows, looking for familiar faces. Their attention was caught by a guy with black hair and an eccentric blouse decorated in gold and green, who came on stage to fix the microphone.  Mel thought he was unmistakable: that was Freddie. He recognized her and waved at her, causing a lot of people to turn their heads towards her.

“Oh my God Mel did he just wave at you?" Mary asked with dreamy eyes.

“Yes, that's Freddie. He's the lead singer in my brother's band-” she wasn't even finished when Mary said:

“That's freaking cool, why did you not tell us? We've been - well, I've been - wanting to meet him since I started uni. He's kind of a big deal in our course, you know? He has even published a small brand of clothes”

“I guess I didn't know. Hell, I didn't even know they would be playing here tonight” Mel chuckled at Mary's adoring look “I can introduce you later if you want” and the girl vividly nodded.

Mel turned chuckled again and turned to Chelsea, asking:

“Chel what's the name of your roommate's band?”

“I actually don't know… I heard they were looking for a new one, but I can't really remember what they used to call themselves before” “Did he mention Freddie? Cause if he did, he might be playing with my brother” Chelsea opened her mouth but was interrupted by Freddie, as he greeted the audience: “Good evening, darlings” he started “Freddie here, and this is Queen. We're here to entertain you this evening, if you'd like"

The crowd cheered.

“Alright!” he incited them “let’s hear a round of applause for the rest of Queen. At the electric guitar, we have Mr. Brian May” and he pointed at the tall guy approaching the guitar stand, who smiled politely and waved at the cheering crowd. He winked at Mel, surprised of seeing her there. But he didn’t notice Chelsea, that was trying to convince herself with her whole heart that that guy wasn’t the tall boy she had met in Roger’s apartment a week before.  

“At the drums, we have Mr. Roger Taylor"                        

Every single girl in the pub screamed at the mention of her brother’s name and Mel wooed along with them. Roger winked at her as soon as he caught her face: he hadn't expected her to be there, but he was glad she was, so that he could keep an eye on her.

As he thought that, he realized that the girl standing next to her, eyes widened and cheeks flushing, was the girl from the previous weekend; the one that had crashed into his life, stole one of his favorite shirts and left him with a thousand questions and a stupid smile on his face. His heart raced more than he expected, as a feeling of happiness started to grow in his chest.

Chel had an interrogative face as she tried to figure out why he had winked at Mel. Was he her brother? In that moment, surrounded by the chaos, she started to wonder what Mel’s surname was and her questions got lost in a side of her mind when she looked again at Roger.

When he smirked in her direction, she could feel her cheeks flush even more as she forced down a smile. She pinched herself because she couldn’t believe her eyes. She couldn’t stop looking at Roger either but tried to calm herself down, to avoid recalling Mel’s attention.

“And on bass guitar, our new entry, please a round of applause for John Deacon”

John stumbled on stage and awkwardly smiled and waved at the public. His eyes searched the room for Chelsea and when he saw her in the front row, cheering for him, red cheeks and proud eyes, he smiled to her fondly.

In the exact same moment, his sight focused on the girl standing next to her: he felt his cheeks flush and he widely smiled at her.

Mel was incredulous: how could he just smile like that? And the thing she hated the most was the fact that she could not control the heat sprouting throughout her whole body. She wanted to hide what was going on in her mind trying to keep an expressionless face, but she was not sure she had succeeded. She also couldn’t stop her mind but think that John had to be Chelsea’s roommate, so Mel turned around to find her with the same confused look on her face.

Mary had noticed the looks the four of them exchanged and she put the pieces together: she couldn’t help but smile widely at how wonderful destiny had worked to arrange those incredible coincidences.

The guys started playing and the tension lifted off as the rhythm of Keep Yourself Alive pervaded the pub. Heads nodded along with music and feet kept time. The crowd was captured by their music and when they announced the end of their set, they all applauded and cheered the band.

Mel was extremely proud of them, she had never seen such a response to their concerts and she had been at most of them. They seemed to have enchanted the audience and though she still had mixed feelings towards John, she couldn’t be more amazed by his talent and how he completed perfectly the band.

The band packed their instruments and spread among the crowd. The first thing Mel did was walk up to Freddie, dragging Mary by the arm and introducing them. His eyes lit up as he shook her hand and gave it a gentle kiss. Mary was about to melt and had a smile going from ear to ear.

Mel knew that was a good match and excused herself to leave them some privacy.

As she turned on her heels she bumped into someone’s chest and when she looked up, some big grey eyes were staring at her.

“I was looking for you” John said to her ear, sending shivers down her back. Mel was still determined to keep him on edge and objectively analyze his intentions.

Seeing she was unwilling to answer, John added “I think we’re pretty lucky”

Mel furrowed her eyebrows and he explained “You said we might have not been lucky enough to find each other again. But here we are” he said with a smile “So, I guess we’re pretty lucky”

She wanted to punch that handsome smile off his face: we haven’t seen each other because you didn’t call me, jackass. That’s what she wanted to say, but what she heard herself say was “The universe loves to prove me wrong”

What the hell was that? she thought. She desperately wanted to be angry at him but she also desperately wanted to kiss him again, and the most irrational part of her conscience won.

She urgently crashed her lips onto his and John couldn’t help but smile against her lips. He had missed them so much, he thought he might have been dreaming. They pulled back to grasp some air; he looked into her eyes and whispered “You are truly beautiful tonight”.

She smiled and took his hand. They both became serious for a moment, and stared at each other, trying to understand what was going on inside the other’s mind. They slowly walked hand in hand towards the less crowded side of the bar, which led to the back of the building.

When they were sure to have some privacy, they grinned and started from where they had left off.

He pinned her back to the wall and deepened the kiss, his hands exploring her lower back and waist. When his hand went up under her dress and started to gently caress her bare skin, she moaned into the kiss. She had her arms wrapped around his neck and she could feel herself melt under his touch. She ran her fingers in his hair while he left sloppy kisses on her neck; Mel had to bite her bottom lip to keep from moaning again.

All the anger she had stored, had slipped away and all she could think about was how good his hands felt on her hot skin. She pulled him even closer to her, pushing her hips towards his and feeling the bulge growing in his pants.

He suffocated a moan when he felt her hand sliding between their bodies, reaching for his belt. He pulled away from her neck to look into her eyes: all he could see was desire and lust and he was sure as hell, that just that sight could have ended him.

He gathered all the strength he had, smiled at her and placed a hand on hers “Not here”

Mel was disappointed, to say the least, and when he noticed, John continued “I want you all for myself, Melissa.” He was looking her intensely and she could feel her legs melting in the ground “All for myself, but not here” he stated, looking languidly into her eyes.

If possible, she was even more excited than before, but she knew he was right: that was not the place where she wanted it to happen. She stole another, passionate kiss and then took his hand. They dove into the crowd one more time and slid onto the dance floor.

A slow song was playing, so they wrapped their arms around each other and kept on dancing like that for a while. They had pretty much cleared what they wanted from each other, so they had nothing more to do, if not abandon themselves to the music.

Mel gathered courage and asked with trembling voice “Are you gonna call me this time?”

John was perplexed by her question and then realized she had never gotten the message from Brian. He was too inebriated by the smell of her hair and the softness of her skin, to think about why Brian had not told her. He just answered, “I am, darling”.

And he tightened the hug just to make sure she knew he meant it. He would have kept calling and calling until he had heard her voice on the other side.

Mel didn’t know exactly why, but she felt sincerity in his tone and could not help but look forward to finding out whether he would keep his promise.

Chapters: ⤎ previous | next ⤏

A/N: Hi again! Hope you enjoyed this chapter 💗 we’re gonna tag the lovely people who read, liked and commented the previous chapters. If you want to be tagged in the next one, comment under this one or leave us a message. Our inboxes are always open for you beautiful people

Tag list: @littledarlingwellaway @its-a-metephor-brian @bohemiandelilah @onevisionliz @misshystericalqueen @loki-lover095 @deakysgurl@inthelapofthe39 @starsoflovingness-wq @minetticatinwonderland@cairdes20 @friendswillbefriendsblog @o-holynight @trash-record-collection @please-stop-me-now @theappleofmybri @marvelsbunch [if your name is crossed out, we couldn’t tag you 😢 please message us, and we’ll sort it out 😘]

Cheers, folks! ✌💖

[clown-bait]

Apologies (Monster Roommate AU)

So to continue my holiday mini fics for the AU heres the next one in the series! Pennywise gets in trouble and gets the silent treatment. He doesn't handle it well. On a side note I had a BLAST writing this especially the second part and Leech’s temper tantrum at work. I’ve been wanting to show her at the bar for some time now and get more of the Sawyer brothers in there! Also Penny making missing posters with sad faces drawn all over them in an attempt to be an adorable little shit. 

Pennywise Sucks at Apologies

“Who ever is playing as “trashpire” is losing badly.” Penny plopped on the couch between Freddy and Leech.

“Wow thanks for the encouragement.” Leech grumbled as Freddy stabbed her character again. The demon was himself in the game of course, playing it somehow on the stupid Nintendo power glove. Leech put the controller down and packed another bowl in a huff.

“Aww giving up so soon bloodsucker?”

“You know its not fair when you use demon magic to win. Hey Penny sweetie, help me out here do that thing you do with the tv.” she picked the controller up after taking a hit from the colorful pipe.

Pennywise growled “I am a timeless ancient evil not something you can use to cheat on video games.”

“It's not cheating if Freddy’s cheating too.”

Penny playfully covered her face with his hand causing Leech to lose once again. The clown cackled at her protest continuing to mess with her vision. Leech finally got fed up and bit down on his thumb. Pennywise growled with mock anger and the vampire released him peppering little kisses on the wound.

“Ugh can you guys take a break today? I don't want to deal with Vorhees trying to break in” Freddy scooted over as far away from the couple as possible.

“Is he at it again? Man I bet that asshole was way better when he didn't talk” Leech remembered the first time she had run into Jason and how obnoxious he was.

“Nah, He was still an asshole” Freddy grumbled taking a hit from the pipe.

“Speaking of silent giant assholes, you know who absolutely freaks me out?”

“Me?” Penny grinned proudly

“Haha you wish. You're a giant asshole for sure but you aint quiet love. No its Michael Myers, I ran into him in the store the other night and the guy just stood there silently in the middle of the aisle like he was trying to decide he wanted to stab me in the throat or not.”

Penny's face twisted into that of pure offense. HOW DARE she think someone else was scarier than HIM. HIM the eater of worlds! The master of FEAR ITSELF. Pennywise felt his eye twitch and drift apart.

“Mikey is a total jerk man, he has this high and mighty attitude. Just because you don't say anything doesn't make you the scarier monster.” Freddy let out a puff of smoke while handing the pipe to the vampire who took a long hit.

“Pfft you're the opposite end of the spectrum Fred, maybe take a page out of Myers book sometime and shut up” she passed the pipe back across Penny’s lap, who was eerily still, to the dream demon.

“Nonsense, the ladies love a chatty killer! Right clown?…Clown?…Earth to Jingles?”

Penny's eyes had rolled completely to opposite sides of his face.

“You ok Pen?” Leech waved a hand in front of his face. The clown snapped to life with a roar and his jaws extended like a goblin shark biting onto her wrist. “OW HEY WHAT THE HELL” she slapped him on the back of the head. Pennywise let go, quickly grabbing her shoulders and sniffing frantically. “Were you scared???” he asked still sniffing her “NO I'm fucking pissed off what the shit Penny!?”

“Y-you weren't scared? Not even a little?” wait was he worried?

“Looks like you're losing your edge clown! Mikey is the one who scares your girl now!” Freddy laughed and Leech threw a dusty old pillow at him.

“Kruger!!” she hissed.

Penny got up and made his way towards the well his face expressionless.

“Oooooh boy I can already tell this is going to become a thing with him.”

“Shouldn’t have said that Ol’ Mikey is the one who really gets the adrenaline pumping then!”

“Ugh don't say it like that. I don't even think he's that attractive. He wears a William Shatner mask for fucks sake”

“I'm going to tell him you said that next time I see him!”

“DONT”

“Awwww whats the matter? S-s-s-scared Mike’s gonna come get ya?!” Freddy cackled

“I will pay you not to Fred, I'm dead serious”

“Now I know what to put in your nightmares tonight!”

“You wouldn’t”

“The clown’s off having an existential crisis you're fair game bloodsucker!”

“Are you just being a sore loser because I beat you in guitar hero? I won fair and square its not my fault you don't know all the songs.”

Freddy got up and tipped his hat to her “See you in your dreams scaredy cat”

like an evil Santa he was gone.

Leech sat alone in her room trying her hardest not to fall asleep knowing that Freddy would continue to mess with her more. She suddenly wished she could lucid dream so she could just punch him in the face next time he popped up. The vampire rolled over onto her back. “Maybe if I ate something?” she thought aloud but that would require getting up and going out. She settled on reading pulling out a book she had got from the library on Derry’s history. She liked knowing about Penny’s past exploits since he was always so cryptic with her when she asked. Plus morbid stuff was interesting.

She was on a bit about an Easter explosion, over 100 children dead at the old iron works. She chuckled to herself “Man this must have been like Christmas come early for him” she kept reading recognizing his circus cart in one picture and she started wondering to herself how the hell did Penny get that down into the sewer. Her light began to flicker and Leech groaned knowing she’d have to get up and change the bulb. Stupid old house with its stupid shotty wiring. The light completely fizzed out without warning “Just my luck” she snarled grabbing a flashlight. When she turned it on she noticed something at the foot of her bed. No, someone. She brought the light up and saw the bloody stain on the figures shirt then finally to its face. It was a child. A dead one. The child spoke softly “Hello Leech wont you come play with us!” her face slowly began to decay. Leech sat back and continued to watch the show. The ghost girl floated up and landed so she was standing on Leech’s stomach. It crouched down so it was in her face.

“Come play with us!!” It roared.

“Spooky, Like the decay it’s a nice touch.”

The ghost frowned and then opened its jaws showing millions of teeth. Its tongue snaked out holding a small silver crucifix. Leech hissed at it in anger and the charm melted, sliver splashing onto her chest causing smoke to rise from her skin. She screamed in pain and the ghost realizing it messed up began frantically trying to wipe it off her. Leech’s skin began to burn and suddenly her tank top had caught fire from the heat. The ghost became the clown, who tore the burning fabric off of his mate stomping out the flames with his large boots. Penny noticing her skin was lighting on fire now, scooped her up and ran to the bathroom tossing her in the shower and turning it on.

She was soaked her favorite sleeping shirt was ruined and there was awkward burns on her boobs. Pennywise was in DEEP trouble.

“Penny…… why the FUCK did you use an actual silver crucifix to try to scare me?!”

“I-I..um did it work?”

“WHAT DO YOU THINK DO I LOOK SCARED TO YOU?”

“Maybe the fire did alit-”

“SHUT UP. I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT UP TO HER WITH YOU TONIGHT! get me a FUCKING towel and get the FUCK out” she screamed she had never gotten this mad at him before.

“You cant kick me out I own this house.”

“OUT”

The clown vanished quickly reappearing on the couch down stairs. Where he placed his giant gloved hands over his face. She’ll be back she always calls for him to come back. Any minute now….

————

A few hours had passed and Penny was messing with Freddy and Leech’s video game trying to scare kids up way too late through their screens. She hadn't called for him back.

“Someone’s been banished to the cooouuucchh!” Chucky sang from the doorway.

“I swear if you say any more words doll…”

“Heard the screaming awhile ago what did you do? It has to be good to get kicked out of the bedroom”

The clown sighed. “I tried to scare her and I accidentally set her on fire.”

“Holy shit!” Chucky cackled “thats amazing! I cant believe you fucked up that bad Jingles!”

“Wonderful.” Penny grumbled

“Don’t sweat it clown, she’ll be begging for you back in no time. You just have to be real nice for a few days, which I know is hard for you…”

“Whats the use, my mate hates me and I'm not scary anymore.” the clown moped his head sinking low.

“Pfft yeah Kruger told me she had a freaky run in with Meyers. Whats the matter losing your edge?”

“I’m not talking about this.”

“Cheer up Jingles like I said she’ll be begging for you back eventually. Bring her some gifts or somethin. Fancy chocolate chicks like that.”

“She cant eat chocolate she’s a vampire.”

“Uuuhh one of those silver charm bracelets? I stole Tiff one last week when I was in trouble for leaving that stiff on the new rug.”

“Just found out silver lights her on- wait….that was you?”

“I cleaned it up!”

“Barely.” the clown crossed his arms and rolled over on the couch.

“Look that girls crazy about you, she’ll be hollering your name again soon Jingles. I'm telling ya makeup sex is the best!”

Penny rubbed his temples. He was not in the mood to talk about this.

“Did you at least say you were sorry?”

“No. When have I ever had to say that. I don't grovel at her feet and beg like a dog.”

“HAHAHAHA oh man your funeral buddy.”

Pennywise rolled onto his back and dramatically sunk into a crack in the couch. The last thing he heard was the doll shouting some useless romantic advice about dishes before he was back in his nest in the sewer.

————

It had been a full morning with no Pennywise breathing down Leech’s neck. Usually he’d play his own little games with her. Trying to distract her while she poured her breakfast in her favorite mug, leaving dirty suggestive things on her morning crosswords. His favorite game was trying to convince her not to go to work. He was very persuasive. This morning though the clown was completely absent, it was almost nice actually to finally have some space. Leech was able to go through her whole morning routine with no interruptions. It was going to be such a relaxing day. The vampire was thankful she had taken the day shift it was always slower and easier she was able to mingle with the customers more and pick better tasting victims for later. She’d forgive Penny tomorrow. Leech was going to enjoy her day off from him.

Today two young men walked into the bar they looked rugged and well built the type that would spend a lot of time outdoors. Chop-Top elbowed the newest waitress when he caught Leech staring at the lean body of one of the guys, the cannibal whispered something to the new girl and laughed. Penny would be pissed if he saw her right now and Leech smiled at the thought spinning a glass a bit just to show off. Oh he would be seething mad, but he deserves it after the way he'd been acting. The men left her a nice tip and the one she’d been eyeing gave her a grin as he left. He'd make a nice snack later. Chop-Top leaned against the bar “You're going to be in so much trouble” he laughed knowing how jealous his coworkers lover tended to get.

“I'm allowed to look, besides he deserves a kick in the ass. Penny’s been a huge jerk lately.”

Chop-Top scratched the metal plate under his 60s era wig as Leatherface came out of the kitchen “Hey big guy it’s a slow day mind if I take off early? We got plenty of burgers stored up from that last big weekend” Leech asked. Leatherface nodded and patted the vampires head Leech grinned “Thanks boss!” the giant leaned down and placed a hand on her shoulder looking at where the two men sat in concern “Don't worry Bubba, Pen and I are solid I'm just messing with him for setting me on fire last night”

“What happened unfortunate juggling accident?” Leatherface’s eccentric brother twirled on a bar stool with laughter and the pretty new girl came over to the bar. She was one of the local werewolves and the only one Leech tolerated…..Tolerated is a strong word it was more she was contractually obligated to not start any more fights. “You got set on fire?”

“Yes Sandy I got set on fire. You didn't notice the burns on my cleavage?” Leech rolled her eyes. this bitch talks too much.

“What cleavage?” Chop-Top joked and Leech pushed him off the stool hard.

“My new boyfriend would never do that to me! He’s such a great guy!! Don't know why you put up with that kind of behavior that clown has”

“Gee Sandy! Maybe its because I actually love him and don't plan on dumping him in two weeks. You ever try that? I know its hard for you dogs to not hump the leg of everything you see” Leech muttered after turning away from the werewolf.

“What was that?” Sandy asked.

Leatherface and Chop-Top both began pointing frantically at the employee rules behind the bar. There was a new one scribbled in red marker at the bottom saying “NO MORE BLOOD-FEUDS” the vampire groaned.

“I mean um he’s an acquired taste. You get used to it.”

“I’ll say, must be so obnoxious with all that circus shit all the time. What a fucking weirdo…Oh and those bells and that shakey high pitched voice ugh”

“I. Like. The. Circus. Shit.” the nosferatu spat her fake smile beginning to crack. No one puts Penny down but her.

“it'd drive me crazy to date a guy who wore more make up than me.”

“HIS MAKEUP IS PERFECT AND HIS VOICE IS LIKE HONEY! Shut your whore mouth! I love my clown!!” the vampire roared claws scraping into the bar.

Leatherface practically threw the rule board at Leech. “She started it!”

“Your shifts over Leech, go home and no fighting” Chop-Top pushed the vampire out the door.

“FINE!” she got on her bike and rode off.

————-

It didn't help that everything reminded her of him. Leech wanted to head straight into the nearest storm drain after that incident and forgive him just so she could feel those long arms wrap around her. She was still mad at him though, and like a child he wouldn't learn his lesson unless she stuck to her guns and gave him the silent treatment. What made it hard was the clown’s presence seemed to be EVERYWHERE today. He was probably doing this on purpose so she’d forgive him faster.”That little shit.” Leech thought to herself when she saw a missing poster with her face on it. She pulled it off the wall and read it

Missing: you

24 years old

Last seen yelling at a sweet innocent clown

description: big ears, sharp teeth and bald. Cutest vampire you'll ever see!

If found please return to the nearest sewer opening or sad lonely clown. :o(

Leech rolled her eyes at the sad faced balloon crudely drawn in the corner. “You think you can win me over by being cute you need to try harder Penny” fuck he's making this difficult for her.

She folded the paper and put it in her bag. Leech tried her best to avoid every red balloon tied to almost all the street signs she came across. Somehow she ended up in the park and the vampire decided to sit in the shadiest area she could find to avoid dealing with her clown problem at home. Leech felt the familiar cramp of hunger begin to build, tearing at her insides till she could no longer ignore it. She decided to look around the crowd for someone who wouldn't be missed.

Her sensitive hearing picked up the sound of a couple local bullies shoving a kid against a tree off in the woods. This will work. The nosferatu crept into some bushes and waited for the boys to stop their tormenting. As she waited the smell of cotton candy and blood drifted into her nose. Oh great. She looked over and Pennywise was crouched in hunting mode diagonal from her. Of course he was here, that poor boy being pushed into the tree was terrified. “I’ll just take my food and go don't even talk to him…he’s probably after the kid anyway not the teens.” she thought to herself. The vampire moved closer and a twig snapped under her knee. “SHIT” she whispered then quickly covered her mouth, the poor nosferatu was still making all kinds of rookie mistakes. The teens let go of the boy who ran out of the woods and she saw the mess of orange hair snap in her direction. “Fantastic now were both mad at each other.” she rolled her eyes.

“W-whos there?” one of the boys asked. Leech sighed and shot a claw out from her bush to drag him back into it with horrifying speed while he screamed. The other boy jumped back shrieking and fell against the tree he had pinned his own victim to only a few moments before. Sickening crunching sounds could be heard from the bush the boy’s friend had just disappeared into. The surviving bully picked up a sharp branch in an attempt to save his friend and using it like a spear he stabbed into the bush Leech was feasting in. Something caught it before it made contact with her and the vampire froze turning to see Pennywise towering over the other boy. “Its rude to disturb a girl while she's enjoying her meal.” he snarled Leech had fallen back against her snack and stared up at him both in shock and relief to see Penny decided to help her out. The clown looked over at her and gave her a cocky smirk. If he thinks he's out of the dog house for saving my ass he's so wrong. Leech stood up and sarcastically smiled back at him. “What the fuck! What the fuck is that!” the bully screamed. The boys eyes were wide with tears of sheer terror from seeing his friends blood covering the vampire’s chin and the now six foot circus demon towering over him.

“Time to float kiddo” Pennywise lunged forward and delivered a perfect killing blow, dropping the body with a thud on the dirt. He turned to his vampire and gave a cocky grin. “SoooOOO….whats a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

“Cute. You use that line on all the flesh eating women you meet?” Leech rolled her eyes.

“Just the pretty ones like yourself my dear….. you going to finish that?” he pointed at the body next to her.

“I’m not giving you my meal and I'm still not talking to you” Leech crossed her arms and turned her head away from Pennywise trying not to get stuck in his golden stare.

“You’re talking to me right now though!” the clown strolled over to her and tilted her chin up to meet his gaze with a single gloved finger.

“Yeah well…. only cause you saved my ass….so thanks…asshole.” Leech glared at him. Penny sensed her beginning to break.

“My my little firecracker, is that any way to treat your rescuer? I think I deserve more thanks than that” he pulled her closer to him so she could feel his hot breath on her cold lips.

“You’re not getting any. You’ve been a dick lately” Leech looked away from him trying her best to hide the creeping blush on her hollow cheeks

“Then why aren't you trying to get away?” he was inches away from her now. Shit

“I hate you” Leech snarled and closed her eyes “Mmmmm I hate you more” his soft lips pressed against hers. Stupid clown. The vampire ran a claw through his hair pulling him into her to deepen the kiss Pennywise purred with victory. Leech unceremoniously pushed him off her with a huff facing away from him to hide the fact she was about to start grinning like a school girl. Pennywise snickered.

“You know, you're lucky I didn't punish you for chasing off my initial meal with your stupid mistakes.”

“Not everyone can be as perfect as you, I'm still learning. Give me a break.”

“Aww you're right I am perfect!” he smirked at his on lame joke.

“You're a narcissist is what you are.” Leech grumbled.

“I thought you weren't talking to me.”

“You’re right I'm not…I’m… you just….fuck….you’re so fucking frustrating you know that?” pennywise snarled and pinned her against the tree.

“Likewise bloodsucker. You have no idea how much you torment me.”

“At least I don't light you on fire when my ego’s bruised”

“At least I have an ego. Pitiful little thing, if you spent half the time you spend moping around on practice you wouldn't need me to save you from these situations.”

“I don’t need you to come save me I can take care of myself” Leech snarled back.

“That boy nearly impaled you. If I hadn't shown up you'd be one step away from losing that pretty head of yours. You're lucky I like you so much.”

Leech shoved him back “Yeah but you didn’t do it for me did you! I know you too well. You did it because you thought I’d stop being mad at you.” she took a bold step forward. Too bold. “Selfish prick… you know perfectly well I would have been fine. Stop trying to scare me with that you “would have died” bullshit I'm not in the mood.”

The clown slammed her into a tree with a growl fully pissed off now.

“Stupid girl. Do I need to show you how much I care again?” Pennywise roared his claws splintering into the tree behind her. “Go ahead” she grinned  “but you still wont be man enough to ever say you're sorry to my face.” What a brat. She was completely right of course, but still her attitude was definitely in need of adjusting. He hated when she was right.

The clown placed a knee between her legs and grabbed her neck bringing her close to him again. Leech whimpered a bit when he licked her neck and chin with greed. He groped her body possessively touching her in any way that he wanted to and the vampire glared at him trying everything she could to hide the flush of ichor under the skin of her cheeks. He was being an ass but she loved it when he got worked up like this. Stupid clown. When he kissed her again Leech moaned into his mouth pulling his waist so his hips pressed against hers. Penny had the hem of her pants in his claws prepared to rip them off until he sniffed the air and paused more humans.

“Hello? Miss you ok?” a mans voice rang out in the woods. He couldn't see the clown or the bodies Penny had hidden them, but he left Leech. Lets see how she does without him there to save her now.

Leech's eyes widened oh shit it's the guy from the bar. Shit, shit, shit!!! Penny glanced over at her and sneered “Friend of your’s darling?”

“Hey! Its you! What’s a pretty little bartender doing way out here in these woods?”

Pennywise bared his fangs in jealousy. Oh she did know him. “Yeah what are you doing out here Leech” he turned to her with an evil grin

“Oh um nothing really”

“Just fucking my lover in the woods.” Pennywise mocked her. Leech wanted to die at this point.

“JUST GOING ON A HIKE” she yelled over the clown.

“You uh seem a bit roughed up you ok?” walked over to touch her arm and she pulled back.

“Fine! I'm fine! Tripped on a rock silly me! I must have weak knees!”

“Yeah clowns seem to make them shake like a leaf” Pennywise smirked enjoying his little test.

“Want me to take a look at it?” the man asked,

“I’ll..I’ll be ok” thats a lie, she was far from ok right now especially since Penny was now running a gloved hand down the small of her back and attempting to stuff said hand down the back of her pants.

“Well in that case forgive me if I'm being too forward but my friend and I are here for a couple days while we prep for a backpacking trip. I’d love to get your number so we could hang out sometime.”

This poor boy just signed his own death certificate. He was nice too, if Leech wasn't involved with Penny she might have even said yes. He’ll make a nice meal though, she didn't get to finish her’s after all. Pennywise walked behind the man and bared his fangs snapping his jaws near his head to show Leech what he planned on doing with him after she was gone. She gave the clown a look that said Not today Pennywise. “I’m actually already seeing someone-“ she paused an evil thought entering her mind and the vampire grinned at the clown wickedly “sorta… we’re having a big fight right now really.” Penny’s playful expression dropped. She wouldn't dare.

“Oh thats a shame you're more than welcome to talk about it, I'm Brad by the way”

“Lee-Lucy! I’m Lucy”

“You're mine is what you are.” Penny walked over to her and ran his fingers roughy along his mark on her neck. Leech swatted him away.

“So tell me dear Lucy, why would this guy of your’s ever want to make you upset? If you were my girl I would treat you like a princess”

Leech shot Penny another look that said “See? A princess!” Pennywise glared at her more.

“Well, it started as a practical joke gone wrong. Now its more about how he's being a selfish  asshole”

“Well you're very cute a girl like you shouldn't have to put up with that”

“You think I'm attractive?” Leech laughed in surprise. Pennywise was fuming. “Huh I rarely ever hear that these days.” Leech looked directly into the clowns eyes.

“Absolutely, I have a thing for girls like yourself.” he chuckled and took a step closer to her. Wrong move buddy.

“Well um thanks…..don't think you'd like the real me though”

“What are you getting at Leech” Penny snarled.

Brad took her hand and Leech saw the clown twitch. “Nonsense. That guy of your’s doesn't know how lucky he is to have you.” this poor sweet boy is a walking corpse at this point. Brad leaned in while stared at Leech’s lips as if asking to kiss her.

“Dont even think about it” Pennywise’s eyes were blood red.

“Well thank you for the kind words” Leech turned away. Maybe she took this too far. She saw Penny struggling to hold his clown form together his face beginning to split. The human grabbed her chin to turn her face back to him and she glared. Ok buddy you've overstayed your welcome.  Leech looked over to Penny and winked the clown narrowed his eyes. Suddenly Brad began to kiss her and the vampire snarled with rage, she bit clear through his lip sucking in the sweet blood. Brad screamed and staggered back. Leech laughed removing her wig to free her large bat like ears, she let her front fangs extend and brought her long red tongue out to lick up the blood on her chin. Pennywise hid the small half smile that threatened to break through his scowl. He did love to watch her work after all. Brad screamed in terror and disgust “Whats the matter baby? Thought you said I was beautiful.” she laughed as Pennywise made him self visible behind her the clown was still twitching a bit. “Hiya Brad!”

“What the fuck is that! What the fuck are you?”

“This is that boyfriend I was talking about dear. He’s not very happy about what you did. Neither am I.”

“That thing? You're dating that thing?”

Pennywise grunted.

“He's a clown not a thing Brad, and yes I love him… even when he's being a jerk” she elbowed Penny hard and he elbowed her back with a huff.

“You're still not letting that go are you?” the clown side eyed her.

“No Penny I’m not, you can either swallow your pride and apologize or let me eat this guy and leave”

“Wait eat me?!”

Pennywise growled at his vampire “Don't interrupt Brad. And I have nothing to be sorry for, you're the one letting some filthy human touch you.”

“For the record I didn't want the kiss that was our friend taking it a bit too far. But you deserve it anyway after the way you’ve been acting. Biting me, lighting me on fire, all because I said someone else scared me one time? You have some serious jealousy issues.”

“Wow I’ll say”

“Shut up Brad!” Leech hissed “You could at least start with an apology Pen, but instead you just act like what you did was perfectly justified. PLUS at least the human can give me a compliment every now and then you selfish prick!”

Penny turned to growl at her more but the frantic shuffling of fleeing feet drew his attention away. He snarled at the direction of the running human and turned to Leech “I’ll be back for you.”

“Go ahead I'm still not going to talk to you until you say you're sorry though!” The nosferatu yelled.

The clown glared and vanished. When she was finally alone Leech let out a roar in frustration. Fucking egotistical inter-dimensional clown. She cried by herself for a bit the weather becoming dark and stormy as a result. The vampire left her tears in the dirt and started to head home unaware of her clown watching her silently from the shadows. He hated seeing her upset and he knew was the one who caused it. He held up Brads detached head “Ok maybe you're both right I’ve been a bit of a “jerk” lately.” he made the head nod in agreement. “Shall I try getting her back then, my way?” the head nodded no. “You would say that Brad….you stole your taste and look where that got you hmm? I'm not giving in to her little apology game.” he turned the head to look at him “Yes I know I miss her terribly. Is that what you want to hear? You're dead I don't have to listen to you” Penny tossed the head behind him and ended his macabre one sided puppet show. The clown sunk into the shadows to plan.

--------------------------------------------

I headcannon Penny talking to his victims when he’s bored. Just having weird one sided convos with corpses. Also fun fact one of the horror movies that messed me up when I was a youth was Halloween. It didn't fuck me up as bad as Nightmare on Elm ST did but it fucked me up pretty good. Ironically Nightmare became one of my all time favorites but Halloween never really caught on for me. Just not a big fan of the silent killers beyond Leatherface I guess. Next chapter is gonna get FUN.

[theopennotebook]

Skins FanFic

Chapter 2: Let’s get this party started

I thought Friday would never come. I had spent every day this week hanging out with Freddie and Cook and their friends. They were all really nice, some were a bit rough around the edges, but on a whole, they were all quite nice. Katie and I even went shopping together yesterday. 

Tonight my cousin Maxxie was coming for the weekend. I could barely contain my excitement. Whenever Maxxie and I got together it usually ended with us lying in the grass somewhere drunk off our asses and exploding with laughter. Maxxie was the one who taught me how to hold my liquor and how to fake being sober enough to trick my parents. Some would call her a bad influence, I say she was full of valuable life lessons. True to form, she was coming early this evening to help me get ready for tonight. All the parties and clubs I had ever been to back home were pretty preppy. My new friends seemed like badasses…, which was why Maxxie was the perfect person to help me get ready. At 7:45 my doorbell rang and I flew down the stairs from my loft bedroom to answer it. 

Maxxie stood on my doorstep wearing black combat boots, black patent leather tights and a gold, knit sweater with a black cat on the front. Her black square glasses sat on the bridge of her nose. Her messy bun was held up by two orange chopsticks. I could never tell if she was a fashion genius, or just always got ready in the dark.

“Maxxie! I missed you!” I said throwing my arms around her neck.

“Hey, latecomer! Time to turn you into a Brit!” She said hugging me back. 

“Hi, Auntie!” She called as we ran up the stairs and into my room. I made sure to lock the door behind us.

“What treasures have you brought for tonight, my dear cousin?”

“Gross. Who talks like that?” She teased, playfully tossing a scarf at me. “Well for starters, I brought you an outfit because… well, your style doesn’t exactly fit in here. Also, I brought Whiskey and skittles.”

“Skittles? In case we need a sugar rush?”

“Wow. I forgot how sheltered you are. Skittles as in the best high you will ever have in your life. I’ll explain later.”

“Like drugs? ...Maxxie, I don’t know…”

“Don’t be such a knob Zye. Let’s get you ready, get some shots into you and see how you feel after that. How are we getting to this shindig anyway?” 

“I think we’re walking, I didn’t exactly tell mom where we’re going tonight.”

Maxxie rolled her eyes at me. She rummaged through her bag, pulled out her cellphone and began to text vigorously.

“Who are you texting?”

“Jack and Finn. They don’t live far from here, and they’re always down to party.”

“You mean those twins you were telling me about? The really attractive ones?”

“Mhm. Finn says that they’ll be here around 12. C’mon lets go straighten your hair.”

“Why?”

“So I can tease the fuck out of it.”

“Well, that sounds counterproductive.” I scoffed.

“How do you even have friends?”

“Ha. Ha. Ha. You’re hilarious.”

“No seriously, like sometimes I question if we’re even really related.”

I playfully shoved my cousin onto my bed. 

“C’mon Maxxie, turn me into a sex god,” I said, posing dramatically.

“That’s my speciality.”

 Three hours later and I was deemed ready. I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn’t believe it. My now straight hair had been teased so that it flowed around my face and cascaded down to my waist. Maxxie had lined my eyes with black liner on the top and green on the bottom. She said it would make them pop. Boy did it ever. It looked like someone had taken out my green eyes and replaced them with emeralds! I let my eyes trail down over the sleeveless, skintight, black dress that barely covered my bum and down the thigh-high gladiator heels. I shook the many studded silver bracelets that Maxxie had pushed onto my arm.

“Maxxie… I look… I look…”

“Perfect.” She said stepping beside me. I looked at her outfit in the mirror. She wore high-waisted black pants with a silver crop top and combat boots. 

“What is it with everyone here and combat boots?”

“They’re hot,” Maxxie said walking back over to her bag and pulling out the bottle of whiskey. “Ready for some shots? Jack and Finn will be here soon”

“I’m still not sure how we’re going to get out Maxxie.”

“Doesn’t Auntie go to bed at like 10:00 every night?”

“So we’re just going to sneak out?”

“Pretty much.”

“I’m going to need shots.”

“How many?”

“As many as it takes for this to start to sound like a good idea.”

Maxxie winked at me and cracked open the bottle.

3 shots later and I was feeling a nice buzz. I looked in the mirror again. Maxxie was right, I did look perfect. I felt a lot more comfortable with my outfit, even so far as to whine and shimmy in the mirror.

“Alright then Cinderella, the boys are here, they parked down the street. Does that mesh come out of your window?”

“I don’t know… I haven’t tried it yet.”

“Well, we’re about to find out.”

Maxxie rummaged through her bag and then came over and shoved what looked like a bag full of skittles into my cleavage.

“What are you doing?!”

“Think of it as a temporary push up bra. Besides, mine are too small to conceal it.” She said opening my window.

The mesh slid off rather easily and Maxxie indicated for me to go first. I peered over the windowsill, it was quite the drop if I fell… High enough to break bones for sure… maybe my neck… I could feel my hands begin to shake.

“Strap on a pair and get out there Zye.”

I took a deep breath and swung one leg, then the other out of the window and onto the trellis. Slowly and steadily I began to make my way down. The chilly night breeze rustled my hair and raised goosebumps on my arms. Finally, my feet were on the grass of my front yard. I looked up at the trellis, and then at my window. Maxxie was already halfway down, the mesh had been replaced on my window and the window remained ajar. At least I knew how we were getting back in. Maxxie joined me on solid ground, fluffed up my hair and then she and I headed towards an SUV at the end of my street.

“Crank up the confidence cousin. Pop your tits out a bit, yeah like that. We’re going to show these new friends of yours just how hot you really are.” 

------- 

A dark-haired boy with sunglasses on stepped out of the passenger seat of the SUV when we were a few steps away. He opened the back door for us. I was about to get in when he pinned Maxxie against the side of the car and proceeded to suck face with her. I struggled to hide my level of disgust; even though he was gorgeous, the impromptu facial assault was still a bit alarming. The driver’s side door opened and out stepped an identical copy of the first boy. He smiled at me and I felt my cheeks grow warm. 

“Hi, I’m Jack, that’s my brother Finn. You must be Zye.”

“N-n-nice to meet you.” I managed to stammer out. Smooth Zye, real smooth.

He chuckled. “ Hop in the front, we’ll leave them to it in the back.”

I nodded and made my way into the SUV. Jack managed to get Finn and Maxxie to stop making out long enough to get them into the backseat before climbing in the front seat himself. In no more time than it took Jack to start the car, Maxxie was already back on top of Finn. Jack pulled off the curb and we were on our way.

“Don’t mind them, my brother isn’t usually like this. He popped an orange and a red skittle before we got here. He always gets nervous around your cousin.” 

“Skittles did that to him?”

“Did Maxxie not explain skittles to you?”

I shook my head.

“Alright, well, Skittles are a synthetic compound. You get a different trip from each colour, and if you mix colours you’re going to have a fucked up night. Red is passionate lust; orange helps you let loose; yellow makes you euphoric; green makes you a little bit crazy, but in a good way; blue is called the superman effect, pretty much you just feel invincible; purple makes you feel like everyone’s object of desire.”

“That actually sounds like fun to me.”

“It’s always fun watching someone have their first trip. You’re probably going to freak out a bit at first, but then you’ll get used to it. And besides, you can always come and find me, I’ll take good care of you.” He said cheekily. I laughed, feeling more comfortable around him. He winked before turning into the parking lot of a dark, loud building.

“Alright, lovebirds we’re here!” Jack said banging on the roof. 

 The line to get in snaked down to the end of the block.

“You said you got us a hook up to get in right?” Maxxie asked.

“Ya, Thomas is working the door tonight so we shouldn’t have any problems.” Thomas was part of Freddie and Cook’s crew, I’d learned that he always had great connections for a good time.

We pushed past the line of people waiting, strutting like royalty. I saw Thomas standing at the door reading over a checklist.

“Thomas!” I called making my way up to him and waving.

“Ah, Zye you are finally here! Let’s get you inside before you freeze in those clothes! Are these your friends?”

“Yeah, this is my cousin Maxxie and our friends Jack and Finn.”

“Any friend of yours is a friend of ours. Have fun tonight!”

“Thanks, Thomas!” I said kissing him on the cheek. Maxxie was right, the easiest way for me to let loose was to get some shots into me.

“Did you bring anything special?” He leaned over and whispered in my ear.

I smiled and patted my chest. Thomas laughed before unclipping the chain and letting us in.

We ran up the stairs and into the packed club. It was hazy and humid, with multicoloured lights flashing in every direction. They were blaring dubstep and people were flailing their bodies around erratically in ways I had never even seen before. I spotted Cook up by the booth doing shots with the DJ. He spotted me right away. I smiled and waved at him. He whispered something in the DJ’s ear, which caused him to laugh.

“Oi! I have a shoutout for Zye from Cook. He says you’re lookin’ fit tonight and he can’t to see what those Canadian hips can do!” The DJ announced over the music. 

I threw my head back as I laughed. I felt something slide around my waist only to realize that it was Jack’s arm. He smiled at me and I smiled back, still curious about his almost reflexive behaviour.

“Wizzer! You made it!” I saw Pandora come bounding towards me from out of the crowd. “Come help us out! We’re tryin’ to cheer up Freddie, Effie broke up with him again this morning.” Pandora grabbed my hand and led us through the crowd of people to a booth at the back of the club. I could faintly make out everyone’s faces. Freddie sat at the edge of the booth looking rather grim. I plopped down beside him.

“Hey Freddie, I have something that will make everything better!” I reached into my cleavage and pulled out the baggie of skittles. Everyone lit up as I dropped the bag on the table. 

“By the way, this is my cousin Maxxie and her friends Jack and Finn,” I said as they sat down beside me.

“We know Jack and Finn, Zye. We all go way back,” Freddie said as he and Jack did the bro handshake.

We passed around the Ziploc baggie full of skittles and everyone pulled out their cellphones to use the light to be able to see the colours. Everyone popped either one or two.

“Are you going to have some?” Freddie asked me cheekily, popping a yellow one.

“I’m not sure…” I said hesitantly.

“Come on Zye, I’ll even pick for you,” Maxxie said taking the bag from Freddie. She placed a blue and an orange pill in the palm of my hand.

“Are you sure I can handle two? I’ve never even had one.”

“Zye, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” Jack said from beside me. “ We can even take them at the same time.” He said taking a red and an orange pill from the bag.

I nodded nervously. Jack instructed me to put them under my tongue and let them dissolve rather than swallowing, the high would kick in faster that way. Again I nodded placing both pills beneath my tongue. 

Maxxie beamed at me from the end of the booth. “Finally getting on my level, eh Zye?”

I laughed, being careful to keep the pills secured beneath my tongue. I was so nervous, not knowing what to expect. Within seconds the pills had completely dissolved.

“How will I know that they’re working?”

“At first you’ll feel a little buzz in the back of your head, sort of like a sugar rush. And then trust me, you’ll know.” Freddie said with a smile.

“It’s good to see you smile Freds,” I said, allowing my leg to brush against his.

“Do you want to get a drink?” He asked me, resting his hand on my knee.

“Yeah, sure,” I said smiling.

“Hurry back,” Jack said with a wink as Freddie and I stood.

“I’ll be back, don’t worry,” I said with a laugh.

 Once we got past everyone, Freddie took my hand and led me to the bar.

“Two Irish car bombs!” He yelled to the bartender over the noise of the club.

“Hey, Freddie?”

“Yeah?” He said smiling wider at me.

“Do you feel it yet?”

“I’m starting to. Are you feeling it yet?”

“I feel a bit of a buzz in the back of my head…”

“Just wait Zye, this is going to be the best night of your life!” He said placing a hand on the small of my back.

Our drinks came and we chugged them without reserve. As I clunked my glass onto the counter I felt heightened. The music seemed to be coming from inside of me, the lights seemed to be calling me as they flashed in heightened neon tones.

“Hey, Freddie?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m feeling it!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Let’s get fucked up tonight!”

“Oh yeah, you’re definitely feeling it.”

“Freddie! I want to dance!”

Freddie leaned over closer to me, lowering his hand to my hip and nuzzling the side of my neck.

“Do you want to dance with me?”

“Definitely,” I said placing my hand on the nape of his neck. All I could think about was how great it would feel to kiss him right then and there. Maybe it was the drugs. He stood up again, looking down at me with those brown, playful eyes. No, it was definitely just that I thought he was a beautiful man. 

I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and turned to see Cook grinning at me.

“Well Princess, I think you owe me a dance.”

“I was actually just about to dance with Freddie.”

“Aw old Freddie won’t mind, will you Freds? Besides, he’ll come find you when the time is right, won’t you Freddie?”

Freddie gave my hip a squeeze. “ Don’t worry, we’ll have our dance, go dance with Cook. He’ll do you good.” Freddie winked and then headed back to our booth.

Cook bowed and extended his hand towards me. I laughed, I couldn’t picture him being anything other than an ass, but now he was as playful as a child. I took his hand and he led me to the dance floor. 

 The drugs had definitely kicked in now. Everything seemed to be moving faster than before. The bass now felt like it was resonating from somewhere deep inside my soul.  I could feel myself making fluid, calculated movements with my arms and hips. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing but Cook seemed to like it. With a Cheshire cat grin on his face, He bounced around in perfect time to the music, a bottle of beer in one of his hands, still holding my hand with the other.  I threw my head back and couldn’t contain my laughter. Why hadn’t I done this before? I felt like I was on top of the world. Like nothing could touch me. Like no one could hurt me. Like I was invincible.

“Are you havin’ a good time?”

“Best fuckin’ night of my life!”

“That’s what I like to hear!” Cook pulled me closer to him. I felt like I could feel the rhythm of his heartbeat manipulating the air around us. I placed my hand on his chest. I could feel it, his racing heart. I leaned my head on his collarbone and laughed. I felt two hands on my hips and turned to see whom they belonged to.

“Jack!” I said with a big smile, taking one of his hands in mine.

 “Oi, fuck off, can’t you see we’re dancin’?” Cook barked at him, over my shoulder.

“Yeah well, now it’s my turn.” Jack shot back. 

The tension between the two of them was palpable. Whatever this was it went way deeper than dancing with me.

“Cook, it’s okay. I’ll come find you when the time is right.” I said winking at him. 

“If this fucker gives you any trouble, you come and tell me, yeah?” Cook said, taking my face in his hands.

I nodded and then kissed Cook on the cheek. I guess, in his own way, he was kind of sweet.

 Jack led me back to the booth. Everyone except Naomi and Emily had dispersed.

“Are you feeling it yet?” He asked, pulling me into the booth.

“Oh yeah.”

“How does it feel?”

“Amazing!”

Jack laughed at my enthusiasm. 

“I find you quite attractive Zye.”

I laughed. “Awfully forward of you isn’t it Jack?”

“I have a feeling that you also find me attractive.”

“Again, awfully forward aren’t you Jack?”

He laughed. “So does that mean I’m wrong?” He took one of my hands and brushed his lips against my wrist.

“Well, I never said that,” I said brushing my leg against his.

“I want to get to know you.” He said brushing away a stray piece of my dark brown hair.

I smiled and felt my cheeks grow warm again. I slid closer to Jack in the booth. As uninhibited as I felt, I still didn’t kiss him. I felt more inclined to tease his a bit first, I wanted to make him beg. So instead, I crossed my legs and put them on his lap. He stroked the outer part of my thigh with his thumb as we talked. We sat there in the booth, just talking. I was so content I felt like I could just stay there forever. I was comfortable around Jack… he made me feel safe.

“I believe it’s time for my dance.” I heard Freddie’s voice from just behind me.

I turned to him and smiled. Then turned back to Jack. “Jack, do you mind?”

“Not at all, just make sure to return her to me, got it Freds?”

“Yeah, Jack.” He said laughing. 

 I left the booth with Freddie and he took me to the very centre of the dance floor.  Freddie and I began to allow our bodies to match the erratic bass of the song, flailing this way and that, laughing all the while. Suddenly the tempo changed. Freddie and I stopped. The song climax began to blare over the speakers. Freddie and I locked eyes as he made his way closer and closer to me until our bodies were pressed tightly together. I began to undulate my torso and pelvis, Freddie’s body moving completely in sync with mine. He placed his hands on the small of my back, gripping fistfuls of my dress in his hands. I allowed one of my hands to fall on the nape of his neck and I went deeper into my movements. Freddie’s breaths grew deeper. He allowed his forehead to fall and rest on mine. He stared into my eyes and I felt as if he was looking deep into me. I felt completely exposed. I shivered and then smiled. Freddie smiled back. I saw his lips form the words “Can I kiss you?” and I nodded, tingling with anticipation. I let my eyes close, expecting to feel his lips against mine, but instead, I felt him pull away. I opened my eyes to see him looking towards the entrance of the club. I turned to see Effie’s tear-streaked face through the crowd. Freddie left me in an instant and I watched as he ran over to her and lifted her up off of the ground in a spinning kiss. I guessed that they were one of those couples that often “broke up” but were never really broken up. 

I quickly scanned the crowd looking for a familiar face, but couldn’t find a single one. I pushed past Effie and Freddie to the exit, running down the stairs and out into the cold night air. 

[the-easy-lay]

And I love her

Loosely based on and inspired by The Beatles - And I Love Her

I give her all my love

“Roger Meddows Taylor,” Brian whispers, “you are mine.”

Roger smiles, clearly amused. “I know, I know.” There is happiness in the creases of his mouth. There are streaks of golden sunshine in his hair. There is a vast ocean, sometimes so calm, sometimes so turbulent, in his eyes. 

Brian will never cease to be amazed by this beauty.

That’s all I do

He tilts his head. Roger is like a statue in profile. An angel. His angel. Soft pouty lips that he has kissed so many times they’re ripe red. Incredibly blue eyes that can reduce him to a puddle within seconds. Smooth alabaster skin that displays the hickeys he has left very well. He runs a finger across a fresh mark on Roger’s neck. His handiwork. His angel.

“Kiss me again,” Roger laughs. “I like that. I like what you do to me.”

Brian is more than willing to oblige.

And if you saw my love

“Hey blondie. Ya lookin’ hotter than the sun, you know?”

Brian’s hands tightly clench into fists. He can feel blood surging through his veins. The bastard deserves to be punched for catcalling Roger and looking him up and down with hungry eyes.

“No,” Roger says, placing his hand firmly on Brian’s wrist. “I’ve got this.”

Roger turns away from the stranger on the sidewalk and kisses Brian squarely on the mouth. He’s too surprised to return the kiss, but it’s okay, because Roger is doing all the work for him, kissing him senseless. They stand there for almost five minutes in the street. When they pull apart, the stranger is gone. 

Roger smiles triumphantly and takes Brian’s hand, “See what I did there?”

You’d love her too

How can anyone not be mesmerized by those sweet blue eyes? How can anyone not be hypnotized by that soft, husky voice? How can anyone not be moved by the sounds he can generate from his drum kit? How-

“Shhh. Stop. You’re thinking too much again,” Roger walks over and rests his head on Brian’s shoulder. “How can I distract you?”

She gives me everything

“No, you- Roger, you don’t have to do this for me.”

“Why?” Roger asks hotly. “I thought you said you loved me?”

“I do, and that’s why. People will judge. They will hurt you. They’re going to turn your life into a freak show,” his voice trembles. 

“Fuck everybody else. I’ll tell them. I’ll go back to Cornwall and tell my parents. I’ll tell the world.” Roger’s cheeks are pink and his eyes are fiercely bright. “I love you, and nothing shall stop me.”

And tenderly

Another long, frustrating day. The tense creative atmosphere in the studio is nothing compared to this. Hours and hours of entering data into a massive computer, hundreds of errors to correct for each batch of information. He pushes open the door to the empty faculty office, as usual, he’s the last to leave.

Roger is sitting on his desk with his legs dangling playfully on the edge. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Brian’s head is about to explode. His temples are throbbing. He’s too tired to even be pleasantly surprised.

“Oh, come here, now,” Roger frowns, pulls him closer and kisses the top of his head. “This research thing is completely draining you.” Roger gently massages his scalp with soft, skillful fingers. “I know you’re exhausted, darling.” Roger holds him as he collapses, his head in Roger’s lap.

They stay that way for over half an hour. Then Roger coaxes, “Darling, stand up, I’ll get you home, and I’ll order pizza, you don’t even have to cook.”

The kiss my lover brings

Brian is recording the overdriven guitar track for the new song, when Roger gingerly opens the door to the recording booth and walks in. He kisses Brian on the neck, and then on his jawline, and Brian immediately messes up the rhythm, his face bright red.

“Roger! What are you doing?” Freddie yelps. “Not again!”

“Sorry,” Roger casually walks out and shrugs. “I had to.”

She brings to me

“Come with me,” Roger says as he packs his clothes into a duffel bag.

“You want me to come with you to Cornwall to visit your parents?”

“Yeah, I’ve already met yours, and I could show you around town. Nice scenery there.”

“Sure, Roger. I’d love to see where you grew up.”

“Oh, the sea is so blue you won’t even believe your eyes.”

And I love her

Roger sighs tiredly and turns around to face Brian. It has been a busy and exhausting week for them in the studio. And now, when they finally get to take a break, neither of them can sleep.

Brian reaches out to touch Roger’s bare chest. They kiss, but it’s a bland, tasteless kiss. They pull apart and fall back on to the bed. When people are so tired, they usually give up on love. Brian’s throat feels tight.

“I love you,” Brian thinks. “I love you I love you I love you I lo-”

“You don’t have to touch me, you know, for me to know you love me. I can feel it when you’re there,” Roger says quietly.

“Good.”

“And I love you too.”

They lay there in silence until dawn.

A love like ours

“Mmm, you look like an angel. You are an angel. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

“Shut up, Brian, you’re so drunk.”

“You’re the one who got me drunk.”

“Just so we can have drunken sex.”

“Oh, you little devil. Come on, let’s have drunken sex.”

Could never die

“What’s going to happen when we grow old?”

“Hmm, we’ll get a country estate with a huge backyard. You’ll set up your own observatory, I’ll have a garage for my vintage car collection. We can plant trees and raise badgers and foxes. I’ll take you out for long rides on country roads. When it’s raining, we’ll go dancing in the rain. Would you like that?”

“You’re in a poetic mood, aren’t you? I don’t know… what if I die? What if you die? What if I get really sick and old and ugly and tired? Would you still-”

“Who wants to live forever? Who wants to love forever? When love must die.” A tear rolls down Roger’s cheek. “How could you- I never would- Don’t you ever doubt that-”

Brian clumsily holds Roger as he breaks down sobbing, and he ends up in tears himself at the thought of the dreadful later years.

As long as I have you near me

“I don’t even want sex. Like, I like sex, I want it, but it’s not the point when it comes to you. I mean, you could just be here and I’m already fine with that. God, you make me so happy. And so sad. I just don’t care. I know it doesn’t even make sense.”

“No, it does, Roger, it does.”

Bright are the stars that shine

“It’s such a crazy idea, really. Why did I ever agree to come to Tenerife with you? Not that I regret it, though, it’s heaven here,” Roger takes another sip of the fine, red local wine.

“It’s just two months. It’s like a holiday for you, and I get to have you.”

They sit under the night sky on the roof of the observatory. The cool night breeze ruffles their hair. Time and space and mysteries stretch above them. 

“Look at all this beauty,” Brian smiles like a kid, delight dancing in his hazel eyes. “I’m such a lucky man.”

“Yeah, I’ve never seen so many stars in my life. Beautiful indeed.”

“Yes, silly, and also you. Especially you.”

“Then what are you waiting for? Why haven’t you pinned me down already?”

“As you wish,” he giggles and lays Roger down.

Their laughs echo in the mountains as they make love under the stars.

Dark is the sky

Roger comes home to find the flat exactly the same as he has left it that morning. The lights are still on, dirty dishes are still stacked in the sink, the leftover pizza slice he has reheated for Brian for breakfast is still in the plate, untouched. His heart sinks.

“Brian! Brian, where are you? Brian?”

When Roger finds him in their bedroom, Brian is in bed, his blanket going up to his chin. His hair is a wild mess, his eyes slightly red and swollen.

“Oh God, darling, are you ill?” Roger frantically brushes the curly strands of hair off and gently cups his face with both hands. 

“Yes, I think I am,” he says, his eyes not leaving the ceiling. Roger is kissing him, and he can’t really feel Roger’s lips. It’s raining, it’s pouring in his head.

Roger swallows thickly. “I know the sky is dark today.”

Brian nods. He’s on the verge of tears. He wants Roger to go away, because he’s pathetic and he doesn’t even have the energy and willpower to get himself out of bed and he’s probably going to rot here.

“You… you don’t mind if I join you, right? I’ll just, you know, get in,” Roger climbs into bed and gets under the covers. “I’ll stay here with you until the sky gets brighter, yeah. Maybe one day.”

Brian cries into Roger’s shirt until his chest is all wet.

I know this love of mine

“Nice view, isn’t it?”

Brian admires the calm, glimmering sea. “Beautiful. The water’s so blue. But it’s not as blue as your eyes.”

“Yeah, say that to my parents when you meet ‘em. Compliment ‘em on the good genes they have given me. They’ll be so thrilled they might let you marry me.”

“Really? They’d do that?”

“Well, if I want to.”

Brian smiles. “Do you, then?”

Will never die

Brian walks in when Roger is practicing on the drums. “I’m sorry about the other day. The growing old thing. I’ve just figured it out. We’re rock gods, right? So we don’t die.”

“I want to live forever. I want to love forever,” Roger sings.

“We’ll live forever in the songs we made,” Brian bends Roger over on the drum kit and Roger lets go of the sticks when Brian starts kissing him. “We’ll love forever. Forever is our today.”

And I love her

“Brian Harold May,” Roger whispers. “You are mine.”

Author’s Note: I’m writing an author’s note for the first time! This is a special little thing for me, I’ve never written anything like it before. Please let me know what you think about this - the style, the words, the mood, everything. I’m dying to know. So yes if you ever read this, you can just send me a message on anon to tell me what you think. 

Also there’s a bit of Who Wants To Live Forever in the fic as well. And there is no linear storyline, these are just moments in time (some of them are connected, though).

[datingdummies-blog]

Crazy Hot Man Matrix

Here we go men, you created one about us women so now its your turn!  I started this blog sharing the video that created my inspiration.  The crazy hot women matrix of course.  Yes I’m sorry to say ladies, but we are absolutely out of fucking control sometimes.  Even I myself have moments where I am envisioning myself from afar as I watch myself hurdle so far off the cliff and I’m screaming to myself “no” but it’s too late.  The damage and words have been said and the crazy that is within me, has been done.  However with that said I have encountered some equally just as crazy men.  So please stay tuned and read on to find out how the crazy hot man matrix really breaks down.  Also keep in mind us girls have a lot more categories and put you into a bit more of a complex system than what you men tend to put us in.  

So first I should break down the scale itself for you.  We have 1-10 hotness on the bottom and we measure your crazy also from 1-10 that you will view on the side.  

First we have your “oh hell no zone.”  These men rate on a scale from 1-10 crazy and from 1-5 hotness.  These are your men you’re not even remotely physically attracted to and unfortunately for you men with all the dating apps available and swiping capabilities, the days of dating under a 5 are almost completely extinct for both sexes.  If I were you, I’d consider adopting a puppy, maybe even consider a full face lift?  Sometimes men with money are capable of pulling a girl out of his league but really those are the shallow, money hungry bitches and you’re literally buying the most expensive hooker you could find and to top it off she will probably sleep with anyone else but you and still continue to take you for your money.  Your loss boys, you probably missed out on a great girl in your league who would have done all the strange shit you liked and you ended up choosing the blonde girl who owns a new pair of boobs that you just so happened to purchase with your hard earnings.  Congratulations on the upcoming divorce.  She will undoubtedly take half your earnings and possibly even leave the court room hand in hand with the pool boy.  But hey, we all make mistakes right? Better luck next time. 

Now lets get to the logistics of the realistic part of the scale.  So for 9-10 crazy, and 5-10 hot you have your “Danger Will Robinson Zone.”  Don’t even go there.  These men are the men who talk way too often about the option of having a threesome with your mom (which has happened to me), they might have a tear drop tattoo or ten from their time spent in prison where they murdered someone for two juice boxes, a nude picture of one of the jail houses side bitches and a pack of smokes. Please know side bitch probably weighs somewhere heavy on the female matrix as well so this match equals nothing but absolute greatness.  I have also added for mainly comedic value men with serial killer names such as, but not limited to Jason, Freddy, Bill or even lets go as far as when you first meet him and he introduces himself as Leather Face, or Snake possibly even Viper.  I mean come on ladies I shouldn’t even have to mention it but you know you needed to hear it. 

 To finish up the danger zone I have to say that while I’m very nonjudgemental of fetishes, this one might kind of weird me out and is absolutely badge worthy of the danger zone material.  So first let me set the scene on this one.  You’re on a date, (probably someone from tinder) and things are going amazing.  Finally you meet a man who seems normal and sweet!  He even goes on to tell you stories asking at the end of telling them “where have all the good ones gone” while you internally (because we don’t want to scare him off) are screaming “HERE I AM…RIGHT HERE!!”  So in an effort to get to know you better he says lets take this back to my place, you agree and with ease are feeling good about this upcoming Netflix n’ chill moment where you will not be watching Netflix at all.  You head to his place, hopefully following in your own personal vehicle and arrive.  

You meet at the door and he prepares you for what you’re about to embark on.  He says “I have to preface you for what you’re about to see.  I am a sentimental man, and I have things that mean a lot to me that others might find odd.”  He opens the door and you are greeted with what seems like millions (truthfully maybe he only has 125.2 the point 2 comes from damaged) stuffed animals.  At first your mind will try and make excuses for this.  However digging deeper into this plushophilia world you notice holes.  Holes in places you wouldn’t imagine there would be holes in.  He now goes on to tell you he is what is known as a “yiff”.  Which for those of you not hip to the lingo, is a term in the furry fandom world that is short for having sex and enjoying porn and his beloved stuffed animals are center stage.  I mean do I even need to say the phrase?  The man is a fricken shit show, please run.  

The next category is 8-7 on the crazy zone and he’s a 5-7 hot.  This is your classic “he turned creeper on me” zone.  I feel this one might be self explanatory but lets go on to further discuss this zone in more depth.  There do happen to be different varieties of creepers.  One of which is the mild creeper.  He may be the guy who personally locks your door while looking at you in the eyes and says its for your safety.  Your head is saying he might rape me tonight.  Follow that gut girl, he’s weird.  Also please men, don’t hand feed us anything unless we know you and really like you.  It’s super weird.  Near creeper status,  which is why those have made the mild creeper list.  Being real though for two seconds because I’m incapable of being real much longer,  being creepy is more of a personal feeling women get. This girl has a discomfort or awkwardness when it comes to you and if you have hit this zone you should stop hard in your tracks.  You don’t have a prayer.  However the next woman that comes along might think you’re outrageously charming.  You just never know.  The last part of this part of the scale is the hot creeper.  I wish his name meant he was super hot and you didn’t see the crazy coming. But thats certainly not true.  He measures at the top of this scale because he did something that really weirded you out.  Guys you can do this simply by mass texting paragraphs of texts when she isn’t responding.  This is such a turn off for women.  If she isn’t texting back cease all texting to her.  I guarantee if you present her with a challenge you will go much further with her.  Don’t ever beg, if you ever get here you have lost her. She’s telling her friends as we speak that you’re a straight creeper.  Lastly, if you text her and she didn’t give you her number we have a couple of problems here.  You can probably understand why.  

Alright moving on, we have a 4-6 on the crazy scale, and a 5-7 hot.  This is your “maybe pile zone.” These guys are the men who have proclaimed there love to you or just not entertained you enough for them to care for you on a daily basis.  Men she entertains the thought of you, but she’s not wild about you.  If she was you’d certainly know it.  These are your tinder guys you have yet to meet but have talked to several times, your men who didn’t wow you on that first date but you’d maybe give them a second date if you got bored enough and lastly  the ones that just aren’t what you’re looking for but might be ok for one night.  This category also catches the men that you’re just not sure about in general.  Men please know you can move from this zone to any of the other upper categories.  You still have a chance.  She hasn’t put the negative label of creeper, danger or no go on you yet.  This is when you need to put some effort in.  This is also when men talk about women being hard to understand.  Were only hard to understand because we have put you in the I’m gonna mind fuck the shit out of him, maybe pile. Which is not meant to hurt you, it just means we don’t even freaking know.  Juries out on you, please do your best not to go the opposite way with this one  as its far to easy to turn into one of the men listed in the  negative zones. I believe in you, and have faith in you, just step it up and show your worth and you’ll be fine.  

A 1-4 crazy and a 5-7 hot this is our classic “Sorry Not Sorry Friend Zone”  Its very, very hard to move from this spot.  Women are pretty good at keeping you here if she’s classified you as a friend.  Know that you are probably sitting pretty here in this zone, I personally envision you drinking some virgin margarita while chilling with your white t-shirt and shorts on while she plays in her bikini in the water with the guy that took his shirt off and offered to pick her up and play chicken with the neighboring couple.  

Make some moves man, grow some balls.  You need to kiss a woman within the first or second date.  Any further you have indefinitely been classified as a friend, also when she asks you to a lunch date on date one or two or when she pays her own tab you have been friend zoned.  Im sorry, not sorry.  You can absolutely move from this zone, but its insanely hard if you have been put there, to get out  Stranger and more awesome things have happened though.  

 Next were moving on to the hotter type guys, we start with the 9-10 hotness but he’s a 7-8 on the crazy scale.  This is your “Im just here for a good time zone.”  You will not be marrying this guy.  You fully know going into it already he’s not meant to be in your life or long term guy.  He’s the good time boy, and you’re all about that good time.  This is your fear of commitment men, one night stands, your peter pans (the guy who doesn’t grow up for those that haven’t read my earlier blogs), the guy you met in the bar that one time, the guy that texts you on occasion and frankly just anyone you wouldn’t want to introduce your family or friends to. Again, this man can move out of this zone but if the woman feels that thats all he is or ever was or will be, he will most likely remain right there.  Its safe and comfortable for everyone involved. You’re not here for a long time, just a good time as the song states and sums up this part of the blog perfectly. 

Next we have our once again 9-10 hot, and our 6-7 on the crazy scale.  This is “Hey, were dating now zone”  We will and want to introduce these men to our parents, friends and possibly even kids if it gets serious enough.  You see a future with this man indefinitely and he has proven to have husband like qualities you could see being with for awhile.  You have fun when you’re together and fight rarely when apart.  You’re crazy about him, and he’s crazy about you. Putting this in more vulgar terms which just so happens to be one of my favorite ways to put things, this is the person you see sleeping with for a long time!  He satifys you sexually, mentally and emotionally.  You feel whole.  He’s also even grown to be a good friend of yours and someone you have built some trust into.  Sometimes you get your good time boy and hey were dating now zone guy twisted.  Its not your fault, one person just thought more of what it was than the other person.   Move on to the next hoping he will remain on the same page as you.  

We are still in the 9-10 hot category and this man weighs a easy 5-6 on the crazy scale.  This is the “he actually put a ring on it zone.”  He found you so charming and beautiful and the full package so much so that he decided he wanted all you had to offer enough to last him a lifetime.  He could have also knocked you up and now feels “its the right thing to do” regardless you got the ring.  These men have turned full domestic on you.  He does dishes, makes you sandwiches and even takes your temperature rectally when he thinks you have a fever and you feel fine.  Ok yeah, I went to far with that one.  But really you’ve got yourself a man who doesn’t drive you entirely crazy, he’s sweet, cares and loves you and wants to try this being with one human for a lifetime thing.  You’re a lucky woman to find him and I’d keep him safe if I were you.  Lots of women kill for the guy who even thinks or makes that plunge saying he would want to be with one woman his entire life.  Even if that woman is not her.  

Remaining in the 9-10 hot area, but this one rates a 3-5 crazy on the scale.  This my friends, is your “Pegasus Zone.”  This is your man who doesn’t actually exist.  He feels for you emotionally, without being too sensitive. He cares for his body and doesn’t ever let himself go or grow a beer gut.  He is ready to go when you are, for all of your sexual needs. Lets not kid ourselves either, have you seen the package on a pegasus?  He as well enjoys oral.  He draws you baths when you’ve had a hard day, even lights candles and offers massages and doesn’t expect sex afterward unless,  of course you’re game.  This man is your pegasus and earns his name by being so unbelievably in tune with your needs that you wonder if he’s even real.  Please much like the unicorn, study him, catch him, replicate him, and feed him plenty of bacon to keep him alive and happy.  Don’t let this one go, you’ll never find another.  He is rare.  

I know you’re ready for the finale here, lets wrap this puppy up and put a bow on it with the last and final category.  This is your 9-10 hot, and you’re 1-2 crazy.  He measures 1-2 mostly because you understand him so well.  You know his ins and outs and you know how to please him emotionally and mentally.  Mostly because its what you’d like someone to do for you.  You have caught yourself a true blue, no doubts about it gay man!  He in tune with you as much as you are in tune with him.  Congratulations honestly, I have said several times I could totally be game to outsource my sexual needs and raise a cute little family with a stud like hot gay man.   People would awe at us as we walked by, our family pictures would be on point because he’s fabulously awesome and fierce.  He understands your needs and grants you time to outsource your sexual desires of course you need to keep it on the down low because we don’t want to alarm the children.  You will have to also understand his needs for someone who isn’t you, and its not you because you have a vagina.  Regardless, you will go home that night, watch a chick flick and fall asleep with your head on his shoulder in heavenly matrimony.  Its not realistic but sure is sweet to think about isn’t it ladies?

That wraps this up, however I must state that just because I am the author of this piece doesn’t exactly mean I agree with everything said here.  Again its mostly like the original, was only meant for comedic value, not to hurt or harm anyone.  I also leave you women with the advice that when classifying the 9-10 hot on this scale please know that could mean he started as the 6 or 7 to you and made his way to your 9-10 on the hot scale.  The hottest men are not always the 9 or 10 on this scale. He changes your views by having an amazing personality or a sense of humor a woman would die to have in her life daily.  Men when I talk about hotness it doesn’t necessarily mean physically, it means the full package.  Mentally, Physically and Emotionally.  Now you may continue your regular daily life knowing the world is at balance again.  

[archtroop]

“Bloodlines” rant

What could've made at least an "OKminus" MOTW EP, or "they ruined a relatively OKminus plot/setting" or, this episode is practically irremediable on purpose:

CON No 00: The fridging alone is... well, is fridging... and zero credibility in the death scene of the fridge-ee. Concussion, sure. Death?.... riiight. CON No1. The monsters should have called each other by their respective family names, or used some slang, instead of: SAL: You werewolves. You're so special, when really you're just sons of bitches. LAAAAMEEEE. You set up this secret VIP MONSTER bar, the bartender who has a snake's tongue, common, you can do better with the dialogue! Who hired u???? Like, maybe something more along the "You weres think you are so special, when really you're just sons of bitches/puppies with enlarged egos." what 'm saying is that huh huh you wanted to make a "your mama" joke. suuuuure. work harder. PRO No1. A bit of an OutsiderPOV of Sam & Dean, which always refreshing and fun: DEAN: Listen, uh, Detective... Your, uh, perp fits a certain profile. Now, I could go into detail, but I'm -- I'm not going to.

Plus, Dean receives some of his own dose of snark and gets called "Buffy". Which was a long time coming. Also - interesting take on pure-blood monsters/generational rather then "made". (even though there are oodles of discrepancies with this ep and the series' mythology from the get go, but hey, class variety could happen. I don't judge. It can be all sorts, a cousin of an outshoot of a genetic divergence or whatever. WORK HARDER.) Also the idea of how big-city monsters would operate. All the evil on Supernatural is pretty much centralized on the outskirts of wherever, "Evil haunts little town America" trope or whatever its name is. I could get behind the idea of Chicago freak monster Mafia. And yet, the banality of the execution excruciatingly lacks credibility. WORK HARDER. CON No2: see CON No1: MARGO: Tell the ghouls, the Djinn, and whoever I run this family now. So they can either back us, or I'll bend 'em over, jam a .45 elbow deep, and empty the damn clip. ....what....? who the fuck would talk like that in a secret society/wizarding world? It's like going around referencing people on the street by race. Hey Dabb? that's racist. "Tell the Negroids, the Aryans, and whoever I run this family now..." See?.... I mean, sure the hunter community would be racist about all the crits, but between themselves? I highly doubt it. Derogatory? yes. Anthropologically-laconically though?.... Common. -86% in credibility. CON No.3 Characters traced out of pedigreed stencils. Poorly. Margo femme-fatal power-hungry daddy is dying I'm taking over? whoa how new and unpredictable -_-; David, the lost son who came back, the protege... very ... yawn. Violet the bitch of the pack. Like you can go lower then that as a young woman in a stiff patriarchal household - how.... not interesting. It's like the network/writers opened TVTropes and hit the dice button, thoroughly and deliberately choosing the most generic character tropes out there. The archaic, boring, crammed to thin character types. WHY why WhYYY. Pro No.2 Inter-species romance. It has its charm, I get that. But, the way it is played... I dunno, reverse their roles or something. SOMETHING. How the fuck you give me a white goody-good boy and an even whiter damsel in distress goody-good girl and... that's your crux?....Sure, label them shapeshifter and a werewolfette, oh, sorry, the "bitch".. and you are still giving me BLAND SOUP. How did you af this up. Some talent for screwing stuff up or what? CON No.4: Violet on wires in slow motion. Just NOPeee. BAD. bleh. And what's up with the sewers dwelling cartoon villain?... what show is this? Even as backdoor-pilot, what the fuck...? All in all the most gratifying moment in the episode was Ennis shooting the killer. Which only makes it sadder, sense the so called villain was engulfed in grief and vengeance, good old vengeance, which is such a huge plot device on Supernatural, here is just a bald craftsman Freddie Krueger. How the mighty have fallen. No closure for him, no feelings. Just a paper cutout to shoot. Antagonists with even less to fuel them had some closure on the show. Some meaning. This guy doesn't even get a name. A nickname. I dunno, something. He must've been a great smith at least for making those claws. Where did he come up with the knowledge? Somethingggg. With so much irrelevant exposition, the ep fails tremendously to give anything to chew on. No loose ends. Interest. It has no flesh to act as a backdoor pilot (assuming the plot was even near non-yawny). It could have been a standalone, if there was at least some effort put in it. Even the mirroring it blatantly laughable: Sal, little brother to David? sheesh who knew. In the end, Ennis's resolve and "hero camera shot" are just not strong enough. Or at all. The ending is cartoonish at best, and if, well, maybe, they went with it all along - 60's comic-type thing, cliches and all, it may have been a "something".

Thy had some random sparks piled up and shat on. SHAME ON YOUR COW.