#don't normally reblog stuff like this but i've seen a lot of encouraging of people spamming this site so please read

[itspyon]

how to adapt into dtblr culture for twitter refugees

so you've decided to move here from twitter. welcome and congratulations. this post is basically a big warning that goes THIS ISN'T TWITTER, DON'T BEHAVE LIKE IT IS, LEAVE THAT AT THE DOOR

i'll be teaching you two things, how the site works, and how to adapt your behavior to tumblr ( and really, normal human being ) culture. believe me, it's not that hard and it will actually feel very productive

let's start with the basics and frequent questions

your username can be anything, don't stress about it

your picture can be anything. a lot of us don't even have dteam related stuff up on our profile

your display name doesn't have to be your name. nobody is going to see it when you post, only usernames are visible

check your settings. do it. get familiar with them. turning on and off asks, turning anon off, turning submissions off. click on your blog, go to blog settings, check things there, go to account, your muted things will be there, go to dashboard and customize that. use your settings !!!

yes, pinned posts are fairly important and they tend to be pretty extensive. name age what you post about ( a lot of people here are multifandom !), just don't overshare ( no locations no trigger lists i beg you ). they also usually have a breakdown of your tags at the end

tags

it's a whole thing. some are actually useful. some are just passive commentary

the tags you put on posts ( both when you made the post and when you're reblogging something ) are both global and hosted on your profile. it's why you'll see things like "nameofperson art" rather than just "art". using just "art" will put you in the promoted tag, in this case

you can use spaces on your tags

usually you will tag what type of post you're making ( art, text post, ask post ), and then the contents keep in mind this is how people often mute things, some people tag the current situation, people use and mute ship tags. but this is also how people find things, like the specific asks from one person to another, so "username ask" is commonly used, "irl person ( dream, dnf, etc )" is also seen a lot just watch how others tag things and copy them. nobody will get offended you took their tag formatting, most of us will appreciate properly tagged posts

you do tag when you reblog people. you use tags to comment on things. don't really use replies unless you're, saying thank you to someone or pointing out a spell mistake or asking to add an option to a poll, etc. we don't do replies, just rb your reply

quick reblog and like deets

post popularity is measured in "notes" which is the sum of replies, reblogs and likes. we don't really care much about numbers here and if you start getting crazy about it people will not like it. this is more of a talking and showing site

you can reblog without tags, feel free to

you can hide your likes. you can and should like as many things as you want. they don't alter any algorithm, since there's none. a like is a "i saw this post" notification to the poster

actually posting

people talk a lot. a fucking lot, and it's something you will have to get used to, because it's very different from twitter

there are no qrts. callouts are looked down upon. breathe. if you don't like something MUTE IT DON'T POST ABOUT IT, because no one is going to listen to any callouts. you will have to learn to live with the fact people like things you don't. this will, with time, make you feel very free

the bulk of posting here is asks, as you might notice soon. asks are fun and encouraged. just don't name drop if you're talking about drama please ?

don't be scared to send asks off anon, this is how people will find you and get to know you really. people are also more likely to reply to you

block bait anons. yes you can block anons. yes it will block every blog they make

culture time

i've said this. tumblr is unserious. drama here is approached very differently and with several less layers of panic. you will see death threats. you will see slurs ( said in non derogatory ways ). you will see jokes about serious topics. you will see people say "i didn't like this" and nobody will care

tumblr is a community of individualism. you will like your own things within the thing we share we like. you might not like dream's music, you might not find irl streams entertaining, as long as you're fucking normal about it ? nobody will care and you're free to express your opinions. people will even come ask you about it and just have a chat. we're here for the same content to some degree

tumblr is also a bunch of people who understand they like another bunch of people. that none of the streamers have stopped being human. so you might see people defend things that, maybe, you'd not have thought to defend before. maybe you're even uncomfortable seeing them defending it. this is something you will experience a lot, and you'll learn to properly deal with it as time passes

because again. no one does callouts here unless it is extremely bad. no one cares if you don't really like them. and they also accept people might and will not like them. and that is fine. and that doesn't make either person horrible. you're just different people. and you don't even have to interact

you want to make friends ? ask people things, compliment people's work, genuinely attempt to make conversation. this is not an impersonal website the way twitter is. people don't care about your opinions because they care about you, and you are more than what you don't like

the more positive and jokey and interactive you are the more people will talk to you. there's no "hitting the algorithm", there's no "engagement", it's just people talking to people. so don't be a neg posting bot, and be a person

you will learn to be less miserable. you learn to stop giving a shit and just do what makes you happy. they cannot get you here. there's no qrts. the few antis you'll find can be blocked and you'll never have to directly interact with one. don't be mean to the people in your own community, even if you disagree

again, you are more than what you don't like. learn to be what you like instead. and leave the dooming at the door

[versegm]

A while back I ran numbers on my own fics right? Checking the hits/comment ratio. A friend of mine also did it for his own fics. Admitedly I don't remember exactly what my friend got but I think we got roughly the same results, ie: About 1% of the people who read a fic leave a comment behind.

This is mostly consistent across fandoms, though there are noticeable exceptions. I was personally extremely surprised to see that one of the worst commenting fandoms was Fate/Grand Order, which stood at a miserable 0,60% of comment/hit. Meaning that for every hundred people reading a fic, you're not even sure to get a single comment. That was doubly surprising because my Fate/Stay Night fics, which are part of the same serie, have a normal hit/comment ratio (actually much higher, 1,30% which is the highest of all fandoms I've ran this experiment for.)

I didn't really think much of it at the time, but recently I got chatting with a friend (who is like me a frequent filler for the nasu kinkmeme) about how there's a fuckton of fgo prompts, but very few people who actually fill them. So I had a theory, which I tested by running some numbers on random arknight fics on ao3. Spoiler: They also had an abyssimal hit/comment ratio (about 0,40%)

So my theory is thus: low level engagement/high demand for content is a gacha fandom issue. I sadly don't know enough about gacha culture to really hazard an explanation. Normally when a game is appreciated by normies who don't do fandom, that translates to a low hit count but the same percentage of comments for fanfics. Maybe gachas introduce people who don't normally do fandom to the concept of fanart & fanfic, so they don't know fandom etiquette yet? Maybe that's just the kind of culture normally birthed by games that encourage you to simp for a given character that isn't usually the focus of the story so you gotta outsource to find more of them?

I don't really have a point with this post, I just thought this was a very interesting fandom trend. Because the specific fandom behavior of "demands lots of stuff but refuses to comment or reblog or support artists" is one I've only ever seen before for like, kids shows, or generally demographics which attracts very young people who haven't grown up surrounded by "hey fic writers love comments you should comment" psa, so I find it really surprising to see that same behavior for a game where the target audience are adults with money.

Obligatory disclaimers:

I ran my arknights numbers on the top ten most read, english, non-crossover fics on ao3. If that didn't represent accurately the arknights demographics then whoops sorry.

These observations are made about the english-speaking side of fandom. Maybe people are more appreciative on pixiv fics idk I didn't check.

I am not a sociologist, I just notice trends and like to analyse them.

[lesferatu]

I have read a lot of Welcome to Tumblr posts for reddit people and I agree with most of it but something I haven't seen has to do with tag etiquette. I've seen people say "do whatever" and I don't completely agree with that specifically. What they should say is "there is no specific tag for each community, so don't worry too hard about it and if you want to talk in the tags, that is more than encouraged" but there are a few rules

So here's some tagging guidelines:

Only tag what is relevant to the post at hand. If you have specific tags for organization of your blog, then you can use those. If you tag irrelevant stuff, not only is it super annoying and clogs up the tag but you will be reported for spam and that can get you banned. So chat and keysmash all you want but don't tag something that's trending to get more attention and dont mention characters in the thing you are talking about who arent mentioned in the post. The search function barely works as is on a good day, don't make it worse

If you are unsure what to tag, search what you are posting about and look at what other people are tagging. Keep the above rule in mind. You can save your post as a draft if you are in the middle of writing and can't search

If I remember correctly, the first 5 tags count for the search feature and the first 10 tags (? Could be 15) count for filtering tags, which is important for tagging spoilers and triggers, if you do that

On that note: Tag Spoilers for new media

If you do chat (which again is greatly encouraged and is, in fact, half the fun) remember that the person you reblog from and the original poster (or OP) will get a notification and will be sent your tags, so be respectful. You *are* yelling into the void but some of the void can read

I wouldn't use "prev tags" right now, since staff broke the ability to follow reblog chains easily, so it's hard to find what you are referring to. If you must talk to the person you are reblogging from, do something like "prev tags: [insert prev tags here]" or "[insert prev tags here] <- prev tags" in your tags then say what your going to say

And just cause I know this has been a problem in the past, if you are here for minecraft youtubers/streamers, Do Not tag your posts as "minecraft" or "mineblr". That tag is for people who play the game normally to share their builds and the like. Again, you can search the specific youtubers/streamer/smp to get the tag that most people use for that specific community or use "mcyt" to find the general stuff

And last but not least, you do not have to tag! It is a personal choice. It'll get your own posts to the people who might like it, some people like to organize their blog (not me lol,) and tagging spoilers is just common decency, but reblogs dont show in the search, only the og post, and you don't have to tag if you don't want to; the people who follow you/look at your blog will see your post and nobody else

Edit cause I just remembered this one: don't main tag hate. If you hate a ship and want to post about it, don't tag the ship. At least tag it as "[ship name] hate" or "[ship name] discourse" so people who like that ship don't have to stumble across it on the main tag and can filter it. Doesn't have to be a ship, could be a show or a hobby or a book. People who enjoy a thing have just as much right to have a good experience on here as you have a right to hate that thing. Stay civil, it's the only way this place is as chill as it is now (and I say that as someone who's been here since the beginning. Whatever drama you find on here now is Nothing compared to what it was on this hellsite (affectionate) before)

If you can think of anything else, please add, and if you have any questions, just ask!

[fereldanwench]

(I feel the need to make a small disclaimer: I am going to be talking about my perceptions about the CP77 fandom culture, some of which might be critical in nature, but this is not a call-out post on an individual or community scale. This is just me sharing some personal reflections. I suspect I'm not totally alone in some of this, but as always, YMMV.

Also, pleasepleaseplease do not feel bad or guilty for reaching out to me or tagging me in stuff or whatever--It means a lot to me that folks wanna chat and connect, and normally I'm 100% down, but I just need to clear my head a bit.)

So I've been ruminating a lot over the past few weeks about my ability to maintain a certain level of activity when it comes to fandom stuff, and I've concluded that my fandom social battery is really, really low.

I'm having a hard time keeping up with DMs, I'm having a hard time keeping up with tag games, I'm having a hard time keeping up with asks, I'm having a hard time keeping up with all the awesome stuff y'all are making--I'm just burnt out socially. And normally I would just take a social media break, but I think this is coming from deeper personal issues that a week offline isn't going to fix.

I've never been in a fandom before where I felt like there was this expectation to keep up with just about every single person in the community. It might be a false expectation I'm putting on myself, but given that I've seen other people apologize for not being able to keep up with posts or apologize for not having the spoons to leave nice tags on reblogs, I don't think this is just a me problem.

The CP77 fandom is relatively small compared to many of my other fandoms, like Dragon Age or Mass Effect, which I think can make it feel like keeping up with a good chunk of the community is totally feasible. For instance, I knew I could never dream of seeing all the DA content on Tumblr, so I never even made the effort to, but I know I can probably get just about everyone who posts in the femvfriday hastag by a certain time. So I often felt like I should do that, especially if I posted in the tag that Friday, too.

But the CP77 fandom is also really active, I think in large part due to the accessibility of photomode and virtual photography. I hope it's clear that I'm not saying this to diminish the value of VP, and obviously, everyone's mileage may vary based on personal technique and other artistic experience, but from my perspective, it does in general seem to be a quicker medium than traditional art or fic. I love the creativity of this community, but I actually can't feasibly keep up with everything everyone is doing all the time.

I made sort of a similar post last fall about the self-imposed pressure of having to create new things on a regular basis. At the time, I was grappling with losing a lot of personal time and brain power after having COVID in September and then working overtime in October, and I wasn't able to make stuff at the rate I had previously. I knew it was ridiculous, I knew no one was like "omg wench didn't post today, shame on her," but there was still FOMO on my part. I also felt like I had lost something I had previously had (specifically the time and energy to create) on account of shitty circumstances, which compounded my frustration.

I've been trying to tell myself that feeling guilty for not having the energy to reply to DMs in a timely fashion or to reblog every femvfriday post is just as silly and self-imposed, and that I don't need to explain to anyone that I just don't have the energy to participate like that right now. I've always been a very strong advocate for people using Tumblr how they want, and while yes, doing things like reblogging posts is a great way to connect with other people and show appreciation to fellow creators and I do encourage people who want to be a part of a community to do these things, it should never feel like an obligation. (The commentary on this post absolutely nails it for me.)

But this guilt and anxiety are harder to shake. Even in my very early days in the CP77 fandom, I noticed that it seemed very transactional to me. And to a point that makes sense, and I think is at least somewhat the result of Tumblr's functionality: you are going to be more likely to notice people who notice you and by extension to support people who support you. I don't think it's inherently a bad thing, but I think it can become one if there's no deeper connection after a certain point, especially if people start to feel like there's an imbalance in the transaction.

The gossipy nature of this fandom can make that even worse--It can be pretty easy to notice a drop-off in activity from someone who might have previously been very supportive and then spiral from "it's just because they're busy, it's fine" to "they're not interacting with me anymore because they heard something bad about me and now they hate me." (I've been on both sides of that one.) There are also a lot of assumptions about cliques and friendships and who's interacting with whom because of fandom politics or whatever that add another layer of stress and confusion here.

So for the past few weeks, every time I go to reblog a post or reply to a comment or consider who to tag after doing a tag game, all of this is weighing on me. Even if it's stupid, even if it's self-imposed, this is what is on my mind.

And what that's been resulting in is largely just not wanting to interact at all. Sometimes it would even make me feel guilty about posting my own stuff if I hadn't interacted with anyone else's in a while, as if I need to support other people in order to earn the privilege to share my own work. And this is of course reflective of much deeper issues I have (read: eldest daughter syndrome) than just fandom nonsense--I'm not putting this one on fandom at all--But it's a thing I deal with.

At some point in the past six month or so, I really lost sight of what this blog is really for, and that's for me. I do generally like interacting with the fandom at large, and I like organizing things and sharing resources that I think can be helpful for folks (especially since I really struggled with how much knowledge was locked behind Discord servers), but my blog is not actually a space for the CP77 community. It is for me, first and foremost, and I need to make it for me again.

I don't know exactly what that's gonna look like. I still consider CP77 my main fandom, and I don't really have much inclination to create or engage in other fictional worlds right now so it might not really look that much different. And I'm hoping that by removing some of this stress, it'll actually recharge my social battery so I can be better at doing the fun stuff like chatting about OCs and shippy stuff with friends.

But my activity here will probably be a lot more erratic as I reclaim this as a happy space for myself.

So that's it. And as always, if you read all of my personal problems, thank you, lmao. I know I'm ridiculous, and it's not that serious, and blah blah blah but THIS IS HOW I WORK THROUGH SHIT OKAY thx

[yardsards]

i gotta say, i really don't agree with the whole "likes are meaningless!" idea that gets passed around here.

i love when people like my stuff! it absolutely delights me to know that people saw what i made and enjoyed it!

of course reblogs are even better cuz then more people can see (and therefore like and reblog) what i made but. the end result of that is still just... Number Go Up. and liking a post still makes number go up even if it's only by 1.

everyone has different standards for what they'll reblog. for some, a like without a reblog means "i liked this, but i only reblog things i love", for others it's "i loved this, but i only reblog things i'm absolutely enamored with", for others it's "i liked/loved/was enamored with this, but i have a theme that i stick to on my blog and this doesn't fit". either way, someone enjoyed your post even if it didn't fit their reblog criteria

like, each blog has different levels of activity. some blogs are super active (are on this site very frequently and/or have a very high 'posts reblogged'/'posts viewed' ratio) and they're on your dash all the time. other blogs are super inactive (are on this site very infrequently and/or have very low 'posts reblogged'/'posts viewed' ratio). this is how tumblr works. this is a feature, not a bug.

if everybody followed those "likes mean nothing!!! you MUST reblog more" posts and changed their habits enough to start reblogging 2x as many posts, than everyone's dashboards would have twice as many posts on their dashboard. let's say a tumblr user's dashboard normally has 1,000 posts on it every day, and they spend enough time on here to see 500 of those posts; they see about half of the posts on their dash. now everyone starts reblogging twice as much, so there's 2000 posts on their dash every day, but they're still only seeing 500 of those posts (unless they start spending more time on this hellsite, which is generally not a good idea lmao)

now this is, of course, not accounting for the TYPE of posts that people reblog

cuz it *is* true that low-effort joke posts tend to get more notes than high-effort art/writing posts do.

which, in some ways, that makes sense. jokes have a wider audience, whereas taste in art is very personal. (and sometimes this effect can be amplified by people reblogging stuff based off of what they think their followers will enjoy. they subconsciously think "ha, my followers will get a good laugh out of this, i'll reblog it" when they see a joke they enjoy but "hm, i like this but i don't know if any of my followers will" when they enjoy a piece of art/writing/etc.. which, i advise everyone to try to stop doing this. not out of any Moral Obligation but bc you're gonna have more fun on this hellsite if you treat your blog as a little bin for shiny trinkets you enjoy, rather than as a performance)

and a lot of times, reblogging high-effort posts means much more to the op than reblogging low-effort posts does. like, i enjoy when my silly little jokes get notes but i LOVE when my art or long meta-analysis posts get notes.

so i DO wholeheartedly encourage people to reblog more art and writing and whatnot, rather than just jokes all the time. but do that cuz you WANT TO, not out of some weird sense of guilt

i've seen people say they've stopped liking posts at all if they're not gonna reblog it, cuz they're afraid the op will be offended. and that makes me really sad. please continue to like my posts, even if you don't quite want them on your blog! don't feel bad! it makes me so so happy when i know people saw and enjoyed what i made, even if they don't share it with anyone.

(i am saying this as someone with a fairly active blog, both in terms of original posts and reblogs, and who consciously makes an effort to reblog more art/writing instead of just jokes, and who makes both joke posts and art/writing posts of my own)

[theangrypokemaniac]

@its-whitetomorrow

I appreciate that you take the time out of your day to read my witterings, and respond to them in detail, but I'm somewhat intellectually limited and it takes a while to write an answer.

The final one is a bit of a problem. The original post is long, your bit is long, and my addition is probably twice both put together.

Did you know Tumblr has a limit: no more than two hundred and fifty text blocks per post? I discovered this from experience, unsurprisingly.

I think the only solution is to split it across several posts.

I wasn't going to say anything, but I suppose I should.

I started this blog last May, to relieve the boredom of my main embarrassment, whose only likes (all three of them) were from porn bots.

It wasn't even meant to be about Pokémon. I'd left the fandom years previously. It was odds and ends, but I happened to find a few silly screen shots so wrote a couple of joke remarks, not expecting a ripple of interest.

Within a couple of hours I got more notes than t'other's managed even to this day. I had the idea this was where I was more at home, so I started taking it seriously.

My pseudonym was just daft thing I'd made up previously, to reflect that, whilst still in love with old days, I'm not exactly pleased with how it's gone.

I thought it might stand out as memorable, plus I like acronyms, so it affords me the opportunity to call myself 'T.A.P.'

In the early days the focus was on the 'maniac' aspect. Anger as a description didn't fit at all. The farther back you go, the more stupid and clownish it gets. It's not been like this all the way through!

Seriously, it used to be an entertainment blog, designed to make people laugh. It's all ages: no swearing, no porn, nothing to put anyone off.

(This post under discussion contains the only profanity I've ever deployed. I thought saving it up might add some oomph.)

I mean it, it's was all light-hearted ridicule. Every so often, there would be a slightly cutting remark, but mild compared to now.

Then, last September, someone I spoke to regularly, who assured me we were friends, suddenly cut off all contact.

At first I wasn't aware of it, but by October it became too glaring a silence to ignore.

I thought rifts started because of massive disagreements, but as far as I remembered our last exchange ended normally.

I found out by accident that the reason for it was because I am repugnant and morally inferior and so swollen with my own ego that the existence of others doesn't register. Instead they are but soulless droids built to worship the great T.A.P. mollusc.

Well that was news to me. I had no idea I came across like that. As far as I knew, I was on my best behaviour when we interacted.

I was polite. I tried to be ingratiate myself. I kept talk to the fandom. I didn't pry. I attempted humour when the opportunity arose.

I thought I'd done all I could to be liked, but apparently I hadn't. It was a revolting experience for them, for all of saying they loved me and I was 'honey'.

It really, really, really got to me, and the feeling hasn't abated, if anything it's worse.

As I said, I don't know what I did wrong, and because I don't, I can't mend my ways. If I am this repellant waste of flesh I'd like to change, but if I'm not told my offence, what am I meant to do?

If what I thought was the best I could be wasn't good enough, and instead was so sickening I don't deserve their presence, then I have no idea how to interact with people.

Maybe every time I respond to someone, thinking I'm at worst, civil, is really grotesque conceit, because my arrogance is so extreme I'm not even aware it's there. In my head it sounds normal.

It'd be too easy to scoff that they were the one with the problem, but, given all the arguments that happen in life, it can't always be someone else's fault. It's got to be you at least once.

They obviously think they were justified, so who's to say they weren't?

You may say not to let it worry me, that I should just get over it, and you'd be totally right. Being bothered makes me feel pathetic and petty on top of the rest, but this is me you're talking to, not a sane person. Self-hatred is more instinctive to me than breathing.

I always dwell on the negative. If one hundred people were assembled, ninety-nine of whom declared me the most wonderful being ever to live, and one remarked I wasn't all that special, it's him I'd remember. 

It's called ghosting because that's what happens. There comes a moment when you accept that, no, it's over, rejected again, and it's like realising I'd died, and had been gone for a while.

Except I hadn't noticed the process, so I was always dead in a way, and they spoke to the silvery silhouette left behind, until that too dispersed into untraceable nothingness. Again,  the silence is my fault for dying, not theirs.

I feel there's no point in messaging anyone, because I'll only disgust them too. Some blogs encourage contact, and when I see it I always think:

Yeah, but they don't mean YOU.

If it's another person I already spoke to, I can't shut up. I bombard them with text in the hope they know I don't think they're a menial droid. Every one I immediately regret, and wish I could take back, because that will irritate them until I'm just a sad, nagging past.

The Ghost-Maker used to reblog 99% of my work. This dropped to nothing overnight, so not only am I worthless, but so is everything I do.

Posts G.M. didn't like got 0-5 notes. Ones they did had 20+. Many a time, it took their reblog for anyone else to notice.

It was like others used that blog as a filter to pull the fool's gold from the murk of this one. Once their favour evaporated, so did a lot of the goodwill from elsewhere, so it's was as if Tumblr agreed I was scum.

Saying that above just shows they were right, because it takes one smug bastard to believe their existence registers with anyone else.

Please don't think I'm demanding likes, that my stuff deserves them, although as I'm arrogant I am. It's just that 99% to 0% is a bit of a fall.

Up til then, I held back much of what I thought about the current state of the anime, as they liked it, but now I have no reason to stop.

If I'm to be accused of all these vices I might as well have them. I'm dead, so who cares what I say? No one listens to a ghost.

It's not that I'm unconcerned if I upset anyone, it's just the truth that I don't matter enough for what I write to be valued enough to offend.

As a ghost, I think of this blog as invisible. It's there, but not really, so how can anyone mind?

Incidentally, the first week I was here I got blocked by someone who hates all fans from the Nineties. I don't care about that, as they sound like a cretin, and I'd have to be defective to gain their approval.

I just want to say I find that moronic. I don't hate new fans at all. I wouldn't block someone because we disagreed.

Blocking denies people access to your blog, stating they don't deserve your ART. That's arrogant to me.

Blocker likes Ghost-Maker, but...

Ever since around October, I've progressively become angrier and angrier. Whenever I'm here or Pokémon enters my head, it just reminds that I'm pond slime, about the most crude, malformed half-life freak you can envision.

I don't like being here anymore. I keep intending to leave, the site and the fandom, and set fire to it all before I go, wipe away the slug trail to spare people's stomachs.

I kept quiet until now, but holding it in just made it more intense. If I may describe myself in ridiculously flattering terms, I feel like a shaken champagne bottle, but the cork is welded in, so the only option is for the glass to shatter.

If anyone's reading this, wondering where the fun went, well this is why I flipped. The red mist won't clear. I can't see beyond it.

I won't name Ghost-Maker, because I don't want to start anything, plus most will take their side. They may see this as they still rifle round these parts occasionally for posts that aren't mine.

Well done, Ghostie. You're the lucky one. We'll never meet and you haven't seen me. Pity the poor sods I've encountered. There must be vomit trails across the land provoked by my vile condition. I wasn't aware of this until you let me in on the secret.

There's an English television presenter called Caroline Flack. She killed herself yesterday and everyone loved her. I feel guilty that I'm alive and she's not.