#don't mind me just letting my freak flag fly

[valaruakars]

Hi darling, i love you idea so much to celebrate our boy, so here are my numbers 2, 3, 6, 10, 15, 16, 54, 55, 57, 87, 112, 127 Please give me the most Dominant and jealous Viktor ever uwu

Most dominant and jealous Viktor ever, huh? That would be the Machine Herald, then. Picked a few of these lines that fit the best. Double the word count because last one, best one 💖

Also I hear you asking, "What the everloving fuck do you mean by too many teeth?" This, my friends. This.

Tags/Warnings: 18+, MH!Viktor x AFAB Fem!Reader, exhibitionism, public sex, jealousy, possessive behavior, groping, gloved fingering, orgasm denial, Reader has an augmented arm

You hate the Chem-Barons.

Viktor hates the Chem-Barons.

But the Machine Herald? He tolerates them. Meets with them and their lackeys, even. Has to, because the success rate of his augmentations is exponentially higher when Shimmer is involved. He needs the medical grade variety, not what’s bought off the streets where it’s cut with impurities and improperly handled. He needs it from the source, and negotiates accordingly.

It’s none of your business. Typically, you don’t go. But as his notoriety has grown—the metal man on Emberflit Alley that can take away your suffering—safety has become precarious. Just yours. You’re nobody special; just a token from another life, and you don’t have a laser claw. All you have is your wits, your loyalty and a newly fitted arm that doesn’t do anything exciting, but at least you’re alive.

Now he takes you everywhere.

Him and his too many teeth, you can feel his sneer behind the mask when people look at you in the street; when they shape their lips to whistle, but think better of it. Has something to do with a metal whirr behind you that you can hear but not see with your gaze fixed forward, head held high.

He’s different now, this man with your long lost lover’s voice, but the jealousy stayed and he remembers what it felt like to love you. It’s made him possessive.

And, well…

You kind of like it.

It’s kind of fun, even, to see what he’ll do when one of the cronies escorting you in gives you the wrong kind of attention. The kind where their eyes linger in all the wrong places, and their hand trails down your arm when they think Viktor isn’t looking. He is, always. The mask just makes it hard to tell.

Hard to kiss you, too. But in the short time you’re waiting at the long, empty table, sat in his lap without a chair of your own, he lifts it enough to shove his strange tongue into your mouth. As you whimper and try to keep pace, he watches your face, your reactions. You can tell by the yellow light that brightens the darkness behind your closed eyes.

He snaps it down, shuts you out abruptly when a door clicks open and people start to file in—some with old augmentations, some with Viktor’s new ones. You know his work on sight.

He’s not done with you, though.

Low, dark synth in your ear says, “I don’t like people touching what’s mine,” and delight twists into your gut like the shrapnel that nearly missed your liver.

Your permission is a whispered, “Please,” spoken with kiss bitten lips, slick and puffy. The kind of please that says use me; do whatever you want.

Only part way through the meeting does he strike—a vigilance for lecherous eyes that are not his own. You can feel it too, the weight of being watched by someone at the table. The one who licks their split, sickly lips when your eyes pass over them, surely.

The hand that had a vice tight grip on your waist eases, and slips beneath the hem of your shirt. He’s not subtle like he used to be, but who would stop a soulless, metal monolith from doing what he pleases where it concerns his little fucktoy? Who would raise a word against him for reaching up to cup the warm swell of your breast, or acknowledge the apathy with which he claims what’s his?

They’re cowards, the lot of them.

Except for maybe Renata, who is terrifying and paying you no mind.

There’s a violent shift in the atmosphere. Literally. Someone draws a knife and shouting breaks out across the table, but his modulated voice is all you hear.

“Only I get to touch you like this,” he murmurs, tugging down the edge of your bra inside your shirt. He thumbs over your nipple, rolls it harshly between the cold, finely ridged metal of his mechanized hand. Only he can hear your breathing stutter, or feel the way you go ridgid to choke down a whine.

Your composure holds, though—spine straight, eyes fixed out the windows. Indifferent.

Perhaps that’s why he drops his hand out, and slips the other up your skirt instead.

Your eyes flare with a sick, thrilled terror as you clutch the hem down over his hand. He wouldn’t like if anyone truly saw you—your bare, soaked cunt—when he wrenches your panties aside. That’s just for him.

Discreetly, you open your legs just enough for the press of his fingers. It’s his human hand this time, warm through the leather glove with which he hides it. Two grainy fingers slip through your pussy and roughly push inside until his palm sits flush.

It takes everything you have not to make a sound, stretched so suddenly, sweet and burning. Is it mercy or torture that he doesn’t move? Just fills you nice and full so that anyone who looks too closely will see who you belong to. One or two must’ve caught on; they pointedly look the other way.

Viktor catches your quick scan of the room; flexes his fingers to draw your attention back. Whispers in a way that has always, always wrecked you, “Would they touch you the way I touch you? Fuck you the way I fuck you?”

Never.

You shake your stupid, besotted head.

“Mm, no, I didn’t think so,” he all but laughs, wicked thing. Not as soulless as he or anyone else wants to believe.

Perhaps a little heartless, though, the way he plays absently with your clit. Sweeps and rolls with his wet leather thumb until you’re trembling and your lungs are burning—suffocating on all those little noises held back. He has you clenching around him so quickly, clawing uselessly at the metal plates of his shoulder. And the closer you get, the less you care for subtly or dignity or proper conduct of any sort. You only want release. You’ll hide your face against his armored neck, gasping quietly as you can to hide what is obviously happening, if it means you can have it.

There’s just one little problem.

Right on the cusp, and you’re suddenly empty. Instead, his hand comes to rest heavy on your bare thigh, glove glistening. Your slick is like fine, gossamer webbing between his fingers. Only then do you realize the gravity of the situation—that he’s not finished, and you aren’t going to, because he grips you hard and murmurs:

“Only I get to see you come.”

[m3r1m4r5u333]

I feel like many people misunderstand us, the unhinged, insufferable people with OTPs so. Here's a quick guide into the mind of an rabid buddie shipper.

I'm not clinging to buddie because I fail to see how awesome Buck's bi growth is. I AM BI!!! You think I don't get how awesome this bi character, this story arc, this bi representation is? Get out. Don't tell me, a bisexual how I should watch and experience a bisexual character. I drive my own brain, thanks.

And I know that it's possible to multi-ship. You don't need to tell me that!!

People need to understand that multi-shipping isn't some grand, epic personality trait that always comes with maturity, that the people who don't multiship are just wee dumb babies.

I may sound like I'm 14. I am not. I am very much not. I'm OLD. So old. And guess what that means? I know myself!!! That's maturity, too. And who I am... Is someone who falls hard, and obsessively.

I know I am just not built to be a multi-shipper. I have tried, sometimes. I have tried so hard. And realised, that's just not me. Multi-shipping is never as fun, and interesting or rewarding to me as focusing on my One True Pair. It just makes me feel suffocated, to attempt to like something I don't really find much joy in.

That doesn't mean that I hate the actors or characters who are "getting in the way" of my ship. Nope. I actually often adore the characters and actors, and the writing. I can also see and appreciate what some other character means for my OTP's growth.

Like in this case... Lou, playing Tommy? Not only do I love his acting choices (so funny, so skilled) but he also, he sounds like a lovely guy. I'm a fan!! Also, damn he's fine, I need a bucket for my drool.

And Tommy, the character...? I think the character is interesting - and don't get me started on "problematic", the shaming is futile. I am all in for fucked up, problematic characters. If you don't get why, you should really read some literary classics. Fucked up, problematic characters are art, they make you think, they broaden world-views. My best educators have been the monsters, and I will take this stand to my grave.

Demand for "unproblematic" is demand for censure, and censure is just another form of oppression. Want characters without flaws? Go watch Teletubbies. Ffs, even moomins have flaws. (Of course they do, Tove Jansson was a freaking amazing writer.)

Anyway. The point here is.

I am a mono-shipper. And I love slowburns, I love the romance of them, I get attached to ships. And I'm queer.

But where are the queer slowburns? I have been waiting for a slow-burn queer romance for so long. I CRAVE IT. Getting that, truly, would be queer history, a revolution.

And I see the potential for it in buddie!! The spark, the history, the journey. It has the potential to be the greatest queer slow-burn I've ever experienced.

You think I'd just abandon a ship like that, a slowburn like that, for some fast food, cooked up in what... Two episodes? Pffft. I invest. I am waiting for my roast to cook.

So yeah. I'm not going anywhere. I will watch, and let my freak flag fly, and I will have the time of my life. If buddie never becomes canon? Well so what. I can deal. It's not my first rodeo. Disappointment isn't actually deathly, you know. Trying to avoid disappointment kills hope, and enthusiasm. So yeah, I refuse to manage my expectations. I'm all in, and enjoying this mad ride.

"Well, I'd still take you."

"You think so?"

"I KNOW."

[ghnosis]

*rips bong* (this is my bong in case you're curious)

so some of you have asked me, over the course of the 80-someodd interviews I have so far conducted, why I am doing my PhD on Ghost.

tonight a participant asked me in a manner that sort of finally clicked for me - because I assume all of you live inside my head with me and know why I do everything.

Rose, why are you doing your PhD on Ghost fandom?

when I was 12, American Idiot by Green Day came out. I lost my mind immediately. Green Day were my first hyperfixation. I promise if you ask about "Green Day Girl" to people I went to high school with, they would remember me. not only did Green Day teach me about the Iraq War, and American progressive politics in general, they also taught me, a bullied and weird child, what it meant not to give a shit. someone thinks I'm wrong/bad/inferior? cool! I don't fucking care. "now everybody do the propaganda," etc.

if I kept talking about everything I learned from Green Day, we'd be here all night. but. Green Day *also* taught me that music didn't have to sound like pop, or like country. that music could be written because someone felt something. that music could be used to express rage, a thing I felt in spades.

so from Green Day, my door is blown wide the fuck open and I get to learn about Dead Kennedys, about David Bowie, about Nirvana.

the other thing I know I love, back then in 2004, is learning. and teaching.

fast forward 15ish years, give or take (or pack me a second bowl and I'll tell you the middle), and I'm looking, halfheartedly and in a bummed-out manner, for a PhD program. I have my master's, I didn't like the experience, but I want that Dr. I've been presenting at conferences and doing some piddly academic writing on video games and the use of games in education, and I'm on a listserv for other people writing about games. I get an email from someone at Falmouth University about a PhD program there in "Dark Economies." who's listed on the email? none other than Tanya Fucking Krzywinska, my number one academic girl crush (in my subject area. my actual number one is a historian)!!!!!!

so I read this email and it's talking about the intersection of the occult, video games, and heavy metal. as I said, I've been writing about video games. one of the things I'd been writing about was a certain thing that happened in that industry ooooh, 14 years ago now. something in my brain slots into place.

the occult: I know what that is. occult rock, certainly. I maybe could squeeze in some punk or pop punk. the goffik. we got some MCR.

heavy metal. well, I'm a punk girl through and through, but I used to date that guy in the metal band and have seen Slayer et al multiple times live. sure. I can occupy that world. wait a minute. Ghost.

video games. the thing I'd been writing about, specifically the mistreatment of anyone who wasn't a cis guy. you know what that sounds a lot like? sounds a lot like going to metal shows with my ex. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE. GHOST??? on TUNGLE DOT HELL???

so I log my ass back on to this website and I look at you, at all of you beautiful people I'd been reblogging ass wobbling gifs with for years, and I said "oh my god. are they me? is whatever is going on in there just a bunch of me's, except it's Ghost not Green Day?

are all of you finding the most beautiful thing there is to find, namely, empowerment and freedom, in the goofy Satan band music band? was it the heaviest thing you had heretofore encountered? did it crack open a yawning chasm in your soul? were you hurting in ways you didn't know how to articulate? are you learning what it means to take up space, to demand rights for yourself and for others, to truly let your fucking freak flags fly? are you feeling the stirring in your heart that only comes from religion (read: witchcraft) or from seeing the most important band in the fucking world live, in the flesh, singing TO YOU, sweating FOR YOU? if you are, I think we are fucking important and vital. I think that we can tell our stories and make a bunch of other weird little girls realise that they, too, have rights - including to transition.

cos immediately in doing this research I found out - you're also NOT me, in some really important and specific ways. maybe being AFAB in the US isn't part of it. maybe it's bigger than that. and I feel so lucky, so truly fucking blessed and lucky, to have gotten to speak to over eighty of you beautiful people, to have been trusted with your stories. to learn what makes YOU ache in your soul and how it is different to but also the same as mine. I have to stop now I'm gonna cry!!!!

[lokisgoodgirl]

hiiiii do you have any tips for someone who is just starting to post fics?? I'm an author but haven't posted ff in literal years and never on Tumblr, so I want to make sure I don't step on any toes or break some kind of fic etiquette first!!! <3 tia

Hey sweet!😍 How exciting that you're dipping your toe in the tumblrsphere!!!

Since you're a seasoned writer, here are some tips about other things:

No.1 Piece of Advice - Talk to people!!!!!! Be nice!!!! Let your freak flag fly!!! You sent me an ask apologising for being all over my posts ATM...DON'T!!! That is literally the best thing you could do. It's how you get to know other users, how you recognise each other, how you build little in jokes and suss out your people. Please please involve yourself in your fandom. Fics, silly things. Exposing yourself (careful...) and getting to know writers is honestly the best thing. Results will vary depending on other users you approach, but it's the best way to feel like you're not posting into a void. And reblog things you read, or that make you laugh! Especially if you're a writer, and you read fics... do unto others as you would have done unto you or naff off with the right to complain when people don't share yours, is my view (not you personally, just in general) (If you weren't aware, on Tumblr, reblogs are the best way to show appreciation/ share work - but comments are also great.) The read more button. You need to insert this on your fics (it's what causes the 'read more' line to appear at a certain point you choose.) A couple of paragraphs/lines/whatever in, press enter and this button will appear on the bar

It's the black squiggly one at the far right. This means that your post won't be 3 miles long and is more shareable - and also it means anyone who shares it won't have a huge long post on their dash :)

Tags/Warnings As well as your fandom # tags a lot of people add warnings at the top of the fics (for things ranging from smut, to various kinks, to anything triggering) Approaches to this vary, no ones perfect - but especially where things are obviously sensitive topics, include these to avoid upsetting people.

Headcanon Etiquette If someone's thought/headcanon they've posted inspires you, and it's very specific and inspires an idea - drop them a message to ask if they mind you writing something about it and credit them in the post because I've seen some absolute audacity in my time and it's never ok. I'm in no way saying you'd do this, but it's my biggest pet peeve. Just be respectful of other people's imaginations, basically. It's literally all we have here 🤣

Feel free to pop me a message if you think there's anything I can help with and I'll do my best 💖

[acorpsecalledcorva]

There is one aspect of being a system that matched being trans for me, to a T (ha..ha..)

And that's realising that no one could stop me from being them. I don't need someone to let me, or tell me I'm allowed to be this way. I could just..be. I could accept what I am and do the things that I wanted or needed to do with that

Like a cat whose brought into a new home, cowering in the safety of the cage I've been placed inside, slowly sniffing at the open bars, dipping my toe beans onto the carpet to make sure the floor isn't covered in cucumbers, and accepting that the only thing keeping me inside my cage is me.

And to my poor traumatised mind this was still terrifying, because any moment now I'm gonna get caught and hit with a broom or sprayed in the face with water for ever daring to think I have agency. It would be my fault if I did, I know the rules

1) Only be what others expect you to be

2) Shut the fuck up and never complain

3) jhffyjbdsghitfbjiesvswtikvfehhddbye (this rule will never be explained to you but you WILL be punished harshly for breaking it. See rule 2)

When I realised that I could just take HRT if I wanted to, on my terms, and be in full control of my dosing and regimen. I could change my name and dress how I want and use whatever pronouns I want.

When I realised that I could actually listen to the voices in my head, get to know the parts of myself I'd kept hidden and let them come forward to experience the world. I could go by more than one name and use multiple pronouns.

Both of these felt like faking. Like I was doing it on purpose. And that's because not repressing required active effort, I had to make a decision to do this, and making decisions for myself wasn't allowed. Now the cats out of the cage though, good luck trying to shove it back inside.

Systemscringe and fakeclaimers and staunch anti-endos aren't mad that you exist, they're mad that you let yourself out of your cage, that you're visible, that you take up space for yourself. "A REAL system doesn't talk about their experiences publicly. A REAL system doesn't feel proud of who they are. A REAL system stays hidden and tries to blend in at all costs. A REAL system doesn't break Rule 3"

Fuck that noise. Stay safe. Stay vigilant. But let your freak flag fly my pretty kitties 😻

[oddballwriter]

Werewolf! Moon Boys NSFW Headcanons

Warnings: Okay so now I'm really feeding the monster fuckers so watch out for mentions of knotting, heat, and animalistic sex, and size differences. 

Author’s Snip: Time to really let my monster fucker hair down lol

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Marc Spector

Marc isn't against having sex when he's turned. I'm sure he's spent a few moments the morning after a full moon think about it. But he's scared that he might hurt you in the process

Because he's aware that he's bigger than his normal size, in both ways, so he doesn't know if maybe he'll be too big for you to take

Also, he might hurt you because he thinks that while in the moment he'll get to hyped up and he thinks that he might start doing the thing where dogs get really rough when their playing with something and that scares him

You honestly have to look at him and say that you're willing to take the risk for the sake of getting to smash

Okay but hear me out, what do you bitches know about heats and knotting (yeah we're letting the monster fucker freak flag fly today babes)

I don't think that Marc thinks that his dick is able to knot. He knows what it is, but he just doesn't make that connection in his mind that his penis can also knot similar to a wolf

Man has just never fully thought about it he's too busy being angsty and ashamed of being a werewolf. So when you finally get to fuck and he wakes up the next morning with himself still inside you he's like "Holy shit I actually can."

Sex is as animalistic and good as you think it is, and you will never complain. That thang does fucking WORK in there. It's hitting everything and then some

Marc worries about exhausting you when heat comes along but I mean... You're getting a huge dicking for like god knows how long every night

And the growling and snarling, and panting... bitch imagine

Steven Grant

Steven, bless his heart, was aware that having sex while in werewolf form might be something that would take a lot out of you, and at first refused the idea of doing it because he didn't want to hurt you or god forbid break something

But he's just a man, and he has a man's brain, and he can be a completely different size than you are. So at some point, he bites.

Steven insists that you do a safe signal and they he will try to stay coherent when in werewolf state so that he can notice it

But he finds out that you never use it

He was aware of the knotting and he was worried that it might hurt you, but you said it was fine and so he just, lets it happen

Afterwards he licks your face to give it kisses like how a dog would

Maybe clean you up like that too *cough cough*

The heat though, he genuinely wants you to stay away because he doesn't want to have you send all your energy just being his chew toy. Even if you insist that you're into that

He does hold himself back because he is still worried about hurting you though

Jake Lockley

Oh, he's thought about it. A lot. The whole thing

But he never mentioned it until you started showing interest in it because he didn't want to scare you or accidentally force you into it/make you feel like you have to

But upon hearing you suggest it he's on board. Bestie, he was already on the boat. Made the boat to sail, even.

He asks if you want him to hold back or go all out, and once you give your response he's like "Say less ;)"

I mentioned in the sfw version that Jake is mostly the one fronting during the transformation of both turning into a werewolf and changing back and probably just is the one fronting when they are a werewolf, so Jake has been able to be more conscious when in their state rather than being more animal like

So he's there when you're having sex, but he lets some of those instincts take control because he knows that's what you want

Also, he isn't afraid of heats either

Listen, he knows what the fuck you're here for. He's not going to be like Steven and Marc where they're scared and ashamed of having this part of them and the things they might do during sex and heats. He's not going to act like you aren't here for that shit.

Jake knows that you're down for getting split tf open and being it nonstop when they go into heat

Jake's nasty, you're nasty, you guys can get nasty together

Side note. All three of them are secretly into when you call them "good boy" in bed both when in their werewolf state and out of it, and sometimes as a kinky treat you can call them a "bad boy/dog" too

[optiwashere]

I absolutely adore the way you write Minthara as a dominant. I find the descriptions of how she derives her pleasure to be...honestly my words cant even begin to articulate it. You really do describe it best: that sort of black fire that lances through the body and mind. Despite my own limited experience, despite my own style being slightly different from hers, I feel oddly seen. Its strangely comforting, it touches something in my heart- something small and afraid. Maybe I was afraid of being rejected? Of the way i pull my own pleasure from people to be wrong, somehow? But the way you write her- her unabashed, shameless pride and self confidence...its inspiring. I feel aspired to carry myself the way she does, the way you write her. I feel oddly more confident in myself? Celebrated, somehow? I dont know. Maybe im just being a freak on the internet. Maybe I'm crossing some sort of boundary or line I dont know about, and if thats the case Im sorry. But I cant just sit here and pretend that the way you write about kink and sex doesnt heal something small and fractured in me. I cant pretend your work doesnt inspire me to pursue my own truths in my real world life? I dont know you, I dont know how you think or what your feelings are, but I just wanted to say thank you. Your writing soothes me. I look forward to whatever you wish to share next.

Heya anon! Don't worry one bit, this is an incredibly sweet message and it's always lovely to hear that you felt seen in something I wrote. So thank you for sharing this with me, it means a lot 💜

Writing Minthara's voice is a ton of fun, and she really lets me dig into a more intense, familiar headspace than many other characters I write. She has no shame, no uncertainty. She's supremely confident with hundreds of years to back it up. I'm always happy to write her when I've got that inspiration.

More importantly though: you should let that freak flag fly. Embrace it!

[answermywearyquery]

how do you come up with new ideas for stories? and what has been one of your favorite fics to write? 🤗

Thank you so much! 💖😊

Firstly, it's a very good question, I'm not totally sure how I come up with ideas. When I'm bored – commuting or can't fall asleep - my fuzzy mind wanders, and I come up with random scenario to entertain myself (unloved characters getting hugged within an inch of their life, my fave going through all the horrors to bring a smile to my face, etc.) and if I like its random escalation well enough to play with it again and again, I schedule a proper daydreaming/brainstorming session, i.e. next time I go to bed or take a 3 hour train ride I do it with mission, where I try to decide if the idea could potentially work (or just self-indulgent fluff/smut/angst with no goal or discernible plot).

And if the answer is yes, I put the WIP in the WIP Excel Sheet™, where I keep all my ideas, and then I promptly don't even think about working on it for 2 to 30 months.

Secondly, [insert Defunctland quote about filmmaking] I hate writing, it's traumatic and I despise every goddamn step of it. (It's my longest lasting hobby and I never not long to write, but still.) So, I kinda delete the memory of the process a week after I publish anything as a survival tactic, but! My first VegasPete fic Con: He's a Psycho. Pro: So Are You. has a very special place in my heart! It's very far from perfect, but that was the first fic where I truly felt like it was done with my own unique style, it just flew out of me, both in obsession and in style. Felt so comfortable working on it, truly joyful. So, all hail VegasPete, The Brainrot of A Lifetime, and me letting my freak flag fly.

Thank you for asking! 🥰

[w3ath3r-0f-sw34t3rz]

as many ttpd thoughts as i can coherently write down

first of all grateful for the folklore x midnights x 1989/rep sound we have going on here. i hate comparing artists but seriously the best way i can explain it is phoebe bridgers this album sounds like phoebe bridgers. not like it's a bad thing it's phoebe fucking bridgers!!!

i feel like it's so easy to call music "intimate," whether because of lyrics that feel personal or just a certain raw sound, or whatever else, but this album truly is the most intimate thing i think taylor's ever given us. i don't know what sets it apart, cuz at this point she's written plenty of deeply personal lyrics, but the way i best know how to describe it is that it truly feels like she trusts us.

anyway i'm willing to admit that this album isn't a spectacle or a revolution or game changer, and i know it won't satisfy everyone (ngl i'm scared to see what everyone else is saying bc they'll never understand Like I Do) but damn it sometimes that much is more than enough. without further adieu

fortnight a solid vibe. i'd literally love any song with the lyric "i love you it's ruining my life"

ttpd love that lucy and jack cameo that's about it. but really who else is gonna hold you

mbobhft AUGGGHHH THAT HOOK. you'd think you'd be able to tell which tracks are entirely self-written but you'd never guess some of the best tracks would you? jokes on me. love the metaphor (as i tend to do), big fan of infantilizing men (no like actually)

down bad this song was not clicking at first but it won me over with the alien abduction theme

so long london aw fuck yeah i knew i was right to claim this one. that hook is delectable. every verse is like a juicy kiss on the mouth i love this song yOU SWORE THAT YOU LOVED ME BUT WHERE WERE THE CLU

but daddy i love him this was the point where i thought to myself "wow this album is a lot more romantic than i would've thought" which, in hindsight, idk if that can be the consensus but still--this is such a feel good happy lovely time

fresh out the slammer evermore would love this one. yee haw

florida i mean there was really no way for this song to be bad and damn. twas not. this is a screamer fs. how on earth they managed to make a song about fucking florida feel like this mysterious shady world that we the people are not apart of is astounding to me

guilty as sin yas girl let your freak flag fly!!! successor to false god fr

who's afraid of little old me oh. o,h my god. taylor. taylor r u good honey. this song is fucking batshit wild oh my god YES GIRL TELL EM i will never be the same i could end the california drought with these tear ducks holy shit im gonna go set something on fire

i can fix him i love this bc this is literally my best friend and now they're gonna know how they look. that "woah maybe i can't" both absolutely slaps and is hilarious. also love how horny that bridge was yas girl let your freak flag fly!!

loml oh god. lmao my ass rlly thought this album wasn't gonna be too depressing. they had me in the first half ngl. i'm not crying you're crying nahhh we're both crying and you know it. the lyrics here really popped off, like more than the rest of the album and that's saying something. bonus i remember seeing someone theorize that it was actually gonna be "loss of my life" instead of love, and while i was listening i had that in the back of my mind, but then i was like "ok no it's actually love" but then THEY WERE RIGHT and i felt so accomplished for no good reason. so if ur that person who called it, good job brother

i can do it with a broken heart this one shocks me so good oml why is this making me wanna throw it back. with all do respect if you didn't want us to enjoy your suffering why did you make your suffering such a bop. /j that "i'm miserable and nobody knows!! :D" gives me chills but like in a good way. "try and come for my job" literally get it queen i love you

smallest man who ever lived it's quite funny to me that literally nobody was claiming this track and then it permanently altered my brain chemistry. back at it with the hooks damn. wow this one really. this one is really sticking with me guys

the alchemy yay the vibes are back!!!! sweet simple romance you gotta love it

clara bow you had me at that intro. shove that guitar down my throat if u will. this is the better version of the lucky one (im not sorry.) damn "you look like Taylor Swift in this light" gets me every time i'm sorry that will never not hit

the black dog OLD HABITS DIE SCREAAAAAMMMIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG i did not expect to like this one as much as i do but i can't stop thinking about it

imgonnagetyouback i had really mixed feelings but i literally can't dislike this song it's straight up good (also this song is so gorgeous-coded its wild)

the albatross idk i just love this one it is so sweet to me. in the way molasses is sweet but still

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus this melody has wriggled its way into the few folds of my brain and i don't see it leaving soon. i love me some good whimsy. fr as i'm listening to it again rn i'm realizing how good this production is. anyways bi rights

how did it end? you know................... i was really trying to not tie her real life into any of these songs, since i really don't know that much lore + i'm not a big fan of obsessing over celebrities personal lives--relationships most of all (especially when it comes to taylor)--in general, but damn i immediately did just that with this song and.. wow. but aside from all of that oh my god welcome back to Songs On This Album That Absolutely Haunt Me

so high school this one's kinda crazy bc damn it's such a taylor swift song but the sound is so new to her and it kind of makes me cry. but anyhow "touch me while your bros play grand theft auto" is the funniest fucking line i have ever heard in my life

i hate it here oh wow hahhahahhahahahha taylor what the fuck :3 imagine relating to this song on an cosmic level lmfaooooo

thank you aimee removing from irl context, putting this song next to mean genuinely makes me want to cry. like the maturity and growth both happy and sad is so evident it's like watching my child graduate

i look in people's windows another stellar string hook thank you and goodbye. ok but fr the visual here is inherently funny

the prophecy claiming this one for the neurodivergents

cassandra yeah yeah drama i know but damnnnn greek mythology BANGER

peter *taking notes* never... trust.. a man.. named..... peter.........

the bolter she's a runner she's a track star (can you tell i've run out of things to say it's just a good fucking album)

robin ohohoho i am an absolute SLUT for a good ode to childhood

the manuscript now that's a story

and at last--my current rankings:

who's afraid of little old me?

so long, london

how did it end?

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus

the smallest man who ever lived

florida!!!

clara bow

the alchemy

loml

i can do it with a broken heart

the albatross

my boy only breaks his favorite toys

i look in people's windows

cassandra

fortnight

i hate it here

the black dog

but daddy i love him

thanK you aIMee

the bolter

guilty as sin?

robin

i can fix him (no really i can)

the prophecy

peter

the manuscript

so high school

fresh out the slammer

the tortured poets department

imgonnagetyouback

down bad

now i know being critical is not one of my specialties but seriously it's a solid album ok. midnights is literally my baby and it has a skip for me so

now naturally my enthusiasm for each song will potentially decrease and most certainly increase over time cuz that's how i process albums buttttttt yuh 👍

almost any other artist building an entire persona about being an emo poet would make me roll my eyes but damn it she's so right

[sunnyie-eve]

4 | In Zombieland

Series: A Zombie's Serenity 

Paring: Zed Necrodopolis x OFC Buchanan!

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: Might be a few mistakes, and I'm using Brenna D'Amico as how the OC's looks

| MASTERLIST |

~~~

Sneaking out of the house was kind of a difficult job for Serenity. She had to make it believable that she was going to bed super early and didn't want anyone bugging her without seeming suspicious. Quietly she sneaks out her window and carefully climbs down and runs off before any neighbors can see her. 

"Hey. You made it." Zed meets her at the barrier. 

"Yeah, I just had to make it seem like I was going to bed this early and sneak out." She explains looking around. 

"Well it's worth it because you're going to love this." He takes her hand into his and leads the way. While they ride the lift to where the party was, Serenity sees Zed's wrist was bugging him. 

"You okay? What's bothering you?" She looks at him worried. 

"I have to mess with my Z-Band to win games." He sighs. 

"Isn't that dangerous? I get you're doing it so zombies will be accepted but is your health worth the risk?" She asks as they arrive and get out. "This is place is cool." She steps out looking around. 

"It's a chance to get loose and be ourselves." She follows behind him. 

"So this is a celebration for all of you? Winning the football games?" She looks around. 

"Yeah, we really needed a win. Zombie tongue. We have a rich language. 23 different words for brains." He sees her look at the wall. 

"23? No one could make up their mind over 50 years?" She laughs making Eliza hear her. 

"I had a feeling you would have brought her. Welcome to our Zombie Mash." Eliza gives her a smile. 

"Aw, it started! Come on." Zed runs off making Serenity follow the crowd.

"Hey, welcome to Zombieland. It's a party, go ahead, everybody dance. Do the draggy leg, you surely can. Be part of the team, gotta wave the flag. Let your freak flag fly." Zed walks away so Serenity follows him to watch. "Gotta stare when we pass by. Not your average guy. But you know I'm fly. So alive just on a different side. Look in my eyes. We're the same but different. Just like you, I got hopes and wishes. Itchin' to show the world what they're missing. It's our time, yeah, it's time to flip it, what?"

"I'm about to show you." Zed goes over to Eliza. 

"What you gon' show me?" She asks. 

"Guess nobody told you." He tells her. 

"You ain't gotta tell me." She sasses him.

 "I'm about to put in work." Zed points at himself. 

"Listen, this is my turf." Eliza says as Zed moves so Serenity follows to watch more.

Bam! Oh man, oh man, I'm the man Bet ya can't do it like I can Bam! Oh man, oh man, you a fan Understand this is Zombieland Bam! Oh man, oh man, I'm the man Bet ya can't do it like I can Bam! Oh man, oh man, I'm the man with the plan Lemme do my dance

Bam! (Bam) You're in Zombieland (What?) I'm in Zombieland (What?) We're in Zombieland Watch me do it like bam (Bam) You're in Zombieland (What?) I'm in Zombieland (What?) We're in Zombieland Watch me do it like bam

Serenity watches the show amazed and enjoys it smiling. "Ready for action, yeah, we 'bout to blow up. Party's going down, but we're about to go up. We got your back, no need to have worries." Eliza joins making Serenity cheer for her. 

"Now we're all cool, at first it was scurry. And we can do a lot with a little. Call on your friends when you're caught in the middle. And you should do the same like I do the same. You should be yourself, it's the coolest thing." Zed puts his arm around Serenity's shoulder. 

"I'm about to show you." Eliza walks Serenity off. 

"What you gon' show me?" She asks. 

"Guess nobody told you." Eliza adds. 

"Girl, you don't know me." Serenity laughs. 

"I'm about to put in work." Eliza walks off. 

"Listen, this is our turf." Zed jumps.

Bam! Oh man, oh man, I'm the man Bet ya can't do it like I can Bam! Oh man, oh man, you a fan Understand this is Zombieland Bam! Oh man, oh man, I'm the man Bet ya can't do it like I can Bam! Oh man, oh man, I'm the man with the plan Lemme do my dance

Bam! (Bam) You're in Zombieland (What?) I'm in Zombieland (What?) We're in Zombieland Watch me do it like bam (Bam)

"You're in Zombieland. I'm in Zombieland. We're in Zombieland. Watch me do it like bam!" Serenity joins in on the main floor before running to see the break down. Zed runs putting a jacket on her then dragging her to join with him.

Bam! Oh man, oh man, I'm the man Bet ya can't do it like I can Bam! Oh man, oh man, you a fan Understand this is Zombieland Bam! Oh man, oh man, I'm the man Bet ya can't do it like I can Bam! Oh man, oh man, I'm the man with the plan Lemme do my dance Bam! Oh man, oh man, I'm the man Bet ya can't do it like I can Bam! Oh man, oh man, you a fan Understand this is Zombieland Bam!

Zed ends up leaving Serenity alone so she walks around and hears Zoey cheer in the distance so she watches her. "I wasn't doing anything. Certainly not cheering. Please don't tell anyone." She drops them. 

"Why'd you stop? It was a good cheer." Serenity walks over to her. 

"Did you like it?" Zoey sits next to her. 

"Of course I did. I really like the Zombies aren't vile part because you're telling the truth." Serenity smiles sitting next to her. 

"That cheer makes me happy." Zoey tells her. 

"Me too. You're great at cheerleading, Zoey. I'm sure you will have no problems getting on the squad when it's time." Serenity pats the top of her head. 

"Thanks, but my pet Zander doesn't seem that impressed." Zoey pouts. 

"Well, he should be. I think he's just jealous he can't cheer as good as you." She says making Zoey smile.

"Zed's freaking out he can't find you." Eliza finds Serenity first. 

"Well he's the one that left me alone." She laughs as Zed shows up. 

"You found her. Zoey? Whoa... what are you doing here?" He asks seeing his little sister. 

"Please, I'm not gonna miss a Zombie Mash." She pouts. 

"Zoey..." He says her name. 

"Come on. Who's a good boy?" Zoey gets on her knees clapping her hands. Zed crosses his arms before letting out a a ruff making Serenity smile as he imitates a dog. 

"Me." He goes up to Zoey, who tells him good boy. 

"All right, all right. I'll take you home. Zed's gotta make sure Serenity gets out of here." Eliza picks up Zoey. 

"And I gotta make sure I sneak back into my room hoping no one catches me." Serenity says handing Zoey her pompoms and Zander. 

"Good luck on that." Eliza leaves. 

"Night guys." Serenity waves.

-

"It's really sweet you act like a dog for Zoey. I wish zombies were allowed to have pets. It's stupid people think you'll eat them after all this time." I tell him as I look at all the lights. "What exactly is this place?" I ask him. 

"It's a zombie light garden." He tells me. 

"I should have guessed that." I giggle. 

"Let's go for a walk in the park." He puts his hand out to me so I take it.

"I know it might be crazy, but did you hear the story?" Zed slowly walks around. 

"I think I heard it vaguely." I join looking at all the lights. 

"A girl and a zombie." He looks back at me. 

"Oh, tell me more, boy, sounds like a fantasy." I slowly follow him. "Oh, what could go so wrong with a girl and a zombie?" We just stare at each other. 

"You're from the perfect paradise and I'm living on the darker side." He walks backwards away from me. 

"Ooh, I've got a feeling, if you get to know me." I follow him smiling. 

"Right from the start you caught my eye. And something inside me came to life." He sends me a wink. "Ooh, I've got a feeling, if you get to know me." He finally stops walk backwards.

Someday, this could be, this could be ordinary Someday, could we be something extraordinary? You and me side by side, out in the broad daylight If they laugh, we'll say we're gonna be someday Someday, someday We're gonna be someday Someday, someday We're gonna be someday

We stop walking around and just face each other standing awfully close together. "I love how you embraced your hair and don't care about things." Zed plays with a white strand that came loose. 

"Why should I care when it harms a whole population of people? And my hair makes me, me. Why hide part of me?" I slightly smile. 

"You're beautiful." He starts to leans in but we get cut off by Z-Patrol. 

"Go!" I shove him away and he runs. 

"Zombie! Freeze! Turn around." I recognize the voice. 

"Hey Gus..." I awkwardly laugh. 

"Serenity, what are you doing here? This is a hotbed for Zombie activity. It's not safe for humans. Come on, let's get you home." He tells me and I groan.

Back home my parents weren't happy and Bucky loved that I got caught. "Told you I'd didn't believe she went to bed." He tells them. 

"Bucky, go to bed." Our dad tells him so he leaves the room. 

"You snuck out?" My mom gets on me. 

"You know how dangerous it is out there?" My dad asks and lets Gus leave. 

"This town is full of monstrous zombies. What were you up to?" She asks me. 

"They aren't monstrous." I make them gasp. 

"They tried to bite your grandfather's ear off, young lady." My father points at me. 

"Now why did you sneak out?" My mother crosses her arms. "You tell us or no more cheer." She adds. 

"I already quit remember..." I laugh. 

"Tell us or we'll send you away like Bucky brought up since you act out now." My dad adds. 

"Fine, I was with a boy. Now you know. Can I go to bed?" I try to leave the room but they won't let me. 

"We need to meet this boy or we will send you off to another school for the rest of the year. Go to bed."

[girltober]

Shout out to my normie friends who got tumblr just to follow this blog, I'm actually so happy to have y'alls support it warms my heart ❤️

I do feel mildly embarrassed about some of the spicy tmi I've been posting lmao I didn't count on so many of the normies actually caring enough to snoop.

That said, in for a penny in for a pound! Who wants to hear about my Girl Treat?

My #girltreat for being a good brave girl arrived today and its a $200 surgical steel buttplug thats sooo classy and shockingly weighty I love it. I then immediately dropped it in the shower and scuffed it in 3 places 😭😭😭

Irl friends, I know you don't know how tumblr works, but if this is the kind of post you DON'T want to see then I would recommend going into your account settings and working out how to block the tag "girl month nsft" lmao.

But Idk if you don't mind reading it then tbh I don't really mind sharing this stuff. Honestly it feels good to let my freak flag fly so openly and proudly - I've been bottling my weirdo shit up a looong time lmao.

To the friends who are excited to take me to the local gay bar to suck some dick... I'll see you saturday night 😊

(Oh also, not to be a karma whore, but if you enjoy my posts, you can press the heart button to "Like" them. It feels nice to get feedback and know I'm not just monologuing into the void lmao. Also helps me not repeat stuff you already know when we're having in person convos)

[cloverthebarbearian]

How many characters can we request for headcanons? Would you do the same prompt with different characters? Can we request for male reader, female reader, gender neutral reader, etc? Are there any topics you won't do like rape, suicide, etc? Do you do poly ships x reader? Would you mind if we request for Alternate Universes or Aus like AU where the character lives happily? Would you mind if the request is suggestive, implied sex, or mentioned sex but no explicit sex? Would you do NSFW requests? For Baldur's Gate 3 requests, would you mind if we don't specify the race/class to leave it ambiguous or if we ask specify the race/class like human/healer? What kinks would you accept for requests? Thank you in advance!

Holy Moly okay let's break this down!

I have a list of characters I'll write for in my pinned, as for if you're wondering do I have a max per request - at the moment no! I would PREFER if you didn't hit me with one ask of 8 different requests for every single character or something. But lets say you have One prompt but want to see how 6 characters would respond? I'll do that no problemo. Just use your best judgement here. This may change if I ever feel so swamped with a backlog or something. I'll likely just close requests when that happens though.

Yes I'd do the same prompt for different characters!

Yes if you'd like a specific gender for Tav/Reader just say so! I always keep my Tav's GN if I can help it. But feel free to say if you'd like something more specific

There definitely are topics I probably won't do but at the moment I'll just speak on them as they arrive. I'd hope people would safely assume I wouldn't write Non-Con situations. But I may be okay with writing something like how a specific character handles a Tav/Reader's trauma from something? Truly all just depends on the prompt! Re: atm I'll handle them as I receive them

YES I'll do polyam ships god I love polyam ships I'm actually polyamorous myself so I love to make all of my blorbos kiss & love each other hehe

AUs are fine I think? For now anyways :)

Sexual asks & NSFW asks are perfectly fine! Again I have the characters I'll write smut for in my pinned

If you'd like the Tav/Reader to be a specific race/class then just say so! Again, when I write I try to keep Tav vague so anyone can insert themselves, so usually in my mind I picture them as very generic, like a human fighter or something. So just say in the request if you have anything more specific!

Kinks... Okay. Lol. Like everything else I will take these as they come as well. But I fear if I keep this vague someone's GONNA ask me for something weird lmao. So let me just say that I very very very much will NOT write anything that implies NC/CNC, D/D/L/G or anything that sexualizes a big age difference between a character & Tav/Reader, or breeding/pregnancy kinks (this is just a personal thing sorry!)... let me just add diaper fetishes or watersports to my list of kinks I won't write for JUST TO BE SAFE. Otherwise though let your free flag fly & I'll let you know if I need you to put the freak flag away <3

[inkedcigarillo]

We Outchea

I love tumblr.

I always have. As much as I love twitter, I didn't run to twitter and abandon Tumblr like most folks did.

Tumblr always felt like..home.

I don't feel the need to constantly talk.

I've had a Tumblr account since 2009, and I still have my first one. I just felt like I wanted a do-over because I felt like I outgrew it in a sense.

So here we are. I let my freak flag fly here, because there's less judgment. Its amazing they type of hate ppl throw at you because of what they THINK you possess and I'm not talking materialistically.

For just as many dope ass ppl I met on twitter, I've dealt and is currently still dealing with ppl that hate me for no reason. It's something I'm really healing through..and I don't deal with that here.

So this is kinda like my safe space. The space where I don't care about how many shares something gets. The place where I can be fully creative..and this is what this new page will be..

what the inside of my mind looks like high off creativity.

Welcome.

[cornyonmains]

There's a very real possibility that KinnPorsche could have just obliterated audience interest in BL at its current standard. From what I've been reading, things like metadata and analytics are showing plummeting interest in BL at its current standard, with almost no eyes coming across posts that don't have a KP hashtag on it. And it seems sponsors are seeing pretty big returns as well. That Royal Farmhouse bread from episode 8 sold out lmao.

What I'm saying is BOC walked in the door with almost no experience and made a BL that slapped so hard, it's looking like it's going to reset the entire industry. KP is making audiences laugh at other BL's. And you know what? Good.

I'm tired of bad acting, I'm tired of waiting an entire season to watch two tragically heterosexual actors have a dead fish kiss, I'm tired of the industry's refusal to hire queer talent, when it could be a real boon in a country like Thailand, where men are flat out too homophobic to portray these roles convincingly, I'm tired of college campuses, of the same story told a thousand times with new characters, and studios hiring actors so bad they have to change the cast in the second season. I'm tired of this industry turning queer people into a joke. It's why I only rolled my eyes at Build's stupid-ass Tweets. Because I know why I think he didn't delete them, and I think there's a lot of savvy audience members who have reason to know as well. That's all I'll say on that.

I think it's important that audiences show their financial support in any way they can, even if it's just the act of enabling ads on BOC's Youtube channel. The thing about me is that I don't like BL. I've maybe sat through six in their entirety, despite the vast catalog of these things that exist, because as a queer viewer, I just can't stomach the straight girl bullshit they're on with these yaoi tropes, if I can be blunt. I don't mind sexy in these shows. The queer community is infinitely more sexual than the straight one, because we don't have all those heteronormative hang-ups regarding sex. If straight girls wanna sex that shit up, I say let your freak flags fly. We stan sex positivity in this house.

That being said, I'm pushing 40. I grew up during the time when LGBTQ+ content wasn't simply getting made. Xena gave lesbians a few drops of Sapphic subtext 20 years ago and they're still driving Subarus. That's how thirsty people were for queer content in my day. That's my primary motivation. I just want good art merged with queer content and BL is the first genre I've ever encountered where there's a chance I can have that in meaningful amounts. We don't even have that here in America. Just look at the CW, an ostensibly queer friendly network, and what it did with Destiel. Malex, the most popular ship on the train wreck that is Roswell, New Mexico, got a literally 3 second sex scene, while straight girls got to ride their men like rodeo bulls. I want BL to do better.

I'm damn near willing to empty my bank account tomorrow and just give it all to BOC for what they've done. No matter how you feel about this show, it's going to change the face of BL, and I can't fucking wait.

[lily-blackstone]

That Time I Found Out My Grandma Was A God: 3 Archons Idiots

So the Archons find a way to come to your world and that's when you find out that your grumpy old grandma who lives in the middle of butt-fuck no where is actually an ancient god.

Also, I've never actually played Genshin thanks to ✨N o S p a c e✨ so forgive me if the characters are slightly OOC, I mainly only know shit about the Archons so I'm gonna write about them because I randomly got this idea while reading SAGAU fics. Don't judge me, I know you've fantasised about characters from a fandom you're not part of purely due to the fact they look hot.

Also I'm new to Tumblr so if I make some dumb mistakes please have mercy. Also, the characters aren't yandere and this isn't really a Cult AU it's more like the creator is just connected by soul to the universe and it's people so the people do like make offerings and shit but it's not mandatory. Also, this is kinda just a crack fic which I plan on turning into a series so-

TW: Swearing, Hot Grandma

(Also, did any of you catch the reference in the title? And no it's not supposed to be a reference to "That Time I Reincarnated as a Slime")

----

You were just paying your grandma her monthly visit and after a lengthy drive and getting lost in the forest. Oh yes, your grandma decided she wants to live in a random-ass forest in the middle of butt-fuck no where all by herself. No red flags. Finally, you found the neat little two story cabin your grandma lives in and parked you car in the front.

You got out and were about to go up to the door when suddenly the door is almost torn off its hinges as three weird looking individuals come flying out and crashing into your car. You had just barely doged and were thankfully unscathed. But unfortunately, you couldn't say the same for your poor, poor, innocent, young car... Not even a moment later your grandma came stomping up to the door, yelling "AND STAY OUT, YOU FREAKS!-" She was about to slam the door when she noticed you. Before you had the chance to question what in fucks name was going on, one of the three people rose up "Oh C'mon your Grace! We haven't bothered you for a whole century! Won't you plleeeaasseee come back? Just for one day? For the anniversary of the day Teyvat was created~?!"

You finally got a good look at the weirdo and realised they looked an awful lot like Venti. A cosplayer maybe? But what the hell was he talking about?! You turned to your Grandma, confused "Uhh... Grandma...? Mind explaining?" Granny was about to say something when 'Venti' interrupted her "Oh wow! Are you her Majesty's grand child! Hello! It's so nice to meet you! I'm Venti or Barbatos! The Anemo Archon!" He said, shaking your hand violently. Suddenly your grandma grabbed him by the collar and threw him into a tree, leaving you stunned. Somehow though, he got back up as if nothing happened. Granny scoffed "I put up with Teyvat's shit for thousands of years! Let me enjoy my retirement!" "Your self-proclaimed retirement..." the odd man resembling Zhongli corrected but shut up with a glare from your grandma. "Um, Grandma, please explain what the fuck is going on!" you demanded again and your grandma sighed before grabbing your arm and pulling you into her cabin.

After serving you both tea she went on to explain how she's a God and that Teyvat is actually real and she created it and how one day she just got sick of putting up with Teyvat's nonsense and decided to retire with no warning and live as a mortal in some random-ass orphaned universe. Where she found a random-ass kid on the side of the road and adopted it who then went on to grow up and find another random-ass kid on the side of the road (you) and adopt it.

To prove it she transformed into her original form and...

Damn...

GRANDMA WAS SMOKIN

...

You wanted to bang your head into a wall

So after all that you bid your grandma goodbye, still very shaken up and when the door closes and you turn around...

You see the three Archons sitting patiently in front of the stairs leading up to the cabin door. They're all staring at you and you feel like there's something you're supposed to do but have no idea. Finally Venti is about to speak but is quickly interrupted by Ei who politely bowed her head "Miss/Sir [Name], we would like you to convince your grandmother to please return to Teyvat... If even for a few hours... We just wish for her to see how much has changed in her absence and to bless the land for the Ceremony held in celebration of the day Teyvat was born..." she finished and you didn't exactly know what to say "Umm.... Listen... She's reeeaallyyy mad right now thanks to you guys and I REEEAALLYYY don't wanna get beat with a sandal right now so-" You dash to you car only to remember its unfortunate demise.

And you're also stopped by Venti... "I know! We could live with you and slowly convince her to come back!" you blink.

" W h a t "

And that's how your life with Momma Ei, male-wife Zhongli and the dumbass 'tone-deaf bard' started.

[joshslater]

Dionysus

Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

I was very hesitant when he picked me up at the nightclub. I could feel the disappointment and outright hostility from all the women and a lot of the men as the God walked up to me, started to make out, and then asked if I was up for some fun. That's what you get away with when no one ever says "no" I thought. With his incredibly handsome face, black hair, and athletic build that was probably not a word he was used to hearing. It would be impossible for him to know I was into guys, and coming on so strong could land you in hot water or rather knocked cold on the floor. Turns out he could know, and there was more to him than just utter handsomeness and unparalleled confidence. Way more.

It was back at his place he asked me if I could look like someone else, who would I pick? That's a game I've played many times before, so I instantly knew to answer Marco Albieri, the soccer player. He raised an eyebrow, took a step from me, and asked me why. "I don't know what it is about soccer players, but something about the game makes their bodies stunningly handsome. And Marco is just a step above the rest." He smiled a bright smile, made a dramatic gesture, and I was Marco. Looked exactly like him at least. It took me a moment to even realize what had just happened, but I could see myself in the full-length mirror. Or I couldn't, I should say. I saw Marco Albieri in full Paris Saint-Germain F.C. game kit. Mesmerized I took a step closer to the mirror, and Marco on the other side of the glass stepped closer as well. I looked just like him, my wettest, wankiest dream. I'd come so many times to exactly this fantasy. There was even a sheen of post-game sweat making all the skin glistening in his hallway designer lights.

He approached me from behind, still handsome but now by a much narrower margin. "You ready to fuck?" I didn't even answer but just turned around and kissed him. He wasn't shy in grouping me back. What followed was the longest fuck fest I've ever been part of. We went from room to room. It was like this body had limitless stamina, though it was the body of Marco after all, but an insatiable horny lust as well. Perhaps he had that too. It wasn't until early morning I fell asleep next to him, exhausted.

It was almost noon when I woke up, disoriented by everything. It was like it wasn't until now the craziness and impossibility of last night hit me. I could see Marco Albieri in the mirror at the other side of the bedroom, without shirt, and the most unkempt hair I had ever seen him with. I knew for a fact the secret hairstyling trick was body fluids. I suddenly felt very uneasy and exposed. Vulnerable even. I was here on vacation. How could I leave if I didn't look like my passport? How could I leave this building looking like Marco? There would be fans stopping me instantly. What the fuck am I thinking about? I'm erased from the world. No one I know, no one in my family would recognize me. Could I convince them I'm me and not a millionaire soccer player? Perhaps. But my life would be so complicated.

That's when he lazily strolled into the bedroom, completely naked showing off his chiseled body, one mug in each hand.

"You did this! How the fuck did you do this? You can't leave me like this!" "Morning!"

He handed me one of the mugs. On reflex I took a large sip of coffee only to discover it was red wine. It took me by surprise and I almost sprayed his white sheets with red mist of wine, but instead got some down my lungs and started to cough.

"Is this really the best you can think of?" he said. At first I had no idea what he meant. Then, still coughing, I realized it was my body again. The one I used to fly here, check into the hotel, and go out to nightclubs with.

"I... It's awfully inconvenient if I tried to leave with a different body." "That's it? That's the only reason?"

I felt stupid and unsure what to say. I liked my body, so why was it so hard to defend it? He took a large sip from his coffee mug of wine and climbed into bed next to me, but standing on his knees looking down on me.

"When's your flight back?" "Eh, in... On Sunday." "Plenty of time to let loose. How about going to the beach like this?"

This time I noticed the shift. The bed sagged down a bit under the extra load and I didn't even have to look in the mirror to see the freakish muscles. Two huge chest muscles peeked into my field of vision, and moving my arm I could see it was thicker than what my legs used to be.

I felt light-headed as we walked down to the beach. Probably the wine. He was subtle and classy, black Nike sneakers, black boardshorts, and a white T-shirt. I was anything but subtle. Probably twice his mass, annoying flip flops that flipped and flopped every step, white compression shorts that looked blindingly bright against my deep tan, a purple thong that peeked up over the rim of the shorts by the hips, visible because the neon yellow tank top was cropped above the belly button to show off the abs. The stringer waved for every step as my obscene pecs push out the yellow fabric like a hanging flag. It touched my body in surprisingly few places. Top of the traps and the nipples more or less.

After spending a few hours getting everyone passing by on the beach to turn their heads to observe the freak show he asked me to play floatation device for him. We went out in the water and did our best to have sex just outside where the waves broke. I think anyone who paid close attention could tell what we did, but no one could be really sure. He didn't appear to care.

"I made you something," he whispered. "What?" "A surfer," he said and begun walking towards the beach. As I wiped my long hair out of my face I understood he changed me again. No more shaved head, no more enormous meat slab. I still had a six-pack, I was still 6'-something, and my skin was deeply tanned, but that's about where the similarities ended. "Why?" I asked as I lied down on the beach towel next to his. "First dive bar opens soon, and I thought this would play better to the crowd." I was feeling woozy. "We want to play to the crowd?" He reached over and squeezed the pec closest to him. "Well, make them jealous at least."

There was something nagging at the edge of my thoughts. Some question I felt I needed to ask. I just couldn't quite put it into coherent thought.

"Did you drug me?" He made a high-pitched "Mmmm" sound. "Just a bit. To fit with the rest. Just go with it."

I shut my eyes, relaxed, and let his hand stroke me. I don't know how long we lied like that. Not too long, because the sun hadn't moved that much, but I sure did dozed off.

"Come on!" he said, like it was asking me to hurry up for the third time. A bit confused I got up from the beach towel. I wore a pair of eye-popping turquoise board shorts with black pattern and trim. Neon turquoise, if such a color was a thing. I knew it had a real trade name, but somehow it kept slipping my mind. They had a good fit, not loose, not tight, but rode low on my lithe body. Fuzzy pubes peeked out over the waistband, like a little forest edge where the treasure trail from the belly button ended. I looked around for a shirt or something to put on, but there was nothing except for a pair of flip-flops. These didn't look as cheap and fit much better than the previous pair though.

"Is that it?" I asked incredulously. "What more do you need?" he said, and looked at me like he wanted me for dinner. "Come!"

The bar wasn't far away and already busy when we arrived. He almost danced in, basically dragging me in, holding my hand. I was woozy from whatever I was drugged with, but in a way that made everything look amazing to me. In any direction I looked I was delighted by what I saw, no matter how mundane. The bar was not even half full and everyone looked as relaxed as you would expect from a bar half a block from the beach, though no one else was bare-chested. The decor was a random mix of styles, as expected by a dive bar. Tables for two or four were lined up in front of the bar at the back of the room. From a backroom somewhere behind it pumped music. I looked at my watch to see if it was already dance time, but I was only wearing a red nylon cord as a bracelet.

"You must be thirsty after a day in the sun," he said and handed me an Aperol Spritz. I could have sworn he hadn't left me for the bar, but then I didn't really trust my senses. We took a table for four and sat next to each other, facing the rest of the room. "So, tell me about your day," he continued, as if he hadn't been there for all of it.

For whatever reason I found it hard to figure out where to start, like it was all jumbled together despite nothing of consequence had happened. I began to describe how I had woken up in bed and how he surprised me with breakfast. How I had mistaken the red wine for coffee. I could feel his hand moving down my abs and into my board shorts. As he pulled out my erect cock from the shorts my immediate thought was of surprise. I hadn't realized I was hard. I continued to talk about how we went to the beach, while he was jerking me off with one hand under the table. It then hit me that I had no idea what my dick looked like, if it was big or small. I had never seen it. He had transformed me somehow into this surfer. How could I have forgotten something so monumental.

At that point I shot my load under the table. Four or five large pumps. I was suddenly aware again that there were people around us, and looking around tried to figure out if any of them could see I had my dick out. At the same time I was still feeling high or whatever it was. "I'll get a refill," he said, stood up and headed for the bar. I decided to put my dick back into the shorts.

"Hey, dude. Is he like your boyfriend?" someone standing next to me asked. How long had he been there? He was handsome, not quite as tall as I was now, but more muscled. The tight billabong shirt didn't hide much. "Him? No. We just..." I was trying to think of a good word. I wasn't sure what he was, or what was happening at all really. "Wanna check out the dance floor?" "Yeah... Yeah, I would."

I followed him towards the bar, and away to the side into the dance room. It was far from packed, but we were not alone at least. Immediately I regretted following him there, even before he started moving to the music. Once he did I knew I would look silly. I started to mimic his moves best I could. He smiled a crooked smile, though not an unkind one, when he saw what I was doing. He leaned forward and barely audible over the music asked "Are you up for a second round?"

"What do you mean?" I asked back. "I saw what that other dude did to you. I live nearby, if you want to try something that isn't over in minutes."

In the door opening I see him standing with two large drinks in his hands. He looks emotionless, which in itself was a scary contrast to how he looked before. He then drinks one of the drinks in one go, then immediately empties the other one as well. No sooner has he turned away with two empty glasses when I feel a desperate need to take a piss. He's fucking with me.

"Don't go anywhere," I say and dash towards to men's room.

It's empty. I go to the lone urinal and yank my dick out of the white thong. I'm confused, but happy I got there in time to relieve myself. Why am I wearing only a white thong to a bar? As the piss is streaming for longer than I can ever recall I look down my bare smooth legs and find a pair of eye-catching red hightops. When I'm finally done I have a look at myself in the mirror. Cute, young Latino boy with a red baseball cap on his unkempt hair, and a grey shirt. The shirt in a way makes the thong stand out even more and look intentionally inappropriate. Perfect!

I return to the dance floor and find the guy waiting. "There you are. Let's go!" he says, almost demanding. He doesn't say anything on the way to his apartment two blocks away. I keep looking his way, and it feels like my dick is growing bigger every time I look at those muscled arms. His pace is brisk without being conspicuous, he clearly wants us to get to his place as quickly as possible without being seen. In through an unlocked entrance, up two flights of stairs, and in through his apartment door.

As soon as he whisked me in and closed the door behind us he grabs me, shoves me into the wall next to us, and forcefully kisses me on my mouth. "You fucking whore! I'm so fucking horny you better know what you're doing."

He snores loudly again. I had tried to ignore it to spend a few more hours in the bed, but it's getting pointless to try to sleep any more. I carefully get up and get dressed. No need for a shower, now that everything dried. I make a final check I got everything with me that I brought in. There is that nagging feeling that I'm missing something. Well, whatever it was it can't be important. Quietly I exit his apartment and make my way out of the building. I feel restless being so quiet and calm, like it is unnatural for me to be that way. I basically explode in emotions as I exit the building and literally dance down the last few steps.

I try to think what to do next. My mind is like a spinning punch bowl of thoughts and I'm only able to fish out simple verbs. Party! Drink! Dance! Fuck! The sun is barely up, but perhaps I can find some nightclub still open.