#dont come at me with that ‘’ur finding the bad ones’’ i aint finding shit ive had one partner for 3 years

[junkartie]

Ive said it once and ill say it probably a hundred times more, the lack of good males in my life is really getting 2 me. Especially when one of them pop up every once in a while, seem like a decent guy, and then make sure to exhibit some of the vilest, most stomach churning behavior ive ever witnessed. It is genuinely not to sound dramatic, i have not met one man who doesn’t say/do the vilest shit ever or doesnt defend one of his “homeboys” who does. Shit man. I know all of them arent like this but at this point its such a minority that straight up i dont interact with any man ever. Ive given up 😎👍

[pumpkinsy0]

Can u do hcs of Steve and soda being purlys #1 opp (whether u ship stevepop or not )

of course!!!<33

•steve couldnt give less of a fuck WHAT curly and pony r doin he truly does not care, its soda whos dragging him along

•well thats what he WANTS u to think, he does care actually, not as much as soda but enough to be like “wtf is pony doing w curly”

•most of the time when one of em is flirting w the other, soda usually kinda looks over his shoulder and steve KNOWS hes looking at curly bc sodas eyes twitch a lil when hes mad

•when curly does something to rile soda up, steve isnt even upset hes just absolutely ASTONISHED at the it, like either curly has the balls or hes just really stupid and steve thinks its a mix of both (it is)

•sometimes steve and soda would be on a date but they see pony and curly off in the distance and they DONT want to just abandon their date so they r like, trying to focus on their date but they cant help but look over to see what pony and curly are doing

its just like “yea so then me and her-👀,,,yea,, so anyways we hung out”

•when theyre all at a party, steve and soda like to stay close to pony to make sure ponys ok and when curky comes over w like a drink or food or to just whisk pony away, they do NOT budge and pony just has to sneak off to curly while soda and steve r playing card games

•once, soda was looking into his and ponys shared dresser and noticed a shirt that was in there was a shirt curly was wearing literally a few days ago

•he aint even get mad or nothin, he took that shirt and steve and him used it as a sweat and oil rag for that day at the dx (which happened to be the busiest weekday)

•pony noticed but he couldnt say anything bc he wasnt rlly open about his relationship w curly so he would just glance at it frequently, and soda KNEW he was looking at it, he did feel a tad bit bad after that one

•steve was a lil dick and was askin if he was alright bc he was staring at something, what an ass

•when pony comes hime from hanging out w curly, soda cannot STAND the smell of curly at all, not bc he stinks rlly but bc it smells of curly undeniably, and hes just asking pony to take a shower 😭

•steve thinks soda being passionate about anything makes him pretty, so yes, he also finds soda ranting about how much he doesnt like pony near curly being attractive, he just choses to ignore the topic

•sometimes when curly wants to buy pony something (BUY not STEAL hes not completely broke all the time) soda and steve but in like “noooo ILL buy it for him” and curlys going “nono trust me mf I got this” and ponys zoning out just thinking “im getting double the snacks”

•when soda and steve accompany them at the drive in, they sit behind them so when curly tries that ‘yawning to put my hand around u, shit they just slap his arm midair and u just hear a loud ass SMACK and curly trying not to yelp😭

•its fine tho cause curly just puts his hand on ponys thigh and theres essentially nothing soda and steve can do but sit there seething

•steve and soda work at the dx im sure that when they see curlys rust bucket of a car, theyre going “r u SURE u wanna drive in that pony” absolutely dragging that car to hell and back just dissecting all the problems it has while curlys RIGHT there and they steve ends it off w “but hey man fuck it its ur life ig”

[amsgrey]

I judt found this draft/idea thing in my drafts from over two years ago (written before Little Sister Hugs) and i genuinely cracked up so much rereading it bc it would be really funny.

would anyone be interested in this?

Jay and hailey are busy with a case involving drug trafficking with military dudes or smth

you and will go out for dinner bc you get like n A+ in science or some shit and Will is all proud older brother

you get a call from Jay that the case is ramping up so he wont be home tonight and then ur like lit ill stay at wills i just gotta grab some stuff

you and will walk in and the house is like a mess and your like uh wtf

and will is like ok let me call jay or the cops or whatever

before he can he gets like smacked from behind like all those stupid movies

ur like o shit what the actual fuck

these big old dudes are in all black and holding like riffles bc intimidating and ur like :o

and ur standing in the kitchen so you do that really funny grab for the closest weapon and its like a pan that was waiting to dry or something entirely useless

theyre like yeah ok sure put it down u dimwit

u like stand over will being like feck off my brothers a cop

theyre like ha lol yeah we know we tryna find him where he at

ur like ha what i dont know? wouldn't have a clue

and theyre like ok then u come with us and ur like uh no sir

omg what if they chloroformed them that would be the funniest trope ever

jay is like workin the case being all undercover n shit and then he gets a call and its wills phone and hes like oh what did y/n do

will is like silent

jay is like yo whats up u alg

OR WHAT IF ITS LIKE WHAT THEY DID TO SAY WHERE THEY JUST SEND LIKE A SUPER FUCKING ANGSTY SHIT QUALITY VIDEO OF THEM LIKE BEATING WILL WHICH IS SUPER FUCKING NOT FUNNY BUT IS FUNNY TO IMAGINE THE UNO REVERSE FOR JAY

Jay immediately looses his mind and tries calling u like wheres will tf

obvi u dont answer and hes like this aint right

the team go to jays house and its all like torn apart but nothign like bad?

they call in the lab and the labs were like oh hey there's blood but they cleaned it? or smth

jay is spiralling and then they get anoter video of u? idk something else angsty

theyre like release our dude and give us back all the idk like guns and shit and voight is like ok well no way they let us do that

jay almost going cowboy cop

everyones like well this is great

you are like locked up by zipties bc criminals are stupid and you manage to like breakfree like a real mvp

u like find a gun or smth bc thats fun and free will

your all like well theres enough warehouses n creepy buildings in chicago for u to be anywhere so tf where we at

wills all leave me bc thats a funny trope and ur like shut the fuck up u dumbass

some military dude comes round the corner with his gun and sees u tryna walk with dead weight will and hes like? what are-

you shoot him bc badass bitch

he like fall down is all bloody and ur like o shit i just killed a man

will is like ya we gotta go ok like this shit serious fam

you walk around a corner and they all be sitting around in the big room and u and will are like oh hi guys

they all like point guns and ur like ah man we dead

but then!! intellegence is all out ur guns on the ground now! police things!

one of them like aims his gun but someone shoots his gUN bc i think thats the badassest thing ever and then he like has a bleeding hand and grabs u and knife to the throat thing bc trope central over here

no one has a clean shot so they all like omg dude let her go

do u get like seriously hurt? lowkey imagine like them dying and jay and will being like a mess ok thats way too dark but i like?

you either

die

get seriously maimed like idk loose a limb or smth idk

or ur unharmed and are like omg how am i not even bruised tf is this

depends on the level of angst idk

if anyone wants to ready this lmk i might actually write it

[screampied]

Baby im back 😘 did u miss me! i want to vicariously live my supermodel dreams through a tall reader so lesgooooo

Geto: i could see geto being a short girl fucker So when he seems big amazon reader with her long ass legs hes like 🤔 theres a first time for everything!! Maybe she a lil shy so he gets her in the bedroom And the FREAK come out, im talking she spitting in his mouth and throwing it back on him, twerkin her shii like crazy- he's a changed man!! Can u see the vision, him leaned back manspreading while reader sucks the soul outta his dick, his hair mad ratty and sweaty and he flushed af. For some reason he give me heavy model!reader vibes idk i js feel like he'd wanna pretty lil thing like her on his arm

Gojo: office au, ok tbh i feel like gojo sees a woman in heels who is taller than him and he dont know how to act 💀 can def see him teasing her and making fun of her because he tryin to hide his crush and this mf accidentally say the wrong thing and piss her off like no she a grown ass woman she aint takin that shit. He's so loser and pathetic plsss i can just imagine him scrambling to make it up to her and then body worship sex after 😍 maybe even in the office ….

Choso: well if he aint find his mommy 🙄 fr can see him stopping his tall gf just to pull down her tank top so he can suck her tits when she just doing chores or some shit (SAME I WANT)

Nanami. ALRRR HEAR ME OUT, He's such a charming gentleman, maybe theyre chatting at the bar and got a good thing going but oop they stand to leave and reader is taller than and it awakens pervert!nanami. He tryin to be a gentleman bc u know, he respects her but he cant help himself. Maybe they go to dinner and shes all dressed up so he tryin to hold back but plot twist, she match his freak and gives him head under the table so he take her to the bathroom and he fuck her so hard after that 🤩

Sukuna, okkkkk for bitch boy kuna Hmmm im thinking, now hear me out, a modern au like in college and everyone knows kuna as the cold tough guy and he fuckin loyal like a dog so like everyone knows he got a gf but they never seen her. Cue one night he brings her along and she's a knockout like deadass model type shit and oh boy here comes loverboy!kuna like its day and night the way he treats her v everyone else like he's huggin and kissin her up and in their own lil world.

Toji: he see a tall girl and immediately check the booty out 😤 i feel it in my soul. Probably got her doing standing 69 where he holdin her upside down bc she tall so she the perfect height to suck him off while he eat her out. Manhandling vibessss man tryin to be the best fuck of her life 🤪

-🤭 anon

TALL READERS GET UR FOOD OMG

i’m gonna imagine i’m like 5’9 😽

i can def see suguru into taller women omg . he has yummy tasteeeee. FREAKY READER AGENDA >>>> wait … u just put smth in my head ???? throwing it back ???? ON SUGRUUUU?? he’d be so nasty gawwwddfd. (takes notes) sitting in his mouth is crazy 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ my type. oooo he’d totally go for model readers i see it so bad. suguru manspread always does smth to me

YEPPPP satoru loves a women w long legs n heels ☝🏽☝🏽. it makes sense bc he’s tall asf also. ur so right he’d be so annoying teasing his tall s/o but when she teases back he’d get all pouty like ???? OFFICE MAKE UP SEX YUM YUM

choso 🥹🥹🥹. i feel like tall women would intimidate him a bit but he can be dom if he wants to !!!

NANAMISOELPHPDGOHKJ. pervert nanami agenda 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️. loooooves a tall girl. loved to wrap his arms around her n everything. i bet he likes to kiss all down her thighs / legs.

SUKUNA AND TOJI R SO REAL. sukuna’s big as shit so i’d be kinda scared 🤰. toji i’m crying. honestly ya he’d stare at the ass first. i bet toji loves tall women too, esp if they’re a little curvy 😞 STANDING 69 IS INSANE ????? real he’s a freak bitch so i get it. toji would def fuck his tall gf while standing doesn’t care how tall u are. will manhandle u all day 😞😞😞😞

[thatdeadaquarius]

Same anon with vine boom sfx ask, I got another one xD hope u dont mind

Okay so while I was reading through the tags and replies of the language post i got reminded of a memory. Everyone knows the russian words 'cyka blyat' but as someone whose country is full of bilinguals/trilinguals I see a different word with the same letters used that is bad and I have to take a double-take.

Basically reader who is still learning teyvatian language (bear with me), stumbles across a sign (a shop, a random sign, etc.), sees an english bad word, SUS moment only to find its a harmless, innocent teyvatian word mistaken as an english one.

(If you ask the twins they would either slowly but surely die of laughter or wheeze so bad they have to be revived. Cue other characters of your choosing wheezing as well or turned into the equivalent of Windows XP shut-down jingle)

(This happens to me so many times ever since I searched up random words from random languages and seeing my country's equivalent, imagine the chaos reader would unleash. The twins mught az well be wheezing ghosts---)

YES UR BACK YES HI HELLO WELCOME AGAIN🎉

(subliminalmessagingspspspspscometomeaskscomepspspsps)

____________

There's so much ✨️ room ✨️ for language chaos and genshin

(Like it was a creative idea to make them have theyre own language, bc u kno international audience/diff language settings all the time)

oh the old, 🤨 "what is that?" sus look from someone who speaks multiple languages when they see smth that looks/sounds like a cuss word/slur but in actuality means some shit like "cheese"

Yeah as i think about it more and more, as soon as ANY language shenanigans happen (blunt speech, ppl dont speak ur lang, etc) aint no way the traveler is makin it out alive

Like, realistically, only ppl like Kazhua could travel with yall consistently, so like him, the traveler, and kuni (im sick of typing out scaramouche so itll either be kuni/scara/lil meow meow/bbygirl from now on)

Are all in the line of fire.

They're abt to gets abs (if they didnt already have them) from how hard theyre laughing all the time

Omfg imagine walking thru like main street in Liyue or Inazuma city and the slur/cuss word mistranslation is like a common word 😭

All the shop signs or like banners or restaurant menus (like u kno how they put them outside?) as u go down the street is just

"Flower *slur*(shop)"

"Beauty fuck"

"Ass Bakery"

LMAO oh how the turn tables-

Now they cant stop laughing at ur reactions

Yeah the traveler at least is like in physical pain bc they have to be around u all the time so everything funny happens to/around them 💀 RIP ur traveling partners

____________

Thank you for the ask!!

You're always welcome to come back again!! I love to see it :D !!!

[slickchickchocolatier]

MY LOVEEE IM BACKKKK still a bit sick but i have been ITCHINGG to get this reaction to you bcs DT chapter six and seven was….it was something else thats for sure and plus THE DOUBLE CHAPTER?!? brings back the good ol’ mgr days😮‍💨

im going to start with chapter six first shall we…..

“Stop….Heeseung stop….this…this is wrong…we can’t!”

OMG! HAHAHAHA I swearrr hee was like…”hmm did you hear something? I dont hear anything 🤔”

“Oh yes we can….watch me.”

YES YOU CAN AND YES YOU WILL COME ON GIRL TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

dude after ALLLLL that tension in the last chapters I guess heeseung finallly cut the restraints and just gave in, kurt was the last straw 🫣😏 and im HEREEE FOR ITTTTT WHOO

the fact that the whole chapter/s was purely smut is just *chefs kiss 🤌🏻🤌🏻 like FUCK YEAAAHHH man I absolutely love the way you write smut, all the details and the dialogue UGHHH I can FEEL the HEAT and VIBRATIONS and the TENSION emitting from the SCREEN gahdamn this is a bad week to get fucking horny esp when ur sick omg

and the lines with the red outline? DEAD.

"Breathe baby.....mmm...breathe....yeah....good girl. Breathe for me."

I CANT BREATHE YOU MFER!!!!! WITH WHAT UR DOING TO ME DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BREATHE??!?!???

shit I have no words left I just fucking love the smut oh my lord

"I love you.....you're mine....you're all mine.....nothing is going to take you away from me.......I'm keeping you.....forever.....y/n."

giving dejua vu but you are very much welcome to take me forever YK IM FREE (sorry kurt maybe in another universe)

and owemji the hella obvious breeding kink in this chapter? 😵😵

cant wait for heejeong’s turn….I wonder what he’s like….more feral? less gentle? hmmmmmmm

OKAY CHAPTER SEVEN LETS GOOOO

that smut at the first part….please dont dont dont dont…….dont stop 😏😏😏

PLEASEEE AHAHAHAHAH I was actually giggling when we were relieved that no one’s in the house just for heejeong to show up wearing that goddamn smirk on his face 🤣

"Oh hey, you're awake."

I just KNOWWWW she about to get fucked into oblivion ahh shit

our poor y/n not getting any breaks….

"......I have to go....um....I think it's best if I move out....I just..."

girl I love you so much baby but there is just no point in moving out….heebros will find you sooner or later you cant escape hee in ANY universe…..learn from readen and realena darling

"You tell me......what are you doing?......Walking around looking pretty all the damn time......getting a boyfriend and flaring him in front of us....."

you made 1/2 points it aint our fault that we pretty come on 🙄🙄🙄

"Please.......please dont......I-I'm begging.....i'm begging you...."

"Yeah?.....Beg some more baby......"

LMAOO i swear the heebros have selective hearing….its just how it is 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

"Huh.....Heeseung was a little hungry last night, hmm?"

LITTLE?!?!? YOU CALL THAT LITTLE??!????

"Where do you think Heeseung went to this morning? He's obviously not happy with someone else staking their claim on something that belongs to him.....and me."

UH OHHHHHH OH SHITTTTT 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

"Please......please....I'll do anything...I wont....I wont see him again. I wont do anything. Please.....please just call Heeseung...please.......for me.....will you please do it for me?"

muehehehehehe using that charm on heejeong I see 😌😌

"Hey.....got baby girl in front of me. Did you wanna say 'Hi'?"

"Hiiiii baby giiiiiirll! How's my little minx today? Did you sleep well?"

STAAAHPPPPP I LOVE THIS PHONE CALL SO MUCHHHHH might be one of my fav scenes

"Y-yes.....I do.......I miss you....and......I.....I want you here.....I want you to come home.....come back home...to me....please?"

oh

oh.

OHHHHHOHOHOHO I SEE WHAT UR DOING OKAY MKAYY

"Y-yes....I miss you.....and........I just want you back home.....so please......if you leave......leave Kurt alone I wont....I wont speak to him or ....or see him.....and.....i'll.......be good......I promise i'll be good......please.....for me?" you trembled, hoping that you had him.

YESSS THATS MY GIRL RIGHT THERE PERIODT its all cus I can see that kurt’s a good guy, if he would’ve been more like a samuel then he would’ve gotten a GOOODDD beating but he’s nice and genuine. my girl making the right choices over here mhmmmm

although yeah kurt’s a pretty nice boy….heebros just hit different yk? sorry my guy theres plenty of fish in the sea 😅

"Yeah baby.....thats it....move with me."

GODDAMN I LOVE BOTH OF THE SMUT HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIITTTT WHOOOOOO ITS HOT AS HELL RIGHT NOW AND IT AINT MY FEVER

my gosh the way you write smut is….just….fucking incredible

You felt the touch of his fingers gently grazing against your cheek, moving the pieces of hair that was stuck to your skin. Shifting your eyes over to the side, you noted how both Heejeong's hands were on your chest, and the other was resting on his hip.

So whose hands were touching your face?.......

Looking up, standing and leaning against the back side of the sofa, hovering his chest above you, was Heeseung.

WAIT I ALSO LOVED THIS PART, I was literally like…”who the fuck???” “ohhh heeseung”

"Well baby girl..........time for round 2."

GIRLLL IM SWEATINGGG OMFG MY BAE TRULY DOESNT GET ANY BREAKS

chapter 8 bout to be the hottest one of all

"Bingo.....baby.......sis......"

you in for it now..😏

♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️

I seriously love this reaction! Lol but I hope you’re feeling better. Ngl after our long drive in to our trip and when we had dinner last night I started to get some heart burn. It wasn’t pleasant.

[anotherghoul666]

Okay fuck it why not

Ohmygod uh

OKAY SO ahem i hope this aint creepy or anything? Im so sorry bfhfbf

So the other day i was kinda daydreaming, right? And, i dont know why, but FUCK, my brain decided to summon you in my thoughts. And it all got heated up quickly. Like. Im short as fuck, you know? So first time we even saw each other I'd have to look up to see you in the eye, and that alone made me shiver. Then, mr brain skipped to the horny part already, cuz ofc im an impatient mf. So now you were showing me how to, fucking hell, how to kiss. Cuz yeah i havent even had my first kiss yet bxhxbhf. And shit i was so fucking nervous, in your lap, red as the fucking tomatoest tomato, shaking as the leafest of leaves. And you were so gentle, at first, guiding me, ordering me around a bit but not in a harsh way. Yet. Making me feel comfy with you and with myself.

And I'd ask you to bite me then. And fuck u did a fucking number on me, Hakku. Tattooed me all over. I teared up by the fucking bliss u put me in.

And then came, well, the spicier part, where you'd peg the fuck outta me, slow and deep, hitting the ends of me with every rolling and snappin of ur hips.

And id prolly woulda cum like 5 times already at least.

And when we were done, we cuddled and i got to kiss your freckled arms :)

Not anon cuz IM NOT AFRAID HUAHAUAHHAHA evil laugh (m shaking omfg bye imma havebreakfast omff)

Arson, Arson, Arson. You come in my asks with this much thirst. Off of anon. For everyone to see. When I know you. And I know some weaknesses of yours. And yet you offer yourself so willingly for me to flay you publically. I hope you recover one day from the fire in your cheeks, my sweet little arsonist.

Just the thought that I have weaved myself in your day to day thoughts, so much so you daydream about me. In your normal life, when logged off from tumblr. You got it bad uh? Someone's got a crush. How cute ;) It's too bad being cute will only get you so far with someone like me.

I would be so nice to you, indeed, at first. You got me down pat for this part. I'd give you space. I'd let you experiment with that you want. Kiss what you want. Touch what you want. Experience things at your pace, for now. Because I find your inexperience, combined with your sheer eagerness and unbridled thirst, to be an extremely cute combo. I would do everything in my power to make you comfortable, to normalize feelings, to hold space for your nerves. Maybe kiss the jitters out of you a bit. There would be no wrong answer, no wrong way to do this. You're just, learning.

But then, if you want some pain? Oh now you're playing with fire like the real arsonist you are. Brigning out my inner sadist on a first encounter? You love to live dangerously. I would bite you to tears alright. Can't let you leave a first experience without having something, or many, many things, bruises in this case, to remember it by. With you sat on my lap like you described, I'd use your hair to hold your face in the angle I want. I'd make you look me in the eyes with those gorgeous brown eyes of yours, forbidden to break eye contact and ask for me to hurt you. Asking might be the hardest things for you right? To say all these things you want out loud. Writing it is one thing. Saying all of this out loud is another. I'd read inside your soul through those deep rich pools in your eyes and pull out your darkest secrets, and make you say them out loud for me. Only when you'll have said them would I do anything. Bite you. Pull your hair. Whatever you want. You're gonna have to say it for me and that is unavoidable.

You know I have a thing for tears too, don't you? When a cute little subs cry, it makes me feral. Tears only make me deeply desire to generate more. If you start to cry, all I'll want will be to make you cry some more. I'll kiss your tears and taste their salt with the most predatory grin you'll have ever seen, and bite you some more to make you tear up again. Just you wait.

Now, in terms of pegging. First of all, you know I'd have been packing heat for you this whole time. You'll have had the visual reminder of what I'm gonna do to you, and how big I'm gonna be for you, this whole time, sitting on my lap on what I'm strapping. Second, you know exactly which dick I'd be wearing for you, because were just talking about this. I'll go easy on you with the more beginner one, but you know you won't avoid my knot. It will take the time it'll take, I'll reduce you to a dissolved mess of mushed brains and shaly legs and exhaustion, but you will take it for me. Because you're good, and you know I don't take no for an answer. There's only one way out of this, I've taught you about it, and if you don't say the word? You'll take the knot at some point.

I will 1000% aftercare the shit out of you after we're done. Cuddles, head pats, praise, a good debriefing so we can share about the experience, fluffy blankets, chocolate or your preffered snack, a warm shower, and lots of sleep. I'd take good care of you.

[ssparksflyy]

hello hello! i’m kinda new to requesting so i’m sorry if this bad. but umm thoughts/hcs on hades!reader dating luke?!?!? pretty pls 🥹

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

luke castellan dating hcs ! ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

pairing: luke castellan x child of hades!reader warning(s): swearin, SOFTIE luke a/n: tell me why i had a whole backstory planned out but then was like 'omg wait this aint even hcs fr' + lets pretend hades had a cabin at this time pretty please :)

this aint for the best, my reputation's never been worse so, you must like me for me ♡

you guys are fr so rep coded ugh

everybody thought he was crazy for dating a child of hades

but they dont know you like he does frrrr

they dont even try to get to know u so like stfu

luke however , had no fear when he decided to finally walk up to you and start a conversation one day

he introduced himself, as did you

from that point on you became inseparable

turns out u had a lot in common ( a shit ton of trauma ) and u were not like anything people said u were like at all

he really doesnt care what anybody thinks, if theres one things he knows, is its to not judge someone based off their godly parent

he also wasnt intimidated by the fact you were a child of the big three

he saw you for you, and ignored everything else ♡

but youd better believe he defends you at any chance he gets

he doesnt fight anybody

( physically , at least )

no, no, he finds another way to fuck up their lives and make them pay

send in the stolls!

he lets his gremlin ass little brothers deal with the person while he takes u on a cute lil date away from them😙

alright so i think luke gets pretty insecure about his scar

he gets mad about how he got it, then in the midst of just being pissed off at his dad and how his quest went in general, he just breaks down and wishes it would disappear :(

( SHUT UP YALL IM A SUCKER FOR LUKE LIKE THIS UGHHHH I CANN HELP HIM I SWEARRR )

but he would literally FOLD when you kiss or touch it

he gets all flustered and embarrassed nd shit 😋

it just snaps him back into reality, and allows him to find some joy while thinking about it

he literally could be like

" i hate that dumbass dragon and i hate my dumbass dad for not helping me or giving me attention when i needed it, im so tired of being ignored, but (y/n) likes kissing and tracing my scar so its ok :)"

luke likes kissing your hands as a way to show you he isn't afraid of your powers

yall ever seen that thing where like person a cups person b's cheek nd then person b kisses their palm?? yea. luke would do that.

he's obviously the king of sneaking out

he usually sneaks out of his cabin after curfew and heads to yours

nd sometimes you take the risk and sneak into his, coming in through the window by his bed

but then you gotta get up early and sneak out

( he would walk out of cabin 13 with a SMIRK )

one time you both knocked tf OUT in the hermes cabin and didnt wake up to sneak back out

...u woke up with a disposable camera in ur face

the rest of ur day consisted of giggles when you passed and teasing from the hermes cabin

its ok tho bcs luke was right there with you ♡

eventually, people stopped being assholes to you

they started including you in things and you actually made some genuine friends !

at first, you were a little hesitant because you thought they were all in on some joke you weren't aware of

but you quickly realized they were just trying 2 be better people

soon u and luke became everybody's fav couple ♡♡

annabeth loves u like a sister fr

she was the person who would sit though lukes rambling about you

nd she really likes u, she was one of the first people who saw you not for who your godly parent was, but for you

shes ur #2 supporter ( luke being #1, duhhh )

its literally u and luke vs the world

ur always on each other's side, always there for each other when needed

you guys often have talks about your parents

their both absent, so youve got that in common!

hades really hadnt done anything for you besides claim you

and we all know how hermes ignored luke as if he were a spam call

you knew exactly how to comfort each other because you understood what the other person was going through

luke was forever grateful for you

im seriously torn on whether a child of hades would join luke

we know nico didnt

but nico didnt even really know him, soo

idk ill leave it up 2 u ♡♡

a/n pt.2: heyyy! idk if these were kinda short, but i hope u enjoyed!! im v tired so ill proofread in the morning but have a good day/night!!

peace from manhattan,

percy jackson ♡

[imagines-mha]

◇ Haikyuu on Tinder ◇

Daichi: so BORING. His pictures are all from the same awkward selfie angle and no matter what you ask him he gives you dull answers. “What are you up to?” “just sitting here : ) what about you?”

Suga: only goes on tinder when he needs validation cus he knows hes hot but in NO WAY is he ready to commit yet and he understands noone on tinder ever really is so he never feels guilty for it

Noya: uses the picture of him with the fish 🤢. Flirts like his life depends on it, but that doesnt mean hes good. “Woah you’re real???”. if you give him a chance his true personality rlly does come thru

Tanaka: makes parties his only personality trait. Always “on it” as he says, but like,,, what does tht mean get a hobby. Also hits you with the “holy shit you’re gorgeous , how come ive never seen you before? ;))” good for validation

Ennoshita: HES SO BAD AT FLIRTING. He’ll hit you up like “hi : )” and then proceed to have the dryest convo youve ever had in your life. Tells you nothing about himself and doesnt even try to save it when it falls flat

Tsukishima: definitely puts smth like “dont text me if you cant handle my complex mind and sarcastic humour” and definitely gaslights you.

Yamaguchi: he gets WAY TOO SHY and makes noya and tanaka do it all for him. Never really uses it unless he’s having a breakdown about his love life

Yachi: she uses it for validation like suga only refuses to admit that she does. Super popular on it cus of how cute she dresses but shes too nervous to text anyone back

Kuroo: spends all his time talking to milfs and loses every inch of his dignity when someone asks to see his tinder profile

Kenma: nekoma tried to pay him to make tinder once and he refused, saying he would never sink that low. he actually downloaded it once and deleted it 15 minutes after incase anyone he knew found it

Lev: asks you if you have snapchat immediately. It’s a trap. He’ll definitely spam you every single day with “how are you today” “what are you doing rn”. Its sweet at first but when you wake up one morning with 54 unread messages from a tinder dude, you know its time to block

Oikawa: gets it when his girlfriend breaks up with him solely to prove to himself he’s loveable but nothing works out because he NEVER messages back.

Iwa- gets it when hes bored and he’s GORGEOUS but talks about the gym way too muh in his bio like we get it you work out find another personality trait. Also can’t flirt

Makki: his bios been “taking a year off to live my life to the fullest and figure out my next big move” for 5 years straight

Kunimi- mattsun and makki set up a tinder for him as a joke and tried to make it as dark and emo as possible. “Welcome to my twisted mine” Hes surprisingly more popular on it than both of them combined

Futakuchi: hes so BEAUTIFUL and everyone swipes for him. Unfortunately he knows he’s so beautiful and swipes for literally noone because he doesnt believe anyones good enough for him

Bokuto: yeah hes a sweetiepie the second you message him. Seems so pure and honest and HE ISSS. “heyheyhey how are you doing wanna see a picture of a cat i saw today???” SO MUCH ENERGY IN HIS TEXTS and hes so funny too. mwah!!! ✨✨

Akaashi: his bio is “my friends made me make this” but all his pictures point to the evidence that actually, he himself made it, because noone puts that much effort into a bio they didnt want sorry babie

Konoha: pretends he’s a judge on americas next top model and everyone on tinder are the candidates. Never actually talks to people

Ushijima: he has one tinder picture and its just a zoomed up picture half of his face. His bio just says “hello” because he doesnt know wtf hes doing. shiratorizawa’s favourite inside joke

Tendou: definitely has it ironically. All of his pictures are so cryptically edited to the point of no return. “Looking for a queen to send all my memes to”

Semi: he KNOWS how to work tinder. Pictures of his guitar, vinyls, aesthetic pics of him taken at night, the smoothest bio in the game. Only uses it to spread his music. Definitely a pretentious musician but one that EVERYONE wants to hear

Goshiki: “text me first im shy” um what x

Kita: he’s so normal and honestly way too good for tinder. A horrible flirt, really, but its endearing how much he tries. Texts only one person at a time and has trust in everyone so immediately assumes they arent texting anyone else either

Atsumu: “MSBY black jackals 🤩 Wasting no time on anything but the grind 💪🏻 dont swipe if you cant keep up 😤” probably banned for life

Osamu: sends “you up?” texts ALL THE DAMN TIME LIKE OSAMU ITS 6PM OFC IM UP

Suna- hes CLEARLY here to fuck- no more no less. It aint no dating app to him and if you misinterpret all his mixed signals hes definitely gonna make you feel like a desperate idiot and ghost you. Will ruin ur self esteem.

Terushima: the tinder fuckboy. You just KNOW he has tinder and uses it religiously, and honestly- youve probably hooked up before cus he knows how to flirt good

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[matchamabs]

I know you didn’t ask for it but- BOTW MONSTERS: RANKED BY HOW HOT THEY ARE,,,,

i do fuck all in the days lemme tell ya

ill admit i havent done EVERY enemy but like. i do enjoy making these posts so who knows, i might actually rank everything sooner or later 🤷‍♀️

,,,,, and if u want a specific ranking of botw/aoc stuff lmk 👀

ahh the ol reliable. the classic bokoblin. he is just a little lad! unfortunately they’re genuinely kind of ugly??? and the idk the singular horn in the middle aint a good look. i see cute comics abt these guys being domestic and thats adorable but also giving them so much leeway bc they’re really Not that cute. not sure what the loincloth is hiding and im not sure i wanna know anyway. 3/10 really kind of. not good. 

slightly bigger loincloth only means slightly bigger things to hide :( i rlly hate these guys noses and whatever the fuck toenails they have why do they have toenails?????? s’bad. the thing is tho they have the proportions of a potentially attractive gerudo which is probably what takes the edge off the general vibes of... u know... being an abomination. its also only JUST occured to me as im writing that these guys r just evolved bokoblins so. glow up i guess. 6/10 what that tongue do

ok bypassing whatever the fuck rule 34 has done to these guys, i actually dig them. i find the huge fat ones way cuter than the lil bug eyed ones. in their case theres rlly no, like... hotness about them. its just cute. i think they’re cute. any monster that is cute and also doubles up as a bed gets my vote 7/10 get urself a fella as flexible as these guys 

u know what, im gonna say it, these guys r actually kinda hot. proportions arent super bad, the face aint bad and generally they have good vibes. aside from, u know, when they’re tryna shank u. id say one of the most bearable monsters to have to look at. 8/10 im not a scalie

??????????? idk what to say. u could tie these little shits to like swingball poles and beat them with rackets thatd b good. aside from that these guys have like no redeeming qualities. they’re a pain in the ass and not in a good way. 3/10 cute but like. is it worth it?

i mean,,,,,,,, someones probably into it. i dont like these guys for a lot of reason and surprisingly the thing that gets me is the fucking hair why does it have that hair its like he-man just went straight over the top with an electric razor its not a good look!!! stop trying to make it work! it wont! and again with the loincloth??? im not into it. the only thing i like abt these guys is the lil waistcoats. they have some amount of decency (but the implications it makes are Not Good). uh. 2/10. barely.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

,,,,,9/10. but if you see a lynel up close like that chances are you died about half a minute ago

again. ??? i dont rlly like. i mean. im digging the top heavy proportions? its got the same body type as kass so like. 4/10. bit plain around the features but what can u do. i dont understand how but the igneo taluses are like. sexier 

UGHGHHH I FUCKING HATE THESE THINGS okay okay okay like these motherfuckers lure u in by being quite cute and dancin around and then u get a look at their faces and its like fucking JESUS and its even WORSE when you see under their cloak and they have no necks????? and like????? they do that gay little fucking dance that pisses me off???? they’re wearing hoods that give the ILLUSION that they have necks and im im fumin ok i HATE it i hate it i have been betrayed and i will NEVER FORGET ABOUT IT UGHGHGHG I HATE THESE CUNTS -10000000000000000000000000000000000/10 die

hhhhh i just dont like em. theyre too annoying to be cute now. and whats gonna happen if i squeeze one? is like. water gonna come out? r they just gonna deflate? 4/10 tentacles are not hyrules forte it seems ://

trust kohga to send the twinks out on the front line. seriously. they’re not bad tho? kinda small and underwhelming :((( tho i give extra points for the good crazy laugh we love a good manic cackle 6/10 they dont really count as monsters but ah well where else am i gonna put em

now THATS what im talkin about babeyyyyy we love the muscles,,,,, the posture,,, the stride,,, we love it when u fuck up stealth and a torrential downpour of these motherfuckers come down to beat ur ass,,,,, 9/10 its raining men 😎

u know. u dont rlly like. get a good view of these guys when ur balls deep in a battle with them, but the more i get like closer looks at them the more i go ???? like idk. everything about them looks backwards and wrong. but as far as backwards and wrong goes its not a bad look and the boss theme is a banger so 4/10 maybe dont jump on my ass every time i step one foot onto the desert :/

i just. i dont dig it. idk why. aside from the fact they’re a monumental pain in my ass, and now everytime i hear a beep even slightly resembling a guardian i shit my pants, but. idk??? as far as robots go its not like. terrible. they’re like the milfs of robots. the milves, if u will. a rilf. except i wouldnt. so its more like riwlf. but even that leaves too much up to interpretation so im just gonna call em a cunt and go. 4/10 leg game strong

here we are,,, the big boys,,,, waterblight isnt too bad i will admit, but the spear hand is both annoying and mildly inconvenient. its got a rlly big chest but rlly thin arms?? also not sure how i feel abt the strap on beard but oh well its not like ganons got taste. 5/10 kind of average for a blight i think

a hefty motherfucker. a chunk of a lad. big large. the fact this is like one of the easiest blights makes it more forgiveable to me but like whatever its got going on with the 80s hair needs 2 be sorted out. i like its moves but it doesnt hang upside down like waterblight :((( 5/10 calm down kate bush

ok who doesnt like gun arms. and a gun back. this things like fuckin megatron. the whole face plate thing doesnt look bad either. honestly its kind of a look? but its dickheadery in aoc makes me wanna set shit on fire so :// 6/10 hot but will not leave u alone 😔

ok this one is by FAR the sexiest of all the blights. i just cant explain it. i like guys with bad posture. i had an easy time beating it but apparently its given other people a lot of grief and that makes it 10x more sexy to me lmaooo. also it can clone itself which is like. thats a win. 8/10 ganon spilt all the sexy juice into this one

ok i didnt realise how many arms this motherfucker has and the whole hairline behind the ears thing is not a great look. especially w the beard. in fact the longer i look at it the less sexy it becomes tbh. 3/10 they tried to make arachnophobia sexy and it didnt work

10/10 i will be taking questions in my inbox but i wont be taking constructive criticism and you cant make me 

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.2

Also yes this is a 5 part story arc, why do you ask, no I’m not “avoiding real life work”

Main Chat

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW THERE ARE THOSE WHO WOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING DRAGGED OUT OF BED AT AN UNGODLY HOUR FOR THE SAKE OF SOME JEWELRY AND FORCED INTO AN ADVENTURE

Wu Xie: And we are just so grateful you are above all that.

Zhang Qiling: You were fully awake and insisted we pack and go as soon as possible in case there was, and I quote, “more weird shit happening we can cash in on.”

Wu Xie: I mean it’s kind of interesting that the Zhang family sent a car for us. We could have driven. So what is going on there, I wonder?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW FOR A PARANOID AND CONNIVING LITTLE SHIT YOU STILL RADIATE OBLIVIOUS BAMBI ENERGY

HATE TO BE THE ADMIRAL ACKBAR HERE BUT ITS DEF A TRAP MY BOY

WHY DO U THINK WE ARE MESSAGING AND NOT TALKING DUMMY

WERE YOU IN A TOMB ON THE DAY THEY TAUGHT PPL STRANGER DANGER

BUT NO NO YOU WERE ALL “LETS GET IN THE VAN WITH THE FREE CANDY AND PUPPIES I BET WE’RE GOING TO THE CIRCUS”

THIS IS THE LAST STRAW IM LOJACKING YOU FOR REAL THIS TIME, SHOULDVE DONE THIS YEARS AGO

Zhang Qiling: I agree, in this particular case, with Pangzi. You should not have gotten in their vehicle while we were still inside the house. It forced us to follow you into the van to prevent separation, and they seemed to be expecting that. I don’t know whether Zhang Rishan intended this, but I don’t trust him.

Wu Xie: :( I got excited and didn’t think it through. I’m sorry.

Wang Pangzi: DONT YOU GIVE US THE BIG EYES WE ARE IMMUNE

MOSTLY

SPEAKING OF IMMUNE ITS REALLY FUCKIN COLD IN HERE AND UR STILL SICK, PUT YOUR JACKET ON STUPID

Wu Xie: oh relax, I’m fine. No fever at all today, remember? I feel a lot better, too.

Wang Pangzi: YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO HAVE XIAO GE INTERVENE

Zhang Qiling: It is odd to say this, but Pangzi is right again. You are barely back on your feet and could easily get worse again. Wu Xie. Jacket. Now.

Wu Xie: Oh fine. Teaming up on me, I see. Happy now?

Wang Pangzi: FUCKING ECSTATIC. NOW BACK TO HOW WE MAY BE PULLING A LI CU

Wu Xie: If it is an abduction, it wouldn’t be them moving against the whole Wu family—not with Uncle Erbai in charge. Zhang Rishan strikes me as someone who doesn’t make a move unless he is sure of his plan, and this is all a bit last-minute to be a big shift. Besides, they let Xiao Ge keep his sword and we still have all our phones.

Wang Pangzi: TOOK AWAY MY EXPLOSIVES THO THE BASTARDS

Zhang Qiling: In fairness, you were waving them around and yelling that if they tried anything it was going to be “yippeekiyay motherfucker all up in this bitch.”

Wang Pangzi: IT SOUNDS LESS COOL COMING FROM YOU. I THINK I SEE THE TEAHOUSE?

Wu Xie: me too. That’s Zhang Rishan on the steps. This must be urgent. Everybody stay shiny.

Zhang Qiling: I will be getting out first. Wu Xie in the middle, Pangzi at the rear.

Wang Pangzi: AND WHAT A VIEW;)

An hour later…

Main Chat

Wu Xie: Is everyone okay? I tried knocking but nothing is getting through, these are some solid walls.

Wu Xie: guys???

Wang Pangzi: OOPS PHONE WAS ON SILENT AND I WAS BUSY YELLING AT THE CEILING

IM PRESENT AND PISSED OFF

Zhang Qiling: Apologies, I was trying to break down the door.

Wang Pangzi: SO THIS MAY NOT BE THE TIME TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO BUT WHILE WE’RE HERE

Wu Xie: fuck Pangzi, I know, okay??

I’m an idiot, I’m so fucking stupid. It’s not like it’s the first or fiftieth time I’ve put you two in danger, either.

Wang Pangzi: HEY HEY WHOA NOW

STOP SAYING RUDE SHIT ABOUT MY FRIEND

ITS GONNA BE OKAY

DESPITE KNOWING THIS WAS A BAD IDEA I STILL COULDNT PREDICT HOW MUCH CHAOTIC LUCK THIS FAMILY HAS

DAMN IT I HATE WHEN HEI XIAZI IS RIGHT ABOUT THINGS

Zhang Qiling: I’m sorry. This is my fault. My line has a ruthlessly pragmatic streak and they’ve clearly wanted to test us separately to see why the necklace reacted to our arrival like that. It does not excuse Zhang Rishan trapping us in these separate rooms.

Wang Pangzi: UHH BITCH I SAID THIS FAMILY NOT YOUR FAMILY

THIS AINT ABOUT THEM

YOUR FAMILY IS ON MY SHIT LIST EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

THIS FAMILY MEANT US OBVS

UGH ANY SIGN OF THE BASTARDS?

Zhang Qiling: no. Wu Xie?

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie, answer me.

Wang Pangzi: WU XIE

TIANZHEN

PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE DAMNIT YOU'RE SCARING XIAOGE

Zhang Qiling: I’m going to try breaking down the door again.

Wu Xie: Hello, Wang Pangzi and Zhang Qiling. My apologies for the rather inhospitable circumstances, but this seemed expedient considering the unknown qualities of the necklace. I could not be sure who was causing what, or what could happen next, and thus have temporarily set you in separate rooms for the sake of everyone’s safety.

Wang Pangzi: WTF GIVE HIM BACK HIS FUCKIN PHONE ZHANG RISHAN I KNOW ITS YOU YOU PRETENTIOUS ANTIQUE

WE DESTROYED THIS PLACE BEFORE AND WE CAN DO IT AGAIN

Zhang Qiling: Your concerns for everyone’s safety are noted. Thank you for whatever you believe you’ve done right here.

Now. If you release us immediately and return Wu Xie to us, we will consider leaving without direct personal retribution.

Wang Pangzi: WHAT HE SAID AND ALSO YOU SUCK

Wu Xie: I regret that this has happened, I hope to make it up to you in the future. For the purpose of today’s needs, however—I will have my men escort the two of you out if you so desire, but unfortunately Wu Xie will need to stay until we have finished examining him.

Wang Pangzi: EXAMINING??? YOU FUCKING PERV HANDS OFF HE MAY BE THE BELLE OF THE BALL BUT HIS DANCE CARD IS SPOKEN FOR

I SWEAR I DID NOT GO THROUGH TEN YEARS OF THIS STARCROSSED CLUSTERFUCK FOR YOU TO SWOOP IN AND STEAL MY FRIENDS BF

Wu Xie: There is no call for rudeness. He will not be harmed. The artifact was responding to him directly. It has not lit up like this in over 200 years, and I need to understand why it is responding, and responding to someone who is not our kin, which it has never done before. This could have implications for everyone in my family if it could protect someone at the right moment.

Wang Pangzi: OKAY BUT CONSIDERING OUR TRACK RECORD IN THIS BUILDING AND THE SITUATION AT HAND Y’ALL ARE ABOUT TO NEED PROTECTION

Wu Xie: The testing would be going better if Wu Xie wasn’t worrying himself unnecessarily over where you both are, it’s making our readings difficult.

Wang Pangzi: OH GEE SO SORRY YOUR KIDNAPPING VICTIMS ARENT THRILLED TO BE HERE TO SAMPLE YOUR CREEPY JEWELRY BOX BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM

Zhang Qiling: Zhang Rishan. I appreciate that you must think of our family first in your decisions. As must I. I hope you can appreciate what that means for decisions I make.

Wang Pangzi: HEHEHE SO TRUE BESTIE

YOU PISSED OFF THE WRONG GOTH TODAY BUDDY BOY

Zhang Qiling: A compromise: we stay with him as you run your tests. That will calm him and assuage Pangzi’s concerns and prevent me from…testing the limits of your lifespan.

Wu Xie: I accept that this may temporarily impact our relations, but am hopeful that you will come to understand that sometimes I need to make certain choices for this family that are…difficult. I will come to let you—One moment. Something seems to be happening.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: OH SO WE ARE GONNA JUST POLITELY SIT WITH WU XIE AS STRANGERS POKE HIM WITH NEEDLES ARE WE HUH WELL LOOK WHOS BEING A HELPFUL LITTLE LAB ASSISTANT

Zhang Qiling: I’m attempting to convince him to let us out. Of course we will not simply sit there. Some lying to gain trust is necessary here.

Wang Pangzi: UR BEIN A SHADY BITCH XIAOGE AND ITS HOT

THATS WHY YOUR TATTOO IS SO BIG ITS FULL OF SECRETS

ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU TO—WAIT WHAT WAS THAT SOUND??

At the same time…

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Xie Yuchen: …so, this is not what I expected to find.

Hei Yangjing: yeah kiddo is a bit freaked out:/ this sucks. I mean I get that they are concerned blah blah blah necklace goes brightbright but maybe we should go find the other two

or at least find a way to let Wu Xie know we are here, that room he’s in looks like a dungeon and not in a good way

Xie Yuchen: Does it look like I’m able to do anything right now? Also, I’m fairly certain they won’t be harmed. Zhang Rishan may be callous, but he isn’t stupid.

Hei Yangjing: r u kidding

he split up Romeo and Juliet, then left Romeo with a sword—seems pretty stupid to me

Xie Yuchen: Yeah I’m not going near that. He made his bed with that choice. What can you see? These Neanderthal guards are blocking my view.

Hei Yangjing: uh so there’s like a lab table situation

Wu Xie isn’t tied up, a good sign in this context

I can’t see what those people are holding, they’re talking a lot and some asshole just grabbed Wu Xie’s arm, looks like maybe they are putting in an IV?

The necklace is—oh. Oh shit.

[seungstarss]

HI SEI

omfg i just read the latest updates of recall and?? ⁉️⁉️🤨 GIRL WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG W U????? NAURRRR COS MY HEART IS ACTUALLY BREAKING RN THIS IS SO NOT OK 😭😭 I JUST WANT YNWON TO BE HAPPY AND IK I WAS EXCITED ABT FINDING OUT THE REST OF THE PLOT BUT LIKE??? U LITERALLY SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET BC I TOTALLY DIDNT EXPECT ANY OF THAT AT ALL ARE U KIDDING????? OH EM JAYYYYY RECALL IS SO FUCKING GOOD ITS LITERALLY AMAZING BUT MY HEAD IS IN MY HANDS AND IM SHAKING IM QUIVERING IM ON MY KNEES BEGGING FOR A HAPPY ENDING BUT KNOWING U……….

ON A SRS NOTE THO I FUCKING L O V E RECALL!!! SEI how the FUCK did u come up w this like are u joking??? UR BRAIN??? >>>> UGH i’m in love w the storyline like it’s actually so so interesting and i’m just in luv w how nuanced ur characters are :< they all have their backstories and motivations and reasoning behind their decision making which makes it so so immersive to read??? IVE HONESTLY ENJOYED READING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF UR CHARACTERS SO FAR??? all of yn’s friends are so so supportive and cute and bring sm energy to an otherwise angsty asf fic ,, jungwons friends r also legit so cute in their own way and can we talk abt the antagonists too like ????? YURI ???? REI????? THE WAY WE HAVENT EVEN FINISHED THE STORY YET BC NOW IM WONDERING WHAT PART YURI HAD IN THE ACCIDENT TOO???? ICB UVE ONLY REVEALED A PART OF WHAT HAPPENED (ALBEIT A BIG PART) AND THERE R STILL 5 MORE CHAPTERS TO GO??? MOMMY COME PICK ME UP IM FUCKING SCARED IM ACTUALLY QUAKING RN 😭😭 BUT HOLY CRAP SEI I RLYL RLLY RLLY RLLY CANT PRAISE U ENOUGH BC BFFIE U ARE DOING THE BESTEST JOB EVER??? I LOGE THE PLOT THE CHARACTERS THE TEXTS THE MEMES THE PACE OF THE PLOT AND THE WAY U GIVE LITTLE CLUES WITHOUT REVEALING TOO MUCH??? UGHHH URE ACTUALLY TOO GOOD AT THIS 😭💗💗

YNWON ARE SO FUCKING TRAGIC. like the fact they secretly liked each other and were super duper close and did everything w each other was CUTE enough, only for yn to find out jungwons secret :( tbf, i’m sure his fake reputation was already in the making before they met (unless i’m dumb and got the timeline mixed up), so it’s not like he could’ve just randomly told her right :((( i mean ofc it would’ve been better to come clean ab it but i get it :((( it makes me so sad to think yn had been wiped of her memories and jungwon was left to toss up between wanting her to remember their best times and not wanting her to hate him all over again :<< THIS IS SO FUCKING SAD 😭😭 i’m actually so sad rn nobody talk to me,,,,, IT ACTYALLY BREAKS MY HEART TO THINK THAT YNWON CAN ONLY GET TGT IF SHE CAN SEE HIS GOOD AND HIS BAD SIDES AND ACCEPT HIM ENTIRELY FOR WHO HE IS??? I WONDER IF SHE CAN SEE PAST THIS ☹️ BUT YN MY LOVE ITS OK IF U DONT…. men aint shit anyway ig 🚶‍♀️

anyway recall 2/10; super interesting love the characters the plot is flawless but?? author is kinda whack and loves to hurt people ?? so yuhhh i’m gna subtract 8 points :>

OML MY FAV MAI!! I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL OH EM GEE🥺 I SAW YOUR REBLOGS AND I HAD SM FUN REAFING THEM STAHQGQJQ YOU ALWAYS GIVE ME SM SUPPORT THAT I DONT DESERVE 😭😭😭 BUT TY FOR ALWAYS GIVING ME THE CONFIDENCE TO KEEP WRITING AAAA

YES THE MYSTERY OF YN'S ACCIDENT IS FINALLY SOLVED 😭 IT WAS HIM ALL ALONG AND YEAH I BET YN IS FEELING CONFLICTED AS HELL RN LIKE 😭 I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE YOU CARED FOR SM JUST LYING TO YOU :"(((( BUT YESS JUNGWON DID HAVE THIS WHOLE IMAGE THING SET UP ALREADY WHEN HE MET YN :((( JW WAS DEF GOONG THROUGH HELL FLAMES WHEN HE WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT WITH THE MEMORIES :( THAT'S WHY BOY WANTED TO STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS HE COULD,,,, BUT GOSH IT MUST'VE HURT LIKE SHIT TO LOSE SOMEONE WHEN IT WASNT YOUR INTENTION TO BUT IT WAS UR FAULT 😭😭😭 BUT YES 5 MORE CHAPTERS TO GO!! SO LETS SEE HOW THIS PLAYS OUT 😘😘

MuahHQHAHAH HURTING PEOPLE WUTH MY STORIES IS MY FAV GENRE 🤩

[danepopfrippery]

My god i had to unfollow 3 ppl for loving johnny depp and one for slagging Taika for following amber heard.

I dont care about those two. Literally never engaged with their works. But ive heard for years he was a wino and a beater. Havent heard much about her. A lot of claims have been raised but only after this trial not before…

In the us defamation verdicts usually come down to who has the most money. The bar is ridiculously low. If i say ur cafe has bad food and it makes me wanna wretch if i dont throw ‘in my opinion’ and u are pissed and have money, u can get a ruling against me. Ive dealt with it before and it ruined my life. I cant add more without doxxing myself.

Anyway fuck abusers. And if some ppl are waiting a little too gleefully for the fall of taika (i find his poly thing grosser but hey its his life and consenting adults girl u do u). But i did unfollow a singer for posting some justice for johnny shit so i guess the gullible are feeling the same.

Then my sister posted some shit about it and my hoar mother liked it. I actually was surprised by that and somehow she was surprised i was. She went real quiet when i said basically this.

So if u loooove ur johnny unfollow me now. I aint got no time for that

[animatedrapture]

I HAVE GASOLINE LAYING AROUND IN MY HOUSE AND IM OMW TO SET KANA ON FIRE :))))

ok im about to compile possibly like 10 chapters worth of kana hate KJHLDSDJS

so. sorry i wasnt able to respond to so manyyyyyy of these on time and all, i get overwhelmed super easily but i truly, truly love all of you and appreciate each msg :DD these have all either made me think real hard LMFOAHJSKD or had me laughing so hard and gasping lmfao. but yeah, i appreciate all of these and everything i mightve never gotten bc tumblr asks is dumb as well as the ones ive still yet to come back to or answer. almost each and every single one of these have been a guidance with what i wanted to do with the smau, whenever i wanted to switch something up or make something better in the smau, your msgs helped a lot in improving it in some way and helping me figure out what i truly wanted to do with the smau and for that, thank u!!!

Anonymous asked:

FUCK KANA ALL MY HOMIES HATE HER HANA SPILLED HER DRINK ON HER? SHE DID THE RIGHT THING ALSO FUCK SUNA BC EVEN UF HE HAD SEX WITH YN AND SAID HE ADORES HER HIS ACTIONS/AFFECTION TOWARDS KANA GIVES MIXED SIGNALS AND ITS TIME HE GET ACCOUNTABLE OF SAID ACTIONS sorry for the rant 🥴

Anonymous asked:

the “tw kana” absolutely sent me into orbit i cackled 😭

Anonymous asked:

anons bonding over kana hate🤝🏻🤝🏻🤝🏻

Anonymous asked:

yeah its only you who doesn't dislike her FGHDJGKUJ IM KIDDING no but really more than hate her its hate the way shes in between like it pisses me off the cockblock she is 😭😭

Anonymous asked:

if i were kana,,,i would either tell him i still have feelings OR hurt in silence (step back) since technically he or should i say they decided to be JUST bestfriends not cockblocking the possibility for him to be in a relationship

Anonymous asked:

kana has to make a choice: she confess or shut the fuck up bc as far as we know they decided to be just bff (highkey think suna was more into being just friends and kana kinda lied) so IF he likes someone else why the fuck try to sabotage him (his happiness with someone else) when he find it out then what? would he still keep her as a friend? 🧐

Anonymous asked:

What if I just...shift or whatever you guys call it, into As Friends universe...and bonk Kana on the head...lol just kidding...ah ha ha ha No please she is starting to sound like the girl best friend that would make couples break up because she does not care about boundaries...honey, you're the best friend, yes, you're important, but that's his girlfriend...stay in your lane. Lol like "I don't want to confess" but "He's mine so I have to get rid of all competitions" lol fucking clown yeah no, I don't have to wait for you to write more about her to make me hate her sksksksksk I already do

Anonymous asked:

Ayo istg kana's been giving y/n the stinky eye... if she stares at y/n like that one more time LAWD HELP HER SOUL, im coming for her eyes!!! But fr,, Rin better treat y/n right and put kana in her place. Bc y/n got a best friend too (samu) u^u and he can cook and would treat her good.

Anonymous asked: likE I KEEP SAYING eAT SHIT KANA

Anonymous asked: I am CRAVING IMMENSE VIOLENCE bring that girl kana here lemme knock her teeth down her throat. >:(

Anonymous asked:

kana (derogatory)

Anonymous asked:

istg if a bus doesn’t hit kana i’m gonna do it

Anonymous asked:

kana toxic best friend it’s time for suna to realise IT 😤😤

Anonymous asked:

kana has family problems only rin knows about? what in the ao haru ride manga 😐

Anonymous asked:

WHY KANA FUKC

Anonymous asked:

NAH MY GUT FEELING TELLING ME KANA WAS BAD NEWS SINCE THE BEGINNING also she wants suna all to herself (he sees her as a bff) but doesn’t say shit to him... if course he’s gonna find someone in the future whether in college or after (unless the bitch will still to his ass even when he goes pro)

Anonymous asked:

everyday i wake up with notifs from u i feel like im about to get subjected to pain and IM RIGHT THIS TIME TOO what the hell kana u will never be yn (me) 🙏🏼🧇

Anonymous asked:

bro part of me wants to punch suna so bad bc like hes so awkward but so smooth like who tf do u want stop being a smooth ass mf u know these two bitches like u

Anonymous asked: i might just obliterate everyone named kana cause of as friends THE WHOLE TIME MY EYE WAS TWITCHING CAUSE OF HER FUCK KDDSKDLSDK EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO OBLITERATE HER SAY "I" but like hi! i hope youre well

Anonymous asked:

even tho u always insist you'd never het mad at me girl HUHH i used to be genuinely good w kana now she's just a manipulative bitch :// kana babe sorry but ur best friend is allowed to spend time with other people 🙄

xmyshya asked:

I 👏 love 👏 Hana 👏 Also 👏 fuck 👏 Kana 👏 and Rin you idiot, what do you mean he's not gonna pursue dating T_T it's just a few chapters till the end T_T wut T_T

yourstarvic asked:

Kana needs to back up before she gets beat up 😤 me and my homies ain’t playing no more 😤

Anonymous asked:

omg that ur probably mad (even tho u said u’d never get mad at me!) broooo

Anonymous asked:

kana gonna get even more territorial in the next chapters im getting kinda scared to see how rin reacts 😒 shes gonna lowkey (highkey) manipulate rin like oh u said youll never leave me you said i come first and all that mhmmm girl dont make me break your neck 👎🏼👎🏼

Anonymous asked:

huh so is kana basically a pick me girl

Anonymous asked:

“you’d be selfish abt this” girl

Anonymous asked:

why tf kana gotta ask yn bro u don't know her just ask suna directly 🙄 putting her in an awkward ass position how's she supposed to say no i'm sorry kana's being annoying as hell rn

Anonymous asked:

it’s time for kana to realise: - yn aint just a fling bc suna is spending more time with her - suna clearly sees her just as his bff

Anonymous asked:

Kana saying "I was worried you'd be selfish about this haha" well bitch now I gotta be 😒

Anonymous asked:

“i was worried you’d be selfish about this hahaha” -the one who’s for the streets kana better watch herself…y/n was being kind, i will not be

Anonymous asked:

DID KANA REALLY HAVE THE NERVE TO ASK US?????? TO POSTPONE OUR PLANS WITH RIN???? pls that « you understand, right? » was just so manipulative oh my god-

Anonymous asked:

kana can go cry & write to her diary about it 😘😘

Anonymous asked:

“y/n right?” after literally meeting her plssss

Anonymous asked:

miss kana is just gonna have to miss him a little more bc i'm not canceling SHIT!!

Anonymous asked:

kana is playing chess while we’re playing checkers

Anonymous asked:

everytime you post and kana gets fucked over my day is made and it all I'm going to think about

Anonymous asked:

im catching up on as friends bc i havent read a few chapters and kana saying “arent you just with yn” made me extra angry go trip down some stairs kana

Anonymous asked:

u made my week with the update 😭🖤 i hate kana sfm lol

Anonymous asked:

kana suffering either way the story goes? I'm in -🦄

Anonymous asked:

kana n suna need to grow up lowkey it’s very highschool

Anonymous asked:

WHOEVER SENT THIS I AM CHOOSING VIOLENCE who's in, let's go beat kana-🦄

Anonymous asked:

hELL YEAAHH GET FUCKED KANA /neg

[dukeofonions]

hi so i.found ur blog and its honestly like a breath of fresh air to look at so if its ok i might just fuckin,,vent here.

so. ik a lot of other people have been talking abt how pof was really straining to watch and i am.very late to the party but i need to talk abt it bcz holy fuck. when i first watched it i was in a way better place mwntally, also the general excitement of wow,content kinda overrode the headache and the eye hurty and the just. bad. but i was rewatching it recently because i was basing a fic off it and i just. i couldnt finish it because all of it was just so much and there was no fuckin warning?? so that was pog ig

next thing because i have. a lot of thoughts. ive been in the fandom for not-very-long, i joined in the middle of 2019 or something.and it just kinda sucks because im only still here for the fandom. i love the series but i can only watch dwit and compilations of logan/roman being sad so much before i can basically recite them off the top of my head. but i reallyreally love writing for the fandom!! it makes me so happy to do the writing, its just the fact that im not as invested with the series that makes me feel,,idk man guilty ig?? anyway thats too deep for a rant so im.a move on

god so tw me not liking post aa virgil and me talking abt toxic friends but hoooly fuck man. i just. pre aa virgil was fun because he was snarky and sarcastic and i could actually stand the nagst because his character made sense?? he was the 'bad guy' and he wasnt as woobified back then and he was honestly a solid vibe. but post aa virgil gives off the vibe of that one friend who fuckin, gets angry at you when you bring up any of your mental health issues and then blames their outburst on their mental health issuea and its like?? no i hate that character dynamic. people say bad things when the feel bad, sure, ik i have, but its the vibe of 'im gonna threaten you and then blame it on my mental health but if you so much as look at me wrong while ur having sensory overload or something i will smite you with the force of one thousand suns' and i am just.so tired. also ithink someone else said this but we should just call the series 'virgil sanders and the rest' because thats what it is now ksbdjqkbsq

also (all ofthese are my opinions btw and im not trying to say im rigbt im just tired honestly) the way. in pof the way patton's whole thing is 'you need empathy' is not funky fresh for both people with low empathy and high empathy 😎 bcz ppl with too much/too little empathy are always told theyre 'cold' or that theyre 'oversensitive', the whole 'there is an average amount of empathy and if u dont have that fuck you actually' is icky and bad and gross. i do think patton's character is really well done in the series but that episode jjust personally. ick.

and finally the moment uve not been waiting for bcz this is probably really tiring to read but the moment youve been waiting for-fwsa.just. why. its cute and stuff and i love nico. nico is a vibe. also bathroom man john is great. but shouldnt roman still be on shit terms with thomas?? like lk we're just gonna sweep away the whole 'i thought i wad ur hero' shizz? cool cool, glad to know romans arc still aint happening. also i get it, we needed to cement that virgil is a light side now. but like..did we?? actually bcz this is so long im gonna send in a second ask (im sososorry if this clogs up ur ask box if u tell me to stop i will i just. many thoughts) abt how even though i hate virgil, his arc should have been done. so differently. just gonna put like,, a mushroom emoji here so u can put the 2 asks together if u want 🍄

You’re always free to vent here! Sorry it took so long to respond but life has a cruel habit of getting in the way of things I need to do. 

So for starters, the POF problem should be talked about more so I can assure you that you’re not late to the party. It never really got the amount of attention it deserved so I am more than willing to bring that back up and trust me, you’re not alone. 

And again, you’re not alone in this either! Plenty of people still enjoy creating content for these characters. You don’t have to feel guilty for not finding the actual series interesting because honestly, I’m kinda losing interest too. But I still love these characters and I love that the fandom is still creating stories with them through different mediums.

Honestly I agree with just about everything you said about Virgil and I do eventually plan on tackling a lot of this in a future post. You know, if I ever force myself to just sit down and write the dang thing... 

Oh my gosh I’ve been waiting for someone to talk about this because that whole thing about empathy in POF really ticked me off because you’re absolutely right, not everyone is 100% empathetic, and some people can be empathetic to a point where it hurts themselves. Like I get what they were trying to say but it came across as, well, like you said. “If you’re don’t have this exact level of empathy then eff you I guess you’re a bad person.” Maybe that actually wasn’t their intention but it sure came across that way and maybe I’ll go into it a little more in another post because now that I’ve been reminded of it again I kinda wanna talk about it more. 

Okay yes, FWSA on its own is a good episode. Heck, it’s one of my favorites. It feels closer to a season one episode than ATHD that’s for sure. The problem with this episode isn’t the quality but the fact that it comes right after POF. And I’ve basically gone over this in my “Problem With Asides” post and how it affects both Roman and Virgil’s current arcs so I won’t go into much more detail here but just know that I pretty much agree with all of this. 

Also don’t worry about cluttering up my inbox. It’s here for people to share their thoughts and that’s exactly what you’re doing! Hope to see your part two soon mushroom anon!