#dont get me wrong I have actively disliked her for years now so I'm kind of eating this up (YESSSSSSS!)

[silversiren1101]

Br!@nna Wu, of all people, outing herself as a truscum terf self-proclaimed zionist was not on my 2024 bingo card

[colourful-void]

I have finished Virtue's Last Reward!

what was that.

-

alright thoughts, here we go!

Im glad the time paradox thing was addressed, to my understanding it's like. the two branches diverge no matter what, but instead of living through the Good Branch, we're here on the Bad Branch. it's not going to cease to exist if Phi and Sigma and kyle??? can change the past, we're just fucked.

I'm with Tenmyouji! Junpei is never wrong I agree with him always. That is not the Akane Kurashiki i once knew. She is long gone. (spike chunsoft please bring her back)

This ending is so much more of a downer than the last one. I'm a little bummed out actually. Like I know Akane's telling me its up to me to save the world and everything but like. It's a narrative video game fuck the world man I want my little guys to be happy. 999 was weird as shit and has like. a higher active body body count (3 characters in game die no matter what as opposed to vlr's 0, but 7 billion if u count. the earth.), but despite all that? the ending feels hopeful. and then really weird because alice being there was such a jarring shift but like ignoring alice?? very good.

Actually, Akane talking to Kyle felt more like she was talking to me, Void, more than any other interaction in this entire game. "You want to know what happens between Dec24 and new years eve? then you have to go back. you have to do it." It's like a threat. What the hell akane. I do want to know. you're going to make me play another game but ur fucking right i do wanna know.

I'm glad that Tenmyouji and Quark will stay together. I love you Quark. I love you tenmyouji.

Seriously Phi explains jackshit.

Game thoughts as a whole! Uhh a little mixed? mixed! there's more I like than I dislike, but my thoughts are kind of. muddled a bit

A lot of things were frustrating (mainly puzzles) but a lot of things were really exciting (mainly story).

some puzzles were really exciting and fun (the whole archives, the lounge, the final cube puzzle, the pec door puzzles, the rec room) and some were really annoying (darts, most of the pantry, anything with a lot of math and cross referencing really). ((some of this is because im bad at puzzles!!)

Most of the story was really fun (All of Quark and Tenmyouji really, Luna's backstory, Dio's backstory i still hate him but its good, K's initial backstory just from his ending, going through the different endings and combinbing knowlege from em,) Some of it was really annoying (Sigma being gross to the girls, the weird radical 6 based contradictions, a significant portion of the ending though i dont feel fair making a full judgement on it because half of it still makes no sense to me and im not sure how much of this is sequel bait, the general sudden downer shift of it all)

menuing and q-o-l wise: i did get used to the sprites and menuing, though part of that comes from a shift to displaying it on my tv (the display darkens and softens it out a bit so its nicer,) and getting a controller (item tabbing!!!) though i never really ended up using the ingame notes past the first room. instead i took paper ntoes and my journal is a mess for it. i do have a very important complaint to raise re game display:

THE FUCKING MAP SECTIONS TAKE WAY TOO LONG!!!! unless you're already fastforwarding, it's really slow and there's no way to skip it! I know where the lounge is by now this is my 7th run but no i've gotta watch the little dot move all the way from the b floor warehouse and it's just really annoying. why was there not an option to just skip it. goddamn.

In review: im not sure what to think about vlr yet? It's definitely left me much more conflicted than 999, and I probably like 999 more overall. The twists in vlr were really fun and unexpected (favourites are the inital betrayal from alice turning into an ally, seeing k's mask come off, tenmyouji's picture of akane, the first time more stuff was added to the flowchart like that, seeing the moon and everything.) and there were a lot more of them, but i think the ones in 999 hit me harder, while there were fewer. (Learning akane was who died, learning ace's identity, when the dialouge switches to first person).

But i;ll be fair, I was probably always going to be biased towards 999? it's aesthetics are more my taste and while this sounds weird it's... a lot more down to earth than vlr? Vlr is really high concept and i feel like if I spend some time with it or look at stuff AROUND it i'll grow into it. but it's a lot more than i usually. swallow at once. im a weak man okay my brain can't handle it.

Vlr's ending much like it's beginning is gonna be one of those things i thing where at first im like 'fuck this' and then over time im going to really love it. I'm already liking it a lot more than I did like. 15 hours ago.

Will I play Zero Time Dilemma?

Well im curious where the story goes, but I'm also wondering like. Yes? Play it? or is like a 'play the first two and pretend zero time dilemma never happened' situation. my only interaction with the fandom of zero escape is whatever you all send me, and a meme of akane my brother once found.

Here's the part where I was gonna say that video games are expensive and I'd see based on ppl's reccomendations and pricing and how much I'd need to save whether and when i'd get it but like. i forgot steam summer sale is on and it's like. 9 dollars right now so I'll probably get it anyway.

still curious though, other people's opinions, please weigh in! do you think I'm being too harsh to vlr? is there something I haven't considered? do you need to play ZTD to really give VLR a fair shot? what are your favourite parts of vlr? did i completely fail to read something important in the game and its fucking my perception. should i go back and play those two endings that fuck over quark i avoided?

let me know!!

[diedandwenttobobevans]

First Journal Entry 7/21/24

Hi. Hello. I'm so fucking bad at journals. I've been wanting to do this for a bit tho. It's going to be a big dumb thought dump. Don't really care about coherence, this is just a habit I really wanted to get into. Theres a part of me thats like, anxious? I'm dealing with some really bad self image issues right now. Lots of stuff going on in my life. I've been insanely insecure and self concious recently and so even just the idea of airing my greivances out publicly with the protection of anonymity is nerve wracking to me. Everything in life feels overwhleming and. just. AAAAAAAAAA

Here's the thing. I'm a sorry excuse for an adult. I'm 35, just got out of a mediocre and toxic 13+ year relationship with my ex back in April. It was a long, dragged out death to a unfulfilling existence that I held onto too long. Dear Jesus I just realized I'll be 36 in 3 weeks. Fuck. Ready to get off Mr. Bones ride already. I am she/her/they (oh hey, that they is new but dont want to dwell on it too much) bi- lesbian leaning mess of a human being. I don't have spawn thank god. That's not to say I dislike kids or anything, I just don't find I am a patient and responsibile enough person to care for one. I barely can take care of myself.

So mental disorders. I haven't been properly diagnosed. Gotta love the American Health Care system. But it's more so I don't do anything. I don't take care of myself in the very obvious ways and I am always prcrastinating and straight up avoiding difficult and stressing tasks that every other normal ass person can do. So I haven't bothered with getting health insurance. I don't have a traditional job that provides benefits. God, I sleep so much but everthing tires me. Even just writing this out is mentally exhausting. I don't know whats wrong with me. I think its ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, maybe something else. Autism? BPD? Maybe I'm just a hypochondriac. I don't know how people can function if they feel like I do. I barely want to get out of bed.

My brain is starting to fry and I'm struggling to sit and type these feelings out. Again, so overwhelmed. It feels like I have so much to dump here. But at the same time I don't know what I want to talk about? If its not obvious, I'm not a self actualized person. I'm struggling defineing myself and my goals and what I want out of life. I'm hoping journaling practices will help with that.

I hung out with my brother and two of his friends on Saturday. One is renting out his basement, hes a long time friend of my bro's wife. Great guy, but I kinda want him to move out so I can take over the basement. Hes been house hunting recently so it seems possible. The other friend is a woman I just met this year, not sure how long of a friend shes been with Bro but shes openly Pan, outgoing, smart, adorably nerdy. Fine as hell. An amazingly caring person. I, the absolute garbage bag I am, went to a party at the beguinning of the year and not knowing anyone there, drank fast and furious and went a little loud and first met Adorable Nerd (not knowing the extent of her nerdiness) while plastered, trauma dumped about my failing relationship. Claimed to "like her vibe" THEN GAVE HER ASS A SQUEEZE according to other party goers. I'm so ashamed. and cowardly to boot so the next 2 parties I seen her at I avoided her out of embaressment. The fact she still wants to talk and even has invited me out to future hangouts is insane. She loves DnD and wants to play so bad. Maybe she would want to go to Gen Con? Trying to enjoy roleplaying games and board games is kind of weird when theres a lot of history of my ex and those activities, but damn it, I like that stuff. I may of learned a lot from him about the subjects but that doesn't make me not interested anymore.

Anyway, AdoraNerd seems intent on trying to "help" me. Trying to get me out and about, talk about my feelings. It's been 3 months now since the break up. I guess I should leave the house. Is she into me, is this weird to ask. Why would she care. I told her she would do amazing in psychology

God this a jumbled mess of thoughts. I would love to get better at writing and organzing my brainworms. For now though I think I'll end it here and try to make this a daily practice.

I want to add what I'm listening to here as well. Remember on myspace and xanga and most people ended their blogs with "currently lsitening to/currently watching/ currently playings/currently eating ect" stuff? I want to continue the tradition. What would all the important stuff be? I also kind of want to get into a collages for my mood so I have some kind of creative outlet outside of work.

Listening: SUPERHEAVEN - I'VE BEEN BORED / LITHONIA - CHILDISH GAMBINO

Watching: THE TICK (1994)