#don't get me started on why i've been quiet about a lot of things related to marvel

[tropicalfreckles]

I'll never be able to articulately describe how much I hate the MCU with all of my rage and hate in my soul lmao

[youmakethelight]

Dear AMC

Okay, so here's where I'm at following the David Zabel quotes released yesterday. I truly hate to be in this negative mindset and I wanted my tumblr to be a fun space only, but it's what I'm feeling, so I'm going to get it out. This is the most serious post I'll ever write (hopefully) so buckle up.

I'm not doing this because I don't want to continue to spread joy about caryl. I'm doing this because, if there's any chance, however small, that I can help to make a positive difference for the people I've come to care about, then I'm going to do that. This is because I care about female representation and empowerment. And because I care about what these stories mean to and for people, and especially people who relate to characters who have experienced abuse. Holding these characters' stories is a responsibility and those who do so need to be held accountable for how they do it.

I'm going to talk a lot now, but it's going to mainly be about Melissa, Isabelle's character, David Zabel, Greg Nicotero, and the idea of romantic caryl. I'm going to try to break it up into sections just because it's so long.

Melissa

Melissa McBride snuck up on me. I started watching TWD a couple of years after it first aired and like many, I fell for Daryl as a character. I observed his chemistry with Carol and always thought their relationship was something special. But like many, I gave up on the show around season 6/7. When TWD was released on Now TV in the UK this year, I decided to catch up, and season 9 hooked me on #caryl. Specifically, I was mesmerised by Melissa McBride and I've only grown to love her more. It's been beautiful finding the fandom and realising that Melissa McBride is the beating heart of it. She might not have as many Twitter followers as Norman Reedus, but she is valued more than I have seen any actor and she honestly doesn't even have to try. Fans will support her for walking to a car. I like Norman but I love Melissa.

Melissa looks happier than I have ever seen her look and she is honestly the only thing that has been keeping me tethered to any hope that I will enjoy this spinoff. My hype has been 100% driven by Melissa and how she has spoken about being back. I've already paid for Carol merch, which is something I never do. And if it wasn't for the fact I knew she was coming back at the end of season 1, I honestly wouldn't have watched Daryl Dixon. After investing in their relationship over 12 years of TWD, I'm not interested in seeing Daryl solo travel the globe and find a girl in every port. I'd rather watch something else and pretend the spinoff doesn't exist. But since Melissa is here and she's happy, I've still been hooked.

Seeing Carol confront her trauma surrounding Sophia is something I have been wanting for years. Since I started watching TWD again this year, all you'd ever hear me say is "why does no one ever talk about Sophia?". So I am beyond happy that story is receiving a spotlight in season 2. And I sense this is what Melissa is happy about too.

Beyond that, I really feel like Melissa doesn't have much space for her own voice. At SDCC, she said that she's quiet on her EP notes because she's the new person. And David Zabel made a joke that she doesn't want to make him cry (hilarious). Of course, I have no idea what the reality is, but my gut feeling is that Melissa is happy that she finally had some control with her character's own story after 14 years. But I truly don't believe she has even been given the space to think about how she *personally* would like the caryl story to look, let alone what they choose to do with the other major female character's story. I think Melissa respects Norman and trusts him with that part of the story. She knows he's had more power with the other producers - he was there for all of season 1, it's his name on the title of the show, and he chose the showrunner and writers.

And as for everything else, Melissa has spent the majority of her career in a male-dominated genre, all of her most powerful coworkers are part of that demographic, and in response to caryl, she has been the target of misogyny and ageism that is ongoing today. If I were her, I'd feel I can only speak so loud for so long before someone feels I've stepped on their toes.

While I do believe Norman cares about her deeply, I don't have any reason so far to trust that he understands the nuances of sexism well enough to be able to make the calls I'd want him to make. I really feel that if he did, he would never have agreed to the half naked shipbait nun scene in season 1. On to my next section...

Isabelle, David Zabel and Greg Nicotero

I will die on the hill that Isabelle's story should never have been touched by any inkling of shipbait, because she is a dedicated nun. The idea of romance for her present day story (especially with the male lead) grossly over-simplifies the decisions that led her to become a nun.

I do personally feel that the isabelle-laurent-daryl surrogate family idea is *pretty much* just that. I think, personally, DZ is lying when he says that the idea of romance wasn't manufactured. I think he wants us to believe that what we see on screen is organic. Absolutely nothing about the half naked wound helping scene, the happy stares across rooms with a happy score, and the 'isabelle just woke up in hospital and oh look its daryl's crossbow he must have been looking over her' scene is organic. Those are manufactured. Until episode 6, I liked isabelle and I think clemence is great. But daryl and isabelle's chemistry is non existent. I honestly think calling it a friendship is a stretch. Maybe the god awful, problematic "are you going to do to laurent what your dad did to you" could have been forgiven if they'd genuinely had any compelling bond whatsoever, but they didn't, and at best, it came off as needy. At worst (and what it actually was) was emotionally abusive. The thing I have always loved about caryl is that they *never* guilt-tripped each other like that. I really hope Zabel knows that line was truly offensive.

So anyway, I don't know, I think DZ would have liked it to go romantic, but nobody liked it. And based on the way they talked about it at SDCC, I think Norman is set on the idea it's really all about Laurent, and Isabelle is just another adult who cares about the kid so he cares about her too. However, I do think Nicotero and Zabel are invested in the idea that Daryl is falling for her. Nicotero in particular is obsessed with the idea that Daryl's falling for her while he doesn't know Carol is on her way - I actually find him enjoying that idea repulsive. So, I think they've written some ship bait in there, but I think Norman's acting choices will be reluctant. So, as long as there isn't something physical between them, I think Norman and Melissa's chemistry can recover from it. But. Zabel (and Nicotero) are showing their true colours.

While we're on Nicotero. I recently discovered that he has spoken about supporting bethyl before. So, if that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about him and his idea of how women and romance should be presented on screen in 2024, I don't know what will.

Romantic Caryl

Finally, I want to address the idea of whether Carol and Daryl should or could add a romantic element to their relationship. Lots of people that I agree with have already written well articulated thoughts about this, including this by my-mt-heart. My personal feelings are these.

Carol and Daryl have built a layered, deep, and emotionally rich relationship over 11 seasons of TWD. Fans are aware of the romantic layers throughout the years, and even those who don't follow it closely can see the romantic potential. It would be a disservice to fans to let those years of layering and emotional depth fall flat. And frankly, so many fans simply won't follow. (And if you're worried about fans who don't like the idea not watching - well, honestly, I don't like Richonne. Love them both individually but I never saw the chemistry and it felt random to me. But I still watched them and cared about them and their story and I even watched The Ones Who Live despite cringing the whole time.)

The creative opportunities are huge. Carol and Daryl are not a stereotypical love story by any means. Their dynamic has been fuelling creative minds for over a decade. I would personally admire any showrunner/writer who steps up to the challenge. Alternatively, not bothering comes across as lazy and cowardly to me.

At this point, there's absolutely no doubt in the audience that Carol and Daryl are soulmates. Their happy ending has been an important theme for a while now. And they are the characters that fans care about. Even fans who don't care about whether they have a romantic relationship agree that their idea of a happy ending would be with each other (and Dog). This wouldn't have to be romantic, but since we know that they are both interested in romantic relationships and have some romantic foundations together - why not? No other romantic relationship either of them could have is ever going to match up against Daryl and Carol's relationship. And why should they both be deprived of romance if they are both interested in romantic relationships? Who does that serve?

The idea that two people can so selflessly love each other for over a decade and end up together romantically is the ultimate bond of love. Suggestions that romance would 'cheapen' or 'ruin' a bond make me question what those people think romance means. It isn't the same as Richonne's romance. It's quiet and calm and careful. It's two damaged souls uplifting each other. So many viewers are empowered by that sort of story.

It would show that AMC are progressive and not ageist or sexist.

Final thoughts

I can't express enough how much I wanted to ignore all of my doubts about this spinoff because of Melissa's involvement and because I genuinely do trust her creative imagination more than anyone. But the comments by Zabel that were released yesterday have brought back the pit I was feeling in my stomach. I trust Melissa and I will always trust Melissa. But I don't trust Zabel. I don't trust that Zabel is doing right by Melissa or by the characters of Carol and Daryl. That doesn't mean that I think he's evil and doing nothing at all right. I just truly believe that we deserve better and Melissa deserves better.

I will give all of my hard earned cash and time to Melissa projects, but I won't do the same for Zabel, or even Norman without Melissa.

[yuus-sentient-teddy]

"You're Staying Here." Part 2

Part 1

((I started writing this in December 2023 and it's finally finished five months later ;w; Thank you to everyone who has shown interest in this story! I sincerely hope you enjoy part two!))

Tag list: @luminisciel

'Of course it can't be that easy to forgive,' he thought bitterly.

"I know you're changing. I've seen your progress and I'm happy you're becoming better, but. . ." Yuu's head lightly shook side to side, face apologetic.

"Sometimes, whenever someone looks down on me for not knowing basics in magic, I remember when you called me inadequate for not having 'proper' education and making it sound like my parents were lesser for being magicless. The way that person talks and looks at me are too similar to the way you talked and looked. It's like they're refusing to see me more than what I don't have."

"Even after we saved you from your Overblot, I kept thinking you still thought of me and my family that way until you told me that I was an honorary member of Heartslabyul and showed that you like hearing me talking about my family. I do like hanging out with you. It's just that your face and words are something I can't not remember no matter how hard I try."

It was like Riddle got punched again. He felt as though he lost his breath and footing; he couldn't form any words. He had caused so much distress to members of Heartslabyul dorm during his reign as dorm leader, and he worked hard to rectify it. The efforts extended to the Ramshackle Prefect, from offering to help them with their studies to inviting them and Grim to Unbirthday Parties. Though it was awkward in the beginning, Yuu never once was unkind to him. That was why he felt sick learning that his past self left such a terrible and strong impression.

"Azul."

He swallowed, having an inkling of what they were going to say.

"I came to this world with nothing," they said. "I have no one to support me if something happens. Ramshackle Dorm was my only shelter and you had the audacity to take it away. Do you know what that's like?"

Their voice rose. The apologetic feelings they had for Riddle was absent for Azul, instead being replaced by hurt and exasperation.

"The headmaster is probably the closest to parental support, but he wasn't going to hesitate to let Grim and I starve if I didn't fix something you caused and he could've easily fixed."

Someone murmured a dumbfounded 'what?' while Azul nervously adjusted his glasses. "Sure, he could be nicer and a hell lot more competent, but you at least could have been decent and used something else for collateral or--I don't know--let me still live there while I ran your stupid errand of stealing from a museum? Did that ever cross your mind or were you just thinking how great it was that someone who can't even fight back--someone who could also get into deep shit for not having an identity in this world--was doing your dirty work? You even sent Floyd and Jade to make sure I wouldn't win--and let me remind you that Ramshackle is literally one of the only things I have in this world!"

Azul felt his cheeks burn. On either side of him, the Leech twins were quiet. He didn't dare glance to see how everyone else was reacting, he had a feeling what their expressions were. He could even feel the burning stares if he let his mind linger too long.

He wasn't sure how he was going to respond. He was already caught off guard by what Yuu revealed earlier and feeling a little guilt for having a hand in their rough experience in Night Raven College. The thing was, Yuu had never expressed any discomfort being around him--although, he was starting to wonder something.

He noticed they made a certain face whenever he brought up anything related to his contracts: a half smile paired with squinting eyes; what seemed to be part amusement, part feeling of being tired but still wanting to hang around. Had he misread that as a friendly expression? Was it actually discomfort? Disgust?

But that seemed to be the only outstanding thing. They sometimes sought him out to get his opinion on something or have long, pleasant chats. He still remembers the encouraging words they gave back in the Atlantica Memorial Museum all those months ago. There was also that vulnerable moment when they asked how he managed to deal with bullies.

So what about what they just said? From how much anger was in their voice and the gathering tears in their eyes, he wondered if their anger towards him had been bubbling just underneath the entire time, making itself known whenever he was around. If that was the case, then did that mean their friendly interactions with him was just them trying to get over their anger?

Or were they forcing themself to like him despite the grudge, finding that his expertise and skill sets were worth tolerating him?

The thought made his chest ache. He really thought he and the Prefect of Ramshackle were. . . were something like friends.

Jamil felt cold when Yuu's eyes turned to him.

"Let me ask you something, Jamil. Did it ever hit you that I might have been at my limit by the time winter break came around? You of all people should know how debilitating exhaustion can be."

"I was looking forward to sitting in front of the fireplace, have some hot cocoa, and chat the night away with the Ramshackle ghosts and Grim. You know, get a break from the chaos of the school and have some time to get back my sanity."

"But then you dragged me into a coup--and if only it was as simple as that! Get put through a training camp from hell and forced to march in a scorching desert and get searing sunburns? Watch other people suffer the same things and be powerless to help? Get hypnotized and make a choice I didn't want to make and become a hostage in an unknown dorm? Sure, why not!" Yuu threw their arms into the air. "It's not like I wasn't having an awful enough time in this damn school!"

Jamil knew he would be next at some point. He didn't blame them for being angry at him, not after all they've been through, so when he saw movement in the corner of his eyes, he said, "Kalim, you don't have to say anything."

"But--"

"Just drop it. This shouldn't be a surprise anyway."

"Were you going to say how Jamil has been working to make up for his actions?" Yuu asked tersely. "Kalim, I know what he's been doing, but that doesn't mean I've forgiven him for the shit he pulled!"

"No, no, it's not that!" Kalim said. "It's just that you're usually an open person. I'm wondering why you didn't bring this up with any of them sooner or even to us."

"I can't imagine how hard the school year has been for you. Getting pulled away from your home suddenly, having to get used to a new world, and being bullied. You've been angry and hurt for a long time, and I'm so sorry you've been feeling that way."

"It's great that you made many friends along the way. Despite the shaky beginning, I've seen you smiling and having a great time while hanging out with us here! And I haven't heard of any major disagreements. That includes with Jamil, Azul, and Riddle."

"All of us are your friends, Yuu, and we want you to be all right. It should be okay to share whatever has been bothering you. The last thing anyone wants is for you to be super uncomfortable or burdened by feelings of hurt and sadness."

He wasn't accusing Yuu of anything. He just wanted to understand them, and it was crystal clear from the way he spoke. Now that they thought about it, perhaps that little bit of sadness in his eyes was because the situation was kind of similar to his and Jamil's: Jamil never told Kalim about what he was dealing with and his wounds festered until they became fuel for his Overblot. For Yuu, it wouldn't culminate into anything that serious, but Kalim would want to help all the same.

They could have cried again from the blatant concern for them.

Finding their voice, they said, "Whatever happened is in the past. I don't see the point in bringing up things we want to move on from. I could either cling onto anger and have high blood pressure every time I see certain people, or I could let bygones be bygones and let you all learn and grow from your mistakes."

Then it hit them and they looked down guiltily. "Except I went against what I said just now and talked about stuff from the past."

"That's because you're still hurting. It's not good for you to continue like that and who knows what it might do to you if you don't talk about it," Kalim said.

"You also can't force yourself to be okay," Ace added. They didn't say anything.

"Yuu, if I may ask," Azul said, "have you been pretending to like being around us?"

They blinked, a little surprised. Their head shook a little, side to side. "No. Where did you. . ."

They shut their eyes and sighed deeply. Then, haltingly, they admitted, "Sometimes I just don't want to be in the same room as any of you."

Riddle felt his heart break a little and Azul inhaled sharply through his nose, like a gasp. Jamil's shoulders sagged and he looked down. And the rest wondered if Yuu had felt the same with them.

For some, it was kind of understandable: there would only be so many interactions before you want to be with someone else (but they will say it stung that Yuu felt so repulsed that they wanted to get away from them). For others, they either didn't want to entertain the thought or had entertained the thought and felt their soul get brutally crushed.

"But here's the thing." Yuu spoke louder. "All of us are dumb and stupid and young, and sometimes selfish as hell. But overall, you guys aren't that bad and I do like hanging out with you all. I really do. I just wish the terrible things that happened didn't happen." Then, to themself, "And I didn't have to bear with it."

"What about the Overblots? Did they also affect you?" Jamil asked.

"Yes, but you all weren't in the right state of mind when they happened and I don't think it's fair to fault you guys for whatever you did while in that state. That goes for the rest of you, too."

Yuu rubbed the back of their neck, looking down. "But if I'm being completely honest, I've had night terrors that sometimes woke Grim and I up from me screaming."

"Ah--" they waved their hands frantically--"you don't need to worry, though! I already talked to the counselor about them. Heh, you should've seen his face when I came in telling him about the seventh Overblot and the dreams from it. He was actually ready to give the headmaster a piece of his mind. 'You shouldn't have to go through things like that!' he said. Come to think of it, that was pretty unprofessional, so kudos to me, I guess."

"Yuu, that's. . ." Epel trailed off, a little concerned.

"I know. It's terrible. At least I got some good techniques for managing nightmares."

They slowly sighed. "I think that's all from me, although I really should apologize for airing out dirty laundry at a time like this. If no one has anything to say to me, we can go back to talking about saving Grim."

"Actually, there's something I want to say."

All eyes went to Jamil. "I've been meaning to tell you this after my Overblot, but I was waiting for the right moment to do it properly. Considering what we're about to face, this might be that moment, even if it isn't as formal as I want it to be. Yuu, I'm sorry for forcing you into a highly stressful situation when you needed to rest, and for the way I got you involved. You didn't deserve to go through the ordeal, especially when an Overblot occurred."

He bowed deeply. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but just know that I'm sorry for what I did."

"I'm sorry as well," Azul said. "For being insensitive to your housing situation and the vulnerabilities and difficulties of being someone outside of this world. It wasn't truly fair to you, someone who had to deal with power imbalances and the cruelties of those with power." He took off his hat and held it over his chest as he bowed.

"I'm also sorry, Yuu," Riddle said. "I'm deeply ashamed by my actions at the beginning of the school year and I'm sorry that it still hurts so much. I hope that one day that pain no longer torments you and no one ever looks at you like you have nothing to offer."

When he straightened himself up a moment later, Yuu looked like they were on the verge of crying.

"Are you okay?!" he asked, panicked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." A stray tear fell and Yuu wiped their eyes, then they smiled at each of them.

"Thank you, all of you," they said. There seemed to be a shift in their demeanor: somehow, they seemed brighter and their shoulders seemed less stiff, like a cumbersome burden had been lifted.

This look suits them better, the boys thought.

Finally, after a little more back and forth, Yuu was allowed to go with the group to save Grim--on the condition that they stayed far, far away. That was fine with them; they just needed to see for themself that everything would work out.

"Yuu."

They were trailing behind the group, looking through their bag. Apparently, Leona had been trailing behind the group too. "Yeah?"

". . . I'm sorry." They blinked, surprised.

"About wha--" The botanical garden and in Savanaclaw Dorm during the investigation of the mysterious injuries. "Is it for the first time we met and when you beat up my friends? I'm going to be honest, I almost forgot about them with everything happening."

"So I didn't need to say it?" He wasn't angry.

"No, no. I actually do appreciate it. It was pretty terrifying, when you said you were going to take my tooth, when I literally woke up in another world without knowing what the heck was happening. Not to mention, being at risk of another beat down when I was already dealing with threats and assholes."

"Yeah, yeah, you needed some mercy, which not a lot of people at school can give," he said.

"Yeah, but at least there are people in this school who know when to own up to something and apologize for it. So, thank you."

He met Yuu's smile with a smirk. "Sure, just don't mention it to the others."

They scoffed, smile still present. "Let me guess, to keep up the merciless princely front, right?"

They had just started walking when Leona called for them again.

"Hey. Earlier, when you said you thought we all didn't think you were worthy enough to stand beside us and had been tolerating you the entire time--don't ever assume that again."

Yuu was taken aback by his hard, pointed glare. "You're in a different position compared to your first day here, and everyone can see it. Even if they can't, it doesn't mean that you're not deserving of your place. If you need me to spell it out for you, here: you're worth all the effort you made to get to where you are now. Don't ever let anyone--even the people you idolize--make you forget that or make you lose your progress."

Their mouth had fallen open. "I. . ."

"Come on, I can see your friends worrying about you."

"Uh--" Leona had started walking and Yuu quickly matched his steps. "Thank you," they said.

He hummed in acknowledgment.

Yuu was alone on the battlefield.

No no no! How did that happen?! Yuu was hidden behind a column, last he saw. . . before getting hit with a spell that made him lose his breath.

Damn it!

"Prefect!" he cried. "Get out of there!"

Other yells joined his, but Yuu didn't glance at any of them. Not too far was Grim, shaking off the effects of a spell. His glowing blue eyes narrowed as they locked onto Yuu and a growl rumbled out of his maw. The Ramshackle Prefect met his gaze evenly and their shoulders were relaxed, like they knew he wouldn't actually hurt them.

Grim let out a dual-toned bark. They didn't flinch.

He lowered himself to the ground. . . and leaped.

"Yuu!"

"Prefect!"

Yuu felt warm air huffing onto their face. They slowly opened their eyes and found themself face to nose with Grim's snout. They looked at his eyes and found no traces of anger, which had been present throughout the fight with the NRC mages. That was when they realized he was whining like a sad dog.

"Grim?" they softly said.

"I'm sorry." There were two voices speaking simultaneously. The louder one was low and dark; the quieter one was much higher and a little nasally, exactly like Grim's normal voice. "I didn't want you to go and I broke the Dark Mirror. Now you'll never see your family again."

Yuu felt tears welling up in their eyes. The despair upon seeing the shattered frame and glass shards pulsed in their chest.

"I knew how much you wanted to go home, but I. . . I couldn't stop myself from blowing up. I wanted you to be next to me when I become a great mage. I didn't want to be alone again. But I ruined everything, and I'm so sorry."

Yuu gently touched his snout. "I know, and I know you didn't mean to ruin anything. But at least everyone is still alive. And while another way is being searched, at least you'll be able to keep me company in Ramshackle Dorm."

Big drops of tears slipped down Grim's face and created dark trails on his fur. His sobs echoed in the space around them.

He began to shrink. The chimeric parts of him--the hands, the snake-shaped tail, the wings--morphed and disappeared. The flaming mane extinguished. Very soon, Yuu was able to wrap their arms around him and he could burying his face into their shirt and cling onto them.

Their friends and upperclassmen gathered around.

"Thank goodness it's over," Ace said, sighing.

"I'm glad everything worked out in the end," Kalim said cheerily.

"Not quite. Grim still needs to face the headmaster and S.T.Y.X. for what he's done," Jamil said.

"He's going to need someone to be by his side when they happen," Yuu said, petting Grim's head. "I'm staying here for a while, so it'll be just like usual."

[panda-writes-kpop]

look at me! look at me!

a/n: @sanccharine apologies for the late fic... 🧍‍♀️ but it's done and it's fluffy!! everyone say yay!! happy late birthday, my friend ❤️

tw: alcohol consumption, paladin schemes, poor taste in party games

related fics: sorry for party rockin'!, we're never getting back together (like ever?)

♡ Masterlist ♡

summary: you invite chou tzuyu, a girl you know nothing yet everything about, over for a quiet night of studying. things don't go to plan as you're invited to a party and forced to reveal your feelings for each other in a not-so-glamorous way.

You usually don't have time for parties. With classes, hobbies, and friends in the mix, you're squeezed for time on a regular basis. Although you try to find time to go out and have fun, life usually has other plans for you.

So here you are, 6 p.m. on a Saturday, doing homework for a class.

What a life.

Your phone rings with a familiar tone. You didn't have one set for most of your contacts except the Paladins, your family, and Chou Tzuyu.

Since the sound emanating from your phone is one of Hongjoong's mixtapes that he sent to you, you know exactly who's calling you.

"Hey, Tzuyu," You answer the phone before pausing your typing at your computer, "what's up?"

"Do you mind if I come over and study? There's so much noise at the house, I can't concentrate-"

"No problem," You answer quickly, albeit a bit too quickly for friendly chatter, "You need a ride?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. Are you sending an Uber?"

"Nah, I'll ask Katie. She won't mind." You pull the phone away from your ear after turning on speaker mode.

Although Katie was the affectionate boomer hater, she'd gladly bend over backward to please you. You often wished that she'd take care of herself as well as she took care of you... but you didn't mind using your "Katie's Favorite Paladin" privileges every now and again.

You hear Tzuyu sigh as something in the background hits a wall and shatters.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes. See you then."

Ever the punctual woman, Tzuyu ends the phone call before you can engage in any friendly chatter. You wonder if you'd even call yourself friends - sure, you two hang out a lot, but all you talk about is classes, homework, or your friends' stupid antics.

You want to know more about her - who is Chou Tzuyu, really?

And why do you have a crush on her?

~

"Thanks for letting me study here tonight. If I had to mediate another fight, I would've lost it." Tzuyu mumbles as she unloads her stationary onto your desk.

You grab a chair from another room before moving your shit to the side. She offers you a smile before opening her laptop as you sit down and start to work on your own things.

"Hey, you two need anything?" Katie peeks into the room as you two look up at her.

"I'm good, thanks." Tzuyu says as you nod.

"Since you pre-made some snacks for us, I'm alright."

"You didn't have to-"

"No, it's no trouble, Dami called me earlier and I've been making food since. I trust that you two will leave some leftovers." Katie pushes away Tzuyu's concern before grabbing a set of car keys. "If you two change your mind, the party's only a block away. Feel free to walk over and join the rest of human civilization."

With that, Katie heads out of the apartment, leaving you and Tzuyu to your own devices.

~

"Do you want to order a pizza or something?" You ask as you close your computer.

Katie's pre-made snacks are now nothing but crumbs - perhaps you can shoulder the blame to King again?

Yet again, Katie and Tzuyu were friends, so she'd hopefully let it slide.

"I'm full, thanks." As always, she doesn't offer any friendly chatter.

Tzuyu quietly packs up her things, but she doesn't make any effort to leave the apartment. Neither do you, but you can't find the words to say in order to engage in any meaningful conversation.

"Are you in the mood for some hell-raising?" You ask as you grab your phone. "I don't know if parties are your style, but the Paladins make them fun for everyone."

"I'll go if you do." She softly says as you grab your jacket.

"Let's get going, then."

(You really need to work on your conversational skills.)

~

The party was already hectic when the two of you arrived. People were already drunk (people being two of the three older Paladins - at least Neon had his shit together).

"I thought this was supposed to be 'an intimate gathering among friends'?" Tzuyu quips as she leans against the door.

"Word gets out fast, I guess." You shrug before making your way towards the kitchen. "Katie?"

"In here!" She yells over the buzz of the crowd as the two of you file into the kitchen. "I'm a bit busy, but I'm glad you could make it. Feel free to mingle if you two would like. Oh, and could you two keep an eye on King and Sparrow for me?"

"I thought that was Neon's job?" You ask as Katie scoffs.

"First off, he's terrible at that job because he usually gets drunk with them. Second, he and Siyeon went to get more booze," Katie smiles to herself before adding, "I'll have to thank Ryujjn later for hiding the rest of the booze."

"You're such a little shit-"

"-I prefer the term matchmaker, thank you very much." Katie corrects you. "Now go find the other boomers before they fuck up my plan."

"You have a plan?" Tzuyu tilts her head as Katie laughs.

"Oh, I always have a plan."

~

"Because I'd rather not have to get infected by a parasite to get your attention. Being bitten by a vampire sounds less painful." Tzuyu says before you cough into your drink.

After hustling the crowd for a little bit of money, since you know how drunk Sparrow and King can get, Katie invites the gawking crowd to play another game.

"How about we play Spin the Bottle?"

It was a terrible idea, really, since tempers had already been flaring a bit. But what was wrong with a little more chaos?

You had joined the small crowd that was headed towards another part of the living room. You noticed some familiar faces - Katie, Jinsoul, Dami, Ryujin, and Heejin, among others - but Tzuyu hung back from the crowd.

"Come on over and observe the chaos. You don't have to play." You mouth to her as you make eye-contact with her.

"Are you sure that you don't mind me watching?" She says as you nod to her.

She walks over as people start to make another circle - this one is more messy, but you take a seat in between Katie and Ryujin.

Katie takes the bottle and slides it towards Jinsoul on the other side of the circle.

"You should go first since you didn't get to play Truth or Drink." Katie smiles at Jinsoul, who eagerly grabs the bottle from the floor.

"Let's make this party interesting." She spins the bottle as Tzuyu takes a seat behind the seated circle.

You find yourself holding your breath as you watch the bottle spin around and around on the floor. Nervousness develops in your stomach - not because you're nervous about kissing one of the girls, but you're more nervous about kissing a girl in front of Tzuyu.

You weren't sure exactly what the two of you were - friends? in the talking stage? two acquaintances? study buddies? somewhere in-between?

But she always made time to see you. Between her extracurriculars and the hefty class schedule, Tzuyu had little time to spare. You didn't fail to notice that she didn't have homework to work on when you agreed to study together. You'd even catch her staring at you sometimes, when she didn't catch you first.

You never called each other friends or anything more, but you want to know more about Chou Tzuyu. What were you doing together when you didn't even know what you were to each other?

You're playing with fire when you talk to Tzuyu. You fall deeper for her, unsure if she feels the same way.

Now, as the bottle slows down, it feels like the flames are burning you alive.

But you're lucky as it lands on Heejin, who happily accepts a cheek kiss from her friend.

This was a truly terrible idea, you think to yourself, as Heejin grabs the bottle and spins it.

Maybe you'll make it out of this without ruining whatever you have with Tzuyu, or without embarrassing yourself.

~

Of course, nothing was ever that simple.

Heejin's spin landed on Yeji, who drunkenly chased the former around until a kiss was successfully planted on Heejin's forehead.

Yeji, after three failed attempts, managed to spin the bottle enough for it to land on Ryujin. Cheers erupted as the first lip-to-lip contact was made.

Then the drama starts as Ryujin spins the bottle and it lands to your right.

The neck of the bottle points directly at Katie, who stares in shock before leaning over to look at Ryujin.

You feel like you're in-between something serious as Dami, on the other side of the circle, looks on with curiosity.

Ryujin moves to the side before pulling Katie close. The two share a quick kiss before returning to their spots. Katie takes the bottle in her hands, but she quickly shakes her head and hands it back to Ryujin.

"You should go again. It's only fair since you didn't get to play earlier." Katie says as Ryujin nods in agreement.

"Sounds good to me." Ryujin spins the bottle as Katie nervously bites her lip while staring at a single spot on the floor.

You offer her a sympathetic pat on the back that helps relax her a bit.

Katie sighs in relief before muttering, "I knew things were going to get tense, but I was hoping that I would be outside of the drama."

You smile to yourself as the shenanigan-making Paladin gets bitten in the ass by a product of her own design.

"You shouldn't have played with fire if you didn't want to get burned." You tease as she scoffs.

"That's why I wanted to sit next to Ryujin. The bottle never lands on the person next to the spinner." She says as the bottle Ryujin spins on lands on you.

"I wish the situational irony was less subtle." You grumble as Katie offers you a quick side hug.

"You shouldn't have played with fire if you didn't want to get burned~"

"Very funny." You roll your eyes as you face Ryujin.

"I get to kiss two Paladins in one night? I should buy a lottery ticket or something." Ryujin smirks before leaning in to kiss you.

You nervously bite your lip before starting to lean in - Tzuyu won't mind, right? It's just a silly children's game.

One that could ruin any chance of you two being more than friends.

Luckily, your lips never meet Ryujin's as Tzuyu hauls you off of your feet and drags you into the kitchen.

"Wait a minute-" You try to protest, but her grip on the back of your shirt is ironclad as she pulls you away from any prying eyes.

A few mutters ring out from the group your left behind, but screams quickly take over as another victim is selected.

"What was that about?" You say as Tzuyu lets go of your shirt.

"I didn't want you to kiss Ryujin."

"Yeah, I figured that one out when you hauled me away from her in a hurry. It's almost like you're the one who wanted to kiss me." You joke, just as you always do with all of your friends.

She looks away from you, towards the window that faces the street.

She's deadly serious.

You feel like a total jerk.

Tzuyu navigates towards the door with disappointment on her face as you trial after her.

"Wait, hold on, I didn't think you seriously liked me-"

"-of course I did! Why else do you think I want to hang out with you and do homework? I don't even have homework half of the time!" She sounds exasperated as she pauses her stride to glance at you.

"I wasn't really sure if we were friends or if you wanted to be more." You offer her your hand, and she takes it. "I'm sorry if I gave mixed signals or if I pushed you away from me. I didn't mean to, at all."

"I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to pull you away from your friends. I just didn't want you kissing any other girl at this party.." She trails off before you encouragingly squeeze her hand.

"-besides you?" You smile at her. "Don't worry, you're the only one I've thought about kissing all night."

You lean forward and kiss her cheek. Tzuyu offers you a wide smile, one that you've rarely seen.

It's enough to tempt you closer as you pull back and go for her lips this time.

Unfortunately, your bliss is short-lived as Sparrow slams the door open. You and Tzuyu immediately part - she's red in the face as you're trying to wipe her lipstick off your face.

"King got mud on my shoes, that motherfucker!" She screams, completely unaware to your presence. "NEOOOOON!"

She hollers for the oldest Paladin before stumbling into the living room as a mud-clad King walks into the house.

"Have I ever told you about the one time-" He says to absolutely no one before wandering into the kitchen.

Kim Lip follows closely behind, throwing you a wink before shoving King into the kitchen to give you two some privacy.

"Your friends are something, but mine aren't much better." Tzuyu laughs before sliding in next to you. "Shall we rejoin the party?"

"Yeah, otherwise Katie will be making up all sorts of lies about me." You mutter.

"C'mon, lovebirds, join the fun! We swapped games, and Twister's getting pretty intense!" Katie yells as the crowd screams in unison before someone falls to the ground.

It's never uneventful around her, but you don't mind having a slice of normalcy with Tzuyu. Especially since she's holding your hand and kissing your face every once in a while.

Hopefully, the blackmail isn't as bad as what you have on the other Paladins.

[kjdkive]

bubbles and kisses — mark lee.

warnings: lots of fluff cause im lonely and this is mainly for me, suggestive coments, cursing, mark being so sweet it will make you cry cause you will never have him (if there's more i need to warn lmk)

a/n: was feeling a little down and wrote this. hope you like it. english' not my first language so if any mistake please understand and also let me know cause mistakes make me want to throw up

"hi, baby." you greeted your boyfriend as you entered the appartment you shared with him.

mark looked up from his phone, as he was resting on the sofa and inmediatly stood up so he could give you a hug. "hi, my baby." he said while he gave you a kiss on the cheek, smiling but it dissapeared "why do you sigh? is everything alright?"

you smiled. you loved how he noticed the very small details. "it's nothing, babe, i'm just tired. i've been dealing with a lot of clients... the annoying ones." you gave him a little kiss with a little smile.

"oh, i'm sorry, it's okay, you're home now so i guess that's better, right?" mark asked and you nodded. "well, how about i prepare you a nice, warm bath? how does that sound?"

"oh, it sounds amazing, but would you do that for me? it's okay if i just shower." you asked him, you didn't want to bother him. he was probably more tired than you.

"yeah, of course." he brushed your hair out of your face. "i'd prepare you a million baths." he smiled, while giving you another kiss. "meanwhile, why don't you eat the pasta i bought you? cause you know i can't cook for shit, and it's still warm." you laughed and nodded to his offer.

he went away to your shared bathroom and you went to the kitchen to eat the pasta he told you about. he was right, it was still warm, and it was also really good. while you ate, you scrolled on your phone, texted back a few friends that you hadn't replied to because you've been busy with your job and if you weren't doing something related to your job you were sleeping. it was hard to maintain your life, boyfriend, friends, co-workers, clients. you just wanted a break.

"y/n! bath's ready, come here!"

"i'm coming, hold up!"

you saved the left overs of the pasta in the fridge and headed straight to the bathroom. when you opened the door, you were shocked, you couldn't believe what your boyfriend had done even though it was ultra common with him. the bathroom was full of your favorite candles, therefore it was smelling to your favorite scent, the tub was full of bubbles just how you liked it, there was your favorite playlist playing in the background and your favorite person was just there checking the perfect water temperature.

"oh my god, mark, babe, you did not."

"i did, you deserve this after a long, rough day." he smiled. "now, come here." you went to him and he grabbed your cheeks and gave you a long kiss on the lips. "okay, now, let me." he started by taking off your blazer because you were still wearing office attire and then he began to unbotton your blouse.

"fuck yeah, i'm getting laid tonight." you said, while mark now was taking off your blouse.

all he did was laugh. "jesus christ, y/n, stop being a pervert, we're not having sex tonight i'm still tired from yesterday, bro. now just enjoy this and be quiet." mark got on his knees and started taking off your trousers, holding your hands so you get ouf them when the trousers were now at your feet. "do you want me to take off your panties too?"

you had to be honest, he looked so good on his knees ready to take off everything that was on you but you had to shake off the thought. his question, though, was very straight forward, and it made you feel shy and vulnerable. you didn't say anything, you just nodded, letting him know that he could do whatever he wanted to do. and he did. before taking off your underwear, he made sure to give some light kisses to your legs and all you could do was carress his hair. he took the off and then stood up to unhook your bra.

the thing is: he never, once, looked at your body; even though he has seen all of you thousands of times in different contexts, this was different. this was so delicate, so intimate. you felt so safe even in this very vulnerable state, and you knew he would never do anything to hurt you.

he finished taking everything off and gave you a kiss again. "you look beautiful, baby, now get in." he held your hand while you walked on the steps the tub had. you felt like yourself again. the water was perfect, the bubbles felt right on your skin, the smell of the candles flodded your nose. it was all perfect, thanks to your boyfriend.

"aren't you getting in with me?" you asked him.

"i showered before you got home, so don't worry." he kissed your forehead. then he grabbed your hair and tied it in a bun so you wouldn't get it wet.

you just sat there, hugging your knees, feeling the warmth of the water and thinking how you were a really lucky girl to have someone like mark lee in your life and also, to be able to call him your boyfriend. hopefully, one day, your husband.

you opened your eyes and saw your boyfriend sitting on the steps there beside you, just staring at you. "what are you looking at, mark lee?" you asked him.

"just how pretty you are." and he looked really pretty too, resting his head on his hand, on his favorite black t-shirt and pajama pants.

"stop." you smiled.

"you're blushing, you'reeee blushing." he made fun of you and stood up a little bit to give you another kiss, which apparently, kissing you was something he couldn't stop doing tonight. "do you want me to go so you can have some alone time?" he asked.

"no, don't go." you said, inmediatly. "stay with me, please?"

"whatever you want, baby."

you held his hand and gave it a little kiss while you made it rest on your knees. and just stayed there, enjoying his prescence. the silence, the water, the scent and just him. it was perfect, but only because mark was there with you. and not only now, he was there every step of the way just as you were with him.

something hard to find, but totally worth it.

[taradactylus]

Been off from tumblr a bit but I just wanna share my general thoughts about TSAMS, especially today's episode...

‼️Quick warning for suicide and self harm mention‼️

I feel betrayed. I legit cried. Out of embarassment, betrayal, and pure but well-reserved anger.

I'm not going to be quiet about how to show handled Sun's problem. Not one fucking media type ever dares to normally bring up suicidal problems, the people who suffer from this, the amount of kids and adults who DIE from such thoughts. This isn't about the overly edgy teenagers who want to normalize cutting yourself is okey and cool. This is about the people who suffered for months and years with such conditions while the world made fun of them or ignored their calls for help. Ignored the signs.

USA doesn't have much of a public transport where the show is going on. But here we do. And a lot of trains are late every day. Late for hours because of "mechanical issues". 8 out of 10 times the mechanical issue is a local kid who jumped front of the train. A teenager fed up with life. An adult who lost their way. An ederly too impatient for death.

I have waited months. Months. To see how Sun deals with it. A character I fell in love with not in a romantic sense, a character who shared way too many of my own problems from hallucinations from abuse till betrayal. A character who was pushed and pulled their entire life around people who slapped you then said they love you. I wanted to see how he heals out from it.

The signs were there. Everywhere. Sun said it out loud once that he at least fantasized about death. EVEN OLD MOON KNEW ABOUT THIS! He literally told New Moon Sun would be capable of doing it.

So why... why through Miku, the character used as the "weird fandom girl" symbol do they bring up such a delicate topic? A topic that is not delicate because you have to tip toe around the people who live with self destructive thoughts day and night, but delicate because it matters to be properly heard out AND NO ONE LISTENS!

Not one fucking media listens. A lot of us out there rely on fandoms. Stories we can escape to because the world never listens. And call me a self-projector all you want dear creators or whoever writes the story, but you either just pulled the cheapest and most dumbest way to close off a story line with solving Sun's problems off-screen, or you just legit don't give a fuck about people who "self-projected".

Honestly, what if I did? What if in a sense, I saw myself in Sun? A Sunshine of a character ruined and changed by the things that happened to him. Am I not allowed to relate to him? Am I an annoying "fan-girl" for caring about how he heals because I myself have no idea how to do it either? Or am I like Miku for hoping someone calls out on his behaviour because that's something I've wanted my entire life and never got?

And here I am, still somehow hoping Sun is lying. That he is in denial. That there is more to what was shown... but honestly? How long should I wait and hope while the character I started to like is now becoming a bit too toxic?

And with all due respect, I'm taking this episode personally. The creators watch the fandom. Probably have their secret accounts to see what the people theorize. And if Sun is not lying, and suicide is an annoying topic and we are self-projecting too much onto Sun, with all due respect, dear creators... grow the fuck up and educate yourself.

I don't need the world to pity my ass for having self-harming habits, wishing to die and even attempted suicide before (I'm getting my ass to therapy in the meantime so do not worry about me), but all I want from content creators to fucking educate themselfes before bringing up such topics. TO CARE A BIT MAYBE?!

I have survived my worst times, but not everyone does (it's not about who is weaker or stronger, only utter guilt held me back, without that I'd be long gone), andI want for those who has no help feel like they're heard and seen. Cause literally that's all itt takes sometimes to maybe save someone's life.

So yeah. I'm utterly disappointed in this episode. Not because I want the world to know that I'm suicidal and everyone should tip toe around me and "omg pls give me attention" ect ect ect...

Im disappointed because I had hopes for TSAMS to maybe, maybe be an example and bring this topic up normally for a change. But well... here goes my hope for an educational approach of suicide and self harm in a popular show.

[waddleonmywaywardducks]

Broke witch tips

So, if you've been practicing for a while, you may already know how expensive it is to be a witch. With spirituality on the rise, america has obviously found a way to make connecting with yourself and the world around you expensive, with metaphysical shops overpricing herbs, crystals, and even candles for deities, it's really becoming harder and harder to find things that won't break your bank but also provide for your craft as well. So I've decided to make a post about how to avoid spending all this money on watered down capitalistic spirituality. Let's began

Connecting with your surroundings...

Whether you live in a bustling city, a quiet beach side town, or maybe you might be surrounded with country hicks (aka, southern Texas lol), there will always be a way to connect with your world. I understand that it might be harder to connect with your surroundings if you live in city filled with concrete instead of lushious green fields. So here are some ways I've connected with my surroundings while living in the city.

- find near by forests, whether it's a national park or just a regular forest, this will allow you to not only connect with your local plants and nature spirits. Finding a forest near you will also allow you to gather resources for your craft as well (more on this later).

- connect with your community, this could be your neighborhood, gsa clubs, really any school clubs, going to community events. Just find any way to connect with the people in your area. The community Ive made in my small town allows me grow stronger with my surroundings. We go on walks, to shops, thrift stores. I recommend this because getting out in the world and walking next to people you can relate to will make you feel more at home.

- go on walks/drive around. This might be far fetched but I connect more with my surroundings when I'm looking around for places to go. I get to see how my surroundings react to the world around me and I start to become more familiar with the wildlife and plant life of my town.

I honestly didn't live in the city for long. Once I moved out of my mother's house I immediately went back to rural towns. I've just always felt more at home here. So I'm sorry if this doesn't really help

Why I avoid metaphysical shops...

I love a good witchcraft store don't get me wrong, but a lot of the stores in my area are just wayyyyy to new age wiccan and are riddled with appropriation, so I just tend to avoid it. And alot of the time the people who work there aren't even practicing practitioners, which is ok, people need money, but it's just weird for me to see idk idk maybe I'm weird. Here are some ways I avoided spending tons of money and metaphysical stores.

- walmart, walmart doesn't actually sell any witchcraft stuff, but it can be used for witchcraft, such as herbs, Walmart has so many kitchen herbs for like super cheap, I literally get all my herbs from Walmart. I also get my candles and incense from Walmart too. They sell a wide variety of candles I love it so much

- family dollar, like walmart, they sell herbs for super cheap (its not a large variety like Walmart) BUT!!! they have a wider variety of actual good incense, I mean yeah it's supposed to be used to cover up the smell of weed (blunt effect incense), but they smell so nice and have alot of smells (lavander, dragons blood, frankincense), they also sell huge candles of all different colors, which can be used for all sorts of things. They offer room decor for cheap as well, and their room decor is really cute too. I useally use it to decorate my altars. I love family dollar

- POPSHELF!! i don't know if popshelf is just a Texas thing but they are so so so cheap. They sell beautifully made candles for super cheap, they sell really cute room decor that follow the seasons. Right now, since it's summer, everything is ocean themed and I love it so much, so much inspiration for Aphrodites altar lol although i do not recommend buying their incense, its really bad quality.

But if you don't have access to any of those....find your local forest and research invasive herbs, then create relationships and correspondences for them. I RECOMMEND DOING THIS SOOO MUCH!!! The more you become knowledgeable on your environment the more you will connect. I started creating my own correspondences with herbs that are local to me around three years ago, and since then I don't think I normally go out to buy herbs unless I absolutely have to. I use everything I find in the forest, whether it's sticks I make into a pentagram, or some ferns wrapped around a stick to make a broom, I will always try to find a way to go out and forage before I spend money on things I will evidently need again.

Creating your own relationships and correspondence with herbs in your area

Literally practitioners have been crating their own correspondences for herbs for centuries, it's how we got the correspondences we have now. But why stop this?? I recommend buying books on medicinal herbs. I have only ever bought one book on magical herbs and I don't even use it as much as I do my medicinal herbal book. Like if we take the magical properties of herbs and look at the medicinal properties of herbs they are basically the same thing (little tip for closeted witches, just say you are interested in herbal remedies), like the medicinal properties of lavander are relaxer, used to go to sleep faster and then the magical properties of lavander are dream work, anti anxiety. They are literally the same thing. Just buy the book you'll thank me later. The more you research local herbs in your area the more you will develop a relationship with them.

Some Tumblr posts I recommend looking at

Broke witch tips

Witchy stuff to add to your room

In the end....

Don't let people tell you "you need expensive items for witchcraft because it'll make you stronger" because that's not true, I hate that ideology. Use what ever is available to you, get crafty, explore, connect. Ok bye.

[ronearoundblindly]

Fire & Ice (a RoAR drabble)

Flufftober Day 12, Ransom Drysdale x rich!Reader (see series)

I blame @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory and @brandycranby for encouraging HughSaison. This is fairly loosely related to the prompt but there are a bunch of temperature references/illusions. 🤷🏻‍♀️Hey, I did my best. -> While I'm at it, does anyone want to own up (privately) to being the person who first asked about rich!Reader over a year ago??? I always wonder if that anon is still reading 🥹

Uhhh, angst with a fluffy ending... yeah, yeah, Ro loves writing arguments, we get it.

Warnings: If you've never read my Ransom before, beware. He curses like an angry sailor, inside and outside of his brain. Plus super suggestive language/mentions of sex. LOTS of dialogue. Zero editing. MINORS DNI. WC 1.8k

He cannot fucking believe it's come to this.

"Don't you fucking dare," he snips. “You cannot use a veto. You put me in charge.”

He watches you walk calmly, put away a dish calmly, sit at his couch calmly.

"I've made my decision, and that's final."

"Fuck you." Ran means it, but in his own way. "You said I could choose--"

"Not that," you say, so calmly, too fucking calmly for someone who managed to turn Ransom Drysdale into this, this thing that cares about something so petty for all the wrong--or just different--reasons.

He stretches to his full height and sucks on his tongue for a moment.

You continue to scroll through your phone.

He never thought he’d get married but he’s always loved a good party. Since the ring's not flashy, he wants you in the tiara. He hasn’t given you the ring yet either because…well, because it’s been less than a year and you practically live on the other side of the planet. Call him old-fashioned, but Ransom wants to be home for all the big things. He can plan a damn party though—and the look to match— whenever the hell he wants and for however long he wants.

At length in the quiet, he asks, "why not?"

"Because it's ridiculous, and I'm saying 'no.' Veto."

"You don't get vetoes for--" Ran smothers his frustration, but barely. "Does this have to do with...money? Because you know I’m not talking millions of dollars in real diamonds or something.” But, ya know, he’s expecting a couple hundred thou between colored and semi-precious stones, plus the setting in—would gold or platinum work best for your skin? Grandma Thrombey’s ring is made of yellow gold. Ran guesses he should match that.

The false calm never lifts from you.

Eyes icy and blank, you look at him while his plans keep running amuck. "No."

Two letters. One word. He fucking hates it.

"You'll look beautiful," he yells in annoyance.

The phone drops on the leather couch. "I'm not wearing a crown to be married in. It'll look pretentious, ostentatious. I won't do it and that's that."

"It's a tiara," Ran corrects, "and with a veil, it's near invisible. It’ll include the wedding colors with the stones."

"No."

His blood starts to boil. Don't say it, don't say it, he thinks fleetingly but fails.

"Says the woman with shit taste."

Slowly, calmly, coldly, you walk over to him, stretching to your full height, holding his gaze. You’re wearing one of his sweaters again and nothing else. That’s his favorite look, but only for him.

It’s winter outside, the heater turned up so that your naked skin stays comfortable. You stay comfortably exposed all the time, when he has his way. Comfort is king in Ran’s house. 

Despite being exposed though, he can see how you've made it so far in business—in life—even with shitty taste. Your poker face rivals champions, and you are stalwart in your dedication. There's a hard (and hardening) edge to your simple, sly grin.

You take a deep breath in,  a whiff of him, a sample for assessment.

"Poor--" you sigh "--boy."

His teeth grind together, jaw tight as a vice. How dare you.

Ran's petty, spiteful even when he tries so damn hard to keep it together, and the wound of disinheritance is still fresh enough he cannot abide that sting.

"Burn in hell."

You don’t take the bait and simply cock your head, waiting for his guilty meltdown. So far, he does this at least once a week, sometimes multiple times a day. It bothers you, you’ve told him, that he questions everything instantly, that he can’t trust you or your feelings or his surroundings, that he panics over the idea of ever having to get a job, but it’s also great ammunition against a man-child.

The grin never leaves your lips. You're in fine fighting form tonight. Ran shouldn't have tangoed.

"Go fuck some bimbo's ass."

Oh.

Oh, you bitch.

That's low.

Ransom's face contorts. "It was one time," he gripes, "and we weren't even dating."

Your palm lies flat against his chest. "We'd slept together several times, and you even volunteered for me by then so..."

Ran grabs your hips and brings you close, avoiding your gaze while hoping you keep looking at him, cooling him down, evening his hot temper.

"Of course," you add casually, "that wasn't the first time you did that, was it?"

This is where it gets tricky for him. Ran never had a real relationship before you--not even his 'bond' with his parents compares--but old habits die hard.

He shoves at your hips, spinning you two until your back hits the glass block window between the house and the bare woods outside.

His head ducks to mirror the angle of yours. "Doesn't have to be the last either."

"Hugh," you warn, as threatening as wind across his cheek.

He's gonna regret this. He knows he will, but curiosity gets the better of him.

"Tell me. Tell me why you don't want to wear something gorgeous and fancy for an occasion where you are meant to be gorgeous and fancy."

The turn in your expression is pronounced. He didn't expect you to be more alarmed by his caring than his come-ons.

"Bad form," you finally admit. "Some rich bitch thinks she's a princess. Looks really bad."

"You are rich. You are a--"

"Careful..."

"--I'm saying 'princess.' Calm down," he says to the perfectly, eerily calm woman in his arms. "Would you just fucking let me compliment you?"

Ran fiddles with some hair around your ear, noting proudly how your eyes droop shut slightly at the smallest touch from him. He likes that you respond to him, his distance, his fury, his doubt, and his passion. You make feeling okay. You are his safe space since you've seen him at his lowest.

You see him.

There's very few things in life that make more sense to Ransom than his wife will be the one who sees him and he lets see him. Everyone else and everything else can piss off.

God, he fucking hates that he loves you so much. Why won’t you just wear the fucking crown? You’ve earned it; you’re the one who conquered his demons, not Ran.

He could buy it anyway, have your veil sown straight on it, not give you the chance to argue, or he could take you out to shop, put one in your hands, knock it onto the floor, and claim ‘you break it, you bought it.’ Problem solved, but he’s a petty bitch.

He tucks the edge of his lip into his cheek.

He should be less of a petty bitch.

“What do you want?” Ran asks. “What’s it gonna take?”

He keeps his sharp eyes locked to yours, watching understanding shrink your once-dilating pupils

Change in demeanor. “Oh my god.”

Aaaand there’s the regret. “Don’t make a big deal—“

“HOLY SHIT.”

“It’s not—I’m just—“

“Hugh Fucking Drysdale?! Trying to compromise??? I’ve see it all now.”

“Stop,” he whines, dropping his head to your squirming chest.

“Wait—” you whip out of his arms and hustle back to the couch, retrieving your phone “—do it again.”

He’s too lost in staring up the sweater as you bend over to notice right away.

“Are you filming me?” Disgusting. Childish. Petty, just like him. Maybe he’s had more influence on you than he realized.

“Your face is priceless.”

“Give me that.” Ran doesn’t put much effort into reaching the phone. He would rather win for his cause. “Seriously, what do you want?”

The arm held up falls lax. He has a clear view of your home screen, so you weren’t taking a video. You just wanted to tease him. Fuck, you love to tease him.

Dramatically, your hand frames your chin in thought. “Well, I don’t want something that extravagant to go to waste, but it won’t go with every outfit…”

“No, not with colored stones,” Ran says absently. He guesses you want to get more use out of it. Gross.

“Okay, my compromise is whenever I wear it, you treat me like a princess, or perhaps, your queen.”

“Uh, sure,” he snorts. You already get treated better than any woman he’s ever known…by him, of course. He’s vaguely aware that some people do even more than the bare minimum, but those are other people. Baby steps.

“If that tiara is on my head, Hugh, you become a perfect and adoring gentleman.”

Ran wrinkles his nose. “What?”

“You heard me. That’s my compromise. Dress me that way and you have to treat me like royalty.”

“Like…” He rushes forward to sweep you up, wrapping your legs around his waist and thrusting his hips. “Princess Pussy?”

“Ran. Ew, no.”

“Queen Cunt?” Heh, he chuckles, King Comfort and Queen Cunt. No, don’t say that out loud.

You gag slightly. “Super not what I meant.”

“You’re already going to marry me, but you want me to worship you? No fucking way.” Ransom flat-out laughs.

“How did you get worship out of ‘treat me nicely?’” Your arms tighten around his neck, pulling your faces closer.

He exaggerates a groan. “I don’t know. That’s asking a lot.”

“Oh, right,” you say with a roll of your eyes. “Just keep on being shitty…even to your future wife. What could possibly go wrong?”

He huffs.

Ran is passionate about making you look good, not just because you are on his arm. Sure, he probably focuses on all the wrong things—all the selfish things,—but you easily think of the big picture and completely forget about yourself.

That’s already a balance. That’s already a big compromise.

And yet…

Ran’s looking at your face and admiring your playfulness when he could be ordering you to unzip his pants. He’s more excited to see you decked out pretty things than he is to say he dressed you. He’s concerned with how you refuse to spend money for you even though you’ve put no restrictions on him. That’s…that’s just a different Ransom Drysdale. That’s a man he wouldn’t recognize if he weren’t watching his reflection in your eyes.

Ran pecks a gentle kiss to your waiting lips.

“Okay, princess,” he coos, his arms snaking tighter over your back and his fingers plunging into your hair. He keeps you close, noses touching, hot breath mingling. “Shh, shhh.”

He hears the faintest whine escape you, and he just can’t help himself. He’s a petty bitch.

“Don’t worry, princess. I’ll fuck your ass.”

🙈🙇🏻‍♀️😝

sorry not sorry.

@supraveng @1950schick @patzammit @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @yiiiikesmish @ashesofblackroses @starkleila

[Main Masterlist; The Root of All Ransom Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[balkanradfem]

So, I've decided to start learning biology.

My education left me with only primary school biology knowledge, because I had zero biology lessons in high school, and now I find myself sorely lacking in knowledge. Which is inconvenient, now that I'm sick and have no idea what to do. I didn't know where to start, but my roommate is in high school right now, and I borrowed her biology textbook to get myself started.

The biology textbook was so misinformed and outdated it made me worry for the education system. Not only they didn't update any info from the last 40 years, some of the info was completely wrong. For instance, it claims there's 6 billion people on the planet (there's 8), and that there's 6 empires of all living things (there's 8, and some of the old ones have been renamed and disputed). I learned quickly to fact-check every bit of information on wikipedia, and this is where I found some truly astounding info that I had no idea about.

If you all have learned this in highschool and it's common knowledge, please excuse me, but I am shocked.

One of the first topics the book covers is evolutionary history of the planet, and it explains how blue-green algae were the first historic plants to produce a lot of oxygen, which sounds like a positive development for us, because most of the living things right now thrive on oxygen. But, looking it up wikipedia uncovered that it was in fact, an extinction event. Most of life on earth was at that point, thriving in non-oxygen environment, and the introduction of oxygen killed 85% of all living species on earth. It was a huge disaster that happened! It's called 'Great Oxidation Event', or the 'Oxygen Catastrophe'.

But that's not all, I found out that it was not only that which destroyed almost all life on earth, but there's been 5 different events in the history that destroyed close to 80% of all species on the planet, and for some of them we don't even know why. We only found proof that lots of species disappeared at all times and the dominant species on the planet rapidly changed, but no idea why, for some of them it's assumed it has to do with volcanoes or ice, and of them that is well known is the meteor, that ended the big dinosaurs.

I never realized how much of evolution was destruction and then starting over, this was shocking to me. It was also fascinating, I found myself following links and learning more about extinction events, also that we're currently in the extinction event caused by humans who are driving lots of species into extinction by taking over their habitats, which made me sad.

At this point I started reading other, biology-related materials, for example, I read a book named 'What an Owl Knows', which is written by Jennifer Ackerman, an owl scientist who studied owls her entire life; now I know more about owls. I also started listening to an audio book about the ocean, and this one proved to be very difficult to follow, but I'll tell you what I learned from both.

The owl book was charming, I found out that owls are the most quiet, soundless birds when they fly, because their wings and feathers are the biggest part of their bodies. This is how they manage to swoop up prey without anyone hearing a single flap. They're also very silent and subtle. Unless you're studying owls, you won't be able to tell if the owl is startled, or scared, because she will sit very still and not give you any clues. Smaller owls can go into their 'freeze' response easily if they're being hunted, because their instinct is to be still and not move when in danger! It can make you feel like the owl is not scared, since she's not moving, but she is most likely not comfortable if anyone is approaching her.

Owls have similar faces to our faces, and they're very charismatic to us; this is why baby owls, and injured owls in human care, can sometimes imprint on humans. This is bad news for the owls, because once it happens, they can never again be released into the wild, they'll either never learn to hunt, or they'll act towards humans, like they do to other owls - brawling, attacking, aggressive, territorial. Even if they really like us, they will keep acting like we're other owl, not a different species. They see us similarly to how we see them.

One of the best information I've learned, is that in Serbia, there's the biggest gathering of owls of all species, there can be more than 300 owls in one place at the time. The reason for this is common use of old-fashined methods of harvesting grains, which leaves a lot of leftover corn and wheat on the ground, attracting mice, rats, and other small rodents, which creates a great food source for owls. Serbian farmers don't use rodenticide, so owls don't get poisoned. Owls so beloved and appreciated there, that they have an owl festival every year, and the whole month of november is called 'Sovember', because owl in serbian is 'sova'. I never knew about this, even though it's my neighbour country! I looked this up, and I found a website for the international owl festival, but I couldn't find any more info. I would appreciate it so much if any serbian followers could write me about this and tell me their experiences with it, I've never wanted to visit Serbia more!

The book contains information about owls used in Harry Potter movies, including the names of the owls, as well as discussing how the books made owls popular, and how it made people want them as pets. Owls do not make good pets, because they're predators and will destroy things and be very difficult to care for, but the book encourages readers to find the local owls and keep them safe, to leave old trees with holes in them standing, so the owls could nest in them, or to hang up baskets that can also be used as nests. It was a lovely, charming book and I recommend it to anyone who wants to know more about owls.

The ocean book is named 'How the Ocean Works', by Helen Czerski, and I haven't finished yet, but it opened up a lot of questions for me. The funniest part of it was the breakup of what people used to think about the ocean; apparently before research, people assumed that the sea is salty because it's been left in the sun for too long, and that's just what you get from sun exposure, they believed that deep down it was not salty anymore. They also believed that the sea water cannot go putrid if left standing. It took a scientist checking this to confirm it was not true; sea water did go putrid left in a bucket in the sun, and non-salty water did not turn salty when left in the sun for months. It was interesting to know that for the longest time, people didn't realize it was the salt in the sea that made it salty, I then wondered how they got salt, and it turns out they just got it from the salt mines, which are leftover from the long-dried up seas.

Now new information that I didn't know, was that the salinity is different between the oceans, the Atlantic is saltier than the rest. The book also explained about how the salt is connected to the currents, and to the movements of the sea, and also changes the density of the water. One thing that had me taken aback was that the ocean waves are not only caused by the wind, but the water is reacting to earth's rotation, and this rotation is constantly moving the water. It feels like the ocean is being pulled both by the earth and the moon, constantly being driven by planetary forces, which is interesting, because it's difficult to tell that just by looking.

The book calls ocean the 'blue machine', because it's always moving, and filled with energy. Sun is always warming up the surface, making it a great reservoir of solar energy, and the book goes on about how it's possible to harvest this energy, using hot water, and cold water, apparently there's already buildings being cooled down by the ocean power, but I never managed to figure out how! I tried looking it up, and also found nothing. I wish the book explained the physics of it, so that I could try it out, it's a great thing to be able to get power jut by using hot and cold water, and the water is already heated by the sun, while you can get cold water from the bottom of the sea.

I think I might understand this book better if I read it, rather than listening to the audiobook, which as you can see, just has me puzzled because I do not catch details. Still I wanted to share my new learnings, and ask if anyone can tell me more, or if this is all knowledge that people who had biology in high school already have. I'm having a great time learning, especially because I can just divert in any direction that has my interest, and I can seek out information that gives me useful, practical knowledge. Wish all learning processes could be free and inspired like this!

[neuroticbookworm]

*deep breath* FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Alright, I'm gonna make my case for the Bad Buddy Rooftop Kiss. This is probably gonna be the most personal I've ever been on this hellsite.

Let's get this out of the way. I loved Kinnporsche. I honestly did (even though it might not look like it since this is the second time I'm passionately campaigning against the show). I loved it so much that I made my very busy best friend, @tonysteve25 who is planning their wedding, make up the time to talk to me so I can rant for two hours about the show (no need to judge me, I know y'all are equally crazy)

I'm gonna strip the plot to the basics and then build my argument, so if I end up reiterating a lot of themes that are already discussed, apologies in advance

Bad Buddy is, at its core, a Romeo and Juliet retelling. Set in a fairly conservative Asian country, and produced by a media industry whose brand of storytelling often involves an AU-esque setting where homophobia does not exist. We are shown time and again that Pat and Pran's friends and family do not have a problem with them being in a same-sex relationship.

So the conflict comes from the history their families have with each other. As a South Asian cinephile, I've watched this trope play out so many times with heterosexual couples that I'm sure it has unwittingly become a part of my brain chemistry. Oftentimes, the reasons why the families are feuding are so over the top that every shred of relatability gets thrown out the window.

In Bad Buddy's case, the reason is kept simple, albeit childish in the beginning. A business rivalry between the two families, and as a result, the boys are also pitted against each other. This simplicity gives way to a lot of levity in the beginning, but as the story progresses, the real strength of this narrative starts seeping through. This show is relatable. Almost too relatable.

The constant pressure to outperform the other in every way, be it academics, sports, or romance; the expectation on Pat to follow his dad's footsteps and match his achievements, even in a dumb singing competition; the guilt that permeates every moment of joy they feel in their relationship, because they are always aware that they are actively disappointing their parents; the quiet, painful realization in the later episodes that they will never be accepted into each other's families, no matter how hard they try; the revelation that the root of the conflict came from a scholarship stolen from a woman, to satisfy the expectations of a patriarch.

Every statement above is the reality of so many Asians living their lives right now. I personally know couples who have been cut off from their families for over 20 years because they don't approve of their love/marriage. I have peers who blindly follow the career path charted for them by their parents because it is easier than resisting and doing something they actually like. A lot of us are left feeling unmoored and struggling to define our self worth in the real world, after we leave academia, because that is all we are ever taught: your grades indicate how worthy you are.

Now, I know not a single word above argues why the kiss is the best, but I'm getting there. Stay with me now. Many people more talented than me have argued the specifics of the kiss, the reasons why it grabbed us by our throats the first time we saw it, and why we are still on that rooftop with them. The reasons submitted in the poll describe it so eloquently, beat by beat (edit: I found out that it was witten by @tiistirtipii, here). @respectthepetty begs us not to disappoint Pat again here, @lurkingshan dives deep into the character analysis and why the kiss is the perfect culmination of narration, pacing, and the characters' journey here, @waitmyturtles explores the importance of foreplay, the 'how did we get here' before the kiss, here.

What I want to draw attention to are two things. One: how this kiss was executed in such a way that all of their deeper struggles are woven into the microexpressions, so when you rewatch the show, all of the added context makes it so much more heartbreaking.

Let's be clear here, Pat and Pran did not get a happily ever after. They did not break all of the chains that were weighing them down. Pat went on to follow his father into the business (who also followed his father into it). They have to keep their relationship a secret, with no end in sight. Even in the end, the audience is shown only a hidden, reluctant acceptance from the parents, not an open love.

Pat and Pran's relationship will always be bittersweet. And the kiss shows it. The fact that the kiss was the very last shot to be filmed is no coincidence. The actors know how it ends, they have already performed it. They also know that the characters in this moment know it too. They have lived all their lives playing their families' games, they know that if they take this leap of faith, then they are willingly giving up so many little moments in life, even something so mundane as entering each other's house through the front door. And we can see it, see all of it clearly in Pran's face. Pran, who plans every detail of his life. Pran, who is also in love with his rival for who knows how long. And then we see it in Pat's face too, if only after a moment, because that's the way he is. Pat, who has looked at Pran all his life as a rival, a bandmate, a secret friend. Pat, who is the only one who can completely understand Pran, his anger and grief and devastation, because they only have each other in this wretched game. We see his face fall, and we see confusion cloud his happiness.

This kiss is the perfect summation of their relationship, shown at the very beginning of it. They can have desire, but be riddled with guilt. They can have happiness, but only in secrecy.

Two: how this kiss did more for Asian queer representation than we can ever comprehend.

I was not present in the Tumblr trenches with y'all when the show originally aired, but I've read many, many posts about how it broke the internet. Western media often fucks up queer characters because they don't write fully fleshed out characters who happen to also be queer. They place enormous emphasis on the character's queerness, and end up writing a stereotypical cardboard cutout in the shape of a queer person. Complex queer representation is hard to come by, add Asian into the mix and the pool gets laughably small.

In the episodes leading up to the kiss, we see the characters get fleshed out, their struggles explored, but they are also deeply rooted in the middle class Asianness of it all. I know it is ironic to say that other shows from Thailand are less Asian than this one, but the struggles of a queer mafia boss/rich businessman/heir to the corporate throne protagonists can sometimes be a tad out of touch for the general populace, and we can only feel so much nostalgia for our school days before we are tired of the saccharine sugar high.

When I saw this kiss for the first time, my eyes teared up, not because these gay characters are having a hard time, but because I could feel their pain, irrespective of my sexuality. I knew deep in my bones how a kiss can simultaneously feel like freedom and a lifelong trap. And I'm sure so many others felt it too. The kiss went viral because it was a perfect representation of so many struggles of Asians and the diaspora (and beyond), and it happened to be queer.

I don't know how the results will tally up when the clock runs out, but I hope we can chalk up a honest-to-goodness happy ending for them, if only in a silly Tumblr poll.

cc @bl-bracket, here ya go, a very long and rambling campaign propaganda

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITAH for accidentally making my younger cousin cry?

Basically, my (F17) younger cousin (F9) and her mom moved close by to where my family lives, and now is starting to visit regularly. Only, I'm a very anxious and socially awkward person and I'm not very good around kids. I try my best to entertain her, although I've been told I need to "grow a spine and learn to say no" by my mom after I let my younger cousin mess up my wigs. I'm a big push over, but I do like my personal space. Only, my cousin is very extroverted and curious, and I sort of understand, so that's why I try to help her hone that energy in things like arts and crafts and such.

The thing is, I get socially drained very easily. Especially since I'm a senior in highschool now trying to get ready for college. I don't have as much energy anymore and can't keep up with her as much, and I've noticed she gets upset when I'm not around because she thinks I'm purposely ignoring her. She's not alone though, she has my sister (F14) to keep her company, and they're both much closer than I am with her.

I recently had a panic attack because my younger cousin took a lot of valuable things from my room (such as figures I bought and manga I was gifted), and earlier in the day she hid in my room and locked me out. I know she means no harm, she's 9 after all. And although I was uncomfortable, I'd let her onto my bed, or let her cling to my arm (I'm very touch adverse due to past events I don't wish to talk about). But this time, seeing my things gone and being locked out of my only safe space caused me to panic.

I tried explaining to her I wasn't upset, but she still started crying since I was pounding on my bedroom door and then later started crying since I tried picking up my things from where she had taken them instead of letting her play with them. I was just very tired, and tried explaining to her. I feel like I'm in the wrong because I don't know if I explained it right, and also because I believe my pushover nature isn't helping. I suppose that's just the way she was raised, but everytime I try to spend time by myself she begins to cry. I never yelled at her, seeing as I'm more on the quiet side and especially since I've seen how she reacts out of the blue. It's just exhausting having to stay up all night and play all day.

For extra information, her mom is very sweet but had my cousin at a young age. She wasn't really around a lot of kids her age growing up, but now that they moved she has a lot more opportunities. I don't know of any mental disorders, but my family is very close to my cousin and her family so I feel we'd get notified if something was shown.

I don't know if I'm overthinking this, my own relations with my mom is more on the tense side since she's always taken my things when I was younger and made me paranoid about whether or not I'll wake up to it all gone. I try not to be like her, but I feel my cousin is probably seeing me as more standoffish. Sorry if this isn't the best explanation, I'm new to this system but just wanted an outside opinion.

I hope your day goes well. 🌸

What are these acronyms?

[adhd-creativity]

ADHD and Gender

I've just thought about how possibly gender doesn't necessarily inherently change the way ADHD affects us (for example, articles stating that adhd makes men more hyperactive than women). But society and how we've been socialised from infants to align with our assigned gender most definitely does.

Example- my male colleague, I'll call him Ben, has combined type adhd just like me (innatentive and hyperactive). It's a lot more 'obvious' with him- he talks loudly about his interests, bounces around the room, and today he's left the staffroom distracted by something work-related. He's left a used mug, glass, and a dirty tuppaware out on the shared table.

My other colleagues complain about Ben to me- they feel safe doing this as I pass so easily as 'normal'. They call him inconsiderate and someone calls him gross. And I think privately to myself, I would so easily have done that too, but I'm too hyper-aware of the shame, the gossiping of everyone around me.

I also know- in a public space you can't leave your used things out on the table. Even if it's really hard to keep track of and not do accidentally. I know I am expected to be tidy (especially in public) and consider everyone around me at all times, even if it negatively affects me.

They don't know about when I hid a growing pile of used mugs and plates in my little office space until people started complaining things were missing, how I complained with them (lol). They don't know that I stayed super late one shift and filled a bag with the mugs and plates and sneaked them into the kitchen to wash, clanking guiltily as I went, having to soak and scrub them for more than an hour.

I don't know Ben's personal history, but maybe he grew up not being told to constantly keep on top of his own mess and chores. Maybe that's women's work. Or maybe he had a modern thinking family who encouraged him to take up the space he needed (not shrink yourself down, make room for boys that need that space) and to not care what others thought of him. Maybe they were annoyed by him leaving cups and plates and making a mess, but Ben's a boy, and boys are allowed to be messy.

Maybe Ben has been enouraged to speak loudly and proudly about his interests all his life, so now he tells people about them. Maybe he's never been told to be quiet, to not think so highly of himself, to let others talk first.

I don't know Ben- I just know that he's had a very different experience of the world than I have, even if we both do share ADHD.

And because he's maybe had the chance to be who he is, loud and chatty and chaotic, without society telling him to be quiet, smaller, neater - maybe thats why people like Ben get diagnosed when they are 8 years old. Maybe that's why I didn't get diagnosed until 30- after years of pushing and having to fight my case.

What do people think? I'd love to hear some other perspectives on this

(Disclaimer- this is not meant to be gender essentialist or man-hating. I think gender is a construct and although I've been socialised as a woman, I am non-binary. Also I am not a health care professional these are just my thoughts lol )

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Delta anon here and I have returned to do the ask thingy!

I'm gonna be real, I have only a vague memory of entirely why I started following you. It was probably after I had SCOURED all of Tumblr for Delta-related things, and then I found a post you had made. I remember that it was the post you made about Delta being plural, and that i immediately sent it to one of my friends out of excitement. And out of the sheer joy of finally finding someone who even as much as knew of his existence, I followed you immediately (this is also how I started following the majority of the people I do now lmao).

I also began sending asks relating to Delta somewhere around that time, too. It was all on anon obviously, but sending anon asks to you about Delta helped me actually learn a lot more about Tumblr and interactions through it. And when I got a positive/respectful response (I say this in the fact that I didnt think you would be mean, but rather in the fact that I'd never previously interacted with anyone that i could directly send asks to and remain secret so I was incredibly nervous), it encouraged me to keep going. Which is why I said in a previous anon that I was probably at least a solid half of the contributions about the asks involving Delta.

So, in this, thank you for making me feel more confident and comfortable with both interacting with people and also contributing to things I enjoy. I really enjoy getting to send asks and receive responses, which is why I'm around so much lmao. I don't have to worry about being seen as annoying, which is a massive weight off my shoulders - especially knowing that I can remain anonymous and not have the fear of being judged publicly where everyone can see.

In truth, I've always been afraid of directly contributing to content, especially on a platform that's known for judgement sometimes. I've always been afraid of being judged in sharing my own personal headcanons about my favorite characters, but being able to go anon made me feel much more comfortable just sending an ask.

So, all in all, thank you. However I will continue to stay on anon because I like the idea of people not knowing who I am lmao. The mystery entertains me /silly

(And btw, same as crow, we are also secretly mutuals lmao)

ahhhh i love my mysterious secret mutuals!! Im so glad i was able to help you feel more comfortable and confident engaging and contributing to content about your favorite characters! It took me a long time to manage to get there on my own and im glad i was at least able to do that for someone else, even if unknowingly.

And as goes for anyone sending any asks to me on anonymous, I will always try to keep yalls identities/users secret.

including if you accidentally send something without turning on anonymous (which i can tell if the end message is still signed [nickname] anon near the top or end of a message), in which case id probably just screenshot the ask and crop out any usernames before I answer the ask and post it.

And I completely understand the worry about being judged Del, I’ve been on and off Tumblr as a quiet lurker for years before I begin posting at all. But I’m honestly glad I managed to find the courage to do so, it gave me the chance to meet and talk to some pretty amazing people and it’s just so nice to have fun with everyone.

And i honestly enjoy reading everything you have to say about Delta, Beta, the Epic Sanses, etc. You have such cool ideas and I can tell how much you really seem to love this AU and this character and all his potential. And I love talking about him, he’s such a goober. I could never be annoyed by seeing an ask from you, im always overjoyed see one or even sixty lmao.

[halothenthehorns]

Chapter 15: RACHEL MAKES A BAD DEAL

Will snapped out of his daze like a bad dream, right into the familiar feeling of someone needing his attention.

It was Nico, but to his surprise, the son of Hades had concerned eyes on him. A question in the tilt of his head.

Will used the back of his hand to brush Nico's cheek in thanks as he shook his head.

"If you need out," Nico whispered, trying to make him hear the urgency in his quiet voice-

He shook his head more forcefully and whispered back, "I'm, just, I don't want to dwell on this. I'm not proud of the fact that I, kind of still have some anger at Percy lodged somewhere in here about nobody telling me I was suddenly head of my cabin as I rushed off to save someone else," he gestured with his other hand to the back of his head with an uncommon frown.

Reaching over to take the book, he'd thought the matter was settled. He wasn't expecting the distance to be closed and Nico to take the moment to place a quick kiss on his cheek, right on the edge of his lip.

Nico looked as surprised as he did for the impulse, and both blushed as Nico hastily put the book in his hand.

"You two are dating?!"

Percy's blurted shout was just loud enough they all winced at the noise and he only felt a bit sorry as he tried to modulate his voice back down, "I've been here the whole time, when did you two..." he trailed off in maximum confusion and great relief Nico's crush really had apparently full blown faded. Either that or Nico's Italian roots had flared up at a strange time?! Or was that a French thing to kiss someone on both cheeks? But Nico hadn't kissed the other one-

"Oh, Percy," Annabeth sighed.

Will's voice was now squeaking as he flipped to his spot to start without responding and the chapter title came out like someone was plucking on his vocal cords. "Rachel Makes a Bad Deal."

"Get this girl a lawyer, stat!" Alex said as if nothing had happened.

Percy was still ogling the pair and then looking at his assortment of books, then to Annabeth; but was clearly going to be ignored by everyone else.

I grabbed Will Solace from the Apollo cabin and told the rest of his siblings to keep searching for Michael Yew.

The first time Will's name had even been mentioned on Percy's radar, and it was him he turned to for help, Nico noted with interest. It was no surprise to him, Will was the most helpful guy he'd ever met.

We borrowed a Yamaha FZI from a sleeping biker and drove to the Plaza Hotel at speeds that would've given my mom a heart attack.

Nico couldn't help a flinch of distaste at the mental picture of Will clinging to Percy's back for no other reason than fear for his safety. Percy might be able to walk off crashing that bike and keep running to get to Annabeth, but Will wouldn't.

Of course, Percy was more likely to fling Will over his shoulder and keep going, engine or not, but it was still a bad stint to envision.

 I'd never driven a motorcycle before, but it wasn't any harder than riding a pegasus.*

"It is nothing like riding a pegasus," Annabeth looked at him in her usual concern for his mental faculties. "The skill set is completely different seaweed brain, how you even think one relates to the other- no, how you're not dead is-"

She shut up as Percy gently kissed the back of her hand, looked her in the eyes, and said, "Quite time wise girl." The strain in his voice was unmistakable. He might have her here, warm and alive beside him now, but he still needed that security from his past like a blanket to feel like she'd stay that way in his memory too.

She nodded dumbly and squeezed his hand in understanding of that.

Along the way, I noticed a lot of empty pedestals that usually held statues. Plan twenty-three seemed to be working. I didn't know if that was good or bad.

"Why is that so accurate to every part of your life?" Magnus sighed.

Percy would honestly like an answer to that too.

It only took us five minutes to reach the Plaza—an old-fashioned white stone hotel with a gabled blue roof, sitting at the southeast corner of Central Park.

"Whoever picked that spot was trying to get in your good graces," Jason rolled his eyes, wishing he knew New York better to instead glean if that was a strategic place.

"I don't like something just because it has a blue roof," but Percy's protest sounded half-hearted at best. He had smiled at the building on more than one occasion as he passed for the color.**

Tactically speaking, the Plaza wasn't the best place for a headquarters. It wasn't the tallest building in town, or the most centrally located. But it had old-school style and had attracted a lot of famous demigods over the years, like the Beatles and Alfred Hitchcock, so I figured we were in good company.

"It's not the worst reason to pick it," Nico nodded along. Taking a moment to remember its historical importance and why other demigods had been drawn there was a motive he'd consider.

I gunned the Yamaha over the curb and swerved to a stop at the fountain outside the hotel.

Will and I hopped off.

Nico was a little surprised at the jealousy that flitted through him. Had Will once had a crush on Percy like he did? It wouldn't surprise him. He'd once had a mild panic attack at the idea of getting on the back of Mrs. O'Leary with Percy and him being that close, so he knew he had no right to begrudge Will if he'd had a bit of a thrill for this chance.

The statue at the top of the fountain called down, "Oh, fine. I suppose you want me to watch your bike too!"

She was a life-size bronze standing in the middle of a granite bowl. She wore only a bronze sheet around her legs, and she was holding a basket of metal fruit. I'd never paid her too much attention before.

Then again, she'd never talked to me before.

"That is the best way to get your attention," Thalia nodded. "Gods forbid you try giving the boy a silent signal."

Percy ignored her as he continued holding Annabeth close and watching the book intently. Or he really hadn't registered she was talking to him. They'd believe both.

"Are you supposed to be Demeter?" I asked.

A bronze apple sailed over my head.

"Great guess Percy," Alex gave him a thumbs up. "Hope you try again."

"Why do you want to hear her throw more apples at me?" Percy gave her an exaggerated hurt face.

"Your thick head can take it and I crave violence through physical comedy you don't get enough of," she shrugged.

"Yeah, no, I get that," Precy nodded in understanding while Magnus and Annabeth looked between the two in ever-growing concern.

"Everyone thinks I'm Demeter.'" she complained. "I'm Pompona, the Roman Goddess of Plenty, but why should you care?

"No, yeah, why should I care about a Roman goddess?" Percy looked around at Jason. "I have enough of my own to deal with!"

Jason held up a finger for each point he made. "They overlap frequently, you should be more respectful, and so she might actually care about you."

Percy didn't seem to hear a good reason yet as he kept watching him before shrugging and turning back towards the book while Jason studied his fingers with a stubborn frown of how he could do better next time.

Nobody cares about the minor gods. If you cared about the minor gods, you wouldn't be losing this war! Three cheers for Morpheus and Hecate, I say!"

"Watch the bike," I told her.

Pompona cursed in Latin and threw more fruit as Will and I ran toward the hotel.

At least Alex got a laugh out of that while Percy grinned along at least it was easy to please somebody around here.

"An apple a day keeps the Percy away, got to make note of that one," Jason huffed.

"It took two apples, gods Jason, thought you were the smart one," Percy smirked.

"I'm just glad he didn't decide to catch one," Thalia said saintly, "that's a marriage proposal in Greek culture."

Percy looked at her and spluttered in concern, but for once he didn't drop Annabeth's hand and act like a scared little kid embarrassed of the future. Just an average boyfriend put on the spot of such words being spoken in his presence.

Will didn't try to fight off a small smile for these guys, and gave Jason a silent nod when he threw him a look, having obviously dodged the real stupid quote that he was mocking.

I'd never actually been inside the Plaza. The lobby was impressive, with the crystal chandeliers and the passed-out rich people, but I didn't pay much attention. A couple of Hunters gave us directions to the elevators, and we rode up to the penthouse suites.

"You might not have paid it much mind, but somebody made sure you got the best view," Magnus's skin crawled at the idea of how much a carpet in that place would cost while his shoes went across.

Of course, Annabeth was in there, and he'd shove his way past any security guards to get to her side too, it just bothered his brain a little that somebody had taken the time to make a keycard for the top of the building instead of just utilizing the lobby that could fit two or three entire homeless shelters more conveniently.

Demigods had completely taken over the top floors. Campers and Hunters were crashed out on sofas, washing up in the bathrooms, ripping silk draperies to bandage their wounds, and helping themselves to snacks and sodas from the minibars. A couple of timber wolves were drinking out of the toilets. I was relieved to see that so many of my friends had made it through the night alive, but everybody looked beat up.

"Percy!" Jake Mason clapped me on the shoulder. "We're getting reports—"

"Later," I said. "Where's Annabeth?"

"So that she can be there for the sweet revenge of you dumping those in Chiron's lap and tell him to figure out the alphabet," Will nodded.

Percy laughed, a cautious noise of hope that if Will could joke at a time like this Annabeth's injury hadn't been to bad at all.

"The terrace. She's alive, man, but . . ."

I pushed past him.

"I would too," Thalia scowled. That boy was lucky he'd still had all his limbs attached, or hadn't gone through a wall while being in Percy's way.

Under different circumstances I would've loved the view from the terrace. It looked straight down onto Central Park.

It was the perfect height too, Will hadn't really the chance to look on with the kind of awe he'd wanted to. High enough that the people below were indistinguishable, just little specks of life around, but not to tall he felt above them like a god would, easily able to overpass the sight of them and just see around what they were there to do.

The morning was clear and bright—perfect for a picnic or a hike, or pretty much anything except fighting monsters.

'But that's what he and Annabeth did best,' the thought flitted through Percy's mind strangely. Not joyful, exactly, a bit of pride sure because that kind of skill was what kept them alive and what made them friends in the first place, working so well together.

It was more of longing. Not quite sadness, just that he wanted them to be able to do more than just be good at that.

He glanced down at her now comfortably melded into his side as if she'd never leave again, and gods he hoped she wouldn't even as his imagination ran wild in the world above of everything they could do together. Picnics and hiking and more, finally without a single bad thing happening to one of them.

It sounded like a pipe dream, and he should just settle for being happy his girlfriend was here with him too.

Thankfully for Percy, such similar thoughts were floating through her head, but she had more plans and schemes afoot to make sure they'd come true before the next problem.

Annabeth lay on a lounge chair. Her face was pale and beaded with sweat. Even though she was covered in blankets, she shivered. Silena Beauregard was wiping her forehead with a cool cloth.

Percy's hands ached for a moment like he needed to pop his knuckles. What he wanted was to shove them all away from her like he had on the bridge, scoop her safe into his arms and never put her down until she was at the feet of a god who could, and would heal her without a single hesitation. No deals, no posturing, no tit for tat. Just godly healing out of the goodness of their heart so she'd be okay again.

That kind of alternate reality just didn't exist.

Will and I pushed through a crowd of Athena kids. Will unwrapped Annabeth's bandages to examine the wound, and I wanted to faint. The bleeding had stopped but the gash looked deep. The skin around the cut was a horrible shade of green.

Nico vividly remembered Will once promising to show him a wound every color of the rainbow, and his mind wandered for a moment wondering what it would take for a wound to turn blue...no that was probably oxygen deprivation and bad. Or purple...maybe a rare kind of poison?... Percy's wound had once been green when Annabeth nearly died, what an interesting comparison...

"Annabeth . . ." I choked up. She'd taken that knife for me. How could I have let that happen?

"You didn't let it happen Percy," Annabeth looked up at him with her eyes solid steel gray. "I did it, and I don't regret it."

Because she'd lived to not regret it, Percy still felt compelled to call Blackjack over and stampede him for this happening. What good was that curse if he couldn't protect what mattered most?

"Poison on the dagger," she mumbled. "Pretty stupid of me, huh?"

"Loving the correlation here that your hubris has no effect on you claiming idiocy on cleaning your own bunk for inspection, and saving Percy's life," Jason grinned.

"It's a very short and top-secret list my enemies would kill to get their hands on," Annabeth nodded seriously.

Will Solace exhaled with relief. "It's not so bad, Annabeth. A few more minutes and we would've been in trouble, but the venom hasn't gotten past the shoulder yet.

"You could almost die really isn't 'so bad' as you are about to die," Nico mock agreed that sounded like a great thing.

"See, this is why you'll do great work in the infirmary, making sure they hear the important details," Will nodded.

Just lie still. Somebody hand me some nectar."

I grabbed a canteen. Will cleaned out the wound with the godly drink while I held Annabeth's hand.

"She doesn't have to, drink it?" Magnus wasn't trying to correct Will, but up until this point that's how he understood it.

"No," Will kindly agreed, "it's preferable to ingest it orally to make sure it breaks down fully in the body, but in situations where they're unconscious, or worse some sort of poison is involved, better to pour it on the wound directly to let the healing kick in as fast as possible. Both are dangerous of course, we're always afraid of using to much, so you have to make that kind of choice on the fly."

Magnus and Jason both nodded in understanding, low levels of anxiety still circling the room despite Annabeth obviously being okay.

"Ow," she said. "Ow, ow!" She gripped my fingers so tight they turned purple, but she stayed still, like Will asked. Silena muttered words of encouragement. Will put some silver paste over the wound and hummed words in Ancient Greek—a hymn to Apollo. Then he applied fresh bandages and stood up shakily.

The healing must've taken a lot of his energy. He looked almost as pale as Annabeth.

His anger he'd been helping her instead of looking for Micheal had been well buried. He'd been professional and done all he could for her like any kid who passed through the infirmary any other day of the year.

After though, as he'd fallen slowly down the tacky patterned wall and sat alone in the hallway, he'd let himself cry softly for a while, letting it all have him before he made himself get up and go find his siblings. Memories of Micheal teaching him that hymn following him, trying to ask himself what Lee would say to them, to him as the oldest now.

It was a petty feeling he wasn't proud of as he'd glanced back at the door without a last prayer for Annabeth before turning away.

Nico rested his head gently on Will, causing Will's breath to catch softly as he stayed like that for several moments after Will kept reading, only pulling slightly back away again when his voice managed to get back to steady.

"That should do it," he said. "But we're going to need some mortal supplies."

He grabbed a piece of hotel stationery, jotted down some notes, and handed it to one of the Athena guys. "There's a Duane Reade on Fifth. Normally I would never steal—"

"I would," Travis volunteered.

Will glared at him. "Leave cash or drachmas to pay, whatever you've got, but this is an emergency. I've got a feeling we're going to have a lot more people to treat."

Will had known Travis was just trying to lighten the mood, but Will had found it far from endearing or funny. He'd felt five times his age. He'd felt very alone and frustrated beyond words to shout at even his dad, only a vague hope even he'd understand a fraction of what he was feeling and not even that was enough to bother trying to ask for a summons that would only be ignored. Obviously he was doing the most important thing in trying to quell Typhoon right now.

But having Nico here now really was like a missing puzzle piece he hadn't realized was needed in that picture back there. He fit so easily into the moment in Will's imagination, like he'd been standing silently off to the side and followed him out and just been a quiet acceptance for everything he'd been feeling. It really did make the memory retroactively bearable instead of a painful new twisting he'd been expecting.

Nobody disagreed. There was hardly a single demigod who hadn't already been wounded . . . except me.

'The obvious solution here was to throw everybody in the river Styx so nobody could ever get hurt again,' Alex shook her head as she bit her lip. She couldn't make herself say that even in jest. Even if they all knew she wasn't an actual idiot and nobody tried to explain why that was a bad idea, it just wasn't for anybody else but her.

"Come on, guys," Travis Stoll said. "Let's give Annabeth some space. We've got a drugstore to raid . . . I mean, visit."

"Really wasn't any funnier the second time," Nico grumbled too, giving Will another small moment to smile he wasn't the one to say it even if he'd been feeling it. It would have just sounded scathing coming from him right now.

The demigods shuffled back inside. Jake Mason grabbed my shoulder as he was leaving. "We'll talk later, but it's under control. I'm using Annabeth's shield to keep an eye on things. The enemy withdrew at sunrise; not sure why. We've got a lookout at each bridge and tunnel."

"Thanks, man," I said.

He nodded. "Just take your time."

He closed the terrace doors behind him, leaving Silena, Annabeth, and me alone.

She hadn't heard that, and a part of Annabeth wanted to smack Percy for not sharing such a thing with her while part of her mind had been running calculations and numbers and more plans of what needed to be done. Not that she didn't trust the rest of the campers to get it done without her, she just needed to be involved, she had been practically since she set foot in camp.

Silena pressed a cool cloth to Annabeth's forehead. "This is all my fault."

"No," Annabeth said weakly. "Silena, how is it your fault?"

"I've never been any good at camp," she murmured. "Not like you or Percy. If I was a better fighter . . ."

Her mouth trembled.

Thalia's fist formed tight, wanting to punch this girl in the face and then hold her tight and promise she understood. Gods did she understand what Silena had fallen into. She wished she could scream in her face for being pulled under Luke's charms, and she wanted to promise everybody who'd ever met him had been fooled too.

She'd never had the chance to act on any of it, and a part of her was selfishly glad for it. Silena had been drowning long before Thalia had known to help pull her out and maybe splash her a few more times to make sure she stayed awake the rest of her time at Camp.

Ever since Beckendorf died she'd been getting worse, and every time I looked at her, it made me angry about his death all over again. Her expression reminded me of glass—like she might break any minute.

Jason understood that feeling all to well, it's how he looked at himself every time in the mirror. Like even if all the pieces were found and glued back together, you'd always see the cracks.

I swore to myself that if I ever found the spy who'd cost her boyfriend his life, I would give him to Mrs. O'Leary as a chew toy.

Will was just to emotionally exhausted to read that as he should, the same tempo as his usual reading like he had not a single insight into how he should feel about that, the same way most of them had been getting along so as not to agitate Percy about the truth.

He was just a little off this time, and it made Percy flinch. His hand to his temple, his core shaken by the mixed emotions that were poured in from the truth creeping a little closer than it needed to right now. His stomach rolled violently, the only thing grounding him was Annabeth wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing close as she whispered, "it's okay Percy."

It wasn't okay, he felt feverish all of a sudden, then cold flashes before the world was forced to settle back and he looked down at her still swallowing convulsively.

"You're a great camper," I told Silena. "You're the best pegasus rider we have. And you get along with people. Believe me, anyone who can make friends with Clarisse has talent."

Annabeth had been hard-pressed not to lean forward and hug him tight, and judging by the look on Silena's face she'd felt the same. If it hadn't felt like someone had ripped her arm off and sewn it on backward she absolutely would have.

She stared at me like I'd just given her an idea. "That's it! We need the Ares cabin. I can talk to Clarisse. I know I can convince her to help us."

"I guess if anyone could, my money would be on her," Magnus agreed hesitantly, not that he had any money to be betting, so, what did that say?

Percy agreed, yet something about all this still set him on edge. Like if he could go back in time or give himself a dream he'd shut this down.

"Whoa, Silena. Even if you could get off the island, Clarisse is pretty stubborn. Once she gets angry—"

"She turns into a raging green monster?" Alex asked hopefully.

"Nah, that would be useful," Percy huffed.

"Please," Silena said. "I can take a pegasus. I know I can make it back to camp. Let me try."

I exchanged looks with Annabeth. She nodded slightly.

Percy exchanged a look with Annabeth now, still reeling just a bit from Chiron basically saying he was in charge, still wrapping his head around the fact that he and Annabeth were basically defacto leaders here. When did Silena need his say-so to do this? Gods, nobody was going to start trying to get him to do supplies counts next were they?! Camp didn't have the math budget for his attempts!

I didn't like the idea. I didn't think Silena stood a chance of convincing Clarisse to fight. On the other hand, Silena was so distracted right now that she would just get herself hurt in battle. Maybe sending her back to camp would give her something else to focus on.

Jason listened with an intense fascination at hearing Percy handle this situation. He had a sense in the back of his mind like he could have weighed in on a similar situation if he could ever unlock his own head, but for now he found himself nodding and feeling Percy was leaning in the right direction even if nobody had asked him.

"All right," I told her. "I can't think of anybody better to try."

Silena threw her arms around me. Then she pushed back awkwardly, glancing at Annabeth. "Um, sorry. Thank you, Percy! I won't let you down!"

Percy glanced from Annabeth to the book with a smile much less awkward this time. "Does everyone need to apologize to you when they hug me now?"

"I'll give you a list later," she chuckled.

Once she was gone, I knelt next to Annabeth and felt her forehead. She was still burning up.

Magnus shivered at how much necter she must have been given to be feeling so warm, how close she'd come to dying and he never would have known. He knew their magic healing wasn't instantaneous either, like with Percy's scorpion sting, or when they taxed themselves to much. She just needed rest. The question was if she'd let herself do that.

"You're cute when you're worried," she muttered. "Your eyebrows get all scrunched together."

"You two are the worst," Thalia rolled her eyes in pain. "You only admit you like each other in life or death situations and I'm the one who has to hear about everything in between."

"Not anymore," Annabeth tried to protest from under Percy's arm.

"Percy was about to kill us all, again!, when he decided to kiss you instead! My statement stands," Thalia huffed.

"You are not going to die while I owe you a favor," I said.

"The important things in life," Will nodded.

"Duly noted," Nico chuckled.

"Why did you take that knife?"

"You would've done the same for me."

It was true. I guess we both knew it. Still, I felt like somebody was poking my heart with a cold metal rod.

Alex looked a little to interested in that analogy, which gave Magnus the conclusion that she'd either A, done that personally before, or B, felt that personally. Neither conclusion was giving him the best feeling.

"How did you know?"

"Know what?"

I looked around to make sure we were alone. Then I leaned in close and whispered: "My Achilles spot. If you hadn't taken that knife, I would've died."

She got a faraway look in her eyes. Her breath smelled of grapes, maybe from the nectar.

"Mmm," Annabeth agreed fondly. "It had tasted like those jam tarts your mom mailed me last weekend."

For some reason Percy wasn't the slightest bit surprised his mom had done something like that and he hadn't known about it.

"I don't know, Percy. I just had this feeling you were in danger. Where . . . where is the spot?"

"More like why was the spot," Jason shook his head, he still couldn't get over that.

"Nobody ever asks how is the spot," Alex said seriously. "Let me know if you need a massage Percy."

"Alex is over there planning to kill me," Percy decided, only mildly kidding.

Annabeth nodded, like the thought had crossed her mind at least once too.

I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. But this was Annabeth. If I couldn't trust her, I couldn't trust anyone.

"The small of my back."

She lifted her hand. "Where? Here?"

She put her hand on my spine, and my skin tingled. I moved her fingers to the one spot that grounded me to my mortal life. A thousand volts of electricity seemed to arc through my body.

This felt private in an awkward way, when they already knew such a thing. Magnus blushed and Jason averted his eyes to everywhere in the room while Will kept reading with only a slight change in expression of sweetness like he was reciting a poem.

"You saved me," I said. "Thanks."

She removed her hand, but I kept holding it.

"So you owe me," she said weakly. "What else is new?"

We watched the sun come up over the city.

Annabeth finally felt the urge to lean away from Percy and rub her cheeks from smiling so much. She didn't act on it, but the thought still crossed her mind that she'd finally managed a time to sit around, holding hands with Percy in the most romantic place possible for them.

Of course it finally happened after one of them nearly died, again, Thalia hadn't been wrong about that, but she'd take what she could get.

The traffic should've been heavy by now, but there were no cars honking, no crowds bustling along the sidewalks.

Percy had once tried to read this weird book of poems from a big white book, mostly for the cool art on every page. This morning felt like it would have fit right in, it had that other world vibe to it.

Everything was normal, the world was about to end as usual. Everything felt disconnected, his city at a screeching halt and holding its breath for what he'd do next.

He and Annabeth, at the center. Not talking, but finally, not a world apart.

Far away, I could hear a car alarm echo through the streets. A plume of black smoke curled into the sky somewhere over Harlem. I wondered how many ovens had been left on when the Morpheus spell hit; how many people had fallen asleep in the middle of cooking dinner. Pretty soon there would be more fires. Everyone in New York was in danger—and all those lives depended on us.

His mom was somewhere down there, Percy leaned forward anxiously in his seat to no one's surprise. Anybody in danger and of course his first instinct was to lean into it.

He hoped she'd stayed in, knowing the invasion was on the way. That she and Paul were anxiously watching the news and had ordered takeout that would be forever until it got there at this rate. They'd have the usual friendly argument about which pizza joint was better, but Percy couldn't be there this time to decide which sounded better, Famous Sal's with the crust or Original Sal's sauce, or both. Usually they never went for both.

"You asked me why Hermes was mad at me," Annabeth said.

"Hey, you need to rest—"

"No, I want to tell you.

"Don't ever tell Annabeth she needs to rest," Thalia sighed from experience. "She thinks that's the perfect time to find the end of pi or something."

"I'd be happy to help her with that one at least," Percy said with his trademark smirk, just to hear Annabeth call him a seaweed brain when she knew he knew which kind of pi Thalia meant.

It's been bothering me for a long time." She moved her shoulder and winced. "Last year, Luke came to see me in San Francisco."

Thalia startled, her bow appearing in hand with an arrow loaded on pure instinct as she looked around at Annabeth who didn't even blink as she watched with an apologetic frown.

No, she never had told anybody but Percy about this. She'd wanted to, after she'd slammed that door shut. Thalia had been the first person she wanted to call, then Percy, but she'd sat on her bed alone and done neither because nobody would have understood.

She'd heard her brothers playing outside, they'd been having a watermelon fight or something without inviting her as usual, and she'd wished she still had her cousin around. To be six again playing blocks with Magnus.

It had never strayed past the thought, fear had trumped the idea to quickly about getting yet another person in her life hurt and killed just by her proximity.

Annabeth watched him now, sitting across the room from her, watching her back with true concern in their shared eyes. The fact that he was down here and seemed to be mildly enjoying himself most of the time was not something she'd ever mentally prepared for in her life and was still cautiously trying to figure out how to approach.

But she flashed him a hopeful smile now, weary, and tired, but really looking at him in a 'yeah, this happened,' way just for him, and he instantly returned it.

Thalia had already tucked her weapons back away but still seemed shaken. Annabeth finally leaned out from under Percy's arm, her heart fluttering at his little throat protest but storing that away for later as she put a questioning hand on hers.

Her sister didn't push her away, but she didn't look happy either as she studied her silently while listening.

"In person?"

"Well, I'd hope if he sent her an Iris Message she'd just hang up on him. I assume this conversation was needed in person anyways," Will instantly started babbling unwieldy with his words at the sudden tension of Thalia's piercing look, more deadly to some than anything she could shoot.

Percy started cutting his hand across his throat and giving him an obvious look, and yeah, Will agreed, forced laughter never improved a situation no matter what Percy's impulsive mouth tried to say otherwise.

I felt like she'd just hit me with a hammer.

"Don't be ridiculous Percy, hammers are for children," Alex rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, use a better example, like mule, maul, muah, shit how do you pronounce that thing?" Will went crosseyed as he tried to remember the strange name of Thor's hammer.

"No, you got it man, mewmew," Jason chuckled, "deadliest weapon in the universe."

"Mjolnir," Magnus offered anyways. "Like, mule, near."

"We're never getting out of here," Percy sighed. They couldn't even shut up about which hammer to hit him with.

"Yeah," Annabeth nodded like she'd already accepted that. She seemed pretty comfortable though, all things considered, so he couldn't find it a bad thing in that moment either.

"He came to your house?"

"This was before we went into the Labyrinth, before . . ." She faltered, but I knew what she meant: before be turned into Kronos. "He came under a flag of truce. He said he only wanted five minutes to talk. He looked scared, Percy. He told me Kronos was going to use him to take over the world. He said he wanted to run away, like the old days. He wanted me to come with him."

Thalia felt an immediate sense of pride as she heard that. Her little sister finally learned her lesson, would finally stop running to him right into death's arms, but the feeling was rotten just under the surface. Just like a gift from her own dad. Of course Thalia finally got her wish, and the pain on Annabeth's face was her reward.

"But you didn't trust him."

"Of course not.

Percy had wanted to scoff right back at her scoff, but she'd looked to weak to take it. Having to be propped up in that chair, having her arm be supported by bandages, it made this moment of her finally calling him the idiot for the obvious in Luke have zero satisfaction.

I thought it was a trick. Plus . . . well, a lot of things had changed since the old days.

She hadn't changed as much as she thought she did, Magnus hid a wince well. Honestly, if he'd been hearing this any time other than past tense, he would have been just as convinced she'd have dropped everything to do what Luke asked too.

This sounded like it should have been a victory, he could have been hopping around with joy and wanting to go get ice cream with her to celebrate she was finally seeing this creep clearly. She might shove that ice cream up his nose, and he'd probably deserve it.

I told Luke there was no way. He got mad. He said . . . he said I might as well fight him right there, because it was the last chance I'd get."

Oh how the temptation had been there too. Annabeth had been to exhausted to cry in front of Percy, finally saying all of this out loud. The memories of her time with him from that first day had gone through her mind faster than even a god could beam them in. For one breath she'd been about to say yes. To run away with him again and make new memories. She'd take him somewhere safe, she'd do what the gods couldn't and help him, cure him of Kronos and all the wicked that had taken him over and he'd be there for her again just like he always was when she'd needed him-

But her thoughts had stopped cold right there as more recent times had come to mind. Percy holding her tight at the bottom of the ocean as the sirens played in her ear. Percy rushing to her side on top of Mt. Othry's. Percy following her into that Labyrnth without hesitation.

That's when she'd told him no. Because Percy wasn't perfect, but he was the one she truly needed more than Luke would ever be, even if he'd started her on this path.

Her forehead broke out in sweat again. The story was taking too much of her energy.

"It's okay," I said. "Try to get some rest."

"Not the bedtime story I'd use before naptime, but, it might work for some," Will muttered, jiggling his leg anxiously. He should have stuck around, made sure she wasn't over-taxing herself, or that Percy wasn't instigating anything. She was his patient at the time, he should have kept a better watch on this.

Percy whispered something in her ear. She shook her head, keeping her eyes on Thalia. He shrugged and turned back to the book, to Will, with an obvious 'get with it' look.

Will smiled and agreed. He'd left her in the best hands possible.

"You don't understand, Percy. Hermes was right. Maybe if I'd gone with him, I could've changed his mind. Or—or I had a knife. Luke was unarmed. I could've—"

Thalia swallowed the nasty comment she would've without hesitation. She also knew Annabeth never could have done it.

"Killed him?" I said. "You know that wouldn't have been right."

"Coming from a guy who actually did not just stab the guy in the face for stabbing you, I guess Percy does have some authority on this," Nico nodded casually.

"The only authority I should ever be given," Percy groaned as he sagged in his seat. He was already tired of being in charge of Camp, and it had only been one night!

She squeezed her eyes shut. "Luke said Kronos would use him like a stepping stone. Those were his exact words. Kronos would use Luke, and become even more powerful."

"He did that," I said. "He possessed Luke's body."

"But what if Luke's body is only a transition? What if Kronos has a plan to become even more powerful? I could've stopped him. The war is my fault."

Jason couldn't help biting at his lip, probably stretching his scar out another few inches. 'My fault,' left a hollow echo in his mind, words he knew had come from his own mouth. That part of him wanted to agree Annabeth should have done something about this instead of doing nothing, a choice in itself.

He watched though as Thalia gave a look of such anger it would have sent any other person running but Annabeth as she watched back, clearly bracing herself for impact as his sister told his would-be-sister, "You're still doing it! You're still putting everything he does on yourself! His actions and going through with it are not your fault!"

"You can't pretend I'm not at least partially responsible when I had the chance-"

"It's not pretend! It's not make believe! We've never played that because we don't need to make up monsters in our life to fight! I swear I'm going to kill your stepmom one of these days, what other people do isn't your fault!"

Percy, nor anybody was obviously going to intervene here, nobody was foolish enough to think these two couldn't handle their own fights. Jason couldn't stand to watch anymore. "Guys!" Both girls stopped and looked at him, them, like they'd forgotten anybody else was in the room. "Can you not put a pin in this like you've clearly been doing for years." Clearly not a long-term answer for a long overdue conversation, but even now neither would give ground that both were sort of right. He didn't know how long ago all this had really been, but probably not that long! He didn't know how much time or what it would take to make them feel at peace, but arguing about it now didn't seem to be bringing them much good.

Her story made me feel like I was back in the Styx, slowly dissolving.

Annabeth sighed she'd ever made Percy feel like that. She really only brought misery to everyone in her life. Gods knew why she fell back into Percy's side and he put his arm back around her at once, but she wasn't going to deny the comfort she needed right now as she willingly sank back into him.

I remembered last summer, when the two-headed god, Janus, had warned Annabeth she would have to make a major choice—and that had happened after she saw Luke. Pan had also said something to her: You will play a great role, though it may not be the role you imagined.

She repressed the urge to slam the book shut as she once again realized everybody in this room had seen that moment and she hadn't been able to shut it down then either.

I wanted to ask her about the vision Hestia had shown me, about her early days with Luke and Thalia. I knew it had something to do with my prophecy, but I didn't understand what.

Percy couldn't take his eyes off her head resting on his chest. He gently stroked her hair out of her face a bit, the feel of her gray bangs had no different texture than the rest of the golden locks though his brian half expected them too.

To his surprise, she somehow relaxed a tad, sinking more of her weight into him. So he kept doing that.

Before I could get up my nerve, the terrace door opened. Connor Stoll stepped through.

Thalia was admittedly disappointed a change of subject was coming as she chewed on the rest of her long overdue words to Annabthe. Luke had already accepted Kronos into his mind years before she or Annabeth could have done anything to make a difference, the Titan's influence ran to deep for him to change, there were any number of things she still wanted to shout in her face to make her drop this once and for all about this being anyone but Luke's fault.

"Percy." He glanced at Annabeth like he didn't want to say anything bad in front of her, but I could tell he wasn't bringing good news.

"Pretty sure if a poisoned knife couldn't finish her off, another hour of that day going as expected won't either," Alex said with way to much confidence over somebody's mortality who wasn't Percy.

"I think I'd rather have the poisoned knife than hear it though," she was mostly kidding as she rotated her shoulder exaggeratedly, but she had been pretty grateful at the time for the brief interruption of Percy's intense look on her being distracted. Maybe she should leave a few jars of shaving cream unattended when she got back in retroactive thanks.

"Mrs. O'Leary just came back with Grover. I think you should talk to him."

"I still hope she gets rewarded with more hotdogs," Magnus never would have thought he'd say such a nice thing about a dog in his life, but she really had earned it after doing so much for Percy.

"I'll find a way to hire a hotdog guy to follow her around as long as I can," Percy nodded.

Grover was having a snack in the living room.

"You mean he was snacking on the living room," Nico corrected mildly.

"Mmm, got to love that oak finish," Jason nodded with a fond smile.

"I always wonder if he likes the aftertaste of sawdust or if that's a drawback," Percy said. "Like, that shiny stuff they put on wood, does it make it taste smoother going down? Does he get the runs and doesn't care?"

"So this is why Grover started hanging out with Juniper over you," Annabeth finally nodded in understanding.

"Hey, he does not," Percy huffed.

She sat up from him with a teasing smile and would have happily weaved together the past months in a delicate half-truth to prove her point before Will decided to keep reading loudly before another of their arguments could get started.

He was dressed for battle in an armored shirt made from tree bark and twist ties, with his wooden cudgel and his reed pipes hanging from his belt.

The Demeter cabin had whipped up a whole buffet in the hotel kitchens—everything from pizza to pineapple ice cream.

"Why do I feel like that was some kind of peace treaty regarding Hawaiian pizza?" Annabeth chuckled.

"Katie's a great mediator like that," Will agreed.

 Unfortunately, Grover was eating the furniture. He'd already chewed the stuffing off a fancy chair and was now gnawing the armrest.

"Dude," I said, "we're only borrowing this place."

"I had no previous assumptions that would stop him," Thalia rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm just hoping nobody tried to book the room under my name," Percy sighed. It would be just his luck for the desk clerk to wake up and find Percy Jackson attached to the mini-fridge bill.

"Blah-ha-ha!" He had stuffing all over his face. "Sorry, Percy. It's just . . . Louis the Sixteenth furniture.

"Is he a furniture conisure?" Alex asked with interest. "Or does he gain knowledge of the chair from nibbling on it?"

"You mean like, if he ate a book he'd know it back to front?" Jason grinned.

"Yeah!" Alex smirked.

"No!" Jason's grin didn't dim anymore than Alex's as they snickered anyway.

Delicious. Plus I always eat furniture when I get—"

"When you get nervous," I said. "Yeah, I know. So what's up?"

He clopped on his hooves. "I heard about Annabeth. Is she . . .?"

"She's going to be fine. She's resting."

The fact that she hadn't barged past Percy to see what this was, and in fact had barely tried to sit up before practically nodding her agreement to sit this one out spoke volumes of just how worn out she was.

Grover took a deep breath. "That's good. I've mobilized most of the nature spirits in the city—well, the ones that will listen to me, anyway." He rubbed his forehead. "I had no idea acorns could hurt so much.

"What kind of wildlife has Grover been living in?" Magnus rubbed the side of his head with a little to much experience. "I've known that for months."

"Coins, apples, branches, squirrels, phones, honestly anything with enough gravety will hurt," Alex agreed.

"Alex, only one of those things is normal to fall on your head, and that's a bad day in itself," Percy frowned at her.

"You right, who stands around and waits for an apple to fall without their mouth open," Alex mock agreed, "must be why doctors are so afraid of them."

"Nope, we're moving on from this," Will sighed as Percy opened his mouth wearily.

Anyway, we're helping out as much as we can."

He told me about the skirmishes they'd seen. Mostly they'd been covering uptown, where we didn't have enough demigods. Hellhounds had appeared in all sorts of places, shadow-traveling inside our lines, and the dryads and satyrs had been fighting them off. A young dragon had appeared in Harlem, and a dozen wood nymphs died before the monster was finally defeated.

It wasn't mentioned how the dragon was killed, and Nico was very hard pressed not to ask for personal interest of how a bunch of nature spirits managed that. Did one of them manage to throw some belladonna down its throat?

Magnus went pale like somebody had just tried to get him with a poison dagger next. He was not pleased dragon's were just casually showing up in these armies still! He tried to take some comfort that they hadn't needed Percy around to get rid of it at least. Maybe they weren't as deadly as he kept imagining... yeah, and maybe Alex had a crush on him back. Time to get out of delusional land Magnus, he scolded himself.

As Grover talked, Thalia entered the room with two of her lieutenants. She nodded to me grimly, went outside to check on Annabeth, and came back in.

Annabeth had always been a side sleeper, so to see her lying prone on her back, her body trying to twist onto her side to get comfortable but then murmuring in pain and shivering to stay still had caused her to pull out her own vial of nectar and trickle a little more on just to help ease her a few moments more. Thalia had snagged a few extra pillows off more chairs and finally, hopefully gotten her comfortable by giving her legs some elevation and giving her just enough cushion to be partially in her natural way.

She listened while Grover completed his report— the details getting worse and worse.

"We lost twenty satyrs against some giants at Fort Washington," he said, his voice trembling. "Almost half my kinsmen.

Percy hadn't needed an empathy link with Grover to understand the pain in his voice for that. His entire Camp had been out risking their life last night and he hadn't even gotten reports back from all the cabins on how many kids died. He could already feel in his bones the long-reaching repercussions this battle was going to have on Camp if they even survived this, how huge the place was going to feel without so many satyrs running across the field, how quiet the cabins were going to be.

River spirits drowned the giants in the end, but . . ."

Thalia shouldered her bow. "Percy, Kronos's forces are still gathering at every bridge and tunnel. And Kronos isn't the only Titan. One of my Hunters spotted a huge man in golden armor mustering an army on the Jersey shore. I'm not sure who he is, but he radiates power like only a Titan or god."

I remembered the golden Titan from my dream—the one on Mount Othrys who erupted into flames.

Annabeth's eyes flickered to Jason, watching with his usual intent interest in all things, and deeply wondered herself at the other Titan that they'd never come across. She'd always theorized the rest must have gone into hiding, like Oceanus, crawled back to the shadows to scheme again; hopefully waiting another thousand years or so. Now she wondered what exactly other kids out there had been dealing with in all this.

"Great," I said. "Any good news?"

"Always get the bad news first, makes the good news linger," Will tried to say in his usual chipper tone of voice.

"Or just emphasizes there was no good news," Magnus frowned.

"Okay Debbie Downer, we're going to go around the room after every chapter now and say what the best and worst part of this was," Will mock threatened.

The fact that he got unanimous horrified faces from everyone else quickly destroyed that idea, but Will got a genuine moment to smile again at everyone agreeing on that.

Thalia shrugged. "We've sealed off the subway tunnels into Manhattan. My best trappers took care of it. Also, it seems like the enemy is waiting for tonight to attack. I think Luke"—she caught herself-

Annabeth made a small sigh of relief. The feeling of being understood came rarely to her. Whether Thalia wanted it or not, she couldn't stop her little sister from putting her arm through hers and leaning comfortably like that. Thalia's tense jaw clearly showed she wanted to snap at her again.

The fact that she didn't push her away meant she really appreciated the support.

Gods, Percy was getting a headache just looking at Thalia, he had no idea how she played jump rope with that line when he still had no clue how to deal with it either.

"I mean Kronos needs time to regenerate after each fight. He's still not comfortable with his new form. It's taking a lot of his power to slow time around the city."

It hurt Magnus's brain a lot to imagine how exactly he was doing that. Did he just, concentrate really hard on a clock taking an hour to move a second? Did he clench all his muscles and make some gross noises before brushing off his hands in triumph? Was there a magic potion with the blood of his enemies involved? And all in a borrowed body?!

Grover nodded. "Most of his forces are more powerful at night, too. But they'll be back after sundown."

I tried to think clearly.

"A tough act on any other day," Jason nodded seriously.

"One I usually don't manage unless I'm about to die," Percy sighed.

"Okay. Any word from the gods?"

"Which is really showing how desperate you are," Alex said, "you get annoyed when they do that."

"Special circumstances and all that," Percy groaned. He'd take Mr. D showing up to save their butts compaling the whole time. He'd take Ares showing up and yapping nonstop!

Thalia shook her head. "I know Lady Artemis would be here if she could. Athena, too. But Zeus has ordered them to stay at his side. The last I heard, Typhon was destroying the Ohio River valley. He should reach the Appalachian Mountains by midday."

"So at best," I said, "we've got another two days before he arrives."

Jake Mason cleared his throat. He'd been standing there so silently I'd almost forgotten he was in the room.

Nico mock jumped in his seat. "He's stealing my gig."

"Honestly though," Percy chuckled. "I'm so used to it being just my friends dealing with all this, not half the camp just hanging around for the end of the world with me this time."

"Percy, something else," he said. "The way Kronos showed up at the Williamsburg Bridge, like he knew you were going there. And he shifted his forces to our weakest points. As soon as we deployed, he changed tactics. He barely touched the Lincoln Tunnel, where the Hunters were strong. He went for our weakest spots, like he knew."

"Like he had inside information," I said. "The spy."

Will's voice shook with unease of how he was supposed to keep casually saying that. He'd never asked his dad to place a curse upon anyone like he had the person who ratted them out, but then when he'd found it was Silena...to put a name to the faceless person in his mind...the idea still made him sick what he'd wanted done to her. Obviousy his dad had been to busy to pay attention to do it anyways...

"I'm really starting to hope this whole spy thing is just a conspiracy gone way out of hand," Magnus grumbled, "and Deadlus just made Kronos one of those crazy shield vision things. Maybe Kronos just has a prototype not as good as yours he doesn't want to brag about."

"Yeah man, let's hope," Percy knew it was a joke, and yet some part of him hoped it was true. Especially after the horrible results of that bridge, he still didn't want to believe anybody inside Camp would conspire to kill the rest of them.

"What spy?" Thalia demanded.

I told her about the silver charm Kronos had shown me, the communication device.

"That's bad," she said. "Very bad."

"Thalia, with the most potent quote of my life," Percy waved grandly at her.

"Sounds like she's been taking lessons from Tyson," Jason agreed, Percy had beat him to saying that by one breath.

Thalia waved grandly from her seat with the hand that wasn't being held in a vice-like hold by Annabeth.

"It could be anyone," Jake said. "We were all standing there when Percy gave the orders."

"But what can we do?" Grover asked. "Frisk every demigod until we find a scythe charm?"

"And that comes with its own problems, not the least of which is how good the frisk will be," Alex tried to say snidely like the most innocent interpretation of that was someone keeping the charm in their mouth while Percy went through their bag, but they all twitched unpleasantly at how quickly that could turn into a shit show of distrust.

They all looked at me, waiting for a decision. I couldn't afford to show how panicked I felt, even if things seemed hopeless.

The thing was, Thalia smiled to herself, she was sure that Grover and Jake had felt the exact same way. She knew she had.

"We keep fighting," I said. "We can't obsess about this spy. If we're suspicious of each other, we'll just tear ourselves apart. You guys were awesome last night. I couldn't ask for a braver army. Let's set up a rotation for the watches. Rest up while you can. We've got a long night ahead of us."

The demigods mumbled agreement. They went their separate ways to sleep or eat or repair their weapons.

It wasn't the rousing comfort Percy would have liked to have given them, but it was the truth he'd needed to hear out loud. Just something to get them through another few hours.

"Percy, you too," Thalia said. "We'll keep an eye on things. Go lie down. We need you in good shape for tonight."

I didn't argue too hard.

"You called me a nanny and threatened to throw a baby bottle at me," Thalia accused. "I don't even know where you planned on getting one! You call that, not too hard?"

"I don't even remember that," Percy said with an apologetic smile. "I think I was just hangry."

"Fair, you did actually go to bed after some food," she chuckled.

I found the nearest bedroom and crashed on the canopied bed. I thought I was too wired to sleep, but my eyes closed almost immediately.

In my dream, I saw Nico di Angelo alone in the gardens of Hades.

"Nico's back," Will said with as much enthusiasm as ever.

Nico gave him the least begrudging smile humanly possible. "Of course I am you McNugget, I'm stuck in Percy's life apparently."

"And nobody said that was a bad thing," Percy shrugged.

Nico gave him a grateful smile as his dull surprise faded quickly. Of course Percy had dreamed about this moment, it made sense with the hindsight he'd been dreaming of the coming Oracle so frequently and this was tied in. It just bothered him a bit that the one time he'd been hesitantly willing to offer a part of his life voluntarily, that had been snatched away from him too. He was still half convinced his life was a cosmic joke to some god out there.

He'd just dug a hole in one of Persephone's flower beds, which I didn't figure would make the queen very happy.

"I could cure cancer and it wouldn't make her happy," Nico clearly said what he thought about that concern.

"Well yeah, more people, more people destroying plant walkers out there, I can see how she wouldn't appreciate that," Percy nodded like Nico had just agreed with him.

He poured a goblet of wine into the hole and began to chant. "Let the dead taste again. Let them rise and take this offering. Maria di Angelo, show yourself!"

"No McDonald's sacrifice this time?" Alex asked in surprise.

"I tried, multiple times," Nico sighed. "Nothing. I was starting to wonder if my dad was blocking me, so even though I didn't like it, I tried ditching the ceremonial aspect and just using my raw power."

"And how did that work out?" Will asked, still trying to get a handle on how much of Nico's powers he used casually and how much was pushing some limit.

Nico just grinned at his interest and pointed at the book. Will grinned back and turned away, but one of these days he wasn't going to get to use that excuse anymore. Will was looking forward to that.

White smoke gathered. A human figure formed, but it wasn't Nico's mother. It was a girl with dark hair, olive skin, and the silvery clothes of a Hunter.

"The one time you didn't try to summon her and now she pops in," Jason agreed with Nico's put-out look. "She's your sister all right."

"Hey-" Thalia muttered, narrowing her eyes at the pair and trying to figure out what was being implied here.

"Yeah, really miss conspiring with her to steal extra cookies from the cafeteria and tag teaming our dad for another hour to stay up," Nico's voice was dripping with sarcasm, but it didn't hide the hurt nearly as well as he thought it did.

"Bianca," Nico said. "But—"

Don't summon our mother, Nico, she warned. She is the one spirit you are forbidden to see.

"Why?" Magnus, Jason, Alex, and Will all said at the same time, Will admittedly because he was reading it and thinking it.

"I get a half-baked answer," Nico groused. He wasn't pleased at the idea it was his dad blocking her from him specifically, or perhaps her soul was being kept somewhere safe so vengeful gods or step-mom's couldn't do anything to his mother's spirit. Either way, he'd still never had a proper face-to-transparent-face with her, and it was a deep wound to him he didn't know what to do with any better than his crush on Percy. He was surprised he didn't resemble Swiss cheese more and more lately.

"Why?" he demanded. "What's our father hiding?"

Pain, Bianca said. Hatred. A curse that stretches back to the Great Prophecy.

Alex and Magnus exchanged interested looks. They hadn't been expecting that tid bit.

And more, how the heck did Bianca know that? What ghost gossip was she getting, and how reliable were her sources? Magnus couldn't help but think of an infinite line of whispers with ghosts and what got lost in translation there.

"What do you mean?" Nico said. "I have to know!"

The knowledge will only hurt you. Remember what I said: holding grudges is a fatal flaw for children of Hades.

"I know that," Nico said. "But I'm not the same as I used to be, Bianca. Stop trying to protect me!"

Brother, you don't understand—

Nico swiped his hand through the mist, and Bianca's image dissipated.

Will was shocked at the cold dismissal. All he'd wanted for so long was to talk to her, to get just a piece of his family back, and Will had understood every bit of that. This was starting to feel more like revenge. Like Nico was slipping back down the slope holding onto something to tight, only now it wasn't so much a person as just an idea of how to make sense of something not even the Lord of the Underworld had full control over.

"Maria di Angelo," he said again. "Speak to me!"

A different image formed. It was a scene rather than a single ghost. In the mist, I saw Nico and Bianca as little children, playing in the lobby of an elegant hotel, chasing each other around marble columns.

A woman sat on a nearby sofa. She wore a black dress, gloves, and a black veiled hat like a star from an old 1940s movie.

"Maybe that's because she was," Thalia rolled her eyes at Percy managing to get a timeline from that of all things.

"My mom and Paul dressed up for a Halloween event one time in a getup like that," Percy shrugged why he even recognized it.

She had Bianca's smile and Nico's eyes.

On a chair next to her sat a large oily man in a black pinstripe suit. With a shock, I realized it was Hades. He was leaning toward the woman, using his hands as he talked, like he was agitated.

Jason couldn't help a mental mark of interest that was also a trait passed down to his kids. Like with Sally and Posideon, he found it deeply fascinating to note such things...only to glance at Thalia and think of the few things Zeus had done when present. He'd never really felt a connection like that to either parent mentioned, and while he understood why in theory, it still left something lacking in him he didn't understand why everyone got that except him.

"Please, my dear," he said. "You must come to the Underworld. I don't care what Persephone thinks! I can keep you safe there."

"Ooo, can I get that one in writing?" Alex demanded. Most likely only to wave it under the Queen of the Underwold's nose, but for a delusional moment, Will thought she also meant as proof the gods cared for their mortal lovers.

"You do," Percy sighed, "for a limited time now, and this offer expires until we get out of here, so act fast," he said in a false sponsorship voice.

"Deal of a lifetime I won't pass, no downpayment required, no interest," Alex chuckled.

"No, my love." She spoke with an Italian accent. "Raise our children in the land of the dead? I will not do this."

"Maria, listen to me. The war in Europe has turned the other gods against me. A prophecy has been made. My children are no longer safe. Poseidon and Zeus have forced me into an agreement. None of us are to have demigod children ever again."

"But you already have Nico and Bianca. Surely—"

"No! The prophecy warns of a child who turns sixteen. Zeus has decreed that the children I currently have must be turned over to Camp Half-Blood for proper training, but I know what he means. At best they'll be watched, imprisoned, turned against their father. Even more likely, he will not take a chance. He won't allow my demigod children to reach sixteen. He'll find a way to destroy them, and I won't risk that!"

"Certamente," Maria said. "We will stay together. Zeus is un imbecile."

"Okay, Nico's mom was kind of awesome too!" Jason threw his hands up in exasperation. He was mostly kidding, but it was ingrained a little to deeply to entirely just be a joke. "Thalia, how did we luck out of this!"

"Dad does not know how to pick um," Thalia reminded in exhaustion.

The others gave a soft laugh for their antics, Nico's sticking out the most for being able to look back on this moment with anything but a sob.

I couldn't help admiring her courage, but Hades glanced nervously at the ceiling.

"Percy's braver than a god confirmed," Annabeth managed a light joke about this, nobody in here had even glanced nervously at the ceiling. They'd really grown far to comfortable down here. They'd probably all be blasted to ashes the second they got top side again just for Zeus's pent-up anger with no obvious target.

Percy just grinned at the compliment without a care in the world.

"Maria, please. I told you, Zeus gave me a deadline of last week to turn over the children. His wrath will be horrible, and I cannot hide you forever. As long as you are with the children, you are in danger too."

The phrasing of that kind of bothered Will, and the way Nico flinched made him confident he'd gotten the same understanding from that. Hades seemed to care more about Maria than the kids. Gods, had anybody besides his own mother ever put him first?

Maria smiled, and again it was creepy how much she looked like her daughter.

Which Nico heard as, apparently he'd inherited more from his dad.

"You are a god, my love. You will protect us. But I will not take Nico and Bianca to the Underworld."

It really was just the greatest thing Nico had found a way to disappoint both of his parents at once, Nico mentally congratulated himself. That was obviously something all aspiring teenagers long to do in their lives!

Hades wrung his hands. "Then, there is another option. I know a place in the desert where time stands still. I could send the children there, just for a while, for their own safety, and we could be together. I will build you a golden palace by the Styx."

"Was it, of any comfort it wasn't just some random act that landed you in there?" Magnus asked in sympathy. "Got to mean something your dad wanted you there to be safe and out of the way."

"Yeah, I guess," Nico said lackluster. It didn't sound like there were any great options, but still, the fact that his dad had basically cast him aside would never feel great. He glanced around and wondered just how long Posideon expected them to be in here.

Maria di Angelo laughed gently. "You are a kind man, my love. A generous man. The other gods should see you as I do, and they would not fear you so. But Nico and Bianca need their mother. Besides, they are only children. The gods wouldn't really hurt them."

"Oh such sweet naivety I've never been blessed with," Alex genuinely tried to say without disdain but wasn't quite sure she hit it right.

"Can we rewind back to kind and generous?" Percy scratched at his ear. "Because I'm not entirely sure which god she thinks she's making googoo eyes at."

"Guys," Nico groaned, more tempted at every growing mocking comment to cast them into a black hole.

They actually shut their mouths, a rarity nobody was used to seeing.

"You don't know my family," Hades said darkly. "Please, Maria, I can't lose you."

She touched his lips with her fingers. "You will not lose me. Wait for me while I get my purse. Watch the children."

She kissed the lord of the dead and rose from the sofa. Hades watched her walk upstairs as if her every step away caused him pain.

Despite his jokes and his irrevocable grudge on Hades for taking his mom as leverage, there was a small part of him that felt bad for the Lord of the Underworld as he touched his lips for a moment and looked at Annabeth, knowing what was coming in a way he couldn't explain.

A moment later, he tensed. The children stopped playing as if they sensed something too.

Like a low buzzing in his ears, a feeling that started in the base of his skull and with practice he'd even learned to hone in on. Death had been approaching.

"No!" Hades said. But even his godly powers were too slow. He only had time to erect a wall of black energy around the children before the hotel exploded.

Will instinctively shifted closer to Nico at the display of power going on there. Nico had managed to hide him from a Titan with only a fraction of that energy. He couldn't help but wonder where in the continental US that explosion had taken place and what the Mist had manipulated the rest of the world to see, like if Zeus had just bombed Pearl Harbor or something.

The force was so violent, the entire mist image dissolved.

It probably had felt like the entire world had blacked out there for a second, Thalia shook her head in misery for what those mortals had just been caught in the middle of. They hadn't even the chance to catch their breath before her father locked in on his target, and of course, hadn't even managed to hit his target. She felt the need to apologize to Nico for what her father had done, but she tightened her grip on Annabeth's arm with no other idea how to convey to her that she didn't need to. Her father's actions weren't her choice.

When it came into focus again, I saw Hades kneeling in the ruins, holding the broken form of Maria di Angelo. Fires still burned all around him. Lightning flashed across the sky, and thunder rumbled.

Little Nico and Bianca stared at their mother uncomprehendingly. The Fury Alecto appeared behind them, hissing and flapping her leathery wings. The children didn't seem to notice her.

They had no reason to, she might as well have been a noisy cloud to them for all the threat she was.

"Zeus!" Hades shook his fist at the sky. "I will crush you for this! I will bring her back!"

"My lord, you cannot," Alecto warned. "You of all immortals must respect the laws of death."

Hades glowed with rage. I thought he would show his true form and vaporize his own children, but at the last moment he seemed to regain control.

"More than some gods can say," Annabeth gave her own soft, begrudging compliment amid the quiet of the room and Nico's set-in-stone face. There didn't seem to be any 'right words' any of them could have given right now, acknowledging what his mother had died wanting. Hades wasn't the boogyman of their lives like some believed.

"Take them," he told Alecto, choking back a sob. "Wash their memories clean in the Lethe and bring them to the Lotus Hotel. Zeus will not harm them there."

"Why?" Magnus asked hesitantly. He didn't want someone to think he was wishing Zeus had blown up that hotel next, but, you know, weird.

"That place is, outside of time," Annabeth grasped at old texts swimming in her head to explain. "Out of bounds for the gods, like entering one another's domains, except in this case no one has dominion over that place."

"Of course, once we came out, we're kind of free game again, so I'm not sure what's stopped Zeus in the meantime," Nico said acidly.

Jason and Percy were much more caught on the part where Hades had ordered his own children's memory erased of such events. Even Percy couldn't totally write off Posideon doing such a thing to him if he'd done something to far above his place as a half-blood.

Perhaps his guilt had led him into changing his mind and their current whereabouts? Reagrdless, the clear betrayal in Nico's hidden face as he sat far back in his seat, the shadows pulsing around him again as if itching to pull him in once more said all he wouldn't. Despite what he'd previously claimed, they both knew in that moment he hadn't fully gotten his own life back, and he'd been living with bits and pieces of his past for years now.

It left a discouraging feeling in the pair of them what they had to look forward to if they made it out of here.

"As you wish, my lord," Alecto said. "And the woman's body?

"Take her as well," he said bitterly. "Give her the ancient rites."

Alecto, the children, and Maria's body dissolved into shadows, leaving Hades alone in the ruins.

"I warned you," a new voice said.

"Well that person's dead," Percy shivered. Even he might not have walked up to a god and said 'I told you so,' after a thing like this happened.

Hades turned. A girl in a multicolored dress stood by the smoldering remains of the sofa. She had short black hair and sad eyes. She was no more than twelve. I didn't know her, but she looked strangely familiar.

"Errr," Alex cast her mind around trying to guess which god this could be, but she just didn't know the Greek pantheon well enough to make any wild guesses. This could be Hera, Persephone, Athena, or anyone else not even mentioned yet for all she knew.

"You dare come here?" Hades growled. "I should blast you to dust!"

"You cannot," the girl said. "The power of Delphi protects me."

Magnus shivered as that made a wicked kind of sense. The propchyes that tormented everyone who heard them were somehow 'gifts' from Delphi, weren't they? Somehow more powerful than even the gods could shut down, hence the stupid law that caused all this.

With a chill, I realized I was looking at the Oracle of Delphi, back when she was alive and young.

"Nope, don't like that," Jason shook his head, mildly considering curling into the fetal position for a second. This whole Oracle business had always sat with a weird taste in his mouth he'd never properly known how to define because the idea of Oracles didn't phase him, just the way they were delivered in Percy's life.

This started with that same feeling it was going to end badly, and he didn't think Percy's luck was going to be anything to do with it this time.

Somehow, seeing her like this was even spookier than seeing her as a mummy.

"I disagree," Magnus groaned as he raised his hand. "Mummies are ten times scarier than ghosts. Only powerful bad ghosts can hurt you, from what I've heard. This mummy has been sitting in her shell for how long?! Alive and, and- just stuck!" Percy had once said she wasn't malevolent, just present, but that didn't make him feel better.

"I'm going to have so much fun later just jotting down what Magnus's scale of top 100 scariest monsters are," Jason said absently.

"As long as you get his reasoning in why on each," Alex agreed.

"You've killed the woman I loved!" Hades roared. "Your prophecy brought us to this.'"

He loomed over the girl, but she didn't flinch.

His mom would have liked her, Nico had remembered absently thinking as he'd watched this the first time alone. She had guts, she'd looked Hades in the eye without fear and spoken to him with a calm sense of respect where most trembled in fear. It hadn't done her much good in the end.

"Zeus ordained the explosion to destroy the children," she said, "because you defied his will. I had nothing to do with it. And I did warn you to hide them sooner."

"I couldn't! Maria would not let me! Besides, they were innocent."

"Nevertheless, they are your children, which makes them dangerous. Even if you put them away in the Lotus Hotel, you only delay the problem. Nico and Bianca will never be able to rejoin the world lest they turn sixteen."

"Because of your so-called Great Prophecy. And you have forced me into an oath to have no other children. You have left me with nothing!"

An oath that he'd kept, the only one to do so, Thalia couldn't help some grudging admiration for Hades in that moment. As much as he resented his lot in life, he seemed to make the best of it, something she still struggled to do herself under Artemis's tutelage.

"I foresee the future," the girl said. "I cannot change it."

Black fire lit the god's eyes, and I knew something bad was coming. I wanted to yell at the girl to hide or run.

"Then, Oracle, hear the words of Hades," he growled. "Perhaps I cannot bring back Maria. Nor can I bring yon an early death. But your soul is still mortal, and I can curse you."

The girl's eyes widened. "You would not—"

"Oh, but he would," Will couldn't help but say in a smaller voice. Honestly, before he'd gotten to know Nico this was most of what he knew about Hades. His unique curses, his wrath more wild than Zeus's.

Around camp, children of Zeus were spoken of as good omens, many great heroes to come following in their footsteps. Children of Posideon were wild cards, causing the good and the bad. But children of Hades were rarely even acknowledged they existed at all, more a myth than the surrounding stories of why the Oracle was trapped in her fleshy prison.

He felt humbled by moments like this, getting to hear a piece of history through the greatest heroes of his time. This poor girl who deserved to have her story told through the children of the gods who had wronged her, the facts; not Travis's old joke she'd slept with the wrong ancient priest.

"I swear," Hades said, "as long as my children remain outcasts, as long as I labor under the curse of your Great Prophecy, the Oracle of Delphi will never have another mortal host. You will never rest in peace. No other will take your place. Your body will wither and die, and still the Oracle's spirit will be locked inside you. You will speak your bitter prophecies until you crumble to nothing. The Oracle will die with you!"

"That was a, surprisingly elegant curse," Alex said in fascination.

"Hades really said I'm sick of being singled out and somebody's going to remember it," Magnus agreed.

Percy shivered down to his core at what he'd heard, a sense of danger that always seemed to follow him he felt sickened over. The worst kind of pain. This wasn't a danger he was afraid of, but knew it meant something to someone else.

The girl screamed, and the misty image was blasted to shreds. Nico fell to his knees in Persephone's garden, his face white with shock. Standing in front of him was the real Hades, towering in his black robes and scowling down at his son.

"And just what," he asked Nico, "do you think you're doing?"

A black explosion filled my dreams. Then the scene changed.

"What, did Hades do to you for that?" Annabeth asked him quietly as Will caught his breath.

"Turned me into a goat for a while, sent me to my room, the usual," Nico shrugged to hide how his hands still shook slightly having that memory forcibly revisited. The empty echo of the emotions he'd felt back then, tied into the crazy mix of feeling it all again with an audience. Gods, was this how Percy felt all the time?

Will bit back the rather important question of how long he'd spent as a goat and how he'd gotten changed back. Pesky details that Nico obviously didn't want to get into right now.

Rachel Elizabeth Dare was walking along a white sand beach.

Percy's eyes burned like she'd kicked sand in his face. His skin twitched uncomfortably, that urge to get up and do something but he had no clue what. Sometimes his dreams were connected and wanted to show him something, but what exactly he was supposed to be putting together here he was fumbling as much as he did every quiz he'd ever been subjected to.

She wore a swimsuit with a T-shirt wrapped around her waist. Her shoulders and face were sunburned.

She knelt and began writing in the surf with her finger. I tried to make out the letters. I thought my dyslexia was acting up until I realized she was writing in Ancient Greek.

That was impossible. The dream had to be false.

Annabeth made a face that very clearly said she'd rather Percy be having a dream that was meant to lead him somewhere rather than an average old night seeing Rachel in swimwear.

Rachel finished writing a few words and muttered, "What in the world?"

I can read Greek, but I only recognized one word before the sea washed it away: Περσεύς. My name: Perseus.

Will hadn't quite realized he'd read over Percy's name the first time because they read through this so naturally. He only realized it when he noticed Jason was trying to crane his neck around Nico to get a look at the book so he could see the Greek on the page for himself.

Percy sighed indulgently as Will showed the book to him, and then Alex and Magnus so they could see some more Greek letters. He'd never been patient enough to sit through his writing class on getting a lowercase Q right, he didn't get the big deal personally.

Rachel stood abruptly and backed away from the surf.

"Oh, gods," she said. "That's what it means."

He didn't get the big deal of what that meant either!

"Has she been, plagued by dreams of what the original Perseaus got up to?" Jason asked hesitantly.

"She said she needed to talk to Percy about something, hopefully she literally meant you and not hoping you could summon ghosts of your name," Alex agreed.

"I feel bad for Percy that even in his native language he still can't read all the material before it's snatched away," Magnus said. Percy actually seemed to enjoy reading sometimes, he might get into it more if other books were magically geared for his brain.

She turned and ran, kicking up sand as she raced back to her family's villa.

She pounded up the porch steps, breathing hard. Her father looked up from his Wall Street Journal.

"Dad." Rachel marched up to him. "We have to go back."

Her dad's mouth twitched, like he was trying to remember how to smile. "Back? We just got here."

"There's trouble in New York. Percy's in danger."

"Did he call you?"

"No . . . not exactly. But I know. It's a feeling."

Mr. Dare folded his newspaper. "Your mother and I have been looking forward to this vacation for a long time."

"No you haven't! You both hate the beach! You're just too stubborn to admit it."

"Now, Rachel—"

"I'm telling you something is wrong in New York! The whole city . . . I don't know what exactly, but it's under attack."

Her father sighed. "I think we would've heard something like that on the news."

"I like that that's his protest," Thalia frowned. "Not, hey, if it's under attack, we're safe here my only child."

"Yeah, don't think anybody's safety has ever been this guy's concern," Percy rolled his eyes.

"No," Rachel insisted. "Not this kind of attack. Have you had any calls since we got here?"

Her father frowned. "No . . . but it is the weekend, in the middle of the summer."

"You always get calls," Rachel said. "You've got to admit that's strange."

Her father hesitated. "We can't just leave. We've spent a lot of money."

"Can not convince me this man doesn't know when to cut his losses," Alex said scathingly. She had a feeling Rachel was going to be one of them someday.

"Depends on the brand of stubborn asshole he is," Magnus scowled.

"Look," Rachel said. "Daddy . . . Percy needs me. I have to deliver a message. It's life or death."

"Can she though?" Jason asked with a raised brow. "Will she be slowed by the magic keeping everyone else out? Is Percy's mom and a handful of others actually awake in the city watching all this?"

"We'll have to put a pin in that one too Jason," Thalia reminded him in a tone only an older sibling can have, one part revenge, one part sympathy, as Percy shivered with distress for that jumble of questions and thoughts now in his head.

"What message? What are you talking about?"

"I can't tell you.

"Then you can't go."

Rachel closed her eyes like she was getting up her courage. "Dad . . . let me go, and I'll make a deal with you."

"Oh, no," Percy said at once, his gut in such painful knots with his stomach even his mom couldn't untie them.

Mr. Dare sat forward. Deals were something he understood. "I'm listening."

"Clarion Ladies Academy. I'll—I'll go there in the fall. I won't even complain. But you have to get me back to New York right now."

"Rachel, no," Percy said again, knowing full well she couldn't hear him, but still having half a mind to somehow storm out of here right now and convince her she was being nuts! He would know, he was an expert on impulsive plans!

He was silent for a long time. Then he opened his phone and made a call.

"Douglas? Prep the plane. We're leaving for New York. Yes . . . immediately."

"That moment where he finally accepts his daughter's brand of crazy and it's still with a string attached," Annabeth said in sympathy Percy heard clear as day in her voice. He licked his lips nervously as his sense of nausea increased like someone was trying to flush his system the wrong way.

Rachel flung her arms around him, and her father seemed surprised, like she'd never hugged him before.

"Oh, gods," Magnus frowned. Why was that easily in the top ten depressing things he'd heard in here?

"I'll make it up to you, Dad!"

He smiled, but his expression was chilly. He studied her like he wasn't seeing his daughter—just the young lady he wanted her to be, once Clarion Academy got through with her.

"Yes, Rachel," he agreed. "You most certainly will."

Rachel wasn't the kind of person to back out of that either, Percy knew without question. Assuming the world still existed up there and wasn't some wasteland of destruction.

Heck, even if it was! And Rachel had somehow been one of the few survivors on earth! She would have honored her promise and still gone to see the stupid building to at least throw a brick at it.

The scene faded. I mumbled in my sleep: "Rachel, no!"

I was still tossing and turning when Thalia shook me awake.

"Something I will always be happy to do for you Perce," Thalia said way to casually, but Percy couldn't even deny he'd like to be awoken from his nightmares more often. Even if it was by her worried expression.

"Hey, if you throw water at Percy to wake him up, does it work?" Jason asked in delight.

"No," Thalia sighed, "I tried that first."

"Of course you did," Percy scowled, he knew he didn't drool on his pillow that much!

"Percy," she said. "Come on. It's late afternoon. We've got visitors."

I sat up, disoriented. The bed was too comfortable, and I hated sleeping in the middle of the day.

"Visitors?" I said.

Thalia nodded grimly. "A Titan wants to see you, under a flag of truce. He has a message from Kronos."

"I need you to tell him very specifically," Alex took a breath, then released a wild raspberry.

She held it too, as long as she could, while Will passed the book to Jason.

"Hang on, stop going to fast," Percy was mock digging through his pockets, "I got to jot this all down!"

She finally ran out of breath and they both started laughing. Annabeth smiled at their antics, she'd been desperately wanting to shake Percy out of his rut of usual pain in knowing something important with Rachel was coming but still unsure what to do without hurting him more by bringing something else up. Alex seemed to have the magic touch for that.

Thalia squeezed her arm again in mutual understanding of that feeling too.

PJOPJOPJOPJO

*I have in fact ridden horses (not pegasi sadly) and motorcycles and they do feel and move completely differently, proving to me that RR has likely not ridden at least one, likely either.

**I would be totally guilty of picking a building for nothing more than the aesthetic. There's a rainbow building in downtown Dallas I've already decided will be my headquarters during the zombie apocalypse. My brother thinks I'm nuts, but he'll regret not thinking ahead like me when he's scrambling for a cool building to stake a claim in.

[windstir]

why strawberry crepe cookie is very autistic coded

by: yours truly, an autistic person who happens to like the pink cookie a lot! 🌸

the chart above is what i will be using as a base for some of the behaviors they express. though i'm letting you guys know beforehand that autism looks different in everyone (obviously) and that some traits might be influenced by traumatic events in your early years of life (like what happens with Crepe.)

most of the information has been taken from canon events and stories, and some other things are just based on my own interpretation of their dialogue and the few things we know about their backstory!

we will go in parts, describing each tab in as much detail as i possibly can ...

that being said, sit the fuck down, grab some snacks, and listen to me ramble about the little pink cookie, because that's what autism made ME do. some people solve math problems, i talk about my little pink thing while i rotate them around in my head like a microwave.

before i start: spoiler warning for pretty much everything regarding Strawberry Crepe Cookie and cookie odyssey.

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i. fixations -

the fixations tab is the easiest thing to explain from this mess, since it's most of their character: robotics!Crepe shows a high interest in wafflebots! being pretty much one of the few things they talk about freely (and something they're very passionate about as a whole) and being something that takes up most of their day and routine.

there are many parts where they start rambling about the bots, being most noticeable during the cookie odyssey (they have many of these moments during their parts of the story! 🎶)

(they also seem to be messy as mentioned by Clotted Cream Cookie at some point in odyssey, unless it comes to their tools! which is. something i relate to deeply lmao. i find organizing my clothes and things pretty boring, but i enjoy organizing my art supplies for example. relaxing activities ~ i'm not sure if it IS part of a fixation but i still think it deserves a spot.)

🌸🌸🌸

ii. noise sensitivity -

this is also easy to explain: they don't like noise. one of their "default phrases" is. just that. them complaining about the noise (and mentioning that their bots are more quiet, once again tying things back to their special interest/hyperfixation.)

and this new comment from the spring 2023 event.

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iii. aggression -

while also having canon arguments to back up this one, it can't really be used as a way to say "oh Crepe is autistic". why? because crepe has gone through trauma and was exposed to violence as a fairly young kid, specially since it wasn't really explained to them that what they did was wrong.

they are aggressive, having threatened others before ... but is it an autistic thing, or just a trauma response of some sort? i can't really tell, honestly. so i'm going to replace it with:

🦄🌸 the inability to properly identify their own emotions, something i've struggled with since i was just a little guy !!!! 🌸🦄

(or, in proper terms, i think it's called alexithymia! if this is wrong i will correct myself.)

when Pure Vanilla mentioned the time period they were alone (or with DE) they responded with: "well ... it WAS boring!"

boring, a word that seems to be quite common in their vocabulary and mine (especially as a kid, we're talking a 5-8 y/o child who struggled to properly identify their emotions and was pretty disconnected from them)

i remember always complaining of boredom, and i sometimes still mix boredom with sadness, understimulation ... you call it.

and the fact that they used the word "boring" to describe a (definitely) traumatic period of their life is. quite interesting to me!

were they truly bored, or were they sad? anxious? scared ...?

and then, once again, in the spring 2023 event, we get more of that:

it happens after the group of kids they're playing with don't listen to their attempts of communicating their discomfort and stress over the situation they're in, Crepe was trying to communicate that they weren't happy with the noise they were making and the fact that everyone was walking in different directions. (and one of the kids was being particularly hyperactive too)

so, they lashed out.

pretty self-explanatory. Crepe also isn't very good at expressing and controlling their negative emotions.

so yeah! back to the ACTUAL chart now ...

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iv. social difficulty -

yeah, another obvious one. they struggle with socializing and seem to prefer the company of their robots and small crowds. (or older people, they seem to be a lot more nicer around Espresso. like in the christmas 2022 story)

not much to say, their socializing skills may also be affected by their trauma. (they were frozen for years as a child, abandoned by their village and then by Dark Enchantress, leading to a pretty lonely life before the events of chapter 9 and odyssey)

but i do think they're genuinely just an awkward little kid, and that's fine! they're learning at their own pace as i've mentioned in another post :)

🌸🌸🌸

v. speech pattern -

... it may be me, but their way of speaking is different of the way kids around their age express themselves usually, so i say they got an abnormal speech pattern.

they use big words and know what they mean, end of the speech tab. i don't know how a normal person speaks so i can't really say "this was supposed to be abnormal speech? but I speak like that!"

🌸🌸🌸

vi. depression / anxiety -

the depression and anxiety tab are mainly based on headcanons i branched out based on their backstory, but they may be enforced by their crunchy dreams story and their fortune: "you're not alone: love surrounds you."

it's probably not related to autism, though. it's probably because of their trauma and abandonment issues. either way it's there.

to need reassuring in something like this means that they probably cling compulsively to certain thoughts/beliefs.

which, if i remember correctly, is a thing that sometimes happens with autistic people according to other autistic people. it's like a weird fixation of sorts, i'm not 100% sure ...

the only time(s) i've seen them have some sort of anxious behavior is during their battle speech, where they panic after losing to Gingerbrave's team.

then during the spring event of 2023, where they say that they "can't think straight" because of the noise Pancake Cookie is making.

🌸🌸🌸

i'm not sure if they got any tics and fidgets, i haven't noticed anything that can classify as such, so it's one of the lowest tabs.

same with the abnormal posture. and if they got it is probably because of the being frozen thing weakening their body to an extent.

🌸🌸🌸

in conclusion! after tumblr deleted part of my post from my drafts ... _(:3」 ∠)_

i wholeheartedly believe Crepe might be an autistic coded character, whether or not is something the writers intended to do isn't clear to me, but they show SO many traits that i wouldn't be surprised if they canonically were! most of the things i mentioned are also based from my own experience and the bits i can remember form my own childhood as an undiagnosed kid, but yeah!

i hope you enjoyed this painfully long rant <3 i might make one eventually about how i think Crepe might also be physically disabled (implied), but for now, have this.

okay bye i can't post more pictures because the app sucks.

[vertumnanaturalis]

so uh. arts not been arting for me the last few months, lots of complicated issues at play with that, but my exo brainrot is unending and I've taken to designing npcs in the sims when I feel the design need but art is shrimply not happening. These ones are of varying degrees of canon-ness and importance, pretty frequently picked at random or because I previously made a family member or partner of theirs.

I tried to group them together by family or age or work relation but god does Tumblr not like large images so forgive me for the spam. I'll add names/pronouns/relevant ages under them; Strato-side kids closest to Sol's age will have 3 designs, each while Strato-side teenagers between Tammy and Kom's ages will have 2 each.

Under the cut if you dare (warning! Spoilers mentioned & extremely image heavy)

Also uh. you will notice that a few of these people aren't on the current npc list or don't match with it's info. Long story short its getting some refining and that included some new kids and other changes that required a lot of pulling things out from the roots. one of those things playing into why arts not been arting while.

Anywho;

Arroyo - he/him - ages 12 / 16 / 19 - The younger son of the Stratospheric's original Chief Steward, a future member of expeditions, a convienient and accidental scape goat for people to reason away Dys's crush on an unseen pretty boy, though they don't actually have any strong opinions on one another

Simplicity "Plic"/"Lis" - she/her - ages 12 / 16 / 19 - Lazy girl born and raised in the creche, supposedly she helps out in the depot, she might "date" Nomi down the line (but by date I mean "we say we're dating but I think we might just be hanging out because neither of us know what to want or expect from a romantic relationship", there's no hard feelings after it ends) if Nomi doesn't end up with Rex or Sol

Peregrine "Penny" - she/her - ages 11 / 15 / 18 - A perfectly nice girl, but fades away in the crowd, she likes to tease the other kids a little too much, one of the passionate romances referenced in the endings where Cal doesn't settle down with Sol Tammy or Anemone, it is not a pretty breakup

Evanescence "Evan" - he/him - ages 11 / 15 / 18 - The spoiled only child of two older parents, a prolific momma's boy in childhood but a heartthrob with a bad reputation later down the line, another one of those passionate romances mentioned in Cal's ending text, with his being the last before Cal settles down with the farmer from the Heliopause

Philosophy "Sully" - they/them - ages 10 / 14 / 17 - The only child of a single father who works in engineering, loves a good game of sportsball but has no interest in the rest of what the garrison offers, the middle of Cal's three passionate romances and the only one to end on good terms

Opulence "Opal" - she/her - ages 14 / 19 - Friendly and absentminded, she can never resist a good piece of gossip, she dreams of starting Vertumna's first offical news source, her oldest child is born about a year after Echinacea (and Sol might even deliver him!)

Vertex "Tex" - he/him - ages 14 / 19 - The older son of the ship's original Chief Steward, a punk who likes to get dangerous with the wildlife and a tendancy to take things too far

Tempest "Pem" - she/her & they/them - ages 13 / 18 - Rebellious older girl whos behaviors only gotten worse since losing a father during the Stratospheric's crash, rude and obnoxious to the adults but always has a soysweet on hand for the kids

Chrysocolla - they/them - ages 13 / 18 - creche-born kid and resident class clown, the smart kid who doesn't put in the effort after seeing the younger geniuses around them, takes a painfully long time to confess to their best friend

Coriander "Cory" - he/him - ages 13 / 18 - Quiet and plain-looking boy who helps out in the kitchens, he struggles to stand out next to his sisters, feeling like the lesser triplet for not being identical

Scallopini "Pina" - she/her - ages 13 / 18 - A cheerful girl who both has more energy than the rest of her family combined while still remaining total chillax, started dying her hair blue so people could tell her and her sister apart

Amaretto "Ame" - she/her - ages 13 / 18 - A meek but passionate girl, she feels like she was born in her sisters contrast, struggles to find her sense of self when the most unique thing about her is that she's got nothing unique at all

Falchion "Kion" - he/him - ages 13 / 18 - Teenager who seems desperate to find his place in life, often making dangerous mistakes in the process

[Left] Hyacinth "Cici" - she/her - age 17 - A young sniper from the Heliopause, the future Chief of Security in timelines where Sol and Anemone are not and Vace hasn't handled his issues yet

[Right] Lunation "Luna" - she/her - age 19 - Previously the Heliopause's current doctor-in-training, a catastrophic brain injury during the crash has drastically changed her life and put her on indefinate medical leave

[Far Left] Champagne "Champ" - he/him - age 9 - a young boy who starts out eager to grow up and become a soldier, but might find a different calling in life with help [Middle Left] Schnapps - he/him - age 40 - A cook from the Helio who takes the culture shock better than most, has a weekly card game with Nomi's dad [Middle] Crocus "Cro" - she/her - 38 - A cook from the Heliopause who prays in secret that her children do not die child soldiers [Middle right] Affogato "Affie" - she/her - age 13 - One of the teenage soldiers who follows Vace around, she's desperate to impress the older kids and will cruelly treat others like stepping stones to do so [Far Right] Meringue "Meri" - she/her - age 6 - The last child born on the Heliopause, she's destined to become a doctor when she grows up, she first gained an interest in medicine during gene therapy like Tangent

[Left] Harpsicord "Harrie" - They/them - 51 - An actual rocket scientist that ensured the rocketship got to Vertumna, Saga's doting wife and Evan's adoring Mada

[Right] Sagacious "Saga" - She/her - 46 - A sweet and loving auntie from geoponics who remains painfully oblivious to most well-known gossip, her casual tendancy to spoil and coddle her son drives Flulu up a wall

[Far left] Hibiscus "Hibi" - she/her - 35 - One of the surveyors in charge of rescues and it's acting emt, a control subject born from the same series of augment tests as Tonin, she's suited more to space than the planet the same way he is, Vertumna terrifies her daily and she fears for the futures of her teenage triplets

[Center left] Rumination "Rumi" - he/him - 46 - A talented guitar player who enjoys lying to children and is in a committed relationship with the bit, works in rescues with Hibi, holds the technical title of "Former Chief Surveyor" as he was the presumed next-in-line when Imbroglio abbruptly retired a decade prior, although he only held it long enough to laugh himself sick and walk out the door, he's the sole reason Utopia's accent is like that

[Center right] Paprika "Prika" - she/her - 37 - Mechanic in charge of expeditions equiptment and transports, has a hair trigger temper with certain subjects and a habit of spraying offending teenagers with the hose, the irony of her student/trainee Thicket being the biological-via-donation child of her partner and later her own biological-via-donation child joining expeditions are both frequent source of jokes for awhile

[Far right] Brassica "Braz" - she/her - 39 - One of the construction workers who had trained for that job specifically, has a lot of pratice mediating problems that her partner's anger issues cause, got on the ship by pretending to be in a relationship with a friend and convieniently "breaking up" once it was clear they were never going to form a family unit

[Far left] Revolutionary "Lulu" - she/her - age 28 - primarily a geoponics farmer, an on and off member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule, in a queer platonic relationship with Blip

[Middle left] Sorbet - she/her & they/them - age 27 - a steward who primarily works in the kitchens, another on and off member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule; she was the egg donor and surrogate for Benji (the young doggy boy npc)

[Center left] Habitation "Hab" - he/him - age 26 - one of the ships dedicated creche parents; part of a closed chain polycule of 4 people (no overlap with the greater geoponics area wlw polycule); loves his job but resents ship administration for passing him and his family unit over during the last round of children born in space, yet making him feel pressured into agreeing to surrogate one of the other children

[Center right] Oblivion "Blip" - he/him - age 26 - an engineer in space but shoved into more general work after landing; loves his best friend but her polycule stories scare him a little, you will never see his entire face, but if you did he could easily pass as Dys & Tang's relative despite not being related at all, the fourth youngest person to leave on the Stratospheric

[Middle right] Optimism "Tim" - he/him - age 26 - stuck to janitor duty in space but also shoved into other jobs after landing, one of the few people guaranteed to live to Sol's 20th birthday, the third youngest person to leave on the Stratospheric

[Far right] Jubilation "Jubee" - she/her - age 26 - same deal as Blip; she was the surrogate for the last child born in space (Enigma, the girl with the rainbow hair), and is still recovering physically and emotionally when the game starts; her twin sister Jamboree died before she left, but only one of them was ever going to be picked for the ship, she can't remember her sister's face anymore; the second youngest member of gen 2 after Utopia

[Far left] Coralline "Cora" - she/her - age 28 - the ships fourth dedicated creche parent on paper, she's frequently pulled to help on the farms after landing, a consistant member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule

[Center left] Pyromania "Sparky" - she/her & they/them - 29 - Originally just a part time security officer, her soldier duties quickly begin outweighing her cultivator ones, she started dying her hair like that when she found out the meaning of her name and keeps it another month every time someone calls it tacky, it's been 12 years; another consistant member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule

[Center right] Curarine "Curie" - she/her & they/them - 32 - A pharmacology researcher doomed by the narrative, the youngest person on the Stratospheric chosen for her skills rather than genetic diversity, she quickly disapointed Instance with her undriven personality, another consistant member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule

[Far right] Unity "Nita" - she/her - age 31 - The only one here who exclusively works in geoponics, she was four seperate farming wlw until the latest revamp forced me to compress her down into one, the last consistant member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule

[Left] Mangosteen "Maggie" - she/her - age 30 - Maggie's death when the Strato lands is unavoidable (as her infant twins Whimsy and Praline fill the role of "orphans from the wormhole crash" during babysitting), once a frequent member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule but had been avoiding the dating scene after a really messy & very public breakup of her throuple with Yuzu and Cinnamon, she was a creche parent and a hydroponics farmer on the ship

[Right] Yuzu - any pronouns - age 31 - Yuzu doesn't 100% use the term wlw but does work in geoponics and either is currently or has previously been dating the same overlapping circle (though they've also been avoiding dating, but mostly because the rest of the polycule "doesn't want to pick sides"), they avoid Maggie's children like the plague

and that would be it for tonight lads, it is now night'o'clock and my hands are starting to hurt, I think I got all the right info down but if not I'll fix it tomorrow or whenever I notice theres a problem. If you've gotten this far I hope you've had fun looking at some of my little guys