All Dinosaurs Are Jewish
A comedic essay by a Jewish Paleontologist who nearly went the Rabbi route
In Judaism and Jewish culture, the word for life, chai, has a value of eighteen in Jewish numerology. As such, this essay has 18 points. However, I am sure I could think of more, if pressed.
Well we can start with the easy one - people don't actually know what either of us actually are. What people typically think of when they hear or say EITHER "dinosaur" or "jewish person" is usually far, far off from the reality for either group! We are both deeply misunderstood among most people.
People think we aren't still here, either of us - they think all dinosaurs are extinct, when birds are still around - and many people think, or at least act, like all Jewish people are dead - or irrelevant to the modern world, whichever. And yet, both Jews and Dinosaurs are keep kickin'!
Not only are both of us still here, but we're thriving! Despite suffering through hardship after hardship, both Dinosaurs *and* Jews are still here. We have chutzpah.
People keep ascribing us managerial skills we have never demonstrated having??? Whether it's saying "Dinosaurs ruled the world during the Mesozoic" or "Jews control the media" or "Birds are just governmental drones", people think we're controlling things when all any of us are doing is just vibing
We love music! Whether it's the toot toots of the Lambeosaurines, the casual harmonization of the niggun, the lovely songs of Passerines, or the delightful energy at a tisch, music is a thread that unites Dinosaurs and Jewish folk across millennia
Similarly, from the dozens of display structures we've found in extinct dinosaurs as well as modern birds, in addition to dancing and performances in living birds, and the pagentry of Jewish ritual life and ritual objects - all the way back to the clothing worn by the Kohenim during the First Temple period - one thing Dinosaurs and Jews *definitely* have in common is a DEDICATION to STYLE, unparalleled for both - we are fabulous, and that alone proves we are one and the same
We are truly cosmpolitan - not a lot of groups can claim as far flung of membership as dinosaurs/birds (not a lot of animals live in Antarctica today... but birds sure do like it) and Jewish folk (there have been enough Jews in Antarctica for a minyan!)
I mentioned earlier that we aren't really perceived as we actually are - in that vein, we are both extremely diverse and varied groups that have taken many forms and aesthetics over the years! I mean, just look at the juxtaposition between, say, a Titanosaur and a Hummingbird, and then a Bukharan Jew and a Beta Israel! Still part of a cohesive whole, but one diverse and heterogeneous in a wonderful way!
People keep focusing on a single major tragic event in our past - the End-Cretaceous extinction, and the Shoah - as if we don't both have a rich and vibrant history before and after those events that is wroth focusing on, discussing, and celebrating!
We also both have a fairly famous member of each of our groups that isn't exactly indicative of what we're like as a whole and also people are way more obsessed with that individual species/person than they are with actual living dinosaurs/Jews (Tyrannosaurus rex and Jesus)
A lot of folk act like our old members - the Israelites/Biblical Jews and Nonavian Dinosaurs - are very distinct fro our living members - modern Jews and Birds - when... no, we're just continuations and the natural evolutions of the past...
Similarly, the general consensus is that we were both "replaced" - dinosaurs by mammals, and Judaism by Xtianity. This is very false - both Jews and Dinosaurs are still here, thanks, and actually Dinosaurs are doing better than ever, and better than mammals
Both of us are mistakenly called "lizards" (whether people or terrible) despite neither of us being anywhere close to lizards
People are obsessed with us in a conspiracy-minded way?? We're always the subjects of weird conspiracy theories for no other reason than this public fascination with our existence??? For Jews the list is infinite, but there's a surprising amount for dinosaurs too (the whole "birds aren't real" thing, for a start...)
Our modern members are being attacked in truly alarming quantities - birds are killed in droves by outdoor cats, and antisemitic hate crimes keep rising dramatically in the United States and elsewhere - and yet no one cares outside of specific circles??? Wtf???
Despite being truly ancient groups by many standards - surviving animal clades and continuous human cultures - we are both fortunate to have complete and detailed knowledge of our histories over this vast expanse of time, one via the written record of the Jewish people preserved expertly over time, and the other via the detailed fossil record for dinosaurs extending from the Mesozoic into the Cenozoic and today. We both preserve our history - as carefully as we can!
Disney's Dinosaur, one of the better dinosaur films made post-1980, is literally the story of Moses and the Israelites wandering the desert. Frankly, dinosaurs wander the desert so much in documentaries and film, the comparisons to wilderness wandering and exile write themselves
The "dinosaur" community (at large, fans of dinosaurs, scientists, people in entertainment involving dinos) and the Jewish community have so much overlap it's embarrassing. We're drawn to each other. Jeff Goldbum. Jon Favreau. Stephen Jay Gould. Tilly Edinger. Ross from Friends. The list goes on.
The similarities are too uncanny. Dinosaurs are the Jews of animals, or Jews are the Dinosaurs of People, or both, or the same, or all dinosaurs practice Judaism in their hearts, or something. Take your pick. Whatever framework you want to use, there's no way around it - all Dinosaurs are Jewish!
new vows – din djarin x gn!reader
summary: the first time din ever removed his helmet in front of you
pairing: din djarin x gn!reader (no pronouns used)
word count: 2.5k
warnings and tags: fluff and angst + good ending, insecure!din, established relationship, kissing, the helmet's removed, doesn't follow the plot of the show at all (it's just din, reader and grogu being a happy family)
author's note: oof i hate how this turned out but my best friend read it and told me to post it so here we are, i hope it doesn't suck as much as i think it does
a reblog and/or comment on my posts really help me out as a content creator so thank you in advance if you take the time to do either!
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Din was observing you and Grogu from the entrance of the Razor Crest, arms crossed across his chest as he leaned against one of the walls of the ship. He smiles to himself when he hears the child giggling after you put a flower at the top of his little head, immediately reaching out with some difficulty to grab a flower from the ground and offering it to you.
"Thank you, Grogu. It's very pretty!" you say to the baby, who looked absolutely thrilled to realize you liked his gift.
The kid stands from the ground, lifting both of his arms as a sign that he wants to be carried. Already familiar with the gesture, you quickly lift him up from the ground before laying on your back in the middle of the landscape filled with lilac and light pink flowers. The baby giggles again, holding onto you as you both lay there.
Din's smile fades just enough shortly after that when the inevitable thought pops in his head again. That annoying and sudden thought that always makes an appearance during the day.
At first he didn't mind, finding ways to always push it away before it got to him. However, it's been more and more frequent these past couple of days and it's becoming a bad habit he seems unable to control at this point, and it's starting to really annoy him.
His mind is filled with all these doubts and insecurities. Not only because of the content of what he's thinking, but because it's completely impossible to push it away now. Almost like an avalanche, it falls down the mountain at a rapid, devastating speed and it only seems to get bigger as minutes pass. It destroys everything in its way. In this case, the prime and only victim is Din.
Perhaps the worst part is that it always ruins what should be pleasant moments. If Grogu is looking up at him from the ground begging to be carried, the thought is there. Whenever you wrap your arms around him or grab his hand when the two of you are exploring yet a new planet, it's there. Even when he's trying to sleep right next to you, hearing the faint sounds of the baby already asleep, you can bet that thought will be there to torture him.
Because all of those little moments he shares with his partner and son remind him of the fact that neither of them even know who he is. Sure, they know how he is, but not who.
Every touch is not really a touch, it's just skin brushing against a uniform. Every exchange has a helmet hiding his features. They can hear him laugh, but they don't see his eyes squinting just enough and the smile that adorns his face. They can hear him remind them of his never-ending love for them, but they don't get to look into his eyes as he says it.
And it hurts because his mind has tricked him to believe none of those moments are real. Because they've never seen the man that claims to care for them so much, none of it is genuine. It's just touching a uniform and hearing empty words coming from a helmet. It almost makes him feel like a droid rather than a human, leaving him longing for that real connection.
He knows he probably shouldn't, but he craves that actual contact, which is something he never felt before you two showed up in his life.
Being a Mandalorian and living by their code was easy. He never even considered breaking his vow because nothing and no one was ever worth it. What could possibly be more important than this? That's what he would always ask himself and he wasn't able to come up with an answer– until you and Grogu showed up.
Now that you two are here, it's obvious to him that his priorities have changed. He wants to commit to an entirely new code. To prove his undying fidelity to his family and make a vow to the two of you.
But that brings another set of insecurities that make this entire situation a lot more difficult for him. As much as he needs to truly feel connected to you, he's terrified of what that connection means. It's obvious that in order to obtain that, he needs to take off his uniform. Most precisely, his helmet– which is something he has never done in front of anyone. Ever.
So that's when his mind is yet again filled with negative thoughts. What if you don't like what's under the helmet? What if you already have a picture of him in your head and he disappoints you because he looks nothing like it? What if you suddenly don't love him anymore because he's not what you expected at all? And what if Grogu rejects him too? He couldn't deal with either of you not liking what has been hiding underneath all the Beskar.
That's the complicated mess that's been haunting him for a few weeks. That inner struggle he has tried to keep hidden from the two of you. Should the helmet stay on despite being an obstacle to reach the depths of connection he needs to have with his family, or should he remove it and risk rejection? Is it better to settle or search for more?
He feels pathetic. The supposedly fearless bounty hunter is terrified of even thinking about taking a risk. Going on adventures used to be a lifestyle. Now, the mere idea of it is enough to fill his mind with self-doubt, making it almost impossible for him to make a decision.
He thought about it later that day when the three of you were already inside the Razor Crest and getting ready to go to bed, really considering his options and trying to create different outcomes to this hypothetical conversation that kept playing inside his head.
You were telling Grogu a bedtime story when Din joined the two of you. He sat on the bed and listened to you speak as he watched the baby, who was struggling to keep his eyes open at that point, holding onto the little blanket covering his body.
By the time the story was over, Grogu was already completely asleep. You carefully brushed his face with your pointer finger in an affectionate manner, smiling down at him before focusing on Din.
"Ready to go to bed?" you asked.
"You'll tell me a bedtime story too?"
The comment made you laugh. "I think you're a little old for bedtime stories."
"Ouch. I'm not old."
"I said a little old," you quickly correct, putting both of your hands on his shoulders. He quickly lifted a hand that was resting on your hip a few seconds later. "Not the same as just old."
You smile down at him as he gently caresses you from your hip all the way down your thigh before his gloved fingers trails back up. Your smile inevitably takes him to the dark corners of his mind again because he knows you won't be able to see him smiling back at you.
His next words came out very impulsively. "Can we talk?"
Evidently, you were a little concerned after hearing that given the tone he used. "Is there something wrong?"
"I've just been thinking a lot lately...there's something that's been bothering me and it won't leave my head."
"Okay..." you said, trying to be receptive to what he was saying but still having no idea of what's going on.
"Neither of you know what I look like," he decides to simply confess. Why would he try to over explain something that is actually quite easy to say? "And I've never...you know, actually touched you," he adds, his helmet titling towards his hand still resting on your hip, hinting at the glove covering it.
"I mean, yes...but that's because you're a Mandalorian. It's what your people do, right?"
Din nods after your words. "It's part of our code, but...I don't know. It's been bothering me because lately this entire uniform feels like an obstacle. I still feel like it's a part of me but...it also stands in between us."
"I've told you how I feel about the suit," you quickly say in a soft, reassuring voice. "I don't mind it one bit."
"I know, I know. This isn't because of something you did or said," Din explains. "I guess my priorities have changed."
"I mean, I care more about connecting with you than with my traditions. I've started to question things I never took a second to consider before you and Grogu showed up. I want to be able to touch you– really touch you. And I want to look at you and talk to you. Not through a visor and a modulator," he further explains, feeling like a weight is lifted off his shoulders. "I don't need to be a Mandalorian when I'm with you two. I just need to be Din."
"Oh, darling," you start affectionately, feeling so incredibly in love with the man sitting in front of you. "Whatever it is that you want and need, I'll support you no matter what. Helmet or no helmet, you're still the guy I fell in love with."
"Really?" he asks with evident worry.
"Of course," you immediately reassure him.
"I guess it took me too long to talk about this because...well, I didn't know if you'd like what's underneath the uniform."
"Din," you call in a very serious voice, hoping that'll hint just how much you mean your next words. "I love you so much. I love you because you're the kindest man I've ever met. You're loyal, passionate, brave...and you care so much about me and Grogu. I could stay here and mention a trillion things about you that make me fall in love with you every single day. You're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and nothing in this world is ever going to change what I feel."
He was quiet for what felt like forever, simply staring up at you while you held the helmet in between your hands so you could stare directly at his visor where his eyes should be.
"You can't see it but I'm smiling, by the way. This is a good silence," he offers, which immediately makes you laugh.
"Is it okay if I take it off and see that smile for myself?"
He hesitated before answering. "Are you sure you won't change your mind?"
"I promise I won't change my mind."
There was another pause before he finally answered. "Okay..."
You start to remove his helmet in a gentle, slow manner. If he wanted to stop you, he could at any second. You really didn't want to rush it because you still wanted to give him a chance to back down if he wanted to.
The fact that he wears the helmet all day in front of you has never been an issue. You fell in love with the person he is, whatever he looks like couldn't possibly matter any less to you. That love is not going anywhere. Ever.
It looks like Din is confident in his decision because he doesn't stop you at any point. He continues to keep one of his hands attached to your hip and the other rests on his lap for a few seconds until he uses it to help you completely remove his helmet.
Still holding it with both of your hands, you look down to admire his face. You can tell by his expression that he's terrified as he stares back at you, impatient for any hint of rejection. He was still expecting to see the disappointment all across your features before you take a step back from him and reveal he's nothing like what you expected.
But that disappointment never appeared. Instead, he's relieved to see the smile forming on your face before you leave the helmet next to him on the bed, immediately reaching out to grab his face.
Din practically melts under your touch, closing his eyes and focusing on just how good it feels to have your skin touching him for the very first time. The way your soft fingers trace his cheeks before they move down to his jaw...it feels like absolute heaven.
And you take your time with that. Your digits explote his features as if contemplating them wasn't enough. You needed to touch every inch of his face in order to truly appreciate what's in front of you.
The most beautiful sight ever. The man you love so much, looking even more handsome than you could've ever predicted. From his soft brown eyes to the hint of a beard, he's so perfect you can't believe you're seriously this lucky.
"So?" he dares to ask. Hearing his voice without the modulator for the very first time almost made you feel goosebumps all over your body. How is this man so pretty?
You could've just said that. You could've stood there and told him over and over how pretty he is, but it didn't feel like it was enough. No words would ever begin to explain the admiration you have for this man, even before you knew what he looked like.
After feeling his skin for the very first time, you could only crave more. It was probably that inefficiency of words and the need for more contact that made you lean down and kiss him for the very first time.
He kissed you back instantly, the grip on your hip tightening just enough as he completely gave in to you.
It was evident you were his first kiss, but that detail couldn't be any more insignificant right now. His lack of experience didn't bother you. All you could think about is how lucky and happy you are to have him as your partner.
The kiss lasted for a few more seconds before you pulled away, failing to hide your smile when you saw his face. It was evident he was already missing the way your lips feel against his.
You stare at him again for a bit, caressing his flushed cheeks, before you finally decide to speak. "Does that answer your question?" Din was still too lost in his thoughts to reply out loud, so he simply nodded. His reaction after your first kiss made you giggle, and you swore right there that you've never felt happier in your life. "Good. I'd like to kiss you again if that's okay."
Another nod, this time looking more desperate, was all you needed to kiss him again. You got more comfortable as you sat on his lap, knowing you'll be there kissing him for a bit, feeling his arms wrap around your lower back to keep you close as soon as you sat down.
And as he holds you in his arms, he knows he made the right choice, silently vowing to be yours for as long as you allow him to.
My experience being wrong about multiplicity
For a year and a few months more, I believed I was a system. Why did I believe this, and what are some reasons I did, as well as how I realized I was wrong?
Why I thought I was a system
Around September of 2021, I labeled myself as an endogenic median system. Upon finding the system label, I did nowhere near enough research before labeling myself as one. It felt like the non-traumagenic community didn't care; if you thought you were a system, you were one! If you didn't, you weren't. It felt black and white. Eventually, I realised I had trauma I was unaware of, and switched to the label traumagenic. I was no longer median, either. In less than a year, I had 100+ "alters", almost all "fictives". While this can happen, I don't believe I was nearly as stressed as I would have needed to be, and just.. didn't feel right.
Other factors that lead me into the belief
I have multiple other disorders. Specifically, I suspect I have BPD, and the dissociation, mood swings, sense of emptiness, and identity issues impacted me a lot. I mistook these symptoms for OSDD-1. I subconsciously started sectioning off parts of my identity, and felt more and more separate- hence the switch from median to multiple. I am also fictionkin and polymorph otherkin. Around 20 of my "fictives" ended up being kins. I am also, to put it simply, lonely. I never feel like I fit in. In the system community, sometimes I DID feel like I fit in. When I didn't, someone else was "chilling in cofront". A lot of them were like imaginary friends to make me feel less alone. Those ones don't even feel like a part of me, but they're not separate people, either. They're just.. figments of my own imagination. To be honest, I've felt much lonelier upon learning I am a singlet.
How I realized I was wrong
Honestly, it was somewhat obvious. Many of my "headmates" felt like they were a part of me, and if we had different bodies, it wouldn't be the same- because they were me. I also subconsciously started to copy symptoms I didn't have, I switched as I wanted, I was fictive heavy- which can happen, but it's rarer than people realise. My trauma was not severe or repetitive. I could go on.
A big problem in the system community is the "everyone is valid" mentality; I believe MUCH more research should be done before labeling as a system, and not enough people talk about it. Another issue is that not a lot of people talk about being wrong, and personally, I was terrified to tell people I was wrong. It's fucking difficult. There's too much "you're valid! you're valid! you're valid!" and not enough "hey, it's okay if you're wrong!". When I panicked around the time I realized I was wrong (and denied it for weeks), I never received an "it's okay if you're wrong". All I got was "hey, calm down, you ARE a system". I think the community has a lot to fix.
This has fucked up my dissociation issues and identity problems worse than they were before. I wish I had realized I was a singlet sooner or never jumped into this label. Not all of these mean you're a singlet, but if you relate to this, please be open to the idea of being wrong.
Thanks for reading this. Please share this- my goal with it is to help others. Have a good day/night, drink some water, and know that it's okay to be wrong.
ALL OF THE GIRLS YOU LOVED BEFORE | P.JS
SYNOPSIS: growing up, you've always known this one boy who was your father's best friend's son. as you grew older, you watched the girls come and go, at the same time, you somehow got closer to him as well. feelings sparked and you progressively found yourself liking him. what were you going to do? kiss him.
PAIRINGS: childhood friend!jay x afab!reader
GENRE: childhood friend to lovers, romance, a pinch of angst
WARNING(S): profanities, two of them being a bit dumb
AUTHOR NOTES: i'm in a jay brainrot and after hearing miss swift's newest song, i knew i needed to write something. it isn't the best i admit, i rushed it HEKSJ but i hope you'll like it! PLEASE GIVE SOME FEEDBACKS THANKIES
Ever since you were a kid, you knew this boy from your father's best friend. Park Jong Seong, also known as Jay. He was the son of your father's life long best friend, but unlike them, you and Jay didn't happen to be as close.
You were six when you first met him. It was his birthday and your dad had dragged you over to his house against your will, typical. You didn't have any high expectations for him as a kid, just wishing he had some legos for you to play.
Up till the moment you were facing him, your fathers introducing you to each other, you only realised how cute he was. Yes, little six year old you might've had a love at first sight moment. You can't blame yourself, his chubby cheeks and shy demeanour made you more curious.
You handed him his present silently, watching as he accepted it and in the next moment, his face broke into a small smile, grabbing your wrist and bringing you into his playroom.
Unfortunately, you and Jay barely met up after that, both of you having busy lives and your parents having no time to bring you to playdates either. You didn't think much of it as a kid, thinking of him as the funny boy who had tons of legos and that was it.
You figured you'll never see him again despite him being your father's best friend's son, but you were wrong. In the next few years, you would always go over his house for birthdays and the new years, it basically became a tradition.
Of course, only seeing one another once or twice a year, each year would be a different version of him, and you began noticing the big change he went through when you were sixteen.
Jay was much taller, voice deeper, his hair parted in a different way, his style evolved and the way his face had changed too … lord, he evolved like a pokemon.
You being a sixteen year old teen wasn't helping either. It was the prime year for a girl like you to be having crushes, chasing after guys, basically overwhelming hormones that had you thinking Jay was cute. Cute cute.
On that specific new year, you remembered having to do a double take when you entered the Parks' house, not realising he was, in fact, Jay. You hid the shyness and did what you always do whenever you're around for New Years Eve.
But that night, both of your parents were out for a party, in their words 'a party for adults', dumping their kids alone at home instead. It was awkward to say the least, having to sit on the far end of the couch with a movie playing in the background, Jay seeming half entertained by it.
"Hey," he scooted over and you turned over to see him inching close and closer until his shoulder was against yours.
"Yeah?" He can't be trying to hook up, right? You can't help but think, nervousness creeping up your throat.
"I heard there's a New Years party in town, let's sneak out?"
"Do you trust me?"
"It's a 'yes' or 'no', Y/N,"
Panic and adrenaline rushed over you, fearing your parents would beat your ass knowing you're sneaking out, but it was Jay. You couldn't really say no. "Yes, fine,"
Jay replied only with a happy grin, snatching your wrist and switching the tv off, dashing out into the garage. "Don't worry, I've driven before,"
"If you crash, I'll kill you," you hissed but Jay ignored your threat, blissfully driving to the town.
Along the way, it felt like a scene from a coming of age movie. The radio was turned to the fullest volume, the two of you screaming your lungs out to the lyrics and having the windows opened, wind blowing against your faces.
The ride was quite short but memorable, your hand was in Jay's the whole time as he led you through the fun fair, the whole town alighted with bright lights and loud music.
The clock was ticking and Jay had finally dragged you to a specific spot. The place was empty and quiet, but the sky was clear and there weren't any buildings to cover your sight.
"This spot is the best for fireworks," Jay mentioned, sitting on the ground, which you followed suit.
"Yeah, my friend's brought me here once,"
"That's … cool," you said uneasily, an awkward tension unknowingly settled between the two of you.
"How's life for you?" Jay glanced at you, a hint of genuine curiosity in his eyes.
"It's fine. Typical highschool stuff. A guy did confess to me once, but I didn't feel the same," you found yourself babbling secret information, unsure why you were suddenly so comfortable with Jay. Maybe it was his presence, or maybe it was just him in general.
"You're amazing obviously, I'm not surprised he confessed. Just a shame it wasn't mutual," Jay said and your ears perked up.
Jay thought you were amazing.
"Right," you choked out, slightly flustered. "What about you?"
"It's chill, not much going on," Jay was fidgeting with his fingers, chewing on his lips. "I'm in a band with my friends though,"
"Oh! That's really cool,"
"Yeah," you repeated. "I'm sure you're super good. What position are you?"
"I play the guitar,"
"You should teach me someday,"
"You should come by more often," he confessed, gulping a little after realising what he had said. "It's been a long while since we've met,"
"You're right, come pick me up then,"
"Only on nights my parents are out," he laughed, pausing for a second. "Come to my show one day,"
He wasn't asking, he was making it clear he wanted you there.
"Of course, I'd love to."
The night faded off into colourful fireworks, small jokes that would soon be inside jokes in the future, and tired laughs rang into the quietness.
This was the only time you were sixteen and doing something wild, considering you would never ever have the balls to sneak out, but you were glad you did it that night, and all of it together with Jay.
Your lives went on and though you and Jay barely kept in contact, his request rang in your head from time to time. You felt like you've known him all your life, yet you knew completely nothing about him at the same time.
Around April the same year, you went over to his house to celebrate your birthday together with him since you two shared close birthdays and it pretty much became a tradition by now.
Upon arriving, you awkwardly stepped into the house, your parents too busy talking with Jay's parents out in the garden. Everything was familiar to you, but also unfamiliar as you've never travelled further in, feeling slightly tense while you sat yourself on the couch.
You turned your head around, meeting Jay's eyes, his body leaning against the wall. He smiled at once, approaching you and taking a seat next to you, he was a little too close.
"Jay, hi," you breathed out, blinking slowly.
"How have you been? We haven't seen each other much lately, but you do seem like you're having fun in your stories," for a moment you've forgotten you and Jay were following each other on Instagram, having the access to view your day to day life.
"Oh, it's nothing, just a girl's trip," he was referring to the day you went out of town with your friends, quite surprised he somehow took note of it.
"Sounds fun," he mused, nodding a little. "By the way, my girlfriend's coming, I hope you don't mind,"
You totally just experienced whiplash, completely bewildered that he had a … girlfriend?! You weren't surprised since he's cool, tall, handsome and super smart, but you hadn't expected it this early.
"I'm chill with it," you laughed it off, trying to seem nonchalant. "I didn't know you had a girlfriend,"
"Oh, yeah, we met at a gig of mine," he gave you a half grin. "Which you should totally come and get blown away by my skills,"
"As if," you giggled. "Send me the place, I'll pop by soon,"
Your sixteenth birthday definitely did hurt more compared to your past ones and it had a simple reason behind it. Well, it was because of Jay. The same Jay you couldn't help crushing over despite having the slightest contact with, but you didn't care, you knew him all your life, and he's the Jay you've always recognized, the same sweet and caring one.
Seeing his girlfriend's birthday card that was written for him on the table had you swallowing your cake sadly. Hearts were drawn around his name in her handwriting. Totally cool.
You kept your promise to Jay and stopped by one of his gigs without letting him know, which surprised him. On the other hand, you were the one who's more surprised. He did live up to his expectations, charming you and the crowd with his guitar skills and honey vocals. Gosh, whatever you were feeling for him, forget it, it's not dissipating.
To repay your kindness, Jay promised to turn up to one of your football games and you just laughed it off, waving your hands, but you knew for a fact that once he had said it, he was really going to do it.
And so he did. He was a man of his words. Luck was on your side too, winning the game victoriously and seeing Jay running up to you once the game was over, the biggest grin plastered on his face. He was practically telling you how good you were that day, bringing you for ice cream after.
Ever since then, your relationship with him grew unexpectedly. You were 17 together, then 18, watching the girls in Jay's life come and go, but the moment you had a boyfriend yourself, he wasn't the most keen on it.
You told yourself he was probably just protective, going through a phase where you thought he just "wouldn't get it". Oh how terribly wrong you were. He did get it, and your first boyfriend ended up breaking your heart.
You cried over a boy whose name you couldn't remember now, hiding in the bathroom until Jay had to drive to your house and slammed your door repeatedly for you to get out.
You said nothing, just falling into his chest with a thud and crying your eyes out. You knew he had a secret 'I told you so' in him, but he didn't say anything, keeping you in his arms until the sun had set.
21, college and being legal enough for alcohol, you and Jay explored frat parties, both being single and available, it was a hidden opportunity. Shots were downed into your throats and thankfully, you shared good alcohol tolerance levels with Jay, meaning it would be a long night ahead.
Someone had brought up hide and seek as the night's party game, and you initially thought it was stupid, but once you heard the winner getting a deal of a 100 dollars, you were in, partnering with Jay naturally.
On the count of ten, you dashed around the frat house with Jay's hand in yours, him following behind like a lost puppy. You entered someone's bedroom, finding a lucky hiding spot in a closet, pulling Jay in.
You closed the closet door shut, not realising how tight the space actually was, your chest pressed against Jay's, heat radiating off of each other's body. You've officially dug yourself a grave.
"Hi," Jay whispered, his gaze soft paired with a childish grin on his face.
"Hi," you smiled back at him, your eyes wandering all over his face, scrutinising his features.
"It's a little hot in here," Jay fanned himself a little awkwardly from the limited space.
"Definitely," you looked away for a second before staring back at him. "You have a really nice mole here," your finger grazed against his face, but he didn't flinch, accepting your touch.
"Yeah," you murmured, your fingers moving to the side of his face, gently brushing loose strands of hair away from his face. He was so painfully pretty, you quietly thought in your head.
"You're really pretty, Y/N," he said out of the blue, causing you to freeze, catching you completely off guard. "I don't think I've said it once, but I've always thought you were pretty, beautiful even,"
Uh oh, you're falling in love.
"I don't know what to say," you said truthfully, gulping nervously. "I'm flattered, really, I—uh—thank you," you laughed, your cheeks getting unbearably red.
"You're flustered," he leaned in close to you, his eyes not leaving yours. He was inches away from you, his cologne infiltrating your senses, the scent a little too familiar.
Oh no, you're falling in love again.
"Shut up," you punched his shoulder. "You're such a tease,"
"You love that about me,"
"Sure," you rolled your eyes, ignoring his piercing gaze.
"Can I kiss you?"
"Will you regret it?" Uncertainty laced in your tone, scared, anxious, that you'd ruined something between the two of you.
"No," he answered with a certain sureness in his voice, his eyes truthful and honest. "Will you?"
"If I do, I wouldn't be doing this—" you pulled him in close by the back of his neck, pressing your lips onto his, your brain turning into mush.
His lips reciprocated back, kissing you deeply and having to place his hand on the side of your neck for some stability. The kiss was more than just a simple one, not the kind that would be forgotten easily, there was something more to it.
It felt like aeons before you finally broke apart, panting heavily against each other's lips, your hands still on his shoulder; his hand now on your waist.
Oh, you're falling in love.
There were many things you've regretted in life, but this? You would do it over and over again if you had the choice to, and maybe you do.
"Is there anyone here?" A voice came from the outside and the two of you froze, hoping it wasn't the seeker. "The game's over," the person yelled out before you heard the door shutting.
"We survived it," you muttered cheekily, trying to ignore Jay's gaze.
"Yeah—uh—" he brushed his hand against his pants, the tension in the air thick enough to be sliced by a knife. "Should I drive you home?"
Ever since that night at the frat party, you've been on and off with Jay. You were caught up with work and Jay was busy, but the part where he said he was having a date did set you off completely.
None of you talked about the kiss. You didn't like the fact that you didn't, waiting for him to speak up about it first, but you hated the waiting game, yet you still couldn't make the first move. Jay seemed like he was about to talk about it every time he hung out with you, but he never did.
Days turned into a week, having only seen Jay once or twice, you figured you were avoiding each other. You hated the feeling, you were dreading it, dreading the fact that one day something like this would happen, and it did.
The silent treatment ended the moment when you were forcefully pulled into his dorm room when you passed by one day. Letting out a yelp in fear until you realised it was Jay.
"Hi," he gave you an apologetic smile, holding onto your hand softly. "I—uhm—figured we have to talk … about that night,"
"Are you avoiding me?" He cut to the chase, shocking you a little.
"No, I thought you were,"
"I wasn't," his eyebrows were furrowed, a quizzical look on his face. Were you two just in denial?
"Look, you asked me if I will regret the kiss and up until now, no, I didn't," sincerity shone in his eyes, his chest heaving. "But did you?"
"Of course not," you breathed out truthfully, noticing a sign of relief in his features.
"Good, because I like you, Y/N," Jay confessed, his gaze dropping to the ground to avoid your wide eyes, hands squeezing yours gently. "All of the girls that I've had in my life, they couldn't compete, you were the only one who mattered most to me. I never realised that, I admit, until I found myself trying to find a little bit of you in the girls I've dated, but none of them could ever compare to you."
You were stunned speechless, your heart twisting and pounding hard against your chest.
"I didn't want to repeat the mistake of doing all the avoiding, it's dumb, so I just want to talk to you here, one on one," he continued. "I'm sorry it took me years to realise. I was in denial that I liked you, I was scared you didn't, and the date I went to, I just couldn't stop thinking about us,"
You resisted the urge to smile, watching as Jay rambled in panic. "I like you too, Jay, ever since we were kids," you shook his hand, trying your best to put on the most reassuring smile. "To be fair, I'm in the wrong too, I didn't really have the balls to say anything either, but I'm just glad we're here now,"
Jay processed your words, features twisting from shock to relief, clear euphoria in his gaze. "Can I be your boyfriend?"
"I thought you'd never ask,"
You pulled him in by his collar, pressing your lips onto his and you let your hand wander into his hair, feeling him smile against your lips at the gesture. You grinned into the kiss, eliciting a small laugh from Jay in between. You wished to stay like this forever with him.
The stars were aligned, your past and his were intertwined to bring the both of you together. All of the girls he's loved before, forget about them, they made Jay the man you've fallen for in the end, and you're thankful for that, loving him a lot. More than anything and everything.
© jaylver 2023
Letter - the lyrics that didn't make it
The draft lyrics that didn't make the final cut.
Who hugged me tightly
Only you who Protected me
Who only protected me
Who held my hand
Who held my hand tightly
You who reached out me
who held out your hand to me
Who held out his hand
To you who looked at me greatly
I had this one open on my laptop, I was sure I posted this, but hadn't (?), and good thing I hadn't yet.
Because since I put this together I came by @minggukieology 's post. I think that she explains just how important the wording here is and just how intimate JM's words in this draft were.
This part especially hits hard:
As we've all seen today once more (with the Face playlist) JM is very very calculated in the sense that he puts thought into everything he expresses artistically. Like Philip Johnson's piece was not there by mistake or randomly placed, so was his use of that word in that context.
The one and only...
Kind of hard for me to get that one out of my head.
But he didn't use those words in the final lyrics because of just how obvious it would be.
K-JKKs are not conflicted here. They don't see this as a letter to army at all.
Knowing language and cultural context is super important. It's also important to understand said context and not utilize it half way to suit a certain theory or narrative you want to put in place.
The name of the song is Letter, not Letters.
Addressed to either Army or JK, can't have it both ways. Either or.
And if we are listening to Karmy, why listen half way? Listen to them all the way.
They know who this letter is addressed to.
They said it perfectly:
It's a letter for JK (a hidden song for a hidden couple), hence JK joining JM in the song too, but it's disguised as a song for Army.
Or has it been such a long time since we've had JM and JK in one frame that we forgot about that one. You know, even when stretching the boundaries doing it in a way that can always allow falling back on a more or less plausible explanation or excuse.
JM is the mastermind in knowing just how far to stretch the boundaries. And with Face and Letter he's stretched them real real far, like rubber band can snap in a second far. Funny how still such a big part of the fandom are unwilling to see his message, his queer coding. At this point I think that even if that rubber band tears/breaks I-army will be standing there holding on to both ends to make sure it doesn't fall apart.
JM and JK are lovers.
JM and JK are intimate.
JM and JK are and have been in a long term love/romantic relationship for years now. In my books, for over 7 years now.
I kind of don't understand those that are unwilling to accept that. Take that extra step from "great friends" to life partners, at this stage.
"Great friends", as close as they may be, don't suck on each other's ears, don't give each other hickey's, don't tattoo the other's name on their hand (if a friend does that, well they need to look real deep inside themselves and understand that it's way more than friendship they are feeling). There are so many other behaviours we see with these two, towards each other and towards others that are clear proof they are not just "great friends". Why is it so hard for some to take that leap? Is it the fear of labeling? These two can't say it out loud. They just can't. Closeted queer couple in SK. Two mega stars months away from enlisting into military service. But with that they have sent us every single possible clue telling us they are queer and a couple. They want those that will accept and support them to see THEM.
Guys, what was TTU Seoul 2019 all about if not their defiance and telling us they are together and want us to love them, accept them?
I digress, I know.
Point being, they are together, a couple, for years, and Letter, it's JM's song for JK, you know, the one he told us in 2016 that he would write to the person he loved. His forever person.
tw: perv neighbor!gyu, fem!reader, panty stealing, flirting, use of petnames, mentions of sexual activities (not actual sex happening), cursing, mingyu is kind of annoying tbh
part of the random perv!gyu drabbles
The lavender basket is stuffed with the wet clothes, freshly out of the washing machine, as you try your best to balance it on your hip, while opening the window to get out.
"Ugh, shit's so heavy..." you mutter begrudgingly, mentally scolding yourself for not doing laundry earlier.
You plop the basket down, starting to hang the wet clothes on the rack, until you notice that a piece of underwear is missing.
"What the hell?" you curse, searching around the rest of your clothes to find your favorite black lacy panties, but they are nowhere to be found.
Not within the limits of your apartment, at least.
Mingyu has been watching you struggle for the past few minutes from his balcony, a sly yet amused smile resting on his face while he sips on his coffee, fully aware of the cause of your current predicament.
He throws a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants on, making his way to the door of your apartment, knocking once, twice and a third time until you're yelling 'coming!' from the other end of the door, opening it with a frown.
"Of all the things that could go wrong today, you decided to be the cherry on the cake" you run your hands over your face.
"And here I was, thinking about putting you out of your misery" Mingyu tuts with a sly expression.
"And how exactly do you think you can do that?"
"Starting from...these beauties right here" he takes out the same thing you've desperately been searching for, feeling your face heat up from embarrassment.
"Give it back!" you yell and stretch your arm to catch the panties, but of course Mingyu is way faster and way taller than you, so he merely pulls his arm away with a small giggle.
"You know, I really enjoy putting you into your misery and out of it.....But I mostly enjoy putting you out of your clothes" he leans in.
"And I would really enjoy punching you in the face right now, Kim"
"Wanna try that with your pussy? I'd loooove to see it happen"
"You love me like that, baby"
He got you there.
"Did you just come over to flex your panty stealing skills?"
"I was thinking about returning them to you, actually - but my washing machine is broken so I had to bring them back the way you left them-"
"You mean the way you stole them-"
"Either way, they still have my cum on" he sing-songs and you almost hate how much he affects you because that definitely made your still sore pussy clench around emptiness.
"So....will you be the good neighbor and let me in, darling?"
"I would choose my words wiser if I was you, Mingyu" you retort, crossing your hands in front of your chest, the neckline of your shirt sliding down just enough to reveal some of the love bites he scattered across your shoulder last night.
"As if you don't know what I mean, sweetheart" he pushes your hair back to get a better look at the marks, running the pads of his fingers over the patch of skin.
"Careful, they're still fresh" you hiss, flesh still tender and rosy-purple colored.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you" Mingyu takes away his hand, rubbing his nape awkwardly, the atmosphere taking an uncomfortable turn.
"I mean, as long as you don't hurt my feelings....I don't mind a little bit of pain" you mimic his usually teasing tone and you notice how the same naughty glint returns in his dark chocolate orbs, the tip of his tongue poking his cheek.
You step aside, arms still crossed in front of you, waiting for him to take the hint and step into your apartment, but it seems like he isn't always a smartass.
"So....are you coming in or not, Gyu?"
Marriage with Nanami but its arranged?
This could have been angsty but S2 is coming so there's gonna be pleanty of angst, take the fluff instead.
Pairing: Nanami Kento x Fem!Reader
Tags: fluff, developing relationship, arranged marriage, kissing, domestic fluff, feelings realization, Nanami is trying to be a good husband
A/N: Now I wanna write malewife Nanami cause he is one 100%.
You and Nanami saw each other here and there in passing in your work as Sorcerers, but you weren't exactly friends
The announcement of your marriage came as a shock to both of you, it was mostly because Nanami was so accomplished and your family felt like it was a good opportunity for you, and mostly for them
Nanami didn't show much of a reaction to the marriage, you weren't a bad person and you got along well on missions
His future wife could be worse so marrying you is something of a blessing, plus you know about what he really does, there's no need for secrets and lies between you two, it definitely makes thing easier
He moves his things in before you even get home, he's already unpacking and has a meal cooking
Not too emotional when interacting with you, he does makes sure you have everything you need
The things at work don't change too much at first apart from Gojo teasing the two of you and getting on Nanami's nerves by praising you a lot more
Nanami buys little things for the house to make it feel warmer for you
Keeps to his side of the bed, he doesn't like invading your personal space but if you scoot closer to him or end up cuddled up against him he won't complain about it
As you're his wife now he is a little more protective of you the before
He's surprised when he sees you waiting for him so you can go home together and even more surprised when you begin to ask him out eat together
He already tries to be on time, he's a real strickler for it but since you got married he started leaving a bit early so he can buy things to make dinner
You get into the habit of helping him tie his tie in the morning
You tried to be cute with him and pull him into a kiss by pulling onto his tie, he didn't pull back but he was quite surprised before he eased into it
Since then it became a routine for him to wait for you to help him with his tie and then kiss him before work
He drives to work with you and holds the door open for you
Loves to cook in your company, you swear the food tastes better that way
On rare occasions he does get hurt on missions but he doesn't like seeing you freaking out about it, they're not that bad actually but you still want to tend to them as best as you can
Has to look away in blushing embarrassment when you kiss his bruises
When you first wear his clothes around the house he had to stop and stare at you, part of him didn't think it was real, maybe some kind of dream but he doesn't have many of those either so... it had to be real, you were in his shirt, only in his shirt, with your skin wet from the shower and walking around the house
He wasn't sure about this marriage at first but so far its been a pleasant surprise for him
〘 somebody i used to know 〙 ── 〝you wanted to know what the hype was about so i came back, then we fucked a lil bit〞
series masterlist ⇆ this is more than a friendship. (next)
"you're so mean to me, y'know that," lo'ak complained, lips pursing to feign a sense of dejection from your teasing. despite his flushed expression, you knew of his antics like the palm of your hand.
but it never hurt to play along, it's what made you two inseparable. he was citrus, you were honey. two souls bonded by many things.
he did basketball, you did dance. whilst he was sour, you were the very condiment to smoothen out the rough edges. petals bloom with youth at your friendship, and to him, you were perfect.
though he would never want to admit such atrocity to anyone. him? sentimental? the idea alone would confuse thousands (not).
in one hand, slender digits had wrapped themselves loosely around the handles of a plastic bag. the stretchy material containing a variety of snacks that you'd begged him to get.
however, in the other hand was his phone that shifted constantly in order to capture his face within range of the front camera.
lo'ak's gaze was intense, even through your screen. hazel orbs kissing feverishly at your skin, following your frantic movements as you were in search of something. "what's wrong?" he questioned, the skin between his eyebrows pinching together with concern.
"nothing, just looking– ..for the fucks i give," it wasn't long before a grin broke out on your face, watching at how his shoulders had dropped with acceptance to the banter that you yet again started.
the tip of his tongue swiped along the crease of his lips as he fought back a smile, a genuine smile. "ha. ha. very funny, (name)."
chatter of those passing by were barely evident through his end, yet it didn't really matter. your undivided attention was intertwined with the proneness for him, enveloping in full lungs.
"that makes one of us," the retort slipped before you could reconsider an answer, ripping yet another groan from the male.
oh, this was just too easy. "turning around and going home sounds so good right now," lo'ak quipped, showing off how his body rotated to switch directions of his journey to where you were at.
lips were quick to part with shock, he couldn't possibly do such a thing to you after being the one to ask if he could come round.
"ugh, just hurry the fuck up," you groan in defeat, head shaking as you attempted to conceal your laughter at how he swivelled on his feet for the second time. "y'can let yourself in this time, idiot."
"whatever, i'm five minutes away," thank eywa, your stomach grumbling lightly as a response to his proclamation. "cool, see ya."
"bye loser, don't miss me too much," and the call suddenly cuts off before you could muster up a proper response. your screen shifting back to your previous messages, eventually switching off with a simple press of a button located at the side.
eywa, he will be the death of you someday. you just knew it.
the two of you sit along your balcony, verbalising about almost whatever came to mind. your legs subconsciously found themselves sprawled across his lap, snacks discarded beside you.
though, it wasn't unusual for you to find yourselves in positions such as these, hence his lack of whining over the matter. you couldn't pin point an exact time when the joint was lit, being aimlessly passed around as you took turns to inhale the substance.
"wanna see somethin' cool i learned?" lo'ak was the first to break the comfortable silence you shared, eyebrows creasing with puzzlement. it was either going to be stupid or, well stupid.
"seriously dude?" you pondered, eyes squinting as his lips parted to fake an expression of offence before hazel irises rolled at you.
to say you were a little nervous would be an understatement, nerves spiking at countless possibilities of what would be shown. "cmon, relax.. i don't bite," he hums, tone embraced with tease.
the blunt rests loosely between his fingers, it was a simple question that slipped into the open. though, of course, lo'ak would ultimately respect either decision that was chosen.
you were curious, much like himself. this is what made you so compatible, like pieces of a puzzle. it wouldn't.. hurt to try.
"show me this mighty party trick then," you huffed, diving head first into this challenge without even looking back. yet your lungs stutter as lo'ak leans all too close, his hand raising steadily.
slender digits grip faintly at your jaw, pulling you closer to blow what was collected between his cheeks past wet, sundered lips for lungs to digest with mellowness. shit, was he always this pretty?
hooded eyes pierce into the curve of your upper lip, his thumb dragging agonisingly slow along the arched bone of your hip.
a shiver twirled down your spine at his affections, basking in the lingering touches that were way too intimate to just be friendly. "lo'ak–" you huffed out, heart beating an erratic tune against your ribcage. the emotions you nestled deeply within for lo'ak were only capable of resurfacing before the consent had been sought.
it was surely the high gaining dominance over his consciousness, muddling his brain of words to say as he spewed out quiet, pathetic rambles of utter nonsense. you were afraid, so so afraid.
"y'so pretty, (name).. so, so pretty.." lo'ak whispered, his voice barely audible yet the canal of your ears buzzed with recognition.
would he even remember this conversation between you both? how his palms snaked over the warmth you radiated, how he whispered words of affirmations into the shell of your ear. no. no.
this was wrong, he was your best friend and this was awkward.
mentions. @urdeadpoet @lightskinloak @grierpilots @sullybby @liyahsocorro @love-chx @loaksbitch @fleursbending @teytiri @theycallmesia @eitaababe @kiris-wife @syulangg @gloryy-vs @loaksky @eywas-heir (pls lmk if i forgot you)
★⌗ vesp's thoughts . . . i apologise for this taking so long, i got caught up with making everything. on the other hand, some of your tags also weren't showing up so i'll try to fix it!!
© 2023 dilfverz. ─ please do not copy, repost or translate any of my works on other platforms without permission.
Hate how human instincts and trauma responses clash with each other. Human instinct is to seek community, make connections, feel safe among people, trust that community exists so we would take care of each other.
Well too bad because trauma teaches you that to seek community is to be rejected and have it pointed out just how unacceptable and unwanted you are. Making connections while traumatized often means connecting with predators who will target and get you to connect via manipulation, so now connecting leads to likelihood of abuse, can't do that either. Being around people who are supposed to take care of you has gotten you violated, exploited, used, neglected, emotionally abandoned, sometimes even physically or sexually assaulted so now that instinct is also replaced by terror and craving for isolation. Even if you somehow preserve to instinct to take care of others, the prospect of someone actually taking care of you is tainted with horrifying memories of abuse so you have to stay away from that too.
And let's not even get into instinct to long for touch, closeness, bonding, attention, help, your needs fulfilled, being comforted, being vulnerable and loved, because trauma takes all of that, every single bit of it, devours it and chews on it and then spits you out horrified and wounded to the point where you'd rather be erased from life than risk any of it happening ever again.
And then you just have to live like that! You have to keep living knowing that giving in to any of your human instincts will feel like a horrible trap of pain and trauma. You have to back away where any non-traumatized human being would feel safe and protected from harm. Your very instincts can get over-written by trauma to the point where you don't even crave the instinctual, you crave whatever you could get that would fulfill even 1% of what you need, even if it contains abuse, because at this point how could you even hope to gain something without taking damage, if it never happened before.
I just hate it. Put me on this earth and then fuck with all of my instincts and then leave me to fight internal conflicts endlessly, not knowing if avoiding my instincts will bring me into more trauma, or giving in will end up worse. Make it easy for my instincts to be manipulated and my defenses overwritten by not knowing how to spot the inappropriate. Trap me with my own biological incentive to be a part of society why don't you. Hell and suffering to everyone who does this to children.
7 Nation Army - Part 3: And the Oscar goes to …
Listening to album FACE - by Jimin ON REPEAT
[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]
FACE by Jimin is a movie.
Before the pre-release of Set Me Free pt. 2, when I tried to guess what the theme of the album could have been from the information that we had, I perceived this alluring masterpiece as an opera, but, my dear ladies, gentlemen and enbies; I was wrong. This album is a movie and my filmmaker heart is all over the place in excitement to this realisation. As always, anything I write is my opinion, that being said, please allow me to introduce and dissect this elegant Psychological-Thriller named FACE.
Taglines: Amazing Face, how sweet the pouring sound.
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Certificate: 16 - Profanity, Alcohol
The typical structure of a Psychological-Thriller usually has the movie/series start at some point which is a tiny bit earlier/forward than the current timeline so as to give you a imagery that will be very contrasting with the flashback/flashforward which will immediately follow, which will properly set the tone for the actual main part movie, which provides with all the issues and challenges of the main character. Towards the end we finally reach the actual current timeline, which in thrillers tends to be a situation worse than the beginning of the story. From here we would go to the conclusion where one of two things can happen; either it ends in tragedy or the character is able to find victory. Every once in a while depending on the story there might be a hopeful filler, and depending on where it is placed in the storyline, it affect the plot differently.
A bit before/after current timeline: Face-off
The circus-like music starts, giving us immediate context. When used as a metaphor the circus, or any circus-like imagery, almost always is indicative of the opposite of anything that is genuine. All the makeup, the constantly smiling, happy and funny entertainer, basically; we are in a farce. From here on the beat becomes a distorted and distant reproduction of the farce. A distant sound represents disassociation within the context. So for a moment, the protagonist is separating from their reality for a particular reason.
In this case, Jimin has had it and is finally confronting/facing someone or something that has hurt him deeply. Following the lyrics, at this point, we’ve just started the movie, so we have no clue what is going on. However, we do understand that there is indeed an antagonist. Nothing we can do for now, all we have to do is to proceed within the plot:
🎵It's a beautiful night (Beautiful night)
I think you found me
Tonight, I don't wanna be sober (Sober)
Pour it up, it's all fucking over🎶
So what exactly has happened between our protagonist and this mystery antagonist?
Flashback/Flashforward: Interlude : Dive
The beginning of this track sounds like the typical time-wrap as you either fast forward or rewind. Usually, psychological thrillers go backwards, so rewinding we go, all the way to October 15, 2022 at the Yet to Come concert in Busan:
"Wow, everyone, I really missed you a lot.
We get to meet like this.
Everyone, this is Jimin."
The absence of vocals shows how this track isn’t an interpretation of any sort of feelings or thought, but simply a display of truths of the time; there is NO farce here, only facts. This is 2022 and the pandemic has been over. Jimin should finally be able to meet with ARMY freely and life is seemingly going back to normal. Yet, at the very end we hear the sound of something pouring. Thanks to Face-off, we can deduce that it is some kind of liquor.
Hence, even though everything is supposed to be “back to normal”, something seems to have stuck with him, Jimin seems to be carrying some baggage he acquired during lockdown, something amongst perhaps many things he quite can’t seem to get rid of / set free from. This is the life he has now been used to; this is his Jimin’s new reality.
What does Jimin's new reality look like?
Main part/plot: Like Crazy
It’s a blur but it feels amazing, and it beats having to feel everything that he has been feeling thus far. Even though it is not eternal, because it will come to an end, he knows very well, but he doesn’t care, he needs “that fix”, so if it is just for a night, then the night will have to do:
🎵Baby don’t think about it
There’s not a bad thing here tonight
Baby, it’s okay to leave
Just stay for today🎶
When your poison of choice is alcohol, you are not going to have a trip or experience sensations you never had; alcohol is not that sophisticated. What it does though, very quickly and quite efficiently, is blocking inhibitions. When you are relaxed, and in a friendly environment, the body follows actions, like in a chain reaction and starts thinking happy thoughts, relieving joyful memories and just having a jolly good time really.
For the sake and sole purpose of the plot of this movie, we are not going to mention how, at the same time, while drunk, functioning as a regular human being, is out of the question, as self-consciousness isn’t the only thing that is gone, any sort of control, sane judgement and more are also out the window 😬😬😬 …
Through the voices at the beginning of the song and the actual MV, this track adds more clues as to who the soon to become antagonist might be. There is a male voice and a female voice in the song. There is Jimin and a young woman mirroring Jimin’s movements in the MV. Jimin knows her; she is him. He always has a great time with her, she knows him very well, afterall she is him. So while he is spending this night incapacitated, he is just going to follow her lead and live on happily, while stopping time temporarily as long as they can.
🎵My reflection in the mirror
I’m going crazy endlessly
I’m feeling so alive, wasting time🎶
But what happens the following morning? What happens that one morning when you realise that “that fix” isn’t worth anything anymore.
Actual current timeline: Alone
The track begins with the sound of an alarm, which isn’t simply indicating morning, but also setting the story back to the present time. Jimin’s actual reality. He has now woken up into that one morning where he is more sober than sober. That one morning when the hangover isn’t as uncomfortable as his realisations. That one morning where the risk of a failing liver isn’t as scary as the reality he is having to face.
So there he is, face to face with the mess he willingly created amidst the inevitably bad situation he was shoved into. Him like everyone else. Yet, unlike most of everyone else, he fell badly. Finally, he has come to terms with the fact that he’s mentally hit rock-bottom mentally. And because misery loves company, any other bad/uncomfortable feeling/situation he had been successfully avoiding joined, merrily (perhaps all his identities, his sense of worth, his sense of loneliness, etc).
This is the heaviest part of the movie. The part where the protagonist is weak and where everything seems, and at times truly is against them. This is the part where the protagonist is at their most vulnerable. This is the point of the plot where, we would all be ending up at, no matter how anyone has interpreted the whole storyline (some may have associated it FACE with other issues, such as lovers, friendships, family, substance abuse, etc …).
In my opinion, this track, on the timeline, is right before Face-off. In an actually movie, we’d have a collage which would mix Face-off with everything that has happened thus far:
[Face-off lyrics connected with other tracks]
I guess the blame is on me
Look at how I look right now 🎶 - Interlude : Dive
🎵Break it down
Break it down
This is the story of ordinary me
Get it out
Get it out
Everyone shout like crazy yeah yeah🎶 - Like Crazy
🎵Gave you all the money
Gave you all my heart
Your Masquerade party
I was fucking drunk
The damned days of the past
Are now over too🎶 - Alone
So … will our protagonist win his battle against all their antagonists?
Conclusion: Set Me Free Pt.2
The ominous sound of a choir, followed by glorious trumpets; Jimin is ready for his final battle and he is sounding, and looking, hella victorious. He hasn’t forgotten all his struggles. He acknowledges the battles he’s won, and the ones he's lost, which allowed him to get to where he is firmly standing right now. He hears the haters, sees the obstacles and acknowledges his shortcomings. At the same time he’s found a new resolution, developed a tougher skin and embraced all his faces. But above all, he’s realised that if he wasn’t gonna set himself free, who the hell was gonna do that for him? And so he did.
🎵Look at me now
You can mock me but I won’t stop
Going crazy so I don’t go crazy
Put your hands up for the past me
Now set me free,
Set me free x 12🎶
Park Jimin, all his selves, is finally free. Free.
Roll the credit.
Hopeful Filler: Letter
At the end of the credits of any good movie MUST have an after credit scene, which usually serves to introduce a possible sequel or to add something to the way the actual movie ended. HOWEVER, as I do want to have a post just for this track, I shall end this here.
… And now, it is with great honour and palpitation that I stand here, amongst a jury of my peers, in order to present the award for best, exquisitely unexpected, but rather awaited masterpiece, of the year.
And the nominees are:
… AND THE WINNER IS: Park Jimin in FACE.
And that's all from me, now I'll go and keep relaxing some. Also, can't wait to hear from Jimin during his live on the 29th!
As always, very respectfully yours,
From Your Smile to Your Soul
Bucky Barnes x F!Enchanced!reader
Synopsis: You don't want to go on this mission and Bucky doesn't want the girl whose smile brings him happiness getting hurt. But what can either of you do when your job is to heal others? If only you had told him that you weren't ok, if only he had made sure you were right behind him.
Word Count: 4.8k
Warnings: angst, language, drinking, mentions of guns/injury/blood, hypothermia, asshole SHIELD agents, Bucky gets teary eyed, happy fluff-filled ending...
-I do not consent to having any of my writing, under the username Orions- Athenaeum, translated, posted or published on third party sites, apps or platforms-
Bucky didn’t think there was anything worth enjoying in his new life. Of course he appreciated Steve’s unwavering loyalty and the ease that he brought Bucky after he was freed from Hydra. There also was Sam’s annoying banter which usually gave Bucky something to smirk about, but he would never admit that to anyone. When Bucky didn’t understand what a “text message” was, Wanda and Natasha helped him adapt to the technological “wonders” of this modern time. He was even glad when Tony would crack an “old joke” just to get under his skin, because Bucky knew humor was Tony’s way of showing he cared. While Bucky was grateful for everything his teammates did for him, there was still a very obvious void, that felt almost like a ten ton weight sitting on his chest, trying to steal his breath from him. That feeling of immense pressure and simultaneous emptiness only began to lessen about four months ago, on a balmy summer evening when Steve dragged Bucky to one of Tony’s lavish galas.
Bucky didn’t know who or what the event was for, in all honesty he figured Tony was just looking for another excuse to throw a party. The former Winter Soldier had been a part of the team for a while now, but these types of social gatherings never failed to make him feel extremely unsettled. Maybe it was the way he felt people’s eyes lingered on him for too long, whether it was from fear or judgment. Or maybe it was the suit that Natasha had helped him pick out that was nearly suffocating him. It could have also been the glass filled with some unknown booze that felt uncomfortably heavy in his vibranium hand. All this to say, Bucky was certain the tension in his shoulders was palpable as he checked his watch for the thirtieth time that evening; he was waiting for the hands to tell him he had waited a respectful amount of time before he could seek out the comfort of his own room. Bucky reluctantly pulled his eyes up from his watch and began to scan the room, hoping to find Steve and with him some sense of calmness. His search was cut short when his gaze landed on a girl chatting with Peter near the bar. She had short y/h/c hair that reminded him of a girl from his own time, messier and not as curled perhaps, but classic nonetheless. Her long, black, strapless dress and sleek platform heels reminded him of something Natasha might have worn. He wondered for a second if maybe Nat had helped her pick out an outfit too. Deciding that was an utterly ridiculous thought a second later, Bucky found himself enamored by her smile. It was all he could focus on: that beautiful, perfect smile. One corner of her mouth curved up more than the other and her full red painted lips made it impossible for Bucky to look away. Seconds felt like hours and as Bucky continued to look at her, he found a smile involuntarily tugging at his own lips. Amazingly enough, he didn’t feel so out of place anymore.
“It’s rude to stare.” Bucky quickly jerked his head towards Sam’s voice. His smile immediately faded as he glared at his friend.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Wilson.” Even Bucky didn’t believe his words and chances were Sam didn’t either. Despite being a pain in the ass, he was smarter and more observant than Bucky liked to give him credit for. Sam rolled his eyes and ignored Bucky’s hint to drop the topic.
“Why don’t you go and ask her to dance?” Bucky couldn’t breathe. There was no way in hell he could do that. Standing across the room was the prettiest girl he’d seen and Sam thought it would be a good idea for him to ask her for a dance.
“Yeah that will not be happening.” Bucky tossed back the rest of the liquid in his glass, knowing that the pleasant burn of the alcohol would not affect him in the slightest. He wished it would. Maybe a little liquid courage was the push he needed to go over and speak to her.
“Look man, she’s gorgeous and really sweet, I met her this morning. All I’m saying is that she would totally say yes if you asked. She was staring at you too, by the way.” This morning. Bucky recalled Sam telling him he met a new member of the team earlier today. Maybe he would have the chance to see her again if she was the one Sam was referring to. Shaking his head to extinguish any false hope he had conjured up, Bucky realized that Sam was telling the truth; the girl was staring right back at him. After a few seconds, she raised her delicate fingers and sent a small wave. Bucky almost keeled over on the spot. Not knowing what else to do, he awkwardly raised his own hand back. She smiled. He smiled. And just like that Bucky knew he was a goner.
Four months later…
“No.” Bucky refused to change his mind. Steve rolled his eyes at his friend, who currently stood across the room with his arms crossed over his chest with a look that said, this is your final warning. Steve knew better than to try and push his best friend around, but this really was a mission that required her skills. There were dozens of hostages, and they would need medical attention. Not from doctors, but from her.
“Buck. You know I wouldn’t put Y/n in the field if I didn’t think it was absolutely necessary.” Bucky did not move. Steve sighed. And people call me stubborn. He thought to himself.
“I understand that you want to protect her Bucky, I really do. But she is a part of this team. Y/n’s an Avenger and her role is to heal people. Now, there are people who need her help and she is going to go and help them. If you would prefer not to lead this mission than I can have someone else take-”
“No.” Bucky was quick to cut off Steve’s offer. His tone was firm, but just below the surface Bucky was panicking. He didn’t want his girl out in the field. But if Y/n had to go, he couldn’t stand the thought of not being out there with her. Steve raised a brow.
“I’ll go. But you better make sure there is no way we’re gonna get ambushed. We’d better be prepared. I won’t hesitate to beat your ass if something happens to Y/n.” Bucky turned to leave the conference room as Steve muttered something under his breath.
“What?” Bucky snapped.
“I just said it seems like you care about Y/n an awful lot when she isn’t even your girlfriend.” Bucky knew Steve was trying to get him to admit that he was too scared to ask her out. But honestly, Bucky wasn’t in the mood for his best friend to play matchmaker. So, without a look back, he stormed out into the corridor towards the gym. He was set on taking his anger and fear out on some punching bags, but as he walked through the halls all he could think about was her smile. He needed that smile safe. If he could just wrap it in his arms and shield it from all the bad, he would be happy for the rest of his life.
You were certain there had to have been some kind of mistake. The thick Manila folder that sat on your desk marked “MISSION BRIEFING” had to have been delivered to the wrong room. Bucky was just across the hall, so maybe it was for him. That had to be it, because there was no way they were seriously considering putting you out in the field after only four months of being on the team. You weren’t even supposed to be a field agent. Nick Fury had recruited you because of your powers. Sure, you could mend a broken bone and fuse a gunshot wound close, but that did not mean you fought on the front lines. It meant you waited until your team was back to the safety of the compound to help them. Refusing to open the folder you picked it up and made your way to Bucky’s door.
“Buck?” You called as you knocked on the cool wood. You gasped as it opened not a second later. Bucky was standing in front of you in all his post gym, sweaty, shirtless glory.
“Hey, doll. What’s up?” He asked with a smirk tugging at his lips. That damned smirk. You immediately drew your gaze away from his tight abs and pretty smile up to his eyes. Which, honestly, didn't help because you found yourself getting lost in a sea of deep cerulean blue. It seemed that every aspect of Bucky seemed to have an overwhelming effect on you. Deciding it was best to stare at the carpet instead, you fumbled with the folder before showing it to him.
“I think they gave this to me by accident, because I’m not usually in the field. Actually I’ve never been in the field and so it’s probably yours and I just wanted to give it to you.” Your words came out all in one breath and you kept your gaze focused on the floor at your feet. You felt Bucky gently take the folder from your grasp. You were ready to let out a sigh of relief when you felt his fingers thread through your own as he lightly pulled you into his room. As your heart beat began to quicken, the brief confusion you had felt quickly morphed into anxiety. Why didn’t he just take his mission briefing and send you on your merry way? He gestured for you to sit down on his bed as he sat next to you.
“No, this is yours.” He finally said. The finality in his tone made you want to throw up. “Steve told me this morning. But I made him promise that there would be no combat, and I’ll be leading. There will be two other agents, so you’re not alone. The mission should be fairly quick, in and out and then we come home. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” His words were somewhat of a comfort. You also knew that the rest of the team was fairly confident in your abilities, since Nat, Sam and Steve had all trained extensively with you over the last four months. Bucky refused to spar with you but that's besides the point. Although, you weren’t really worried about not being able to defend yourself. You had been trained and ran through mission scenarios, but the weight of the briefing envelope in your hands was making this too real. It also didn’t help that every single agent wanted to rip you apart because you were given a spot on the Avengers without making it into SHIELD as an agent. You had tried to put yourself through training, but during your first field test, you instantly choked. All of the sudden the gun pointed at the enemy agent in front of you made your arms feel like lead. Your brain wouldn’t let you pull the trigger, so you stood there, frozen. You were positive you were going to be removed from the program, but when Nick Fury heard about your healing powers, you were suddenly offered a spot as an Avenger. So, to put it plainly, every single SHIELD agent hated you. They hated that you failed training and still got the most coveted title, they hated that you lived in Avengers Tower, they hated that you got everything they wanted. The real problem, which was much bigger than any jealous agent’s spiteful remarks, was that you could not stomach the idea of hurting someone. That was the reason why you failed your training in the first place, because bad guy or not, you were given the gift of healing. You were never supposed to cause pain and it seemed as if the concept of harming someone was against your very nature. Pulling the trigger on a paper silhouette was one thing. Aiming a gun at another human being was quite another. So while the training you had done prepared you for taking down enemies, you’re not entirely sure you could bring yourself to that.
“Ok.” Was all you could manage. Some time during your internal spiral Bucky had begun rubbing soothing circles on your back. Bucky was another aspect of this mission that you had to consider. You weren’t sure how to feel about him going on the mission with you. Your relationship was a little confusing at times to say the least. You knew that you cared about him more than a friend would and he often made it seem like he felt the same way. You had felt this way from the very first night you met him, when he caught you staring at him and you awkwardly waved (who the hell waves at a hot guy across the room?) Bucky was also the first one to make you feel like you were truly part of the team. He would bring your breakfast to the lab when you were working mornings and didn’t have time to eat, he would make sure you had a good spot on the couch for team movie nights (it was coincidentally always next to him) and then there were time like these where he would comfort you and do everything in his power to make you feel safe and cared for. Basically, in the four months that you had known him, you were falling in love with Bucky Barnes.
“Ok, what, doll?” And those stupid pet names definitely weren’t helping you keep your feelings at bay.
“Ok. Sounds good, I guess I’ll see you at the hangar in a few hours.” You replied, unwilling to meet his eyes, you slowly picked up the folder and walked towards his door. An unnerving feeling overcame you as you heard the heavy wood close behind you.
You figured the mission would not be a walk in the park, and as you sat in the middle of Siberia, with two agents that hate you and hostages with far more injuries than Steve had anticipated, you knew this easily made your “Top Ten Worst Days list.” Of course you were more than happy to help every hostage, that was the only part you enjoyed. However, the amount of energy it took to heal so many injuries resulted in black dots clouding your vision by the time you had helped the last hostage. The thing about your healing abilities was that you had to use your energy to heal others. Meaning healing their injuries literally exhausts you. And on top of the twenty broken bones, abrasions and burns you’ve healed, Megan and Nick had a few bumps and bruises from breaking down the door and restraining the guards that needed mending. According to Megan, Bucky told them to go to you since they need to be in top shape for the trek back to the safe house. While the safe house sounded pleasant, the fact that it was currently 40 below and that the shelter was three miles out in the middle of a forest, was not as pleasant. After you finished healing Megan’s bruised ankle, the dizziness that had settled in a few minutes prior was now overwhelming. If you could just sit down for a few minutes and maybe close your eyes, you would feel much better.
“Get up. We need to meet Bucky in a few minutes. A storm is moving in so we can’t take the jet back until morning. Bucky secured the hostages in an exit raft and we need to find the safehouse soon.” Megan sneered as she pushed your hands away from her ankle.
“Could I just have one minute? I’m not feeling-”
“You’re an Avenger, right? So get off your ass and start walking.” You hesitantly stood up, apparently too quickly because you began swaying and lurched forward, catching yourself against a tree. The frozen bark cut into your skin, slicing your palms. Willing your head to stop spinning you looked down at your bloodied hands. Another downside of your powers was that once your energy had been spent, it became nearly impossible for you to continue healing, which meant you could not help yourself or others when you were this exhausted. You heard Megan’s boots crunch in the snow as she began to walk, blatantly ignoring your compromised state. Since it appeared you had no other option, you began walking as well, but the edges of your vision were fuzzy and it felt like someone had thrown your head against a wall. If you could just get to Bucky maybe he would let you rest for a minute. No. You couldn’t ask him for that, Megan and Nick already thought you got special treatment for being an Avenger you didn’t need them to see parts of yours and Bucky’s friendship in the field. Plus, Bucky had been acting weird ever since you stepped foot on the quinjet. He called you by your last name and his usual soft eyes and teasing tone had left him completely. It made sense, you told yourself as you pushed forward, because this was his job, and he didn’t really care about you like that. The frigid chill had begun to seep through your suit, and though you had never been a huge fan of the cold, you were thankful for it now. It was keeping you awake and alert, the sting of the snow hitting your face gave you something to focus on so you wouldn’t pass out. Finally you reached the clearing where Bucky was waiting. You glanced up to find his concerned gaze looking you over. You used all your strength to muster up a smile and nodded your head to let him know you were ok. He seemed satisfied enough, and told the team to start walking. How you managed to walk two miles you weren’t sure, but what you did know was that you were now falling behind the others. You were following Nick and Megan who had been keeping a fairly even pace with Bucky. But now, with the snow whipping all around you, you couldn’t see or hear any of them. Maybe this would be a good time to take a break. It would only be for a few minutes and nobody would notice that you had taken a breather. As the snow storm had progressed you had lost feeling in your fingers and toes, and it seemed like everything was moving in slow motion. You thought you reached out to brace yourself on a tree but instead you felt like you were falling. It didn’t hurt when you hit the powdery snow, its cold embrace only called you to rest your eyes. You obeyed and felt your eyelids slowly blink shut. I’ll only rest for a minute, you told yourself. Just as you were about to let sleep pull you under, you heard shouting. The voice sounded familiar as it called your name over the howling of the wind. You knew you should answer but you simply didn’t have the energy. Then, you felt strong arms lift you up and a familiar fresh, piney scent filled your nose. This is what Bucky smells like, you thought to yourself.
“Could you open those pretty eyes for me. Please, doll. I’m begging you, give me anything.”
Bucky sounded like he was talking underwater.
“You are not allowed to do this to me, I swear I’ll make it up to you but you gotta wakeup so we can talk.” And why did he seem so worried? You wanted to tell him that you were fine but you couldn’t get the words out.
“Why wouldn’t you say something?” Bucky’s muddled voice had more of an edge this time. His sharp tone made sense, he had every right to be mad at you, it was you who was slowing down the mission and now he had to pick up the slack.
“I didn’t see her fall behind, she was fine a minute ago.” This time it was a woman who responded and somewhere in your mind you figured it was Megan. But you hadn’t been “fine a minute ago,” in fact you hadn’t felt ok for over an hour.
“You’re supposed to watch out for your teammates, so I’m going to ask again, why the hell did you not say something?” In your dazed state you realized Bucky was directing his anger at Megan not at you and well you felt some reprieve from the fact that Bucky didn’t seem too disappointed in you, you were beginning to slip further and further into the shadows of sleep. You knew you needed to stay awake, but you couldn’t feel anything, not the snow hitting your cheeks, or Bucky’s frantic pace, and your entire body felt completely numb. Time began to pass strangely after that moment, you heard some more gargled shouting before you felt your body being laid down on something hard. You found some odd burst of energy and forced your eyelids to open, looking up to find Bucky’s worried eyes desperately trying to hold your gaze. His eyes seemed glossier and much more concerned than normal, but you couldn’t figure out why.
“C’mon Y/n, I’ll get you warm and you’ll be alright. I’m gonna have to get your wet gear off first, but I promise I’ll make it all better ok, sweetheart? I don’t break my promises, not to the people I love.” Love? Why would Bucky be talking about love, he seemed so frustrated with you in the field. His face disappeared from view a moment later and you thought you heard the sound of fabric ripping. Bucky yelled for someone to get blankets and before you could tell him that all his shouting was confusing and much too loud, you surrendered yourself to the peaceful comfort of unconsciousness.
You didn’t know when you became aware of your surroundings again, whether it had been minutes or weeks, you couldn’t tell. You could smell burning wood accompanied by a familiar piney scent that you soon identified as Bucky, but you couldn’t open your eyes to confirm your theory. When you heard a deep voice laced with a Brooklyn accent from somewhere around you, you didn’t have to look at Bucky to know whose arms were protecting you.
“...Remember when we were in Queens and you made me go inside that old book store with you? We stayed there until they closed and you kept handing me books that would, “change your life, I swear it, Bucky.” I didn’t like reading much in the forties but I woulda stayed there with you for weeks if it meant I got to see that smile of yours every time you read something funny. I’ll take you back there but you gotta wake up first, alright?” Bucky’s words were soothing, and his soft voice gently lulled you back to sleep before you could answer his request.
Bucky was talking again when you tried to wake up for a second time,
“...Everything about you is perfect, doll, like how you always scrunch your nose when Sam’s cooking looks awful, but you eat it anyway with a smile on your face because you’re just happy he cared enough to make you something.” You wanted to smile for Bucky, open your mouth, say anything. But your head was still too heavy and you couldn’t break through the cloud of sleep that kept dragging you back under.
This time you could feel warmth running up and down your arms, as if someone was trying to coax you from sleep with their caring touch. You waited for Bucky to talk to you again, you found yourself needing his words to anchor you to consciousness.
“...You should’ve told me sooner, sweetheart, I coulda carried you, given you a little break. You know I would do just about anything for you right? Hell, I think everyone on this damn team thinks I’m weak when it comes to you. But you don’t make me weak, Y/n, you give me a reason to smile, you make me feel better about the world and like I’m not too broken to be a part of it…” You wanted to take Bucky’s face in your hands and tell him that he was not broken, that he was worth more than your words would ever mean. But it still seemed like too much work to open your eyes, so you kept them shut and let your mind slip back into sleep for a little longer.
Your skin felt like it was on fire, that was the first thing you noticed when you fully regained consciousness. Something heavy was laying across your stomach and there was a solid presence holding you that seemed to radiate the same amount of heat as the crackling fire in front of you.
“Y/n? Doll? Thank God you’re finally awake, how’re you feeling?
At the sound of his voice you slowly turned to face Bucky and were met with a look of adoration in those blue eyes, which made you feel even worse for making him take care of you.
“I’m sorry I messed the mission up, Barnes.” Even though your sight was still a little blurry you could make out the confusion in his face. Pushing some hair out of your face he asked,
“You never call me Barnes, what’s up with that Y/n/n? And what are goin’ on about, “messing up the mission,” you didn’t do a damn thing wrong. If Megan and Nick had done their jobs as teammates you wouldn’t be in this situation. It’s my fault too ya know, I should've checked you over before I made you walk three miles. You looked a little tired when I first saw you but I think I tricked myself into believing you were safe, all I ever want is for you to be safe, Y/n.” You weren’t quite sure how to answer him, your brain felt like quicksand, trapping your thoughts from becoming words.
“And you never answered my question, Y/n, you feelin’ better?” You nodded slowly, during the time you had been asleep your body had slowly heated up, you had regained feeling in your limbs and your mind was feeling less foggy by the minute.
“Thanks for getting me out of there, Bucky. I mean, it’s not like I needed your help, I just wanted to sleep for a few minutes.” You attempted to lighten the mood by pushing out a laugh that sounded more like a light exhale.
“There she is, that’s the girl I love.” You whipped your head back with such force that Bucky had to place his hand on your neck to prevent you from giving yourself whiplash. You stared into his eyes, determined to find out if he was really speaking the truth.
“I do love you Y/n, I have from the minute I caught you smiling at Tony’s stupid gala. You’re perfect to me, in every possible way, from your smile to your soul. Of course you felt the same way for him. Bucky was your best friend, he made you laugh and his heart and the care that he gave out freely never ceased to amaze you. You watched his lips turn into the most perfect smile and you found yourself smiling twice as big knowing that there was no moment in your life more wonderful than this one. Right before you could respond a shiver ran through you and Bucky turned you around so you were facing the fireplace again.
“Hey, Bucky?” you received a low hum and a kiss behind your ear in response. “You should really shower, you smell like an old barn.” He chuckled and replied, “Jeez, doll, I save your life and tell you that I love you, and all you do is tell me that I smell?” You could tell that Bucky knew you were teasing, but you didn’t feel like letting him off the hook quite yet.
“I guess I love you too.” You mumbled with an obvious grin in your voice.
“I know you do doll, I only wish you had said something sooner, then I woulda had more opportunities to torture you for makin’ fun of me.” With that, Bucky began to tickle your stomach, while still being wary of your injuries, earning an eruption of giggles from your mouth. After a few seconds Bucky pulled you back against him and whispered a soft, “sleep, sweet girl, I’ve got you,” into your hair. Your eyes slowly fell shut and you felt completely content, knowing you were safe in the arms of the man who loves you, and who you love right back.
I Want Your Video
Steve x Fem!Reader
Author’s Note: Steve won the poll, when I first started really reading fanfiction on tumblr early 2020-2021 there was a fic with mutual masturbation with BestFriend!Steve Harrington and this plays into the very heavy. I’ve been wanting to fuck you forever part for inspo. Also just love Djo’s music so a lot of my WIPs have titles of his music. Requests are open if you want more sexy Steve, thank you for reading!
Summary: Family Video just became a little less family friendly with the new addition of the 18 and older erotic video room. You are more curious than your co-workers about what a dirty movie includes, the sexual tension between you and dreamboat Steve Harrington does nothing for your pent up frustrations.
Characters: Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley, Family Video Worker!Reader, Dustin, Lucas, Mike, Max, El and Will love to pester Steve at his jobs, and gross mentions of Keith.
Warning/Tags: SMUT (Minors DNI), Steve has a huge cock, dry humping, marking, fingering (f receiving), blow job, overstim, small nubbins of insecurities with reader and Steve, Steve and reader share playful banter, a ruined Armchair, dirty talk, pet names, riding (save a horse ride Steve Harrington), we all love boobies, creampie, cum play? As always lmk if I forgot anything!
Word Count: 6.2k
"Well I knew they called it Family Video for a reason, I just never thought they'd take it so literally." You said as the three of you looked to the closed door with the new 18 plus warning sign, taking away your break room.
"Please stop mentioning it.” Robin pinches at the bridge of her nose
"What? At least people don't like, deal porn or try to find it at a public library." Steve adds setting the return tapes on the counter.
"Why would someone go to the library for PORN?" Robin boasts turning to her best friend,
"I don't know Buckley, people are stupid when horny." Steve admonishes
“Does that mean your always horny?” You tease, Steve opens his mouth to retaliated but Robin stops him.
"No, now we just have Keith, who was already always in the back room. Potentially watching adult films on the clock and putting them back." Robin shakes in disgust.
"Like a trial run, he’ll be able to give great recommendations." You add nose scrunched with laughter bubbling in your chest.
"Ew gross." Robin said nauseated
"Look he's creepy, but Keith is not that brave. Any one of us could walk back there." Steve says pointing to the ever closed office and backroom where Keith either naps or throws together a schedule.
"Maybe he wants to be caught?" you nod, taking new tapes to stock in the romance section.
“Maybe he wants you to catch him?” Steve wiggles his eyebrows following you,
"Maybe you want me to smack you in the face-" You turn to find him closer than you anticipated only a few inches separating your body from his.
"What? Don't be a prude now, you're the one who made the conversation interesting." Steve cut you off, chest puffed in challenge. His woodsy, ash, and vanilla smell intoxicating you as the spearmint on his breath floated you back to reality.
"That's because I'm interesting." You dare with a raised eyebrow, as his eyes flicker to your cherry lips.
"God please stop flirting in front of me or I'll get a cavity." Robin whines behind the counter.
"We're not flirting-" You scold, "Okay-" Steve holds his hands up in defense at the same time. You huff and continue down the aisle to stock, red in the face with embarrassment.
Towards the end of your shift the school rush dying down, you sit on the counter with Robin inventorying returns in the computer. Steve is holding the door open for a blonde girl popping her bubble gum with glossed lips. Giggling as Steve makes a fool of himself her chest rising with the laughter, over a Star Wars joke she didn’t understand. Explaining how she had been looking for the film in Alderaan places, and how he was always happy to help a pretty girl like her.
You understood the joke, just because he didn’t know what Ewoks were didn’t mean he never paid attention when you talked about your favorite sci-fi series.
“Stupid.” You mumbled under your breathe, rewinding tapes.
“Huh?” Robin asked, her doe eyes floating along the computers interface confused her mouth hung open.
"Robs, have you ever watched an adult film?" You asked, aggravated and pent up.
"Yeah but there's not a lot in my area of attraction so I just stick to the magazines." Robin motioned toward herself, still clueless to your annoyance.
"Uh-huh, well I want to watch one." Finally being decisive on the embarrassing topic,
"Are we seriously still talking about this?" Steve chips in
"Did you seriously just strike out? You talked with her for like 30 seconds." You said infuriated, turning around to see him leaning over the counter with his stupid fluffy hair and tight polo. Sans a phone number written on his arms or a torn piece of notebook paper.
"Just remember Y/N that's all a man can give sometimes, porn isn't realistic." Robin added knocking her head into your leg in frustrated groan.
“How would you know that?” Steve scrutinized his best friend,
“Is it true?!” Robins eyes were blown wide in astonishment, they immediately started arguing with you the only barrier between them.
"Okay, I'm just gonna go back there and pick one." You slide from the counter, move Robin out of your way, they paused mid-argument to poke at you.
"Go for it, have fun." Robin called
"But not too much!" Steve yelped when she pinched him,
Opening the cliché room, of neon lights with each film had it’s own space on the shelves you began to read some of the titles. Private Teacher, Taboo, I Like to be Watched, Educating Nina, Talk Dirty to Me 1 and 2, 8 to 4, there's honestly too many. So let's just say that the first one, Private Teacher, sounds like it has some plot. You slip it into your vest, walking out of the room to find Steve surrounded by his children.
“Please Steve what’s back there?”
“We just want to take a quick peak!”
“For the millionth time, no. You’re barely 13!”
“We’re actually 14 and or older Steve.” Max says deadpan standing arms crossed next to a girl you think was named Jane or El you weren’t 100% sure.
“Yeah kids leave the guy alone just because he would sneak you into the movie's at Scoops does not mean you get free rain of the porno’s.”
“Porno’s?!” Dustin yells as the rest of the kids shush him, looking around the other Family Video patrons.
“Yeah that’s enough Steve’s posse, your scaring away paying customers.” You shush them out the door,
"Come on, I bet you have some criticism about at least one of these dirty movies." Robin asks Steve who is using every fiber in his being not to embarrass himself in front of you.
"Actually, I haven't watched any of them yet," Steve says while he re-faces the horror films the kids probably messed with earlier.
“Bullshit-” You butt in, Steve turns to defend himself but is saved by Robin’s blabbermouth.
"I do but mostly for the... well you know, porno's aren't progressive in my territory yet." Robin held up the one, where the woman's boobs were almost completely out of her bra and there was a string of spit from her mouth to them.
"Well we could change this week's movie night at my place? This one seemed well loved. 3 rents already, and it’s only been a few weeks." I grabbed 'Private Teacher' walking over to Steve, the man had the woman bent over the desk, one of his hands pulling her hair so show her face for the camera. Her school girl costume left a tasteful amount of skin on show just for the cover. The tagline read ‘Sometimes A Little Private Instruction Is All You Need To Make The Grade’
He only glanced at the cover, "Yeah I'm good, I get my fill with my right hand and watching sappy some romance movies over and over again."
"Ewwww," Robin drones behind the counter. You laugh at his in response holding onto your sides while walking back over to her.
"Obviously, not in that order!" He follows, you pull out some rental money setting on the counter as Robin rang it up.
"Oh come on now, Stevie don't be the prude of the group. Robin will be there too and I know you don't have anything better to do. Since you're always at my house anyway." He scoffs hiding the tape under his elbow when another customer walks in.
"Yeah to get away from my asshole Dad, not to watch porn with you."
"I think he would enjoy the fact you're actually finding a hobby," Robin says, putting the tape into a plastic bag, brushing some hair out of Steve's face. He sticks out his tongue mocking her.
"Yes Robin, you're a truly hilarious comedian of the century. What do I have to do for you both to drop this? Especially as my best friend and basically my boss." You giggle at the obvious answer.
"Just come by tonight, Steve. I don’t wanna watch this alone. And like always bring your tissues for the movie," Robin almost falls over laughing, when you lean over the counter pressing a kiss to his heated cheek before waving goodbye. You spend the rest of your night picking up the apartment, filling the fridge with your friends favorite snacks, and vacuuming. You thought about lighting a candle, debating if that was too romantic to watch a Porno with your co-workers. Lighting it against those thoughts because it made the place smell nice. A knock at the door took you away from the sink of dishes from your breakfast.
“Come in! It’s open guys!” You yell turning off the faucet,
“What if I was a serial killer, Y/N? You’d let me wander about your living room?” Steve brushed his front past you setting a six-pack in the fridge.
“The only serial thing you are Steve is a serial pain in my butt.” You stick you tongue out, head lurching towards the direction of the living room only to find it empty.
“Ha-ha, ha.” Steve mocked, taking off his grey jacket to lay it across the counter before nose diving into the fridge again.
"How was your day? Where’s Buckley?" You pondered wiping your wet hands, the moving his jacket to a chair at the small four person dining table.
“Hanging out with a girl. And other than this chick at work begging me to watch porn with her, it was actually really busy." He threw a grape at where you were at the table, tossing a handful into his mouth with a crunch.
"I totally forgot about it until I was grabbing my wallet at the store, I was kinda embarrassed when I rediscovered it. The lady probably thought I was high as a kite!"
"Because you are," he drooled a little bit, speaking with a full mouth, raiding the fridge full of groceries.
"There's nothing wrong with blowing off some steam with a bit of erotica. Everyone does it," you turned tossing the soiled grape back at him, joining him in the kitchen again.
"Yeah that's gross, it's unspoken. Even creepy old men who can't get it up do it." He swallowed his mouth full then making an obscene gesture with his hand.
"Ew, gross Steve.” You say hands held up in disgust,
"Well I'm not a creepy old man," You argued, taking the tape out of your bag. "Besides, it can't be that good or bad. Almost like a true neutral, just people going at it like animals." Walking into the living room, you closed the blinds and navy curtains before setting the tape into the already plugged in VCR.
"Okay hang on a minute, there's way better ways at blowing off steam." Steve interrupts, the fridge slams as his steps grow louder.
"Name a few for me, Lover Boy." You scoffed still bent at the waist, setting everything up at the entertainment center. Round shape of your ass in those acid wash jeans begging to be released. The sight made Steve’s own tighter around his crotch.
"I don't think you want to know mine," he says breathlessly, voice a bit deeper. You stood up and turned to where he stood, his back up against the archway that separated the two rooms. The tape started playing in the middle of the stars going at each other, extremely loud feminine moans rang from the Television. It broke you from the stare down, rushing to turn it down. He came up behind you on the rug, turning everything off altogether. After a pause of shock, you rolled over laughing against the entertainment center, covering your red face with your hands. Steve huffed sitting back on his calves, laughing at it as well. Eyes drifting to the swell of your chest as the laughing made it rise a fall. Dragging the hands down your face, leaning against the shelves. You clocked his stare immediately, his pupils are blown wide, lips slick as if he just wet them. Polo tight across his shoulders but untucked showing off a flash of his soft tummy. You swallowed hard catching your breath.
“Steve?” You reach out to him, his arms grip back at your elbows pulling you up on your knees towards his knees. “I wanna know, I want to know.” His nose pressed to your cheek, lip grazing over yours as he spoke.
“I can show you.” His voice broke, husky and deep exhale along your skin. Your resolve faltered lips fitting like a puzzle against his. You pulled far enough away to split for air, only Steve followed pressing you closer together. Hand resting along your neck, holding you to him.
"What's wrong?" You looked at him worried a line creasing your forehead he reached out to soothe.
"Nothing, you're just so...beautiful." He let his eyes wander, admiring that you’d even gave him the time of day.
“I want you. I want you to show me.”
“Okay.” Connecting again fireworks exploded behind your eyes. He pulled your top lip between his, you returned by licking the slope of his bottom lip from an open mouth kiss. Steve groaned, allowing you in. He tasted of the grapes from moments ago and spearmint of the gum he chewed to stop smoking, it was sickly sweet. My hand from his thigh came up to brush away the free fallen hair from getting in our way, the strands of hair were so soft, surprising, no matter how many times you’d wished to touch them. Pushing your chest against his, raising up on your knees deepening the kiss. He sunk down to a seated position, crossing his legs and leaning his head back to a lower level. It gave more access, he kept his hands in nice places like; nape of your neck, tangled hair, cheeks, small of the back and waist. You nipped his bottom lip, pulling gently then watched it fall back in place. He gripped one of your thighs, sending shocks of anticipation up your core. He kneaded, silently wanting for sometime. Everything was too good to break away and use words. You just obediently moved one leg at a time to sit on his lap. Using his shoulders to steady, lowering onto his lap. He whimpered in anticipation in you mouth, your heat grazed the zipper of his jeans. At the friction you gasped, lips swollen and lungs out of air, as you pressed foreheads together. Eyes opening to see him staring with hopefulness, eyes wide open. You teased lightly trailing lips over his. Waiting for a reaction, but he stayed firm. Hands on the ground by his sides holding you upright. Breathing as one for a moment before he spoke,
"I've thought about this moment for a very long time," He said only for the two of you, your fingers rubbed the five o’clock shadow of his jaw in your waiting hands "I want to, so terribly. I don't know where to go from here..."
He smiled a dorky smile into your skin, keening at the contact of you against him.
"Then stop talking and kiss me again." He obeyed, trailing his lips down to your jaw, throat and to your collar, moving the fabric slightly he started softly sucking and rolling his tongue over the area. Your hands desperately clung to the back of his head, he moved closer to the pot of your collarbones and throat leaving wet kisses. He stopped his mouth looking up, with those caramel eyes so full of devotion. Mind going fuzzy, seeing the way he not only looked but saw into you. The way he always has. "Don’t stare at me like that,"
"Like what?" He let the collar of the shirt scrunch back in place the movement made you squeeze your thighs around his middle, eyes rolling back in his skull.
"Like you want to kiss me or something." His hands both came up to brush his thumbs along your ribs, fronts pressed against each other.
"I will never stop looking at you like that, no matter what happens.” He smiled, “I gave you my heart long ago." You kissed him more primal this time, needing to taste him and etch the feeling of him into your mind. He was moaning into the embrace, he still barely touched as you tugged at his shirt below, when he broke contact to pull it over his head you stopped the kiss to admire his chest.
"Steve..." You wheezed through bloated lips. "Touch me, it's okay. You can't hurt me" He kissed back hard, slipping his hands underneath your tight work shirt, his hands cold against the hot skin covering your spine. Breaking free from his lips pressing kisses on his face, down his throat cooing into him when he unclasped your bra with one hand in a single fluid motion. Running his hands over your bare back, unknowingly while you rotated your hips in small circles against his wanting more. Craving the contact and friction of him against you. He daintily ran his hands down your body hesitantly gripping the plush of your ass adding more pressure to the growing friction. His zipper felt so good against your own, letting go of your lips on his neck throwing your head back. As the feeling of his hard-on pressed up against your clit. Putting both hands on the floor behind you while he moved your hips against each other in sync, panting and grinding seeking release. Steve's abdomen flexed as he twitched under you, he was cumming loudly moaning your name from his pink lips. It sounded like a song when he said it, his release came fast, his chest heaving heavily as he pulled your body back against him. Hugging each other till lips grazed, as he came down from his high. You tried to suppress the giggle as his hands traced shapes along the small of your back.
"What are you so giddy about? You just made me cream my pants like a middle schooler." You shook your head tracing at the mark I left on his shoulder,
"Well since we're already past the point of no return. I didn't think you would be so loud." you pulled back lip bitten between teeth,
"Maybe if you weren't mauling me like a hungry lion, I could've stayed quiet." He tucks his head under your chin,
"I told you, I’m a lion girl not a ninja.” He laughed across your throat warming you as he kissed the flesh again. “Maybe I should pounce effectively, so I can really hear you scream my name." Steve stopped abruptly to meet your eyes, pupils blown wide, you felt immediately self-conscious blabbering out an apology before he could turn you down. "I’m so sorry, was that too much?"
"No...” He purred, this close you could tell the scent of him was distinctly cedar. “I've actually never been more turned on." He pushed his lips to mine, rolling our tongues against each other, knowing exactly what you liked. He tightened his grip on on the fat of your hips and making you moan into him, pulling away his lips, forehead glistening, his eyes full of lust. He trailed his fingers up to help the offensive fabric of your shirt off, the bra slowly falling the rest of the way off your shoulders. His length twitched against the inside of your thigh again, he was entranced by the image. Still as a statue until guiding his lips down to the spot on you chest that made the world melt. He kissed everywhere, you kept each hand in his hair scratching at his scalp pleasantly. Leaning forward he placed your back against the carpet, hovering on top of but keeping himself slotted between your legs. Involuntarily moaning when he licked at erect nipple, he mirrored the same to the other one. His dick throbbed against the stain of cum, straining against the fabric. Kissing each while he unzipped the high waist of your jeans. You bucked your hips and helped him pull them down, he took them off your trapped ankles, restarting his descent to kiss down the length of your body again. Wet open mouth kisses making shooting sparks through your body at the intimate contact, grabbing his hand on the ground.
“You are even more beautiful than my dreams ever allowed. Everything, you are everything.” His eyes silently asking for permission. As he slid a hand under the fabric of the green panties. You gasped loudly at the unbridled new contact of his palm, lowering to gather the dampness, trailing it up to your clit. He circled twice as his other fingers began to slowly plunge inside. You keened, calves dug into the bare flesh around his waist, “You're so wet for me,” sighing, hands finding purchase on his biceps, he hissed as his face fell into your neck.
“Uhh… Harder.” You held his arms with such intensity, leaving crescent marks into the skin digging hard into his muscle. Turning you chin down to find his lips to kiss, and silencing moans together his thumb began to swirl faster, his middle and ring finger able to go a little deeper with the changing hand position. Not being able to control the heat coursing through, you squeezed his hips harder. He whimpered, pressing himself up against your thigh rutting the fabric against himself for some contact. “Your fingers feel so good…” Moving lower, spreading wider to move your hips against his fingers, they worked expertly to consume all your senses. He pushed in a little further and harder, forcing you to look at what he was doing so wonderfully between your legs. Moaning obscene words, as your back arched further his fingers scissoring to stretch your walls. Clenching around his fingers that disappeared inside. “Holy shit- don’t stop.” Your hands fell to the floor grabbing the shag of the rug underneath, as muscles tensed unlike anything you’ve felt before. You came hard without warning, the orgasm spread through you, completely overwhelming, your legs shook out your high as he kept going, pressure building through your bladder before you felt a light gush.
"Fuck" He whispered in you ear, you could feel the shit eating grin off of his body language.
"I haven’t done that before," you tell him.
"Yeah me either, ya know to a girl… I do that every time," he said into your neck, your cheeks instantly flushed. Laughing at his dorkiness, he moved your panties back in place. His fingers parted his lips, licking them clean of your arousal. You felt him throbbing against your thigh as you lightly pushed off the ground. Taking Steve's hand, you pushing him back to climb on the Lazy Boy you'd recently bought.
“What are you thinking, Sweets?” his voice was dark, he moved up the chair and sat. Spreading his legs for you, like the good boy he’d been.
“I just want to clean up my seat, Lover Boy.” You knelt down unbuckling his jeans, pulling them down and his ruined underwear. Letting him finally be free from the confines of the fabric, his cock flung back up pre leaving a pearlescent trail on the course hair of his happy trail. Steve was massive, how he’d fit into those jeans daily made your head spin. You would make him fit, even if his cock impaled your insides.
“You don’t have to, no one’s been able to take all of me before.” He took your wanderlust as fear, and shit now you had to prove him wrong too. Your nails ran up his thighs as you collected some spit in the front of your mouth. Letting it drip onto the head, nails gripping his thigh to hold him in place you took the other hand and ran it across his length. Hitting the large vein along his shaft with your thumb, he pushed his head back against the plush chair. Fighting to buck up into you with everything in his body and mind not to blow his load again or buck up into you. He was breathing extremely heavily now, you gently kissed his red tip and watched as his fingers dug into the armrests. He held his breath a bit before you squeezed his thigh, then he exhaled. You then licked a long stripe down his shaft, you came back up to the tip flicking it with your tongue.
“Jesus, stop with the teasing Sweets,” You smiled like a siren, before holding him with a hand stroking up and down with your lips wrapped around the tip. He accidently to bucked his hips, you pressed his pelvis down taking in his full length.
“Holy shit!” Steve gasped. Hollowing your cheeks, you worked him to a pulp as your jaw went slack. His hands reached out to grab the hair that fell covering how you looked sucking him. Pulling it all to one hand, he didn’t need to guide your head, you were able to bob your head down him with a fair amount of ease with how wet you’d gotten his shaft. Tearing up and gaging if you went too slow, but it was well worth the noises coming from his beautiful lips. He watched in awe as you swallowed around him, eyes watery and spit slick chin, moving your second hand under his heavy sack you massaged them with each upstroke. HIs eye closed tightly as he twitched inside your mouth throwing his head back warning you. You took it all with a delightful swallow, helping him ride out the rest of his high with a hand. The only time he pulled his makeshift ponytail was when he could’ve cried from the stimulation. You relented with a pornographic pop, wiping your chin with the back of your hand and slowly stood going to straddle him, he playfully grabbed your body and pulled you to him on the lounge chair.
“That was way better than any other girl or me just watching porn.” you looked at him mouth agape, he was eye level with your bare chest.
“See, I knew you watched porn. A shit ton of it.” you slapped his chest.
“Yeah, but nothing compares to the real thing,” he began to kiss the marks he already started on your chest, in places only he’d only been allowed too. Your hands cupped his face for him to look at you. He smiled his beautiful heartfelt smile,
“Why didn’t we do this sooner?”
“I don’t know but Robin is the best wing women ever. She told me if I didn’t kiss you tonight I shouldn’t even bother showing my face at work tomorrow.”
“Wait, what is Robin doing?”
“She cancelled so we could in her words ‘either fuck away the tension out or kill each other’ .”
“Well she is definitely my favorite lesbian. That multi-lingual B is a genius. I would’ve let you do this even if you’d just. I don’t know asked me on a date.”
“Are you kidding?! You are so out of my league Steve, I’ve never been in your ballpark ever in my life.” He grimaces, thumb tracing idling along your hip bone.
“I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful, smart and caring girl. I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing, and I selfishly want you all to myself.” he whispers with affection you’d never heard from him before. Adam’s apple bobbing with his thick swallow of emotion.
“Then you have me.” he bit back a smile as his lip clashed with yours passionately kissing you, he faintly pulled your hair. You moaned at the action, spine tingling as you roamed your hands around his frame. Mapping out ever mole and divot along his heated skin. Trailing them back and forth on his chest like a sensual massage. He moved his hands to get a better angle on your hips, and began rowing them against himself. You both groaned at the friction, “Look who’s the tease now,” you pouted at him as a finger inched it way to your clit tracing tight consistent circles. Your nails tear at his shoulders with pleasure, making him shudder under you. ‘God how many rounds could you go with him’ “Please… uh. Tell me you're ready.” you push your head into his neck, his fingers had already fine-tuned your pleasure. He stopped, fingers yanking your scalp to crash your lips to his. He still rowing you against his length, until his lungs screamed for air.
“I’m always ready, how do you feel about this?” he stops his motions, you felt unfulfilled when the movement ceased. You brain finally grasping some clarity, Steve would stop everything here if you wanted him too. Helping you re-dress and seeing himself out. Never telling a soul if you’d asked, he’d be celibate if you’d ask. Buying you the finest ring until your wedding night then ravishing you in your honeymoon bed.
“This doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You’re perfect to me Steve.” he gave you a sinful smile, reaching his hand under your adjoined hips pushing you up onto your knees. While he finished working himself up, you waited as patiently as you could by marking his neck.
“God you're so wet for me, these panties are drenched after sucking me. We should’ve gotten rid of them, already.” His eyes were playful, and needy for more and all of you. He helped you stand, putting your hands on his shoulder to balance you as you took them off. Just the sight of you fully naked made his heart ache, he kissed your arm lips too far for his liking. Wanting even more contact, he grabbed your waist again leaning back into the chair. You kissed him lazy, you both were fucked out of your minds already. Now it was just comforting, you had all the time in the world. It was slow, sweet, his lips were so soft you still felt them all over your body. His hands roamed but craved to rest on your chest above your heart. You pressed your forehead against his, catching your breath. His hands on your hips, guided you gently down as you felt him at your entrance.
“Take your time, Sweets. I want us to enjoy this,” nipping at your forearm while sitting himself farther up the chair, feet still planted on the ground.
“You want me to top, you?”
“Is that a problem?”
“I haven’t done that… Before.” You told him shyly,
“Well, well. Looks like we're about to enter a new realm of pleasure for you…” Licking his lips, “just take me in your hand and guide yourself down at your own speed, Sweetheart.” His comforting words sent a tingle down your spine, you put your hands on the soft skin where his pelvis lies. He just observes your movements gripping your hips like a steering wheel, mouth awestruck as you lower yourself down onto him. His hands dig into you, as you let him fill your insides. Immediately he’s touching things you’ve never felt, it’s painful in the most remarkable way.
“Shit, babe. Oh my god. Didn’t-Didn’t think you’d take all of me on the first go.” he shifts pulling your chest so he can latch on to his dark purple mark there. It causes a rush inside you even just the slight motion making you want to explode.
“Feels so full, god your fucking humongous Steve.” You whined, high pitched and needy. The ach of his cock started to morph from a burn to a stretch faster than you thought as your arousal dripped down your thighs. In brief circles you moved your hips against him, keeping him completely sheathed inside. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, he moves his hands to your thighs squeezing hard making you grind faster. He comes up for air from you chest and lets out a gracious moan,
“Stevie, pull the handle.” you whimper at him,
“What?” he mutters breathlessly.
“Holy shit, just…” you're on the brink of another powerful orgasm, pussy gripping him like a vice ”pull the handle back, trust me.” he lets go of one of your thighs frantically looking for the handle on the side of the recliner. He finally finds it and pulls hard, sending his lower body up into yours and your upper body over his. You both moan in ecstasy, his hand going back to your thigh. Sitting back up, you place one hand on his lower abdomen and the other on his hairy thigh behind you. He continues to groan affirmations and your name at the changed position, sending you over a small cliff. Only adding to the larger knot in your stomach, running up your body.
“Keep going I want you to cum, cum around my fat cock.”
“Don’t stop, stay right there. I want it all.” You pant feeling him twitch inside you, moving your hips with his.
“God you're so wet, and you ride me so good Sweetheart.” he playfully smacks your ass, you change your position again to bring your lips to his. He moves your body up and down while kissing you, letting you dominate his mouth while he starts to push harder into you. Propelling himself up, while his hands push you down into him in an erratic give and take. This is what you’ve needed, this was perfect but not even the start for both of you. He continues to praise you through breaths of pleasure “I got you” , “I can make you feel so good, Sweetheart.”, he gets filthier and louder and you keep moving, riding each other to passionate oblivion. Your mind ventures to his lips all over you, yours on him, the coil in between you wraps him tightly inside you. Your body starts to shake from the high, you press your upper body against his chest the hair rubbing against your hardened nipples.
"Good girl, milk my cock. Feels so good, gunna cum. You gotta move Sweets."
“Want to feel you, feel you dripping out of me Steve.” He mewls, clinging to you.
“Shit. Beg me for it, tell me how bad you want me to cum inside you.”
“Oh Steve,” you open your eyes, pressing your forehead down to meet him, his open too. You clutch your walls around him harder as he tries to finish riding your orgasm, “Please.” You whimper. That’s all it takes he gasps and finally bursts in you. Lips soothing against yours for that other contact. You feel the hot liquid inside you, wringing him dry of everything that he could possibly have left.
Separating for air out of the kiss, feeling his hot breaths against your cheeks, he groans, swallowing hard at the sensitivity. You brush your hair off of your sweaty face, holding onto the back of his neck to see him better. His eyes gleamed with passion, you smiled back.
“My legs are jelly,” you laugh in his face,
“I’ll take that as an answer to my question then,” he smiles, lifting your hips up. He easily slips out of you, you groan in frustration at the emptiness between your legs. Hissing at the loss as well, his abs quiver against the softness of your soft tummy. He pushes the foot rest back, so he can sit upright in the chair. Capturing his lips in yours, leaning you back as he holds you manhandling your hips, rotating you forward to help you stand.
“I could kiss you forever.” He admits kissing your shoulders as you put your feet on the cold floor, pushing off of his knees. You wobble slightly,
“See,” you turned to face him again, pulling him up to stand together face to face. He stumbled a bit too, “completely fucked out of my mind.” He wraps his arms around your waist swaying you slightly in an embrace.
“You did so good, Sweetheart. We should get cleaned up.”
“I did good, how did you not run out of cum? Three rounds your insatiable.”
"Told you, I don't joke about my porn." He winks, kissing the corner of your mouth as he picks up your discarded clothes on the floor of the living room.
"No wonder you're idolized by 14 year old boys." You roll your eyes, picking up your panties. This time when you bend own he can see his spend dripping down your slit. He chuckles from behind you a free hand, coasting down your stomach to your heat. You gasp as his fingers collect his cum from your thighs, you spin in his hold to meet his eyes.
"Open." Steve commands, eyes clouding with lust as he watches you stick your tongue out for him. His fingers slide along your tongue covered in each other's spend. It's comforting, salty, and heady against your tongue. You moan around him, sucking the taste clean from his fingers. He fingers slip out tongue replacing them, as he tips your chin up to meet his lips deeper, tongue kneading yours as he memorizes you. Inside and out.
“You know,” You murmur into his mouth as his mouth strays from yours coasting to mouth down your jaw. “I have a camcorder somewhere in my closet.” He freezes lips parted and eyes wide.
“Yeah? You don’t want to finish the movie? I was just starting to enjoy it.” You pout your lips, while he picks up all of the clothes from various places you threw them.
“Yeah... We could or..?”
“If you wanted we could make are own video?” Steve doesn’t even dictate your question with a response only hoisting you over his shoulder and burying you in the mattress for the rest of the night.
This has probably already been mentioned but i am SO UNWELL /pos over the perfect parallels of the two balcony scenes this ep.
The first one is dim and cold. The apartment is dark, and the only little source of light they get is the distant city lights.
Kazuki and Rei are sat facing opposite of one another for basically the entire scene, with Kazuki looking back towards the house that doesn't really feel like home anymore, while Rei is looking away, looking forward.
Rei is the first to make a move towards their separation, saying that he's going to move back in with the boss after new years has passed. Kazuki doesn't fight it, just accepts it with a dismissive "Not like there's much reason for us to stay together now". (To my interpretation, I'd see that as Kazuki not seeing it as a point worth arguing anymore, since, with Miri out of the way, he doesn't see why Rei would have any reason to stay. This mentality likely ties into not only Kazuki's previous experiences with losing loved ones but also into the whole "people like us don't deserve happiness/we can't change" ideas that they've kind of fallen back into once now that Miri's gone)
The scene ends with them more or less going their separate ways, Rei being the first to leave while Kazuki lingers behind, pondering the so-called 'parting gift' he was handed (I have many thoughts about that damned lighter but none of them are coherent enough for this post)
In contrast, let's now look at the second balcony scene.
Once again, we are starting with Kazuki and Rei facing opposite directions, yet this time the positions are reversed. Kazuki is the one looking forward, at the distant city, while Rei is looking back towards the house.
The setting is also quite different; as opposed to the previous scene, which was dark and cold, this one is brightly lit in warm colors. Not only that, the light is coming from inside the house.
Following with the looking forward/looking back pattern, this time it's Kazuki who pushes for their separation. The difference? Rei fights against it. He opens up about how Miri has changed him, how being part of a proper family changes him. And that reaches Kazuki, to some degree.
(Kazuki doesn't really want to give Miri again either, really. He's still stuck with that mentality that they "don't deserve" to have Miri in their lives, and Misaki's death only served to really nail home how dangerous it was and still is to have her around given their livelihoods.)
For the first significant time, Rei and Kazuki are properly facing each other. Nothing and no one to separate them, an argument ended by a simple conclusion that is exactly what both of them needed to realize.
"We can change."
The scene ends with them leaving the balcony together, called back into the light of the house by Miri.
Man. I'm so normal about this show.
(Also, isn't it ironic how Kazuki was willing to put Miri through an orphanage/the system while having gone through that himself and acknowledging how much it fucked him up?)
Hi thereee, can I request a Wolfwood with a s/o who is touch-starved when they're about to sleep plz? 👀
Of course! Here's a short little thing <3
'And the name of the game's just the living'
Nicholas D. Wolfwood x Reader.
“Please.” You begged hands clasped together; you were making sure to do your best puppy dog look. Wolfwood was ignoring you, sitting by the window with a smoke in between his lips.
You need to use a better tactic it seemed, dropping your hands you join Wolfwoods side you don’t touch him you want to, but you have no idea what was okay and what wasn’t. It was easier when Wolfwood initiated contact, but he was mad at you.
It was justified anger, you knew that and you knew Wolfwood wasn’t really mad at you, but at the person who shot you. But you were fine it was just a graze; he was more upset that you ran out of cover to help him and got shot.
He bandaged you up in silence after he had yelled at you, and you had done some yelling back. But now you were tired and just wanted to sleep with him beside you. It had been a new thing, a bit of an accident really. Touch was something you were hardly given but craved and when Wolfwood held you that first night so many nights ago you were hooked.
A part of you said you were pathetic, that you survived this long without a cuddle buddy for sleep, but another part of you felt like you deserved good things, and comfort. You also knew Wolfwood enjoyed it too, he’d never admit he was too tough for that. But when he thought you had fallen asleep, he would pull you closer and run his hands through your hair, it nearly brought you to tears the touch too much but so wanted.
Hovering over Wolfwood you hear him sigh, he turns his gaze up and catches your own gaze. “I understand why you're upset, it was stupid. But that doesn’t mean I regret it.” You say it sternly to him, he stubs the cigarette out on the windowsill and then stands. You don't back down, he looks like he wants to fight, but then his shoulders drop and he rubs a hand over his face.
“I'm too tired for this shit.” you jump when he grabs your upper arm and drags you towards the bed, a thrill shoots through you when he pushes you onto said bed. You laugh as you move to lay under the covers, and he joins you. Rolling your eyes when he lays on top of the covers, but you won't complain you're getting what you want in the end.
Slowly hands still unsure you reach for him, curling into him as you rest your head on his chest. “I'm still mad.” he says it quietly bringing his arm around to wrap around you, “I know, but we're both here don't go down that dark place Nico” you lean into him more, as he doesn’t answer. Just wraps his arms tighter around you.
Sleep comes easier to you when you’re with Wolfwood, closing your eyes you let out a little sigh. You grin when Wolfwoods hands run through your hair, “You’re such a sap.” You whisper, “And you’re supposed to be sleeping, or should I leave.” You laugh holding onto him tighter, “No I promise I’ll go to sleep.” you tease.
The nights were truly your favorite thing, you would never know what the next day would bring either danger or something else, but you could find peace in the night in the comfort of his arms.
Blind Loyalty Pt 1 Ominis Gaunt x Reader
Whispers in The Halls
Summary: Its the first day back at Hogwarts and everyone is talking about the new student in Slytherin. Y/n and Ominis have their first encounter with the fifth year and it already causes some mistrust to stir up.
Word Count: 1352
Warnings: None yet. This is about Professor Black's niece and follows the HL timeline.
A/n: I think this is terrible so we'll see if it gets a second part. Also!! This is not proof read so if you see mistakes lmk. Thank you.
You sat in between Ominis and Imelda, Sebastian on her other side. You weren't quite sure why you were all still sat in the Great Hall. But when you looked up at the professors, Professor Black was strictly talking to Professor Weasley.
"What on earth are we still doing here?" Ominis complains.
"I haven't a clue. Black seems to be upset with Professor Weasley though." You say absentmindedly, trying to think of what could have enraged your uncle this much.
"Maybe he found a troll in the dungeons." Sebastian jests from across the table.
"Seriously? I have flying first thing in the morning. I need to polish my broom!" Imelda complained.
"Please Imelda. Everyone knows you're the best flyer at school." You say with the intent to get her to stop complaining.
Just as she was about to complain further all four of you whipped your heads to the entrance to the Great Hall.
Professor Black walks back toward the Sorting Hat with an older student trailing behind him. They seem disheveled and breathing hard, either from the nerves or the stairs you cant tell.
Ominis picks up on the chatter, "What? What is it?"
"Some new student, Min. But they look like our age. I hope they don't get sorted in our house. They look like trouble." You glance at Ominis, who nods but faces forward again. Something he does when he's trying to use his other sense better.
"Don't say that (Y/n). A new student could be a fun distraction from Anne." Sebastian says, not even looking at you and Ominis, who is also annoyed by his remark about his sick sister.
"Nobody can replace Anne." Ominis says, venom dripping in his tone.
"I'm not saying they will, I'm saying maybe it'd be good for us to find trouble elsewhere." Sebastian defends.
"Can you three put a sock in it? I'm trying to hear!" Imelda interrupts before you could give your input on the whole situation.
"Oh bloody hell!" You curse under your breath.
"Language!" Ominis smacks your sleeve and you give a surprised yelp.
"Awe look at that the two lovebirds are fighting like their already married."
This comment elicited a glare from both you and Ominis. Both of you being from two vary powerful pureblood families and in the same house, its no surprise you ended up as friends. Your uncle, Phineas Black was headmaster at Hogwarts. As for Ominis, well his father was a direct descendant of Slytherin, weather Ominis wanted to accept that or not.
Ominis and you met first year. He was there for you when your mother went off the rails after your father died and married a muggle. After that you started to live with your uncle and his wife and their three sons. You and Sebastian were around for the falling out Ominis had with his parents. The three of you were always there for each other. This time though, with Sebastian going through his own family crisis, he doesn't seem to be even acknowledging that this is the first year ever that the group is a member short.
You seethed at him, "We're not together."
After Professor Black announce no Quidditch this year, you knew that the walk back to the common room would be filled with grumbling from both Sebastian and Imelda.
"He dared to cancel Quidditch this year? What am I going to do!" Imelda started, the second you four left the Great Hall.
"Maybe you can race people. That way I can still watch people fall off their brooms!" Sebastian suggest.
Both you and Ominis took slow steps away from them.
"I cant believe that new kid was sorted with us. I don't know how to explain it Ominis but I have a bad feeling about them."
"Oh please (Y/n). You mustn't be so pessimistic. I'm sure their a great person."
"You see the irony in you calling me a pessimist right?" You giggle.
He rolls his eyes, thinking of something snarky to say but you quickly grab his shoulder to stop him.
"I'm tired Ominis. Good night. Make sure Seb doesn't get expelled on the first day."
"This is far from over Black!" He shouts as you descend the stairs to your dorm.
In the morning you sit on the floor next to Ominis, who leans against the wall next to the windows under the Black Lake. He has been teasing the first years all morning.
"If you look hard enough you can see a mermaid in the Black Lake." He told two siblings, who were particularly drawn to the window this morning.
"Ominis-" You start to scold him but the new fifth year interrupts you.
Ominis stands to address the new student, but you simply shift further into the wall, wanting nothing to do with this conversation.
"Ah based on all the chatter going around the common room, I'm guessing you must be the new fifth year. I'm Ominis. Ominis Gaunt. And this little ray of Sunshine is (Y/n) Black." Ominis points to you on the floor and you scoff so he can hear your displeasure.
"Nice to meet you Ominis." They greet.
"Well you certainly had a memorable arrival." He teased.
The rumors about the dragon attack speak like wild fire in the 12 hours before this conversation. You were the one to have told Ominis, since you actually bunk with the new fifth year.
"Well if I'm going to make my mark here, I had to start right away." They brag. You just roll your eyes.
Ominis gives a surprised laugh, "You are defiantly in the right house. Do let me know if there is anything I can do to help you navigate your first days here, though I doubt you'll have any trouble."
"Did you expect to be put into Slytherin?" They question.
"What is this? An interview of anyone whos remotely famous around here?" You mutter under your breath. Just loud enough for him to hear you.
Ominis gives a nervous laugh, trying to be more polite then you, "Of course. My family on my fathers side are direct descendants of Salthazar Slytherin himself. Not something I am especially proud of mind you. " He pauses, and turns his head towards you. "As for (Y/n), well they too have a lasting relationship with the house. But both of our families are obsessed with blood status so it's a topic we both try to avoid."
The student looks at you on the floor. You continue to wear a blank expression and look from the window to Ominis then back out the window, bored.
"Yes well urm- did that boy say he heard a mermaid?" They point out the window.
"Oh yes. But I've never heard of a mermaid showing up outside our common room window."
The two first years grumble in disappointment before heading off to their first class.
"Him and Seb like to tease the first years." You butt in, earning you a foot to your knee for interrupting him.
"It is fun to play along though. Know to keep some first years on the look out for hours."
"Thank you Ominis. it was night to meet the pair of you." The fifth year walk off to Sebastian.
Ominis leans back against the wall. "Okay I see what you mean."
"Yeah." You scoff. "They practically jumped at the opportunity to ask you about your house. Why did you have to tell them about out lineage? We both agreed not to bring it up unless we have to."
"I wanted them to know that we have connections, in case they start to get the wrong idea."
You stand up from your spot, facing him head on, even if he is nearly a foot taller then you now, "And if your new best friend starts asking about the Chamber or the locket?"
"They won't." Ominis says confidently.
"And if Sebastian tells them?" You gauge his reaction. The shock at the idea of it being Sebastian who tells people about what Ominis might know about Hogwarts shows on his now paler face.
"I- he wouldn't. He has been my best friend longer than you have. He would not go behind my back like that." He shutters at the idea.
"If you say so Min. I'm going to breaky. You do what you must." And with that you walk away to go meet Poppy and Natty in the Great Hall.
succession s4 e1 recap: bridget random-fuck and the logan roy selfie fiasco
happy return of succession, everyone! and with that, my completely unhinged and ridiculously time consuming recaps. i was honestly not sure i wanted to go down this rabbit hole for another season, but given that it is our last, i think i'll have to.
my coping mechanism currently is complete and utter denial. let's see how long that lasts.
we start off the episode at the most depressing birthday party there ever was. did you think the season one birthday party was bad? at least there was baseball and logan nearly dying. in season four it's all greg calling himself an honorary kid and fingering a girl called bridget in the guest room.
something tells me logan is regretting teaming up with tom and greg right about now.
in california, the siblings are pitching investors on a new media venture. as per usual, there's a lot of bullshitting involved and i can't tell if kendall is high or not during all of it, but it's nice to see the sibs be a team - at least for now.
back in new york, kerry is not happy with greg bringing bridget random-fuck to logan's party. couldn't agree more.
as for shiv, she is totally fine with the idea of tom getting a drink with naomi pierce.
this is definitely the face of someone who is fine:
if this was any other show, i'd launch the theory that shiv is pregnant right here. but this is succession, so that seems unlikely.
also, maybe i'm just projecting, knowing that snooks is pregnant.
either way, we've got a fantastic shiv episode on our hands. can't wait for sarah to win all the awards.
connor is polling at one percent, but is getting squeezed. as willa says, it's all super greedy, since his opponents already have all the other percents.
frankly rude to do my guy con and the conheads dirty this way. what would an election be without an unhinged billionaire, i mean, i can't remember. it's the american way.
anyway, this is the look of someone who has just been reassured he will still be part of the business, even if he gets a divorce:
bridget random-fuck keeps causing problems. first, she posts about a pierce family member being at the birthday party on social media, then she asks logan for a selfie saying, and i kid you not, kar-ching.
all the unhinged gerri kellman lesbians immediately notice her in the background, judging.
bridget is like an unhinged version of greg in the first episode of season one. good for her.
meanwhile the birthday boy is having a great time without his kids. nothing screams birthday like contemplating your own mortality.
i've also seen some posts that are like "wow so much has happened in ONE year", indicating that this is logan's 81st birthday, but i'm not sure. they don't mention his age specifically, so i think we can just live with the ambiguity of whatever timeline we are comfortable with.
i personally think it's been a few years at least. if not, shiv and tom's marriage would have lasted what, six, seven months? rude.
after shiv's phone call with tom, the kids start realizing that logan is planning to buy PGM (again), and they immediately back out of the business venture they have been planning for the last few months.
and the award for most delusional goes to kendall for this comment:
roman is the only one that's not into buying up a dying media conglomerate because he is a girlboss. he's really the only one who wants to build up a new company from scratch and i'm so proud of him.
what a journey we roman fans have been on. truly.
logan takes his best pal, colin, on a date, and we realize, once again, that logan respects the people who work for him more than he ever will his children, because his children have been given everything all their lives.
logan does a whole "is there anything after death" shakespearean monologue and the odds that he will die by the end of this season are forever in our favor. this pleases me:)
connor wants to use his wedding as a political stunt, which makes me think the timeline of this season will be super short. will all the episodes take place during the ten days leading up to the election?
seems strange, given that they travel to norway, but it's an interesting thought.
greg has sex in the guest room and logan has CCTV. or at least tom wants greg to believe he does. anyway, i don't really want to get into it. poor bridget.
gerri, it seems, is still out in the cold after the dickpick ordeal. truly destabilizing to see our queen on shaky ground, but also good for her that she gives less of a fuck, leaving karl to look like this:
perfection. he is and will always be a true foodie.
anyway, logan doesn't take the news that his kids also want to buy pierce well.
on the west coast (in napa?), nan is truly weaponizing her liberal image and the whole "i'm just an old lady who doesn't understand capitalism"-vibe.
it's a sight to be seen.
roman, of course, sees right through her.
but it doesn't really matter, because the roy kids are too occupied with waging war on their father to notice they are getting played.
and to think i'm lowkey rooting for this idiots...
greg doesn't want to see what happens in guantanamo and leaves dealing with random-fuck to colin, the one true hero of this show.
gerri is straight up not having a good time.
we need to save her.
the kids offer up 10 bill for PGM. it feels extremely rushed and stupid and driven by revenge, but i'm glad to know roman knows how many zeros there are in a billion.
someone get him to new york asap so he can show gerri.
the kids win the bid and logan is not happy:
this is the look of a girl who needed a win. bless her heart.
because eventually, shiv goes back to new york and has to face tom, the traitor, disguisting boy from st. paul who wants her to talk....
... and if you know anything about being emotionally repressed, you'd know that is absolutely not an option.
so they lie there for a bit and hold hands and all of a sudden i realize that this stupid show has done it again. they made me care about a bunch of terrible, rich people. AGAIN.
i hate you, jesse armstrong, i really do.
during the last scene, we get one of the best lines of the episode:
logan is at home, alone, watching ATN and calling cyd to complain. i honestly can't tolerate cyd slander. that being said, i do hope we get a war of the networks between ATN and PGM moving forward.
if you stayed with me for this entire recap, congrats. you're just as demented as i am.
for next weeks episode, i need more gerri. i bet you are all surprised to hear that.