#don’t worry gang I’m a commie now

[acabraham]

Apparently someone filmed gay porn in a senate hearing chamber… GodIWishThatWereMe.png…

[percontaion-points]

OVE chapters 21 & 22

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 21

 Suffice it to say, after Tyler’s arson…

[...]

Who was the one whispering into her father’s ear?

I’m sorry, but did this fuckwit seriously ask who was whispering into her dad’s ear? DO YOU EVEN FUCKING HAVE TO ASK?!

IT IS THE ONE WHO FUCKING UPPED THE ANTE AND BURNED A CHILD ALIVE IN FRONT OF HUNDREDS OF WITNESSES. 

So what wasn’t she seeingm now?

This isn’t my typo; this was the fucking published book. What the hell. 

I WOULD ASK WHERE THE EDITOR WAS, BUT I THINK WE ALL KNOW THAT THERE WAS NONE. 

Juliette shot him a warning glare as she walked to the door, but Marshall only grinned. “Goodbye, you menace.”

Chapter 21 summary: A week after Tyler’s attack, and things went to hell in a handbasket. Juliette has been trying to contact all of the hotels to ask if a guest has been making too much noise and leaving too big of a mess, but is getting nowhere. What’s worse (in her opinion) is that Roma has been ignoring all of her messages. 

She confesses to Kathleen that she feels like there should have been another attack, and the fact that there have only been 2 is worrying to her. Kathleen reminds her that this person is after money, not to spread fear like Paul wanted. 

Juliette goes into her father’s office, to find a nationalist and Tyler. Apparently, they finished the vaccination, and Tyler is jumping on the opportunity for them to make bank from this. Juliette chides the government official by shaming him about letting people in his city suffer, but the man doesn’t give a shit. The guy legit thinks that charging people to not die from this unnatural plague is somehow going to stop the communists from winning. (No, I don’t follow that logic, either.) 

Juliette reports back to Kathleen what the man told her: that the white flowers aligned themselves with the commies. Kathleen goes to make a call, and when she comes back, she says that it’s partially true. That it’s not Lord and Roma, but rather, a sect that’s pulling further and further away from the whites by the day. Juliette thinks that this is the commie attempts to get rid of both gangs, and then to weaken the Nationalists. Katleen encourages Juliette to… literally not. 

Then Kathleen mentions Rose’s secret boyfriend. It’s obvious that Juliette doesn’t give a shit about it, so I don’t care, either. 

Juliette goes to Marshall, to ask about the white’s relationship with communists. He explains to her that most of the whites are refugees who fled from the reign of terror that came down upon Russia… which is way too much Russian political history in a book about Chinese political history wrapped up in a disguise as supernatural Romeo and Juliette. He continues on to tell Juliette about the government official her father had been meeting with. That he’s like a dog who won’t release a bone, so good luck getting the vaccination to the city. Before she leaves again, she tells him to stay inside. 

Chapter 22

And all in one breath, Rosalind said, “Because he’s associated with the White Flowers, okay?”

Look, this book barely gives a shit about the main Romeo and Juliette subplot. It really doesn’t have time for a SECOND one with a character that the book also doesn’t give a shit about. 

Without waiting for an answer, Juliette hauled Alisa by the arm and took off.

Chapter 22 summary: Juliette rushes back to help accompany her mother to the woman’s temple. In there, Juliette confronts Rose about the rumors that she has a boyfriend. Rose confesses that her boyfriend is a White Flower. She insists that she’s convincing him to leave the whites, but somehow I doubt that things are going to work out for her. 

Juliette watches as her mother meets with a client. This probably will be important, but Juliette doesn’t give a shit. She mulls over the plot instead, which is maddening because she adds nothing to it. 

As she looks around the temple some more, she sees Alisa sitting in the back corner, reading a book. The young girl tells Juliette she had hoped that nobody would mind since she was in a temple. She goes on to say that everybody is gathered for the funeral, and Juliette panics, knowing that the procession would lead them right past where they are… Where Tyler is waiting for them to come out. 

Juliette runs out, only to find Tyler locked in battle with an unnamed white. She herself is then cornered by both Roma and Demetri. This amounts to nothing before Juliette randomly grabs Alisa– who had followed Juliette out– and takes off. 

[lucarioisinthevoid]

Heyooo! Does the gang ever have sleepovers or something! I imagine they play those creepy games, like ‘Light As Feathers Stiff As Board’ or ‘Bloody Mary! Oh! And they could do each other’s nails and makeup!

Hah, reminds me of a thing a friend told me, where they dreamed that they were Mike and having a sleepover with all the guards. Good times. Mike doesn’t get to put on nail polish. He’ll lick it off to attempt suicide. Jeremy doesn’t want any either, because he will gnaw it off. But he wants little bows and other fun hair stuff, he thinks that is fun! Polish Phone Guy’s head. It’ll last longer on there anyways and more space for cool patterns. They’ll have a lot of fun, except it will be incredibly stressful, because it’s like keeping five cats in a bag for a whole night. Mike never really sleeps, not with so many people around. The sleepover happens inside of the pizzeria, because Dave said either at HIS home or in the pizzeria and everyone agreed the pizzeria was safer- I mean, more spacious. They kept only the party lights on, and the animatronics locked up. At least until they managed to break out and a wild-goose chase started, including multiple last stands, declarations of wars and salt circles. At the end, the animatronic won the final battle of tic-tac-toe (incredibly work by Chica the mastermind) and now they were allowed inside of the sleepover too- Which meant no further swearing for everyone except Mike, who had the bitch-pass, like he always did. Ah, the benefit of being a virgin. You get to swear in front of ghosts! And capture unicorns, but we don’t let Mike near unicorns anymore after the last time resulted in the evacuation of the entire city. Back to the topic, you can rest assured that everyone WILL play the dumbest games, solely to keep Dave and Old Sport appeased. They do great things!

… LIKE REALIZING EVERYONE IS WEARING VERY STUPID SLEEPING WEAR! “Where’s ya sleepin’ stuff, Mikey?! Come on, me ‘n Sportsy brought our matching bear-bunny onesies, and you have NOTHIN’?!” “Usually I sleep fucking naked.” Old Sport grinned. “… well then, we’re waiting-“ “I can fucking break you.” The verdict of both the psychopaths was in. “Sexy!” Jeremy was way too distracted to listen to them though. “THERE ARE FREDBEAR ONESIES!? CAN I HAVE ONE!? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE-“ Simon laid on the ground, staring at the ceiling, charging. He wouldn’t close his dial all night. “… they uh- were discontinued because the dye they used was tox-“ “WE’LL GET YA ONE, JERRY! DON’T ‘CHA WORRY!” … LIKE PLAYING SILLY PRANKS! “Phoney, help us bake! WE WANT A PIZZA!” “Uh- what do you need ME for?” “HOW NICE OF YA TO OFFER! First, please open that can of melt-cheese!” “… it’s warm.” “DON’T WORRY ABOUT THAT.” “I’m, uh- I’m not touching it. You probably have already molten the cheese inside, d-do you know how HARD it is to get that out of a phone?!” “WELP, TOO BAD, WE CARBONATED THE CHEESE BEFORE RESEALING WITH GLUE!” At that the thing exploded, coating everyone in cheese. “Worst night of my life…” Distraught Jeremy looked at them, while the other two were laughing. “O-oh man- sir, should I get I some water-“ Mike hissed. “No worries, I fucking got it.” “MIKE NO-“ With that he proceeded to touch the stove, putting it on fire and setting off the sprinklers, drenching everyone. … LIKE PLAYING STUPID GAMES! “Okay, everyfuckingone, listen up. I prepared a scavenger hunt. The reward is a fucking nifty thing, so you better work hard. It may or may not be a gun.” Excited Alice, who was gaining power with every miserable hour the guards spend, jumped around. Joining had been a good idea. Jeremy was concerned. “A- a gun…? Mike, you- you know that would be pretty dangerous-“ “DID I SAY “MAY OR MAY NOT” OR NOT?” “Geez, sorry.” “Great. So, everyone, the hints are hidden all around the restaurant and EVERYTHING could be a hint. If you tell me the right code- whatever that will be- I’ll give you a hint where the next one is. The first to find the X wins. First hint: Party hats. FUCKING READY, FUCKING SET, FUCKING GO!” Everyone rushed off, even the animatronics, leaving only Mike and Simon behind. “Did you, uh- did you really set that all up…?” “Nope.” Together they observed everyone rushing about. … AND WINNING STUPID PRICES! Everyone was cowering together in a corner, as the little Minireena pointed the dangerously dull plastic knife at them. In front of them Mike, looking like a feral animal. “YOU FUCKING CHEATED. THERE NEVER WAS AN X. THERE IS NO PRICE!” Alice tapped her chin, then giggled. Tired and confused Simon sighed. “What… what did she say…?” “That her price will be that we all design her a new dress, each of us one- or she will cut us into pieces.” “But that’s- that’s a plastic knife.” Slowly Alice’s head turned, creaking unnaturally loud for such a small machine. “… she says that’s the reason should make you way, WAY more afraid.” … LIKE WINNING THE DARWIN AWARD! Phone Guy had only left for ten minutes at most to get some ice and some non-descript carbon drink that you can’t prove is a brand name, so don’t even try to get me sued- He walked back into the main area, carefully watching his tablet so nothing would accidentally spill over, but when he looked up for a moment he almost dropped it all. Mike, Old Sport and Dave were standing together, roughly 500 rubberbands tied together, leading to two chairs that where weighted down by endo scraps. On the other side where all the animatronics, Freddy in front, Chica, Bonnie and Foxy right behind him in a line, with determined expressions on the faces. “WHAT THE EVERLOVING H-H-H-HECK IS GOING ON HERE!?” “SLINGSHOT BOWLING!” Old Sport screamed back, clearly excited. “MIKEY IS GOING TO CRUSH THESE ANIMATRONICS WITH HIS HEAD ALONE!” “ONE OF US IS GOING TO FUCKING DIE TONIGHT.” “M-MIKE! WHY DID YOU AGREE TO THIS- TO THIS- TO THIS- MADNESS!?!” “Madness…?” Old Sport started, but Mike shook his head and interrupted him. “FUCK YOU. IF I WANT TO GET SLINGSHOTTED AT MACH SPEED THROUGH THE ESTABLISHMENT I’LL DO IT. YOU’RE NOT MY FUCKING DAD!” “Don’t worry chief.” Freddy responded calmly, his eyes firmly on the other guard. “That hollow-headed guard won’t even put one scratch on us.” Frustrated that his meme had been interrupted, the Orange Man groaned. “… this is Sparta. Great. You guys ruined it.” Letting go of the slingshot, they propelled Mike forward with a speed that could kill multiple men. Depending on where they stood. … like learning how cruel and heartless war is and how nobody wins a war truly, the words of glory and bravery were lies that THEY used to capture young, innocent minds, to chew them up and spit them out without any pity for the lost and traumatized- Mike pressed his back against the wall, sweat running down his brow and his body breathing for oxygen- but he wouldn’t allow himself to pant, he couldn’t, they were listening- There were muffled sounds of pillows and flip-flops being thrown and the guard winced as he heard a cry. All he could do was pray, pray that their fort hadn’t been broken- No, he couldn’t hesitate any longer. Rushing back in, he dodged the projectiles instantly hurdled at him, before diving behind the protective walls of his pillow fort. “Status?” Hoarse he asked Phone Guy who was lying beside him, looking out of a little gap. “They’re getting more and more aggressive. Our walls will not long stand like this. Did you get the secret weapon?” Dropping a few bottles of carbonated juice and mentos, he grinned, manically. Yet still, part of Phoney’s heart hesitated. “… does it really have to come to this? Is that what is left of our humanity? We will never be able to forget this night, Mike. Neither you nor me. We will lay awake at night, thinking about this, thinking about the cries… do you want to add this to-“ With that he forcefully was grabbed by the collar and pulled closer, almost touching Mike’s nose. “You better fucking listen to me, Si. Out there-“ He pointed out. “You’ve been my boss. My chef. You told me what to do and what to say. You had some authority. But now? Now you’re a NOBODY. Now everything that matters is if you can DO what is necessary or NOT. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT DECIDES THIS WAR, DO YOU HEAR ME?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO US? HOW MUCH LONGER DO YOU WANT THIS HELL TO GO ON!? UNTIL EVERYTHING OUT THERE IS A WASTELAND?! UNTIL NOTHING IS LEFT ASIDE FROM DISPLACED PILLOWS AND THE STENCH OF DEATH!? IF YOU WON’T GIVE YOUR FUCKING GO-AHEAD, FINE. I WILL DO IT ANWAYS, I WILL SAFE US- AT WHATEVER COST THAT MAY BE!” For a second it was silent, then Phone Guy finally slowly nodded. “… okay Mike. If we-“ Interrupted by a call from another ford both of them snapped up. Orange Guy’s evil tone was already bad enough, but his words were unbearable. “GIVE UP, YOU ALL HAVE LOST! WE WARLORDS HAVE AQUIRED THE ULTIMATE WEAPON- WE HAVE SODA AND WE HAVE MENTOS. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO GIVE UP… OR THIS WILL BE YOUR END.” Instantly Mike’s eyes widened and he sat up, hatefully hissing. “NOT SO FUCKING FAST! WE TOO HAVE MENTOS AND SODA AND WE WILL RETALIATE WITH IT ALL! IF YOU USE THIS WEAPON, NOBODY WILL BE LEFT, I SWEAR TO GOD!” Dave cried out in hatred and anguish. “MIKE! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US! YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON I EXPECTED TO BE A FUCKING COMMIE, HOW DARE YOU BETRAY ME-“ “WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK DO YOU EVEN MEAN, I’M FUCKING SERIOUS, WHO DROPPED YOU AS A BABY AND WHY DIDN’T YOU STAY DEAD-“ The war was eventually won… but at what cost? Changed my mind, them having a sleepover is a terrible idea and is illegal from now on. Never again.

[water-hates-learning]

nobody knew (and nobody knows)

Crossover with The Magnus Archives podcast because this idea has been bothering me for a while now so I finally just wrote it. Whatever. Not my best work.

Mild spoilers for the end of S1 of The Magnus Archives. Takes place after episodes 39/40 of the podcast. Also contains headcanons, lots of swearing, and the implication that the main EW boys don’t follow the standard laws of time and space. Post The End EW time.

In other words, this is bullshit.

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"Case number zero-one-one—"

“Six-six-six.”

“Mr. Ritehill, please.”

“Whatever.”

“Statement of Thomas Ritehill, regarding an…unusual trip taken by himself and his companions in January 2007. Statement—” 

“And the shit in 2014.”

“[sigh] Regarding the trip in January 2007 as well as the disturbances on 31st December, 2014. Statement taken direct from subject, 14th November 2016. Interview conducted by Johnathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. Before you begin—why are you just now giving a statement?”

“’Cause a bunch of shit went down and somebody needs to hear about it. M’friends don’t wanna talk about it. And if I have to sit on this bullshit by myself anymore I’ll explode.”

“Right. Erm. Statement begins.”

“…now?”

“Yes, now.”

“[mumbling]…can’ believe you’re using a damn tape recorder…what year is this…[sounds of container being unscrewed]”

“Mr. Ritehill—”

“Call me Tom, god. And let a man have his damn vodka. Holy shitake on a sled, lemme just. Fuck. Okay. So, back in 2007, the four of us were bored, right, and Tord—this is when that commie fuck still lived with us—Tord—”

“Full names, please.”

“Christ, okay. Tord Lesion said we should go to Hell. So we did. Just the tourist route, ya know, got to see our personal hells and shit. Won’t bore you with the details. So yeah, me, Tord Lesion, Edd Golding, and Matt Harvice took an elevator to Hell, had a good time, got some souvenirs, and came back. Whatever.

’Cept when we were leaving the…the devil holding the door for the exit said they’d see me in six months. And it was like, haha, mate, yeah, sure, whatever, funny joke. I didn’t mention it to the guys and I didn’t think about it again. Couple months later, Edd’s digging a hole in the back garden and comes up with this door all covered in symbols ‘n stuff. And we’re all a buncha dumbasses so we go down it. Deal with some Indiana Jones traps, beat off a killer mummy, find a mysterious treasure box—you know the drill. So Tord opens the box and then…I dunno. Everything went dark.

If you ask any of the other three, they’d probably just tell you that I was unconscious. They said there was nothin’ in the treasure chest but I’m pretty sure the jackasses kept it for themselves and didn’t tell me. Probably for the best; I just woulda spent it on alcohol.

Anyway, from my perspective, we fell down a hole. When Tord opened the box, the floor dropped out from underneath us and we fell into darkness. I couldn’t see or hear the others, I was just falling in darkness. Or maybe floating. I dunno. Kinda…felt like forever and no time at all. I know that doesn’t make sense but you lot probably hear shit like that all the time. So I’m floating there and it’s dark, pitch black, but I can still see my hands in front of my face, like there’s a light shining only on me but there isn’t a light. Kinda like how someone looks when they stand in front of a black backdrop; the background’s all dark but they’re, like, normally lit or whatever.

And I wasn’t really scared ‘cause it’s not the weirdest thing that’s happened to me. I was just kind of waiting for something to happen. Because something always happens.

Didn’t have to wait long.

I felt something slide its hands around my neck from behind, felt its fingers on my windpipe, its thumbs at the base of my skull. I kind of expected it to be cold, like icy or something. But they were hot, like someone with a fever, uncomfortable. Made my skin prickle. It said…something. Couldn’t tell you what it was now, only have the vaguest sensation of—of a voice, talking to me, right in my ear, hot breath on my skin. I kept thinking I could see it moving out of the corner of my eye but if I tried to turn my head to look, it would start squeezing my neck until it had cut off my air supply.

Sometimes I think I can remember that it had promised me things. Sometimes I think it might have said something about a fight or a war or something. A lot of the time I pretend the whole thing was because I was blackout drunk. But I know that last bit’s not true because I hadn’t been drinking that night. And I wasn’t too worried because, I mean, weird stuff happens to the four of us all the time, stuff that no one even remembers. We’ve been through…three? Zombie apocalypses now? Hell, Matt’s led one of them. All of us have died and come back to life. And—and the thing is, right, the thing is that no one else remembers it. I’m pretty sure there’s stuff that’s happened that we don’t even remember. Tord said somethin’ once about crossing time lines or some shit but I dunno about any of the string theory, philosophical bullshit.

All I know for sure is, that night, in the black that wasn’t dark, with this thing’s hands around my neck, a demon crawled inside me.

A demon crawled inside me and it lives there and it’s so. Fuckin’ angry. Or maybe I’m angry. I don’t know for sure anymore, it’s been too long.

But—[container unscrews, long pause]—mm, anyway. The thing with its hands on my throat somehow—it somehow pries my mouth open. Gets its fingers between my teeth and wrenches my jaw apart so hard it aches. And then there’s this…this purple thing. It looks darker than the black but it’s purple and maybe that’s just because it’s beyond human comprehension or some shit. Hell if I know. It got closer and closer and for the first time in there I was scared. I was fucking scared and I thought—I don’t know what I thought, all I remember for sure is this—this blinding panic. This kind of raw, mind-numbing terror that made my heart beat so hard it hurt and it was hard to breathe and all I could hear was this rushing sound in my ears as this—this cloudy purple thing got closer and closer. I tried to get away but I couldn’t move, I could only sit there and watch.

And it—it…it just…”

“Mr. Ri—sorry. Tom. Do you need a break? We can take a moment to—”

“No. If I don’t…if I don’t say it now—if I leave this room—I’m not comin’ back. And I gotta get this out. [a deep breath, let out slowly] Just…remembering it now…it still scares the shit outta me.

So this cloud thing…it…crawls inside my mouth. And I can feel it. It tastes like…like how ash smells? Or maybe like someone filled my mouth with ash. And embers. Because it was hot and it didn’t exactly burn, it was just—like that moment when you drink some coffee and it’s still hot but not so hot you burn your tongue but still hot enough you gotta sip it. You know what I mean?

And I can feel it s-sort of wr-wriggling…wriggling and squirming to get inside me and I’m t-trying to push it out with my tongue or—or close my mouth or something. Anything to keep this thing out. B-but it keeps flopping around and pushing itself inside my and I’m—I’m ch-choking on it, gagging, and I think I was crying and trying to scream and this thing—[gagging sound]”

“Tom—”

“N-no, no, stop, shut up, let me just—finish. Okay? Don’t! Don’t fuckin’ touch me! I’m fine! Just let me give my damn statement and get out of this place. It smells like death in here.”

“I…I apologize. Please continue.”

“It went down my throat. I could feel it sliding down my throat, feel it under the fingers of that thing that still held my mouth open. It was lighter than candyfloss but I felt it like I’d swallowed a chunk of bread without chewing it enough. It was gross and it was horrible and it was terrifying and I don’t think I’d wish it on anyone. Even that bastard Tord.

And then it was just…done. The hands were gone, the cloud thing was gone, and I was laying on the couch in our sitting room, gasping at the ceiling. Edd was the only one in there, watching the telly. Said he was too tired to carry to my room and then laughed at me for passing out. Maybe I shoulda said something then, should have told him what had just happened, what I’d seen. But I didn’t. Instead I ran to the bathroom and threw up. And it just never came up again, never had a reason to say anything. I kept getting distracted by things.

I didn’t know what had happened until the end of December, in 2014.

You remember that year? It was really wet. Kept raining but we hardly got any snow. Freezing cold but just…no snow, not really, nothing that really stuck.

Anyway, Edd had been on the roof fixing the satellite dish during a rainstorm. He ended up having another dick measuring contest with one of our neighbors, Eduardo. Um, I dunno his last name, actually. Var…something. Var…there was an “L” in there somewhere. Sorry. Can’t remember. Eduardo had this, like, “alien” satellite or something and I guess it was radioactive or whatever. Anyway, he and Edd both ended up with superpowers for 24 hours and I can see by the look on your face that you think I’m takin’ the piss and I swear to fuck I am not. You can look up the incident report yourself, probably. But I bet the coppers only wrote something about property damage due to gang violence or some bullshit. Might be pictures our there somewhere but I dunno how to find them. I’m afraid I’d see myself if I did.

So Eduardo punched me, like, three blocks. Should have killed me. Instead it just…it felt like something clicked into place. And I remembered that demon that had shoved its way down my throat. It was like it had been waiting for this.

It hurt, that first time.

When your body’s stretching and your muscles are tearing and your skin is warping and your bones are snapping and cracking and breaking into new shapes. It hurts like a son of a bitch. I wanted to die. But mostly I was just angry. I was so fucking angry.

Don’t remember much while I was…changed. Flashes of stuff; tearing through building, smashing cars, attacking Eduardo and Edd. I think I might have ate someone. I try not to think about it.

Eduardo hit me with something, some kind of energy beam, I dunno. Sent me flying and ripped that smoke right out of me. I remember it flying away, remember the feeling of it ripping out of my throat and tearing off into the night.

But whatever it had done was kind of…stuck to me, I guess. I can still turn into a monster. Almost did when Tord showed his damn commie face again and blew our house up. You can look that up too. 27 Durden Lane. Nothing but a crater now.

[a pause, sounds of container unscrewing, another pause, the thud of a fist hitting the table]

And the only fuckin’ reason I’m telling you people this is because—fuck it, you probably already think I’m insane—there’s some kind of big…bad thing on the way. Fuck if I know. Just. I just…feel it. Can smell it. Or something. Taste it like some dry fuckin’ rum in the back of my mouth. Maybe the world’s ending for real this time. Maybe everyone will actually remember it. I don’t know.

But this place fucking stinks like a bunch of rotten bodies, like that musty attic stench with dead bugs everywhere. And you don’t believe a damn word I’m saying because you think I’m just a drunk. Ha. I can’t even get drunk anymore.

Whatever. Believe what you want. We went to Hell and I’ve got demon powers. The end.”

“…right. Um. Is the whole…demon powers the reason why your eyes are like…that?”

“What? No. This is just ‘cause my mum’s a bowling ball. They’re hollow. See?”

“O-oh my god. State—statement ends.”

[click]

“I will admit I am…extremely skeptical of Mister—of Tom’s statement. It sound positively ludicrous, the delusions of a schizophrenic at their worst, I’d even hazard. I’d disregard his statement entirely if not for the visceral reactions he showed to some of his own words—though that only proves that he believes they’re true.

But his eyes…Christ, I’ve never seen anything like that. He could obviously see but they were just. Black pits in his head. Gone. He stuck his fingers in them. Not the worst thing I’ve seen, all things considered, but one of the most…disturbing? Uncomfortable, may be the better word.

Tim was able to find a police report on the incident at 27 Durden Lane on 13th March, 2016. It was written off as an accident but with some additional digging he managed to find…more. The rubble and blast patterns look more like they were caused by external explosions. Tim says it looks like a bomb went off. Or several bombs. The neighbor’s house—the residence of one Eduardo Varela, Markus Barnes, and Jonathan Rees—also sustained serious damage. Jonathan Rees reportedly died at the scene due to serious injury.

Martin managed to dig up a few photos from the incident in 2014. Most of them aren’t the best quality and it’s hard to tell what’s happening except for bright flashes of green. But one very clearly depicts a monstrous shape, as big as a building it looks like, with horns on its head. It’s hard to tell in the photograph but it appears to be purple. There was a reported explosion in a local park around the date Tom Ritehill claims he transformed into a monster, and there is a crater there from the police report. But that’s all the evidence we can find to support his…stories.

We tried to get into contact with Eddward Golding and Matthew Harvice but neither of them were very forthcoming. Edd Golding declined to comment altogether and Matt Harvice was…he was difficult to talk to. It was as if he kept losing his train of thought. I doubt he would make for a reliable source.

There was also an attempt to contact the individual Tord Lesion but none of the information we were able to find was up to date. The only thing Tim managed to scrounge up was an old wanted poster,  several months out of date, with Tord Lesion’s image on it. He appears to be in a military style uniform with a shotgun. If Tom Ritehill’s claims that Tord is starting a personal army are to be believed, then I suppose this would be a reason to trust his word. Maybe.

[sigh] I suppose we could investigate these claims more in the future. Though I am very much inclined to ignore them.

End recording.”

[click]

“Supplemental.

It just occurred to me that it’s been very nearly four months since the incident with Jane Prentiss. This place has been scrubbed within an inch of its life, nearly burned with chemicals, steamed so badly that it made my eyes water with the lingering chemical smell when I finally came back from leave. It’s been so thoroughly cleaned that a blind dog trying to sniff his way out would have run into the walls.

And yet…and yet Thomas claimed he could…he could smell the death. He said…dead bugs. Specifically dead bugs. And decay. And I can’t…stop thinking about those tunnels…and what could still be down there.

…end supplemental.”

[end of tape]

[cottonwren]

Valentines day is for capitalists | A.S.

A/N: Happy Valentine’s, you guys! I’m alone for this one and so are you, probably, if you follow me. Enjoy 2K+ of Ada x Fem!reader

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"Tommy. I need a car, a reservation at a restaurant, and for you lot to leave me alone for tonight and tomorrow. Think you can do that?" Ada was frantic. Your second Valentine's together and you had outdone her horrifically last year - two things that Ada couldn't stand were being outdone and not being enough, and last 14th Feb had done just that. "Yeah. Course." Tommy nodded from his fag. "What's going on?" Arthur asked, ever oblivious to the current situation. "It's Valentine's day, Arthur, and Ada wants to do something nice for Y/N" The passive aggression in Linda's voice made Bonnie and Michael choke on their tea - they had nowhere to go because Aberama and Polly had gone AWOL.

“Right, that reminds me, uh, what are you doing tonight after Billy boy has gone to bed?” Arthur asked softly, looking at his miracle of a wife - he really didn’t believe that he deserved her sometimes, especially when he forgot every holiday to ever exist.

“Nothing, Arthur. Why do you ask?” Linda asked with a sly smile. She had some things planned, actually, but that would be for later. Much later.

“Can I take you out? To that restaurant you like so much with all the crosses?” He asked, wrapping an arm around her waist gently. Linda nodded with a smile, pressing a kiss to his cheek. God, she loved her husband - misguided, rugged, and she wouldn’t have him any other way.

“Right, so if anyone knocks on my door, unless my child is dying, I will not hesitate to hack your heads off. Y/N works long hours and this is the only night she’s been able to get off for fucking forever - I will not have you lot ruining it.” She clarified before going to leave, then as if pulled back by some invisible voice, she retracted her steps to look at Bonnie and Michael “I’m doing the right thing by trusting you two with my baby, aren’t I? If not, let me know, because I will find an alternative. I cannot have it fucked up”

“Karl loves us, it’ll go great! Bon’s gonna tell him stories” Michael told her with a grin, setting Ada on edge. Nothing was more unsettling than his cockiness.

“Right. I’m going to get everything ready. Tommy, I’ll come to collect the car and the name of the restaurant later. A good one, please” Ada told him, though she knew that, as always, Tommy would go above and beyond for her happiness. Well, not always, but mostly. When he could, and when she was this worked up, he had always done the very best - that was lucky, because it was the least that Ada thought you deserved.

“Don’t worry Ada. I’ve got it. Go do Ada things and I’ll sort the restaurants out, and get you a good car. Tell Y/N I said hello” Tommy told her with a hum, almost nudging her out of the door.

“Right, because when I’m on a date with my girlfriend, telling her how much I adore her, I’m going to start talking about Mr Tommy Shelby OBE MP of Small Heath” Ada grinned, walking out.

“Forgot you communists don’t like the finer things in life” Tommy teased, handing her her bag that she’d thrown at the wall, widely missing literally anything she could have been aiming for.

“We just don’t think that the 1% should exist, Tom - believe that the ‘liveable’ wage should actually be liveable,” Ada told him, now standing on the path.

“Now now, Ade, don’t give them any ideas. Last thing we need is a commie revolution around here” He told her, the door closed behind him as he spoke to his little sister.

“Might do it just for fun. Bye!” Ada joked, then walked off in the direction of the train station - Tommy always thought it ironic that she hated the 1% and lived in London, of all places.

Once Ada had caught a train to London and angrily sholderbarged her way through the crowds, she was met by you waiting at the entrance. You weren’t meant to get off of work for an hour.

“Heya love” You grinned, still in your work suit. She wrapped her arms around you, confused but ultimately surprised.

“Hi… As much as I love the surprise, why’d you get off early? You weren’t sacked, were you?” Ada asked, slipping her hand down to hold yours as you began walking through the busy streets.

“Sacked? They can’t afford to lose me, love, can they?” You laughed, swinging your hands a little “Thought I’d surprise you and just spend some time with you and Karl then see if we can find a restaurant”

“Or, you could relax at home a bit, have a nice bath, I’ll pick Karl up from nursery and then let me be the best partner in the world?” Ada asked softly, proud of herself for being the one with a plan - she normally was, but when it came to anniversaries it was left up to you.

“What’s the point of a bath if you’re not in it with me?” You asked, feigning confusion before nodding “That sounds great, love. Thank you so much. You’re the best. I’m not going to ask questions because you look very proud of yourself and that means you’ve excelled - not a surprise there. Manage to excel in everything you do.”

“Good. Don’t ask questions. Just follow my orders” Ada told you in a strict voice, leading you down an alleyway that would lead you towards your apartment.

“Is that part of the Valentines Day Ada special?” You teased, giggling incessantly as she playfully slapped your shoulder.

“It could be. But shh, kids are around and god forbid we give them the homosexurabies” She hummed, mocking the countless complaints you’d recieved from the neighboring nannies and the mums that you walked past.

“What’s the worst that can happen - they end up happy?” You asked in mock horror, making her laugh. God, what a beautiful sound.

“God forbid!” Ada laughed, fishing for her keys in her bag and walking with you through the doors to your apartment complex and walking up the stone steps until you reached your floor.

“Do I get to give you my Valentines day present aswell? Or should I wait till the experience is over of your grandiose expression of love?” You enquired as soon as you were safe inside the homey apartment. Hanging your coat over the hook on the door, you checked yourself in the mirror - her present wasn’t visible at all. Great.

“Either works - unless there’s a dog somewhere, otherwise you should probably not suffocate it or kill it of starvation” Ada commented dryly, hanging her own coat next to yours and sitting her bag on the coffee table. “How does he manage to leave toys everywhere when he’s at nursery?”

“Been learning off of me - making a mess all the time” You hummed, gently pulling her closer into a kiss, your hands around her waist. She tasted like birthday cake and everything that was great about being alive - it made you wonder if she was real, sometimes, if she and Karl were just figments made up by a lonely mind. Then you’d reach out in bed and feel her strangely toned arms wrapped around Karl’s chubby little frame and try to memorise everything in that moment because nothing this perfect ever stayed that way for long.

“Takes off his mum more than his mom, then. Hopefully the same is true for his anger,” Ada joked, gently tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

“No, he’s got your blood in his veins, Ade, and you don’t learn fighting as primal as that - and as often, holy hell. I’m surprised you aren’t off fighting Bonnie and the likes of him for money and fame.” You were joking, but it couldn’t have been more obvious that Ada wasn’t made for fame - she barely handled being called a Shelby well enough when the peaky blinders were just a gang. Now? They were an international force.

“Mhm… Better go get the little bastard whilst I think about it. You go get in that bath and I’ll wish I was with you the whole time” Ada decided after a quick look at the clock and a gentle tap to your ass, narrowly missing feeling the ring box in your chest pocket as she leant forward.

When Ada got back, you were dressed up and sitting at your vanity. “Ada? Karl?” You called out, getting up, not bothering with shoes as you walked out of your shared bedroom and towards the hallway to just see Ada. No Karl in sight. “Where’s Karl? Is he ok? Do I need to phone your brothers?”

“Bonnie is babysitting him, love. He’s fine. But for now… fuck, why do you look so gorgeous? For now, we’re going out for dinner” Ada told you, amused and warmed by your worry. It really shook her that someone could love her son as much as she did, but she was sure that when she saw you read to him or when you woke up in the night and reached out for them both, you loved them both more than she could ever know.

“Where are we going then. Ms. Organised?” You asked, following her to the bedroom, turning the lamp on once again “Please don’t tell me it’s Linda’s scary restaurant with the bleeding jesus and the crosses?”

“No, that’s where Arthur is going. We’re going to Viennetta’s, I’ve been told it’s the best italian in town. Plus, I got us a nice car - as much as I hate the 1%, you have to admit, it is good” Ada hummed, pulling out a dress from her side of the wardrobe and taking off her own normal day dress before pulling on the baby blue one. “Zip me up?”

“Sure” You nodded, sliding on your heels and walking over to her to carefully zip up the chiffon dress. “Love this dress”

“Why’d you think I’m wearing it?” Ada grinned, glad it was all going to plan. “So, how was your day at work?”

“Exciting - one of my clients, you know the pub that your brothers pretty much destroyed? That one, had me assess all the damage, account for it all, and then complained about your whole family to me. Lied through my teeth, but it was funny to see someone bitch about them almost as much as you do”

“Oi” Ada laughed, clipping on her necklace after putting on her dress - she was a relatively quick changer, something you could never even attempt. “How do I look?”

“Absolutely gorgeous, Ade” You told her, sneakily swiping the velvet box from under one of your hats and hiding it behind your back “Can I suggest one more little accessory, though?”

“You can” Ada nodded, looking at the vanity desk “Should I change my earrings?”

“No, love. Close your eyes” You scoffed, watching as she rolled her eyes but did it anyway. “Your earrings are great”

Getting down on one knee, you got the ring box out, holding it open and then attempting to speak coherent sentences - it took a couple breaths but you finally got it. “How about a ring, Ada? Open your eyes”

“A ring?” Ada asked, then opened her eyes. She was taken aback “I…”

“Ada, I know we can’t make it official, but will you marry me? I know you’ve been thinking about going by another last name, so how about mine? Plus, you get this sweet ring in the de-” You were knocked off balance by Ada practically jumping on you, kissing you and then sliding the ring on her finger.

“I’ve always wanted your last name, you idiot” Ada told you with a wet smile, sitting on the floor with you, hand in yours “We’ll have a little ceremony - my family, yours, Jeremiah.”

“Little? Your family are like rabbits, love…”

“I know” Ada laughed, standing up and taking you with her “Now, let’s go have dinner and then we can get on to phase two of my awesome valentine’s present”

“Don’t forget a coat, you’ll catch a cold” You reminded her, getting your nicer coat out of your half of the wardrobe. Valentines day was a load of capitalist mush, but somehow Ada made it feel like a day of real love. A day where nothing mattered and you could be engaged to the woman you loved.

[rowdywarrior85]

STRANGER THINGS PRESENTS: 8/11, PART 3 (ISSUE 3)

LET IT OUT!!!

(El screams so powerful, it shatters the glass around her. She finally gets it out and sends it flying across the floor. Her Flayed piece tries to escape, but is stopped by being stomped on by a foot. That foot belongs to Jim Hopper, who shows up with Joyce Byers and Murray Bauman. Kali looks to Hopper in the middle.)

KALI: Let me guess. The policeman.

EL: Yes. Hopper.

(The Party informs the adults about the events that are being set in motion. Murray jumps in and gives them the layout of the underground base, provided by his new late friend Alexei. Erica chimes in, then the rest formulate a plan. Steve and Robin take Dustin and Erica in a liberated Cadillac to Weathertop to guide Hopper and his team through the Russian base via his handcrafted radio tower. Nancy and Jonathan would take El and the other kids to Murray’s HQ in Chicago. The adults give their “good lucks” to the kids.)

JOYCE: Listen to me, I need to end this, but I’ll be back before you know it, okay?

WILL: I don’t know, Mom.

JOYCE: No, listen. You’re gonna be safe there. It’s… It’s far away from this. You just stick close to your brother and… and do whatever he says. No matter what, okay?

WILL: I’m not worried about me, Mom, I’m worried about you.

JOYCE: Oh, honey, I’m gonna be fine.

KALI: And you will be…

(Mother and son turn to Kali.)

…because I’m going down there with them.

WILL: Kali…

KALI: They’ll need help getting to this key without being seen. I can help them with that, I can keep them protected.

WILL: No, I can’t ask that of you, you have to come with me to Murray’s. I can’t let you throw yourself in danger! What if I never see you…

(Kali throws a passionate kiss at Will, letting him know that it’s gonna be alright. Joyce and Hopper are left with their mouths gaping open.)

…again.

KALI: Now who’s being possessive?

(Will smiles.)

Believe that I’ll come back to you. If you do love me, believe I’ll come back for you.

HOPPER: (clears throat) Hey, uh. Can I have a word with you.

(Kali goes to Hopper. Joyce looks to Will with pride.)

JOYCE: You finally fell in love. Oh, I’m so proud of you.

WILL: Mom, please. It’s not that major.

(He looks to Kali.)

But then, she’s not that bad to look at.

(Kali approaches Hopper with no idea what to expect from him.)

HOPPER: So… Kali, huh? The mysterious sister to my El.

KALI: Before you utter another word, constable, I don’t know what Jane told you of me. Just so you know, everything I’ve done was for her benefit, and I will not apologize for any of it…

HOPPER: Thank you.

KALI: Pardon?

HOPPER: Thanks for being there for El when I couldn’t, for being there for her friends when I couldn’t.

KALI: You’re welcome, constable.

(She and Hopper shake hands.)

Her mates are interesting at best, especially that Michael, he was most challenging.

(Hopper chuckles)

How are you feeling, Jane?

EL: My battery’s low, but… it will recharge.

HOPPER: I know it will, kid. I know.

EL: I can fight.

HOPPER: Better than any of us. But right now, I need you safe. This thing is after you, it’s not after me. Do you understand? Hey… I need you to understand.

(El nods in affirmation).

MIKE: Hey.

(Hopper and the sisters turn to Mike.)

We should probably go.

(El shares an embracing hug with Hopper. El then looks to Kali, and share a powerful hug.)

EL: Don’t let anything happen to them.

KALI: Jane, you have my word there.

(The sisters touch foreheads, caressing each other cheek with their left hands.)

I’ll come back for you, too.

(Mike and Max escort El to the Station Wagon.)

HOPPER: Mike.

(Mike turns to Hopper.)

Be careful.

(Joyce joins with Kali and Hopper.)

KALI: Right. Let’s rock and roll.

(Hopper, Joyce, Murray and Kali make for the elevator. As they go down, they go over their plan. Also…)

JOYCE: Before we go through with this, Kali, I just wanna say…

KALI: Don’t.

JOYCE: …What you done for the kids, especially for Will…

KALI: (turns to Joyce) I said don’t. I’m here to help you save your town and your children, no more no less.

JOYCE: Regardless,…

(Kneels before Kali.)

…you are the best thing to come into my son’s life, and he’s the same thing for you, too. Whether you realize it or not.

(The elevator reaches ground floor.)

KALI: Shall we?

(Team Kali run into a few guards, Hopper shoots them down and grabs uniforms for the team, except Kali. Meanwhile, Billy traps Team El in the mall by stealing the ignition cable from the Wagon, allowing the B.M.F. to find them. Once inside, Murray and Kali use the vents whilst being guided by Dustin. Steve and Robin see the B.M.F. at Starcourt, so they head down in the Cadillac for transport support, while Dustin and Erica stay at Weathertop to provide instructions. The B.M.F. has Team El pinned down to hunt down and destroy El. Lucas provides a distraction for El, Max and Mike so they can escape through the tunnels. Murray and Kali make it to the fuse box, he pulls the fuses to provide a distraction for Hopper and Joyce to get to keys in the vault. The code used by Murray doesn’t work, Murray informs them that the code is Palnck’s Constant, which he doesn’t know. Fortunately, Dustin knew who might know it, his long-distance girlfriend, Suzie. The gang are saved when Steve T-bones Billy with the Cadillac, PAYBACK’S A BITCH. After getting the ignition cable installed, Nancy and Jonathan take Lucas, Will, Steve and Robin and lure B.M.F. away from Mike, El and Max. Dustin makes contact with Suzie to get the code for Team Hopper, but first she wanted to sing the theme song to THE NEVERENDING STORY with him, which they do for the Party to hear. Suzie then gives them the code, allowing Team Hopper to get the keys. Billy recovers from the wreck and goes after Mike, El and Max, forcing the B.M.F. to go back to Starcourt. Hopper and Joyce make it to portal generator, they’re about to turn the keys to shut it down, but Grigori The Enforcer stops them, and the two men go at it for the fate of humanity. Meanwhile, Billy disables both Mike and Max and takes a weakened El to the B.M.F., only to be bombarded by the fireworks provided by the Party, hurting Billy in the process. As Hopper and Grigori go at it by the generator, Joyce radios for help. Kali hears this, and opts to go after them.)

KALI: Murray, you stay here out of sight. I’ll help the others.

MURRAY: And how exactly how are you going to find them in a place this big.

(Kali opens the door.)

KALI: I’ll use my head.

(The door closes behind her.)

MURRAY: I had to ask.

(Kali uses her abilities to make herself invisible to Russian soldiers, killing them on her way down to her allies. Joyce tries to turn the keys by herself with a belt to turn the other key. A pair of Russian soldiers spot her.)

RUSSIAN SOLDIER #1: (Russian) Get away from the controls!

RUSSIAN SOLDIER #2: (Russian) Surrender or die!!

(Next thing you know…)

BOB: Uh, excuse me.

(The soldiers turn to see happy-go-lucky Bob Newby standing by the left window, much to Joyce’s amazement.)

Can you guys point me the way to BURGER KING?

(The soldiers look to each other.)

RUSSIAN SOLDIER #1: (Russian) FIRE!!!

(Soldiers fire their AKs at Bob Newby, but the bullets hit nothing but the windows. Joyce and the soldiers look in puzzlement.)

RUSSIAN SOLDIER #2: (Russian) Who, what the hell are you?

BOB: Oh, my bad. I’m Bob Newby, Superhero.

(Bob looks to Joyce.)

And this awesome woman is Joyce Byers, SuperMom.

(Bob winks at her, then Kali comes in with a jumping spin, lopping their heads off. She sheathes her sword, as she walked to Joyce.)

KALI: Thanks a bunch, Bobby.

BOB: Anytime.

(Bob smiles at Joyce as he vanishes before her. Joyce smiles to Kali in gratitude.)

KALI: Your welcome. Hopper doesn’t look good there. Looks like he can use a push.

(Kali makes Hopper see his deceased daughter, Sarah, in her prime, standing by the generator, urging him to fight on. Hopper knocks Grigori away with the moving parts of the generator, giving Hopper the chance to toss Grigori’s commie ass into the generator, causing an electric barrier to form between him and his team. Hopper looks to Joyce and Kali with a sadness and assurance that everything is going to be OK. Kali looked to Hopper, knowing was he was saying without a word.)

I will.

(She turns to Joyce.)

Turn the keys.

JOYCE: What?

KALI: He wants us to shut it down.

JOYCE: No, we can’t! There has to be another way…

KALI: JOYCE!!! THERE’S NO OTHER WAY! Let his sacrifice be one of honor.

(Upstairs, El manages to break the B.M.F.’s hold over Billy with the memory of his mother, urging him to see there is still good in him. He makes his stand against the B.M.F., but slowly dies trying. Downstairs, Joyce and Hopper take one last tearful look to each before ending the battle.)

KALI: RIGHT! TURN ON MY MARK!

(Camera turns to Hopper…)

THREE!

(…to Joyce…)

TWO!

(…then to Kali.)

ONE! MARK!!!

(Kali and Joyce turn the keys, causing the generator to explode sealing the portal. The girls duck in cover. Back upstairs, the B.M.F. starts to convulse, and finally die. In the aftermath, Hopper appears to have vanished, Billy makes peace with Max before dying a hero’s death, the U.S. Army arrive with Dr. Owens. Ambulances cover the front of the Starcourt, the gang are being tended to by paramedics. Will spots her mom and Kali walking to the front, and starts running to her mom in a powerful hug. Will looks to Kali.)

WILL: Thank you.

KALI: Told ya.

(Kali looks to El, looking for Hopper. El sees Kali walking towards her with a sad look upon her face. El immediately knew that Hopper was never coming back. She starts to sob as Kali approaches her.)

(voice breaking) His last thought was of you. He wanted me to look after you.

(Both sisters cry as they hug each other. Max then sees paramedics wheel a body bag carrying Billy’s corpse to an ambulance, her parents call to her as she runs to the ambulance. She stops the paramedics to peer into the body bag to get one last look at his redeemed stepbrother as she touches his cheek and kisses his forehead. Behind her, Lucas goes to her, followed by Neil and Susan. Susan holds her hand over her mouth, eyes tearing up. While Neil looks at his son’s corpse with a cold, emotionless stare, not even giving a fuck altogether.)

PARAMEDIC: Young lady, we need to move him. Come on, we gotta move him.

(Paramedics zip up the bag, wheel it in the ambulance and drive away. Lucas stands by her for comfort, while Neil steps up behind her, kneeling to her level.)

NEIL: (deep breath) Look at it this way, Maxine,…

(He puts his right hand on her left shoulder, trying to sympathize.)

…it’s for the best.

(Max turns to her left, looking mortified at Neil’s cold look. Then an angry look comes over her face, she clenches her right fist, and sends it flying at Neil’s chin, knocking him down to the ground. Susan looks surprised, as Lucas tries to hold back an enraged Max.)

LUCAS: Whoa! Easy, Max!

MAX: FOR THE BEST!?! YEAH, FOR YOU, YA BASTARD! YOU SADISTIC SON OF A BITCH!!

NEIL: (wiping the blood off his lip) Jesus Christ, Maxine. What the Hell do want me to say?

MAX: Fuck you.

LUCAS: Be cool, Max.

MAX: Fuck you! FUCK YOU!!!

SUSAN: Maxine.

MAX: You are every bit as responsible as the thing that took Billy from us.

NEIL: (reaches for Max) Just calm down.

MAX: Don’t you fuckin’ touch me, Neil, I fuckin’ hate you. You might as well stick him in that goddamn body bag yourself. Or better yet, it should’ve been you in there instead of him, at least he’d get a kick out of that shit. I’ll be at Lucas’.

NEIL: Maxine, you get back here…

LUCAS: Back the fuck up, Pops. You’ve done enough.

(Neil is shocked by the retaliation blasted at him. A week later, at the Hawkins Cemetery, the air is filled by Robin playing the middle solo of Mr. Mister’s BROKEN WINGS with her Casio Keyboard. The deputies, Powell and Callahan, watch over the ceremony. The residents of Hawkins are in attendance for Billy’s funeral. To Robin’s right, Dustin is singing the jam with the soul it deserves, with Steve right behind him. To Dustin’s right, Max is clutched by Lucas, followed by El and Mike, and Will at the end with Nancy, Jonathan and Joyce behind them. Each of them recall a memory of Billy, mostly the bad ones along with the good.)

MIKE: (whispers) I’m surprised Kali isn’t here.

WILL: (whispers) Trust me, she’s here. Somewhere.

(As Dustin’s hits the chorus, on the feet end of the casket, a slew of teenage girls and mothers, led by Karen Wheeler and the Mom Squad, shed their share of tears. Karen remembers her moments with Billy, brief though they may have been. Across from the Party, Susan mourns her stepson properly, while Neil stares at the casket with a cold satisfaction, hoping the singing ends, which it does.)

NEIL: Thank God.

KAREN: (whispers) My God, your son has the voice of angel.

MRS. HENDERSON: (whispers) I know, breath-taking, isn’t it?

MINISTER: Thank you, Mr. Henderson, for that poetic song on this sorrowful occasion. Now, I believe the step-sister of the deceased has something she wishes to say.

MAX: Thank you. That was beautiful, Dustin.

(Dustin hugs Max.)

DUSTIN: Thanks.

STEVE: You killed it, dude.

(Dustin, Steve and Robin moved alongside the rest of the Party. Max stands by the head of the casket to make her farewell speech.)

MAX: (deep sigh) There’s a lot of things I can say about the person that we gather around here today, I don’t know if any of it matters anymore. I guess what matters is what he stood for, who and what he lived for, and who and what he died for.

(Steve, Robin, Nancy and Jonathan look to the casket.)

It was always your way or no way, when it came to you. There were times I wished I understood why you did half the things you did, none of us understood why. Now, we understand…

(voice breaking) …I understand. At least now, we knew where you stood in the end.

(Karen and Susan look to the casket. Max looks to his cold stepfather, then something in her snap.)

(sniffles) To the ladies here, I know my stepbrother was seen as something out of a dream, somebody strong to look up to.

(Karen and the ladies nod in agreement. Tommy H. is seen crying uncontrollably next to Carol, much to her dismay.)

But deep down, he was just like the rest of us. Frail, broken, afraid. He spent most of his life in fear, hiding behind a mask of anger and strength. Any of you wanna where he got it from,…

NEIL: Okay, Maxine.

MAX: (points her hand at Neil) …you need only to look to this asshole of a father.

NEIL: Jesus.

(Crowd gasps.)

MAX: Congratulations, Neil. You’re the last man standing. I hope if was worth it, you motherfucker.

(Max walks off with Lucas behind her. Neil is so infuriated, he storms off after them, then blocks their path.)

NEIL: HEY!! Just who the fuck do you think you are?

MAX: A justified sister standing up for her brother.

NEIL: Oh, are you now?

(Max shows off Billy’s spike earring on her left ear.)

MAX: What the fuck do you think?

NEIL: I thought I told you throw that away with the rest of his shit.

MAX: So I can forget about him like you want to, like you want to forget about his real mom back in California? No, Neil, I don’t share your sense of grief. So, how about getting the fuck out of my face.

(Max continues to walk, but Neil grabs her by the arm.)

NEIL: DON’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU!! NOW, YOU SHOW ME SOME FUCKING RESPECT!!

(While Neil has his eye on Max, Lucas grabs something out of his left jacket pocket. Then, he pulls back his right sleeve, revealing his wrist rocket, which was specially compacted in case of an emergency.)

MAX: Respect!?! Where the fuck was that respect when Billy needed it most? If only you saw him at the end. He saved my friend’s life and the lives of others back at the mall. If any, you’re partly the fuckin’ reason he’s dead, asshole!

(Neil raises his hand, ready to strike her.)

LUCAS: HEY!!

(Neil turns to Lucas, who readies to unload something from his wrist rocket at him.)

Unless you want a crater between your eyes to add to your collection of scars on your face, I suggest you let my boo go and back the fuck up right now!

NEIL: You think that’s smart, Sinclair? You think aiming a rock at my face is gonna scare me?

LUCAS: Naw, not a rock. But a cherry bomb that’ll explode on impact? And yeah, I ain’t afraid to use it on your ignorant ass.

NEIL: You know this is all your girlfriend’s fault.

(Will and Mike come up between Lucas.)

Yeah, I wanted to give my family a fresh start here. But she didn’t want any part of it. So, she tried running away to Frisco to live with his loser, PIECE OF SHIT DADDY!!!

SUSAN: That is enough!

NEIL: Susan, just stay out of this.

(Max runs to her mom.)

SUSAN: NO!! I’ve had it, Neil. I have had it. I’ve watched you do this to Billy, I not going to stand by anymore and watch you do this to my daughter.

NEIL: “Our” daughter.

SUSAN: She was never your daughter, Neil. You never were the father I’d hoped you’d be for her.

NEIL: Please. If you hadn’t married me, your weak ass would be drowning in debt,…

(The boys watch him in digust.)

...and your bitch daughter would be slumming with her loser father like all the sluts out there. Billy, too.

(Karen’s has had enough of this bullshit, and walks up near Susan.)

KAREN: You godless asshole.

NEIL: Oh, ho. Speak of the devil herself.

KAREN: How could you say that shit?

NEIL: Hey, sometimes the truth hurts.

KAREN: For Christ’s sake, that’s your son in there!

NEIL: SON!?! I wish I had a son I could be proud of. Billy was a faggot.

MIKE: (under his breath) Piece of shit.

NEIL: He lived a faggot, and he died a faggot.

WILL: And who’s goddamn fault was that?

NEIL: Kid, you stay out of this.

WILL: The Hell I will, you son of a bitch!

MIKE: Will, don’t…

WILL: No, Mike. I not going to shut up about this.

(Joyce tells El to stay with Dustin and Erica, as she sees his youngest about to get into a bind.)

Did it ever occur to you that Billy never wanted to come here to Hawkins in the first place? He was obviously much happier in California. You could’ve left his ass to his own devices, and he would’ve been happier. But no, you forced that choice on him, and he suffered for it. He still be alive and a lot better off, if you weren’t such a goddamn…

NEIL: (raises his fist) Say one more word, you little faggot, and I’ll drop you like a bad habit.

(Will retracts, Lucas pulls way back on that wrist rocket.)

JOYCE: HEY!!!

(Joyce storms up to Neil like the mama bear she is.)

You touch my boy, and I will fuck you up.

NEIL: Hey, Byers. Don’t make this worse than it already is.

KAREN: You should take her word for it, Hargrove. There’s nothing Joyce won’t do for her kids. Besides, you don’t want to get embarrassed again, RIGHT?

(Neil looks at the situation he’s amassed.)

NEIL: (deep breath) You know what, none of you are worth my time.

(Looks to Karen) Even if the rumors were true, you and my boy really deserve each other.

KAREN: Oh, fuck you.

NEIL: Not likely.

JOYCE: Come on, kids.

(Just as Joyce turns her back…)

NEIL: I gotta say, Byers, I was wrong about you. I had you pegged as just another loser, but really you’re just another whore that just can’t seem to keep a man.

(Neil shoves her. Steve and Jonathan know exactly where this is going, especially in Joyce’s case.)

STEVE: Does this seem familiar to you, Jonathan?

JONATHAN: Yup.

NEIL: Oh, yeah. I learned about your whole goddamn resume’, honey. First, your husband ditches you on account of your two faggot sons.

(Neil shoves her a second time.)

STEVE: Uh, sir.

NEIL: Then, of course, your Radio Shack nerd boyfriend. He gets butchered by wild animals.

(Neil then grabs her left shoulder.)

JONATHAN: Mr. Hargrove, I really wouldn’t.

(Neil then goes up to her left ear.)

NEIL: What can I say, Joyce Byers. YOU’RE JUST A BORN FUCKIN’ LOSER!!!

(Joyce’s face lights up in livid anger. She swats his right hand with her left arm, then follows with a right hand chop to Neil’s throat, forcing him to choke.)

KAREN & SUSAN: DAMN!!

(Joyce then delivers a swift kick in his nuts.)

WILL: Wow!

LUCAS: I felt that.

(Joyce then lands a hell of a right cross.)

NANCY, JONATHAN, STEVE, & ERICA: WHOA!!!

ROBIN: Ooh!!

DUSTIN: HOLY SHIT!

(Neil is disoriented by Joyce’s assault, but Joyce wasn’t done yet. She lets out a deafening primal scream, and tackles him on the path and unleashes a barrage of haymakers, spewing every curse word under the sun at him. As she goes to town on Neil, she thinks of all the trauma she went through; from Lonnie leaving her and her boys, to losing Bob to the Demo-Dogs, to recently losing Hopper in the explosion of the portal generator.)

STEVE: Now, I know how you felt when you kicked my ass.

JONATHAN: You said it.

KAREN: Look, Joyce, I’m proud of you! But it’s not worth it!

JOYCE: (Looks back at Karen with anger in her eyes) YES, IT FUCKIN’ IS!!!

(Joyce continues her onslaught.)

STEVE: I think you should…

JONATHAN: I’m on it.

(Jonathan runs to stop her mom, Karen steps in to help.)