#dont even do bare minimum of asking how people are let alone actually planning things or doing shit for/with them

[jadeddays]

okay but not joking, nothing has made me squint at the councilor/psychologists more than the fact theres been so many people i've known over the years who go to university for psychology and yet have truly and genuinely zero empathy or even just like general adolescent understanding of human behavior but they really think they're like. Emotional geniuses or something and I just can't help but to be like HMMMMMMM

[allbrainrot]

Hi! First, i love your writing🥺 Now to the point. How about felix, sylvain and dimitri pinning after the female reader? We are basically yeeting ingrid and placing a fem reader instead😂 Like, they are childhood friends and the three of them have had a lovestruck for her since they were kids? And now they just end up fighting for her love or smth? Either hdcns or an scenario is fine! You can pick whichever you wish! However if you dont want to write this req please dont feel forced to! Love u🥺

Thank you so much!! 🖤 And yes, you got it! Bye Ingrid LMAO 😎😎 I write pre timeskip wayyy better so I’m gonna just say that reader is 18 (i don’t write NSFW or anything but age is still a thing lol) so that they’re in between the ages of Dimi + Felix & Sylvain and it works out, hope you don’t mind! I love you too anon 🥺

- Dimi is probably the first one to catch feels when they’re kids! Felix does too but he’s kinda just like wtf is this??? until someone teases him about it. Sylvain is quite ✨special✨ with romance but I think he’d be inclined to trust you a lot more because you’ve known him since you were teeny tiny before you even knew wtf a crest was! So he probably also catches feels when you’re kids but then he goes through his whole girl phase SIGH

- None of them realize their predicament until they all see you again at the officer’s academy together. I wouldn’t say they’re super obvious about it, but they’re teenagers (well Syl isn’t but shhhhh) who all like the same person so they’re going to pick up on each other’s crushes while reader remains ignorant. It’s not an issue that needs to be addressed immediately, but they’re all watching each other cautiously.

- Syl would have a massive head start on flirting with you, but he’s faced with the big issue that you don’t believe he’s being genuine and brush him off. Felix is constantly challenging you to duels to get close to you and also have alone time with you, although the other 2 will occasionally ruin his plans and insist on joining. Ah man bby Dimitri would probably come across as a little overbearing because he’s very protective of you and is constantly offering to do things for you. He’s just a mother hen that’s whipped for you and doesn’t know any other way to express it!

- When it comes to the 4 of you sitting together at lunch or in class, Sylvain is the worst. He’s very aware that his competition is far less bold than him, and so he’s making sure he’s always closest to you. Will squish as close to you as humanly possible HE WOULD DEADASS PUT YOU IN HIS LAP IF HE COULD 😭 If he puts a hand on your thigh or an arm around you it’s a wholeass declaration of war.

- Felix will likely become much more protective which may cause a lot of yelling at you for being careless or weak, but really he’s just so worried! To ease his mind, he’ll help you correct your mistakes himself (which has the added bonus of getting really close to you and occasionally lowkey holding hands when he adjusts your grip). Around other people, especially Dimitri and Sylvain he’ll be evidently sweeter to you to get the message across. A blended mix of jealousy and concern will make him very protective of you around the other two. Dimitri is not getting within 5 feet of you while guard dog Felix is around.

- In the Blue Lions the tension in the air is so thick you could cut it with a knife everyone is thoroughly confused but frankly just sick of it lol. Felix glaring at Dimitri? That’s totally normal but Dimitri is doing it back AND Sylvain is added to the weird stare off- wtf happened?? Byleth would have to talk to them after class and be like guys what in the goddess’s name happened 😭 They’ll all give a vague answer that doesn’t give away that it’s about you and each one of them has a jab at the others to shift the blame..please find your chill lads !

- At this point everything gets a little bit needier because they’ve all had this pent up yearning but have been blocked by the others. (If you’re ok with it) Sylvain will just randomly peck you on the cheek or your forehead when he sees you and you’re just like LOL ok ✨typical Sylvain✨ But when you sit next to him at lunch or in class he’s started very tenderly holding your hand under the table and you’re like huh ok that’s a little odd. If Dimitri is on the other side of you he will carefully take your other hand in retaliation. Felix will probably give in and do the same but he’ll snatch your hand a lot more aggressively and look away from you with a scowl and a blush.

- Dimi and Felix are both touch starved AF and would very much appreciate cuddles or any physical contact. If you’ve reacted positively to everything thus far, Dimitri will slowly start to bite the bullet and initiate affection because he wants it so bad. Any time you touch Dimitri, he gets sappy and lovey af and will express his adoration in hopes that you’ll keep giving him affection. Felix would never upfront ask for affection but he just kinda sits really close to you and glares at you with a little pout and you will have to realize that this is Felix language for ‘it is a crime that you aren’t cuddling me rn’.

- Obviously Sylvain gets lots of physical contact with women but I don’t ever see it as holding affection yknow?? Like yeah he spends a night or two with chicks after them crest babies™️ (i cannot take myself seriously this sentence is so funny-), but I don’t really think that they’ve done actual cuddling or casual displays of affection like petting someone’s hair because they likely don’t care too much for Sylvain and will just do the bare minimum. So in a way, Sylvain is also starved of affectionate touches and he would very much appreciate the little things that no one else has done for him. It’s new and scary for him to actually seek romantic attention, but he’s still pretty bold, just not very tactful when it comes to you lol. If you’re sitting by yourself on a bench he will not hesitate to sprawl himself out on top of you with his head in your lap and stare up at you with an innocent grin. Is also lowkey not embarrassed to whine or pester you?? His reputation is pretty hopeless at this point so what does he have to lose by sitting behind you in class and poking you while dramatically whining about you not paying attention to him?

- Attention is a huge deal to Sylvain. It’s one of the main things he’s looking for when he randomly flirts with people at the monastery. He can’t handle being ignored and that leads him to often seek many girls at once so that he always has attention when one is busy. But when it comes to you he finds himself in deep shit because once he’s gotten a little bit from you, everyone else seems minuscule and with others he only receives a mere fraction of the satisfaction he gets from being with you. So he’s gradually allotting more and more time to you until he hardly talks to any other girl. But Sylvain is used to being the one that everyone wants more of, so when he finds himself in the shoes of the smitten women that piss him off, he’s plagued by the worry that you’ll think he’s overly needy. So he comes to seek validation from you too. If he can just get you to comb your fingers through his hair or give him a kiss on the cheek then he can renew his confidence in trying to court you.

- Dimi is somewhat similar but for different reasons and in different ways. Dimitri has practically no experience with romance so he’s extremely smitten and has an overwhelming desire for the affection you give him that he’s never had. But he’s painfully aware of how extreme his feelings are in comparison to any other couples he may have seen at the monastery, and he’s terrified that he’ll scare you away if he expresses exactly how much he yearns for you. So Dimitri is always very visibly holding back much like he often holds back his strength. Dimi will do anything for you or with you, but you have to initiate it so he can be certain that he’s not smothering you. On days where he’s extremely lovey and never wants to let go of you (which is kind of often lol) he will constantly ask if you’re sure that he’s not bothering you. He is just so horrified at the thought of messing up whatever it is you have.

- Felix will be very easily overwhelmed by you, so it’s much better if you wait to cuddle up to him until you can both go to one of your rooms. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be touched, he does, but his feelings for you make him way too vulnerable for his liking, so he’s not going to want anyone else around. Felix is still Felix and he goes off to take out his feelings in the training grounds every free day, but has started occasionally coming to your room when he’s done for the day and receiving his required cuddle time away from prying eyes. He may have accidentally fallen asleep with you a couple times..

- You’ve probably snuck in to sleep in Dimi’s room on occasions when he’s dangerously sleep deprived. The man, the myth, the legend Dedue would definitely help sneak you in because he knows it does Dimi a lot of good. Dimitri is able to fall asleep with you practically on top of him in his grasp. Feeling your heartbeat close by and your hair beneath his head and hearing you breath peacefully is enough to ground him from his fear of losing you too. He’ll still have nightmares, trauma is a bitch, but when you’re there you can bring him back down and he’ll eventually be able to fall back to sleep (which he typically can’t do alone). It’s not a perfect night’s sleep, but it’s enough to keep Dimi functional and that’s what you’re there for. He’ll thank you a million times and unnecessarily apologize for the inconvenience, please do what you can to reassure him that he’s not a nuisance to you. 

- SIGH Sylvain, this god damn silly little goose, is extremely distressed by his feelings for you and even moreso by his developed neediness. It honestly kinda scares the shit out of him to realize he’s whipped for someone and at a loss for a way to ask you out. He’s used to having that power, to have someone’s feelings in the palm of his hand where he can do anything he wants. Genuinely trying to figure out how he would court someone is a frightening new thing for him and he’s suddenly on a playing field where he doesn’t have his experience or his power to shield himself with. So he reverts to his old ways to try to get a handle on his fear and have his confidence boosted back up. But of course, Syl still wants all the attention he can get from you so you so he spends all of the day with you, then does his other girl bullshit at night! It doesn’t go as smoothly as planned though..Sylvain is used to being yelled at by crying girls, but it hasn’t gone unnoticed that he ignores them all day and drops by whenever he feels like it, and he ends up getting in some pretty nasty arguments that do not help his already vulnerable state. So it’s like 2 AM and Sylvain’s feeling like a sorry sack of potatoes and just wants to be held by someone and talk until falling asleep in their arms. And there’s only one person who Sylvain wouldn’t mind being open with and who could provide him genuine comfort..and you’re the lucky winner of the ‘Sylvain on your doorstep at 2 AM’ lottery!! Unless your sleep schedule is wack you’re gonna be all groggy like hey uhh wtf Syl??? And that is how the occasional nights that Sylvain falls asleep in your room happen!

- If the 3 of these scenarios interfere with each other ummmmmmmmm no they didn’t 😳

Ok! That’s where I’m leaving off because I don’t want to try to write endings with you picking one of them it just makes me kinda sad LMAO. Bro omg it’s the return of the ridiculously long Allister fics she do be goin a little insane though 😳 But for real I’ve been gradually adding to this for like?? a week? And I just kept picking cute relationship milestones or whatever in my walnut brain and writing a point for each of them so that the 3 of them are equally written. So it might not line up perfectly but I hope you like it!!

[ainchase]

very very rough translation of Elesis/LuCiel Epic Quest with Rosso

rosso: everything related to the protection of El is the masters and the priestesses' responsibility. you stay out of it.

ciel:??? dude wtf we

1. restored the el

2. fought against henir zealots

3. saved your fucking ass

rosso: yeah I can see just how ugly everything got if people like you guys were helping out

lu: !@$!@$Y#$%@#$

elesis: okay well w.e we gon go ask denif then

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

rosso: I SAID STAY OUT OF IT

lu: in case you forgot we beat your ass in varnimyr

rosso: yeah it was like 13v1

elesis: Alright, let's say that even someone with a demon's blood can be come master. Why did you become one?

ciel: yeah did you become master cuz you had some ulterior motive with the el or something

rosso: are you fucking kidding me right now

elesis: yeah why do you insist on going to the demon realm all by yourself? you know, other masters had to stay behind and let us go to the demon realm cuz they had to protect the el. you dont look like you care about that

rosso: others can protect the el. I can handle the demon realm by myself.

elesis: why do you want to go alone so bad? what's your hidden agenda?

rosso: what about you guys? why do YOU want to go back to the demon realm so bad? You find me suspicious cuz Im half demon and I want to go back to the demon realm?? How's that any different from you guys

rosso: you guys have a half demon AND a full blown demon. You guys are more suspicious than me

lu: what did you say you lil shit

we went through all that shit for a reason

rosso: Im saying that we did the same for Elrios as well. We did a lot of shit to protect this world

rosso: doing shit to save the world aint a competitive sport

elesis: why are you so fucking uptight

lu: what do you mean? this fucker is just crazy

ciel: I see. if he really meant harm, then he wouldnt be this defensive against us from the start. it's better to back stab when he has our guard lowered

elesis: yeah see how hes like threatening us physically but answering every single one of our questions? its like hes doing doing his bare minimum to make us understand

elesis: you just really want to stop us from going to the demon realm, huh

rosso: gdi

rosso: what makes you think you guys have to go to the demon realm?

elesis: in order to stop the Order and fully restore the El, we need the Dark El.

ciel: You're not entirely wrong. It doesn't necessarily have to be us to find the Dark El.

ciel: but think about it logically. There's no other team that's more suitable for this mission than ESP. Isnt that true?

rosso: I...

elesis: you alone doesnt make a team. You have a ridiculously low success rate if you jump into the battlefield by yourself.

elesis: i mean sometimes you gotta make 5 teams each with 2 people but uhh

rosso: I dont give a shit

elesis: right back at ya, ESP is under the velder kingdom. we dont have to listen to you, a so-called higher up from a kingdom long gone

rosso: that place is an abyss. none of the shit like order and process work there

rosso: wasnt it enough to lose your brother to the el once?

elesis: :tears:

ciel: you talking like we're going to demon realm to die

rosso: look, if everything worked out the way you plan, then the El wouldn't have exploded in the first place

rosso: going to a world where there isnt El or the influence of the Goddess means you have to be prepared for death. You guys have way too many things to lose to do that.

rosso: you have a shit ton of precious things to protect and yet you want to drive yourselves into danger? you've gotta be kidding me

elesis: so what, are you saying youre going to sacrifice yourself in our place cuz you got nothing to lose or something?

rosso: Im just trying to do my damn job, stop making shit up

lu: wait so you been spewing shit to us just so you can--

rosso: --I SAID STOP MAKING SHIT UP

ciel: I mean if youre that worried about us, how about you come with us?

lu: lol if it was something like that, you could've just asked honestly from the beginning. I could've pulled some strings for ya

rosso: I swear Im going to kill you

elesis: well of course I dont want Elsword to involve himself in dangerous things, honestly

rosso: and yet you...

elesis: but this is the path we chose

elesis: a path that I chose

rosso: ...

rosso: I dont give a flying fuck on what path you chose

rosso: if you insist that much on going to the demon realm, then there will come a time when you have to make a decision

rosso: whether you have conviction, act recklessly or not, at the end of the day, if you got something that you have to choose over the other, it'll definitely hold you back

rosso: you didnt want to sacrifice your brother so you dragged him out of the El. Are you trying to die for him?

lu: what

ciel: what are you trying to say

rosso: how much more do I have to explain

ciel: why are you thinking complicated things when they didnt even happen yet

rosso: what

elesis: what

ciel: so youre saying, to go to the demon realm, we have to cut all ties, get rid of all worldly possessions, and jump in there all alone? you can think however you want, but I dont agree with that

ciel: it just looks like youre threatening us, like asking if we're ready to give up our lives for someone else in hopes of stopping us but

ciel: from the moment we decided to get elsword out of el, we already made up our mind

ciel: even if someone's life is on the line like you said, then I'll survive no matter what. Knowing Lu doesn't want me to die, I can't afford to lose my life.

lu: :tears:

rosso: the fk is wrong with you guys

lu: ciel's right

rosso: what

lu: we almost wasted our time worrying about useless shit. You got viscerally upset when I said we have to return to the demon realm to keep a promise

lu: if you think trying to survive is more important than trying to keep a promise, then how come you dont practice what you preach?

lu: dont you also value promises and conviction more?

rosso: Im different. I've been given a power.

elesis: youre so fucking stubborn i cant even

lu: me and ciel are bound by a contract. I might have considered what you said if I wanted to go back to the demon realm just to exact my vengeance.

lu: if something happens to me, I might not be able to save ciel

lu: but I still have to return because someone loyal to me is still there

lu: I mean its kinda meaningless to compare him with ciel, but as long as we've made our promise, winster is my people as well

lu: I forgot, for such a long time, what it's like to lead people, to take care of those who follow you

lu: why do I want to go to the demon realm?

lu: Im returning to reclaim my stolen throne. I will save my people, fulfill their wishes and at times punish them if I must.

lu: who's to stop a lord from returning to her domain to do what is asked of her?

rosso: :glare:

elesis: we already experienced a time when we had to make our choice, like ciel said

elesis: we made up my mind to go through even the most impossible things together

rosso: :rollingeyes: Im an idiot for trying to persuade a group of idiots like you

lu: do you finally feel like explaining things now

rosso: dont get your hopes up. Im only telling you cuz I know you idiots cant use this method

ciel: I think Im slowly getting used to his abrasive tone, after listening to it for so long. Okay, we won't think you've admitted defeat after you were persuaded by us, so just tell us

rosso: listen you little shit

rosso: Alright. Remember when I said I was suppressing the fire el's power with demonic aura?

rosso: the power of fire is much more difficult to control than other elements. there are enough of those who burned to ash because they couldnt withstand its destructive power

rosso: rosso clan was always trying to produce a master of fire, and decided they'll need a new form of power to suppress the power of fire el, for example...

rosso: something completely different from the el's power. Like a demonic energy.

elesis: they did what now

rosso: it's not much of a stretch to say that no one knew anything about demons back then. from their perspective, i was just a kid with a strange power.

rosso: of course I didnt have much as an actual demon, but my intrinsic demonic power was good enough for me to be a subject of their experiments The red eye was transplanted into me, and I was able to control the power of fire.

rosso: ...it wasn't without an accident, but in any case, the power of fire and the demonic aura are constantly at a balance inside of me. When one of them disappears, the other goes rampant

rosso: on the day we all decided to imbue the el shards with our respective element, I was the most problematic one

ciel: I see... from the process of trying to transfer the power of fire into the el shard, the balance between your demonic aura and the power of fire crumbled...

rosso: chaotic continent, missing masters... if they had a rampant half-demon on top of that, Elrios would not look the way it does today

elesis: that's why you went to the demonic realm? so you wouldn't go rampant in elrios???

rosso: /shrug

rosso: as the el exploded, temporal rifts were created all over elrios, sporadically. the phenomena was worse near powerful el shards

rosso: I was able to cross into the demon realm thanks to those rifts. After creating the fire el, I jumped into one of those rifts before I completely lost my sanity

rosso: thats the end of my story. now do you see why I said you cant use this method?

lu: you...

ciel: the priestesses couldnt help you? though theyre not blessed in the combative aspect like masters, I thought theyre the same when it comes to using the power related to the el

rosso: the priestess system was still pretty new at the time. They were busy trying to learn from masters too. Creating the elemental el as inexperienced priestesses is like betting your life on it

elesis: why did you go to that extent? even you couldnt have guaranteed your safety when you jumped into the rift. Are you saying even that was part of your mission?

rosso: hmph, there's no one who can tell me to do that shit

elesis: the tower you were locked away in... didnt have an entrance or an exit, blocked off completely, enough for the power of fire which was trying to return to you could only circle around the tower itself

lu: you locked yourself in so you wouldnt hurt others

rosso: I told you everything you wanted to know, so are you happy now?

elesis: rosso, I really dont want you to go to the demon realm

rosso: are you looking down on me after hearing that sob story?

elesis: no it's not that, I just think I know how much you think its natural for you to sacrifice yourself

elesis: I think I know why Im concerned about you. You are similar to my brother.

elesis: I dont know what happened in the past, but... I think he made that decision because he thought similar things as you once did

elesis: you've sacrificed yourself enough. You banished yourself to protect Elrios. I cant even imagine what it's like to hold out in a prison made to imprison yourself for hundreds of years, but

elesis: elrios stands today thanks to the efforts you guys went through. you can leave it to us now

ciel: we're not as weak as you think we are

lu: I can see why you didnt want to tell us. It wasnt particularly helpful, but thanks anyway

rosso: youre really annoying..

lu: the sentiment is mutual

rosso: now fuck off if you're done talking. I have to do more control training

ciel: youre more diligent than you look

rosso: do you wanna die

lu: it doesnt look like you're completely healed yet

lu: you're having trouble controlling your power without the eye, are you not

elesis: so thats what ventus meant when he said youre training to overcome what you've lost

rosso: that pointy eared fucker

ciel: wait; you were having difficulty controlling? but you fought so well...

rosso: like I said, you guys cant beat me in an even fight

lu: I really hate this guy

[dir-khummel]

They Call Them Crushes || PARA

Who: Kurt & Harlan ( @joieharlan )

Where: Valentine Carnival & Harlan’s Dorm Room

When: February 14th, 2020

Notes/Triggers: NSFW. Kurt and Harlan have hit it off. Maybe too well...

Kurt leaned against a park bench near the kissing booth, tallying the number of people attempting to tongue the one in the booth. He has at three, less than he believed he would see, but humorous nonetheless. We would sometimes wander to enjoy the food and splendor elsewhere, but he always wandered back to the booth. When it seemed Harlan's turn was done, Kurt lifted his fingers to his mouth and whistled. He waved to get Harlan's attention, leaving his hand out. "You said later, right? Is this later enough, or do you want to wait a bit longer?"

Harlan had enjoyed his time in the booth but Kurt's presence since they had kissed hadn't gone unnoticed. With a whistle, he smiled a crooked smile to him. "I did, yeah. I think it might be. So is there some one around here I gotta beat off if i wanna say take you to a couple booth for some fun and then maybe head back to my room for a movie?" His hands shoved into his pockets. "No one should be alone tonight."

Kurt laughed, shaking his head and placing his hands coyly behind his back. "So far, the only obligation I have as an anonymous candygram at nine. But we have a few hours to kill till then, and afterwords I'm free." Kurt pocketed his phone where he was taking his tongue notes, standing up straight. "Show me around to some of the booths. I have always been terrible at the games."

Harlan smiled. "Well I get you home by 9 then." Offering his hand to the other as they walked along. "So tell me more about you, I got the bare minimum before and I know how you kiss, now I want to know about you."

Kurt slid his hand into Harlan's. It was nice for someone to hold his hand like this again. The grip was firm, but not tight. "Well, I'm studying film. I'm the president of the film club, actually, it takes up most of my time. Tonight was one of the rare nights I let myself have a break. Stroke of luck you were here." Kurt leaned in a little closer to Harlan as they walked. "What about you? I don't know much about you, either."

"Film huh? So what do you want to do for them? Direct? Produce?" Harlan smiling as Kurt leaned into him more. It was rather enjoyable to walk around with someone like this. "I'm here for social work mostly. I plan to take over my uncle's farm. He runs a program for special needs kids where they get to ride horses and pet farm animals. I want to do that one day."

"Directing. My plan is to do so well, I get an Oscar before 2030. It is a 'reach for the moon, land among the stars' kind of goals, but aiming high doesn't hurt." Kurt smiled wide at Harlan's goals, shaking his head. "That is just- It's heartwarming, hearing someone going into that sort of work. It is so amazing how something so simple can mean the world to someone else. You must have a big heart."

"Well I can't wait for that to happen and I get to say, I know him and I kissed him." Harlan smiling to Kurt. "Thank you kindly, I mean, I like to think I do." Stopping then a booth. "Would you like a teddy bear?" Pointing to the milk bottle throw they were standing in front of

"Oh, I can see it now! Your face would be on tabloid magazines everywhere!" Kurt waved his free hand dramatically, showing off the gravitas of Hollywood gossip reels with the flick of a wrist. He came back to reality when Harlan pointed to one of the games. "I would love one, if you could get it! I never win at these, I swear they are rigged."

"Yeah, I'll be the man that almost was the famous director's lover." Harlan doing the same motion with his hand. "Oh they're rigged but living where I'm from, you learn tricks about these things." Paying the man, Harlan had three baseballs to use. He used the first to gage the bottle then with the last two, hit down the milk bottles. "Ta'da" Turning to Kurt and handing him the purple bear

"...Well, you don't have to say almost. The night is young, and so are we." Kurt had no idea where some of these quips came from Harlan emanated a foreign type of casual confidence, and it was slowly rubbing off on Kurt. Kurt watched from the sidelines, watching as Harlan, to Kurt's utter shock, knocked the bottles down. He took the bear with a face of confusion. "I-I honestly can't believe you did that- I've never seen anyone win those! Thank you!" Kurt leaned onto onto of his tip-toes, giving Harlan a quick, but meaningful, kiss on the cheek, holding his new prized possession close to his chest. "I'll name him Harlan Jr."

"that is very true." Harlan replied. Who knew how the night would end after all? Seeing him in shock, he smiled at how he was reacting once he had the bear in his arms. "Well alright." Taking his hand once more to stroll again. "So you gotta meet someone at 9 huh, do you know whom it is?"

Kurt kept his new prize close to his chest as they walked along, retaking Harlan's and continuing down the path. "I don't! That is the weird thing. I wasn't even aware someone here felt that way about me... Well, except Dante, but we knew each other years ago, and he isn't so gushy as to get me something like this..." Kurt glanced at Harlan. "Do you know who it is?"

Harlan shook his head to him. "I dont know, I havent really heard much. Sorry but I think it will probably be someone sweet and kind. Since you seem to be both those things." Taking the moment to kiss his cheek with a grin on his lips. "So you and Dante...mind if I ask whats goin on there?"

Kurt nodded, sighing sadly. "They must be... God, I really hope it doesn't go badly. I am not sure what I am going to do at this point... Should I even go?" Kurt asked, just as Harlan's lips pecked his cheek. He stopped their walking, biting his lip a moment. "He and I... I don't know. We talked a lot, and decided that not putting a label on it was best. We don't hate each other, that is for sure." Kurt chuckled, rolling his eyes. "Look at me, lamenting about my problems. What about you? Any issues in the love department?"

"I think you should, you never know, could be the one you're crushing on as well" Harlan giving him a soft wink as he did. Listening closely, Harlan nodded along to what Kurt was saying, though he could see how that could end bad and backfire on them both. "No, not really. Haven't done much beyond going to classes, so I don't mind listenin darlin."

"That is the strange thing, I am not crushing on... anyone, really. I was fully expecting to be alone today." Kurt's grip on Harlan's hand tightened. Kurt nodded, looking across the festival again before returning his gaze back to Harlan. "So, if you don't mind me asking, what piqued your interest in me? You're charming and patient and gentle, so why pick me? I'm all loud and bossy."

"I was too.  I mean I was hoping I'd find someone to spend some time with." Stopping for a moment, Harlan grinned to him. This time, he closed the space as he kissed the other man. "Because you're loud and bossy but you're also kind and sweet and very fun to tease." Smirking as he stepped back and started to walk with him once more.

Kurt was about to retort, argue, maybe even been self-deprecating, but stopped short when Harlan's lips claimed his again. His cheeks turned a vibrant pink, hiding his face in the teddy bear when they started walking again. "Fun to tease- That's not fair, you know. I don't know how to tease you!"

"I think you do, just haven't seen it yet." Harlan being the gentleman he was, kissing the back of the other's hand. "I don't know much about you Kurt, but I do know that every one deserves to feel special and wanted. Thats all I'm trying to do." With that, he found another booth and stopped. "Ready to race?" stopping at the booth that had the you spray water into a hole to win.

Kurt smirked when the back of his hand was kissed. It felt like one of the cheesy romance novels he would read. "Well, you are doing an amazing job." Kurt looked to the booth they stopped at, his eyes lighting up a bit. "I remember this game! I would play it at the fair whenever it game around. Sure, of course I'll play!"

"Good to know. My ma will be happy to hear thar. " Harlan said. Seeing his excitement, he couldn't help but smile and be even a bit more excited then he had been. "Well then, let's go. I might even let you win" Teasing him a bit.

Kurt faked his offense. "Let me win? I'm going to smoke you!" Kurt teased, setting the teddy bear in a safe spot so it wouldn't be in the way. "I used to be good at this, I just need to remember the skills nine-year-old me had."

"We'll see, darlin" Harlan taking a seat by him. He wasn't really going to try too hard, just wanting to see how it went. Harlan wasn't one to be very competitive when it came down to it. He just liked having fun.

The two of them sat down to play the game, Kurt determined to win. His competitive nature was showing through in full force. the game commenced, Kurt's eyes on fire, focused on winning the silly carnival game.

Harlan tried but he was more focused on Kurt and seeing him have so much fun in what he did. Win or lose, this moment was on the top of all of his thoughts.

"Yes! See! HA!" The game had ended, and sure enough, Kurt was the victor. He brushed imaginary dust off his fingernails. "Still got it!" The man running the booth handed Kurt a new stuffed toy; a heart shaped plush with a smiling face on it. Kurt looked it over a moment and handed it to Harlan. "There. Now we both have special somethings." Kurt said, grabbing his teddy from it's safe space.

Harlan took the heart, making it beat against his chest. "I like it and I let you win." Standing, he winked and started to walk away, knowing and thinking that Kurt just might follow him. Harlan's hand hung free for this reason.

"No, no, you don't get to take this win from me!" Kurt followed behind, pointing a finger at him. "I won!  All me!" Kurt said, hugging his teddy to his chest as he continued to follow Harlan, taking his hand again. "So, where can I find you, after my meeting at nine?"

Harlan chuckled, glad to have Kurt's hand in his once more. "My dorm room, room ### in the Beiste dorm. I'll be there and waiting for you." Kissing his hand once more. "I won't take your win from you, even if its the truth."

Kurt nodded. "Okay.. Well, I'll be there to tell you how everything goes, I guess." Another kiss to his hand had his cheeks and floundering embarrassment back in the forefront. "Whatever, I know in my heart that I truly won."

Harlan nodded, looking at the time. "I'll see you there if it doesnt go in the way I think it just might." With a swift kiss to his lips, Harlan wandered and went back to his room to wait for Kurt. Though his mind wandered to if he'd actually come.

Kurt tried to chase after the kiss as Harlan backed away, but it seemed like this was their goodbye for now...

-:-

It was near nine forty-five when Kurt wandered his way towards Harlan's dorm. He felt so bad for Nikkolai. Kurt thought he let him down gently enough, but that look of sad defeat was heartbreaking. Still, he couldn't aimlessly wander around campus for long. If anything, making himself scarce may be the wise choice, to avoid Nikkolai. When he found the dorm, he knocked softly on the door.

Harlan was sitting around his room in his sweatpants and a tank top as he heard the knock. Opening the door, he was happily surprised to see Kurt there. Letting him in, Harlan shut the door behind him. "I"m guessing it didnt go so well?" His face twisted in concern for the other man

Kurt walked in, hands in his pockets. "It went fine. Actually, for the most part, it was very romantic, but..." Kurt sighed, turning to face Harlan. "It was Nikkolai. He played me a song at the fountain, he said he gets tongue-tied around me, and his note was so nice, but... He's my friend, I just didn't feel the same."

Harlan sighed, at least now he knew who it was and whom Nikkolai had planned to sing to. His face still twisted a bit, he shook his head a bit. "I'm sorry you had to do that. I know he's probably hurting and it sucks. I hope you don't lose him as a friend from this.." Offering Kurt a hug.

Kurt accepted the hug, hiding his face in Harlan's shoudler. "I hope so too... He seemed so sad as he walked away, I really hope he bounces back fast."

Harlan rubbed his back softly. "It might take time but I think he will. Most people do after all" Pulling back enough to look at him. "You want to cuddle and watche something together?"

"He is such a sweet guy. He'll find someone one day." Kurt pulled back with Harlan, nodding at his offer. "I'd like that, a lot." Kurt walked further into the room. "Have you picked out a movie yet? I've been on a 80s high school comedy binge lately."

Harlan held his hand, pulling the other boy into his lap as he smiled to him. "I was going to watch a romcom but I think I can let you choose." Offering him the remote to look through all the streaming services to find something to watch. His arsm wrapping Kurt's waist, chin on his shoulder.

Kurt let himself be pulled into Harlan's lap, eyes going wide at the sudden intimacy. Normally, Kurt would back off at this much intimacy so quick, but his lovelife was such a whirlwind, being pulled in every direction, and Harlan was such an anchor in that very moment- He let it happen. And it felt good. "I can think of a romcom that is also an 80s high school comedy." Kurt turned his head to look at Harlan with a smirk. "Have you ever seen Sixteen Candles?"

Harlan held him but not too tight as he wanted to make sure that if Kurt wanted to move, he could. "I have seen it, not the biggest fan but I don't mind. I'm more into 'Cant buy me love'  but I'll watch 16 candles for you. "

"Aww, I love Sixteen Candles..." Kurt sank deeper into Harlan's hold, the invasive thoughts melting away as he felt more of Harlan's body heat. "Maybe seeing it with me will change your mind," Kurt noted, as he found the movie, starting it up.

"Maybe it will" Harlan replied, kissing his cheek as they both turned to focus on the movie. It wasn't too bad but it still wasn't his thing. He spent more time just thinking about the boy in his lap and how he really enjoyed this. It had been so lonely since he came.

The more the movie went on, the more comfortable Kurt got. He leaned further into Harlan's hold, becoming more and more aware of the other man's touch. He placed a hand on Harlan's leg, the movie coming to it's climatic wedding scene. It was then Kurt turned to Harlan. "Has your opinion changed yet?"

Harlan shook his head. "Sorry darlin, it hasn't but it has made me want to kiss you again. " He whispered to him and kissed his cheek then over to his lips. It wasn't a long kiss, just enough to tease. "You are too much fun to kiss"

Kurt accepted the kiss, turning to he was no longer facing the television, now properly in Harlan's lap. "I have to admit, I'm having a good time." Kurt said, leaning in to initiate his own kiss, placing Harlan's hands on his hips.

Harlan smiled. "I'm glad." He kissed him back, holding his hips as they kissed. He pressed in a bit more, tightening his grip and asking for more in the kiss. Lips parting a bit, he smiled as he tugged Kurt's bottom lip.

Kurt gasped in surprise, placing his hands on Harlan's shoulders. Kurt hummed as the kiss continued, Kurt grinding down on Harlan's lap. he had never done anything like this before; he wouldn't get this heated with anyone so soon, but it felt so invigorating.

Harlan let out a soft noises as Kurt grind on him. It had been some time since he had had this much interaction but he didn't mind it. He had made out with his fair share of boys, small towns will do that to you. His hips pressing up to meet Kurt's as his hands moved to grip Kurt's ass.

"Ah!" Kurt exclaimed at the grabbing, breaking the kiss a moment. "Um...maybe not that far- Not that this isn't fun, but..." Kurt sighed, rolling his. Once again, he was running his mouth instead of enjoying the moment. "I-I have never done anything like, um... Today has been a day of firsts, if you get my meaning." His eyes went wide. "Not the virginity first, that happened, but... getting occupied on the first date type of first."

Harlan smiled, even laughed a bit. "I've never gone that far with a guy before, just kind of felt right in the moment." Nuzzling along his jaw some. "We can leave it here if you want, I'm not looking to pressure you."

Kurt cocked an eyebrow, nuzzling Harlan right back. "What, never? But you seemed so natural at it-" Kurt looked at him, sliding his hands down Harlan's chest. "You've never done anything with a guy before?"

"Made out, some handjobs but thats about it." Feeling his hands drift over his chest a bit. "We were both pan but didn't know about going to far and all. Just wanted to try some of the basics. I mean, I have done more with girls but thats about it with boys, darlin." Pressing a kiss to Kurt's jaw then.

The cogs in Kurt's head started turning. he had made it this far, and didn't implode, or even feel overly dirty. Just the normal, good kind of dirty. "Well... I'd hate to leave you without upping the ante, at least." His voice shook a bit as the words came out of his mouth, the the fire and determination in his eyes was unmistakable- He wanted to do this.

"What did you have in mind? And if I'm honest, I don't mind you staying tonight." Harlan thinking that maybe Kurt would take him up on the offer to stay the night. "Cuddles and all that, I'll even make us breakfast in the morning." Just offering more, though it seemed Kurt had another version of more in mind now.

Kurt sucked on his bottom lip a moment. He was so beyond nervous. "I was thinking more along the lines of..." Kurt's hand slowly slid down Harlan's chest, stopping at his beltline. "If I am not intruding, I was hoping to do better than your previous partners..."

Harlan licked his lips, lust lining his eyes. The idea of this angel doing more then those of the past, he couldnt help but like the idea. "Hmm sure, but you know, staying is still something that you can do after." Pulling him into a heated kiss as he moved Kurt's hand to let him feel how the boy had made his body react.

Kurt accepted the kiss, just as the credits from the movie started to play behind them. He gasped into the kiss when he felt just how aroused Harlan had become- All because of him. Kurt still had doubts about doing this, but he shoved them out, taking a bit of Hunter's advice from days before. This was natural, right?...  Kurt slowly stroked up and down through his sweatpants, the thin material leaving nothing to the imagination. "W-well, you certainly aren't lacking."

Harlan moaned in the kiss, moving back as Kurt palmed him a bit more. He was taking his life in his hands and damn it did it feel good to be touched like this by such a beautiful man. "Hmm oh yeah?" he whispered to him. "Well thank you, babe." The nickname was easily falling from his lips.

Kurt took this moment to lean to Harlan's neck, placing a soft kiss there, softer than anything he gave the whole nights. "Just... lay back, relax." Kurt said softly into Harlan's ear. He slowly slid down Harlan's body, his knees touching the ground, and with the expertise of some whole who clearly has done this more than once, slid Harlan's sweatpants down with him. His eyes went wide at what he saw. "Oh wow..."

Harlan felt a shiver run down his back, his eyes closing as he found himself shifting on the bed. His hips lifting in a way to help Kurt remove his sweats and smirking as he heard his reaction to seeing him undressed now. "You still think you can handle it, babe?" his fingers sliding through Kurt's hair and leaning down to kiss him before he relaxed once more.

The confident fire in his eyes enraged at the challenge; of course he could! Kurt, with a gentle hand, took hold of Harlan's member, stoking up and down once, using the kiss as a distraction from his movement. "What, you think I can't? Have faith in me, I'm sure I can handle you just fine.”

Harlan groaned and moaned as Kurt touched him as he did. Kissing him back, Harlan smirked. "We'll see darlin. I don't know how much you can take. Why don't you show me now? " Licking his lips, eyes lust blown with the idea of seeing all this.

Kurt smirked, lowering himself further down, keeping his eyes locked on Harlan. He stroked up and down a few more time, trying to gain a little more courage by biding his time. He had done this before, so he had no reason to think he would be bad at it. Still, those few bought seconds earned him the needed willpower to finally lean in, sliding his tongue in a long stripe up the underside of Harlan's cock.

Harlan watched him move lower, his eyes closing to just take the feeling of Kurt's hand on him. With the lick to his cock, Harlan bit his lip, a loud and low moan leaving his lips. "Oh babe, you going to show me what else you can do with that?" Fingers sliding in Kurt's hair once more.

Kurt glowed under the praising and filthy talk, his eyes practically beaming with pride. To say Kurt had a thing for being praised was an understatement. He responded, not with words, but with his tongue swiping a lap around the head of Harlan's cock, slowly, three times. Without pulling away, Kurt closed his lips around Harlan, bobbing his head up and down once, before pulling off with a mischievous smirk.

Harlan was wrapped up in the feeling of Kurt doing what he could to make him moan. He moaned softly and bit his lip and pressed his hips up a bit. He stilled them again, smiling as his heart rate picked up. "Hmm you are good at this. So good babe." Tugging his hair softly.

Kurt took the moaning and raising of his hips as a sign that Kurt was doing just fine. The butterflies in his stomach were gone by now, and hearing all the warm words coming from Harlan had him feel so much more confident about all of this. Kurt brought his mouth back around Harlan's member, starting a slow pace of sliding his head up and down. Harlan's size was not something to laugh at, Kurt closing his eyes to focus on keeping his gag reflex in check as he slid further and further down with each downward slide.

Harlan just played with Kurt's hair as the boy moved deeper on him. He could feel the heat around his member, making him moan. Sure, he had had this done before but he wouldn't lie, a boy doing it was something new and very good feeling to him. Tugging his hair softly, Harlan panted.

Kurt, in normal circumstances, would he stopping anyone from touching his hair, but this felt good; Kurt was actually having fun. He wanted to coax moan after moan out of Harlan, his tongue taking laps around his shaft, the entirety of his member sliding into his throat with ease. Kurt prided himself on his skill, but this was something entirely different. This felt wild, untamed, like a part of Kurt he had been holding back was unleashed, and Harlan's cock was the victim.

Harlan was a goner already and knew that. It had been some time since someone had done this to him and he wasn't going to last. He did his best though, wanting to give Kurt all he seemed to be looking for as well. Tugging at his locks more, Harlan moaned a little louder. "Gonna make me come, babe."

Kurt took Harlan's admission as a prompt to take his mouth off for a moment, breathing in a bit before smirking. "T-That's the goal." Kurt teased, going back to his previous task. A bubble of nervousness boiled up in Kurt's brain, something he hadn't thought about till this point; spit or swallow? Kurt from ten years ago would have never thought of swallowing, but the last thing he wanted was to walk home with a stain on him. And he just got this shirt! With a resigned affirmative, Kurt resorted to keeping his mouth locked onto Harlan till he was  finished... finishing.

Harlan laughed softly, though it was weak and breathy from all the pleasure that was building up in him. He bit his lip and his eyes rolled back into his head. He didnt think he could do much more and with one good long suck, he found himself coming. Harlan moaning the other boy's name and pressing him down to hopefully keep him there and have him take the load. Letting go as he got soft, Harlan slumped a bit and smirked. "Damn, thats what I was missing huh?"

Kurt had enough time to mentally prepare himself before Harlan came into his mouth. And with as much grace as he could muster, he swallowed it all. When he couldn't feel any more being released, Kurt popped his mouth off, slowly sliding his tongue up and down gently, to clean off anything left over. When he thought he did a good enough job, he smirked back at Harlan, swirling his finger over the head of his cock like he would the rim of a wine glass. "It's a little different, huh?"

Harlan pulled him up and into a kiss. He could taste himself on Kurt's lips. "Yeah, it was, very. But I think it has more to do with who was on their knees for me, darlin." Whispering against his lips, kissing him once more, his hand cradling the back of Kurt's head in the kiss.

Kurt accepted the kiss, arching himself into the touch as he slowly pulled Harlan's sweatpants back where they belong. "Mmm, and Lord knows how I love being on my knees," Kurt joked, rolling his eyes at the line and letting himself melt into the kiss again.

Harlan chuckled a bit. "Well I think I like you on my lap more or at least in a kiss. Now do you need help with anything? I can't promise I can do that, but i can help ya" Not feeling it was right to let Kurt suck him and not at least offer to help Kurt get off as well.

Kurt chuckled, leaning back from Harlan as the erotic air seemed to tone down. Kurt paused a moment, licking his lips and shaking his head. "No, I'm alright. We should um..." Kurt's cheeks turned a deep pink. He was aroused, this was the most action he's had in months. Yet, on his journey through many firsts, this was one he was not ready to jump over. "We should stop here, if that's okay?"

Harlan shrugged to him. "Alright, darlin. You know I said we'd do whatever you were comfortable with and so if this is it, then it is." Standing, he pulled him close. Harlan's hands on his ass. "So you going to stay over or do I need you let you go?"

“Thank you,” Kurt said, pecking Harlan’s lips again. He slid out of his lap, checking his outfit over and leaning back over Harlan. “I’ll go, this time. Just... keep me in mind. This was fun, and I don’t think I’d be against doing it again.”

Harlan nodded. "Look forward to seeing you again then." his hand in Kurt's he walked with him to the door. "Gentleman always see their guests out." Leaning against the door as he let Kurt walk past. A smirk on his lips. "See you soon." He called out as he shut the door.

[chasholidays]

Hello and Happy Holidays! Would love to see an Alternate POV from Monty or Miller for "though it's always pricking me."

Original fic here!

When Monty heard that Dropship was going to be in town over the summer, he was not expecting that he, personally, would have much interaction with them. Everyone knows why they’re coming back, knows how Aurora Blake is doing (not well) and how much Bellamy cares about his family (a lot). The whole town is abuzz with the news in the way only small towns can be, and people who know that Bellamy was in school with Monty are definitely eager to hear all about him, but Monty knows he’s not going to be at the top of Bellamy’s list of people to see, nor should he be. If not for the band, Monty probably would have largely forgotten Bellamy existed. Bellamy might not have ever known Monty existed. Monty wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

Still, the whole thing is kind of exciting, in a silly way. Everyone at school who knows where he lives now also knows that he’s going to be in the same geographic location as Dropship, and odds aren’t bad that he’ll run into at least one of them. If it’s Bellamy, he’ll maybe have a conversation, and then he can ride that wave of coolness for at least a week and possibly longer.

It would be a pretty great way to start off senior year, and he sees no reason to set his expectations higher than that. Even that’s pretty optimistic.

Jasper, of course, is more optimistic.

“He’s going to be bored! You know he wants to hang out with us. We’re very lovable.”

“Speak for yourself,” Monroe says, and Monty frowns.

“Sorry, are you saying you’re not lovable? Are you negging yourself?”

She pauses, frowns at her beer. “Yeah, that didn’t really work. I’m just saying, the odds of Bellamy Blake even getting a Facebook invite, let alone responding to one, seem really low. Does he even have his own Facebook? Isn’t it just one of those celebrity profiles?”

“It probably couldn’t hurt,” Wells says, the voice of reason as always. “But if you send it and he doesn’t respond and doesn’t show up, you’ll never know if he saw it and decided not to come or never saw it or saw it and hates you and–”

Jasper holds up his hand. “Okay, okay. I get it. I will not invite Bellamy Blake to our weekly drinks, and none of us will ever be discovered as secret rock geniuses–”

“You definitely wouldn’t be,” Monty puts in.

“Just let the record show that I tried to make us rich and famous, and you guys were like, fuck that.”

“That’s exactly what happened,” says Harper, dry.

“It’s on the record,” Clarke adds. She’s been quiet, but she definitely had a crush on Bellamy back in high school, so she’s probably stressing more than the rest of them. If Monty’s high-school crush had disappeared off the face of the earth and then reemerged as the lead singer of a hit band, he’d also probably feel kind of weird about it. “This is the only bar in town, if they want to drink, this is it.”

Jasper raises his own glass. “Here’s hoping.”

Clarke smiles a small, private smile. “Yeah, here’s hoping.”

*

“Wouldn’t it make more sense if I didn’t come to this?” Nate asks. He’s not actually that opposed to going to the bar–Arcadia is not an exciting place, and anything that breaks up the monotony is good by him–but if he doesn’t put in at least a token protest, they’ll just assume he always wants to be sociable, and he’s got a reputation to maintain. If people start thinking he just enjoys doing things, he’s going to be on the hook to do things all the time.

“Why, because you suddenly don’t like drinking?” Bellamy asks. He’s been doing minute adjustments to his hairstyle for what feels like an hour, and Nate can admit he is curious about that one. Bellamy with an actual crush is new and different.

Or old and different, really. Apparently Bellamy’s been nursing this one for a long time.

“I can drink here, I don’t have to go to your shitty hometown bar.”

“You get to go to his shitty hometown bar,” Raven says. “How do you not see this for the opportunity it is? All of Bellamy’s high-school friends telling m us all the dirt they can remember? You know you want in on that.”

Nate sighs theatrically. “Fine. But if it sucks, I’m taking a taxi back and leaving you assholes.”

“You say that every time we go anywhere,” Bellamy says, finally finishing with his hair. “And you’ve never actually left us.”

“So far. There’s a first time for everything.”

The bar itself is nothing special, larger than their usual hangout in the city but otherwise unremarkable. Standard bar stuff, as far as Nate is concerned. It’s decently busy for a Friday night, but not packed, and it feels a little like a scene in a Western, when the outlaw walks into the saloon and and everyone stops talking and the piano stops playing. He doesn’t think everyone looks at them, but he feels conspicuous even before some scrawny white kid in goggles starts to call Bellamy.

Another kid, Asian and cute with short black hair and a stoner vibe, shuts him up before he gets it out, and Bellamy snorts, shakes his head.

“More friends?” Raven murmurs.

“Monty and Jasper. They’re probably about your speed, Miller.”

“Where’s your girl?”

“She’s not my–” Bellamy protests, but Raven takes over. “Cute blonde at the bar,” she says. “The one pretending not to look at us.”

“Cool.” He gives Bellamy a thump on the shoulder. “Good luck with that.”

The goggles kid–either Jasper or Monty–has calmed down by the time Nate makes it over to his table, and he manages a friendly, pretty normal smile. “Hi! We have a pitcher, want beer?”

The other kid, the cute stoner, adds, “It’s very shitty beer.”

“How old are you guys?” he asks, frowning. “There’s no way you get away with a fake ID in a town this small.”

“Oh ye of little faith,” says the goggles kid. “We’ve been successfully buying illegal booze since high school.”

“We’re twenty-one,” the other one supplies. He seems to be the straight man to his friend’s goofball, a dynamic Nate is used to. He doesn’t know a lot of goofballs, but for a gay guy he makes a pretty great straight man. “Two grades lower than Bellamy in high school. I’m Monty, and this is Jasper.”

“Nice to meet you guys. I’m Nate.”

Jasper frowns. “Everyone always calls you Miller.”

“Yeah, but it’s weird introducing yourself by last name.”

“Fair enough. You want our cheap beer or not?”

“Love some, thanks.” Monty pours and slides him one, and Nate takes a drink, making a face. “You weren’t kidding.”

“Of course we weren’t. Who lies about buying cheap beer?” Monty asks. “It’s Bud Lite, there’s a special for pitchers, and not all of us are famous rock stars. But if you want to get something better for the next round, we won’t say no.”

“How generous of you.” He takes a chug of the beer; the faster he drinks it, the less he has to taste. “So you’re in college, right?”

They are, rising seniors–Jasper at Oberlin and Monty at Cornell, which actually throws him a little. He knows most people don’t go to college with their high school friends, but something about how the two of them are together made him think they were always this joined at the hip.

“We’re planning to go to the same place once we graduate,” Jasper says, so at least there’s that. “Maybe move in together.”

“Jasper is hoping he’s going to have a serious girlfriend by then and he can move in with her instead of me.”

“The power of positive thinking, Monty! If I believe, it will happen. You should try it, you could get a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend!”

The addition comes in a hurried way that makes Nate assume it’s new and still not totally natural, but without any kind of judgement. Monty is newly out as queer and Jasper is still updating his perceptions, but he’s trying. That’s always nice.

And, well, interesting. Monty started off cute and keeps getting cuter.

“I think I’d have to do more than just believe to find a significant other,” Monty says, dry. “I’ve heard that it requires some bare minimum of effort.”

“Yeah, but believing is easy and it can’t hurt to try.” He turns his attention back to Nate, his gaze surprisingly sharp for how drunk he seems. “How’s dating as a celebrity? Weird?”

“I dont date much, but it probably would be weird. It’s always kind of–” He pauses, trying to figure out the right words. “I had a boyfriend when the band got big, and we tried to stay together, but it was just too complicated, you know? He was always kind of worried I was cheating on him when I was out of town.”

“That sucks,” says Monty.

“Were you cheating on him?” Jasper asks, and Monty elbows him. “What, I’m curious! He can tell us, we don’t know his ex.”

“If you cheated on your ex would you want to tell two random strangers in a bar?”

“It sounds better than telling friends or family.”

Nate has to smile. “I didn’t cheat on him. Bellamy’s really paranoid about this stuff, it rubs off. Not that I was ever tempted, but even after we broke up, he got in my head about people I slept with bragging to the Internet or something.”

“So you’re a rock star who doesn’t get laid?” Jasper asks, in the tones of a kid who just learned Santa isn’t real.

“I don’t usually hook up with civilians. Industry people, the ones who are more used to the lifestyle, that’s usually easier.” He shrugs. “I don’t worry they’re just doing it for a story to tell.”

“So you aren’t interested in sleeping with Jasper,” Monty supplies.

Nate snorts into his beer. “I didn’t think I was the uninterested party there.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m interested, but I’d definitely do it just so I could say I fucked a famous person. Honestly, I’d probably be over there trying to flirt with your drummer except that Wells already is and I’d feel like a terrible person.”

“You could go for Bellamy.”

“I don’t ever want to get on Clarke’s bad side. Wells I’d feel guilty, but Clarke would actually destroy my life.”

No wonder Bellamy likes her so much. “So I’m at the bottom of your Dropship hookup chart?” he asks Jasper. “Dude, come on.”

“Just practically speaking. I’m pretty straight, so Raven’s first, and I figure Bellamy and I have history, so–”

Monty snorts. “You barely talked to him in high school. Also I remember you in high school, I don’t think that’s really working in your favor. Jasper didn’t start developing muscle mass until college,” he adds, to Nate.

“This is Jasper with muscle mass?”

For a second, he’s worried he went too far, that the thoughtless quip actually hurt Jasper’s feelings and there will be a “Nathan Miller was super mean to me in a small-town dive bar” post doing the rounds on social media tomorrow, but then they both crack up.

“I’m secretly ripped!”

“You’re secretly less scrawny than you look,” says Monty. “Which is definitely an accomplishment, but less of one.”

“Screw you both,” he says, cheerful. His phone buzzes, and he checks it. “Literally screw you both, I’m leaving.”

“Did that girl text you back?”

“The power of positive thinking!”

“You’re going to miss out on the fancy beer Miller’s buying us,” says Monty.

“You can drink mine and tell me about it later.” He flashes Nate a smile. “Nice to meet you, hope we see you again, sorry not sorry I’m going on a date.”

Nate can’t argue with that. “Fair enough, have fun.”

“Thanks, you too!” He salutes, and then he’s gone, and Nate and Monty look at each other for an awkward second.

Nate breaks it. “So, next round. Is there an expensive beer you like?”

Monty’s face relaxes into a smile. “I think I can come up with something.”

*

I can’t believe you left me ALONE with NATHAN MILLER.

Monty sends the text while Miller–Nate, he can call Nathan Miller Nate–is in the bathroom, about an hour after Jasper leaves. Clarke is still talking to Bellamy and Wells is still talking to Raven, and it makes Monty feel weirdly paired off, even though he wasn’t trying and was definitely not prepared. He didn’t even do shots with Wells to get ready. He’s a little stoned and a little buzzed, but not enough of either and paranoid about getting worse. If he was drunk, he wouldn’t be thinking about it at all, but since he’s not drunk enough yet, he’s self-conscious about getting sloppy. It’s the actual worst.

yes it is amazing how good a friend I am, Jasper texts back. have fun!!!

If Monty had thought it was unlikely he’d see Bellamy, he had been unable to even comprehend seeing Nathan Miller. It was so outside of the realm of possibility that it wasn’t even worth thinking about, beyond unrealistic. If he had seen Miller, he’d thought that was all it would be, just admiring him from afar. He wasn’t supposed to be talking to him, getting a drink with him, hanging out with him like a normal person. Like those pictures of him in a mesh vest from some weird photoshoot last year hadn’t been the final straw that tipped Monty into identifying as bisexual.

The good news is that it’s not going that badly, but that’s bad news, at the same time. If he was an asshole who wasn’t giving Monty the time of day, it would be easy, one of those never-meet-your-heroes moments. Even if he’d just been friendly, it might not have been that bad. He could have been a perfectly nice guy with whom Monty had nothing in common, and they would have spent the evening making slightly stilted conversation before parting ways.

Instead, they’d gotten another round of drinks and Miller had asked if he was into video games and that was it. Monty had hesitantly offered that he was really into Fire Emblem right now, and Miller had apparently been playing it on the tour bus, and from there they branched out into favorite games, first gaming systems, upcoming releases they’re excited about. If Miller was just a guy he’d met here by chance–deeply unrealistic, as Monty is not the kind of person who meets new people at bars–he’d say they were hitting it off. He might be trying to flirt.

But Miller is Nate is Nathan Miller. He’s been profiled in Rolling Stone. He’s not quite a household name–that’s Bellamy, as the band’s front man–but if he said “I had drinks with the bass player for Dropship,” everyone would know what he was talking about, even his coding professor, who brags about not having learned anything about pop culture since 1989. People hear about Dropship just by being alive, and Monty doesn’t care that much about prestige, but this is going to be one hell of a what I did over the summer.

Assuming he tells anyone. Does bragging about getting drinks and talking about video games count as scuzzy? He doesn’t want to be one of those guys who takes advantage, who makes Miller feel like he can’t talk to civilians.

So when he gets back, Monty just asks. “So, can I tell my friends about this?”

“About what, exactly?”

“How Nathan Miller likes video games and drinks pretentious local IPAs.”

He snorts. “I talk about video games in like all my interviews, it’s not exactly a scoop.”

“You know what I mean.” But he raises his eyebrows like he doesn’t, forcing Monty to clarify, “I don’t want to be one of those people who just brags about–talking to you.”

It’s slightly awkward, both because it feels like he’s using “talking” as a euphemism and because he feels like he’s always slightly awkward, especially without Jasper, who tends to give him easy things to play off of. It had worried him, when he went off to college, that he’d never survive on his own, and he’s fine, has made plenty of friends, but then he’ll be back with Jasper and remember how much easier it feels, to be social with him.

Miller doesn’t seem to notice; he just smirks. “Nah, I love when people brag about talking to me. We can take some selfies if you want.”

“So when does it cross the line into bothering you?”

He drums his fingers on the table. “Good question. I think it’s more–just a vibe. It’s not hard to figure out the people who are just sucking up. Most people–even most super fans–are fine. Kind of nervous at first, but they just want to talk. I never mind people saying they met me. Except that it’s fucking surreal.”

Monty has to laugh. “Yeah, I bet.”

“You didn’t really seem that excited,” he observes, casual.

“I never seem like I’m showing that much emotion compared to Jasper. It’s kind of nice. Takes the pressure off.”

“You always get to be the cool one.”

“Or at least the calm one. It is pretty exciting,” he adds. “Meeting a celebrity.”

“You know Bellamy.”

“Not that well, like I said. And it’s not–” He glances towards the bar, Bellamy leaning into Clarke, the two of them in a world of their own, just like the old days. “I didn’t get to vote on his senior superlatives, but I would have said he was most likely to make it in show business. He’s got charisma. So it’s cool, but not much of a surprise.”

Nate nods. “Yeah, I remember when I first met him. I knew he was going to take me places.”

“You’re twenty-three, right?” he asks. “His age?”

“Yeah.”

He shakes his head. “I feel like you’re too young to be famous. I’m still worried about having a real job, and you’ve been making a living for years.”

“We got lucky,” says Nate. “Shit, so fucking lucky. We only had a few months of shitty gigs before someone decided we were the real deal. And it still took time for us to be able to quit our day jobs.”

“So your life is weird.”

“So weird.”

“Is it better or worse being way out here?”

He shrugs. “It’s different. Our profile is a lot higher. In New York, if someone sees me, they’re not sure it’s me. But everyone knows we’re here, everyone knows Bellamy, so there’s no question. But you’re also really paranoid about coming off weirdly, so–”

“So everyone’s like me.”

That makes him think. “Nah, not everyone is as cool as you are.”

The bar’s lighting is low enough that Monty doesn’t think the flush will be obvious. At least his voice is steady. “I didn’t think cool for rock stars involved playing a ton of video games.”

“You play good video games, so yeah. You’re cool.” He considers. “You said you didn’t have a PS4 yet, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You should stop by sometime and play,” he says. “Bellamy’s too bad at video games and Raven’s too good.”

Monty’s jaw doesn’t drop, but it’s close. “You want to play video games with me?”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. Because you must have better people to play video games with?”

“What’s wrong with you?” He clucks his tongue. “Full disclosure? You’re cute and chill and I want to hang out with you more. You want to tell all your friends that you spent part of your summer vacation playing games and flirting with a guy in a band, I’m cool with that.”

The words come out easily, somehow. It doesn’t even make sense, he’s never smooth, but talking to Miller–to Nate, to this guy, who’s chill and down-to-earth and nice–is natural. They get along. “I don’t kiss and tell,” he says. “So if you ever want me to keep quiet, all you have to do is kiss me.”

Nate laughs. “Yeah? That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“I hope it’s not.”

“I hope so too. So, what are you doing tomorrow?”

Jasper is going to be the worst possible combination of smug and jealous, but he’ll live. He’s flirting with a cute boy who likes video games; it’s awesome. “Nothing so far.”

“Cool. I’ll figure out when my asshole bandmates aren’t around and give you a call.”

“You don’t have my number.”

“Not yet. But we’re not even done with our drinks. I’m not going anywhere yet.”

They have two more rounds and take the same taxi back. Nate gets dropped off first, takes a minute to study Monty’s face, lingering on his lips, before he says, “I’m not kissing you tonight.”

“No?”

“I want you to have a couple stories you can share.” But he does peck him on the cheek. “Night, Monty.”

He texts Jasper immediately. You’re never going to believe what happened.

The response takes a little longer; hopefully his night was good too. I’m the best friend in the entire universe?????

Honestly, Monty replies, smiling in the dark of the backseat, you just might be.

*

“So, it sounds like both your bandmates did pretty well for themselves in Arcadia,” the interviewer tells Nate, like he doesn’t know Bellamy and Raven have significant others now. He found out way before the media did. “Are you jealous?”

“Jealous of what, exactly?” he asks, with a shrug. “Wells isn’t my type. Clarke is even less my type. And don’t even start with Bellamy being my type.”

She laughs, apparently genuinely amused, which makes Nate like her more. Most of the questions reporters ask aren’t really their own fault, especially for shit like this. They’re doing rapid-fire press for a new single and everyone only has a few minutes. This website likes gossip, so the interviewer wants gossip. Nate doesn’t blame her.

“Trust me, even I’m getting tired of asking if you and Bellamy are secretly sleeping together. I was relieved I could stop asking about Bellamy and Raven. But is it tough? Being the last single member of the band? Does it get lonely?”

On the surface, the question is absurd. Bellamy and Raven are dating people, not off to war. He’s not alone. He’s not even single, although he hasn’t told anyone about Monty yet, not even his bandmates. They were fairly casual over the summer in Arcadia, didn’t even hook up very much. It was like having a friend with benefits, except the benefit rarely went farther than kissing. Nate didn’t mind, he liked the closeness of it, the intimacy, like getting close to Monty, but the last few months have been a weird sort of limbo, Monty at school, applying for jobs, figuring things out.

He is lonely, but not because he’s single and his friends aren’t. And Monty’s graduating next month, already has an apartment lined up in the city. Him and Jasper together, despite Monty having a boyfriend–they agreed they can work on cohabitation once they’ve been in the same place a little longer.

“I guess that’s not how it is for me. I don’t feel worse about being single when my friends aren’t? Maybe I will, I get why people do. But I like Clarke and Wells, so mostly I’ve got more friends. And they help out keeping an eye on Bellamy’s sister when we’re busy. Not to get too sappy, but mostly being in Arcadia means my family grew. Hard to be lonely when that happens.”

She looks dubious, for which Nate can’t blame her. If he didn’t have Monty, he doesn’t know what he’d say, but as it is, it’s pretty easy. Arcadia was good to him too, and his life is about to get better. Maybe he’ll do another interview with her, when everything is said and done and he and Monty have decided to go public. Let her know how he was really feeling.

For now, though, it’s just for him. Him and Monty, Jasper, the rest of the band. All the people who really matter.

“So, nothing big to report? No one special in your life?”

“Everyone in my life is special,” he says, with a shit-eating grin, and she laughs again.

“Of course, sorry. Anything else you’d like our readers to know?”

“I’m good,” he says, meaning it. “Great, even. No one has to worry about me.”

Once he’s out, he texts Monty: Ngl, I’m looking forward to telling people I’m kissing you.

I’m ready to brag whenever, Monty shoots back. Can’t wait to get all those dating a rockstar points. Finally, I’ll be cool.

Nate smiles. You’re the coolest, he says, and puts his phone in his pocket as he waits for Bellamy and Raven to finish up so they can leave. It’s not exactly the life he was expecting, not this time last year, not when he was in high school, not when he was a kid, deciding what he wanted to be when he grew up.

He never thought it could be this good, and in another month, it will be even better.

He’s got no complaints.

[larissaloki]

Abusive relationships,

Yes another one of these, ths my own personal experiences with a relationship that ended nearly two years ago. I’ve only just gotten the confidence too share as to this day, my son is still negatively affected by the aftermath.

Thankfully my relationship only lasted 2 months before i wised up and kicked his ass to the curb. These kinds of relationships can happen to anyone, not just women, so this post will hopefully serve as a warning for everyone on what to look out for.

Before i continue i will warn that content can be sensitive for some (obviously) but also mentions of a bdsm esk lifestyle. Not overly explitic but it’s still there. Also I am just writng out as it pops into my head so bare with my ramblings as this hard to get out.

To start off with, I am a single mum living in a flat and at the time i was working part time (18 hours a week a the time) with a 2 year old toddler and 22 years old. Despite having a son I was lonely a lot as a lot of friends stopped contacting me and my weekly dnd group was disbanded so my human interactions where limited and lets just say retail doesn’t equate to good human contact.

Fast forward because you don’t want to hear about my struggles wth dating as humourous it is. I met (lets call him D) D and as always, things see well- D was sweet and charmng and was seemingly ok with me having a toddler. Brillant! i thought i had hit gold with this guy.

This how abusers are, they make themselves seem to sweet and amazing that you become blind any faults. You know that saying “I’m not like those guys, not all guys are like that” D used these words when describng himself and in conversations. in my experience with him and a few other people, people that have used these sentences are often exactly like the ones they say they aren’t.

So far everything he’s done is present a pleasent package that sound and looks trustworthy and a nice guy. Making the bad traits come across as just mere off days. I was so blinded by the fact that he seemed to sweet and nice that i didn’t realise exactly what he was doin for a mere two months. thankfully talks at schools and thing’s I’ve read online and family members helped me clock onto his games.

ALWAYS LISTEN TO FAMILY! i say this because they noticed within weeks what he was doing and were trying to find ways to warn me. He seemed hesitant to meet my family after a month of dating which for my family is odd, as we are a pretty tight family more or less at the times. My mum met everyones partners quickly as we all visited each other a lot at the time.

when she did meet him a month into dating and was talking to him, D admitted that he would read my phone over my shoulder ALL.THE.TIME. This is not good, nothing i thought was private actually was. But his own phone was protected like it was the holy grail of all holy grails. I never actually asked to see his phone but it’s somethin i noticed after we broke up that he would always hide the screen from anyone in the room. He would try and create arguments over anything with my mu and sister when they were at my home while i was working, watching over my son. At this pont i wasn’t still comfortable enough for D to be along with my son.

When i then got home, my mum and sister would leave quickly unable to stand being in D’s presence. this made me think they simply just didn’t like him, so when it annoyed me, D would jump onto my rants and feed them. Make my anger at my mum and sister worse by telling white lies, basically fanning the flames. People, if your partner does this- take a step back and wonder why.

D was purposefully driving wedges between me and my family and later my best friend by complaining about each and trying to get me to join his point of view. Tryng to get me to view them as hinderences rather than support. Driving me to focus on him completely and not them. Do not let anyone destroy your family ties, especially ones with your closest family.

then theres the other little things, like comlaining how i wash my hair and which products i use saying i was damaging myself. everything i used was of good value and methods professional hairdressers adviced me to use. But apparently a guy who doesn’t even condition and had short balding hair had better knowledge then me. this is another form of control, trying to tell me how to do things. same with cooking, I’m not a bad cook i can make somegood meals but he insisted on cooking saying he’s amazing at cooking. He would often put in way to much garlic and onion making the meals he made full of to much flavour and would get upset when my poor 2 year old wouldn’t eat or I wouldnt. Even when i told him not to put so much he would snap saying he knew what he was doing.

Then theres the guilt tripping and telling me how to raise my child. A person who has no children was apparently more knowledgable than me who read articles and books and have a mother who’s had 4 kids herself. When out and about he would get annoyed when my 2 year old had a tantrum and play up.

saying that my son was being a disrespectful shit to me and would publically shame me for ignoring or trying to appease my son depending on what the tantrum was over. RED FLAG! A 2 year old cannot be disrespectful, my son struggles with speech to this day due to D demanding my son uses his words and not cries to display hs wants. D’s view was that kids should be perfectly articulate at 2 year old and understand all these adult social cue’s.

Then at bed times, D hated that i cuddled my son till he slept and that my son came intomy bed halfwa through the night for comfort reasons. So he demanded i changed the night routine to involve maths for my 2 year old and a story while my son was in bed then just walkout of the bedroom. leave my son alone regardle if he was upset, my heart broke at my sons cries as D scared my son back into bed and kept leaving him. Ignoring my concerns with this method saying it wht he read online and eventually my son will sleep. worst two weeks of my life until i broke the cycle as I just couldn’t allow it to continue.

i was fas growing afraid of D at this point. One night he flipped his shit as i turned over in bed declaring it was to hot to share the bed due to my memory foam topper and that he runs hot anyway. he threw his phone at the wall over it. Another time he yelled at me for not trying a certain stores jellybabies when i said. didn’t like jellybabies, saying that i was being stubborn as this stores jelly babies were delicious. i promised to try them later- when he was out i threw them away and just told him that yes they were ok.

He mocked the games i played and liked, i love final fantasy and rpg games a lot. i find them entertaining but he mocked them saying i should play more fighter interactve games. he made me play one that i just found dull and did not like at all.

After this he was also scaring me with his bsm ettiquette, anyone in bdsm know that you respected your partners limits and repected their safe word and what they tell you the are ok with and what they aren’t ok with. A few times he violated this. He liked to give pain and i liked mostly pleasure and rope play. A hard limit for me was belts- i was not ok with them at all, he used one one session and i had to safe word out quickly which he found fuckng funny. This is not ok. Another time we wanted to try a new pose with ropes and the position i was in was making me feel ill half way through beng tied, so i safe worded and asked me to get me out as i felt sick.

If your partner is in rope and feels unwell or safe words out- get them out fast! Cut the ropes if you need to you can always buy more ffs. But D didn’t, he sighed and slowly untied me. No matter how much i begged him to hurry up he went at his own slow ass pace. Do not do this as something someone once found enjoyable suddenly no longer is.

And lastly, do not snap at your sub if your rope plans dont go to plan. Do not make them feel bad if something doent work. I was snapped at when ties he was tryng for the first time weren’t working, nothing i could help.

towards the end he told my mum when they again where at mine alone that he would be moving in in 6 months time so she had best get usedto him being here. we had only been dating at this point for less than 2 months. I have a rule that i don’t move in with someone unles i’ve been with them for more than 2-3 years at the minimum.

8 MONTHS IS TO SOON.

the event that pretty much spelled the end for this? was my sons bday and D turned up after eveyone had gone which fair enough, lots of kids wasn’t his thing. I had some alcohol and energy drinks as well, he offere weed which i had had before unaware of him slipping me ectasy as well.

All of these things did not respond well to me, hours later in the next morning as i had this 9 pm the night before, by 10 am D left to go home and i was dealing with what i think was the come down. Badly. Ikept having panic attack and was not right for two days after. My heart kept going dangerous speeds that i had to call my mum and sister for help as D said he woudlnt come over as i wa just beng silly and that it would pass. I was worried for my son if something was to happen to me over it.

After this i talked to my mum and the truth was coming out in small bits. I stupidly was on the fence about what my mum was telling me as i was reliant on D’s affection and we i went to get a coil (birth control device) and D hated that i was going with my mum and that i had been talking to her.

He got defensive and was telling me i didnt need my mum in my life. His mum wa dead and he was doing well, so i didn’t need mine in hs eyes. This is maniplative as fuck and he was an asshole trying to use this. By thi point. Was wising up to his tactics and games with teh help of my mum exposing what he hadsaid to her and i dumped him.

He tried to then play around with getting his things back and tried to arrange it when i would be alone. Never meet an ex like this alone people i beg you, i got my mums bf to wait for him instead,and i prepacked his stuff so he couldnt possibly steal anything. When he saw my mums bf his aggressive pose he had at the door dropped away. He was suddenly polite and cordial and left with little fuss once received his things. Never meet an abusive ex alone.

After he left my life i found out he had gotten onto my computer that was a christmas gift and had wrecked it beyond usable it quickly broke and i lost everything on it. All my musc and pictures and works. My computer wa my escap and coping mechanism for depression and anxiety. Same as my music. Im still struggling in life around men due to this and my son is strugling to learn to speak still.

Please be careful and never cut out people from your life because a partner says so. Friends and family mean more than someone you just met.

[the99thchapter]

34

the following are entries from my lunadiary.

2018.12.24 p.m. 01:54  - the last week of 2018 x - let the past be bygone they say, little did you know, the sufferings and obstacles i had faced, To be where i am today never forget your struggles because they're a reminder for every hardship 

2018.12.27 p.m. 08:34 the luxury of happiness x - to feel happy is a luxury because not everyday is filled with joy So If i get to feel happy for every one second I'll be grateful i don't want to feel nothing Forever

2019.01.17 p.m. 05:06 Tbh - Hypothetically speaking, i don't know if I'm passing my stats and cma paper. I didn't revise in depth and I'm just guessing answers. Reminder to myself that if i failed, it was because i wasn't being hardworking enough. I was being complacent. I deserved this. 

2019.04.01 p.m. 11:15 what happens next?  - howto: cope with a broken friendship are there any cures for it? Guidebooks, therapy or prayers?I lost a friend because of my actions. Came to realization that I'm always hurting others. I know how it feels like, and I'm doing it to the people i love. I am the worst.

2019.04.11 p.m. 05:38 My parents.  - My mom thinks I'm here to ruin her life. Look, I'm not trying to make anyone cry or get hurt. But it always come back to the fact that i cause great pain to the people around me indirectly. I made my family cry. I made a friend cry. I make myself cry. It's like i am this terrible person who's causing so much pain to others. I don't get better. I get worse. 

I know my mom has been looking at me like I'm a monster for a while now. Years. She doesn't say it but i can tell. I'm no longer treated like a child, i get scolded like a stranger and I'm not worth of importance anymore. I think this is the universe way of telling me that I'm on my own and i should just deal with it. My dad wants to get closer to me but i push him away repeatedly. I'm a mean person but getting closer means opening up walls and i don't intend to do that. After having broke a parent, this parent should stay away from me. I hurt people so he shouldn't have to deal with me. He's a great dad but he's unlucky to have me. 

My parents are great people and they've been through a lot. My existence is nothing but a nuisance since the beginning. Please, universe. Do them a favour and do myself a favour. Get rid of me. Help them. Save them. That's all I'm asking. 

2019.04.23 p.m. 10:59 Plus one - all i ask for is a man who has a good heart. Someone who is polite in words and actions. not necessarily pious but does his five daily prayers without fail. Able to guide me on the correct path and be my jodoh in jannah. protect me from the evil and love me for who i am. Respects my family as a whole and accepts us for who we are. 

2019.05.09 p.m. 02:03 day 4  - Ya Rabb, i ask that you strengthen my iman. Encourage my heart to perform the five daily salahs and to dzhikir a lot. In this holy month i want nothing but truly your blessings. Taufiq hidayah. Rahmatilah kami semua, terimalah segala ibadah and amalan kami. I'm striving to become a better muslim in the eyes of no one else but Allah SWT. The most gracious, the most merciful.

  2019.07.08 a.m. 09:38 What is wrong with me?  - These words are haunting me at night. Every time i close my eyes, i hear it. "Why are you like that?" "You're not good enough" "The world doesn't need you" "Stop being useless to us." "You're a bad person." Hey, Reality check, i am indeed what these statements truly meant. I know for a fact that no one actually likes me. I radiate bad vibes negativity. People pretend to like me. My personality's kinda fake. Is this why no one wants to stick by me? Is that why the friends that i have now are only pitying me? What do i lack? How can i be a better version of myself? What is wrong with me? 

2019.08.01 a.m. 11:31 the first of august - D-23 to my birthday! To an age that society defines as a brand new decade! My 20's will be the coolest. I can't wait to get my first full time job, to graduate with my diploma, to hop on an airplane, to travel to cities, discover the world, meet people, find love and connection, try new adventures and to simply help the needy.  

2019.08.26 p.m. 02:18 - today i had my last exam for 2.1. the end of a semester. right now I'm sitting i’m the mrt. On my way to bugis. To buy film. But all i can think about is Will today be the day? What if right now is the moment? 

No current commitments. No plans. Just myself. I'm thinking about how in the midst of being surrounded by work to do, i have no time for myself. To recharge, to check in and ask if I'm truly okay..Because I'm not. I really am pushing or suppressing emotions. I'm not allowing myself to let go. No anxiety attacks lately. Am i getting better? Or is this just my mind playing tricks?

2019.10.01 p.m. 10:57 cbtl  - I have work at 8 am which I've decided not to turn up for because i think it doesn't matter if I'm there or not..i love the nature of this new job and the learning outcomes from it but it's been 3 weeks and it's tough. i get that it requires the ability to be quick and precise but i just cant you know? With this particular mgr breathing down my neck every single time, i feel so tensed?? i know the reality is that not every job will be easy but i don't think this barista thingy will work out for me :(  and I'm not deciding to ditch work just bc i can't handle things, but I'm tired from getting belittled for minor tiny ass mistakes i do. Why do people find the need to raise their voice and speak in a degrading manner while pointing out my mistakes which are so frickin small in front of others? To train me to be vigilant next time? Is it working? Yes. But did it hurt my self esteem? Totally. You saw my igstory lately... the one about smacking my face? It still upsets me :( I wasn't rude or anything i was honestly in a confused position. Because i genuinely did not know the exact ingredients to make iced latte (i wasn't taught yet) and the same mgr thinks i do even after telling her i dont!! I asked her if it's made from iced water base but she kept emphasising the word 'ICED LATTE' indicting that i was dumb and she got fed up and said it's milk based + I'll smack your face..rude. She could have told me. The thing about me is that i remember lists really well so if she'd told me at the beginning we could have avoided this moment that ruined my day and hurt my feelings. I know it was my fault for not practicing much last week so that's why when i was asked to make hot espresso drinks it caught me off guard. I told the same mgr that i did not have much opportunity to do so bc the other workers mostly made the drinks and she still belittled me. Also i had to make this drink called Hot Vanilla which is similar to Hot Chocolate and i remember DISTINCTIVELY that one of my colleagues taught me to use cold milk as base so i did the same thing and one of the other colleagues saw and again... in a loud degrading manner pointed out my mistake and proceeded to say things like "YOU ASK AND ASK SO MANY THINGS THEN DON'T BOTHER REMEMBERING SO U ASK FOR WHAT" in a really mean tone... that was uncalled for. i had to choke up my emotions and reply an apology in a joking manner like i always do bc idw to cry.

2019.12.18 p.m. 09:39 the decade in recap - 2009-2019 i was 10 years old then but I'm 20 years old today. I really grew up uh? I went through so many things. I did them. I became who i am today. 

2020.01.21 a.m. 08:45 three weeks into the new year and I'm already over it - year, please be nice to me. I've cried way too much. I don't want to be sad all the time. I want to feel like myself again. It's been years...that for some reason happiness and a good life can't work hand in hand for me. 

2020.01.23 p.m. 08:57 work hard and work smart?  - I studied only two days prior. But in those last two days i put in a lot effort. I sacrificed sleep, my health, hygiene and everything into utilizing every second to absorb as much studying as i can. I convinced myself that i can do it. I can make things work. But did it? I took my tax paper and did mistakes...obvious unforgivable mistakes that i actually practiced so hard on but still did it. I took my finance paper and my mind decided to omit the one information that i needed to answer that question even though I've memorized it repeatedly in my mind beforehand. It's really times like this where i truly am disappointed with myself. I could have done better had i put in more effort. I could have aced it if i did my preparation early. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I'm not as good as my peers. This whole week was so tiring for me. I was alone and realized that i am ALONE alone. My friends? They don't even care about me unless i took initiative to approach them. It's been suffocating lately, trying to take in all the crap that I've been getting. I'm so tired of crying. I don't even want to feel happy anymore. What's the point....

2020.02.19 p.m. 01:06 1 down, 4 more to go - auditing.... you're not my cup of tea. I'll admit it. in the beginning i didn't understand what was going on. but after literally crash coursing on the whole module this past week, i can say i still don't get it. But nevertheless i think i did ok for the paper. Idk. I thought I'd failed my mst only to be surprised by the score. So maybe the universe will work the same way this time. Or not. 

So today i will be going on a full-blown revision marathon for my three papers next week. I'm pinning my hopes on getting at least B+/A for FOT and FOI. IF? we'll strive to get one level about the bare minimum. 

I hope this semester sees an improvement in gpa or maintenance of my current one. Would really break my heart to see it plunge down. To future me, we'll be okay. If we're not, don't beat yourself to it. While the whole "grades don't define you" advice does give a sense of relief, it means shit. Grades matter... At least for university. 

Remember that one day we'll get a degree. Failure isn't forever. 

2020.05.30 a.m. 04:37 Why i don't ask about my jodoh in prayers  - while i do romanticize love based on fiction and the amount of love series i watch, i don't necessarily crave for it. I used to, but i don't. One reason could be that i am not surrounded by many malay guys and two, i am not in a position to be able to experience it. It's both. I don't try and I'll not try. 

[wazm]

kinda lost blog

I just wish to feel genuine joy in my life. I'm so afraid of chasing my goals cos what if I get to where I need to be and it's not exactly what I want. nevermind trying to reach for my goals cos I've been doing that..working every day..trying to bring myself closer to my goals but fail...struggling to sit down and just write music...i can't get myself to do it... I can't get myself to create anything.. I procrastinate the things I'm supposed to do with irrelevant big tasks..trying to distract myself constantly... I just feel empty inside...

what makes my hallow chest even deeper is the fact that all my relationships remind me of the bad decisions I've made..and theyre, not even bad decisions..its just meh...average..nothing worthwhile noting really..combined with abunch of negative outcomes...like he fact that i know a shit ton of people but i have zero real friends...i once had a friend who knew me for more than 7 years but he never exactly knew his boundaries...he’d show up to my house unannounced...id never get space...but at least i still had a friend..id do countless favors for him and never ask him anything in return but giving me space...one time i tried distancing myself from him and when i started to notice, he got so offended...after this happened, we never spoke to months...probs the longest time apart since we’ve been friends...then we kinda rekindled things...and he decided to plan a guys trip to bring us closer together...trip was okay...but ended really bad...he blocked me off everything..games, facebook, whatsapp...everything...he lives up the road from me...but ive never seen him since....idk if its a blessing or a curse...i hope things are okay with him...he wasnt the smartest but he was smart enough to comprehend certain sitautions ive been going through...good enough for me to vent to and console me...thats kinda all i need sometimes...but no more of that...he was kinda my bridge to a group of other friends we had...and after the boys trip it was like i lost everyone..social life took a hard knock...im sorry..just wish you trusted me more...

i tried filling the void by making my gf do things i did with my friends...never went down well...she just seems like someone who never knows how to have fun anymore..we used to have interesting chats..i was so inlove with her, I never saw her flaws...and she taught me this word “resentment”...well its not tht i never saw her flaws...i just chose to ignore them..and told myself that things will get better, and she’ll grow..and change...but i feel like shes been making me more like her since we’ve been dating...i swear i did so much things before her...but we’ve been together so long, i dont even know who that person is anymore...i bet, even if i left her, i wouldnt be able to bounce back...and the odd thing is that, when we started dating almost 5 years ago, i made it our philosphy that we are individuals in a relationship, we are not the relationship but it seems like she wasnt even herself back then and started being me...and now its like, shes nothing without me and my whole life has grown so much onto her, i kinda feel the same in return...just less attached to her since i felt like i was feeding her nucleas...might be exaggerating but homegirl cant initiate anything without me. nevermind choosing a meal when we go out, she cant even make a plan without needing 90% input from my side...and thats how most things are between us...if shes upset, ill fix it...risk my life and beyond to fix it...physically have done this many times before...walked from my house to hers at 2am in the morning, through the ghettos, more than a kilometer away..even been gun pointed and got things stolen from me, just to make her feel better when she was upset in the middle of the night...im not expecting that in return but she lits does the bare minimum in return...id be sad, then she be like...awww...im sad you’re sad...done..thats it...she’d lits be like...what can i do to fix things....again wanting my input...i might as well be dating myself...idk why im with this girl anymore...i hurt inside everytime i tell her i love her...cos i just dont anymore...and its been like this for a while...i wish she found this post and decided to leave me..cos i cant leave her...ive broken her heart so many times and told her i wanted to leave but i just end up coming back to her cos im sucha fucking pussy seeking some sort of social acceptence or friendship and i feel like shes all i have rn...not much of a gf hey...but its not like im worth anything either...idk...im so paranoid shes cheated on me in the past cos shes lied to me in the past and told me 3 years later about those lies...you know when someone lies to you and then when you find out about the lies and you ask why’d you do it and shes like...idk...i just feel like its lies ontop of lies...really cant trust her....i wish i had it in me to cheat on her...but i just dont like most females...id be infatuated with someone but would be put off so easily by the slightest thign...things would make so much sense if i was secretly gay but im not...the longer i seem to be in this place, the deeper im digging my grave...i feel like the time with my almost 5 year relationship feels like its getting harder to leave the longer i stay in it....i really dont know what to do...but i feel like i fuck up most of my relationships...not just my romantic one...

my relationship with my parents are just a nightmare...same goes for my other family members...and you know what...i do so much for people...countless favors...countless volunteer jobs...extra miles for people who wont even move an inch for me...but just let me mention this to anyone, then im in the wrong...i just feel like i cant voice any shortcomings to anyone and im made out to be the bad guy for doing this....whether its my parents or my sisters...id do everything for them, and i do everything for them, even things they dont ask me for...but let me raise an opinion that doesnt resonate with them, and it turns into an argument and if i decide to step out before things get sour, im still made out to be the bad guy cos how dare i do something so rude....i just feel like no1 wants to listen to me at all...for my last birthday i tried staying away from my family and decided to work on a few movies with my friends and i had fun, we arent the closes friends but, campus friends...theyre actually in a whole other faculty..so we just barely know eachother but we’ve worked on movies before and thats kinda our history together as friends....so its my birthday and i agreed to work with them on this day...all day..from like 7am until almost 10pm..and my family, not communicating with me, decides to go out for supper for my birthday...and just expects me to leave this project im working on for them...so they invite people to join them for this birthday supper...without having me there...anyways after i finished my day shooting, i was pretty smug about working instead of spending the day with my family...and on the last few moments of my birthday my sister makes a shitty comment, wanting me to shut the fuck up cos she doesnt have the energy to listen to my voice..it really broken my heart, how my whole birthday was spoilt in moments....wish she couldve just waited a tiny bit longer...i wouldve been happy with that..but naa...no1 wants to listen to anything i have to say, let alone have me around in their presence....i just feel like starting a new life somewhere else...and thats kinda what i had planned...

really thought i was going to leave south africa and immigrate to australia to go sound study there...filled in all the paper work...spoke back-and-forth with the uni over there and they extended the communication so long, i thought things were set...seemed like i was so close to getting the big change ive been seeking for so long...but they sent me this stinky ‘ol email with extra modules id have to do and the tuition fees went from $11,000 to $35,000 which is ridiculous as my countries currency isnt australian dollars and is 10 units weaker than theirs...never in my life have i ever felt like money defined my life...lits had my life in limbo cos i was waiting for responses from this people...and when i finally got a response it was too late to apply at the local college...idk what im doing this year...i tried looking for work online, but no response...made ads for work on fiverr...tried upwork, tried quickengig...even rev...all these sites people advertise as quick ways to make money....a bunch of lies...i made $0, 3 weeks going now. nothing. i even invested in making a business logo, wrote descriptions...adjusted my ads multiple times...still...blue ticks from the online work field...i applied for jobs ive seen on indeed and on gumtree and jobfinder....but no response...nothing...blue ticked...ima say luckily im working part-time for this events company and its kinda an opportunity to network with the sound industry but the live sound industry is filled with racist pricks who patronize you when you’ve done the time to learn the work they know...so no work online freelancing, no work applying for work..no work physically meeting people...really makes me feel like this isnt a viable option for me...cant even study locally or internationally anymore...

im just so lost...alone..hurt..wish someone would save me the way ive saved others before..

[captain-spookycandycollecti-blog]

White Lake Wisconsin Cheap car insurance quotes zip 54491

"White Lake Wisconsin Cheap car insurance quotes zip 54491

White Lake Wisconsin Cheap car insurance quotes zip 54491

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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White Lake Wisconsin Cheap car insurance quotes zip 54491

White Lake Wisconsin Cheap car insurance quotes zip 54491

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White Lake Wisconsin Cheap car insurance quotes zip 54491

White Lake Wisconsin Cheap car insurance quotes zip 54491

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Hey All. Looking to buy a new car: Current Car: Honda Civic Sport 1.6Li Petrol Wanting: Fast acceleration car possibly diesel turbo with good MPG if required. Distance to work travelled every day: 50 miles Open to all ideas/thoughts. I know with acceleration/speed comes price and loss of fuel mpg, but I'm sure theres a car that can be flexible under different driving conditions etc... Thanks again everyone, best answer to be choosen ASAP.""

How much is my health/car insurance going to be?

i am a 18 year old girl in california. ive never gotten a ticket or pulled over and i drive a 2010 ford fusion se(4 cyllinder) with all the safety features it offers. i dont think i have bad credit because all i have is a debit card that is attached to my parents accounts and they deposit money in it when i need it. so if i try to go over my limit it doesnt let me. we have triple a insurance and our bank is wells fargo. i dont know if having a job changes the price but ive had 2 other jobs and am currently employed in a new one. ive never been fired only laid off once because i was a seasonal worker and i quit another for not enough hours. all 3 jobs are retail jobs not making more than 9 dollars an hour. also i am a full time student with 12 units in a community college. My parents have basically perfect credit, both of them. does anyone know how much it will be for both health and car insurance if i start paying?""

Please tell me the insurance companies that would take my car insurance payments through a bank standing order

Because of my credit low rating, I have been paying regularly my creditors such as phones providers, professional bodies and charities through standing orders. But the insurance companies insisted on Direct Debt or Credit cards which I cannot use as of now. Please assist in finding any car insurance company that would take a bank standing order. Thanks.""

What kind of insurance to get?

I come from a low income family and my health insurance is called Healthy Families. Its really basic and only covers check ups, physicals, and other things in community health clinics. I have several moles I that I would like to get checked out at a dermatologist and some help with my acne as well but I hear that dermatologist visits can get expensive. What kind of insurance can I get that won't break the bank?""

Car insurance and criminal convictions?

I was recently without going into detail convicted on a public disorder charge of harresment and have just passed my test at 18 and was looking forward to getting on the road and found cheapish quotes on places like lv and aviva etc but ive just realised in the smallprint or insurance assumptions you are not aloud one criminal conviction and cant find anyone that allows them but i know plenty of people that are on the road that have criminal convictions its all a confusing issue can anyone help?

Would car insurance be expensive for a Mazda RX-8?

expensive being around sportscar/ muscle car range or like a regular cars insurance?

How long does it take for an auto insurance company to investigate and claim liability?

My daughter was in a car accident on Feb. 25. She was traveling straight in the southbound lane, when a rushing man in the northbound lane turned left in front of her. The driver admitted that he was upset because he had been following a school bus for the last 20 minutes and his friend, whom he was trying to pick up, was late for work. He stated that when he saw the driveway that he cut from behind the bus to turn in then realized from the skidding that he turned in front of a car. His insurance company is still investigating and waiting for pics of the scene and his friends statement. I was told by his insurance company (USAA) that witnesses not listed on the police report could not be used, but his friend is not on the police report and they are waiting for her statement. NC State Highway Patrol responded to the scene and the driver was cited for failure to yield the right of way. The driver was apologetic and admitted several times around a number of people that he must have blanked out or was daydreaming from the frustration of the school bus. USAA is saying that they need to make sure that my daughter was not 1% at fault, meaning speeding perhaps. The officer estimated her speed at impact at around 40 mph and the speed limit is 55mph. She hit the drivers back tire of his Jeep Wrangler (small truck) causing him to rest in a small trench or ditch ion the side of the attempted driveway. The front passenger side above the front tire and the front by the headlight is damaged on her car. She tried to avoid him, protect her younger sister (13) and avoid veering to much left in fear of hitting the school bus. My girls were terrified when I arrived 15 minutes after the accident. USAA stated that she may have had time to instanly stop, but she tried everything that she could do. In my opinion, she should have never been put into that situation. USAA is saying that points of contact are off, but my insurance agent said that she hit the back tire because a Jeep Wrangler is only 5 ft long and he was not towing a boat or driving a common sized vehicle. Plus the driver admitted to pushing down on the accelerator when he realized what was happening. I just need to have someones advice on this matter before hiring a lawyer. Thank you.""

How much is it for car insurance for a 16 yrs old in long island ny?

i am gonna be driving a ford station wagon 1989 escort

Can I drive my parents car without insurance?

Can I drive my parents car without insurance, the car is insured under my parents name, ( we live at the same address) and also can I drive someone elses car without insurance with his or her permission""

Do I HAVE to have car insurance in order to drive?

So I just got my license a few days ago, and I'm confused with the whole insurance thing... I am not getting my own car until I graduate high school, which won't be for like a year ish. So do I need insurance in order to drive my parents car OCCASIONALLY? Both my parents have car insurance. So pretty much, it would have been better to just have my permit where I don't need car insurance, instead of getting my license and being forced to get car insurance even if I'm going to be driving RARELY? Whereas with my permit, I could drive within hours with an adult for as long as I want without needing car insurance.........""

Is insurance expensive for a 17 year old Riding a 125 ped?

i live in bromley south east london/ kent i have recently bought a Gilera Runner VXR 180 Reg as 125, im using it for college and seeing family, i have completed my C.B.T Bike is road ready MOT&Tax could anyone give me a guestimate on how much it would be on your previous experience and any good companies that insure young drivers ? thanks alot (P.S if you would like too right a smart ar*e comment please dont do it on my post, im asking for advice not a lecture)""

What is car insurance quotes online policy ?

what is car insurance quotes online policy ?

""What is the best and cheapest car insurance for a 20yr, female living in Michigan?""

My dad is making me pay my car insurance and i dont kow where to start. I heard about something called PLPD, what is that and is it expensive? what are some other cheap places for car insurance in Michigan. Thanks!!""

Where did health insurance companies learn the word affordable? ?

I mean seriously, I check all over and the cheapest I can find with a joke of a copay is $130.00. I, like many other people, live paycheck to paycheck with generally less than a dollar at the time of receiving my next check. It is just ridiculous. And before I get any answers about how wonderful Obamacare will be: no, that's as useful as getting a credit card to pay off a mortgage. Besides, if was for the good of the people, why are we to be FORCED into it instead of deciding for ourselves?""

Where can I get non-owners insurance in New Jersey?

I dont own a car, but I rent about once a week, and would rather not have to take out liability insurance each time.""

""Will the health insurance companies that we have continue to raise their prices 200-2,000/year? How can-?

businesses pay for this except to basically drop coverage or take it all out of your salary and raises? Our raises are already frozen at 2% due to the economy.

Why are people comparing mandated health insurance to car insurance?

You are not forced to buy car insurance if you don't have a car. You have the right to not own a car. So why can't we have the right to not have health insurance??

Car insurance under my parents name w/o parents being present?

Hi, i live in Miami and my parents are currently out of state. I just bought a car and i need insurance in order to get the title. I was wondering if i can go under my parents insurance without them being present or if i can do it over the phone? also the car is a honda civic ex 99 and i am 19 years old. Its my first car and i have good credit, i am a university student with very good grades, and have not had any tickets or gotten into any car accidents. About how much will my insurance be? and would it be cheaper to be under my parents name, which i might add has been in a lot of car crashes, had a lot of tickets, bad credit, and jus has bad history, or would it be cheaper to just get it on my own??? thank you!!!!!""

Can I get separate 6 month car insurance for 2 vehicles?

I live in Vermont want to drive ONLY my Kia Spectra May-October, and ONLY my Ford F150 from November-April. I want to save money by having an insurance policy that covers each car for these 6 month intervals vs. insuring both year-round. Do car insurance companies typically offer this kind of coverage? I would ask around, but the insurance companies are so aggressive I can NEVER call for a simple quote or answer without extreme sales pressure.""

Term Life Insurances-Nicotine and insurance testing?

I am about to take a blood test for a term life insurance policy. I smoked a cigar about 10 days ago, and about 4 dips of snuff per week (for the past several months). Do they test for nicotine or some other chemical in tobacco to verify if I am a smoker or not? A friend of mine tested positive for smoking and he had smoked a cigar about two months previous...can they test that far back on a blood test??? Thanks""

White Lake Wisconsin Cheap car insurance quotes zip 54491

White Lake Wisconsin Cheap car insurance quotes zip 54491

What is the average cost of life insurance?

I know individual circumstances apply, but there must be an average monthly cost somewhere. 33 years old, Looking for term life insurance, 500K I was just given a monthly quote for $28 per month""

How does coordination of benefits work with health insurance?

My primary insurance is through my employer, my husband also carries on his employers insurance (United Healthcare). How would my claims be processed under the two insurance plans? Would his insurance pick up where my primary insurance left off?""

Whats the cheapest auto insurance for someone in Texas?

Whats the cheapest auto insurance for someone in Texas?

What do i put for date of license on Geico insurance quote?

I was filling out an online insurance quote from Geico. When they ask for date first licensed do they mean your lerner's permit or your regular license?

I have moved back to the UK after living in Italy for 30 years. Why are my car insurance quotes so high?

I passed my driving test in 1979 and received a full UK licence. After moving to Italy I had to convert to an Italian licence as I was resident there. I moved back to the UK in August, converted my licence back to a full UK and have been trying to find insurance at a reasonable price. My problem seems to be that I appear as having passed my test in August 2012 and my no claims bonus from Italy is not valid for UK insurers. First of all is this possible and do you think there's some way my driving experience and clean licence and insurance in Italy can be brought into play as I negotiate a new policy here? Thank you in advance for any advice. DI""

Where can I get cheap car insurance for a 17 year old?

I need car insurance preferably under 3000, I can be a named driver on my dads insurance (he's been driving over 25 years and has 5 years no claims bonus). I have tried comparison websites and even for a 1L 1998 Vauxhall Corsa, they are quoting around 7,000 - it's daylight robbery!!! Where can I get cheap(ish) insurance from? What type of cars are best (eg new/old, engine size etc)? Thanks.""

Why is unemployment insurance so cheap and health insurance so expensive?

The government deducts my unemployment insurance but I have to pay health insurance out of earnings? Seems like the government takes less. Conservatives hate low prices only profits. We need to take health care out like unemployment.

I recently moved to Brooklyn and I need to find affordable auto insurance for my car. Any suggestions?

I know car insurance in NY is expensive in general, but any suggestions would help!""

Where is the best place to get cheap car insurance for young drivers?

Where is the best place to get cheap car insurance for young drivers?

Is there any insurance policy for critical illness ?

Is there any insurance policy for critical illness ? I mean if someone is suffering from any critical disease for long time.

How much do you pay for insurance?

i have a school project :/ and am supposed to act like i am buying a smart car for $14000 but how much insurace am i supposed to bay monthly?

Social insurance number?

i'm living in alberta and have my social insurance number but i'm moving to saskatchewan, is there a form i need to fill out online or do i have to go to the provincial building?""

What are the local home insurance rates for London?

I am trying to do a project for a public health class and I was wondering what the home insurance rates for someone owning a home in London? It would be awesome if you knew about how much it cost around the Tower Hamlets area. Also, if you do know about what percentage of people have home insurance in London, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!""

Car insurance for 17 year old HELP please!!?

Hi, I'm looking to take car insurance out for a 1.0L Vauxhall Corsa Ecoflex 2006 or a 1.2L Ford KA 2009.I will be the policy holder and the main driver, however my parents will be a named driver.Car won't be driven more than 3000 miles a year and quotes are coming up at 2800++! I have heard some people are able to get it in the 1000s, but how is this possible? I have tried some many providers and I think I'm running out of luck. Plus these are the cheapest cars to insure too! I'm in the West Midlands to, if location has anything to do with it Any suitable answers will be greatly appreciated, thanks""

""I have Mercury Car Insurance, what should I watch out for?

I recently opened up a policy with Mercury car insurance because they gave me the best quote. A month later my roomate was doing research and found a large amount of people giving bad reviews of Mercury car insurance. Since I don't know anyone who has Mercury car insurance I was hoping someone out there could give me some good feedback as to whether or not they are worth renewing in 5 months.

""How much, on average, does it cost to add an umbrella policy to your homeowners insurance? i'm just looking

for a starting point. a general ballpark figure or range for how much this type of additional insurance costs. thanks in advance for any help.

Help with car insurance........................

i am 16 but when i turn 17 i want to pass my driving tests. my worry is car insurance. i want to buy a little car like Peugeot 206 1.4 or something similar but i have checked insurance companies and their quotes are ridiculous so my dad said that if i give him the money to buy the car he can then insure it on his insurance and add me as an additional driver so i can sometimes drive it to my mates or whatever. i have heard of something called fronting and i was just wondering if then we would be doing that or would everything be legal. thanks in advance Matt

Health Insurance- Test Result Privacy?

I am curious as to how much information my insurance company (through an employer) has access to. For example, can they view the results of my blood tests done via Labcorp/Quest if they payed for them? Also, what about a test such as an EMG and Nerve Conduction study. Do they receive a copy of the final report? I know a copy is sent to my physician and that I personally have the right to a copy. But are results also sent to my insurance company? For what it's worth I have BCBS. Any input would be greatly appreciated.""

How much does horse insurance cost?

How much would it cost to insure a 14 year old gelding quarter horse? He is 1,200 pounds and does jumping and dressage. I need to know this ASAP!!!""

Is insurance more expensive for a 07 civic si sedan or an 07 civic ex coupe?

Full cover insurance,I live in california, im 18, no tickets, no accidents. I know insurance is higher for 2 door cars but the civic si Is faster and more expensive.""

Security Guarding Company insurance?

Can somebody tell me how much the average insurance would be for a security guarding company?

Motorcycle insurance?

Anyone have any idea on the cost on motorcylce insurance.. I'm 26 clean record..Thinking about getting a new yamaha cruiser 600-700cc

Babies insurance please answer?

I have medicare (pregnancy) and I was wondering how does it cover the baby when he is born and what do I do to get his insurance and all that? Thank you.

Arizona Law on insurance pulling your driver record ?

does anyone how long (in term of years) can an insurance company pull your driver record? i know here in Arizona i can pull my record from servicearizona.com for 39month. but some people tell me they can pull up to 5 years from your record.

Who provides the best Renter's Insurance in California??? What is Renter's Insurance Anyway?

Hello... I am new to renter's insurance. Does anybody know a good website that I can do research??? Generally what does renter's insurance cover??? Thank you for your answers!!!

White Lake Wisconsin Cheap car insurance quotes zip 54491

White Lake Wisconsin Cheap car insurance quotes zip 54491

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/state-farm-car-insurance-quote-hawaii-alexander-collins/"

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Birch Run Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48415

"Birch Run Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48415

Birch Run Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48415

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecosts.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I'm an older full-time college student and my husband works full-time at Walmart. In the past three years, I've been through 4 cancer related surgeries, which were paid for by the breast/cervical cancer Medicaid program. Unfortunately, follow up care and monitoring aren't covered and I was dropped from Medicaid. I'm now on my husband's health insurance, which is basically worthless because our income is under $20,000/yr and the policy has a $4500 deductible plus 20% after. I haven't seen my oncologist for over a year because we can't afford the expensive scans, biopsies, and lab work associated with cancer follow-up with a deductible that high. I thought my situation would change in 2014 with Obamacare. I recently learned from the healthcare.gov website calculator that our income is low enough to qualify for expanded Medicaid (which our state decided not to expand), but I don't qualify for the health insurance subsidies I desperately need because the outrageous deductible health insurance from my husband's job covers spouses. How can a couple with an income so low they would qualify for expanded Medicaid be ineligible for subsidies? I am completely devastated over this and I don't know what to do. Not being able to afford cancer follow up care is putting my life in danger. Even if my husband's employer (Walmart) quit covering the spouses of full-time employees, I think that would only apply to new hires because of the grandfather clause. If getting subsidies was based on income alone the way it should be instead of access to employer provided coverage, I would qualify for a zero deductible policy and $3 co-pays with a monthly premium of around $60. I could then afford the expensive health care I need. We live in a college town so if my husband got a different job, he'd make even less than he does now and we would probably end up homeless. If my husband transfers and we move to a state that's expanding Medicaid, I'll have to quit school and get rid of my German Shepherd and Siberian Husky since it's almost impossible to find a landlord that allows them. We thought another option might be to get a divorce on paper and co-habitate until our situation changes (completing my degree and getting a good job so I can afford the deductible), then re-marry. When I asked about that, someone actually accused me of wanting to commit fraud! How can anyone think of something like fraud when a situation is endangering someone's life? I am desperate to somehow qualify for health insurance subsidies without lying, which could get us in trouble. Any ideas?""

Best Insurance for Speeding Tickets?

I will be getting married in a month and need to get new car insurance. What insurance companies offer the best rates for people with speeding tickets? I have 2 speeding tickets, and my fiance has 2 accidents on record... any suggestions of the best places to start looking?""

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I am 18 years old, and I have a beautiful opportunity to buy a Mercedez Benz for incredibly cheap. Problem is, I cannot buy the car until I know whether the insurance would be affordable or not. I did get a DUI when I was 17 years old, but it was reduced down to a Reckless Driving charge, considering it was my first offense, and a minor one at that. I do not have anything else on my record, including my driving record. The car is a 2002 Mercedez Benz ML320 that just barely hit the mark for 114,000 miles the other day. I have tried looking for insurance quotes but they all ask how many miles I put on it annually and how many days I drive it to work and all that junk. I cant answer these questions because the car is not yet mine. So I turned to this website for help! Somebody please help me with just a simple but relevant estimate as to how much money I would have to pay for insurance on this car. I do not wish to have the car under double-coverage. Just the cheapest form of insurance that would still cover my car if I were to get in an accident. Please and thank you! :D""

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Birch Run Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48415

Birch Run Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48415

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""Cheapest method for car insurance for 17 year old male, UK?""

hy guys, im 16 at the moment, and 17 in november and desperate to pass my driving test ASAP, which is the cheapest way to go about car insurance? ive heard vans insurence is cheaper? or going on parents insurance? im looking to get my own car, not to share my parents. please help me out guys! thanks x""

The best personal & affordable health insurance plans in Michigan that offer around 70% coverage?

I am looking for insurance for my boyfriend. He is almost 30 & works for a small business that does not offer an insurance plan. He especially needs dental and vision but would also ...show more

Car Insurance!?

I am planning to buy a used 1992 Honda Prelude for $2,700.00. How does the insurance work? Does the price of the car that I paid or the retail price, plays as a factor of how much I would have to pay monthly for insurance. What insurance company would be the best for a new driver with her G2 only? Does anybody have an idea of how much it will cost me (approximately monthly) for the insurance? What other fees or cost will I have to pay for?""

Motorcyle prices?

IM thinking about buying a crockrocket. What are the average monthly payments.......ball park... And also, what is an average montly insurance payment?""

How long do I need to keep Full Coverage insurance on my vehicle if I am financing?

I dont want FULL coverage. I'd rather pay for partial coverage. How long do I need full for? Will they repossess the vehicle if it is not fully covered?

I recently got a suspended license will that affect my insurance rates?

I recently got my license suspended for an underage drinking charge. i wasn't driving. i was at a party that got busted . i'm 20 years old and looking to buy a new car i wanted to know if this fact would be detrimental in me affording car insurance. i'm however paying to have a permit to drive to work and school with my suspended license.

""I am a legal alien about to stay in an American residence, do i need to be on the car insurance?""

I am about to study abroad in America and live with an American in her house. Do I need to be on her car insurance even though I will not be driving the car, and do not have an American driving license?""

What is the Mustang classed under for insurance?

i was told that insurance companies class it as a sports car and will the insurance be high for a driver who: has slight ADD, 20 years old, just got my drivers license (2 months ago), lives with parents, has not the best grades, works part time, and isn't going to school at the moment? if it will be expensive what would you say would be a good first car? I'm driving a V8 4.0 litter engine Durango (year 2000) so i am familiar with a big powerful heavy car but i want a small car that drink a lot of gas and is cheap to insurance! thanks (please no smart A** remarks please)""

Where I can get best auto insurance rates ?

Please find me a good web site to get some details about best auto insurance rates . For my research this data will be useful to me. thank you

Insurance question: Does anyone know?

An insurance policy that covers several individuals, often sharing common professions, is called a(n) _____________ policy.""

Around how much would classic car insurance be for a 1985 chevy silverado 350 V8?

Around how much would classic car insurance be for a 1985 chevy silverado 350 V8?

How can I afford car insurance (17 - 18 year old)?

Does anyone have any ideas on how to afford running a car, especially insurance which would be around 2500-3000 per year. I'm still in sixth form and plan to go to university so I only really have weekends to work. Is it possible to afford to run a car? How to people do it? Thanks""

How much does Invisalign Teen cost to get without insurance?

Im looking into Invisalign Teen because i really dont want braces and since Invisalign is just as effective i want to try to get it. our insurance wont cover it though, how much would it cost for me to pay for it out of pocket?""

Motorcycle Insurance?

I screwed up and was charged with DUI a few months ago (I was driving a car). I figured my insurance would double or triple but no, the cheapest I could fine is close to 4,000 a year! I was floored & absolutely in shock. My question is, would motorcycle insurance be cheaper being I got a DUI. I live in Fl. Do I even need insurance for a motorcycle? Everyone is telling me a different story. I need help please! Thanks! -Alex""

California Medical for teens?

I am 19 & i have no insurance at all and i was wondering if theres a way to get on the Medi-caid or medi-cal that the state offers to usually younge kids or pregnant women? can someone give me info?

Do i still pay the monthly payment (car insurance) after a accident?

I got into an accident on 12/ 15. since then i havnt drove my car bc its not fix or its just waiting for it to be junked. and my monthly payment goes out on about the last week of each month. (my payment goes electronically from my bank ) so on 12/29 they took the monthly payment of december. and then in jan 28, it took another payment even though i wasnt driving the car. my insurance expires this coming march. so do i continue to pay till march even though the car is not used?""

Cost to insure 2013 honda civic si?

Cost to insure 2013 honda civic si?

Is insurance high for a base acura rsx or just the s-type model?

I'm a 21 year old male with one speeding ticket. I like the design on the rsx, but I've heard insurance is ridiculous on them. Is this true for the both models, or is the insurance rate for the base model significantly less than the type-s model? Thanks for any help!""

Birch Run Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48415

Birch Run Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48415

Where can i find a good healthcare plan for myself and my kids? more inside?

39 weeks prego with number 2. and neither have insurance except the smallest will have ga medicade when he is born.i am looking for insurance to cover them mostly. and everything i see has at least a $1000 deductible. what is a good way to do this? i am 21 and don't know any thing about insurance. help please :-) i

Can i insure my car in england with a insurance co in bulgaria to save money?

ive heard that people in england are using insurance companies in bulgaria to insure there cars here at home as it is supposed to be a lot,lot cheaper? and if so does anyone know of these companys?""

""If i get a car insurance quote form quinn direct in ire,for an integra 1.8 of any variety i wont get insured?""

tink dat car is bout 180bhp,yet i can get insured on a bmw 750i (5.4ltr Petrol) (350bhp) car and im only 21, try it yourself,i sed im 21 wit full lic and 2yrs ncb, tink it was 1700e aswell, da micra i had last yr was 2700e. also i can get a quote on a crx vti del sol (160bhp) but not the esi (120),insurance companies haven't got a clue! http://www.quinn-direct.ie/index.html""

Car insurance confusion?

so my dad bought a car for my sis and I to share. I have liability that my mom pays. My sis has insurance my dad pays. Can I still drive the car my dad bought for us or do I have to be under his plan? btw my parents are divorced

Will my car insurance company find out ive lied on my no claims bonus unless i crash and have to claim?

Will my car insurance company find out ive lied on my no claims bonus unless i crash and have to claim?

I am selling my car while the insurance is about to expire.?

Do I need to buy a short term insurance to cover the car while I am trying to sell it? Btw it is parked on the driveway of my house and I won't have to drive it any more. But when there is a buyer coming to try the car I know it has to be insured at that time. So should I leave it until someone committed to buy the car or get it insured immediately? Hope someone who has same experience to answer this, many thanks.""

What is the best dental insurance company to get for a low income individual?

I'm getting by on a min wage, part time job....However, we really need dental care. Does anybody know of a good company to look into?""

I have allstate full coverage insurance plan?

Would it cover the auto repair on my car? I curb checked bad and broke the plastic cover on the bottom that keeps water out and i bent something else under my car. Will this cover it,?""

How much would we (roughly) pay for health insurance?

Adult male 40+ adult female 40+ and a 5-year old child. No medical problems or histories if that makes any difference. All are EU citizens ... Maybe it's not that simple, but if I don't ask I won't find out :-) I lived in Twente back in 2000 but and remember health iunsurance as affordable (i was single then). From what I hear now prices have gone through the roof. I am considering returning but am worried about ziekenfonds costs.""

Is there a non-owners motorcycle insurance policy available from any insurance company anywhere?

Is there a non-owners motorcycle insurance policy available from any insurance company anywhere?

Free Auto Insurance Quotes At What Website?

I have been looking for a site that gives Free Auto Insurance Quotes, everywhere I have found wants to charge me or run my credit. Can anyone help me? All I want is a Free Auto Insurance Quote is that to hard to find?""

Alternatives to Auto Insurance?

I remember reading something a few years ago about rather then having regular auto insurance, you could have money in a bank account dedicated to be your insurance. Have any of you heard of this and if possible can you provide some sources?""

How much would auto insurance be for a 18 year old?

i want to get a camero but i heard that 6 cylinders cost more on insurance....i live in texas and i would like to know if auto insurance is based on how many cylinders ur motor has

Will my insurance go up after receiving3 points on my license?

I got careless driving and the cop told me it would be 3 points on my license. I took traffic school to remove previous points 6 months ago so I cannot do that. Will these 3 points raise my insurance rate? Also, I was pulled over by an unmarked detective, and he called in a motor cop to write the ticket. Would it be worth taking to court, and if I take it to court, what are the benefits vs. the losses I can face?""

Why you would be better off buying a 20 year term life insurance policy at age 25......?

Why you would be better off buying a 20 year term life insurance policy at age 25 rather that buying a one-year renewable policy?

Motor trade insurance for 46 year old and a named driver at 18?

Currently have an motor trade insurance policy with motrade. However they are closing down so need to find another insurance company. The problem is that the name driver is only 18. Motrade allowed named drivers from 17! Does anyone know of an motor trade insurance company that will insure an 19 year old on a policy. The policy holder is 46. Thanks! :)

First time car insurance?

I passed my driving test on the 6th of December 2011 and got a car yesterday. It is a 1.0 litre peugeot 107 56 plate and I'm 22. Wondering where the cheapest place to go for car insurance would be or the cheapest way to do it? I've heard some people go on their Mum's, but you shouldn't do that as it's illegal to say they are the main driver when you are (not sure how this would be proved). I've looked on price comparison sites but they are all still so expensive and I still feel I can get a better quote. The best one has been from an independent insurer called Ingenie at 1300, so I know I can get cheaper on sites that aren't on price comparison ones, if that makes sense! The thing is there's so many was just wondering if anyone knew the cheapest?? Getting bored of typing my details in over and over :) Thankyou x""

How do i get car insurance if i dont have a car???

i want to finance a car but i cant do that without insurance, how do i get insurance without a car?""

What is some cheap car insurance companies?

hey so i'm 18 & i'm looking to insure my car again after letting my brother have ago and he crashed it without being insured, i've been to court & i got a 6 week ban & a fine but im starting to look for insurance 7 i was wondering if anyone knew of any cheap ones to try? cheers""

How much is your car insurance?

How much are you paying for full coverage or what ever you have and where do you live. $265 a month in New Orleans LA Full coverage.. is this a lot compared to your state?

Insurance price on 2001 Eclipse?

Im a 17 year old driver, so instantly high lol, but its an automatic 2 door eclipse but only 4 cylinder and automatic transmission. What would you think the insurance be and how would that compare to lets say... a honda civic""

Obama is guaranteeing affordable health care for the uninsured?

So far they don't have any proposals to lower the cost of health care. So he must be saying the government will be picking up the tap to make health insurance affordable for all of the low income, no income, the elderly, & the uninsurable. This will be a staggering amount of money. Do you trust him to pull this off?""

How do i get cheap car insurance?

im 19 and sont want 2 pay loads 4 car insurance

""Solo accident, going to file sr-1, repair estimate $2200. should i tell insurance? (2nd accident in 5 months)?""

first of all, yes, i am a bad driver and i'm really going to drive slow from now on. this is my 2nd car accident in 5 months. the first one was deemed 70% my fault(my car and another one involved, we went through insurance). in this most recent one, it was just my car and a wall initial repair estimate is about $2200. i'm going to file an sr-1. so it looks like i have several options: option1) file the SR1, don't even call the insurance company, pay out of pocket option2) file the SR1, tell insurance, get them to pay for some of the repairs, and i pay for the rest option3) file the SR1, tell insurance, have them pay for all of the repairs how would my future insurance premiums be affected in each situation? how would it affect my DMV record and points against my driving record? i'm guessing the insurance company will find out even if i don't call them directly because of the SR-1 i'm going to file. but if i don't make the insurance company pay, will they not hike up my premiums as much? any suggestions or knowledge about sr-1 and insurance? thanks!!""

Car ratings for cost of insurance?

rating numbers car insurance companies use for insuring cars and other transportation.

Birch Run Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48415

Birch Run Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48415

""If you crash a car whilst test driving it, is it covered by insurance?""

If you're buying a second hand car from a private owner and you already have comprehensive insurance from another car, or if the owner has comprehensive insurance but isn't driving, would either policy cover this? And what if the driver doesn't have any insurance at all because if they buy it this will be their first car?""

What is the average car insurance cost?

What is the average car insurance cost?

I do not have any health insurance. Where can I find a psychiatrist to talk to in VA that is affordable?

I do not have any health insurance. Where can I find a psychiatrist to talk to in VA that is affordable?

Motorcycle insurance for a 17 year old in california?

hey im 17 years old, and got the money together for my first bike. i went down to the dealership and was about to buy the bike when i found out insurance cost like 4k for full coverage. i want full coverage but dont wanna pay through the nose for it. i have not owned a bike before and i really want one, but im not sure if i can aford to. so my question is does anyone know what i should do to resolve my problem? preferably recomendations of good insurance comannys. thanks so much""

""After i register my car how much time do i have to get insurance, while still driving?""

I just registered it today and i was wondering if i can drive it around, till i get insurance this weekend. Im in MN.""

How insurance coverage work for new a car ?

Hi, I intend to buy a car by the end of this month on the weekend (I work from Monday to Friday and do not want to skip working). I will use my old car for trade-in. And I will switch my current insurance on to the new car. Since it all will be happening on the weekend (my insurance office closed), I will have to switch the insurance on Monday. If something happen to the new car before the insurance switched (sometime before Monday), who will cover the car ? Any advice ? Thank you...""

Car Insurance Renewal?

Dear Mates I have been driving for a year,The car that I have got is Micra 1 litre. Just received a letter from my current Insurance Provider. Letter says that my car insurance is 1807 for this year, if I pays Monthly. Which is about 300 more than last year. Even this year, I have got 1 year No Claim Bonus. What you guys think, is that OK or is it too much on this car? How much do you pays at the moment? Many Thanks""

Would a 2002 Mustang Coupe have high insurance?

I understand most sports cars cause a spike in insurance money for young drivers. Would a 6 cylinder 2002 Mustang for a young driver under your parents policy be much more expensive? If so, how much?""

Health insurance eligibility event?

how would employer or insurance company be able to verify wheather your spouse had switched jobs or lost coverage? to make it be considered an event...I NEED HELP

Is it okay to drive your parents car but dont have insurance yet but your parents gave permission to drive it?

Like if i was to be pulled over which I plan on not being because I drive very carefully but with cops now a days they will pull you over for no reason and just follow you and pull ...show more

How much would It cost to Insure a 17 year old?

I am 17, been driving for 2 years with my permit. I have had no accidents, tickets or a bad driving record. In 2 months my permit expires and I have to get my licence. I would be driving a 1991 Toyota Pickup DLX with 162k miles. The insurance would be with State-Farm. How much would It be to Insure me? or a quote. Reason I ask Is because I tried asking State-Farm but they cant give me a 100% accurate quote because i dont have my license yet. Thanks!""

What is the best medical insurance company in illinois?

What is the best medical insurance company in illinois?

Health insurance question for college student?

I'm a dependent college student under my parents health insurance plan and I was wondering if I take a semester off does the college notify the health insurance agency of my absence or do I have to notify them? health insurance provider is CSEA.

Can you register car w/o insurance & 1967 Mustang Steering wheel..?

I do not have my license or permit yet. I plan to have my permit by early September. I don't plan on insuring the car until September or Feburuary but can I REGISTER the car before I get insurance? (So it won't get towed.. does that ever really happen?) How much would a 1967 wheel cost and how much to have it installed?

Can someone have life insurance on me without my consent?

My inlaws are crazy. No not like wacky like mean, vindictive, you wouldn't believe it crazy. My husband purchased a sport car about 4 years ago, evidentially my inlaws started a life insurance / disability policy on him. The bill for some reason gets mailed to us, but they pay it. When asked about it they said they got it incase my husband killed himself in his car. Can you take out a policy on an adult, over 18 years of age, without consent? What is this Disability income on the bill that is separate from the Level Term life??? They are not in poor financial shape, his father is a doctor and they have an oceanfront home. I have everything situated for our family's burial arrangements. Thoughts??""

The Federal Government Insurance Plan?

If the federal Government has an insurance plan and we pay for it,where is it taken from I mean what tax pays and how much do we pay. and where is the plan located so I can see what there plan is.""

Insurance on a ford fiesta 1.25 GHIA?

im 17 and will be having my full license at the very latest January the 1st just wondering the average price for cheapest cover, 5 door 1.25""

Delaware auto insurance (state required minimum) cheaper than Geico?

Which company gives Delaware auto insurance (state required minimum) cheaper than Geico? I tried every known companies (Progressive, Nationwide, 21st etc) but I can't find out any...Does anybody know any cheaper option?""

Can my car get repossessed for lapse of insurance?

Okay so short and sweet my loan company called and says my insurance lapsed now is this a problem by means can they come get the car like in the same fashion as if I were not paying on it? But can they still get it even if I am making the right payments on time? Also if I fax them my insurance card showing I have the card with proof of the insurance til may will they take that as a form or do they need to contact the company directly?

How would the motorcycle insurance compare on these 4 bikes?

Ninja 250r Ninja 650r Honda cbr 600 Honda CB599 Hornet (naked) Assuming they are all ridden by the same person, in the same area ect. thanks in advance (Note: Im not looking for number so much as how they would compare to each other)""

Which auto insurance company to choose?

Geico's quote was WAY lower than anybody else's. Several hundred dollars lower, in fact. When I asked an Allstate agent about the difference, he said it was mainly due to Allstate offering more types of insurance, investments, better customer service, and that Geico's quote was low just to get you in the door and that it would go up once I appeared interested. After a 10 minute monologue of him explaining this, he quickly printed my quote and rushed me out of his office. Does anyone have experience with Geico? All I need is auto and maybe renter's insurance. I don't need them to manage my retirement! Are they as underhanded about raising quotes as I was told?""

""First car! help with car insurance,tax&other stuff please ?? uk owner?

smart car 2 seater white and silver 2010 reg how much would it cost to tax and insure female driver at 17 year old? best place for insurance ?? is it worth getting a black box installed into the smart car ?? if so how much do the cost on average? where is cheapest place to get break down cover ?? what over things do i need to consider on my first car? how much does a smart car cost to fill with fuel in uk?? would love some help if possible kind regards mia xxx :D

Can a ticket in another state affect my insurance rates?

Can a ticket in another state affect my insurance rates?

How i can get cheap insurance for my children?

How i can get cheap insurance for my children?

Insurance agents in Chennai?

if you know any insurance agents in Chennai help me?

Birch Run Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48415

Birch Run Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48415

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/state-illinois-insurance-benefits-jason-wilkinson/"

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i thought to myself, “i dont want to be in love with someone who doesn’t want a future.”

and maybe some years ago i wouldve taken this thought as an action - i might’ve tried to create a rift in the relationship or seek things out to confirm suspicions (which has already been close to happening anyways) so i would have a reason to not be in love with them - so i could make them the enemy; a person doing something “bad”. 

but i guess i’m old enough now to understand this statement. it’s not an action; it’s a thought and it can be taken point blank. i dont _want_ to be in love with someone. because that’s painful and useless and so, so sad. 

he said, “we’ve been hanging out a lot. maybe we can hang out tomorrow.” 

i’ve gotten this before. and it’s a bit ironic, i knew i wouldn’t really see him today because we had an event to go to. and i was okay with that - i guess romanticizing this glamorous idea that we’re somebodies - we’re “something” going out and we kiss and go home. 

but i really dislike having no control over things at all. and it’s not that i want to “control” anybody or anything - i just feel like his availability to me is very circumstantial and is one of the worst processes in the relationship. it continually adds to my anxiety and maybe even my insecurities. 

i know i have issues with perceived abandonment. which is completely and totally fair to my life situation - i no longer see it as a true flaw to my being but as a statement of my life. why wouldnt i? a person would develop such feelings over time if they had my experiences as well. is it an issue? issues can be fixed. so is it an anxiety or an insecurity? maybe it’s just both. 

i want to be able to be like hey, i’m coming over, see you soon. just one time be able to do that. and after nine months and developing the relationship we have, i feel like i should be able to. but anytime i’ve tried, i’ve been deterred. why cant it be like, i’ll see you tomorrow at 6? or around 8? like it always feels like when we say goodbye, there’s a possibility i wont see him again. not like hes going to die, but that he could just get up and walk away. just wake up tomorrow and decide this isn’t what he wants. does my presence even make a difference in that kind of decision? probably not - but i have this fear because he speaks openly about everything, including his desire to move away and take trips and just generally not care that i’m someone who he’s developed a close relationship with. 

not that i’m saying he should _not_ do these things either. he should; but the way he speaks about them it just sounds like he could become a new person in a new life tomorrow. and maybe he could. i also don’t believe he doesn’t actually care at all about me. but his caring increasingly feels obvious at arm’s length and frequently one sided towards him. 

it could be worth talking about. which is so scary and real because i’ve never really ever in my life put myself out there like that. i’ve done desperate and dumb things, but they were more in jest that turned out embarassing later because it was just like.. not the right time or place or frame of mind. but he also doesnt like talking about relationship things. it’s easier for him to think this isn’t a relationship that requires talking about in such ways. but we’ve talked about things before - we’re so close because of our ability to communicate with each other and neither of us has ever gotten along with someone on these level. 

but to bring up the fact that i have this ever lingering feeling of something not being right within myself - i dont know. like i believe he can live his life. just do whatever the fuck he wants to do. and in return i also have that same freedom and that’s great. we live individual lives and get to be individual people and it’s kind of new to both of us because we’ve siphoned our identities alot from our partners at the time. so to get to truly be ourselves in the most pure ways is great. 

truly though, i just want to be with someone. i dont want to sit alone in an apartment. its literally my least favourite thing and i do it _all the fucking time_. i could solve these problems by going out but at the en of the day you still return to sit in an empty apartment. 

it sounds kind of basic though doesnt it? maybe kind of whiny - “i just want to be with someone”. i’m not alone now. i guess? maybe this truly is not highschool anymore. maybe it’s not about “having” someone. i dont need to have this “boyfriend” in my life. this person i see on a semi regular basis to hang out and have sex with. i need to build a family. like - i did it professionally. and i’ve grown through it as well and like i’m not saying i want to have children (at all) tomorrow or get married but i want to be apart of someones life. i want to see the people they care about. i hope to have the ability to care about them too. i want to make decisions together and bare the weight of those decisions together. i want to feel a responsibility to their well being and feel the necessity in creating an easement to achieve whatever it is they want to do or be. i want to feel a stronger obligation to be better to myself to be able to fulfill my own goals and contribute to theirs more positively. 

in my romantic world - we’d move in together next week and create this fantastic little life and i’d just be better in some way. i don’t know. but in reality my anxiety about wanting to be able to say ‘see you tomorrow around 6′ just one time translate to a bigger issue of wanting to be able ot say, hey in 6 months do you thik we could think about living together? do you think we could start building _something_ instead of just spinning our wheels? 

which i know is something he already is dealing with in his personality to begin with - he’s spinning his tires completely and i’m in the back seat smoking weed and eating cookies, occassionally getting out to stretch my legs or being forced to walk to get gas. 

he’s said we’re walking our individual paths and if those paths happen to cross, then great - if not, it’s okay. he did this skit that i’ve been thinking about a lot. and maybe he didn’t think about it when he wrote it, or maybe it’s about something else compltely but one quote always comes to mind, “she guided us here. she knew the way.” maybe in some subconcious connection it’s like i took him down this path. maybe i’m forcing him down it - or maybe he feels like i am. 

he told me he loved me, that he was in love with me, within two months of us being together. which he himself knew was weird and maybe inappropriate to say. is it wrong now to ask at nine months what we’re doing? 

it’s not really about seeing him tomorrow. or the day after. or next week. it’s about how long in the future will i see him and to what proximity can we work towards that being. i want to try and see a future. maybe thats a positive thing even. maybe thats why its pressing on me as much as it has been. i want to see a future. i want to see what will happen in six months. i want to be here in six months; not “here” but like, existing on the planet. and i want to plan in some way for that. i’m feeling like change needs to happen. i’m also spinning my tires, if i’m being honest about myself.  i’ve been picking at smal things - cleaning out closets & organizing things that are meaningless, cutting my hair & just being hyper detail oriented because i want change. i’ve even come so far to accept giving up my cats. i’ll keep them for as long as possible but i think i’ll live if i have to do something about owning them. i’ve cleared out a lot of things i own because theyre not useful or old or broken and it’s left me with the necessities and a few other things. i feel like i could let go of more and live fine. i’d almost like to live in a room again. but maybe it’s just feeling the big emptiness of this apartment. 

within a thin veil of positivity though is still a deep depression. i do feel like its a daily battle to do even the bare minimum. i have a really long way to go and i know that and the support i’ve been given has been top notch. i couldnt really ask for better from someone who doesnt really have that much of a connection to me outside of the one weve recently built. hes been a truly amzing human being. he has really not asked for anything in return either, but i dont think ive given him a reason to. 

i managed to help organize a show & make a book cover for a published book this year amidst the worst depression and health issues of my life because i’m still trying. i’m still fucking here. i truly did not want to be and i’m a little hesistant now but i’m still here. and i’ll be here tomorrow. i guess in some ways i feel like .. imagine what i could do with a little hope? beyond support now; what about hope? just something that could make me believe that what i want is in my future and if its not then let me move on. let me grieve and move on. i fear loss in my life and i think those who know me fear loss in my life for me as well - like it’ll have to be a life long bond now that we’re friends. and maybe sometimes i’d even like it to be, but i know friends come and go. 

on a personal level i feel like he’s kind of my best friend and someone whos one of a kind to my life not becuse he’s so unique but because hes so similar. he’s truly normalized alot for me and allowed me to feel like an actual human and not some demented version of one. i will honestly cherish knowing that. so i have no problem hanging out with him regularly. i truthfully see him about 4 hours a day, where he may also be playing video games for atleast half or more of those hours. which is fine, but i wish he’d recognize that despite me being there, its nothing really special. 

i know he loves me. and i guess hes so good in so many other ways that it’s even hard to point out these things because i dont even want to paint the picture that this is some lazy uncaring jerk. he works all the time and gives alot of his free time to me when he could be alone or with others. and i appreciate and respect that but i feel even after nine months i’m intruding. i want to feel comfortable. i want to know i have a place with him in his life. but right now i’m just.. there. just this little shadow that he sometimes has. 

professionally i know if i shake my haze and harness the lessons ive learned and shed my own perceptions, i’ll build to something worthy. maybe financially viable. i dont know if itll be stable, i dont know if itll be a lot but i know i can do something. ive truly created something people believe to have a competitive edge and ive realized that knowledge i have is beyond the general public. i can do something very real and very serious and i believe even the people around me know i have the power to do that but i’m fucked up just enough to linger in the background; always lingering in the background.

can i sell a hypothetical? can i use it as a standing point - that i “know” somewhere in the future, i’ll be something more than this. i’ll have success in something, somewhere. you just have to trust and believe in me. which is just an odd statement to make and a really shaky ground to stand on. 

i need to quietly refocus - regardless. and i say that hesistantly; “regardless” means nothing has changed or i’m just left with nothing on this end of the spectrum. i was already looking forward to doing work tomorrow and i want to / am trying to build the energy & desire to really go through with a fine tooth to step it up that much more. but this has a cloud over it as well. i could wake up and decide its all not worth it because theres no hope. i cannot fully achieve what i want to be and do alone.i am prepared to always trade myself and my variety of skills for non-monetary gains in my life to live with the success that i want. 

my father told me that in order to succeed in school, you had to play their game. and thats applicable to much of life - life is a long drawn out very complicated with questionable rules game. maybe with some pieces missing as well. and if you figure out a way to play the game, you’ll survive. you might win, but most will just make it to the end. some get taken out too. some just dont figure out how to play the game. have i? i dont know. but i’m putting faith in my method because i entered the game slightly too late and dont have time or resources to catch up. i guess unfortunately part of the plan is convincing someone else to invest their time and resources into my plan. 

am i talking about business or romance now? i cant even remember.