#donny tells government secrets to feel important

[muddypolitics]

(via Tapes: Trump Revealed Non-Public Info on U.S. Military to Billionaire)

This traitor needs to be incarcerated, for the welfare and safety of the US. 

[pilothusband]

A lit torch to the woodpile high (part 2)

A Paz VIzsla Bartender!AU

Rating: T (for now)

Pairing: Paz Vizsla x F!Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, pining, some vague descriptions of wanting to be plowed, vague threats of violence

Word count: 2.7k

Description: More pining ensues, we see a lil skin (@softdin​ 👀), something eerie happens, two idiots who don’t know how the other feels. 

Author’s note: Let me know what you think!! Please go here to be added to the taglist!

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

The next few weeks passed by without incident. You still hadn’t seen Orso since he initially hired you on, which was kind of strange, but you figured it was because he was busy and had other ventures he had to keep an eye on.

So far your favorite part of working at Bear’s Den was working with Harlow. When it was slow you would pass the time chatting and getting to know each other better. You found out that Harlow was in the middle of getting her Master’s in Business Administration at the local school. She wanted to open her own bakery someday and worked at the pub to help pay for her degree.

Dillon was a little more frustrating to work with. In other words, he was lazy and he tried flirting with you (and every other woman around his age) every chance he got. It was harmless, but after a while you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him. 

Paz was almost always at the bar, but it seemed like he was busy most of the time. In fact, he had barely said a word to anyone all day, other than grunting a short “hello” as he stormed in.

“What crawled up his butt?” Dillon asked after he had slammed the office door. You and Harlow looked at him and shrugged. He seemed pretty surly in general, from what you could tell, but this was a whole new level, even for him.

A little while later, some customers had trickled in and there was a low hum of conversation around the bar. You were wiping down some glasses that had come out of the dishwasher. The damn  thing never dried the glasses completely, and Donny never dried them himself before carting them out to you.

Harlow came out from the back, coat and purse in hand. You instantly deflated, realizing she was heading home for the day.

“I thought you were closing up with me tonight?”

“I was going to, but Paz switched with me. Said something about a meeting he had later on anyways,” she said, applying chapstick.

Oh, just great.

“Don’t worry,” she said, almost like she could read your mind. “I’m sure he’ll be less grumpy once Madge brings him some food from the kitchen later,” she laughed.

“Yeah, he could use a Snickers or two.” You both dissolved into giggles.

It was as if Paz’s ears were ringing. As soon as you had made the comment, he stepped out of the office. He still looked pretty angry, so you figured whatever was bothering him hadn’t gotten any better. Harlow could sense his mood and all but ran out the door, throwing a quick goodbye behind her shoulder.

You waved after her, distracted for a moment. That’s when you heard your name being called, rather impatiently. You whipped back around and walked over, not wanting to sour his mood any further.

“Sorry about that, what’s up?” You asked, looking up to make eye contact.

Big mistake. You could feel your stomach clench up with desire as soon as his eyes met yours. You could have sworn you saw his expression change momentarily, but as quickly as it appeared, he blinked and it was gone.

“I have a meeting later today. If you see a couple guys wearing matching white coats walk in and I’m not out front with you, come out back and get me. Don’t talk to them.”

You bit your lip and nodded. Paz’s gaze followed the movement and he swallowed heavily. You didn’t catch yourself watching his Adam’s apple bob up and down until he cleared his throat.

“Remember. Don’t talk to them.”

“Roger,” you said, turning on your heel to get back to the bar.

You had no idea how to feel about that interaction. He either didn’t trust you enough to talk to some important business associates, or something else was going on. You felt a little uneasy, but chalked it up to Paz’s fowl mood.

Was Paz involved with some bad people? Did this have anything to do with Orso not showing up to the bar for weeks? More customers were trickling in, distracting you from all the wild conspiracies your brain was coming up with. 

Orso and Paz were in a secret society and were plotting to steal an important government document. Orso and Paz secretly swapped faces and were living each other’s lives.

You really needed to stop watching Nicolas Cage films before bed every night.

After a while, Paz came out of the office to tend the bar with you. He wasn’t much of a conversationalist, but it was almost hypnotizing to watch him pour drinks. He knew the layout of the bar like it was the back of his hand. There was no hesitation to look for the correct liquor types when a customer ordered a cocktail that required a vintage bourbon. He didn’t struggle to remember which spout to use for cranberry juice vs. orange juice (like you did).

There was a point in the night where he was serving 5 customers at the same time, when you struggled to juggle just two of them. It was almost embarrassing, to be honest.

You heard a woman’s voice in your peripheral, snapping you out of a detailed and vivid daydream where Paz bent you over the bar to have his way with you.

“Excuse me, can I get a glass of Merlot?” She was probably in her mid-50s, wearing a slinky black dress that looked stellar on her, with leopard print heels. Basically, you wanted to be this woman when you got older.

“Of course,” you said, turning to the shelf.

Before you could even ask for Paz’s help, you heard him in your ear.

“Red wine?” 

You had to suppress a pleasant shiver. 

“Yes, please. The Merlot,” you looked over, giving him a sheepish grin. His face was still close to yours, you could see the flecks of amber in his deep brown eyes.

You stepped back, allowing him room to get to the shelf, and tried not to drool as he reached up towards the shelf, his shirt riding up his back with the movement. Time seemed to stop as you caught a flash of skin, toned and smooth. 

“Here you go,” he said, handing the bottle over to you. “We’ll keep it over by the register in case she wants another glass.”

You nodded, your mouth too dry to come up with words. Once the bottle was opened and the glass filled up, you handed it to the woman as she handed you her credit card.

She gave you a wide-eyed look as you accepted her card.

“That man is an occupational hazard,” she said, taking a big gulp from her glass.

You laughed, but didn’t say anything in response.

“Do you want me to open a tab for you?”

“Yes, I think I’ll stick around for a while,” she said wiggling her eyebrows.

Later on that night, it was about 15 minutes past closing time and all of the customers, as well as your bouncer Rick, had long left for the night. 

Paz had gone out back to count the till and you were organizing the liquor bottles when two men entered through the front door, which was strange because you could have sworn you had locked it.

They were wearing long, cream colored trench coats with some sort of emblem on the front pocket. It looked like a cog with six spokes. Something about it made your blood run cold. You had every intention of running out back to tell Paz they were here, but something about these men had you frozen in fear.

They weren’t like any men you had seen before, with short, cropped hair that was slicked back and eyes as gaunt as their thin faces.

Good evening,” the taller man said as he reached the bar. He gave you a smile, trying to appear amiable.

“Um, hi. Paz is out back, I can go get him for you,” Paz was going to lose his shit when he found out you talked to them.

“We’re looking for Orso Van, actually. Do you know where he is?” 

“I haven’t seen him for weeks. I can go get Pa–”

“I don’t want to speak with his whipping boy,” he interrupted, his tone growing cold. “I want to speak to Orso. Now.”

You were grateful at Paz’s immaculate timing as the back door swung open.

Paz looked more formidable than ever. He seemed to grow even taller, if that was even possible.

“As I told you last week, Dax, no one’s seen him in weeks.”

The silent man who was not Dax scoffed.

Paz continued, “and I thought I told you never to speak to my staff.”

Dax gave Paz a sickly, unnatural smile. It didn’t look like it belonged on his face. “I figured she might know something, seeing as she showed up right as Orso disappeared.”

You felt as if your entire body had been plunged into ice cold water. A deep, dreadful feeling took over the pit of your stomach.

These men have been watching us.

“Leave her out of this, she has nothing to do with any of it.”

He stalked towards the men threateningly.

“Now, if you want to talk to me, we can go ahead and talk in the office. Otherwise, get the fuck out of my bar.”

The other man scoffed again and nodded towards Dax.

“Come on, let’s go. We’ll be back next week to check on Orso’s whereabouts. If he doesn’t show his face soon, you know what will happen.”

They turned, their pristine white coats whipping behind them. The door swung shut with a bang.

You could only gape after them, so many questions spinning through your head. You weren’t sure if you wanted to know the answers to any of them.

“I’m going to drive you home tonight,” his tone left no room for argument. You weren’t about to object anyways. Even if you had to endure a tense car ride, you were a hell of a lot safer with him than by yourself.

You both locked up as quickly as possible and made your way to his truck, slamming the doors shut harder than necessary.

The air was thick as a blanket, filled with so many unanswered questions. If you weren’t so rattled from earlier, you would have realized this was the closest you had ever been to Paz.

“Are you going to tell me what that was about back there?” You asked, already knowing his answer.

“No.”

“If I’m in danger, I want to know why,” you told him, voice trembling. Your pulse was going a mile a minute.

“The less you know, the safer you are,” he said. His tone was still final, but not nearly as hard as you were expecting. 

He looked over at you. All you could do was stare back at him, mouth agape. His face was half bathed in the moonlight, painting his face in a pale blue light that contrasted with the dark that surrounded you.

“I won’t let anything happen to you.” He said quietly.

You felt like your lungs couldn’t get enough air, as if the wind had been knocked out of you.

“Okay,” was all you said back. You weren’t sure if Paz even wanted to be here with you right now, but you trusted him.

He regarded you for a moment, seemingly trying to read your expression that gave way to any trepidations you had. You looked back at him, having every intention to tell him you trusted him, but the words died in your throat when you saw his expression. He looked so open, so raw.

You let yourself bask in this moment, in the dark cab of his truck. There wasn’t an opportunity before now to just look at him freely. He had a scar below his right eye, and his nose was just a little crooked. You wondered if it was from getting in fights. You wondered what, or who, he had fought for.

He was quite beautiful, in a hard, unrelenting kind of way. You wanted to find out why he had built a thick wall around himself. You wanted to trace the lines of his jaw and feel the contours of his lips. 

His lips. Your eyes were laser-focused as his tongue came out to wet them. You found yourself thinking about what it would be like to taste them, to chase his tongue with yours.

He let out a shaky breath, snapping you back into the reality of the moment. You looked away, staring out the windshield, still watching his movements in the corner of your eye.

“We should go,” you wanted to flinch at the anxious edge to your voice.

Paz looked down at his lap and nodded.

“I’ll need you to navigate.”

You were grateful that Paz had stuffed a wad of cash in your hand last night before he dropped you off at your front door, mentioning to use it to Uber to work the next day. That meant you didn’t have to rush getting ready this morning to catch the bus to work, since you had left your car there.

It only took one tense night of locking your doors and windows, double checking the locks, drawing up your curtains and checking the locks again, followed by tossing and turning for hours on end only to fall asleep an hour before your alarm went off. It only took that one night for you to overthink everything.

It’s not that you were thinking about the creepy men that came in after closing. You had spent enough time to fret about that while you were trying to force your amped up body to relax last night.

This morning was spent overthinking every single interaction you ever had with Paz. He already had so much weight on his shoulders, running a business while his boss was off doing fuck knows what, while some seedy men were breathing down his back and basically stalking him at work.

Why should you add yourself to that list of responsibilities?

You had every intention to say good morning to him when you first saw him. He was walking out from the office, looking just about as exhausted as you were. You must have looked like a deer in headlights, because his eyebrows were raised in question, his head cocked to the side.

“I um, I was just going to the kitchen,” you said in an almost robotic voice.

You hightailed it out of the room before you could see the expression on his face.

Your heart was still pounding as you burst through the kitchen doors. This crush on your boss was really getting out of hand, and it only got worse after being in such close proximity last night. God, you probably looked ridiculous right now.

“What’s got you bursting in here like a bat out of hell?” You almost jumped out of your skin. Had Madge been next to you this whole time?

“I um, need coffee?” You said, accidentally wording it as a question. “If you have any extra, that is,” you added quickly.

Madge smirked, seeing right through your lie, but she didn’t question it.

“Just brewed a fresh pot. Knock yourself out.”

A little while later while you were back out front, stacking glasses between sips of coffee, you saw a plate slide into your peripheral.

“You look like you need this,” Madge winked. You looked down, mouth watering at the large pile of french fries.

“You’re a fucking saint, Madge.” You deadpanned. She cackled all the way back to the kitchen, throwing you another wink.

You didn’t see Paz much that day, and you were kind of grateful for it. Every time he entered the room you found some way to keep yourself busy to avoid his gaze.

He could probably tell you were being extra squirrely. Hell, everyone could tell. 

Donny had taken you aside earlier and offered to let you take a hit of his cousin’s homegrown, to which you politely declined. Dillon remarked on how tense you looked and offered to massage your shoulders, to which you told him to fuck off. 

Harlow didn’t say much, but she looked concerned. You pretended not to notice the sideways glances she was giving you.

A little while later, you were hunched over the bar, in the middle of writing out a supply order when you heard a throat clear from above you. It was a distinctly male sound. You almost dropped the pen in surprise when you looked up and saw Paz was standing before you, arm resting just a few inches from where yours was resting on the counter.

“I um,” Paz trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just wanted to see how you– how things are going out here.”

He sounded unsure of himself. He was standing a little less tall today, with his shoulder slumped over. Weary to the bone.

“I’m great, so good,” you babbled. “Nothing going on with me. Feeling peachy.” 

“Uh, cool, yeah. Okay, I’ve got to uh...” he removed his hand from his neck and gestured towards the office before making his exit.

You collapsed, letting your head hit the bar with a thump. God, you hoped no one saw that go down.

“So, what the fuck was that?” Harlow said, walking over. 

You sighed dramatically, your entire body feeling like it was being held down by bags of sand.

You lifted your head up a little, giving Harlow the most pathetic look you could muster.

“It was nothing,” you told her. You stood back up fully and busied yourself with organizing the coasters on the bar, hoping she would let it go.

“That didn’t look like nothing,” she said, trying to hide a smug smile.

You had two choices here. Tell Harlow about the sketchy men from last night, which was not an option, or tell her about the pathetic crush you were harboring for your boss.

You turned around to make sure no one else was around. Thankfully, Dillon was on his lunch break, Paz was holed up in the office, and Donny and Madge were both in the kitchen.

“Please don’t tell anyone–” you started, but were interrupted with a squeal.

“Harlow, shhhh!” You admonished her, desperately trying to reach out to her to clap a hand over her mouth to no avail. She danced away, wiggling like a toddler at a birthday party.

“You guys are totally fucking,” she whispered, her brown eyes wide as saucers.

“I– what? No we aren’t.”

“Come on,” she scoffed. “I saw that little trainwreck of an interaction back there.”

“No, really, we aren’t,” you told her, and added with a whisper, “though, I kind of wish we were.”

“Well,” she said, chewing on her lip in thought. “Judging by the way Paz was bodysnatched back there, he’s in the same boat.”

You rolled your eyes. No, that was absolutely because of the threatening men from last night. He just felt guilty you were now in the middle of all of it.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, missy,” she admonished, good-naturedly. “He totally looked scared shitless back there. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

You frowned in thought. He must be really freaked out by those men. You felt bad that you hadn’t noticed.

“No, I think it’s just a big misunderstanding,” you told her. “I think he thought he offended me last night because I was in a bad mood.” You were kind of impressed with the lies pouring out of your mouth at the moment. “I’m going to go talk to him.”

“Okay then,” Harlow  said, smirking at you. 

You charged towards the office and barged in before you could talk yourself out of it. It was Paz’s turn to look like a deer caught in headlights.

This was the first good look you had at him all day. The scruff on his chin was longer than usual. His eyes, despite being open wide in surprise, had dark shadows under them.

“I’m sorry, I should have knocked,” you said, turning to leave.

“Wait–” Paz reached out, grabbing your shoulder. He let go almost immediately, as if the touch burned him. “Come in.”

“I just wanted to see how you were doing after last night. I didn’t ask you how you were doing and I– I’m sorry.”

“That’s why you’ve been avoiding me all day? Because you feel bad for not asking me how I’m doing?”

You blanched. Yeah, you felt bad but that definitely wasn’t why you were avoiding him.

“I guess, yeah,” you said, huffing out a laugh.

“I wish I could tell you more, I really do.” Paz said, sitting on the edge of the desk. It immediately groaned in protest, so he stood back up. “I don’t want any of the staff here getting involved with Orso’s bullshit. The less you all know the better.”

You nodded in understanding. You really did understand it. But something nagged at you.

“But what about you?” You asked him. “You’ve already been dragged into it.”

The sad, fleeting look on his face was devastating. You could tell he wasn’t used to others worrying about him. He must have caught himself, because his expression hardened in resolve a moment later.

“I can take care of myself,” he said. “I’m working on getting a hold of Orso. Once he’s back they’ll leave us alone.”

You weren’t sure if you believed him, but you let it drop for the time being. You would just need to keep an eye on him in your own way.

“You should get going,” Paz said, changing the subject. “Your shift was over 10 minutes ago and I’m sure you need to get some sleep.”

“Yeah, I really do,” you said, giving him a tender smile. “Make sure you get some sleep tonight too.”

“I’ll try,” he said, his smile matching the one on your face.

Taglist: @tenderclio @softdin @maybege @recklessworry @cannedsoupsucks @pocket-pudding @simping-for-clones @gallowsjoker @idiotonastar @seratoninforyouseratoninforme @devanthus @legally-a-bastard @my-awakened-ghost 

[clexa--warrior]

Hey, Have You Heard About This Coronavirus Thing? Crazy Shit, Right? (Ferret/Shower Cap)

History texts depicting this period will read like deranged Choose Your Adventure books written by sadists; no matter how frantically you flip backwards, you just can’t seem to find the page when you still had the option to vote for the really smart lady with the email server. Anyway, join me for a quick news round-up, it won’t take long, and when we’re done, I give you permission to run away to join a roving Thai monkey street gang.

(As always, find this post WITH nifty news links here: http://showercapblog.com/hey-have-you-heard-about-this-coronavirus-thing-crazy-shit-right/)

For those of you just waking up from a Rip Van Winkle nap, the United States is facing a massive, coast-to-coast, health crisis, whose tragic consequences have exploded exponentially because our Idiot Manchild President really believed, in that churning campground septic tank he calls a mind, that protecting his personal approval ratings by understating the problem was more important than the health and safety of the American public. I don’t know what you can call that but murder. On the one hand, it’s weird to say “wow, the President murdered a bunch Americans through boneheaded, unforgivably selfish, neglect,” but we already saw him get away with precisely that crime in Puerto Rico, so here we are.

Now, I have come to expect malice from the federal government under Hairplug Himmler, but sometimes their capacity for raw, senseless, evil still shocks me. This is my way of saying that, until they got fucking caught, the Department of, and Someone Should Slap the Word Out of Their Filthy Mouths, Justice attempted to remove CDC fliers offering potentially life-saving information regarding the coronavirus from...immigration courtrooms. My God. What a small but potent horror. Feels like the work of an ambitious intern in Stephen Miller’s office, doesn’t it? Trying to impress the boss? Just a sinister little trick, to spread a little more pain, a little more misery, a little more death in an already vulnerable, and whatta-coincidence-nonwhite, community? Fuck these awful, awful, people.

It seems President Liposuction Clinic Dumpster has been calling up leading Taliban terrorists on a secret U.S. kill-or-capture list, presumably to trade tips n’ tricks on how to undermine the USA at home and abroad. Now, negotiating with these murderous dirtbags is a big diplomacy no-no (and of course Donnie Dotard got rolled anyway) but in all honestly, if I had access to a secret kill list contact sheet, I’d probably give in to the temptation to make some prank calls. “Is your refrigerator running? Yeah? Are you sure it’s not a FLEET OF DRONES ABOVE YOU RIGHT NOW?”

For Jeff Sessions, the wages of sin turned out to be a faceful of Trump-branded fecal matter, as the Candycorn Skidmark, whose campaign Ol’ Beauregard embraced way back before fascism was cool in conservative circles, endorsed his opponent in the coming Alabama Senate runoff. How must it feel to have been the very fellow who flipped the switch on the Rube Goldberg/Mousetrap Board Game device that destroyed America, and to watch the machine work its destructive magic for years, only to realize it’s also got one special crotch punt in store for just you personally. I’d feel bad for Bilbo Bigot, if it he weren’t, y’know, one of the very worst people alive.

Alex Jones got arrested for drunk driving, and, upon his release, got right back to work selling...sigh...selling some bullshit toothpaste that he’s telling the rubes magically cures the coronavirus. Authorities are cracking down on Jones and fellow charlatan Jim Bakker over their odious snake oil peddling enterprises, but I don’t know what’s more shocking and disappointing to me, that there are such vile fuckwads in the world, who seek to profit off the fear of the misinformed during times of crisis, or that said fuckwads have so many blind, willing, disciples?

Speaking of fuckwads, Ron Johnson seems to have backed down, for now at any rate, from his quest to stage a show trial for Hunter Biden in the U.S Senate. And that’s awesome and all, but never forget how ready, how eager, RoJo has been, to corruptly manipulate the vast powers of the government for his democracy-stomping Turdlord’s political benefit. Ron is the kind of fellow you’d have found stamping documents outside trains bound for Dachau.

But yeah, I suppose the big story is still that coronavirus thing. Great choice on evolution’s part, the way symptoms don’t necessarily manifest right away, so we can spread that shit around without knowing we’re even infected. Anyway, I made sure to thoroughly disinfect tonight’s blog before posting, and medical professionals inform me that though the virus can linger on plastic and metal surfaces for as long as days, it cannot survive on a poo joke, so please rest easy, knowing you can safely consume this content in comfort. Unless you're reading it next to somebody with the coronavirus, but that's on you, kid.

The Shart Administration has actually slowed progress in this crucial fight, by classifying high-level coronavirus meetings, because they’re more worried about congressional oversight of their crimes n’ fuckups than they are about OUR LIVES, and y’know what, I do believe I’ll be voting Democrat this November.

And of course, many conservatives are more concerned with blaming the virus on the Chinese than preventing its spread; by gum, there’s no need to abandon yer principles, even when your ineptitude is getting countless folks sick and/or killed! “We may be a cabal of dangerously incompetent assclowns, but let none forget that we are also RACIST assclowns!”

With the stock market finally catching up to the rest of the world in noticing a pudding-brained twit had inexplicably been placed in charge of the most powerful nation in history, Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot oozed into the Oval Office for a prime time speech, and if his goal was “fuck up the entire world as much as humanly possible in ten short minutes,” then he succeeded beyond his wildest imaginings.

It was a speech that completely failed to reassure, instead reminding the world that this drooling manbaby, this bathtub drain hair clog in an ill-fitting suit, truly is President of the Entire United Fucking States, and not only is he light years out of his element but he’s probably spending most of his time practicing his “the world is ending, you have to go out with me now” phone call to Salma Hayek rather than pursuing desperately-needed solutions.

Despite being on teleprompter, with the text of the fucking speech right fucking in front of him, Dorito Mussolini somehow managed to catastrophically misrepresent his own administration’s policies, dropping one more cartoon anvil on the stock market’s already-throughly-bludgeoned ballsack. This is, of course, on top of nonsensical non-solutions like banning travel from Europe, when the virus had already had weeks to spread throughout the country thanks to presidential bungling and neglect.

For 73 years, this cretin has somehow never encountered a problem he couldn’t lie, buy, or bully his way out of, but COVID-19 doesn’t care how much money your daddy gave you, little man. And may I say, on behalf of the thousands who are about to become sick, fuck you. Fuck you eternally with a rusty shovel, for daring to take on such an important job without the skills, temperament, or character to execute its duties. Asshole.

In contrast, Smilin’ Joe Biden gave a speech of his own; calm, collected, solemn, and filled with concrete steps to address the problems facing the nation. And America collectively went, “Oh right, it’s actually highly abnormal to have a gibbering, rectum-mouthed, dolt for a President, and we can actually have a decent, competent, one again! Soon!” It was like leadership porn. I got aroused.

Meanwhile, our already-hopelessly-overmatched Golf Cheat in Chief is multitasking, lobbing missiles at Iran-backed militias in Iraq. I’m just hoping the buttons on his desk are clearly labeled, y’know? Or at least that there’s somebody hanging around who can tackle him before he bombs Seattle and launches 500 respirators at Tehran.

So, um, in the midst of this once-in-generation shitstorm, I guess Sarah Palin dressed up in a bear suit to perform “Baby Got Back” on a reality television program. I’m not a religious person, honestly, but I’m increasingly open to the idea that there is a God, and that s/he’s been on a meth bender since mid-2016.

Social distancing is the zany new anti-dance craze sweeping the nation as we all do our damndest to not get sick and die! As a result, public gatherings are getting called off left and right. March Madness, MLB, NBA, PGA, SXSW, Broadway...personally, I don’t think I fully appreciated the scope of this crisis until I saw the XFL shut down their season. Like, are we even America anymore without one billionaire’s sad attempt to reboot his once-failed vanity project?

As sensible organizations all over the world made painful but obviously necessary sacrifices to, y’know, slow the spread of a deadly disease and save lives, naturally the Velveeta Vulgarian was among the last holdouts, canceling his precious hate rallies only grudgingly, because the safety of even his own fervent base is secondary to the sugar rush of their rageful cheers, filling, if only for a moment, that empty space within him where most people have a soul.

Now more than ever, I am brimming over with gratitude that we took the House back in 2018. Thank god there’s a little leadership, a little accountability, a little common frickin’ sense in Washington now. And thank god for Katie Porter, one of the standouts in a freshman class packed with absolute ass-kickers, cornering the CDC chief into exercising his legal authority to make coronavirus testing free for every American. Imagine if Kevin McCarthy were running the House right now. He’d be fleeing from reporters, in mismatched loafers, trying to sell the public on a bill bailing out nothing but Trump University and Marm-a-Lago.

Well, the Emperor of Hemorrhoids finally buckled and declared (acknowledged) a state of emergency over the coronavirus, which is admittedly a pleasant change from his previous “do everything I possibly can to help the fucker spread” position. We’re still woefully behind, and god only knows how deeply the virus has penetrated while the doddering old bastard diddled and dawdled, but the good news is, the President of the United States finally moved his bloated ass out of the road so we can get to work cleaning up his mess, which is, I suppose, as close to an act of kindness as he’s come in his entire misspent, treacherous, life.

In the middle of today’s press conference, Vice President Mike Pants paused to give Boss Turdworm a rhetorical handjob seemingly designed to last through an entire 14-day quarantine. Jeeeeesus. Mikey Hairshirt was a man once. Not much of one, to be certain, but at least he didn’t have to worry about the possibility of bored schoolchildren pouring salt on him, which would of course prove swiftly fatal in his current state.

A reporter asked Government Cheese Goebbels, “Hey, if you’re not too busy fellating yourself over fucking up slightly less than you’ve been fucking up for weeks, why the fuck did you close down the pandemic office, you nation-wrecking clod?” and he whinged that the question was “nasty,” before reiterating his refusal to take responsibility for the things that are, objectively, his fault. I truly do not understand how this trembling coward’s approval rating isn’t 0%

So Nancy Pelosi spent the week trying to hammer out an emergency bill with Steve Mnuchin, but Republicans naturally balked at many necessary measures. It’s a tricky spot for the GOP; they can’t risk the mass-extermination of the underpaid labor/consumer force that keeps their donor class filthy rich, but doing anything to improve working folks’ lives is just instinctually anathematic to them. But at the time of posting, it does appear as though a deal has been reached, let’s hope no spray-tanned morons fuck it up, right?

In conclusion, I am sick of typing the word “coronavirus,” and you are sick of reading it, so let’s let’s all retreat to our quarantines for the weekend, okay? Enjoy the solitude! Read that novel you bought back in college! Watch that 425-minute Russian film set in a fish cannery! Hey, you can even peruse the archives at showercapblog.com if you feel like reliving just how the fuck it all came to this! Anyway, if you don’t hear from me for a bit, fear not, I’m turning production of this blog over to Jared Kushner, I’m sure he’ll figure it out.

[tmntlittlesister99]

I have always wondered what Raven would do if she could talk to her mother just one time... What would she say? if she could say anything to her mother (I would like to think of her mother in one instance of learning her baby was alive begging for her daughter to let her get to know her) those few words right there "Just let me get to know you" and what reaction would it get from Raven

There is going to be so much anger and pain she has bottled up - she never understood why Courtney ditched her in the sewers never fully understood how anyone could dump a baby somewhere with nothing to assure survival... She will probably cry out of frustration because no excuse would ever make her feel better about this, if the woman was really dead like she understood and had been told after waiting all those years, lets say somebody cast a spell   

(*cough* @betelgeusessonajblog​ *Cough*)  

then she will let her hear it all just yell or scream until she hits the ground in exhaustion not giving her time to say one excuse but if the woman was alive and found her one night there is nothing stopping the teenager from attacking her she would see red and it would take all of the guys to hold her back while she verbally lashed her fucking letting her mom have it telling her off until there was nothing but numbness and an empty hole in her heart where she has carried that load of hell

But those words... those few words will open hells gate

Now you want to know me... Oh now you want to know me!!! Fine – so you want to know everything about the baby you abandoned then let’s start a history lesson mom-  I survived in the abandoned tunnels on my own for six months at the age of three eating whatever I could find, wondering those sewer pipes every day until I came to a small section where I was able to find shelter before Raphael found me – half alive and starving. I didn’t remember anything about you or my life before I woke up in the sewers until I was nine when I found a locket in those same tunnels

Big brother Leo taught me to wield a sword and how to not show the weakness I felt every day so I was fearless just like him, Raphie even though he was an ass to me for most of those years I was growing up and liked to pick on me – became my best friend and then my strength, Donnie taught me to read, write, how to build stuff from everyday junk, and hack into computers so well I’m able to track things not even the governments best techs could probably do, and Mikey showed me how to be a kid… t-to smile, and laugh, and play videogames… how to act my age even though I was forced to grow up so I could survive down there on my own, they all gave me hope – when I was ready to give up and die

She would stop here her voice cracking before Mikey’s arms were around her holding tight to the teen as she grabbed his arm trying to remain strong as she put all her cards out there for the woman to hear, Raphael moved closer taking the kids hand which she gratefully squeezed the moment her hand was in his even though she was bawling at this point

I have a father… I don’t care who the hell helped you conceive me I have a family – a father that took me in and treated me like I was his own daughter even though he never had too, four pains in my ass brothers who helped me through the tough times and made sure I was strong enough to stand on my own two feet… I had a family that loved me so I didn’t ever feel alone … I have a family that loves me I had people to love me when I couldn’t even love who stood there even though I was different from them; I had seventeen birthdays - amazing birthdays without you. I grew up surrounded by love and like you wanted I got to be a kid Courtney – but I also grew up to be a warrior because I wanted to be like them… I wanted to make my family proud. To protect what I loved from the people who would hurt us like they had protected me

I learned to read by the time I was four thanks to Donnie… how to cook from a book I found in a storm drain and practicing some of the worst meals we ever had with Mikey’s help rather than a woman that I knew would never be there, around that time I took interest in what my brother’s did every day and started training beside them, I taught myself to sew at five and got danm good at it after a while so I could make things for my brothers…

I-I became a woman at the age of eight and thought I was dying because I didn’t know why I was bleeding out in my bed one morning when I woke up… or why my body started to change at ten. Then - I killed two men with my own hands who tried to exterminate my brothers on my first time to the surface when I was still a kid

I learned how to drive a car when I was eleven, a trash truck at thirteen – then a motorcycle when I was fourteen because Raphie taught me behind daddy’s back - I wound up in the Ha’shi for a week with him because I was the one who talked him into teaching me and I couldn’t stand to let him take the punishment alone It wasn’t long after that – that I developed feelings for the four guys I was supposed to see as brothers 

I got through my first date on September twenty-fourth without my mother there to tell me it was going to be okay, so scared our father would find out - so we kept our relationship a secret for a few years until we finally just admitted it the teen would just giggle shaking her head at the audacity of the memories as she looked around to the guys as Raphael chuckled drawing her back into his plastron remembering how horrible it had been yet was perfect in his mind how much of a mess they med to cover up something so obvious My dad had knew all along and supported us being together

I found me four amazing men who showed me more love then I ever deserved she was smiling now happy to finally be getting the pain off her chest feeling better with his strong arms around her holding her together each of them holding her in one way or another before glancing up at them getting met with a loving look she had finally grown accustom to after all these years Someday I…  I’m going to have me a whole bunch of kids who I’m going to love and be a damn good mother too – because there is nothing anyone could teach me now about being a great mother then what I learned taking care of these four goofs

You may not have got to raise me Courtney… but if anything you taught me the most important thing in life is I am nothing like you! I’m not you or him - my children will never know what it feels like to miss their mommy that someday this world will be safe for them and my family... Because even - with all that love I was given… **In tears but won’t try to hide them** I missed you – I mourned for the mother who I thought to be dead and that is something I’ll never let them feel

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 19 August 2019

Quick Bits:

Aquaman #51 continues “Amnesty” as Aquaman, and now Aqualad, help the elder sea gods move in to their new home on Amnesty Island. There’s a lot of character building and reflection throughout this story and definitely feels like a calm before the storm hinted at by the cliffhanger and the “Year of the Villain” material. Kelly Sue DeConnick, Robson Rocha, Daniel Henriques, Sunny Gho, and Clayton Cowles are continuing to deliver one of DC’s best comics.

| Published by DC Comics

Bad Reception #1 isn’t a bad start to this horror series fully written, illustrated, and lettered by Juan Doe. The title is a clever play on both concepts in the story of no connectivity to social media and on a wedding reception. Utilizing a highly publicized wedding event that’s being promoted as “off the grid” to potentially commit a murder (or whatever actually happens at the wedding or after) is an interesting hook.

| Published by AfterShock

Bettie Unbound #3 sends her to Mars this go around to land smack in the middle of a conflict. Things only seem to go downhill from there. Great art from Julius Ohta, Ellie Wright, and Sheelagh D.

| Published by Dynamite

Black Mask: Year of the Villain #1 gives us Luthor’s offer and gift to Black Mask from Tom Taylor, Cully Hamner, Dave Stewart, and Wes Abbott. It nicely gives us some insight into Black Mask’s childhood, before changing him into essentially a parallel to a Marvel villain. There’s also a bit of a new status quo for Batwoman.

| Published by DC Comics

Blade Runner 2019 #2 continues to be a wonderful ride from Michael Green, Mike Johnson, Andres Guinaldo, Marco Lesko, and Jim Campbell. This is still a wonderful exploration of the tone and feel of the Blade Runner franchise in an entirely different setting with different people. 

| Published by Titan

Bloodborne #14 is going to mess with you as “The Veil, Torn Asunder” continues and our protagonist this arc keeps breaking with reality. It’s disturbing and unnerving, perfect for this series. Piotr Kowalski and Brad Simpson’s art just seems to keep getting better and better here too.

| Published by Titan

Bronze Age Boogie #5 is fairly insane as this penultimate issue careens through the past with a rather nasty battle between humanity and the Martian forces. The artwork from Alberto Ponticelli and Giulia Brusco is incredible. The back-up featuring “Moon-Thing” this issue from Stuart Moore, Shawn Crystal, Lee Loughridge, and Rob Steen is also great.

| Published by Ahoy

Canto #3 has some more interesting twists and revelations as this beautiful fable continues to unfold from David M. Booher, Drew Zucker, Vittorio Astone, and Deron Bennett. Continuing to build the story on storytelling is wonderful and your perspective on the slavers might change.

| Published by IDW

Criminal #7 pushes “Cruel Summer” forward as we get Ricky Lawless’ perspective on Teeg and Jane’s relationship and how it, and pretty much everything else, is ruining his life. Very interesting development of Ricky’s youth as he becomes more and more of a jerk.

| Published by Image

Deadpool Annual #1 is a heartfelt and funny story as Deadpool explains why he’s better than Squirrel Girl from Dana Schwartz, Reilly Brown, Nelson DeCastro, Craig Yeung, Matt Herms, Guru-eFX, and Joe Sabino. Actually, it’s more about Deadpool helping a young kid deal with Nightmare, featuring a hilarious trip through Nightmare’s realm, and a horrifying realization. It’s also really nice to see Reilly Brown back at doing some Deadpool.

| Published by Marvel

Death’s Head #2 is more glorious madness as Death’s Head, “Vee”, Wiccan, and Hulkling try to work out who’s going to be parts or who’s going to face Dr. Evelyn Necker (the alternate reality doctor who made Death’s Head II and apparently eventually this upgrade Death’s Head V) from Tini Howard, Kei Zama, Felipe Sobreiro, and Travis Lanham, yes?

| Published by Marvel

Eve Stranger #3 gives us some deep revelations on Eve’s past, her parents, and how she came to live with Delilah. David Barnett, Philip Bond, Eva de la Cruz, Lee Loughridge, and Jane Heir continue to deliver a deeply funny thriller here.

| Published by IDW / Black Crown

Excellence #4 deals with the fallout of the battle between Spencer and Aaron. It’s nasty, and further reinforces just how much Spencer’s father is a jerk. It’s interesting as to how layered and complicated that Brandon Thomas, Khary Randolph, Emilio Lopez, and Deron Bennett are making this world, and yet the key motivating factors are still some of the most simple, basic human interactions and how we hurt one another.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Fairlady #5 is a rough one to end this on. Don’t get me wrong, this story is great. Brian Schirmer, Claudia Balboni, Marissa Louise, Lesley Atlansky, and David Bowman deliver another interesting mystery with gorgeous art, and an interesting tie to a previous issue, but the build up for an even broader mystery hurts. It hints at possibilities that may never be answered because this series is now cancelled. Still, this was great while it lasted.

| Published by Image

Ghost Spider #1 is a direct continuation from the previous Spider-Gwen: Ghost Spider series, from Seanan McGuire, Takeshi Miyazawa, Ian Herring, and Clayton Cowles. As Gwen moves to the 616 to go to school, I guess it makes sense to relaunch the series with a new number 1, but, as said, it’s still continuing on the same story with the same creative team. Thankfully it’s a great creative team and story, so it’s well worth picking up.

| Published by Marvel

Guardians of the Galaxy #8 is heartbreaking. Donny Cates, Cory Smith, David Curiel, and Cory Petit continue “Faithless” as we learn what’s going on with Rocket. It ties together much of his past with his Guardians tales and his current condition. Very nice character moments.

| Published by Marvel

Hellboy and the BPRD: Saturn Returns #1 begins a new historical mini from Mike Mignola, Scott Allie, Christopher Mitten, Brennan Wagner, and Clem Robins. This one��s set in 1975, but spans a wide time period as they discover more and more bodies. The mystery set up of who’s committing the murders is quite compelling, especially with the pseudo-occult drawings likely to have been drawn to give a misleading impression of the murders. But the real gold is in the character development, looking at how Liz Sherman is adjusting to some of her early years at the Bureau.

| Published by Dark Horse

History of the Marvel Universe #2 is again worth it alone for the absolutely stunning artwork from Javier Rodríguez and Álvaro López. Like the first issue, it’s a dry read, but it can be fascinating as Mark Waid, Rodríguez, López, and Joe Caramagna guide us through Marvel’s history.

| Published by Marvel

Killer Groove #4 is kind of messed up as everything practically goes to hell. I love the approach to flashbacks and hallucinations this issue, keeping the main characters in full colour while the rest are a grey wash. Really neat effect from Eoin Marron and Jordie Bellaire.

| Published by AfterShock

Last Stop on the Red Line #3 is still one of the most unique series on the stands, even as it gets weirder and more straight-forward as the secrets and truth start potentially sliding into place. The art from Sam Lotfi and John Rauch is incredible.

| Published by Dark Horse

Livewire #9 kicks off a new arc from Vita Ayala, Tana Ford, Kelly Fitzpatrick, and Saida Temofonte, building on Amanda’s confrontation with PSEP and adding a new wrinkle on politics. It’s interesting to see the problem from the political perspective and addresses some of the issues that naturally arise from a government program sanctioned to abduct and murder children.

| Published by Valiant

Middlewest #10 introduces us to Abel’s grandfather and it goes about as well as you’d expect. More toxic masculinity, more “be a man” and “embrace your anger” nonsense, leaving Abel a confused and scared child. Skottie Young, Jorge Corona, Jean-Francois Beaulieu, and Nate Piekos are continuing to tell a very strong story here of abuse and survival in a magical realist way.

| Published by Image

Outpost Zero #12 asks some very important questions as it demonstrates that a portion of the colony certainly would rather keep their heads buried in the sand, ignoring the potential of alien life and secrets from their past, rather than confront possibilities of their future. Great character work here from Sean Kelley McKeever.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Pearl #12 concludes the series (for now at least) with some explosions, gun fights, and a new kind of order. Brian Michael Bendis, Michael Gaydos, and Joshua Reed have really been telling a compelling crime thriller here, offbeat and with some oblique humour, with impressive artwork.

| Published by DC Comics / Jinxworld

Psi-Lords #3 is another beautifully illustrated issue by Renato Guedes. This series is worth it even just for the artwork. We also get further backstory on the genesis of the Psi-Lords and the Starwatchers and the reason for sending the “Astro-Friends” to the Gyre. And some may not be what they seem.

| Published by Valiant

Savage Sword of Conan #8 continues “Conan the Gambler” from Jim Zub, Patch Zircher, Java Tartaglia, and Travis Lanham. There’s a great build of tension as Conan plays his game of cards and a wonderful twist as we go into the finale next issue. Nice detail on the trump cards.

| Published by Marvel

Strayed #1 is a very strong debut from Carlos Giffoni, Juan Doe, and Matt Krotzer. It’s a rather interesting concept of harnessing communication with a cat who can astral project, coupled with the horrors of humanity colonizing alien worlds. Stunning artwork from Doe.

| Published by Dark Horse

Stronghold #5 is a very interesting conclusion to this series, giving more information on the true nature and history of Michael, and setting up the potential for more stories somewhere down the road. Gorgeous artwork from Ryan Kelly and Dee Cunniffe.

| Published by AfterShock

Superior Spider-Man #10 sees much of Otto’s past come back to haunt him as his identity as the former Doctor Octopus goes public and he searches for who is trying to ruin his new life as San Francisco’s Spider-Man. Very nice build on Spider-Geddon and the most nightmare inducing character from therein from Christos Gage, Mike Hawthorne, Wade von Grawbadger, Jordie Bellaire, and Clayton Cowles.

| Published by Marvel

Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #2 is another fun issue from Matt Fraction, Steve Lieber, Nathan Fairbairn, and Clayton Cowles. We get more on Jimmy’s family, his legacy, and Superman’s secret super powers, but it also introduces the next sensation who should be lighting up the charts, Pawquaman.

| Published by DC Comics

Teen Titans #33 elaborates on Luthor’s offer to Lobo. We also get more on the current state of the team and on just how far, and rather villainous, Damian and Djinn’s actions are now in regards to how they’re dealing with criminals. Adam Glass has been taking the team down a dark road for a while now and I’m interested to see how this blows up.

| Published by DC Comics

Transformers ‘84 #0 is a bit of an oddity, reuniting the Regeneration One team of Simon Furman and Guido Guidi to celebrate the 35th anniversary. It’s a one-shot tale set in nebulous continuity detailing trying to discover the Ark in medieval Earth. Great art from Guidi and John-Paul Bove.

| Published by IDW

Valkyrie #2 is another great issue from Jason Aaron, Al Ewing, CAFU, Jesus Aburtov, and Joe Sabino as Jane takes on Bullseye. It’s a pretty epic battle, beautifully illustrated, that looks like it’s going to have some interesting ramifications.

| Published by Marvel

Vampirella #2 is liable to divide people further on this new run as it leans heavier into sex & violence and reveals Vampirella’s therapist as a potential misogynist with very problematic diagnoses for mental conditions. I mean, I don’t think “crazy vampire bitch” is anywhere in the DSM-5. Great art from Ergün Gündüz, though.

| Published by Dynamite

The Weatherman vol. 2 #3 reveals more information about the virus plaguing Earth and sets up even more problems in the way of Nathan, Cross, and co.’s attempt to restore Nathan’s memories. Gorgeous artwork from Nathan Fox and Moreno Dinisio. 

| Published by Image

Other Highlights: Absolute Carnage vs. Deadpool #1, Batman #77, Daredevil #10, Faithless #5, Fearless #2, The Goon #4, Grumble #9, James Bond 007 #10, Jim Henson’s Beneath the Dark Crystal #12, Jughead’s Time Police #3, Lucifer #11, Magnificent Ms. Marvel #6, Marvel Comics Presents #8, New World, Powers of X #3, Red Sonja: Birth of the She-Devil #3, The Ride: Burning Desire #3, Spider-Man: City at War #6, Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #35, Star Wars: Tie Fighter #5, Star Wars Adventures #24, Tony Stark: Iron Man #15, Warlord of Mars Attacks #3, Wonder Woman: Come Back to Me #2

Recommended Collections: Age of X-Man: Marvelous X-Men, Age of X-Man: NextGen, Bloodborne - Volume 3: Song of Crows, Corto Maltese: The Early Years, The Curse of Brimstone - Volume 2: Ashes, Hawkeye: Private Eye, Klaus - Volume 1: How Santa Claus Began, Meet the Skrulls, Ophiucus, Saga Compendium - Volume 1, Spawn: Enemy of the State, Star Wars - Volume 11: The Scourging of Shu-Torun, Star Wars: Age of Rebellion - Villains, War of the Realms: Strikeforce, X-Men: Grand Design - X-Tinction

d. emerson eddy would like to be a mongoose dog.