#don't get me wrong I like when my art gets attention and I get dejected when it doesn't

[weaponizedmoth]

I finally sort of understand why it feels weird to tag things on Instagram and not so much on tumblr, and it's because on tumblr tags are used for organizational AND attention purposes. Meanwhile on Instagram it's only for attention. There's no other reason to tag stuff. Sure you can organize little nooks and highlights and direct people towards certain tags, but you can't just search your Instagram posts on your profile by tag, or click on a tag on someone's profile and be led to all the instances of that tag there. And idk I think it just makes me feel weird.

[chaeryybomb]

TRAITOR

pairings: female reader x lee heeseung

summary: you thought lee heeseung was the best boyfriend you could ever wished for. but they did warn you about long distanced relationships. at first, you convinced yourself that it was just your insecurities taking over. but your gut feeling has never been wrong

genre: college au, lovers to exes, fluff, angst, sad ending

featuring: kang hyewon, shin ryujin, lee chaeryeong, lee daehwii, yang jeongin & zhong chenle

word count: 10.4k

warnings: breaking up, mentions of insecurity and cheating, arguments, strong language

the sour series masterlist

Setting down the final box on the ground, you released a sigh of relief and stretched your arms upwards. The satisfying sounds of your joints popping gave you a sense of relief as you stretched. Then you felt a pair of arms snake around your waist. You smiled as you took in his familiar scent. You reached up to touch his neck as Heeseung pressed a kiss to the side of your head.

"Thank you for your help, lovely," he mumbled in your hair.

You turned around in his arms and clasped your hands behind his neck, toying with the back of his hair. Lee Heeseung was looking at you with pure love in his eyes and you couldn't be more happy. "I can't believe we're both finally in university," he said, squeezing your waist.

"Hmm yeah, finally out of high school," you hummed. "It's sad that we didn't get into the same university though," you cupped his left cheek, rubbing his cheek lovingly with your thumb.

Heeseung nuzzled into your hand, slowly drawing you closer. "I can always drive to your dorm, it's just a three hour drive from here."

"Or I can drive to you," you replied.

He scoffed, "Yeah if you get your driver's license," he teased.

You rolled your eyes and softly punched him on the chest before pushing yourself away from his embrace. "Listen, not all of us can miraculously pass on their first try okay," you defended yourself but Heeseung just laughed at you.

Although you tried to act like you were mad at his joke, you couldn't wipe the smile off your face as you sat down on his bed. Currently, the two of you were in Heeseung's dorm. You wanted to help him move in before you had to leave. Heeseung and you were high school sweethearts, the school's loveliest couple. And you've been together ever since then. Today marked a new milestone for the both of you as you had finally graduated from high school and now both of you were accepted into different universities.

The both of you had decided to do what's best for each other and went to different schools. It was for the sake of your future, you didn't want to cause a commotion just because you guys were three hours apart. Plus, it was just three hours. Heeseung could always come visit you and video calls were a thing. You're friends were scared that the both of you wouldn't survive a long distance relationship but you had faith in each other. And that was enough.

Heeseung was lucky to have a room all for himself, whereas you had to share a dorm with two other girls. His room was small but big enough for one person. You knew Heeseung was a simple man, if it had a bed and a table, that would be enough for him. A knock on the door caught your attention, you suddenly remembered that you guys had left the door open when you were moving boxes.

Outside the door stood a pretty girl with long blonde hair. She was really pretty, you noted. She looked so natural as a blonde as well, you couldn't help but thought. The pretty girl sent both of you an awkward smile and waved. You stood up and walked to her, somewhat excited to make a new friend.

"Hi!" You greeted her with a smile, you felt Heeseung behind you.

"Hi," she mirrored your smile. "I'm Hyewon, I'm from the room next door," she pointed out.

"Oh! I'm Heeseung," the taller boy introduced himself. "And this is my girlfriend, Y/N," he smiled at you.

"It's nice to meet you, are you both music majors too?" Hyewon asked. It was common for Hyewon to ask that, considering the university Heeseung applied for is known for their music stream. Heeseung was extremely talented, being blessed with a heavenly voice and all. It was his dream to pursue a music career. Thanks to you, he found the courage to do so,

"Oh no, just him. I don't actually go here," you immediately told her. "I actually go to George University instead."

"Oh! So you're a theatre major then," Hyewon said, surprising you a bit. You nodded in return and Hyewon's smile seemed to grow wider. The university you applied to was quite well known for its theatre arts course. "That's so cool, I'm a theatre major too!"

Your eyes lit up in excitement and you stepped closer to the blonde, eager to learn more about her. But before you could ask her anything, your phone chimed. You gave her an apologetic look before checking your phone. "It's my mom, she's asking when I'll be home. I still have to pack up," you said disappointed. You really wanted to talk more with Hyewon so the both of you could geek out. (And spend a bit more time with Heeseung.) Hyewon looked disappointed too that you couldn't stay longer.

"Let me drive you home," Heeseung started to move to get his keys but you placed your hand on his arm to stop him.

"Nah, it's fine," you shook your head. "I can take the bus home."

"Then I'll walk you to the bus stop," Heeseung said with determination. He was gonna make use of whatever time he had to spend it with you, even if it was for five seconds.

You realised that there was no way of rejecting him, so you just chuckled and said, "Alright, let me grab my bag then." But Heeseung was already one step ahead of you as he had already gone to get it for you. You sent another smile to Hyewon. "It was really great to meet you, Hyewon. I hope we can talk again soon," you told her.

"Likewise Y/N, have a safe trip home," she bid you goodbye before returning to her room.

Heeseung appeared behind you once again, sneakily slipped his fingers through yours and pulled you out of the room. He locked the door with your bag on his shoulder, he looked like he had the intention of not letting you hold it.

"C'mon," he tugged your hand and you giggled, falling into step with him.

The walk to the bus stop felt quicker than it should be, much to your dismay. The bus stop was empty besides the both of you. As the two of you stood under it, you mindlessly swung your intertwined hands back and forth. Heeseung laughed at your action. He released your hand and you looked up curious on why he did it. Heeseung moved so he was standing behind you and wrapped his arms around you, effectively back hugging you.

Your lips tugged upward at the position you were and you held onto his arms. Slowly, he started to rock you back and forth. "I'm gonna miss you," he suddenly said.

You couldn't help but let your smile falter. You were gonna miss him too, you're gonna miss him so much. "This is the first time where we'll be so far apart, I think I might die without you," he rubbed his face into your hair as you laughed at his words.

"I'll call you everyday, Hee. I promised," you assured him with a pat on his arm. The taller boy only hummed in reply but you felt him move his arms to your middle so he could bury his face in the crook of your neck. You giggled when you felt him peppered small kisses up around your neck.

"I love you," he mumbled before pressing a loving kiss to the top of your head.

"Love you too," you leaned back into him.

Just in time you saw the bus in the distance, which meant your time with Heeseung was ending. As the bus slowed down in front of you, your boyfriend finally reluctantly let you go from his slip. "I'll see you soon, okay?" you promised him. He nodded and leaned down to give you one more kiss before you entered the bus.

Sitting down, you waved from the window and he gave you a smile. Oh god, you already missed him. Heeseung watched as your bus left the station. You sighed, leaning back into the seat. This was the beginning of a new chapter of your relationship, and you have faith that the both of you will be okay.

"Thank you," you said to the barista as she handed you your coffee. With your free hand, you pushed the front door open. The November breeze welcomed you once you stepped outside, your coffee warming your fingertips. Your phone then started to ring in your pocket. You fished your phone out and a smile crept onto your face when you saw the contact name.

"Hello, love," Heeseung greeted as soon as you picked up. You smiled at him, holding your phone in front of your face.

"Good morning, Hee. I just got my coffee," you showed him your coffee like it was a little trinket. Heeseung laughed at your child-like action. The second semester was almost ending and your relationship was still going strong. The both of you were consistent with the video calls and text messages. You'd be calling him at the end of every day and the two of you would talk about your day till one of you fell asleep. (Spoiler: It was usually you.)

And now your second semester as a couple is ending, the both of you had decided to retreat back to your hometown during the break like you did during your first break. So you could bask in each other's presence and visit some old friends. It was slowly starting to become a tradition and you couldn't ask for anything more.

"So, how was your audition?" Heeseung asked as you walked past a group of band kids, sending them a smile as they waved at you.

At the mention of the audition, your smile turned into a pout. "Rejected, as usual," you sighed. You have auditioned for almost every play in your school but you were always rejected or chosen as a background character if you were lucky. You knew that there were a lot of talented students in your school, but you felt dejected each time.

"Sorry, love. I'm sure you'll have better luck next time," Heeseung told you with a sad smile. "I wish I could hold you right now."

You looked at him with a sad gaze, "Me too, Hee." You couldn't lie that long distance relationships were hard, everyday was spent through a screen and you yearned to be next with him physically. During the first few weeks, you told yourself that you would get used to it after a while. Spoiler alert, you still haven't gotten used to it. "But enough of that!" You said, waving away the depressed aura and taking a long sip from your coffee before letting out a sigh. "Our break is coming up and I can't wait to see you."

At the mention of the break, you noticed how Heeseung visibly flinched. His eyes suddenly weren't looking at you anymore, averting his gaze to the side instead. "We are going to be seeing each other, right?" You inquired. But you were met with silence, you stopped in your tracks when Heeseung didn't say anything. "Hee?"

"Actually, Y/N," he started to say and you felt your heart sink already. He didn't call you "love". Some may say you were being dramatic, but Heeseung only used your name whenever something was serious. You're not going to be able to see him during break, your mind told you. You knew it was the most possible outcome, but you hoped that you were wrong.

"I'm not going back during break."

And there it was, what possibly could have been the worse news for you. "Oh," was all you could say, your fingers tightened slightly around the plastic cup before you plastered on a fake smile. "Well, there's always next semester," you assured him, but it felt more like you were reassuring yourself. This was going to be your first winter break without Heeseung.

Heeseung smiled at your reply, a twinge of sadness in him but he brushed it off. "The reason is cause a senior from the film department asked me for help," he explained. "You see, there's a music video competition and he asked me if I could write a song for it."

Your eyes lit up in excitement. "No way! So they're gonna shoot a music video for your song?"

Heeseung nodded with a big smile. "Yup! It's such a big project, like they're bringing in some of the theatre kids as the actors and we're gonna start filming, like next month."

"I'm so happy for you, love," you told him truthfully. Internally, you were scolding yourself for feeling sad that he wouldn't be free during the break when he has something big going on in his life. Stop being so selfish, your mind scolded. Of course you felt a bit blue but this was a big opportunity for Heeseung, imagine if they won the competition. He would finally get some recognition for his music. And the fact that the senior chose him to write the song meant that people were already starting to appreciate his songs and his voice. You were being selfish, like a child.

As Heeseung continued to tell you about the project, you resumed your walk back to your dorms. You listened to him intensively, capturing every small detail in your heart. It was rare for you to see him speak so passionate. Music was his passion, his safe place. You knew that and you wanted him to live a life where he could make his dream a reality. A singer on the bright stage with thousands, no, millions of fans to appreciate his vocals.

You managed to reach your dorm just as Heeseung was being called for off screen. A feminine voice was calling from him and you easily recognised it. "Is that Hyewon?" You asked.

A few seconds passed and a familiar looking pretty blonde came into view. "Y/N? Y/N, hi!" The blonde waved at you enthusiastically, Heeseung was slowly being pushed out of the frame. You could tell he was scooting over to make space for Hyewon. An uneasy feeling slowly sprouted in you when you saw how Hyewon and Heeseung were sitting too close, but you shoved it down when the blonde girl grinned at you.

"Y/N!"

"Hyewon!" You responded with the same enthusiasm, which made the two of you burst into a fit of giggles.

"I'm so sorry for disturbing your time but Chan is looking for you," she apologised, the last part directed to your boyfriend.

"Ah, it's okay, I understand," you said.

"I'll talk to you later, okay? Love you," Heeseung said once Hyewon was out of frame.

"Love you too," you replied and your phone screen turned black, your reflection staring right back at you. You were frowning. With a sigh, you stuffed your phone back into your phone pocket to unlock your front door. Your coffee was now cold in your hands and the uneasy feeling from before was slowly creeping back in. You did not like it one bit.

Chaeryeong and Ryujin thought you were being dramatic, they were right in a way. But you were too busy missing Heeseung to be bothered. You missed his warmth, his voice, the way his hands perfectly fit yours when he held them. you missed the way you laid your head on his chest when he sat behind you, you could always hear his steady heartbeat. It always lulled you to sleep in seconds.

You let out a long and loud sigh as you flipped onto your back on your childhood bed. You had returned to your hometown one week ago, which also meant another week without Heeseung. Your best friend and roommate, Chaeryeong, was the one who drove you both home. The last time you saw her was when she dropped you off at your parents home. And you've been dwelling in your Heeseung-less days ever since.

Reaching over to retrieve your phone, you moved to open your chat with Heeseung. The last text message from him was from this morning. It was just a simple "good morning" text, and you replied with the same message except you added a heart emoticon at the end. And the message was on delivered. Not even on read. You don't know which one was worse.

Your phone suddenly dinged and you immediately sat up straight, thinking it was Heeseung. But your shoulders sagged in disappointment when you saw it was just a message from Jeongin. If Ryujin had seen you right now, the short hair girl would have called you a "lovesick fool". She was right, of course but still.

[2:42 pm] jeongin: guess what

[2:44 pm] chenle: what

[2:44 pm] jeongin: guess

[2:45 pm] chenle: no

[2:45 pm] chenle: just tell us

[2:46 pm] jeongin: g u e s s

[2:46 pm] chenle: n o

[2:46 pm] jeongin: guess goddammit

[2:48 pm] ryujin: jeongin i stg

[2:48 pm] ryujin: i will break ur kneecaps just tell us

[2:49 pm] jeongin: ugh fine theres a amusement park and i wanna go

[2:50 pm] chenle: its winter

[2:50 pm] jeongin: yeah and

[2:50 pm] jeongin: is there snow? no

[2:51 pm] jeongin: so therefore, amusement park

[2:51 pm] ryujin: i-

[2:52 pm] chaeryeong: where is it

[2:52 pm] jeongin: its like a 2 hours away from here

[2:54 pm] ryujin: and who tf would be driving us genius

[2:55 pm] jeongin: y/n bc she loves us

[2:56 pm] y/n: since when

[2:56 pm] chaeryeong: and shes alive, great job jeongin

[2:57 pm] chaeryeong: u pulled her out from her depression

i[2:58 pm] y/n: hey im not depressed >:(

[2:59 pm] ryujin: hm sure

[2:59 pm] y/n: >:(

[3:00 pm] y/n: also i dont have my drivers license yet dumbass

[3:01 pm] jeongin: ah right i also forgot y/n cant drive

[3:01 pm] jeongin: ryujin it is

[3:02 pm] ryujin: whAT I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS

[3:03 pm] chaeryeong: lets meet up at jeongin's place then

[3:03 pm] chenle: cool with me

[3:05 pm] ryujin: HEY DONT IGNORE ME

[3:04 pm] y/n: sure!

You stifled a laugh as you read Ryujin's message. Then, you switched to check your chat between Heeseung and you. It was still on delivered. Maybe he's just busy with filming and recording. Yeah, he's probably busy. Stop being so selfish, Y/N.

Yang Jeongin just had to choose the coldest day of the year to go to the amusement park, didn't he. You silently thanked yourself for dressing up in an extra layer, unlike Chenle who looked like he was about to die from frostbite. Whereas Jeongin had a huge grin plastered on his face as he looked at the Ferris Wheel ahead. You rubbed your hands together, bringing it to your mouth to blow hot air at it. You heard the car door slam shut behind you and Ryujin walked next to you.

Families lined up at the ticket booth, laughter and chatter filled the atmosphere. You spot some couples around the area as well, the sight of them tugged at your heartstrings. You wished Heeseung was here with you, he would've wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel with you.

Chaeryeong linked arms with you and Ryujin, leading the two of you to the entrance. The boys already beat you guys to it, you realised. Once Chenle handed you your ticket, you were immediately dragged to the first ride that caught Jeongin's eye.

After a couple of hours, you found yourself resting on the bench with a cup of hot chocolate at your side. Your social battery was empty and you didn't know where the rest of your friends had gone. Ryujin may have mentioned going to the restroom, you're not sure, you were too tired to keep up. So here you were, on the bench next to the Teacups Ride.

You watched as the visitors walked past you. Some were students with their friends laughing as if it was their last day on earth, children giggling as their parents lifted them up in the air and couples sharing a loving look. You fiddle with your phone, debating whether you wanted to text Heeseung or not.

The both of you had called each other last night. You couldn't see him but his voice sounded tired. You felt bad for calling him. Maybe it was for the best if you didn't. You picked up your hot chocolate, the warmth spreading through your fingers as you blew on it. Your body relaxed once you took a sip, enjoying as the warmth spread through your body. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a very familiar looking coat.

You saw a couple walking together, he was wearing a coat that looked identical to the one you gifted Heeseung last year during Christmas. It was almost as if that was Heeseung, well his back kinda looked like his and Heeseung was about that height as well. But it couldn't be him, his school was almost three hours away from here. Plus the girl beside him was blonde, she kinda looked like Hyewon.

What are the odds of those two being here, you laughed. But when those two stopped in their tracks to look at the Ferris Wheel, your entire body froze right there and then. That was Heeseung and Hyewon together. What were they doing here?

Your body reacted immediately by standing up. Heart beating rapidly, you were about to walk towards them when you saw Heeseung laughing at something the blonde said. A gnawing feeling grew in you, he was laughing with her. He was at the amusement park with her. Not you. Her.

And he never mentioned anything about going to the amusement park, let alone the same one you were going to. Your feet stayed glued to the ground as you watched them get into one of the carts. Why was he here? Why didn't he tell you? Why was he with her? Why? Why? Why?

You saw Hyewon stopped from getting into the cart and she stretched her hand out while she looked up in the sky, Heeseung following her. It was snowing. It was the first snow. And Heeseung spent it with Hyewon, while you watched from the sidelines. They looked like an actual couple. Snow started to fall, your hot chocolate was losing its warmth and jealousy filled up instead. The noise drilled out of your ear so all you heard was a low buzz, your gaze burning on the two. You didn't notice Ryujin walking towards you.

"Jesus, the line was so long that I-" Ryujin stopped mid sentence, her eyes following the direction of your gaze. "Y/N?"

You walked past her without saying anything, chucking the drink into a trashcan.

Your phone felt heavy in your hands as you paced around your room. You knew your eyes weren't wrong. It was Heeseung and Hyewon at the amusement park, you could tell it was him from a mile away. After that incident, you went to find your friends and told them you wanted to go home because you weren't feeling well. It was partially a lie anyway, you didn't feel comfortable. You don't know what you would do if you had stumbled upon them.

Thousands of questions echoed through your mind. And you couldn't bear to ask Heeseung. You knew you had questions but you didn't know what to ask. Why didn't you tell me? Why were you with Hyewon? Why wouldn't you tell me?

Your phone suddenly rang, causing you to jolt in surprise. The phone screen lit up with his name in bold. He was calling you. Without thinking, you accepted the call.

"Hey, love," Heeseung's smooth voice greeted you.

"Hey," you replied, making sure your tone was steady. You were silently grateful that it wasn't a video-call so he couldn't see the nervousness in your eyes.

"How was the amusement park?" He asked.

You bit your thumb, hesitant to answer. Should you tell him that you saw him today? "It was fun, a lot of people thought," you hummed, moving over to sit on your bed.

"You know, funny story. Today we actually went to an amusement park too," he suddenly said and you froze on the spot. "They decided to film there so we went there in the afternoon, it started snowing too!"

You felt a weight was lifted from your heart. So it was just a pure coincidence. Heeseung never planned to go to the amusement park, he just went with what they said. "It would've been funny if we bumped into each other, don't you think, love?" He laughed but you couldn't find the energy to laugh along.

"Yeah," you mumbled, leaning back into your pillows. He was there to film for the music video. He's busy with the music video. It's always for the music video. You trust Heeseung, don't you?

Winter break went by like the cold breeze and now cherry pink flowers occupied the empty branches. Flowers were blooming from the left and right, the cold winter was now in the past and you welcomed (the still cold) spring into your arms. Which meant you left whatever uneasy feeling and doubts in the past.

You were currently in Heeseung's dorm. Today was a big day, it's the day where they were gonna upload the music video and Heeseung wanted you to be there to watch it with him. Heeseung picked you up from the bus stop and then took you out for lunch. Thankfully it was the weekend so you could stay for the night.

Heeseung was at his desk, his thumbs typing away as he laughed silently at his phone. You wondered who he was texting. Maybe he's texting Hyewon, your mind taunted. You shook your head to drive the thoughts away, you were not going to be paranoid. You already left the bitter feelings in winter, you agreed with yourself that you'll leave it behind. You trust Heeseung.

"Who are you texting?" Yet the question slipped out of you either way.

"Huh?" Heeseung looked up, like a deer caught in headlights. "Oh, uh no one," he quickly said, turning off his phone and placing it on his desk. "I think the music video is uploaded," he added before you could question him more.

He moved to his bed, where you were sitting. You scooted over to make space for him as he sat next to you with his laptop propped on his lap. He clicked into his senior's channel, Jeong Yunho, you took note. And there it was, the music video, uploaded forty five seconds ago. You let out an excited noise once you saw it.

"Not for sale," you read the title out loud. Heeseung had a proud look on.

The music video started off with a frame of Heeseung and Hyewon facing each other, then he handed her a note with the words "Not For Sale" on it. The camera then panned out to film the sky where the title appeared again in bold, and the song started to play. The song had a bubbly beat to it and Heeseung's angelic voice accompanied it. The music video was filled with pastels and some scenes were filmed at the amusement park. Specifically, at the carousel. There weren't any scenes of the Ferris Wheel though, you noted.

The video ended with Heeseung and Hyewon holding hands as they face the sunset, while the camera slowly zooms away from them and into the sky. The last scene was a black screen with all the credits listed out. When you saw Heeseung's name being credited for writing the song, you felt a sense of pride inside of you. Your boyfriend wrote this song, of course you're going to be proud.

Once the video ended, you threw your arms around Heeseung. Heeseung laughed as he wrapped an arm around your middle and the other holding onto his laptop. You planted a big fat kiss on his cheek and he tightened his hold on you.

"The song was so good, Hee! I'm so proud of you, babe," you complimented him, one hand reaching up to ruffle his hair while the other cupped his cheek.

Heeseung smiled and leaned into your touch. "Thank you so much, lovely. This song means a lot to me," he kissed your nose. "I actually thought of you when I wrote this song," he confessed.

You blinked at him, your heart beating faster as you processed his words. You were kneeling on his bed as he looked up at you, pink dusted on his cheeks. Instead of saying anything, you threw yourself onto him, tightly wrapping your arms around his torso to buried your head in his neck. Heeseung let out an "oof" when you knocked him back onto his bed, his laptop on the edge of his bed.

"I love you," you mumbled.

"I love you, too," he said. His hand reached up to stroke your head as the both of you laid there in each other's embrace.

A few minutes passed and Heeseung tapped on your head to get your attention. "Hm?" you hummed in reply.

"I need to go pee, love."

"No," you said stubbornly, tightening your arms around him.

"Please, love. I'll be back fast, I promise," Heeseung told you, looking down on you.

You lifted your head to rest your chin on his chest as you narrowed your eyes at him. "Hng, fine," you pouted before you rolled off him.

"Thank you, lovely," he pecked your lips before pushing himself off his bed, not before moving his laptop to his desk.

You watched as Heeseung left his dorm to go to the restroom. You stretched your arms upwards, making grabby hands in the air before sitting up. You reached over to his desk, which was next to the bed, to get your phone when you saw Heeseung's phone lit up. You knew you shouldn't have looked but when her name was in bold white, you couldn't look away.

[4:47 pm] hyewon: can't wait to do it again hee!

"Can't wait to do it again?" You read the message out loud. Can't wait to do what again? And since when did Hyewon called him "Hee"? That was your nickname for him. The bitter feelings from winter crept back into you like the cold seeping in through the crack of your window. Why did you feel so uneasy whenever Hyewon was alone with Heeseung? Was there something going on?

No, they're just friends, Y/N, you reminded yourself. Just friends.

The door opened and your eyes snapped up to see Heeseung returning from the restroom. Suddenly, you wanted to get out of here. You don't know why, but that text message from her just rubbed you the wrong way and you wanted to get out of there before you say something you regret.

"Ryujin just texted me that she needs my help," you lied. You stood up to grab your coat and bag from the chair.

"Woah, woah, what's with the hurry?" Heeseung took a hold of your wrist as he looked at you. But your eyes didn't meet his.

"Ryujin has an emergency, she needs my help," you said again, this time firmly.

"Oh," his grip on you loosened and you pulled your hand back to you. "I'll drive you back-"

"No, it's fine," you cut him off. "I-I'll take the bus home. I'll call you tonight," the words rushed out of your lips and soon enough you were out of his door.

You did not call him that night.

You ignored Ryujin's questions when you reached your dorm, she didn't press on. Now it was Sunday morning and Ryujin had left for breakfast. You felt bad for leaving Heeseung like that and ignoring Ryujin when she just wanted to help you. And you knew you should've talked it out instead of walking out. Sighing, you curled deeper into your blanket.

After a few minutes, you threw your covers off and sat up. Maybe some warm breakfast would make you feel better. So you went down to the cafeteria to see your friends all huddled up at the corner.

"Y/N, just in time!" Jeongin called out. Curious, you walked towards them and saw that they were watching Heeseung's music video.

"The song is so sweet," Chaeryeong cooed, leaning onto you.

You let out an awkward laugh, not quite sure what to feel because of the act you pulled yesterday.

"It has almost two thousand views. I bet you must feel so proud, huh," Chaeryeong said.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you nodded. Now you feel even more bad, Heeseung wrote this song for you and you should've stayed at his dorm to celebrate with him. Instead, you left because you saw one text message without context. You were being a bad girlfriend, you should apologise to him.

"Who's the other girl? She's really pretty," Jeongin suddenly asked.

"Ah, that's Hyewon. She's his neighbour," you explained.

"Hyewon? As in Kang Hyewon?" Daehwii suddenly said. He was passing by when he heard you say her name and pulled a chair across Jeongin. You nodded. "Oh, I know her," he casually said.

You tilted your head to the side. "You do?" Jeongin leaned forward. You heard Ryujin mumble "simp" under her breath, and you bit back a laugh.

"Mhmm," Daehwii nodded and pulled out his phone. A few seconds later, he showed his phone screen and it was Hyewon's Instagram. "I went to the same high school with her, she was really popular. All the teachers said she had the face of an actress. There was a rumour that she even got scouted by an entertainment company."

Ryujin reached over to grab his phone to scroll through her account. "Woah, she has like two hundred thousand followers," she said in amazement. You leaned closer to Ryujin to check, Hyewon sure was popular.

"Yeah, she's a free-lance model and I think she models for smaller brands," Daehwii added.

You couldn't help but feel very small next to her. She was beautiful and she had somewhat of a reputation in the entertainment industry, a rising model. Imagine what kind of connections she could get for Heeseung…

"I bet Heeseung wrote this song for you," Ryujin suddenly said, smoothly switching the topic back to the song.

You felt your cheeks to warm up at her words. Sheepishly, you nodded. Your friends immediately reacted with a chorus of "ooh"s and Chaeryeong playfully nudged your shoulder. "Fuck Romeo and Juliet, I want what these bitches have," Jeongin quoted and the rest of you fell into laughter.

After breakfast, you and Ryujin strolled back to your rooms with your arms linked together. She was telling you about what happened when you weren't here yesterday. "And then he said and I quote "sometimes bullying is okay" just as a family was walking by, the mom was literally glaring at us," you laughed as she told you. "And then- oh," she stopped, and you stopped as well. She was looking ahead of you so you followed her gaze.

"Heeseung?" His name left your lips before you could even process the whole situation.

Heeseung waved awkwardly at you, internally wincing when you used his full name. You and Ryujin exchanged a look before Ryujin pushed you towards him. You stumbled right into his arms but you took a step out of his arms, you rubbed your forearms instead.

"What are you doing here?" You asked him.

"Ah," he rubbed the back of his neck, "I wanted to surprise you since you left early yesterday. I hope you were able to solve Ryujin's problem."

At the mention of Ryujin's "emergency", you stiffened because you didn't mention that you had used her in a lie. You could feel her eyes on you and mentally hope that she got the message.

"Uh, yeah. It was solved," Ryujin replied with an awkward chuckle. "Actually, I forgot I had to meet up with Chaeryeong so it was great seeing you, Heeseung." You turned around and mouthed a "thank you" at her and she gave you a look as if to say "we are going to talk about this later".

And then the two of you were left alone in the empty hallway. Was it always this awkward?

Heeseung stood awkwardly in your room. This was the first time he looked so out of place. Usually, you were the one at his dorm. He doesn't come over to yours that often since he was more busy than you. So it truly was a surprise when you saw him outside your door.

"So, uh, how are you?" He asked.

You hummed in reply. "I'm doing fine," as you sat down on your bed.

"Great! That's great," he coughed while he played with his fingers.

And then the awkward silence returns. You knew it was your fault for walking out yesterday, you probably made him think he did something wrong. When really it was just you refusing to communicate. You gripped your sheets, your mind running laps on what to say. But he beat you to it.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Your eyes snapped up to finally meet his eyes, he was looking at you with brown innocent eyes. Your heart broke a bit at the sight. "It's not you," you assured him. "It's…it's just me," you told him truthfully.

Heeseung looked at you with confusion, he didn't understand what was wrong. He wanted to help but he didn't know how. So instead, he slowly moved to sit next to you. When you did not move away, he took it as a sign of permission. So he took your hands into his, slowly rubbing circles on top of your hand.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"Love, what are you even sorry about?" He softly asked.

"I saw you at the amusement park that day," you confessed.

Heeseung's fingers stopped moving. "Oh," was all he could say. You bit the inside of your cheek, the atmosphere shifted but you can't read him at all.

"I'm sorry," you whispered again because you didn't know what to say. "Ever since that day, I've been feeling weird whenever I see you with Hyewon and I don't like it."

"Love," he softly cupped your cheek to make you look at him, "are you perhaps jealous?" he asked with a teasing tone. You shifted your gaze to the side, you were jealous but you were reluctant to admit it. But your avoiding eyes already sold you out. Heeseung chuckled and brought you into his embrace. "There's nothing to be jealous of. Hyewon and I are just friends," he assured you.

His voice was genuine when he told you and you felt a sense of relief hearing him say those words. You fell forward to hug him and Heeseung immediately accepted you. He planted a kiss on the top of your head and sighed. "Next time we're gonna be honest with each other, okay?"

"Okay."

Heeseung was right, honesty was the key to maintaining a healthy relationship, Heeseung has been nothing but truthful to you since the start, and you allowed yourself to be overwhelmed by your insecurities instead of talking it out. This reminded you of when Heeseung once shut you out because he didn't want to burden you.

He hid his passion for music from you because he thought you would react like his parents, against him. He refused to tell you the truth which left you confused and hurt. Did I do something wrong? The question was constantly in your head. It wasn't until you forced it out of him, and it was the first time you saw his composed figure break down in tears. You embraced him and assured him with comforting words, you loved him at his worst.

And you told him the exact same words: "Next time we're gonna be honest with each other, okay?"

Exam season was the most painful time of your life. Everyday was the same routine: wake up, eat, study, sleep and repeat. You're starting to spend more time in the library than in the comfort of the dorm. Heeseung was just as busy as you, the both of you rarely have enough time to check up on each other. But you tried and so did he.

You plucked out your earphones and let it fall into your lap as you stretched your arms upwards. Chaeryeong and Ryujin were scattered around your shared room, with the latter laying face down on her bed. The three of you had spent your entire morning studying for your own examinations. You had sent Heeseung a quick good morning text before telling him that your phone will be on silent mode until you were done.

That was six hours ago. You pushed your laptop away from you as you reached over for your phone. You smiled when you saw your first notification was from your boyfriend.

[8:15 am] hee <3: okay remember to stay hydrated love! and take some breaks in between!!!

"Look at her, smiling all lovey dovey and shit," Ryujin sneered at you in disgust as she lifted herself onto her elbows.

You stuck your tongue out at her before typing a reply.

[3:52 pm] y/n: guess who's done studying?? 

While waiting for his reply, you decided to scroll through Instagram. Tapping through people's stories, you stumbled upon Hyewon's one. (She had followed you a few weeks ago.) Your thumb pressed down on your phone screen as your breath hitched. It was a photo of Heeseung, it looked like he was in the library and he was reading a book. The words "with mr. hardworking" positioned above his head. You tapped through to the next slide and it was a candid of Heeseung looking up at her with a smile, his hand outreached to grab her phone. This time the words "oops, got caught" were written on the side. You checked and saw it was posted ten minutes okay.

You frowned at the two photos. You knew Heeseung said they were just friends, but you couldn't shake that uneasy feeling away. Your mind was telling you that they weren't but your heart was with Heeseung.

"Who's that?" Chaeryeong suddenly asked.

You jump, startled. Since when was she behind you? Chaeryeong ignored your expression and leaned towards your phone. "Isn't that Heeseung? Who's he with?" She asked.

"Hyewon," you answered.

Ryujin crawled over to plop down next to you, her curious eyes peering up at your phone. "The same girl we saw at the amusement park?" The short-haired girl asked.

You looked down at her, shocked. You never told her about what you saw last winter. Ryujin understood your expression and rolled her eyes. "I'm not dumb, Y/N," she said.

Chaeryeong looked between the two of you with confusion. "Did something happen when we were at the amusement park?"

"Y/N saw Heeseung and Hyewon getting on the Ferris Wheel together."

"Ryujin!"

"What?" She shrugged at you. "We did see them there and it was the reason you were upset," she stated with her arms crossed, now sitting crossed legged next to you.

Chaeryeong gasped beside you and placed her hands in front of her mouth. "Do you think he's cheating on you?"

"Chaeryeong!" Ryujin hissed at the other girl. "Heeseung isn't the kind to do that," she defended him despite what she said before, "right, Y/N?" Ryujin nudged your elbow.

You opened your mouth to defend your boyfriend but no words were said. You bit your lips, Heeseung wouldn't be the kind to cheat, right? Then why were you hesitating? You wanted to agree with Ryujin and say that Heeseung would never cheat on you. So why were you doubting him?

"I'm just saying, long distance relationships never work out. Like Yeji and Soobin, they broke up like six months later," Chaeryeong shrugged innocently and leaned back on her hands as she spoke.

"But that was different, Yeji never really liked him anyways!" Ryujin countered.

"Vivi and Haseul! Everyone thought they were gonna last but they broke up the moment Vivi went home, and they were together for four years. Four years, Ryujin!" The younger girl exclaimed. "Point is, long distance relationships rarely work out."

Before Ryujin could retort, your phone lit up and all three of you looked down. It was a notification from Heeseung.

[4:01 pm] hee <3: hey sorry i was with taehyun

The three of you blinked at the message, Ryujin and Chaeryeong exchanged a look. While you just stared at the notification, refusing to tap into the chat. Did Heeseung just lie to you?

Something shifted in your relationship, you could tell. Calls with Heeseung were now cut short and text messages got short. At first, you blamed it on the upcoming exams and you told yourself that Heeseung was equally busy as you. Sometimes you were too tired to send a text because all you wanted was to sleep but when you tried to give him a call, he always brushed you off with a "I'm busy" text.

Text messages now never got past the "how was your day" before he said that he was going to sleep. Ever since that day with Ryujin and Chaeryeong, you turned a blind eye to the text message. Maybe he really was with Taehyun, you wouldn't actually know.

But that's the thing, isn't it? You would never know what really happens because you're not there with him, your mind taunted you. You shook away the thoughts and tried to be positive. Exams had ended a few days ago and Chaeryeong suggested that you should surprise him with a visit.

So here you were, on the bus to Heeseung's university. You could barely contain your smile, it's been so long since you last saw him and you just missed him so much. You could imagine how happy he would be to see you. An hour later, the bus came to a stop and you thanked the bus driver before boarding off.

Tightening your coat around you, you looked at the road ahead of you with a determined look. You were gonna surprise Heeseung today. And nothing was going to stop you from doing so. You reached the entrance of the school and sent a friendly smile to the security guards.

You made your way towards Heeseung's dorm, your feet have walked this path multiple times. You were familiar with these hallways. Soon enough you reached his door, you patted your clothes and fixed your hair before raising your fist. Your hand hovered in front of the wooden door, Heeseung was one door away from you.  Knocking precisely three times on the door, you took a step back and clasped your hands behind you. You couldn't wait to see his smile when he sees you.

"Surprise!" You said, doing jazz hands the moment the door opened.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" Heeseung asked you.

You blinked, slightly lowering your hands. Heeseung wasn't smiling at you like you thought he would be, instead he was looking down on you with furrowed eyebrows. His hair was dishevelled, like he ran his fingers through it multiple times and he wasn't opening the door fully, like he was blocking something.

"I was going to surprise you, since exams are over and all-"

"Why didn't you text me beforehand?" He cut you off.

You narrowed your eyes at him and crossed your arms, annoyed that he was questioning you instead of being happy to see you. "Because it was a surprise, Hee, that's the whole point. I wasn't supposed to tell you, surprises don't work like that."

Heeseung opened his mouth but cut himself off with a sigh, he turned his head around to look inside then back at you. "I didn't mean it that way, I just wished you would've told me before," he repeated with a softer tone this time.

You frowned and dropped your arms, you shouldn't have listened to Chaeryeong. Maybe you should leave, the next bus would be in two hours. Heeseung was still leaning against his door, you couldn't see past him. "Whatever, I'll leave then," you mumbled and waved him off, turning on your heel to walk away.

"Y/N! Wait!" Heeseung called after you but you ignored his calls and just continued forward. The taller boy caught up with you and grabbed your wrist.

You tried to shake him off but his hold on you was strong. "Let me go," you said through gritted teeth.

"No, you're mad," he said.

"Of course, I am! I wanted to surprise my boyfriend after not seeing him for weeks but he doesn't even look happy to see me!" You sneered at him, still trying to shake his hand off your wrist.

Heeseung's hands moved to hold your shoulders instead to keep you in place, forcing you to look at him. "Hey, I didn't say I wasn't happy to see you. I am happy to see you, okay? It's just that today's a busy day, love," he explained to you softly.

You stopped squirming and sighed. "Sorry, I just…I just really missed you okay," you told him. You overreacted and got mad at him without letting him explain himself. "Sorry," you said again.

Heeseung smiled warmly at you and pulled you into a hug. "It's okay, love," he planted a kiss on top of your head. You rested your chin on his shoulder and returned the hug.

Then, you watched as a certain blonde walked out of Heeseung's room. Hyewon stepped out of his room and waved at you with a smile. Was Heeseung hiding her? You slightly pushed Heeseung away and he took a step back in confusion. He turned around to see Hyewon and then back at you.

"Hyewon and I were working on a project," he quickly explained.

"Yeah," the other girl nodded in agreement. "If I had known you were coming today, I wouldn't have bothered Heeseung," she said.

"Ah, no. I'm sorry for interrupting the two of you," you apologised, slightly ducking your head. You're not sure if you meant the apology. Should you be sorry that you interrupted them? But Heeseung was your boyfriend.

"Well, I'll leave you two be," Hyewon smiled at the both of you before walking away.

You watched as Heeseung smiled at her and how his eyes followed her figure until she disappeared down the stairs. You bit your lower lip and clenched your fist together, feeling uneasy in your chest once again. Your hand reached to tug on his sleeve and he finally looked at you, like he forgot you were there in the first place.

He moved to hold your hand and lead you into his room, not before smiling softly at you. Instead of the usual feeling of butterflies in your stomach whenever he smiled at you, there was a sinking feeling. Because he smiled at Hyewon the same way. Your lips raised a small smile for him but it didn't reach your eyes. He doesn't seem to notice.

The door closed behind the two of you and you swung your arms before clasping your hands behind you. "So, what was Hyewon doing here?" You tried to ask naturally.

Heeseung wasn't looking at you when he replied, "She was here for a project," he hummed.

"What project?" You continued to ask more.

"For school," he simply replied, taking a seat on his bed.

You leaned against his desk while nodding your head. "Ah, so you're helping her?"

"Uh huh."

"Ah, didn't know you guys were this close…"

"Well, we are neighbours so it's just natural that we grew close, you know," he shrugged.

"Close enough to get on the Ferris Wheel with," you muttered under your breath. You thought Heeseung wasn't able to pick up what you said but his eyes snapped to look at you. You gulped, knowing you were caught.

"Love, I already said that we were there for the music video shooting," he told you with a tired sigh.

"I know, I know but I can't help feeling jealous, Hee," you explained yourself.

Your boyfriend sighed exasperatedly as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I already told you that we're just friends, there's nothing to be jealous of."

"Well, you would be jealous too if your boyfriend didn't mention that he was going to the amusement park with you and you found him hanging with another girl!" You scoffed sarcastically.

"I already told you it wasn't planned, Y/N. Why don't you trust me?" His voice was slightly raised when he spoke the last sentence, his expression was begging you to drop the topic.

But your stubborn self refused to let it go and stood up straighter. "Because you're making it really hard to trust you."

"What?" He looked at you in disbelief as he stood up as well. "How am I the one being hard right now? You're just being paranoid and you're letting your insecurities get the better of you!"

"Can you blame me?!" You raised your voice at him. Anger clouded your eyes as you begged him to understand your point of view. "We're so far apart and we rarely get to talk to each other and you're always brushing me off! It's almost like you're cheating on me with Hyewon!"

Heeseung groaned in frustration and dragged his fingers across his face. "How many times do I have to tell you that we're just friends, Y/N? Hyewon literally has nothing to do with this! I don't get why you hate her."

"Cause you talk to her while we're together," you knew that sounded childish and selfish but you were blurting whatever that came to mind.

"Oh, so now I'm not allowed to talk to other girls?" He curled an eyebrow at you while crossing his arms.

Your words were caught in your throat. "I didn't mean it like that-"

"Then what do you mean, Y/N? You never acted like this before," Heeseung rubbed his temples.

"Because!" You threw your hands out in frustration, trying to convey your words out, "I don't know what's happening in your life because we're not in the same school and I'm scared that you're cheating on me with Hyewon!"

Heeseung knitted his eyebrows at you, you don't know if it was from confusion or annoyance, maybe both. "Cheating? No, you just don't trust me! Never once did I doubt your relationship with Jeongin, so why are you doing this to me?"

"Don't bring Jeongin into this," you sneered at him, "you knew Jeongin since we were in high school. Hyewon is a completely different story. You…you look at her like…you're in love," your voice slowly died at the end, it was the final hit on the nail. You looked up at Heeseung, his eyes widened at your words.

They said the eyes are the window to your soul. Brown guilty eyes just stared at you, because you were right. Heeseung couldn't figure out his feelings and you just did it for him. Your boyfriend was falling out of love with you and he was falling for someone new. And you watched as he realised it right in front of you. You swore you heard your heart crack.

He held his head and took a step back from you, silence fell upon the both of you. "I-I think you should go," he managed to say.

"Yeah," you croaked out, your throat was swelling up. You walked past Heeseung in hurried steps and out the door to the stairs. You never saw how Heeseung dropped to his bed with his head in his head as guilty tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.

God, you wished he had thought this through before you went and fell in love with him.

You haven't talked to Heeseung since that day, you knew that your relationship was over but your heart refused to believe it until those words came from Heeseung himself. A dark cloud hung over you and your friends didn't dare to ask. You felt betrayed by him.

You loved him at his worst, but that didn't matter. He gave you his word, but that didn't matter too. You were bitter, angry, devastated, heartbroken. But you couldn't cry, your heart was full of tears yet nothing came out. A single piece of tape holding back your fragile heart. A small sign of hope that you were wrong and Heeseung still loved you.

In the middle of a cold winter day, you were nestled between your warm sheets. Chaeryeong and Ryujin had left for lunch, not before promising to get you something. In the midst of your dark covers, your phone screen lit up and caught your attention.

[2:23 pm ] hee <3: We need to talk, I'm outside your door right now.

What? Your head snapped up to look at your front door. There's no way he was standing outside right now. Gulping, you pushed yourself up and walked to the door. Your hand hesitated, hovering right in front of the silver door knob. You already knew what was coming. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door.

The same brown guilty eyes looked at you, and the little white lies from before all came crashing down at once. You stepped to the side to let him in and closed the door. Your back was facing him, you refused to look at him. Your hope was wavering, you don't know if you accepted it or not.

"I'm sorry," he was the first to break the silence. you still refused to turn around. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Lies, lies, lies. You shut your eyes closed, your hand was still on the door knob, holding it tightly.

He inhaled a deep breath before saying his next words, "This is the end."

The words pierced your heart and it started to fall apart. This doesn't feel like a break up, it was the end of your story. It was him telling you that he was removing himself from your life. Falling out of love hurts, but losing a friend is the worst.

"Do you still love me?"

"What?"

"Do you still love me?" You finally turned around, your glossy eyes looking right at him.

Without a heartbeat, he said, "No."

And when you were alone again in your room, your heart finally shattered and the tears poured out like a waterfall. You fell to your knees with your hands clutching your heart, ugly sobs escaped from your lips. You were crying out the pain as big fat tears dropped onto the wooden floor,

Chaeryeong and Ryujin nearly dropped the food when they found you broken on the tear stained floor.

Two weeks later (after being forced to get out of bed by Ryujin), you found your friends huddled at the same place of the cafeteria like when the music video was released. They were surrounding Daehwii with their heads ducked, whispering to each other.

"What are you guys doing?" Ryujin's voice caught their attention and their heads lifted to see the both of you, eyes widening at the sight of you.

Everyone exchanged nervous glances whereas you and Ryujin were left confused. You tilted your head to the sign to show that you were confused while Ryujin raised an eyebrow as if  demanding an explanation. Chaeryeong shoved Daehwii's shoulder and gave him a look, silently telling him to break the news.

Daehwii nervously looked between you and his phone before sighing, his shoulders dropping. Instead of saying anything, he showed you his phone. Ryujin reached over to take the device from him before you could see anything and squinted her eyes. The short haired girl inhaled a sharp breath and looked at your friends, finally understanding what was happening. She then looked at you, deciding whether she should tell you or not.

"What?" You asked her, your eyebrows furrowed as your patience was running thin. What were they not telling you?

But instead of telling you, she showed you. The phone screen displayed an Instagram post with a person holding hands with someone else. The caption was a simple "with him". At first you were confused on what it had to do with you, then Ryujin tapped on the post to show you the person tagged in the post. Heeseung's username appeared, your eyes travelled up to the owner of the post and it read Hyewon's name.

"Oh," was all you could say.

Your gaze averted down and you don't see how your friends exchange worried glances. "Y/N..." Chaeryeong softly called out to you while she walked towards you. She angled her head to look at your face with her arms around you.

Your mind was a mess, it took him two weeks to find someone new. No, not someone new. It took him two weeks to go off and date her. He talked to her when you were together. And you knew if he truly loved you, there was no damn way he could fall in love with somebody that quickly. Ryujin and Chaeryeong embraced you but you felt numb. He betrayed you. And you knew that he'll never feel sorry for the way you hurt.

"He cheated on you," you heard Jeongin say, but you shook your head as you tried to rub the tears away.

"Guess he didn't cheat but he's still a traitor," Jeongin rephrased.

The girls hugged you tighter when you let out a choked sob. Jeongin was right, he didn't cheat but he was a traitor. You played dumb but you always knew that he'd talk to her, maybe did even worse but you kept quiet so you could keep him.

God you wished that he had thought it through, before you went and fell in love with him.

© chaeryybomb 2021

a/n: this took so long to write and i wrote more than i expected. thank you for waiting and reading this, see y'all in "drivers license"!

[happymetalgirl]

Rammstein - untitled

As soon as it was confirmed for 2019, Rammstein’s seventh studio album was always going to be one of the biggest metal releases of the year, if not the biggest, and it was actually nice to see the band use that to their advantage and give the album a worthily ceremonial roll-out. The promotion alone was a welcome return to times when big artists generally put more effort into their album promo cycles. I get that it got a little overdone in its time, and I get that not every artist has at their disposal the means to give their upcoming records the kind of red carpet treatment that Rammstein has given theirs. And sudden/short-notice, unprecedented album drops have been a cool way for artists to show their confidence in their work and reputation to build their own hype on exactly that suddenness. But in a day and age where sudden project releases carry much less surprise factor now and seem more to be symptomatic of short attention spans and capitalizing on a trend, Rammstein's more magnificent promotional phase for their first album in a decade was a nice change of pace, for me at least. From the incrementally released trailers and teasers for each song, the big broadcast of the single "Radio", to cryptic early social media messages and the delay of the very reveal of the title (or lack thereof) and cover art, Rammstein did a lot to take advantage of their ability to give their album a more committed old-school promotion when few else were doing so. Whereas the once brave, sudden nonchalant album drop has now grown dejected and taken on a possibility to be interpreted as nervousness to hype what might not live up to such hype (it can't disappoint and not live up to the hype if you don't give it any hype), a big roll-out like this has once again become a real sign of confidence in one's work, and based on their seventh album’s roll-out, Rammstein knew they had put together a hell of a comeback album. And that became incredibly clear as soon as the band released their most monumental combined visual and auditory statement to date with the music video for the first single and opening track "Deutschland".

The song itself is a sobering, grand, sorrowfully heart-wrenching cry for the band's homeland and its long, tumultuous struggle to overcome its infamously dark history. It's the kind of tough, honest, and well-timed critical look that I must give Rammstein respect for making, and the huge production and ambitious concept of the music video directed by Specter Berlin do justice to both the song and its uneasy (to say the least) subject matter. It's the kind of biting commentary that the video for Childish Gambino's "This Is America" was so revered for last year, though I honestly think that the Childish Gambino song itself has been largely overrated outside the context of the video and that "Deutschland" is an even more fearlessly convicting song and its video and even more artistically accomplished national critique (as it should have with its evidently bigger budget). But to get into the song itself since it’s on topic, “Deutschland” is a conflicted cry for the band’s homeland and the aftermath of its darkest days it is still struggling to overcome. The lyrics highlight Germany’s pride in its achievements and its unyielding ambition, but how that pride and ambition has been twisted into a kind of malignant narcissism to produce some of history’s most despicable atrocities (with the band not at all coy about the history they bring up, with the reference to Übermensch and the former national anthem line “Deutschland Deutschland über allen”). The instrumental of the song is dynamic and rides in tune with the lyrics’ heaviness perfectly all the way through, and the resounding bellow of the chant, “Deutschland”, provides the burst of sonic and poetic intensity that makes the song such a standout track. And the sorrow and sincere wish to love this complicated and slowly healing Germany is conveyed magnificently in Till Lindemann’s subtly heart-wrenching vocal performance. If it’s not already obvious from the preceding verbiage in this paragraph, “Deutschland” is undoubtedly going to be near or at the top of my song list at the end of this year.

Moving on from my favorite song of 2019 so far, the second single and second track on the album, “Radio”, which had a similarly big release, is possibly the catchiest song on the album with its groovy guitar riff, its keyboard sprinkling on top, and its fittingly infectious chorus. The song is another example of what I think is one of Rammstein’s most overlooked traits, and that is Till Lindemann’s lyricism. The song deals with an escape from life and a finding of pleasure through radio, as is pretty apparent by the title. The lyrics carry a good deal of sexual overtones, and though the line translates to putting one’s ear up to hear the radio, I’m pretty sure Lindemann chose the wording of “Mein Ohr ganz nah am” to resemble “my orgasm”. To possibly look way too deep into this and link it to German history, the band members grew up in the part of Berlin in East Germany, which was basically an impoverished hell hole under Soviet rule, and the band have expressed before their frustration with the forced insulation of the old regime. The radio referred to in the song is specified to be one the picks up international broadcasts, the wonders of which I imagine Rammstein and other Berliners in East Germany were depply inspired by and longed desperately to get any taste they could of (which the voracious appetite the women had for the radios in the music video and the revolt it led to supports).

Third in the track listing is the song “Zeig Dich”(meaning “Show Yourself), whose orthodoxical introductory chant opens the heavy quick-rhythm-driven guitar riff base of the song and its religious critique excellently. The quick calling cards the lyrics bring up to identify the subject of the song as the Christian church aren’t really much more than that, but the fact that the invocation of child abuse and the forbidding of contraception immediately brings to mind an organization meant to promote moral, Godly living is reflective of so many things wrong with the church. But the song seems to be a flustered insistence for the church to reveal its true and conflicting intentions: for its own sustenance through its authority over its followers and their passing down and around of the doctrine. The poetic technique is audibly impressive, but lost in translation, as the verses are loaded with mantras all tagged with the prefix “ver-”, which doesn’t really have an English equivalent, but serves to make more extremein some way the verbs being modified, which could be interpreted quite a few ways in the context of the song’s religious critique.

The fourth track, “Ausländer”, was a bit off-putting to me at first for its dancy beat and pitch-shifted backing vocal sample, but its lighter attitude compared to the surrounding tracks was probably a good move by the band and its cheeky fun has helped it grow on me a bit. The song is a kind of comedic suggestion to travelers to learn to speak native languages because the opposite gender loves to hear a foreigner speak their tongue, with Lindemann dropping all these overly dramatic romantic pleas in Spanish, French, and Russian. It’s kind of tongue-in-cheek, but the concept of cultures mingling and the language through which it happens is certainly something that could be read into even deeper here, but I feel I might be getting in too deep to this album’s lyrics as it is. Fun song! It strikes me as this album’s “Haifisch”.

The sixth song is called “Sex”, and it is one of those universally understood words that needs no translation. Rammstein have never been shy about putting all the raunchiest and most intentionally provocative aspects of the universal pleasure into song (Till Lindemann’s 2015 solo album also was largely about his many sexual fantasies and aspirations). But on this song, Rammstein finally tackle the queasy feelings of rising sexual attraction and the intense urge to bask in its pleasure with another. The lyrics come off, not so much as creepy or filthy, but rather as profoundly horny (a phrase I never thought I’d type, but here we are), with Lindemann singing “Wir leben bei sex”, which means “we live during sex”, which could be interpreted as an ode to the pleasure of the act of reproduction. The boisterous vocal delivery of the titular refrain gives the already heavy, groovy, and provocative song a different primal energy, and it makes the desire spoken of in the lyrics evident and real. And speaking of powerfully primal vocal performances...

The song “Puppe” has justifiably gained a lot of attention for Till Lindemann’s scathingly rough and chillingly tortured vocal delivery in its second half, which was the first thing that caught my ear too when I gave this album its first spin. Delving into the lyrics the song reveals itself to be about a child who is kept comforted (or even medicated to a degree) by a doll while this child’s sister goes off to work, which is revealed to be only in the neighboring room and is likely to be prostitution. The song eventually reveals that the child finds the sister dead at the hands of an assailant during her work, driving the child to bite the head off the doll, which could have a variety of interpretations regarding this already unhinged character’s stability, killing the assailant, destroying the comforting object and thus shedding all childhood innocence completely at the sight of such trauma, or simply a deranged, destructive breakdown. Personally, I think the lyrics suggest that the child rips the doll’s head off in an act of traumatic realization of the world’s cruelty and a refusal to accept being sheltered from it, with whatever actions following being very up in the air. Either way, how the band builds up the the climax of the child biting the head of the doll off and explodes into vibrant heaviness provides the perfect backing for Lindemann to play this character phenomenally.

The soulful metallic ballad “Was ich Liebe” is probably the most flat-out depressing song on the album, and despite the simplicity of its lyrics, its conflict with its speaker wanting to love but also feeling that doing so is futile and that all pleasure is fleeting is well expressed, and an interestingly stark contrast to “Sex”, wherein the raw, physical lust brings about divine, life-affirming pleasure and whereas “Was ich Liebe” details perhaps the comedown from the high of sexual fulfillment to a life viewed through the most hopeless lens in which all pleasure eventually rots and everything loved dies. The song itself doesn’t actually reference sex at all, but it is perhaps its very absence and the vagueness concepts the speaker laments over that suggest that perhaps the speaker doesn’t even know how to find the lasting forms of love sought through sex. Then again, I could just be reading into Rammstein’s trend of often writing about sex. Sonically it provides a break from all the extreme energy leading up to it,which is nice in the track listing, but the woeful lamentation makes it come off as a bit overly dramatic. Given the whiny, defeatist subject matter though, perhaps that was intentional.

The very next song, “Diamant”, is an even more stripped back acoustic breather track supplemented with weeping vibratto strings for an intentionally melodramatic effect. It's a somber love song in which Lindemann compares his allure to a beautiful person to that of a diamond, struggling with an infatuation that he knows is soul-sucking and something he should avoid, concluding his comparison of this beautiful person to the beautiful jewel in dejection, saying it’s only a stone.

The song “Weit Weg” is probably the album's low point both lyrically and musically, being a less tangibly performed song of unfulfilled longing for a far away woman with some juxtaposition between feeling close, but oh so far away too, which Lindemann has written about before much more convincingly. And the somewhat slow pace and minimal energy of the whole band's performance kind of just makes it drag on. It's not the worst song, but by Rammstein's standards and this album's standards, it's only distinction from the other songs on the album is its lack of much melodic or lyrical distinction.

“Tattoo” thankfully brings back the energy of the band's signature industrial metal groove for the album's last minutes. It definitely hearkens back to Reise Reise musically, and it's a fine offering of their more groovy old-school style. The song is about the literal act of tattooing a lover's name and contemplating the pain and permanence of it all to express the significance of their love in the speaker's life, ending on the somewhat tongue-in-cheek contemplation that if they ever split up, then the speaker will have to find someone else with the same name. Lyrically, it's very direct, but also colorful and a fresh angle for this topic.

The album closes on perhaps the most haunting and unsettling note (rivaled only by "Puppe") with “Halloman”, a song about the luring of a young girl by the titular "Hallomann" (who is suggested to be part of the Catholic church when the girl is revealed to be dancing while wearing a rosary) into a life of sexual servitude. It's a disturbing and genuinely mournful song, and the band handles the seriousness of the subject matter well both lyrically and musically with the pleading sorrow in Till Lindemann's performance conveying the gravity of the all too common story of childhood stolen and butchered by depraved opportunists who prey upon the vulnerable. I'm glad Tue band saved this song for the end because I can't imagine its eerie realism anywhere else in the track listing. It's an incredibly emotive, but chilling finish to the album, and it does a fantastic job bowing out for the album.

And that's it; that's Rammstein's long-awaited seventh studio album. In many ways it is Rammstein simply getting back on track after their long creative break after Liebe ist für alle da, but it does also feel like a well-rounded set of songs that take a lot from the band's whole career, and the songs do mostly seem very well nurtured. And while this album probably didn't need ten years to make, I'm certainly glad it's here now and I hope it helps Rammstein get back into a more consistent creative cycle. If there’s one thing that dampens the album’s experience, it’s perhaps the decrease in energy and the reversion to some of the band’s more typical tendencies without supplementation during the second half. But the brightest moments on the album definitely outweigh the duller ones, and the dynamic excitement of the album's experience certainly stems from Rammstein smartly placing their confidence in the progress they had made with their sound rather than trying to make a disingenuous rehash of Sehnsucht or Mutter alone (though the elements they bring in from those albums do serve to bolster this one). And through it all, Rammstein stays true to the focus on tight, efficient composition that has made every album of theirs so engaging and digestible. I'm glad they're back.

Willkommen zurück/10

[thedyingmoon]

🖤 I See My Future Before Me 🖤

***

XVII

***

It was the happiest moment of my life. The moment we spoke our vows, the promise of our unending love, the feeling when he slipped the ring on my finger, and that time when we kissed,...

... it was as if the universe conspired to make everything perfect for the two of us as husband and wife.

But, that was a year ago. Despite our efforts, we could not help but be crestfallen for the thing we desired the most but could not gain - offspring.

We consulted every possible expert we could think of but, it seemed that it really was impossible for me to conceive. And one day, we just,... stopped trying. I knew there was something wrong with me, and I could never deny it.

But, my husband, despite this condition of mine, stayed with me and remained patient and understanding. He never gave up on me and never once left me. He gave me all the love that he could, despite the fact that I was unworthy of it to begin with.

No, he never thought of me as unworthy. Never.

Then, one day, he gave me the most wonderful gift in the world. Gifts, in the form of three very different, yet precious, little girls who stood before me that one morning during my birthday.

He called them Galatea, Andromeda, and Cassandra. They were the three sisters of fate - The Bearer of The Past, The Protector of The Present, and The Aspect of The Future. The three loyal Muses that served him and guarded him.

Despite them not being human, and also not Demonic, in nature, they do mimic everything that normal little girls do. They play, sing, dance, they ask for bedtime stories, they yearn for love. And they were the most beautiful beings in all of existence.

They were,... perfect.

From that day onward, they have become my three darling daughters who stayed with me at all times, protecting us and making us whole and happy,...

***

"Talk about a fine line between love and hate.

We've lost more than our direction of late.

Talk about a fine line between lovers and friends.

We've never been lovers now we're not even friends.

In this invisible war, it seems we're waging an invisible war.

Everyday I seem to lose you more in this invisible war.

Wounded deeply the scar is here to stay,

Opening up the little things I do or say.

You always want things to be as before.

So I make you angry and you bleed a little more.

In this invisible war, it seems we're waging an invisible war.

Strained maneuvers keeping silent score in this invisible war."

"Where is V?" You asked Nico for the third time that day.

Instead of saying that she didn't know, the freckled woman sighed. "Is there something wrong, hon?" She inquired as she repaired one of Nero's Breakers.

"Ah, nothing." You let out with a dejected sigh.

"You sure?"

You nodded.

"Whatever you say,... "

It was a really cold and cloudy day. Nero was snoring loudly on the sofa, Nico was doing some more Breakers for him to kill time, V was, indeed, nowhere to be found,...

... and you?

Ever since that strange encounter you had with him earlier, you couldn't help but feel unnerved. It's like a part of him drastically changed the moment he went back from his talk with Fleminger. You so wanted to ask him what's bothering him, to comfort him and to offer a shoulder to lean on.

But, the fact that you just saw him got hurt with something unknown? It was like watchig a loved one suffer from the other side with bars separating them, making it impossible for one to reach the other. And it really took a toll on your sensitive emotions.

You just couldn't stop thinking and worrying about him. And it awfully hurt not to see the usual V you have grown to admire and adore.

Silly, yes. But, you missed him so much,...

And the sad song on the radio was really not helping with your current situation, at all!

Nico noticed your behavior and cleared her throat, which succesfully gained your undivided attention.

"If you're just gonna grumble all day, then we might as well try out my new invention."

"What's your new invention?"

The Artisan at Arms proudly smiled and crossed her arms.

"Oh, you'll see what I'm talkin' about." She gloated with a wink.

A few hours later, the two of you arrived at the farthest and most abandoned site in the city away from Fleminger's mansion.

Nico dropped her huge rucksack on the ground and took out several pieces of unflattering clothing from it.

"What are these?" You curiously asked as she handed them to you.

"Those are special clothes made from a very durable and expandable fabric that absorbs extreme heat and pressure. I was developing it a week before this whole fiasco began."

"And this is for me?"

"Of course!" Nico answered, crossing her arms and looking very proud. "You can't burst out of your clothes every time you transform into that thing! We need to innovate! And we,... " she took out a video camera from the rucksack, turned it on, and focused it at you. "... are going to test that right now."

Staring at the woman, clueless, you muttered, "Ah, so I have to change now?"

"Of course, dummy! And make it quick!"

After scrambling to a secluded, hidden place to change, you came out wearing Nico's invention looking like a huge walking fashion faux pas.

"Is this it?" You questioned, looking at the huge sleeves of the gray jumpsuit - like outfit that was several sizes too large for you.

"Pretty much, yeah." Nico answered as she settled her video cam on a tripod. She took a peak at it and waved her arms. "Hey, uh, I need you to move farther away."

You took a few steps away from Nico. "Like this?"

"Honey, I mean, further, further away. I don't want to get disintegrated!"

"Fine,..."

You walked several feet away from Nico, trying to measure just how much the impact of your transformation would make, and when you faced her once more, she finally gave you a thumbs up.

"Okay! I need you to transform on the count of three!"

"Alright!"

"Whenever you're ready!"

"I' am!"

"Alright, then! ONE, TWO, THREE!"

You called the entity's name, summoning it, and when you felt its presence, it instantly took over your body, enveloping you with that blinding light and disintegrating everything within your immediate vicinity.

"Never gets old, (Y/N)." Nico said, whistling as she captured your mind - blowing transformation on camera. "Never gets old."

The entity hovered on the ground for a moment, waiting for a command, until Nico finally gave it.

"Alright, hon! You can go back now!"

The seven - foot creature spread its arms, enveloping itself once more with light. And after a few heart - stopping moments later, you changed back to your original form,...

... butt - naked from head to foot.

And from the moment you realized how exposed you are, you gasped in fright, covered your private parts, then hustled back to that secluded place where you've been before to put on clothes.

A few minutes later, you were back, horrified to see Nico laughing non - stop,...

... and the camera still recording!

"Are you really my friend, or not?!" You shrieked at the woman, not caring in the least that your movements were being documented.

"Dude, chill! I need this for documentation!"

"Of your crappy invention?!"

"Hey! It's a - HAHA - work of - HAHA - art!"

"Ugh, SHUT UP!"

Despite your complaints, you were back to where you transformed, wearing another one of Nico's inventions but, this time - in the form of a school uniform.

"What,... IS THIS?!" You yelled at the woman, disgusted at how extremely short the skirt was.

"Uhh, never mind that!" Nico, who was fortunate that she was far away from you and, therefore, could not be seen sweating, answered nervously. "Another round!"

You sighed, shook your hands, took a deep breath, and morphed once more into the entity.

And, once more, Nico recorded it, along with how you morphed back, and how you were naked again.

"THIS IS NOT WORKING!" You shrieked like a depressed banshee as you made your way towards your hiding place to put on clothes.

"You're almost there!" Nico reassured you a few moments later as she recorded you once more, this time with you wearing what looked like a risqué pop idol cosplay. "Don't worry! You look hella cute!"

"Just get on with it!"

And so, you transformed once more, went back,...

"THIS IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" You angrily shrieked, this time not even bothering to run away to get dressed. You just strode angrily towards Nico, who was still filming you in all your naked glory. "And why do you have to film me getting myself naked? You're planning something, aren't you?!"

Nico laughed nervously, her sweat instantly giving her away. "What do you mean by that?! I'm so not going to let V see this!"

"UGH!" You let your frustration out as you facepalmed. Of course, she's planning to let V see all this!

However, at the mention of the poet's name, you heard a noise coming from somewhere not far away. Nico stopped panic explaining as soon as she saw you getting your guard up.

You swore that whoever's watching you, they would not get out of this alive. Not when you've exposed yourself over and over.

You took simple, wary steps to your left.

"Hey, Nico," you began. "I think I left something at the van."

"What's that?" The woman played along, knowing your plan by instinct.

"V's jacket! I remember he told me to mend it,..."

And surely enough, the two of you heard the noise once more. It sounded like,... a squawk?

Your eyes widened. You gave Nico a subtle nod and made a quick dive behind one of the boulders.

There was a struggle, a lot of noises and curses, and a few agonizing minutes later, you finally came out, dragging a blue demonic bird by its beak.

"MHMH! MHMH! MMHHMMHH!" Griffon yelled through his muffled beak.

"Ohoho, so the little chickee really wants to be cooked in a steel pot, after all!" Nico taunted, making the bird struggle even more, to no avail.

"BRING OUT THE STEEL POT!" You madly boomed, not letting go of Griffon's beak. "I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS BIRD IS BREWING UP!"

"MMMHHHMMM! NNNYYYEEERRRHHHGGG!" The bird panicked once more but, this time, he was able to let out a weak electrical current, enough for you to let him go.

"FUCK! FUCK! FFFUUUCCCKKK! I THOUGHT I'M DONE FOR!" Griffon squawked, flying just a few inches above your head. "WHAT'S YER PROBLEM, WOMAN?! YE TRYNA KILL ME BY COVERIN' MA NOSE?!"

"Ah,..." you stuttered but, then, remembered that you wouldn't do such a thing to him if he didn't start anything in the first place. "YOU CAN'T BLAME ME! You know, all you need to do is ask and I'll definitely allow you to come along,..."

"Wait, don't tell me Chickee here knows the secret?!" Nico exclaimed, pointing at you and Griffon.

After a minute or so of explanation on how Griffon came to know your secret, Nico nodded knowingly, finally accepting the fact that the bird was now in on all your secrets from that fateful day onward.

"So, let me get this straight, Chickee knows the secret but, V doesn't?" Nico questioned.

"Y - yeah,... ?" The bird hesitantly answered.

"WHAT'S THAT? YOU TOLD V, DIDN'T YOU?!" You yelled at the bird as you grabbed his wings.

"NO! NO! I SWEAR BY MA OWN FEATHERS! SHAKESPEARE DOESN'T KNOW A SINGLE THING! I SWEAR! I SWEAR! DON'T MURDER ME WOMAN, I BEG YOU!"

"He's telling the truth." You finally admitted as you let him go.

"WAIT!" Nico, who seemed to not let go of the issue just yet, stopped you. "If you're here, then V is here, too!"

Griffon's eyes widened. "Hehe, well,..."

"AHH!" You shrieked in embarrassment as you covered your parts and literally collapsed on the ground, feeling your body heat up.

"HAHAHA! WAHAHAHA! LOOK AT YA! WAHAHA! WAHA - !"

Now, it was Nico's turn to grab the demonic bird by his beak.

"Keep messin' with us, and you'll really have to say bye bye to your pretty little Shakespeare!"

"SQUAWK!"

After a few more threats to the poor bird, you three had finally managed to settle down. You, now fully dressed and officially through with Nico's experiments, were taking a nap, leaning against the wall inside the abandoned building. The freckled woman was putting the camera back to her rucksack,...

... and Griffon? It was safe to say that the bird has started sniffing you for some unknown reason. Your friend noticed this and called his attention.

"Hey! I know that's a chick you're sniffin' there but, ya just can't do that without V's permission. He'll get real mad!" Nico mumbled in a whisper to avoid waking you up.

"Ah! Haha! Well, tryna sniff some bugs out,..." Griffon nervously lied, then whispered, more to himself, "That's weird, I can't smell anythin'!"

"I heard that!" Nico retorted as she quickly made her way towards you and him to shelter herself from the impending rain.

"Can't ya smell anythin' weird about her?"

"Weird? You mean bad odor, or - ?"

"Not bad odor!" Griffon shrieked.

"Sshh!"

"Oh, sorry."

Nico raised an eyebrow as she sat next to you and wrapped her arms around her knees for added warmth. It really was getting a bit colder.

"You've been actin' weird. Especially that Shakespeare dude! Where's V, huh? And you better start tellin' me the truth."

"He's,... ah,... somewhere! Yeah, somewhere,... "

"Really?"

"Well, I can't really tell ya! Just know that he's out there but, not close here, yeah?"

"Whatever." Nico said, rolling her eyes. She pushed the rim of her red - framed glasses closer to her nose bridge and went on interrogating the bird. "And what do ya mean by that odor?"

If birds could sweat, Griffon could probably produce buckets by now. Fortunately, it was slightly hard to see through his real emotions due to his brash nature.

After all, Nico would surely suspect something if he told her that V sent him to spy on you.

And for what reason?

V actually didn't fully believe everything that Fleminger person told him. He said to him the exact opposite of what he truly believed in, and, confused to the core he may be, he wanted to make sure if the guy was telling the truth, or not. He just couldn't do the spying, himself, as of the moment. It just felt wrong to do it to a lady such as you.

After all, he did come to adore you despite the really short time you've been together. And he's not letting anyone ruin that.

Not now when,...

So, he wanted to make sure by first sending Griffon to you. If the demonic avian failed to produce results, then he'd be the one who will do the interrogation, himself but, only as a last resort.

He would never believe that YOU were the Dreadnought, and he's willing to prove it so that he could slap that hard truth to Fleminger's face. Along with Shadow's scratches to boot.

The only problem was, he didn't know that you were hiding secrets from him, yourself. That alone was truly suspicious, and Griffon knew all that. The Demon just opted not to tell V that, for he had also learned to love you as a friend after the Malphas event. You've been a really good person and a protector to him, and he, like V, hoped that Fleminger was wrong about you.

"Hey!" Nico said, snapping her fingers to get Griffon's attention.

"What?!"

"The odor? I was asking about (Y/N)'s odor."

Ah, crap, Griffon thought. Should I let this woman know?! She's her friend! She could easily tell whether (Y/N)'s the fuckin' Dreadnought or not!

"Well! I, uh,..."

"Speaking of which," Nico interrupted, much to the bird's rotten luck. Or, was it? "... Nero has been bugging me with this non - existent apple pie he's been sniffin' round about three days ago. I mean, I can't even bake. But, if it's Kyrie then - !"

"If the pimple kid's a Demon, then that makes total sense! I - " Griffon blurted out without even thinking, making the woman stare at him in disbelief. He gulped audibly, his nerves getting the better of him. "Ah, oops?"

Nico raised an eyebrow in suspicion. "And what does that supposed to mean?"

"Ah, what?"

"THAT?!"

"AH! AAHH! NNRRGGHH!" Griffon squawked and started flapping his wings wildly in panic.

"HEY! I'M ONLY ASKING A QUESTION!" Nico said in an effort to make the bird calm down. "Unless,... " she stood up and pointed a tattooed finger at him. "... YOU'RE REALLY HIDING SOMETHING FROM US!"

"WWWHHHAAAKKK! QQQUUUAAAWWW!"

Griffon was moving too much that he accidentally scratched your arm in accident.

"DUMBASS!" Nico grabbed the bird's talons, taking them away from you. "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

"G - guys,... " You muttered, finally waking up due to the noise and the sudden pain in your arm. "What's happening?"

"It's the chicken's fault!" Nico shrieked, shaking the bird in annoyance.

You gave them a confused look, then glanced at the now bloody wound on your arm. You shook your head in disbelief.

"Do not be too hard on the creature. I will heal." You tiredly responded, standing up and making your way outside despite the rain.

"Hon, it's still raining." Nico pleaded as she finally let Griffon go.

"It matters not." You answered monotonously. "This body would soon perish, after all,..."

"Come again?"

It took both Nico and Griffon a few seconds to realize that your voice sounded different, the way you moved looked suspicious,...

... and your eyes seemed a different shade,...

"(Y/N), is that you?" Nico asked, wary of her own movements.

"That is the name of our vessel." You answered, further confirming that you were taken over by the entity in a space of only a few moments right after waking up.

"Our?" Griffon added. "What do ya mean by that, sweet pea?"

"Feeble minds would never be able to comprehend the meaning of our existence. Humans and Demons alike perceived us as one." You glanced back at them, only for them to see that you have completely changed your appearance.

To Nico and Griffon, you now looked like a tall and slender woman with beautiful dark skin and equally dark and abundant hair. Your large, mournful eyes shone brightly and looked upon them with such enigma that none of them dared to utter a word.

"We are one. However, at the same time, we are three. I' am the Aspect of The Future." You, or the entity, made yourself known. "I' am here in this crucial moment to partake of a vital information from the near future."

"Future?" Nico bravely asked whilst Griffon remained silent. "You have a prediction for us?"

The entity, or The Aspect of The Future, bowed her regal head.

"In four days time, two hearts would be ripped open, blood shall be spilled, and emotions will clash upon uneven ground. A Prince will awaken and a King shall rise. The Pale Ones would make their move and engulf the whole world in darkness. Only then would the third and final heart, the one who would regret the most, be stabbed by their own doing."

"That sounds,... cheerful,..." Nico added sarcastically to somehow lighten the mood. She might have poked fun at you for changing into that light being who can disintegrate your clothes but, she just couldn't make fun of this particular entity who made unfunny prophecies.

Griffon flew towards the entity before Nico could even stop him.

"You said something before about crying and kneeling, and whatever that was." The demonic bird questioned. "What's up with that? Another twisted plot on a fuckin' t.v. show?!"

"My answer remains the same." The entity answered calmly. "At the final hours of the evening and the last radiance of the wounded moon, the past will weep, the present will kneel, and the future will die."

"The future will die?" Nico cut in. "Is that what you mean by your body perishing soon?"

But, the entity did not answer. Instead, she went past Griffon and made her way towards the woman.

"Would you weep, human?"

"Uh, it depends,..." Nico said matter - of - factly. It's the plain truth! Why would she cry at the prophet's death?

"You are strong and vigilant. Remain as such until the promised hour." The entity answered, then went back towards Griffon.

"Ahh, ya have somethin' for me?" Griffon asked.

"Remain true to your instincts." The entity told him. "Even in the face of true danger."

"Okay,... WHAT?!"

The entity nodded, then faced away from them, glancing at the depressing weather outside. Nico, who was curious to know more, followed suit.

"Why are you telling us all this? Isn't the future kind of forbidden to tell? And why show yourself now? Because the world is ending and some shit?"

"And so, you believed me?"

"Well, yeah! I believed in my friend, and her power comes from you! Of course, I believe you."

"Such innocence,..." the entity simply stated, then released a sound that sounded strangely like a chuckle. "There was a time when I was stoned by my own people for warning them of such dangers. No one believed me, and that is my eternal curse. A curse for turning away a powerful lover. He gave me this power."

"No one's stoning you here." Griffon said, joining the two. "That's just barbaric."

"Is there a way to prevent all this bad stuff from happening?" Nico finally asked, positively itching to know the solution. Well, there must be! "Like a plan B, or somethin'?"

"There is no alternative. Everything I told you is inevitable."

"So, that's it, huh? All of us will fuckin' die?" Griffon slightly yelled at the entity for being so pessimistic.

She looked at him and gave him a meaningful glance. "There is,... an alternative."

Griffon and Nico's eyes widened as they looked at each other in utter surprise.

"And it all depends on one." The entity finished.

"One what?!" Both Nico and Griffon questioned, to which they were just ignored as the entity glanced back at the weather outside.

"By then, the past shall still weep but, not for long, the present shall forever kneel but, the future,... may no longer die. That is,... a nice thought. If only,..."

"If only,... ?" Nico asked in an attempt to keep the entity talking.

However, the strange creature remained silent as she watched every single drop of the rain.

"It has been,... a long time since I watched the rain." She quietly said, her voice as gentle and calm as possible. "It is so calm, so peaceful. A fitting start to an end."

Nico sighed. They never truly heard something positive from her other than her proposed plan B, which was still very vague, much to their distaste.

"I'm afraid I'm keeping your friend." The entity told them. "I must go, for her strength must be replenished."

"WAIT!"

Both the entity and Nico looked at Griffon, surprised at what he just blurted out.

"Speak, creature of the night."

"I, ahh,..." Griffon began, unsure how to bring up the Dreadnought issue. "I just wanna know, is,... is (Y/N) an, ah, err, an,... ah, how to say this?"

"Just spit it out, Chickee!" Nico blurted out, crossing her arms once more.

"Is (Y/N) an enemy? I just wanna know." And just like that, the words were finally out from him like removing a thorn piercing his heart.

"ENEMY?! WHAT ARE YOU - ?!"

"I see." The entity said. All of a sudden, her body was engulfed with light, like she was catching on fire. "It entirely depends,... on the beholder."

And with those final words, the entity vanished, leaving behind her vessel.

Your eyes were closed shut, and when you finally opened them, you were surprised to see both Nico and Griffon staring at you with open mouths.

"Did I just do something weird?" You asked them, which made them convinced that you did not remember everything that just happened.

"No!" Nico answered with a nervous laugh.

"That's it! I just gotta tell V that she's not an enemy, right?!" Griffon said to himself, entirely forgetting that you and Nico could totally hear him.

"What are you talking about?" You asked him.

"Ah! Nothin' ! Gotta go!"

"Wait!"

And, just like that, the demonic bird flew away, his strange words and behavior making him even more suspicious.

***

~ A V X Reader set in an Alternate Universe wherein heavy rain means lost videos and Apocalypse. 🖤

~ Tagging @heaven-on-a-landslide , @lessy86 , @boundbysoul , @simmy-ships , @ehrzeth , @ceruleanworld , @gxthghoulfriend , and @diabeticsugarush . Thank you for all your support.

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"I will wait for as long as it takes. I only ask for one thing: don't forget about me."

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🖤🖤🖤

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