#dont mean u cant take ur lady out

[tossball-stick]

heyy i saw your latest post about john's aromantic trutherism and i didn't exactly understand what you mean by that... could you explain? i too don't think he is actually in love with abigail if that's what you were saying...?

hiii!!! 1: thank you for asking about this im excited to write and analyze him in this way

2: plsplspls get the idea outta ur head that aromantic people cant love. noooo i couldnt have been misunderstood more. i wanna clarify that i do think john loves abigail. i just dont think that love is all that romantically motivated and ive got a few reasons to believe so.

3: uhhhh uhhh this ended up being like 2.5k words of analysis on john im sorry. no one on tumblr has asked me my thoughts about him before so this is the first time im talking about a lot of the stuff here and theres so much ive thought about johns character and its all messy and intertwined. itll be a little all over the place. i am deeply sorry.

okay. first reason? hes otherwise not much of a romantic. whether he wants to be or not, he falls flat on his face every attempt there is at being romantic with abigail (rarely do we see him be romantic with other women) is usually met with disdain, if there even are many to begin with. its rare to hear john say something pleasant about having a woman, and its rare to ever witness them having a good time together while in the gang. 

...up until the epilogue and john gets his shit together. but by that point i could argue further analysis as to how john isnt wholly himself by that point. hear me out.

john and arthur are two halves of one whole to me. its clear theres some sort of void in john after arthur dies, and he still holds the memory of arthur very very dear. he does his best to keep the memories alive, in fact, in a way to keep arthur alive. 

this starts extending to some kinda interesting parallels, though. writing and drawing in arthurs journal like he did, the hat being placed on johns head, john proposing with marys ring, the phrasing and tone of johns proposal is also shockingly familiar to arthur telling john that itd make him happy if john went to his family... after arthurs death, i find john taking on many of his traits even. he becomes more quiet and closed off, we see it even in rdr2 with arthur telking him to "knock it off with the whole being mysterious thing" or whatever. arthur claims its to act like dutch, but ill do you one better, its clearly just john idolizing his older brother and trying to be like him to be a proper man. this brings me to my next point...

the time period of rdr2!!! yayyy cowboys, the victorian era, Did u know. being a man was something you had to do in previous american and european cultures? this slowly started fading as we roll over into the 20th century, but there was a lot of emphasis placed on performing your role as a man. to be a good man, you must do xyz. otherwise, you are seen as immature, as a boy, as a child. 

throughout the entire series of red dead redemption, both 1 and 2, theres a lot of stuff pointing towards jogns struggle to Be A Man. arthur and dutch frequently refuse to let him grow up, still calling him "little john" and still treating him like hes a rowdy unruly boy that needs to learn better, not a man who should know better. hosea is the only man treating john like hes a man, and even then id say hes fairly lax with the guy. only as the story of rdr2 progresses do we see arthur start to shift his view towards john. not as a boy to stay a boy, because the gang isnt gonna be around forever. john cant keep being a boy. he needs to become a man, take care of his family. 

working off a distinctly gentleman influenced view of masculinity, johns inability to be a man is almost directly tied to his inability to be a proper romantic for his wife. compared to arthur, who is seen taken women on dates and flirting with them just to make them laugh at times. hes dancing with the ladies and helping them up and down the coaches, wagons, and horses. john like. just barely remembers to do that for abi in the epilogue. again, his failings to be a true romantic are tied with his failings as a man. 

in rdr1, this even extends to bill having the bit of dialogue, "you always were a scared little boy!" continuing to imply that john is not a man, hes never been a man. the only reason we can read him as a man Now is because we are going by arthurs definition of manhood. we can extend this further and say bill still views john as a boy because john does not live up to bills expectations of manhood- while arthur may view being a man as something chivalrous, more gentlemanly, bill clearly views masculinity as power and violence, without much to do with women. john does not live up to that, to bill, until the end.

if you read "masculinity" as "being romantic and chivalrous towards women", then, as john fails at being a romantic, he too fails at being a man. there are a lot of other ways john is immature and childish but this is a really easy one to point out if you know the time period and just how much emphasis was placed on both romanticism and manliness, and how they intertwined.

third reasoning for aro john: his family wasnt his for so much of his life. this one is another one that needs a bit of elaboration i fear.

the story of john and abigail getting together is simple enough. she joined the gang at 17 as a sex worker, slept around with some of the gang, then for one reason or another, very clearly believed that the pregnancy was johns. john runs away for a year.

in this time, we dont know a whole lot about what gang life was like without john. however, with arthurs comments about marrying abigail himself and loving her, and his close relationship with jack, i think its pretty clear arthur was the one being a man in johns place. when john left, there was a john shaped hole arthur had to fill. (i also like to think this because the potential misery of arthur having to lose his family a second time once john returns is fun to me.)

even in the story of rdr2, we see john Love and Care For his family, but its never in the same, romantic way arthur seems to involve himself in abi and jacks lives. john will defend them with his life, but when it actually comes to pulling himself up by his bootstraps and being a father or a husband, he kinda just drags his feet and gets lost. he has to be told to reunite with his family at jacks party, despite, in my eyes, his love for jack being very clearly displayed while they were looking for him. 

this is only bolstered by the conclusion of rdr2, with john and arthur on the mountain. arthur, in all his holy parallels, like jesus passing the virgin mary off to john the beloved, arthur tells john it would make him very happy if [john] went to be with his family and left. arthur is passing his family off onto john, the same as jesus passed his family onto saint john. (this one hits harder if you know the rest of the "arthur is jesus" parallels and symbolism but i feel like those would be more impactful as a web weave, and i cant make one right now haha. most obvious one i can think of to support this though is arthur being a scapegoat, dying for the gangs sins.) remember these points they are the most important and will come back later.

reason number four: "but javier-!" shhhhshshsh lemme talk. yes. john is infinitely more intimate with javier than abigail. however, again, we must take the time period into account.

not that far off from many disgusting redpill communities today, back in the 1800s it was typically expected for men to socialize with men and women with women. there was a certain level of bonding you only had with your wife, as well as a certain level of bonding you only had with the men who were close to you. 

i have got to grab this fandom by the shoulders and say rockstar did not make these men as affectionate as they should have been with each other, and thats completely platonically. this is taking romance out of the equation, these men considered each other brothers and family. they were all in a cult together. they would have been very close, and also very affectionate! they would confide in each other and hold each other and cry to each other. they would make gifts for each other and sing and dance together. you can at least see them all pass around beer bottles between each other.

do i think john and javier are closer than most? yes absolutely. do i think javier is in love with john in some way? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ehhh maybe. do i think john loves javier? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ....noo not really. their whole dynamic reads as one sided through and through to me. even if they ever got together im sure they were quickly apart again, and i doubt the relationship would have been fulfilling in the ways javier would want, leaving him longing still.

the "ive always loved you, even now" immediately funneling into a crate being shoved onto john to knock him over can also be metaphorical- javiers love is disarming to john Because he does not know how to react to it. hes never known how to react to it. hes never known how to react to love from anyone, because "love" seems to feel so much different for everyone but him.

reason ff. fiiiiive. dear god. im sorry for this being this long: john loves. he clearly loves very hard. he was clearly wrecked by arthurs death, he would clearly crawl through hell for his family, he was clearly hurt because his love for javier eventually stabbed him in the back. however, to me, a lot of this love feels similar to the love john has for dutch, or arthur, really. its familial, its platonic, it sure as hell isnt romantic. (even if the games themselves like to joke about it being so lol.)

its just clear to me that he loves. he cant not love jack and abi after everything hes done for them. he cant not love javier after being so close for so long. but in the same vein, he cant not love dutch for the same reasons. ysee what i mean? his devotion to his wife and child feels identical to the devotion to dutch, compared to arthur, whos devotion to eliza and isaac directly went against his devotion to dutch.

much like with dutch, where john was still seen as a boy, he will ferociously do the big things for his family (saving jack, defending the ranch, tackling gangsters and robbers). he will almost always fail to do the little things that would make him a true man, though. yknow. winding down, relaxing, just working, not getting involved in fights. spending some time with his family maybe. 

he can shape up and be good, he just never does. 

and i think thats why hes so torn between leaving on his own, leaving with his family, or staying with the gang. theres no difference between romantic, platonic, or familial love for him. when arthur tells him to go be with his family and john replies "youre my brother" its not only announcing arthur as family, but i think it only reinforces that blurred line of what love is for john. "i love you the same as them, why must i leave you behind? if they are family and i love them, then you too must be family, for i love you."

point six: i hope you remembered the first few points like i told you to. you did remember right

this brings us back around to john not being a man by not being a romantic, arthurs family being passed off to him, and also john not wholly being himself later on. in the epilogue, between 1899 and 1908, we hear about how john has been unable to avoid trouble and has them on the run still. whenever abigail asks something of him, he instead goes and does what he wants. its only after she leaves him (ultimate failure of being a man) do we see him start to shape himself up again, and i would argue this shaping up increases substantially after he reunites with charles. charles sets him on the right path and reawakens that memory of arthur. i imagine being close to blackwater also helps here. id argue due to charles' apparent closeness with arthur, and then sudden closeness to john due to john being all thats left of arthur... it makes john also feel like hes all thats left of arthur. i believe after speaking with charles and thinking to himself, he decides to fulfill the one dream arthur had, seemingly, at the end: take care of the family he had lost. well, eliza and isaac are six feet in the dirt so next best option: abi and jack. 

john starts to become quieter and more in his own shell- by rdr1 hes struggling to even really ask people for help with the most basic things. he becomes a lot more of a romantic speaker. he had always used fancy words with the gang, but never with charismatic purpose in the way i feel he does in rdr1. he starts making the decisions he thinks arthur would make. as a result, the hole that arthur left behind when he died, does not get filled by john. instead it simply gets filled with whatever arthur john can muster from within himself.

id also like to bring up john being the favorite, but not the golden boy. he was the youngest and most spoiled, but he was not the one dutch turned to for just about everything. he was still living in arthurs shadow, so i imagine all of that also plays a role in johns choice to live like arthur to get his family back, to be a man. he failed at being a man by his own merits. arthur was a real man by his own merits, lets just do what we've always done and look up to our older brother about it. copy what he does. clearly hes got it all figured out, even though you know he didnt, after reading the journal. 

this all is finally bolstered by john making the choice to kill micah and repeat the VDL cycle of violence, which ruins the perfect life he made for himself. he makes another decision HE, not arthur, HE would make, and thus has to deal with the consequences. 

in conclusion: i think john loves a lot and very hard. hes passionate about these people. but in his own words towards javier that start to become readable as projection, "hes a cynic that wants to be a romantic" and "hes all passion, no love ('no love' being how he perceives it, due to the views of those around him. he loves abigail and jack, he loved arthur, though because his version of love was different than theirs, its not read as love. therefore, he has none in his own eyes)." 

all of this coupled with a detached attachment style that leaves him cold and distant leaves him being tugged along in romances he truthfully does not feel the same about. he says he does, because he loves, but he doesnt know why the love isnt the same. so, clearly, since he loves, he must want the romance. he has to perform it for love regardless of if he truly does want romance or not. if he loves, he must be a romantic, and hes failing at being a romantic, so he cant be himself. he must be someone else in order to convey his love to his family.

i hope i got everything across alright ^-^ feel free to ask questions or send more asks ive got plenty more where that came from

[pesterloglog]

Jade Harley, Roxy Lalonde

Act 6, page 6291-6297

JADE: excuse me but did you just "laugh your ass off" at me under your breath

ROXY: ummm

ROXY: yea

ROXY: maybe

JADE: :|

JADE: i fail to see what is so amusing

ROXY: u do

ROXY: seriously?

JADE: .....

JADE: ok i guess the situation is a little funny because of this absurd folder

JADE: and the fact that i woofed at you probably didnt help either

JADE: but im not here to share a good laugh over the old ladys sense of design or her penchant for scrapbooking!

JADE: i am here to make sure that you do as youre told

ROXY: ugh

JADE: now take the file and review your assignment

ROXY: i already looked at it

ROXY: its dumb and impossible and i aint cooperating w her regardless!

JADE: yes you will

ROXY: can we change the subject

JADE: no

ROXY: arent you jakes grandma

JADE: thats what he told me when we were pen pals

JADE: but i think its more accurate to say im his alternate universe biological daughter

ROXY: oh

ROXY: that clears that up then

JADE: yes, it does :p

JADE: now take the damn folder

ROXY: so alt grannydaughter english

ROXY: whyre u part dog + evil lookin

JADE: DO NOT CALL ME THAT!!!

ROXY: what

JADE: my surname is harley not english

JADE: but you may refer to me as jade, or ma'am if you are feeling especially nervous and deferential

JADE: which as it turns out is the way you should be feeling about me, ALWAYS >:B

ROXY: LOL!!!

JADE: lol WHAT

ROXY: jade i am in no way buying that ur normally this pompous and tyrannical

ROXY: the shtick rly doesnt suit you its so obvious

ROXY: why you doin the batterhags tacky bidding anyway

ROXY: she got you under an xtra terrestrial fish spell or

JADE: SILENCE!!!!!!

ROXY: OOF!

JADE: open the file

ROXY: mrphmmphumph

JADE: OPEN IT!

ROXY: fine :(

ROXY: ok i opened it

ROXY: hey look its the same shit as before

ROXY: im supposed to make this weird knobbly spike ball appear out of nothin

JADE: yes

ROXY: ok got it

ROXY: let me give it a shot then

ROXY: ...

ROXY: welp still impossible

ROXY: what now maam??

JADE: it is not impossible

ROXY: is 2

JADE: you are the rogue of void

JADE: dont you know what that means?

ROXY: i dunno

ROXY: means i can turn invisible and stuff?

ROXY: like the blonde in that crappy superhero quartet

JADE: it means a lot more than that

JADE: your true powers are more impressive than those of anyone else in your crappy quartet

JADE: in fact i would say they are almost as cool as mine >:)

ROXY: not sure the ability to make weird spikeballs outta nothin is all that cool tbh

JADE: not just spikeballs!

JADE: imagine that your title is roughly synonymous with "one who steals nothing"

JADE: what do you think it means to be able to steal nothing?

ROXY: it means

ROXY: im like a shitty cat burglar who sucks at her job?

JADE: WRONG

JADE: it means just the opposite

JADE: it means you can steal the essence of nothingness from something

JADE: you can rob nothingness from an idea if you put your mind to it

JADE: effectively allowing you to conjure virtually anything out of thin air

ROXY: omg

ROXY: u cant be serious

ROXY: that is way too much superpower 4 a dork like me 2 have

JADE: grrrrr...

ROXY: oh no

ROXY: pls dont growl @ me dogjade

ROXY: is legit frightening :(

JADE: im sorry, but your remarks of self deprecation made me very angry

JADE: once i was even more of a dork than you

JADE: but now i am one of the most powerful beings who has ever existed

JADE: i dont want to hear any whining about what you think you cant do

JADE: you are hereby under strict orders from myself and her condescension to "clam up" and conjure that orb, do you understand?

ROXY: so im just supposed to

ROXY: sit here and think about this ugly ball

ROXY: and twiddle my fingers or somethin

ROXY: ?

JADE: you tell me

JADE: space is my racket, not void

ROXY: maybe it would help if i knew what the dang thing WAS

ROXY: how am i supposed to steal the nonexistence from a concept when the concept only exists in my mind as "ugly ball"

JADE: its called the matriorb

JADE: it is the key to resurrecting the troll race

JADE: once you create it the empress will hatch it on an uninhabited planet located beyond the reach of her cruel employer

JADE: there her people will have another chance to thrive without the ever looming threat of extinction that comes with his influence

JADE: so you see roxy, there is nothing noble about refusing to help

JADE: once an entire alien race went extinct because of a terrible monster, and you can help give them a second chance

JADE: dont you want that?

ROXY: um

ROXY: in theory sure i guess

ROXY: but ur basically asking me to bring a lot of people back to life so they can be slaves to that witch

ROXY: u want me to help make all these fresh new trolls but then just turn em over to her? like here you go have fun SNORKELBITCH MEGAHITLER

ROXY: i do not actually think i wanna do that??

JADE: yes fair enough, but heres the other thing...

JADE: if you dont i am going to kill you

ROXY: oh noes

JADE: oh yesses!

JADE: a literal plurality of yesses

JADE: seeing as you are a god tier it is very likely you will come back to life

JADE: so i can just keep killing you over and over a different way each time

JADE: maybe i will disembowel you a few times

JADE: i will not even need to use my sharp doggy teeth!

JADE: i will just snap my fingers and your delicious guts will teleport outside your body

ROXY: ew!

JADE: no way more like yum

JADE: i will just keep on killing you again and again

JADE: until you finally get tired of dying and follow your orders

ROXY: maaan

ROXY: evil jade is sucky jade

JADE: i believe you will find i am the suckiest jade there is

JADE: now we are going to be here in this cell for as long as it takes

JADE: i am not going anywhere until you try doing your voidey thing and make something appear

JADE: is that understood?

ROXY: blehhhh

ROXY: fine

ROXY: why u gotta be so awful jade

ROXY: really putting a cramp on us makin choice new friends w each other

ROXY: oh well here goes

ROXY: all twiddlin my fingers and such

ROXY: busting out tha MAJYYXXX! prayin up a storm to the holy wizardchrist they aint fake...

ROXY: alright check it

ROXY: one jank ass space egg coming up

ROXY: ABRACA HAPPEN!

ROXY: this is not a space egg

JADE: no, its not

ROXY: balls

ROXY: guess i effed up my void spell

ROXY: what is this thing

JADE: thats a perfectly generic object

ROXY: its perfectly generic?

JADE: yes

ROXY: dunno about that

ROXY: looks like a green cube to me

ROXY: with like

ROXY: slightly beveled corners

JADE: thats what a perfectly generic object is

ROXY: couldnt something theoretically be more generic than this

JADE: how

ROXY: um

ROXY: i dunno

JADE: exactly

ROXY: :\

JADE: if you want your powers to reach their full potential youre going to need to become more familiar with the fundamental building blocks of ideas and how they translate into more complicated thoughts and forms

JADE: then it becomes a simple matter of using your abilities to snatch those concepts from unreality

ROXY: sounds too hard

ROXY: better start killing me repeatedly and get it over with

JADE: we both know you dont think its too hard, you think it sounds like an interesting challenge

ROXY: dammit!

ROXY: (fucken jakes wily bitch ass grandma)

JADE: this is a very good start though

JADE: with a little practice im sure our empress will have her orb in no time

ROXY: well at least i know i can make a whole lot of these boring cubes if all else fails

ROXY: hey maybe ill build a sick fort outta them

ROXY: hehehe jade tell me that wouldnt be so baller

JADE: it would be fairly baller

ROXY: fyeah

JADE: keep trying for that orb though

JADE: i will return in a while to review your progress

JADE: and remember, dont get any funny ideas

ROXY: but p much all my ideas are funny

JADE: i mean dont try to escape!

JADE: even if you are invisible i will be able to track you down instantly

JADE: my sense of smell is very good

JADE: now if youll excuse me i have some business to attend to

ROXY: what business

JADE: i am still trying to locate my brother

JADE: but im having trouble picking up his scent

JADE: hes using his windy powers to obscure the trail and its giving me fits

ROXY: windy powers eh

ROXY: who is your bro?

JADE: woof!!!

JADE: i mean shoosh :x

JADE: that is enough questions from you

JADE: now i believe you have a space egg to conjure

ROXY: (mumble mumble egg mumble shove it grumble)

JADE: what?

ROXY: (mumble mutter my fat ass)

JADE: farewell roxy

[xxbl00ds0akeds3raxx]

I hope things look up for you I really do... I'm gonna be honest, I found your blog while "surfing" the "web" one day after my husband told me to try it out... we got a new personal computer and he told me it would be a waste if only he used it... found your "site" after a while... my husband likes those ponies too, so that's nice :-)

my life is not al that interesting. i'm retiring soon so i'll have a lot more free time. hopefully the internet won't take up so much of it like it does to my husband :-)... planing on spending my retirement painting, as always. do you have have any hobbies like paining? you seem like you would like art.

best regards

-Camille M.

hii cami ^_^!!! thingz have been going well recently! (✿◡‿◡) always a pleasure 2 see u in my inbox x3 i dont have a lot of umm... mature adults 2 look up 2 in my life soooo :T i like hearing ur input on stuff n thingzzz :3c

hope that's not strange 2 say! ik u are just a lady on the internet but like !!! u have a husband :o u are retiring! ahaha i cant imagine myself in ur position. omg not to call u old or anything. （；´д｀）ゞ i just mean my future seems ummm. short n bleak sometimes.

anywayyyy i hope retirement treats u sooo well. it soundz like a huge change but i bet it will be good :3 would love 2 see sum of ur paintings if u could send them 2 my messages :D i luv art!!! here’s a drawing i did of me n my bf :33

[possumteeths]

So like when I was in junior year i was on this school trip for a competition that the entire team had to thank me for even qualifying us. Anyways the teacher who for some reason had personal beef with me and just went out of his way to bully me, he told everyone ok ur not allowed to eat at anywhere that we have on the island.

Me, with dietary restrictions for literal health reasons of which he knew about assumed that like as long as I tried my best i’d be fine.

Proceed to read the dumbest injustice that ever happened to me in highschool. Its so insane its funny I promise.

So like day one after the first day of the competition we’re released into a food court and told that we cannot go anywhere else in the mall. Only the food court. So legitimately the only possible thing I could eat there was tacobell. And anyways the teacher lets me purchase the food, lets me get to the table, waits for everyone else to come back and then he stands up to proceed to SCREAM at me. Like full mad saying I am disrespecting him by disrespecting his rules and that is dangerous because that means I’ll break all other rules.

He threatened to send me home….? Like hello?? Imagine pissing urself over tacobell. So like I legit hid my sad ass burrito in my bag because i was worried he was gonna make me toss it.

Later that night in the hotel the other girls and I conspired to order pizza and pick it up in the lobby. We ordered pizza and were like so far getting away with our crime. But!!! Later like at midnight the teacher fucking opens our room unannounced with no warning like wtf what if someone was idk naked or something but anyways he sees the pizza box and he makes a big show of crumpling it with his shoes and fucking gets in my face while im literally in bed to tell me im on thin ice and i was all mad so i took the full blame and said yeah i ate that entire pizza wtf are u gonna do? make me go throw it up?

So END of the competition (i was the ONLY person to take home 3 awards, one other kid got an honorable mention but I in single challenges got fuckin 3, the team itself as a group got nothing.) we were gonna go to like a six flags rip off. I already knew there was pretty much gonna be nothing i could eat there so I packed like a buncha granola bars in my bag. The park had pretty clear on their website that any food of any kind is allowed in. This was also reinforced by one of the other children watchers who told us all that food is ok.

So at the fucking place in the van, mr asshole turns and stares me dead in the eyes for like 30 whole seconds and says all fuckin dangerously. “Dump ur bag” and im like wtf? and hes like “Empty your bag RIGHT NOW.”

So i literally dump it upside down and shake it, and he like picks up a granola bar and is like are you TRYING to be insufferable??? do you WANT to get us kicked out of the park? (The other lady isnt in this van) And like other kids are defending me saying that the other teacher said its ok or saying like she probably cant eat anything in the park. Mr asshole, takes like a handful of the contents of my purse and stomps to a garbage can and throws literally everything away. I had to go and like pick out lip balm and a necklace I had in there.

And guess fucking what. Other kids had food in their bags. The park checks your bag and any food that other people had was NOT thrown away or even mentioned. Mr asshole said NOTHING to me like no sorry no nothing.

So! Guess what! There WAS nothing I could eat!!! At the place!!! Like I guess chips and frenchfries but like I legit dont eat that..? Nor did I wanna spend like $16 for frenchfries. I hadnt eaten breakfast because we went back to the same food court, I hadnt had dinner last night because the team went out and I was to stay in the hotel as a punishment. I got EXTREMELY light headed, and had to go to the places like idk medical area. Mr asshole had to come with me.

He immediately was telling the person giving me water and an icepack and shit that i’m stubborn and difficult and this is all my fault. The person asks me like whens the last time ive eaten, and I say like yesterday morning and the person offers me a voucher for park food and!!! !!! and!!!!! A fucking granola bar!!!!! Like I wouldve had if this fuckin dickhole hadnt thrown mine away!!!

For the rest of the day I wasnt allowed to ride any rides I just had to sit and wait for everyone. I literally have never gotten over being mad about this. I hope this man dies. I hope he gets literally flattened by a big truck like in a cartoon.

Even worse, he took my awards from me and put it under his desk in the team’s like workroom and said I didnt deserve them because of my poor attitude and everything I pulled during the trip. I had to convince another teacher to go get them for me! And even then he like took the ribbons off my awards and who knows what he did with em.

[vatt-world]

hi

movie star

I think we should start looking at the blocking.

Josh, you want to set that up?

Right, thanks, Rebecca.

Oh, thanks.

It's okay?

Yup. welcom to rebecca im good

//

So…Marilyn Monroe, she was part of the, you know,

the actor's studio.

Mm-hm.

We should see it. The classes, the characters.

Okay, the problem with that is that in this scene

we just don't really have enough time to get into all of that.

But that's exactly my point.

There really isn't time in any of the scenes

to dig into her psyche.

They're too short.

I mean, personally, I'd rather see longer scenes

and a little less singing and dancing.

Heh, well, it is a musical after all.

Yeah, but it doesn't mean it can't be deep and smart.

I mean, and that song, it's boring.

I mean, it should be more fun.

Okay, you know what?

Um, this sounds like a longer conversation.

Wha…Uh…

I'm driving you crazy, aren't I?

No, not at all.

Yes, yes, I am, I know.

I'm such a pain in the ass.

[Cars honking]

Boring! She thinks my music is boring.

It might be a little less boring //

You see? This is exactly what I'm talking about.

This scene, it's just getting started

when suddenly I… ? Break into song ?

You know what?

Uh, this sounds like a sidebar conversation.

I didn't want to interrupt the rehearsal, the--

Not to worry.

I think everyone could probably do with a break.

Okay, that's ten.

Oh, um, don't forget. // And if she wants you to write an extra-long scene

before dig deep, you will write that extra-long scene

and you will have it on my desk by 5:00, understood? // Anyway, the real reason I came by

is to talk about the scene.

I just got the pages from Julia.

It's inspired.

She's such a talent.

Mm, I agree.

In fact, it gave me so many other ideas

on how to deepen the rest of the show.

Oh.

I'd love to get everyone together for a pow-wow. // ou run a bar in the city

you're gonna get your hands dirty.

But if you're looking for a way out of this with me,

you're don't have to hire a Detective.

Just tell me you're not interested.

I'm not looking for a way out.

It's just…

I've been through a lot.

Okay.

So now we're getting somewhere.

And I'm out of practice.

You can take this as slow as you want.

You're the one who's always rushing around.

I'm just such a… //

We have a lot to show you.

Wonderful.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen,

let's take it from the top, please.

Rebecca, you ready?

You better believe it.

The challenge for the act is to use sense memory

of childhood trauma.

All: ? Aaah, use the past ?

The actor must deploy the conscious

and dig in to the unconscious.

The challenge for the actor is to learn to be private.

I dig it the most.

I'm through with Hollywood.

It's New York and the actor's studio for me.

And if any of those boys from Hollywood come a'calling,

you can tell them I said this… // rebecca unable to sing tom says great they will sit down she is on key find costructive solution we need ivi back real ivi need tosing debra and tom ivi enters rececca sings with tom dev and kathy talk rebecca talks to derek actors studio songs boring

she thinks boring - tom angelina calls

alright nick whats wrong with u rebecca with acting coach - derek ex bf comes write that scene to tom - angelina rebecca with angelina talk about scene other ideas rally the troops derek meets angelina keep it tht way rebecca meets team u need bigger skin - angelina meets bartender i have been thru a lot derek - challenge for actor

publicity kathy and derek talk can we start something idea what r u doing tonite i hate her y dont u direct she cant sing it let them in who should sing it karen will sing they exchange clothes - kathy rebecca i texted u dev u never came home movie star problem smoothies no free minutes i having food with rebecca in indian restaurant i want to be keith richards can i borrow ur phone stop messing around with me she went home voice on ur head i think marlyn should sing that song

Karen, can I talk to you for a moment, please?

Sure.

Everything okay?

Why, did I do something wrong?

No, no, sorry.

I'm just letting you know I won't be needing you anymore,

obviously.

For Marilyn, I mean.

You won't be needing me?

I wouldn't be so sure of that.

No, I mean, Rebecca's gonna be needing all my attention.

And I'm just the understudy. I get it.

Don't worry, Derek //

understudy

she doesntshowup star plane hicup u want to understudy kathy - derek asks i know all the blocking iva i was a mess -iva dev and kathy meet times sq walk trian wreck mom and kid eva she walks thru times sq music kathy sexual harass tells dev rebecca will be soon angelina in bar talks to bartender bartender gives money derek u can be smarter towel dance songwriter/tom sings kathy do u have a pencil …gives her direction derek bartender makes him meet rockstar kids perform angelina meets rockstar -- nolimit to return kathy /eva walk thru times sq debra and kid talk tom and date talk at coffee ..reading newspaper debra calls husband angelina on computer just do it derek angelina bartender u introduced us kathy at home /derek comes u did great work/ i want to apologise derek meets boyfriend fight karen bf hit me why dont u start call u bombsell latest investor - randy cobra debra in restaurant kathy singing infront of derek rebecca duvall comes

hell on earth its a lot i have a audition tom and bf meet republican fundraiser ava with pills i worked ass of on that workshop going thru stars we need title whats the problem finish the script can we get hughes ivi len rushes maryln workshop talking i got the commericial greenscreen costume tom and gal talk ivi works as background marlyn on brooklyn bridge it wasnt anything she wears green screen debra husband meet michael u came to my house we are looking with new director she lands everything iva im not sick of that sick what are u reading ivi's glasses ivi takes tablets replacing with derek with hughes are u in or out he puts on backup uniform she sees tablets ivi are u there ivi walks out u are about to go on u didnt fight enough ivi dad is leaving kathy and ivi become friends they dance at times sq ivi falls flat on bed its 5am i would not answer phone thanksfor meeting out here they come up with title bombshell

[gospcl]

the girlies(sss)

BOTBOY: i am killing the hell out of these hot fries righ now LAVAGIRL: without me? ewww and also yuck BOTBOY: it's ycky without you LAVAGIRL: then why do it? why hurt me? this way? i can't survive? without ur hot love? don't hurt me this way? BOTBOY: lalalala some silly love songs i look around me and i see it isn't so LOVEGIRL(S): oh no LAVAGIRL: i fucking knew u would chime in there BOTBOY: he always does LOVEGIRL(S): i don't LOVEGIRL(S): not LAVAGIRL: what does that even mean BOTBOY: king of world play BOTBOY: word play* LAVAGIRL: eh is playing in my world so hard right now LOVEGIRL(S): okay ladies LOVEGIRL(S): no flirting with me in the group chat LAVAGIRL: lets take this outside ;) BOTBOY: lol LOVEGIRL(S): where do u want to go LAVAGIRL: anywhere... as long as its with u LAVAGIRL: im kidding though im not leaving my fucking apartment LAVAGIRL: where are u scoot LOVEGIRL(S): hahaha BOTBOY: im at the drug store LAVAGIRL: plug or pharmaceuticals BOTBOY: my plug works here LOVEGIRL(S): whats my name in ur phones LAVAGIRL: does he do house calls BOTBOY: no because hes not hot enough for u LAVAGIRL: i go for threes exclusively BOTBOY: u know i dont approve of that LAVAGIRL: u think i should go up to fours. i know. we've had this conversation BOTBOY: i just think u have levelled up recently facewise so u should start really going for fours LOVEGIRL(S): WHATS MY NAME IN UR PHONES LAVAGIRL: shut up three two fours are speaking LAVAGIRL: jay kay LAVAGIRL: its hot hot hot tongue emoji spicy-a meat-a-ball LAVAGIRL: it makes me giggle and hcuckle BOTBOY: mine is dante LOVEGIRL(S): i think what i love most about scoot is his commitment to the truth LAVAGIRL: are u implying that ur actually not a hot hot hot spicy-a meat-a-ball? LOVEGIRL(S): i would never BOTBOY: HES A SPICY-A MEAT-BALL LAVAGIRL: ._. BOTBOY: -A-* LOVEGIRL(S): u guys know im from hell right LAVAGIRL: what BOTBOY: what LAVAGIRL: what? LOVEGIRL(S): are u being racist or are ufetishing me/ LAVAGIRL: isnt that racist too LAVAGIRL: i cant keep up with these kids and theri new terminologies BOTBOY: what would u say is ur race LAVAGIRL: i can't believe we have never discussed this before LAVAGIRL: mine is chinese BOTBOY: ur asian bro LAVAGIRL: no, my race is chinese LAVAGIRL: second generation chinese-american BOTBOY: well MY race is asian LAVAGIRL: *gasp* LAVAGIRL: et tu? disowning ur family? ur just like mulan BOTBOY: when will my reflection show who i am inside BOTBOY: [https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1024/branded_news/2EE5/production/_90750021_e527ed24-276f-4f58-8aa2-48654e898144.png] LAVAGIRL: i just pee d a little LOVEGIRL(S): i piddled LAVAGIRL: dante can u come over and sleep with me like a teddy bear while i piss my pants lightly and slowly over the course of the night BOTBOY: woah BOTBOY: thats a little 2 kinky 4 me LOVEGIRL(S): not for me LAVAGIRL: u just became a 5 LOVEGIRL(S): how do i become a 6 LAVAGIRL: u have to change my diaper BOTBOY: ive been doing tht for years LAVAGIRL: the magic is gone, i need someone new to sate my sick and twisted fantasies LAVAGIRL: im sorry scott BOTBOY: u only call me that when ur thinking of getting a divorce LOVEGIRL(S): just do it already u guys have been fighting like this for years LOVEGIRL(S): i was watching u in the hell pool LAVAGIRL: i really want to see this hell pool BOTBOY: i too would like to go for a dip LOVEGIRL(S): its not for swimming LOVEGIRL(S): its for watching LAVAGIRL: watching ppl swim? LOVEGIRL(S): yeah LOVEGIRL(S): ive been watching u guys swim around each other and not take the bite of the worm on the hook for years LAVAGIRL: i dont know what that means LAVAGIRL: somebody come over and play gta with me BOTBOY: ill be there in ten LOVEGIRL(S): am i uninvited LAVAGIRL: of course not LAVAGIRL: i want u to show me how to shoot again in that condescending and sensual tone of urs BOTBOY: oh jeez LAVAGIRL: sorry tht i cant be everything that u want me to be LOVEGIRL(S): ill be there in 5 to 6 minutes aproximately LAVAGIRL: aw yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. fuck a spped limit - me as a guy from gta

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. honey nut cheerio lefty eyebag 😌

I have been sleeping early than usual actually. I think I am just ready for the last few days to past but it feels like the week is dragging lol

Oh wow that is pretty late. I'm surprised that Emily had energy to open presents and play at that time hahaha I would have been telling her to go sleep or santa will take the presents back lol just kidding I wouldn't do that to a 2 year old.

By the way, has it snowed there yet?

That's exciting! Are you guys going to just drive to Texas or fly again?

I tried moscow mule once.. was not a big fan of it 😅 I think I only really ordered it for the little mug hahahaha 😆

Same, I think most places that I've been to that served tiramisu only uses sponge cake. Yeah, I'm planning on making that mango dessert again but with less condensed milk. I am already too sweet. Hahahaha just kidding 😂

CA does have a lot of filipino places 😭 my uncle lives there and I want to visit him next year so that he can take me to all the restaurants that have good filipino chefs. Here there's only one place I know that was open a few years ago, but I don't know if they still are after the whole covid thing 🥲 there is a lady that I found on Facebook that caters and does pick up orders for filipino food though. I ordered her food once and it was decent.

Do you guys have Indonesian snacks that you'd recommend? Since I can't find any Indonesian restaurants here, I may be able to get snacks at the small oriental store we have in Omaha.

Hm that's interesting 🤔 all your movie choices have barely any dramatic scenes. Have you always been like that, not wanting to cry because you think it shows weakness? (Sorry if that came out bad and rude, I don't mean to be rude)

I have to think about mine too because I am drawing blank for 3 movies. I can only think of one that always make me cry and that's the Phantom of the Opera - the part where they sing all I ask of you and then the ending part around where Christine kisses the phantom.

Next, name 3 movies that you could watch on repeat and never get tired of.

By the way, I made a separate account and started writing! Well I don't know if you'd consider it writing, but I posted mostly conversation stuff between r and characters (mainly Wanda).

-CuriousGeorge

Hello hello corn-punn!

How r u today? Aw thats no fun u sleep earlier than usual.. just kidding.

Why u cant wait for the days to past? R u that ready for new year? 😆😁 whats ur plan for new year?

Haha yeah, i let her play but then she followed whn i said it's time to bed..thank god..hahahha.

No, it hasnt been snow or anything here..im so upset right now..🙄 it's not even that cold here.. only 66.

We r driving to t3xas.. it's only 3.5 hours.

Haha i love moscow mule. It's one of my favorite cocktails. I have a set of the copper mugs n the shakers. My husband gave me. Lol. I guess i love moscow mule that much that he gave them to me.lol. my most favorite drink is apple martini and a cocktail named buttery nipple 😅 (it's baileys and butterschotch schnaps).

Haha i used to joke like that about me being too sweet already n thats why i dont need any more sugar on anything 🤣

But i agree with u, u r a sweet person so dont put too much condensed milk,okay?

Hmm right now i cant think of any snacks.. i like Beng Beng it's like snickers but more chocolaty n less caramel. I like the superman wafers.hahah. there is this sweet tea it's called teh botol but it's in a box 😅 it's my favorite. It's very famous there.

Ah i see. Yeah sometimes facebook have some information of our country food..sometimes it can be pricey though. U can google indonesian food n if u have any questiom about it, u can ask me.

Yeah,i'm always like that. I guess it's because i try to look strong in front of my sister. U know, to be a good example for her.

My sister is more expressive than i am. I would try n pretend to be strong until i break down n even that i usually choose to be alone when i have a break down. 😅

So it will hurt my pride too if i cry just because of movies.

I love phantom of the opera.. n that All I Ask Of You is one of my favorite song from that show.

3 movies i never get tired to watch..well,since im in the mood of rebel so i will give u more than 3. 😅😆

1. The Proposal

2. White Chick

3. Any modern family episodes

4. Devils Wear Prada

5. Age Of Ultron

6. Greta

7. 13 Going 30

8. How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days

9. Hot Chicks

How bout u?

Next questions

Cheerio!

[bma-2020]

a thought @seriouslyaliens: if The Doctor is Michael, is good janet the T/ardis? 

[swinterr]

fic rec vii ♡

hi!

this is a another new set of fic rec and i’ll probably do a compilation of genre (?) just like the first ones.

read and support the fic and authors here: the fic rec ♡

made some changes like tidying up a bit and adding summary, for those that doesn’t have any summary i’ll try my best to add my own summary (it will probably be shit tho, i ain’t making a smut summary guys, i’m not confident in my describing a fic ability but i’ll try my best. if its in italic it means i made the summary hehez )  if the summary is shit, i made it okay.

a for angst

f for fluff

s for smut

// for series or list

kpop oc/s

1. jane by @baejiyeonz

2. bee by @purpleyellow

3. lian by @nct-lian

4. taehui by @jeontaehui

nct

sungchan

1. [10:47 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

haechan

1. [5:21] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. you’re warm by @dreamystuffers | f

- a drunk hyuck can only mean a clingy hyuck.

3. you’re short too by @pastelsicheng | f

- 5 times hyuck teases u for ur height.

4. no title by @heychan | s 

- dirty thought cockwarming haechan and johnny comes in to the room while you are trying to hide it but haechan doesn’t care.

5. wishes by @lucaswithnoshirt | a f

- standing on stage is everything you’ve dreamed of. except in the time it’s taken you to get there, you’ve been dreaming about other things, too.

jaehyun

1. moving in: the series by @jaehyun-ified | f

- after agreeing to move-in with jaehyun, you decided to curate a little series on your channel to both give in to your viewer’s request to have jaehyun frequently on your contents and to document your moving in process with the love of you life.

2. [8:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam. 

3. boyfriend by @simpsiren | a 

- a relationship with jaehyun wasn’t always perfect. there wasn’t a definite label on it, which only sent the relationship down a complicated pathway as we tried to find the meaning of our love once again.

4. best part by @okayoongii | f

- don’t know how to describe this tho, just read it. also 10/10

5. can i help you? by @sugarjaee | f s

- when working an extra long shift at work, your boyfriend surprises you with a visit.

6. stages of love by @biletdoux | a f s

- a playlist for the trials and tribulations of a beating heart. 

7. [9:04 am] by @jeongvision | // f

- domestic fluffy blurb. 10/10!!

8. suds by @kim-taehung | s

- first person to move does the dishes for a week. nothing is off-limits.

9. promise by @bvbyxuxi | f a

- jaehyun has loved you since you were both kids, things were going well until he messed everything up; meeting again as young adults, he refuses to let you go again but would you give him another chance?

mark

1. one minus on plus one by @wonjaekook | f a 

- in all of the years you’ve known jungwoo, you should have figured out to not take his words at face value because, though you haven’t even met, mark lee seems to hate your guts. 

2. [12:03] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

3. pretty boy by @epinebleue | f a

- fluff, the tiniest bit of angst, the reader is two years older than mark, jaehyun makes an appearance as the reader’s fuck buddy, use of alcohol and drugs (marijuana), mentions of violence (mark punches someone), smut (protected sex, inexperienced!mark, dry humping).

4. camera flash by @morkleemelon | f

- mark taking a picture but forgot to remove flash waking up oc, pretty fluffy and cute! 10/10!!!

5. retrouvailles by @kireimarkeu | f

- counting down the days until you finally see your long-distance boyfriend.

jungwoo

1. [1:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

johnny

1. man-icure by @haejunehui | f

- based on jcc ep. 26

taeyong

1. reverb by @lovingonrepeat | s

- taeyong + studio sex. 

2. unspoken by @bvbyxuxi | f s 

- you had never thought to see taeyong again after your one night stand with him until this year where he takes you by surprise; turns out he wasn’t the guy you sought him out to be after all.

ten

1. [2:32 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

lucas

1. [4:31 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. king of hearts by @raibebe | f s a

- a little bit of everything, a chef’s kiss. 

yuta

1. [5:51 pm ] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

doyoung 

1. redamancy by @heavenlyhaechan | f

- this is just so fluffy! i wished to be doyong gf please. 

2. fools together by @yongiefilms | f

- two fools in love with each other? 

3. acedia by @jaeminscoffee | f

- a day in the life of yours and doyoung's love life.

4. our little secret by @haejunehui | f

- read to know their little secret. hehe.

5. caught red handed by @hannie-dul-set | f

- all you wanted to do was take a picture of the handsome law student during your train ride home. you did not expect things to end up like this.

jeno

1. i see red by @0097linersb | s

- pure filth 🥵10/10 tho.

2. addiction by @love-mi | s f

- you and jeno keep your relationship a secret to avoid backlash from your companies and fans; but keeping himself away only makes him want you more.

3. surprise visit by @nakamotonudes | f s

- you hadn’t seen your boyfriend for over a month because of his hectic schedule so when he suddenly shows up at your place one night for a surprise visit, you both have to make every second worth it.

bts

jungkook

1. the pitter-patter of the heart by @koorara | f s a //

- pieces of newlywed domestic moments with jungkook, your husband. the young film and literature lecturer and his wife, you, who works as a journalist of a web magazine. both of you managing the career, the time for each other and the new house. not to forget, chip, the cat that has been with you for years. 

2. please love me by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a 

- as the only unmarried jeon and kim children, your families propose a union to symbolize your unbreakable bond that spans generations. but despite developing an affection for jungkook growing up, he never returned it; he never seemed to like you, actually. you’re okay with the proposal, but surprise surprise, he isn’t.

3. first love, last love by @floralseokjin | f s //

- a collection of drabbles following the longterm relationship between jungkook and you... 

4. second chances by @parkhabits | a s

- work. one of the most important things to him. It kept him company at night, it was all he thought about, all he put his attention to. his work had become the mistress within your marriage. years after you left him you’re back with only one goal in mind. get him to sign the damn divorce papers. yet you should’ve known that your husband wouldn’t let you go that easily. 

5. crush by @jungxk | f s 

- jungkook woke up with amnesia (?) he totally forgets that he has a wife and child. and he totally has a huge crush on his wife. 

6. bare necessities by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- when you ask your boyfriend for a relaxing vacation you don’t exactly expect him to take you to disneyland out of all places. luckily, jungkook knows just how to get you to relax — being needy is definitely not the way. or is it…

7. krampus for christmas by @ddaenysus | f

- when your daughter overhears your nightly activities close to christmas, jungkook takes it upon himself to convince her it was the sounds of the legendary demon goat.

8. a date with destiny by @imjustfanfictrash | f s

- you are a boss lady in the tech industry traveling to world for work. he is a chart-topping artist touring the globe to perform in front of millions of fans. In the cosmos of life, you are not likely to cross paths. luckily, fate has a different plan for you two.

9. stranded by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- jungkook’s offer to help you study for your exam is unwelcome. his entire presence is unwelcome. you don’t want help from the guy who passes all his classes without even trying. it’s annoying — he is annoying. from the way he grins whenever he catches you staring at him, to the way his eyes shine whenever he smiles at you. oh, and let’s not forget the way his tattoos shift when he stretches or the way his jawline sharpens when he’s focused. nope, you definitely can’t stand him.

10. sprout by @v-hope | f

- after a nice evening out with your friends, you find yourself coming home to your sleeping toddler and the new hairstyle she had tried on your husband.

11. friday nights and take-out by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a

- you meet pop star/idol jeon jungkook at the café, you get close, and as hyejin says, you’re like friends with benefits without the sex. but you’re bad at feelings and so is he.

12. jealousy by @ephemeralkookie | f s a

- jungkook’s closest friend, namjoon is getting married and he invited you three to his wedding. the only unexpected thing was jisoo, his ex, and we’ll just say that you were not too happy to see her flirting with your boyfriend right under your nose

13. a quarter past us by @jjiimin | f a

- when you break up with him out of fear of losing your freedom in university, he finds himself showing you why leaving him isn’t the answer. 

14. pretty boy by @angelguk | // f s a

- alternatively known as the jock!jk universe drabbles in vague chronological order. 

15. summer solstice by @boulevardk | s

- down on your luck and desperate for a successful harvest, you pray to the gods. you figure no one in heaven was listening to your prayers when nothing happens immediately. but one fateful night, your prayers are answered. are you willing to pay the price? the sacrifice might not be what you were expecting….

16. lilac wisteria by @blushoseoks | f a 

- over the years, things change - but the one constant is your love for lilac wisterias.…okay, maybe jungkook’s been there too.or, alternatively:the first time jeon jungkook says that he is going to marry you, you are five years old sitting underneath a large wisteria tree.

17. obsessed with your ass by @kooklovesu | f s 

- jungkook has an obsession with your body he cant get enough of praising you. he wasn’t comfy showing the world his affection towards you in public because he’s a private guy, but when he finally did, good luck.

18. from home by @gyukult | // f s a

- jungkook is the youngest of five boys, the last in line to truly inherit any his parents’ money. but what if his mom suddenly cuts him off due to his current poor behavior and he’s forced to learn how it feels like to be part of the working class?

19. black card by @minsprings | // f s

- black card fic and drabbles, also a chef’s kiss.

20. oh my god, they were (quarantined) roommates by @ot7always | f s

- what do you do when you’re quarantined for months on end with jeon jungkook - s tier cuddler, workout robot, and thirst trap extraordinaire? fuck him, you guess.

21. let the games begin by @venusiangguk | s

- just another fic where oc rides jk in his gaming chair pls still read it tho lmao its hot i promise

22. the probability of us by @jiminrings | f s

- jungkook’s the son of the university’s president, y/n’s cardigan is everyone’s favorite, and adjacent walls mean shared victories. 

23. open when by @iluv-hobi | f

- jungkook likes to write letters to you, especially ones with purposes, like “open when ___”. one day, on a particularly bad day, you open, “open when you’ve had a shitty day”. 

24. good day by @ilikemesometaetaes | f s

- his motive was made quite clear once he called you out of work. he just wanted to spend a nice day with his girlfriend. is that too much to ask for?

25. calculated by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // s 

- some people would call you far too serious. some would call you stuck-up. and some would call you a bitch. but to freshman jeon jungkook, you’re the head calculus I TA noona  – and he’s determined to fuck you.

26. brat taming by @sugasbabiie | s a f

- jungkook has been your roommate for almost a year. since the day he moved in he has acted like nothing but a spoiled little brat who is used to getting anything and anyone he wants. he eats your food, he doesn’t clean, he’s loud, oh and now he has colored his hair the exact shade of blonde as you. He’ll do anything to get under your skin. you’ve had enough of his filthy mouth and his fuckboy ways. it’s time to tame that bratty little roommate of yours. think you can handle it?

27. sugarplum energy by @bymoonchild | f s a

- you know no bounds nor depth with jungkook. while your fuck buddy loves sleeping in your bed and doing laundry for you with his favourite fabric softener, you are in love with a mysterious honeyed, velvety voice on soundcloud. all’s fine, until you find out that the voice that metaphors your heart to a sweet sugarplum melody actually belongs to the boy who has been taking up a special spot in your bed and in your heart, strumming at your heartstrings all this while. or, jungkook has one braincell, but it’s heart-shaped.

28. ancient history by @moononthejoon | a s f

- there is no way to deny that you and jungkook have chemistry. the two of you used to be a couple, after all. what happens when after a not-so-amicable breakup the two of you are cast as opposite leads of a movie?

29. that’s not daddy by @nochuobsessed | f

- jungkook comes home with a new hair color and his sons can’t tell if he’s appa or not. pretty cute! 10/10

30. no title by @himbojk | s

- jk got a blowie from his oc while on a zoom class meeting, like cam on with a whole set up but his oc under the table sucking the life out of him while he sits and tries to take notes .

31. dilf jk by @himbojk | // s f

- dilf jk drabbles.

32. no title by @himbojk | s

- blond jk with full tattoo sleeve who looks like the baddest boy but is actually baby and just wants a handie in the library while studying with his oc because she aspires to have those high grades. 

33. no title by @noteguk | s

- bf!jungkook going down on the reader while they watch anime.

34. silent treatment by @blu-joons | f

- baby kook asking daddy kook to say sorry to mommy. 10/10 too!

35. getting railed by @dearlytea | s

- getting dicked by your boyfriend during a train ride.

36. the view by @koyamuses | s

- jungkook knows exactly what turns you on; every kink, every dirty fantasy that’s buried deep within your mind. he knows exactly how to make you beg for it.

37. let’s play: dirty by @jungkxook | f s

- on today’s stream, watch as the king of gaming jeon jungkook gets totally pwned by some newbie player on overwatch (he swears he was stream sniped)! to make matters worse, he can’t seem to focus anymore when you’re in the room but he promises that’s not because he’s in love with you or anything. use code ‘jungkook’ on any game purchase through steam at checkout for 25% off so that jungkook has something to feel better about! iloveyou btw!

38. more dilf!jk by @cutechim | s

- oc thirsting over jk, talk about finances, jungwoo is an innocent cock-block as infants are, disrespect towards a major film franchise. 

39. you are inherently beautiful by @ggukachuwu | f a

- when y/n and jungkook accidentally reveal their relationship to the public because she walked in on him doing a vlive and now netizens and kmedia are tearing apart her appearance because y/n is chubby from struggling with pcos. jungkook takes it upon himself to cheer her up because he absolutely adores her.

40. morning with jk by @min-arya | f

- jungkook drabble of him catching his s/o admiring him in the morning with soft sleepy cuddles.

41. even a forest fire dies out by @9uk | a s

- it became from “grab a coffee with me?” to “why should I grab a coffee with you?” too fast for your liking. you had thought the both of you were so in love with each other—only to realise it was only you who had fallen into this trap of feelings. and as for jungkook, he might have just been as confused as you are.

42. all that we had by @starlightauroras-writes | a s

- four years, two months and five days ago, you lost the love of your life with no explanation. living with a failed marriage at such a young age without knowing why was impossibly hard, and when you’re invited to your high school reunion, knowing he would be there, you really don’t want to go. what happens when you do leaves you questioning fate. 

43. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

- life after jeon jungkook was grey. you had to find your own color, grow your own rainbow. but what would surprise you the most is the appearance of white cosmos, seven of them clutched tightly in kim taehyung’s hand.

44. contentment by @btsqualityy | f s 

- oc’s using jk’s card to buy rug and the rest is history. 10/10!!

45. heartbreaker with a heart of gold by  @filmflowersbangtan | a s

- love this!!! you know i love me some angst! 10/10!!!!!

46. the ikea test by @mercurygguk | f

- you and jeongguk face the IKEA test. successfully? sure!

47. before you universe by @ephemeralkookie | // a f s

- jungkook has taken a huge place in your life after he tattooed you, and you can’t even picture how life was before him. he has always been there for you since day one. but how will things change after you find out you’re pregnant?  

48. christmas cream(pie) by @smoochkooks | s f

-  a day before christmas dinner with your boyfriend’s parents, you discover another alternative way to use the chocolate cream you’re making. jungkook is more than willing to indulge in your little fantasy.

49. last minute by @moononthejoon | f s

- christmas day had gone by, and now you were back home after holidays with your family. your friends had agreed to have a late christmas party, but as always, you and jungkook procrastinated gift buying.

50. you go in knowing bros together by @blu-joons | f

- a cute fluffy knowing at knowing bros moment. 

51. no title by @v-hope | f

- the way y/n would react when someone else flirts with jk and how he’d handle the situation.

52. hair dye by @mercurygguk | f s

- jungkook got his hair dyed while at work. you lose your mind the moment he steps through the door.

53. stay gold by @yeojaa | s

- blond!jk being a good boy?

54. crystal snow by @honeyj00ns | f

- when you join Jungkook and the rest of the guys for some fun in the snow, he can’t help but feel jealous.

55. 6:21 am by @sincerelyourfangirl | f

- in which he makes your morning extra special.

56. plan b by @btsracket | s

- dressing room quickie, unprotected sex request, use of Plan b pill

57. possession by @bngtanah | s

- jungkook is your boyfriend, sometimes you have to remind him what that means.

58. puffs and touches by @mintseesaw | f s

- “Stop doing that with your face, someone else is going to snatch you up”

59. the quiet things by @btsracket | s

- sleeping bag sex.

60. good boy by @ephemeralkookie | s

- secret, read to find out AHAHAHHA.

61. make it right by @jungkxook | a s

- you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because it’s been almost a year since you broke up with him. worst part of it all is that you know he’s still in love with you too

62. it takes two by @junghelioseok | s

- struggling with the idea of your ex-boyfriend moving on, you enlist the help of your quiet roommate in a scheme that quickly spirals out of control.

jimin

1. picking petals by @cutechim | s 

- you asked for a baby, so a baby is what you’re going to get. 

taehyung

1. daddy by @btsracket | f s 

- there’s only one choice when this happens on a date out.

2. love me or we both go down by @gukyi | f s a

- after going through with an arranged marriage to please his parents and secure his inheritance of the family business, kim taehyung thinks he’s got it all figured out. he doesn’t. apparently just being married to you isn’t enough, not when everybody and their mother can pick up on the fact that the two of you absolutely loathe each other. but taehyung wants his inheritance one way or another, so he decides that desperate times call for desperate measures: the two of you need to fall in love, and you need to fall in love fast.

3. saudade by @jiminssthetic | a s f

- a demanding idol lifestyle was something taehyung and yourself were all too familiar with. it wasn’t so hard when considering your unconditional love for one another, but lately, taehyung wasn’t the same anymore; and you decide it’s time to find out why.

4. ineffable by @99liners | f

- boyfriend taehyung takes care of his sick s/o.

5. tease by @caiuscassiuss | s

- you knew you were hot. you saw how the guys looked at you, how their eyes were drawn to a tight t-shirt or short skirt. and maybe this would fail epically—crash and burn like a failed experiment—but you wanted to get under kim taehyung’s skin the only way you knew how.

6. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

- life after jeon jungkook was grey. you had to find your own color, grow your own rainbow. but what would surprise you the most is the appearance of white cosmos, seven of them clutched tightly in kim taehyung’s hand.

got7

yugyeom

1. yugyeom as you boyfriend by @sunshinekookie | f

- i need more yugyeom fics in my life.

astro

eunwoo

1. rainy say saviour by @imsarahbum | f a

- upon seeing you getting bullied after school for being short, dongmin can’t help but step in and defend you - despite both of you not really knowing anything about each other.

anyway, thank you again for the writers please take care and be safe!

please free to recommend your favorite fic that i haven’t feature yet.

if the links won’t work and i labelled some fics wrong please let me know and i’ll try to fix it as soon as possible!

support the fic and the writers!

[swaggy-pregnant-elf-man]

I love the energy and all and I don’t want to offend but as a Muslim girl i can tell you that it is literally haram to identify as anything other than your god given gender. Like I’m not trying to be rude and I’m glad that there a respectful supportive people out there but if you’re looking at the Quran and other islamic book you’ll find stories about how its considered haram. Accepting the islam religion means accepting everything and dedicating yourself to it you can’t just pick and choose.

omg my first anon hate hahaha

i know im not obligated to answer hate but im going to anyway bcuz of i have things to say (sparkle emoji) (im on pc and dont have the energy to find an emoji keyboard)

okay first of all nowhere did i say that I identify as Muslim. i get that it was ambiguous tho so its cool. to clarify,, I am personally not Muslim but I kind of have to act like one so I don't get kicked to the streets or some shit lol and maybe I'm a bit of a coward idkkk but anyways

I would be interested to know what other Islamic books ur talking about btw, but I'm pretty sure the quran doesn't mention being trans anywhere at all. in fact I'm pretty certain, I've read it multiple times with translation and commentary interpretations and anyway being trans wasn't really a 'known' thing back then? bcuz obviously patriarchy and gender roles n segregation blah blah was wayyyy more yk. shit I forgot the word. uhhh yk like prevalent?? ofc the quran does mention a shitton about gender roles,, so yk men r the breadwinners, women raise the kids and keep house and be good wives etc. and also remember the big important fact:: GENDER AND SEX R DIFFERENT THINGS!!! meaning technically u cant be 'born' a gender (omfg my keyboard hates me imagine a question mark here) ur born with certain genitals and society assigns u a gender based on that . sounds a bit fucked when u put it like that actually but anyway back when the quran was being revealed this wasn't a known thing cuz yk they didn't have studies on this stuff,, and yea ur probably gonna say 'but the quran came from allah and he knows everything' well the fact of the matter is he either forgot or smth idk I don't speak for God but trans people definitely exist that's a fact we know so yeah. oh I should come back to my point which was, even with the quran saying those things about what ur supposed to do based on whats in ur pants which is crazy outdated anyway it doesn't take gender ≠ sex into consideration either soo ye that's the most it could've said about being trans and that not very valid anymore rip and that's not even mentioning non-binary people

and anyway Islam is literally all about acceptance and respect and everything so idk it would probably be better if u didn't go around telling ppl they're 'literally haram' for being trans or gay or any typa queer bcuz its literally not our choice (insert question marks) believe me I would fucking love to be comfortable in my 'female' body but I cant no matter how much I try to force myself so I'm sorry dude. no one would choose to be stuck in a situation like this. personally, I believe Islam needs a super massive reformation. well not Islam exactly, but a lot of things said in the quran r outdated wildly now, while a lot of it will also always be relevant, eg. everyone being equal and yk give to the poor etc. i have absolutely nothing against Muslims (I have it against my family for being so forceful about religion - different thing) yall r super cool and ik being a Muslim girl isn't easy believe me, but genuinely seeing Muslim people around and yk, just existing in wider society outside of Islamic spaces makes me feel so proud of where I came from even if its not been the best experience. have u seen the show We are Lady Parts (question mark) its about an all female Muslim punk band and there's only six episodes I literally watched it all today but the message of it is what I'm trying to get to you. u don't have to be the perfect pious wife to be considered a 'good Muslim',, there are so many ways u can show faith. you don't have to be a big strong man who can handle all pain with ease while single-handedly providing for a family either.

anyways peace out that sure was a journey lol and I definitely have forgot some of the things I wanted to say but yea that's all don't forget to like and subscribe <3

(colours r to make it easier to read for people with shorter attention spans,, they don't have any other significance)

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde, Jane Crocker

Act 6, page 4571

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: ALART ALART ARLART AL*ERT AL*ART!!!!!

TG: hugely important cornespondence

TG: paging doctor crocker

TG: rolal to docrock

GG: :?

TG: heh heh

TG: paging

TG: bet you would like to get PAGED huh jane

TG: *sweet innuendo

GG: I'm not sure that qualifies as innuendo at all.

TG: wonkwonkwonkwonkwonk

GG: I honestly think you misspell things intentionally more often than not, regardless of blood alcohol content.

GG: You just typed wonk five times in a row!

TG: i have only junst begun to wonk

GG: What is this urgent thing about, anyway?

GG: Is it about your boobytrap?

GG: Because you're too late. It already blew up my whole bedroom, thank you very much.

TG: no no

TG: i mean i still feel shitty about that but its not abiout that

TG: i know you already ran it i been talking to the shades

GG: Yes, me too. Right now in fact, and I'm in a bit of a hurry!

GG: What is this about? What are you even doing?

TG: im in the lab doing a thing with my cat

TG: but that doesnt matter i was doing some thingkin and was still feeling guilty about fuckin up ur computer and all of the sudden im in bff~ath mode here

TG: so i gotta tell you something u need to know before its too late

GG: Before what's too late?

TG: you and jake hookin up stupid!

GG: Oh my god.

TG: this is about turnin all your steamydreamz in to STEAMAY REALTITIES

TG: ***realities lolo

GG: This isn't happening now...

TG: whereins jc + je kiss & hug loads and start turnin out big heaps of wrigglers the old fashioned way<3<3,3,3<338O!!!!

TG: i cant decide whether this mental image porcolating here is hot as shit or cute as fuck......

GG: No! Cease your lascivious porcolating at once!

GG: Roxy, I can see you're set on just wasting more of my time.

GG: I understand if you don't wish to play this game, but please try not to interfere with those of us who do!

TG: no no im fine with playing just shut up

TG: this is serious you need to tell him how u feel VERY SOON

TG: or you might miss your chance

GG: My chance?

GG: What are you talking about?

TG: i found out today taht dirks gonna make a move

GG: A move? You mean, a romantic one?

TG: yes

GG: On you?

TG: omfffgggggg

TG: JANE GET A CLUE

GG: Um.

GG: On me?

TG: no

TG: no my dear sweet janey not on you

TG: ON JAKE!!!

GG: Oh.

GG: Ohhh.

GG: I didn't think...

GG: That...

GG: Hrm.

GG: Are you sure?

TG: p sure ask glasses if u want

GG: Well then.

GG: This is quite a development.

GG: Poor Dirk!

TG: what do you mean

GG: Well, surely when he reveals his feelings, Jake will...

TG: ??

GG: I mean...

GG: He couldn't possibly...

TG: wut

TG: repriprocate?

GG: Yes?

TG: why not

GG: Because Jake is not a homosexual!

TG: mm hm

TG: are u suuuuuure???

GG: Are you saying he is?

TG: nope

GG: Then what are you saying?

TG: im saying that

TG: i dont fuckin know

GG: But...

GG: I thought it reasonable to presume he takes a shining to ladies.

GG: He does speak fondly of certain females from his favorite films, does he not?

TG: true that

TG: but

TG: how much does that really mean here jane

TG: can you be totes sure on account a some dorky moive crushes

GG: Well, now I just don't know. You have me completely bamboozled about this.

GG: What do you think?

TG: all im saying is

TG: my gaydar is like the exanct fuckin poposite of urs

TG: which is to say it is better than completety nonexistant

TG: mine is so sensitive it has been used to sweep the ocean floor for mythical sea monsters

TG: turns out

TG: all of those monsters are SO gay

TG: truth B)

GG: Okay. Then what does your acute seabeast scanner make of Jake, then?

TG: thats what im sayin

TG: i really have no idea

TG: kid is a goggamn egnigma

TG: hes as hard 2 read as fine print

TG: and how i do mean FIIINE ;)

GG: Oh brother.

GG: Then, your guess is as good as mine?

GG: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to conclude from this.

TG: youre supposed to concluce

TG: that you SAID you were going to believe anything i said today remember??

GG: Yes.

GG: But you just said you don't know!!!

TG: exactly

TG: therefore you must believe me when i say

TG: if dirk lets on all his feelins there is at least a CHANCE jake will go like DERP OK DUDE LETS MAKE OUT

TG: and that means poor jane is screwed without ever even throwing her filthy old fedora in the ring

TG: it is a ring i lke ot call TEH ENGLISH SPEEPSTAKES

TG: and if u dont youll regret it

TG: and i mean

TG: OFFICIALLY?

TG: i cant have a horse in the race

TG: wait bad metaphor ebcause of dirk and his fucking horstes n/m

TG: like you are both my friends and im not out to mess him up or anything

TG: but i kinda owe it to you as my friend to let you know whats up

TG: and also to get you to stop being such a WORLD CHAMPIAN TIGHTASS

TG: and let jake know

GG: Oh, not this tightass baloney again.

TG: jane

GG: What?

TG: jaane..

GG: ...

TG: jc your are the tightassiest tightass who ever tightened up an ass

GG: No way!

GG: We settled this, remember?

GG: My prior resolution made it definitive; I was to be regarded as exceedingly permissive in certain respects!

TG: jane i am afraid

TG: that ur bottom

TG: is a stubborn clam

TG: guarding priceless treasure

TG: and a deadly secret

GG: So ridiculous. >:P

TG: im not saying be an idiot and start gushing at him incoherentry

TG: but do SOMETHING

TG: say how u feel

TG: or flirst a bit or ask him out on a date inside the fuckin game or such

TG: goddamn ANYTHING other that a bunch of bullshitty pining and tightassy NOTHING

TG: you have to do what i say u promised

GG: I promised to BELIEVE what you say, not DO it!

TG: those 2 things are

TG: prespicely the same shit

GG: If I agree to say something, will you stop tormenting me about it??

TG: yes

TG: but only

TG: because that will be impossible for me to do

TG: when u + him r snoggin hard in motherfuckin makeout paradise

TG: A K A SEX LAND

GG: Fine.

GG: But let the record show that this resolution has almost nothing whatsoever to do with your use of the phrase "SEX LAND."

GG: Just...

GG: I need to think of what to say, and wait for the right moment. Is that ok???

TG: sure

TG: just dont wait too long

TG: and dont underestimate striders wiles

TG: nor jakes...

TG: lets say

TG: open mindedness???????

GG: Well,

GG: He does often profess his love for adventure, I suppose.

TG: yuuup................

GG: Omg.

GG: I really don't have a moment to spare, do I?

TG: ur finally gettin it

TG: now go

TG: and jane im warning u

TG: if you dont say somethin to him

TG: i am personally entering the game specivically to FUCK UR SHIT UP

TG: *LOLLIES OUTIE*

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[wozwaid]

would you do hcs for the soul eater boys realizing their crush on you and telling you?? tysm! :]

YES SOUL EATER REQUESTSSSS

if you dont know, I'm the biggest simp for soul evans so just putting that out there

also all my soul eater fics are crack + fluff fics because these children are fucking crazy

TW: swearing. a lot of swearing. i swear a lot. I'm really sorry its a bad habit I'm working on it ANYWAYS-

LETS GET IT

Soul

- say it with me, everyone.

- not. fucking. cool.

- cool guys don't settle down... right?

- but you obviously would wanna date a cool guy like him... right?

- he’s SO INSECURE

- like should he tell you?

- so he goes to Black Star. 

- you read that correctly ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary pals. Soul Eater Evans asked Black Star for relationship advice.

- he's desperate don’t judge him (plz do tho Maka and Tsubaki haven't stopped laughing)

- so he shows up in a leather jumpsuit (roll with it) and proclaims his love for you at the top of DWMA academy

- nobody could hear him. they all just saw what appeared to be a screaming monkey

- look he's cool and all but he’s also a total idiot.

- he assumes you not responding means it’s a no and he gets DEPRESSED

- but then Maka was like “dipshit they couldn’t hear you”

- SO BACK TO SQUARE ONE!

- he shows up at your door with flowers and a card. he knocks on your door, but when he hears you approaching he drops everything and SPRINTS AWAY.

- so you have these flowers and a card with your name on it on your front porch. inside is a letter saying “hey y/n, you’re really cool an if you wanna hang out some time, meet me at the basketball court tomorrow at 11am.”

awe he did it... kinda.

Black Star

I'm gonna claw his eyes out I swear to god HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME YOU LITTLE SHIT-

*ahem* anyways.

- Black Star... hmm... how do I say this. he has his head up his ass.

- wouldn’t know what romantic feelings were even if they smacked him in the head, but they couldn’t smack him in the head, because his head is stuck up his ass.

- Tsubaki is like “why do you keep challenging y/n? they clearly don’t wanna spar with you right now.”

- and BS is just like “no they do.” and that's the end of the conversation.

- Tsubaki realizes that he has a crush on you, but he’s just too dumb to notice, so she literally tells you for him.

- she’s like “yo, y/n. Black Star is kinda in love with you but he’s too stupid to realize it.”

- and you’re like “sweet ok ill go ask him out.”

- SOOO  you go to Black Star after class and ask him to dinner.

- bad move. you can kiss your savings goodbye, but you might get to kiss Black Star???

- anyways, he’s like “OF COURSE YOU WOULD WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH THE STRONG AND INCREDIBLE BLACK STAR! ILL PICK YOU UP!”

- and you’re like “wait you don’t know where I live-” “YES I DOOOOO SEE YOU AT 8″

- not creepy at all Black Star. not creepy at all.

- he’s freaking the fuck out

- so he shows up at your apartment looking like he just survived Hurricane Maria and then went swimming with sharks but didn’t bring any equipment. remember how he dressed for the episode where they celebrate the founding of DWMA? he looks like that, but somehow worse.

- you take him inside, throw him in your room with a towel and tell him to shower since there’s gel EVERYWHERE

- you guys just end up staying inside, playing videogames!

Death the MAN

- sooooo DTK. my favorite character

- i’m not totally sure how he’d handle it

- I dont think he would handle it tbh

- he’s a genius, but he's FUCKING STUPID

- he decides to shove his feelings into the back of his mind because, as he said, “that’s a problem for future Death the Kid, not me.” Same honey, same.

- but then he sees you getting hit on and PULLS OUT HIS PISTOLS AND FUCKING MURDERS-

- nah he just grabs you and walks away

- ur like “uh hello what’s up?”

- he realizes that he messed up your shirt while dragging you outside.

- a-symmetrical. bad. not good. Death the Kid.exe has stopped working

- and ur like “OH SHIT IS HE DEAD”

- so you take him to the nurse because why not.

- and so there you are, sitting in the nurses office, watching your crush practically bleed out. fun!

- and he says your name in his sleep and you automatically crash

- when he wakes up, he sees that you’re asleep in a chair next to him, so being the LOVELY HUMAN BEING (shinigami? both? who’s DTK’s mom? help?) that he is, he picks you up and lays you down next to him, falling asleep holding onto you

- liz and patty are taking pictures. he’ll never hear the end of it from those two.

Stein

damn what those hands do?

- so we figured out a valuable piece of information

- dr. stein has a heart and it works

-  wanna know how? 

- you were kicking his ass and he got really flustered bc you were sweating and he had DIRTY THOUGHTS-

- so boom. human emotions. stein has those. problem solved. ladies and gentlemen (and non-binary pals), we got him.

- stein doesn’t understand what to do with his feelings for you

- does he... does he remove his heart? will that make it better?

- no oh my god someone please stop him he's actually gonna do it-

- he ends up just telling you face to face with the most expressionless expression you’ve ever seen

- and you’re like “hey um r u ok?”

- AND THEN YOU SEE A TINY BLUSH AND AIWEOJFDAPWOIERFDS AWWWWWW

- marry him. m a r r y  h i m. when stein falls for someone, he falls HARD.

- you’re in it for the long run with him. hope you’re ready to never sleep cuz he’ll perform experiments on you!

Spirit (Death Scythe)

- HOW DO YOU KNOW

- HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF HE ACTUALLY LIKES YOU

- I CAN NOT READ THIS MAN

- he does have very pretty eyes tho

- BUT LIKE ARE WE A THING? IS IT A ONE NIGHT STAND? DO YOU LIKE ME? DO YOU NOT? STOP SPIRIT YOU’RE SCARING THE BABY (that's me. I'm the baby)

- i deadass have no clue what to say. my -3 IQ can’t handle this. good luck homie, this one’s a doosey.

OK IDK WHETHER TO WRITE FOR JUSTIN OR NOT I CANT FIND ANY GIFS AND THAT’S MAKING ME WEIRDLY NERVOUS OK BYE LOVE YOU GUYS

[vatt-world]

h

movie star

I think we should start looking at the blocking.

Josh, you want to set that up?

Right, thanks, Rebecca.

Oh, thanks.

It's okay?

Yup. welcom to rebecca im good

//

So…Marilyn Monroe, she was part of the, you know,

the actor's studio.

Mm-hm.

We should see it. The classes, the characters.

Okay, the problem with that is that in this scene

we just don't really have enough time to get into all of that.

But that's exactly my point.

There really isn't time in any of the scenes

to dig into her psyche.

They're too short.

I mean, personally, I'd rather see longer scenes

and a little less singing and dancing.

Heh, well, it is a musical after all.

Yeah, but it doesn't mean it can't be deep and smart.

I mean, and that song, it's boring.

I mean, it should be more fun.

Okay, you know what?

Um, this sounds like a longer conversation.

Wha…Uh…

I'm driving you crazy, aren't I?

No, not at all.

Yes, yes, I am, I know.

I'm such a pain in the ass.

[Cars honking]

Boring! She thinks my music is boring.

It might be a little less boring //

You see? This is exactly what I'm talking about.

This scene, it's just getting started

when suddenly I… ? Break into song ?

You know what?

Uh, this sounds like a sidebar conversation.

I didn't want to interrupt the rehearsal, the--

Not to worry.

I think everyone could probably do with a break.

Okay, that's ten.

Oh, um, don't forget. // And if she wants you to write an extra-long scene

before dig deep, you will write that extra-long scene

and you will have it on my desk by 5:00, understood? // Anyway, the real reason I came by

is to talk about the scene.

I just got the pages from Julia.

It's inspired.

She's such a talent.

Mm, I agree.

In fact, it gave me so many other ideas

on how to deepen the rest of the show.

Oh.

I'd love to get everyone together for a pow-wow. // ou run a bar in the city

you're gonna get your hands dirty.

But if you're looking for a way out of this with me,

you're don't have to hire a Detective.

Just tell me you're not interested.

I'm not looking for a way out.

It's just…

I've been through a lot.

Okay.

So now we're getting somewhere.

And I'm out of practice.

You can take this as slow as you want.

You're the one who's always rushing around.

I'm just such a… //

We have a lot to show you.

Wonderful.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen,

let's take it from the top, please.

Rebecca, you ready?

You better believe it.

The challenge for the act is to use sense memory

of childhood trauma.

All: ? Aaah, use the past ?

The actor must deploy the conscious

and dig in to the unconscious.

The challenge for the actor is to learn to be private.

I dig it the most.

I'm through with Hollywood.

It's New York and the actor's studio for me.

And if any of those boys from Hollywood come a'calling,

you can tell them I said this… // rebecca unable to sing tom says great they will sit down she is on key find costructive solution we need ivi back real ivi need tosing debra and tom ivi enters rececca sings with tom dev and kathy talk rebecca talks to derek actors studio songs boring

she thinks boring - tom angelina calls

alright nick whats wrong with u rebecca with acting coach - derek ex bf comes write that scene to tom - angelina rebecca with angelina talk about scene other ideas rally the troops derek meets angelina keep it tht way rebecca meets team u need bigger skin - angelina meets bartender i have been thru a lot derek - challenge for actor

publicity kathy and derek talk can we start something idea what r u doing tonite i hate her y dont u direct she cant sing it let them in who should sing it karen will sing they exchange clothes - kathy rebecca i texted u dev u never came home movie star problem smoothies no free minutes i having food with rebecca in indian restaurant i want to be keith richards can i borrow ur phone stop messing around with me she went home voice on ur head i think marlyn should sing that song

Karen, can I talk to you for a moment, please?

Sure.

Everything okay?

Why, did I do something wrong?

No, no, sorry.

I'm just letting you know I won't be needing you anymore,

obviously.

For Marilyn, I mean.

You won't be needing me?

I wouldn't be so sure of that.

No, I mean, Rebecca's gonna be needing all my attention.

And I'm just the understudy. I get it.

Don't worry, Derek //

understudy

she doesntshowup star plane hicup u want to understudy kathy - derek asks i know all the blocking iva i was a mess -iva dev and kathy meet times sq walk trian wreck mom and kid eva she walks thru times sq music kathy sexual harass tells dev rebecca will be soon angelina in bar talks to bartender bartender gives money derek u can be smarter towel dance songwriter/tom sings kathy do u have a pencil …gives her direction derek bartender makes him meet rockstar kids perform angelina meets rockstar -- nolimit to return kathy /eva walk thru times sq debra and kid talk tom and date talk at coffee ..reading newspaper debra calls husband angelina on computer just do it derek angelina bartender u introduced us kathy at home /derek comes u did great work/ i want to apologise derek meets boyfriend fight karen bf hit me why dont u start call u bombsell latest investor - randy cobra debra in restaurant kathy singing infront of derek rebecca duvall comes

hell on earth its a lot i have a audition tom and bf meet republican fundraiser ava with pills i worked ass of on that workshop going thru stars we need title whats the problem finish the script can we get hughes ivi len rushes maryln workshop talking i got the commericial greenscreen costume tom and gal talk ivi works as background marlyn on brooklyn bridge it wasnt anything she wears green screen debra husband meet michael u came to my house we are looking with new director she lands everything iva im not sick of that sick what are u reading ivi's glasses ivi takes tablets replacing with derek with hughes are u in or out he puts on backup uniform she sees tablets ivi are u there ivi walks out u are about to go on u didnt fight enough ivi dad is leaving kathy and ivi become friends they dance at times sq ivi falls flat on bed its 5am i would not answer phone thanksfor meeting out here they come up with title bombshell

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Dress Codes,Nooky And  Cock Blocks

Masterlist

Henry tries to be a white knight and realizes Kal is to smart for his own good.

Request/Prompt: Henry and Kal meets you from work after having a bad day. Playing with Kal to make Henry jealous. Shutting kal out for some nooky but Kal sits outside the door barking and howling.

Warnings: Smutty Almost Smut! Fluff, Swearing

A/N: so this has combined two ideas one of which is from the lovely @being-worthy This was going to be a Pooh bear chapter two but hasn't quite fit the bill. Anyway I hope you all enjoy.  P.S I 100% belive Kal would be a little shit!!!

Taglist: @two-unbeatable-beaters​ @thatgirly81​ @angelofthorr @iloveyouyen​ @sofiebstar​ @thefangirlsblog​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @loserrlauraa​ @tumblrnewby​ @isitmine​ @tinabean37​

This was a fucking piss take your manager was an asshole! You huffed about the office still trying to process the stupidity he just fucking spouted at you. You moved to the ladies room phone in hand ready to vent locking yourself in a stall fingers poised to rant in a long ass text message but you froze. Henry was home well at the gym to be more specific. He was over the moon having just snagged the role of Geralt of Rivia and had been working tirelessly on bulking up for the role especially now that he was getting the dates for shooting. You paused taking a deep breath. No. You cant vent to him and ruined his day to. You growled and moved leaving the bathroom slamming the door thankful that you only had another hour, at least the prick had the decency to wait until the end of the day.

You through your phone down into the bag sitting at your desk for a few moments. You cast your eyes over the computer screen seeing the little bimbo...His little bimbo Stacey there was an office romance between your asshat of a manager and this little blonde. She ran about the office in small tight skirts hair immaculate and thick makeup smeared across her face and fuck me glasses that were an accessory not prescription like yours. She had a snug fitted blouse and pencil skirt on flitting about the office in some dangerous looking heels. More feminine? Was you supposed to jump up and say 'yes sir of course Sir, anything to keep this job sir' then flutter your lashes at him?.

Fuck that, and fuck this be more feminine bullshit, there was no written dress code and as far as things had gone you were doing your job pretty damn well and you didn't need heels to do it!

You scowled seeing the blonde slip out followed by your manager it mus be time fore their discrete get away a make out in the copier room...How original. You sighed clicking your mouse scanning through the next lot of appointments...No more today but there was a shit tonne tomorrow. You sighed getting down...Was your job really on the line over skirts,  makeup and heels? Sure you were on probation but they couldn't sack you for breaking a non existent dress code...Could they.honestly you wouldn't put it past Dave he seemed to have some fucked up traditional views.

Your attention was quickly drawn down to your phone buzzing you smiled seeing it was Henry quickly tapping the notification.

'Bbe you still at the office?? Miss you! 😘😘' You smiled softly heaving a deep breath then began typing.

'Yep still here not for long though finish in 1hr thank god 😘😘 u 2 at the gym still??' You sent the text and got a reply pretty quick you smiled he must have left the gym to reply so quick. Your thoughts wandered a daydream of the huge glorious man puffed out and sweaty ugh yes that's what you needed right now your man to just ruin you fuck the stress and doubt right out of you!. Your eyes scanned the new text he had sent pulljng you out of your raunchy thoughts.

'No just left walking Kal around the park he got a bit excited need to wear him out, so have a good day?'

'😂 good luck with that. And its been okay...G2g shopping after apparently I need to dress more feminine😒😒 so will be home late' You frowned hearing the two love birds enter the office again wrapped up around one another professionally you rolled your eyes as the blonde pulled away from your manager giggling and made her way to the computer opposite you instantly reaching for her compact mirror trying to correct the smeared lipstick across her face. Your phone pinged and you looked down face lighting up a little seeing the anger emojis. Henry felt the same ass you.

'😡😡🤬WTF? wats tht sppsd 2 mean?' you cringed maybe you should have just kept your mouth shut but it was too late now you sighed trying to placate him.

'I need to wear skirts and shit...be an office bimbo no big deal🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ just get a few skirts thts all' you typed back his reply was immediate almost as if he'd been typing the same time as you. Wincing you prepared yourself for the worse, Henry was a very protective man and you knew he hated the whole gender roles thing.

'😡😡You dnt need makeup and shit!! ur gorgeous dnt u listen to that wanker!! Can't u leave early?? Say ur going shopping?? Just get out of there! please love dnt let this get 2 u!!🥺🥺 I love u, ur perfect!!😍😘😘😍' You grinned got flushing rereading the words a warmth in your chest. You knew that he meant every word. Stacey looked over with a smirk snapping the compact shut and pointed a false nail in your direction.

"Oh? Is that a blush? Who are you texting? Someone cute?" You flicked your eyes up to her you didn't have anything against her per say but you were different people, she was all Instagram, kardashians and trending and you were all gaming, books and cosy pajamas. You never really spoke to her if you could help it.

"Err yeah...My boyfriend" you admitted looking down seeing another text from him. Another round of compliments and reassuring words lit up your screen.

'I mean it bbe I know u! dnt beat urself up over it! Dont u let him get 2 u!😘😘' you smiled softly yes he did know you and he knew this had not only made you angry but also insecure. You thought you looked good at work you always made a point to look 'put together' but it wasn't enough?

"Ooo was that him again? You never told me you had a boyfriend! Is he new? How long have you been together? What does he do? Whats he saying!?" You gulped as she got up quickly scuttling around the desk as fast as she could in her heels and skirt.

"We've been together a few years...He's just asking me to leave early and catch diner with him but I don't think Dave would like that..." Stacey's face lit up and she beamed at you. She was happy to have something else to gossip about.

"Oh! that’s so sweet~ he wants to steal you away for dinner! You know I wish Dave would do that but he only really pays attention to me at work....So does this sweet mystery man have a name?" You looked up at her tilting your phone away a little so she didn't see Henry's on going threats of 'coming down there and teaching Dave some manners by ripping his tongue out his ass' you shook your head as you caught the ass end of a long text full of emojis...You sort of regret teaching him the meanings of them....Was that an eggplant in the middle?.

"Henry...His name is Henry and he's an actor" Stacey squealed cupping her face completely excited for some reason.

"Oh that's so cute! You know its always you shy ones that nab yourselves the boho guys...You know I always wanted to date the 'boho' type myself but never did, they were all to....Just not my type I like clean cut guys, you know ones who fill out a suit" You squinted what the fuck was she getting at? You schooled your features standing taller quickly and made your own little dig.

"Like Dave?" she flushed and nodded excitedly missing the whole sarcastic droll over your words. She clapped her hands completely missing the fact you were poking fun at the scrawny 'stud' sleazeball who Henry could easily snap over his thigh if he wanted to.

"Yes just like my Dave~! Ugh anyway do you have a pic...Come ooon! Let me see your man~" you sighed tilting your head to her...She was pretty harmless...And dippy so it shouldn't do any harm she didn't strike you as the type of person to watch Henry's movies so shouldn't recognize him. You nodded sweetly it was actually a little fun you rarely got to show off your man,  most people who knew him knew you were dating. You twisted the phone eying the screen and froze seeing the last texts he sent you whilst you spoke to Stacey.

'Have you got out early??🧐🧐'

'Babe don't ignore me!😤😤 Is he still there!?😡'

'Woman you better answer me! Stop ignoring me bbe it wont help😤😤'

'Im serious y/n do I need to chat with him? Do you want me to help?🧐🧐'

'Look out the window'

"Oh hell no!" you huffed out under your breath then stood up scrabbling to the large office window Stacey followed you alarmed. You freaked and quickly opened the window poking your head out to scream at your sweet but very dappy boyfriend. As irritated as the texts were he didn't look it, well until you really looked he was tense and it wasn't just because Kal was puling excitedly.

"Oh my god?! HENRY?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!....GET OUT OF THE GOD DAMNED ROAD!!" lone behold when you looked down you saw Henry standing there with a huge bouquet of Roses and a bag you suspected held a box of chocolates, Kal was barking up at you spinning in circles and jumping up super excited almost dragging the huge man over in all the excitement. It would seem the walk was not enough to wear out the bear. Henry grinned up at you you heard Stacey from beside you gasp.

"Holy shit is that your boyfriend??" you turned to her and smiled smugly to her nodding then glanced back down to him seeing him quickly navigate the people bustling around the car park heading for the doors. You froze. You can't let him up here he sounded angry earlier...He'd kill Dave. You ran back to your desk quickly logging off the pc and snatching up your bag.

"Where do you think your going y/n?" Dave called after you you stopped seeing him there arms crossed giving you the filthiest look he could muster seeing your bag slung over your arm then there was the distinct buzzing of someone Henry at the door trying to be buzzed in. You pointed to the door opening our mouth to fake sickness or something but was interrupted.

"Oh Dave leave her alone...All the times she's here early let her go early for once, we don't need her anymore today and it means we get the office to ourselves for an hour~" your eyes bugged out as Stacey came to your aid fluttering her lashes to your manager. He heaved a sigh and nodded to the door in a 'get out of here' motion.

You smiled quickly darting out down the stairs to the ground floor seeing Henry standing there unimpressed finger holding the button down in one long irritating ring. You shook your head at him through the glass as he held the button.

You slapped the exit button opening the door and Henry tried darting past you into the building chest puffed shoulders ready to give your boss a piece of his mind but you caught the frightening man by his ridiculous bulging bicep. You spun with him digging your heels into the worn carpet.

"No no no! Henry no!" he carried on to the stairs dragging you with him passing you the roses and Kal's lead as the dog bounced around you both yipping like the over excited pup he was. Henry had hoped filling your hands would give him time to jump up a few steps out of your reach so he could have a chat with Dave about this whole misogynistic bullshit. Henry swore when you scampered behind him hooking your arms around his forearm and leant back, if he moved you'd drop like a rock and up the few steps as you both were, you'd hurt yourself. He stopped heaving a deep sigh looking to you.

"Just five minuet's babe is all I need! fucking feminine my ass he just wants to oogle your peach of an ass!! And that's not- that ass is mine!! fucking no one NO ONE fucking upsets my baby!" Your body flushed skin prickling at the shear alpha tone the possessive growl that seeped into his words made you tremble swallowing dryly you managed to shake it off and focused on the task at hand fucking could come later for now you needed to stop him from ripping your manager a new one. You moved crouching down bearing your weight down giggling at him as he still tried to thunder up the stairs. Kal helped to pulling at his lead it was a joint effort.

"Henn love?! I'll be sacked if you go up there and make Dave piss himself! Please lets just go home it's Friday I can find a few things over the week end for now can we please leave" he stopped and looked up to the brown ceiling and flickering light sigh he clicked his tongue then looked to you slowly with a heavy breath.

"....Fine, but next time I'm having him!" you smiled finding his protective side arousing your tummy clenching just knowing you big strong man could rinse the little twat upstairs made your pussy clench you always had a thing about strong men and Henry was the most physically fit you'd ever met. You somehow managed to coax him out of the door in the direction of home taking a detour picking up a Chinese on the way.

You giggled rolling around the floor with Kal. after a quiet dinner and snuggle with Henry you had been ushered away so he could do his nightly reading of his new script.You didn't mind at all you loved seeing him so invested in his roles. you caught a glimpse of the red roses sitting proudly in a glass vase on the fireplace almost blocking the view of the tv but not quite. You loved this, just being home with your favorite boys enjoy a nice quiet night in. you scoffed mocking kal who was pulling hard on the black rope trying to out witt you with quick flicks of his head, playing tug with Kal was a workout huge as he was he had the weight and strength to out match even Henry. You did not stand a chance just holding onto the black rope hoping to slow him down but he was full of energy today.

Henry was sitting on the sofa feet up reading his witcher script pen in hand as he read his page, one a night was the deal. But honestly trying to pull him away from this particular script was a hell of a job fair enough he was trying to memorize lines and scribble down alternatives in the margins. It was sweet how excited he got, he already knew the character in and out so could already tweak things around so it felt like Geralt. He was happy had been chasing the role for a while so you didn't mind that preparing for it was taking up most of his time. but you were still horny from earlier and wouldn't complain to a night of nooky. But alas Henry was drawn in by the script and you were trying to find other ways to distract yourself from the bubbling arousal in your loins, like playing with Kal. But that’s not to say you wasn't going to tease your man, there were ways to get his attention~

You smirked putting a plan into action bending lower wriggling your ass, craning back so your shorts rode up just that little bit more. Then once in place you squealed loud gaining the mans attention as Kal tugged dragging you across the floor growling playfully bouncing his weight back jerking you around, it was only then that Henry grunted in annoyance, your voice had been high he loved you keeping Kal entertained he really did, but sometimes he needed a little quiet. Especially when he was trying to concentrate.

"You know if I keep this up I'll have bigger muscles then you~" you giggled out a you tried to hold your own against the mighty bear. Henry smiled and watched shaking his head as Kal dragged you under his legs to the free space on the side of the coffee table. As much as he was trying to concentrate you could never get on his nerves for long, he just loved you to damn much. Henry frowned as you were pulled again wincing anticipating an accident as Kal was definitely getting to invested in the game.

"Or a dislocated shoulder" he commented as Kal did another particularly painful looking shunt and shook his head side to side still growling loud around the toy. It was then that he looked at you properly and what he saw made the man pause and suck in a breath air getting trapped in his throat at the innocently erotic sight. Seeing you bent over any time was a pleasure but here and now? Bouncing deliciously on your knees being half dragged about the living room added another dimension to the whole thing. Your arms and back stretched out low on the floor spine arched slightly, sitting with your knees tucked under you, the bouncing making your ass jump deliciously.

Two full ass cheeks peeking out of you short shorts as Kal carried on his jerky movements. You bit your lip grunting and tugged back pulling with all your might successfully gaining a few inches which Kal stole back and more making you yelp and moan as you were sprawled out on the carpet again. This time dragged up on your knees into a position he he spent many nights enjoying to his fullest. were you doing this on purpose? he wouldn't put it past you...Maybe you needed a fuck, a proper fuck.

Henry couldn't help the twitching in his groin, the first tremors as he got a front row seat to the two perfect globes of your ass seemingly clapping against one another with the shorts acting like a thong shucked up your ass. Fuck you wasn't wearing Knickers again. Little fucking minx. He lowered his feet to the floor now far to invested in watching you roll around in the tiny shorts. swept up in the way your body swayed taunting him. you turned to him with a sly smile and sent him a quick wink that he almost missed.

He gaped at you, you were doing it on purpose!! His script laid completely forgotten on his lap as he watched you turn back to Kal innocently dipping down low again shoulders to the floor stretched out taught in front of you face tucked into your arm as Kal fought you for the coveted rope. God...It had been a while since he fucked you like that. He licked his lips. Too long in the busy days since snagging the witcher role he had only had time for a two quickies. Two fumbled quickies in three weeks and they wasn't even that good. Well not his usual hour long foreplay teasing and touching then good few rounds. They were just a flurry of fast rutting motion's, less fucking more jerking trying to finish as quickly as you could just wanting that high. he bit his lip watching you watch him out of the corner of your eye definitely teasing him.

"Babe come here~" You froze and twisted your head back you knew that tone.Grinning knowing you'd got your way you looked seeing Henry eyeing you hungrily biting his lip tilting his head, legs spread wide making his thighs bulge in what should be a loose set of black shorts but actually became skin tight on this Goliath of a man. You flushed under the gaze but managed to hold into the rope not giving the still pulling pup an inch. His eyes were a dark ocean blue pupils nearly swallowing the color completely, you wondered how far you could push him. you pouted at him before teasing him further opening your legs wider letting the material of your shorts almost completely disappear.

"Henry...I'm playing with Kal-" he squinted at you then quirked a brow before shaking his head snapping shut the folder holding the script and let it drop to the floor by his foot with a decisive thump. You gulped. But didn't move instead you heaved back pulling the Akita across the floor.

"Babe...Come here Kal's had his playtime..." you rolled your eyes hearing the silent 'now I want mine' sometimes he was a man child. You twisted your head to him with a flutter of your lashes and cheeky grin.

"Well I'm playing with Kal you have to wait your turn-HEY? HENRY THAT’S CHEATING!?" You yelped as Henry quickly bolted up right and stomped on the rope whilst using his considerable size and strength to pull you up off the floor making you release the toy.

"Well that’s enough playing with Kal, time to play with me. I wont be cock blocked in my own house by the dog~" you giggled as Henry quickly began climbing the stairs laughing kicking your feet, watching as Kal stayed two steps behind rope in his mouth excitedly following his parents, you were all going to play!. It was only when the dog found himself shut out of the bedroom did he realize you were in fact not going to be playing with him anymore tonight. you could hear the indignant huff through the door.

You wriggled as Henry fell onto the bed with you wrapped around him slowly devouring each other with deep kisses tongues and teeth roaming each other. It had been a good few weeks since you both explored one another properly. Henry pulled away chuckling at the soft scratches at the door. Kal was not impressed.

"Kal go lie down! We will be finished soon" Henry called out and ignored the high whines and more insistent scratching at the door and leaned over you sucking at your neck decorating it as he saw fit leaving marks of red and purple biting his mark into the crook of your neck then lower tracing a warm wet train over your thin shirt. You moaned clutching his waist trapping him between your thighs using the grip you had to rock up onto him trying to ease the burning in your core.

"Oh whats this? Someone is impatient considering she wanted to keep playing with Kal?" His voice came out as a deep rasp making you gasp cupping his face.

"You treating me with your Geralt babe?" He smiled latching onto your ear rocking down onto you drawing out soft mewls. You vaguely heard Kals whines become louder barks out side the door hearing the dog jump up pawing at the handle of the door trying to break in.

"Oh you like?~" You sighed quickly trying to rid your tshirt panting feeling just how wet your slit had got, you were embarrassingly wet considering you hadn't even done anything yet.

"Fuck yes~ oh god its so-ah fuck its so hot Henry~" he pulled back growling in the new low tone you hadn't known he was capable of, his large hands helped remove the tshirt throwing it across the room and latched onto your tits biting and sucking slow flicking his tongue across a pebbled nipple as his hands stripped you of your shorts. he chuckled seeing the damp patch, your arousal sticking to the material in one neat line.

"Oh you really do need me don't you love~" you nodded to him whining when he pulled back grunting a growl biting your boob and sucking harshly. You both moved in tandem rolling around the sheets grinding ,rocking ,biting and grunting both intent on ignoring the pup crying outside the door. He would wear himself out and get bored. Well that was the plan anyway.

Henry finally pinned you and descended on your core like a starving man given the sweetest fruit. You cried out fingers in his hair unsure what spurred on this heated frenzie but would happily indulge him. One thing you loved about him is he was always up for eating you out, the man thrived on it! He seemed to get a massive kick out of feasting on you until you came all over him. You grunted as he suckled on your bud teasing and twisting his supple lips across it Nipping you began to loose yourself panting and jerking up into his mouth chasing a sweet release you hadn't known you needed and then you heard it.

A deep loud echoing mournful howl. Even Henry stopped frowning up at you from between your legs. That was new, Kal wasn't a howly dog, he barked and yipped giving off the weirdest groans and moans. But never howled. You both burst out laughing unable to stop it as the howls were all over the place, loud and quiet raspy and uneven like Kal was an apprentice learning on the job.they were less 'howls' and more 'how-wo-wow-wo-wow' It was clear this was his first time but bless him he was trying to be the wolf of the house. You panicked as he began to get the hang of it and patted Henry's shoulder. he was still chuckling finding Kals new found voice hilarious.

"Quick stop him! If he learns that we'll never hear the end of it!" You chuckled pulling the thin sheet over you as Henry swore and quickly slinked off the bed racing to the door opening it stopping Kal in his tracks. The Akita smiled panted a few breaths thumped his tail on the floor then collected his rope entering, jumping on the bed without a care in the world.

"Babe?" You asked biting the inside of your cheek trying to stop the giggles as Henry began to scowl at the fluffy bear sprawling out on his side of the bed a flush building up his chest settling over his face. He cleared his throat.

You and Henry watched as Kal moved dropping the rope by your hand waiting for you to continue your game of tug. You flopped back in peels of laughter at Henry's face. The man looked amused and livid at the same time as realization struck. Kal, lovable cute baby boi Kal had just played Henry like a fiddle. You didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the fact your boyfriend, your chosen mate had just been outsmarted by a dog.

"Yes love?" He said none to happy with how things had turned out, here he was standing at the foot of his bed painful hard on and there you were naked and willing...In his bed...With Kal. This was not the plan.

"I hate to break it to you...But you've just been cock blocked in your own house by your dog....For a game of tug!" You giggled as you threw Henry's previous words back at him petting Kal who was still fiddling with the rope trying to make you grab it.

"No shit...Can we still fuck? I mean he can have my side! I'm gonna be on top of you anyway?" You gaped at him as he rounded the bed fulling intent on rolling on top of you sliding home. You held up your hand to him.

"Nope! No way am I fucking you next to Kal!" Henry ignored you crouching over you trying to lay you back down to finish what he started before being rudely interrupted by the Akita now in bed with his girlfriend.

"Oh babe why not? this is painful, look I'm going purple...Besides you started it its your responsibility~" he whined trying to bat away your pushing hands leaning in to capture you with a burning kiss. You dodged anticipating his next move, his kisses were always a sure fire way to make you completely melt and give in to him. you quickly twisted away throwing your legs over the side of the bed placing your hands either side of his naked hips, pressing him back as he still tried to gain on you. you swallowed looking up at him meeting his lopsided grin, trying to ignore the proud cock swaying in front of you almost tapping your heaving breasts.

"How about the shower? He's scared of the bathroom since his last bath?" Henry snapped his fingers and clapped face lighting up as he patted your hands slowly easing them off of him.

"Fuck yes! Babe you are a genius!" He moved over and kissed your face making you bat him away and then he turned to Kal wagging a finger at him.

"And you my four legged son are a pain in the ass!" You shook your head patting Kal as he tilted his head  he looked offended with his dads statement. You looked to the bathroom door as Henry's pert ass vanished around the door frame.

"Daddy didn't mean it baby boy~ you know how he is when he doesn't get his way...Just a spoiled man child~ he loves you really" Kal whined ears flattening  as he heard the shower switch on. You patted the dog with a sigh and got up padding across the bedroom to the en suit.

"Don't worry baby you stay there and daddy wont get you in the mean old shower~" you giggled scratching his ears as he huffed  in defeat. His daddy had got the better of him and the Akita wasn't pleased. He grumbled as Henry poked his head around the door frame wriggling his brows at you as you passed him getting a playful smack on the rear. then he faced the dog and stuck his tongue out childishly to the dog who huffed and turned around choosing to give you both a clear view of his ass.

[muwur]

snapchat headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for using snapchat w ur boi toi ft. the pretty setter squad

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.1k words

a/n: kinda a combo of how they use sc and the kinds of snaps they send you! along w wat u send them, and uh... dating stuf n shenanigans? texting/snapping habits? my fantasies? IDEK ANYMORE EOFHEFJ

this was born from the recesses of my mind , which desired nothing mor than snapchats from suga , us sending cute selfies , others bein dumb n chaotic , no context videos , n him snapping me photos of some mangoes on sale he said he’ll buy for me DXX it’s too late for me now

doing research on hq bois and surfing thru sc features (im just now realizing theres quite a bit?? im hoping i address most of them at some point lolol) instead of real life tings aHHhhhHAHA

requests: open! will be working on a suga one i got, dw, requester!

sugawara

✧ sends good morning and good night snaps

✧ so he’s rlly good at keeping streaks, probs has the longest ones (one of them being y’alls streak)

✧ posts tidbits of volleyball practice on his story every once in a while

✧ snaps you pics of his sleeping teammates when they’re coming back to school after a long day of matches , adding a single ‘❤️’ as a caption

✧ he will also create colorful masterpieces on all of them

✧ gives daichi a santa beard, tanaka a squiggly stache (i imagine it to look like spongebob n patrick’s seaweed ones now that were mEN), n kageyama sum angry brows,,, wait he already has them lolol u good der kags

✧ posts a picture of you when you’re hanging out, captioning it: “🥰“

✧ has conversations with you purely via snaps

✧ ranges from casual chats and checking up on u to crackwhoring ( ** indicates the photo, while the “” quotes indicate the caption, all snaps are italicized, otherwise its regular dialogue)

✧ suga: *peace sign* “hey sweetheart, how r u?”

✧ you: *pics of homework* “ahh, drowning in school ;-; i cant wait for this week to be over fghjkl”

✧ suga: *close up with :o on his face* “let’s study together tmrw!”

✧ or

✧ suga: *complete darkness* “its 3 am n i cant sleep”

✧ you: *the top half of your head, laying on a pillow* “ ;( aw babe. do u want me to send something to help u sleep?”

✧ suga: *still in darkness* “y u still up?? go sleep. n 🥺 yes pls”

✧ you: *snaps pics of feet* “that’ll be 50 bucks, pay up” 

✧ suga: *darkness remains* “can we make a trade instead? i promise to make it worth ;)”

✧ ok now u BOTH cant sleep (im sry my crackheading be acting up around 2am eeryday, i stan a mischievous suga--)

✧ video chats (in the darkness lol) instead until you both pass out (im not in luv u r 😭)

✧ super down to take filtered selfies w you

✧ does all the silly ones with you (things like ’angry face’ or the frog one)

✧ but also rlly digs lookin cute with you using some heart crowns, y’all an aesthetic (n crakhead) duo fosho

✧ def subscribes to life hacks and tries them out himself, has a 50% success rate

kageyama

✧ doesn’t rlly use snapchat too much

✧ but when he does

✧ will either send you a picture to indicate he’s at volleyball practice (wow wat a sexi lookin gym floor)

✧ or some random picture of whatever he’s doing at the moment (*drinking milk*)

✧ this is mostly in order to save streaks

✧ he’s so bad at streaks

✧ “why does it matter?? what’s the point of sending just black screens or whatever’s in front of you at the moment??”

✧ can’t keep a consistent streak for more than 3 days and also doesn’t care (until hinata challenges him to see who can have the longer one)

✧ when you send him videos of him playing, he really focuses on them to try to improve his technique. asks you to send those vids to him (assuming u saved them, which u did)

✧ but when you look over his shoulder when he’s watching a video and give him some compliment (“i recorded at the perfect moment! that was a really good set, kageyama!”), he gets a bit flustered

✧ gets even more flustered but pretty happy whenever you post videos on your story showing karasuno winning some points with captions like:

✧ “footage of the legendary quick >.>” or “karasuno crows flyin high!” or “these bois make my heart 😭 im so proud”

✧ you WILL catch him off guard in photos, using filters that surrounds his head w/ emojis like 🥺💖🥰💘

✧ you also put these on your story (to his dismay)

✧ ppl comment on these mor than anything else (n for those who dont rlly kno kageyama, theyre kinda surprised to him like this)

✧ hinata snickers “hey kageyama you look pretty good here--”

✧ takes some selfies with you, mostly cuz you want them

✧ saves them after u send them over (n secretly cherishes them)

✧ occasionally watches his subscriptions, they’ll usually involve sports, mostly volleyball (who woulda guessed)

✧ you use his bitmoji to test out random facial expressions you would never see him wear

✧ you: “can you smile and wink like this? act like you’re the obnoxious charming guy in a shojo.”

✧ will actually attempt, but it looks so bad that you die inside and he never wants to try again cuz of ur laughing outburst (you: “😭😭 bb im sorry i couldnt help it”)

oikawa

✧ literally sends you anything and everything

✧ morning bathroom selfie to show off how good his hair came out that day, saying:

✧ “he has risen”

✧ or “i woke up like this”

✧ and my favorite, “you’re lucky you get this content for frEE”

✧ selfies with iwa, who just looks annoyed and exasperated at the camera

✧ sends you pics of his lunch and snacks (“bet u wish u had milk bread too”)

✧ always packs extra milk bread so he could convince you to stay at his practice after school--

✧ FILTERSS

✧ I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENUF

✧ will either use the filters that make him kayooottt (cute)

✧ loves the ones named ‘hearts,’ ‘soft,’ ‘peach,’ ‘butterfly cheeks,’ vsco filters LOL, etc

✧ uses ‘big mouth’ when he feelin a bit sASSY; also loves to use this one when he rants, it channels his inner valley girl

✧ sometimes he’ll be snacking or drinking something while he does so (“hey guys today im gonna eat these milk buns from my favorite bakery and this bomb orange juice and complain about this little kid who talked smack to me earlier and almost made me cry--”)

✧ takes cute selfies with you, is an aesthetic selfie king, puts them on his story to show off he’s hangin with you

✧ but on your story you only post the ones he looks bad in LOL

✧ has separate stories for his every need, some r private (and lucky you, ur included in all of them)

✧ titles them ‘mean things iwa said to me today,’ ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ ‘a day in the life of oikawa,’ ‘volleyball 🏐,’ ‘unpopular opinions,’ etc. 

✧ fitting room photoshoots lol

✧ “y/n, what do you think of this??” “and this?” “oOH WHAT ABOUT THIS??”

✧ ends up calling you through video chat so you can live critique his choices

✧ “oikawa, please no, i can’t be seen with you in public if you wear those--”

✧ also changes his bitmoji’s outfits from time to time, hopes you’ll notice, but you don’t LOL (oikawa: ;((((((( )

kenma

✧ uses sc usually just to reply to messages ppl send him

✧ indifferent about streaks, but keeps a few with ppl he’s closer to

✧ mindlessly plays the snapchat games with you, finds some of them kinda cute

✧ you both made his bitmoji for him, dressing his up in the orange cat suit

✧ you also helped make kuroo’s and put his in the black cat suit to match--

✧ snaps you every time he gets a new game, starts playing it, and once he finishes

✧ started to post some gameplays and reviews on his sc story (might as well add them to sc since he was already on other social platforms), and ended up amassing a large following

✧ follows the tech and gaming stories on sc

✧ as well as the ones with cute animals--

✧ open to selfies with you, usually wears a calm expression and holds up a peace sign

✧ even occasionally sticks his tongue out

✧ his story is occasionally heavily bombarded with candids of him w/ pretty sc filters, all taken by you

✧ but of all the filters, you love using the clout glasses on him

✧ especially when he’s just minding his own business

✧ “kenma, in his tru habitat” when hes cocooned in a blanket

✧ “kenma, on his way to steal yo manz” while on his way to the bathroom

✧ “kenma, next iron chef. watch out gordon” as he’s cooking instant ramen

✧ “kenma” n das it

✧ but he thinks it meme-y so he lets you do whatever you want, kinda digs it

✧ you end up dedicating your snap story to memes of kenma and the nekoma volleyball team. ppl are in it for the shits n giggles n hot bois

✧ you later discover someone else did the same thing with their volleyball team filled with hot bois from shiratorizawa, and you befriend tendou and share funni internet tings

akaashi

✧ 99% of his photos include either you or bokuto or both

✧ bokuto spams akaashi’s story and contact list with selfies and videos of himself using weird filters, often gets you to join him

✧ has several streaks, but will send something with more substance than a black screen or his bedroom window

✧ will usually involve smthng that just happened to him or smthing he saw, like:

✧ “a kind older lady offered me some apples in return for helping her”

-or:

✧ “how do i break the news to bokuto that the yaikniku place he’s been wanting to go to for the past week ,,, is closed today”

✧ o n let’s not leave out:

✧ “is it possible to conjure a ghost using a wooden spatula, ketchup, and a chalk drawn hexagram? bokuto’s been paranoid ever since he tried last night and i dont know what to tell him. seriously, help”

✧ looks through stories occasionally, comments whenever bokuto makes questionable decisions

✧ also comments on whatever you’ve posted. his words range from “you’re cute” to “why,” depending on the content

✧ ppl know when y’all are hanging out cuz he’ll post smthing to indicate he’s with you, usually it’s some candid and you’re not paying attention

✧ appreciation posts for you as well! esp if you got him something, like onigiri or his fav, Nanohana no Karashiae , for lunch! (akaashi: *snaps a pic of his food* “thank you y/n for feeding me”)

✧ prefers video calling over texting/snapping whenever possible tho

✧ occasionally reminisces thru his sc memories

✧ enjoys the flashback feature and will send them to you and bokuto (cuz they’re about y’all anyway lolol)

✧ also has secretly saved a bunch of selfies of himself, consists of him trying out a lot of the filters (he feelin himself)

✧ you, one day, looking thru his phone and discovering them: “akaashi, you’re so pretty wtf”

✧ akaashi: “...”

koganegawa

✧ sends you selfies of him before practice

✧ during breaks

✧ and after practice, usually makes a comment about how it went for him that day like:

✧  “i hit a decent toss today and futakuchi actually complimented me!”

✧ that, or:

✧ “i got yelled at 17 times today 😢😩”

✧ has quite a few streaks, his longest ones being with you and hinata

✧ def uses filters

✧ tries out every funny one he finds and sends you videos

✧ “look y/n im an aaaaAALlliiEEENnnNNN oo oo hoo hhhooOOh”

✧ “now im a chicky nuggy!!” (chicken nugget)

✧ also enjoys the doodle feature

✧ but he uses the filter with the clout glasses unironically--

✧ usually when smth good happens to him and he feels happy and/or cool about it

✧ “just beat the boss in this game on my 69th try B)”

✧ “kogane, that’s--”

✧ plays sc games with you and thinks bitmojis r cool

✧ kinda sad he cant find a hair option that matches him tho lolol rip

✧ you: “you hair’s just,,, unique,,,”

✧ subscribed to anything sports and fitness, as well as pop culture so he can stay in the loop

✧ also watches everyone else’s stories, pointing out whenever he sees smthing cool and/or interesting

✧ “woahh, karasuno’s at nationals right now! i wish we could’ve won, but next year for sure!!”

✧ you encourage him at all his games, hyping him up irl and online

✧ “koganegawa: best setter 😍!!”

✧ luckily you didnt record the parts he completely messed up LOL

semi

✧ before going out with you, snaps you a pic of his casual outfit like:

✧ semi: “does this look ok”

✧ you: “babe you look great, tendou was just messing with you”

✧ will make unwanted appearances on tendou’s snap and complains to you about them

✧ “i didnt consent to being part of his meme page” and

✧ “okay, but he didn’t only have to share all the moments i messed up--”

✧ also indifferent about streaks but will do them

✧ sometimes sends snaps/streaks indicating he’s practicing his music

✧ when you see these you usually ask him to send you vids or if you can come over n watch

✧ initially is a bit shy about it but he loves what he does and you and knows you’re genuinely interested and supportive so he agrees

✧ secretly rlly enjoys having you as his personal audience

✧ lowkey into asmr, like the soap cutting shit as well as chewing crunchy things

✧ also watches food porn and clips of mukbangs, then can’t resist going on youtube and watching the whole thing

✧  “y/n, can we try this, it looks so good--”

✧ will also often watch oikawa’s stories, especially his ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ and makes comments about him being an idiot

✧  “this kid he’s talking about is a savage”

✧ but admits they’re quite entertaining

✧ just looks serious in all the selfies you take with him

✧ you: “can you look like you’re enjoying yourself?”

✧ semi: “i look cooler like this tho”

✧ sc memories filled with shenanigans from you and the volleyball team, doodles, and mirror selfies with him experimenting diff looks (you: “tendou, you got him way too concerned about this”)

✧ also enjoys showing off he’s with you, taking a short video of you when you hang out

✧ you: “semi, i look bad right now”

✧ semi: “but you can never look bad”

✧ you: “🥺 bb”

✧ viewers: “aw”

✧ shiratorizawa: “can he be this nice with us LOL”

shirabu

✧ his main mode of communication with you is mostly through the regular messaging app, so he doesn’t use sc too much

✧ also doesn’t care for streaks and is bad at keeping them

✧ will answer to you or his senpais rather soon tho

✧ but lets all his other notifications pile up a bit before finally going thru them

✧ goes through the snaps he receives really fast, spending like 2 seconds each to look at them cuz aint nobody got time for dat

✧ doesn’t even rlly open goshiki’s LOL

✧ you have fun using filters on him and taking videos while he’s just doing his own thing peacefully like studying

✧ it takes him a second to notice and when he finally looks up, he just gives you an exasperated look

✧ cue you cracking up with laughter bc the filter finally shows up on his face

✧ his eyes and mouth are now on mike wazowski

✧ that, or his face becomes so disturbingly moRPhed like an alien

✧ caption: “ken-chan, my future medical man 😍”

✧ “y/n, please, this is like the 7th time in the last 20 minutes--”

✧ finally convinced him to take a study break and hang out with you

✧ which usually consists of snacking and light banter while you lay your head on his lap

✧ and scrolling through snapchat stories and showing him what everyone else is up to and cool things you’re subscribed to

✧ “loooook, dr. miami’s doing another butt job! is this the line of work you’re studying so hard for?”

✧ “no, it’s really not”

✧ is actually very soft with you and likes having the photos and vids for memories

atsumu

✧ sends you snaps where his brother looks bad, captioning it:

✧ “this is evidence that im the hotter twin”

✧ likewise, osamu sends you snaps where atsumu looks even worse

✧ like, the mans passed out, looking rekt and open mouthed, drool seeping into his pillow

✧ osamu: “u still have time to break up with him”

✧ also lucky for you, atsumu also loves to take unflattering photos of you and send them to you randomly at like 2 am

✧ you: “nani tf when did you even take this??”

✧ usually posts a snap while he’s out somewhere like at a match, the gym, outside on a run, a party, or just hanging out with you or his frens

✧ however, makes sure you look good if you show up on his story cuz he wants to show you off

✧ doesn’t really care for streaks, but has a lott

✧ but also has a tON of unopened snaps

✧ is the type to send just a black screen n call it a day, or maybe spice it up by sending a pic of the sexi gym floor (a comeback) w his shoe in the corner

✧ will, however, consistently respond to you and kinda looks forward to ur snaps (secretly hopes you show ur face)

✧ but when you dont:

*in class*

✧ atsumu: *a smirk on his face* “your content’s kinda dry today” 

✧ you: *your sexi desk* “my nudez ain’t free, i demand compensation”

✧ atsumu: *grasped his chin in thought, but angled the cam up bc he needa hide his phone in class lolol* “what if i... take you out on a romantic excursion”

✧ you: * your face but with ‘sausage’ filter* “🥵🥵🥵🥵 yessir, what u want”

✧ rlly only wants to have pics of your face wat a closeted sOFTIE

✧ likes to have content on his flashbacks

✧ usually has other social media sources to keep up to date with things

✧ actually rlly digs using sc filters, mostly ones that’ll make him look like a queen

✧ captions a selfie of you two like: “me >>>>>>> y/n”

✧ but nearly everyone who comments on it is like: “i think you flipped the sign, bro 🤥”

✧ judges ppl who are into soap cutting asmr (you will never hear the end of it if you also like it)

a/n: sc kinda dying for me, my use went from suga to an atsumu to like nearly nonexistent LOL

also o gawd i already have ideas here n there for a pt 2 so stay tuned fjxnwfesd hope it takes me less long cuz this one took me fkin foreva LOL

idk y i made semi like mukbangs but i feel like he’d be rlly into them--