#dont get me started on the reblog and ill tell someone to stop being homophobic posts

[pbpsbff]

not a big fan of “reblog if you think (marginalized group of people) are valid” posts because if i have to reblog a shitty post to make that apparent on my account then idk. i’d feel like i’m doing something wrong!

[thedevilandhisbride]

i cannot stress this enough- i dont care how supportive of mental illness help/awareness someone is, if they are homophobic/transphobic they do not care about mental illness. full stop. for decades, being gay/trans has been seen as a mental illness and people have died because of it and are still dying because of it. being transgender is still heavily medicalized and people still think dysphoria (aka disorder) is required to be transgender when thats not true, and most people still think being gay is a phase (mostly because of the idea of mental illness, like a psychotic episode for example). i literally cannot believe i have to say this and i cant stress it enough either. im tired of people around me (specifically in my family) be like "im so supportive of you because you are working past your mental illnesses!" and then turn around and tell me that being gay/trans is as horrible as pedophilia and that people who are gay/trans are freaks of nature and shouldnt be normalized. also, to anyone who says that being gay/trans is normalized and nobody really says this stuff anymore- shut up. monkeypox is spreading and you know who is being blamed and killed for it? gay people. transgender and gay children are still being targeted by the american government. do you know how many bills against transgender and gay children/adults there have been by MARCH 2022 alone? 240. 240 ANTI-LGBTQ BILLS FROM MARCH 2022 ALONE. IT IS SEPTEMBER. according to this website, i have counted ~50 more from this year. and yes, most werent passed, but the fact some of them HAVE BEEN and all of them had even gotten that far to begin with is alarming. if you are homophobic or transphobic, block me. stop following me. i dont care how close to me you are. if you care about my mental health and follow me for posts about them, but you are homophobic or transphobic, then you do not care about my mental health or anyone elses. i will not argue this point. i do not care. because if you have read this far and still think that you are in the right with those views, then you do not care about trans or gay people, mentally ill people, or people who are both/all three. get off my page.

do not start arguments or discourse on this post. you have a block button for a reason, and so do i. im not arguing my point. trans and gay folk feel free to add on. trans and gay allies just reblog. if i made a typing mistake or you would like me to rephrase a sentence because i messed it up, send an ask. im visually impaired. its bound to happen.

[minccinoocappuccino]

About the racism/homophobia

Before I start I want to say thanks to everyone who sent nice messages my way and all the kind words that were said n response to racist n homophobic shit ive been getting. Thank all really I know I havent replied to some I will I tried to stay off tumblr yesterday im sure you can understand y. But I want to address this I know i dont have reach a lot of other blogs have but i also will not ask for reblogs if u want to share thats up to u im only here to state my feelings on the matter. 

I am glad ppl r talking about the racist n homophobic shit im glad there r posts getting lots of likes n reblogs saying that this isnt right! its a good thing that ppl r being made aware that this happens they may n not see it but it happens. but there seems to b a disconnect between what happen and real life i would like to address this.

I get to many this is oc/mc/yume drama its ppl getting mad about someone shipping there oc with a character they like and there jealous...but i want to stress that this is a simple way to look at it. i get y ppl r only thinking about it this way it wraps it up in a pretty package easy to get ppl to see it say yeah to it and reblog it doesnt have the dirty reality attached to it n again im not saying that is bad i think there should b posts just talking about the oc part since it will get likes n shares it will reach ppl because its easy to understand. But some ppl cant afford to just hit reblog and move on. I cant just get away from it i dont have the luxury for it to stay online.

TW: Homophobia

Ive been send asks calling me a faggot because i ship ruggie x a male oc. Ive been told me making ruggie gay makes ppl feel bad. Ive been told my male oc x canon makes ppl feel uncomfortable. While many can simply say hey thats wrong to say and move on with there life i cant. Im a gay man this is stuff that i cant get away from in my real life. I hear it from my family I hear slurs from strangers on the street. I cant just turn off the homophobic remarks i cant log out of real life. Where i live gay men just holding hand with each other might get them beat up. Its not just anon asks that i can delete.

TW: Racism

Yesterday after posting a drawing of my Black male oc Asher with Ruggie i was sent a racist remark. The worst thing this person could think to say was i made ruggie love someone outside his race. I made him a insert slur here lover. This is not oc drama this is not ppl being upset about oc shipping this is racism. And this hurt a lot. Me and my boyfriend r a mixed race couple this is real life for us. We hear racist slurs and derogatory language about each others race by our own family members. we both come from families where dating outside the race is frown on. I cant just turn off anon for this. 

This is not petty oc drama this is racism n homophobia with n the fandom. Im glad there r ppl talking about the oc part im glad there r ppl saying all mcs/yumes r valid. Its a good thing to have these posts but i want ppl to also know this isnt just oc drama for some here its real life that we cant just log out not to look at. there r ppl saying horrible shit to poc/gay creators hiding behind anon and then act like they care on there main. I know making a post wont stop them there hidden and will prolly never b outed this is the reality of it. Im not making this to call ppl out n im not making this to try single boost. I want to tell u how i feel i want to express what these hateful comments mean to some here that some ppl with n the fandom cant log out and leave the anons behind

again thanks to all who sent nice messages i promise ill reply to them. you can reblog or not i dont care really im just happy im writing this for ppl to see. and f just one person sees this and feels understood thats great but this is for me to state my piece.   

[seaspiritz-blog]

Please read and help pregnant, disabled, LGBT girl escape bf

Hey Im so sorry but I made a SECOND post recently but its gotten way more notes than help again and its slowing down a LOT so since someone suggested I make a new post so people don’t think that its old or that I’m okay now! The date is 6/1/19 right now! TW for content!

TLDR: My name is Em I am a mentally ill, disabled 18 year old who just found out I am pregnant. I am living with my controlling, violent, unstable BF and need help leaving this dangerous environment SOON before he realizes I am pregnant and trying to leave.

I will try to make this short but I started living with my bf who is in his 20s when I was 17 because I was also being abused severely at home. I thought he could understand me bevause we both had mental problems and he seemed very sweet. After awhile he started getting very controlling, manipulative, paranoid, checking my phone and taking it, locking the door and refusing to let me leave. He has threatened to let me sleep on the street because of his paranoia that I am cheating on him/trying to hurt him/ect. He has stopped taking his medication and I have tried to work through this with him because I do love him but he has only gotten worse. He has put his hands on me, forced and threatened me into sex. He belittles me for being disabled, calls me stupid, calls me a slut, he is homophobic because he realizes I am bisexual and thinks girls are only for men. We have almost gotten kicked out because he even threatened our apartment manager. And so much more that I dont even want to list.

I will be homeless if I dont leave because I cant just handle only putting my own life at risk. I know if he realizes I am pregnant he will react very badly. I have tried calling the police on him (which he holds over me now) but they did not have enough evidence of crime. He has a long record of violence but because he is mentally ill he goes to a hospital and then gets out when he becomes violent or threatening and then it happens again when he is off of his meds.

My parents have cut me off for leaving and refuse to support me despite begging for help. I am trying to reach out to all services suggested without raising attention. If anyone has anything to spare, I can afford an apartment on my own with my disability income but I need help affording the application fees, deposit/move in costs. I can pay my own rent from there and be okay! I have no way to work because of my disabilities. My SSI would also be taken away. I have tried even sex work but that is dangerous for numerous reasons and ended badly. I have been looking into shelters but in the meantime trying extremely hard to raise money because I know I can support myself if I am able to pay move in costs. I have had bad experiences in shelters before I moved in with him.

Cashapp: dietseasprite

Paypal: teamaexis@gmail.com

I know this is annoying and I am so sorry. Please please boost. I am terrified of him finding out about any of this every single day and its hard when I dont know whats going on with me and he can tell Im acting weird. I would do anything at this point. Thank you for everyone who reblogs and has reblogged and continues to help me.

Ive done the math and for a cheap apartment I can afford I would need about 6000 to move out safely. Its A LOT and I dont expect to get all of this but I am trying to save on my own also whenever I can. Im currently at around 800/6000 and will keep posting updates!!

[suckit-aynrand]

wow okay.

i just now finally got the guts to softblock my ex’s tumblr after a fucking year and a half.

ive wanted to rant and piss and moan about that whole debacle on here for so long but because she followed me etc. i never did because i didnt want to stir shit up

i shouldve done this a long time ago because every time i saw a post she reblogged i’d feel sick to my stomach and get really depressed tbh.

so now im trying to release all my shitty feelings by writing it out....

she was my first kiss and then she ended it before we were even able to give it a chance even though i’d liked her for over 6 months prior.

she was a fucking bitch though and made me feel so shitty about myself... unfortunately, i have an issue where i need everyone to like me so the more someone doesn’t care about me the harder I try and any drop of affection from them is like a drug.

ok so like she told me she was gay in like february or some shit and i told her I was bi because i was still trying to figure my shit out and then I started developing feelings for her (ie, see above) which i’d never done before because id never opened myself up to thinking about a girl that way and never with guys except for feeling ill....

so yeah, we were friends for a long time and i really liked her that whole time but i was fucking what 19 and had never done anything with anyone and was really nervous about stuff like that and, especially because of her personality where she’d be a total bitch 75% of the time and shoot down anything i said (which id just brush off as a joke or whatever and laugh) so no way in hell was i going to ever fucking make a move and i’d sleep over at her house (she lived at home) and she knew I had no experience and i told her id never even kissed anyone and she’d call me a “spring chicken” and shit because i was such a fucking everything virgin

we spooned once but i was so nervous and freaking out because im bad with touching people in general because i have this huge fear of doing something wrong and being rejected and totally overthing everything??

we also had this stupid bullshit thing about “ymir and krista” from attack on titan- shut the fuck up, i know, but like it was kind an apt metaphor for our personalities and looks (besides height because i was taller than her) so i remember and breaking point in my crush was when there was a “pick ten pictures that represent your aesthetic” on tumblr or whatever so i picked a bunch of pics or whatever and then one that was ymir/krista and i tagged her to do it too (do your sleuthing on your own time fellas) and she ALSO put a ymir/krista pic in hers so i was like HOLY FUCK IS THIS KISMET??? and then got my shit together to admit to my sister that i liked her and was bi (lol... that was a while ago...) and planned to ask her out myself.

anyway, like the next night, and incidentally on the night of the Supermoon in 2015 (when there was an eclipse on the night of the supermoon) i stopped by her job at gamestop when i was at the mall with friends to say hi (which i would do whenever possible... again, i was/am desperate for affection) and she said she was getting off soon and her grandparents were in town and were going to dinner at a place at the mall and would i like to go with so i was like sure so we went and then I went back to her place with her family and we sat outside to watch the supermoon and we were like holding hands and shit because it was cold and it was montana in late september etc. and i was nervous and all but all blushy and excited because of my previous nights shit, and then we eventually moved onto the back porch and she asked me if id want to date and i was like yes and then her homophobic grandparents came out to see if we were still watching the moon or whatever and then we went in to her room where i slept over and when we were looking out the window she kissed me and i was super nervous and blusy so it was like just a quick peck but it was my first kiss and i wanted to do it again but also i was scared to (like... because of her? and i was scared she wouldnt want to?)

so then the next morning i got a ride back to my place by her mom because i had an early class and we kissed (quickly again) before i left and then the next night i slept over at her place again but we didnt kiss at all... after that i would keep texting her and trying to make plans and stuff - i wasnt a student at the time but i lived close to campus so i was always like let me know when youre free and i can come up and meet you for lunch or i can come up and do anything because i wanted to see her and shit and she’d always be like “im busy with work/school/band etc.” so i was just like ok let me know when youre not and id visit her at work when i could but i didnt have a car and she was working and i didnt want to hang out in gamestop or whatever so id just pop in and it was awkward...

id said earlier that i wanted to go to the rocky horror show live that they did downtown so i saved up over $100 to get us tix and dressed all slutty for it (for her but also for rocky) and she wasnt really into it and i was trying to make it fun etc. and i had planned for her to stay the night at my place afterwards because i had an extra mattress under my bed for guests (THAT I LITERALLY ONLY BROUGHT WITH THE SPECIFIC INTENTION OF IT BEING FOR HER) but she said she had to go home or whatever and so i drove her home and walked her in and we kissed (quick kiss again) as i was leaving and then we kissed again, but like a couple little kisses in a row, and i was trying so hard to do it right but i was so nervous and that was all good (except she told me that my fucking MAC LIPSTICK didnt taste good... that fucker....) and then i left and continued to try to meet up with her and then one day she asked me if i was free to come talk to her on campus so i tried to dress up all cute and then she broke up with me.

the break up was so weird too because she was like “ive been too busy to see you, and ive been having a really hard time with my mom lately, and my dads cancer just came back and i want to still be friends and maybe next semester we can try again” and all and she was like crying (like a little bit) so i didnt want to be dramatic and make her feel bad so i tried to keep it light etc. (like i always do because im a fuck) so i was like its all good im so sorry youre having all this shit let me know if i can do anything etc. and then i hung out for a bit to try to make her feel like it was all good (even though i was devastated inside..... im just really awful with my emotions...) and then i left and was in a trance for a few days.... like even though practically nothing happened i didnt know (and still dont know???) what happened???

like....... was it because i wasnt really making any moves??? because i was trying like especially at halloween etc.????? and like she was the one who asked me out?????? like... i was also open about the fact that i’d be moving away the following summer most likely because i was changing schools and whenever i’d bring it up before we were “together” she’d legit like tear up and be like “you cant leave” and shit...?? was that why???? and like this still really gets to me even though it shouldnt and she truly was very hurtful to me in so many ways beyond this bullshit??? i just feel like i expended so much effort on building my relationship with her and never got any reciprication? 

like... there were a couple of times the following semester where she’d text me and ask to get together with another friend or whatever and i really really really wanted to say no but that word isnt in my vocabulary because im an anti-confrontational pushover so we would and it would be so weird for me but id really really work to pretend like it wasnt and then i moved.

and i really honestly wanted to message her and be like can you just be open with me about why because i feel like i got no closure and i thought about doing it a bunch but i never did because im a coward and scared of putting other people in situations that might make them uncomfortable because i know how uncomfortable they make me and how much i hate it???? i also thought about asking a mutual friend if he knew anything about it because he was closer with her but i didnt even know if she told any of her friends/family about it because she was super open about being gay but didnt want me to be open about our relationship because, in her words, “they’d say we told you so and we knew” and she wanted to prove them wrong for as long as possible or something?

but now like a year and a half later its sooooo way beside the point and too late so like i cant do it now.... but i havent been in another relationship obviously and like last semester i was getting really unreasonably jealous over her ambiguous snap story about getting ice cream with her girl and how much she loves her even though im more than halfway across the country from her and now ive definitely calmed down and have faced the fact that she was a bitch but like i still feel so stuck with no closure and also am terrified that i’ll never find anyone else? and i also know that its my fault but i wish i knew how much and what i could do better in the future because im terrified of making the same mistakes again and feeling this emptiness?

i wish this were easier. im so sorry for spilling all this shit but ive been bottling it up for so long and have only ever told my sister and even her i didnt tell everything and i feel free now that i wont be seeing her posts anymore and can hopefully let this settle even more....